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1
00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:01,242
.
2
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:04,113
- Excuse me, could you tell me
where I can find the--
3
00:00:05,106 --> 00:00:06,966
- Ah.
I'm on the phone.
4
00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:09,584
- I've been waiting for help
for, like, 20 minutes.
5
00:00:09,577 --> 00:00:10,807
- I've been on hold for 40.
6
00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:12,481
But when the Chili Peppers
come to town,
7
00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:14,320
you do what it takes.
8
00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:17,315
- Is there a manager
I could speak with?
9
00:00:17,318 --> 00:00:19,088
- Yeah, obstructed view
is fine.
10
00:00:19,087 --> 00:00:20,587
Whatever it takes
to see the Peppers.
11
00:00:20,588 --> 00:00:22,718
- What you watching?
Stuff?
12
00:00:22,723 --> 00:00:24,063
- Corporate sent
a secret shopper
13
00:00:24,058 --> 00:00:25,528
to the Richmond Heights store.
14
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,096
It did not go well.
- I think the screen froze.
15
00:00:28,096 --> 00:00:30,296
- Nah, he just stays like that
for another 20 minutes.
16
00:00:30,298 --> 00:00:31,998
- Sir, excuse me.
17
00:00:31,999 --> 00:00:34,269
- I heard the Maplewood Commons
got a secret shopper too.
18
00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:35,438
- Yeah,
they cleaned house after.
19
00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:36,466
Fired everyone.
20
00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:37,610
- Even the manager?
21
00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:38,965
- Especially the manager.
22
00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:41,642
- [gasps]
How do you get especially fired?
23
00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:44,482
- Kirkwood got a secret shopper,
but they did well.
24
00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:46,008
All the associates
got raises.
25
00:00:46,013 --> 00:00:47,483
- Like money?
- No.
26
00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:48,981
Like they were lifted
up into the air
27
00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:51,622
and waved around--
yeah, money.
28
00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:53,219
- I wonder if
they'll send one here.
29
00:00:53,221 --> 00:00:55,121
- A secret shopper?
[scoffs]
30
00:00:55,123 --> 00:00:56,223
I'd know.
31
00:00:56,224 --> 00:00:57,794
I can always sniff out
a fake.
32
00:00:57,791 --> 00:00:59,791
The only way a secret shopper's
getting past me
33
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:02,033
is if he doesn't even know
he's a secret shopper.
34
00:01:02,029 --> 00:01:03,599
Like Harrison Ford
in "Blade Runner."
35
00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:05,127
- I'm gonna say this
one more time.
36
00:01:05,133 --> 00:01:07,143
Deckard was not
a replicant.
37
00:01:07,135 --> 00:01:08,335
- Then explain
the friggin' unicorn!
38
00:01:08,336 --> 00:01:09,466
- Director's Cut
doesn't count!
39
00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:10,600
- I can't listen to
40
00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:11,874
the "Blade Runner" debate
one more time.
41
00:01:11,872 --> 00:01:13,872
- I would love for them
to send a secret shopper.
42
00:01:13,874 --> 00:01:15,544
But then again,
I got a 93
43
00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:17,043
on my last
corporate policy test,
44
00:01:17,044 --> 00:01:18,954
so nothing but net.
45
00:01:18,946 --> 00:01:21,046
- Mateo, those scores
don't mean anything.
46
00:01:21,048 --> 00:01:24,388
- I don't know.
93 is pretty impressive.
47
00:01:24,385 --> 00:01:26,015
I got 100.
- [scoffs]
48
00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:27,219
Really?
49
00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:29,561
- Well, that was a hurtfully
exaggerated "really."
50
00:01:29,557 --> 00:01:31,687
- No, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it to sound bad.
51
00:01:31,692 --> 00:01:33,962
I just meant, you're not
very good at your job.
52
00:01:33,961 --> 00:01:35,731
- Oh, okay.
Well, thank you.
53
00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:38,069
- Okay, guys,
nothing else matters
54
00:01:38,065 --> 00:01:39,895
but this secret shopper,
okay?
55
00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:41,270
We need a plan.
56
00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:42,439
I know.
57
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,436
What if we treated
every customer
58
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:46,408
like they were
the secret shopper?
59
00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:48,077
- Nah,
that's never gonna work.
60
00:01:48,075 --> 00:01:49,675
- Yeah, it's a terrible idea.
61
00:01:49,677 --> 00:01:52,677
[upbeat music]
62
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,580
*
63
00:01:54,582 --> 00:01:56,922
- This has got to be
the lamest thing
64
00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:59,287
anyone has ever been
cocky about.
65
00:01:59,287 --> 00:02:01,487
- I know.
It's so embarrassing.
