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1
00:00:05,221 --> 00:00:06,981
[intro music]
2
00:00:07,061 --> 00:00:10,820
[Frank] Tickets this way
for the Chatsworth Express.
3
00:00:10,900 --> 00:00:13,420
Come and watch pikeys
making a mess of the lives
4
00:00:13,500 --> 00:00:16,421
they were given by him upstairs.
5
00:00:16,501 --> 00:00:20,140
And kids they're convinced
aren't actually theirs.
6
00:00:20,221 --> 00:00:21,460
-Wicked!
-Piss off!
7
00:00:21,541 --> 00:00:25,460
What sounds on Earth
could ever replace
8
00:00:25,541 --> 00:00:29,061
kids needing money
or wives in your face?
9
00:00:29,140 --> 00:00:32,421
'Cos this, people reckon, me included,
10
00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:35,301
is why pubs and drugs
were kindly invented.
11
00:00:35,381 --> 00:00:37,941
To calm us all down
and stop us going mental.
12
00:00:38,021 --> 00:00:43,701
These are Chatsworth Estate's
basic essentials.
13
00:00:43,781 --> 00:00:49,821
We are worth every penny
for grinding your axes.
14
00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:53,701
You shit on our head,
but... you pay the taxes.
15
00:00:53,781 --> 00:00:55,181
[cheering]
16
00:00:55,260 --> 00:00:58,620
[Frank] Imagine Britain
without Chatsworth buccaneers.
17
00:00:58,701 --> 00:01:01,260
Who'd come on your face
for the price of a beer, eh?
18
00:01:01,341 --> 00:01:02,341
Eh!
19
00:01:02,421 --> 00:01:04,900
Make poverty history.
20
00:01:04,980 --> 00:01:09,661
Cheaper drugs now!
Make poverty history!
21
00:01:09,741 --> 00:01:11,621
Cheaper drugs now!
22
00:01:11,700 --> 00:01:14,060
[chuckles] Scatter!
23
00:01:15,461 --> 00:01:16,861
Party!
24
00:01:20,221 --> 00:01:22,060
-[music fades]
-[rooster crows]
25
00:01:22,140 --> 00:01:24,901
[orchestral fanfare plays]
26
00:01:27,381 --> 00:01:29,581
[Mimi]
I'm not sentimental about my kids.
27
00:01:29,661 --> 00:01:33,101
A woman I knew was convinced her brat
was gonna be Prime Minister.
28
00:01:33,181 --> 00:01:35,741
Cold meats at Asda, since you ask.
29
00:01:35,821 --> 00:01:39,101
I know what my lot can do.
They're not gonna surprise me.
30
00:01:40,220 --> 00:01:43,420
You don't choose your family.
They're your gift.
31
00:01:43,500 --> 00:01:45,220
Or your burden.
32
00:01:45,301 --> 00:01:47,621
Or a by-product of the real choice.
33
00:01:47,700 --> 00:01:49,181
I do a lot for my kids.
34
00:01:49,261 --> 00:01:50,700
Mummy! Daddy!
35
00:01:50,780 --> 00:01:51,661
Pigs!
36
00:01:54,140 --> 00:01:56,301
[Mimi]
But I'd do anything for my Paddy.
37
00:01:56,381 --> 00:01:58,101
-Police!
-A positive outrage.
38
00:01:58,181 --> 00:01:59,580
I play golf with the chief constable.
39
00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:04,621
See you in an hour, Mimo.
40
00:02:04,700 --> 00:02:08,141
Solicitor's waiting at the station,
Squirrel.
41
00:02:08,220 --> 00:02:10,100
-Cow.
-Why didn't they nick me?
42
00:02:10,181 --> 00:02:11,781
I'm a face.
43
00:02:11,861 --> 00:02:13,341
You knew?
44
00:02:18,061 --> 00:02:19,861
Give this to our Mandy.
45
00:02:19,941 --> 00:02:22,941
I've done the stock take,
you're responsible.
46
00:02:23,021 --> 00:02:23,941
Personally.
47
00:02:31,781 --> 00:02:34,661
[Frank panting]
48
00:02:34,741 --> 00:02:38,021
-Siamese, conjoined, conjunction.
-[siren blaring]
49
00:02:38,100 --> 00:02:40,260
[panting]
Conjunctivitis.
50
00:02:40,341 --> 00:02:42,421
[echoing sounds]
51
00:02:42,501 --> 00:02:44,700
-All of them?
-That's a lot of drugs, even for him.
52
00:02:44,781 --> 00:02:45,980
He must have sensed them.
53
00:02:46,061 --> 00:02:48,820
I went in there, watched Supernanny,
sneaked upstairs.
54
00:02:48,901 --> 00:02:50,380
He must have inhaled them. I don't know.
55
00:02:50,461 --> 00:02:52,421
He's a one.
[laughs]
56
00:02:52,501 --> 00:02:53,700
Where is he?
57
00:02:56,141 --> 00:02:58,861
Oh...
[vocalizes sounds]
58
00:02:59,901 --> 00:03:02,141
We're gonna owe your mum gitloads.
59
00:03:02,221 --> 00:03:03,781
[man speaking on the radio]
60
00:03:03,861 --> 00:03:05,100
I'll have a word.
61
00:03:05,181 --> 00:03:07,221
She'll want something, though. Deffo.
62
00:03:11,700 --> 00:03:13,181
You don't earn that much selling these.
63
00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:14,980
You said it was 250 pounds a pop.
64
00:03:15,061 --> 00:03:17,621
Someone's making some money
out of them shit-suckers.
65
00:03:18,621 --> 00:03:20,341
Bollocks!
66
00:03:20,420 --> 00:03:22,100
Can you find out how much we owe her?
67
00:03:23,781 --> 00:03:25,141
I'll see what I can do.
68
00:03:30,741 --> 00:03:32,820
Are we straight?
69
00:03:33,621 --> 00:03:34,420
Have I cleared my debt?
70
00:03:34,501 --> 00:03:37,661
You are in hock till I say... Sergeant.
71
00:03:39,781 --> 00:03:41,341
Why didn't they search our gaff, Sergeant?
72
00:03:43,420 --> 00:03:45,260
I only knew about the raid.
73
00:03:45,341 --> 00:03:48,221
Why am I still here, Sergeant?
74
00:03:48,301 --> 00:03:49,420
I really don't know.
75
00:03:57,181 --> 00:04:00,341
-Hey, Carrie.
