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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,578 --> 00:00:04,116 [♪ Marvel Studios fanfare playing] 2 00:00:23,865 --> 00:00:25,901 [Deadpool scatting along] ♪ Ta ta ta ta ta ta ♪ 3 00:00:25,934 --> 00:00:28,438 ♪ Ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ♪ 4 00:00:28,471 --> 00:00:30,273 ♪ Tan tan ta ♪ 5 00:00:30,306 --> 00:00:31,639 ♪ Tan tan tan tan ♪ 6 00:00:31,672 --> 00:00:33,042 ♪ Tan tan ta tan ♪ 7 00:00:33,075 --> 00:00:34,643 - ♪ Tan tan tan tan! ♪ - [♪ fanfare concludes] 8 00:00:34,676 --> 00:00:37,945 [laughs] That logo music just gets you pumped. 9 00:00:37,979 --> 00:00:39,580 - [♪ gentle music playing] - Right? 10 00:00:39,614 --> 00:00:42,683 I'm sorry. I just, I'm excited to be here. It's been a while. 11 00:00:42,717 --> 00:00:43,850 You know, for a long time, 12 00:00:43,884 --> 00:00:45,686 I wasn't sure I'd ever be back. 13 00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:46,854 Disney bought Fox, 14 00:00:46,888 --> 00:00:48,556 there was a whole boring rights issue, 15 00:00:48,589 --> 00:00:49,724 blabbity-blabbity-blah. 16 00:00:49,757 --> 00:00:52,659 But then, it turned out, they wanted me. 17 00:00:52,692 --> 00:00:55,329 The one guy who shouldn't even have his own movie, 18 00:00:55,363 --> 00:00:56,864 much less a franchise. 19 00:00:56,898 --> 00:01:00,134 [laughs] Marvel's so stupid. 20 00:01:00,168 --> 00:01:02,070 Look, we know the title of this thing. 21 00:01:02,103 --> 00:01:03,870 So, I know what you're wondering. 22 00:01:03,904 --> 00:01:05,038 How are we gonna do this 23 00:01:05,072 --> 00:01:08,442 without dishonoring Logan's memory? 24 00:01:08,475 --> 00:01:09,843 And I'll tell you how. 25 00:01:10,609 --> 00:01:11,844 We're not. 26 00:01:11,877 --> 00:01:13,578 [♪ romantic music plays, The Platters "Only You"] 27 00:01:13,611 --> 00:01:15,714 I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. 28 00:01:15,748 --> 00:01:18,051 Wolverine is not dead. 29 00:01:18,085 --> 00:01:21,321 Sure, it made for a perfect ending to a very sad story. 30 00:01:21,354 --> 00:01:22,421 But that's not how 31 00:01:22,455 --> 00:01:24,656 regenerative healing factors work. 32 00:01:24,689 --> 00:01:25,925 You think I wanna be out here 33 00:01:25,958 --> 00:01:28,061 in beautiful downtown North Dakota, 34 00:01:28,095 --> 00:01:31,297 digging up the one and only Wolverine? No, thank you. 35 00:01:31,330 --> 00:01:33,897 But the fate of my entire world is at stake. 36 00:01:33,931 --> 00:01:35,401 He may not be living his best life, 37 00:01:35,433 --> 00:01:37,735 but he sure as hell ain't 38 00:01:37,769 --> 00:01:39,371 - dead. - [metal clanks] 39 00:01:42,274 --> 00:01:43,774 [crow cawing in distance] 40 00:01:44,309 --> 00:01:45,310 Bingo. 41 00:01:46,145 --> 00:01:47,146 Yahtzee. 42 00:01:48,447 --> 00:01:49,646 [sighs] 43 00:01:50,381 --> 00:01:53,284 Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. 44 00:01:56,954 --> 00:01:57,955 Damn it! 45 00:01:58,822 --> 00:02:01,724 - Son of a bitch! - [metal clangs] 46 00:02:03,361 --> 00:02:04,861 You... 47 00:02:04,894 --> 00:02:06,763 - [shovel snaps] - [yelling] 48 00:02:06,797 --> 00:02:10,100 Christ. Motherfucker! 49 00:02:10,134 --> 00:02:11,767 - My world is fuck... - [♪ song stops] 50 00:02:11,801 --> 00:02:14,704 [laughs, snorts] That was weird. 51 00:02:14,736 --> 00:02:15,971 I'm much calmer now. 52 00:02:16,005 --> 00:02:17,473 [♪ The Platter "Only You" resumes playing] 53 00:02:17,508 --> 00:02:20,409 Look, I'm not a man of science. 54 00:02:20,443 --> 00:02:23,446 But you seem incredibly passed away. 55 00:02:23,478 --> 00:02:24,980 [flies buzzing] 56 00:02:25,615 --> 00:02:26,748 [sighs] 57 00:02:26,781 --> 00:02:28,317 But it's good to see ya. 58 00:02:28,351 --> 00:02:31,586 I gotta be honest, I've always wanted to ride with you, Log. 59 00:02:31,620 --> 00:02:32,921 You and me getting into it. 60 00:02:32,954 --> 00:02:36,689 Deadpool and Wolverine just fuckin' shit up. 61 00:02:36,724 --> 00:02:39,693 Can you imagine the fun, the chaos... 62 00:02:40,195 --> 00:02:41,196 the residuals? 63 00:02:42,130 --> 00:02:43,398 [in Australian accent] "G'day, mate. 64 00:02:43,431 --> 00:02:45,366 "There's nothing that'll bring me back to life faster 65 00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:48,203 "than a big bag of Marvel cash." 66 00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:50,803 [chuckles, in normal tone] Me too, Hugh. 67 00:02:51,406 --> 00:02:54,341 But, no. No, no, no. 68 00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:58,246 [groans] You had to get all noble and die for real. 69 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,048 Goddamn it! 70 00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:03,882 I could really use your help right now. 71 00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:06,187 [electrical whirring] 72 00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:13,326 [♪ tense music playing] 73 00:03:14,693 --> 00:03:15,893 Wait! 74 00:03:16,827 --> 00:03:18,631 I'm warning you, I'm not alone. 75 00:03:18,665 --> 00:03:20,866 Wade Winston Wilson, 76 00:03:20,899 --> 00:03:23,369 you are under arrest by the Time Variance Authority... 77 00:03:23,403 --> 00:03:24,437 [Deadpool sniffs] Oof. 78 00:03:24,470 --> 00:03:25,770 ...for too many crimes to list. 79 00:03:25,803 --> 00:03:27,005 - Come out... - [Deadpool groans] 80 00:03:27,039 --> 00:03:28,307 ...and we'll extend you the courtesy 81 00:03:28,341 --> 00:03:30,577 - of taking you in one piece. - Death by day-player. 82 00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:31,842 Last chance. 83 00:03:31,876 --> 00:03:33,111 Throw out your weapons 84 00:03:33,145 --> 00:03:35,113 - and come out peacefully. - [Deadpool sighs] 85 00:03:35,146 --> 00:03:37,014 [Deadpool] I'm not gonna give you my weapons, 86 00:03:37,048 --> 00:03:40,185 but I promise not to use them. 87 00:03:40,219 --> 00:03:43,020 There are two hundred and six bones in the human body. 88 00:03:43,054 --> 00:03:45,189 Two hundred and seven if I'm watching Gossip Girl. 89 00:03:45,223 --> 00:03:46,489 [♪ pop music playing, *NSYNC "Bye Bye Bye"] 90 00:03:46,523 --> 00:03:48,325 - Here we go. Maximum effort. - ♪ Hey, hey ♪ 91 00:03:48,358 --> 00:03:49,427 [♪ song stops] 92 00:03:53,496 --> 00:03:55,565 - ♪ Bye, bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 93 00:03:55,599 --> 00:03:56,766 Okay, peanut. 94 00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:58,401 Guess we're getting that team-up after all. 95 00:04:00,104 --> 00:04:02,139 - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 96 00:04:06,309 --> 00:04:07,143 [grunts] 97 00:04:07,177 --> 00:04:09,646 ♪ I'm doing this tonight ♪ 98 00:04:09,679 --> 00:04:11,581 ♪ You're probably gonna start a fight ♪ 99 00:04:11,615 --> 00:04:12,649 [screaming] 100 00:04:12,682 --> 00:04:15,051 ♪ I know this can't be right ♪ 101 00:04:15,085 --> 00:04:17,986 ♪ Hey, baby, come on ♪ 102 00:04:18,020 --> 00:04:20,689 ♪ I loved you endlessly ♪ 103 00:04:20,723 --> 00:04:23,359 ♪ When you weren't there for me ♪ 104 00:04:23,392 --> 00:04:29,098 ♪ So now it's time to leave and make it alone ♪ 105 00:04:29,131 --> 00:04:31,267 ♪ I know that I can't take no more ♪ 106 00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:32,301 [smooches] 107 00:04:33,235 --> 00:04:34,636 [exhales] 108 00:04:34,669 --> 00:04:37,472 ♪ I wanna see you out that door ♪ 109 00:04:37,505 --> 00:04:39,773 - ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 110 00:04:39,805 --> 00:04:41,942 ♪ Don't wanna be a fool for you ♪ 111 00:04:41,975 --> 00:04:45,480 ♪ Just another player in your game for two ♪ 112 00:04:45,513 --> 00:04:48,948 ♪ You may hate me, but it ain't no lie ♪ 113 00:04:48,981 --> 00:04:51,085 - ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 114 00:04:51,119 --> 00:04:53,320 ♪ Don't really wanna make it tough ♪ 115 00:04:53,354 --> 00:04:56,423 ♪ I just wanna tell you that I've had enough ♪ 116 00:04:56,456 --> 00:04:59,924 ♪ It might sound crazy, but it ain't no lie ♪ 117 00:04:59,958 --> 00:05:02,895 ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ 118 00:05:03,896 --> 00:05:06,500 ♪ Just hit me with the truth ♪ 119 00:05:06,533 --> 00:05:08,434 ♪ Now, girl, you're more than welcome to ♪ 120 00:05:08,467 --> 00:05:10,336 Maradona from outside the box! 121 00:05:10,704 --> 00:05:13,607 Goal! 122 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:14,973 ♪ Baby, come on ♪ 123 00:05:15,007 --> 00:05:18,243 ♪ I know that I can't take no more ♪ 124 00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:20,345 - ♪ It ain't no lie ♪ - [both yelling] 125 00:05:20,378 --> 00:05:23,515 ♪ I wanna see you out that door ♪ 126 00:05:23,548 --> 00:05:25,884 - ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 127 00:05:25,917 --> 00:05:28,119 ♪ Don't wanna be a fool for you ♪ 128 00:05:28,153 --> 00:05:31,456 ♪ Just another player in your game for two ♪ 129 00:05:31,489 --> 00:05:34,659 ♪ You may hate me, but it ain't no lie ♪ 130 00:05:34,693 --> 00:05:37,062 - ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 131 00:05:37,095 --> 00:05:39,263 ♪ Don't really wanna make it tough ♪ 132 00:05:39,296 --> 00:05:42,467 ♪ I just wanna tell you that I had enough ♪ 133 00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:45,868 ♪ Might sound crazy, but it ain't no lie ♪ 134 00:05:45,902 --> 00:05:48,472 ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ 135 00:05:51,908 --> 00:05:55,212 ♪ I don't wanna be your fool ♪ 136 00:05:55,245 --> 00:05:57,913 ♪ In this game for two ♪ 137 00:05:57,946 --> 00:06:00,483 ♪ So I'm leavin' you behind ♪ 138 00:06:00,516 --> 00:06:02,219 Come on, big fella. 139 00:06:02,252 --> 00:06:04,020 ♪ Bye, bye, bye, yeah ♪ 140 00:06:04,053 --> 00:06:06,589 ♪ I don't wanna make it tough ♪ 141 00:06:06,622 --> 00:06:09,091 ♪ But I've had enough ♪ 142 00:06:09,124 --> 00:06:12,363 - ♪ And it ain't no lie ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 143 00:06:12,396 --> 00:06:13,363 ♪ Baby ♪ 144 00:06:13,396 --> 00:06:15,365 ♪ Don't wanna be a fool for you ♪ 145 00:06:15,398 --> 00:06:17,333 ♪ Just another player in your game for two ♪ 146 00:06:17,367 --> 00:06:22,137 ♪ I don't wanna be your fool, but it ain't no lie ♪ 147 00:06:22,170 --> 00:06:24,440 - ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 148 00:06:24,474 --> 00:06:26,308 ♪ Don't really wanna make it tough ♪ 149 00:06:26,341 --> 00:06:29,976 ♪ I just wanna tell you that I had enough ♪ 150 00:06:30,010 --> 00:06:33,447 ♪ Might sound crazy, but it ain't no lie ♪ 151 00:06:33,481 --> 00:06:35,784 - ♪ Bye, bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 152 00:06:35,817 --> 00:06:37,652 - [♪ song ends] - [gasps dramatically] 153 00:06:37,686 --> 00:06:40,054 [♪ operatic music playing] 154 00:06:40,821 --> 00:06:43,357 I am soaking wet right now. 155 00:06:44,726 --> 00:06:46,360 [roars] 156 00:06:46,394 --> 00:06:48,461 To be clear, I'm not proud of any of this. 157 00:06:48,495 --> 00:06:51,598 The wanton violence, the whiff of necrophilia. 158 00:06:51,631 --> 00:06:52,732 It isn't who I am. 159 00:06:52,767 --> 00:06:54,335 It isn't who I wanna be. 160 00:06:54,367 --> 00:06:55,402 Who I wanna be? 161 00:06:55,435 --> 00:06:57,470 Well, to help you understand that, 162 00:06:57,504 --> 00:06:58,538 I've gotta take you back. 163 00:06:58,571 --> 00:07:01,241 A little joyride I took through space and time, 164 00:07:01,274 --> 00:07:04,210 to the day that changed everything. 165 00:07:04,244 --> 00:07:06,346 [♪ uptempo music building] 166 00:07:13,619 --> 00:07:15,054 [♪ music fades out] 167 00:07:15,988 --> 00:07:17,823 I can't believe I'm finally here. 168 00:07:17,856 --> 00:07:20,558 I've waited for this moment for so long. 169 00:07:21,759 --> 00:07:24,129 Thank you, sir, for seeing me. 170 00:07:24,897 --> 00:07:26,930 I... I firmly believe 171 00:07:26,963 --> 00:07:28,300 that my services could be of 172 00:07:28,333 --> 00:07:30,301 great use to your organization. 173 00:07:30,334 --> 00:07:31,502 Now, I know 174 00:07:31,536 --> 00:07:33,805 I was caught smashturbating in the lobby of Stark Tower, 175 00:07:33,838 --> 00:07:35,106 - but I can assure you that... - Smashturbating? 176 00:07:35,139 --> 00:07:36,441 I'm sorry, what... what was that? 177 00:07:36,474 --> 00:07:39,942 No, I'm sorry. That... That's when you get those toy, 178 00:07:39,975 --> 00:07:41,244 Hulk hands, right? 179 00:07:41,278 --> 00:07:43,947 And then you just, you look down, and you just... 180 00:07:43,980 --> 00:07:46,551 you brace yourself, and you ravage the midsection. 181 00:07:46,584 --> 00:07:48,285 - Pinch the... Yeah. Okay. - I get it. Okay, thank you. 182 00:07:48,318 --> 00:07:50,220 - The picture's painted. - You get the gist. 183 00:07:50,253 --> 00:07:52,689 Uh, what exactly brings you here today? 184 00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:55,892 Why am I... Wow. Okay. Uh... 185 00:07:55,926 --> 00:07:57,426 I... I care. 186 00:07:57,460 --> 00:08:00,396 I know I turn everything into a joke, but I... 187 00:08:02,264 --> 00:08:05,167 I care, and I wanna use that feeling... 188 00:08:06,001 --> 00:08:08,404 for something important. 189 00:08:08,437 --> 00:08:09,738 I... I wanna matter. 190 00:08:09,772 --> 00:08:12,407 [♪ solemn music playing] 191 00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:14,409 I need to show my girl that I matter. 192 00:08:15,711 --> 00:08:17,213 And... 193 00:08:17,246 --> 00:08:18,513 You know, I feel like I'm wasting 194 00:08:18,546 --> 00:08:19,380 the good stuff here. 195 00:08:19,414 --> 00:08:20,949 Is the man not gonna be joining us? 196 00:08:20,981 --> 00:08:22,016 - The man? - Yeah. 197 00:08:22,050 --> 00:08:24,185 I should save this if he's gonna... 198 00:08:24,219 --> 00:08:26,221 Uh, as far as you're concerned right now, I'm the man. 199 00:08:26,254 --> 00:08:27,889 - No. - The man is me. 200 00:08:27,922 --> 00:08:30,892 I am the man in this circumstance. 201 00:08:30,925 --> 00:08:32,126 - Mm. - He doesn't do 202 00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:33,727 this kind of thing anymore. 203 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:34,795 - Cameos? - Meetings. 204 00:08:34,827 --> 00:08:36,464 - Meetings. - Entry-level meetings. 205 00:08:36,498 --> 00:08:37,332 Entry-level? 206 00:08:37,365 --> 00:08:39,366 Aren't you the chauffeur... 207 00:08:39,399 --> 00:08:41,668 - maybe? - I... Common misconception. 208 00:08:41,702 --> 00:08:43,036 - Okay. - I did begin my career 209 00:08:43,070 --> 00:08:44,837 as Mr. Stark's driver. 210 00:08:44,871 --> 00:08:45,906 - Okay. - Quickly pivoted to... 211 00:08:45,939 --> 00:08:47,441 - Chauffeur. - ...the Head of Security. 212 00:08:47,474 --> 00:08:49,443 The Head of... Of course, yes, yes, yes. 213 00:08:49,476 --> 00:08:52,478 And why I am vetting your resume. 214 00:08:52,512 --> 00:08:54,881 You seem to have left out whether or not you had 215 00:08:54,914 --> 00:08:56,617 any experience as a member of a team. 216 00:08:56,650 --> 00:08:57,484 Could you maybe add 217 00:08:57,518 --> 00:08:58,751 a little bit of perspective there? 218 00:08:58,784 --> 00:09:01,186 Oh. No, yes, of course. I was Special Forces... 219 00:09:01,219 --> 00:09:02,254 - Okay. - ...but I was... 220 00:09:02,288 --> 00:09:03,922 Mainly, I was team leader... 221 00:09:03,955 --> 00:09:05,223 founder, really, of X-Force. 222 00:09:05,257 --> 00:09:07,192 Sadly, they... they all perished in action though. 223 00:09:07,225 --> 00:09:08,561 Oh. How exactly did that happen? 224 00:09:08,594 --> 00:09:10,795 Well, the police say gravity, but if... 225 00:09:10,829 --> 00:09:12,297 Just between us, they didn't test well 226 00:09:12,330 --> 00:09:13,798 - in the focus group. - I see. 227 00:09:13,832 --> 00:09:15,534 - Particularly Cable. - X-Force. 228 00:09:15,567 --> 00:09:16,435 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 229 00:09:16,469 --> 00:09:17,503 Look, I can see this isn't going well. 230 00:09:17,537 --> 00:09:19,005 Please stop writing. Look, I... I... 231 00:09:19,037 --> 00:09:21,106 I'm just... I wanna be an Avenger. 232 00:09:22,707 --> 00:09:24,508 I wanna be an Avenger. 233 00:09:26,244 --> 00:09:28,145 Why do you wanna be an Avenger? 234 00:09:28,178 --> 00:09:29,714 Look around you. I mean, they're the... 235 00:09:29,748 --> 00:09:31,148 they're the best of the best. 236 00:09:31,181 --> 00:09:33,217 And... And what they do matters. 237 00:09:33,250 --> 00:09:35,653 I need to be an Avenger. 238 00:09:35,686 --> 00:09:38,122 Sir, my girl has kinda had it with my shtick, 239 00:09:38,155 --> 00:09:39,456 and I... if I don't, you know, 240 00:09:39,489 --> 00:09:42,292 turn things around and do something with my "gifts," 241 00:09:42,325 --> 00:09:44,060 I don't think it's gonna really work out for me, 242 00:09:44,093 --> 00:09:45,495 and I wouldn't blame her. 243 00:09:46,629 --> 00:09:50,934 Avengers are a very unique group of superheroes 244 00:09:50,967 --> 00:09:52,168 that stand for something 245 00:09:52,201 --> 00:09:54,836 more than just fighting and wearing costumes. 246 00:09:54,870 --> 00:09:58,107 I mean, people look up to us. Kids look up to us. 247 00:09:58,141 --> 00:09:59,342 - They... - I'm sorry. "Us"? 248 00:09:59,375 --> 00:10:02,046 I wasn't aware that you were an Avenger. 249 00:10:02,078 --> 00:10:03,111 Avengers-adjacent, technically. 250 00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:04,513 Oh, wow. What's your superpower? 251 00:10:04,546 --> 00:10:07,183 Is it parallel parking? I am so sorry. 252 00:10:07,216 --> 00:10:08,517 That was cruel. 253 00:10:08,550 --> 00:10:10,952 I lash out when I'm nervous. Won't happen again. 254 00:10:10,986 --> 00:10:12,321 - Let's cut to the chase. - Please. 255 00:10:12,354 --> 00:10:13,921 You just said moments ago 256 00:10:13,955 --> 00:10:16,290 that you wanted to be an Avenger because 257 00:10:16,891 --> 00:10:18,460 you need it. 258 00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:19,528 Yes, sir, I do. 259 00:10:19,561 --> 00:10:21,128 But the Avengers don't do the job 260 00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:22,597 because they need it. 261 00:10:22,630 --> 00:10:24,765 They do the job because people need them. 262 00:10:25,932 --> 00:10:27,469 Do you see the distinction? 263 00:10:29,103 --> 00:10:30,671 Yes, sir. 264 00:10:31,539 --> 00:10:33,074 Please, Mr. Hogan. 265 00:10:33,106 --> 00:10:34,274 I don't wanna spend the rest of my life 266 00:10:34,307 --> 00:10:36,509 like an annoying one-trick pony. 267 00:10:39,413 --> 00:10:40,413 All right. 268 00:10:41,247 --> 00:10:43,017 Oh, my God, you're standing. 269 00:10:43,050 --> 00:10:44,551 Yeah, now's the time that we stand. 270 00:10:44,584 --> 00:10:45,417 Damn it. 271 00:10:45,451 --> 00:10:47,020 Now, the problem might be that you're 272 00:10:47,053 --> 00:10:49,455 reaching a little... little too high. 273 00:10:49,488 --> 00:10:52,058 Aim for the middle, and you'll never miss. 274 00:10:52,092 --> 00:10:53,258 Right? I think you got a good heart. 275 00:10:53,292 --> 00:10:55,194 I believe what you're saying. 276 00:10:55,227 --> 00:10:56,829 But not everybody's the world-saving type. 277 00:10:56,862 --> 00:10:58,530 I'm not, and I'm happy. 278 00:10:59,099 --> 00:11:00,866 Right? I found my place. 279 00:11:01,734 --> 00:11:03,135 Find your place. 280 00:11:04,037 --> 00:11:06,137 All right? Get back out there. 281 00:11:06,170 --> 00:11:07,739 - We'll keep an eye on you. - Okay. 282 00:11:07,772 --> 00:11:08,774 Good luck. 283 00:11:09,908 --> 00:11:12,477 - [Wade Wilson] Mm. Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm. 284 00:11:12,510 --> 00:11:15,114 Fetch the car. I wanna hit Shake Shack. 285 00:11:15,146 --> 00:11:16,680 Rejection makes me hungy. 286 00:11:17,681 --> 00:11:19,217 - No, no. Please. - No? 287 00:11:19,250 --> 00:11:20,851 - Yeah, no, no, no. - Okay. 288 00:11:20,884 --> 00:11:22,153 Okay, thank you. 289 00:11:24,089 --> 00:11:25,789 [Deadpool] You know what they say. 290 00:11:25,822 --> 00:11:27,324 When one door closes, 291 00:11:28,358 --> 00:11:30,129 your locker at work opens. 292 00:11:30,161 --> 00:11:32,496 [♪ rousing music playing] 293 00:11:33,230 --> 00:11:34,665 [stapling] 294 00:11:39,936 --> 00:11:41,238 Now let's go sell some certified 295 00:11:41,271 --> 00:11:42,973 pre-owned vehicles, motherfu... 296 00:11:43,006 --> 00:11:44,207 [♪ music stops] 297 00:11:45,341 --> 00:11:48,511 Technically, the... the Carnival's not a minivan. 298 00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:50,746 It's an MPV. 299 00:11:50,780 --> 00:11:53,315 So how does the Kia compare to the Honda Odyssey? 300 00:11:53,349 --> 00:11:54,817 The Odyssey? That's a great question. 301 00:11:54,850 --> 00:11:56,951 - Um, it doesn't fucking suck. - [boy snickers] 302 00:11:56,986 --> 00:11:59,488 You know, you can answer the question without swearing. 303 00:11:59,522 --> 00:12:02,158 I'm sorry, Tammy, I don't... I don't have kids. 304 00:12:02,190 --> 00:12:03,958 Not that I haven't dreamt of that, 305 00:12:03,993 --> 00:12:06,227 but I don't have a lot of vaginal sex. 306 00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:10,599 [Peter] You'll get 'em next time, pal. 307 00:12:10,633 --> 00:12:11,700 - [Wade] Yeah. - [Peter] And look, 308 00:12:11,733 --> 00:12:13,434 you can always go back to superhero-ing. 309 00:12:13,467 --> 00:12:16,203 I mean, I know I'd like to see you back in the suit. 310 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,872 I don't keep it in my locker so that I can wear it. 311 00:12:18,906 --> 00:12:21,542 I keep it in my locker in case we need to saddle up again. 312 00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:24,745 Hey, hey, hey. What is that doing in there? 313 00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:25,879 I'm done. 314 00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:28,648 I'm done. 315 00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:31,452 And I'm fine with being done. 316 00:12:31,485 --> 00:12:33,287 Look, is sales the best match? 317 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:34,754 Probably not. 318 00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:38,558 Is this the life that I always imagined for myself? Fuck no. 319 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:41,694 But this is the right fit for me, Sugar Bear, it is. 320 00:12:41,728 --> 00:12:43,329 Okay, Mr. Wilson. 321 00:12:43,362 --> 00:12:45,065 I'm just saying, once a month, 322 00:12:45,099 --> 00:12:47,167 we could go on a little mission. 323 00:12:47,201 --> 00:12:50,002 We're human beings. We crave purpose. 324 00:12:50,036 --> 00:12:51,671 After all, we're Deadpool. 325 00:12:51,704 --> 00:12:54,307 Please stop saying that. We're not Deadpool. 326 00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:56,608 I'm not even Deadpool anymore. 327 00:12:56,641 --> 00:12:59,511 Well, if you're gonna have a midlife crisis, go big. 328 00:12:59,544 --> 00:13:01,480 A few years ago, a friend of mine 329 00:13:01,513 --> 00:13:03,782 got his nipples pierced with a titanium chain 330 00:13:03,815 --> 00:13:07,085 that goes down and attaches to his Van Johnson. 331 00:13:07,119 --> 00:13:08,352 [camera clicking] 332 00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:13,125 Are... Are you feeling grumplestiltskin 333 00:13:13,158 --> 00:13:14,592 'cause it's your birthday? 334 00:13:16,161 --> 00:13:17,361 What? 335 00:13:18,028 --> 00:13:19,029 No. 336 00:13:20,064 --> 00:13:21,265 No. 337 00:13:24,468 --> 00:13:26,470 - Surprise! - [♪ hip-hop music plays] 338 00:13:26,504 --> 00:13:29,006 Hey, you guys are lucky I'm not armed. 