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1
00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:01,242
.
2
00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:03,043
male narrator:
The American superstore.
3
00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:05,508
One-stop shopping
4
00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:08,906
for everything
you could ever want or need.
5
00:00:08,909 --> 00:00:10,679
Do you want to be thinner?
6
00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:12,778
Fatter?
7
00:00:12,780 --> 00:00:14,650
Happier?
8
00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:16,618
Sadder?
9
00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:19,117
Are you looking for friendship?
10
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:21,160
Or solitude?
11
00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:23,185
Or even love?
12
00:00:23,191 --> 00:00:25,831
- That's actually
a cubic zirconia knockoff.
13
00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:27,296
It's called PlastiClear.
14
00:00:27,295 --> 00:00:28,555
- What happened to
the $8 ones?
15
00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:30,262
- We're all sold out
of those, sorry.
16
00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:32,034
But this one's
only $2 more.
17
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,032
- I get it.
18
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,343
You advertise
the cheap jewelry
19
00:00:34,335 --> 00:00:35,535
to get the suckers
in the door,
20
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:36,996
then you push
the expensive stuff.
21
00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:38,674
- Well, I wouldn't
use the word "suckers,"
22
00:00:38,672 --> 00:00:40,112
or "expensive,"
23
00:00:40,108 --> 00:00:41,578
or "jewelry."
24
00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:43,135
- [sighs]
25
00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:44,414
Fine.
26
00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:46,182
I got to stand in line
for cigarettes anyhow.
27
00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:47,420
- Great.
28
00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:50,375
I hope you and your fiancée
are very happy together...
29
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,815
And that you don't procreate.
30
00:00:53,821 --> 00:00:55,061
Glenn.
- Huh?
31
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:56,755
- I'm taking
a mental-health break.
32
00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:59,487
- Okay. Have fun now.
33
00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:01,603
Reflect.
34
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:05,195
- Just checking over
your new hire forms.
35
00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:07,139
American citizen. Nice.
36
00:01:07,135 --> 00:01:08,135
[chuckles]
37
00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:09,196
No dependents.
38
00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:10,743
Me neither,
unless you count my birds.
39
00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:12,008
[both laugh]
40
00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:13,935
It just doesn't say
anywhere on here
41
00:01:13,941 --> 00:01:16,311
if you've got a girlfriend.
42
00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:18,050
- I didn't--
is there a space for that?
43
00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:19,145
- There's this section here:
44
00:01:19,147 --> 00:01:20,747
"Is there anything else
we should know?"
45
00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:22,478
Some people
like to volunteer it.
46
00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:25,423
- Oh.
Um...then also no.
47
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:26,619
- No.
- No.
48
00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:29,720
- Okay, well, I will
just jot that down, then.
49
00:01:29,723 --> 00:01:31,363
But you are heterosexual, right?
50
00:01:31,359 --> 00:01:33,889
- Is--are you allowed
to ask that?
51
00:01:33,894 --> 00:01:35,504
- No.
52
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:40,927
- Smart.
53
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:43,644
We always keep the best rolls
right in the middle.
54
00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:44,937
[sighs]
55
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:46,768
- Oh, wait. No, no, no.
Let me help you with that.
56
00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:47,984
- Oh, no, no, no.
I'm fine.
57
00:01:47,975 --> 00:01:48,975
- It's fine, I work here.
58
00:01:48,976 --> 00:01:50,076
It's, like, my--
59
00:01:50,077 --> 00:01:51,777
it's my job to help
customers, so.
60
00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:53,309
- You work here?
61
00:01:53,314 --> 00:01:54,424
Since when?
62
00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:55,645
- Since right now.
63
00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:57,849
I'm--it's actually
my first day.
64
00:01:57,851 --> 00:01:59,191
- Oh.
- I know.
65
00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:00,647
I don't seem like
the kind of person
66
00:02:00,654 --> 00:02:02,394
who would work
in a place like this.
67
00:02:02,390 --> 00:02:04,060
- [laughs]
68
00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:05,827
Yeah, that's why
I was so surprised.
69
00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:07,196
I was like, "What?"
70
00:02:07,195 --> 00:02:08,495
- "What?"
- "Him?"
71
00:02:08,496 --> 00:02:10,296
- "What's he doing
cleaning up toilet paper?"
72
00:02:10,298 --> 00:02:12,228
- I think it's because
you just--you have this
73
00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:15,503
very intelligent, educated,
more cultured quality,
74
00:02:15,503 --> 00:02:16,503
I mean, compared to...
