All language subtitles for Elsbeth s02e20 Ramen Holiday.eng

(alarm buzzing)

So, who did you kill?

Nobody.

I was arrested
for harassing a witness.

Is this the men's wing?

ROCCO:
Eh, they waxed the floors. We got to go around.

ELSBETH: Hmm.
(indistinct chatter)

ROCCO:
Harassing a witness? Does that mean...?

I was working
with the police.

Oh. Well...

that should make you
real popular in here.

Oh, I intend to keep
a low profile.

Elsbeth Tascioni?

Oh. Hello, Joe.

Let me guess.

You stuck your nose
where it didn't belong.

Something like that.

Well, you know
what this means.

My case must be thrown out.

Fruit of a poison tree, huh?

Good luck with that.

Keep moving.
Oh.

So much
for a low profile.

Well, I shouldn't
be in here too long.

I have a right
to a speedy trial.

Yeah. You ever seen
one of those?

Honestly, no.
Alex Modarian?

Ms. Tascioni.

I'm flattered you remember.

You never forget your first.

I knew this day would come.

What day is that?

(chuckles)

(prisoners clamoring)

So, uh, when you say
you work with the police,

what does that mean?

It's a little
complicated.

I was just trying to banish you
from my thoughts, and...

here you are.
ELSBETH: Oh.

Hello, Quinn.
Come on.

I see prisoners
get to have

a lot of their own stuff
in their cells. Mm...

Even here, the tyranny
of materialism reigns.

Freya?

And Vanessa.

Mm. I got stuck in a double.

Well, well, if it isn't
the woman who ruined my life.

I'd argue committing
murder did that.

So... did Quinn mention me
when you walked by?

Did she ask about me?
Oh, give it a rest.

VANESSA: Shh. Hmm?
This way.

Hmm?

Uh, seems like there's
a lot of drama in here,

like high school.
MARGO: Well, what'd you expect?

Human beings
have their needs, Elsbeth.

Margo Clarke,
the matchmaker.

Only for those who pay.

This way.

What does she mean "pay"?
They took my wallet.

Do you like ramen?

Well, who doesn't?

Why do you ask?
(whimpers)

(grunts)

ROCCO:
Here you go.

Home sweet home.

(bell rings)

WOMAN (over P.A.):
Activity time has ended.

Gosh, that garlic
sure smells good.

I'm not talking
to you.

May I offer you
something to read?

How are you able
to just walk around in here?

As a prison "trusty,"

I am granted certain privileges
and responsibilities,

including the administration
of the book cart,

in return for my contribution
to the jail community.

What contribution is that?

I put on plays with the other
prisoners based on their cases.

That sounds... therapeutic.

I'd love for you to come
to the next rehearsal.

(groans) You know how much
I love theater.

Oh, I do.
I think you'd just die.

PUPETTA:
Hey, Stanislavski, I ordered anchovies.

What's the holdup?
I've got your order.

But the price has changed.

Oh, what? By how much?

Five bags instead of three.

(sighs) You're a crook,
you know that?

Taking advantage
of people in here.

Here you go.

Inflation is everywhere,
my love.

(laughs) Oh, no, no, no.
Don't you call me "my love."

I am not your love.

You'll get yours, Modarian.

Mark my words.

Are you threatening me, Carmela?

It's Pupetta!

(heavy footsteps
approaching)

Ugh. (stammers)

Give me that. (grunts)

(laughs)

Do we have a problem here?

No. No problem at all.

No, just doing
some business.

I don't want to see.
I don't want to know.

Welcome. What's your name?

Elsbeth Tascioni.

Elsbeth?

I've heard people in here
screaming that name at night.

I'm the warden.
Oh.

Mrs. Martin.
Everyone call me Mama.

Oh. Right.

(whispering):
You have any issues in here, you come to me.

Okay. Thank you.

I don't know why
it's so hard

for attractive,
extremely wealthy women

to find satisfying
relationships.

Thank God for you,
Margo.

You don't have to thank me,
Lainey. That's what I do.

(door opens)

Someone's there.
Who is it?

MARGO:
What are you doing here, Ms. Tascioni?

Oh, hello. Gosh.