339 00:13:29,739 --> 00:13:30,774 Get in here. 340 00:13:30,807 --> 00:13:33,210 If this were six years ago, you'd all be dead. 341 00:13:33,244 --> 00:13:35,012 So then, he gets out of the cab, 342 00:13:35,045 --> 00:13:36,180 and you will not believe it. 343 00:13:36,213 --> 00:13:38,181 I turn around, and what do I find? 344 00:13:38,214 --> 00:13:39,882 - AirPods. His AirPods. - His AirPods! 345 00:13:39,915 --> 00:13:41,117 - Come on. - Crazy story. 346 00:13:41,151 --> 00:13:43,853 - Every time. Come on. - [laughing] Every single time. 347 00:13:44,621 --> 00:13:45,889 [Wade sighs] 348 00:13:45,921 --> 00:13:47,356 Make any sales today? 349 00:13:47,389 --> 00:13:48,791 You know I didn't. 350 00:13:48,824 --> 00:13:50,558 Did you sell any dreamcatchers on Etsy 351 00:13:50,591 --> 00:13:52,228 or whatever it is that you do? 352 00:13:52,262 --> 00:13:53,929 Our rent's due in three days, Wade. 353 00:13:53,962 --> 00:13:55,265 I can't keep carrying you. 354 00:13:55,297 --> 00:13:56,899 Relax. I have the money. 355 00:13:56,932 --> 00:13:59,433 I sold some old blood pressure medication 356 00:13:59,467 --> 00:14:00,735 I found lying around. 357 00:14:00,767 --> 00:14:02,404 You tryin' to kill me, motherfucker? 358 00:14:02,437 --> 00:14:04,107 I'm not the one dousing everything in salt, 359 00:14:04,140 --> 00:14:06,574 - motherfucker. - I pray every day 360 00:14:06,607 --> 00:14:08,609 that fire finds your body 361 00:14:08,642 --> 00:14:11,113 and finishes the job God didn't have 362 00:14:11,146 --> 00:14:12,814 - the nuts to do. - That's hurtful. 363 00:14:12,847 --> 00:14:14,315 If you could hear the look on my face, 364 00:14:14,348 --> 00:14:15,882 you'd smell how sad I am. 365 00:14:15,916 --> 00:14:17,219 You watched anything good? 366 00:14:17,252 --> 00:14:19,021 Great British Bake Off. 367 00:14:19,054 --> 00:14:20,387 Oh, goddamn. 368 00:14:20,420 --> 00:14:22,722 That show stood between me and suicide for 10 years. 369 00:14:22,756 --> 00:14:25,425 Those are my feelings on abortion, religious freedom, 370 00:14:25,458 --> 00:14:27,627 animal rights, privacy rights, vaccines, 371 00:14:27,661 --> 00:14:29,862 free-market capitalism, global climate change. 372 00:14:29,895 --> 00:14:32,933 Yeah, duh-duh-duh. No, no speaking lines, Buck. 373 00:14:32,967 --> 00:14:35,068 - Hi, Yukio. - Hi, Wade. 374 00:14:35,101 --> 00:14:37,603 Nice fake o'clock shadow. 375 00:14:37,636 --> 00:14:40,873 It's a summer balayage. From the French. 376 00:14:40,906 --> 00:14:44,443 It's meant to mimic the natural highlights of the sun. 377 00:14:44,476 --> 00:14:46,378 - It's a toupee. - It's a hair system. 378 00:14:46,412 --> 00:14:48,747 I love your hair system, Wade. 379 00:14:48,781 --> 00:14:50,082 Thank you. Heh. 380 00:14:50,115 --> 00:14:51,549 Wanna do some cocaine? 381 00:14:51,583 --> 00:14:54,687 Hey, cocaine is the one thing that Feige said is off limits. 382 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:56,522 What about Bolivian marching powder? 383 00:14:56,555 --> 00:14:58,656 They know all the slang terms. They have a list. 384 00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:00,525 - Even snowboarding? - Even disco dust. 385 00:15:00,558 --> 00:15:01,593 White girl interrupted? 386 00:15:01,626 --> 00:15:03,194 - Even Forrest Bump. - Booger sugar? 387 00:15:03,228 --> 00:15:04,462 I wouldn't even try powdered gonuts. 388 00:15:04,495 --> 00:15:08,066 - Do you wanna build a snowman? - Yes. But I can't. 389 00:15:09,667 --> 00:15:11,069 Pull here. 390 00:15:11,102 --> 00:15:12,203 - Here? - Yeah. [gasps] 391 00:15:12,237 --> 00:15:13,469 - [Yukio yelps] - [laughter] 392 00:15:13,502 --> 00:15:15,007 - [Dopinder] What happened? - That's the fun part. 393 00:15:16,341 --> 00:15:17,673 Thanks for coming. 394 00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:18,809 Yeah. 395 00:15:18,842 --> 00:15:20,044 How's work? 396 00:15:20,078 --> 00:15:21,444 Oh, I got a promotion. 397 00:15:22,212 --> 00:15:23,579 No way. 398 00:15:23,613 --> 00:15:26,716 Yeah. It's mind-numbing middle management, but I'm happy. 399 00:15:26,749 --> 00:15:27,818 That's great. 400 00:15:29,585 --> 00:15:31,054 - You, uh, seeing anyone? - How about you? 401 00:15:32,089 --> 00:15:34,025 Um... Yeah. 402 00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:36,692 A guy from work. Dermot. 403 00:15:36,726 --> 00:15:37,927 Dermot. 404 00:15:37,961 --> 00:15:39,363 - He's kind. - Good. 405 00:15:39,395 --> 00:15:41,064 Likes to go hiking. 406 00:15:41,098 --> 00:15:42,530 Hasn't gotten me shot yet. 407 00:15:42,564 --> 00:15:44,900 Well, it's the early days. 408 00:15:44,933 --> 00:15:46,402 [Vanessa chuckles] 409 00:15:48,770 --> 00:15:50,805 What about you? You seeing anyone? 410 00:15:50,839 --> 00:15:51,772 [Wade] Mm... 411 00:15:51,805 --> 00:15:53,507 No, no, I live in a one-bedroom apartment. 412 00:15:53,540 --> 00:15:55,077 I share a bed with Blind Al. 413 00:15:56,478 --> 00:15:58,546 - Okay. - [laughs] 414 00:15:58,580 --> 00:16:00,015 - All right. - All right. 415 00:16:01,548 --> 00:16:05,053 [all] ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 416 00:16:05,086 --> 00:16:06,620 - Speech! Speech! - [Yukio] Yes! 417 00:16:06,654 --> 00:16:08,689 All right. Okay, okay, okay. Uh... 418 00:16:09,456 --> 00:16:10,557 Birthdays. 419 00:16:10,591 --> 00:16:12,327 Boy, every spin around the moon 420 00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:13,427 is a new adventure indeed. 421 00:16:13,460 --> 00:16:15,696 - Sun, dumbass. - Okay, round-earther. 422 00:16:17,032 --> 00:16:19,166 - Where was I? - The adventure of life. 423 00:16:19,199 --> 00:16:20,301 Right. Um... 424 00:16:20,334 --> 00:16:22,568 It's been a challenging few years. 425 00:16:22,602 --> 00:16:23,937 Haven't seen you guys in a while. 426 00:16:23,971 --> 00:16:26,340 Been through a lot, uh, change of life. 427 00:16:26,373 --> 00:16:28,409 - Menopause? - Bitch, are you improv-ing? 428 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:30,843 - Mm-mm. - Sorry. 429 00:16:30,877 --> 00:16:32,378 [softly] I'm sorry that you had to see that, Yukio. 430 00:16:32,412 --> 00:16:34,479 - [softly] It's okay. - Yeah. 431 00:16:35,580 --> 00:16:37,350 [sighs] But I'm happy. 432 00:16:37,383 --> 00:16:38,685 You know, and that's... that's 433 00:16:38,718 --> 00:16:41,820 because of each and every one of you. 434 00:16:41,853 --> 00:16:43,521 I guess, what I'm trying to say is 435 00:16:43,554 --> 00:16:45,157 how proud I am, how grateful I am 436 00:16:45,190 --> 00:16:46,491 to be standing in a room 437 00:16:46,525 --> 00:16:49,760 with every single person I love. 438 00:16:49,795 --> 00:16:51,930 [♪ soft music playing] 439 00:16:54,731 --> 00:16:56,634 I'm the luckiest man alive. 440 00:16:56,970 --> 00:16:57,971 [chuckles] 441 00:16:59,037 --> 00:16:59,937 Make a wish, buddy. 442 00:16:59,972 --> 00:17:02,839 Ten-four, good buddy. [chuckles] 443 00:17:02,872 --> 00:17:03,976 Going down. 444 00:17:07,312 --> 00:17:08,512 [knock at door] 445 00:17:10,248 --> 00:17:11,282 Wade Wilson? 446 00:17:11,315 --> 00:17:12,716 Oh, yeah. Dancers. 447 00:17:12,749 --> 00:17:14,617 Dopinder must have ordered you. 448 00:17:14,651 --> 00:17:16,355 Are those supposed to be cop costumes? 449 00:17:16,388 --> 00:17:17,887 Never mind. 450 00:17:17,921 --> 00:17:20,257 Take your clothes off but leave the helmets. 451 00:17:20,291 --> 00:17:21,591 And this isn't Pretty Woman. 452 00:17:22,360 --> 00:17:23,692 We're kissing. All right? 453 00:17:23,726 --> 00:17:25,627 What song do you guys normally dance to? 454 00:17:26,730 --> 00:17:29,832 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 455 00:17:29,865 --> 00:17:31,201 Is that supposed to be scary? 456 00:17:31,234 --> 00:17:33,202 Pegging isn't new for me, friendo. 457 00:17:33,235 --> 00:17:34,737 But it is for Disney. 458 00:17:35,372 --> 00:17:36,505 Ah, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta! 459 00:17:36,538 --> 00:17:38,408 Okay, I've never been a natural bottom, 460 00:17:38,441 --> 00:17:40,410 so we're gonna take things real slow. 461 00:17:40,443 --> 00:17:42,378 And I want some crazy eye contact. 462 00:17:42,412 --> 00:17:43,878 Not you. You. 463 00:17:43,911 --> 00:17:45,847 Can't see your eyes through the mask, but I can feel them. 464 00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:47,549 We're gonna move on down the hallway 465 00:17:47,583 --> 00:17:49,551 so we can spare a cleanup on aisle asshole. 466 00:17:49,585 --> 00:17:51,020 How's everyone feel about this plan? 467 00:17:51,053 --> 00:17:51,954 I don't like you. 468 00:17:51,987 --> 00:17:54,222 Yes. Let's hold on to that attitude. 469 00:17:54,255 --> 00:17:56,024 And we're gonna do it angry. 470 00:17:56,057 --> 00:17:57,226 [grunts] 471 00:17:58,525 --> 00:17:59,727 [grunts] 472 00:18:03,797 --> 00:18:06,100 [♪ suspenseful music playing] 473 00:18:06,134 --> 00:18:07,601 [Wade moans softly] 474 00:18:08,336 --> 00:18:09,536 [Wade grunts] 475 00:18:14,142 --> 00:18:15,275 [Voice] Mr. Wilson... 476 00:18:17,010 --> 00:18:20,014 you appear to have soiled yourself while unconscious. 477 00:18:20,048 --> 00:18:22,681 I wasn't unconscious. Who are you? 478 00:18:22,715 --> 00:18:24,649 I go by the name of Paradox. 479 00:18:24,682 --> 00:18:28,321 Mr. Paradox. And you're sitting here at the TVA. 480 00:18:28,355 --> 00:18:30,457 The Time Variance Authority. 481 00:18:30,490 --> 00:18:32,757 We're really a watchdog organization, 482 00:18:32,791 --> 00:18:35,461 except we're more lighthearted than that sounds, 483 00:18:35,494 --> 00:18:38,897 with a sort of throwback, ironic twist. 484 00:18:38,930 --> 00:18:40,533 And we're in charge of defending 485 00:18:40,565 --> 00:18:43,202 what's known as the Sacred Timeline. 486 00:18:43,235 --> 00:18:46,603 Holy fuck. That is a shit-ton of exposition for a threequel. 487 00:18:46,637 --> 00:18:48,606 Is this because I used Cable's time machine? 488 00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:50,443 Brought a couple of people back to life, 489 00:18:50,476 --> 00:18:51,544 then I destroyed it. 490 00:18:51,576 --> 00:18:52,977 - That was a long time ago. - Yes, 491 00:18:53,011 --> 00:18:55,746 we're aware of your abuse of your timeline. 492 00:18:55,779 --> 00:18:58,517 [chuckles] And you were so abusive of it. 493 00:18:58,551 --> 00:19:01,019 Uh, no, it has nothing to do with that. 494 00:19:01,052 --> 00:19:02,120 Walk with me. 495 00:19:04,288 --> 00:19:06,290 [♪ mysterious music playing] 496 00:19:07,890 --> 00:19:10,627 I brought you here, Mr. Wilson, to tell you 497 00:19:10,661 --> 00:19:12,762 that you're special. 498 00:19:12,795 --> 00:19:15,731 In fact, you've been chosen for a higher purpose, 499 00:19:15,765 --> 00:19:18,101 a purpose unclear even to me. 500 00:19:18,134 --> 00:19:20,070 But one that could 501 00:19:20,104 --> 00:19:23,140 save the entire Sacred Timeline 502 00:19:23,173 --> 00:19:25,874 from a possibly grisly fate sometime in the future, 503 00:19:25,907 --> 00:19:28,543 which may very well need to be... 504 00:19:28,577 --> 00:19:30,413 avenged. 505 00:19:30,446 --> 00:19:32,148 This Sacred Timeline, 506 00:19:33,216 --> 00:19:35,151 I assume I'm going to marvel 507 00:19:35,550 --> 00:19:36,785 at how 508 00:19:37,319 --> 00:19:39,154 cinematic it feels? 509 00:19:39,187 --> 00:19:41,057 Gratuitous cameos, 510 00:19:41,090 --> 00:19:43,259 indiscriminate use of Variants, the whole package? 511 00:19:43,291 --> 00:19:45,293 Well, you tell me. 512 00:19:45,327 --> 00:19:46,328 [device beeps] 513 00:19:48,964 --> 00:19:51,166 [♪ heroic music playing] 514 00:19:52,300 --> 00:19:53,301 Cap! 515 00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:02,909 You are no longer lost, Wade. 516 00:20:02,943 --> 00:20:05,912 You can be a hero among heroes. 517 00:20:05,946 --> 00:20:08,115 We've been surveilling you for quite a while. 518 00:20:08,149 --> 00:20:11,219 - Subway station. - A TVA outpost, yes. 519 00:20:12,386 --> 00:20:13,686 - And what is that? - Hmm? 520 00:20:16,523 --> 00:20:18,024 Is that me? Is that Thor? 521 00:20:19,425 --> 00:20:21,295 - Is he crying? - Uh, let's not 522 00:20:21,328 --> 00:20:22,661 - get ahead of ourselves. - [gasps] 523 00:20:22,694 --> 00:20:23,963 That happens in the distant future. 524 00:20:23,997 --> 00:20:25,864 Why is Thor crying? Quick! Tell me. 525 00:20:25,898 --> 00:20:27,367 Do not speak to her. Stop that. Eyes on me. 526 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,800 I brought you here to offer you an opportunity. 527 00:20:29,834 --> 00:20:31,803 The opportunity you sought years ago, 528 00:20:31,837 --> 00:20:33,406 but for which you were not ready. 529 00:20:33,439 --> 00:20:34,973 We believe you're ready now. 530 00:20:35,007 --> 00:20:37,075 Ready for a chance to leave your timeline 531 00:20:37,109 --> 00:20:39,410 and join the greatest universe of all. 532 00:20:39,443 --> 00:20:41,446 I am about to give you the thing you've always wanted. 533 00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:43,015 Oh, I smell what you're steppin' in. 534 00:20:43,048 --> 00:20:44,515 The power in the Marvel Universe 535 00:20:44,550 --> 00:20:45,783 is about to change forever. 536 00:20:47,885 --> 00:20:49,621 I am the Messiah... 537 00:20:49,655 --> 00:20:51,423 [♪ heavenly music building] 538 00:20:51,455 --> 00:20:53,791 I am... 539 00:20:54,959 --> 00:20:56,460 - [♪ music stops] - ...Marvel Jesus. 540 00:20:57,794 --> 00:20:59,396 Can you excuse me for just a moment? 541 00:20:59,429 --> 00:21:00,931 I'm just gonna go over here. 542 00:21:04,101 --> 00:21:05,502 Suck it, Fox! 543 00:21:05,535 --> 00:21:06,803 I'm going to Disneyland. 544 00:21:06,836 --> 00:21:08,305 [grunts] Get fucked! 545 00:21:11,807 --> 00:21:12,841 Where do I sign? 546 00:21:12,876 --> 00:21:13,978 Oh, there's no need for paperwork. 547 00:21:14,011 --> 00:21:16,379 Good. Not to brag, but I do not read. 548 00:21:16,413 --> 00:21:17,280 [chuckles] Oh. 549 00:21:17,314 --> 00:21:19,448 There is one thing I will need, though. 550 00:21:22,052 --> 00:21:23,587 [♪ rousing music playing] 551 00:21:23,620 --> 00:21:26,223 [laughs] Oh, fuck off! 552 00:21:26,256 --> 00:21:28,224 Adorn me, Beardo. 553 00:21:43,071 --> 00:21:44,905 - [squeaks] - [elevator dings] 554 00:21:46,408 --> 00:21:48,676 [♪ hip-hop music plays, Fergie ft. Ludacris "Glamorous"] 555 00:21:48,710 --> 00:21:50,244 Fuckin' A! 556 00:21:50,277 --> 00:21:52,414 Uhh! It's perfect! FYI, 557 00:21:52,448 --> 00:21:55,717 your tailor is a predator, but I love it. Snug. 558 00:21:55,749 --> 00:21:56,883 No camel toe. 559 00:21:56,917 --> 00:22:00,520 New car smell and adamantium katanas? 560 00:22:00,554 --> 00:22:02,355 You shouldn't have. 561 00:22:02,389 --> 00:22:04,291 Go ahead. Take it in. 562 00:22:04,324 --> 00:22:07,060 And yes, your underwear is getting tighter. 563 00:22:07,094 --> 00:22:08,861 That guy knows what I'm talking about. 564 00:22:08,894 --> 00:22:10,597 His clothes says middle management, 565 00:22:10,631 --> 00:22:13,300 but his eyes say fuck-y fuck-y. 566 00:22:13,333 --> 00:22:15,269 Yes. You look very nice. 567 00:22:15,302 --> 00:22:16,369 [Deadpool] "Nice"? 568 00:22:16,402 --> 00:22:18,437 Your buddy here is ready to throw it all away for me. 569 00:22:18,471 --> 00:22:19,739 - You callin' your wife? - HR. 570 00:22:19,771 --> 00:22:21,173 [Deadpool] Does your wife work in HR? 571 00:22:21,207 --> 00:22:23,576 [Mr. Paradox] I'm really glad you're taking this so well. 572 00:22:23,609 --> 00:22:25,311 [Deadpool] Oh, I'm taking it well. 573 00:22:25,344 --> 00:22:27,879 I have never had a problem traveling for work. 574 00:22:27,912 --> 00:22:30,049 That said, we should talk vacation days. 575 00:22:30,082 --> 00:22:32,684 I'm more of a one-week-on- one-week-off kind of guy. 576 00:22:32,717 --> 00:22:34,153 I think it's what they do in Denmark. 577 00:22:34,186 --> 00:22:35,955 You know, you'll never see a Danish flag on the moon, 578 00:22:35,988 --> 00:22:37,922 but [chuckles] goddamn it, they're happy. 579 00:22:37,957 --> 00:22:40,658 Now, let's power up your little Amazon Fire phone there 580 00:22:40,691 --> 00:22:42,160 and zip me back home 581 00:22:42,193 --> 00:22:44,162 so I can let my friends know that they've been upgraded 582 00:22:44,195 --> 00:22:45,230 to disciples. 583 00:22:45,263 --> 00:22:48,300 Yeah. I don't think you... quite understand. 584 00:22:48,333 --> 00:22:51,036 Um, you will not be returning to your home 585 00:22:51,069 --> 00:22:53,538 because there will be no home to return to. 586 00:22:53,571 --> 00:22:54,606 Come again? 587 00:22:54,638 --> 00:22:55,872 This time in my ears. 588 00:22:57,907 --> 00:22:59,108 [device beeps] 589 00:22:59,976 --> 00:23:03,112 This is your universe, Mr. Wilson. 590 00:23:03,613 --> 00:23:04,914 That 591 00:23:04,948 --> 00:23:06,915 is what happens when a universe 592 00:23:06,949 --> 00:23:09,118 loses their Anchor Being. 593 00:23:09,152 --> 00:23:11,321 See how it decays from the inside? 594 00:23:11,354 --> 00:23:14,190 - This is how a reality dies. - What's an Anchor Being? 595 00:23:14,223 --> 00:23:16,626 An Anchor Being is an entity of such vital importance 596 00:23:16,659 --> 00:23:17,859 that when they die, 597 00:23:17,893 --> 00:23:21,229 their whole world slowly withers out of existence. 598 00:23:21,263 --> 00:23:24,099 You've just won the lottery because I didn't die. 599 00:23:24,132 --> 00:23:25,968 It was just a little midlife crisis. I'm better now. 600 00:23:26,002 --> 00:23:28,370 Oh, no, no, no. [laughing] 601 00:23:30,539 --> 00:23:32,174 [Deadpool laughs along] 602 00:23:32,207 --> 00:23:35,010 - Oh, my God. - Oh, I love to laugh. 603 00:23:35,043 --> 00:23:37,746 Can you imagine if you were the Anchor Being? 604 00:23:37,779 --> 00:23:39,880 - [Deadpool, dully] Yeah. - [laughs] Oh! 605 00:23:39,914 --> 00:23:42,450 - Yeah. - No, it isn't you, Mr. Wilson. 606 00:23:43,117 --> 00:23:44,584 Your Anchor Being died 607 00:23:44,618 --> 00:23:47,855 in an act of self-sacrifice so epic 608 00:23:47,888 --> 00:23:50,257 that it sent shivers down the Timeline. 609 00:23:50,291 --> 00:23:53,360 I am referring, of course, to... 610 00:23:54,694 --> 00:23:58,465 Logan. The Wolverine. 611 00:24:01,901 --> 00:24:04,371 [weakly] Don't be what they made you. 612 00:24:05,272 --> 00:24:08,041 [♪ sentimental slow rock music playing] 613 00:24:12,678 --> 00:24:14,279 [crying] 614 00:24:14,313 --> 00:24:17,015 Ah, so this is what it feels like... 615 00:24:18,684 --> 00:24:19,884 [Deadpool] Logan. 616 00:24:20,619 --> 00:24:21,620 Of course. 617 00:24:22,287 --> 00:24:23,288 Logan. 618 00:24:24,921 --> 00:24:25,991 [Deadpool groans] 619 00:24:26,024 --> 00:24:27,559 [yelling] Logan? 620 00:24:27,593 --> 00:24:29,561 The guy with forks for hands? 621 00:24:29,595 --> 00:24:32,163 - That Wolverine? - [device beeps] 622 00:24:32,196 --> 00:24:33,998 Yeah, I got it. You can turn your 623 00:24:34,031 --> 00:24:36,335 retro graphics of death off now. Make it stop. 624 00:24:36,368 --> 00:24:37,869 We're not doing it, Mr. Wilson. 625 00:24:37,901 --> 00:24:39,137 We certainly can't stop it. 626 00:24:41,205 --> 00:24:42,239 [Deadpool] How long have we got? 627 00:24:42,272 --> 00:24:44,941 In most cases, couple thousand years. 628 00:24:44,975 --> 00:24:46,244 - Well, sweet. - Well, most cases 629 00:24:46,277 --> 00:24:48,713 aren't fast enough. Not for me. 630 00:24:48,746 --> 00:24:49,847 [Deadpool] What does that mean? 631 00:24:49,881 --> 00:24:52,048 It means that I have been tasked 632 00:24:52,082 --> 00:24:54,518 with overseeing the end of your universe. 633 00:24:54,551 --> 00:24:55,484 And regardless of what 634 00:24:55,519 --> 00:24:57,421 the pencil pushers upstairs would prefer, 635 00:24:57,454 --> 00:24:58,689 I will not 636 00:24:58,722 --> 00:25:02,258 waste my life watching it die slowly of natural causes. 637 00:25:02,291 --> 00:25:04,427 We used to just prune these things. Simple. 638 00:25:04,460 --> 00:25:06,430 Elegant. Efficient. But I'm told the TVA 639 00:25:06,463 --> 00:25:08,965 doesn't like to do that anymore. Well, I do. 640 00:25:08,999 --> 00:25:10,801 And no matter what my so-called superiors say, 641 00:25:10,834 --> 00:25:13,436 the multiverse does not need a babysitter. 642 00:25:13,469 --> 00:25:15,137 We need a mercy killer. 643 00:25:15,171 --> 00:25:16,873 And in this instance, 644 00:25:16,907 --> 00:25:20,176 I am the mercy killer. Ha! 645 00:25:21,476 --> 00:25:22,477 [chuckles] 646 00:25:23,545 --> 00:25:24,446 [device beeps] 647 00:25:24,479 --> 00:25:26,347 [Deadpool] What in the MacGuffin is that? 648 00:25:26,381 --> 00:25:28,716 [Mr. Paradox] That's a Time Ripper, Mr. Wilson. 649 00:25:28,750 --> 00:25:30,385 An accelerant. 650 00:25:30,418 --> 00:25:33,121 Once completed, it will allow me to destroy 651 00:25:33,154 --> 00:25:35,190 the spacetime matrix of your universe. 652 00:25:35,223 --> 00:25:37,525 You see, I don't want to work for the TVA. 653 00:25:37,559 --> 00:25:39,427 I want to be the TVA. 654 00:25:39,461 --> 00:25:42,197 And the first step involves showing this organization 655 00:25:42,230 --> 00:25:44,098 how much more efficient it can become. 656 00:25:44,132 --> 00:25:45,965 To wit, I will be giving your universe 657 00:25:45,998 --> 00:25:48,535 a swift and compassionate end. 658 00:25:48,569 --> 00:25:50,171 And don't worry, your friends won't feel a thing. 659 00:25:50,205 --> 00:25:52,972 It'll be over just like this. "Oh, what's that?" [groans] 660 00:25:53,574 --> 00:25:54,640 Trust me. 661 00:26:07,219 --> 00:26:09,655 You're gonna Old Yeller my fucking universe? 662 00:26:09,689 --> 00:26:11,891 Mm... In your parlance, yes. 663 00:26:11,925 --> 00:26:13,325 Two in the heart, one in the head. 664 00:26:13,358 --> 00:26:15,427 Look, Mr. Wilson, you have two choices. 665 00:26:15,461 --> 00:26:16,963 You can either rejoin your loved ones 666 00:26:16,995 --> 00:26:18,865 and collectively cease to exist in, 667 00:26:18,898 --> 00:26:21,934 I'd say, 72 hours. Or... 668 00:26:21,968 --> 00:26:24,502 you join the Sacred Timeline. 669 00:26:24,535 --> 00:26:26,939 And you end your days of insignificance 670 00:26:26,972 --> 00:26:29,207 and mediocrity. 671 00:26:29,241 --> 00:26:30,809 Wade. 672 00:26:30,842 --> 00:26:32,711 Wade, you can finally, 673 00:26:32,744 --> 00:26:35,279 finally matter. 674 00:26:39,450 --> 00:26:42,286 - [Hulk roars] - [♪ sentimental music playing] 675 00:26:44,889 --> 00:26:47,024 That's all I've ever really wanted. 676 00:26:47,057 --> 00:26:48,458 I know. 677 00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:50,895 I know. 678 00:26:50,929 --> 00:26:53,097 And you know I'm... I'm nothing if not 679 00:26:53,130 --> 00:26:54,531 morally flexible. [chuckles] 680 00:26:54,965 --> 00:26:56,165 [chuckles] 681 00:26:56,899 --> 00:26:58,101 Yep, yep. 682 00:27:00,137 --> 00:27:01,371 I'll do it. 683 00:27:01,404 --> 00:27:02,305 Wise choice. 684 00:27:02,338 --> 00:27:04,173 The Sacred Timeline's happy to have you. 685 00:27:04,207 --> 00:27:05,375 [Deadpool] I was actually talking about finding 686 00:27:05,408 --> 00:27:07,242 the Wolverine and breaking your fucking nose. 687 00:27:08,011 --> 00:27:09,212 [groans] 688 00:27:10,613 --> 00:27:12,047 [♪ soft rock music plays, Goo Goo Dolls "Iris"] 689 00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:14,816 ♪ And I'd give up forever to touch you ♪ 690 00:27:14,850 --> 00:27:18,886 ♪ 'Cause I know that you feel me somehow ♪ 691 00:27:18,921 --> 00:27:20,122 [♪ song stops] 692 00:27:20,924 --> 00:27:23,292 Find him. Find him! 693 00:27:23,325 --> 00:27:25,327 [Deadpool] And boy, did he ever. 694 00:27:25,360 --> 00:27:26,995 [grunting] 695 00:27:27,029 --> 00:27:28,563 Which brings us back to this. 696 00:27:30,499 --> 00:27:32,800 The desecration of the sacred corpse. 