75
00:02:16,504 --> 00:02:18,374
- Yeah. Oh, hey.
76
00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:20,042
Look, I get that
you're complimenting me,
77
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:21,740
but it might sound
a little condescending,
78
00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:22,742
so, you know...
79
00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:23,843
- Oh, yeah, thanks.
80
00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:25,754
No, I wouldn't want
to sound condescending
81
00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:27,216
in front of somebody
who works here.
82
00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:28,215
- Right.
83
00:02:28,216 --> 00:02:29,246
[laughs]
84
00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:30,450
- [moaning]
85
00:02:30,451 --> 00:02:32,391
Hey, can I run out
for two minutes?
86
00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:33,686
This thing is
kicking my bladder
87
00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:34,957
like it owes him money.
88
00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:36,585
- Oh, you know what,
I'm actually not in charge--
89
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,390
- Yes, of course.
I'll take Carly off express.
90
00:02:38,392 --> 00:02:40,532
And Vivian can bag,
so take as long as you need.
91
00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:42,058
- Ah, thanks.
92
00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:47,574
- Little tip:
93
00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:49,298
don't let the other workers here
94
00:02:49,303 --> 00:02:51,243
know how much better
than them you are.
95
00:02:51,239 --> 00:02:52,269
They hate that.
96
00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:53,943
I don't know why,
maybe because
97
00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:55,581
it sounds condescending.
98
00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:58,608
Welcome.
99
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:03,022
- I'm...
100
00:03:05,453 --> 00:03:07,093
No, no, no, no!
101
00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:15,762
[upbeat music]
102
00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:17,273
- All right, campers, listen up.
103
00:03:17,265 --> 00:03:18,795
I've got an important
announcement.
104
00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:21,899
This is your garden variety
generic decongestant.
105
00:03:21,902 --> 00:03:24,342
And this is crystal meth, okay?
106
00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:27,838
The tweakers use this
to make this.
107
00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:30,881
So stop selling them this,
so they can't make this.
108
00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:33,408
- That guy told me
he had a really bad cold.
109
00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:35,454
- He was buying 35 boxes,
Cheyenne.
110
00:03:35,449 --> 00:03:37,289
That should have been
a red flag, okay?
111
00:03:37,285 --> 00:03:38,285
Use your noggin.
112
00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:40,286
- Let's thank Dina
113
00:03:40,288 --> 00:03:41,918
for that helpful
tip of the day.
114
00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:43,062
Thank you, Dina.
115
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:44,386
- Am I the only one
that thinks it's weird
116
00:03:44,392 --> 00:03:46,062
that she walking around
with a bag of crystal meth?
117
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,299
- Hey, listen.
118
00:03:47,295 --> 00:03:49,595
I--I think there might
have been a misunderstanding.
119
00:03:49,597 --> 00:03:51,697
I'm not an elitist, so...
120
00:03:51,699 --> 00:03:54,299
- Oh, elitist?
What is that?
121
00:03:54,302 --> 00:03:56,572
- Like, a person
who thinks their better than...
122
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,910
You know what elitist means.
123
00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,306
- Oh, yeah.
124
00:04:00,308 --> 00:04:02,308
They learnt that to us
in public school.
125
00:04:02,310 --> 00:04:05,080
- Anyway, I am so proud
126
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:10,478
to welcome two new angels
to our Cloud 9 family.
127
00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:12,694
Why don't you
introduce yourselves?
128
00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:13,916
- Okay.
129
00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:15,321
Hello, everyone.
130
00:04:15,323 --> 00:04:17,563
I am Jonah.
131
00:04:17,558 --> 00:04:19,758
And I am--
I am excited to be here.
132
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,460
This is gonna be fun, so...
133
00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:24,902
- My name is
Mateo Fernando Aquino Liwanag,
134
00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:27,338
and I'm here
to make something of myself.
135
00:04:27,335 --> 00:04:28,965
* Spread my wings
136
00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:30,199
Whoo!
137
00:04:30,203 --> 00:04:32,113
See how far I can fly.
138
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,475
Thank you, thank you,
thank you.
139
00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:38,575
- Yeah, I, too, would like
to see how far I can fly.
140
00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:42,781
So...
141
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:44,183
- Saved it.
- Thank you.
142
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:47,394
- Now, I used to
end these meetings
143
00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:49,988
with some wisdom
from the Good Book.
