All language subtitles for Clerks - 1x01 - Leonardo Leonardo Returns and Dante Has an Important Decision to Make_en

The following television shows.

And gentlemen, welcome to the Fight Club.

His commentary on Living or Dead,
or in actual events entirely unintentional

except where specifically noted otherwise,
and the cast and crew critics.

All celebrity voices are impersonated,

and no celebrities have endorsed
any aspect of the show.

Is anybody still watching after all that?

What follows is the fabled tale
it took last year.

Originally planned for May 31st, 2000.

Just listening to the audience's
commentary.

The pilot in Wonderland
and Wasteland episodes.

Fortunately, someone found it.

And now you're going to have to watch it.

Tune in next week
for a much better episode.

For now, though, I'm Kevin Courage.

I'm going to introduce you to

some, first timers.

To the viewer skewed commentary
going down from the from the left.

My left at the end of the table.

The man, the legend.

The guy who draws pictures and directs
the cartoons.

Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Bailey.

I Chris, hi.

Sitting right next to him is a legend.

A legend in this room.

Legend. We are to each other.

Is anybody, a cat
who created the show with me and,

Scott Mosier and worked
on, a little TV show that got canceled

birthday called Seinfeld, as well
as, Is it so?

Listen, you gentlemen, you've
all come to know and love this show,

but if you ever saw it on the air
and put it in for a while.

Shut up, man with two gorgeous chicks
and a one family.

David, thank you so much.

I was sitting next to him.

Some of you familiar with his.

Well, he's
been on one of our commentary tracks. Yes.

Brian O'Halloran.

How do, you all know me?

And next to me is, cat that we found
Stan around outside.

Five bucks.

I don't know,
I might as well take it from the rooster.

Sure. And brought him down.

Get him a drink and a pack of smokes
and just Mewes. But,

pleased to welcome first time
one of our commentaries and chatter.

You've all known for many, many years.

A man who needs no introduction
before a live studio.

I mean, seriously,
Japan should have got more.

Jeff, say hi

to next to him.

Scott, what's going on? Hi.

Must you shout? All right,

now that we've all been introduced,
we're just going to let it go off.

First episode of clerks,
which never aired on television.

You mean they didn't even show one?

No, they never showed up to what they show
to you, but they never showed one.

One was going to be air traffic.

But, originally what it came down to

after we did this, weird secret test

was we decided to do the one thing

because each of these muscles wasn't
enough for my tires while I was set up.

Work for it, though, right?

I mean, it was the word shrimp,
but what what what the stories

didn't seem to dig
about The shining ever happens was that it

wasn't as funny as the other show
which we showed, which is episode two.

All right.

But the reason the show was funny,
as it could have been, is

because we got very strong notes from the
are you thinking silence?

And that's how I overheard.

Sorry, I don't know that word.

Y'all know we're here
because the network, said that

we needed to set up the premise of clerks
because only three people ever.

So they wanted a real way.

Charlie kept saying, I, me
more of a pilot.

Where did you get the plane stuff? Right.

And then Jody nodded. All

he explained stuff.

Humor.

Don't like it. It's funny.

Oh, no. It's,

And I remember when they had established

themselves with this stuff, like, I'm
so sick, man.

They would pull their hand
and we were like, I see this.

Okay? Who was trading my brother?

I, of course, was the two.

The audience for these bad boys
was like two sticks of dynamite. Man.

We're that man right out of bad ass.

Did they ever say what his real name was?

Sure.

I'm ready.

Doctor. Anyone?

Anyone say his name in the show?

It should need one now.

It's safe.

It's very safe.

The, firecracker gag,
was something that kind of

was a bitter pill to swallow
because they sound Bob for no fun

for features.

We've done the best, for features
that they that are drug dealers

don't like cats.

But, you can read my stuff from everyone

in the

show who's been holding me is actually,
like what?

Drug dealers.

They saw what I did, so we had to kind of
make them shoot merry mischief makers.