I thought of some other
questions I wanted to ask,

since I'm-I'm working
with the police,

but I'm not technically
with the police,

so I don't really have the authority to do anything.
(laughing): It's so good.

Hey!

I caught you trying
to plant evidence.

What? I never did that ever.

Quiet, Ms. Tascioni, or I will
ask you to leave this rehearsal.

All right, let's stop there.
That was lovely, everybody.

Some lovely performances.
Quinn...

I want you to go further.

Hey, does he need
to be touching her?

No, he does not.

Remember,
this character, Elsbeth,

she is the personification
of corruption.

She pretends to be innocent,
but really,

it's only a ruse to persecute
her perceived enemies.

I think I just got caught up
in the tote bags.

Do I have to carry so many?
FREYA: Yeah.

She really can't handle it.

I don't know why you
keep casting her. I mean, I do.

We all do.
ALEX: Quiet.

Matteo, uh, Quinn needs
some kind of support.

Could we get her
some shoulder pads?

I don't know why you haven't
thought about it already.

Oh, really?

Maybe I was too busy
creating costumes

using old uniforms
and duct tape.

I should be thinking

more about Quinn's
delicate shoulders.

Hey. Leave this poor girl alone.

Quinn, I am here for you
for whatever you need.

VANESSA:
Yeah, I'm here for you, too.

MARGO: Seriously?
JOE: Aggressive much?

Hello, Matteo.

(chuckling):
Elsbeth.

Oh, I see the fashion police
finally got you.

(bell rings)
Well, that's it for today.

So, tomorrow,
we will begin

with the scene where
Elsbeth frames Vanessa.

Do you find the play
interesting?

Oh, yes. It's like you held
a fun house mirror up to my life

and then hit me with it.

But I noticed the others
don't respect you at all.

That's because
I'm getting to their truth.

I'm the most hated
person here. (gasps)

Well, I was
until you arrived.

I just don't understand.

How can they just hold her
in there indefinitely?

Dousant is taking Crawford's
death out on Elsbeth,

and the fact that she had
a record in Chicago

doesn't help matters.

What if we go to the press?

Mm...
KAYA: Get some reporter at the New York View

to write something
sympathetic?

That won't be easy.

After Van Ness' divorce
and her presence

at Crawford's
assassination?

Even though she did
nothing wrong?

I'm on your side,
Detective Blanke.

I know. I'm sorry, Captain.

It's just...

I'm leaving on assignment
in a few days,

and the thought of her
not getting out before then...

It all comes down
to that Judge Dousant.

Maybe I can appeal to
the better angels of his nature.

CONNOR:
Are you sure you want to do that, sir?

It might be seen
as inappropriate.

WAGNER:
That's the least I can do.

And, you know...

I can be very persuasive.

I hope so.

I'm just so afraid what
could happen to her in there.

Whew. (giggles) Oh, hey. Rocco.

I was wondering,
can I ask you a favor?

I finished reading the book
that I borrowed from the cart,

Further Echoes in the Gulch
by N.D. Longacre.

(sighs)
Such a page turner.

I even read
the cryptic love messages

written on the inside covers.

Do you think that's a way
to pass messages

between the male
and female wing?

Or between people
in the same wing.

Aw, that's sweet.

Oh, but, um...
Listen, listen. Uh...

I was wondering, do you think
maybe that you could, um,

take me to the library
and I could...

check out something else?

Uh... I can't.

I'm in trouble
with the warden today.

Oh, no. What kind of trouble?

She caught me
watching cat videos

on my phone while on duty.
Oh, boy.

That can happen.

Sometimes Captain Wagner

will come into the office
unannounced,

and I'm looking
at bucket hats on Etsy.

Captain C.W. Wagner?
You know him?

Yeah. He's my boss.

Was? Maybe. Why?

I really want to be a cop,

so I read all about the NYPD.

He's one of the best.

He is. I would love
to introduce you someday.

I mean, I would love
to be able to say,

"This is Rocco Bellini.

He was extra nice to me
while I was in here."

(whispering):
Okay, now, you can't tell anyone.

(whispering):
Okay.

(door unlocks)

ELSBETH:
Mr. Modarian.

Mr. Modarian?