144
00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:52,190
But then someone
reported me to corporate.
145
00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:53,492
- Heck yeah, I did.
146
00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:55,864
Look, I'm a Christian too,
but in these four walls,
147
00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:58,233
my bible is the employee
code of conduct.
148
00:04:58,231 --> 00:04:59,631
- We all thank you for it.
149
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:01,203
- Yeah, you're welcome.
150
00:05:01,201 --> 00:05:02,201
- I pray for you, Dina.
151
00:05:02,202 --> 00:05:03,372
- I pray for you,
too, Glenn.
152
00:05:03,371 --> 00:05:04,541
- No, I'm praying right now.
153
00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:05,908
- I'm praying so hard.
154
00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:07,106
- I'm praying
harder than you.
155
00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:08,107
I know how.
156
00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:11,038
So to welcome
our new employees...
157
00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:13,984
["Jurassic Park" theme plays]
158
00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:14,981
Welcome.
159
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:17,152
Welcome to Cloud 9.
160
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:19,120
- This is my jam.
161
00:05:19,119 --> 00:05:22,119
["Jurassic Park" theme]
162
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:24,292
*
163
00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:26,061
- Hey, do we have
any kind of training?
164
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:27,089
I've just been wandering
165
00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:28,404
from one department
to another,
166
00:05:28,396 --> 00:05:30,126
trying to look
like I have purpose.
167
00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:32,800
- It works better
if you carry a box.
168
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:33,800
There you go. See?
169
00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:34,871
You'll learn as you go.
170
00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:37,198
Look, man, only a couple
things to remember:
171
00:05:37,204 --> 00:05:39,814
always show up on time,
don't steal,
172
00:05:39,807 --> 00:05:41,877
and stay on the floor
supervisor's good side.
173
00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:44,235
- The fl--who's
the floor supervisor?
174
00:05:47,481 --> 00:05:48,751
[sighs]
175
00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:50,419
- I got to go get
another box.
176
00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:55,423
- Hey, can we--
can we start over?
177
00:05:55,423 --> 00:05:57,763
I'm...Jonah, as you know.
178
00:05:57,758 --> 00:05:59,158
And you're Ramona.
179
00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:00,829
- Nope, that is not my name.
180
00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:03,098
I just don't like random
strangers using my name
181
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:04,126
like we're buddies.
182
00:06:04,131 --> 00:06:05,771
- Right, like how hookers
183
00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:07,736
don't like to be
kissed on the lips.
184
00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:09,765
- Did you just compare me
to a hooker?
185
00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:12,044
- No.
186
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:13,209
- You look bored.
187
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:14,436
Let me help you
with that.
188
00:06:14,442 --> 00:06:17,142
All electronics are
supposed to be 25% off,
189
00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:18,714
but our POS system is down.
190
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:22,252
So you scan,
hit "reassign,"
191
00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:24,179
"enter," "override, yes,"
192
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:26,924
"reduce 0.25,"
"enter, yes, yes."
193
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,090
You are not paying attention.
194
00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:29,118
- I'm sorry. Go ahead.
195
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:31,222
- "Confirm," "enter, yes."
Got it?
196
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:32,234
- If I guessed your name,
197
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,455
would you tell me
if I was right?
198
00:06:33,461 --> 00:06:35,701
[Cheyenne shrieks]
199
00:06:35,696 --> 00:06:37,626
- Take this.
200
00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:39,731
- Oh, it's so pretty!
201
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,303
- I'll make a list.
202
00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:44,266
- Oh, excuse me, miss.
203
00:06:44,271 --> 00:06:45,341
Do you know the difference
204
00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:46,968
between a stool softener
and a laxative?
205
00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:48,214
- I'll be
right with you, ma'am.
206
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:49,608
Cheyenne, what's going on?
207
00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:51,980
- My boyfriend just
asked me to marry him.
208
00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:53,109
- I don't want it soft.
209
00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:55,523
I want it out of me.
210
00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:57,486
- You know, I hadn't
realized earlier
211
00:06:57,485 --> 00:06:59,645
that Cheyenne was the lucky girl
you'd be proposing to.
212
00:06:59,653 --> 00:07:00,923
- Yeah, well,
I knocked her up,
213
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:01,921
so my dad says I have to.
214
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:02,922
- [squeals joyfully]
215
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,163
- So romantic.
216
00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:05,357
- That's how I do it, yo.
