All language subtitles for 5.15 Ponderosa Matador

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Uh-ha, toro.

Uh-ha, toro. Uh-ha, uh-ha.

Nice toro.

You feel all right?

I feel fine.

Can you tell me what was the joke?

What joke?
The joke.

When I walked in here
you were going: ha, ha, ha.

I figured that staircase must've said
something terribly funny to you.

I was just trying to learn
something about bullfighting,

that's all,
before Senor Tenino gets here.

By doing a square dance
in front of a staircase?

And what for, anyway?

Didn't Pa tell you?

Senor Tenino happens to be

the biggest breeder
of fighting bulls in all of Mexico.

And I figured the neighborly thing for
us to do is be learning enough about it

so we could talk to him
intelligently, anyhow.

Well, how do you expect to go about
learning something about it?

Out of that book right there
that I bought in town, that's where.

Hmm.

What is this?

"The Art of Bullfighting. " ♪ llustrated.

Hey, look at that.
Ain't that something?

Ooh, heh.

He really got him going.

That doesn't look so hard, though.
Look, see?

Here, let me try that.

Give me that thing.
I'll coach you. All right?

Mm-hm.

Huh.

Here. How's this look, Hoss?

You're supposed to stand
more like that.

You know, sideways.

Sideways like this?
Yeah, that's it. That's right. Yeah.

Hey, you be the bull. You be the bull.

Oh, don't be silly.

Oh, one of us has gotta be the bull,
and you're bigger than I am.

All right, heh.

You ready?
Okay.

Hey, bully.

Hey, bully.

Hey, bully. Hey, bully.

Hey, bully.

Hey, Hoss, heh.

Hey. Hey, Hoss!

Hey, Ho--

Hey, Ho--

Pfft.

Boys,

if I've told you once,
I've told you a thousand times,

if you want to do any roughhousing,
do it outside!

Sorry, Pa.
"Sorry, Pa."

Yeah, I'm sorry too, Pa.
Yeah, you're sorry too.

I want this house to look halfway
decent for Senor Tenino's visit.

By the way,

did you square it up with
Little Joe and Adam about Dolores?

Dolores?

Senor Tenino's daughter.

That's the first time we ever heard
about him having a daughter, Pa.

Oh?

Well, he's, uh,
he's bringing her with him.

I asked Hoss here
to, uh, have you boys decide

who's gonna be her escort

What about that, Hess?

Huh?

Ah, well, actually, I didn't wanna make
no problems for you and Adam, and...

How old is she?

I'd say in her early 205.
And that's a problem?

Hey, look, Pa, there ain't no use
in us making a great big fuss

about who's gonna be
escorting Dolores.

Just leave me out of it.
You boys decide among yourselves

who's gonna be her escort

Or perhaps she would like
to make her own choice.

That fair enough? No problems?

No problems.
No problem.

We got problems.

They should be here any minute.

Like lambs to the slaughter.

What's he supposed to mean
by that?

Beats me.

You know, Joe,
it's a pretty terrible thing

when a fella figures his own kin
is plotting behind his back.

You ought to know.

Oh, heh, Joe, I was just funning.

You don't think
that I wasn't gonna tell you and Adam

about Senor Tenino's daughter,
did you?

Oh, heh, no, sure you were.
Sure you were.

But, see, uh, our brother Adam's
a little different.

He's sneaky.

He's got something up his sleeve.
Yeah.

A hairy arm.
More than that.

No, sir, look at him
just sitting there like a big sly cat.

Now, boys, I'd like you to, uh,
meet Senorita Dolores Tenino

and her father
Senor Francisco Tenino.

Senorita, heh.
Welcome to the ranch, senorita.

Thank you, senor,
for your warm welcome.

And in such good Spanish.

But don't worry about me,
I think I can take care of myself.

That sounded like more than just
a welcome to me.

What was he saying, anyhow?
I don't know.

He sure wasn't discussing
the price of tacos.

Your father told us so much
about you gentlemen

on the way from town,
that I feel as if I know you already.

You must be Mr. Hoss Cartwright.

Yeah. Just plain Hoss, ma'am.
I mean, Senorita Dolores.

