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1
00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:02,458
Tookie bah waba!
2
00:00:03,166 --> 00:00:04,750
Hao!
3
00:00:05,250 --> 00:00:06,625
Iki bah bah.
4
00:00:06,625 --> 00:00:08,166
Ha ha ha.
5
00:00:09,708 --> 00:00:12,583
♪ I laila 'o kaua'I la ♪
6
00:00:12,583 --> 00:00:14,375
♪ no malihini ohana ♪
7
00:00:14,375 --> 00:00:16,875
♪ welcome, cousins,
A-come on by ♪
8
00:00:16,875 --> 00:00:18,583
♪ aloha, e komo mai ♪
9
00:00:18,583 --> 00:00:19,458
Maka maka.
10
00:00:19,458 --> 00:00:21,458
♪ I laila 'o kaua'I la ♪
11
00:00:21,458 --> 00:00:23,291
♪ no malihini ohana ♪
12
00:00:23,291 --> 00:00:25,833
♪ welcome, cousins,
A-come on by ♪
13
00:00:25,833 --> 00:00:28,000
♪ aloha, e komo mai ♪
14
00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:30,750
♪ aloha, e komo mai ♪
15
00:00:30,750 --> 00:00:31,708
Heh heh ha ha ha!
16
00:00:31,708 --> 00:00:34,000
Ah heh heh heh
Heh heh heh heh!
17
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:35,083
♪ iki tookie nee hi! ♪
18
00:00:35,083 --> 00:00:36,166
♪ iki tookie nee hi! ♪
19
00:00:36,166 --> 00:00:37,250
♪ aka tiki bah bah ♪
20
00:00:37,250 --> 00:00:38,458
♪ aka tiki bah bah ♪
21
00:00:38,458 --> 00:00:39,708
♪ gabba ika tasoopa? ♪
22
00:00:39,708 --> 00:00:40,875
♪ gabba ika tasoopa? ♪
23
00:00:40,875 --> 00:00:41,708
Ooocha!
Chi-ka!
24
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:42,708
♪ miki miki coconut ♪
25
00:00:42,708 --> 00:00:45,000
♪ I laila 'o kaua'I la ♪
26
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:47,208
♪ no malihini ohana ♪
27
00:00:47,208 --> 00:00:49,416
♪ welcome, cousins,
A-come on by ♪
28
00:00:49,416 --> 00:00:51,000
♪ aloha, e komo mai ♪
29
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:51,875
Tookie bah waba!
30
00:00:51,875 --> 00:00:53,250
♪ aloha, e komo mai ♪
31
00:00:53,250 --> 00:00:54,208
Ah heh heh heh heh!
32
00:00:54,208 --> 00:00:56,250
♪ aloha, e komo mai ♪
33
00:00:56,250 --> 00:00:58,250
Bye!
34
00:01:07,750 --> 00:01:11,125
Ok, stitch,
You let me
Do the talking.
35
00:01:11,125 --> 00:01:13,958
I'm sure I can
Convince her to help us.
36
00:01:13,958 --> 00:01:15,583
Oh-kee tuckah!
37
00:01:15,583 --> 00:01:17,958
I know she can
Be mean sometimes,
38
00:01:17,958 --> 00:01:21,166
But I have a feeling
That this time
Will be different.
39
00:01:21,166 --> 00:01:25,375
I mean, it's for
A good cause, right?
40
00:01:28,333 --> 00:01:29,625
What do you want?
41
00:01:29,625 --> 00:01:32,875
My sister nani's
Throwing a big
Dinner for charity
42
00:01:32,875 --> 00:01:34,583
On friday night.
43
00:01:34,583 --> 00:01:35,708
So?
44
00:01:35,708 --> 00:01:36,875
I thought we could
Put the past behind us
45
00:01:36,875 --> 00:01:40,458
And come together...
In the spirit of kokua.
46
00:01:40,458 --> 00:01:41,458
Helping.
47
00:01:41,458 --> 00:01:43,000
What do you say?
48
00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:44,875
Your doggie
Is so ugly,
49
00:01:44,875 --> 00:01:46,833
It makes
My eyes hurt.
50
00:01:46,833 --> 00:01:48,833
Girls: yeah!
51
00:01:48,833 --> 00:01:51,875
Ha ha ha!
52
00:01:52,708 --> 00:01:54,708
Good one, myrtle.
53
00:01:55,458 --> 00:01:58,083
Come on, stitch.
54
00:01:58,708 --> 00:02:00,583
You're available!
That's great!
55
00:02:00,583 --> 00:02:04,750
We have plenty of room
For you and your
Dancing poodles.
56
00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:07,458
You charge how much?
57
00:02:07,458 --> 00:02:09,291
[cash register rings]
58
00:02:09,291 --> 00:02:11,833
Uh, the thing is...
59
00:02:11,833 --> 00:02:14,875
It's a charity event,
And we were hoping--
60
00:02:14,875 --> 00:02:17,583
Hello? Hello?
61
00:02:17,583 --> 00:02:18,875
Oh!
62
00:02:18,875 --> 00:02:21,708
Well, we didn't
Get pete and his
Prancing poodles.
63
00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:24,958
[sighs]
What am I gonna do?
64
00:02:25,708 --> 00:02:26,500
Ow!
65
00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:27,750
If you
Need entertainment,
66
00:02:27,750 --> 00:02:30,000
I strongly suggest
You hire one of these.
67
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:32,958
It's called
A stand-up comedian.
68
00:02:32,958 --> 00:02:36,208
Tv announcer: this week on
my funniest valentine...