217
00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:06,528
100% love.
218
00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:08,027
- Bulking agent?
219
00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:09,328
Why would I want more bulk?
220
00:07:09,329 --> 00:07:10,359
- Ugh.
221
00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:13,833
Chey, you didn't say yes,
did you?
222
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:15,804
- Why wouldn't I say yes?
223
00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:16,903
- Um...
224
00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:20,072
Cheyenne, look at me.
225
00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:23,713
I know how easy it is
to get swept up in the...
226
00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:26,181
romance of all of...this.
227
00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:27,879
But...
228
00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:30,521
think it through, okay?
229
00:07:30,518 --> 00:07:32,048
Don't do something
you're gonna regret
230
00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:33,552
for the rest of your life.
231
00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:36,755
- Yeah, okay.
232
00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:39,127
I'm gonna go sleep on it.
233
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:46,633
[a-ha's "Take On Me" playing]
234
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:49,068
- Hey.
235
00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:50,539
I think I got it down.
236
00:07:50,538 --> 00:07:53,108
- No offense,
but you're my competition,
237
00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:55,576
so I'm kind of actually
rooting for you to fail.
238
00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:56,876
Okay, thanks. Bye.
239
00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:00,949
- [speaking indistinctly]
240
00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:02,918
- Hey!
241
00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:05,146
I figured it out.
242
00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:13,862
- We need new shelf flags
for the end caps,
243
00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:15,461
but we should check
the DCPIs first,
244
00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:16,632
because last time...
245
00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:19,070
What is happening?
246
00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:20,696
- Could it be a race riot?
247
00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:23,771
It's so hard to tell
in the early stages.
248
00:08:23,771 --> 00:08:25,811
Could be the rapture,
249
00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:27,466
but then why am I
still here?
250
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:31,210
- Hey.
251
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:32,811
I am killing it over here.
252
00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:35,383
- You're only discounting
everything 25%, right?
253
00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:38,322
- Yeah, "scan, "reassign,"
"yes," "override,"
254
00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:39,318
"yes," "reprice--"
255
00:08:39,319 --> 00:08:41,219
- Reduce.
- Huh?
256
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:42,361
- Reduce 0.25.
257
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:43,715
Reprice 0.25?
258
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:45,794
That would change everything
to 25¢.
259
00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:48,833
[clamoring]
260
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,872
Shut it down!
261
00:08:59,640 --> 00:08:59,770
.
262
00:09:00,808 --> 00:09:01,208
[scanners beeping]
263
00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:05,610
- If you sign up for our
Heavenly Shoppers program today,
264
00:09:05,613 --> 00:09:07,623
you'll save 15%
off your purchase,
265
00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:09,815
which would drop
your price to 22¢.
266
00:09:09,817 --> 00:09:11,277
- Stop selling everything!
267
00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:12,294
Shut it down!
268
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:13,315
Shut it all down!
269
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:14,720
Sir, you need
to stay right there.
270
00:09:14,722 --> 00:09:16,322
Frank, nobody leaves!
271
00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:18,493
Ma'am!
Ma'am, I'm sorry.
272
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:20,331
I'm gonna need to recheck
some of these items.
273
00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:21,627
- No thank you,
buh-bye.
274
00:09:21,629 --> 00:09:23,029
- I'm sorry,
I can't just let you leave
275
00:09:23,030 --> 00:09:24,800
with a whole basket
full of 25¢ tech--
276
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:25,968
Ow!
277
00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:27,526
- I have more where
that came from, lady!
278
00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:28,704
- Oh, I don't think so!
279
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:30,102
[both grunting]
280
00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:31,403
- Attention, shoppers.
281
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,074
Due to an employee error,
282
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:35,043
very expensive
electronics
283
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:37,042
are pricing out at 25¢.
284
00:09:37,044 --> 00:09:39,284
This mistake is being
corrected, so...
285
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:40,409
stock up quick!
286
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,723
Go, go, go, go!
287
00:09:41,715 --> 00:09:44,175
- What I'm trying to say is,
this is not 25¢.
288
00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:45,924
- [arguing indistinctly]
289
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,089
- Sir, no--
290
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:48,117
- [arguing indistinctly]
291
00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:49,361
- No two-five, no.
292
00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:52,226
- It touched my car;
it's mine!
293
00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:54,225
- That's not a thing.
- It is a thing.
294
00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:56,127
- I don't want to be
"that guy,"
295
00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:59,569
but if you had to compare
my performance versus Jonah...
