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[JAZZY MUSIC]
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[PHONE BUZZES]
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Charles, my man. Miss me?
4
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Sure, everybody misses
their money manager.
5
00:00:19,628 --> 00:00:20,763
What's up, Bernie?
6
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You wanted me to call when it happened.
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You're a millionaire.
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♪ Put your J's in the air, ♪
♪ all your glasses available ♪
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♪ Champagne and pass it ♪
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We're celebrating
this weekend big time.
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- Bring your girl.
- Uh, yeah, yeah.
12
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I'm... I'm right here
with her, actually.
13
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She's... we're rich, babe!
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She's really excited about it.
15
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Yeah, you're clearly lying,
but don't worry, bud.
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You can afford to fly someone in.
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["AMAZING GRACE" ON TRUMPET]
18
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♪ ♪
19
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Hey, Denise?
20
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[UPBEAT MUSIC]
21
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I'm a gentleman, and that's
why there's no expectations
22
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for anything to happen this weekend.
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I very much so respect you.
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Hey, we were just crazy kids
back in Morristown.
25
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But look at us now.
I'm studying acting at NYU.
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You've got your own media empire.
27
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We're like... like, full-on adults.
28
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Exactly, like, we don't need
to let our hormones
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rule every moment of our lives.
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No, I mean, we're, like, adults.
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So, you know,
we could have sex wherever,
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whenever we want.
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Like your car.
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- Right now.
- Is that...
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is that legal?
36
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[HEAVY BREATHING]
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♪ You're a grand old flag, ♪
♪ you're a high-flying flag ♪
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- Oh, this is good, this is good.
- ♪ And forever in peace may you wave ♪
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- Yeah, this works, this works.
- ♪ You're the emblem of ♪
40
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- This is... oh, you're a freak.
- ♪ The land I love ♪
41
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♪ The home of the free ♪
♪ and the brave ♪
42
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- Oh, my God!
- [GIGGLES]
43
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It's so nice to finally meet you.
44
00:02:01,005 --> 00:02:03,319
Jim has told me
so much about you, Charles.
45
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Like, so much.
Like, more than is appropriate
46
00:02:06,271 --> 00:02:07,890
for a non-relative.
47
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What's that stupid-ass smile?
48
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He's just proud
that he has two black friends.
49
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I'm not going to lie,
it's pretty darn great.
50
00:02:14,777 --> 00:02:16,742
I mean, I may not be ready
for a barbershop,
51
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but no, I can definitely hang
at a cookout.
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Yeah, what you going to bring?
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Uh, cornbread?
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- Ooh, that's...
- No?
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That's bad, that's going to
get you thrown out the cookout.
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- Bring yourself.
- All right.
57
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- Don't bring anything.
- No, yeah.
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Okay, I don't want to cut in
on your time here with Charles,
59
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but I just came from
visiting Matt in the hospital.
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He asked when you were coming by.
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Me? Uh, how about never?
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No, Gabby, he's in a cancer ward
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in a hospital in Central Florida.
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That's depression cubed, right there.
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Triple play.
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That is a Russian nesting doll
of abject misery.
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00:02:47,754 --> 00:02:50,206
I thought new Jim
cared about his fellow man.
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If you must know, okay,
the last time I saw the guy,
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00:02:53,039 --> 00:02:54,563
we almost got into a fist fight.
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Now, I know, I know,
it's insane to think
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that a bedridden hospital patient
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could beat me up, right?
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No, I mean, catheter attached,
74
00:03:01,993 --> 00:03:03,692
I would still give Matt
three-to-one odds.
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I saw you lose a drunken fight
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with a sober 14-year-old.
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- She beat the shit out of him.
- She was not that sober.
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Charles, we can do anything
you like on this trip.
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I've always kind of wanted
to go to GatorLand.
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- Fuck, no.
- Okay.
81
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Well, what about Weeki Wachee Springs?
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A live mermaid show?
Charles, that's basically
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dinner theatre without the dinner.
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It's an underwater strip show
aimed at families, come on.
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Well, it has to have lasted
for 70 years for a reason.
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Yes, as a testimony
to the rich vein of stupidity
87
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that runs right through
the bedrock of this country.
88
00:03:34,630 --> 00:03:37,833
But all this sounds like
your idea of my idea of fun.
89
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- What do you want to do tonight?
- Well, if it were up to me,
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00:03:41,942 --> 00:03:43,824
Lil' Diazepam, he's a Soundcloud rapper
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00:03:43,861 --> 00:03:45,374
with a full-face tatt of Steve Jobs.
92
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He just got out on bail,
93
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so he's throwing a midnight rager
94
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in the second largest sinkhole
of East Orlando.
95
00:03:51,712 --> 00:03:54,158
Everything about your
generation terrifies me.
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Everything.
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Well, your generation
killed the planet.
98
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- And America.
- Touché.
99
00:04:00,471 --> 00:04:02,272
- Surprise!
- Shit!
100
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Oh, my God.
101
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- Hey, hi.
- Hi.
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Jim, it's so great to meet you.
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Apologies about the last-minute visit.
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- I just missed him so much.
- I missed you so much.
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You know, in Amsterdam,
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you have to pay 10 Euros for this show.