69
00:02:36,208 --> 00:02:38,291
But seriously,
There are benefits
70
00:02:38,291 --> 00:02:39,875
To dating a man
Who comes with
His own padding.
71
00:02:39,875 --> 00:02:43,083
It's like having
A walking pillow with
You wherever you go.
72
00:02:43,083 --> 00:02:44,333
And if we ever
Flew together,
73
00:02:44,333 --> 00:02:47,125
I'd make an excellent
Flotation device.
74
00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:49,000
Ha ha ha!
75
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:50,083
[scoffs]
76
00:02:50,083 --> 00:02:51,875
Why is making fun of
Overly rotund self?
77
00:02:51,875 --> 00:02:55,208
Well, earthlings develop
A sense of humor
About themselves
78
00:02:55,208 --> 00:02:57,458
In order to keep
From being hurt by others.
79
00:02:57,458 --> 00:02:59,333
It's fascinating.
In fact--
80
00:02:59,333 --> 00:03:02,250
Oh, no.
I know that
Look in your eye.
81
00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:04,875
Don't worry,
This isn't like the time
82
00:03:04,875 --> 00:03:06,458
I wanted to be
An ice dancer.
83
00:03:06,458 --> 00:03:09,250
Yes, I understand
That you're a busy band,
84
00:03:09,250 --> 00:03:12,250
But my first, second,
Third, fourth,
85
00:03:12,250 --> 00:03:15,375
And fifth choice bands
All declined, so--
86
00:03:15,375 --> 00:03:16,625
[phone hangs up]
87
00:03:16,625 --> 00:03:17,750
Hello?
88
00:03:17,750 --> 00:03:20,000
Nani, your
Entertainment
Booking troubles
89
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:21,000
Are over.
90
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,208
Your charity dinner
Will be my debut
91
00:03:23,208 --> 00:03:25,833
As a stand-up
Comedian!
92
00:03:25,833 --> 00:03:27,458
What do you say?
Huh? Huh?
93
00:03:27,458 --> 00:03:31,833
If I let you perform,
Will you do the catering, too?
94
00:03:31,833 --> 00:03:34,875
Did you hear that?
She said ok!
95
00:03:34,875 --> 00:03:36,583
I have my first gig!
96
00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:38,000
I'm legit!
97
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,166
I'm gonna go
Buy a new outfit.
98
00:03:40,166 --> 00:03:41,875
Something that
Screams hilarity
99
00:03:41,875 --> 00:03:44,583
And comes with
Matching shoes.
100
00:03:44,583 --> 00:03:49,416
Jumba does not
Understand this
Charity business.
101
00:03:49,416 --> 00:03:51,458
Is no evil in it,
So what is point?
102
00:03:51,458 --> 00:03:54,750
There's plenty of
Evil organizing it,
That's for sure.
103
00:03:54,750 --> 00:03:59,833
I don't even know
Why I bother with
This stupid charity stuff.
104
00:03:59,833 --> 00:04:01,083
I mean...
105
00:04:01,083 --> 00:04:04,750
Charity work is one of
The most important things
106
00:04:04,750 --> 00:04:05,958
We can do in life.
107
00:04:05,958 --> 00:04:08,000
Myrtle
Doesn't think so.
108
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:09,708
So her family's
Not coming?
109
00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:12,375
No. She called
Stitch ugly
110
00:04:12,375 --> 00:04:14,125
And laughed at us.
111
00:04:14,125 --> 00:04:15,125
Lika poo chifa.
112
00:04:15,125 --> 00:04:17,958
Oh, lilo.
That's mean,
113
00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:19,875
Making fun
Of how people look.
114
00:04:19,875 --> 00:04:20,958
But you just gotta--
115
00:04:20,958 --> 00:04:22,958
[telephone rings]
116
00:04:22,958 --> 00:04:24,416
Aloha.
117
00:04:24,416 --> 00:04:25,625
Oh, yeah.
118
00:04:25,625 --> 00:04:26,833
Thanks
For calling back.
119
00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:29,000
I'm wondering if
You'd be interested
120
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,500
In donating
250 pounds of poi.
121
00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:32,875
It's for charity.
122
00:04:32,875 --> 00:04:35,875
Come on, stitch.
123
00:04:35,875 --> 00:04:38,708
[taking deep breaths]
124
00:04:41,958 --> 00:04:44,250
Oh, gantu,
I hope you don't mind.
125
00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:46,583
Some charity organization
Came around
126
00:04:46,583 --> 00:04:48,250
Asking for donations.
127
00:04:48,250 --> 00:04:49,291
I can't hear you
Blabbing
128
00:04:49,291 --> 00:04:51,833
Over my deep,
Calming breaths.
129
00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:54,000
[takes deep breath]
130
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:56,833
So I gave them your bed
And your clothes.
131
00:04:56,833 --> 00:04:59,958
Oh, and that stuffed
Teddy bear thing
You sleep with.
132
00:04:59,958 --> 00:05:03,291
I am at peace!
Style
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133
00:05:03,291 --> 00:05:04,750
I can see that.
134
00:05:04,750 --> 00:05:06,458
Computerized voice:
Warning.
135
00:05:06,458 --> 00:05:09,250
Experiment 322 activated.
136
00:05:09,250 --> 00:05:10,333
Primary function--
137
00:05:10,333 --> 00:05:12,958
Undermine enemy morale
With verbal abuse.
138
00:05:12,958 --> 00:05:14,458
Verbal abuse?
139
00:05:14,458 --> 00:05:16,000
Like insults?
140
00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:18,500
An experiment that
Doesn't melt, blow up,
Or implode anything?
141
00:05:18,500 --> 00:05:21,750
Like stealing candy
From a baby.