What I believe
is with some of the, publicity.

Hey, said that
there were a couple of amazing moments.

Where are we dealing with legal
you doing here?

It. Corporate.

Someone told the boss
I'm wearing all the flowers for college.

It wasn't me. I didn't say point.

Well, that's good,
because it's could of anger, I think.

I mean, what, you know,
if this if you can't.

This guy has been waiting by the show.

How about you go to the video store
or on your Reddit?

They actually just said, I'm
not a demo sometimes,

you know, I wouldn't ask me, I would.

So at these

there's going to be and that was probably
about the only honest word we ever got.

Hey, didn't hear that.

They were just unfamiliar
with the scene. Panic.

Like the other thing

that follows a girl in a pizza parlor
Wednesday was wasn't very open.

ABC, which don't you know,
I think it's funny

within the context of the show,
but they seem to be obsessed with it.

Over at the Nano Leonardo, new promos

for the shows,
before it ever heard a Leonardo

Super Bowl promo, their fingers on
it seemed like every, you know.

So I made a fire cry.
What the hell is Leonardo?

You know?

No, Hell, man, be hitting a firecracker

and then blowing
the questions at the defining

balls.

It was kind of. They were.
They referred to it, not.

They're talking to the title.
I don't know, it might've been.

They refer to the 1800
akin to the last episode.

And Father Bernardo. Bernardo.

They said it's that brought down from
PJ saying, good point,

but I feel, oddly enough,
to remember at one point

there was talk of taking it out as well,
that we got another succession into that.

Well, it's not encouraging.

It is to use fire, to be honest,
palatable by a bulb.

I remember that was something else.
That flag to its name.

Wasn't
that the original ending of Seinfeld?

Yes. Leonardo for acquiring Kelly was in

exchange for a story for trading

polio virus,
very safe children's programing.

And she picked up a bored couch
and came back a couple of weeks later.

Is homecoming have to do
with a mysterious tented structure

that has captured imaginations
over the last few minutes?

That's no good.

And she did.

Yeah, that's the funniest thing.

Let's talk about
when we how the show came together.

We have a whole pitch pitching.

Because I guess it is kind of an.

We've got two minutes once and for
if you're going to make your 1230 with,

the flick with an entertainment table,

you know, it was a flick

that never played on more than 50 screens,
a little black and white, simple folk

because it was so fun.

They had here
we were version of the, from

the year abroad and how that happened.

All there is to see.

I was just going to say real quick,
just for those who pulled attention that,

this is Leonardo.

Leonardo,
and he's being voiced by Alec Baldwin.

Yeah.

So we were up in Toronto and we just had
a behold, an absolute blast with there.

No, no, that was cool.

Was kind of went the project
that I find it hard to believe.

No one noticed that because all of a
sudden it wasn't just us and our friends.

Recording
Big Bong two was out for too long.

They make us miserable.

Here on us has been a haven.

We were like,
I want to come for the commentary.

And he was like,

who is going to help his commentary
to what you think he's talking to?

Remember?

No, I just know I'm going to

in Italy and handle
rain and foggy and bald one day marks.

But, we,
we got put together by our agents.

Yeah.

Which was actually not,

a silly thing, if you think about it,
because it sounds so stupid.

Defense pulls together.

They do the throws in a room
because me and Mosier had been wanting

to do a cartoon version of Clarkson's
95 storm, and, I remember that poster.

I was ripped by another agency.

Yes. Yeah.

And,
tried to take the show up there in this

group.

I tried to sit down, try to sit down

and sit down
and pitched a cartoon version,

and they were saying, well, the TV
animation really only stands out for this.

Look at this place.

Not really going
to will bring us The Simpsons

holiday. Thanks for off quicker.

No thanks.

That's a selection of. And,

and a few years later managed TV animation
primetime became lousy for 1 or 2.

Coffee bar was not allowed on video
quality was tons of it.

Coffee. And thanks to stuff like that.