296
00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:02,436
- Uh, okay.
297
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:03,935
- Yeah, you better hurry up,
girl.
298
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,637
You better get that TV.
299
00:10:05,639 --> 00:10:08,079
- Stop, stop!
Please, I'm begging you!
300
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:10,205
- She's very--she's--
they're very pretty, yep.
301
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:12,110
- Ow! Frank!
302
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,282
- Y'all don't want to do this.
303
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:14,550
Please!
304
00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:15,547
[gunshot]
305
00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:17,948
- Sale's over!
306
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,951
- There's no need
to identify
307
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,994
whoever it is
308
00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:25,160
whose fault this was.
309
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:27,088
We can all learn a lesson here.
310
00:10:27,094 --> 00:10:28,664
- Would that lesson be
not letting Jonah
311
00:10:28,662 --> 00:10:30,462
reprice inventory
in the future?
312
00:10:31,431 --> 00:10:33,131
- It might be, yes.
313
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,743
All right. Punctuality.
314
00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:37,536
I do not tolerate it,
315
00:10:37,537 --> 00:10:39,967
because I do not
tolerate it in myself.
316
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,573
I am an angry man,
so I get places early...
317
00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:43,414
- Hey...
318
00:10:43,410 --> 00:10:46,610
do they allow employees
to date supervisors?
319
00:10:46,613 --> 00:10:48,953
- I don't know. Why?
320
00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:50,119
- Just curious.
321
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:51,317
- Let's always remember,
322
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:53,588
the customer is always right.
323
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:03,730
- Hey, what's-your-name,
check it out.
324
00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:06,495
- Ah.
325
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,069
I was wondering
what was taking so long
326
00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:09,468
to stack a few cans.
327
00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:12,009
- I just--I wanted
to reiterate
328
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,865
how sorry I am
about before.
329
00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:16,744
- And when a customer wants
a can of ginger root beer
330
00:11:16,744 --> 00:11:18,584
and the whole thing
collapses on top of them,
331
00:11:18,578 --> 00:11:20,448
how are you gonna
feel then?
332
00:11:22,983 --> 00:11:24,583
- I was just trying
to have some fun.
333
00:11:24,584 --> 00:11:26,894
- This might be a cultural
thing, but around here,
334
00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:28,987
the less screwing everything up
you do, the better.
335
00:11:28,989 --> 00:11:30,919
- You talking about the cans
or the pricing thing?
336
00:11:30,924 --> 00:11:32,594
- You see, the fact that
it's your first day
337
00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:34,192
and there's already more
than one option
338
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:35,904
of things you screwed up
is not a good thing.
339
00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:37,526
- Okay, I've made
some mistakes.
340
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,070
I can admit that,
but that doesn't mean
341
00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:41,166
we can't have a little fun
at work, does it?
342
00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:42,668
Or try and find some
moments of beauty
343
00:11:42,669 --> 00:11:43,669
in the everyday?
344
00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:45,270
- Wait, I'm sorry.
345
00:11:45,272 --> 00:11:47,572
Did you really just use
the phrase "moments of beauty,"
346
00:11:47,574 --> 00:11:49,084
like, conversationally?
347
00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:51,406
- Okay, yes,
that's cheesy, but...
348
00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:54,081
Do you remember
"American Beauty"?
349
00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:57,081
Even a plastic bag
can be breathtaking.
350
00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:04,123
- Wow.
351
00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:06,164
That really blew my mind.
352
00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:07,159
Like...
353
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:08,560
[mimics explosion]
354
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,161
I have goose bumps.
355
00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:12,203
- I felt something.
356
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:15,567
I'm Jonah.
357
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,138
It's my first day.
358
00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:22,282
[carts crash lightly]
359
00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:24,535
[crashing]
360
00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:26,854
[clattering]
361
00:12:26,847 --> 00:12:29,547
- Okay. Stay still.
362
00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:31,579
- I don't usually
wear eyeliner.
363
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,354
Sharpie occasionally,
but...
364
00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:36,563
- So tell me about
this special guy.
365
00:12:36,556 --> 00:12:37,826
- Okay.
366
00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:39,525
Male, Caucasian,
367
00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:42,826
no discernible scars
or tattoos.
368
00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:45,030
- Sounds dreamy.
369
00:12:45,032 --> 00:12:46,632
- Yeah.