142
00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:26,416
Ahh. Refreshing.
143
00:05:26,416 --> 00:05:27,500
All our condominiums
144
00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:29,875
Feature grade "A"
Water filtration systems
145
00:05:29,875 --> 00:05:31,333
And the fabulous views
Of--
146
00:05:31,333 --> 00:05:34,291
For the love of mike,
Is that a dead rat
On your head?
147
00:05:34,291 --> 00:05:35,291
Pardon me?
148
00:05:35,291 --> 00:05:36,291
Don't worry about it.
149
00:05:36,291 --> 00:05:38,291
Most people won't notice
Your toupee
150
00:05:38,291 --> 00:05:39,958
'cause
They'll be blinded
151
00:05:39,958 --> 00:05:41,458
By that tacky shirt!
152
00:05:41,458 --> 00:05:44,125
[laughter]
153
00:05:45,208 --> 00:05:47,875
It is good to be me.
154
00:05:48,458 --> 00:05:52,583
And what is the deal
With those tricky sharks
And dolphins?
155
00:05:52,583 --> 00:05:53,750
They look exactly alike
156
00:05:53,750 --> 00:05:55,875
Except one will swim you
To safety
157
00:05:55,875 --> 00:05:58,000
And one will eat you alive.
158
00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:01,583
Can we get a warning sign
Or something?
159
00:06:02,416 --> 00:06:04,708
That's it.
That's the punch line.
160
00:06:04,708 --> 00:06:06,875
You're supposed to be
Laughing now.
161
00:06:06,875 --> 00:06:07,958
Come on, everybody,
162
00:06:07,958 --> 00:06:10,000
Now laughing. Ha ha!
163
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:12,000
But it wasn't funny.
164
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:13,166
But I constructed the joke
165
00:06:13,166 --> 00:06:15,208
With a proper setup
Of punch line format.
166
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:18,375
It was based
On personal experience.
167
00:06:18,375 --> 00:06:19,958
Still not funny.
168
00:06:19,958 --> 00:06:21,458
Ok, ok, I get it!
169
00:06:21,458 --> 00:06:23,291
Still, by all
Technical measures,
170
00:06:23,291 --> 00:06:25,875
My jokes should be funny.
171
00:06:25,875 --> 00:06:27,875
Guess I'm just
Missing something.
172
00:06:27,875 --> 00:06:29,583
This calls for...
173
00:06:29,583 --> 00:06:31,458
Early retirement?
Pebooz.
174
00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:34,250
No! More research!
175
00:06:34,250 --> 00:06:37,000
Perhaps jumba
Will create
Evil genius device
176
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:40,291
To replace
Stand-up act.
177
00:06:40,291 --> 00:06:41,958
Pleakley's hopeless.
178
00:06:41,958 --> 00:06:43,458
I wish we could
Help him,
179
00:06:43,458 --> 00:06:45,208
But I don't have
The slightest clue
180
00:06:45,208 --> 00:06:46,750
About how to be funny.
181
00:06:46,750 --> 00:06:48,250
Meega naga.
182
00:06:48,250 --> 00:06:50,625
Comin' through!
183
00:06:50,625 --> 00:06:53,375
Both: huh?
184
00:06:54,333 --> 00:06:56,208
Huh?
Ahh!
185
00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:58,000
Out of my way!
186
00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:01,208
I've got an
Experiment to catch.
187
00:07:01,208 --> 00:07:03,166
Come on!
188
00:07:06,416 --> 00:07:07,166
Nice "D,"
189
00:07:07,166 --> 00:07:09,708
Or should I say "D" minus?
190
00:07:09,708 --> 00:07:11,875
Excuse me. Pardon me.
191
00:07:11,875 --> 00:07:13,708
Excuse me, sir...
192
00:07:13,708 --> 00:07:14,708
I mean madam.
193
00:07:14,708 --> 00:07:17,000
[footsteps]
Whoa!
194
00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,958
Aah!
195
00:07:22,708 --> 00:07:24,583
♪ missed me,
Missed me ♪
196
00:07:24,583 --> 00:07:26,958
♪ now you gotta
Kiss me ♪
197
00:07:26,958 --> 00:07:27,708
But whoo!
198
00:07:27,708 --> 00:07:29,708
Try a breath mint first.
199
00:07:29,708 --> 00:07:31,625
Quiet, freak!
200
00:07:36,875 --> 00:07:40,208
Uhh!
201
00:07:40,208 --> 00:07:41,458
Ha ha ha!
202
00:07:41,458 --> 00:07:42,875
If I were you,
I'd be trying
203
00:07:42,875 --> 00:07:44,291
To bury
My ugly mug, too.
204
00:07:44,291 --> 00:07:47,333
Hey, he's mean,
And it's funny.
205
00:07:47,333 --> 00:07:48,958
[laughs]
206
00:07:48,958 --> 00:07:50,250
Grr!
207
00:07:50,250 --> 00:07:52,000
Why, you little--
208
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,500
You guys get a load
Of that swing?
209
00:07:53,500 --> 00:07:56,625
Looks like your mug
Ain't the only
Ugly thing around here.
210
00:07:56,625 --> 00:07:57,875
And what's
With that uniform?
211
00:07:57,875 --> 00:07:59,958
You pretending
To be a cop or something?
212
00:07:59,958 --> 00:08:01,958
Well, no. Well, I'm--
213
00:08:01,958 --> 00:08:03,500
Not a cop, my mistake.
214
00:08:03,500 --> 00:08:05,375
Cops are smart and brave.
215
00:08:05,375 --> 00:08:07,833
You're obviously the mayor.
