All language subtitles for Bless.This.Mess.S01E04.WEBRip.x264-ION10

Oh, wow.
My goodness.

Hon?
Hmm?

You notice a difference
in my physique?

I think because
I've been outside

pushing things and pulling,

it seems to be having
a real effect.
Rio: Really?

I mean, I wouldn't
go so far as

to use the word "jacked,"
but maybe "jacked adjacent"?

Yeah, sure.
I think --

Yeah, I would call you
"jacked adjacent."

Oh. Thanks for
noticing that.

[ Chuckles ]

Um, sweetie,

is it okay if we put
on my "Sounds of the
Upper West Side"?

'Cause my mom just sent me
a new recording.

[ Traffic honking ]
Well, it does make it
a little harder for me

to fall asleep.
I know, but it's just so
relaxing for me.

Donna: I said cream cheese
on the side, buddy!

And cover your mouth
when you cough,

I could be pregnant!
[ Sighs deeply ]

I just feel my stress
melting away.

[ Jackhammering ]

Oh, so soothing.

Maybe we could alternate between
this and the sounds of war.

[ Backup beeping ]

[ Bang, tires squeal ]

[ Chickens cluck ]
[ Gasps ]
Oh, my gosh!

[ Whispering ] Honey, what's
happening? What was that?

Sounds like the chickens!
It's our babies!

You got to go
do something!
Yeah, I'm on it.

Oh, my God, our babies!
All right, um, ooh, uh...

I shouldn't
go unarmed, right?

You're buff as hell.
You got this.

No, no, I need like a bat or
some nunchucks or something.
Honey!

Take my
weighted blanket.

A blanket?
Is that okay?
Is it too heavy?

Hon, we just went over
how cut I am.
I-I -- I'm nervous!

Okay.
[ Exhales sharply ]

Is someone in here?!

I have a weapon!

[ Chickens clucking
in distance ]

**

Ahhh! Oh, Rudy!

Is that your cape?

No.
It's not a cape.

It's a...weighted blanket,
for anxiety.

I didn't know you wore
a cape for anxiety.

Rudy, w-what are you doing
in here?

What's with the feathers?
Oh.

Predator got in the coop.
Oh, no.

I don't want to be
too graphic...
Thank you.

...but you got a chicken with
her head ripped clean off.

Guts everywhere, gizzard
shredded, body turned
completely inside out.

Her eyes were open.
She saw the whole thing.

Hard to believe
so much blood

comes from
such a small creature.

You can try to mop it up,
but you'll probably

just spread it around.
Thank you, Rudy.

-- Captions by VITAC --

**

Hey, Deb!

Mail call!
Yeah.

Yeah, looks like just
a bunch of bills...
Oh.

...and there's
a birth announcement.
Oh!

Thank you so much for always
going through our mail.

Would it be more fun
to just open it?
Oh, I would love that.

I was kidding.
Oh, okay.
You know what?

I get -- I keep getting mail
addressed to Levine-Young...

Oh.
...instead of just Young.

And if that's an error,
I can yell at somebody

down at the main branch
to get that fixed.
Oh, no, thank you so much.

It's not an error.

My last name is Levine,

and Mike's last name
is Young,

and so when we got married,
we hyphenated it.

Oh, 'cause Mike said
your name was Young.

Huh. He did?

Mm-hmm.
No.

I took on his last name...

Mm-hmm.
...and he took on
my last name. Um --

Oh, wait, you said that Mike
took your last name?

Yeah. Yeah.
[ Laughing ] Oh.

He took --
[ Laughing ]

Oh.
He t-- [ Laughing ]

Oh, my God,
I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.
Oh.

I'm sorry, I just needed
a laugh today.

Kent's home. He's sick.

He's got the flu, and there's
diarrhea everywhere.
Oh.

And he misses the toilet,
and I'm just like, "Ugh."

Anyway, tell Mike that I said
that he's doing

a great job with this farm.
It's really coming along.