(gasps)
Whoa!

Code red in the library.
Lock it down.

(alarm blaring)
MAN (over P.A.): Code red. Code red.

(indistinct chatter)

Okay...

So, it looks like
he was stabbed in the back,

but I don't see
the murder weapon.

Don't touch anything!

Uh, hmm, did he always eat

ramen while
writing scripts?

Huh. Hmm. (sniffs) That is
such a distinctive smell.

The warden was
in the men's wing.

She'll get here soon.
Oh.

We should check
the temperature of the broth.

It might help
with time of death.

Uh, excuse me.

Do either of you
have a thermometer?

(sighs, sniffs)
Gosh, what is that smell?

(panting)

How the hell did this happen?

We don't know.

What are you doing here?

I was just gonna trade
one book for another.

Okay, pick one and get out.

Actually, I think I have
more interesting things

to occupy my time.

?

ELSBETH:
Hi.

Uh, you said I should
come to you with any issues.

I figured finding
a dead body qualifies. Yup.

(sighs) And it happened
on my watch.

I imagine it's,
um, it's unusual

for someone to be murdered
in such a secure setting.

Yeah. Well...

the library is one
of the few places

that the security cameras
don't reach.

Plus the kitchen
and the laundry.

It's frustrating because
I like to know

what goes on in every inch
of this place.

Yeah, there's
just, um,

so many things
I can't quite figure out... Uh-uh. No.

Put-put it down.
Sorry.

(sighs) I mean,
don't worry about it.

There's a crack team
of investigators on the outside

who handle this sort of stuff.

Hope it's not the same team
that handled Jeffrey Epstein.

(chuckles)
Everyone has a bad day.

Uh, I just wonder,
where are they gonna start?

Because there are
a lot of people in here

who hated Alex Modarian.

True, and it happened
during activity time,

so it's hard to know
people's whereabouts.

I do notice that
you allow people

a surprising amount
of personal freedom.

Look.

A lot of these people,
they're pampered elites,

and they need to feel like
they're still in control

of their lives
or they don't stop bellyaching.

So we have arts and crafts.

We have play practice.

I love arts and crafts.

Okay, well, have at it.

Will you just
keep your head down?

Yes. Thanks.
And you'll be fine.

Okay.

Oh, and, uh...

You know, if you get sick
of the food or the-the ramen...

I have some Lean Cuisine.

Thank you.

(chuckles)

Ooh! I love all your totes.

I carry a bunch of totes.

(laughs)
My friends, they, uh,

they like to, um, make
jokes about it sometimes,

but, um, I know it comes
from a place of love.

I was wondering, when is
my first day for visitors?

You just got here, so it's
gonna be at least a week.

Oh. Something to look
forward to, then.

(chuckles)

DOUSANT: I want a slight break
on the cuff.

I don't want to see it
bunch up on the shoe,

but I don't want
to see any sock.

No bunching, no sock.
I fix, I fix.

Judge Dousant.

Captain Wagner.

Funny, I would've thought
you bought off the rack.

I'm here
on official business.

Give us a minute.

Careful,
you're still pinned.

I think I'm going to enjoy this.

Go ahead. Say your piece.

You need to know, while working
on her consent decree,

Elsbeth Tascioni has solved

a number of important
murder cases.

She should be given
the benefit of the doubt.

She should not
be behind bars.

And yet, she is.
Because of you.

Now, look,
I understand the death

of a fellow judge
is extremely upsetting... "The death of"?

Milton Crawford was gunned down

on the courthouse steps
in cold blood

while your friend
Elsbeth Tascioni

stood by and watched.

At that moment, Captain,
the world changed.

There is no benefit
of the doubt. Not anymore.

That woman has proven herself
to be a threat,

and she will receive the
punishment that's coming to her.

Is that all?

Your sleeves are uneven.

This is silly. I just got here.

(sighs) The investigators
want us to search every cell

until we find the murder weapon,

and I need to get back
in the warden's good graces.

Oh, right. Cat video-gate.
Uh-huh.

But... could a prisoner really
have something that deadly

just hidden away?

We confiscate wild stuff
all the time.

You'd be amazed what people
can make in arts and crafts,

which, uh, I see you've been to.