-Sarge is the traditional title.
76
00:04:00,420 --> 00:04:02,380
-You are joking?
-Before, I was a natural leader.
77
00:04:02,461 --> 00:04:04,100
Now, I'm appointed.
78
00:04:04,181 --> 00:04:07,301
Tell me again
why they let you resit your exam.
79
00:04:09,501 --> 00:04:11,461
You're under surveillance, Constable.
80
00:04:11,540 --> 00:04:13,581
[door closes]
81
00:04:23,821 --> 00:04:26,620
Oh... a V.
82
00:04:26,701 --> 00:04:31,861
As in very, very lucky to have me
on your side, Sergeant.
83
00:04:31,941 --> 00:04:34,941
I'm looking forward
to getting acquainted with you.
84
00:04:35,021 --> 00:04:37,581
As agreed.
85
00:04:37,661 --> 00:04:39,940
Wanna sit in on the Maguire powwow?
86
00:04:40,021 --> 00:04:41,821
Yeah!
87
00:04:41,901 --> 00:04:43,021
Where's my solicitor?
88
00:04:43,101 --> 00:04:44,141
Making him wait.
89
00:04:44,221 --> 00:04:46,461
Banging away with his little fat fists.
90
00:04:46,541 --> 00:04:48,381
Most amusing.
91
00:04:48,461 --> 00:04:50,940
Fancy an afternoon at the flicks?
92
00:04:51,021 --> 00:04:53,981
Prescription drugs, all-night chemist's.
93
00:04:54,060 --> 00:04:55,461
Two perps.
94
00:04:55,541 --> 00:04:57,940
Little muscles threatens
to cut chemist's hand off.
95
00:04:58,021 --> 00:04:59,180
Chemist gives in.
96
00:04:59,261 --> 00:05:02,060
Well, you would.
Leads them in back for the stuff.
97
00:05:02,141 --> 00:05:05,500
The other one, the leader,
has got indigestion.
98
00:05:05,581 --> 00:05:07,981
Helps himself to some tablets.
99
00:05:08,060 --> 00:05:11,021
Safe, though, cos he knows
where the cameras are.
100
00:05:14,180 --> 00:05:16,461
Or does he?
101
00:05:16,541 --> 00:05:22,421
What if they'd fitted a new camera
the day before?
102
00:05:22,500 --> 00:05:25,781
-Ah?
-[electronic beeping]
103
00:05:29,861 --> 00:05:31,940
Bang to fucking rights.
104
00:05:32,021 --> 00:05:33,301
You're not obliged to say anything,
105
00:05:33,380 --> 00:05:37,661
but we'd like it if you did
cos we could do with a fucking laugh.
106
00:05:37,740 --> 00:05:40,141
Twenty years?
107
00:05:40,221 --> 00:05:42,901
I can't hunt, I can't live without...
108
00:05:46,221 --> 00:05:47,620
We could die at our age.
109
00:05:47,701 --> 00:05:50,341
Die apart. That's not the plan.
110
00:05:50,421 --> 00:05:52,461
I can't do that.
111
00:05:52,541 --> 00:05:54,781
Fat Todd says I should plead guilty.
112
00:05:54,861 --> 00:05:56,221
Fat Todd?
113
00:05:56,301 --> 00:05:58,981
We only went with him
cos of his poncey card.
114
00:05:59,060 --> 00:06:00,940
We can do better than him. We can.
115
00:06:01,021 --> 00:06:02,581
I'll cop a plea.
116
00:06:02,661 --> 00:06:04,261
Good judge, serve half.
117
00:06:04,341 --> 00:06:05,341
Out in ten.
118
00:06:09,581 --> 00:06:10,940
[indistinct whisper]
119
00:06:14,661 --> 00:06:16,620
No.
120
00:06:16,701 --> 00:06:18,341
Noel.
121
00:06:18,421 --> 00:06:19,661
Noel.
122
00:06:19,740 --> 00:06:20,701
Think about it.
123
00:06:20,781 --> 00:06:22,380
We could do something with him.
124
00:06:25,060 --> 00:06:28,101
I'd rather serve 20 without remission
than speak to that.
125
00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:29,981
-No!
-We need him.
126
00:06:30,060 --> 00:06:31,461
He can get you off this.
127
00:06:31,541 --> 00:06:33,261
Do you hear me?!
128
00:06:33,341 --> 00:06:36,781
I've cut him off like a dead fucking limb.
129
00:06:36,861 --> 00:06:38,661
He's no part of me.
130
00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:41,500
You all right there?
131
00:06:41,581 --> 00:06:43,421
Fucking rot then!
132
00:06:43,500 --> 00:06:45,500
I'm not waiting for you!
133
00:06:47,820 --> 00:06:49,500
[slamming door]
134
00:06:49,581 --> 00:06:51,380
Mum's too upset to talk.
135
00:06:51,461 --> 00:06:53,901
Having a bit of family bother.
136
00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:57,940
Very bad timing on Frank's part.
137
00:06:58,021 --> 00:07:02,261
I have managed to persuade her
not to burn your house down.
138
00:07:02,341 --> 00:07:03,581
But you do owe her three grand.
139
00:07:04,781 --> 00:07:06,021
Pay up.
140
00:07:06,101 --> 00:07:07,421
Fast.
141
00:07:13,221 --> 00:07:15,541
Good job Mandy's here to protect us,
she'll see us right!
142
00:07:15,620 --> 00:07:17,141
Me dad's going down.
143
00:07:17,221 --> 00:07:18,620
She's not as malleable as normal!
144
00:07:18,701 --> 00:07:19,701
Shit!
145
00:07:21,500 --> 00:07:22,781
What are we gonna do?
146
00:07:22,861 --> 00:07:25,380
There's only one thing to do.
147
00:07:25,461 --> 00:07:27,421
Borrow it off mates who are minted.
148
00:07:32,180 --> 00:07:33,301
Have you seen it?
149
00:07:33,380 --> 00:07:34,661
It woke me up.
150
00:07:34,740 --> 00:07:36,101
Everyone's heard the bugger.
151
00:07:36,180 --> 00:07:38,180
-What's up?
-Lillian's lost her rooster.
152
00:07:38,260 --> 00:07:41,461
Rooster! Goddammit,
I'm gonna bomb your village!
153
00:07:41,541 --> 00:07:43,141
Can't call it a cock in our house.
154
00:07:43,221 --> 00:07:44,820
Cause all manner of palaver.
