All language subtitles for Heartbeat S01EP05 Nowt but a prank

♪ Heartbeat, why do you miss
when my baby kisses me?

♪ Heartbeat, why does a love
kiss stay in my memory? ♪

Where have you been?

I think I need a doctor.

I can send for Alex.

I'd rather have you.

I'd better phone in first.

Major Hutchinson thought
he heard burglars.

He rushed downstairs
with his shotgun

and blew a picture off the wall.

A life-size portrait of
his great-grandfather.

PHONE RINGS

Oh, well. He knows where I am.

Ashfordly Police Station.
DIALLING TONE

Now you're here,

I can tell you what I've been
thinking in the lonely hours.

What I've decided to do
with the rest of my life.

Oh, yeah?

On second thoughts,
let's get you to bed.

Radcliffe!

Get off my land,
you creeping thief!

Listen, I'm got to
get to the village.

The bottom road's closed.

I've every right to use this road.

I warned you. Get off my land!

It's not your bloody land.

It's a public right of way!

You stupid bugger!

Go on! Run, you
malingering bastard.

♪ THE WHO: Can't Explain

Can we have a ride, missus?

Hey, stop that, you lads,
you'll frighten the horses.

Wait till summer.

Marigolds, geraniums, petunias.

Smashing!

Hey, you lads, no
messing with my tubs,

otherwise there'll be trouble.

Now come on, hop it!

Aidensfield police.

Mrs. Rowan, it's
George from the pub.

Hello, George.

Is your husband there?

I'm afraid he...
he's just popped out.

Oh, dear.

Can I take a message?

Tell him I've got a bunch
of lads outside my pub

sitting in my flower tubs.

They're up to no good.

Could he come round?

Look, George, if they do anything
really dangerous, like stand up,

then call back, and I'm sure
Nick will be round like a shot.

Well, I've warned you.

All right, then. Bye.

Mob violence at Aidensfield Arms.

And you, bed.

You've got my magazine, then?

PHONE RINGS

Aidensfield police.

Is PC Rowan there?

I'm afraid he's asleep, Sergeant.

Asleep? It's gone eleven.

He was out on duty till after five.

Well, that's part of
the job, Mrs. Rowan.

And I'm phoning because
I'm worried about him.

- He didn't phone in.
- He did, actually.

Well, there's no record of it.

There was a call, sarge.

WHISPERING: I was on the khazi.

Can I take a message, Sergeant?

Yes.

You can tell him I want him
back here on duty in one hour.

If it's constipation,
I can give you the cure.

Every morning, without fail,
take a spoonful of black treacle.

Add some salt, so you can get
on the back of a six pence.

Then you'll have no trouble.

Thank you very much, sarge.

Come here! In here, porno mags.

Where?!

I rang the hospital
while you were asleep.

The interview should be quite soon.

- Was Blaketon angry?
- No more than usual.

This hospital's got a
pretty good reputation.

- Did George ring back?
- No.

Tell me all about the job tonight.
Bye.

"Eat Lead, Jack."

"Fight in the Night."

Looks like you, Paul.

Hey, get out of it!

Do you want your comics, mister?

Come on! Attack!
THEY MIMIC GUNFIRE

Hey! Come here.

Get off me! Get off me!

What the hell d'you think
you're playing at?

CHILDREN SHOUTING
Are you a bloody idiot?

All right! All right! Now calm down.

What's the trouble?

First, they break into my van
and steal my property.

Then they hitch this
thing to the back.

They could have
caused serious damage.

I phoned you, didn't I?
I said they were up to no good.

Hooligans.

- It was just a joke.
- Bloody funny joke!

Alright. Clear this mess up.

Can I have your name, please?

It's them you should be talking to.

- Yeah, all in good time.
- They should be bloody fogged.

If I could see your licence.

Thank you, Mr. Chapman.

Now I know where to find you.

Right, you lot. Come here.

Who have we got here, then?

Paul Allenby.

Graham Thompson.

I don't know your name,
but you live at Grove Cottage.

- It were a joke.
- We didn't mean no harm.

Do you wish to press
charges, Mr. Ward?

Too right, I do.

Fair enough.

I'll have to talk to your
parents, of course.

Oh, don't do that,
my dad'll kill me.