66
00:02:01,489 --> 00:02:02,989
I told them not to
put that up there,
67
00:02:02,990 --> 00:02:05,190
but I guess they felt
they had to honor me somehow.
68
00:02:05,193 --> 00:02:06,833
- You know you're just asking
someone to draw a penis
69
00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:08,327
on your face, right?
70
00:02:08,329 --> 00:02:10,199
- This must be
really bittersweet for you,
71
00:02:10,198 --> 00:02:12,498
being surpassed
by your protégé.
72
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:14,840
But now is no longer
the time of Amy.
73
00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:17,565
No, now is the time
of Ace.
74
00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:18,711
- Oh, Ace? Wow.
75
00:02:18,706 --> 00:02:20,406
- Ace.
They're calling me Ace now.
76
00:02:20,408 --> 00:02:21,878
- Strong words
from a guy who led
77
00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:23,535
a flock of ducks
into the store.
78
00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:24,684
- My pocket was ripped.
79
00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:26,008
I didn't know
I was trailing crackers.
80
00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:27,353
- Why are you even
walking around
81
00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:28,618
with crackers
in your pocket?
82
00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:30,776
- Because they don't have
the kind I like here.
83
00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:32,294
- All right,
Marcus is in court today
84
00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:33,886
testifying against
his grandmother,
85
00:02:33,887 --> 00:02:35,457
so I need you to help zone
Clearance
86
00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:37,056
and then stock charcoal
in Patio.
87
00:02:37,057 --> 00:02:38,627
- Charcoal doesn't go
in Patio anymore.
88
00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:39,656
It goes in Grocery.
89
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:41,090
I got that answer right
on the test.
90
00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:42,264
I know that because I got
91
00:02:42,263 --> 00:02:43,963
every answer right
on the test.
92
00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:45,434
- This is supposed to be
one of the last
93
00:02:45,433 --> 00:02:46,833
warm weekends of the year.
94
00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,544
Do you know
what people like to do
95
00:02:48,536 --> 00:02:49,936
when the weather is nice?
96
00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:51,467
- Eat soft-shell crab.
97
00:02:51,472 --> 00:02:54,142
- Grill, and our customers
are used to finding charcoal
98
00:02:54,141 --> 00:02:55,781
for their grills in Patio.
99
00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:58,146
So unless we want to spend the
next few weeks being MapQuest,
100
00:02:58,145 --> 00:03:00,245
we'll make the switch
after grilling season.
101
00:03:00,248 --> 00:03:03,548
- Yeah, but with all
the secret shopper stuff,
102
00:03:03,551 --> 00:03:05,551
shouldn't we just be
doing things by the book?
103
00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:06,923
- I know how to do my job.
104
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:10,390
I'm not gonna live in fear
of some corporate spy.
105
00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:11,561
- Follow-up question:
106
00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:13,259
You don't still use
MapQuest, do you?
107
00:03:13,261 --> 00:03:14,961
- It's very intuitive.
108
00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:18,302
[motor whirring]
109
00:03:18,299 --> 00:03:19,799
- * When you hear the call
110
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,970
* You got to get it
under way *
111
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:22,969
* Word up
112
00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:25,040
[engine whining and puttering]
113
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:28,708
[suspenseful music]
114
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,179
- First time in our store?
- [gasps]
115
00:03:30,177 --> 00:03:32,477
Oh, no.
I've been here before.
116
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:33,750
- Really?
117
00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:35,377
Because I have
a pretty good memory for faces,
118
00:03:35,383 --> 00:03:36,723
right there...
[clicks tongue]
119
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,347
In my brain.
- [chuckles]
120
00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:39,922
Well, you must
have forgotten mine.
121
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:41,760
[laughter]
- Yeah, I don't think so.
122
00:03:41,755 --> 00:03:43,915
It's very
distinctive looking.
123
00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:45,034
- [clears throat]
124
00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:47,155
- But maybe it was
my mistake.
125
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:49,530
Guess you're just
a regular customer
126
00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:51,330
doing some regular
pet food shopping.
127
00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:53,072
Say, what type of pet
do you have?
128
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:56,196
- It's a dog.
- What kind?
129
00:03:56,203 --> 00:03:58,443
- Cockapoo--
- How old?
130
00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:00,309
- Four--
- Gender?
131
00:04:00,308 --> 00:04:02,138
- Girl.
- Well...
132
00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:04,312
Looks like you've got
an answer for everything.
133
00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:06,482
So I'll just leave you
to your shopping.
134
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:08,450
[chuckles]
Oh!
135
00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:09,649
I almost forgot to ask.
136
00:04:09,650 --> 00:04:10,980
What's your cat's name?
137
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:12,694
- It's a dog.
138
00:04:15,323 --> 00:04:16,963
- Sure it is.
139
00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:21,126
- Where would I find
men's hats?