Dolores, Hoss.

And, of course, you're Little Joe?

Just plain Joe, ma'am.

And you are Adam.

And I would, uh, be happy to show you
the Ponderosa anytime.

I'd be very happy if you boys
came over here to say

hello to the senorita's father.

Oh.

Senor.

Is a great pleasure to meet you.
Senor Tenino.

Pleasure's all mine, sir.

Your boys have
that Cartwright charm, Ben.

Yeah.

Shall we, senorita?
Thank you.

Coming?

Oh, boys,
there's some luggage here.

There's some luggage hereto...

Your, uh,
your daughter's very charming.

Francisco,
why don't you go ahead inside

and I'll get some help
with the luggage?

Get some help with the luggage.

Me.

Ben, the dinner was delicious.

And I would like to thank, uh,
what is his name, Hoop Sling?

Hop Sing. Hop Sing.
Oh.

He'll be very pleased.
As a matter of fact,

he was quite concerned
the cooking might not please you.

Oh, if he ever decides to leave you...
Oh, heh, Father.

You'd better keep a sharp eye
on Hop Sing

or Father will be trying
to steal him away.

Well, I'm glad you warned me.

Your stories about those fighting bulls
you raised down in Mexico

was mighty interesting,
Senor Tenino.

I'm glad I didn't bore you.
Oh, no.

But if you are really interested,

Dolores is an expert
on the technique of fighting the bulls.

Really?

Well, if these, uh, young folks
will excuse us,

I'll show you that gun collection.
Good, good.

I've been looking forward to it.
Excuse me.

You know,
I've always made it a practice

of collecting only those firearms

that can be put
into good shooting condition.

Speaking of bullfighting, senorita,

my brothers have gotten a little
carried away on that subject lately.

They have? In what way?

Well,
my brother Hoss has a book on it,

and between him and Little Joe,
we're lucky to have any furniture left.

Don't you believe a word
he's telling you, ma'am.

I'd like to see your book, Hoss.

Yeah, it's really quite a book, ma'am.
It really is.

It's got a bunch of
these interesting pictures in there

of a bunch of fellas
waving little red blankets at the bulls.

Waving little red blankets?

I, uh, don't believe it's called waving,
heh, little brother.

Not at a real bull,
you don't wave little red blankets.

No, no. You see, it's called a cape.

Well, certainly, it's called a cape.

What are you gonna call it
but a cape?

And it's not waving actually,
is what it is, it's, uh...

It's a much fancier thing.
It's called-- It's like--

It's a picador,
is what it's called, isn't it?

No, Joe, that ain't a picador.

You see, heh

a picador is, uh, is one of them things
that they--

One of them darts
that they throw into the bull.

No, no.

A dad? A dad?
You've gotta be spoofing me.

A dad? You don't throw a dad
at a full-sized bull.

I think you've been reading
out of the wrong book.

Well, I think you've been reading
the book upside-down.

What do you think of that?

Now, see, you take a veronica--
Yeah, who's she?

Veronica?
Yeah, who's that?

Joe, veronica ain't no she, it's an it.

A veronica is a thing you...
It's a thing, that's what it is.

It's a thing you do with the cape.

It's a thing? You know
everything that's in this book.

Is that it?
That's right.

You must be a pretty big
authority on everything

in that book, right?
That's right!

Then you tell me something.
You tell me

what is the difference between
a matador and a Macarena?

Huh?
What is the difference? Very simple.

The difference between
a matador and a Macarena.

Matador, Macarena.
Yeah, yeah.

Well, you see,
a matador and a Macarena--

There ain't no whole
lot of difference in them.

The fact is that a...

Well, the, uh, the difference between
a Macarena and a matador

Mm-hm.
Is that...

Well, really the difference
is that a Macarena

is the fella that comes out about
three feet behind the matador

when they come out
into the arena to fight.

Now, that's really what the difference
is between a Macarena and a matador.

Ha.

Don't "ha" me.

I'm the one that bought and paid
for the book, ain't I?

Oh, just because you bought
and paid for the book,

that makes you
an authority on everything

that's written in that book.