107
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Can I ask how the heck
you got in here, darling?
108
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Oh, I sweet talked your super.
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Said I was your long-lost daughter,
110
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Ruby Lee, from Hot Springs.
Mama may have been a whore,
111
00:04:31,270 --> 00:04:33,100
but she done with me
the best she could.
112
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I was Alma in "Summer in Smoke"
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by Tennessee Williams at ETW this year.
114
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- She was amazing.
- Stop.
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00:04:38,232 --> 00:04:39,954
I watch her performance
on YouTube all the time.
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Do you want to see it?
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00:04:41,665 --> 00:04:43,257
Do I want to watch a taped performance
118
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of amateur theater on a laptop?
Not right now, no.
119
00:04:46,671 --> 00:04:49,823
We don't have time anyway
because I made dinner.
120
00:04:53,414 --> 00:04:54,954
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
121
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Well, thank you
for breaking in and cooking.
122
00:04:58,833 --> 00:05:01,576
Denise, that was one
hell of a Bolognese.
123
00:05:01,613 --> 00:05:03,484
Oh, it was my Uncle Mike's recipe.
124
00:05:03,667 --> 00:05:07,118
Mike was a friend of
my parents, or, really my mom.
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He filled the gaps created
by my father's
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00:05:08,822 --> 00:05:10,897
emotional unavailability.
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00:05:11,138 --> 00:05:13,729
When I found the naked photos
of Mike and my mother,
128
00:05:13,991 --> 00:05:16,048
I was happy for her.
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00:05:16,278 --> 00:05:18,174
Once I understood what they were.
130
00:05:18,282 --> 00:05:19,820
I was only eight.
131
00:05:20,974 --> 00:05:24,223
Okay, then. Um, well, to Mike.
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[AMBIENT JAZZ MUSIC]
133
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[CRICKETS CHIRP]
134
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[GLASS SHATTERS]
135
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[TENSE MUSIC]
136
00:05:30,848 --> 00:05:32,589
[FOOTSTEPS POUNDING]
137
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What does "check the pipes" mean?
138
00:05:35,357 --> 00:05:36,957
"Check the pipes" just means
"check the pipes."
139
00:05:36,993 --> 00:05:39,607
What in blue blazes
is going on in here?
140
00:05:39,644 --> 00:05:41,673
His whore ex-girlfriend is texting him
141
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about checking her pipes!
142
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Why don't you go
check them then, Charles?
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00:05:44,838 --> 00:05:46,210
Well, I am going to have to do that,
144
00:05:46,247 --> 00:05:47,747
because technically, I'm her landlord,
145
00:05:47,784 --> 00:05:50,693
- so her pipes are my pipes.
- Your pipe is my pipe!
146
00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:53,494
Your body made a promise.
I should have known better
147
00:05:53,513 --> 00:05:55,346
than to give my heart
to someone so easily,
148
00:05:55,423 --> 00:05:57,507
but my heart doesn't know...
oh, get off!
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00:05:57,583 --> 00:05:58,760
[YELLS]
150
00:05:58,839 --> 00:06:01,634
- [DOOR LOCKS]
- [EXHALES]
151
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,236
I take it you've had to do that before.
152
00:06:03,281 --> 00:06:05,001
- Yeah, I call that maneuver...
- [POUNDING ON DOOR]
153
00:06:05,037 --> 00:06:06,814
Charles! Charles!
154
00:06:06,926 --> 00:06:09,336
I-I call that maneuver the Casper.
155
00:06:09,437 --> 00:06:11,529
Gotten me out of many a sticky wicket.
156
00:06:11,606 --> 00:06:15,447
I've used it on third world
pimps and Sandy Duncan.
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The key is to use a heavy
fabric to blunt the blade.
158
00:06:18,351 --> 00:06:21,685
Boy, learned that one from
Sandy Duncan the hard way.
159
00:06:21,932 --> 00:06:23,950
Charles, I love you!
160
00:06:24,216 --> 00:06:26,377
I'm going to break up
with her in the morning.
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00:06:26,687 --> 00:06:29,024
- I'm sorry, Jim.
- Oh, no worries.
162
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:32,170
What do you think?
Maybe she tuckered herself out.
163
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- Don't look at me!
- Oh!
164
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Still going, still going.
165
00:06:39,450 --> 00:06:41,537
[CALM MUSIC]
166
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♪ ♪
167
00:06:47,411 --> 00:06:48,835
Charles?
168
00:06:49,069 --> 00:06:50,657
[PLATES SCRAPING]
169
00:06:50,694 --> 00:06:51,961
[GIGGLES]
170
00:06:51,998 --> 00:06:53,739
Thank you.
171
00:06:53,861 --> 00:06:55,928
Okay. Watch out.
172
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Hey.
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00:06:59,025 --> 00:07:00,484
Good morning.
174
00:07:01,190 --> 00:07:03,449
Uh, apologies about last night.
175
00:07:03,486 --> 00:07:05,911
Charles and I were having
some communication issues.
176
00:07:05,948 --> 00:07:07,448
- But...
- Ho-ho.
177
00:07:07,570 --> 00:07:09,290
We fixed them. Right, babe?