140
00:04:21,128 --> 00:04:22,528
- [exhales deeply]
141
00:04:22,530 --> 00:04:24,530
All right, you're gonna want
to go to aisle 16,
142
00:04:24,532 --> 00:04:26,702
and then straight, uh...
oh.
143
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:28,840
Uh, who's this hat for?
A boyfriend?
144
00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:30,496
- No.
No boyfriend.
145
00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:32,644
It's for my dad.
- Tight, tight.
146
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,980
Well, I could take you
over there personally.
147
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:37,945
And if you'd like, I could model
some of the options for you.
148
00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:40,805
You know, they say my head
looks amazing in hats.
149
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,354
- [chuckles]
All right.
150
00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:43,650
- Yeah, that was
cute and funny.
151
00:04:43,651 --> 00:04:45,021
Uh, let me tell you
about myself--
152
00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:46,518
- Did I hear you ask
about men's hats?
153
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:47,790
I can help you with that.
154
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,088
- Uh, I got this, man.
155
00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:50,359
- Okay,
just thought I'd ask,
156
00:04:50,358 --> 00:04:52,228
since I've personally tested
every hat we sell,
157
00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:53,585
and Garrett is
a sexual predator.
158
00:04:53,594 --> 00:04:54,964
- What?
- Excuse me?
159
00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:57,002
- Yeah, that's why
his nickname is "The Rapist."
160
00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:59,127
Unconvicted,
but we all know.
161
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:00,702
Anyway,
are we thinking Panama hat?
162
00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:02,241
Trilby?
Tricorn?
163
00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:04,805
- You know what?
I'm good.
164
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,635
- Okay, well,
remember to ask for Mateo.
165
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,940
He'll make your day-o!
166
00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:10,382
- What the [bleep] was that?
167
00:05:10,378 --> 00:05:11,948
- I don't know. I thought
she was the secret shopper.
168
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:14,145
- So?
- There are raises on the line.
169
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:16,617
So sorry, not sorry.
I'm not here to make friends.
170
00:05:16,617 --> 00:05:18,817
- [scoffs]
Fine, whatever.
171
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:19,989
I just hope for your sake,
172
00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:22,557
the secret shopper
isn't one of us.
173
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:24,886
- Wh--wait, wait.
What does that mean?
174
00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:26,732
- Pssh. I ain't even
gonna tell you.
175
00:05:26,727 --> 00:05:30,397
- No, no.
You can tell me.
176
00:05:30,398 --> 00:05:32,868
- Well,
at the Penrose store,
177
00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:36,396
the corporate plant
was an employee.
178
00:05:36,404 --> 00:05:40,174
And when he was done,
everyone who was a dick to him
179
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:42,513
got fired.
180
00:05:42,510 --> 00:05:43,840
But, hey,
that's why I always
181
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:46,314
try to be nice
to all my coworkers,
182
00:05:46,313 --> 00:05:47,753
but I'm just kind of
one of those guys
183
00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:49,918
that likes to keep his job,
so...
184
00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:52,587
[clicks tongue]
Good luck.
185
00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:53,746
- Thank--thank you.
186
00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:55,594
- [chuckles softly]
187
00:05:55,589 --> 00:06:00,089
- * My life,
my heart, my home *
188
00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:05,033
* I would give everything
I own *
189
00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:09,044
- Well, no one's panicking.
That's a good sign.
190
00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:11,436
We all just need to stay cool
about this, right?
191
00:06:11,439 --> 00:06:13,539
I mean, I'm being cool.
192
00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:15,011
- You know that's not
a stress ball, right?
193
00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:19,548
It's a lemon.
- Let me have my process.
194
00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:20,877
- Am I imagining things,
195
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:24,451
or did I ask you
to stock the charcoal in Patio?
196
00:06:24,452 --> 00:06:26,052
- Glenn told me--
- Jonah reminded me
197
00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:28,523
that charcoal is supposed
to be in Grocery now.
198
00:06:28,522 --> 00:06:29,692
- Mm.
199
00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:30,860
- We don't want to make
any mistakes,
200
00:06:30,858 --> 00:06:32,788
not with a secret shopper
in our mist.
201
00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:34,963
Wait, is it mist or midst?
202
00:06:34,962 --> 00:06:37,702
Which one were the gorillas
in again?
203
00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:39,928
- Jonah?
204
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:41,203
- Mist.
205
00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:44,611
- So, um, you went
over my head to Glenn?
206
00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:46,265
- Well, no, it just sort of
came up in conversation--
207
00:06:46,273 --> 00:06:48,483
- Well, thank God he did.
208
00:06:48,476 --> 00:06:50,206
You know, you could stand
to learn something
209
00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:51,980
from Mr. 100 here.