Oh. Too much?

I like it.
Of course, uh,

I've seen all kinds of things
used to kill people:

golf cart, blender,

uh, cat dander.

Clear.
Oh.

Thank you.
Mm-hmm.

Just can't stop thinking
about the murder.

You're just lonely.

Try to make friends
with the other inmates.

Hello, Quinn.

I thought you might want
someone to walk with.

Oh, I see your limp
went away.

No, it's still there.
Wasn't it the other leg?

What do you want, Elsbeth?

Oh, I just wanted
to tell you that,

of all the people I caught,

I think you
might be the smartest.

The way you set up your alibi
with that Zoom meeting?

Ugh, that was genius.

You almost did
get away with it.

Maybe because
I'm innocent.

Oh, right. Sure.

You know, I feel like
I've come to know you better

after playing you.

(laughing): Oh. You were
so good at playing me.

Alex didn't think so.
What?

He gave me so many notes.

When he wasn't hitting on me.

Sometimes when he was.

Ugh, that sounds awful.

I bet, deep down,
you really hated him.

I didn't kill him, Elsbeth.
I couldn't have.

I was meditating,
working on my next big idea.

Really? And where was that?

Here in the yard.

Did anyone see you?

Maybe Margo?

MARGO:
Meditating?

That does ring a bell.

ELSBETH:
Hmm. I mean, you could be lying, though.

I remember how you got rid
of that brass cupid.

That was awfully clever.

And it wasn't premeditated.
If I did it.

Makes it all the
more impressive.

Can I help you
with this?

(scoffs) Be my guest.

(chuckles)
This is fun.

Mm-hmm.
So tell me, Elsbeth-

I do still love that name-

did you ever
find romance?

Funny you should ask. I did.

I meet someone wonderful.
His name's Angus.

He's a good man.
He's not like most men.

Mm-hmm. Can't live with them,

can't kill them
and get away with it.

You mean Alex Modarian?

He asked me all about my work.

He said it was for his play,
but he was really just trying

to pick up tips on how
to seduce women in here.

No.
Yeah. Alex was a slimeball,

but I didn't kill him.

I was actually watching
a Lavish Ladies marathon

in the lounge.

Oh, I love that show.

But I thought you were
in the yard with Quinn.

I went back and forth.

Of course I was hard to catch.

I killed the wrong person, allegedly.

Yeah, that made it
so much trickier.

A toast to you, Elsbeth.

What is this?
It's called pruno.

Otherwise known as toilet wine.

Ooh, no, thank you.
I'm not thirsty.

You do know
I'm a master mixologist,

and I'm scrupulous
about maintaining

the most sanitary conditions.

But it's made in a toilet.

One that I've never used.

Which takes extreme discipline

that I actually don't even
want to get into right now.

Impressive.
But, still, no, thank you.

Just as well.

I mean, who knows when I'm gonna
get my next batch of supplies,

now that Modarian
is dead.

Not that I'll miss the son of
a bitch, with what he charged.

I'm not rich
like other people here.

You know, I don't have
that kind of money.

Wait, I thought people
paid for things in ramen.

That's for the small stuff.

There's plenty of cash
changing hands,

thousands and thousands,

and it all went through him.

Sounds like you
really hated him.

ROCCO:
All right, we got to go.

ELSBETH:
What is this again?

VANESSA:
It's a facial I made out of coffee grounds.

ELSBETH:
Whatever you're doing, it's working.

You both look amazing.

We also got some Elle-M�me
samples from Alex.

He does like his girls
to look as young as possible.

Let that sit.

Yeah, Quinn said that Alex
hit on her all the time.

That must've
really bothered you.

FREYA:
You know she's baiting you.

Oh, please. I don't have
any designs on Quinn.

I mean, she's cute and all,
but she's a cold-blooded killer.

FREYA:
Aren't we all?

Supposedly.

So, who do you think
killed Alex?

VANESSA:
I have no idea.

I was giving myself a cucumber
eye treatment at the time.

I couldn't even see
what time it was.

FREYA:
It's true, she was.

If you ask me,
it had to be someone

who had run of the place.

Rocco, huh?