370
00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:48,303
- You know,
speaking of boys,
371
00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:50,241
I've got a pretty big
decision to make.
372
00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:51,837
My boyfriend, he--
373
00:12:51,839 --> 00:12:53,569
- I'm glad we could
bond like this.
374
00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:56,635
Thank you.
375
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:00,352
- Excuse me,
excuse me!
376
00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:01,677
Hi!
377
00:13:01,681 --> 00:13:03,721
I hung up everything
that was in the dressing rooms,
378
00:13:03,716 --> 00:13:05,846
and I organized it
by style, color, size,
379
00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:07,653
and relevance of designer.
380
00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:10,064
- Wow. Good job.
381
00:13:10,057 --> 00:13:11,657
- I enjoy hard work.
382
00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:12,988
It's just like my mom
always said:
383
00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:15,503
"If you don't work hard,
Baby Jesus will cry."
384
00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:16,595
- Okay.
385
00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:17,866
- I don't think
I could be happy
386
00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:19,125
fooling around
in the parking lot
387
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:20,902
like the other new guy.
388
00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:22,371
- Slow down!
This is not fair!
389
00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:24,769
You have more experience
on wheels than I do!
390
00:13:24,771 --> 00:13:27,171
- Your disability
is not my concern!
391
00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:29,184
- Seriously?
392
00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:31,976
The only thing I asked you to do
was put the carts away.
393
00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:33,049
- That's what I'm doing,
394
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:35,646
just somewhat circuitously.
395
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,518
- See you later, sucka!
396
00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:39,687
- Are you trying
to get fired?
397
00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:41,016
What if Glenn sees this?
398
00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:43,121
- Coming through!
399
00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:44,933
Move!
400
00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:46,185
- That doesn't count.
401
00:13:46,193 --> 00:13:48,103
- Go, Glenn! Yeah!
402
00:13:48,095 --> 00:13:50,255
Yeah!
Yes!
403
00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:51,763
In your faces!
404
00:13:51,764 --> 00:13:53,074
Your faces!
405
00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:54,396
Ha-ha!
406
00:13:54,401 --> 00:13:56,271
- Okay. I get it.
407
00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:57,369
You're the fun guy.
408
00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:58,570
I'm the stick in the mud.
409
00:13:58,571 --> 00:13:59,611
Well, I could be fun.
410
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:00,966
I could have fun;
let's have fun.
411
00:14:00,974 --> 00:14:02,084
- Of course
you can have fun.
412
00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:03,105
- Whoo!
413
00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:05,780
We're playing at work.
414
00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:06,778
- No brakes!
415
00:14:06,779 --> 00:14:07,779
I have no brakes!
416
00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:13,150
.
417
00:14:14,754 --> 00:14:15,724
[Nick Gilder's
"Hot Child In The City" plays]
418
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,830
*
419
00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:24,463
- Peace offering.
420
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:25,834
- Are those the flowers
421
00:14:25,832 --> 00:14:27,942
that I picked up off
the floor of the garden center?
422
00:14:28,835 --> 00:14:29,935
- Yes.
423
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:33,614
- They're beautiful
trash flowers.
424
00:14:35,842 --> 00:14:37,952
- Look, I'm sorry, okay?
425
00:14:37,945 --> 00:14:40,945
I have been having
a long day.
426
00:14:40,948 --> 00:14:43,678
Ten years of long days,
actually.
427
00:14:46,753 --> 00:14:50,793
You know, I stock
these glow stars
428
00:14:50,790 --> 00:14:53,830
every single year for
the back-to-school sale.
429
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:55,496
And then I take them down,
430
00:14:55,495 --> 00:14:57,965
and I put up
the Halloween inventory,
431
00:14:57,965 --> 00:14:59,695
and then Thanksgiving
and Christmas
432
00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:02,399
and Valentine's Day
and Easter
433
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:03,972
and Fourth of July,
434
00:15:03,971 --> 00:15:06,471
and then back-to-school again.
435
00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:07,773
Hmm.
436
00:15:07,774 --> 00:15:10,684
- That sounds
incredibly not fun.
437
00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:12,847
I see why you love it here.
438
00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:15,515
- It's a good job.
439
00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:18,185
But tomorrow is gonna be
just like today,
440
00:15:18,185 --> 00:15:19,315
and I know that
441
00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:22,119
because today
is just like yesterday.
442
00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:25,592
So...sometimes...
443
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:28,462
it's just kind of hard to find
those moments of beauty.