Is that right, huh?
You're getting me

just about half riled up.

All I'm trying to say--
Well, I'm telling you that...

Hey, where's that coming from?

Hey, where's the--
Where's Dolores?

And where's Adam?

Joe, we've been had.

Oh, Hoss. Little Joe.

Adam plays so beautifully.

I just love guitar music.

You and your book.

Good morning, good friend.
Good morning.

I suppose you know you made
a couple of jackasses

out of us last night
in front of Dolores.

Yeah.
Well, you didn't need much help.

You know what's the matter with you?
You know? You got no ethics.

That's what's the matter with him.
That's right, no ethics.

Hmm.

Well, men,
I don't think it's a matter of ethics.

I think you just got yourselves
in over your head

and drowned
in your own foolishness.

You didn't even give us a chance
to get started.

No chance at all. Nothing.

I'm sorry.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have to take Senorita Dolores out
for her morning ride.

Wait a minute.
I'm supposed to do that.

I'm supposed to do that.
And when we find a nice quiet glade,

I have a book of poems
that I'm going to read to her.

You gotta be fast, boy.
Smart Tsk, tsk.

Joe, I got a sneaking hunch that
he's gonna be mighty hard to catch.

Yeah, maybe so.

But I think he can be had.

It ain't gonna be easy.

Not with the way he plays that guitar

and all them soft-soaping
poems of his.

Yeah, I'm getting fed up
with them poems too.

Maybe I can't play a guitar, but there's
more than one way to skin a cat.

She'll get fed up with all that bull.
Yeah.

Yeah.

Come on, come on.

Little Joe, I promised Adam I would
go for a walk with him after dinner.

Look, will you forget about him?
Just forget about him.

He's in there talking to your father.

You know how those older people
like to yak it up all the time.

But he said
he wrote a new song for me.

Well, so what?

You think he's the only one
in this family with talent?

You can play the guitar too?

No, not the guitar. That's nothing.
Anybody can play those things. Look.

What is that?

That's a harmonica.
It takes real talent to play this.

Do a little tune for you.
Well...

Hmm.

Don't you like that tune?
I got a million of them.

Well...

It is so soon after dinner.
Can't we just sit here and talk?

Do you like poetry?
Oh, Little Joe--

I just happen to have a book
right here.

Must you?

It is such a beautiful evening.
And...

Can't we sit here and just enjoy it?

Yeah, well, that sounds good too.

I just didn't know if you wanted 10--

You know,
girls say they like poetry and music.

But the men that really impress them
are those of strength,

of courage, of physical action.

You know, that's me.
Of courage. Like the matador

of my native Mexico.

When a man can fight a bull,

senor, then he is a real man.

You know, men can do a lot of other
things besides fight bulls, though.

Can they, senor?

What's been going on out here?
I heard a noise.

Something like a cat
with its tail caught in a wringer.

Sorry to keep you waiting.
I've got that new song for you

whenever you're ready.

You go right ahead and sing, Adam.

He thinks that's what women like.

What've you two
been talking about?

How girls are impressed
with soft words and beautiful music.

Well, aren't they?
Of course.

Adam, please play for me.

Hey, Joe.

How you doing, Hess?

What are you doing?
Unh, just practicing.

For what?

Women like men of action.
Strength. Physical courage.

Who told you that?
Dolores told me.

Joe, practicing with that six-shooter
ain't what she meant by courage.

Well, what's that supposed
to mean?

Remember the other day
when you said something to me

about there being more ways than one
to skin a cat?

Mm-hm.

Well, it son of put me to thinking.

What does Dolores talk about more
than anything else in the whole world?

Oh, matadors down in Mexico.

It's all she's got on her brain.
Right.

Now, remember the other day
when Walt Troutman came out here

looking for some bucking stock
for that annual rodeo in Virginia City?

Mm-hm, yeah, so what?
Well, I went into town

and I got me a hundred dollar advance
for a little idea I had for his rodeo

that's gonna keep folks talking
around here for months and months.

Well, come on. What's the big idea?

A bullfight.

Heh, oh, come on. A bullfight?

Well, you'll do anything
to impress a woman, won't you?

