All language subtitles for Homebound s02e01.eng

- This is a story of boy meets girl.

(CHAPPELL ROAN'S 'GOOD LUCK BABE')

And, like every boy-meets-girl
story, there comes a point,

where they're not just standing in front
of each other, asking to be loved, but also...

- Henry, Henry!
- We heard the good news!

(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)

- (SPEAKS CHINESE LANGUAGE)

- (TUTS EXCITEDLY)

- Maybe it's twins.
- (ALL EXCLAIM GLEEFULLY)

...but also enlisting each
other as willing accomplices

in a victimless crime.

OK, maybe 'willing' and 'victimless'
are broadly defined.

- # You can kiss a
hundred boys in bars,

# shoot another shot,
try to stop the feeling... #

- Hey! (SPEAKS CHINESE)

- Aw.
- (CHUCKLES) - Are you ready?

- HUSHED: I do not
consent to this plan. - Shut up.

We'll talk about it
later. Now, act...

paternal. Hi, everybody!
- (CHEERING)

What's that saying � 'Something,
something, repent later'?

Strap in, buster.

Captions were made with
the support of NZ On Air.

www.able.co.nz
Copyright Able 2025.

- # If you leave me now,

# you'll take away the biggest part

# of me.

- OFF-KEY: Ooh.
- # Ooh-ooh. No, baby,

please don't go.

(BOTH SPEAK CHINESE LANGUAGE)

- # If you leave me now,

# you'll take away the biggest part

# of me.

# Ooh-ooh. No, baby,

# please don't go.

# Ooh, girl, I just

# want you to stay.

- Ugh, did we have to invite him?

- Mandy, your sister is pregnant.

(SPEAKS CHINESE LANGUAGE)

- # ...a love that's hard to find. #

- OK, fine � as long as he
doesn't play our wedding song.

- OK, sorry to interrupt, but can we talk
to you both for a second? - HUSHED: In private.

- Yeah. Come on. (CLICKS)

(CHINESE POP SONG)

OK, this has officially gone too
far. We are staging an intervention.

- It was my idea. (CHUCKLES)
- Oh, whoa. No, it wasn't.

I think I was the one that said... (WHISPERS) we
should do something. - Totally, and then I said, 'Oh,

'you mean, like, an intervention?' and you
go, 'Oh gosh, yes. Ellie, that's a great idea �

an intervention.'
- Oh, my God, I did. Anyway, the point is � we can't let you do this.

Right, Dave?
- Right � absolutely not.

- Wait. Weren't you my Uber driver?
- Yeah, but that's just my side hustle.

My real calling is I wanna start
a podcast. See, I'm thinking,

'An Anthropology into the
Love Lives of the Modern,

'Backseat, Rideshare User'.

You two � mwah! So good.

- Your parents are taking this
fake pregnancy pretty seriously.

And the longer it goes on,
the harder the withdrawal. - Yeah,

and judging by how attached they are
to your false-positive pee sticks,

you're gonna have to, like, 'Eternal
Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' them.

- CHUCKLES FORCEFULLY: Guys,
can you just, like, all relax?

It'll be three weeks,...
(SCOFFS) max.

As soon as I get my inheritance,

I'm just gonna say that the hospital
messed up and made a mistake.

(SNORTS)
- And what, they're just gonna let you keep the money?

- Uh, yeah, once I buy a house �
(SCOFFS) you can't refund that shit.

- Great, they'll just never forgive us.
- Uh, why are you taking their side?

- Because you said we'd
talk about this later �

this is later.
- Yeah, it is later,

and you're supposed to
be agreeing with me. - That's not how it works.

- Yes, it is. Otherwise, you should have said
something earlier. Consent can be implicit, OK?

- I think mean 'implied',
which is pretty illicit these days.

- And rightfully so. It is illicit,
and we are all complicit.

Therefore, we have a moral
imperative to see it through.

- No, we don't,
and rhyming two words together

doesn't automatically give you
a convincing rhetoric to stand on. - Fine, then.

Go ahead and crush their
hopes and dreams, Henry.

- Fine.
- WOMEN: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

- No!

- Look, Melissa's right �
we are all complicit. - See.

- Aiden's the one that leaked the
bad intel, and I should have stopped him,

and Ellie should have destroyed
those pregnancy tests. - Mm-hm.

