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DOWNLOADED FROM WWW.AWAFIM.TV
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[opening theme music playing]
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[electronic warbling]
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[soft tropical music playing]
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[female voice] Okay.
Yes, let me introduce myself. Um...
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Hi. I'm a thermostat,
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and, look, I know these two
don't like each other too much, okay?
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Oh. Ow. [dings]
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Dual climate zones! You ever heard of it?
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It's not a problem.
It's literally what I'm designed to do.
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- [footsteps approaching]
- Oh, okay. [dings]
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Now I know what it feels like
to be the kid stuck in a divorce
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ferrying messages between two parents.
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Ugh. [dings]
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Oh my God. Again.
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You know what?
Winter gets pretty cold here.
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If they want passive-aggressive,
just wait until it gets below freezing.
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[softly] I'll show them
passive-aggressive.
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[mellow rock music playing]
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[man yawning]
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When used as directed,
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I clear 99.9% of all the plaque
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that builds up
on the surfaces of your teeth.
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When used as directed, Chad.
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And I don't mean like a light wave
in the general vicinity of your mouth
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once a week.
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No one wants to kiss him.
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The toaster has sympathy for the bread
that has to enter this guy's mouth.
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Even the dog "nopes" the hell out.
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And that thing licks buttholes, okay?
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And then he goes to the dentist,
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and when they tell him his gums
look worse than a rabid coyote's,
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he just plays innocent. He's like,
"W... well, how? I brush every day."
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Don't make me party to your lies, Chad.
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Fucking floss, man.
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You have bacon in there from 1996.
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[mysterious music playing]
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1-2-3-4 is not a security code.
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[shutter clicks]
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I see meth heads lurking in the woods,
waiting for her to leave.
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What does she think the first damn thing
they'll type into my keypad is? [laughs]
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When she gets robbed,
when she gets robbed,
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I'm just gonna ask
if they'll take me with them.
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[dramatic sting, music fades]
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[farting]
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- [toilet flushing]
- [rock music playing]
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This dude eats a lot of lentils.
I mean, a lot.
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You know what it is?
He thinks I'm deodorizing his house.
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Understand this.
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I just take dust and particles
out of the air, bro.
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That's what I do. I don't do methane.
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Here's my question.
How do you get used to that smell?
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And I'm asking you honestly.
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I mean, at what point can you just ignore
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that you're constantly
leaking out a greenhouse gas?
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Let me tell you something.
If he ever lights a candle in here,
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we are all going to die.
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[slow jazzy music playing]
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I have six customizable pulse settings.
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[inhales] Mist, rain, shower,
full-body massage,
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pulsating massage,
and ultra-power pulsating massage.
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The other appliances tell me
she hasn't had a date in four years,
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but I... You know, I just...
I just want to clean people.
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I mean, I'm sorry about
her dating life, okay? I... I... I really am.
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But I would prefer
to keep it professional.
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I just want to be frien... Oh... Oh, okay.
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[muffled sputtering and muttering]
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[machine guns blasting in background]
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I've never been out of this cabinet.
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I was a housewarming gift from his parents
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when he got his first apartment
at 42 years old.
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He plays video games
and smokes weed all day.
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It's pretty much all he does.
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The other appliances will confirm
he's never cooked a thing in his kitchen.
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Ever.
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Yeah.
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My only hope of getting out of here
is if someone or something swipes right.
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[machines guns continue blasting]
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Oh my God.
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I'm gonna die a waffle virgin.
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Holy shit.
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[TV host] The chefs started out
with the goal of wowing our judges
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00:04:24,479 --> 00:04:26,895
using the ingredients
in their mystery baskets.
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Now only two remain...
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I'm sworn to secrecy.
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That's all I'll say.
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Except this.
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When I'm working,
she likes to watch episodes of Chopped.
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Honey! Don't ask me why.
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I don't even guess why.
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I'm a sex toy, not a therapist.
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I'd rather watch Squid Game,
but let's not get into my kinks.
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[mariachi music playing]
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Why would anyone even think
to give a toilet intelligence?
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What horrible person would do that?
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Was I like Stalin
in a past life or something?
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00:05:06,646 --> 00:05:08,520
- [electronic chime]
- Oh God.
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The refrigerator just told me
it's taco night,
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and Brenda's making them extra spicy.
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Please just kill me now.
101
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Maybe I'll come back as a showerhead
or something. Yeah, that'd be fine.
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[music fades]
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[flies buzzing]
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Let me guess.
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The Toilet was whining to you
about how hard life is.
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[cat meows]
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That's adorable.
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[cat meows]
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[feces splatters]
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[funky electronic music playing]
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[music ends]
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[electronic warbling]
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[slow jazzy music playing]
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- [water spraying]
- [Shower Head muttering and groaning]
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[muffled muttering continues]
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[muffled counting]
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[muffled groaning, cries out]
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[sustained muffled groaning]
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[sputters, gasps]
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[music fades]
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DOWNLOADED FROM WWW.AWAFIM.TV
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