178
00:07:09,422 --> 00:07:12,021
Yeah, I mean, I have nothing to hide,
179
00:07:12,060 --> 00:07:13,729
but how is she supposed to know that
180
00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:15,636
if she can't see everything?
181
00:07:15,697 --> 00:07:17,697
So we changed all
my passwords to Denise's.
182
00:07:17,931 --> 00:07:21,184
Uh-huh. Still a little bit concerned
183
00:07:21,221 --> 00:07:23,129
about the whole knife thing, however.
184
00:07:23,166 --> 00:07:24,347
Don't worry, though.
185
00:07:24,384 --> 00:07:25,683
It's never going to happen again.
186
00:07:25,922 --> 00:07:28,273
Just a one-time only outburst, eh?
187
00:07:28,755 --> 00:07:30,942
No, we... we threw away all the knives.
188
00:07:31,338 --> 00:07:32,591
Seriously?
189
00:07:32,628 --> 00:07:33,778
[GROOVY MUSIC]
190
00:07:33,990 --> 00:07:35,252
Yeah.
191
00:07:35,339 --> 00:07:39,098
♪ ♪
192
00:07:39,464 --> 00:07:42,865
Hey, thanks for this.
Gayle is afraid of needles.
193
00:07:42,928 --> 00:07:45,144
So what are you going to do?
194
00:07:45,210 --> 00:07:46,385
About Charles? I don't know.
195
00:07:46,430 --> 00:07:48,430
I got to be very careful
what I say to him.
196
00:07:48,575 --> 00:07:51,426
I already lost a sister because
I was too honest with her.
197
00:07:51,614 --> 00:07:52,927
Yeah, maintaining friendships
198
00:07:52,964 --> 00:07:54,368
has always been a struggle for me.
199
00:07:54,412 --> 00:07:58,345
In my divorce from rye whiskey,
rye got most of our friends.
200
00:07:58,382 --> 00:07:59,782
Well, you're about
to lose another friend
201
00:07:59,801 --> 00:08:01,123
if you keep my ass
hanging out like this.
202
00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:02,781
- Can you please just let me...
- I'm done.
203
00:08:02,925 --> 00:08:04,792
Great with needles, bad with people.
204
00:08:04,866 --> 00:08:05,923
Jesus.
205
00:08:05,982 --> 00:08:07,911
Sorry, it's just fertility stuff.
206
00:08:08,072 --> 00:08:09,765
Of course, I would rather be
in the ladies room
207
00:08:09,802 --> 00:08:12,536
with a female co-worker,
but I literally have none.
208
00:08:12,573 --> 00:08:14,166
It's fine. I'm a nurse.
209
00:08:14,203 --> 00:08:16,573
That was the smoothest
injection I have ever seen.
210
00:08:16,610 --> 00:08:19,126
Yeah, well, all thanks
to sweet lady ketamine.
211
00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:21,868
Well, I mean, I never
actually lived in a K-hole
212
00:08:21,931 --> 00:08:24,697
in all my years of addiction,
but I did own a timeshare there
213
00:08:24,735 --> 00:08:26,542
for quite a while and boy, oh boy,
214
00:08:26,579 --> 00:08:28,000
were there ever a lot
of blackout dates.
215
00:08:28,037 --> 00:08:29,687
[LAUGHTER]
216
00:08:29,969 --> 00:08:32,161
- How you doing, I'm...
- Jim Brockmire.
217
00:08:32,198 --> 00:08:34,164
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
218
00:08:34,592 --> 00:08:36,423
- Hi.
- The, uh, jacket
219
00:08:36,460 --> 00:08:38,457
and the ketamine soliloquy
gave it away.
220
00:08:38,494 --> 00:08:40,595
- Sure, they would.
- Yeah.
221
00:08:40,632 --> 00:08:42,314
- Which makes you Gabby.
- Hey.
222
00:08:42,351 --> 00:08:44,417
Hi, I'm Maggie Nickols.
223
00:08:44,465 --> 00:08:46,882
I'm Matt Hardesty's oncology RN.
224
00:08:46,974 --> 00:08:48,340
- Oh.
- Yeah.
225
00:08:48,377 --> 00:08:50,136
He's been trying to get me
into baseball,
226
00:08:50,173 --> 00:08:53,693
so he gave me some tickets
and promised me the VIP tour.
227
00:08:53,736 --> 00:08:57,163
I showed her the stack
of big nacho cheese bags.
228
00:08:57,263 --> 00:08:58,746
- Yep.
- Because food science
229
00:08:58,783 --> 00:09:00,449
has always been a hobby of mine.
230
00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:02,787
Specifically non-perishable dairy.
231
00:09:02,851 --> 00:09:05,325
Like, did you know
that Hidden Valley Ranch
232
00:09:05,362 --> 00:09:08,539
was an actual working ranch
in Santa Barbara, California?
233
00:09:08,616 --> 00:09:10,663
- Ah.
- I went there on my honeymoon.
234
00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:13,125
There's nothing like the sweet aroma
235
00:09:13,203 --> 00:09:15,796
of sea spray and buttermilk.
236
00:09:16,153 --> 00:09:17,762
You done?