Well, you can
tell me that, too,

'cause it's also my farm
and I work on it equally.

Yeah, bye, Mrs. Young!

[ Trunk door closes ]

[ Engine starts ]

Hey, guys!

The egg mobile's
really looking secure.

Ready to roll up my sleeves.
How can I help?

Why don't you make us
some good lemonade.

Oh, you don't want her
to do that.

Thank you, Mike.
Yeah, when she makes it,

it's, uh,
got, like, a texture.
[ Car door closes ]

You know, it's like a soup.
Like a thick bisque.

-It's like a lemonade.
-Y'all had an intruder?

-What? Oh, hey!
-Hey.

Yes, I called 911,
but that was last night.

You're just coming now?

Believe it or not,
there isn't a code
for a dead chicken.

You can't call the sheriff
when a chicken dies,

just like you can't call
the gynecologist

when the Internet
goes dead.

Hmm.

Constance?

[ Sighs ] Rudy?

Gonna be
warm tonight.

I suppose it is.

So warm I might sweat
through the sheets.

Well, I hope you have
a...spare set.

I do not.

Well, the fireflies
are gonna be out tonight.

I'm gonna be watching
if you want to come by.

No.

[ Sighs ]
Copy that loud and clear.

-Uh, exc-- A-Are you sure?
-N-N-No, hold on, hold on.

That would be a really nice
thing, to go see the fireflies,

'cause they're
so beautiful.
Mm-hmm.

They're the confetti
of the angels.

But I stand by
my original response.

-Um...
-Okay, well,

look,
whoever killed Deirdre...
Yes.

...is still on the loose,
alright?
Yep.

And I'm gonna be honest,
I want revenge.
Yeah.

I want vengeance!

What's up with
all this hyper-macho thing

that you've been doing
since we've been here?

Mm. I don't know
what you're talking about.

Please let me
have this.

I just feel like we're
falling into these patterns,

and I don't like it.

In New York,
we had an equal partnership.

We were both independent,
capable people,

and now you just expect me
to break out the lemons

and the corn starch and make
lemonade for you and Rudy?

So that's
what's going on.

Y-You don't need corn starch
in lemonade.

Oh.
That's, I think,
why it's chewy.

And then Deb,
a federal employee,

got the go-ahead
to call you Mike Young.

Um, that was just
a time-saver.
Yeah, but it --

And, look, I-I don't want you
to just make lemonade.

Thank you.

I would like it if you could
bake some brownies as well.

Sorry, what?
To take over to the Bowmans'
so we have access

to their security cam footage.
We gotta figure out

what kind of predator
we're hunting,

and Rudy says they have security
trail cams everywhere.

So you want me to...

make brownies?

I'm sorry that this
is how it is.

[ Sighs ]
But you're supposed to bring
the brownies over.

There's just different
expectations here.
Okay, okay,

but their expectations aren't
necessarily our expectations.

We're aligned in that,
right?
Agreed.

Great.
A-And not to get all

"look at the actual facts
of the situation,"

but last night, when
you heard a scary noise,

you wanted me
to go check it out.

I don't want you to take this
the wrong way, but...
Okay.

...maybe here...

you feel like you want me
to protect you a little more.

You -- You t--
You took that the wrong way.

[ Quietly ] Yeah, I took it
the wrong way.

[ Laughter ]

I hope you were not
wearing an apron

when you baked
these brownies. [ Laughs ]

And please tell me
you were wearing oven mitts

when you took them
out of the oven.

Because otherwise,
you would burn yourself.

Yeah.

Okay, well,
now that we all agree

I'm a man
who made brownies,

I'd love to look
at that trail cam footage.

Oh, yeah.

Jacob,
go check the footage.

What time did you say
the assault was?
Around 10:30.

I will be right back.

Well -- Well,
not right back,

because I do have to look
at the -- the footage first,

and then I'll come back
and tell you --

We got it, son.
Okay.

Mike, obviously I've lost
all respect for you

knowing that you
baked these, but...

this is the most delicious
brownie I have ever tasted.