You should have thought
of that before.

We'll pay for it ourselves.

And how are you
going to do that then?

We'll get a Saturday job.

Ashfordly, we'll surely
get some work there.

They're not going to
wriggle out of it!

Absolutely not.

But the choice is yours, George.

Either we play this by the book,

which means juvenile courts,
solicitors, hours of time...

or we give them two weeks
to come up with the cash

to replace what they damaged.

Well, I got the barrels for
nowt... off the brewery.

We'll call it ten bob and give
them a fortnight to pay?

Aye, all right. A fortnight,
but not a second more.

Right, you lot.
Get yourselves some odd jobs.

You've got a fortnight
to earn ten bob.

- Is that a deal?
- Yes, sir.

Anything wrong, Mr. Chapman?

You're on my land.

This is a right of way.

I've got a patient to see.

The only one who lives
beyond here is Radcliffe.

- That's right.
- This is my land. Use the other road.

The bottom road is blocked.
I'm coming through.

Ever since Chapman
bought that place,

he's been stirring for trouble.

Been a right of way for as
long as I can remember.

You don't normally use it, do you?

Walk past that trigger-happy
lunatic every day? Not likely.

You should talk to him.

I gave over talking to that
chap nearly 20 year ago.

Really?

It's just flu, is it?

More a bit of cold, really.

- I wanted to be sure.
- Quite.

Well, a couple of aspirins
if you feel you need them,

you'll be fine by the
end of the week.

I didn't want to trouble you, but

I wouldn't like to spread germs
round your waiting room.

No, no!
That doesn't stop a lot of people.

You know, you really must
try to get out. Hm?

A change of scene will do
you the world of good.

How long is it since I've seen
you round the village?

A month or two, maybe.

A year or two, more like.

You know, some treatment would help.

I could refer you to a specialist.

A specialist?

- A psychiatrist.
- No, thank you, doctor.

We're quite happy.

Dick does all the shopping
and I look after the house.

SHE COUGHS

Well, so be it.

Now. Are you all right for insulin?

Er, I will be wanting
another prescription.

- How have you been keeping?
- Mustn't grumble.

Try not to do too much, eh?

What with your wife laid up

and now all this
nonsense with Chapman.

Oh!

Only if you won't believe it.

If not for this diabetes, I'll sort it
out with that bugger one and for all.

♪ THE SEARCHERS: Every Time
That You Walk In The Room

Erm... slight communications
breakdown this morning, Nick.

No bother.

Yes, well, I'm not sure
that Oscar quite agrees.

SINGING

♪ ...a new sensation taking place

♪ I can hear the guitars playing

♪ Lovely tu-un-nes...

- ♪ Every time...
- Ten bob each for The Searchers?

Linda has been dying
to see The Searchers.

She'll be putty in my hands, mate.

Linda? What happened to Maureen?

Well, she was a Beatles fan.
I can't be having that.

I must admit that,
speaking melodically,

I find the Beatles quite diverting.

WHISPERING: If he does that
one more time,

I'm going to scream.

So, where have you been, then?

- An all-nighter?
- Yeah.

Ah! Sleeping Beauty.

In my office. Now.

♪ Every time that you

♪ Walk in the room

Chapman! Chapman!

Clear this bloody road.

Get this nonsense out of here.

What about Radcliffe, eh?

He's a sick man.

He doesn't know what pain is.

Let him use the other road.

Argh! Oh, God!

He said what?

He said while we're living here,
you're a policeman's wife

- and you should...
- Should what?

Should wake me when
he wants to talk to me.

I answered the telephone.
I take your messages.

I will not be a doormat
to that man's ego.

Well, no one asked you to be.

Aw come on,
tell us about the job.

It's just a house job.

It's a big hospital.

That's what you've always liked.

Middlesbrough.

The job's in Middlesbrough.

So? It's not that far.

Oh, it wouldn't be like
London again, would it?

Hardly ever seeing each other?

PHONE RINGS

We don't see a lot of each
other at the moment, do we?

Aidensfield police.

- Nick?
- Alex.

Nick, do you know a farmer,
name of Chapman?

Yeah, I know him.

Look, I need to talk to you.

Well, I'll be right over.

Would you ask Kate to come, too?

Okay, we'll be right over.