697 00:27:32,833 --> 00:27:35,670 - [♪ dramatic music playing] - [yelling and grunting] 698 00:27:36,938 --> 00:27:38,638 - Oh, my God! - [yells] 699 00:27:39,639 --> 00:27:42,677 Oh! My own fucking arm! 700 00:27:42,710 --> 00:27:43,877 [soldier 1 yells] 701 00:27:43,910 --> 00:27:45,679 - [soldier 1 screams] - [grunting] 702 00:27:45,712 --> 00:27:47,314 - [soldier 1 screaming] - Now we're talkin'! 703 00:27:47,347 --> 00:27:48,848 [soldier 1] Not like this! 704 00:27:48,882 --> 00:27:51,052 No, dear God! No! 705 00:27:51,084 --> 00:27:53,219 [Deadpool] I'm sorry! Wolverine-ing is hard! 706 00:27:53,253 --> 00:27:54,654 [soldier 2] Make it stop! 707 00:27:54,688 --> 00:27:55,889 [Deadpool] Mangold tried. 708 00:27:55,923 --> 00:27:57,791 [soldiers screaming] 709 00:27:58,692 --> 00:28:00,760 You sick fuck! 710 00:28:00,794 --> 00:28:02,162 Logan was a hero. 711 00:28:02,195 --> 00:28:03,763 And the only thing worth a shit 712 00:28:03,797 --> 00:28:05,197 to ever come out of Canada. 713 00:28:05,731 --> 00:28:06,765 [soldier 1 cries out] 714 00:28:07,333 --> 00:28:08,533 [soldier 2 screams] 715 00:28:12,973 --> 00:28:15,174 [Deadpool] Get my country's name 716 00:28:15,207 --> 00:28:17,408 out of your fuckin' mouth. 717 00:28:18,309 --> 00:28:20,178 And my sword. Give me that. 718 00:28:22,447 --> 00:28:23,314 [exhales] 719 00:28:23,348 --> 00:28:25,783 Oh, I gotta find me another Logan. 720 00:28:26,217 --> 00:28:27,551 An alive one. 721 00:28:27,584 --> 00:28:30,554 Don't get up, guys. I'll see myself out. 722 00:28:30,587 --> 00:28:33,324 [♪ synth rock music playing, "The Power of Love"] 723 00:28:37,527 --> 00:28:38,528 Logan! 724 00:28:42,066 --> 00:28:43,867 I'm gonna need you to come with me. 725 00:28:45,003 --> 00:28:46,202 Who's asking? 726 00:28:47,004 --> 00:28:48,305 [♪ music stops] 727 00:28:48,338 --> 00:28:50,272 [Deadpool] Oh, look at this little Hairy Lou Retton. 728 00:28:50,306 --> 00:28:52,174 Did you stick the landing, little guy? 729 00:28:52,709 --> 00:28:53,744 Yes, you did! 730 00:28:53,776 --> 00:28:55,445 Comic-accurate short king. 731 00:28:55,479 --> 00:28:57,880 Such a cute wittle Wolvie. 732 00:28:57,914 --> 00:28:59,548 Cue the fuckin' montage, baby. 733 00:28:59,582 --> 00:29:01,282 - [♪ synth rock music resumes] - Ahoy! 734 00:29:01,316 --> 00:29:03,586 Everything seems to be on fire. 735 00:29:03,619 --> 00:29:05,253 You have a dragon? 736 00:29:05,286 --> 00:29:07,856 Ooh, you have Anchor Being written all over... 737 00:29:07,889 --> 00:29:09,624 [grunting] 738 00:29:10,692 --> 00:29:11,794 [growling] 739 00:29:11,827 --> 00:29:15,430 ♪ Make a one man weep, make another man sing ♪ 740 00:29:16,032 --> 00:29:17,666 ♪ Change a hawk... ♪ 741 00:29:17,699 --> 00:29:18,733 Patch! 742 00:29:18,767 --> 00:29:21,937 - [engine revving] - Oh, now we're talkin'. 743 00:29:22,637 --> 00:29:24,339 Oh, yeah. 744 00:29:24,371 --> 00:29:26,507 That's the whole goddamn package right there. 745 00:29:27,508 --> 00:29:28,442 Howdy! 746 00:29:28,475 --> 00:29:31,211 I'm just... I'm auditioning Anchor Beings. 747 00:29:31,245 --> 00:29:33,882 Oh. Yeah, that's gonna need some coconut oil. 748 00:29:35,683 --> 00:29:36,817 [grunts] 749 00:29:36,850 --> 00:29:38,153 [crow cawing] 750 00:29:38,185 --> 00:29:40,353 What in the fuck? 751 00:29:40,386 --> 00:29:42,188 [laughs] Are you okay? 752 00:29:42,589 --> 00:29:43,524 Oh, yes, yes. 753 00:29:43,557 --> 00:29:45,525 Classic John Byrne brown and tan. 754 00:29:45,558 --> 00:29:47,527 Now, you fought the Hulk in this outfit. No? 755 00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:49,529 - [deep growl] - [♪ song stops] 756 00:29:50,430 --> 00:29:52,198 I'm Marvel Jesus, you dull creature, 757 00:29:52,231 --> 00:29:53,399 and I will not... [yells] 758 00:29:53,433 --> 00:29:54,901 - [Deadpool groans] - [♪ song resumes playing] 759 00:29:55,802 --> 00:29:57,270 [grunting] 760 00:30:00,205 --> 00:30:02,874 - [thunder rumbles] - [groaning] 761 00:30:02,909 --> 00:30:05,744 It's not you. We're just going in a different direction. 762 00:30:07,746 --> 00:30:08,947 [engine revving] 763 00:30:08,980 --> 00:30:10,015 You know, from behind, 764 00:30:10,048 --> 00:30:11,183 you look a little bit like Henry... 765 00:30:11,216 --> 00:30:12,616 - Oh, my fuck! - [♪ song stops] 766 00:30:12,650 --> 00:30:15,921 The Cavillrine. The legends are true. 767 00:30:15,954 --> 00:30:18,957 And may I say, sir, on behalf of all humanity, 768 00:30:18,990 --> 00:30:20,959 this just feels right. 769 00:30:20,992 --> 00:30:22,526 We will treat you so much better 770 00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:23,861 than those shit fucks down the street. 771 00:30:23,894 --> 00:30:26,164 - You were just leavin'. - [Deadpool] No, sir. 772 00:30:26,198 --> 00:30:27,698 Not while the fate of my universe is at... 773 00:30:29,967 --> 00:30:30,968 [man grunts] 774 00:30:31,535 --> 00:30:32,368 [choking] 775 00:30:32,402 --> 00:30:33,939 This one looks promising. 776 00:30:33,972 --> 00:30:35,271 Down you go. 777 00:30:36,707 --> 00:30:37,708 [Logan] Again. 778 00:30:38,542 --> 00:30:40,810 I told you. You're not welcome here. 779 00:30:40,844 --> 00:30:42,277 You're not welcome anywhere. 780 00:30:42,311 --> 00:30:43,579 Now get the fuck out of my bar. 781 00:30:43,613 --> 00:30:46,282 Just give me one more drink and then I'll leave. 782 00:30:46,316 --> 00:30:48,119 [bartender] That's not how it works. 783 00:30:48,152 --> 00:30:50,352 [Deadpool] It does now. Leave the bottle. 784 00:30:50,385 --> 00:30:51,453 I know you, bub? 785 00:30:51,487 --> 00:30:54,058 Nope. But I know you. 786 00:30:54,091 --> 00:30:55,591 Everybody knows me. 787 00:30:57,060 --> 00:30:58,194 I'm the Wolverine. 788 00:30:58,228 --> 00:31:00,595 Yes, you are. 789 00:31:00,628 --> 00:31:02,730 And I'm gonna need you to come with me right now. 790 00:31:04,066 --> 00:31:05,467 Look, lady, I'm not interested. 791 00:31:05,501 --> 00:31:06,902 Really gettin' into your cups here. 792 00:31:06,936 --> 00:31:08,469 Why would I go with you? 793 00:31:09,437 --> 00:31:11,305 Because, unfortunately, 794 00:31:11,339 --> 00:31:12,673 I need you, 795 00:31:12,706 --> 00:31:16,778 and even more unfortunately, my entire world needs you. 796 00:31:17,445 --> 00:31:19,014 You two gonna fuck or fight? 797 00:31:22,984 --> 00:31:24,417 You gonna take that from him? 798 00:31:24,451 --> 00:31:25,987 - Yep. - [scoffs] 799 00:31:26,020 --> 00:31:28,157 I can tell you have a sort of don't-get-too-close- 800 00:31:28,190 --> 00:31:29,991 I'll-only-break-your-heart vibe going here, 801 00:31:30,024 --> 00:31:31,057 but every other Wolverine 802 00:31:31,091 --> 00:31:32,392 would've really hurt me by now. 803 00:31:32,425 --> 00:31:33,627 And I'm sort of on the tick-tick. 804 00:31:33,660 --> 00:31:35,129 - So, upsy-daisy. Here we go. - Whoa, whoa. 805 00:31:35,163 --> 00:31:36,197 - Up you go. - Hey, hey! 806 00:31:36,231 --> 00:31:37,430 I got you, big guy. 807 00:31:38,732 --> 00:31:39,733 Oh. 808 00:31:41,168 --> 00:31:42,369 Whiskey dick of the claws. 809 00:31:42,402 --> 00:31:43,937 It's quite common in Wolverines over 40. 810 00:31:43,970 --> 00:31:44,938 You don't want this. 811 00:31:44,971 --> 00:31:47,641 You're right. I don't. And you don't want this. 812 00:31:47,673 --> 00:31:49,242 Unless you wanna take a deep breath 813 00:31:49,276 --> 00:31:50,476 through your fuckin' forehead, 814 00:31:50,509 --> 00:31:52,711 I suggest you reconsider. 815 00:31:52,745 --> 00:31:53,812 Let's go, peanut. 816 00:31:56,082 --> 00:31:58,217 [laughing] 817 00:31:58,250 --> 00:32:00,318 Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. 818 00:32:00,852 --> 00:32:01,853 Watch this. 819 00:32:02,854 --> 00:32:04,889 All right. That... Whoa. 820 00:32:05,290 --> 00:32:06,491 Easy. 821 00:32:10,029 --> 00:32:11,562 Good God. 822 00:32:11,595 --> 00:32:13,597 Thirsty little honey badger, aren't ya? 823 00:32:14,531 --> 00:32:16,268 It's okay. Keep goin'. 824 00:32:16,302 --> 00:32:18,368 Audiences are accustomed to long run times. 825 00:32:19,270 --> 00:32:21,672 [grunts, groans] 826 00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:23,706 [body thuds] 827 00:32:23,739 --> 00:32:26,110 [sighs] Guess you'll have to do. 828 00:32:26,144 --> 00:32:27,344 Okay, here we... 829 00:32:28,313 --> 00:32:31,249 Oh! Look at those jammies. 830 00:32:31,282 --> 00:32:34,650 That only took 20 fucking years. 831 00:32:34,684 --> 00:32:36,920 One Anchor Being coming right up! 832 00:32:36,955 --> 00:32:39,223 On your left, baby girl. 833 00:32:39,256 --> 00:32:40,356 This Logan has the same 834 00:32:40,389 --> 00:32:42,625 he-can-do-anything- even-musicals look. 835 00:32:42,658 --> 00:32:44,726 And bonus, he's actually wearing a costume 836 00:32:44,759 --> 00:32:45,995 like he's not embarrassed to be 837 00:32:46,028 --> 00:32:47,396 in a superhero movie for once. 838 00:32:47,430 --> 00:32:49,066 I don't understand. 839 00:32:49,099 --> 00:32:50,300 You said my universe is dying 840 00:32:50,334 --> 00:32:52,767 because this sack of nuts got himself killed. 841 00:32:52,801 --> 00:32:55,437 - Well, problem solved. - My God. 842 00:32:55,470 --> 00:32:59,875 You actually think you can replace an Anchor Being 843 00:32:59,909 --> 00:33:01,877 with this? 844 00:33:01,911 --> 00:33:04,479 I wouldn't have accepted any other Wolverine, BT dubs. 845 00:33:04,512 --> 00:33:06,513 But you have outdone yourself 846 00:33:06,547 --> 00:33:08,750 and brought me the worst Wolverine! 847 00:33:08,783 --> 00:33:10,018 What do you mean, the worst one? 848 00:33:10,051 --> 00:33:11,519 Mr. Wilson. 849 00:33:11,552 --> 00:33:15,522 This Wolverine let down his entire world. 850 00:33:15,556 --> 00:33:17,926 He's the stuff of legend, but not in a good way. 851 00:33:17,959 --> 00:33:19,194 And what he did, 852 00:33:19,227 --> 00:33:20,594 well, 853 00:33:20,628 --> 00:33:22,930 some things are just beyond forgiveness. 854 00:33:25,232 --> 00:33:26,566 Okay. 855 00:33:26,599 --> 00:33:29,502 How do I... How do I make this right? I'll do anything. 856 00:33:29,535 --> 00:33:32,504 I gave you a chance at greatness. 857 00:33:32,537 --> 00:33:35,141 Because my superiors deemed you "special." 858 00:33:35,174 --> 00:33:36,643 Clearly not special in a good way. 859 00:33:36,676 --> 00:33:37,711 Apparently you have some 860 00:33:37,745 --> 00:33:39,914 important future purpose to serve. 861 00:33:39,947 --> 00:33:41,048 With Thor. He holds me. 862 00:33:41,081 --> 00:33:42,882 But I did my duty. 863 00:33:42,917 --> 00:33:44,951 I gave you the opportunity to be somebody. 864 00:33:44,984 --> 00:33:46,953 And instead of accepting my offering 865 00:33:46,986 --> 00:33:49,454 with humility and gratitude, you broke my nose. 866 00:33:49,488 --> 00:33:50,522 [sighs] It looks great. 867 00:33:50,555 --> 00:33:52,491 And you decimated dozens of my men 868 00:33:52,524 --> 00:33:54,127 with the exhumed corpse of a hero. 869 00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:56,494 Dishonoring not only his remains but his memory. 870 00:33:56,527 --> 00:33:57,862 What are you, the Internet? 871 00:33:57,897 --> 00:34:00,133 Your world is dying! 872 00:34:00,166 --> 00:34:01,532 Thank you very much. 873 00:34:01,565 --> 00:34:02,867 And there's no stopping it. 874 00:34:04,902 --> 00:34:06,603 [muffled] The humane thing to do 875 00:34:06,636 --> 00:34:07,704 is to make it quick. 876 00:34:07,737 --> 00:34:09,640 Is the thought of vaporizing my universe 877 00:34:09,674 --> 00:34:10,943 making you peckish? 878 00:34:10,975 --> 00:34:12,110 I'm eating my feelings. 879 00:34:12,144 --> 00:34:13,743 I'm about to lose everything that I've ever cared about 880 00:34:13,777 --> 00:34:16,948 because that hairy thundercunt from down undercunt 881 00:34:16,981 --> 00:34:17,915 finally dies, 882 00:34:17,948 --> 00:34:20,551 and he's standing right behind me, isn't he? 883 00:34:20,583 --> 00:34:22,552 Welcome to the MCU, by the way. 884 00:34:22,585 --> 00:34:24,754 You're joining at a bit of a low point. 885 00:34:24,788 --> 00:34:26,822 As for you, I wanna talk to your boss. 886 00:34:26,855 --> 00:34:28,259 I want you to get him on the phone 887 00:34:28,292 --> 00:34:30,294 and you tell him, her, or them, 888 00:34:30,328 --> 00:34:32,629 that Marvel H. Christ isn't playing. 889 00:34:37,934 --> 00:34:38,935 Holy shit. 890 00:34:39,602 --> 00:34:41,537 I just heard a symphony 891 00:34:41,570 --> 00:34:43,505 of buttholes clenching all at once. 892 00:34:43,539 --> 00:34:44,673 You're off grid. 893 00:34:44,707 --> 00:34:46,108 Your bosses don't know what you sick fucks 894 00:34:46,141 --> 00:34:47,176 are doing down here. 895 00:34:47,209 --> 00:34:48,377 Well, I'll tell you what. 896 00:34:48,410 --> 00:34:50,346 I have a black belt in Karen... 897 00:34:50,379 --> 00:34:51,680 And I'm gonna go upstairs 898 00:34:51,714 --> 00:34:54,049 and I'm gonna tell 'em all about you and your... 899 00:34:54,816 --> 00:34:56,617 Oh, silence is nice, isn't it? 900 00:34:56,651 --> 00:34:57,752 Where the fuck did he go? 901 00:34:57,785 --> 00:34:59,755 To the trash heap. You'll fit right in. 902 00:34:59,788 --> 00:35:01,390 [growls] 903 00:35:01,423 --> 00:35:02,724 Whew. 904 00:35:02,757 --> 00:35:04,226 That was close. [chuckles] 905 00:35:07,428 --> 00:35:09,864 [muffled rhythmic thumping] 906 00:35:13,468 --> 00:35:15,668 [muffled footsteps thumping] 907 00:35:19,806 --> 00:35:21,042 [groaning] 908 00:35:25,046 --> 00:35:27,613 [Deadpool] Don't just stand there, you ape. 909 00:35:27,646 --> 00:35:29,681 Give me a hand up. 910 00:35:29,714 --> 00:35:31,617 - [claws clang] - Nope. I'm actually okay. 911 00:35:31,650 --> 00:35:33,819 - Thank you very much. [groans] - [Wolverine grunting] 912 00:35:34,853 --> 00:35:36,022 [Wolverine] Where the hell are we? 913 00:35:36,056 --> 00:35:38,491 [Deadpool] I don't know. Looks kind of Mad Max-y. 914 00:35:38,523 --> 00:35:40,526 But that would be IP infringement, right? 915 00:35:40,559 --> 00:35:41,794 Fucking jokes. 916 00:35:41,826 --> 00:35:43,562 - [grunts] - [Deadpool yelps] 917 00:35:43,595 --> 00:35:45,265 [bones crack] 918 00:35:45,298 --> 00:35:46,698 [Deadpool] Fuck! Fuck. 919 00:35:46,731 --> 00:35:48,200 Were you even listening back there? 920 00:35:48,234 --> 00:35:51,203 If we don't make it back to that Mr. Paradox asshole, 921 00:35:51,238 --> 00:35:52,570 everyone I know is gonna die. 922 00:35:52,604 --> 00:35:54,440 Not my fuckin' problem. 923 00:35:54,473 --> 00:35:56,641 Oh, is that all you got? 924 00:35:56,674 --> 00:35:58,876 Is that what you said when your world went to shit? 925 00:35:59,710 --> 00:36:02,113 [breathing heavily] Come again? 926 00:36:02,147 --> 00:36:04,149 Yeah, I heard all about you. 927 00:36:04,182 --> 00:36:06,251 How you screwed up everything. 928 00:36:06,284 --> 00:36:07,419 You should be thankin' me 929 00:36:07,452 --> 00:36:09,119 for pulling you out of that bed you shit in. 930 00:36:09,153 --> 00:36:11,423 [groans] You back-stabbing son of a bitch! 931 00:36:11,457 --> 00:36:12,756 [yells] 932 00:36:15,926 --> 00:36:17,428 [shouts, groans] 933 00:36:17,461 --> 00:36:18,795 Are you ready to be calm now? 934 00:36:18,828 --> 00:36:20,763 - [grunts] - [Deadpool yelps] 935 00:36:23,534 --> 00:36:24,734 [groans] 936 00:36:25,936 --> 00:36:28,304 Rest in pieces, Fox. [grunts] 937 00:36:28,337 --> 00:36:31,174 [♪ tense song intro playing, AC/DC "Hells Bells"] 938 00:36:31,208 --> 00:36:32,910 [bird screeching] 939 00:36:43,119 --> 00:36:44,921 I don't want to fight you, peanut. 940 00:36:45,888 --> 00:36:47,655 Doesn't matter what you did. 941 00:36:47,688 --> 00:36:49,357 - I just need your help. - [grunts] 942 00:36:50,624 --> 00:36:52,295 I don't fuckin' care. 943 00:36:53,528 --> 00:36:55,497 Uh... Uh-oh. 944 00:36:55,530 --> 00:36:56,965 [breathes heavily] 945 00:37:00,901 --> 00:37:03,604 Fuck. This is gonna hurt. 946 00:37:07,541 --> 00:37:09,009 All right. 947 00:37:09,276 --> 00:37:10,844 Fuck it. 948 00:37:10,877 --> 00:37:12,779 Let's give the people what they came for. 949 00:37:12,812 --> 00:37:15,615 - [♪ song stops] - Let's fuckin' go. 950 00:37:16,550 --> 00:37:18,651 Get your special sock out, nerds. 951 00:37:18,685 --> 00:37:20,752 It's gonna get good. 952 00:37:21,322 --> 00:37:22,655 [grunts] 953 00:37:27,994 --> 00:37:29,529 [♪ hard rock music playing, AC/DC "Hells Bells"] 954 00:37:29,562 --> 00:37:30,829 [growls] 955 00:37:32,030 --> 00:37:33,333 [gunshots] 956 00:37:41,739 --> 00:37:43,342 [both grunting] 957 00:37:45,944 --> 00:37:46,945 [groans] 958 00:37:53,519 --> 00:37:54,553 [screams] 959 00:37:54,586 --> 00:37:56,288 ♪ Hell's bells ♪ 960 00:37:58,222 --> 00:38:01,058 ♪ I'll give you black sensations ♪ 961 00:38:01,092 --> 00:38:03,962 ♪ Up and down your spine ♪ 962 00:38:03,996 --> 00:38:07,532 ♪ If you're into evil, you're a friend of mine ♪ 963 00:38:07,565 --> 00:38:10,833 ♪ See my white light flashing as I split the night ♪ 964 00:38:10,867 --> 00:38:12,768 - [grunts, growls] - [Deadpool chuckles] Ew. 965 00:38:13,604 --> 00:38:14,939 Gotcha! 966 00:38:14,972 --> 00:38:18,807 ♪ I got my bell, I'm gonna take you to hell ♪ 967 00:38:18,841 --> 00:38:21,244 ♪ I'm gonna get you, Satan get you ♪ 968 00:38:21,278 --> 00:38:22,844 - Baby Knife! - [groans] 969 00:38:26,616 --> 00:38:27,750 - [screams] - Let's see you grow 970 00:38:27,783 --> 00:38:28,951 your fuckin' head back. 971 00:38:28,984 --> 00:38:30,886 Wait, wait, wait! I can fix it! I can fix it. 972 00:38:30,920 --> 00:38:33,055 - Fix what? - Whatever it is that you did. 973 00:38:33,788 --> 00:38:35,292 Whatever made you so bad. 974 00:38:35,691 --> 00:38:37,092 Those... Those 975 00:38:37,126 --> 00:38:39,727 pricks in the TVA. You heard him. 976 00:38:40,728 --> 00:38:41,963 They have the power to end my universe, 977 00:38:41,996 --> 00:38:45,334 but they also have the power to change yours. 978 00:38:46,902 --> 00:38:50,138 We get back there, and we can fix your world. 979 00:38:50,171 --> 00:38:51,340 Together. 980 00:38:52,607 --> 00:38:53,874 I promise. 981 00:38:55,276 --> 00:38:56,478 They can fix it. 982 00:38:57,579 --> 00:38:58,880 [man] Hey! 983 00:38:58,913 --> 00:39:01,015 We fight each other, we lose. 984 00:39:01,049 --> 00:39:02,449 [Deadpool] Dear God, it's him. 985 00:39:02,483 --> 00:39:04,851 - Who? - [Deadpool] The one. 986 00:39:04,886 --> 00:39:07,788 The superhero equivalent to comfort food, or Molly. 987 00:39:07,821 --> 00:39:10,457 White guys' answer to all the disappointments. 988 00:39:10,490 --> 00:39:11,791 And another A-lister. 989 00:39:11,824 --> 00:39:13,227 Fair warning, gorgeous. 990 00:39:13,260 --> 00:39:15,329 You're going to encounter some indelicate language, 991 00:39:15,362 --> 00:39:17,898 a smidge of ass play, but we've been prohibited 992 00:39:17,931 --> 00:39:19,799 from using cocaine. On camera. 993 00:39:19,832 --> 00:39:22,068 - [man] They're coming. - [Deadpool] Who's "they"? 994 00:39:22,101 --> 00:39:24,470 - [engines revving] - [♪ menacing music playing] 995 00:39:28,740 --> 00:39:30,276 Oh, they're driving angry. 996 00:39:35,248 --> 00:39:36,082 [grunts] 997 00:39:36,115 --> 00:39:37,984 Now that's a superhero landing. 998 00:39:38,017 --> 00:39:40,219 [♪ menacing music continues] 999 00:39:43,722 --> 00:39:45,123 [♪ music stops] 1000 00:39:45,156 --> 00:39:46,359 I got this. 1001 00:39:46,392 --> 00:39:48,393 [♪ menacing music resumes] 1002 00:39:52,730 --> 00:39:53,931 [sniffs] 1003 00:39:58,670 --> 00:40:00,104 [engines revving] 1004 00:40:10,113 --> 00:40:11,348 Stay close. 1005 00:40:11,382 --> 00:40:12,516 [Deadpool] Aye, aye, Cap'n. 1006 00:40:13,815 --> 00:40:15,018 You got this. 1007 00:40:17,086 --> 00:40:20,822 Cassandra is gonna be giddy when she sees what we caught. 1008 00:40:21,658 --> 00:40:22,759 You can't run. 1009 00:40:22,824 --> 00:40:24,060 Everybody knows that. 1010 00:40:24,092 --> 00:40:27,263 You see anyone runnin', dick for brains? 1011 00:40:27,297 --> 00:40:29,132 You're not gonna love what happens next. 1012 00:40:29,165 --> 00:40:31,166 - [Deadpool] Oh. Oh, my God. - [♪ rousing music playing] 1013 00:40:31,199 --> 00:40:33,502 Oh, my God. Oh, my God, he's gonna say it. 1014 00:40:33,535 --> 00:40:34,569 - Ah! Fuck. - [Deadpool] Ha! 1015 00:40:34,603 --> 00:40:36,138 Oh, my God! He's gonna say it! 1016 00:40:36,171 --> 00:40:37,907 - Say what? - Avengers, assemble... 1017 00:40:37,940 --> 00:40:39,374 - Flame on! - I'm sorry, what now? 1018 00:40:41,777 --> 00:40:43,979 [♪ epic music playing] 1019 00:40:55,522 --> 00:40:57,325 [groans, panting] 1020 00:40:58,994 --> 00:41:01,295 [screaming in distance] 1021 00:41:01,329 --> 00:41:02,696 - [clang] - Ohh! 1022 00:41:02,729 --> 00:41:04,065 Fuck! 1023 00:41:04,098 --> 00:41:05,099 Ahhh! 1024 00:41:05,665 --> 00:41:06,865 [grunts] 1025 00:41:08,035 --> 00:41:10,338 - We don't know that guy. - [Deadpool] We thought we did. 1026 00:41:10,371 --> 00:41:12,439 I know you. 1027 00:41:12,472 --> 00:41:14,507 - [Deadpool] Holy sh... - [Sabretooth snarls] 1028 00:41:15,141 --> 00:41:16,176 [growls] 1029 00:41:16,209 --> 00:41:17,210 Sabretooth. 1030 00:41:17,644 --> 00:41:18,844 Your brother. 1031 00:41:19,579 --> 00:41:21,348 Ready to die? 1032 00:41:21,381 --> 00:41:24,083 [Deadpool] Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Time! 1033 00:41:24,650 --> 00:41:26,251 You look ridiculous. 1034 00:41:26,285 --> 00:41:28,987 People have waited decades for this fight. 1035 00:41:29,021 --> 00:41:30,855 It's not gonna be easy. Baby Knife. 1036 00:41:30,889 --> 00:41:32,791 Shoot the double, you take him down. 1037 00:41:32,825 --> 00:41:34,926 Side control, then full mount, 1038 00:41:34,959 --> 00:41:36,328 and you ground and pound 1039 00:41:36,362 --> 00:41:38,030 till he makes no sound because he's dead. 1040 00:41:38,063 --> 00:41:40,032 - Shut the fuck up! - [Deadpool] Oh, my God! 1041 00:41:40,065 --> 00:41:42,501 Okay. Good luck. I'm a huge fan. 1042 00:41:42,534 --> 00:41:44,035 [breathing heavily] 1043 00:41:45,536 --> 00:41:46,571 [laughs] 1044 00:41:47,672 --> 00:41:49,107 [roars] 1045 00:41:49,140 --> 00:41:50,542 [roars] 1046 00:41:54,545 --> 00:41:56,079 - [gurgling] - [Deadpool] What is it, girl? 1047 00:41:56,113 --> 00:41:58,014 - Is there trouble at the well? - [flesh squelching] 1048 00:42:02,853 --> 00:42:04,521 [laughs] Big trouble. 1049 00:42:04,553 --> 00:42:06,223 Behold! 1050 00:42:06,256 --> 00:42:09,459 The head of your precious queen, 1051 00:42:09,493 --> 00:42:10,494 Furiosa! 1052 00:42:11,627 --> 00:42:13,462 I have the Wolverine! 1053 00:42:13,496 --> 00:42:16,665 I alone control her! 1054 00:42:16,699 --> 00:42:19,002 You come for me, 1055 00:42:19,035 --> 00:42:21,537 you come for her. 1056 00:42:23,139 --> 00:42:25,040 So sorry. I know it's pronounced "him." 1057 00:42:25,074 --> 00:42:26,942 I'm gender blind. It's my cross to bear. 1058 00:42:26,976 --> 00:42:28,410 Who's next? 1059 00:42:28,443 --> 00:42:29,578 - Toad! - [snarls] 1060 00:42:29,612 --> 00:42:30,912 You're up. 1061 00:42:33,515 --> 00:42:34,783 [yells] 1062 00:42:34,816 --> 00:42:36,017 [both grunt] 1063 00:42:37,918 --> 00:42:38,952 [Deadpool] Uh-oh. 1064 00:42:38,986 --> 00:42:40,356 - Oh, holy sh... - Fuck. 1065 00:42:40,388 --> 00:42:41,389 [thud] 1066 00:42:42,791 --> 00:42:44,692 [creatures squeaking] 1067 00:42:49,096 --> 00:42:51,098 [Deadpool groans, mumbles] 1068 00:42:51,699 --> 00:42:53,201 [Deadpool] God of Thunder. 1069 00:42:54,735 --> 00:42:55,936 [Deadpool grunts] 1070 00:42:57,003 --> 00:42:58,539 How long was I asleep? 1071 00:42:58,572 --> 00:43:00,207 Not all of you was asleep. 1072 00:43:00,240 --> 00:43:01,842 - [Deadpool grunts] - Don't bother. 1073 00:43:01,876 --> 00:43:04,143 They're very thorough. 1074 00:43:04,177 --> 00:43:06,413 If you know where we are, start talking. 