- So we are all at fault; ipso
facto, we should be the ones to fix this.

- Preach, sister.
- I think Dave should do it. - I'll do it for 10 bucks.

- Deal.
- Sweet as. - Ha! In your face, Henry.

Wait, what?! No� Hey, Dave!
(DOOR SHUTS)

Don't you� Oi!
- SHAKILY: Oh no. - (WHOOPS, CHEERS)

(MIC WHINES)
- Hi. Dave the Uber driver here. Do you guys wanna know a secret?

- No, stop! I'll give you 20 bucks
if you keep your mouth shut. - Done.

Sorry, no secret. Never mind.
- Jen? - SOFTLY: Hmm?

- What is he talking about?
- Shut up, Jen.

- STERNLY: Melissa,...
(SPEAKS CHINESE)

(CHUCKLES) We love juicy secrets.

- Come on � spill the tea!
- (SIGHS)

OK. Yes.

Um, well...

(SIGHS) Do you remember�

Do you remember when Aiden spilled
the beans about how Henry and Melissa would make

such great parents together?

Well, what he meant to say was...

Ellie? Ellie?
- What?

Yes. Thank you.

Jen, thank you. What he meant was�
Well, what he was saying...

SHAKILY: we... Wh� Sorry, what...

- We wanna be godparents.
- SOFTLY: Oh.

- Oh!
- BOTH: Together. - Together.

- Yay! Yay. (LAUGHS)
- Ooh, nice!

- That was awesome.

- (WHOOPS, CHEERS)
- Ayo! Oh yeah. - (DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)

- Whoo! Fake Godparents Club.

- Oh, my God, did you guys
see the look Mandy's face?

She cannot believe that my parents
would let you idiots be godparents

to my fake child. It's, like,
the minute that I'm knocked up,

with a man in my life,
I can do no wrong.

(GASPS) Which is total
patriarchal bullshit.

Ugh, I hate it.
- Yeah, tell that to your face.

- (SIGHS) Henry. Um, I'm having a

fake child in a world that expects
women to have real children.

I think that my feminist credentials
are pretty, uh, watertight.

- That's feminism, Henry;
it's called feminism.

- So you're a feminist because
you only pretend to conform

to patriarchal expectations?
- No,

I am subverting it for profit,

and that... is pretty bad-arse.
- Yeah, that is kind of bad-arse.

- I'm trying to score us a
mortgage-free house in Auckland.

Do you know how hard that is? (SIGHS)
- It's so hard.

- Don't you wanna move
out and live rent-free?

- I mean, it's not such a bad idea,
Henry. Yeats, TS Eliot, Huxley �

they all had rich female patrons.
- Yeah, sugar mamas are the best.

- # Sugar mamas are the best. #
- Yeah. Good for you, Henry. Well done.

- OK, five minutes ago,

you lot were all afraid this
will result in the diagnosis

of a new mental-health disorder,
and now you're all on her side?

- Yeah, Henry, I am,

because that was before your parents
looked into my eyes, and they saw my soul.

They were staring into my soul.

- It's called surrendering,
Henry. You should try it.

- And look � worst-case scenario,
the two of you could actually

get together and have
a real baby, right?

- What?! No!
- Ew! Gah!

- I mean... not right now.
- Yeah, totally.

- Not, like, never,...

right?
- (GRUNTS VAGUELY)

- WHISPERS: Awkies.
- Melissa, come. (SPEAKS CHINESE LANGUAGE)

She wants to see your tongue!
- I'm coming!

(GROANS) Crap.
- Uh, why does your grandma wanna see your tongue?

- (SIGHS) Just keep quiet,
and follow my lead.

Come on.
- All right, hit me up, Dave. I need some Elton John.

- Uh, and then I wanna go next.
- AMERICAN ACCENT: Tiny, tiny dancer.

- Oh, nice.
- It's a good one. It's a high key, but I think I nail it.

- I found the Chinese Elton John.

- Hmm. (SPEAKS CHINESE LANGUAGE)
- (MUZAK PLAYS SOFTLY)

Melissa,...

- (GIGGLES) But surely
they're expired by now.

Thanks, PohPoh, but I think
my 'dampness' is just fine.

Right, Henry?
- Melissa,...