155
00:07:44,901 --> 00:07:46,500
Only got it for Latvian girl.
156
00:07:46,581 --> 00:07:48,940
Thought it might make her
feel more at home.
157
00:07:49,021 --> 00:07:50,541
She's allergic.
158
00:07:52,581 --> 00:07:53,620
I need a favour.
159
00:07:53,701 --> 00:07:55,141
Yeah?
160
00:07:56,740 --> 00:07:58,981
I feel a right twat.
161
00:07:59,060 --> 00:08:00,820
I need a loan.
162
00:08:00,901 --> 00:08:02,421
Three grand.
My dad's had your mum's drugs.
163
00:08:02,500 --> 00:08:04,380
It's an emergency.
164
00:08:04,461 --> 00:08:05,861
-We can't do it, mate.
-Please.
165
00:08:05,940 --> 00:08:07,461
I've seen the safe, I know you've got it.
166
00:08:07,541 --> 00:08:08,500
It's all gone.
167
00:08:08,581 --> 00:08:09,820
Deposit for a kitchen.
168
00:08:09,901 --> 00:08:11,581
Doing the Thai food thing.
169
00:08:11,661 --> 00:08:14,421
Three grand's not that much
and it is going to your family.
170
00:08:14,500 --> 00:08:17,260
Sorry. We know you're good for it.
171
00:08:17,341 --> 00:08:18,500
We would.
172
00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:20,861
We really would, but...
173
00:08:20,940 --> 00:08:21,820
Pot's dry.
174
00:08:26,380 --> 00:08:28,221
New staff. Victor.
175
00:08:28,301 --> 00:08:30,661
He's a cook.
You know, with you off travelling.
176
00:08:30,740 --> 00:08:31,940
I'm not going for ages.
177
00:08:32,021 --> 00:08:33,901
Sorry.
178
00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:36,100
We'll still need you for loads of shifts.
179
00:08:36,180 --> 00:08:37,340
There's plenty of work.
180
00:08:40,980 --> 00:08:41,901
Here you are, mate.
181
00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:42,980
Have one on the management.
182
00:08:43,060 --> 00:08:45,100
They're not just my bosses,
they're my mates.
183
00:08:45,181 --> 00:08:45,980
No such thing.
184
00:08:46,061 --> 00:08:48,061
Capital, labour.
185
00:08:48,141 --> 00:08:49,781
Cast off your chains. Us and them.
186
00:08:49,861 --> 00:08:52,541
I'm still with them.
187
00:08:52,621 --> 00:08:54,141
Class traitor, are you?
188
00:08:54,220 --> 00:08:55,220
Piss off.
189
00:09:05,021 --> 00:09:06,701
Suction central.
190
00:09:06,781 --> 00:09:08,501
One of your gents slaps this on
for a posh wank,
191
00:09:08,581 --> 00:09:10,621
he won't need a hospital,
he'll need a morgue.
192
00:09:10,701 --> 00:09:11,821
Will it vac up chicken poo?
193
00:09:11,901 --> 00:09:14,741
It's strong enough for human cack.
194
00:09:14,821 --> 00:09:17,501
Actually, that might be handy.
195
00:09:17,581 --> 00:09:19,581
I need to launder some bills.
196
00:09:25,061 --> 00:09:27,220
Bye, love. Filled your boots, eh?
197
00:09:28,261 --> 00:09:29,061
That mine, then?
198
00:09:29,141 --> 00:09:32,061
No, that's the demonstrator.
199
00:09:32,141 --> 00:09:33,821
You get a brand-new one.
Firm will deliver it.
200
00:09:45,301 --> 00:09:46,941
Give me that fucking money!
201
00:09:56,181 --> 00:10:00,941
Great fire will surely rain down
upon them and smite--
202
00:10:01,021 --> 00:10:03,021
Shut up.
203
00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:04,460
Think, Shane.
204
00:10:08,741 --> 00:10:11,541
He's not even gone down yet
and they are putting the squeeze on us.
205
00:10:11,621 --> 00:10:12,541
What's next?
206
00:10:12,621 --> 00:10:14,220
-War.
-No.
207
00:10:14,301 --> 00:10:17,181
We're nothing without your dad.
208
00:10:17,261 --> 00:10:18,501
Are you scared?
209
00:10:18,581 --> 00:10:21,381
Of course I am. I'm not stupid.
210
00:10:28,421 --> 00:10:29,501
Been robbed.
211
00:10:29,581 --> 00:10:32,141
Took my cash, the demonstrator...
We're totally screwed.
212
00:10:32,220 --> 00:10:35,621
-What are we gonna do?
-Can't borrow the money, can't earn it.
213
00:10:35,701 --> 00:10:37,220
No, this isn't gonna happen.
214
00:10:37,301 --> 00:10:39,701
I'm not gonna let it.
It's time for us to all muck in.
215
00:10:39,781 --> 00:10:42,421
Work? In my condition?
216
00:10:42,501 --> 00:10:44,460
Right, yeah, I'm the dickhead.
It's my fault.
217
00:10:44,541 --> 00:10:46,860
-Dad's.
-Yeah, but we all need to chip in.
218
00:10:46,941 --> 00:10:48,541
Mimi has to be paid.
219
00:10:48,621 --> 00:10:49,581
Yeah?
220
00:10:49,661 --> 00:10:51,301
Yeah.
221
00:10:51,381 --> 00:10:53,061
Carl?
222
00:10:53,141 --> 00:10:54,740
-Yeah.
-Ian?
223
00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:57,021
Right. Come on, let's get to work!
224
00:10:57,100 --> 00:10:58,021
Oh, yeah!
225
00:10:58,100 --> 00:11:00,781
None of the kids can deal
while you're on bail.
226
00:11:00,860 --> 00:11:02,941
Business on hold.
227
00:11:03,021 --> 00:11:04,381
How are we gonna manage?
228
00:11:04,460 --> 00:11:06,740
-We'll find a way.
-I'm not getting involved.
229
00:11:06,821 --> 00:11:08,860
Neither am I.
230
00:11:08,941 --> 00:11:11,460
We're going down the pan.
231
00:11:11,541 --> 00:11:14,581
Only one chance.
232
00:11:14,661 --> 00:11:16,381
I can't do that.
233
00:11:16,460 --> 00:11:18,621
-Why not?
-Mind your own business.
234
00:11:19,661 --> 00:11:21,701
Mum's rang Noel.