You know, could be.
It's always the quiet ones.

I don't know.
He seems nice.

What are you doing
with the slicing?

We're not
having burgers.

Well, this plastic knife
isn't exactly sharp.

We do the best
with what we have.

I have to say, you do seem
pretty comfortable here.

Do I?

Well, I mean,
I'm not the first Del Ponte

to grace these hallowed halls,
you know?

My Uncle Vinnie,
he was legendary.

Oh. I loved my Uncle V.

He used to sign
his birthday cards with, like,

he'd make the V
into a little heart.

Oh, sweet.
Yeah.

Why was he legendary?

Well, the story goes he was
digging a tunnel to get out,

but he never finished it.

Probably because his girlfriend

was in the women's wing,
and he didn't want to leave her.

Aw, that is so romantic.

My Aunt Loretta
hates that story. Oh.

Look at you go.

PUPETTA:
This is how they did it in Goodfellas.

Is that a razor blade?

Shh.

I made it in arts and crafts,

but you got to run it
under cold water,

or it cooks in your hands.

Why? What's it made of?

I figured something out.

Is that a pom-pom vest?

Yeah. Arts and crafts,

which is where someone
crafted the murder weapon

out of ramen.

(laughs)
Just like Pupetta's razor blade.

Pupetta made a razor blade?

Uh... (stammers)
Just to slice garlic.

But whoever killed Alex
could've made a knife

sharp enough to stab him
out of ramen.

And then they dropped it
in the bowl of hot water

to make the murder weapon
disappear.

Wow. That makes sense.

I mean, you would not believe

some of the stuff
Rocco and I have grabbed

out of people's hands
over the years.

What do you
usually do with it?

Well, if it started as food
that they stashed away, I...

I make them eat it.

Huh.

Good job, 24602.

This is a real breakthrough.

(laughs)

Uh, how do you mean?

Pupetta Del Ponte.

You're under arrest,

again, for the murder
of Alex Modarian.

W-W-Wait. No, no, no, no.
She didn't do it.

She needed Alex
to get her anchovies.

And the ramen at the crime scene
didn't smell like garlic.

You did this?

A te la mala puttanesca!

(alarm buzzing)

(doors clanking)

(rousing music playing)

ALEX:
And now, the Elsbeth Murderesses

in their rendition
of the "Suspect Tango."

I met Alex Modarian
in the library.

I like to go there
to read press coverage

of my wrongful detention.

It's hard not having
photo approval.

Anyway, Alex told me
I had the makings

of a great actress.

Now, I have enough daddy issues
to know what was going on,

but he told me he had
connections at Vanity Fair

who could help me
achieve my media plan.

Of course, I checked it out.

Connections, my ass.

He once sat behind Tina Brown
at a screening. Miramax.

Nobody lies to me.
I lie to them first.

So you killed him?

What if I did?

? He had it coming,
he had it coming ?

? He only had himself to blame ?

? If you had been there ?

? If you had seen it ?

? I betcha you would
have done the same ?

Alex was my supplier.

You can't eat the slop
they serve around here.

I had a standard
puttanesca order:

tomatoes, anchovies,
olives, capers, garlic

and extra virgin olive oil.

He used to make
this joke about me

ordering "extra virgin." Ha-ha.

I told him, "You make that joke
one more time..."

(laughs) And he did.

So you did it?

Let's just say, if I wanted
him dead, he'd be dead.

Oh, he's dead.
Funny coincidence.

? He had it coming,
he had it coming ?

? He only had himself to blame ?

? If you'd have been there,
if you'd have seen it ?

? I betcha you would
have done the same ?

Alex came by with his book cart.

We started talking
about theater.

Turns out
we both had an appreciation

for the plays
of August Strindberg.

He put his hand on my knee,

told me he thought
I'd be perfect

for the cold, vicious wife
in The Dance of Death.

Here's the thing about me.

When something makes me
feel bad, I throw it away.

I met him on the outside.

He'd come to my office
for consultations.

Not for himself.
No, for his actress girlfriends

who were beginning to look
a little 30. (scoffs)

Guy like that,
good for business

but rotten
for the human race.

So you murdered him?

Well, as I tell
my patients,

I could take years
off your life.