You're lucky nothing's broken.

A bad fall at your age.

It was foolish to have driven.

Well, what else could I do?

He left me lying there in the road.

You really ought to have
a word, you know, Nick.

I mean, the man's a menace.

Access disputes aren't
really a police matter.

Access disputes!

What, threatening people,
barbed wire all over the place?

What's the story with Chapman?

He came from Perth or thereabouts.

Moved here just after the war.

Hey! I thought casualty
had done quite a good job.

- Just checking.
- Hm.

How long's he had this
dispute with Radcliffe?

Oh, on and off for years.

But it all seems to flared up

since the bottom
road's been blocked.

And what about the Radcliffes?

Well, I see quite a lot of them.

He's diabetic and she...

...well, it's all nerves.

She hasn't been out
of the house for ages.

Agoraphobia, I suppose.

I really ought to persuade
her to have some treatment.

You won't be doing anything
for a week or so.

Oh, I can cope with surgery.

I was just wondering if

perhaps you'd be kind enough
to act as my locum.

Just for house visits.

But I'm a woman, Alex.
How could I cope?

Well, I suppose I could get
someone from Northallerton.

Well, as you know the area...

Is that my sole qualification?

I'm asking you, Kate,
I'm not begging.

- A couple of days should do it.
- A week, minimum.

Deal?

What about Middlesbrough?

Thank you.

♪ JET HARRIS & TONY MEEHAN:
Diamonds

You could spend a week
out here just breathing.

You do like it, don't you?

Yeah, I'm getting to love it.

Everything happening
at its own pace.

I love being driven to work
by the village policeman.

Sorry.

The doctor's not badly hurt?

No, no, it's just a sprain.

But as my husband was
coming up here anyway,

I thought I should
introduce myself.

Put a face to the name,
in case of emergency.

Well, that is kind, Mrs...

...Doctor...

Rowan.

Isn't it, Dick?

You want to run that bugger in.

Dick, please.

I'll be talking to him, Mr. Radcliffe.

He thinks I'm after his land.
I'm not.

Mr. Chapman bought
his farm after the war?

Aye. Old Patterson...
passed away in '44.

Place went up for sale.

So you could've bought it?

I could, but we didn't want it.

I'd got what I wanted.

- There is one other thing.
- Aye?

Well, it's a favour, really.

There's these three lads.

Dr. Ferrenby told me
about your problem.

How long have you been
afraid of going out?

A while.

If you were to see a specialist,
it could help.

Dick and I live very quietly.

Nothing ever happened to us.

How long have you been married?

'45.

- A wartime romance?
- No.

The man I intended to marry
was killed in the war.

I see.

Kate, I should be getting back.

Yes, I'm ready.

Dr. Ferrenby mentioned
he'd given you a prescription.

Did you get your insulin?

No, not yet. I'll take the tractor
down later and get it.

Oh, we'll give you a lift.

Oh, right. Thanks.

- Bye.
- Bye-bye.

I'll have your dinner ready.
You won't have to be long.

No, righto.

- Any luck so far?
- Nah.

Well, this is Mr. Radcliffe.

We're just popping
down to the village.

He'll see you when he gets back.

It's the next farm but one a couple
of miles up the hill, alright?

Couple of miles!

Hey! Get out of it!

We're off to see Radcliffe.

I'll be bloody right.

I said, get. On the double!

Don't shoot, mein kapitan.

We surrender.

GUNSHOT

What are we gonna do?

I don't know.

What about the
job the copper said.

Sod the job.

He shot at us, didn't he?

Come on.

Unless Blaketon cooks something up,

I guess I'll be sleeping
at home tonight.

Sleeping?! You'll be lucky.

- Dr. Rowan?
- Yes?

I heard you were standing
in for Dr. Ferrenby.

What's the problem?

Well, I've got this lump.

You really ought to
go to the surgery.

Dr. Ferrenby's all right.

It's just that, well,

it's just that when it comes
to women's things...

Well, you better come inside.

Just to make absolutely sure,
I'll refer you to a specialist.

You may want to
do a test, about...

then you'll know for certain
there's nothing to worry about.

KNOCK AT DOOR

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Sergeant, he's out.

It's you I wanted
to see, Mrs. Rowan.

May I come in?