Anything, ha, ha.
Joe, I ain't gonna fight a bull.

You are.
Me?

Sure.
Oh.

Joe, see, now,
the way I got it figured,

Adam's getting
just a little bit too confident.

So I figured that me and you
would team up against him.

But fighting a bull? I'm not so sure

you're doing me such a big favor.
Oh, now, come on, Joe.

You wanna impress Dolores,
don't you?

You don't want her to think
you're a coward, do you?

Coward? Well, no, but I--
Well, there ain't no buts about it, now.

You're my little brother,
and I'm gonna make the big sacrifice.

I'm gonna let you be the matador.

Thanks, Hoss.
Nothing. Nothing.

Now, what we gotta do first
is get some bulls out here

for you to practice on.

Oh, hey, but maybe first we ought to
talk about that hundred dollar advance.

Shh, shh. Here comes
Adam and Dolores now, ahem.

Hi, Adam.
Howdy.

Well, I hope you enjoyed yourself.
Very much.

Your brother is very gallant.
Yeah.

He promised to take me riding again
tomorrow.

The Ponderosa is so beautiful.

Well, what have you two been up to,
outside of plotting against me?

Now, Adam, you know
we wouldn't do a thing like that.

No.

Little Joe just, uh, made a deal
with Walt Troutman

to put on a bullfight at his rodeo.

A bullfight?

Little Joe, you really mean this
about a bullfight?

Yeah, it's what you like to see
a man do, isn't it?

Oh, heh, but that is wonderful.
I'm so excited, heh.

Yes, so am I, ahem.

Oh, Little Joe. This will make
my stay at the Ponderosa complete.

It will be a touch of home here.

Arena, bulls
and my American matador.

Oh, heh, it will be wonderful.

Little Joe,
please don't disappoint me.

Well, if I can find a bull that's worthy.
I'm sure you will.

Come, let's tell father now.

My, he's a crafty little fellow,
isn't he?

Yeah, he sure is.

And he's right good pay too, heh.

Now, Joe, we discussed this all
last night very carefully.

Now, I don't want you taking
no unnecessary chances

or don't try to do
nothing fancy at first.

Just give that old bull
plenty of elbow room.

Plenty of elbow room.
Yeah.

Okay. Here.

Here. How's this?

Hmm? Let me see the picture.

Yeah. That good?
Yeah. That's about right.

Yeah, it looks good. That's right.

Go on in there and try it. Go on.

I wish my arms was as long
as wagon tongues.

Now, keep up your courage, Joe.
Come on. Come on.

You'll be as good as any matador
in a few weeks.

Come on. Get over there and try it.
Hold this.

Yeah, I'm not gonna worry about it.

I'll just get the hang of it.

Whoa, bully.
Don't make any sudden moves

till I get...
Whoa, bully.

Here, give me that.
Yeah. Now go in there and get him.

Go on.
Hey, why don't--?

Let's have some lunch and then I'll--
Get in there and get that bull.

Get him.

Keep an eye on him.

I'm watching. Go ahead.

That's right, Joe.

Get him mad at me?
Go on up there after him.

Get up there close to him.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey, that bull don't have much spirit,
Hoss.

Look, Joe, you're supposed
to talk to him. Just like...

Just like it says here in the book.

On page 80, it says right here
you're supposed to say:

"A-ha, tom." A-ha, toro.
That's what the book says.

Say "a-ha, toro" to him.

Oh, Hoss, I'd feel silly
saying anything to him.

It can't hurt nothing.
The book says to do it. Go ahead.

A-ha, toro.

Ha, a-ha, ho, ho.

Hey, that's, uh,
the thing he wanted to hear.

Yeah, it worked.

Loud.

Okay, here we go, then.

A-ha!

Hey. Oh.

Hey, Hoss, this bull's no good.
Yeah.

He doesn't wanna do anything.

Ugh, let's get another one
and see if it will cooperate with us.

Hey. Hey, bully? Hey...

Will you pay
a little attention to me, please?

Look at the cape.
That's supposed to get you--

Oh, well, what's the use?

I don't know what's the matter.
Maybe I'm using the wrong accent.