? He had it coming,
he had it coming ?

? He had it coming all along ?

? We didn't do it ?

? But if we'd done it ?

? How could you tell me
that we were wrong? ?

Alex Modarian is the kind of man

that drives women
to hire a matchmaker.

He had what we call "B.D.E."

Big director energy.

He found me on the yard one day

and asked me to be in his
little jailhouse theatricals.

He said he could tell
by looking at me

that I could sing
and bring the house down.

He could tell by looking at me?

I admit it, I hated that man,

and I hated that he was right.

? He had it coming,
he had it coming ?

? He had it coming all along ?

? I didn't do it
? She didn't do it ?

? But if I'd done it
? But if she'd done it ?

? He would tell me
that I was wrong ?

? The dirty bum,
bum, bum, bum, bum ?

? The dirty bum, bum,
bum, bum, bum ?

? He had it coming,
he had it coming ?

? He only had himself to blame ?

? If you'd have been there,
if you'd have seen it ?

? I betcha you would have done ?

? The same. ?

ROCCO:
Tascioni.

Oh, gosh.

(sighs)

Oh, I have no idea
where I just went.

Yeah, people tend to imagine
themselves anyplace else,

even if it's just
a better jail.

The dead guy, Alex,
thought he was

getting transferred
to a nicer facility,

one with a tennis court.

That doesn't sound right.

Well, that's
what he told me.

Poor guy
didn't make it.

WAGNER:
I've tried every connection I have.

No luck.

So I'm not gonna
see her again before I go.

We don't know that.

(knock on door)

We have a visitor.

So, I had an idea.

Uh, I kept going back to
what incredible bad luck it was

that Judge Crawford was on
the bench for the Mertens case,

when he was the one
who killed Andy Mertens.

Allegedly.

But yes.

Yeah, but, I-I mean,
what are the odds?

But then I thought,
"Well, what if it wasn't luck?"

So I looked at
the public records, and I found

Crawford wasn't the original
judge assigned to the case.

Uh, you mean...

It was Judge Dousant.

Th-The judge
that put Mom in jail.

He recused himself, but there's
no other information on why.

Oh, this is
good, Teddy.

You'd make an
excellent detective.

What? No.

KAYA:
Okay, we have to find out everything we can about

Dousant's connection to Crawford
and the Mertens case.

I'll get on it.

No, you have too much
on your plate.

Officer Chandler.

Yeah? Oh, you-you, uh...

you got something for me?

Is it... is it to help
Ms. Tascioni?

Whatever it is,
I-I'm on it. Yes.

Vinnie Del Ponte's
secret tunnel? Mm-hmm.

It's a great Mafia myth.
Doesn't exist.

Oh. One other
question.

Alex Modarian thought
he was being transferred

to a cushier prison soon.
Is that true?

That means something,
doesn't it?

He had a meeting scheduled
with the D.A.

for the day after he died.

Do you think he was trying
to make a deal?

Well, what would
he have to offer?

(scoffs)

The plays.

The plays.

I mean, maybe he was gathering
information on the others

for the D.A. to use
in their trials,

and- I don't know-
maybe one of them found out,

or maybe they all did.

That's a serious motive.

This is great work, Elsbeth.

I need you to find out more.

Okay, you are my eyes

and my ears on this whole thing.

I'm counting on you.

Pupetta.

Oh, you're back
in your cell.

That's good.

Listen, I am so sorry.

Oh, it's fine.

So you're the
new trusty, huh?

I can't pay my
vig right now.

I have to wait till
Gene Jr. comes to visit

and brings more cash.
Oh, that's okay.

I have no idea how to procure
capers and anchovies anyway,

but, um, can I offer you
a novel by N.D. Longacre?

Mm. My Uncle Vinnie,
he loved her.

Huh. I wouldn't
have thought...

Wait. You said your Uncle Vinnie

used to turn
his first initial into a heart

on your birthday cards.

By any chance,

did it look like this?

That's my Uncle Vinnie's
handwriting.

Really?
Mm-hmm.

He could've been sending
this message to his girlfriend.

Oh. "Sheets at 8:00."
"Cook in the sheets at 8:00."