444
00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:43,111
- Attention, shoppers.
445
00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:45,050
Even a big box store
has to close,
446
00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:46,605
and it's about that time.
447
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:49,553
You know, when Pandora
closed her famous box,
448
00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:53,289
there was only one thing
left inside: hope.
449
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:56,756
I wonder what will be left
inside of this box.
450
00:15:56,756 --> 00:15:59,826
Could it be grace?
451
00:15:59,826 --> 00:16:00,856
I hope not.
452
00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:02,060
If you're Grace's parents,
453
00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:05,032
please pick her up
at customer service.
454
00:16:05,032 --> 00:16:06,602
- I took the initiative
upon myself
455
00:16:06,599 --> 00:16:08,039
to reorganize
the toy section
456
00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:09,535
for the convenience
of adult shoppers.
457
00:16:09,536 --> 00:16:11,066
It was just feeling
overly whimsical.
458
00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:13,071
- I want to show you
something I've been working on.
459
00:16:13,073 --> 00:16:14,773
- Oh. You were working.
Where?
460
00:16:14,774 --> 00:16:16,614
Because I've been in
every single department,
461
00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:18,179
and I haven't seen you
in a couple hours,
462
00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:20,048
unless you were in,
like, the break room maybe.
463
00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:23,117
- Everybody get down
on the ground, now!
464
00:16:23,116 --> 00:16:24,116
[woman screams]
465
00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:25,917
Get down, get down, get down!
466
00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:27,518
Touch the ground!
467
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,320
Or get out!
468
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:31,162
All right, calm down.
469
00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:32,958
Do what I say,
and nobody gets hurt.
470
00:16:32,959 --> 00:16:34,389
- This is what I trained for.
471
00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:36,534
- Now, I'm gonna start
killing somebody every minute,
472
00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:38,729
unless...
473
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:41,071
unless you agree
to marry me, Cheyenne.
474
00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:42,068
Hit it!
475
00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:43,069
- Hey, what the [bleep]?
476
00:16:43,070 --> 00:16:44,900
Oh!
477
00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:47,914
[dramatic pop music playing]
478
00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:52,807
*
479
00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:59,722
- * I'll say,
"Will you marry me?" *
480
00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:02,089
- I had nothing
to do with this.
481
00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:04,319
- Yeah, I know.
482
00:17:04,324 --> 00:17:06,494
This is the fault
of YouTube.
483
00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:11,733
*
484
00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:13,701
- * Heard you want
to walk down the aisle *
485
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:14,930
* You're baby
needs a daddy *
486
00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:16,304
* We've been bangin'
for a while *
487
00:17:16,303 --> 00:17:18,243
* All right, I pay
the consequences of my actions *
488
00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:19,338
* Don't try to change me
489
00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:20,639
* 'Cause I'm a man of actions
490
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:21,640
Yo!
491
00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:23,311
- What a show.
492
00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:25,210
- I'm calling to report
a code green in progress.
493
00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:26,212
I repeat, code green.
494
00:17:26,213 --> 00:17:27,353
- What's a code green?
495
00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:28,877
- I faxed you a list
of codes last month!
496
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,151
Hostage situation!
497
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:31,850
You need to get SWAT
down here right now!
498
00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:33,651
- * When all these people
gonna learn *
499
00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:35,163
* We're gonna get burned
500
00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:36,855
* Just waiting for our turn
501
00:17:36,856 --> 00:17:38,856
Yo, #BlackLivesMatter,
y'all.
502
00:17:38,858 --> 00:17:40,228
[makes gunshot noise]
503
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:41,957
Okay, if you like
what you heard and saw,
504
00:17:41,961 --> 00:17:44,631
I'm currently seeking
representation in all areas.
505
00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:46,001
Also, I do modeling,
506
00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:47,528
so I'm just
throwing that out there.
507
00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:49,704
All right, peace out, St. Louis.
508
00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:50,902
M-m-murr!
509
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:52,813
- Bo.
- What?
510
00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:54,805
Oh, my bad, yo.
511
00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:55,837
[clears throat]
512
00:17:57,710 --> 00:17:59,980
Cheyenne Tyler Lee,
513
00:17:59,979 --> 00:18:02,049
will you marry me?
514
00:18:02,048 --> 00:18:04,878
Or are you gonna be,
like, a dick about it?
515
00:18:04,884 --> 00:18:06,894
- Oh, I think he's
about to shoot a hostage.