That's the fourth critter we've tried.

We'll have to go through
the whole herd

before we find one
that'll charge a cape.

Yeah.

Maybe if I got in behind him
and pushed him at you a little bit, huh?

Well, anything. I don't want
a big charge, just a little charge.

Get around in front of him
and I'll push him. See what happens.

Whoa, bully.

You ready?
Just charge him right into me, Hoss.

I think we'd have a little more luck
if we could find an enraged chicken.

Oh, come on. Look, get...

A-ha, toro.

I'm scaring him to death, Hoss.

Found that liniment, Joe.

Yeah, boy, this'll fix you up.

I must have chased those bulls
a hundred miles today.

Yeah, well, wasn't your fault
that they wouldn't fight.

Tell you that for sure.

I feel like
a twisted piece of barbed wire.

Oh, that's cold.
Yeah, at first.

Oh, yeah.
You'll be as good as new tomorrow,

I guarantee you that, chum.
Oh, that feels good.

Hot dog.
Hey, you know,

we have to find
a braver bull somewhere.

We got to.
We got a couple more in the hold yet.

Hey, that stuff's getting a little warm,
heh.

You know, I could give back
that advance money to old Walt.

Oh, yeah, I wanna talk to you
about that advance money.

Hey, this stuff is really getting hot.
That's what it's supposed to do.

That's the way this stuff works, see?
Well, it must be doing the trick.

Yeah.

It's really getting pretty hot.

Joe, you're just young and tender.

Hey, Hoss, it is getting hot,
you know that?

Hey, don't put any more of that on.
It's hot, Hoss.

Hey, you know...
It's getting hot on there.

Your back is getting awful red.

It's getting red?
Yeah.

Hey, oh, come on, Hoss, get it off.
Wipe it off.

Wipe it off. It's getting hotter.
It's getting, aah!

HEY. Hess!

Joe.
Wipe it off!

Wipe it off! Wipe it... Oh, it's hot!
I'm wiping. I'm wiping. I'm wiping.

Hey, what was it?

Oh! Oh, oh...

Feel better?

What was that stuff
you rubbed on me?

It's plain liniment.

What do you mean, plain liniment?
Let me see that.

Yeah, it's liniment.
Can't you read here?

"Use as directed.
Not recommended for humans."

That's me, human.

It says, "Just recommended
for ranch and farm animals."

Yeah, I reckon I didn't read that.

Hey, take a look at it. Is it blistered?

No, I don't see none, I...

Joe, I think it just stung you a little.
Oh!

Besides, it's too far away
from your head to kill you, heh.

Hey, what--?
Good afternoon, Hoss.

Howdy, ma'am.
Where's Little Joe?

Oh, ma'am, I don't rightly know.
I don't think I've seen him all day.

Well, why don't you
just turn around?

Huh?

Why, Joe, you silly thing, you.
What're you doing in that trough?

It's a pan of my training
for the bullfight.

Really? Sitting in the water?

Oh, yes, it's all pan
of the training technique,

like chasing fat steers
around the corral.

Now, shall we go, Dolores?

Like taking candy from a baby.

That did it. That did it.

Now I'm gonna make an all-out eff on
to get you a fighting bull.

Hey, Hoss.
Yeah?

You're probably
the bravest bullfight promoter

in the whole world, you know that?
Yeah, thanks.

That Adam has gotta be beat.

I'm gonna round up the most
cantankerous, most vicious,

bloodthirsty, fire-breathing,
meanest, dad-burned

fighting bull
that the devil ever created.

There he is, Hoss.

Well, he's big all right, Gigger,
but he don't look very mean to me.

Heh, matter of fact,
he looks more like a lover--

Hey.

Well.

Yeah. I see what you mean.

Hey, do I know the foolish jackass

who's gonna wave a blanket
in front of him?

Yes, sir, you sure do.

He wouldn't be about this tall
with kind of sad calf-like eyes

and the Cartwright brand on him,
would he?

That's right. Little Joe.
He's gonna be the matador.

Don't you worry about him,
he's been practicing.

And he's ready.