216
00:08:07,833 --> 00:08:08,583
The what?
217
00:08:08,583 --> 00:08:11,291
The mayor
Of looserville!
218
00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:12,208
Ahh!
219
00:08:12,208 --> 00:08:13,500
Come on!
220
00:08:13,500 --> 00:08:14,875
Don't worry
About stitch.
221
00:08:14,875 --> 00:08:16,208
He'll catch up.
222
00:08:16,208 --> 00:08:18,208
You really
Told gantu off.
223
00:08:18,208 --> 00:08:19,125
You're funny.
224
00:08:19,125 --> 00:08:21,416
I think I'll call you
"Heckler."
225
00:08:21,416 --> 00:08:23,750
Who died and made you
Name-giver?
226
00:08:23,750 --> 00:08:25,083
Nobody.
227
00:08:25,083 --> 00:08:26,500
It's, like, my job.
228
00:08:26,500 --> 00:08:28,958
Well, maybe
You should be fired.
229
00:08:28,958 --> 00:08:29,958
Ahh!
230
00:08:29,958 --> 00:08:31,083
Stitch!
231
00:08:31,083 --> 00:08:32,750
Be nice to heckler.
232
00:08:32,750 --> 00:08:33,708
He can help us
Figure out
233
00:08:33,708 --> 00:08:36,208
How to save
Pleakley's comedy act.
234
00:08:36,208 --> 00:08:38,458
But first,
I'm curious to see
235
00:08:38,458 --> 00:08:41,833
How he handles
A certain someone,
236
00:08:41,833 --> 00:08:44,291
Someone whose name
Starts with an "M"
237
00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:48,208
And ends with an "Yrtle."
238
00:08:55,291 --> 00:08:58,000
What do you want,
Weird-lo?
239
00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,833
Oh, not much.
Just a good laugh.
240
00:09:00,833 --> 00:09:02,833
Do your thing,
Heckler.
241
00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:05,583
Wow. I don't know
Where to start.
242
00:09:05,583 --> 00:09:08,083
Is the clown
Still chasing you?
243
00:09:08,083 --> 00:09:09,458
What clown?
244
00:09:09,458 --> 00:09:13,708
The one you stole
That fright wig
You call hair from.
245
00:09:13,708 --> 00:09:15,000
And those glasses.
246
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:18,875
Let me guess. You're going
For a career in welding?
247
00:09:18,875 --> 00:09:20,750
Both: ha ha!
248
00:09:21,875 --> 00:09:23,291
You call this home?
249
00:09:23,291 --> 00:09:25,000
If you look up shanty
In the dictionary,
250
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:26,458
There's a picture
Of this place.
251
00:09:26,458 --> 00:09:28,875
I've seen
Nicer cardboard boxes
252
00:09:28,875 --> 00:09:29,708
On skid row.
253
00:09:29,708 --> 00:09:31,875
Back off, stitch.
He's right.
254
00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:33,875
Our house
Is kind of a dump.
255
00:09:33,875 --> 00:09:35,333
I know that you're
Donating the tables
256
00:09:35,333 --> 00:09:36,833
Out of the kindness
Of your heart,
257
00:09:36,833 --> 00:09:38,833
But we expect
A large turnout,
258
00:09:38,833 --> 00:09:40,875
And we need more than 2.
259
00:09:40,875 --> 00:09:42,500
So if you could--
260
00:09:42,500 --> 00:09:44,583
Hello?
261
00:09:44,583 --> 00:09:46,500
Uhh!
262
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:48,416
Somebody needs
To be introduced
263
00:09:48,416 --> 00:09:52,291
To a little concept
Called anger management.
264
00:09:52,291 --> 00:09:54,083
Oh, great. What's this one?
265
00:09:54,083 --> 00:09:56,875
Unless it's a charity event
Organizer experiment,
266
00:09:56,875 --> 00:09:59,000
I don't think I'm in the mood.
267
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,750
Nani, this is heckler.
268
00:10:00,750 --> 00:10:02,583
Heckler, this is nani.
269
00:10:02,583 --> 00:10:04,166
How do you do,
Hippo hips?
Style
::cue(.Speaker) {
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Text-shadow: -1px 0 1px black, 0 1px 1px black, 1px 0 1px black, 0 -1px 1px black;
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::cue(.Speakertop) {
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270
00:10:04,166 --> 00:10:05,583
What did he say?
271
00:10:05,583 --> 00:10:06,708
Ha ha!
272
00:10:06,708 --> 00:10:08,833
That's a good one,
Heckler.
273
00:10:08,833 --> 00:10:09,833
And why are you
Laughing?
274
00:10:09,833 --> 00:10:12,750
It's funny
Because it's true.
275
00:10:12,750 --> 00:10:15,291
You do have hippo hips.
276
00:10:15,291 --> 00:10:16,250
What?!
277
00:10:16,250 --> 00:10:18,166
Did I just hear
What I'm thinking?
278
00:10:18,166 --> 00:10:20,833
Experiment 322,
Is that you?
279
00:10:20,833 --> 00:10:22,875
You look good.
280
00:10:22,875 --> 00:10:23,875
So do you,
281
00:10:23,875 --> 00:10:24,875
If by "Good"
282
00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:27,583
You mean bald,
Four-eyed, and ugly.
283
00:10:27,583 --> 00:10:28,625
Ha ha ha!
284
00:10:28,625 --> 00:10:30,333
Yes, that's 322, all right.
285
00:10:30,333 --> 00:10:32,875
The program to destroy
Enemy's self-confidence
286
00:10:32,875 --> 00:10:35,708
By mercilessly taunting
And humiliating him--
287
00:10:35,708 --> 00:10:38,000
One of the best ideas
I've ever had.
