All language subtitles for The.New.Adventures.of.Old.Christine.S02E11.Crash.720p.WEB-HD.x264-Pahe.ink_Subtítulos01.ENG

Hi. May I help you?

I'm Christine Campbell.

I don't see your
name on the list.

Who are you visiting?

Carl.
Mm.

We have this conversation
every day.

I'm not visiting anyone.

I'm dropping my son off
at school.

Oh. Yeah, I, uh...

I can't let you in;
your sticker's expired.

I know, but the lady who gives
out the replacement stickers

is only here
between 10:00 and 1:00

and I can't make it
'cause I have a job.

I also tell you that every day.

Mmm. I don't think so.

Look, I can't just let
you in without a sticker.

What if it turns out
you're a crazy?

Why? Why would I be a crazy?

Because your car is filled
with garbage and, uh...

that thing that's happening
with your right eye.

That's, that's not garbage,
that's recycling.

And there's nothing
wrong with my eye.

You're wearing pajamas.

Yes, yes.

I overslept. Okay?

60% of Americans oversleep.

We're a majority.

In fact, we could probably
elect our own president.

Though, we'd probably
oversleep on Election Day.

Ritchie?

Hey, Carl.

You're Ritchie's mom?

Every day.

Oh, okay, go ahead.

Have a good one.

Crazy.

I'll show you crazy.

Call me crazy.

Mom, who are you
talking to?

Nobody, honey.

(whispering):
Ritchie.

Ritchie.

Oh, my God.

Ritchie!

Hi, Mom.

Honey,

when you were leaving
the car before

and I asked you
if you had everything,

why did you say "yes"?

I do have everything.

Do you have your backpack?

Darn it.

It's right here, honey.

You left it in the car.

Oh. Thanks, Mom.

Okay. Good luck.

Oh, darn it.

Hello, Christine.

Good morning.

Hi.

Well, someone got
dressed up today.

Big date?

Important job interview?
Meeting at the White House?

Tea with the queen?
Drinks with the ambassador?

Okay, I get it.

Obviously, I didn't plan
on coming to school

in my nightie, but I overslept.

It's my only day off;
I've got a lot to do.

I've got to take in
my recycling.

I've got to go to the market.

I've got to finish my
application for Amazing Race,

I have to tell
my parents I'm divorced, I...

It's a busy day.

Have fun at the
museum opening.

And the royal wedding.
The inauguration.

You're wearing pajamas.

I ran out.

Well, Marly, I may
be wearing my pj's, but at least

I have my original face.

(groans)

That looks better.

(sighs)

(beeping)

(crashing)

What the...?

(moaning)

I told you I felt something.

Yeah, you felt something.

You felt my sweet little car
being crushed by your bulldozer.

Now, hold on, PJ's.

I was already backing up
when you came barreling into me.

Barreling?

My car doesn't barrel.

I'd probably
go faster in a barrel.

Besides, if I'd seen
your monster truck,

(chuckling):
I wouldn't have backed out.

Well, how could you
have seen me?

Your car is filled
with garbage.

No, that's...
That's not garbage!

It's recycling, okay?

I care about the environment.

I drive a Prius.

Unlike you,
who drives an oil rig.

Hey, I do plenty
for the environment.

You should see how green
my lawn is-- year-round.

That's true.
Her water bills are enormous.

Thank you.

Christine, I have
to go shopping.

Some of us don't have
the luxury of a day off.

Look, it's no big deal.

I mean, we'll just each pay
for our own damage.

Damage? You don't
have any damage.

Why should I pay if
it wasn't my fault?

Hey, Lindsay,
didn't you see

I was backing out when
Marly smashed into me?

Oh. To be honest,

I wasn't really
paying attention.

Um, I was trying to adjust
the heated seats.

Last time I was
in Marly's car,

I had on a skirt,
and I got a mark

in a place that was difficult
to explain to my husband.

Christine, your car
has seats, right?

Or are they bad
for the environment?

That was good.
All right,
let's get out of here.

Wait. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

You can't just leave
the scene of an accident.

(car starting)

Well, who's going
to take care of my car?!

(wailing)

Hey, that's a nickel.

Frankfort.

And how do you remember that?

I just remember.

No, Kentucky makes you think

of Kentucky Fried Chicken,

which makes you think
of Colonel Sanders.

And who's another funny colonel?

Colonel Klink, who is German

and what's a city in Germany?

Frankfort.

That's ridiculous.

He can't remember
all that.

Here's the way
to do it.

You've got to turn it
into a little song.

(to tune of "She'll Be Comin'
Round the Mountain):
* Oh... the capital *

* Of Kentucky is Frankfort *

* Oh, the capital
of Iowa is Des Moines. *

* Oh, the capital of California
is Saca-ramento *

* And that's how you remember
some of the capitals. *

What?

Smart guys turn me on.

You know,
I'm not a bad person.

Do you realize half our
conversations begin

with you saying either
"I'm not a bad person"

or "Don't let
me eat that"?

I'm serious.

Those women are horrible.

They're so different
from me.

You know, they made fun of me
for being an environmentalist?