Well, it's no skin off my hide,
but are you sure

Little Joe wants to get in there
with him?

Oh, he's chomping at the bits.

Anybody squirrely enough to want
to waltz around with that bull,

they deserve each other. Go ahead.

Thank you, Gigger.
I'll pick him up day after tomorrow.

You Canwrights come up
with some of the wildest,

doggonedest, silly...

Gigger Thurman's bull?

Well, Joe, dag-burn it,
we gotta have one, ain't we?

Yeah, but don't you think
that bull's kind of a big bull?

Joe, he's...

You know, he's...

He's big.
Oh...

He's mighty impressive.

Yeah, well,
maybe he won't even fight.

Joe, you ain't ratting out, are you?

How can you say a thing like that?

It's just that it-- Just because it's a
big bull and it's Gigger Thurman's bull

doesn't mean that it's gonna charge.

You know,
you don't want me to look foolish.

He'll charge,
don't you worry about that.

I guarantee you he'll charge.

As a matter of fact, if he don't come
on you like a wild locomotive,

Hmm.

I'll give you that hundred dollars
I already made on the deal, hm?

Hoss...

Well, uh, you found a fierce one yet?

Just the fiercest.

Gigger Thurman's bull.

Oh, you're getting in a little deep,
aren't you?

I don't know.

Of course, the bull hasn't been tried
and tested yet.

Joe here's afraid that bull might not
even be ferocious enough for him.

You know any more jokes?

You ain't gonna be laughing

when you see
what Joe does to that bull.

You ought to get out in the sun, boy,
you're looking a little pale.

Hoss, you just make sure
you got that bull there on time.

Yeah, I think you got a winner.

It's getting to be about 2.

If Hoss doesn't get here with that bull,
the show's gonna start without him.

It would be a shame to miss the debut
of America's first matador.

Or last.
Thanks a lot.

Aren't you excited, Little Joe?
Just think, America's first matador.

Yeah, but, see, I'm just a beginner.

You know, you can't expect too much
from me the first time out.

Well, where'd all this modesty
come from?

Since Hoss got the idea of using
Gigger Thurman's bull.

Oh.

If he isn't any braver than the ones
you've been trying out at the ranch...

I hope the animal will have

the fierceness and courage
of my father's animals.

Maybe you will be lucky
and the bull Hoss is bringing

will have these qualities.

Ma'am, the way my luck is running,

I think you can be
absolutely sure of that.

Where'd you get that steer, boy?

Folks, what do you think of him?

He's a lot bigger than I realized.

Well, this can is so little, Joe,

it probably makes him
look bigger than he really is, see?

What have you got him
riding backwards for?

Listen, I was lucky
to get him in there anyhow.

I'm gonna take him on down
to the corral.

See you down there later, Joe,
huh?

Giddyup.

Where'd you get him from?

Little Joe, Hoss sure cut you off
a big enough slice to chew on.

Oh, I'm so glad I took up the guitar.

He's very big.

Look, Joe, uh, I'm sure

that, uh, people would understand
if you wanted to call it off.

What do you mean, call it off?

Call it off just, because
the bull is big and ferocious?

Prob-- Probably vicious.

You think?

Whoa!

Is that the critter
Little Joe's gonna fight?

That's the one.
He's a fence buster. Absolutely.

As a matter of fact,
I feel about half guilty

about putting my little brother
in the pen with him, I sure do.

Now, wait a minute. There ain't
gonna be no backing out now.

You sold me a bill of goods
and got my advance money.

I expect my money's worth.
There ain't gonna be no backing out.

We're gonna put on a show this town
ain't gonna forget soon.

I wouldn't get up there too close to
his head, he's liable to charge you.

He's safe behind them bars.

That ain't nothing but wood.

Well, he don't look so fierce to me.

As a matter of fact, I think
he looks a little bit like a lover.

No, no! Not that handkerchief!

Oh, Lordy.

Hey, here he comes back.

Get out of here!

Get back in that saloon
with that red handkerchief!

Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.

Run!

Olé!

Let's go!

Senor, don't be foolhardy.

Your sons can take care
of everything.

My sons can take care
of everything.