288
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:40,875
More like only idea
You've ever had,
289
00:10:40,875 --> 00:10:44,000
Which explains why
You're living on
This podunk planet
290
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,208
With these losers.
291
00:10:45,208 --> 00:10:48,000
[muffled shouting]
292
00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:53,708
Get rid of that thing now!
293
00:10:53,708 --> 00:10:55,458
But he's funny.
294
00:10:55,458 --> 00:10:57,583
[muffled shouting]
295
00:10:57,583 --> 00:10:59,875
You taste like old sock!
296
00:10:59,875 --> 00:11:02,625
Ohh! Naga toto.
297
00:11:03,083 --> 00:11:05,875
Lilo, making fun
Of people's shortcomings
298
00:11:05,875 --> 00:11:08,166
Not only isn't funny,
299
00:11:08,166 --> 00:11:09,500
It isn't nice.
300
00:11:09,500 --> 00:11:12,708
You just don't have
A sense of humor.
301
00:11:12,708 --> 00:11:14,291
Look, I don't have time
To argue about this now.
302
00:11:14,291 --> 00:11:18,125
You keep that thing
Out of my sight
Until after the event.
303
00:11:18,125 --> 00:11:19,958
Got it?
304
00:11:21,291 --> 00:11:24,166
Hello? About those 2 tables,
305
00:11:24,166 --> 00:11:25,416
I was thinking about it,
306
00:11:25,416 --> 00:11:29,875
And they're just
The perfect size
For my event.
307
00:11:29,875 --> 00:11:30,875
Where's pleakley?
308
00:11:30,875 --> 00:11:35,000
Outside practicing
Un-comedy routine.
309
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:38,083
And you, sir,
Where are you from?
310
00:11:38,083 --> 00:11:40,000
Oh, washington. Really?
311
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:43,500
The state, the city,
Or the dead president?
312
00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:46,750
Hee hee! Dead president.
313
00:11:46,750 --> 00:11:48,500
Where'd this guy
Learn comedy?
314
00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:49,625
A funeral parlor?
315
00:11:49,625 --> 00:11:51,833
'cause he's gonna
Die out there.
316
00:11:51,833 --> 00:11:53,708
Can you help him?
317
00:11:53,708 --> 00:11:55,458
There's only one thing
I can think of
318
00:11:55,458 --> 00:12:00,375
That'll make this guy's
Stand-up fun to watch.
319
00:12:00,375 --> 00:12:02,000
Tomatoes?
320
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:03,416
Adaba.
321
00:12:03,416 --> 00:12:05,708
Ever since
The first looser slipped
On a banana peel,
322
00:12:05,708 --> 00:12:07,000
Comedy's been
All about laughing
323
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,875
At other people's
Expense, right?
324
00:12:09,875 --> 00:12:10,875
I guess.
325
00:12:10,875 --> 00:12:11,833
So if a guy's jokes
Aren't funny,
326
00:12:11,833 --> 00:12:13,875
You can at least
Get a yuk or two
327
00:12:13,875 --> 00:12:15,958
Out of throwing
Tomatoes at him.
328
00:12:15,958 --> 00:12:17,083
I don't know.
329
00:12:17,083 --> 00:12:19,875
These are pretty big.
They could hurt.
330
00:12:19,875 --> 00:12:22,875
That's why you use
The rotten ones, genius.
331
00:12:22,875 --> 00:12:27,625
Well...You're
The comedy expert.
332
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:33,291
Plate, flatware,
333
00:12:33,291 --> 00:12:35,375
Rotten tomato.
334
00:12:36,291 --> 00:12:38,708
Plate, flatware,
335
00:12:38,708 --> 00:12:41,875
Rotten tomato.
336
00:12:42,833 --> 00:12:44,583
Pocheefa.
337
00:12:45,333 --> 00:12:47,000
Lilo, what
Are you doing?
338
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,000
Don't worry, nani.
339
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,750
Everything's perfectly
Under control,
340
00:12:50,750 --> 00:12:53,208
Thanks to heckler.
341
00:12:53,208 --> 00:12:56,333
[sobs]
I quit!
342
00:12:56,333 --> 00:12:59,458
Leilani, wait!
I don't understand!
343
00:12:59,458 --> 00:13:00,583
What happened?
344
00:13:00,583 --> 00:13:01,958
I've been trying
To lose weight,
345
00:13:01,958 --> 00:13:06,125
But this apron
Makes me look like
A big, fat penguin!
346
00:13:06,125 --> 00:13:08,208
What?! Says who?
347
00:13:08,208 --> 00:13:09,291
I'm quitting, too.
348
00:13:09,291 --> 00:13:12,125
This hat does make me
Look like a dweeb.
349
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:15,083
Man, these people
Are too easy.
350
00:13:15,083 --> 00:13:17,125
Talk about low self-esteem.
351
00:13:17,125 --> 00:13:19,708
Who's next? I'm on a roll.
352
00:13:19,708 --> 00:13:20,708
Lilo!
353
00:13:20,708 --> 00:13:23,000
I spent 3 days
Trying to pull together
354
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,083
A crew for this,
355
00:13:24,083 --> 00:13:25,875
And your experiment
Is insulting them
356
00:13:25,875 --> 00:13:27,416
Right out the door!
357
00:13:27,416 --> 00:13:29,875
But he makes me laugh.
358
00:13:29,875 --> 00:13:31,166
Not hard to do,
Small fry.
359
00:13:31,166 --> 00:13:34,708
You're gigglier than 2 packs
Of laughing hyenas.