You're an
environmentalist?

I'm more of an environmentalist
than that stupid Marly.

You should see the
gas-guzzler she drives.

I don't want to think
how many harp seals

it takes to run that thing.

You don't know
a lot of facts

about the environment,
do you?

Here's what I know.

I know that she hit me.

But I'm the one here
about to pay for a rental car

while my car is getting fixed.

Just let your
insurance pay for it.

I can't; my insurance rates
are already through the roof

because of that time I got
caught in the carpool lane.

I still think it should
count if you're pregnant.

But you weren't pregnant.

None of us know that for sure.

May I help the next
customer in line?

Yeah. Um... I need
to rent a car for a week.

Something small with good
gas mileage-- no leather.

I mean, I eat meat, but...
only free-range meet.

Yeah, she has
a collection

of free-range shoes
and belts at home.

Okay.

(clears throat)

Well...

I, uh, I can hook you
up with a tricked-
out luxury SUV

just like the one from
the Jay-Z episode
of Pimp My Ride.

An SUV?

No way. No.

I drive a Prius;
it gets 45 miles to the gallon.

Does the SUV get 45 miles
to the gallon?

Not even in Park.

Yeah.

But, since it is our
only car left in stock,

I can give it to you for
the same size as a midsize.

It's just for a week.

I'm not driving you to
another rental car company

in rush hour traffic--
take the SUV.

Oh. I don't want people
looking at me,

thinking I'm one
of those obnoxious,

gluttonous,
superficial soccer moms,

whose whole identify
is wrapped up

in the car that they drive.

I won't do it.

(metallic banging and clanging)

They pimped my ride.

* Oh-oh, oh, oh. *

This is awesome.

THX sound system,
voice-activated navigation.

What kind of engine?

5.4-liter three-valve V-8?

All I know is my seat
just gave me a shiatsu massage

while I watched Shrek
in hi-def, all while keeping me

at a comfortable 72 degrees,
so, yeah, it drives good.

(laughs)

My old boyfriend used to drive
a truck like this.

It was too big for me.

I mean, I like your truck.

It's small, but it gets you
where you want to go.

I hate my tiny truck.

Am I getting fat?

Come on, guys, it's just a car.

Well, then why'd you drive us
50 miles of our way to get home?

I was just following
the navigation system.

And... he wanted
to see the beach.

Okay, come on. Get out.

I don't want the NASA
foam sheets

to memorize your shape.

I hate my shape...
and my hair.

I could never drive an SUV,
because I love the environment.

CHRISTINE:
I do, too.

I almost never
wear pantyhose anymore.

I'm a huge environmentalist.

Please look
that word up.

(machine beeps)

I'm calling
for Christine Campbell.

This is Craig Lewis
from Lipson Heller Insurance

Our client, Mrs. Marly Ehrhardt,
has filed a claim against you.

Please call us at 310-927...

I cannot believe...

She's filing a claim against me?

I was fine paying for my damages
to avoid making waves.

Wow.

This time she has
really crossed a line.

I am so tired of her
pushing me around.

She thinks she's better than me

just 'cause she
drives a giant car?

Guess what--
I drive a giant car, too.

And mine is bigger, better,
and badder.

Badder.

Bad. Bad Santa.
Santa Claus.

Capital of New Mexico:
Santa Fe.

How do you
remember the "Fe"?

You just do.

(groans)

I don't have a sticker.

This guy's going to give
me a hard time again.

I don't have a sticker.

Oh, you don't need
a sticker with this car.

Have a nice day.

Wow.

I love our new car.
Yeah.

It's so cool being
bigger than everyone.

Yeah, well, don't
get too used to it,

because we get our
stupid dinky car
back next week.

And you come from a
long line of short.

And cute.

Have fun, buddy.
Thanks, Mom.

MARLY:
Christine...

is that you we saw climbing out
of that luxury SUV?

Yeah, as a matter of fact,
it was.

Well, boy, you're going
to be able to fit

a lot of garbage in that one.

(both laughing)

You know, I cannot believe

that you called
your insurance company

after we agreed that we
would handle it ourselves.

Oh, well, I went home

and discussed it
with my husband...

Oh, sorry.

And we agreed to put it
through to insurance.

Oh, sorry again.

Hey, I have insurance.

Not American insurance, but...

You know what?

If you want to play rough,
we can play rough.

All right, here's the bill.

$1,231.15. Okay?

That includes a new
rear end for my Prius,

a week of a rental car,
and $1.15 worth of cans.

What do you want me
to do with this?

You hit my car--
I want you to pay it.

I thought we decided
that you hit my car.

No, no, you decided that, okay?

But in reality, we both know
that you hit my car.

So pay up... woman.

Okay, well, I have a bill
for you to repair my Hummer.

It's going to cost you $3,000.

Or to put it in your currency,
about 60,000 cans.

So start drinking... woman.

$3,000 for what?

There wasn't even a scratch
on your car.

You cracked one
of my safari lights.

Oh, well, you're
going to need those.

Its almost rhinoceros season
here in Los Angeles.