1075 00:43:07,013 --> 00:43:08,681 You're in The Void. 1076 00:43:08,714 --> 00:43:10,818 Think of it as purgatory. 1077 00:43:10,851 --> 00:43:13,186 Reed called it a metaphysical junkyard. 1078 00:43:13,219 --> 00:43:14,787 Where anything useless goes 1079 00:43:14,821 --> 00:43:17,023 before it gets annihilated forever. 1080 00:43:17,056 --> 00:43:19,892 And where the TVA sends people that don't play nice 1081 00:43:19,926 --> 00:43:21,060 with the rest of the multiverse. 1082 00:43:21,093 --> 00:43:22,829 - Like you? - And you. 1083 00:43:22,863 --> 00:43:24,362 [Deadpool] What does the annihilating? 1084 00:43:24,831 --> 00:43:25,865 Alioth. 1085 00:43:25,898 --> 00:43:27,332 [Deadpool] Alioth is in this thing? 1086 00:43:27,365 --> 00:43:29,433 From Loki, Season 1, Episode 5? 1087 00:43:29,467 --> 00:43:31,637 Everyone here is on the run from Alioth. 1088 00:43:32,170 --> 00:43:33,839 Most don't make it. 1089 00:43:33,873 --> 00:43:35,908 There's a resistance, though. 1090 00:43:35,942 --> 00:43:38,976 Other people like us that managed to survive. 1091 00:43:39,009 --> 00:43:40,377 They're hidin' out in the borderlands, 1092 00:43:40,411 --> 00:43:42,882 trying to find a way the fuck outta here. 1093 00:43:42,915 --> 00:43:44,281 Then that's where we go. 1094 00:43:44,315 --> 00:43:46,283 [Deadpool] "We"? Us? A team? 1095 00:43:46,317 --> 00:43:48,352 The answer is yes. Shake on it. 1096 00:43:48,954 --> 00:43:50,187 Fuck! You nicked it. 1097 00:43:50,221 --> 00:43:52,256 Just got the tip with your little steak knife. 1098 00:43:52,289 --> 00:43:54,458 These "others" can help us get back to the TVA. 1099 00:43:54,492 --> 00:43:55,525 Make 'em fix things. 1100 00:43:55,558 --> 00:43:57,727 [laughs sardonically] 1101 00:43:57,760 --> 00:43:59,229 Something funny, bub? 1102 00:43:59,262 --> 00:44:01,031 She might have somethin' to say about that. 1103 00:44:01,065 --> 00:44:02,333 Who's "she"? 1104 00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:04,801 In The Void, 1105 00:44:04,834 --> 00:44:06,569 you're either food for Alioth 1106 00:44:07,203 --> 00:44:09,239 or you work for her. 1107 00:44:09,272 --> 00:44:11,474 [♪ stirring music playing] 1108 00:44:21,384 --> 00:44:22,452 [engine roars] 1109 00:44:30,893 --> 00:44:32,260 [metal creaking] 1110 00:44:33,061 --> 00:44:34,496 [heavy metallic thud] 1111 00:44:41,937 --> 00:44:43,604 [engine roaring] 1112 00:44:54,749 --> 00:44:57,083 [♪ tense music playing] 1113 00:45:06,059 --> 00:45:07,526 [grunts] 1114 00:45:07,560 --> 00:45:08,727 [growls quietly] 1115 00:45:09,528 --> 00:45:10,529 [grunts] 1116 00:45:21,573 --> 00:45:24,610 [Deadpool] Huh. Paul Rudd finally aged. 1117 00:45:24,643 --> 00:45:26,411 Oh, you must be this year's Juggernaut. 1118 00:45:26,444 --> 00:45:28,179 - Thank you. - I'd keep your voices down. 1119 00:45:28,212 --> 00:45:29,614 She don't like the chatter. 1120 00:45:29,647 --> 00:45:30,847 She's gonna love you. 1121 00:45:32,250 --> 00:45:34,452 [♪ slow dramatic music building] 1122 00:45:46,965 --> 00:45:48,699 [Deadpool] Is it... Is that Charles? 1123 00:45:48,732 --> 00:45:50,968 Hey... Hey, Chuck! It's us! 1124 00:45:51,001 --> 00:45:52,336 That's not Chuck. 1125 00:45:52,369 --> 00:45:53,570 Ah, shit. 1126 00:45:54,939 --> 00:45:56,440 [Deadpool] Oh, ableism. Great. 1127 00:45:56,473 --> 00:45:58,976 That's not gonna go over well with the woke mob. 1128 00:45:59,009 --> 00:46:01,044 A Wolverine. 1129 00:46:01,078 --> 00:46:03,512 I wondered when I'd get one of you. 1130 00:46:04,113 --> 00:46:05,348 You're one of Xavier's. 1131 00:46:05,381 --> 00:46:07,050 [Deadpool] You-You know him? You know Chuck? 1132 00:46:07,084 --> 00:46:08,551 Oh, I knew him. 1133 00:46:08,584 --> 00:46:09,987 We shared a womb. 1134 00:46:10,020 --> 00:46:12,187 Tried to strangle the sly little fellow 1135 00:46:12,220 --> 00:46:13,655 with my umbilical cord. 1136 00:46:13,688 --> 00:46:17,125 [Deadpool] Amen. I've never loved roommates. Mine's blind. 1137 00:46:17,158 --> 00:46:18,827 Except she can see cocaine. 1138 00:46:18,861 --> 00:46:20,295 For some... reason. 1139 00:46:20,328 --> 00:46:23,464 You want to chime in, Your Majesty? I'm dying here. 1140 00:46:23,497 --> 00:46:24,499 Who are you? 1141 00:46:24,532 --> 00:46:27,535 Charles Xavier's twin, Cassandra Nova. 1142 00:46:27,568 --> 00:46:29,204 - Bullshit! - I was an anal birth. 1143 00:46:29,237 --> 00:46:31,973 Hmm. You two are cute. 1144 00:46:32,007 --> 00:46:33,540 I have a good feeling about this. 1145 00:46:36,377 --> 00:46:37,478 And I've been trying to catch 1146 00:46:37,511 --> 00:46:39,580 this little firefly for years. 1147 00:46:40,214 --> 00:46:41,883 Haven't I, Johnny? 1148 00:46:41,916 --> 00:46:45,285 Aw... You picked the wrong time to make new friends. 1149 00:46:45,319 --> 00:46:47,687 [Deadpool] Oh, Johnny told us all about you. 1150 00:46:47,720 --> 00:46:49,256 - Maybe shut up now. - Yeah, maybe don't... 1151 00:46:49,289 --> 00:46:50,356 [Deadpool] We're just talkin' here. 1152 00:46:50,390 --> 00:46:51,524 Yeah, Johnny told us 1153 00:46:51,557 --> 00:46:53,726 you're a psychotic megalomaniacal asshole. 1154 00:46:53,760 --> 00:46:57,397 His words, not mine. Hellbent on domination and pain. 1155 00:46:58,364 --> 00:46:59,932 You said all that about me? 1156 00:46:59,966 --> 00:47:01,667 No! No! I don't... 1157 00:47:01,700 --> 00:47:03,936 - I didn't say any of that! - Sticks and stones, Johnny! 1158 00:47:05,438 --> 00:47:07,440 Don't let her intimidate you. 1159 00:47:07,473 --> 00:47:09,342 It's like you said in the convoy. 1160 00:47:09,375 --> 00:47:11,309 This finger-lickin' dead-inside 1161 00:47:11,343 --> 00:47:14,245 pixie slab of third rate dime-store nut-milk 1162 00:47:14,279 --> 00:47:16,115 can eat your delicious cinnamon ring 1163 00:47:16,149 --> 00:47:18,249 and kick rocks all the way to bald hell. 1164 00:47:18,282 --> 00:47:20,352 Okay. I have never said any of those words 1165 00:47:20,385 --> 00:47:22,521 - in my entire life! - [Deadpool] Ha! The modesty. 1166 00:47:22,554 --> 00:47:24,555 People think I'm a shit talker. 1167 00:47:24,588 --> 00:47:25,691 But this guy... 1168 00:47:25,724 --> 00:47:26,825 [smooches] Next level. 1169 00:47:26,859 --> 00:47:28,994 What? This... I... We... 1170 00:47:29,027 --> 00:47:30,361 I don't even know what half of that means! 1171 00:47:30,394 --> 00:47:32,130 - This... I... - My hat's off to you, sir. 1172 00:47:32,164 --> 00:47:33,196 - Truly. - What? This... 1173 00:47:33,229 --> 00:47:35,198 I didn't... He's... That's... I... 1174 00:47:35,231 --> 00:47:36,868 I... I don't... 1175 00:47:36,902 --> 00:47:38,803 - [Deadpool gasps] - [heart beats] 1176 00:47:41,939 --> 00:47:43,040 [Deadpool] Not my favorite Chris. 1177 00:47:43,074 --> 00:47:44,441 You stupid piece of shit. 1178 00:47:44,473 --> 00:47:45,541 You just got him fucking killed! 1179 00:47:45,574 --> 00:47:47,444 [Deadpool] Hey! We're all grieving! 1180 00:47:47,477 --> 00:47:49,746 PS, do you know what he was doing to the budget? 1181 00:47:49,779 --> 00:47:50,981 [shushing] 1182 00:47:52,282 --> 00:47:54,852 Alioth is hungry. 1183 00:47:54,885 --> 00:47:56,553 [Deadpool] There's been some kind of mistake. 1184 00:47:56,586 --> 00:47:58,554 Big yellow is a back-up Anchor Being, 1185 00:47:58,587 --> 00:48:01,223 and I'm Marvel Jesus. MJ, if you're nasty. 1186 00:48:01,256 --> 00:48:02,291 This may be hard to hear, 1187 00:48:02,324 --> 00:48:04,027 but there's another British villain 1188 00:48:04,060 --> 00:48:05,161 who's gonna destroy my universe, 1189 00:48:05,195 --> 00:48:06,328 and I'm gonna stop him. 1190 00:48:06,361 --> 00:48:07,864 Oh, honey, you don't really strike me 1191 00:48:07,898 --> 00:48:09,531 as the world-saving type. 1192 00:48:10,466 --> 00:48:11,900 [thunder rumbling in distance] 1193 00:48:11,934 --> 00:48:13,768 Did I hit a nerve? 1194 00:48:13,801 --> 00:48:15,503 [Deadpool] I didn't want it to come to this. 1195 00:48:16,138 --> 00:48:17,173 Either you help us 1196 00:48:17,207 --> 00:48:18,539 or my friend here is gonna sing 1197 00:48:18,573 --> 00:48:20,374 the entire second act of Music Man 1198 00:48:20,408 --> 00:48:21,642 with zero warm-up. 1199 00:48:22,343 --> 00:48:23,611 Where'd you get the chair? 1200 00:48:23,644 --> 00:48:24,678 [Cassandra Nova] Well, once in a while, 1201 00:48:24,711 --> 00:48:26,748 I do get a Charles through here. 1202 00:48:26,781 --> 00:48:28,183 Never mine, though. 1203 00:48:28,217 --> 00:48:31,385 No. He didn't care to find me. 1204 00:48:31,419 --> 00:48:34,989 [Deadpool groans] Gen Z and their trauma-bragging! 1205 00:48:35,022 --> 00:48:37,959 Can't you just stuff it down, turn it into accomplishment 1206 00:48:37,992 --> 00:48:39,593 or cancer like the rest of us? 1207 00:48:39,626 --> 00:48:41,461 But I'm not like the rest of you. 1208 00:48:41,495 --> 00:48:43,430 Except maybe the Wolverine. 1209 00:48:43,463 --> 00:48:46,099 Now, we could be truly terrifying together. 1210 00:48:46,133 --> 00:48:47,434 You're that scary, huh? 1211 00:48:47,467 --> 00:48:49,770 The TVA certainly thought so. 1212 00:48:49,803 --> 00:48:52,439 They sent me here before I could walk. 1213 00:48:52,472 --> 00:48:53,940 And you know, it's the best thing 1214 00:48:53,974 --> 00:48:55,741 that ever happened to me. 1215 00:48:55,775 --> 00:48:56,642 I love it here. 1216 00:48:56,675 --> 00:48:58,011 [Deadpool] You live in a garbage dump. 1217 00:48:58,044 --> 00:49:01,412 I think we both know who lives in the garbage dump. 1218 00:49:01,446 --> 00:49:03,281 The Void is a paradise. 1219 00:49:03,314 --> 00:49:07,418 I can wield my power here without shame. 1220 00:49:07,452 --> 00:49:09,420 Unfortunately I had no Charles Xavier 1221 00:49:09,454 --> 00:49:11,422 to teach me temperance. 1222 00:49:11,456 --> 00:49:13,424 What about your Charles? 1223 00:49:13,458 --> 00:49:14,759 Did he protect you? 1224 00:49:15,392 --> 00:49:17,561 Did he make you feel safe? 1225 00:49:17,594 --> 00:49:19,531 We're mutants. We're never safe. 1226 00:49:19,564 --> 00:49:21,967 - [roars] - [Cassandra whoops] 1227 00:49:22,300 --> 00:49:23,500 [chuckles] 1228 00:49:23,869 --> 00:49:24,937 [whoops] 1229 00:49:27,637 --> 00:49:28,672 [Deadpool] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 1230 00:49:28,705 --> 00:49:30,474 I don't... I don't want the smoke. 1231 00:49:30,507 --> 00:49:31,675 I don't have any beef with you. 1232 00:49:31,708 --> 00:49:33,310 I just want to save my friends. 1233 00:49:33,343 --> 00:49:34,610 I just... I want to go home. 1234 00:49:34,644 --> 00:49:36,479 Well, the thing is, I could get you home. 1235 00:49:36,512 --> 00:49:38,283 - Good. - But I don't want to. 1236 00:49:38,315 --> 00:49:40,584 [Deadpool] Not good. [groaning] 1237 00:49:42,986 --> 00:49:45,521 What do you want, Wade Wilson? 1238 00:49:45,555 --> 00:49:48,057 [Deadpool straining] Your... fingers are inside me, 1239 00:49:48,091 --> 00:49:49,326 but not in a good way. 1240 00:49:49,359 --> 00:49:52,328 My brother could enter one's mind with a thought. 1241 00:49:52,361 --> 00:49:54,663 I have to get my hands dirty. 1242 00:49:54,696 --> 00:49:56,999 - [Deadpool groaning] - [shushing] 1243 00:49:57,732 --> 00:49:59,002 I've got you. 1244 00:50:01,337 --> 00:50:02,737 [whispers] I've got you... 1245 00:50:05,140 --> 00:50:06,374 [Wade, muffled] What do you mean? 1246 00:50:08,009 --> 00:50:10,847 I can't... I can't reach you. You're not here. 1247 00:50:10,880 --> 00:50:12,547 I'm right here. 1248 00:50:12,581 --> 00:50:15,550 - No, you're not. I can't... - I'm right here. 1249 00:50:15,584 --> 00:50:17,785 Then show me. You got to do something. 1250 00:50:19,020 --> 00:50:20,455 Show you what? 1251 00:50:20,488 --> 00:50:24,357 Show me you care about something bigger than you. 1252 00:50:24,390 --> 00:50:28,428 Ever since they turned you down, you took a knee. 1253 00:50:29,096 --> 00:50:31,066 Baby, you never got back up. 1254 00:50:33,234 --> 00:50:35,102 I know you're going through something. 1255 00:50:35,135 --> 00:50:38,005 Let me go through it with you. 1256 00:50:38,038 --> 00:50:40,440 - Your crazy matches my crazy. - Your crazy matches my crazy. 1257 00:50:43,543 --> 00:50:44,945 Where'd you go? 1258 00:50:45,444 --> 00:50:46,914 [Wade] Oh, my God. 1259 00:50:48,281 --> 00:50:49,884 [♪ melancholy music playing] 1260 00:50:49,917 --> 00:50:51,617 You just say it. Okay? 1261 00:50:52,318 --> 00:50:53,353 Say, "I don't want you. 1262 00:50:53,385 --> 00:50:55,820 "I don't want to be with you." 1263 00:50:55,854 --> 00:50:57,323 Go ahead. Say it. Say... Say, "I don't..." 1264 00:50:57,357 --> 00:50:58,789 Say it. You don't wanna be with me. 1265 00:50:58,823 --> 00:51:00,293 Tell me that and I'll walk away. 1266 00:51:00,326 --> 00:51:01,361 Say, "I don't want you." 1267 00:51:01,393 --> 00:51:03,694 [♪ melancholy music continues] 1268 00:51:07,531 --> 00:51:09,201 [sighs] Fuck... 1269 00:51:09,234 --> 00:51:11,870 You'll never fucking matter. 1270 00:51:15,773 --> 00:51:17,608 What? 1271 00:51:17,642 --> 00:51:20,444 - You'll never fucking matter. - Fucking matter. 1272 00:51:20,478 --> 00:51:22,813 [♪ melancholy music continues] 1273 00:51:26,385 --> 00:51:29,019 - [Vanessa] You'll... - [Cassandra] You'll... 1274 00:51:29,052 --> 00:51:30,988 - never... - never... 1275 00:51:31,022 --> 00:51:32,256 - fucking... - fucking... 1276 00:51:32,290 --> 00:51:35,126 - matter. - matter... 1277 00:51:37,160 --> 00:51:38,495 [Deadpool] She never said that. 1278 00:51:38,528 --> 00:51:39,628 - [Cassandra] No. - [groans] 1279 00:51:39,662 --> 00:51:41,598 [in mocking tone] But I bet she thought it. 1280 00:51:41,631 --> 00:51:42,666 [Deadpool splutters] 1281 00:51:42,699 --> 00:51:45,434 [Deadpool groans] You are so mean! 1282 00:51:45,468 --> 00:51:46,602 My brain could taste your fingers, 1283 00:51:46,635 --> 00:51:48,771 and they tasted like hate! 1284 00:51:48,804 --> 00:51:51,507 And where in God's name is the intimacy coordinator? 1285 00:51:51,541 --> 00:51:54,344 You're so lost, Mr. Wilson. 1286 00:51:54,376 --> 00:51:56,779 And long before you came here. 1287 00:51:58,180 --> 00:51:59,214 This is Baby Knife. 1288 00:51:59,248 --> 00:52:00,514 She's gonna fuck you in the face now. 1289 00:52:00,547 --> 00:52:01,817 If you want to kill me, 1290 00:52:01,851 --> 00:52:03,719 it's going to take more than a little blade. 1291 00:52:03,752 --> 00:52:05,553 [Deadpool] How about six? 1292 00:52:05,586 --> 00:52:09,257 [laughs mockingly] My boy's wicked strong. 1293 00:52:09,290 --> 00:52:10,926 That's my big boy. 1294 00:52:10,959 --> 00:52:12,428 Yes, you are. 1295 00:52:12,460 --> 00:52:13,727 [groans] 1296 00:52:14,396 --> 00:52:15,595 [laughs] 1297 00:52:18,498 --> 00:52:20,068 [Cassandra] Well, this has been fun. 1298 00:52:20,101 --> 00:52:22,370 But the big guy needs to eat, and the rent is due. 1299 00:52:22,403 --> 00:52:24,138 - [eerie roar] - [thunder roaring] 1300 00:52:25,806 --> 00:52:26,840 By the way, 1301 00:52:26,873 --> 00:52:28,309 you're the rent. 1302 00:52:28,343 --> 00:52:30,543 [rumbling] 1303 00:52:38,285 --> 00:52:39,618 [roars] 1304 00:52:42,956 --> 00:52:43,991 [henchmen screaming] 1305 00:52:47,493 --> 00:52:50,329 - [electrical whine] - Come on! Fuck! 1306 00:52:50,363 --> 00:52:51,529 - [engine starts] - You comin' or what? 1307 00:52:51,563 --> 00:52:52,765 [Deadpool] Coming! 1308 00:53:02,975 --> 00:53:05,176 [engine sputtering in distance] 1309 00:53:07,879 --> 00:53:09,580 - [distant scream] - [engine bursts] 1310 00:53:10,048 --> 00:53:11,382 [grunting] 1311 00:53:11,415 --> 00:53:12,716 [both groan] 1312 00:53:12,750 --> 00:53:13,818 What you thinkin' 'bout? 1313 00:53:13,853 --> 00:53:15,520 - Get the fuck off of me! - Shh, shh, shh. 1314 00:53:15,553 --> 00:53:17,654 - [strains] Almost done. - Almost done what? 1315 00:53:17,688 --> 00:53:19,590 Getting my knife out of your buttocks, 1316 00:53:19,623 --> 00:53:21,358 - pervert! - Aah! Fuck! 1317 00:53:21,392 --> 00:53:23,261 Get your mind out of my pants! 1318 00:53:23,294 --> 00:53:25,628 - I'm telling Blake. - New rules. 1319 00:53:25,997 --> 00:53:26,865 I talk now. 1320 00:53:26,898 --> 00:53:28,432 That's gonna be very hard on the audience. 1321 00:53:28,465 --> 00:53:31,068 Shut the fuck up! 1322 00:53:31,101 --> 00:53:32,102 Let me fuckin' think. 1323 00:53:32,136 --> 00:53:34,204 Now we gotta get back to Paradox, right? 1324 00:53:36,140 --> 00:53:37,739 Right? 1325 00:53:37,773 --> 00:53:39,977 Je m'excuse. Am I allowed to speak now or... 1326 00:53:40,010 --> 00:53:42,278 Just nod, asshole. 1327 00:53:43,981 --> 00:53:44,982 Right. 1328 00:53:45,015 --> 00:53:46,548 Then we find the others that poor kid, Johnny, 1329 00:53:46,581 --> 00:53:47,816 was talking about before you got him killed! 1330 00:53:47,850 --> 00:53:49,651 [Deadpool] "Poor kid." He's, like, 50! 1331 00:53:49,684 --> 00:53:50,718 Yeah, if there's a chance they know 1332 00:53:50,751 --> 00:53:52,387 how to get out of here, we find 'em. 1333 00:53:52,421 --> 00:53:54,390 And make those TVA fuckers fix my shit 1334 00:53:54,424 --> 00:53:55,724 like you fucking promised! 1335 00:53:55,757 --> 00:53:57,226 [Deadpool] I smell quest. 1336 00:53:57,260 --> 00:53:58,759 [sniffing] 1337 00:54:00,028 --> 00:54:01,029 I smell food. 1338 00:54:04,167 --> 00:54:07,836 So what made you finally wear an honest-to-God costume? 1339 00:54:09,404 --> 00:54:11,571 Mine's red so they can't see me bleed. 1340 00:54:11,604 --> 00:54:14,443 But I could see how yellow would be useful too. 1341 00:54:14,476 --> 00:54:16,110 Have you been checked for ADHD? 1342 00:54:16,143 --> 00:54:17,446 Mm-mm. 1343 00:54:17,479 --> 00:54:19,579 But I've had several STDs, 1344 00:54:19,612 --> 00:54:21,781 which were probably caused by ADHD. 1345 00:54:21,815 --> 00:54:22,883 Fuck! 1346 00:54:23,782 --> 00:54:25,387 What are you looking for? 1347 00:54:25,420 --> 00:54:26,987 Oh. Thank fuck. 1348 00:54:28,055 --> 00:54:29,923 No, no, no, no, no. That's rubbing alcohol. 1349 00:54:29,956 --> 00:54:31,459 You don't want to drink... Oh, yeah. 1350 00:54:31,492 --> 00:54:32,892 There you go. Fuck that liver. 1351 00:54:33,293 --> 00:54:34,326 [exhales] 1352 00:54:34,359 --> 00:54:36,229 - Good. Okay. - [sighs] 1353 00:54:37,263 --> 00:54:38,364 What the fuck are those? 1354 00:54:38,998 --> 00:54:39,866 Oh. 1355 00:54:39,899 --> 00:54:41,835 Back in civilian life, I wear a toupee, 1356 00:54:41,868 --> 00:54:43,570 but nobody knows. [chuckles] 1357 00:54:43,602 --> 00:54:44,871 [laughing] 1358 00:54:46,005 --> 00:54:47,606 Everybody knows. 1359 00:54:50,042 --> 00:54:51,609 Wanna talk about what's haunting you, 1360 00:54:51,642 --> 00:54:53,879 or should we wait for a third act flashback? 1361 00:54:53,912 --> 00:54:56,015 Ah... Go fuck yourself. 1362 00:54:59,284 --> 00:55:00,285 You know... 1363 00:55:01,854 --> 00:55:04,188 in my world, you're... [clears throat] 1364 00:55:05,424 --> 00:55:06,623 You're well regarded. 1365 00:55:06,656 --> 00:55:08,293 Yeah, well, not in mine. 1366 00:55:09,260 --> 00:55:11,195 They don't like me much in mine either. 1367 00:55:11,229 --> 00:55:12,629 You don't say. 1368 00:55:12,662 --> 00:55:14,730 I wanted to be something, you know. I... 1369 00:55:15,600 --> 00:55:17,335 Shit, I wanted to be an Avenger. 1370 00:55:17,368 --> 00:55:19,768 - Fuck the Avengers. - Yeah. 1371 00:55:19,802 --> 00:55:22,073 I didn't make the cut, though. Same with the X-Men... 1372 00:55:24,007 --> 00:55:25,075 When my girlfriend left me, 1373 00:55:25,108 --> 00:55:26,676 - and I just... - You had a girlfriend? 1374 00:55:27,043 --> 00:55:28,079 Yeah. 1375 00:55:28,478 --> 00:55:29,846 Vanessa. 1376 00:55:29,880 --> 00:55:31,414 When we met, she was a dancer. 1377 00:55:32,582 --> 00:55:33,781 We had a whole life. 1378 00:55:35,017 --> 00:55:36,620 It was good. 1379 00:55:36,652 --> 00:55:38,855 But, oh, boy, I just... Mwah. 1380 00:55:39,922 --> 00:55:41,723 Fucked that right up. 1381 00:55:42,424 --> 00:55:43,559 But you, 1382 00:55:43,592 --> 00:55:44,927 you were an X-Man. 1383 00:55:44,960 --> 00:55:47,029 Fuck that. You were the X-Man. You... 1384 00:55:48,763 --> 00:55:50,099 The Wolverine. 1385 00:55:52,401 --> 00:55:54,035 He was a hero in my world. 1386 00:55:55,802 --> 00:55:57,006 Yeah, well... 1387 00:55:58,173 --> 00:55:59,307 he ain't shit in mine. 1388 00:56:04,745 --> 00:56:07,348 You said, "Logan was a hero." What happened? 1389 00:56:08,249 --> 00:56:09,250 He died. 1390 00:56:09,918 --> 00:56:11,251 How? 1391 00:56:11,285 --> 00:56:13,887 Well, technically, you were chest-fucked by a tree, but, 1392 00:56:13,921 --> 00:56:15,688 really, you just ran out of batteries 1393 00:56:15,721 --> 00:56:17,959 - trying to save someone. - Who? 1394 00:56:17,992 --> 00:56:19,861 The shitheels that grew her in a lab 1395 00:56:19,894 --> 00:56:21,428 called her "X-23." But... 1396 00:56:22,229 --> 00:56:23,931 she was just a kid. 1397 00:56:23,964 --> 00:56:27,601 A younger, daintier, somehow meaner version of you. 1398 00:56:27,634 --> 00:56:29,403 You died trying to save her. 1399 00:56:29,436 --> 00:56:30,904 It was beautiful. 1400 00:56:30,938 --> 00:56:33,907 Look, mijo, I know you're hurtin'. 1401 00:56:33,941 --> 00:56:36,342 My blind, elderly, African-American roommate, 1402 00:56:36,375 --> 00:56:39,612 Blind Al, always says that pain teaches us who we are. 1403 00:56:39,645 --> 00:56:41,314 Sometimes we need to listen to that pain 1404 00:56:41,347 --> 00:56:42,381 instead of running from it. 1405 00:56:42,415 --> 00:56:44,050 - Holy shit. - Yeah, she's wise. 1406 00:56:44,083 --> 00:56:46,685 No, no, no. That's her name? You call her "Blind Al"? 1407 00:56:46,717 --> 00:56:47,920 Well, she's blind. 1408 00:56:48,354 --> 00:56:49,589 [dog barking] 1409 00:56:49,622 --> 00:56:52,723 [♪ ballad music plays, Chris de Burgh "The Lady in Red"] 1410 00:56:59,698 --> 00:57:04,302 ♪ I've never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight ♪ 1411 00:57:04,336 --> 00:57:09,940 ♪ I've never seen you shine so bright, mm-hmm, hmm ♪ 1412 00:57:10,841 --> 00:57:14,511 ♪ The lady in red ♪ 1413 00:57:16,779 --> 00:57:19,749 ♪ Is dancing with me ♪ 1414 00:57:20,951 --> 00:57:23,019 ♪ Cheek to cheek ♪ 1415 00:57:23,052 --> 00:57:25,421 ♪ There's nobody here... ♪ 1416 00:57:25,455 --> 00:57:26,755 Look at you! 1417 00:57:26,788 --> 00:57:27,890 She's coming with us. 1418 00:57:27,924 --> 00:57:29,827 - No, she's not. Fuck no! - Oh, yes, she is. 1419 00:57:29,860 --> 00:57:31,261 - Oh, yes... - [man] Sorry! 1420 00:57:31,294 --> 00:57:33,997 - [♪ song stops] - Sorry about that! 1421 00:57:34,030 --> 00:57:36,265 Come here, girl! [chuckles] 1422 00:57:36,298 --> 00:57:37,566 Who are you? 1423 00:57:37,600 --> 00:57:38,935 Oh, I'm Deadpool. 1424 00:57:38,968 --> 00:57:40,737 And I guess you're Deadpool too. 1425 00:57:40,769 --> 00:57:42,839 But in here, everybody calls me "Nicepool." 1426 00:57:42,872 --> 00:57:44,539 Oh, my goodness. Wait till you see Ladypool. 1427 00:57:44,573 --> 00:57:45,941 She is gorgeous. 1428 00:57:45,974 --> 00:57:48,110 She just had a baby too. And... [blows sharply] 1429 00:57:48,143 --> 00:57:49,078 Can't even tell. 1430 00:57:49,112 --> 00:57:50,579 I don't think you're supposed to say that. 1431 00:57:50,612 --> 00:57:52,047 That's okay. 1432 00:57:52,080 --> 00:57:53,681 I identify as a feminist. 1433 00:57:53,714 --> 00:57:54,916 Right. 1434 00:57:56,550 --> 00:57:57,853 Are those gold-plated, 1435 00:57:57,885 --> 00:58:00,022 .50 caliber Desert Eagle pistoleros? 1436 00:58:00,055 --> 00:58:01,056 'Course. 1437 00:58:01,089 --> 00:58:02,423 To match my ear huggie. 1438 00:58:02,456 --> 00:58:03,758 Can I have 'em? 1439 00:58:03,790 --> 00:58:05,693 [laughs] Over my dead body. 1440 00:58:05,725 --> 00:58:06,961 [chuckles] You're fun. 1441 00:58:06,994 --> 00:58:09,463 And I guess you've already met Mary Puppins. 