210
00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:53,509
That's a nickname
that we came up with.
211
00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:54,584
- He came up with.
- Yeah.
212
00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:56,382
I could think of
a nickname for you too,
213
00:06:56,383 --> 00:06:59,123
but you haven't done anything
really impressive lately.
214
00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:01,349
How about
Little Miss "On Time"?
215
00:07:01,354 --> 00:07:02,694
Dr. Cool?
216
00:07:02,690 --> 00:07:04,290
Workules?
217
00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:05,961
- How about just Amy?
218
00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:07,799
Floor supervisor.
219
00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:10,495
- Boring.
Wait.
220
00:07:15,536 --> 00:07:15,666
.
221
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:18,511
- Hey.
222
00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:22,884
Here you are.
223
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:24,306
- Olives?
224
00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:26,681
- It's the closest thing
I could find to an olive branch.
225
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,520
- Thanks.
226
00:07:28,516 --> 00:07:30,676
Uh, so I guess now
I restock these--
227
00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:33,024
- No, no, no, I'll do it.
I'll--I'll--
228
00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:35,390
- Excuse me.
Where can I find the charcoal?
229
00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:38,558
- Grocery.
230
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:41,559
- Look, I'm sorry for
going over your head like that.
231
00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:42,862
And I know what
you're thinking.
232
00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:44,573
I wouldn't have done that
if you were a man.
233
00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:46,025
- Nope.
Wasn't thinking that.
234
00:07:46,033 --> 00:07:48,403
- Oh, good.
- It's fine.
235
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:49,741
Just, next time,
come to me first
236
00:07:49,737 --> 00:07:51,167
before you go to Glenn,
all right?
237
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:52,711
- Got it, got it.
238
00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:55,676
Although,
I did come to you first.
239
00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:57,306
- Yeah, so next time,
do a better job of it.
240
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:58,380
- Better job.
- Yeah.
241
00:07:58,378 --> 00:07:59,908
- Copy that.
242
00:07:59,913 --> 00:08:01,653
How?
243
00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:03,649
- Hey, uh,
are we sold out of charcoal?
244
00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:05,551
both: Grocery.
- Hmm.
245
00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:07,353
Where are tampons?
Electronics?
246
00:08:07,354 --> 00:08:09,094
- No, they're where tampons
normally are.
247
00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:10,459
- Okay.
248
00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:14,555
- How about you hang
these nifty signs
249
00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:16,262
and then grab a mop?
250
00:08:16,263 --> 00:08:18,373
Because I don't think
that raccoon ever left us.
251
00:08:18,365 --> 00:08:20,725
- Will do,
uh, so--so real quick,
252
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:22,144
and I hate to even
mention this,
253
00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:23,965
but I think there's, like,
a store policy
254
00:08:23,971 --> 00:08:25,771
against hanging flyers.
255
00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:28,413
- Yeah, I'm not, like,
looking for a new bassist
256
00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:30,738
for my punk band;
I think this is fine.
257
00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:32,584
- Right, right,
of course.
258
00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:36,850
But there really is
a policy.
259
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,290
- Yeah,
you just said that.
260
00:08:38,285 --> 00:08:42,055
- But I'm now trying to do
a better job of saying it.
261
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:47,600
[suspenseful music]
262
00:08:47,595 --> 00:08:49,055
- Condolence cards, huh?
263
00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:51,032
Bummer.
Who died?
264
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,601
- Uh, a friend of mine.
265
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,840
Hmm.
You don't look very upset.
266
00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:56,735
Probably not that good
a friend.
267
00:08:56,737 --> 00:08:58,607
Can I see
a death certificate?
268
00:08:58,606 --> 00:09:00,336
- I-I don't think I need
a death certificate
269
00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:01,610
just to buy a card.
270
00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:02,879
- Well, well, well.
271
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:06,006
Look who knows a lot
about Cloud 9 store policies.
272
00:09:06,013 --> 00:09:07,213
What was your friend's name?
273
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:08,424
- I don't understand--
- How did he die?
274
00:09:08,415 --> 00:09:09,915
What did he love?
What kind of music was he into?
275
00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:11,447
Billy Joel?
Everybody's into Billy Joel.
276
00:09:11,451 --> 00:09:12,821
Was he a vegetarian
or normal?
277
00:09:12,820 --> 00:09:14,150
The kind of guy you trust
with a lot of money or--
278
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:15,494
- Enough, all right?
279
00:09:15,488 --> 00:09:18,828
I see what you're doing,
and you're right.
280
00:09:18,826 --> 00:09:20,956
By the end, I didn't really
know him anymore.
281
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:23,461
May--maybe I never
really knew him.
282
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:24,973
The point is,
I wasn't there for him
283
00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:26,825
when he needed me the most.