I'm in the middle
of a consultation.

Consultation, eh?

Yes. So if you could wait in
the office. If you don't mind.

Come on.

CRACKLING

I'll let you know as soon as the
arrangements have been made.

Thanks, doctor.
It's a weight off my mind.

- Bye.
- Bye.

I wasn't aware this was a surgery.

No, it's not.

This house, Mrs. Rowan,
is police property.

- And you...
- Yes, I know.

I'm just a policeman's wife.

But I also happen to be a
doctor and I have a job to do.

Mrs. Rowan, we seem to have
got off on the wrong foot.

But my sole concern is to ensure
the efficient running of my section.

And I can assure you,
I help my husband in his work.

As I always have.

Had there been an emergency
yesterday morning,

I would have dragged
him from his bed

and driven him to work myself.

I just thought Nick would
be a more efficient copper

if he'd had a few hours' sleep.

That's very thoughtful, Mrs. Rowan.

But it's not for you to decide
when and if he gets his sleep.

No, Sergeant?

Alf?

Any form on a bloke called
Chapman out at Callanrigg?

Chapman? Moved here after the war.

Ex-army man, as I recall.

Bought Callanrigg from
someone called Patterson.

At least, I think he
was called Patterson.

Form on Chapman? No.

What's up?

You trying to burn me out?

I've just been down at t'village
getting my prescription.

Yeah, you sent those brats here!

- And that copper!
- No!

But you had to come.

You had to see the
damage you've done.

- Bloody stupid.
- Come on.

You come and see the
damage you've done.

Come on!
Get in there!

Get in there!

Come on, let's get out of here.

We've got to tell someone.

Not bloody likely.

He's gonna kill him,
we've got to.

Come on.

So I told him I had a job to do.

Yeah. For a week.

What?

You're standing in
for Alex for a week.

I have to work with
Blaketon full-time.

Do you want me to
practise medicine?

Of course.
This hospital job sounds great.

Blaketon's used to trampling
over submissive little wifeys.

Well, he's not trampling over me.

PHONE RINGS

I'll get it.

Aidensfield police.

Chapman's got my
husband prisoner.

He's diabetic, you know.

If he doesn't get food soon,
he'll be in trouble.

Mr. Chapman?

Mr. Chapman?

Mr. Radcliffe?

(MOANING)

Get off, you bloody lunatic!

Mr. Radcliffe.
Mr. Radcliffe.

Mr. Chapman!
Mr. Chapman!

(DELIRIOUS MUMBLINGS)

Mr. Radcliffe.

- Mr. Radcliffe.
- (MOANS)

CLUNK

♪ THE WHO: Can't Explain

Stay at the gate, Rowan.
We're on our way.

Would you contact my wife, Sarge?

It was your wife who contacted me
when you didn't turn up for tea.

Now, we'll be with you
as soon as we can.

♪ Oooh, oooh
♪ I said I can't explain ♪

Chapman's got Radcliffe
locked upstairs.

- Is he conscious?
- Barely.

We've got to get him out of there.

If he doesn't get food,
it could be serious.

Chapman's house, it's weird.

It's like a married
couple live there.

I found these.

My God.

Changi.

1945.

What do you mean,
like a married couple?

Well, it's pretty.

Like a woman lives in it.
Or lived in it.

- Mary Radcliffe.
- Hmm?

I think she knows what's between
her husband and Chapman.

I was looking through
Radcliffe's medical files.

His wife's maiden
name is Patterson.

Well, Chapman bought the farm
from someone called Patterson.

That's right. I remember.

Patterson left it to
his daughter Mary.

She sold it to Chapman.

- We've got to see her.
- Right, let's go.

Ventress, keep an eye
on Chapman's place.

Here, sarge, shouldn't
we get the firearm boys?

We're not a Wild
West show, Ventress.

There's been enough
shooting already.

In any case,
by the time they get here,

Radcliffe could be dead.

We're nearly there.

Up here.

Get down, Kate.

Nearly there my arse.

Jesus.

We have to know what the
feud's about, Mrs. Radcliffe.

I don't know.

Like my husband told you, land.

Is there nothing more
you can tell us?

I just want my
husband back safe.

Who lived at Callanrigg
before Mr. Chapman, Mary?