What is going on
in my mouth right now?

My secret's
a little sea salt.
Mmm.

Gives you that sweet, salty
back and forth, a little --

Mm, I'm gonna pass on
that recipe advice to Kay

when she gets
back to town.

She's visiting her sister,
Stacy...

...who's a very,
very beautiful woman.

Hmm.

Jacob!

Did you find out
what got into Mike's coop?

Yup.

It was me.

I killed your chicken,
Mike.

**

Hey. Rudy.

Rio? I wasn't expecting you.
You're not Mike.

Damn right I'm not Mike.
Mike's over at the Bowmans'.

I'm here to murder an animal.
Let's do this.

Why do you have
so many keys?

Were you a janitor
in New York?

No, this is
to defend myself.

From doorknobs?
[ Laughs ]

Actually,
I'm glad you came.

I'd like to ask
what you thought

about what happened today
with Constance.

She came on a little strong,
didn't she?

I'm sorry, but would you be
talking about relationship drama

if you were out here getting
ready for killing with a man?

Maybe. If he was
smaller than me.

Rudy: Can we talk
about Constance now?

No. We can only talk about
hunting-related items.

We should split up.

We'll cover more ground.

It's gonna be dark soon.
Say what?

You go one way,
and I go the other.

So you'll go out
on your own,

and I'll go out on my own.

Yeah, I said that
twice now.

Okay, so we'll be separate.
Alright, great.

This is good. I like this --
a very, very good plan.

You hear anything,
call me on the walkie.

My code name is "Potato."

My code name is "Warrior."

No.
You're "Potato Three."

What happened
to "Potato Two"?

You don't want to know.

[ Radio static ]
Over.

So that's when I decided

that all the chickens
had to die.

-No.
-Two chickens had to die.

-It was only one.
-But I killed it lots of times.

No. No, no, no, no.
Something's up.

Let's go
look at the tape.
No, no, no, Dad!
Please don't look at the tape!

[ Sobbing ]

[ Breathing heavily ]

Well...
this is embarrassing.

Jacob killed
your chicken.

[ Clears throat ]
Cold one?

We're...not gonna
talk about

what was on the footage?

What's there
to say?

Jacob's a teenaged
chicken-killer.

Look, we all saw
what was on the tapes,

and, Beau, there's nothing
to be ashamed of.

Of course not.

If I was ashamed of something,
I'd act like it.

[ Chuckling ] Yeah.

[ Chuckling ]
No, sir.

[ Belches ]

Okay, so,
on the off chance

that Jacob didn't
kill my chicken,

I think I need to search
for the predator.

So I'll leave
you two to talk.

I imagine you have
a whole lot to get into --

emotions and vulnerability,
openness --

Hold it!

Why don't we help.
We got all the gear.

You'd be a fool not to take
advantage of us.

Oh, yeah, Mike, take advantage
of us all night long.

How could I
say no to that?

See this mother
right here?

Oh, wow. Oh.

Got my shirt caught
in a feed grinder.

Nearly tore through
my bicep.

So badass.

Still made it
to my wedding on time.

Had to army crawl
ten miles.

I didn't even go
to the hospital.

Only help I had was from
Dr. Kentucky Bourbon.

You know what I'm saying?
[ Whistles ]

Mm.

So tough.

Wow!
We taking all those?

Scared of the manpower?

No problemo.

We'll go
with a blade instead.

Jacob, why don't you grab
a ma-che-te.

[ Machete slices ]
Ding!

Oh, wow.
Hey. Okay.
[ Grunting ]

Jacob, be careful, yeah?
It's probably sharp.

[ Chuckling ]
Yeah. Yes.

It is very sharp.

But it's safe if you know
what you're doing.

[ Machete slices ]

Ohh...

Oh!

I'm...fine.

Your [exhales sharply]
thumb is on the floor.

That's not where
it's supposed to be.

[ Screams ]

It's not on your hand
right now.
Use this.