237
00:09:18,354 --> 00:09:20,180
- Yeah.
- Great. Sorry.
238
00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:22,685
Well, gee, you're not
into baseball, shame.
239
00:09:23,151 --> 00:09:24,534
What kind of things do you like?
240
00:09:24,571 --> 00:09:28,331
Hmm, mystery novels, my dogs, musicals.
241
00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:30,153
I was obsessed with "Bye Bye Birdie"
242
00:09:30,190 --> 00:09:31,428
when I was a kid.
243
00:09:31,465 --> 00:09:34,466
Well, maybe I was just
obsessed with Ann-Margret.
244
00:09:34,526 --> 00:09:37,377
I actually dressed up as her
one time for Halloween.
245
00:09:37,897 --> 00:09:39,479
- You got any pictures of that?
- Oh, yeah.
246
00:09:39,516 --> 00:09:41,814
Because I would love... ow, shit.
247
00:09:41,966 --> 00:09:44,967
Sorry, little behavioral
modification system
248
00:09:45,166 --> 00:09:48,746
that Gabby and I have where
she snaps this band hard
249
00:09:48,823 --> 00:09:50,252
when I say something that I shouldn't.
250
00:09:50,349 --> 00:09:52,574
Yeah, we might have
to upgrade to a push pin.
251
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:54,726
What I meant to say
was I would love to pay
252
00:09:54,763 --> 00:09:56,063
for the pleasure of your company...
253
00:09:56,100 --> 00:09:57,674
no, ow, okay. With dinner, I meant.
254
00:09:57,757 --> 00:10:00,240
It's okay. I would love to get dinner.
255
00:10:00,307 --> 00:10:01,714
- Great.
- I can't tonight,
256
00:10:01,751 --> 00:10:03,631
but next time you visit Matt,
just stick around,
257
00:10:03,668 --> 00:10:04,859
and we'll figure something out.
258
00:10:04,914 --> 00:10:06,434
I'm kind of surprised
I haven't seen you there
259
00:10:06,470 --> 00:10:08,300
the other times that I visited before.
260
00:10:08,417 --> 00:10:11,018
I've been there pretty much every day.
261
00:10:11,098 --> 00:10:13,381
Oh, well, shouldn't have lied.
262
00:10:17,303 --> 00:10:19,266
Charles, what the hell is this?
263
00:10:19,447 --> 00:10:21,787
Well, you told me to pick
out a card for Matt that says
264
00:10:21,824 --> 00:10:23,327
"I acknowledge that we're enemies,
265
00:10:23,397 --> 00:10:26,203
but I am sad
that death comes to us all."
266
00:10:26,343 --> 00:10:28,527
Yeah, but I'm not sure that Garfield
267
00:10:28,564 --> 00:10:30,826
can shoulder that emotional weight.
268
00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:33,958
- Holy shit, look at that.
- Nermal really sells it.
269
00:10:33,995 --> 00:10:36,505
He does. What do you got there?
270
00:10:36,616 --> 00:10:39,001
Oh, it's a teddy bear for Denise.
271
00:10:39,104 --> 00:10:41,299
I like to keep a few
big gestures in the holster
272
00:10:41,375 --> 00:10:42,845
just in case I screw something up.
273
00:10:42,882 --> 00:10:45,369
Right, boy, good to be prepared
274
00:10:45,406 --> 00:10:48,026
because she's very passionate,
isn't she?
275
00:10:48,121 --> 00:10:51,189
Yeah, that's why the sex is insane.
276
00:10:51,478 --> 00:10:54,796
Oh, yeah? What are you guys into?
277
00:10:54,971 --> 00:10:57,453
BDSM, DDLG role play?
278
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,466
Electro stim? Lucying?
279
00:10:59,708 --> 00:11:01,666
We 69.
280
00:11:02,613 --> 00:11:04,121
And then what?
281
00:11:05,531 --> 00:11:06,864
That's it.
282
00:11:06,988 --> 00:11:10,169
You can't improve upon
the perfect sexual position.
283
00:11:10,249 --> 00:11:13,697
Charles, 69 is objectively
the worst sexual position.
284
00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:16,971
It's nothing but a mouthful of
pubes and nose-full of asshole.
285
00:11:17,128 --> 00:11:20,562
Charles, I have a tattoo of
two lizard 69-ing on my chest
286
00:11:20,581 --> 00:11:21,914
because I asked the artist
287
00:11:21,991 --> 00:11:24,144
for the worst possible
thing imaginable.
288
00:11:24,215 --> 00:11:26,975
You're missing
the crucial element, though.
289
00:11:27,238 --> 00:11:29,491
We do it in public.
290
00:11:30,416 --> 00:11:32,475
We've done it
in nine bathrooms already,
291
00:11:32,539 --> 00:11:34,489
and we've only been dating
for two months.
292
00:11:34,798 --> 00:11:36,354
How does that even work?
What, do you, like,
293
00:11:36,541 --> 00:11:38,644
hold her upside down in a stall?
294
00:11:38,917 --> 00:11:40,757
No, I don't have
the arm strength for that.
295
00:11:40,794 --> 00:11:42,217
We just lie down on the floor.