This, I gotta see.

A-ha. Toro.

My boys can take care of everything.

Hey, Joe, Adam,
somebody help me off this thing!

I can't turn him loose!

Help! Help, Joe!

Don't worry, Hoss. I'll save you.

Help, Joe!

We've got him on the run, Hoss,
let's get him. Whoa!

Get him! Hey, bully!

Bully!

Hey, bully!
Hey, bully!

Bully!

Yeah, they sure take care of things.
Olé!

Olé...

Hoss! Hoss!

You tell that brother of yours
to bring that bull back here,

then give me back
my hundred dollar advance!

Who's gonna pay for my saloon?

I don't know, I just play guitar.

Whoa, bully.

I got a notion
what he done in town today

is gonna break up a beautiful home.

I just can't understand it.

Somewhere along the line,
I feel I've been led astray.

And I followed you.
Thanks a lot.

It was your help that sent him
through that last barn.

You know, that thing sure felt bigger
when I was wearing it.

Oh, boy.

I'd sure hate to see
old Charlie's saloon.

I hate to hear what Pa's gonna say.

Well, I ain't saying a word.

Uh-oh.

You think that bull did something to us,
wait till you see this.

Pa, let me help you with your horse.
Don't touch this animal.

I don't want him stampeded
all over the territory.

Pa, that old bull
gave us a terrible time, heh.

We tried to get him back in town,

but we were lucky
to get him in the corral.

That bull, uh, tore down
old man Garvey's new fence.

Yeah, well, that happened,
see, when we--

He also smashed Mrs. Snaverly's
chicken pens to smithereens.

Her hens won't lay eggs for a month,
if she can find the hens.

Pa, well, that old bull is full of tricks.

That old bull harvested
a whole wheat field all by himself.

He smashed through two barns.

He stampeded
a full herd of milk cows.

What you have done to the territory
of Nevada in one short afternoon

will reduce 25 years of Apache raids
to a footnote in history.

Pa, it was Hess
and all his man-of-action ideas.

It was his idea.

All right.

All right.

I'll kick in that hundred dollars
that I got from Troutman.

Oh, will you? Well, Mr. Troutman
wants that hundred dollars back.

You didn't deliver the bullfight.

No, I didn't, did I?

Well, it's share and share alike,
right, brothers?

Right?

Right?

I don't care how you three take care
of it, but take care of it you will.

You might begin

by apologizing to our guests.

We had a very pleasant drive,
Senor Cartwright.

Well, I'm sorry I had to leave you.

The boys tried to get the bull back
but they couldn't herd him.

Except over here. Good thing they
didn't get him back to Virginia City.

They'd probably wreck
the whole town.

You were magnificent.

Hoss Cartwright, I'd like you to know
you are the strongest,

bravest man I've ever met.

Me?
Yes.

The way you grabbed the bull's horn
and pulled him from the saloon.

Oh, ma'am, I didn't...
You don't under--

You were magnificent.

As courageous as any matador.

Ma-- Ma-- Matador?
He was hanging on for dear life.

No, even braver than a matador.

I've never seen a man
do what you did today.

Ma'am, I...

Be modest if you like, but any girl
would be proud to call you a hero.

Well, I...

I didn't, uh, really do anything

that any other man
wouldn't have done.

You were magnificent.

I just went in that saloon

and grabbed that old bull
by the horns

and yanked him out of there
before he really hurt somebody.

Oh, did somebody get hurt?

Well, uh...

I, uh, kind of got
a banged-up shoulder.

Oh, Hoss.
It's nothing really. It's...

I got some liniment
that'll take care of that for you.

Take the pain right out of it.
It'll be all right.

It'll be all right, Joe.

Ugh, if, uh, I can get Miss Dolores

to help me up to that chair
on the porch.

Certainly, Hoss.

Be careful.

Adam, you don't think Hoss would...

No. No, he wouldn't
do a thing like that.

Like what?

You think he planned all this?

Now, before you boys
get into that area of discussion,

I think, you should take that bull
back to Gigger Thurman's ranch.

How?

Well, um,

why don't you try serenading him
with your guitar?

This has been a color presentation

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