So there was that one brief moment
where there were tons

of cartoons in primetime animation inside
going through, lots of number of tiny

they were developing. And there was,
some like the space.

Finally, as you enter the hall,
what was that other show family Guy was

that.

No, no,

it was wasteland became Mr..

No, Dilbert.

Dilbert.

I guess him on

Baby Blues,
which actually that guy, actually,

and his entire experience
was that kid that stuck with you and

and it's going to have a second season.

And we're sitting here,
you know, talking into these microphones.

If only we'd given jam a baby,
that would have saved the show.

A baby with fireworks

or a baby that talked very intelligently.

Like, I like, like a second.

Yeah, like another cartoon, but,

so, so years later,
we brought it up again.

Going on.

There's a lot of animation now.

Can we try this Clarke's thing again?

And our present endeavor was all about it
and said, well, he wants to do

so. We're going to start Mendel.

He's a guy that worked on science
about over.

No, listen, he's looking real work
also for my children there dying.

You like? Oh, we missed the car shop.

And I have to admit,
I think I've said this to you already.

This job would be great
if I. I took the meeting.

Time is the best thing that ever.
You guys wrote.

I been looking for the excuse.

And, you know,
the agents always say things like.

You want us to set up lunch, okay?

Which just sounded like you
shooting the story.

Like the video.

The case thing in the world
would have been

if they just said,
do you want to set up lunch?

And you can fuck any, because

that is the best thing in the world
that would be this is your plan.

But you right.

That was pretty much a long lunch,
I guess.

Shut up.

Pay as you exit. Sweet deal.

You're right.

So, besides, you got somebody who's going
to rock their feeble Clark world.

Carney.

It was, it was then we said,
all right, let's do that anymore.

We are talking about ideas
for official notice.

And then we went into officially
setting it for the quick stop officially.

Who could that dainty walk on? Jay?

I'm sorry. Yeah, that was okay.

We always loved it.

Okay. It was a mistake with Culver. Fine.

This was one of those moments.

I think these guys were the people

who were was sort of questioned
and no sense of, like.

It just seemed like silent key.

That comes across as $0.37.

That's what made it that much funnier.

$0.19.

Scott, you remember who we could shoot?

We pitched everyone this pretty much.

They were just Fox, UPN,

Warner Brothers, I think we did everywhere

else.

HBO yeah, HBO remember, HBO?

HBO was kind of great fun retrospect
as much as we were pitching.

Just cleaned up your desk.

You know,
maybe a nice thing to try to do that.

Why don't I just throw my money
out the window?

So we're, I think I'll stick with Ikea
and then just got to try to be funny

with that $79. Now, which.

Where did I put that? I'm not talented.

You're doing throwing over sales of spice.

Let me see that.

But at HBO, they were just like,
well, stop.

What about. Well, what about all that?

Yeah. Where's the worst?

Yeah.
Where are they talking about something?

Did you run like.

Well, I mean, all right,
I guess we can throw.

So like. Yeah. Because that was the best
part of the movie.

Was talking about second dicks.

I was like, well, welcome.

But, accepting my in the way
we went another way in that network.

I made it myself.

I fucking what happened was
which was weird.

Left the network, ended up
buying the show.

You think so?

Initially we pitched Randall.

They were interested. Right.

And then the fine line to tell, like.

Yeah, they were not interested.

And then you, the UPN
and this whole stupid building.

Very.

In case you forget your initial like that.

You know, we also could have sold them
seven other matter with you, despite

we always maintained we pretty much
could have just xeroxed our asses,

and they would have for a half hour,
at least 12 episodes,

like, yeah, near wrestling somewhere
that it's our wrestling.

Sure. Audience. Yeah. But,

they just,

they just seemed very, receptive
in my management team offered us

medical 13 episodes on the enrollment
at Rutgers College while

which then we never told you about that.

Based on the surgery,
the window for getting up on the air,

it was only about a week network that it
originally turned it down then, so it.