296
00:11:42,534 --> 00:11:45,811
You 69 on the floor
of public restrooms?
297
00:11:45,848 --> 00:11:48,314
Charles, Bukowski would be ashamed
298
00:11:48,351 --> 00:11:49,667
to write that shit down.
299
00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:51,677
You're probably going to
laugh at me for saying this,
300
00:11:51,713 --> 00:11:52,866
but, like...
301
00:11:53,130 --> 00:11:54,772
it kind of feels like we're soul mates.
302
00:11:54,869 --> 00:11:55,930
[BAND SNAPS]
303
00:11:56,031 --> 00:11:57,277
How else do you explain
304
00:11:57,341 --> 00:12:00,360
that whenever we 69,
we always cum at the same time?
305
00:12:01,107 --> 00:12:04,215
Um, that she's lying
straight into your dick.
306
00:12:04,310 --> 00:12:08,041
Mm-mm, there are no lies in a 69, Jim.
307
00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:10,140
Your bodies form a circle of truth.
308
00:12:10,177 --> 00:12:13,057
I got to beg you to stop
saying "69," please.
309
00:12:13,134 --> 00:12:14,555
Hey, we'll take these,
310
00:12:14,592 --> 00:12:17,008
and can I also get five dozen roses?
311
00:12:17,230 --> 00:12:19,272
Plus nine more.
312
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,900
Oh, you son of a bitch.
313
00:12:24,915 --> 00:12:26,214
Hey.
314
00:12:27,755 --> 00:12:29,588
Well, you look, um...
315
00:12:30,076 --> 00:12:31,476
like dogshit.
316
00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:33,053
I wish.
317
00:12:34,242 --> 00:12:35,557
Well, come on in.
318
00:12:36,203 --> 00:12:38,763
All right. Where's Maggie?
319
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:41,025
I didn't... I didn't see her anywhere.
320
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:44,330
Oh, her shift doesn't start
until after visiting hours.
321
00:12:44,546 --> 00:12:45,967
I asked you to come in because
322
00:12:46,004 --> 00:12:50,534
I wanted to apologize for my behavior.
323
00:12:52,318 --> 00:12:55,519
Are you wearing brass knuckles?
324
00:12:56,068 --> 00:12:57,751
Ah, shit, I forgot I had these on.
325
00:12:57,884 --> 00:12:59,459
Yeah, well, you know, you're always
326
00:12:59,496 --> 00:13:00,921
so damn angry at me all the time,
327
00:13:00,940 --> 00:13:02,980
I figured better safe than
sorry, you know what I mean?
328
00:13:03,017 --> 00:13:06,185
But apparently, no,
I misread your intentions.
329
00:13:06,336 --> 00:13:07,633
[LAUGHS]
330
00:13:07,723 --> 00:13:11,740
Just don't... seriously,
don't make me laugh, Brockmire.
331
00:13:12,010 --> 00:13:14,768
It... it hurts. Listen.
332
00:13:14,948 --> 00:13:18,342
When I got sick, I was angry.
333
00:13:19,289 --> 00:13:20,750
Plus, you were always an asshole,
334
00:13:20,826 --> 00:13:23,310
so I figured it was okay
to be an asshole to you.
335
00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:26,343
Well, sure, yeah, no.
Game recognize game.
336
00:13:26,989 --> 00:13:29,935
Man, I banged on you like a drum, so...
337
00:13:30,789 --> 00:13:33,723
I'm sorry, Jim.
338
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:35,526
Please.
339
00:13:35,642 --> 00:13:37,222
You know, being...
340
00:13:38,141 --> 00:13:39,844
trapped in this bed,
341
00:13:39,881 --> 00:13:41,164
it's like I'm...
342
00:13:42,411 --> 00:13:45,263
held hostage by regrets.
343
00:13:45,542 --> 00:13:48,111
I'm realizing, even before I got sick,
344
00:13:48,148 --> 00:13:50,131
I made everybody around me suffer.
345
00:13:50,231 --> 00:13:53,847
And now, I'm just all alone.
346
00:13:54,814 --> 00:13:57,667
Okay, but, just...
as far as you and I go,
347
00:13:57,704 --> 00:14:00,692
just... just the apology?
Is... is that it?
348
00:14:02,451 --> 00:14:04,859
- Yeah, that's it.
- All right.
349
00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:06,678
Well, accepted.
350
00:14:07,208 --> 00:14:10,281
And uh, I got you this,
so I'm just going to...
351
00:14:10,621 --> 00:14:13,288
probably feel like every day
is Monday long about now, huh?
352
00:14:13,421 --> 00:14:14,811
Garfield understands.
353
00:14:14,908 --> 00:14:16,107
[CHUCKLES]
354
00:14:16,421 --> 00:14:17,699
Jim, you don't have to go.
355
00:14:17,741 --> 00:14:19,425
Make sure you read
the inside of that thing
356
00:14:19,462 --> 00:14:21,402
because it really...
it ties it all together.
357
00:14:21,724 --> 00:14:23,555
I spent my whole life
358
00:14:24,278 --> 00:14:26,094
surrounded by crowds.
359
00:14:26,256 --> 00:14:28,596
Now, I'm by myself.