(SPEAKS CHINESE LANGUAGE)

- (SPEAKS CHINESE LANGUAGE)

- Mm-hm.
- Uh, I think we're all forgetting that I'm also a doctor, here,

like, an actual doctor doctor.
- (SCOFFS) Yeah, like,

um, for the skin.

- What's that supposed to mean?

- Oh, nothing � just
that it's skin deep.

- As opposed to keto. (CHUCKLES)

Is that your, uh, distinguished
domain of medical expertise (?)

- (SCOFFS) No, I've
actually had a baby.

It's called experience.
- Well, I'm about to have one,

so it's not like you
own that shit, OK?

It's not like a...
fake Instagram profile.

- (SPEAKS CHINESE LANGUAGE)

(LAUGHS)
- I miss Oprah. - Melissa,...

(SPEAKS CHINESE LANGUAGE)

(ALL CHUCKLE)

- Mm. I couldn't
agree more. (CHUCKLES)

(GASPS) I have an idea �

why don't we ask the
father-to-be for his thoughts?

What do you think, Henry?
- (SPEAKS IN CHINESE)

- (SCOFFS) I'll tell you what he
thinks. He thinks it's a load of� - I love it.

I think it's just
what Melissa needs.

(LAUGHTER)

- (CHUCKLES)

(CHINESE RAP MUSIC)

- Babe� Babe, just listen to me.
- No, you listen �

I'm not changing my mind, OK? So
you can stop with the stupid '70s break-up songs.

- Look, I'm a changed man.
No more conspiracies � I swear.

The old we're-living-in-a-simulation
Vaughn is out. - Really?

- Yeah, hard-out. Just new and
improved living-in-reality Vaughn, now.

Besides, you can't pretend that you

don't miss these seasalt-caramel
eyes disarming you,

under these soft,
wispy, wounded brows.

- SOFTLY: I don't;
I don't miss them. - Oh yeah?

When you kissed Henry,
did he look at you like this?

(AMBIENT MUSIC PLAYS)
- WHISPERS: God.

- Seriously? Astragalus
root for morning sickness,

codonopsis tonic for mummy brain, powdered
eucommia tree extract for swollen nipples.

I mean, what else do these
guys believe in � aliens?

- You said it would only
be for three weeks, right?

Don't tell me your 'watertight
feminist credentials'

can't stomach three weeks of soggy,

lukewarm snow fungus for
a mortgage-free house.

- Are you trying to be smart?
- I'm just trying to be an ally.

- Huh. Really?

- Yeah.
- Fine, then...

drink this.
- What? - Drink this.

You wanna be an ally � show me.

- (SCOFFS) I don't
think that's necessary.

- (CHUCKLES) I said, drink this.
- No.

- Drink it.
- No.

- I said, drink it.
- No, you drink it.

- You want to be an ally.
You should take the bullet.

- Argh! No, it's your
bullet � you take it.

- No!
- (GRUNTS) Get off me!

(GAGS) It smells
like burnt hair, ugh!

- You can't lie to me, Mandy.
These eyes � they shine for you.

- Did you just misquote Coldplay?
- Mandy, I want you back for good.

- No, too late � Take That.

- But I've changed � I swear.

I even gave away all our
shares in the keto app,

and started a new AI-powered
fact-checker called Conspiracy,

Not Conspiracy.
- What?

- Yeah, a new app that debunks
conspiracies. It's gonna kill.

- No, you idiot �
you sold our keto-app shares?

- Nah, I gave them away.
- What?!

- I thought it'd be, like, a grand
gesture to show you how much I've changed.

- You stupid� Those shares

are our entire family's net worth.

We're broke now, Vaughn,...
(STRANGLED WHISPER-SCREAM) broke!

God, you're unbelievable!

- Oh, what the hell?!

- (COUGHS)
- Oh, ugh, disgusting!

- So bad.
- (SCOFFS) What hell was in this?

- Definitely foxtail
in there somewhere.

- I can't believe I'd forgotten
how bad these tonics were.

- OK, come on. We should get back out
there. It is our pregnancy karaoke party.

- (SCOFFS) Seriously, Mel �
you still wanna do this?

I'm just worried that our parents
are enjoying this too much,

and when the bubble bursts,
it's gonna ruin everything. - Henry,

we've just spent the last two months
indulging our parents and our fake relationship,

and look how that turned out �
pretty good, wouldn't you say?