360
00:13:34,708 --> 00:13:35,750
Hey!
361
00:13:35,750 --> 00:13:37,625
But giggling beats
That whine of yours.
362
00:13:37,625 --> 00:13:39,875
"Stiiitch!" ouch.
363
00:13:39,875 --> 00:13:41,416
Fingernails
Meet blackboard.
364
00:13:41,416 --> 00:13:43,291
Blackboard,
Fingernails.
365
00:13:43,291 --> 00:13:45,125
Oh, and
Mrs. Hasegawa called.
366
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:46,333
She wants that potato
367
00:13:46,333 --> 00:13:48,125
You're using
For a nose back.
368
00:13:48,125 --> 00:13:49,875
That's not funny.
369
00:13:49,875 --> 00:13:51,625
Typical.
It's only funny
370
00:13:51,625 --> 00:13:52,833
When it's
The other guy.
371
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:54,875
Well,
It's been real,
372
00:13:54,875 --> 00:13:56,708
But I gotta run.
373
00:13:56,708 --> 00:13:58,875
Get him, stitch.
374
00:13:58,875 --> 00:13:59,833
Finally.
375
00:13:59,833 --> 00:14:00,875
[crash]
376
00:14:00,875 --> 00:14:02,375
All right, earth forms,
377
00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:03,875
Hand over the trog.
378
00:14:03,875 --> 00:14:06,000
Perfect.
You know what?
379
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,708
You want him?
Take him!
380
00:14:08,708 --> 00:14:09,583
Nani, no!
381
00:14:09,583 --> 00:14:10,875
He's ohana.
382
00:14:10,875 --> 00:14:14,000
We have to find
His one true place.
383
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:15,166
We can't just--
384
00:14:15,166 --> 00:14:16,458
Heckler:
Again with the ohana
385
00:14:16,458 --> 00:14:18,083
And the one true place!
386
00:14:18,083 --> 00:14:22,125
I see you've read
The dictionary of 2 phrases
Cover to cover.
387
00:14:22,125 --> 00:14:24,708
Take him.
388
00:14:24,708 --> 00:14:26,416
Gladly.
389
00:14:27,708 --> 00:14:30,500
You two deserve
Each other!
390
00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:31,708
Stitch, fix the door
391
00:14:31,708 --> 00:14:34,416
So I can slam it
On them.
392
00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:38,708
[hammering]
393
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,291
And for the record,
394
00:14:40,291 --> 00:14:44,833
My nose does not
Look like a potato!
395
00:14:47,833 --> 00:14:49,833
[muffled shouting]
396
00:14:50,416 --> 00:14:52,750
Mayor of looserville,
Indeed.
397
00:14:52,750 --> 00:14:54,458
Mayor of looserville.
398
00:14:54,458 --> 00:14:58,000
Ha ha! That's a good one.
399
00:14:58,000 --> 00:14:59,333
Dr. Hamsterviel,
400
00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:01,750
I've finally caught
An experiment.
401
00:15:01,750 --> 00:15:03,583
It insults people.
402
00:15:03,583 --> 00:15:04,708
Is that all?!
Style
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403
00:15:04,708 --> 00:15:07,000
I am perfectly capable
Of insulting people
404
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,458
In my own genius fashion,
405
00:15:09,458 --> 00:15:11,958
You rubber-headed
Rubber fish thing!
406
00:15:11,958 --> 00:15:13,875
Rubber-headed
Rubber fish?
407
00:15:13,875 --> 00:15:16,291
You call that
A genius insult?
408
00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:19,458
I've seen better digs
In my vegetable garden.
409
00:15:19,458 --> 00:15:21,875
What?! What do you know
About insults,
410
00:15:21,875 --> 00:15:26,333
You with your
Teeth and garish...Marking?
411
00:15:26,333 --> 00:15:27,416
What's the "H"
Stand for?
412
00:15:27,416 --> 00:15:30,333
"Help, I've got a towel
Around my neck?"
413
00:15:30,333 --> 00:15:32,083
You're overly talking,
Over-talker!
414
00:15:32,083 --> 00:15:34,333
Well, I could see
You've been working
On the accent.
415
00:15:34,333 --> 00:15:37,833
I almost
Understood a word
You said just now.
416
00:15:37,833 --> 00:15:39,208
[shouts gibberish]
417
00:15:39,208 --> 00:15:41,875
Oh, nice comeback.
418
00:15:41,875 --> 00:15:43,208
You--you!
419
00:15:43,208 --> 00:15:45,000
[mocking]
I--I--I'm wondering
420
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:46,000
What are you anyway?
421
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:47,000
The name
Says hamster,
422
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,375
But the tail's
All poodle.
423
00:15:50,458 --> 00:15:51,500
Gantu!
424
00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:54,000
I do not like this
Unlikable experiment!
425
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,000
Set him free!
Set him free!
426
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:57,208
But I finally--
427
00:15:57,208 --> 00:16:00,250
Go ahead, you sloppy
Impersonator of a slob!
428
00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:03,875
[sighs]
Yes, sir.
429
00:16:03,875 --> 00:16:07,375
Ha ha!
430
00:16:07,375 --> 00:16:08,583
Hate to insult and leave.
431
00:16:08,583 --> 00:16:10,500
Actually, I love it.
432
00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:11,625
Ah, too bad.
433
00:16:11,625 --> 00:16:13,458
I could use some
Insult backup around here.
434
00:16:13,458 --> 00:16:15,458
So, mr. Mayor,
What's your next decree
435
00:16:15,458 --> 00:16:18,000
To the people
Of looserville?