Good day I guess we went flew in New York.

I don't know how to even tell.

This is such a it's
such and such is it's a.

We flew to New York.

We pull in the middle of our meeting to
corporate honchos shall remain nameless.

We're very powerful.

They could destroy us
and endless commentary at any second.

Inappropriate
listening skill as we speak to make sure

God said that.

So we, you know, nado and the headline
and we and we told them we told you that

I was saying, you gentlemen are sticking
to our parents and education.

We told them, remember,
you offered us 13 episodes,

and he assured us

that UPN wouldn't exist in a year,
that it would be there within a year.

Yeah, they're going
the way they track and Laserdisc.

There's a sound soon your store
and all the other stores,

all the movie,
and you will all wake up to find.

And Jeff will never work out again.

I know all of them fall, but the story
we did, we we took his word for it.

Well, he's got it. No. Right. Here's
the dude with the juice.

And we always do things to ourselves.

And that doesn't seem seem
so in retrospect.

But you know, why be on the planet
when we could be on one of the

three, the children? And then what?

Really swing for the fences?

That was

the idea was reached for the brass,
and I would call it something right now.

Fuck the brass ring.
It's just an endeavor.

They offer you the journeys you have.

You could have had to pay
from where a store.

It's exactly.
It's probably never heard of it.

Well, that was why we did the show
in the first place

and stuff fucking bums have bet
he never heard.

Don't. But,
don't swing for the fucking trees.

Forget it.

Just say,

if you're ever pitching my show and, like,
you know, it must be just destroyed it.

Never mind the network
in baseball analogy.

Take the walk.

It hit by the ball.

Just a home run.

The song I hate it by the ball.

Yeah.

I'm God, I mean, we could probably do
an hour on on the need evidence.

And I actually think we should have this.

By the way, it's a great gag, by the way.

And Kevin,
that was come on, that was next.

We should have been the big fish
in the swamp on a set.

We wound up almost there.

Piranha eating fish got very wonky.

Big pond.

If the pond was a TV, TV

and this instance for people better.

The piranha was, survivor, which we
actually aired the first night of as well.

But not just survivor.

The other thing reached New World,
namely books, to encourage us

when we pitched the show and was like,
oh yeah, they came in after the UPN

episode, The main Door in third was,
what about that one?

Over time? That could be.

We started out with our sketches.

You go with that animation process,
which takes many months with Chris

talking about later.

Let's go.

And we had delivered,
I think it was in January.

And this man, this network
had just come here to a new show

we made, wants to be a million at their
had you and all of a sudden went from

Robin Williams first. Yeah.

You girls want to be on
when you're in last play.

Did you get into the
about things like hey, let's

what you doing here?

And when you're in first place,
I don't think you.

What do you guys want to air it as much?

Looking for something
we can use against you?

You're not a game show. Kind of.

This outlines
every stage of the know we could play.

Let's go to a quicker way out of here.

Yeah, we just did.
But I give very just props.

I remember watching, like, stop meeting.

We have evidence.

Leonardo.

Leonardo is trying to turn the town
into a pleasure.

Ironically,
his audience in 50 to 60 around his mind,

the ones that were most responsible
for driving us only has crowds.

Yeah.

Something. People. There's more.

Leonardo isn't telling.

Like, listen to this hour number
three, flooding the underground is running

great.

The machines had a lot of,
like, Pleasure Dome running a lot.

There's a lot of army of robot workers
to replace the slave.

Our numbers of,
like, 20 year old phase five.

An army of highly intelligent people
move in a robot in Syria.

It's just none of them knew
the show was on the air phase.

There were no promotion
virus from which there was no promotion.

While we were doing our super secret test

yet was to up the space for the Robot
Chicken network.

Was having a 63in in two markets,

was a long way to be sure.

San Diego yes,
San Diego was in Ohio somewhere.

We had to stop and they recruited a test
screening audience to watch the show.