235
00:11:21,781 --> 00:11:25,021
If you ask him yourself,
he'll drop everything and come.
236
00:11:26,141 --> 00:11:28,421
-You rang him?
-I've got to help you!
237
00:11:28,501 --> 00:11:30,740
What else can we do?!
238
00:11:42,100 --> 00:11:43,181
I can't do it.
239
00:11:44,220 --> 00:11:45,541
Not even for you.
240
00:11:52,901 --> 00:11:55,501
You out?
Your brief's better than I thought.
241
00:11:55,581 --> 00:11:56,941
Shut your mouth, bitch. I own you.
242
00:11:57,021 --> 00:11:59,220
Not much point owning me
where you're going.
243
00:11:59,301 --> 00:12:02,860
And I can't do anything
to stop that, boss.
244
00:12:15,740 --> 00:12:16,980
[dials]
245
00:12:25,181 --> 00:12:26,460
It's me.
246
00:12:29,501 --> 00:12:32,541
I need your help, and it's not a kidney.
247
00:12:32,621 --> 00:12:35,421
Please, Noel.
248
00:12:45,661 --> 00:12:48,941
What? You'll consider me? Really?
249
00:12:49,021 --> 00:12:54,061
I've got absolutely no experience,
and I'm very preggie.
250
00:12:55,980 --> 00:12:58,261
Oh, what a shame!
251
00:12:58,340 --> 00:13:00,301
No, don't worry about it.
252
00:13:00,381 --> 00:13:03,261
Soon as you mention that, brick wall!
253
00:13:03,340 --> 00:13:06,901
Mm, yeah. There should be a law.
254
00:13:06,980 --> 00:13:09,740
[exhales, clicks tongue]
255
00:13:11,381 --> 00:13:12,460
I need another demonstrator.
256
00:13:12,541 --> 00:13:16,261
In this scenario,
I will be willing to sell you another.
257
00:13:16,340 --> 00:13:17,740
Special circs, etc.
258
00:13:17,821 --> 00:13:20,661
All we need is 100 pounds
and before you know it,
259
00:13:20,740 --> 00:13:23,061
the cash lorry's backing into your depot.
260
00:13:23,141 --> 00:13:25,340
Beep, beep, beep.
261
00:13:25,421 --> 00:13:28,460
I'm skint! Can I get an advance?
262
00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:30,021
Company policy.
263
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:31,061
Hands tied.
264
00:13:36,701 --> 00:13:38,181
Hey, get off if you want.
265
00:13:38,261 --> 00:13:40,460
Come back tonight.
I know you need to get settled.
266
00:13:40,541 --> 00:13:43,061
Yeah, I do.
267
00:13:43,141 --> 00:13:44,701
You're all right, then?
268
00:13:44,781 --> 00:13:45,980
Yeah? Why?
269
00:13:46,061 --> 00:13:48,620
Got a text saying you'd been stabbed
and were in A&E.
270
00:13:48,701 --> 00:13:52,061
That's that evil wanker who took my phone,
and my money, and my Hoover!
271
00:13:52,141 --> 00:13:52,941
Nasty!
272
00:13:53,021 --> 00:13:54,261
And why aren't you looking for work?
273
00:13:54,340 --> 00:13:55,460
I've tried!
274
00:13:55,541 --> 00:13:59,141
No-one wants an unqualified pregnant woman
of my advanced years!
275
00:13:59,220 --> 00:14:01,421
Sexism, ageism, womb-ism.
276
00:14:01,501 --> 00:14:03,620
Give us a whisky and a tomato juice.
277
00:14:03,701 --> 00:14:04,821
It's what my body wants.
278
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:07,980
Where you off?
279
00:14:08,061 --> 00:14:10,181
-Dry cleaners.
-You gonna cash up?
280
00:14:10,261 --> 00:14:11,501
Do it all in one go tonight.
281
00:14:13,381 --> 00:14:14,821
I'll get Vic.
282
00:14:14,901 --> 00:14:16,340
-You leg it.
-Yeah, okay.
283
00:14:42,220 --> 00:14:43,141
[Victor]
So, yeah...
284
00:14:45,381 --> 00:14:46,620
Cheers.
285
00:14:46,701 --> 00:14:48,261
See you tonight.
286
00:14:48,340 --> 00:14:49,821
See you.
287
00:14:51,220 --> 00:14:52,661
[whispers]
Fuck...
288
00:14:52,740 --> 00:14:54,021
[Carrie]
I've put in for firearms.
289
00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:56,701
I'm on shifts at the airport
with machine guns.
290
00:14:56,781 --> 00:14:57,701
Why would you have those?
291
00:14:57,781 --> 00:15:00,941
All those civilians, surely a machine
gun's the last thing you need?
292
00:15:01,021 --> 00:15:02,701
But they look really cool!
293
00:15:02,781 --> 00:15:04,460
Sergeant!
294
00:15:04,541 --> 00:15:05,821
I've been looking for you.
295
00:15:05,901 --> 00:15:08,181
-Madam.
-Mm, madam!
296
00:15:08,261 --> 00:15:09,980
I like that!
297
00:15:10,061 --> 00:15:11,781
Next week, Los Angeles.
298
00:15:11,860 --> 00:15:13,620
Fact-finding mission. Gang scum.
299
00:15:13,701 --> 00:15:16,460
"Popping caps in your ass!" and so on.
300
00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:18,340
Wanna come? With me?
301
00:15:18,421 --> 00:15:21,781
I'd love to, but I don't have
a passport, madam.
302
00:15:21,860 --> 00:15:23,220
I'll go!
303
00:15:23,301 --> 00:15:25,500
I don't think so!
304
00:15:25,581 --> 00:15:26,821
I'm disappointed.
305
00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:29,460
Very.
306
00:15:30,821 --> 00:15:32,421
She thinks I made that up!
307
00:15:32,500 --> 00:15:33,901
Well, you did!
308
00:15:33,980 --> 00:15:35,821
I didn't! I ain't got a passport.
309
00:15:35,901 --> 00:15:37,620
-Yes, you have!
-Shut up, Tom!
310
00:15:37,701 --> 00:15:38,980
Who's the sergeant?
311
00:15:39,061 --> 00:15:40,381
Don't see why she wouldn't take me!
312
00:15:40,460 --> 00:15:41,460
Your lack of vagina!
313
00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:43,460
How do you think she became sergeant?
314
00:15:43,541 --> 00:15:44,821
You and me are gonna fall out!