284
00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:31,136
- Hmm.
285
00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:36,111
Funny.
You don't look Jewish.
286
00:09:37,745 --> 00:09:39,645
[suspenseful music]
287
00:09:39,647 --> 00:09:41,447
- Mateo.
288
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:43,148
What you doing in here?
289
00:09:43,150 --> 00:09:44,450
- I'm investigating.
290
00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:46,491
What if there is no
secret shopper?
291
00:09:46,486 --> 00:09:48,286
You ever think
that corporate is spying on us
292
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:49,688
with a secret employee?
293
00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:53,690
- Well, no, but now
that's all I can think about.
294
00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:55,304
- You notice how Jonah
295
00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:57,525
never talks about what
he was doing before this job?
296
00:09:57,530 --> 00:10:00,970
- Well, sure, but I just figured
he was a criminal.
297
00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:03,868
You'd be surprised how many
of our employees have been.
298
00:10:03,871 --> 00:10:06,411
- I mean, I've always wondered
why an educated,
299
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:08,536
privileged pretty boy
would decide to work here.
300
00:10:08,541 --> 00:10:12,011
And then I noticed Jonah's car
has Illinois plates.
301
00:10:12,012 --> 00:10:13,152
- Oh.
302
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:15,316
- Do you know what else
is in Illinois?
303
00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:18,845
- Oh, soybeans.
304
00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:20,552
- Cloud 9 headquarters.
305
00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:22,093
- Oh!
306
00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:24,589
- I mean, now it makes sense
how he beat my score
307
00:10:24,591 --> 00:10:27,291
on that test;
he probably wrote the test.
308
00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:30,004
- Okay.
Let's keep this under our hats.
309
00:10:29,997 --> 00:10:34,397
I don't want anyone to start
acting weird around him.
310
00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:38,465
[chuckles]
311
00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:45,078
Jonah, do you know why
I called you in here?
312
00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:47,878
- Uh, no.
313
00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:48,981
Am I in trouble?
314
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,522
- [nervous chuckling]
As if.
315
00:10:51,518 --> 00:10:52,918
- [chuckles]
316
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:55,160
- Why?
Am I in trouble?
317
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:59,325
- Um, I-I don't think so.
318
00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,796
- Whew.
That's a relief.
319
00:11:01,795 --> 00:11:04,895
- Yeah.
- So, um...
320
00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:08,268
I'm just gonna come out
and say it.
321
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:10,998
You know,
I think I deserve a raise.
322
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,974
- Absolutely.
- Really?
323
00:11:12,973 --> 00:11:15,013
- Yeah.
A big one.
324
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:18,178
- Would you be willing
to tell people about that?
325
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:20,008
- [stammers]
Am I? Sure, yeah.
326
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:23,283
I'll definitely--I'll tell
whoever you want, yeah.
327
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:25,793
- Oh, my God.
328
00:11:25,786 --> 00:11:28,316
I-I don't know--
329
00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:30,091
you--you--
330
00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:32,760
I'm so glad
we had this conversation.
331
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:33,760
Yeah.
332
00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:36,261
I keep a tin
of candies in here
333
00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:40,233
for special occasions.
334
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:42,203
They are wickedly sour.
335
00:11:47,775 --> 00:11:50,035
- * I think we're alone now
336
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,313
* There doesn't seem
to be... *
337
00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:53,481
- What?
Didn't he...
338
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,480
- Just like a regular Joe,
huh?
339
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:57,352
You're gonna have to do
better than that.
340
00:11:57,350 --> 00:11:58,520
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
341
00:11:58,518 --> 00:11:59,518
- I think I got that--
342
00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:00,789
- Let's talk about
why you need
343
00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:02,188
each of those items
in that basket.
344
00:12:02,189 --> 00:12:04,789
- Excuse me, Dina?
Have you seen Jonah?
345
00:12:04,792 --> 00:12:06,232
- Last time I saw
that little piece,
346
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,556
he was talking to Glenn
in his office.
347
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:09,801
[sniffs]
348
00:12:09,797 --> 00:12:11,797
God, you smell like
you're from Chicago.
349
00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:18,268
- Will Jonah please report
to Patio immediately?
350
00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:19,411
I repeat...
351
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:20,406
Jonah to Patio...
352
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:21,567
- One second.
353
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,244
- Immediately!
354
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:26,913
- Okay.
I'm on my way.
355
00:12:26,914 --> 00:12:30,724
- Make sure
that you actually are.
356
00:12:30,717 --> 00:12:32,887
- I just said I am.
357
00:12:32,886 --> 00:12:35,416
- Yes, but sometimes you say
you're going to do things,
358
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:36,922
and then you don't.
359
00:12:36,924 --> 00:12:39,294
- Why don't we have this
discussion in person?