1442 00:58:09,497 --> 00:58:11,265 AKA Dogpool. 1443 00:58:11,299 --> 00:58:12,633 Careful where you put your hands. 1444 00:58:12,667 --> 00:58:15,402 She's ninety percent g-spot, and she'll let you know it. 1445 00:58:15,435 --> 00:58:19,105 You let this little flirt out of your sight for one second 1446 00:58:19,139 --> 00:58:21,275 and she starts shopping for a new papa. 1447 00:58:21,309 --> 00:58:23,443 If you can't be a responsible pet owner, 1448 00:58:23,476 --> 00:58:26,246 then maybe you don't deserve this little unicorn. 1449 00:58:26,279 --> 00:58:28,514 Guilty on all charges, Your Honor. 1450 00:58:28,547 --> 00:58:29,581 Shan't happen again. 1451 00:58:29,615 --> 00:58:31,083 Why are you so nice? 1452 00:58:31,116 --> 00:58:32,719 Oh, it costs nothing to be kind. 1453 00:58:32,752 --> 00:58:34,553 Shutting the fuck up is also free. 1454 00:58:34,586 --> 00:58:36,021 - Caliente. - This is Logan. 1455 00:58:36,055 --> 00:58:37,188 He's usually shirtless, 1456 00:58:37,221 --> 00:58:39,123 but he's let himself go since the divorce. 1457 00:58:40,393 --> 00:58:42,027 Where's your mask? 1458 00:58:44,596 --> 00:58:45,631 Come on, guys. 1459 00:58:45,664 --> 00:58:47,165 [bird screeches in distance] 1460 00:58:47,198 --> 00:58:48,166 Ugh, this guy. 1461 00:58:48,199 --> 00:58:49,734 We're looking for a group of survivors. 1462 00:58:49,767 --> 00:58:50,869 Oh, they're out there. 1463 00:58:50,903 --> 00:58:52,671 Yeah, but merc to merc, you better hope 1464 00:58:52,705 --> 00:58:54,472 that you don't run into the Deadpool corps. 1465 00:58:54,506 --> 00:58:55,473 Yeah, they're crazy. 1466 00:58:55,506 --> 00:58:57,175 They will chop you up into a thousand pieces 1467 00:58:57,208 --> 00:58:58,475 and hide you all over The Void. 1468 00:58:58,508 --> 00:59:00,478 If they could only process their childhood trauma, 1469 00:59:00,511 --> 00:59:02,347 they'd go on one heck of a healing journey. 1470 00:59:02,380 --> 00:59:03,648 Look, we're headed for the borderlands. 1471 00:59:03,681 --> 00:59:04,949 You know where it is? 1472 00:59:04,982 --> 00:59:07,752 Yeah, that... that's 12 klicks due west. 1473 00:59:07,784 --> 00:59:09,086 I can lend you my ride, if you like. 1474 00:59:09,119 --> 00:59:11,189 It would be my honor. 1475 00:59:13,557 --> 00:59:14,558 [birds chirping] 1476 00:59:14,591 --> 00:59:16,759 [Deadpool] Oh, no, no, no, no. Absolutely not. 1477 00:59:16,793 --> 00:59:18,895 Uh-uh. What the... No! No! 1478 00:59:18,929 --> 00:59:19,963 Just get in the car. 1479 00:59:19,995 --> 00:59:21,164 This isn't a car. 1480 00:59:21,198 --> 00:59:23,666 This is a Honda fuckin' Odyssey. 1481 00:59:23,699 --> 00:59:25,701 Throttle response sucks a cock. 1482 00:59:25,735 --> 00:59:26,937 Dated infotainment system. 1483 00:59:26,970 --> 00:59:28,704 When Honda saw that untreated chlamydia 1484 00:59:28,737 --> 00:59:29,904 was makin' a comeback, 1485 00:59:29,939 --> 00:59:32,641 they invented the Honda Odyssey to compete. 1486 00:59:32,675 --> 00:59:35,777 Get in the fucking car. 1487 00:59:35,811 --> 00:59:37,746 She'll get you there safe and sound. 1488 00:59:37,779 --> 00:59:40,014 Old Betsy always does. 1489 00:59:40,049 --> 00:59:42,451 You're gonna have to give me my dog back, though. 1490 00:59:42,485 --> 00:59:43,819 [Deadpool] I know. Listen. 1491 00:59:43,853 --> 00:59:45,353 - [Dogpool whimpers] - Yes, child. 1492 00:59:45,387 --> 00:59:47,689 If you ever wanna give her up, or if she needs a new home, 1493 00:59:47,722 --> 00:59:49,723 or if something should happen to you, 1494 00:59:49,757 --> 00:59:50,958 I'd love to be her papa. 1495 00:59:50,991 --> 00:59:53,395 [laughs] What would ever happen to me? 1496 00:59:53,428 --> 00:59:54,562 [Deadpool] Lots of stuff. 1497 00:59:58,132 --> 00:59:59,500 - Jesus. - [Deadpool] No! 1498 00:59:59,533 --> 01:00:01,335 We're running away. [grunts] 1499 01:00:01,368 --> 01:00:03,137 - [Wolverine] Give me that. - The corn was too dense, girl! 1500 01:00:03,170 --> 01:00:04,204 - [Wolverine] There. - Come here! 1501 01:00:04,238 --> 01:00:05,672 - [Deadpool] Fuck! - [Nicepool] Hello! 1502 01:00:07,541 --> 01:00:08,675 - [engine starts] - Bye. 1503 01:00:08,709 --> 01:00:11,310 [♪ Avril Lavigne "I'm With You" plays on car stereo] 1504 01:00:11,344 --> 01:00:12,179 [sighs] 1505 01:00:12,212 --> 01:00:16,517 ♪ It's a damn cold night ♪ 1506 01:00:16,550 --> 01:00:21,319 ♪ Trying to figure out this life ♪ 1507 01:00:21,353 --> 01:00:24,056 ♪ Won't you take me by the hand? ♪ 1508 01:00:24,090 --> 01:00:26,425 ♪ Take me somewhere new ♪ 1509 01:00:26,458 --> 01:00:31,096 ♪ I don't know who you are But I ♪ 1510 01:00:31,129 --> 01:00:33,532 ♪ I'm with you... ♪ 1511 01:00:34,499 --> 01:00:36,034 [Deadpool] Okay, I'm just gonna ask... 1512 01:00:36,067 --> 01:00:37,202 What's with the suit? 1513 01:00:37,235 --> 01:00:38,937 First thing I did when I flamed out, 1514 01:00:38,970 --> 01:00:40,038 - I took mine off. - Drop it. 1515 01:00:40,071 --> 01:00:41,405 [Deadpool] It's not that ugly. 1516 01:00:41,439 --> 01:00:43,041 - Stop talking about my suit. - Did you make it yourself? 1517 01:00:43,074 --> 01:00:44,509 - Been there. - Quit. Now. 1518 01:00:44,543 --> 01:00:47,611 The X-Men make you wear it? Those sons of fuckin' bitches. 1519 01:00:47,645 --> 01:00:49,346 They are not your friends, I'll tell you that. 1520 01:00:49,380 --> 01:00:51,882 Friends don't let friends leave the house lookin' like 1521 01:00:51,917 --> 01:00:53,751 they fight crime for the Los Angeles Rams. 1522 01:00:53,784 --> 01:00:55,120 Shut the fuck up about this, or... 1523 01:00:55,153 --> 01:00:57,254 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Watch your frown lines, angel baby. 1524 01:00:57,288 --> 01:00:58,489 I'm just trying to bond a little bit. 1525 01:00:58,522 --> 01:01:00,157 Yeah, well, then talk about somethin' else. 1526 01:01:00,191 --> 01:01:01,192 Fine. 1527 01:01:04,628 --> 01:01:06,263 Pshew. Pshew, pshew. 1528 01:01:06,763 --> 01:01:07,865 Pshew! 1529 01:01:07,898 --> 01:01:10,467 - Stop it. - Pshew. 1530 01:01:10,500 --> 01:01:12,135 If they can fix your world, what's the first thing 1531 01:01:12,168 --> 01:01:13,270 you're gonna do when you get out of here? 1532 01:01:13,304 --> 01:01:14,771 Get some rubbing alcohol shots, 1533 01:01:14,805 --> 01:01:16,473 maybe a wiper fluid chaser? 1534 01:01:16,506 --> 01:01:18,274 - What did you say? - I said when you get back, 1535 01:01:18,308 --> 01:01:19,542 what's the first thing you're gonna do? 1536 01:01:19,576 --> 01:01:21,143 No, no, no. Before that. 1537 01:01:22,144 --> 01:01:24,079 If... they can fix your world? 1538 01:01:24,747 --> 01:01:25,748 [grunts] 1539 01:01:27,983 --> 01:01:29,551 What do you mean, "if"? 1540 01:01:30,152 --> 01:01:31,185 - I mean... - You lied to me. 1541 01:01:31,219 --> 01:01:32,387 You don't have a fucking clue 1542 01:01:32,421 --> 01:01:34,089 if they can help me fix things, do you? 1543 01:01:34,122 --> 01:01:35,757 No. I mean... Ow! 1544 01:01:35,791 --> 01:01:38,426 Fuck! Fuck! I didn't lie! 1545 01:01:38,460 --> 01:01:41,497 - You lied! - No! I made an educated wish! 1546 01:01:43,197 --> 01:01:44,666 Because I need you. 1547 01:01:45,634 --> 01:01:49,436 This. This is why. Right here. 1548 01:01:49,469 --> 01:01:51,371 'Cause if we don't do something, they die. 1549 01:01:51,404 --> 01:01:53,641 I don't know anything about saving worlds. 1550 01:01:53,674 --> 01:01:55,209 And why would I even care? 1551 01:01:55,243 --> 01:01:58,713 Because my entire world is right here in this picture. 1552 01:01:58,746 --> 01:02:00,547 It's only nine people, 1553 01:02:00,580 --> 01:02:03,985 and I have no idea how to save it alone. 1554 01:02:04,017 --> 01:02:06,186 I know how to fuck people up for money. But you, 1555 01:02:06,219 --> 01:02:08,088 you know how to save 'em! 1556 01:02:09,089 --> 01:02:10,257 At least the other Wolverine did. 1557 01:02:10,290 --> 01:02:11,490 - [flesh squelching] - [groans] 1558 01:02:11,524 --> 01:02:14,460 Fuck! I guess I'm stuck with the worst one. 1559 01:02:14,493 --> 01:02:16,629 Did you say you made 1560 01:02:16,662 --> 01:02:20,000 an educated fucking wish? 1561 01:02:20,032 --> 01:02:22,234 They call me "The Merc with the Mouth." 1562 01:02:22,268 --> 01:02:24,336 They don't call me "Truthful Timmy, 1563 01:02:24,369 --> 01:02:26,372 "the Blowjob Queen of Saskatoon." 1564 01:02:26,907 --> 01:02:28,307 [grunts in pain] 1565 01:02:30,075 --> 01:02:31,277 One more word. 1566 01:02:32,243 --> 01:02:35,147 Please give me one. [breathing heavily] 1567 01:02:37,515 --> 01:02:38,650 Gubernatorial. 1568 01:02:38,683 --> 01:02:40,451 [yelps] Oh, fuck! 1569 01:02:41,953 --> 01:02:43,488 You know what? You're a fucking joke. 1570 01:02:45,122 --> 01:02:46,558 No wonder the Avengers didn't take you. 1571 01:02:46,591 --> 01:02:49,460 Or the X-Men. And they'll take fucking anyone. 1572 01:02:49,494 --> 01:02:50,895 I mean, you are 1573 01:02:50,929 --> 01:02:54,565 a ridiculous, immature, half-wit moron. 1574 01:02:55,064 --> 01:02:56,935 I have never met 1575 01:02:56,968 --> 01:02:58,235 a sadder, 1576 01:02:58,268 --> 01:03:00,872 more attention-starved, jabbering little prick 1577 01:03:00,905 --> 01:03:02,238 in my entire life. 1578 01:03:02,271 --> 01:03:04,340 And that says a lot, 'cause I've been alive 1579 01:03:04,373 --> 01:03:07,045 for more than 200 fuckin' years, 1580 01:03:07,077 --> 01:03:08,344 and I'll tell ya, 1581 01:03:08,377 --> 01:03:10,146 that bald chick was right about one thing. 1582 01:03:10,179 --> 01:03:12,849 You will never save the world! 1583 01:03:12,883 --> 01:03:15,585 You couldn't even save a relationship 1584 01:03:15,618 --> 01:03:17,420 with a goddamn stripper! 1585 01:03:17,453 --> 01:03:20,122 And motherfucker, I wish I could say you'd die alone, 1586 01:03:20,156 --> 01:03:23,191 but it's one of God's best jokes that you can't die, 1587 01:03:23,224 --> 01:03:24,827 except that's on all of us! 1588 01:03:28,899 --> 01:03:31,299 Oh, you got nothing to say, Mouth? 1589 01:03:31,333 --> 01:03:32,633 [breathing heavily] 1590 01:03:40,009 --> 01:03:41,742 [Deadpool] I'm gonna fight you now. 1591 01:03:41,775 --> 01:03:43,644 [laughs] 1592 01:03:43,677 --> 01:03:45,312 [snorts] Oh, are you? 1593 01:03:49,018 --> 01:03:51,452 [song plays on radio, song changing] 1594 01:03:51,485 --> 01:03:54,055 [♪ upbeat pop music plays, "You're the One That I Want"] 1595 01:03:54,089 --> 01:03:55,355 [grunting] 1596 01:03:55,388 --> 01:03:57,891 - [groaning] - Mm. Not talkin' now, are ya? 1597 01:03:57,925 --> 01:04:00,461 ♪ And I'm losing control ♪ 1598 01:04:00,493 --> 01:04:04,397 ♪ 'Cause the power you're supplying ♪ 1599 01:04:04,430 --> 01:04:05,665 [Deadpool] Oh, you dirty bitch. 1600 01:04:08,002 --> 01:04:09,569 [growls] 1601 01:04:09,602 --> 01:04:11,904 - [yelling] - ♪ You better shape up ♪ 1602 01:04:11,938 --> 01:04:13,573 ♪ 'Cause I need a man ♪ 1603 01:04:13,605 --> 01:04:15,308 [both grunting] 1604 01:04:15,340 --> 01:04:18,444 ♪ And my heart is set on you ♪ 1605 01:04:18,478 --> 01:04:20,813 ♪ You better shape up ♪ 1606 01:04:20,847 --> 01:04:22,280 - [laughs] - [Deadpool] Whoo! 1607 01:04:22,882 --> 01:04:23,950 [grunts] 1608 01:04:23,983 --> 01:04:26,551 ♪ To my heart, I must be true ♪ 1609 01:04:26,585 --> 01:04:30,221 ♪ Nothing left, nothing left for me to do ♪ 1610 01:04:30,254 --> 01:04:32,256 ♪ You're the one that I want ♪ 1611 01:04:33,025 --> 01:04:34,893 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey ♪ 1612 01:04:34,926 --> 01:04:36,459 ♪ The one that I want ♪ 1613 01:04:37,327 --> 01:04:38,563 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey ♪ 1614 01:04:38,597 --> 01:04:40,264 - [straining] - No, no, no! [screams] 1615 01:04:40,297 --> 01:04:41,766 [screams in high pitch] 1616 01:04:41,800 --> 01:04:43,433 - ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ - [bones crack] 1617 01:04:43,466 --> 01:04:47,504 ♪ The one I need Oh, yes, indeed... ♪ 1618 01:04:50,174 --> 01:04:51,541 [choking] 1619 01:04:55,146 --> 01:04:56,578 [yells] 1620 01:04:58,850 --> 01:05:00,417 - Baby Knife! - [screams] 1621 01:05:02,252 --> 01:05:03,519 [♪ song stops] 1622 01:05:03,552 --> 01:05:06,889 I take it all back. The Honda Odyssey fucks hard. 1623 01:05:06,923 --> 01:05:08,290 Too bad you don't, needle dick. 1624 01:05:08,323 --> 01:05:09,591 Oh, we're just gettin' started, bub. 1625 01:05:09,625 --> 01:05:11,393 - [yells] - [♪ song resumes playing] 1626 01:05:12,428 --> 01:05:14,196 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey ♪ 1627 01:05:14,229 --> 01:05:15,730 [Deadpool] Oh, you... Fuck! 1628 01:05:16,932 --> 01:05:18,499 - [Deadpool groaning loudly] - ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 1629 01:05:18,533 --> 01:05:20,436 - ♪ The one I need ♪ - [groaning stops] 1630 01:05:20,469 --> 01:05:23,238 ♪ Oh, yes, indeed ♪ 1631 01:05:23,272 --> 01:05:24,873 ♪ You're the one that I want ♪ 1632 01:05:24,907 --> 01:05:25,941 [♪ song fades out] 1633 01:05:25,974 --> 01:05:27,408 [birds chirping] 1634 01:05:29,812 --> 01:05:31,379 [leaves rustling] 1635 01:05:34,582 --> 01:05:36,783 [♪ ominous music playing] 1636 01:05:39,054 --> 01:05:40,688 [car door opens and closes] 1637 01:05:40,722 --> 01:05:41,856 [engine starts] 1638 01:05:54,035 --> 01:05:56,302 [♪ cryptic music playing] 1639 01:05:56,870 --> 01:05:58,404 [water dripping] 1640 01:06:08,180 --> 01:06:09,481 [Deadpool] Thor! 1641 01:06:12,284 --> 01:06:13,318 Where are we? 1642 01:06:13,351 --> 01:06:16,789 No clue, but... I like it here. 1643 01:06:16,822 --> 01:06:19,490 - [door opens] - [♪ cryptic music intensifies] 1644 01:06:22,228 --> 01:06:24,262 [grunting] 1645 01:06:24,295 --> 01:06:26,463 [Deadpool] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 1646 01:06:26,497 --> 01:06:28,699 [♪ sentimental music playing] 1647 01:06:35,439 --> 01:06:37,307 - [♪ music pauses] - [low growl] 1648 01:06:37,341 --> 01:06:39,810 [♪ dramatic electronic music playing] 1649 01:06:49,385 --> 01:06:51,355 [electrical humming] 1650 01:06:56,726 --> 01:06:57,727 [cat meows] 1651 01:07:13,943 --> 01:07:14,977 [♪ music fades out] 1652 01:07:15,011 --> 01:07:16,879 Okay. 1653 01:07:16,913 --> 01:07:19,981 Look at you... all. You must be the others. 1654 01:07:20,614 --> 01:07:21,650 Terrific. 1655 01:07:21,683 --> 01:07:24,953 So just to refresh, you are 1656 01:07:24,986 --> 01:07:25,921 - Wonder... - Elektra. 1657 01:07:25,954 --> 01:07:28,422 [Deadpool] Elektra? Yes. Who could forget? 1658 01:07:28,454 --> 01:07:31,592 And you. I was not expecting to see you here. 1659 01:07:31,626 --> 01:07:33,327 I thought you were, you know, 1660 01:07:33,360 --> 01:07:34,896 retired. [chuckles] 1661 01:07:35,595 --> 01:07:36,596 Retarded? 1662 01:07:37,999 --> 01:07:39,033 [Deadpool] "Retired." 1663 01:07:39,066 --> 01:07:40,100 I'm already in The Void. 1664 01:07:40,134 --> 01:07:41,302 I'm not trying to get canceled again. 1665 01:07:41,334 --> 01:07:43,403 - I don't like you. - [Deadpool] You never did. 1666 01:07:44,772 --> 01:07:47,241 And who's this succulent reminder 1667 01:07:47,274 --> 01:07:48,843 of my own inadequacies? 1668 01:07:48,876 --> 01:07:50,442 Look at you. 1669 01:07:50,475 --> 01:07:53,214 You look like the superhero version of Hawkeye. 1670 01:07:53,247 --> 01:07:56,615 The name's Remy LeBeau, Le Diable Blanc. 1671 01:07:56,648 --> 01:07:58,052 But you can call me the Gambit. 1672 01:07:58,085 --> 01:07:59,886 [Deadpool] It's been a while since I've seen Sling Blade. 1673 01:07:59,918 --> 01:08:00,919 Hit me again. 1674 01:08:01,620 --> 01:08:02,789 They call me the Gambit. 1675 01:08:02,822 --> 01:08:04,158 [Deadpool] Do they? Are you sure you didn't 1676 01:08:04,191 --> 01:08:05,390 just really, really want them to, 1677 01:08:05,424 --> 01:08:06,793 but it never quite worked out? 1678 01:08:07,926 --> 01:08:09,394 [speaks indistinctly] 1679 01:08:09,428 --> 01:08:11,864 You know, we never had a Wolverine up in here. 1680 01:08:12,531 --> 01:08:13,532 But I can tell you now, 1681 01:08:13,565 --> 01:08:15,567 it's just a common courtesy to ask 1682 01:08:15,601 --> 01:08:17,337 before you drink up all of my liquor. 1683 01:08:17,369 --> 01:08:19,604 Well, it's a good thing I don't give a fuck. 1684 01:08:19,637 --> 01:08:21,873 [laughs, speaks indistinctly] 1685 01:08:22,941 --> 01:08:23,942 Fuck. 1686 01:08:26,410 --> 01:08:28,045 - [bottle smashes] - [Deadpool] So embarrassing. 1687 01:08:29,113 --> 01:08:30,181 Boo, boo, boo. 1688 01:08:30,214 --> 01:08:31,316 Well, now that that's settled, look, 1689 01:08:31,350 --> 01:08:32,749 we came a long way to find you three. 1690 01:08:32,784 --> 01:08:34,518 - There's four of us. - [Deadpool] There's four... 1691 01:08:34,552 --> 01:08:36,587 Hey, wait. Is it Magneto? 1692 01:08:36,620 --> 01:08:38,688 Dear sweet God in heaven, let it be Magneto, 1693 01:08:38,722 --> 01:08:39,756 - because with him... - He's dead. 1694 01:08:39,790 --> 01:08:41,826 [Deadpool] Fuck! Now Disney gets cheap? 1695 01:08:41,858 --> 01:08:43,895 It's like Pinocchio jammed his face in my ass 1696 01:08:43,928 --> 01:08:46,263 - and started lying like crazy. - Ooh, you nasty! 1697 01:08:46,296 --> 01:08:48,698 Mon petit rouge. Laissez les bons temps rouler, huh? 1698 01:08:48,732 --> 01:08:51,600 [Deadpool] Not a single word. What do you do exactly? 1699 01:08:51,634 --> 01:08:54,204 Charge the playing cards and make 'em go boom! 1700 01:08:54,237 --> 01:08:56,505 [Deadpool] Your power's close-up magic. That's good. 1701 01:08:56,538 --> 01:08:58,174 We're not totally fucked at all. 1702 01:08:58,208 --> 01:08:59,574 So who brought us here? 1703 01:08:59,607 --> 01:09:00,877 [Voice] That would be me. 1704 01:09:03,312 --> 01:09:05,714 [♪ pensive music playing] 1705 01:09:11,153 --> 01:09:12,420 Don't make me regret it. 1706 01:09:14,024 --> 01:09:17,525 [Deadpool] Holy shit. Logan. That's her. That's X-23. 1707 01:09:17,558 --> 01:09:19,161 She's the one I told you about. 1708 01:09:23,597 --> 01:09:25,766 Hey, how did you all get stuck in The Void? 1709 01:09:25,800 --> 01:09:27,402 There was a knock at the door. 1710 01:09:27,434 --> 01:09:29,469 - TVA sent me here. - Me, too. 1711 01:09:29,503 --> 01:09:30,570 Well, maybe I was born here. 1712 01:09:30,604 --> 01:09:31,872 It's... It's hard to know for sure. 1713 01:09:31,905 --> 01:09:35,475 TVA decided our universe was dying. 1714 01:09:35,509 --> 01:09:37,611 And I never even got a chance to fight for it. 1715 01:09:40,281 --> 01:09:42,448 [Elektra] People like us don't go quietly. 1716 01:09:42,481 --> 01:09:44,685 TVA knows that, so they took us out. 1717 01:09:44,718 --> 01:09:47,120 [smooches] The answer is yes. I'm in. 1718 01:09:47,154 --> 01:09:49,089 - In what? - [Deadpool] A team. 1719 01:09:49,121 --> 01:09:51,325 Me, you, you, and me. All of us together. 1720 01:09:51,358 --> 01:09:52,757 Let's get the fuck out of this place. 1721 01:09:52,792 --> 01:09:54,526 Don't listen to him. He's a fucking liar! 1722 01:09:54,560 --> 01:09:56,363 [Deadpool] It was an educated wish! 1723 01:09:56,396 --> 01:09:57,997 - Ha! - [Deadpool] Look. 1724 01:09:59,433 --> 01:10:01,400 We've been inside Cassandra's lair. 1725 01:10:01,434 --> 01:10:03,869 The only way out of The Void is through her. 1726 01:10:03,903 --> 01:10:05,805 She can get us home. She told us. 1727 01:10:05,838 --> 01:10:08,373 Wait a minute, you've been inside? 1728 01:10:08,406 --> 01:10:10,141 - And you made it out alive? - Bullshit. 1729 01:10:10,175 --> 01:10:11,943 - Nobody's ever done that. - [Deadpool] We did. 1730 01:10:11,977 --> 01:10:14,578 Every time one of us has gone up against her, 1731 01:10:14,913 --> 01:10:15,915 they die. 1732 01:10:15,948 --> 01:10:18,717 The Punisher, the Quicksilver, the Daredevil. 1733 01:10:18,750 --> 01:10:20,418 [Deadpool] Daredevil? I'm so sorry. 1734 01:10:20,452 --> 01:10:21,853 - It's fine. - [Deadpool] Okay. 1735 01:10:23,822 --> 01:10:27,158 Even that sweet, baby angel, Johnny Storm. 1736 01:10:27,192 --> 01:10:28,624 He up and gone missing like, 1737 01:10:28,658 --> 01:10:30,593 what, two days ago? 1738 01:10:30,626 --> 01:10:32,930 [Deadpool] Ugh. That's so sad. 1739 01:10:32,963 --> 01:10:35,698 Wherever this Johnny fella is, I'm sure he's thriving. 1740 01:10:35,732 --> 01:10:36,868 [Wolverine chuckles] 1741 01:10:36,901 --> 01:10:39,136 Look, there's... there's strength in numbers. 1742 01:10:39,169 --> 01:10:40,270 All right? Us... 1743 01:10:40,304 --> 01:10:41,636 plus, you guys. We can put Cassandra 1744 01:10:41,670 --> 01:10:43,941 over our knee and force her to let us out of The Void. 1745 01:10:43,974 --> 01:10:45,641 I know what it means to feel self-doubt. 1746 01:10:45,675 --> 01:10:47,211 - I don't feel that at all. - I'm good. 1747 01:10:47,244 --> 01:10:49,479 [Deadpool] Gnawing at your gut like a coked-up tapeworm. 1748 01:10:49,511 --> 01:10:51,048 It's like you're holding up a mirror to my soul. 1749 01:10:51,081 --> 01:10:52,415 [Deadpool] You guys may not have been able 1750 01:10:52,448 --> 01:10:54,183 to save your universes. 1751 01:10:54,217 --> 01:10:56,387 But you can avenge them. 1752 01:10:56,419 --> 01:10:57,719 It's what Johnny would have wanted. 1753 01:10:57,753 --> 01:11:00,789 Wait. You knew Johnny? 1754 01:11:01,590 --> 01:11:02,824 [chuckles] Oh, yeah. 1755 01:11:02,858 --> 01:11:04,826 Dickhead here talked him into a team-up, 1756 01:11:04,860 --> 01:11:07,463 and Johnny came down with a little case of the deads. 1757 01:11:07,497 --> 01:11:08,797 [Deadpool] No, no, no. We don't know that. 1758 01:11:08,830 --> 01:11:11,033 It was just a flesh wound. He may have survived. 1759 01:11:11,066 --> 01:11:13,835 If he survived that, he is prayin' for death. 1760 01:11:13,869 --> 01:11:15,504 [Deadpool] Thank you, Doctor Wolverine! 1761 01:11:15,536 --> 01:11:17,705 - Spill it! - What'd you do to Johnny, huh? 1762 01:11:17,738 --> 01:11:18,907 Talk or I'm gonna start dealin'. 1763 01:11:18,940 --> 01:11:20,608 [Deadpool] Okay. Okay. Hey, hey, hey. 1764 01:11:21,075 --> 01:11:21,909 Look. 1765 01:11:21,942 --> 01:11:24,378 He ran his fat-ass mouth about Cassandra. 1766 01:11:24,412 --> 01:11:26,179 Then she zip-zapped his skin, 1767 01:11:26,212 --> 01:11:28,349 leaving his organs to splash crudely onto the ground 1768 01:11:28,382 --> 01:11:31,318 while the soil greedily drank his blood. It was horrible. 1769 01:11:31,352 --> 01:11:33,119 He was like a brother to me. 1770 01:11:33,153 --> 01:11:36,289 Look, he died before he could make a difference. But... 1771 01:11:36,322 --> 01:11:37,358 - [laughs] - Look, maybe you couldn't 1772 01:11:37,391 --> 01:11:38,826 save your worlds, but... 1773 01:11:38,859 --> 01:11:41,594 but Jesus Christ, you can save mine! 1774 01:11:41,628 --> 01:11:44,097 I don't give a shit about your world, but 1775 01:11:44,130 --> 01:11:47,068 if these two made it out of there alive, maybe together, 1776 01:11:47,100 --> 01:11:49,002 we can get back in and take her down. 1777 01:11:49,035 --> 01:11:52,005 Where I come from, we call that suicide, Chere. 1778 01:11:52,038 --> 01:11:54,007 [Deadpool] If we can block her psychic powers, 1779 01:11:54,040 --> 01:11:55,908 we can get a leg up. I know it. 1780 01:11:55,941 --> 01:11:57,977 Now, I know Magneto's dead. 1781 01:11:58,011 --> 01:12:00,611 But I'd venture to guess that his helmet is lying 1782 01:12:00,645 --> 01:12:02,680 - around here somewhere... - Cassandra melted the helmet. 1783 01:12:02,713 --> 01:12:03,882 - [Deadpool] Fuck! - After she killed him. 1784 01:12:03,916 --> 01:12:05,884 - [Deadpool] Fuck! - She don't play. 1785 01:12:05,918 --> 01:12:07,351 She knows that helmet was the only way 1786 01:12:07,385 --> 01:12:09,021 to protect anyone from her powers. 1787 01:12:09,054 --> 01:12:10,923 The only other helmet that strong is Juggernaut's, 1788 01:12:10,956 --> 01:12:12,191 but he works for Cassandra. 