315
00:15:46,381 --> 00:15:47,701
I thought we already had!
316
00:16:21,901 --> 00:16:23,380
Please!
317
00:16:31,781 --> 00:16:32,941
What?
318
00:16:44,740 --> 00:16:45,941
Ah.
319
00:16:46,021 --> 00:16:47,380
You were here two hours ago, love.
320
00:16:47,460 --> 00:16:48,701
I still don't want one.
321
00:16:57,661 --> 00:16:59,901
Admit it, Vic!
You stole money out the fucking till!
322
00:16:59,980 --> 00:17:00,901
I didn't!
323
00:17:00,980 --> 00:17:01,941
I fucking swear!
324
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,500
I'm a working man, not a thief!
325
00:17:03,581 --> 00:17:04,581
What's going on?
326
00:17:04,660 --> 00:17:07,061
-This one's had his hand in the till.
-It wasn't me!
327
00:17:07,140 --> 00:17:08,620
Typical boss class!
328
00:17:08,701 --> 00:17:10,781
Er... Maybe it wasn't him.
329
00:17:10,860 --> 00:17:12,741
Don't you go all "workers united" on us!
330
00:17:12,821 --> 00:17:14,380
This is well out of order.
331
00:17:14,461 --> 00:17:15,981
Fuck you both!
332
00:17:16,061 --> 00:17:18,380
You're a pussy-whipped bastard,
and you're a fucking slag!
333
00:17:18,461 --> 00:17:19,940
Oh, yeah?!
334
00:17:27,261 --> 00:17:29,621
Christ's sake. You cannot get the staff.
335
00:17:33,781 --> 00:17:36,180
So why did you fall out again?
336
00:17:36,261 --> 00:17:37,900
Don't want to talk about it.
337
00:17:37,981 --> 00:17:39,981
It's cos Uncle Noel's gay.
338
00:17:40,061 --> 00:17:42,141
Who told you?
339
00:17:42,221 --> 00:17:44,381
That's not. Shut it!
340
00:17:44,461 --> 00:17:47,501
-We all know!
-Don't talk about it!
341
00:17:49,101 --> 00:17:51,900
It's bad enough having a pillow-biter
in the family without voicing it.
342
00:17:54,381 --> 00:17:56,541
So you're identical twins?
343
00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:00,621
Oh...
344
00:18:03,021 --> 00:18:05,061
What do you mean by "Oh"?
345
00:18:05,141 --> 00:18:10,221
I don't know, it's just "identical"
means "exactly the same"...
346
00:18:10,301 --> 00:18:14,061
If you so much as fucking hint
that I'm some bum-burgling no-mark again
347
00:18:14,141 --> 00:18:16,940
and I'll rip your fucking entrails out!
348
00:18:17,021 --> 00:18:19,061
Do you understand me?!
349
00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:22,741
-[gags]
-Do you?
350
00:18:22,821 --> 00:18:25,541
There's only one pervert in this family!
351
00:18:25,621 --> 00:18:28,420
What do you say?
352
00:18:28,501 --> 00:18:29,781
Hello, Uncle Noel!
353
00:18:33,741 --> 00:18:37,301
Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose!
354
00:18:37,381 --> 00:18:38,501
Bonjour, Patrick!
355
00:18:43,381 --> 00:18:44,501
I'm not sticking up for him.
356
00:18:44,581 --> 00:18:46,660
I'm just saying
there's other possibilities!
357
00:18:46,741 --> 00:18:49,141
Do you want your shifts back
or should we go and find someone else?
358
00:18:51,461 --> 00:18:53,261
Yeah. I'll have them.
359
00:18:53,341 --> 00:18:54,660
Cheers.
360
00:18:59,301 --> 00:19:01,301
He's never forgiven me
for being the oldest.
361
00:19:01,381 --> 00:19:02,621
I am the oldest!
362
00:19:02,700 --> 00:19:05,221
I was in the birth canal
when you came out of the C-section.
363
00:19:05,301 --> 00:19:06,940
That's the real race!
364
00:19:07,021 --> 00:19:08,660
I breathed air first!
365
00:19:08,741 --> 00:19:10,301
Ergo oldest.
366
00:19:10,381 --> 00:19:12,940
It's the oldest argument, too.
I've missed it!
367
00:19:13,021 --> 00:19:13,940
I haven't.
368
00:19:14,021 --> 00:19:16,420
And I was Mammy's favourite.
369
00:19:16,501 --> 00:19:17,981
She liked going shopping with you.
370
00:19:18,061 --> 00:19:19,221
We know why you're so good at it now.
371
00:19:19,301 --> 00:19:20,541
That doesn't make you favourite.
372
00:19:20,621 --> 00:19:23,301
Who wouldn't prefer shopping
to waiting in police stations?
373
00:19:23,381 --> 00:19:26,741
-I was a good boy.
-What's so good about gay pride, huh?
374
00:19:26,821 --> 00:19:28,821
What a laugh! What's to be proud of?
375
00:19:28,900 --> 00:19:31,141
Clearly nothing for you.
376
00:19:31,221 --> 00:19:32,501
And for that I'm out of your life?
377
00:19:32,581 --> 00:19:35,781
-And I miss your family growing up?
-[Mimi] Stop it! There's no time for this.
378
00:19:35,861 --> 00:19:40,541
Paddy's in a hole,
looking at 20 years inside!
379
00:19:40,621 --> 00:19:41,861
[exhales]
380
00:19:41,940 --> 00:19:43,101
What do you want me to do?
381
00:19:43,180 --> 00:19:46,261
We wanna confuse the police
with this identical twin thing,
382
00:19:46,341 --> 00:19:51,501
restage the robbery on the chemist
with one of you in custody as Paddy.
383
00:19:51,581 --> 00:19:53,141
Crime?
384
00:19:53,221 --> 00:19:54,660
Mercy!
385
00:19:54,741 --> 00:20:00,141
Exactly the same job, but with Paddy
inside he'll have a definite alibi!
386
00:20:00,221 --> 00:20:02,781
Means it might not have been him
the first time,
387
00:20:02,861 --> 00:20:04,940
creates a reasonable doubt!
388
00:20:05,021 --> 00:20:06,420
They'll never get a conviction.
389
00:20:06,501 --> 00:20:08,381
What about me?
390
00:20:08,461 --> 00:20:11,341
They'll be seeking a lookie-likie.
Why not try twinnie? I would!