[ Shouts ]
Ooh.

[ Spits ]
We need to go
to the hospital.

My son lost his thumb.
Yeah.

Oh, my God!
Okay, I'll drive.
I'll drive.

You go out and be
with your dad.

Aah, gross!
I just touched it.

Okay. Ugh.
Ahh!

[ Coyote howls ]

[ Animal squeals ]

Okay...[ Sniffs ]

[ Confidently ]
Hey, Potato.

How's it going over there?

Did you see the critter,
Potato Three?

No, not exactly.
Uh, but --
Then we should stay off
the walkies

unless there's
an emergency.

Over.

It is an emergency
in a way,

'cause we should probably...
talk about Constance.

Boy, is that
a tough nut to crack.

Why do you think you said no
to going to see those fireflies?

Because she's not the
one who's supposed to
ask me out on a date.

That's the man's job.
What's left for me to do?

Bat my eyelashes
and blow sweet kissies?
Sure, sure, sure.

You're used to the man
doing the asking,

but, you know, there's
lots of ways to do things.

Like when you bring me
dirty laundry to do,

sometimes Mike does it.

There's a very good chance
that Mike washed the underwear

that you're wearing
right now.

A-And it's important
to remember

that the reason
you like Constance

is because she's strong

and because she does
things for herself, right?

Rudy?

Rudy, you with me?

[ Sighs ]

I need
to go see Constance.
Wait, right now?

No, Rudy, listen to me, I think
that this Constance thing

could be really the symptom of
a much larger problem, and I --

That's okay.
I'm very happy

with everything else
that's wrong with me.

Goodbye, Potato Three.

Potato, over and out.

No, it's not over
till we both "over." Over?

Damn it!
[ Sighs ]

[ Rustling ]

[ Screech ]

[ Whimpering ]

Not cool!

[ Screech ]

[ Breathing heavily ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Screech ]
Aah!

[ Screech ]
Aah! Weasel!

Oh, God, I should've just made
the stupid brownies!

Alright, well,
it's gonna take about an hour

to get to the hospital,
but if all goes well,

old Jacob's gonna
be hitchhiking with
strangers in no time.

Do you need me to drive
to the hospital?

No, I-I got --
I got it.

Um...
so, it's no big deal,

just a little FYI,

the weasel is, um...
[ Smacks lips ]

...is inside our house,

and I just need you to come home
and kind of take care of it.

I would love nothing more

than to take care of
that weasel, but --
Okay, great!

So just, you know,
come on home

and -- and
take care of it now.

I can't.
What do you mean,
you can't?

What do you want to hear?
I'm scared.

I'm a fragile, little woman

with fragile,
little birdy bones, okay?

I'm mentally and physically
incapable of survival.

Does that work?
Is that enough?

Can you come home now?

I can't come home
right now.

I'm trying like hell
to keep a thumb fresh!

Hey, Dad,
what do you think

of the Huskers'
new wide receiver, huh?
He's the top recruit.

Yep.
A good get.

You remember, you thought
Michigan was gonna get him?

[ Laughs ]

They're talking about football.
They're fine!

You got to come home!

It's way more messed up
than that, sweetie.

I will come protect
you from the weasel
when I get back.

Oh, but that could be
all night, babe.

Ugh!
Oh, no, no,
no, no, no, no.

I-I just --
Shut this,
shut this, shut this.

You have one job,
Beau!

To hold the thumb!

What's happening, Mike?
Honey?
[ Mumbling
indistinctly ]

I love you,
but I gotta go.

[ Dial tone ]
Mike!

[ Weasel screeches ]

[ Cellphone rings, vibrates ]

[ Sleepily ] Mm.

Who died?

Mom...there's a weasel
in my house.

Oh, my God!
Did it touch you?

Remember
your cousin Neary?

She got rabies
from a weasel.

Her brain is mush now.
Complete mush.

She still likes animals, though,
which is nice.

How come I've never
heard of this person?