360
00:14:30,110 --> 00:14:32,387
And I'm staring over the edge.
361
00:14:35,148 --> 00:14:38,031
And I don't understand
what I'm looking at.
362
00:14:42,783 --> 00:14:46,178
I got house guests,
so I got to take a rain check.
363
00:14:46,420 --> 00:14:48,321
Okay, my man?
364
00:14:51,355 --> 00:14:53,035
You're my main man.
365
00:14:54,354 --> 00:14:56,824
[SOFT MUSIC]
366
00:14:57,056 --> 00:15:00,711
♪ ♪
367
00:15:00,981 --> 00:15:02,955
- [DOOR CLOSES]
- Hey.
368
00:15:03,060 --> 00:15:04,351
Hey.
369
00:15:04,481 --> 00:15:06,240
Where's Denise?
370
00:15:06,328 --> 00:15:08,100
We had to freshen up after our tryst
371
00:15:08,137 --> 00:15:10,754
- on the Popeye's bathroom floor.
- Ugh.
372
00:15:10,853 --> 00:15:12,105
How'd everything go with Matt?
373
00:15:12,142 --> 00:15:14,291
Terrible. He cried, Charles.
374
00:15:14,328 --> 00:15:16,012
It was like watching Lincoln cry.
375
00:15:16,109 --> 00:15:19,535
The misery of a nation
poured from those eyes.
376
00:15:20,342 --> 00:15:22,154
Well, I have big news.
377
00:15:22,316 --> 00:15:24,755
I'm going to be moving
to New York to be with Denise.
378
00:15:24,848 --> 00:15:26,514
Oh, boy.
379
00:15:26,650 --> 00:15:29,335
Charles, are you certain
that that's the best idea?
380
00:15:29,487 --> 00:15:31,537
- I knew it.
- Oh, shit!
381
00:15:31,667 --> 00:15:33,411
You are trying to break us up.
382
00:15:33,448 --> 00:15:35,161
I forgot about your whittling knife.
383
00:15:35,198 --> 00:15:36,510
How are you everywhere?
384
00:15:36,547 --> 00:15:38,355
Stop trying to constrain our love.
385
00:15:38,527 --> 00:15:41,348
Denise, uh, um, baby,
let's try and be careful...
386
00:15:41,403 --> 00:15:42,923
All right, Charles,
please, please, please.
387
00:15:42,959 --> 00:15:45,856
She's only using that weapon to
try to hijack the conversation.
388
00:15:45,938 --> 00:15:47,032
Right, Denise?
389
00:15:47,069 --> 00:15:49,044
She has absolutely no intention...
390
00:15:49,081 --> 00:15:50,414
Ow, Mommy!
391
00:15:50,569 --> 00:15:52,189
- [EXCLAIMS]
- [SCREAMING]
392
00:15:52,261 --> 00:15:55,435
Oh, my God! What, why?
393
00:15:58,282 --> 00:15:59,807
- Oh, God!
- Oh, my God!
394
00:16:00,646 --> 00:16:02,804
- Okay, okay.
- Oh!
395
00:16:03,175 --> 00:16:04,867
- First aid kit, first aid kid.
- Oh, my God.
396
00:16:05,032 --> 00:16:07,176
- First aid kit.
- I... I...
397
00:16:07,555 --> 00:16:09,120
Ow, oh.
398
00:16:09,424 --> 00:16:10,860
Oh, man, Denise.
399
00:16:10,965 --> 00:16:12,485
- You have a...
- Denise...
400
00:16:12,522 --> 00:16:14,307
- Denise.
- [GRUNTS]
401
00:16:14,427 --> 00:16:15,715
- Denise.
- Yeah, I...
402
00:16:15,752 --> 00:16:16,818
- Denise!
- Yeah.
403
00:16:16,855 --> 00:16:18,170
Sit down.
404
00:16:18,393 --> 00:16:19,742
Um...
405
00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:21,213
[EXHALES]
406
00:16:21,475 --> 00:16:24,470
Denise, what is going on with you?
407
00:16:24,626 --> 00:16:25,986
I...
408
00:16:27,168 --> 00:16:30,094
I thought I'd discover a home at NYU.
409
00:16:30,131 --> 00:16:32,460
People that understood me.
410
00:16:33,319 --> 00:16:35,292
But then you find out
the boys have a pool going
411
00:16:35,329 --> 00:16:37,031
to see which one of them
can fuck you first.
412
00:16:37,068 --> 00:16:38,892
- Mm-hmm.
- And it's fine.
413
00:16:38,989 --> 00:16:42,258
I can handle it.
You make them respect you.
414
00:16:42,473 --> 00:16:44,214
But then somebody decent comes along,
415
00:16:44,251 --> 00:16:47,320
and... and the next thing
you know, it's true love.
416
00:16:47,479 --> 00:16:50,366
Mm, well, that's very nice, Denise.
417
00:16:50,477 --> 00:16:51,735
What is that from?
418
00:16:51,772 --> 00:16:53,538
Kenneth Lonergan's "Lobby Hero."
419
00:16:53,659 --> 00:16:54,979
It's such a powerful play
in these times
420
00:16:55,016 --> 00:16:56,320
of confident certainty.