360
00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:41,132
- Given that you just started
working here...
361
00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:42,658
- What is going on?
362
00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:44,502
- Maybe you shouldn't tell me
how to do my job.
363
00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:46,327
- Or maybe you should leave
the intercom open
364
00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:48,173
for more important
announcements.
365
00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:51,168
- No, you guys go wild.
I never want this to end.
366
00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:52,841
- I am your supervisor.
367
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:54,570
Don't think you know this job
better than me
368
00:12:54,574 --> 00:12:56,944
just because you did well
on some stupid test.
369
00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:58,954
- The test doesn't make me
think I know better.
370
00:12:58,946 --> 00:13:02,016
The test is empirical proof
that I do know better.
371
00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:04,015
- Attention,
Cloud 9 shoppers.
372
00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:06,987
Dildos are on sale for 69 cents
in aisle 69.
373
00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:08,987
- Hey, bozo,
we're using the intercom!
374
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:10,319
Get off!
375
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:11,993
- Why don't you take
your own advice?
376
00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:13,262
- Baba Booey, Baba Booey!
377
00:13:13,260 --> 00:13:15,500
Howard Stern for president!
378
00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:17,195
- Hey, I need that!
379
00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:20,367
- Penis, penis, penis!
Karen Figoletto is a skank!
380
00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:22,367
- Actually, kid,
that's a lot more insightful
381
00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:24,269
than anything Jonah's
got to say today.
382
00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:26,471
- Our manager seems to think
I'm very insightful.
383
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:27,883
- Yes, that's because
384
00:13:27,875 --> 00:13:30,875
you're a little ass-kissing
[bleep]face.
385
00:13:30,878 --> 00:13:32,408
- Oh...
386
00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:38,048
.
387
00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:40,449
- I don't understand
what's gotten into you.
388
00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:44,685
You're just lucky
that Jonah doesn't take
389
00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:47,261
these kinds of things
personally.
390
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:48,300
- Jonah?
391
00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:50,125
- Do you know
what he said to me
392
00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:52,670
when I asked him
if he was going to fire you?
393
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,095
He said,
"I can't do that."
394
00:13:55,102 --> 00:13:56,572
- 'Cause he can't.
395
00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:58,909
I'm his boss.
396
00:13:58,906 --> 00:14:00,566
- Oh, right.
397
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:03,913
You are saying something
that is true to you.
398
00:14:03,911 --> 00:14:06,811
[phone vibrating]
Oh, sorry.
399
00:14:06,813 --> 00:14:10,383
Yeah?
Sweetie, great news.
400
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:12,723
I'm getting a raise!
401
00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:14,689
There'll be money
for the houseboat
402
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:16,217
and for your mom's
surgery.
403
00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:17,933
- Hey, Glenn?
- Hmm?
404
00:14:17,925 --> 00:14:20,025
- Can I get back to work?
- Yeah.
405
00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:21,927
Just play nice
with Jonah.
406
00:14:21,929 --> 00:14:23,599
Unless you want to spend
the rest of your day
407
00:14:23,596 --> 00:14:25,726
doing backbreaking work
in the stockroom.
408
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:34,372
- [slow clapping]
409
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,384
Very convincing.
410
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:38,076
- What do you mean,
dear?
411
00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:39,748
- What I mean, "dear,"
412
00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:41,606
is, if you'd just
stayed in Pharmacy,
413
00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:43,584
I wouldn't have
batted an eye.
414
00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:46,223
But no one your age is throwing
their money away on a new bed.
415
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:48,289
I mean, let's be honest.
416
00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:50,558
How many years of sleeping
do you even have left?
417
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,657
- I don't know
what's happening here.
418
00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:53,989
- I'll tell you
what's happening.
419
00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:56,304
Your cover's been blown,
sweetheart.
420
00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:58,426
Hello, Chicago.
421
00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:01,101
I'm not stupid.
[chuckles]
422
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:05,172
- Oh.
423
00:15:05,172 --> 00:15:07,812
Hey, so, uh...
424
00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:10,407
Things got a little
out of hand back there.
425
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,250
- Yeah.
426
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:14,745
Is this your way
of apologizing?
427
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:16,417
- No,
that was me giving you
428
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:18,186
the chance to apologize
to me.
429
00:15:18,185 --> 00:15:19,645
- Oh.
430
00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:21,122
Okay, thank you.
431
00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:25,131
Um, is there anything else
I can help you with?
432
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:28,995
- We're out of
Nosey the Anteater.
433
00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:31,126
It's a plush toy--
- Yeah, I know who Nosey is.
434
00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:32,501
I'll get him.
435
00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:42,911
- Do you, um--
do you need a hand--
436
00:15:42,909 --> 00:15:44,579
- No, no. No.