Marly, it is my word
against yours.

Well, not quite.

I actually have witnesses
who saw you hit my car.

Witnesses?
You don't have witnesses.

You have witnesses?

Heidi.

Heidi was in the backseat
of my car when you ran into me.

No, she wasn't.

She was.

Tell her, Heidi.

She came out of nowhere,

and she had liquor
on her breath.

Thank you.

I smell marijuana.
Yeah, that's enough.

And Lindsay was with me.

What...? No, she said
she didn't see it.

She said she was too busy
playing with her seat.

Yeah, well,
now I remember

looking up from playing
with my seat

when I heard your car
barreling toward Marly's truck.

And?

And I said, "Watch out,
crazy old Christine is about

to barrel into your truck."

And?

And you're very pretty?

I don't know what else
you want me to say.

That's okay; you've
already said enough

to prove the accident
was Christine's fault.

Now what's going on
with your eye?

Lindsay.

(eerie music playing)

Great. Watching a scary
movie in hi-def

in the backseat
of an SUV,

eating microwave
popcorn

and getting cold drinks
out of the mini-fridge.

Yeah, it's so
old-fashioned.

So what happened? Is Marly going
to pay for your car?

No, she handed me a bill
for her car.

It costs, like,
more than my house.

God, I hate that dump.

I don't get this.

Thought she lived
in a well.

How come she's coming
through the TV?

It's because they want you
to ask a thousand questions

so no one can
watch the movie.

What's wrong with her eyes?

Just watch!

The father's about to get it.
Get what?

(all yelling)

I thought you were going
to stand up to Marly.

Yeah, well, that was the plan,
and then she brought in

all her stupid friends
to lie for her,

saying it was my fault.

They are so awful.

Every single one of them, too--
no ethics.

So what are you
going to do?

I'm going to fight fire
with fire.

She can bring people
in to lie for her.

I'll have Matthew lying
for me.

You are going to say
you were in the backseat

underneath the recycling.

And then you hit your head.

Now you can't work
or... see colors.

Forget it--
get someone else to lie for you.

Ooh, that's a good idea.

I'll get Ritchie.

He can't even remember what he
had for breakfast this morning.

If I tell him he was in the car
with me, he'll believe it.

Maybe I'll even let it slip
that Marly's husband

is sleeping with her maid,

because he is.

How does that help
your case?

It establishes character,
habeas corpus.

I'm not going to let you
have Ritchie lie for you.

Come on, everybody lies.

Caveat emptor.

Stop it. What are
you talking about?

I know my legal rights.

You know three
Latin words.

What's going on
with you?

Ever since you've got
this car you've changed.

I haven't changed.

What are you doing?

The gardener will pick it up.

You don't have
a gardener.

Well, I'll get one.

How much can that cost?

Look at you.

Lying, littering.

This is not the
woman I divorced.

You're becoming
one of them.

No, I'm not.

You spent $300 on gas yesterday

and told a homeless guy
to get a job.

Hey, it's good advice.

I'm fine.

No, you're gross.

What? No, I'm not.

Because I like
this car,

because I like a hydraulic
lift every once in a while?

I like sitting up high
looking down on everyone.

If you don't like it,
get out of my ride.

Okay, well, that was
a little bit gross.

I don't know what it is.

I think it's this car.

It's got some sort
of evil power.

(all scream)

(screaming)

Are you saying it
was Marly's fault?

Yeah.

She can't check her blind spots
'cause she doesn't have

any slack left in her neck.

I knew it.

This is great.

Let's go over to Marly's
right now and confront her.

No, uh-uh, I can't betray Marly.

Uh-uh, she's my friend.

We have a complex relationship
that very few people understand.

You want her to like you,
so you do what she says?

Okay, maybe it's
simpler than I thought.

Why did you bother
telling me this

if you're not going
to help me?

There might be another way
I can help you.

Oh.

What would you say if I told you

the school recently
spent over $100,000

installing a high-tech
video surveillance system

that captures
everything on tape?

Okay, um...

that doughnut was still
in the bag

and it hadn't touched anything
else in the trash can.

What are you talking about?

Uh... what are you
talking about?

There's a tape of your accident.

Oh, there's a tape?
Of my accident?

But you didn't hear it from me.

Why did you tell me this?

Because I know the difference
between right and wrong.

I may be a lot of things,
but I'm not a liar.

I mean, sure I lie.

Everyone lies.

I like what you've done
to your house, by the way.

Oh, thank you.

See you at school.
Okay.

Hey.

Oh.

I have something for you.

Oh, good. A check?

No, even better...

a video of you
hitting my car.

Yep.

It turns out that
everything that happens

here at Westbridge
is captured on videotape.

So I think someone
owes someone an apology.

Yeah.

No, Marly, you.

You owe me an apology.

Not only for hitting
my car,

but for making
my life hell

for the last year
and a half.

You think you're better
than me, but you're not.

The wealth of a person is not
measured by their possessions.

The wealth of a person
is measured by their values.

Here's $2,000.

And I accept your apology.

Oh, Mommy gets to keep
the big boy

for another week.