421
00:16:56,655 --> 00:16:59,143
Well, no notes, honey.
You were very present.
422
00:16:59,248 --> 00:17:00,524
- Thank you.
- Um...
423
00:17:00,595 --> 00:17:03,137
what is your motivation though, Denise?
424
00:17:03,332 --> 00:17:04,590
He's the only decent person
425
00:17:04,627 --> 00:17:06,386
who's ever wanted
to spend any time with me.
426
00:17:06,714 --> 00:17:08,468
Oh, well, ditto. But, you know,
427
00:17:08,505 --> 00:17:10,264
you're going to lose him, darling,
428
00:17:10,458 --> 00:17:13,125
if every waking moment is this intense.
429
00:17:13,250 --> 00:17:14,961
But that's what being young
and in love is.
430
00:17:14,998 --> 00:17:17,343
It's intense and messy and beautiful,
431
00:17:17,380 --> 00:17:19,713
and we are completely
vulnerable with each other.
432
00:17:19,816 --> 00:17:22,107
Someone as cynical
and closed off as you
433
00:17:22,144 --> 00:17:23,428
wouldn't understand that.
434
00:17:23,554 --> 00:17:26,482
Well, actually, I got
a face-full of vulnerability
435
00:17:26,519 --> 00:17:29,045
from a cancer patient
about an hour ago.
436
00:17:29,375 --> 00:17:31,490
Of course, I turned tail
and ran out of there
437
00:17:31,527 --> 00:17:33,384
about as fast as I could, but...
438
00:17:33,421 --> 00:17:34,647
Wow.
439
00:17:34,796 --> 00:17:36,864
I may have stabbed you,
but I think we both know
440
00:17:36,901 --> 00:17:38,457
who committed the real crime tonight.
441
00:17:38,534 --> 00:17:40,590
Yes, you, Denise. Felony assault.
442
00:17:40,794 --> 00:17:44,128
At most, what I did was
an emotional misdemeanor.
443
00:17:44,673 --> 00:17:46,388
[BLUESY MUSIC]
444
00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:48,617
How exactly did this happen?
445
00:17:48,913 --> 00:17:50,896
It was young love
and a whittling knife,
446
00:17:50,933 --> 00:17:52,900
and I got caught in the cross-stab.
447
00:17:52,937 --> 00:17:54,911
Nice grift, by the way.
448
00:17:54,948 --> 00:17:56,725
Getting me to come here to ask you out
449
00:17:56,762 --> 00:17:57,979
so I'd have to talk to Matt.
450
00:17:58,016 --> 00:18:00,166
Mm, I don't feel bad about it at all.
451
00:18:00,314 --> 00:18:02,481
Hey, no, you shouldn't. Shame on me.
452
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:04,486
I had to be conned and stabbed
453
00:18:04,523 --> 00:18:06,825
into becoming a decent human being.
454
00:18:07,313 --> 00:18:09,780
Is it... are we good? Can I head on in?
455
00:18:09,817 --> 00:18:12,256
Yeah, go ahead. I'll break the rules.
456
00:18:12,407 --> 00:18:13,728
He's up.
457
00:18:13,847 --> 00:18:16,176
So are you going to ask me out or what?
458
00:18:17,393 --> 00:18:18,695
Yep.
459
00:18:19,657 --> 00:18:22,016
[LAUGHS]
460
00:18:22,292 --> 00:18:24,662
The Popeye's bathroom floor?
461
00:18:24,699 --> 00:18:26,129
And he was bragging about it
462
00:18:26,166 --> 00:18:28,425
like he was King Dick
of Pussy Mountain.
463
00:18:28,673 --> 00:18:31,024
69'ing is just weird, you know?
464
00:18:31,102 --> 00:18:33,422
I mean, take turns.
465
00:18:33,628 --> 00:18:35,860
Focus on the task at hand.
466
00:18:36,833 --> 00:18:39,575
My mechanic is not going to fix
my car any better
467
00:18:39,612 --> 00:18:41,589
- if I'm sucking his dick.
- [LAUGHS]
468
00:18:41,651 --> 00:18:44,154
- Right?
- Well, yeah.
469
00:18:44,858 --> 00:18:48,148
Well, we've survived
our share of wild women.
470
00:18:48,185 --> 00:18:49,669
Your friend will too.
471
00:18:49,782 --> 00:18:51,291
Yeah, but he's not like us, man.
472
00:18:51,328 --> 00:18:53,172
He's a giver, not a taker.
473
00:18:53,209 --> 00:18:55,240
He's going to spend years
trying to fill
474
00:18:55,277 --> 00:18:58,942
her bottomless pit of need,
and it's all my fault, man.
475
00:18:59,114 --> 00:19:00,872
No, his mother taught him
476
00:19:00,909 --> 00:19:03,506
that loving somebody
means trying to fix them.
477
00:19:03,785 --> 00:19:05,834
Instead of helping him
break that pattern,
478
00:19:05,871 --> 00:19:08,655
I just hammered it in.
I made it more permanent.
479
00:19:08,795 --> 00:19:11,860
She's a volatile monologist, all right?
480
00:19:11,897 --> 00:19:15,595
Basically, he found a female
version of me to have sex with.