391
00:20:11,420 --> 00:20:13,900
Cos nobody knows shit about you.
I made sure of that.
392
00:20:13,981 --> 00:20:15,021
And what if I get caught?
393
00:20:15,101 --> 00:20:17,821
Think of all the men desperate for sex!
394
00:20:17,900 --> 00:20:20,301
There are easier ways than--
395
00:20:21,700 --> 00:20:23,461
Why do I bother?
396
00:20:23,541 --> 00:20:25,981
Why would I risk that for you?
397
00:20:26,061 --> 00:20:28,021
You despise me!
398
00:20:28,101 --> 00:20:29,180
Family.
399
00:20:30,461 --> 00:20:32,341
[Mimi] We'll do everything
to keep you out the frame.
400
00:20:32,420 --> 00:20:34,261
It's a risk.
401
00:20:35,420 --> 00:20:39,420
Scared, gay boy?
402
00:20:39,501 --> 00:20:42,341
Not as scared as you this time.
403
00:20:44,420 --> 00:20:47,741
Oh, Patrick...
We were as close as could be.
404
00:20:49,700 --> 00:20:51,861
You're still an angry thug.
405
00:20:51,940 --> 00:20:54,261
I won't do it.
406
00:20:56,461 --> 00:20:59,781
Nice one, prisoner 5645!
407
00:20:59,861 --> 00:21:02,741
What's your fall-back plan, Houdini?
408
00:21:06,821 --> 00:21:07,821
Micky!
409
00:21:10,381 --> 00:21:12,501
-Uncle Noel, go fetch him back.
-Why me?
410
00:21:12,581 --> 00:21:14,461
Cos you're the nearest thing we've got
to a pansy!
411
00:21:14,541 --> 00:21:16,301
-Piss off!
-Don't come back without him!
412
00:21:16,381 --> 00:21:17,461
[clicks tongue]
413
00:21:22,420 --> 00:21:23,981
You all right?
414
00:21:24,061 --> 00:21:25,221
See you later, Terry.
415
00:22:19,900 --> 00:22:21,021
[whirs]
416
00:22:40,700 --> 00:22:44,101
[birds chirp]
417
00:22:44,180 --> 00:22:47,221
[rooster crows]
418
00:22:47,301 --> 00:22:49,581
-Roast dinner-dodging bastard!
-[rooster crows]
419
00:22:49,660 --> 00:22:52,101
Jesus. What's the time?
420
00:22:53,781 --> 00:22:55,261
[rooster crows]
421
00:22:55,341 --> 00:22:57,180
What's that smell?
422
00:22:58,541 --> 00:22:59,900
[distant siren blaring]
423
00:22:59,981 --> 00:23:01,301
-Fuck!
-Shit!
424
00:23:13,741 --> 00:23:15,301
Goblin Teasmade.
425
00:23:27,141 --> 00:23:29,700
Surprisingly comfortable,
your fanny magnet.
426
00:23:32,261 --> 00:23:33,940
I'm not outing anyone.
427
00:23:35,061 --> 00:23:36,381
I know what he's like.
428
00:23:40,221 --> 00:23:42,621
When did you last see him?
429
00:23:42,700 --> 00:23:46,621
Ooh, when he said,
"Stay away from me, you dirty poof."
430
00:23:50,221 --> 00:23:51,940
Can't have been all his fault.
431
00:23:54,900 --> 00:23:57,541
He thought we were completely honest
with each other.
432
00:23:59,381 --> 00:24:01,021
Caught me in flagrante.
433
00:24:01,101 --> 00:24:03,700
-Is that a nightclub?
-In the act.
434
00:24:03,781 --> 00:24:05,221
I know what it means!
435
00:24:07,101 --> 00:24:08,861
Kicked my head in.
436
00:24:08,940 --> 00:24:11,101
Felt betrayed.
437
00:24:11,180 --> 00:24:12,821
Couldn't trust me.
438
00:24:14,221 --> 00:24:15,940
Irrevocable breakdown.
439
00:24:18,621 --> 00:24:22,460
And then you fucked off to uni
and started wanking on like a student?
440
00:24:22,541 --> 00:24:23,581
Indubitably!
441
00:24:26,821 --> 00:24:29,700
We'd stopped getting along before he knew.
442
00:24:29,781 --> 00:24:32,940
He used it as an excuse
to formalize the break.
443
00:24:34,261 --> 00:24:35,940
He betrayed me.
444
00:24:36,021 --> 00:24:37,021
He did.
445
00:24:38,221 --> 00:24:39,581
And he knows it.
446
00:24:40,460 --> 00:24:42,180
Why do 'you think he's so guilty?
447
00:24:45,981 --> 00:24:50,821
I know he's a bastard
but I still don't want him to go down.
448
00:24:52,221 --> 00:24:55,061
Please, Uncle Noel.
449
00:25:08,261 --> 00:25:10,301
Could've been worse.
450
00:25:10,381 --> 00:25:12,220
We could look like this.
451
00:25:12,301 --> 00:25:14,900
What the fuck?!
452
00:25:14,981 --> 00:25:16,021
Are you all right? What happened?
453
00:25:16,101 --> 00:25:17,541
Torched.
454
00:25:17,621 --> 00:25:19,220
That prat Victor!
455
00:25:19,301 --> 00:25:21,061
I'm gonna rip his spleen out!
456
00:25:21,141 --> 00:25:22,180
Jesus, I thought--
457
00:25:24,220 --> 00:25:27,141
-I'm so sorry.
-[scoffs] It's hardly your fault, mate.
458
00:25:27,220 --> 00:25:28,700
It is.
459
00:25:32,940 --> 00:25:33,861
I should've been nicer to him.
460
00:25:33,940 --> 00:25:38,741
-I felt sorry for him. Lost his last job.
-What?
461
00:25:38,821 --> 00:25:41,220
He lost his last one when the pub--
462
00:25:43,981 --> 00:25:47,301
-...burnt down.
-Christ's sake, Jamie!
463
00:25:47,381 --> 00:25:50,381
We'd be baked if it weren't for that bird!
464
00:25:50,460 --> 00:25:52,101
Lillian's rooster?
465
00:25:52,180 --> 00:25:53,821
Woke us up cock-a-doodling.
466
00:25:53,900 --> 00:25:55,101
Bloody Fire Brigade!
467
00:25:55,180 --> 00:25:56,821
Why couldn't they watch
where they were going?
468
00:25:56,900 --> 00:25:59,420
I'll take it to Lillian's.