What, am I
just gonna bring up

a mushy-brained relative
on a whim?

I don-- Mom, listen.

Mike's not here,

and he's not gonna be here
for another few hours,

and I don't know
what to do.

In New York, I remember
being so strong and independent.

Now I don't know
who I am anymore,

and it's like I-I need Mike
so much out here,

and it scares me.

Why?
Because you've always taught me
to fend for myself.

Yeah. So?

So how can I be
strong and independent

if I need him so much?

Being strong doesn't mean
doing everything on your own.

That's why
you have a partner --

so they can be strong
when you're not.

Nobody's strong
all the time,

except Monica Lewinsky,

and you know I've been at her
side from the very beginning.

But, Rio, you're not
losing yourself.

You're just learning
how to rely on each other.

Right.

**

[ Keys jingle ]
Hey, Mom.

Were you the one who taught me
to put keys between my fingers

to make them a weapon?

[ Laughing ] No.

You learned that one
on your own.

Remember when you key-holed
that flasher on the subway?

Oh, my God, that was
one of the proudest
moments of my life.

[ Weasel screeches ]
What?!
Was that the weasel?!

I got this.
Rio?

[ Cellphone thuds ]
Where'd you go?
Don't put me down!

I'm coming
for your weasel ass.

[ Car door opens, closes ]

[ Gravel crunches ]

Hi, Constance.

Rudy.
Why are you here?

A man
washed my underwear.

Everyone in this town needs
to learn what an emergency is.

No, wait.

I...

It's really hard
for me to change.

But I'd like it
if you'd...

ask me out again
sometime.

Have a nice evening,
Constance.

**

[ Gravel crunches,
car door opens ]

[ Car door closes,
engine starts ]

**

[ Sighs ]

[ Indistinct announcement
over P.A. ]
[ Sniffs ]

The doctors know
what they're doing.

Yeah.
I saw a lot of coolers
when we checked in.

I think this is
the place people come.

Let's hope so, huh?

[ Softly ]
Hey, uh...

...it was me
crying on that video.

Oh. Really?

Yeah.

[ Sighs ]

I cry sometimes.

Sure.

I do it alone so nobody
has to see it, but I cry.

Sometimes I -- I cry so hard,
I can feel it in my nuts.

[ Breathes shakily ]
Mm.

Do you wanna
know why?

You bet I do, Beau.

Farming's not
what it used to be.

You think I want
to sell bull semen

to the Mudanjiang prefecture
in China?

No.

But I had to diversify.

I want to keep
that bull semen for myself

like my dad did,
and his dad.

Sure.
It kills me that Jacob
saw me like that.

Oh, come -- Beau.

[ Sniffles ]
Hey.

Don't look at me
right now.

Well, where do you
want me to look?

Just don't
look right at me.
Okay.

Sorry,
it's gotta be you.

Listen,
I saw my dad cry once.

You know, we were on a long
drive, just the two of us,

when, uh,
Bob Seger came on the radio.

[ Sighs ]
Gotta love Bob Seger.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

I mean, my dad's
not an emotional guy,

but when "Against The Wind"
came on...

Oh!

...boy, that was
the whole ballgame.

He told me how it
reminded him of my mom and...

apparently, they had made love
to that song the night before,

which really
bummed me out to hear,

but the point remains,

you know, by him
opening up like that,

it gave me
permission to feel.

You shouldn't be embarrassed
you cried in front of Jacob.

You should be
proud of that.

Mr. Bowman?
Yeah.

Jacob's doing great.
He's resting right now,

but you can see him
in a little bit.
[ Laughing ]
Okay, thank you.

Thank you.
[ Chuckles ] He's fine.

That's what
we want to hear.

Aah!

[ Laughing ]
He -- He -- He's fine.

Yeah.

[ Sniffs ] Ugh!

[ Groans ]

[ Sniffs ]

Want me to get us
another bag of those?

Don't you --
Don't you leave me.
Okay.

Great.
Don't you leave me.

[ Grunts, sniffs ]
Please.