516
00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:08,656
- I'll do what I can.
- Don't do anything.
517
00:18:12,659 --> 00:18:15,429
[gentle music]
518
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,758
- What is this?
519
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:25,814
*
520
00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:32,453
- Moment of beauty?
521
00:18:42,088 --> 00:18:44,458
- To Cheyenne.
522
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:45,657
all: Cheers!
523
00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:47,988
- May your marriage
be as sweet and colorful
524
00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:50,804
as this Cloud 9 brand
caffeinated malt beverage,
525
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:53,327
without the recall
for killing college students.
526
00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:56,573
- Thank you, on behalf
of myself and Bo.
527
00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:57,799
[indistinct radio chatter]
528
00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:59,844
- Well, he did
make it memorable.
529
00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:01,269
I'll give him that.
530
00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:03,014
- I mean, most guys
don't even bother
531
00:19:03,009 --> 00:19:04,839
threatening to kill you
when they propose.
532
00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:06,554
- You were never
in any real danger.
533
00:19:06,546 --> 00:19:07,676
You know that, right?
534
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:10,020
- Yeah, I know.
It was a fake robbery.
535
00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:12,516
- This is a high-velocity
440-grain lead
536
00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:14,289
flat-nose projectile
with gas checks
537
00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:16,617
and a boxer-primed
brass jacket.
538
00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:17,963
If he'd come within
10 feet of you,
539
00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:20,127
you would have seen his head
explode like a watermelon.
540
00:19:20,126 --> 00:19:21,356
[mimics explosion]
541
00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:23,101
Cleanup on aisle--
542
00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:24,425
I don't even
know what aisle it is,
543
00:19:24,431 --> 00:19:26,331
'cause his brains
would be splattered
544
00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:27,373
all over the sign.
545
00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:30,237
[laughing]
546
00:19:30,237 --> 00:19:31,667
Oh, shoot.
547
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:34,541
- You know, I wish that we
could wear jewelry at work.
548
00:19:34,541 --> 00:19:36,741
- Oh, it's so...
549
00:19:36,743 --> 00:19:38,453
sparkly.
550
00:19:38,445 --> 00:19:40,275
- You know, I thought
about what you said
551
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:43,250
about not doing something
that I might regret,
552
00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:48,260
but then, in the moment,
you know, under the stars,
553
00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:49,955
it just felt right.
554
00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:51,986
Without you,
I would have never said yes,
555
00:19:51,991 --> 00:19:53,091
so thank you.
556
00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:54,432
- Oh.
557
00:19:56,696 --> 00:20:00,026
- Well, I should go
bail out my boyfriend now.
558
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:03,442
Or I mean bail out
my fiancé!
559
00:20:03,436 --> 00:20:04,736
- Aw.
560
00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:06,707
- All right.
I got to get going.
561
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:07,766
Good night, everyone.
562
00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:09,784
- Good night.
563
00:20:09,776 --> 00:20:12,176
- Hey, wait up.
564
00:20:12,178 --> 00:20:13,478
Wait up.
565
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:15,920
Hey, I didn't mean to--
566
00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:19,115
That, in there...
567
00:20:19,118 --> 00:20:20,518
I just wanted today
568
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,920
to feel different
than yesterday.
569
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:24,792
- Well, then you
completely failed,
570
00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:28,161
because that exact same thing
happened yesterday.
571
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,400
- [laughs]
572
00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:33,427
- But...thank you.
573
00:20:36,503 --> 00:20:37,503
Okay.
574
00:20:37,504 --> 00:20:39,744
I really do
have to get going.
575
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,269
See you at work
tomorrow, Jonah?
576
00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:44,614
- You certainly will...champ.
577
00:20:44,611 --> 00:20:47,481
- [laughs]
578
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,450
Amy.
579
00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:52,849
- Nice to meet you, Amy.
580
00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:00,060
- Yo, you should
come with us, man.
581
00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:02,329
We're gonna throw some mannequin
limbs in the dumpster
582
00:21:02,329 --> 00:21:04,059
and watch garbage men freak out.
583
00:21:04,063 --> 00:21:06,233
- That sounds awesome.
584
00:21:06,232 --> 00:21:08,232
- It is awesome.
585
00:21:08,234 --> 00:21:09,574
Come on.
586
00:21:09,569 --> 00:21:12,569
[uplifting music]
587
00:21:12,572 --> 00:21:20,612
*
39317
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