No, thank you.
437
00:15:44,577 --> 00:15:46,247
I know how to operate
a forklift.
438
00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:47,706
It's just been a while,
439
00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:50,224
and I don't remember
there being so many levers.
440
00:15:50,217 --> 00:15:52,217
Why are they always
improving things?
441
00:15:52,219 --> 00:15:54,549
- Are you sure you don't
want any help?
442
00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:57,124
Because I've been studying
the manual for my certification.
443
00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:59,494
- Oh, that's great,
but, you know,
444
00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:01,632
sometimes you can memorize
a textbook for something
445
00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:04,828
and still not know how to do it
in real life, so...
446
00:16:04,831 --> 00:16:07,401
- Okay.
Have at it.
447
00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:11,538
[mechanical grinding]
448
00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:12,538
[beep]
449
00:16:12,539 --> 00:16:14,209
- [shrieks]
450
00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:15,237
Oh!
451
00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:18,282
[objects crashing
and clattering]
452
00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:22,446
Okay, Ace,
why don't you give it a shot?
453
00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:25,789
- [muttering]
- Garrett, what up?
454
00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:26,945
Have you seen Jonah?
455
00:16:26,953 --> 00:16:28,263
I got some meatballs
456
00:16:28,255 --> 00:16:31,055
from that place he always calls
"an unassuming gem."
457
00:16:31,058 --> 00:16:32,758
- Why are you getting
meatballs for Jonah?
458
00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:38,069
- Because Jonah
is a secret employee.
459
00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:39,465
- What?
460
00:16:39,466 --> 00:16:41,896
No.
[imitates exploding]
461
00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:45,241
Bad news, though.
Jonah hates meatballs.
462
00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:46,838
- What?
- Doesn't like 'em.
463
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:47,909
You know what he does like?
464
00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:49,077
He likes cakes
465
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:50,636
from that bakery
down on Birch.
466
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:51,783
- The one you're always
talking about?
467
00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:52,978
- Mm-hmm, yeah.
That same one.
468
00:16:52,979 --> 00:16:54,149
Jonah likes it too.
Jonah likes it too.
469
00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:55,317
- Okay.
470
00:16:55,315 --> 00:16:56,775
- He loves the cakes
with coconut on them.
471
00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:58,123
- Okay, coconut cake,
bakery on Birch.
472
00:16:58,118 --> 00:16:59,618
- None of that
white chocolate stuff.
473
00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:02,119
- Got it, I'm on it.
- That's what I'm talking about.
474
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:09,896
You're a secret shopper,
aren't you?
475
00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:12,326
That's cool.
I won't tell.
476
00:17:12,332 --> 00:17:14,832
- Maybe this does something...
477
00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:16,644
[machinery grinding]
- Um...
478
00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:18,106
- No. No.
- I don't think that's it.
479
00:17:18,105 --> 00:17:19,865
- Okay, okay.
- Turn it off.
480
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,712
- Sorry, not this!
- Turn it off!
481
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:24,338
- Okay!
482
00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:25,614
Okay, your turn.
483
00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:28,122
[thumping hip-hop music]
484
00:17:28,115 --> 00:17:29,275
Stop! Stop!
485
00:17:29,282 --> 00:17:30,282
Stop!
- Oh!
486
00:17:30,283 --> 00:17:31,583
- * Let the boys be boys
487
00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:32,954
- The printers are
right underneath--
488
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:34,422
They're crushing the--
- Oh, okay, okay.
489
00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:35,861
[both grunting]
490
00:17:35,855 --> 00:17:38,255
Cool?
- No, not cool!
491
00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:40,358
[both straining]
492
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:42,130
- I'm spinning!
493
00:17:42,129 --> 00:17:43,729
- Okay, all right.
494
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,530
*
495
00:17:45,532 --> 00:17:46,932
Turn--I'm not
touching anything!
496
00:17:46,933 --> 00:17:48,773
It's just going!
- Stop turning.
497
00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:51,768
Like this?
- God, oh, God.
498
00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:53,211
- Amy!
499
00:17:53,206 --> 00:17:54,706
*
500
00:17:54,707 --> 00:17:56,377
- * Let the boys be boys
501
00:17:56,376 --> 00:17:58,206
- Yes!
502
00:17:58,211 --> 00:17:59,651
It's all coming back to me.
503
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:01,206
It's like riding
a four-ton bicycle.
504
00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:02,224
[beeping]
505
00:18:02,215 --> 00:18:03,775
You hear that?
506
00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:05,953
That's the sound
of victory.
507
00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:07,792
- No, no, no, no!
You have to raise--
508
00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:10,157
[crashing]
509
00:18:10,157 --> 00:18:11,787
- [screams]
510
00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:13,291
Wah!