[ Sniffs deeply ]
Ugh!

[ Weasel screeches, scurries ]

Weasel, I know you don't
understand words,

but I hope that my tone

is soothing and stern enough
for you to understand

that I would
really like you to leave.

[ Weasel scurries ]

[ Floor creaks ]

[ Weasel screeching ]
Ahhhhh! Get off!

Get rid of it!

Hey, Thumbelina.
Hey.

[ Laughing ]
How you doing?
I'm good.

I told them I didn't need
any anesthesia.

And then I do not remember
what happened.

Listen.

This scar?

That S.O.B. hurt so bad
I passed out.

Then I woke up
covered in urine.

I had peed myself
like a newborn.

And then I spit up all over
your mama's wedding dress.
W-What?

And Dr. Kentucky Bourbon?

Well, actually
a lady doctor

named Millicent G. Tubbs.

The point is,
I'm only human.

And that's what you saw
on that tape.

And I'm --

[ Breathing quickens ]

[ Voice breaking ]
I'm so happy that you're okay.

[ Voice breaking ]
Me too, Dad.

[ Sniffles ]

It hurt so much when
I cut my thumb off
with that knife!

[ Both sobbing ]
Oh.

Kay: Get outta my way!
My son's in there!
[ Clears throat ]

Mom.

Jacob! Oh, my God.
My sweet baby.

Kay.
Oh, I'm good.

I'm so glad the angels
didn't take you.

The angels saved his thumb,
but they took your cooler.

[ Chuckles ]

I don't know
why I said that.

I would've
been here sooner,

but your Aunt Stacy and I
were stuck in a tree

hunting
a ten-point buck.

I wanted to nab
a six-pointer,

but you know your Aunt Stacy's
a real size queen.
Right.

I love you so much.
I love you, Mama.

I don't know
what happened here,

but I choose
to blame you.

**

Rio?!

Hon?!

Hello, Mike.

Oh.

Hey. I'm so sorry,
but I'm here now,

and I want to kill
the weasel.

You're too late.

[ Weasel chitters ]
Oh!

Wait, you did this?
By yourself?

How?
[ Keys jingle ]

You key-holed
that mother.
No, no, no.

He was just sort of
attracted to shiny stuff,

and that sort of
did the trick.

Aah!

Watch.
See, he loves this.

[ Keys jingle, weasel chirps ]

Wow. Thank God.
I was nervous one of us

was gonna end up like
your cousin Neary.

How do you
know about that?

Hon, she was at our wedding.
Remember?

She was? I don't --
Yeah.

Who do you think that
uniformed nurse was with?

Right?
Oh.

Forgot about that.
Honey, listen.

I want to
bake you brownies.

Yeah?
Yes.

And I do not want
to make you lemonade.

I want that, too.
Yeah.

When we got married, I took
your name because we're a team.

And I'm still
Mike Levine-Young.

I cook, I clean...
Mm-hmm.

...and I make it happen
between the sheets.

Yes, you do.
That's who I am.

[ Weasel screeches ]
Oh, my goodness!

Oh, it's okay.
Boy, he is angry, huh?

No, this is him
at a three.

Should we keep him?

No, absolutely not.
No, we won't.

Ugh! [ Groans ]

Mm.Mm.

Hmm-hmm.

No weighted blanket?

Mnh-mnh.

It's covered in
weasel feces.

Mm.

Want me to put on
your "Sounds of the
Upper West Side"?

No.

I like
the sounds of Nebraska.

Mm.

[ Clanging ]

[ Gasps ]
W-Who's there?

Rudy!

What are you
doing here?

I figured it's about time
I did my own laundry.

Yeah,
but in our sink?

The washer and dryer
are in the basement.

I don't like
being underground.
[ Microwave beeps ]

Please tell me
that's food.
I hope not.

My underwear's in there.

Hot and fresh.

Oh, wow.
Wow.

Yeah. Right where
we eat breakfast. Okay.
Yep, there it is.