Do you have any idea
what that means?

DOUSANT:
I-I just caught a flash of my sock.

Because you
move your foot.

I fix, I fix, I fix.
Judge.

Didn't we already
play this scene?

Officer Chandler has been
digging into your recusal

from the Andy Mertens
murder trial.

I found some interesting stuff.
Very interesting.

I don't know
what you're talking about.

I asked Judge Crawford
to take over for me

because of
a scheduling conflict.

You were invited
on a junket

paid for by a major donor
to the Historical Law Society.

That's totally legal.

He had no business
before my court.

WAGNER:
Do you really think

that was a coincidence?

The Historical Law Society
has been cleaning up messes

and protecting Milton Crawford
his whole life.

They got you out of there
so he could preside

over a murder trial
where he was the murderer.

If you had any proof,

you would've charged Crawford
before he died, but you didn't.

As far as I'm concerned,
this matter is closed.

WAGNER:
There's one other detail. DOUSANT: Mm-hmm.

You didn't go alone
on that junket.

You took a woman

who is not your wife.

I tracked down an employee
at the hunting lodge.

Very nice,
a little indiscreet.

That woman that I brought
was my secretary.

WAGNER:
No.

We checked.

Chloe is a consultant.

(laughs)

So, about Elsbeth Tascioni...

This is inedible.

PUPETTA:
Well, I'm not allowed in the kitchen anymore

because someone
got me in trouble.

I said I was sorry.

Does anyone remember
when that fancy chef was here?

QUINN:
Oh, my God, yes. Her food was incredible.

VANESSA:
I think she killed her sous chef.

You mean her prep cook.

That's what it was.

I know the events
of the last few days

have been upsetting,
but I want to assure you all

proper measures are being taken

and you are all safe.

Are there any questions?

ELSBETH:
Hi.

Yup.

Hi. Um, I just think that
people will only feel safe

when the mystery of who murdered
Alex Modarian is solved.

And it wasn't me.

Yes. Well, there is an outside
investigation taking place.

But the thing is they
haven't solved it yet,

but I have.

(scoffs)

It wasn't easy

because there are
a lot of people in here

who had strong motives
and weak alibis.

But that's because
all of the wealthy inmates

have been given so much freedom
to move around,

by the warden.

And that helped you
with your plan

because you killed
Alex Modarian.

(inmates gasping, murmuring)

Oh, my...

(laughs)

Oh, you're crazy. Oh.

That's disappointing.

Officer Bellini,
get her out of here.

No. We all want to hear
what she has to say.

(inmates murmuring in agreement)

Oh, this is ridiculous. Okay.

What motive did I have?

Alex was about to meet
with the D.A.

to offer information
in order to be transferred

to a better prison,

but the information that he had

wasn't about his fellow inmates.

It was about you and
the black market that you run.

I don't know
what you're talking about.

Yes, you do. You only pretend
not to as a cover.

"I don't want to see,
I don't want to know."

Yes.

You were the source

of all of the contraband
that Alex was selling,

stuff that you snuck inside,

inside your tote bags.

Believe me, I know tote bags.

You store it all in that

way too big refrigerator
with the padlock.

Nobody needs to padlock
Lean Cuisines.

That's not true.

ELSBETH:
Alex collected all the cash

and gave it to you.

But he was gonna
turn the tables,

so you stabbed him in the back.

Really? With what?

That bowl of ramen
by Alex's body

had such a distinctive smell,
and I just couldn't place it.

It wasn't until
I heard that Chef Veev

was in here that I knew.

I took her Maestro Class,
learned to cook like her.

So I know the particular blend

of herbs and spices
she always used. (pops lips)

But how did the smell
get in the bowl

if Veev left months ago?

Because what was in that bowl
was the murder weapon.

You all remember
Chef Veev.

She would've never
been satisfied

with the plastic knives
that are allowed in the kitchen.

No. She would've made
her own knife

out of ramen in arts and crafts,

just like Pupetta's razor blade.
Yes.

So you grabbed that ramen knife
out of Chef Veev's hand,

just like you grab
all the other homemade weapons,

but you didn't
make people eat that one.

No, no, no.
You kept it for yourself,

in case you needed it.