You it. However, they didn't.

They recruited for another

show and they were looking specifically
for whatever the show was going to be.

Sounded like it was either
going to be an hour time or something.

And now, audience, America's number one.

We didn't have our time.

A secret.

With women, he and the president

Lincoln has no way is trying
to bring a new way to the future.

We'll get through that later.

That was another attractive one I've seen.

This one was another one of humanity.

Recently won an award for TV shows
such as Words Like Retired.

Yeah, we were missing a crucial
like 12 to 25 year old.

We're Jefferson, Jefferson tries
to destroy Washington biopic Hollywood

not long, they tested a bunch of players
over who apparently were not very funny.

You think you went on for stuff,

urinating in the frozen food section
and working at steamer,

and what was didn't like
the cartoon at all has been Phifer,

and they really rated for the network,
but strikingly similar.

Well, the only difference is
we're not really sure what you want right?

Do you want to be really technical?

Because nobody ever told me
did this stuff.

I mean, and we should have won out
for the record that the network one

was addressing, which rich with that,
they gave us a Super Bowl spot.

If you watched the Super Bowl last year
the Rams you Leonardo

the Rams on set on this.

See your beloved fiance
is none of the Rams Tennessee.

If you watch that Super Bowl the pro mode
all of their primetime lineup

and on this round.

But a slow stop still shows.

One was big Mary Roeder.

Man she got right up the white House.

Two promos and it was before the game, one
right after.

It wasn't a very good spot.

In fact, it was cut by one of the chief
honchos at the network.

Correct. That's
what did you find out about the plan

to really light the fire, I hope there.

Yeah.

Boy, we love the fire girl gag
and insisted on calling everyone slackers.

Slackers take on the term
slash was like your grandmother.

It was like,
you know, won't be like last year.

I will draw come watch clip decades
and the slackers show.

You'll have to wonder in your life
aside the, the machinations

last I know it's a slacker
air show you'll ever see.

It's slack tastic. Leaving.

You and I are far from out of this town
than we.

Apparently,
nobody wants this slacker now is bad.

But, I mean, at the time,
I mean, I was watching it.

We never thought ourselves capable,
and it was like we were, oh,

my God, major change in our lives
that things will never be the same.

It was the biggest laugh ever.

Got a little tired while I weighed yet,
but I was just say it was like, oh my God,

we got a promo.

And like,
you know, people do watch the Super Bowl.

And so all of a sudden it was like,
wait a second,

this is going to be a show
now be efficient.

And then it was like continuing honestly,
we'll continue it on the next episode.

But right now we should give a shout out
to these, little spots that nobody

probably saw

the coming up.

Yeah, right. Coming right up.

I feel bad we didn't really talk much

about the specifics of this episode,
but nothing to talk about, I guess.

Well, some of the casting
and the safety tips was, mando's idea.

Mando really wanted safety to care.

Like, for those little interstitials
you used to see on the.

Yeah, she's a Friend was a major influence
on the show. Hi.

I'm Jake, so these are some
we were very proud of.

And I'm sorry for every episode going on
that we expected to have

based on the False Promises Kids network.

And that really is Charles Barkley, who,
mind you, that I don't exactly know how it

how to writing these trees
and at some point does not do a

Charles Barkley actually was like
the other cast member of the show

because he appears in every episode
he managed to like once he agreed.

We just started writing to play.

Sure, and I'm not sure he knows how funny,
but it's here.

This tip in mind I always like a gag was

of some of the talk after
I've just about this podcast.

Yeah, so this pretty much ends is up

so we can talk out of the credits,
but we'll come back on to and talk more.

About

the guy who, by the way, did
The Voice and also was our

like announcer at the time
is, Kevin Richardson.

Right? Yeah.

That's is excellent.

And actually he did
do voice for the show of, Desmond.

From here comes the best moment
TV history of of the 1990s.

That's not jarring.

Watching the original plan was lying
naked on a pile of money.