- Yeah, but the stakes were lower.

Well, I've disappointed them with
a thousand different relationships.

- A thousand?
- (SIGHS) I'm rounding up.

Look, when we started this thing,
we didn't want it to be real,

so it didn't matter if
we messed up, but now,...

it's different. I just wanna
experience the real part of this, for a change,

and I don't wanna risk it
for some money � do you?

SOFTLY: Do you?

Melissa, tell me you don't wanna
risk it for some money and a goddamn house.

- Look, I wasted years of my life

supporting my deadbeat ex-fiance
through medical school

who then cheated on me
with my ex-best friend,

then I spent the last
two years rebuilding myself,

so I could get out of this
dump and start living again,

and I would have done
that 16 hours ago,

until you dragged me back in
here to make this real. (LAUGHS)

So forgive me if I
want a backup plan,

just in case this doesn't
actually work out.

- Wow.

Wow.
- Henry.

Henry!
(DOOR SLAMS)

(SIGHS)

- (SIGHS) I don't get it, bud.
She knows the only reason I was

so obsessed with this idea
of escaping the matrix

was because that I thought if kissing your beautiful
mother was this hella hot in a simulation,

then it must be even more
lit outside it in reality,

which, of course, I no longer
believe in. And neither should you,

cos you and me � right now �
are firmly in reality.

There is no matrix.
You get that, right? - Obviously.

- See? I'm completely reformed.
Why can't she see that?

(SIGHS) I'm sorry,
bud. I tried my best.

- That's OK, man � that's life.
- Dude, how are you so chill all the time?

- I'm a kid; I just
live in the moment.

(MUZAK CONTINUES PLAYS)

- Why did you say it?
- I don't know why I said it.

- I mean, it could have been worse.
- No, it was pretty bad.

- Yeah. Yeah, no, it sounded bad.
- I didn't mean it. It just came out.

I don't... (INHALES SHARPLY) Maybe
this whole thing was a mistake.

- No, it's not. And I know for a
fact that Melissa doesn't think that.

- She doesn't?
- Of course not, and even if she did, she didn't mean it;

she's just thinking it.
- Oh, well, that's reassuring.

- Henry.
- It's like the moment our parents showed up,

maybe she thought,
'Crap, I made a mistake',

and this whole pregnancy thing
is her way of making me end it,

so that she doesn't have to.
- Wow. Do you think, maybe,

you're overthinking
it just a little bit? - Am I?

- Yes, Henry � you are.
- But what if that's what he thinks �

that I'm the one with my foot
deliberately out the door?

- Well, is your foot out the door?
- No, I mean,

my foot barely made it in
the door in the first place.

Like, it literally just
happened yesterday.

- So her foot is out the door?
- Yes. No. Yes. No�

Well, yes. It's� Well, it's on
its way, currently, in the door.

So yes, it's out, but it's not out
out. You just need to give her time,

and stop freaking her out.
- By faking a pregnancy?!

- Yes. It's actually pretty genius.
- What?

- Let's just say that you're right, and she
does have some kind of weird commitment issues �

she literally chose the one thing
that stops her from bailing.

She picked you to be her baby daddy
in front of her entire family.

I'd say that's pretty all-in.
- Yeah, but... (SIGHS) is that fair on Henry?

- I kinda think that's
on him to decide. - I did drag him into this.

- Uh, no, you didn't.
He's his own man.

He could have come clean at
any point, and he hasn't.

- Yeah, and I actually think that
means something. I think he wants this.

- Mm. And even if he is right,

and you are trying to make him
eject, why not let him be the one to eject?

Why self-sabotage
your own self-sabotage?

- Stick around, Dave.

(LIU HUAN'S 'TIME AND TIME AGAIN')

(SINGS 'TIME AND TIME
AGAIN' IN CHINESE LANGUAGE)

- Mandy... (CONTINUES
IN CHINESE LANGUAGE)

(PASSIONATE KARAOKE
SINGING CONTINUES)

- Whoo!
- (ALL SING IN CHINESE LANGUAGE)

- Hey.
- Hey. - HUSHED: How'd you go?

- Uh, yeah, I said some pretty irresponsible things.
- (SIGHS) Oh, gosh, me too.