1789 01:12:12,224 --> 01:12:13,723 [Deadpool] Juggernaut's helmet. That's it. 1790 01:12:13,757 --> 01:12:15,426 Yeah, and we done be knowing that lid ain't comin' off 1791 01:12:15,460 --> 01:12:16,860 without that dome gonna come off wit'it. 1792 01:12:16,893 --> 01:12:18,163 [Deadpool] I'm so sorry, beautiful. 1793 01:12:18,197 --> 01:12:19,064 I want this to be gentle. 1794 01:12:19,098 --> 01:12:21,365 Who is your dialect coach? The Minions? 1795 01:12:21,399 --> 01:12:24,667 I feel like we are missing critical exposition here. 1796 01:12:25,869 --> 01:12:28,840 I'm sick of this shit. I'm sick of hiding. 1797 01:12:29,874 --> 01:12:31,908 Let's face it, our worlds forgot about us. 1798 01:12:31,942 --> 01:12:33,742 Or never learned about us. 1799 01:12:33,777 --> 01:12:35,212 The heroes we were. 1800 01:12:35,245 --> 01:12:36,546 Lives we saved. 1801 01:12:36,580 --> 01:12:37,947 Or wanted to save. 1802 01:12:37,980 --> 01:12:40,016 Maybe these two are our chance. 1803 01:12:40,050 --> 01:12:41,351 [gurgling] 1804 01:12:41,384 --> 01:12:43,119 To be remembered. 1805 01:12:43,152 --> 01:12:44,220 The way we deserve. 1806 01:12:45,355 --> 01:12:46,423 [Deadpool] Yes. 1807 01:12:46,456 --> 01:12:48,256 An ending. 1808 01:12:48,289 --> 01:12:49,493 - Legacy. - [Deadpool] Yes! 1809 01:12:49,526 --> 01:12:50,993 Yes! Let this man cook. 1810 01:12:51,026 --> 01:12:52,529 This is what I'm talking about. 1811 01:12:52,562 --> 01:12:54,530 Big slow-motion fights, sad music. 1812 01:12:54,563 --> 01:12:55,764 Everybody working together. 1813 01:12:55,798 --> 01:12:57,632 Who knows if you live or die? That sorta thing. 1814 01:12:57,665 --> 01:12:59,802 - Who's ready? - I was born ready. 1815 01:12:59,835 --> 01:13:01,103 [Deadpool] Yes! Gambit? 1816 01:13:01,137 --> 01:13:02,071 I ain't know my daddy, 1817 01:13:02,104 --> 01:13:04,072 but I'm sure I shot out of his dick ready. 1818 01:13:04,105 --> 01:13:06,007 [Deadpool] Jesus Christ, that is graphic. 1819 01:13:06,040 --> 01:13:07,976 Yeah. He was layin' them buttery nuts all up in my mama 1820 01:13:08,009 --> 01:13:10,012 and I shot out there and I said, "What's up, Doc?" 1821 01:13:10,045 --> 01:13:12,480 [Deadpool laughs] Johnny must have loved you. 1822 01:13:12,514 --> 01:13:14,782 X-23, what's it gonna be? 1823 01:13:14,816 --> 01:13:16,050 The name's Laura. 1824 01:13:16,084 --> 01:13:18,886 - Let's fucking go. - [Deadpool] Let's fucking go! 1825 01:13:18,919 --> 01:13:20,155 It's on like chicken and corn. 1826 01:13:20,188 --> 01:13:21,687 - [Deadpool] Yeah! - We're doing this. 1827 01:13:21,722 --> 01:13:22,790 You're all fuckin' dead. 1828 01:13:22,824 --> 01:13:25,159 [Deadpool] My God! Read the room. 1829 01:13:28,561 --> 01:13:30,297 [crickets chirping] 1830 01:13:34,268 --> 01:13:35,969 [exhales] 1831 01:13:36,003 --> 01:13:39,138 Hey, hey. I'm not lookin' for company. Get out of here. 1832 01:13:41,308 --> 01:13:42,808 You remind me of him. 1833 01:13:42,842 --> 01:13:44,676 Angry. Drunk. Mean... 1834 01:13:44,709 --> 01:13:46,878 - Sounds like a great guy... - Wasn't finished. 1835 01:13:48,679 --> 01:13:50,284 Showed up when it mattered the most. 1836 01:13:52,518 --> 01:13:54,187 Couldn't help it. 1837 01:13:55,654 --> 01:13:56,855 [sighs] 1838 01:13:57,522 --> 01:13:58,857 You might not know it, but... 1839 01:13:59,758 --> 01:14:01,194 you're a good man, Logan. 1840 01:14:01,227 --> 01:14:02,228 [chuckles] 1841 01:14:03,229 --> 01:14:04,896 You might not know it, but apparently, 1842 01:14:04,930 --> 01:14:06,331 I'm the worst Logan. 1843 01:14:08,165 --> 01:14:10,068 I got to have a life because of you. 1844 01:14:12,971 --> 01:14:14,705 I got to grow up because of you. 1845 01:14:16,706 --> 01:14:18,274 A lot of kids did. 1846 01:14:18,308 --> 01:14:20,445 A lot of kids didn't grow up because of me. 1847 01:14:22,646 --> 01:14:24,248 Trust me, kid, I'm no hero. 1848 01:14:25,583 --> 01:14:27,651 That suit says different. 1849 01:14:27,685 --> 01:14:29,819 - Yeah. Do you like it? - Mm. 1850 01:14:31,689 --> 01:14:33,389 Scott used to beg me to wear it. 1851 01:14:35,659 --> 01:14:38,261 So did Jean, Storm, Beast. 1852 01:14:40,329 --> 01:14:42,365 All of them. 1853 01:14:42,398 --> 01:14:46,135 They wanted me to be part of the team, but I wouldn't. 1854 01:14:46,169 --> 01:14:49,471 Told 'em they all look fucking ridiculous. I mean... 1855 01:14:51,307 --> 01:14:54,076 I couldn't have 'em thinkin' I wanted to be there. 1856 01:14:59,746 --> 01:15:01,783 And then one day, while I was off on my own, 1857 01:15:01,817 --> 01:15:03,085 the humans came... 1858 01:15:03,652 --> 01:15:05,087 and went mutant hunting. 1859 01:15:06,354 --> 01:15:07,521 I can guess the rest. 1860 01:15:07,555 --> 01:15:08,756 No, no, let me... 1861 01:15:09,990 --> 01:15:11,192 Let me say it. I... 1862 01:15:13,794 --> 01:15:14,996 I need to say it. 1863 01:15:17,465 --> 01:15:20,134 By the time I stumbled home shitfaced from the bar, 1864 01:15:20,167 --> 01:15:21,468 it was too late. 1865 01:15:25,273 --> 01:15:26,973 They were dead. Every... [stifling sob] 1866 01:15:29,442 --> 01:15:31,444 [♪ mournful music playing] 1867 01:15:33,046 --> 01:15:36,215 This suit's all I got to remind me of who they were. 1868 01:15:38,217 --> 01:15:39,251 And what I did. 1869 01:15:47,092 --> 01:15:48,093 [sniffles] 1870 01:15:52,230 --> 01:15:54,033 We're headed to Cassandra's at sunup. 1871 01:15:54,833 --> 01:15:56,869 Have fun. Not my fight. 1872 01:16:00,104 --> 01:16:01,839 We won't pull this off without you. 1873 01:16:08,612 --> 01:16:12,115 Hey. Whoever you think I am, you got the wrong guy. 1874 01:16:14,886 --> 01:16:16,553 You were always the wrong guy. 1875 01:16:22,960 --> 01:16:25,228 [♪ mournful music continues] 1876 01:16:40,309 --> 01:16:42,278 [cell phone ringing] 1877 01:16:42,311 --> 01:16:43,145 What? 1878 01:16:43,179 --> 01:16:45,481 Alioth didn't get them. [sniffs] 1879 01:16:45,514 --> 01:16:48,184 Cassandra wanted to play with them herself first. 1880 01:16:48,217 --> 01:16:49,050 They got away. 1881 01:16:49,084 --> 01:16:50,719 - Did they find the others? - No. 1882 01:16:50,753 --> 01:16:52,119 Good. All right. Phew. 1883 01:16:52,152 --> 01:16:54,222 - The others found them. - Oh, very cute. 1884 01:16:54,256 --> 01:16:56,124 Well done, Pyro. Classic bait and switch. 1885 01:16:56,157 --> 01:16:58,660 - You really got me there. - Relax. 1886 01:16:58,693 --> 01:17:01,028 If they come after Nova, she'll handle it. 1887 01:17:01,061 --> 01:17:03,197 Cassandra is a lunatic wild card. 1888 01:17:03,230 --> 01:17:05,367 Why do you think we put her there in the first place? 1889 01:17:05,400 --> 01:17:07,502 Thank God she's never chosen to leave The Void. 1890 01:17:07,535 --> 01:17:10,437 The Time Ripper is hours away from completion. 1891 01:17:10,471 --> 01:17:11,572 I cannot take any chances. 1892 01:17:11,605 --> 01:17:12,740 Well, maybe not. 1893 01:17:12,774 --> 01:17:14,208 But I can. 1894 01:17:14,241 --> 01:17:15,309 For a price. 1895 01:17:15,342 --> 01:17:16,744 Why do you have to say it in that silly voice? 1896 01:17:16,778 --> 01:17:18,078 It's so icky. 1897 01:17:18,112 --> 01:17:19,947 - You want it done or not? - All right. Your price. 1898 01:17:19,980 --> 01:17:21,481 Take her out. 1899 01:17:22,014 --> 01:17:24,150 Ugh. Mutants. 1900 01:17:24,183 --> 01:17:25,284 [♪ hip-hop music plays, T.I. "Bring 'Em Out"] 1901 01:17:25,318 --> 01:17:26,419 ♪ Bring 'em out, bring 'em out ♪ 1902 01:17:26,452 --> 01:17:28,154 ♪ Bring 'em out, bring 'em out ♪ 1903 01:17:28,187 --> 01:17:30,156 ♪ It's hard to yell when the bar-rel's in your mouth ♪ 1904 01:17:30,189 --> 01:17:31,456 - ♪ Come on ♪ - ♪ Swizzy! ♪ 1905 01:17:31,490 --> 01:17:33,025 ♪ Bring 'em out, bring 'em out ♪ 1906 01:17:33,992 --> 01:17:35,228 ♪ Bring 'em out, bring 'em out ♪ 1907 01:17:35,261 --> 01:17:37,330 ♪ T-I-P, coming live from the V.I.P. ♪ 1908 01:17:37,363 --> 01:17:39,731 ♪ Heard the nightlife lost life without me ♪ 1909 01:17:39,767 --> 01:17:42,300 ♪ Both the feds and the state wanna see 'bout me ♪ 1910 01:17:42,334 --> 01:17:45,204 ♪ The whole city got biz-zerk, he got three... ♪ 1911 01:17:45,873 --> 01:17:47,006 Ooh! Look at that there! 1912 01:17:47,039 --> 01:17:48,273 You see them biggum hands come closed. 1913 01:17:48,306 --> 01:17:49,875 Ain't not a wonna gettin' up inside there. 1914 01:17:49,908 --> 01:17:51,143 [Deadpool] I think what Gambit's trying to say is 1915 01:17:51,176 --> 01:17:54,078 getting Juggernaut's helmet ain't gonna be easy. 1916 01:17:54,111 --> 01:17:55,748 I'm just making stuff up at this... 1917 01:17:55,782 --> 01:17:57,581 - Yeah. Tilt up to Blade. - Gun! 1918 01:17:57,615 --> 01:17:59,818 ♪ Mississippi to Philly, Albuquerque to Chatt-Town ♪ 1919 01:17:59,851 --> 01:18:02,353 ♪ If I hit you in the face, you gon' be suing and shit ♪ 1920 01:18:02,386 --> 01:18:04,088 [Deadpool] Where'd he get that little beauty? 1921 01:18:04,121 --> 01:18:06,191 That's Punisher's AT4. 1922 01:18:06,224 --> 01:18:08,626 Which Punisher? There's been, like, five of them. 1923 01:18:08,659 --> 01:18:10,327 There's only been one Blade, 1924 01:18:10,361 --> 01:18:12,296 and there's only ever gonna be one Blade. 1925 01:18:12,329 --> 01:18:14,197 ♪ Who got a flow and a live show better than mine? ♪ 1926 01:18:14,230 --> 01:18:16,200 ♪ I got a packed house yellin' ♪ 1927 01:18:16,534 --> 01:18:17,668 Incoming! 1928 01:18:17,700 --> 01:18:19,068 Ahhh! 1929 01:18:20,336 --> 01:18:21,504 ♪ Bring 'em out, bring 'em out ♪ 1930 01:18:21,538 --> 01:18:23,038 ♪ Ayy, from the back, they yellin ♪ 1931 01:18:23,071 --> 01:18:24,206 ♪ Bring 'em out, bring 'em out ♪ 1932 01:18:24,239 --> 01:18:25,341 ♪ Ayy, all the dope boys yellin' ♪ 1933 01:18:25,375 --> 01:18:26,543 ♪ Bring 'em out, bring 'em out ♪ 1934 01:18:26,576 --> 01:18:27,812 ♪ Ayy, from the back, they yellin ♪ 1935 01:18:27,845 --> 01:18:29,379 - [♪ song stops] - [fire roaring] 1936 01:18:32,449 --> 01:18:33,949 [tires screeching] 1937 01:18:36,151 --> 01:18:37,854 ♪ Mic check, one-two, one-two ♪ 1938 01:18:37,887 --> 01:18:39,054 ♪ You wanna beef with the King? ♪ 1939 01:18:39,087 --> 01:18:40,522 ♪ What is you gon' do? ♪ 1940 01:18:40,556 --> 01:18:42,724 ♪ Will you show up on the scene with two guns drew? ♪ 1941 01:18:42,759 --> 01:18:45,326 ♪ Or you and your friend and play a little two-on-two? ♪ 1942 01:18:45,359 --> 01:18:46,595 ♪ If you knew half of what I knew ♪ 1943 01:18:46,628 --> 01:18:47,864 ♪ Then you'd be hitting the deck ♪ 1944 01:18:47,897 --> 01:18:49,230 ♪ I got a tool and a vest ♪ 1945 01:18:49,263 --> 01:18:50,767 ♪ I can get some respect ♪ 1946 01:18:50,800 --> 01:18:52,433 ♪ Yeah, what other Southern rapper hood-er than this? ♪ 1947 01:18:52,467 --> 01:18:54,969 ♪ I got rich, and I'm still on some hooligan shit ♪ 1948 01:18:55,002 --> 01:18:56,404 ♪ Standing in your front yard yellin' ♪ 1949 01:18:56,437 --> 01:18:57,572 ♪ Bring 'em out, bring 'em out ♪ 1950 01:18:57,605 --> 01:18:58,973 ♪ Ayy, all my hot girls yellin' ♪ 1951 01:18:59,006 --> 01:19:00,141 ♪ Bring 'em out, bring 'em out ♪ 1952 01:19:00,174 --> 01:19:01,275 ♪ Ayy, all the dope boys yellin' ♪ 1953 01:19:01,309 --> 01:19:02,476 ♪ Bring 'em out, bring 'em out ♪ 1954 01:19:03,077 --> 01:19:04,377 [♪ song stops] 1955 01:19:07,782 --> 01:19:09,016 [♪ song resumes] 1956 01:19:09,050 --> 01:19:10,919 ♪ Hands in the air now! ♪ 1957 01:19:10,953 --> 01:19:13,053 ♪ Hands in the air now! ♪ 1958 01:19:13,086 --> 01:19:15,654 ♪ Hands-hands in the- in the air-air now! ♪ 1959 01:19:15,688 --> 01:19:16,824 ♪ I can't hear you! ♪ 1960 01:19:16,858 --> 01:19:19,059 ♪ Bring 'em out, bring 'em out ♪ 1961 01:19:19,092 --> 01:19:21,460 ♪ Bring 'em out, bring 'em out ♪ 1962 01:19:21,494 --> 01:19:22,495 [♪ song ends] 1963 01:19:24,296 --> 01:19:26,532 Ooh, this is gonna be good. 1964 01:19:26,565 --> 01:19:29,069 You know how long I've been waiting for this? 1965 01:19:29,102 --> 01:19:31,337 Whoo! I'm about to make a name for myself here. 1966 01:19:31,370 --> 01:19:33,339 I don't think you guys walk away from this. 1967 01:19:33,372 --> 01:19:35,374 You just make sure people know what happened here today. 1968 01:19:35,407 --> 01:19:37,576 And when you get out of here, you have a drink for me, yeah? 1969 01:19:37,610 --> 01:19:40,078 You just stay on our six and get inside. 1970 01:19:40,111 --> 01:19:42,714 We'll make sure you get the package. 1971 01:19:42,748 --> 01:19:43,983 And we'll get our ending. 1972 01:19:44,015 --> 01:19:46,518 [♪ thrilling music playing] 1973 01:20:00,230 --> 01:20:01,533 [♪ music fades out] 1974 01:20:04,568 --> 01:20:06,035 [all yelling] 1975 01:20:11,041 --> 01:20:13,577 [♪ epic music playing] 1976 01:20:15,545 --> 01:20:16,712 [all grunting] 1977 01:20:39,501 --> 01:20:40,702 [groans] 1978 01:20:40,736 --> 01:20:42,504 [electrical roar and hum] 1979 01:20:42,537 --> 01:20:43,772 [crackling] 1980 01:20:54,348 --> 01:20:55,182 And boom! 1981 01:20:55,215 --> 01:20:56,750 [all grunting] 1982 01:20:57,484 --> 01:20:58,786 [laughs, grunts] 1983 01:21:24,877 --> 01:21:26,578 [♪ music stops] 1984 01:21:26,612 --> 01:21:29,081 Heh. Some motherfuckers still trying to ice skate uphill. 1985 01:21:29,113 --> 01:21:30,483 [henchmen yelling] 1986 01:21:33,118 --> 01:21:34,318 [slurps] 1987 01:21:34,854 --> 01:21:36,088 [footsteps] 1988 01:21:36,120 --> 01:21:38,322 You two escaping, I could live with. 1989 01:21:38,356 --> 01:21:41,292 But coming back? Willingly? 1990 01:21:42,795 --> 01:21:44,495 Boys are so silly. 1991 01:21:44,528 --> 01:21:45,663 [Deadpool] I just need to get home. 1992 01:21:45,696 --> 01:21:48,298 Well, that's not on the menu, I'm afraid. 1993 01:21:48,331 --> 01:21:51,837 It's death or enslavement. A la carte, of course. 1994 01:21:51,870 --> 01:21:53,404 - Upsy-daisy. - [grunting] 1995 01:21:58,608 --> 01:21:59,609 Finally, 1996 01:21:59,642 --> 01:22:01,779 it's nice to give someone else a chance to talk. 1997 01:22:01,812 --> 01:22:03,647 Not my strong suit. 1998 01:22:03,680 --> 01:22:05,448 [groaning and grunting] 1999 01:22:07,650 --> 01:22:09,152 [straining] 2000 01:22:17,827 --> 01:22:18,894 [yells] 2001 01:22:20,529 --> 01:22:21,364 [exhales] 2002 01:22:21,398 --> 01:22:22,766 You shouldn't have done that. 2003 01:22:24,533 --> 01:22:25,567 [grunts] 2004 01:22:25,601 --> 01:22:27,403 [groaning] 2005 01:22:29,138 --> 01:22:30,538 [grunting] 2006 01:22:35,543 --> 01:22:36,745 [yells] 2007 01:22:37,512 --> 01:22:38,579 [growls] 2008 01:22:41,215 --> 01:22:42,550 [screams] 2009 01:22:42,583 --> 01:22:43,819 Adios, pendejo. 2010 01:22:44,853 --> 01:22:46,219 [yells] 2011 01:22:46,253 --> 01:22:49,222 You are an interesting one, aren't you? 2012 01:22:49,256 --> 01:22:52,359 I do feel like you get lost behind all of his... 2013 01:22:52,392 --> 01:22:54,428 [imitates yapping] 2014 01:22:55,496 --> 01:22:58,297 Deadpools are a dime a dozen here in The Void. 2015 01:22:59,066 --> 01:23:00,934 But you... 2016 01:23:00,967 --> 01:23:03,971 What's going on in here? 2017 01:23:04,806 --> 01:23:06,372 [groaning] 2018 01:23:07,674 --> 01:23:09,408 [screaming] 2019 01:23:11,409 --> 01:23:13,479 - [screaming stops] - [leaves rustling] 2020 01:23:13,512 --> 01:23:14,915 [distant female voice] Logan! 2021 01:23:17,415 --> 01:23:18,717 [Cassandra] Interesting... 2022 01:23:19,853 --> 01:23:21,753 Not what I expected back here. 2023 01:23:22,856 --> 01:23:24,223 Behind the anger. 2024 01:23:28,060 --> 01:23:29,360 You're hiding. 2025 01:23:29,394 --> 01:23:31,329 - From them. - [sighs] 2026 01:23:31,361 --> 01:23:33,298 From all the ones you let down. 2027 01:23:35,834 --> 01:23:37,002 So much pain. 2028 01:23:39,670 --> 01:23:41,872 I walked away. 2029 01:23:41,905 --> 01:23:43,640 They called after me and I... 2030 01:23:43,674 --> 01:23:44,809 I walked away. 2031 01:23:45,910 --> 01:23:47,011 I always do. 2032 01:23:47,045 --> 01:23:48,312 - [child] Logan! - I know. 2033 01:23:50,380 --> 01:23:51,882 That's not all you did. 2034 01:23:52,648 --> 01:23:53,484 Is it? 2035 01:23:53,517 --> 01:23:55,352 - [groans] - [flesh squelches] 2036 01:23:56,920 --> 01:23:58,422 You found them. 2037 01:23:59,223 --> 01:24:00,423 The X-Men. 2038 01:24:04,260 --> 01:24:05,729 [distant screaming] 2039 01:24:05,763 --> 01:24:06,596 Dead. 2040 01:24:06,629 --> 01:24:08,832 [♪ mournful music playing] 2041 01:24:09,365 --> 01:24:10,733 Piled like wood. 2042 01:24:12,300 --> 01:24:13,703 [Cassandra] What did you do? 2043 01:24:16,205 --> 01:24:18,174 I started killing. 2044 01:24:18,207 --> 01:24:20,810 And I couldn't stop. I didn't wanna stop. 2045 01:24:22,043 --> 01:24:24,781 [Cassandra] All those bad men. 2046 01:24:24,814 --> 01:24:25,882 [groans] 2047 01:24:28,516 --> 01:24:30,384 It's not just the bad ones. 2048 01:24:31,920 --> 01:24:33,054 My little animal. 2049 01:24:35,758 --> 01:24:38,794 And I turned the whole world against the X-Men. 2050 01:24:39,094 --> 01:24:40,294 Blade! 2051 01:24:45,766 --> 01:24:46,935 Just once... 2052 01:24:48,701 --> 01:24:51,538 I wanna be the man that Charles thought I was. 2053 01:24:52,704 --> 01:24:53,807 Logan... 2054 01:24:55,276 --> 01:24:59,013 in The Void, you can be what you are. 2055 01:25:01,347 --> 01:25:02,916 I just wanna be free. 2056 01:25:03,549 --> 01:25:05,318 I can set you free. 2057 01:25:05,719 --> 01:25:07,020 [panting] 2058 01:25:10,223 --> 01:25:11,590 [yelps] 2059 01:25:16,628 --> 01:25:21,934 I can silence all those voices. 2060 01:25:21,967 --> 01:25:23,401 [silence falls] 2061 01:25:25,971 --> 01:25:27,039 [exhales] 2062 01:25:28,807 --> 01:25:29,808 I've got you. 2063 01:25:32,310 --> 01:25:33,511 I've got you. 2064 01:25:34,078 --> 01:25:35,080 No. 2065 01:25:36,346 --> 01:25:37,582 I got you. 2066 01:25:38,549 --> 01:25:39,951 [indistinct whining] 2067 01:25:39,984 --> 01:25:41,685 [grunting in pain] 2068 01:25:41,719 --> 01:25:42,920 [gasps] 2069 01:25:42,954 --> 01:25:44,621 [yelling] 2070 01:25:45,355 --> 01:25:47,725 [Cassandra grunts] Get it off! 2071 01:25:47,758 --> 01:25:49,227 [Deadpool] You're gonna send us home, 2072 01:25:49,260 --> 01:25:50,795 or I'm gonna twist your fucking head off. 2073 01:25:50,828 --> 01:25:52,461 - [laughs] - Why are you laughing? 2074 01:25:52,996 --> 01:25:54,264 I can't send you home 2075 01:25:54,297 --> 01:25:57,268 unless you get this thing off my head. 2076 01:25:57,300 --> 01:25:58,534 And as soon as you do that, 2077 01:25:58,567 --> 01:26:01,271 I'm going to boil your brains on an atomic level 2078 01:26:01,304 --> 01:26:04,306 whilst flicking my bean to the Enya box set. 2079 01:26:04,340 --> 01:26:05,506 [Deadpool] There's an Enya box set? 2080 01:26:05,540 --> 01:26:07,043 Either you kill me 2081 01:26:07,077 --> 01:26:08,377 or I kill you. 2082 01:26:09,246 --> 01:26:11,248 Both wonderful options. 2083 01:26:11,280 --> 01:26:12,480 [Deadpool] You want me to do it? 2084 01:26:12,513 --> 01:26:13,548 No, I'll do it. 2085 01:26:13,581 --> 01:26:14,917 [Deadpool] I have her neck right here. 2086 01:26:14,950 --> 01:26:16,618 - It's really no problem. - You'll screw it up. 2087 01:26:16,651 --> 01:26:18,221 [Deadpool] Oh, come on, Mr. PG-13, 2088 01:26:18,254 --> 01:26:19,288 except the last one! 2089 01:26:19,321 --> 01:26:21,456 - [gunshots] - What the fuck? 2090 01:26:22,656 --> 01:26:24,926 - [gasping] - [chuckles] You have no idea 2091 01:26:24,960 --> 01:26:26,029 what it's like! 2092 01:26:26,062 --> 01:26:28,998 Day after day. Shovel the shit. 2093 01:26:29,031 --> 01:26:30,697 Fetch the meats. 2094 01:26:30,732 --> 01:26:33,700 I have spent my entire exis... 2095 01:26:35,502 --> 01:26:37,106 Not everyone gets a speech. 2096 01:26:37,139 --> 01:26:39,974 - [groaning] - She's gonna die. 2097 01:26:40,008 --> 01:26:41,575 [Deadpool] Okay. Hey, hey. If I take this helmet off, 2098 01:26:41,608 --> 01:26:43,378 do you promise you won't kill us? 2099 01:26:43,410 --> 01:26:44,543 - Fuck! - [Cassandra] I promise... 2100 01:26:44,577 --> 01:26:46,246 I will kill you first thing. 2101 01:26:46,280 --> 01:26:48,148 [Deadpool] Oh! Why are you like this? 2102 01:26:48,181 --> 01:26:49,483 I wish I knew. 2103 01:26:49,516 --> 01:26:50,717 - Take it off. - [Deadpool] What? 2104 01:26:50,751 --> 01:26:51,952 - Take it off. - [Deadpool] Why? 2105 01:26:51,985 --> 01:26:53,419 - Just take it off. - This is our only chance 2106 01:26:53,452 --> 01:26:55,588 - to fix our shit! - Take it off! 2107 01:26:57,324 --> 01:26:59,659 I am wearing this suit. 2108 01:26:59,692 --> 01:27:01,994 And that means a lot of things, but most of all... 2109 01:27:03,396 --> 01:27:04,696 it means I'm an X-Man. 2110 01:27:05,597 --> 01:27:07,134 And I know your brother. 2111 01:27:09,402 --> 01:27:10,803 As much as I want to fucking kill you, 2112 01:27:10,836 --> 01:27:13,638 every bone in my body wants to fucking kill you, 2113 01:27:13,672 --> 01:27:16,875 he would not let me stand here and watch you die! 2114 01:27:19,245 --> 01:27:20,612 Take your hands off. 2115 01:27:22,147 --> 01:27:23,547 This is for him. 2116 01:27:25,283 --> 01:27:26,684 This is for Charles. 2117 01:27:29,087 --> 01:27:30,621 [Cassandra panting] 2118 01:27:34,125 --> 01:27:35,458 [exhales deeply] 2119 01:27:36,427 --> 01:27:38,196 - [grunts] - [Deadpool] Hey, no, no, no! 2120 01:27:38,229 --> 01:27:39,831 Don't you dare do me like Johnny! 2121 01:27:46,170 --> 01:27:47,237 My brother loved you. 2122 01:27:49,139 --> 01:27:50,207 He loved all of us. 2123 01:27:50,907 --> 01:27:51,908 Hmm. 2124 01:27:53,277 --> 01:27:54,543 Must be nice. 2125 01:27:55,445 --> 01:27:56,879 He would've loved you, too. 2126 01:27:59,582 --> 01:28:00,917 If he knew about you... 2127 01:28:02,551 --> 01:28:03,953 if he knew where you were, 2128 01:28:03,986 --> 01:28:06,255 he would've torn a hole in the fucking universe 2129 01:28:06,289 --> 01:28:07,521 to bring you home. 2130 01:28:11,193 --> 01:28:12,261 This is my home. 2131 01:28:13,329 --> 01:28:15,731 Well, then at least let us save his. 2132 01:28:19,668 --> 01:28:21,269 You want to hear something crazy? 2133 01:28:23,038 --> 01:28:26,140 An amateur magician rolled through here a while back. 2134 01:28:27,074 --> 01:28:28,977 I killed him, of course. 2135 01:28:29,011 --> 01:28:31,612 Wore his skin around for four days. 2136 01:28:32,279 --> 01:28:33,314 But 2137 01:28:33,347 --> 01:28:35,082 I found this 2138 01:28:35,116 --> 01:28:37,084 little trinket 2139 01:28:37,118 --> 01:28:39,320 on his lovely fingers. 2140 01:28:39,353 --> 01:28:40,687 [Deadpool] Strange! 2141 01:28:42,223 --> 01:28:43,522 [Deadpool gasps] 2142 01:28:43,555 --> 01:28:45,860 - Marvel sparkle circle. - [Wolverine] What is that? 2143 01:28:46,592 --> 01:28:48,626 This is your way home. 2144 01:28:48,660 --> 01:28:50,697 I do owe you for saving my life. 2145 01:28:50,731 --> 01:28:52,332 But let's keep things interesting. 2146 01:28:52,365 --> 01:28:54,267 I'd say you have about four seconds 2147 01:28:54,300 --> 01:28:55,802 before you're Alioth's food. 2148 01:28:56,601 --> 01:28:58,170 [Alioth growling] 2149 01:28:59,840 --> 01:29:01,141 [Deadpool chuckles] Race ya. 2150 01:29:04,878 --> 01:29:06,478 [♪ slow jazz plays, Jimmy Durante "I'll Be Seeing You"] 2151 01:29:06,512 --> 01:29:10,482 ♪ I'll be seeing you ♪ 2152 01:29:10,516 --> 01:29:15,887 ♪ In all the old familiar places ♪ 2153 01:29:15,920 --> 01:29:20,259 ♪ That this heart of mine embraces ♪ 2154 01:29:21,193 --> 01:29:23,095 ♪ All day through ♪ 2155 01:29:26,563 --> 01:29:30,169 ♪ In that small cafe ♪ 2156 01:29:31,736 --> 01:29:34,971 - ♪ The park across the way ♪ - [screaming] 2157 01:29:36,907 --> 01:29:41,611 ♪ The children's carousel ♪ 2158 01:29:41,645 --> 01:29:46,582 ♪ The chestnut trees, the wishing well ♪ 2159 01:29:48,485 --> 01:29:52,422 ♪ I'll be seeing you ♪ 2160 01:29:52,456 --> 01:29:55,991 ♪ In every lovely summer's day ♪ 2161 01:29:56,025 --> 01:29:56,992 [screams] 2162 01:29:57,026 --> 01:30:01,997 ♪ I'll find you in the morning sun ♪ 2163 01:30:02,031 --> 01:30:06,235 ♪ And when the night is new ♪ 2164 01:30:08,970 --> 01:30:14,275 ♪ I'll be looking at the moon ♪ 2165 01:30:15,811 --> 01:30:21,316 ♪ But I'll be seeing you ♪ 2166 01:30:21,349 --> 01:30:22,818 [Alioth snarls] 2167 01:30:24,786 --> 01:30:26,720 [Peter] And as I said, we've got a standard three-year 2168 01:30:26,753 --> 01:30:28,255 bumper to bumper warranty. 