It was you and your
father, wasn't it?

This isn't just about what happened
between your husband and Mr. Chapman.

I think it's about you as well.

You must try and tell us.

Your husband could die.

I was engaged to Matthew
Chapman before the war.

We planned to live at
Callanrigg together.

The war came.

Matthew was sent to the Far East.

He was captured at Singapore.

I heard nothing more.

I had no idea whether
he was alive or dead.

Dick Radcliffe started courting me.

His condition kept
him out of the forces.

My father died.

I was alone in the house.

I'd heard nothing of Matthew.

I felt sure he must be dead.

So I... married Dick Radcliffe,

put Callanrigg up for sale
and we moved here.

No-one bought the farm.

One day, well after the war...

...a man came to the door.

He was so changed.

I didn't recognise him.

Until he said...

he wanted to buy Callanrigg.

For me.

I said, "You can't, you're dead."

Then he saw Dick Radcliffe come
up beside me and he said...

"I am now."

Since then... this.

You stayed?

I'd made my bed.

Come and see them now.

I can't.

I can't go down there!

If he dies, it will be
worse for Chapman.

I can't.

You must.

You can save both of them.

Conquer your fear.

Stop pretending Matthew
Chapman died 20 years ago.

Face up to him.

(MOANING)

Chapman! There's someone out
here who wants to talk to you.

Go to hell!

It's Mary. Mary Patterson.

Sergeant, I must get to Radcliffe.

Chapman! We want to send
a doctor in to Radcliffe.

To hell with Radcliffe!

If he dies, it will be murder.

Right. Round the back
and no heroics, all right?

Right.

Come with me.

Ventress, call back to base.

Let me see you, Mary.

Don't move!

I'm a doctor, Mr. Chapman.

Don't you move!

Why have you come, Mary?

I had to see you.

You're killing my husband.

Why is it always him?

I kept the house for you, Mary.

What else could I do?

Three years, Matthew,
I heard nothing.

I thought you were dead.

There was death everywhere.

- I was alive.
- I know.

I was wrong.

But I can't live my whole life
suffering for that mistake.

It was 20 years ago.

No. It's yesterday.

Let him go, Matthew.

He stole you from me, Mary.

If that wasn't enough,

he tried to destroy this house
and all I had left of you.

That wasn't Radcliffe,
that was just a bunch of kids.

It was a prank. Got out of hand.

A prank?!

Aye.

That's all it was.

Now give me the gun, Matthew.

I was out East, too.

Singapore, 1945.

I know about Changi.

I can understand what
you went through.

And I can understand

that you had something
worth living for back here.

And then I came home.

So you... understand this.

No!

(SOBBING)

Thank you.

An injection of glucose, Sergeant.

It's amazing how quick
the recovery can be.

They've taken Chapman, sarge.

We'll look after Mrs. Radcliffe.

Well, Dr. Rowan.

You were most impressive.

Both of you.

Thanks.

In there.

This is what it's like in prison.

Once that door's shut,
there's no way out.

Now, last night,
two men very nearly died.

And several others,
including yours truly,

were put in mortal danger.

And all because of the
irresponsible behaviour...

of these three lads.

Now, as you well know,
Mr. and Mrs. Thompson...

- Cruel sod.
- They'll give no more trouble.

Aren't you going to be
late for your Searchers?

Is that the...?
No, it can't be.

Alf, you are a bas-

Oh, my God!

Manchester train! Linda!

Well, I wish you were
half as keen to clock on!

Ah! The egg man strikes back!

Kate!

Alex! Fork or trowel?

Ho-ho!

I've been hearing all about
your gallant exploit last night.

Sergeant Blaketon
singing your praises.

And... I've been thinking,
perhaps I do need a bit of help.

And by help, I mean an assistant.
And I thought of you.

- Alex.
- Hello, there.

- Hello.
- Hello, love.

Well now, what do you say?

Not long ago, you
tore a strip off me

for advising a girl
to go on the pill.

And you only asked me
to do your house visits

because I know the area.

Now, suddenly, you're asking
me to join your practice?

Well, after last night
I know what you can do.

What do you say?

That's terrific, Kate.

Of course you'll
do it, won't you?

Thanks for the offer, Alex.

We'll think about it.

Will we?