436
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:19,375
Grr!
437
00:16:19,375 --> 00:16:21,958
I just flew in from maui.
438
00:16:21,958 --> 00:16:24,583
I just flew in
From maui.
439
00:16:24,583 --> 00:16:27,291
I just flew in from maui.
440
00:16:27,291 --> 00:16:30,166
Does my nose really
Look like a potato?
441
00:16:30,166 --> 00:16:32,708
You can tell me
If it does.
442
00:16:32,708 --> 00:16:34,000
No, of course not.
443
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:35,166
Well, maybe a little.
444
00:16:35,166 --> 00:16:36,833
But who says
That's a bad thing?
445
00:16:36,833 --> 00:16:38,583
Look, can we talk
About this later?
446
00:16:38,583 --> 00:16:39,875
It's almost time
For me to meet
447
00:16:39,875 --> 00:16:41,833
My soon-to-be
Adoring public.
448
00:16:41,833 --> 00:16:44,125
Are you sure
You want to do this?
449
00:16:44,125 --> 00:16:45,958
People could
Make fun of you,
450
00:16:45,958 --> 00:16:47,958
And it's no fun,
Trust me.
451
00:16:47,958 --> 00:16:49,166
Oh, come on.
452
00:16:49,166 --> 00:16:50,833
If names are the worst thing
They throw at me,
453
00:16:50,833 --> 00:16:52,375
I'll be fine.
454
00:16:52,375 --> 00:16:54,000
The tomatoes!
455
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,583
Nani: aloha, everyone.
456
00:16:55,583 --> 00:16:57,833
I'd like to thank you all
For coming out
457
00:16:57,833 --> 00:16:59,458
And supporting
This great charity.
458
00:16:59,458 --> 00:17:05,458
And now, the comedy stylings
Of p.L. Eakley!
459
00:17:05,750 --> 00:17:07,250
That's my cue!
460
00:17:07,250 --> 00:17:08,833
Pleakley, wait!
461
00:17:08,833 --> 00:17:10,500
Good evening,
Ladies and germs,
462
00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:12,208
I just flew in from maui,
463
00:17:12,208 --> 00:17:13,875
And, boy, are my arms tired.
464
00:17:13,875 --> 00:17:16,458
[crickets chirping]
465
00:17:16,458 --> 00:17:18,458
What are crickets
Doing here?
466
00:17:23,833 --> 00:17:26,875
They say that charity
Begins at home.
467
00:17:26,875 --> 00:17:30,458
So what are y'all doing here?
Go home!
468
00:17:30,458 --> 00:17:31,750
[microphone feedback]
469
00:17:31,750 --> 00:17:32,833
Ahem.
470
00:17:32,833 --> 00:17:35,750
Pleakley's dying
Out there.
471
00:17:36,375 --> 00:17:38,333
So what's the deal
With coconuts?
472
00:17:38,333 --> 00:17:41,083
They're not made of cocoa
And they're not nuts,
473
00:17:41,083 --> 00:17:43,000
And what about pineapple?
474
00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:44,875
Neither pie nor apple.
475
00:17:44,875 --> 00:17:47,958
This language is crazy!
476
00:17:47,958 --> 00:17:49,708
[feedback]
477
00:17:51,125 --> 00:17:54,166
Hi. Is this thing working?
478
00:17:54,166 --> 00:17:55,583
I know I am.
479
00:17:55,583 --> 00:17:59,333
So, anyone here
From out of town?
480
00:17:59,333 --> 00:18:01,625
I am!
481
00:18:01,625 --> 00:18:03,958
Lilo: oh, no!
Heckler's back.
482
00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:06,166
He's gonna rip
Pleakley to shreds.
483
00:18:06,166 --> 00:18:07,458
We have to do something
484
00:18:07,458 --> 00:18:09,500
Before everyone
Starts pelting him
485
00:18:09,500 --> 00:18:11,333
With rotten tomatoes.
486
00:18:11,333 --> 00:18:13,125
And where
Are you from, sir?
487
00:18:13,125 --> 00:18:15,250
Ahh!
488
00:18:15,958 --> 00:18:18,000
Ha ha! Excuse me.
489
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,708
Oh, boy,
That is an ugly tie.
490
00:18:19,708 --> 00:18:20,583
Whoa. Pardon me.
491
00:18:20,583 --> 00:18:23,208
Yeah, you.
Get out of the way.
492
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:25,458
Pardon me. Excuse me.
Pardon me.
493
00:18:25,458 --> 00:18:27,166
Whoops. Sorry.
Comin' through.
494
00:18:27,166 --> 00:18:28,833
[gasps]
495
00:18:31,458 --> 00:18:32,458
Ugh!
496
00:18:32,458 --> 00:18:36,416
Stitch, you're making
A huge mess!
497
00:18:37,375 --> 00:18:39,500
Eww!
498
00:18:41,708 --> 00:18:43,250
Ohh.
499
00:18:43,250 --> 00:18:46,416
Pay no attention
To the disturbance
In the audience, folks.
500
00:18:46,416 --> 00:18:48,875
[shouting]
501
00:18:48,875 --> 00:18:51,458
Ha ha ha!
502
00:18:51,458 --> 00:18:53,000
Whoops.
503
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,875
Hey!
504
00:18:55,708 --> 00:18:56,833
Ha ha!
505
00:18:56,833 --> 00:18:57,750
[gasps]
506
00:18:57,750 --> 00:18:59,750
So a horse
Walks into a bar
507
00:18:59,750 --> 00:19:02,833
And the bartender says--
508
00:19:02,833 --> 00:19:04,875
Ha ha ha!