2169 01:30:28,288 --> 01:30:29,990 Glad you gave us a second chance. 2170 01:30:30,023 --> 01:30:31,758 And don't worry. Wade and I are a team, 2171 01:30:31,792 --> 01:30:33,294 so I'll see he gets half the commission... 2172 01:30:33,928 --> 01:30:34,963 [all gasp] 2173 01:30:34,996 --> 01:30:36,096 - [Deadpool groans] - Whoa. 2174 01:30:36,130 --> 01:30:38,332 [Deadpool] That feels like a Kia. 2175 01:30:38,365 --> 01:30:41,068 It's a fucking Kia Carnival, isn't it? [groans] 2176 01:30:42,236 --> 01:30:45,205 Holy shit. That's Deadpool. 2177 01:30:45,239 --> 01:30:46,440 And that's Wolverine. 2178 01:30:46,473 --> 01:30:47,540 [Deadpool] You're damn straight it is. 2179 01:30:47,573 --> 01:30:48,608 Fox killed him. 2180 01:30:48,640 --> 01:30:49,842 Disney brought him back. 2181 01:30:49,876 --> 01:30:51,377 They're going to make him do this till he's 90. 2182 01:30:52,011 --> 01:30:53,579 Let's go. 2183 01:30:53,613 --> 01:30:55,149 [Peter] I'll clock you out! 2184 01:30:55,182 --> 01:30:56,349 [Deadpool] Forever! 2185 01:30:57,115 --> 01:30:58,217 Forever. 2186 01:31:05,458 --> 01:31:06,492 Wakey-wakey. 2187 01:31:06,526 --> 01:31:08,294 - [snorts] God? - [chuckles] 2188 01:31:09,561 --> 01:31:12,864 Now, you put all these bullets in my belly, 2189 01:31:12,898 --> 01:31:14,733 and I'm gonna find out why. 2190 01:31:15,267 --> 01:31:16,333 Whoa, whoa! 2191 01:31:17,068 --> 01:31:18,903 I'll just say it. 2192 01:31:18,936 --> 01:31:20,771 You don't have to stick your fingers in me. 2193 01:31:20,804 --> 01:31:23,307 Jesus, just ask sometimes. 2194 01:31:23,608 --> 01:31:24,843 Fine. 2195 01:31:26,010 --> 01:31:27,011 Really? 2196 01:31:27,546 --> 01:31:28,746 Hands in pockets. 2197 01:31:28,779 --> 01:31:30,346 [breathing heavily] 2198 01:31:30,380 --> 01:31:32,415 Guy named Paradox. 2199 01:31:32,448 --> 01:31:33,652 He said he'd get me out of The Void. 2200 01:31:33,684 --> 01:31:35,920 All I know is he works for the TVA. 2201 01:31:35,953 --> 01:31:36,854 The TVA. 2202 01:31:36,887 --> 01:31:38,321 We had an agreement. 2203 01:31:38,354 --> 01:31:40,256 I don't think this guy cares. 2204 01:31:40,290 --> 01:31:42,258 Huh. He will. 2205 01:31:42,658 --> 01:31:43,928 Hey, people! 2206 01:31:43,961 --> 01:31:46,129 How much longer before the Time Ripper is active? 2207 01:31:46,162 --> 01:31:48,097 We're running the final safety checks. 2208 01:31:48,131 --> 01:31:50,399 Oh, okay. All right. Thanks for all your hard work, Ralph. 2209 01:31:50,432 --> 01:31:51,901 - Take your time. - Really? 2210 01:31:51,935 --> 01:31:53,636 No, you drooling boob! 2211 01:31:53,670 --> 01:31:54,971 No! We have company. 2212 01:31:55,004 --> 01:31:58,340 Cancel the safety checks. We need to be live now! 2213 01:31:58,373 --> 01:32:00,008 Oh, I hate you so much. 2214 01:32:02,077 --> 01:32:02,910 No! Stop! 2215 01:32:02,945 --> 01:32:04,813 Piss off! You're too late. 2216 01:32:04,846 --> 01:32:06,715 - You're fuckin' done. - Why was Thor crying? 2217 01:32:06,748 --> 01:32:07,782 [Mr. Paradox] How dare you! 2218 01:32:07,815 --> 01:32:10,352 No one comes back from The Void. 2219 01:32:10,385 --> 01:32:11,953 Tell that to Cassandra Nova. 2220 01:32:12,954 --> 01:32:15,157 [♪ choral music playing] 2221 01:32:20,628 --> 01:32:22,762 Paradox. We have a problem. 2222 01:32:23,530 --> 01:32:24,732 [bones snap] 2223 01:32:25,533 --> 01:32:26,901 [Cassandra] Paradox. 2224 01:32:29,069 --> 01:32:31,638 Well, you are doughier than you looked in Pyro's head. 2225 01:32:31,671 --> 01:32:32,906 You tried to kill me. 2226 01:32:32,939 --> 01:32:34,874 I literally have no i... 2227 01:32:34,908 --> 01:32:36,743 [Cassandra] You come for the king, 2228 01:32:36,776 --> 01:32:38,645 you better kill the king. 2229 01:32:38,678 --> 01:32:39,779 [Deadpool] Oh-ho-ho! 2230 01:32:39,813 --> 01:32:42,014 Welcome to the skull fuck club, Paradox. 2231 01:32:42,047 --> 01:32:44,584 You know she doesn't wash that hand. 2232 01:32:44,618 --> 01:32:46,086 - Oh. - [grunting strainfully] 2233 01:32:46,119 --> 01:32:47,219 What's this? 2234 01:32:48,488 --> 01:32:49,689 A Time Ripper? 2235 01:32:49,723 --> 01:32:50,756 Naughty boy. 2236 01:32:50,789 --> 01:32:52,157 [Deadpool] Oh, no. We're on it. 2237 01:32:52,191 --> 01:32:53,525 We're gonna head down and dismantle that thing now. 2238 01:32:53,559 --> 01:32:55,961 We got ya, boo. You just keep playing those keys. 2239 01:32:55,995 --> 01:32:57,796 I don't want to destroy it. 2240 01:32:58,330 --> 01:32:59,999 I want to use it. 2241 01:33:00,032 --> 01:33:02,834 Now, shoo. Mummy and Daddy are having a conversation. 2242 01:33:02,867 --> 01:33:04,402 [both yelling] 2243 01:33:08,239 --> 01:33:09,374 [groans] 2244 01:33:09,407 --> 01:33:11,342 You know, the funny thing is, 2245 01:33:11,376 --> 01:33:13,543 I was happy in The Void. 2246 01:33:13,577 --> 01:33:16,814 You sent your trash to me. Alioth and I cleaned it up. 2247 01:33:16,848 --> 01:33:19,483 Everyone was happy. 2248 01:33:19,516 --> 01:33:22,887 And then you had to go and piss on my side of the fence. 2249 01:33:22,919 --> 01:33:25,789 And so now the fence must come down. 2250 01:33:25,822 --> 01:33:27,791 I'm going to use your little Time Ripper. 2251 01:33:27,824 --> 01:33:30,594 And I'm going to destroy this universe 2252 01:33:30,627 --> 01:33:33,297 and the next and the next and the next 2253 01:33:33,330 --> 01:33:36,999 until all that's left is The Void. 2254 01:33:37,033 --> 01:33:39,602 And I get to play God. 2255 01:33:39,635 --> 01:33:40,970 - Come on. - [Mr. Paradox groans] 2256 01:33:41,003 --> 01:33:42,171 Now you're going to show me 2257 01:33:42,204 --> 01:33:43,873 how to use this fancy gadget of yours. 2258 01:33:43,905 --> 01:33:45,875 And don't worry, I've called some friends 2259 01:33:45,908 --> 01:33:47,510 to make sure we're not disturbed. 2260 01:33:50,680 --> 01:33:51,946 - [knock at door] - Sorry to bother, madam, 2261 01:33:51,980 --> 01:33:54,015 but there's something you need to see. 2262 01:33:54,049 --> 01:33:56,485 We're getting indications of an unsanctioned Time Ripper 2263 01:33:56,519 --> 01:33:58,853 activating on Earth-10005. 2264 01:34:00,489 --> 01:34:01,856 Whose district is that? 2265 01:34:02,457 --> 01:34:03,458 Paradox. 2266 01:34:11,767 --> 01:34:13,901 [Mr. Paradox gasps, exhales] 2267 01:34:14,935 --> 01:34:17,204 Well, thank you so much for your help, darling. 2268 01:34:17,237 --> 01:34:19,440 God. Good to get out of that head. 2269 01:34:19,473 --> 01:34:21,507 Whew! What a mess! 2270 01:34:22,676 --> 01:34:24,243 [both groaning] 2271 01:34:28,982 --> 01:34:30,117 [Deadpool] Stop! 2272 01:34:30,150 --> 01:34:32,151 Let's give it a beat for the extras to clear. 2273 01:34:32,185 --> 01:34:34,420 Go, go, go, go, go! Oh, my God! 2274 01:34:39,058 --> 01:34:41,994 - Oh. My. God. - Fuck. 2275 01:34:43,229 --> 01:34:46,098 [♪ classic rock music plays, "Make Me Lose Control"] 2276 01:34:49,601 --> 01:34:51,236 [Deadpool] It's her! 2277 01:34:52,104 --> 01:34:54,172 - Come on, girl! - [Dogpool barks] 2278 01:34:55,307 --> 01:34:56,174 [barks] 2279 01:34:56,208 --> 01:34:58,443 ♪ Was love always this good ♪ 2280 01:34:58,477 --> 01:35:00,713 ♪ Or could this be just the start? ♪ 2281 01:35:00,747 --> 01:35:02,114 Come on, girl! 2282 01:35:03,047 --> 01:35:04,982 ♪ Baby, baby ♪ 2283 01:35:05,015 --> 01:35:10,054 ♪ Turn the radio up for that sweet sound ♪ 2284 01:35:10,087 --> 01:35:14,023 ♪ Hold me close, never let me go ♪ 2285 01:35:14,057 --> 01:35:16,460 ♪ Keep this feelin' alive... ♪ 2286 01:35:16,494 --> 01:35:17,696 That's my girl! 2287 01:35:17,729 --> 01:35:19,162 We don't have to be apart 2288 01:35:19,195 --> 01:35:21,197 ever, ever again. Never, ever... 2289 01:35:21,231 --> 01:35:22,600 - Sorry! - [Deadpool] Fuck! 2290 01:35:22,632 --> 01:35:23,666 [♪ song stops] 2291 01:35:23,701 --> 01:35:25,435 What's Cafe Gratitude doing here? 2292 01:35:25,468 --> 01:35:26,970 - Sorry about that. - [Dogpool whimpering] 2293 01:35:27,002 --> 01:35:29,139 [Deadpool] Tremble not, sweet Mary Puppins. 2294 01:35:29,172 --> 01:35:30,940 [whispers] I'll handle him. 2295 01:35:30,974 --> 01:35:32,307 Come here, girl. Papa's here. 2296 01:35:32,341 --> 01:35:35,210 [Deadpool] Hey, do not insult this animal's autonomy. 2297 01:35:35,244 --> 01:35:37,579 She can decide who her papa is. 2298 01:35:37,613 --> 01:35:38,749 What's it gonna be, girl, huh? 2299 01:35:38,783 --> 01:35:41,183 Original recipe or Van Milder here? 2300 01:35:41,216 --> 01:35:45,353 Ah, that's funny. I can gently tap the fourth wall too. 2301 01:35:45,386 --> 01:35:46,521 The Proposal. 2302 01:35:47,989 --> 01:35:49,124 [Deadpool] The fuck was that? 2303 01:35:49,158 --> 01:35:50,794 Bitch, you think that's what I do? 2304 01:35:50,827 --> 01:35:52,094 Both of you shut up. 2305 01:35:52,127 --> 01:35:53,929 - [sniffs] - You smell somethin'? 2306 01:35:53,962 --> 01:35:54,996 Yeah, you. 2307 01:35:55,029 --> 01:35:57,365 - [sniffs] - A lot of you. 2308 01:35:57,398 --> 01:36:00,068 [♪ dramatic mysterious music playing] 2309 01:36:11,312 --> 01:36:12,479 [tink] 2310 01:36:12,512 --> 01:36:14,917 Told you there were a lot of Deadpools over there. 2311 01:36:14,949 --> 01:36:17,150 [♪ dramatic music continues] 2312 01:36:26,559 --> 01:36:27,694 [Deadpool] That's bad. 2313 01:36:45,878 --> 01:36:47,212 [neck cracks] 2314 01:36:48,980 --> 01:36:50,081 [♪ music fades out] 2315 01:36:50,114 --> 01:36:51,517 I take it they're not friendly. 2316 01:36:51,550 --> 01:36:52,418 [Nicepool] Goodness, no. 2317 01:36:52,451 --> 01:36:54,519 Sorry about this, boys. Mission over. 2318 01:36:54,552 --> 01:36:57,622 Cause of death, one hundred kill-thirsty Deadpools. 2319 01:36:57,655 --> 01:36:58,490 They're dumb. 2320 01:36:58,523 --> 01:37:00,358 But they can fight. Not me, though. 2321 01:37:00,391 --> 01:37:03,061 Would love to get in the mix, but I have low bone density 2322 01:37:03,094 --> 01:37:04,963 and I have to keep my face safe. 2323 01:37:04,995 --> 01:37:06,263 [Deadpool smooches] Hold, please. 2324 01:37:06,296 --> 01:37:08,165 - Oh, God. - [Deadpool] All right. Look. 2325 01:37:08,700 --> 01:37:09,701 Guys! 2326 01:37:10,870 --> 01:37:12,569 Deadpool Prime here. 2327 01:37:12,604 --> 01:37:14,171 - Our fight isn't with you... - [kid] Hey! 2328 01:37:14,204 --> 01:37:15,639 When I want your opinion, 2329 01:37:15,672 --> 01:37:18,007 I'll take Wolverine's dick out of your mouth. 2330 01:37:18,040 --> 01:37:19,810 That's Kidpool. She's the dirtiest. 2331 01:37:19,843 --> 01:37:21,011 [Deadpool] Can we just be done? 2332 01:37:21,044 --> 01:37:22,914 [Ladypool] Ooh, we're just getting started. 2333 01:37:22,947 --> 01:37:23,982 [Deadpool] No, no, no, no, no. 2334 01:37:24,014 --> 01:37:26,482 With the whole multiverse thing. 2335 01:37:27,416 --> 01:37:28,751 It's not great. 2336 01:37:28,785 --> 01:37:30,119 It's just been miss 2337 01:37:30,486 --> 01:37:31,989 after miss 2338 01:37:32,021 --> 01:37:34,056 after miss. 2339 01:37:34,090 --> 01:37:36,391 Look, The Wizard of Oz did the multiverse first, 2340 01:37:36,424 --> 01:37:39,261 and they did it best. The gays knew it. 2341 01:37:39,294 --> 01:37:40,495 But we didn't listen. 2342 01:37:40,529 --> 01:37:43,532 Let's just take the L and move on. 2343 01:37:43,565 --> 01:37:46,134 I think it's been steadily great since Endgame. 2344 01:37:46,167 --> 01:37:47,736 [Ladypool] What are you talking about? 2345 01:37:47,769 --> 01:37:49,337 The multiverse is over. 2346 01:37:49,371 --> 01:37:50,638 [Cowboypool] Cassandy gonna destroy 2347 01:37:50,671 --> 01:37:52,374 the fuck outta every timeline. 2348 01:37:52,407 --> 01:37:53,875 Heh. Y'all can't do shit about it. 2349 01:37:53,909 --> 01:37:54,943 [Deadpool] Do you not get it? 2350 01:37:54,976 --> 01:37:56,076 If we don't go down to the subway 2351 01:37:56,111 --> 01:37:57,145 and stop her, we all die. 2352 01:37:57,178 --> 01:37:58,279 [Cowboypool] Say, the boss lady 2353 01:37:58,312 --> 01:37:59,480 don't want no disturbances. 2354 01:37:59,513 --> 01:38:01,283 You wanna get down to the subway, 2355 01:38:01,316 --> 01:38:02,583 you gotta go through us. 2356 01:38:02,616 --> 01:38:03,852 Uzi time, baby. 2357 01:38:03,885 --> 01:38:04,920 [Ladypool] Uzi time, baby. 2358 01:38:04,953 --> 01:38:06,253 [Deadpool] Look alive! 2359 01:38:06,888 --> 01:38:08,154 [Headpool yells] 2360 01:38:14,562 --> 01:38:15,429 [grunts] 2361 01:38:15,462 --> 01:38:17,263 - I think I'm hit. - [Wolverine] No shit. 2362 01:38:17,297 --> 01:38:18,330 You did that on purpose. 2363 01:38:18,364 --> 01:38:20,098 [Deadpool] I did no such thing! 2364 01:38:20,132 --> 01:38:21,300 Listen to me, gorgeous. 2365 01:38:21,333 --> 01:38:22,770 How long does it take for you to regenerate? 2366 01:38:22,803 --> 01:38:24,203 Regenerate? 2367 01:38:26,105 --> 01:38:28,373 - [crow caws] - [Dogpool grunts] 2368 01:38:28,742 --> 01:38:30,242 [retches] 2369 01:38:30,275 --> 01:38:32,111 You really are God's perfect idiot, aren't you? 2370 01:38:32,145 --> 01:38:33,546 - I'm okay. - [Deadpool] How dare you! 2371 01:38:33,580 --> 01:38:35,615 You insensitive son of a bitch! 2372 01:38:35,648 --> 01:38:37,817 How was I supposed to know he doesn't regenerate? 2373 01:38:37,850 --> 01:38:39,350 I'm not a medicine woman. 2374 01:38:39,383 --> 01:38:41,721 Look. A donut cart. They're practically hospitals. 2375 01:38:41,754 --> 01:38:42,621 - What? - [Deadpool] They sell 2376 01:38:42,655 --> 01:38:44,089 - portable triage units. - They don't. 2377 01:38:44,122 --> 01:38:45,257 [Deadpool] I'm gonna get you to safety. 2378 01:38:45,290 --> 01:38:47,224 - He's not. - [Deadpool] Deep breath. 2379 01:38:54,465 --> 01:38:55,299 [panting] 2380 01:38:55,333 --> 01:38:57,435 Hey, why are we stopping? 2381 01:38:57,468 --> 01:38:58,769 [Deadpool] I'm just catching my breath. 2382 01:38:58,803 --> 01:39:01,739 What, are your legs on vacation? You're dead weight! 2383 01:39:01,772 --> 01:39:03,341 That's because I'm paralyzed. 2384 01:39:03,374 --> 01:39:05,676 [Deadpool] We all have problems. Listen to me. 2385 01:39:05,710 --> 01:39:06,711 You're gonna live. 2386 01:39:07,812 --> 01:39:09,013 Look at me, Nicepool. 2387 01:39:09,046 --> 01:39:10,614 [gunfire continues] 2388 01:39:12,984 --> 01:39:14,317 You're gonna live. 2389 01:39:14,885 --> 01:39:16,286 Say it! 2390 01:39:16,721 --> 01:39:18,254 I'm gonna live. 2391 01:39:18,288 --> 01:39:20,356 Say it with me. You're gonna live. 2392 01:39:20,389 --> 01:39:22,558 [fumbling] I'm gonna live! 2393 01:39:22,591 --> 01:39:26,128 [Deadpool] Ha-hah! Say it louder! 2394 01:39:26,162 --> 01:39:27,496 I'm gonna live... 2395 01:39:30,599 --> 01:39:31,734 [gunfire] 2396 01:39:36,237 --> 01:39:37,773 Hold your fire! 2397 01:39:39,708 --> 01:39:41,142 Sweet little puppy. 2398 01:39:51,151 --> 01:39:52,653 [Deadpool grunting] God damn it! 2399 01:39:52,687 --> 01:39:54,790 I don't think he's gonna make it. 2400 01:39:54,823 --> 01:39:56,524 God, he loved his face. 2401 01:39:56,557 --> 01:39:59,127 I can taste his final thought. 2402 01:39:59,159 --> 01:40:00,795 He was so afraid. 2403 01:40:00,828 --> 01:40:01,996 But he died a hero. 2404 01:40:02,030 --> 01:40:04,065 He died from murder, you dumb fuck. 2405 01:40:04,098 --> 01:40:05,933 [Deadpool] And all I have to remember him by 2406 01:40:06,868 --> 01:40:08,601 are these two gold-plated, 2407 01:40:08,634 --> 01:40:10,905 .50 caliber Desert Eagle pistoleros. 2408 01:40:10,938 --> 01:40:11,938 This is for him. 2409 01:40:12,638 --> 01:40:14,207 Are you ready? 2410 01:40:14,241 --> 01:40:16,144 I get to kill a hundred yous? 2411 01:40:16,176 --> 01:40:17,543 Fuck yeah, I'm ready. 2412 01:40:18,411 --> 01:40:19,946 Hey, you don't want to see this, bub. 2413 01:40:19,980 --> 01:40:21,213 [Deadpool] That's a good girl. 2414 01:40:21,247 --> 01:40:24,183 [♪ '80s pop music plays, Madonna "Like a Prayer"] 2415 01:40:25,484 --> 01:40:29,956 ♪ Life is a mystery ♪ 2416 01:40:29,990 --> 01:40:34,259 ♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪ 2417 01:40:34,292 --> 01:40:39,098 ♪ I hear you call my name ♪ 2418 01:40:39,131 --> 01:40:42,934 ♪ And it feels like ♪ 2419 01:40:43,835 --> 01:40:45,738 ♪ Home... ♪ 2420 01:40:58,016 --> 01:40:59,583 [Deadpool] Holy shit. 2421 01:40:59,616 --> 01:41:01,985 You save the good stuff for special occasions? 2422 01:41:02,019 --> 01:41:03,353 Killing, mostly. 2423 01:41:03,387 --> 01:41:04,487 [Deadpool] What's the wind resistance 2424 01:41:04,520 --> 01:41:05,622 on those blowjob handles? 2425 01:41:05,656 --> 01:41:07,692 - [grunts] - [laughs] I'm sorry. 2426 01:41:07,726 --> 01:41:10,359 I'm just a catty bitch when I'm jealous. 2427 01:41:10,394 --> 01:41:12,062 All right, let's do this. 2428 01:41:12,096 --> 01:41:13,463 Maximum effort. 2429 01:41:16,100 --> 01:41:17,300 [♪ song pauses] 2430 01:41:20,871 --> 01:41:22,337 [Deadpools yelling] 2431 01:41:23,638 --> 01:41:25,041 - [♪ song resumes playing] - [all grunting] 2432 01:41:25,074 --> 01:41:28,712 ♪ When you call my name It's like a little prayer ♪ 2433 01:41:28,745 --> 01:41:32,949 ♪ I'm down on my knees I want to take you there ♪ 2434 01:41:32,982 --> 01:41:37,186 ♪ In the midnight hour I can feel your power ♪ 2435 01:41:37,220 --> 01:41:41,455 ♪ Just like a prayer You know I'll take you there ♪ 2436 01:41:41,489 --> 01:41:45,458 ♪ Life is a mystery ♪ 2437 01:41:45,492 --> 01:41:49,630 ♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪ 2438 01:41:49,664 --> 01:41:53,001 ♪ I hear you call my name ♪ 2439 01:41:53,034 --> 01:41:54,267 You're dead. 2440 01:41:54,300 --> 01:41:58,305 ♪ And it feels like ♪ 2441 01:42:00,041 --> 01:42:01,508 [Deadpools yelling] 2442 01:42:01,541 --> 01:42:03,977 ♪ Let the choir sing ♪ 2443 01:42:04,011 --> 01:42:07,982 ♪ When you call my name It's like a little prayer ♪ 2444 01:42:08,015 --> 01:42:12,418 ♪ I'm down on my knees I wanna take you there ♪ 2445 01:42:12,451 --> 01:42:16,555 ♪ In the midnight hour I can feel your power ♪ 2446 01:42:16,589 --> 01:42:19,993 ♪ Just like a prayer You know I'll take you there ♪ 2447 01:42:20,026 --> 01:42:21,426 Motherfucker. 2448 01:42:22,161 --> 01:42:23,663 I wish I were deaf. 2449 01:42:23,696 --> 01:42:24,730 ♪ I'll take you there ♪ 2450 01:42:24,763 --> 01:42:26,531 ♪ It's like a dream to me ♪ 2451 01:42:26,564 --> 01:42:28,768 ♪ Oh oh, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ 2452 01:42:28,802 --> 01:42:31,403 ♪ Just like a prayer, I'll take you there ♪ 2453 01:42:31,436 --> 01:42:33,071 ♪ Oh yeah, yeah ♪ 2454 01:42:33,105 --> 01:42:35,372 ♪ It's like a dream to me ♪ 2455 01:42:35,406 --> 01:42:38,510 ♪ Oh, oh ♪ 2456 01:42:38,544 --> 01:42:41,947 ♪ It's like a prayer... ♪ 2457 01:42:43,648 --> 01:42:45,649 [crying Deadpool] I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die. 2458 01:42:45,683 --> 01:42:46,784 I don't wanna... 2459 01:42:54,390 --> 01:42:56,592 [♪ outro music playing] 2460 01:42:58,796 --> 01:43:00,298 - [♪ song ends] - [Deadpool grunts] 2461 01:43:00,330 --> 01:43:01,732 [Deadpool] Come on. 2462 01:43:01,766 --> 01:43:02,867 Oh, I blew it. 2463 01:43:02,900 --> 01:43:05,001 After all that, the only thing they're gonna remember 2464 01:43:05,035 --> 01:43:06,870 is that God-awful dismount! 2465 01:43:07,805 --> 01:43:09,338 [giggling] 2466 01:43:11,540 --> 01:43:13,243 What you laughing at, you little fucker? 2467 01:43:13,276 --> 01:43:14,475 [Babypool] Uh-oh. 2468 01:43:14,509 --> 01:43:15,778 [Deadpool] Uh-oh. 2469 01:43:15,811 --> 01:43:17,445 [Babypool cooing] 2470 01:43:17,981 --> 01:43:20,016 [Babypool giggling] 2471 01:43:20,050 --> 01:43:21,717 I guess these ones regenerate. 2472 01:43:23,618 --> 01:43:26,222 Come on. We don't have time for this. 2473 01:43:26,255 --> 01:43:27,289 [Peter] Deadpools! 2474 01:43:27,323 --> 01:43:28,691 Stand down. 2475 01:43:29,692 --> 01:43:31,894 [♪ heroic music playing] 2476 01:43:39,100 --> 01:43:40,501 This Deadpool's with me. 2477 01:43:40,535 --> 01:43:42,003 [Deadpool] Oh, no. 2478 01:43:42,036 --> 01:43:43,403 [Ladypool] Holy shit. 2479 01:43:43,437 --> 01:43:45,006 [Kidpool] That's fuckin' Peter! 2480 01:43:45,039 --> 01:43:46,607 [Deadpools cheering] 2481 01:43:47,908 --> 01:43:49,777 [Deadpool] Wait, you... You guys know Peter? 2482 01:43:49,811 --> 01:43:51,880 [Ladypool] You kidding me? Every Deadpool has a Peter. 2483 01:43:51,913 --> 01:43:54,315 [Cowboypool] Shit. Peter's a goddamn legend 2484 01:43:54,349 --> 01:43:55,883 in every Deadpool's world. 2485 01:43:55,916 --> 01:43:58,251 Peter-san. Hai. 2486 01:43:58,284 --> 01:43:59,920 [Deadpools cheering] 2487 01:44:04,323 --> 01:44:05,423 [Peter laughs] 2488 01:44:05,458 --> 01:44:07,459 [Deadpools chanting] Peter. Peter. Peter. 2489 01:44:07,493 --> 01:44:10,764 Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. 2490 01:44:10,797 --> 01:44:13,465 - Peter. Peter. Peter. - [Peter laughing] 2491 01:44:13,498 --> 01:44:15,134 [Deadpool] Enjoy my Peter. 2492 01:44:16,468 --> 01:44:19,673 - [♪ tense music playing] - [Time Ripper thrumming] 2493 01:44:35,186 --> 01:44:36,754 [Time Ripper whirring] 2494 01:44:42,559 --> 01:44:43,661 Oh, now you're here. 2495 01:44:43,694 --> 01:44:45,163 Oh, well, you're too late. It's all over. 2496 01:44:45,196 --> 01:44:46,363 Not yet, it's not. 2497 01:44:46,397 --> 01:44:48,098 [Deadpool] Whoa. No, no, no. We're very close. 2498 01:44:48,132 --> 01:44:49,499 Homestretch, folks. Promise. 2499 01:44:49,532 --> 01:44:51,236 Quick, let's up the stakes. 2500 01:44:51,269 --> 01:44:52,635 If she steals the Time Ripper's energy, 2501 01:44:52,670 --> 01:44:55,306 she has the power to shred the fabric of all realities 2502 01:44:55,339 --> 01:44:57,107 until there is nothing left but The Void. 2503 01:44:57,141 --> 01:44:58,375 How do we shut it down? 2504 01:44:58,409 --> 01:44:59,574 I don't know. 2505 01:44:59,608 --> 01:45:01,211 [Mr. Paradox grunts] 2506 01:45:01,245 --> 01:45:02,478 [Wolverine] How about now? 2507 01:45:02,512 --> 01:45:03,713 [Deadpool] The mask is really intimidating, huh? 2508 01:45:03,746 --> 01:45:06,049 It's like Batman, except he can move his neck. 2509 01:45:06,082 --> 01:45:07,717 Okay, look, look, look. 2510 01:45:08,885 --> 01:45:11,454 The Ripper is fed from a secure chamber below ground. 2511 01:45:11,487 --> 01:45:14,523 It is powered by twin matter and anti-matter feeds 2512 01:45:14,556 --> 01:45:15,991 converging inside the device. 2513 01:45:16,024 --> 01:45:16,858 Now, Cassandra Nova 2514 01:45:16,892 --> 01:45:18,193 is redirecting the Ripper's power 2515 01:45:18,226 --> 01:45:20,562 to eliminate all timelines, starting with this one. 2516 01:45:20,595 --> 01:45:21,965 Theoretically, you could stop her 2517 01:45:21,998 --> 01:45:23,966 by short-circuiting the feeds in the chamber below. 2518 01:45:23,999 --> 01:45:26,600 One of you were to create a circuit between the two feeds, 2519 01:45:26,634 --> 01:45:29,937 then the released power would destroy the machine. 2520 01:45:29,971 --> 01:45:31,773 - But, well... But... - [Deadpool] Come on, man. 2521 01:45:31,807 --> 01:45:33,909 If you're not gonna swallow, spit it out. 2522 01:45:33,942 --> 01:45:37,278 Whoever formed the bridge would be annihilated. 2523 01:45:37,311 --> 01:45:38,646 I could live with that. 2524 01:45:38,679 --> 01:45:40,014 [Deadpool] Yeah, I could live with that, too, actually. 2525 01:45:40,047 --> 01:45:41,514 You know, we survive anything. We're like cockroaches. 