Unfortunately
for you,

you never washed it,
at least not well enough.

So, when you used it
to murder Alex

and then dropped it
in the bowl of hot water,

thinking, you know,
it would eventually incriminate

one of the inmates
who are obsessed with ramen,

it still had the mark
of Chef Veev. (kisses)

Dating the weapon and leading

straight back to you.

You still got
one problem.

I was in the men's wing
that whole morning.

You could check the security
cameras that still work.

Right. Yes.

That was the day
that you caught Rocco

watching cat videos
on his phone.

Who doesn't love those?

But here's the thing.

You usually wear
your noisy shoes

to intimidate us,

clacking on
the freshly waxed floors,

but this day,

you were able
to sneak up on Rocco

without him even noticing.

Why?

So I put on a pair of sneakers.

How did I get
from one wing to the other

so fast?

Behold!

Vinnie Del Ponte's
secret tunnel.

(laughs) Well,

actually, more like
a hole in the wall

that he could crawl through
to meet up with his girlfriend.

He wrote to her
in the back of a Longacre novel,

"Cook in the sheets at 8:00,"

arranging their
next assignation.

Cook, sheets.

Kitchen, laundry.

The secret passage that let you

slip from one wing
to another,

giving you an alibi,
until it didn't.

You're coming with me.

(handcuffs clicking)
Good job, Officer Bellini.

Why did you go through
all that trouble?

The guy was a jerk
who died in prison. Who cares?

The truth always matters.

Without it, we're lost.

Come on.

So she was
our supplier?

Yup. Taking your money

and jacking up prices
the whole time.

Great.

First you ruin our lives,
then you ruin prison.

Well...

(sighs)

FLEMING:
I've been working this job for decades,

and I've never been poached.

I'm a little jealous.

Well, I... I just
wanted to say thank you.

I've learned so much
from each one of you.

Well, we've learned a few things
from you, too.

Good luck, Kaya.

Captain.

So? What happened?

We did our best
to get through to him.

(sighs)

And I think...
maybe we did.

(laughs) He dismissed the case!

(excited chatter, cheering)

Hi!

Oh, group hug.
Group hug, everybody.

(excited chatter
and cheering continue)

Thank you, Elsbeth,
for your friendship

and for being such a good Cagney
to my Lacey.

Or vice versa.

This isn't goodbye.

I know.

I'll be back.
Okay.

And if you miss me,
just look around

and pretend
that someone you see,

anyone at all, is me undercover.

(gasps) I'll do that.

(laughing):
Aw.

(glass clinking)

(Cameron clears throat)

A toast to my landlord

and my girlfriend, who happen
to be the same person.

(laughter)

Uh, the good thing
about an undercover assignment,

I hear, is that they always end.

So, Kaya, come back to us safe
and with great stories to tell.

To Kaya.

ALL: To Kaya.
Speech!

Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech!
(others join in chant)

ALL:
Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech!

I am not one for speeches.

I'm actually trying to
stop blurting stuff out.

(laughter)

Um, I would actually
like to hear

from my newly free best friend.

Oh.
(others murmuring in agreement)

Your Shirley Temple.

Thank you.

Oh, goodness. (laughs)

Um, I don't know what to say.

I just love Kaya so much.

And what she's doing

is so brave

and such an inspiration.

OTHERS:
Hear, hear.

It's hard to know
what's the right thing to do...

sometimes.

I mean,
maybe it always was, but...

it seems especially hard
right now.

I had some time
where I just was to, um...

...to think about
whether I should just give up

and go someplace else.

How is Angus?
(laughter)

He's fine.

Yes, he is.

But the thing is, Kaya is going
where she's needed.

And I think that's amazing.

And we will keep loving her

for as long as she's gone...

("Strangers" by The Kinks
playing)

...and when she comes back.

Mm-hmm.

But I think
this is where I'm needed.

? Where are you going... ?

Here, with all of you.

? I've killed my world
and I've killed my time... ?

So, to Kaya...

...who is going
on a new mission.

And to all of us,
who are staying for ours.

Hear, hear.

OTHERS:
Cheers.

? We are not two, we are one. ?

Captioning sponsored by
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and TOYOTA.

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