509
00:19:04,875 --> 00:19:06,000
Lilo's right.
510
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:08,333
Who am I kidding?
I'm not funny.
511
00:19:08,333 --> 00:19:09,208
I'll say!
512
00:19:09,208 --> 00:19:10,958
You're so not funny
That--
513
00:19:10,958 --> 00:19:13,166
The only thing funny
About me is my looks.
514
00:19:13,166 --> 00:19:15,291
What's up
With this hair?
515
00:19:15,291 --> 00:19:16,750
[laughter]
516
00:19:16,750 --> 00:19:18,708
Or should I say
Lack of hair?
517
00:19:18,708 --> 00:19:21,458
I mean, my scalp's so shiny
That when I go to the beach,
518
00:19:21,458 --> 00:19:25,500
The glint
Makes the seagulls crash.
519
00:19:25,500 --> 00:19:27,416
But wait,
That's my line.
520
00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:29,250
And have you ever seen
A bigger eye?
521
00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:31,416
Why, the other day
I started crying,
522
00:19:31,416 --> 00:19:34,125
There was a flash flood.
523
00:19:41,291 --> 00:19:43,875
Oh, yeah? Well--
524
00:19:46,750 --> 00:19:49,875
That little girl's nose
Looks like...
525
00:19:49,875 --> 00:19:50,875
A potato?
526
00:19:50,875 --> 00:19:52,875
You already tried
That one.
527
00:19:52,875 --> 00:19:53,708
And you know what?
528
00:19:53,708 --> 00:19:55,416
You're right.
It kind of does.
529
00:19:55,416 --> 00:19:56,750
[laughter]
530
00:19:56,750 --> 00:19:57,750
And does this stupid apron
531
00:19:57,750 --> 00:20:01,208
Make me look
Like a penguin or what?
532
00:20:01,208 --> 00:20:02,875
My ears are so big,
533
00:20:02,875 --> 00:20:04,625
Every time I go to the zoo,
534
00:20:04,625 --> 00:20:07,458
The elephants
Follow me home.
Style
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535
00:20:07,458 --> 00:20:08,958
My rear's so big,
536
00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:10,250
I once hip-checked a guy
537
00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:12,958
All the way to oahu.
538
00:20:12,958 --> 00:20:14,958
But I--you--
539
00:20:14,958 --> 00:20:16,166
I got nothing.
540
00:20:16,166 --> 00:20:20,958
[sobbing]
541
00:20:20,958 --> 00:20:22,500
Good night, everybody!
Try the veal
542
00:20:22,500 --> 00:20:25,375
And don't forget
To tip the waitresses.
543
00:20:25,375 --> 00:20:29,708
[cheering]
544
00:20:30,375 --> 00:20:31,875
Pleakley,
You did it!
545
00:20:31,875 --> 00:20:33,000
That was so funny.
546
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,458
You out heckled
Heckler.
547
00:20:35,458 --> 00:20:36,708
We all did.
548
00:20:36,708 --> 00:20:38,625
I almost forgot the first rule
Of stand-up comedy:
549
00:20:38,625 --> 00:20:40,875
Sticks and stones
May break your bones,
550
00:20:40,875 --> 00:20:42,375
But names
Will never hurt you,
551
00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:45,000
Unless they're carved in stone
And thrown at you.
552
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,583
That's
A pretty good rule
For life, too.
553
00:20:47,583 --> 00:20:50,708
Is that what
You were trying
To tell me, nani?
554
00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:52,458
Something like that.
555
00:20:52,458 --> 00:20:53,833
Being mean isn't funny.
556
00:20:53,833 --> 00:20:55,750
It just gets people
Mad at you.
557
00:20:55,750 --> 00:20:59,458
I guess heckler's going
To have to learn that.
558
00:20:59,458 --> 00:21:02,083
[sobbing]
559
00:21:02,083 --> 00:21:04,625
I'm all alone
In the world.
560
00:21:04,625 --> 00:21:06,583
You're not alone
In the world.
561
00:21:06,583 --> 00:21:07,750
All we have to do now
562
00:21:07,750 --> 00:21:10,833
Is find
The one true place
Where you belong,
563
00:21:10,833 --> 00:21:14,000
Somewhere where people
Expect to get heckled.
564
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:15,083
Hello!
565
00:21:15,083 --> 00:21:16,458
Finally, jumba
Has arrived
566
00:21:16,458 --> 00:21:20,000
With his contribution
To larger girl's charity.
567
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,458
Of course,
I've figured out a way
568
00:21:21,458 --> 00:21:24,125
To add a little evil
To it. Ha ha!
569
00:21:24,125 --> 00:21:28,166
Well, this
Works out nicely.
570
00:21:28,166 --> 00:21:29,333
[blows raspberry]
571
00:21:29,333 --> 00:21:30,875
You call that a pitch?
572
00:21:30,875 --> 00:21:33,000
You throw
Like a little girl.
573
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,083
I am a little girl,
574
00:21:34,083 --> 00:21:36,291
And I'm only here
'cause lilo called me
575
00:21:36,291 --> 00:21:40,875
And told me how to
Get back at you, freak!
576
00:21:47,875 --> 00:21:49,208
At least
I finally got myrtle
577
00:21:49,208 --> 00:21:51,375
To come
To the charity dinner.
578
00:21:51,375 --> 00:21:54,583
Sorry I made fun
Of your hippo hips.
579
00:21:54,583 --> 00:21:55,583
No problem.
580
00:21:55,583 --> 00:21:59,750
I love my hips,
Potato nose.
581
00:21:59,750 --> 00:22:01,833
[laughing]
39516
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