2526 01:45:41,548 --> 01:45:42,450 - [Deadpool chuckles] - [Mr. Paradox] Not this time. 2527 01:45:42,482 --> 01:45:44,852 This is matter and anti-matter. 2528 01:45:44,885 --> 01:45:46,921 They do not play nicely with each other. 2529 01:45:46,954 --> 01:45:50,423 When they mix in your body, you will be atomized. 2530 01:45:50,457 --> 01:45:52,525 Trust the laws of physics if you don't trust me. 2531 01:45:52,559 --> 01:45:54,694 Even if you lived long enough to make the circuit, 2532 01:45:54,729 --> 01:45:57,563 you will die down there. 2533 01:46:03,104 --> 01:46:04,237 [crackling] 2534 01:46:11,811 --> 01:46:14,214 [♪ dramatic choral music playing] 2535 01:46:14,247 --> 01:46:15,647 [moaning] 2536 01:46:22,688 --> 01:46:24,256 [Wolverine] Hold off. Hold. 2537 01:46:24,289 --> 01:46:25,791 You heard that asshole upstairs. 2538 01:46:25,824 --> 01:46:30,527 Even if we pull this off, we're dead. Permanently. 2539 01:46:30,560 --> 01:46:32,798 - That's why it's got to be me. - What? 2540 01:46:36,566 --> 01:46:38,568 Look, man... [panting] 2541 01:46:38,602 --> 01:46:40,937 you didn't ask for any of this. 2542 01:46:40,971 --> 01:46:42,306 You were right. 2543 01:46:42,341 --> 01:46:43,540 I lied. 2544 01:46:44,241 --> 01:46:45,910 I lied right to your face 2545 01:46:45,942 --> 01:46:48,045 just to get you to help me. And you did. 2546 01:46:48,979 --> 01:46:50,546 You didn't lie. 2547 01:46:52,348 --> 01:46:53,850 You made an educated wish. 2548 01:46:56,920 --> 01:46:57,921 Come on. 2549 01:46:58,922 --> 01:47:00,923 You got a whole world to go back to. 2550 01:47:02,425 --> 01:47:03,626 I got nothin'. 2551 01:47:05,561 --> 01:47:06,763 I got nothin'. 2552 01:47:11,633 --> 01:47:12,835 Give me this. 2553 01:47:19,875 --> 01:47:21,042 Hey. 2554 01:47:25,447 --> 01:47:27,315 I waited a long time for this team-up. 2555 01:47:29,551 --> 01:47:30,818 You know something? 2556 01:47:32,553 --> 01:47:34,155 You were the best Wolverine. 2557 01:47:34,923 --> 01:47:37,125 [♪ sentimental music playing] 2558 01:47:42,862 --> 01:47:44,898 Say hi to your friends for me. 2559 01:47:53,573 --> 01:47:54,842 [Wolverine grunts] 2560 01:47:57,076 --> 01:47:58,111 No! 2561 01:47:58,144 --> 01:47:59,345 Open the door! 2562 01:47:59,378 --> 01:48:01,881 [Deadpool] I can't hear you over all the noble sacrifice. 2563 01:48:01,914 --> 01:48:03,516 Why are you fucking doing this? 2564 01:48:03,549 --> 01:48:06,652 [Deadpool] Because I'm Marvel Jesus. 2565 01:48:08,220 --> 01:48:09,221 Or Spock. 2566 01:48:10,423 --> 01:48:11,457 Hard to say. 2567 01:48:11,491 --> 01:48:12,824 [glass squeaks] 2568 01:48:14,092 --> 01:48:15,193 [smooches] 2569 01:48:16,128 --> 01:48:17,563 [Wolverine] Wade! 2570 01:48:17,597 --> 01:48:19,764 You fucking idiot! 2571 01:48:23,634 --> 01:48:26,437 [Deadpool laughs] Sorry, I'm just stalling. 2572 01:48:26,470 --> 01:48:28,372 I think I'm nervous about dying. 2573 01:48:29,240 --> 01:48:30,875 This should be me. 2574 01:48:30,908 --> 01:48:32,710 [Deadpool] Say hi to my friends for me, peanut. 2575 01:48:32,743 --> 01:48:34,011 [Wolverine] Wade! 2576 01:48:34,044 --> 01:48:36,046 You want to be an annoying prick, do it this side! 2577 01:48:36,080 --> 01:48:38,315 You're gonna die in there, you dumb fuck! 2578 01:48:38,349 --> 01:48:39,850 [breathing heavily] 2579 01:48:45,089 --> 01:48:47,158 Hey! You don't need to do this. 2580 01:48:47,191 --> 01:48:49,093 [Deadpool] I'm not doing it 'cause I need it. 2581 01:48:49,927 --> 01:48:52,228 I'm doing it because they do. 2582 01:48:52,262 --> 01:48:53,396 [grunts] 2583 01:48:55,665 --> 01:48:57,433 [straining] 2584 01:49:03,106 --> 01:49:04,306 No! 2585 01:49:05,240 --> 01:49:06,376 [grunting] 2586 01:49:08,510 --> 01:49:10,079 [straining] 2587 01:49:17,985 --> 01:49:19,020 [grunts] 2588 01:49:20,688 --> 01:49:22,291 [straining] 2589 01:49:28,729 --> 01:49:30,097 [exhales] 2590 01:49:30,831 --> 01:49:32,132 [continues straining] 2591 01:49:33,601 --> 01:49:35,202 He's not gonna make it. 2592 01:49:38,606 --> 01:49:39,973 [strains] 2593 01:49:43,777 --> 01:49:45,045 It's over. 2594 01:49:46,714 --> 01:49:47,914 [grunts] 2595 01:49:48,615 --> 01:49:49,950 [straining] 2596 01:49:53,219 --> 01:49:54,787 [continues straining] 2597 01:49:57,658 --> 01:49:58,792 [screaming] 2598 01:49:58,825 --> 01:49:59,893 [choir] ♪ When you call my name ♪ 2599 01:49:59,925 --> 01:50:01,827 ♪ It's like a little prayer ♪ 2600 01:50:01,860 --> 01:50:03,929 ♪ I'm down on my knees ♪ 2601 01:50:03,963 --> 01:50:06,197 ♪ I want to take you there ♪ 2602 01:50:06,231 --> 01:50:10,135 ♪ In the midnight hour I can feel your power ♪ 2603 01:50:10,169 --> 01:50:13,404 ♪ Just like a prayer You know I'll take you there ♪ 2604 01:50:13,438 --> 01:50:14,572 [grunting] 2605 01:50:14,606 --> 01:50:16,507 ♪ Take you there ♪ 2606 01:50:16,540 --> 01:50:20,612 ♪ Life is a mystery ♪ 2607 01:50:20,646 --> 01:50:23,547 ♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪ 2608 01:50:23,580 --> 01:50:25,315 [straining] 2609 01:50:25,349 --> 01:50:29,020 - ♪ I hear you call my name ♪ - [grunting] 2610 01:50:29,053 --> 01:50:31,055 - ♪ And it feels like ♪ - [straining] 2611 01:50:33,390 --> 01:50:37,394 - ♪ And it feels like home ♪ - [straining] 2612 01:50:37,428 --> 01:50:38,929 [rumbling] 2613 01:50:45,534 --> 01:50:47,135 [yelling] 2614 01:50:47,570 --> 01:50:49,171 [screaming] 2615 01:50:51,241 --> 01:50:52,441 [♪ music fades] 2616 01:50:52,475 --> 01:50:53,943 [Deadpool] The Wolverine. 2617 01:50:54,810 --> 01:50:56,845 He's a hero in my world. 2618 01:50:58,881 --> 01:51:00,016 [Wolverine] Whoever you think I am, 2619 01:51:00,049 --> 01:51:01,484 you got the wrong guy. 2620 01:51:02,917 --> 01:51:04,919 [Laura] You were always the wrong guy... 2621 01:51:06,353 --> 01:51:07,388 till you weren't. 2622 01:51:07,422 --> 01:51:09,858 ♪ Life is a mystery ♪ 2623 01:51:09,891 --> 01:51:11,293 [Mr. Paradox] Wade. 2624 01:51:11,326 --> 01:51:13,327 ♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪ 2625 01:51:13,360 --> 01:51:17,831 Wade. You can finally, finally matter. 2626 01:51:17,865 --> 01:51:20,001 ♪ I hear you call my name ♪ 2627 01:51:20,035 --> 01:51:24,471 ♪ And it feels like ♪ 2628 01:51:25,406 --> 01:51:29,243 ♪ Home ♪ 2629 01:51:29,276 --> 01:51:30,577 [straining] 2630 01:51:30,611 --> 01:51:33,647 ♪ I hear your voice ♪ 2631 01:51:33,681 --> 01:51:34,948 Vanessa. 2632 01:51:34,982 --> 01:51:37,483 ♪ It's like an angel sighing ♪ 2633 01:51:37,517 --> 01:51:38,886 I wanna see Vanessa. 2634 01:51:38,919 --> 01:51:43,156 ♪ I have no choice I hear your voice ♪ 2635 01:51:43,189 --> 01:51:45,391 ♪ Feels like flying ♪ 2636 01:51:45,425 --> 01:51:49,997 For the first time in my life, I am proud to wear this suit. 2637 01:51:50,963 --> 01:51:52,898 It means I'm an X-Man. 2638 01:51:55,300 --> 01:51:56,769 I am the X-Man. 2639 01:51:56,803 --> 01:51:58,705 ♪ I can feel your power ♪ 2640 01:51:58,738 --> 01:52:02,441 ♪ Just like a prayer You know I'll take you there ♪ 2641 01:52:02,474 --> 01:52:03,676 [screaming] 2642 01:52:03,710 --> 01:52:07,011 ♪ When you call my name It's like a little prayer ♪ 2643 01:52:07,044 --> 01:52:09,548 ♪ I'm down on my knees ♪ 2644 01:52:09,581 --> 01:52:11,216 [screaming] 2645 01:52:11,249 --> 01:52:15,119 ♪ In the midnight hour I can feel your power ♪ 2646 01:52:15,152 --> 01:52:16,688 ♪ Just like a prayer ♪ 2647 01:52:16,722 --> 01:52:20,625 ♪ You know I'll take you, take you, take you ♪ 2648 01:52:22,960 --> 01:52:24,260 [♪ song fades out] 2649 01:52:31,502 --> 01:52:33,504 [♪ solemn music playing] 2650 01:52:40,845 --> 01:52:42,478 [woman] Paradox. 2651 01:52:44,346 --> 01:52:45,783 You've been busy. 2652 01:52:45,816 --> 01:52:47,049 Well, somebody had to be. 2653 01:52:47,082 --> 01:52:48,951 We had some strange readings from this location. 2654 01:52:48,984 --> 01:52:50,185 You wouldn't know anything about 2655 01:52:50,219 --> 01:52:52,723 an unsanctioned Time Ripper, would you? 2656 01:52:52,757 --> 01:52:54,356 Uh, no. No. I wouldn't know anything 2657 01:52:54,390 --> 01:52:56,058 about an unsanctioned Time Ripper. 2658 01:52:56,091 --> 01:52:57,794 Maybe you should ask Cassandra Nova. 2659 01:52:57,827 --> 01:52:58,961 Because I was assured 2660 01:52:58,994 --> 01:53:01,397 that she was safely held in The Void. But no, 2661 01:53:01,430 --> 01:53:03,665 she was here. And she fondled my brain. 2662 01:53:03,699 --> 01:53:05,968 - How did you let this happen? - You weren't involved at all? 2663 01:53:06,001 --> 01:53:08,703 In stopping her, yes! Yes, I was. 2664 01:53:08,736 --> 01:53:10,271 But not nearly enough. 2665 01:53:10,304 --> 01:53:12,674 Not as much as the men who went down there after her. 2666 01:53:13,408 --> 01:53:14,475 My men. 2667 01:53:15,276 --> 01:53:16,277 My friends. 2668 01:53:17,611 --> 01:53:18,780 I warned them. 2669 01:53:18,813 --> 01:53:20,280 That they would be completely obliterated if they went. 2670 01:53:20,313 --> 01:53:22,049 But they went anyway. Like... 2671 01:53:23,684 --> 01:53:25,086 Like heroes. 2672 01:53:25,119 --> 01:53:26,821 [♪ somber music playing] 2673 01:53:26,854 --> 01:53:28,588 Because that's who they were. 2674 01:53:31,292 --> 01:53:33,026 They just did what they had to do. 2675 01:53:34,161 --> 01:53:36,028 With no concern for their own safety. 2676 01:53:39,331 --> 01:53:42,869 The fact that we are all still standing here 2677 01:53:42,903 --> 01:53:45,705 is a testament to their heroism. 2678 01:53:49,274 --> 01:53:50,709 Anyway, there's nothing you or I can do 2679 01:53:50,743 --> 01:53:51,977 to bring them back now. 2680 01:53:53,446 --> 01:53:55,548 [Deadpool] He has risen, baby girl. 2681 01:53:55,581 --> 01:53:56,650 Fuck! 2682 01:53:56,683 --> 01:54:01,151 ♪ And I don't want the world to see me ♪ 2683 01:54:01,185 --> 01:54:06,057 ♪ 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand ♪ 2684 01:54:06,090 --> 01:54:10,194 ♪ When everything's made to be broken ♪ 2685 01:54:10,227 --> 01:54:15,999 ♪ I just want you to know who I am ♪ 2686 01:54:16,033 --> 01:54:17,234 [Deadpool] Found your new Anchor Being. 2687 01:54:17,267 --> 01:54:20,070 And we're doing just fine, you piece of shit. 2688 01:54:20,103 --> 01:54:21,638 - [female TVA agent] Mm. - [male TVA agent] Mm-hmm. 2689 01:54:21,672 --> 01:54:23,140 Fine indeed. 2690 01:54:23,173 --> 01:54:26,076 [Deadpool] All right. Put your greasy tits away, 2691 01:54:26,109 --> 01:54:27,177 you preening slut. 2692 01:54:27,211 --> 01:54:29,680 - [sighs] - I don't understand. 2693 01:54:29,713 --> 01:54:31,147 How are you two still alive? 2694 01:54:31,180 --> 01:54:33,050 [Deadpool] You were right. One of us would have been killed. 2695 01:54:33,083 --> 01:54:34,886 - [gasps] - But you put a Deadpool 2696 01:54:34,919 --> 01:54:36,252 and a Wolverine together, 2697 01:54:36,285 --> 01:54:38,654 make 'em hold hands while listening to Madonna... 2698 01:54:38,688 --> 01:54:41,123 indestructible, motherfucker. 2699 01:54:41,157 --> 01:54:43,226 Let's get this Deadpool Variant back to The Void. 2700 01:54:43,259 --> 01:54:44,560 [Deadpool] Wait, hold on. What? 2701 01:54:44,594 --> 01:54:45,629 [Peter] Nope. Actually... 2702 01:54:45,661 --> 01:54:47,395 This one's homegrown, like me. 2703 01:54:47,429 --> 01:54:48,731 He belongs here. 2704 01:54:48,764 --> 01:54:49,799 And you are? 2705 01:54:49,832 --> 01:54:52,567 Peterpool. But you can call me Peter. 2706 01:54:54,069 --> 01:54:55,370 And I hope that you do. 2707 01:55:01,509 --> 01:55:03,142 What the fuck is happening here? 2708 01:55:03,177 --> 01:55:05,012 You are under judgment 2709 01:55:05,045 --> 01:55:07,047 for operating an unsanctioned Time Ripper. 2710 01:55:07,081 --> 01:55:08,250 - Take him. - I was just doing what 2711 01:55:08,283 --> 01:55:09,885 you don't have the guts to do. 2712 01:55:09,918 --> 01:55:10,985 [Deadpool smooches] 2713 01:55:11,017 --> 01:55:13,788 Get your insolent hands off me! Get off! 2714 01:55:14,990 --> 01:55:16,725 I'm grateful, gentlemen. 2715 01:55:17,591 --> 01:55:18,592 Let's hold the bows. 2716 01:55:18,627 --> 01:55:21,227 You led an Omega-level mutant to this timeline. 2717 01:55:21,261 --> 01:55:22,930 - [Deadpool] You're welcome. - And you 2718 01:55:22,963 --> 01:55:24,430 shouldn't even be near this timeline. 2719 01:55:24,465 --> 01:55:26,734 - [Deadpool] He's welcome. - And you 2720 01:55:26,767 --> 01:55:28,601 look damn good in that suit. 2721 01:55:28,636 --> 01:55:29,737 I'm so sorry. 2722 01:55:30,502 --> 01:55:31,639 [device beeping] 2723 01:55:34,140 --> 01:55:35,776 I wanna show you something. 2724 01:55:36,844 --> 01:55:38,143 Something huge. 2725 01:55:38,176 --> 01:55:40,112 [Deadpool] That's what Scoutmaster Kevin used to say. 2726 01:55:41,613 --> 01:55:43,181 Do you see that? 2727 01:55:43,215 --> 01:55:45,083 Your universe is regenerating. 2728 01:55:45,952 --> 01:55:47,720 Whatever you did here, 2729 01:55:47,754 --> 01:55:50,055 you not only saved your world. 2730 01:55:50,088 --> 01:55:52,590 You spared your timeline from extinction. 2731 01:55:54,459 --> 01:55:55,627 I'd rest up. 2732 01:55:55,661 --> 01:55:58,096 I have a feeling your work is only just getting started. 2733 01:55:58,130 --> 01:56:00,464 [Deadpool whispers] Till you're 90. 2734 01:56:00,498 --> 01:56:02,233 Wait! Um... 2735 01:56:02,266 --> 01:56:05,871 We couldn't have made it out of The Void without some help 2736 01:56:05,904 --> 01:56:08,839 from some people that the world kind of... 2737 01:56:08,873 --> 01:56:10,174 kind of forgot. 2738 01:56:10,207 --> 01:56:12,810 Is there any way that you could maybe find a way 2739 01:56:12,843 --> 01:56:14,177 to bring them home? 2740 01:56:15,780 --> 01:56:17,114 I'll see what I can do. 2741 01:56:17,148 --> 01:56:19,650 [Deadpool] And, um, I promised my friend here 2742 01:56:19,684 --> 01:56:22,452 that the TVA could undo some pretty awful shit 2743 01:56:22,485 --> 01:56:23,353 in his timeline. 2744 01:56:23,386 --> 01:56:24,854 What would you say to that? 2745 01:56:24,888 --> 01:56:26,389 Change the past? 2746 01:56:26,423 --> 01:56:28,693 [Deadpool] Well, he did help me save the world. 2747 01:56:28,726 --> 01:56:31,328 And his past made him the man who did it. 2748 01:56:32,194 --> 01:56:34,597 There's nothing to fix, Mr. Wilson. 2749 01:56:35,966 --> 01:56:37,199 Logan. 2750 01:56:40,569 --> 01:56:42,438 - [Deadpool] Shawarma? Yeah. - I could eat. 2751 01:56:52,113 --> 01:56:54,549 You know, the Avengers discovered shawarma. 2752 01:56:55,349 --> 01:56:57,251 They'd be lucky to have you. 2753 01:57:00,856 --> 01:57:02,658 [dog barking] 2754 01:57:04,358 --> 01:57:06,662 - Oh. - Oh, come on. 2755 01:57:06,695 --> 01:57:07,730 Fuck off! 2756 01:57:08,864 --> 01:57:10,263 Come here, my little cunchkin. 2757 01:57:10,297 --> 01:57:11,833 - [Dogpool barks] - Yes, it's you. 2758 01:57:11,866 --> 01:57:13,868 You're a survivor. 2759 01:57:13,901 --> 01:57:14,936 Mwah. 2760 01:57:14,969 --> 01:57:16,805 Oh, all is right in the world. 2761 01:57:18,039 --> 01:57:19,239 Yes, it is. 2762 01:57:20,875 --> 01:57:22,208 So what are you gonna do next? 2763 01:57:23,509 --> 01:57:25,711 I'll figure it out. I always do. 2764 01:57:26,512 --> 01:57:27,614 All right. 2765 01:57:28,547 --> 01:57:30,282 So I'll probably see you around? 2766 01:57:30,316 --> 01:57:32,818 [♪ soul music playing, "You're All I Need to Get By"] 2767 01:57:34,954 --> 01:57:36,154 Probably not. 2768 01:57:39,225 --> 01:57:40,425 See you, bub. 2769 01:57:49,935 --> 01:57:51,202 [Wade] Logan. 2770 01:57:57,610 --> 01:57:59,344 Al. I'm back. 2771 01:57:59,811 --> 01:58:01,278 About damn time. 2772 01:58:01,312 --> 01:58:04,114 You holdin'? I'm all outta devil's dandruff, 2773 01:58:04,148 --> 01:58:06,315 and I'm shaking like an angry vibrator. 2774 01:58:06,350 --> 01:58:08,252 Thank you, Al. We have company. 2775 01:58:08,953 --> 01:58:10,554 Althea, this is... 2776 01:58:11,155 --> 01:58:12,388 This is Logan. 2777 01:58:12,423 --> 01:58:14,458 - Nice to meet you, Logan. - Nice to meet you, too. 2778 01:58:14,490 --> 01:58:18,128 And this little ancient anal shit-knot is Mary Puppins. 2779 01:58:18,162 --> 01:58:20,597 Or as I like to call her, Dogpool. 2780 01:58:20,631 --> 01:58:22,565 You want to treat yourself to a little stroke? 2781 01:58:23,901 --> 01:58:27,036 - Get the tongue. There it is. - Oh, my God! Motherfucker! 2782 01:58:27,070 --> 01:58:31,075 Right? It's like an armadillo fucked a gremlin, angrily, 2783 01:58:31,107 --> 01:58:32,909 - in a bed of gonorrhea... - Wow. 2784 01:58:32,942 --> 01:58:35,243 ...and didn't stop till the sun came up. [chuckles] 2785 01:58:36,278 --> 01:58:38,648 Everyone wants to matter. 2786 01:58:38,681 --> 01:58:42,018 Turns out that you don't need to be Marvel Jesus to do it. 2787 01:58:42,051 --> 01:58:44,653 You just need to open your eyes and look around. 2788 01:58:45,219 --> 01:58:46,420 And if you're lucky, 2789 01:58:47,221 --> 01:58:49,092 you'll find a few friends. 2790 01:58:49,125 --> 01:58:50,424 Old friends, 2791 01:58:51,258 --> 01:58:52,994 and some new ones too. 2792 01:58:54,663 --> 01:58:55,796 [laughter] 2793 01:58:57,564 --> 01:58:59,735 Give me the fucking dog. Talk to the girl. 2794 01:59:04,404 --> 01:59:05,873 [indistinct chatter] 2795 01:59:10,112 --> 01:59:11,311 Oh, hi. 2796 01:59:11,344 --> 01:59:13,446 - Hi. - [both laugh] 2797 01:59:13,480 --> 01:59:15,048 [Wade clears throat] 2798 01:59:15,081 --> 01:59:16,282 You've been busy. 2799 01:59:19,152 --> 01:59:20,755 I did it for you. 2800 01:59:22,589 --> 01:59:25,225 And even if you don't want me, I... I did it for you. 2801 01:59:34,365 --> 01:59:36,101 Turns out, 2802 01:59:36,135 --> 01:59:38,368 I am the world-saving type. 2803 01:59:38,401 --> 01:59:40,607 Just look around this table if you want proof. 2804 01:59:41,405 --> 01:59:42,609 And the best part? 2805 01:59:43,341 --> 01:59:45,343 Sometimes the people we save, 2806 01:59:46,178 --> 01:59:48,112 they save us right back. 2807 01:59:48,146 --> 01:59:49,616 [♪ "You're All I Need to Get By" continues playing] 2808 01:59:49,649 --> 01:59:53,583 ♪ We've got the right foundation ♪ 2809 01:59:53,619 --> 01:59:58,355 ♪ And with the love and determination ♪ 2810 01:59:58,388 --> 02:00:03,694 ♪ You're all, you're all I need ♪ 2811 02:00:03,728 --> 02:00:09,199 ♪ You're all, you're all I need ♪ 2812 02:00:09,232 --> 02:00:11,235 ♪ You're all ♪ 2813 02:00:11,269 --> 02:00:15,939 ♪ You're all I need to get by ♪ 2814 02:00:19,341 --> 02:00:22,945 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 2815 02:00:22,979 --> 02:00:25,981 [♪ alt. rock music plays, Green Day "Time of Your Life"] 2816 02:00:27,716 --> 02:00:30,119 [Charles] You're not the only one with gifts. 2817 02:00:30,152 --> 02:00:31,487 What is this place? 2818 02:00:41,597 --> 02:00:46,601 ♪ Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road ♪ 2819 02:00:46,634 --> 02:00:50,905 ♪ Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go ♪ 2820 02:00:50,939 --> 02:00:52,207 [groans] 2821 02:00:52,240 --> 02:00:56,342 ♪ So make the best of this test and don't ask why ♪ 2822 02:00:56,376 --> 02:01:00,280 ♪ It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time ♪ 2823 02:01:00,314 --> 02:01:02,217 - Nice suit. - Zip it, Stan Lee. 2824 02:01:02,249 --> 02:01:03,517 ♪ It's something unpredictable ♪ 2825 02:01:03,550 --> 02:01:06,119 ♪ But in the end is right ♪ 2826 02:01:06,153 --> 02:01:09,923 ♪ I hope you had the time of your life... ♪ 2827 02:01:09,957 --> 02:01:11,124 [laughter] 2828 02:01:11,158 --> 02:01:13,595 I really like the, uh... the art in the Deadpool comics. 2829 02:01:13,627 --> 02:01:15,929 You know, I just always felt a kind of a kinship to him. 2830 02:01:15,963 --> 02:01:18,832 And I just thought, I'd like to play that guy someday. 2831 02:01:18,865 --> 02:01:24,170 ♪ So take the photographs and still frames in your mind ♪ 2832 02:01:24,203 --> 02:01:29,041 ♪ Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time ♪ 2833 02:01:29,075 --> 02:01:33,980 ♪ Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial ♪ 2834 02:01:34,013 --> 02:01:36,916 ♪ For what it's worth, it was worth ♪ 2835 02:01:36,949 --> 02:01:39,084 - ♪ All the while ♪ - [applause] 2836 02:01:39,117 --> 02:01:40,218 [cheering] 2837 02:01:40,252 --> 02:01:41,418 ♪ It's something unpredictable ♪ 2838 02:01:41,452 --> 02:01:43,688 ♪ But in the end is right ♪ 2839 02:01:43,722 --> 02:01:47,292 ♪ I hope you had the time of your life... ♪ 2840 02:01:47,325 --> 02:01:50,594 I was there for three weeks before I shot a single thing. 2841 02:01:50,628 --> 02:01:52,864 At our first day of shooting, 2842 02:01:52,898 --> 02:01:54,732 I was so nervous, man. 2843 02:01:54,765 --> 02:01:56,934 Everyone was sort of going, "Who's this guy?" 2844 02:01:56,967 --> 02:01:58,936 You know, there was a lot of that and, 2845 02:01:58,969 --> 02:02:00,536 you know, "Is he gonna deliver or not?" 2846 02:02:00,570 --> 02:02:02,740 You can feel all that kind of pressure. 2847 02:02:03,807 --> 02:02:07,143 It's always the suit's fault. Never the actor. 2848 02:02:14,817 --> 02:02:15,652 [screaming] 2849 02:02:15,685 --> 02:02:17,354 - This is... - The only way. 2850 02:02:17,388 --> 02:02:19,856 ♪ It's something unpredictable ♪ 2851 02:02:19,889 --> 02:02:21,990 ♪ But in the end is right ♪ 2852 02:02:22,024 --> 02:02:26,495 ♪ I hope you had the time of your life ♪ 2853 02:02:26,528 --> 02:02:28,830 Ah, so this is what it feels like. 2854 02:02:31,266 --> 02:02:33,069 And there's the lights. 2855 02:02:33,102 --> 02:02:34,771 For medical research. 2856 02:02:34,804 --> 02:02:36,905 - Bye-bye, video. [smooches] - [man] Bye. 2857 02:02:36,939 --> 02:02:37,940 [♪ song ends] 2858 02:02:42,410 --> 02:02:44,612 [♪ instrumental music playing] 2859 02:06:50,811 --> 02:06:53,581 [Deadpool] I'm tired of these absolutely vile rumors 2860 02:06:53,614 --> 02:06:54,915 that I got Johnny killed. 2861 02:06:55,782 --> 02:06:57,016 Let's look at the tape. 2862 02:06:58,217 --> 02:06:59,452 In The Void, 2863 02:06:59,486 --> 02:07:01,420 you're either food for Alioth 2864 02:07:01,453 --> 02:07:02,756 or you work for her. 2865 02:07:05,691 --> 02:07:07,026 [Deadpool] Go on, Johnny. 2866 02:07:07,059 --> 02:07:08,693 And I'll tell you who "her" is. 2867 02:07:08,726 --> 02:07:09,763 Cassandra Nova. 2868 02:07:09,796 --> 02:07:12,031 A megalomaniacal, psychotic asshole. 2869 02:07:12,064 --> 02:07:14,099 A finger licking dead-inside pixie slab 2870 02:07:14,133 --> 02:07:16,234 of third rate dime-store nut-milk. And I'll tell you 2871 02:07:16,267 --> 02:07:17,702 - what she can do. - [Deadpool] I'm listening. 2872 02:07:17,735 --> 02:07:19,606 She can lick my goddamn cinnamon ring clean 2873 02:07:19,639 --> 02:07:21,273 and kick rocks all the way to bald hell. 2874 02:07:21,307 --> 02:07:23,775 In fact, I don't give a shit if she removes all my skin 2875 02:07:23,808 --> 02:07:25,810 and pops me like some nightmarish blood balloon. 2876 02:07:25,842 --> 02:07:26,944 If the last thing I do 2877 02:07:26,978 --> 02:07:28,912 in this godforsaken cum-gutter existence 2878 02:07:28,946 --> 02:07:30,616 is light that fuck-box on fire, 2879 02:07:30,649 --> 02:07:31,816 I still won't die happy. 2880 02:07:31,849 --> 02:07:33,484 [Deadpool laughs] Holy shit, girl. You crazy. 2881 02:07:33,518 --> 02:07:36,120 That's right, Wade. I won't be happy until I've urinated 2882 02:07:36,154 --> 02:07:37,721 on her freshly barbecued corpse 2883 02:07:37,754 --> 02:07:39,557 and husk-fucked the charred remains 2884 02:07:39,592 --> 02:07:41,492 while gargling Juggernaut's juggernuts. 2885 02:07:41,526 --> 02:07:43,126 - [Deadpool] Wow! - And you can quote me. 2886 02:07:43,161 --> 02:07:44,596 [Deadpool] 'Kay. 2887 02:07:44,629 --> 02:07:46,062 Got you, fuckface. 208433

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