- Yeah, same. Hey,...

does that mean I'm
part of the group now?

- I mean, we are looking for one
more person to pin a lot of the blame on, so...

- She's not wrong.
- (GASPS)

(GASPS)
(RESTRAINED SQUEALS)

- This feels so right!
- Doesn't it?

(ALL SING TUNELESSLY)

(WHOOPS, APPLAUSE)

- One more time! One m�
- No, no, no. - One's enough. One's good.

One's great!
- Yeah, no, it was� yes, wonderful.

- Give it 30 years; that'll be us.
- (CHEERING)

Sorry. That was a joke.
- (SIGHS) - (SCOFFS)

I wasn't trying to hold
us to 30 years or anything.

- Uh, about earlier�
(MIC WHINES) - Henry,

Melissaaaa,...

I just wanna say, I'm sorry, G.
I've been such a buzzkill all night,

trying to get my girl
back. Sorry, Mandy.

You're so beautiful. But you know what?
My homie, Yoel, here,... - (PHONE GAME BLIPS)

...he's taught me an important
lesson � 'Live in the moment, man', mm-hm.

And this moment belongs to
you two � you're having a baby!

(WHOOPS) Yeah-yah!

- (CHUCKLES) Basically,

I'm really sorry for pushing
this fake baby thing on to you,

and if you want out,...

I'd just really appreciate it if
you took the lead and told them the truth.

- My money's on twins.
Hell, yeah � some twins.

(CHEERING)

- Wait! Wait.

(INHALES SHAKILY)
I also have an announcement �

Vaughn and I are getting
back together, for good.

(CHEERING)

(STRANGLED: It's his eyes.
- Aw, that's so sweet.

- Babe, are you serious?
- What did you call your new app?

- Conspiracy, Not Conspiracy.
It's gonna be huge. I promise.

- OK, just play our wedding song!

- Yes. Yes, let's play it.
- (CHEERING)

- # My love.

- # You're every breath that I take.
- You don't have to hide being happy for them.

- Shut up. I'm just pleased that
they're conveniently back together,

to cushion the blow that... (WHISPERS)
I'm not pregnant. Are you gonna tell them?

- # And I...
- # I...

- WHISPERS: Look,
what if you're right? - What?

- 16 hours ago, you were about to
get on a plane to South America,

and now, we're real,
after two months of make-believe.

If this pretend pregnancy �

for three weeks, max �

in addition to helping you
get a house and a backup plan,

helps us to do this quote,
unquote 'real' relationship,...

maybe it's worth it.
- Henry,...

you'd do that for me?
- BOTH: # Oh, yes...

- I mean, it's kind of what
relationships are, right?

Besides, I really don't wanna
kill their buzz right now�

Mmm.
- BOTH: # My endless love. #

- I love you.
- I love you. - I love you.

- QUIETLY: You have no idea
what's gonna happen tonight. - Ooh.

WHISPERS: You're on mic.
- You're on�? - (SINGLE CLAP)

- We're not going to
hell for this, are we? - (SCOFFS)

For faking a pregnancy or for using
it as a pair of training wheels

for our newly minted
real relationship? - (BOTH LAUGH)

- Henry,...

Melissa.

(LAUGHTER, INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- READS: Traditional Chinese
Medicine for Expectant Dads?

- (SPEAKS CHINESE LANGUAGE)

- (CHUCKLES) Absolutely.
I can't wait.

- (SPEAKS CHINESE LANGUAGE)

Hmm?
- (GIGGLES)

- Bye-bye.
- Bye-bye.

(BOTH SIGH)
- That was too close. - Right? Way too close.

- (CHUCKLES) 'Your pain makes
their pain more bearable'?

Can you believe Vaughn went
through this with Mandy? - (SNORTS) Idiot.

Lucky mine is fake,

so if you don't do it,...

I won't tell if you won't tell.

So, remember how I said this
was a story of boy meets girl,

boy kisses girl, boy and
girl entrap each other

on a sinking ship
headed for disaster?

No, it's not the Titanic;

it's just a relationship.

(CHINESE RAP MUSIC REVS DYNAMICALLY)

Captions by Brigit Kelly.
Edited by Faith Hamblyn.

Captions were made with
the support of NZ On Air.

www.able.co.nz
Copyright Able 2025.

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0