469
00:26:00,501 --> 00:26:02,501
Might have to lay you off for a bit, mate.
470
00:26:18,101 --> 00:26:19,501
Well, you could try.
471
00:26:24,501 --> 00:26:25,381
What's up?
472
00:26:30,061 --> 00:26:31,821
Done something really stupid.
473
00:26:33,420 --> 00:26:34,781
Well, can you fix it?
474
00:26:36,781 --> 00:26:38,220
Don't you want to know what it is?
475
00:26:41,501 --> 00:26:42,501
Don't know if I can.
476
00:26:44,420 --> 00:26:48,861
I mean, I could shut up about it
and no-one would know the difference.
477
00:26:50,940 --> 00:26:53,220
I've been a total twat to mates.
478
00:26:54,660 --> 00:26:56,821
And what good would telling the truth do?
479
00:26:58,581 --> 00:27:00,220
It might make me feel better.
480
00:27:02,261 --> 00:27:05,861
Just keep it shut,
cope with the guilt on your own.
481
00:27:05,940 --> 00:27:07,220
That's the punishment.
482
00:27:13,660 --> 00:27:14,981
[whispers]
Fucking hell.
483
00:27:15,061 --> 00:27:17,541
[video games sounds]
484
00:27:20,261 --> 00:27:22,180
What are you doing? You had me.
485
00:27:22,261 --> 00:27:23,621
I can't be arsed.
486
00:27:23,700 --> 00:27:25,220
[Mimi]
I only play it for you.
487
00:27:26,220 --> 00:27:27,581
Have you found Noel?
488
00:27:27,660 --> 00:27:28,981
In the car, waiting for you.
489
00:27:29,061 --> 00:27:31,101
We've been camping out all night.
490
00:27:48,940 --> 00:27:52,141
I see you're gonna make me pay
for all the years of hurt.
491
00:27:52,220 --> 00:27:53,141
Who wants the favour?
492
00:27:53,220 --> 00:27:56,021
Am I gonna have to bend over
backwards or forwards?
493
00:28:00,301 --> 00:28:02,261
Sorry.
494
00:28:02,341 --> 00:28:03,420
Sorry.
495
00:28:12,581 --> 00:28:15,541
Why does it matter to you
what I do with my cock?
496
00:28:17,341 --> 00:28:18,541
We...
497
00:28:21,180 --> 00:28:23,660
...wanked together.
498
00:28:23,741 --> 00:28:25,420
You're not gay, Pat.
499
00:28:25,501 --> 00:28:27,101
I would have died for you
and you were lying.
500
00:28:27,180 --> 00:28:29,501
-You lied!
-You loved me being gay.
501
00:28:29,581 --> 00:28:34,541
It meant you could break away,
be on your own, not part of a pair.
502
00:28:34,621 --> 00:28:38,501
And then you end up with a wife,
who's as close as a twin.
503
00:28:39,660 --> 00:28:43,061
Is that irony? I can never remember.
I'll have to look it up.
504
00:28:44,821 --> 00:28:48,460
I'll let you in on a little secret.
505
00:28:48,541 --> 00:28:50,621
I wasn't her favourite.
506
00:28:50,700 --> 00:28:52,141
She just hated me less.
507
00:28:57,220 --> 00:29:00,460
Jesus, I'd forgotten how much
of a bleeding know-all you are.
508
00:29:00,541 --> 00:29:02,141
Are you gonna help me?
509
00:29:05,660 --> 00:29:06,741
I might.
510
00:29:08,501 --> 00:29:12,341
And what fucking silly-arsed hoops
are you gonna make me leap through first?
511
00:29:20,301 --> 00:29:22,460
Noel has very kindly agreed to help.
512
00:29:22,541 --> 00:29:24,220
-About fucking time.
-[Mimi slaps his leg]
513
00:29:24,301 --> 00:29:28,341
In return, I'd like you all to make space
in your diary for Noel's nuptials.
514
00:29:28,420 --> 00:29:30,621
-You what?
-Noel's marrying...
515
00:29:32,301 --> 00:29:34,180
Lionel.
516
00:29:34,261 --> 00:29:37,341
I'm giving him away and paying for it.
517
00:29:37,420 --> 00:29:39,900
I'm really happy for you, Noel.
518
00:29:39,980 --> 00:29:41,061
Thanks.
519
00:29:43,101 --> 00:29:44,220
Nice one.
520
00:29:45,220 --> 00:29:47,621
What you talking about?
It's two fucking blokes.
521
00:29:47,700 --> 00:29:48,940
Shut it!
522
00:29:49,021 --> 00:29:51,420
If he's keeping me out of prison,
he can marry a fucking horse!
523
00:29:51,501 --> 00:29:55,220
Not that I'd ever ever compare Leonard--
524
00:29:55,301 --> 00:29:58,861
-Lionel.
-Lionel to a horse.
525
00:29:58,940 --> 00:30:00,301
Thanks, Pat.
526
00:30:02,621 --> 00:30:04,501
We need a dress rehearsal.
527
00:30:07,061 --> 00:30:09,861
Why do I have to be the chemist?
528
00:30:09,940 --> 00:30:11,581
This is a robbery, motherfucker!
529
00:30:11,660 --> 00:30:12,900
Shane, language.
530
00:30:12,980 --> 00:30:15,180
But that's what I said last time.
531
00:30:15,261 --> 00:30:17,821
I'm sorry. I thought we were doing this
exactly the same.
532
00:30:17,900 --> 00:30:18,861
We are.
533
00:30:20,700 --> 00:30:22,900
Open the back
or I'll chop your fucking hand off.
534
00:30:22,980 --> 00:30:26,061
No, I... I can't do this.
535
00:30:26,141 --> 00:30:28,700
It's so violent.
536
00:30:28,781 --> 00:30:30,341
I mean, it's just not me.
537
00:30:30,420 --> 00:30:32,621
Christ on a bike!
538
00:30:32,700 --> 00:30:34,581
When you asked me to do this,
539
00:30:34,660 --> 00:30:38,821
and I very kindly
and perhaps foolishly agreed,
540
00:30:38,900 --> 00:30:45,061
I assumed it was going to be me in prison
for the evening, pretending to be you.
541
00:30:45,141 --> 00:30:46,341
Hm?
542
00:30:46,420 --> 00:30:50,261
Now, there's doing you a favour
and there's total stupidity.