481
00:19:15,632 --> 00:19:16,772
[SCOFFS]
482
00:19:16,809 --> 00:19:18,769
God damn it,
the whole reason I got sober
483
00:19:18,806 --> 00:19:21,142
was to try to stop hurting...
484
00:19:24,783 --> 00:19:26,141
It's just...
485
00:19:26,955 --> 00:19:28,955
he's like a son to me, you know?
486
00:19:30,050 --> 00:19:31,408
I'm sorry, it's just...
487
00:19:31,941 --> 00:19:34,930
I guess we're even now.
We've both seen each other cry.
488
00:19:35,756 --> 00:19:37,466
Well, technically,
I already saw you cry
489
00:19:37,503 --> 00:19:39,392
at that broadcaster's dinner, so...
490
00:19:39,446 --> 00:19:42,282
- Oh, yeah.
- But fortunately,
491
00:19:42,319 --> 00:19:44,169
the stage four lymphoma will give me
492
00:19:44,206 --> 00:19:46,374
plenty of opportunities
to play catch-up.
493
00:19:46,515 --> 00:19:47,939
[LAUGHS]
494
00:19:48,202 --> 00:19:50,127
Well, I got to
say something to Charles, man.
495
00:19:50,184 --> 00:19:53,097
Even if it means he ends up
hating me forever.
496
00:19:53,950 --> 00:19:56,079
Back in my playing days,
497
00:19:56,856 --> 00:19:59,419
I'd come home from a
road trip and uh...
498
00:19:59,456 --> 00:20:01,915
I'd put on my dad hat.
499
00:20:02,109 --> 00:20:04,878
Try to parent my girls real hard.
500
00:20:05,660 --> 00:20:07,290
It never worked.
501
00:20:07,909 --> 00:20:11,562
They got pissed off, resented me,
502
00:20:11,671 --> 00:20:13,563
and did the exact opposite.
503
00:20:14,681 --> 00:20:17,802
My advice: Only give your opinion once.
504
00:20:18,305 --> 00:20:21,181
And only if he asks for it.
505
00:20:22,361 --> 00:20:24,119
[SIGHS]
506
00:20:24,699 --> 00:20:26,137
Denise sends her apologies.
507
00:20:26,174 --> 00:20:28,443
She had to rush up to New York
to work on her alibi.
508
00:20:28,462 --> 00:20:29,531
[CHUCKLES]
509
00:20:29,568 --> 00:20:33,570
You're unusually un-opinionated today.
510
00:20:34,172 --> 00:20:35,609
You sure there's nothing
you want to say?
511
00:20:35,646 --> 00:20:38,859
No, no, Charles, I'm just...
I'm so happy that you're happy.
512
00:20:39,769 --> 00:20:41,460
Denise did stab you,
513
00:20:41,588 --> 00:20:43,588
so you have 30 seconds
to say your piece.
514
00:20:43,696 --> 00:20:45,013
Charles, your natural tendency
515
00:20:45,050 --> 00:20:46,914
is to fill in the holes
in other people's lives.
516
00:20:47,014 --> 00:20:48,508
Your mother and I are good examples.
517
00:20:48,545 --> 00:20:50,426
You define your self-worth by the abuse
518
00:20:50,463 --> 00:20:52,129
heaped upon you by those around you.
519
00:20:52,166 --> 00:20:53,986
But you're so great
in so many other ways.
520
00:20:54,023 --> 00:20:55,404
I'd hate to see you repeat these same
521
00:20:55,441 --> 00:20:57,771
self-destructive patterns
that I helped put in place.
522
00:20:57,808 --> 00:20:59,715
I want to see you grow
into the kind of adult
523
00:20:59,752 --> 00:21:01,810
that anybody, myself included,
would look up to.
524
00:21:01,921 --> 00:21:03,478
You're an absolute treasure, Charles,
525
00:21:03,515 --> 00:21:05,085
and you deserve the absolute best.
526
00:21:05,122 --> 00:21:06,455
- Five seconds.
- I love and respect you
527
00:21:06,492 --> 00:21:08,020
no matter what, but pre-nup, pre-nup,
528
00:21:08,057 --> 00:21:10,300
- pre-nup, oh, God, pre-nup.
- Time.
529
00:21:10,952 --> 00:21:12,763
And I love you, Charles.
530
00:21:13,656 --> 00:21:15,128
I love you, too.
531
00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:18,905
You know the first thing
I'm going to do
532
00:21:18,942 --> 00:21:20,520
when I get to the Big Apple?
533
00:21:21,162 --> 00:21:24,353
69 on the bathroom floor
of the Staten Island ferry.
534
00:21:24,718 --> 00:21:27,001
Just had to ruin
the nice moment, didn't you?
535
00:21:27,122 --> 00:21:28,408
[GROOVY MUSIC]
536
00:21:28,526 --> 00:21:29,841
Little shit.
537
00:21:29,951 --> 00:21:31,255
♪ ♪
538
00:21:31,341 --> 00:21:33,157
You're a little shit!
539
00:21:33,620 --> 00:21:36,485
synced & corrected by PopcornAWH
www.addic7ed.com
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