511
00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:16,163
Oh!
512
00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:21,331
.
513
00:18:22,369 --> 00:18:22,569
*
514
00:18:25,572 --> 00:18:29,742
- * My life is not complete,
I never see you smile *
515
00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:32,582
- * Try, try, try,
let it ride *
516
00:18:32,579 --> 00:18:34,349
*
517
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:38,445
- So is there anything
you want to talk about?
518
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:42,691
Or should we just continue
to destroy the stockroom?
519
00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:50,264
- Look, I haven't
told anyone here this
520
00:18:50,263 --> 00:18:51,763
because it would be
really embarrassing
521
00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:53,104
if it didn't work out,
522
00:18:53,099 --> 00:18:56,099
but I've started taking
college courses.
523
00:18:56,102 --> 00:18:57,102
- Well, that's--
524
00:18:57,103 --> 00:18:58,273
- If anything
you're about to say
525
00:18:58,271 --> 00:19:00,041
includes the words
"brave," "courageous,"
526
00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:04,279
or "girl power,"
please don't talk.
527
00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:06,907
So it was a little annoying
528
00:19:06,913 --> 00:19:10,223
when you started rubbing
that stupid test in my face
529
00:19:10,217 --> 00:19:12,517
as if it meant you were smarter
than me or something.
530
00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:14,219
- I don't think
I'm smarter than you.
531
00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:15,991
- I know you're not
smarter than me.
532
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:18,358
That's what's so annoying.
533
00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:19,958
You're just
one of those guys
534
00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:22,629
that things seem
to work out for.
535
00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:31,697
- I flunked out of
business school...
536
00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:34,374
[chuckles]
In Chicago.
537
00:19:34,374 --> 00:19:35,684
I didn't want
to be there anyway.
538
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:36,705
It was stupid.
539
00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:38,549
I was just 28 and trying
to figure out
540
00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:40,275
what I wanted to do
with my life.
541
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,420
And apparently what I wanted
to do with my life
542
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:45,315
was rack up
a whole bunch of debt.
543
00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:47,418
- So what'd you do?
544
00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:50,260
- I took a long drive.
545
00:19:50,257 --> 00:19:52,427
And then I wanted a snack,
546
00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:55,395
and so I stopped at this
random store in St. Louis
547
00:19:55,395 --> 00:19:58,665
and saw they were hiring,
and...
548
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:03,170
- Wow.
- [chuckles]
549
00:20:03,169 --> 00:20:07,039
You know,
if you weren't my boss,
550
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:10,539
I would say we should just
get up and walk away
551
00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:12,453
like we didn't know
any of this happened.
552
00:20:12,445 --> 00:20:14,375
- [scoffs]
Yeah, right.
553
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:20,720
Although,
these bolts are pretty rusty.
554
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,560
They could have totally
fallen by themselves.
555
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,915
- You are preaching
to the choir.
556
00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:26,764
- Um, Jonah?
Jonah.
557
00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:27,759
Jonah!
558
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:32,060
[engine whirring]
559
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:34,374
- Oh! Get out of the way!
Get out of the way!
560
00:20:34,367 --> 00:20:35,697
- [shouting]
561
00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:37,572
- [whimpering]
562
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:38,570
- Oh!
563
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:39,911
- [laughing]
564
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,306
Hey, all things considered,
565
00:20:41,308 --> 00:20:43,438
I think you handled that
pretty well.
566
00:20:43,443 --> 00:20:46,653
- I got to hand it to that guy.
He's good.
567
00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:48,816
I wouldn't be surprised
if he had CIA training.
568
00:20:48,815 --> 00:20:50,815
Spent a little time
at The Farm.
569
00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:52,317
- You know they just sent
the same guy
570
00:20:52,319 --> 00:20:53,649
they did last time,
right?
571
00:20:53,653 --> 00:20:55,823
- So what does this mean
for us?
572
00:20:55,822 --> 00:20:57,992
- Well, luckily,
we still scored pretty well
573
00:20:57,990 --> 00:21:00,190
compared to Richmond Heights.
574
00:21:00,192 --> 00:21:02,762
Turns out they had a meth lab
in their basement,
575
00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:04,102
which, turns out,
was just a front
576
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:05,426
for a dog fighting ring.
577
00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:07,202
[all murmuring]
- Shh, shh, shh, shh.
578
00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:08,899
This is my favorite part.
579
00:21:08,901 --> 00:21:10,971
- What?
What's wrong with you?
580
00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:12,470
- I know a camera
when I see a camera.
581
00:21:12,472 --> 00:21:13,972
Come on!
- You're crazy.
582
00:21:13,973 --> 00:21:15,583
[grunting]
583
00:21:15,575 --> 00:21:17,605
- Man, the camera loves me.
41158
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