543
00:30:51,420 --> 00:30:53,021
There's only so much I can do.
544
00:30:59,021 --> 00:31:00,301
Okay, fine.
545
00:31:00,381 --> 00:31:02,180
Your way.
546
00:31:02,261 --> 00:31:05,501
I do the robbery, I take all the risk.
547
00:31:06,861 --> 00:31:07,940
Seems fair.
548
00:31:13,180 --> 00:31:14,101
See you, Yvonne.
549
00:31:16,980 --> 00:31:19,141
Just had a whisper from a snout.
New dealer we're after?
550
00:31:19,220 --> 00:31:23,180
Small, about ten.
White, roundish face, brown hair?
551
00:31:23,261 --> 00:31:24,420
Like him?
552
00:31:26,501 --> 00:31:27,821
Or him?
553
00:31:32,261 --> 00:31:33,700
No, like him.
554
00:31:33,781 --> 00:31:35,501
Oi! Gallagher!
555
00:31:37,700 --> 00:31:39,821
-Come here, you.
-Get off me.
556
00:31:44,861 --> 00:31:46,341
-What's this?
-Where did you get that?
557
00:31:46,420 --> 00:31:47,781
Selling fairy cakes.
558
00:31:47,861 --> 00:31:49,660
-Sounds a bit far-fetched.
-It's true.
559
00:31:49,740 --> 00:31:54,621
Look, go home,
and if you're up to bad stuff, stop now.
560
00:31:54,700 --> 00:31:57,141
-Do you hear me?
-No chance. He's nicked.
561
00:31:57,220 --> 00:31:58,261
What? He let me go!
562
00:31:58,341 --> 00:31:59,141
Ain't gonna happen.
563
00:31:59,220 --> 00:32:01,781
Fairy cakes?
He'll crack under questioning.
564
00:32:01,861 --> 00:32:03,301
-Look, we're letting him go.
-It is quite a lot.
565
00:32:03,381 --> 00:32:05,541
Get off. You've just blown it.
566
00:32:05,621 --> 00:32:07,900
Last chance. You're finished.
567
00:32:07,980 --> 00:32:09,301
Let him go, Wendy!
568
00:32:12,141 --> 00:32:13,420
Wendy?
569
00:32:13,501 --> 00:32:14,541
Who's Wendy?
570
00:32:17,781 --> 00:32:18,980
Scarper.
571
00:32:19,061 --> 00:32:20,621
Oi!
572
00:32:31,621 --> 00:32:32,700
We've both done wrong.
573
00:32:32,781 --> 00:32:35,700
Not obeying insane sergeant, wrist slap.
574
00:32:35,781 --> 00:32:39,341
Assuming false identity to get job
in police, five years.
575
00:32:39,420 --> 00:32:41,301
So I said I was my sister. Big balaumba!
576
00:32:41,381 --> 00:32:43,501
Yes, it is.
577
00:32:43,581 --> 00:32:44,821
Why?
578
00:32:44,900 --> 00:32:46,541
Failed the psychological tests.
579
00:32:46,621 --> 00:32:48,420
Not suitable. Joke.
580
00:32:48,501 --> 00:32:51,220
That ink spot did look like Myra Hindley.
581
00:32:51,301 --> 00:32:52,861
I'm a born copper.
582
00:32:52,940 --> 00:32:54,341
Where's your sister?
583
00:32:54,420 --> 00:32:55,581
Dead.
584
00:32:57,621 --> 00:32:58,460
Did you...
585
00:32:59,940 --> 00:33:00,740
...kill her?
586
00:33:00,821 --> 00:33:04,220
She died in a plane crash in Africa.
587
00:33:05,381 --> 00:33:08,781
There was some confusion
over the death certificate,
588
00:33:08,861 --> 00:33:11,220
so I gave myself another shot.
589
00:33:11,301 --> 00:33:13,220
How did you pass the test?
590
00:33:13,301 --> 00:33:14,740
I learned all the answers.
591
00:33:16,900 --> 00:33:17,900
Look, I'm a sergeant.
592
00:33:17,980 --> 00:33:19,900
Everything's good, I'm good.
593
00:33:19,980 --> 00:33:21,861
Please, Tom.
594
00:33:21,940 --> 00:33:23,621
I live for this job. You know I do.
595
00:33:23,700 --> 00:33:24,980
I'm nothing without it.
596
00:33:25,061 --> 00:33:25,900
I don't know.
597
00:33:25,980 --> 00:33:29,021
I'll do anything to stay on the force,
anything, please.
598
00:33:30,740 --> 00:33:31,861
Do you wanna have sex with me?
599
00:33:31,940 --> 00:33:33,061
No.
600
00:33:33,141 --> 00:33:34,180
Yes... No!
601
00:33:34,261 --> 00:33:36,660
Go on. Any position, any kink.
602
00:33:36,740 --> 00:33:38,180
Stop it!
603
00:33:38,261 --> 00:33:40,101
I don't want sex with you.
604
00:33:40,180 --> 00:33:44,061
You're all sorts of strange, bad things.
605
00:33:44,141 --> 00:33:45,821
Don't do it to me.
606
00:33:47,301 --> 00:33:48,541
Please.
607
00:33:53,861 --> 00:33:55,101
I'm begging.
608
00:34:01,061 --> 00:34:03,261
I can't see you thrown out of the force.
609
00:34:04,341 --> 00:34:05,660
I won't say anything.
610
00:34:21,501 --> 00:34:23,740
Ah, another hand for the deck.
611
00:34:23,820 --> 00:34:25,501
Be like new in no time.
612
00:34:27,061 --> 00:34:29,541
That Victor, he's working at The Feathers.
613
00:34:29,621 --> 00:34:32,381
You haven't done anything yet?
614
00:34:32,461 --> 00:34:35,860
-Thought we'd leave him a bit.
-They're the competition.
615
00:34:35,941 --> 00:34:39,381
A fire there wouldn't be bad news.
616
00:34:43,820 --> 00:34:45,220
It was me who took the money.
617
00:34:47,700 --> 00:34:49,621
I'm sorry.
618
00:34:49,700 --> 00:34:51,621
I thought I could borrow it
and get it back.
619
00:34:51,700 --> 00:34:53,740
I wasn't gonna nick it.
620
00:34:53,820 --> 00:34:57,581
I'm really, really, fucking sorry.
621
00:34:57,661 --> 00:35:00,901
I'll pay you back.
I'll redecorate. I shouldn't have done it.
622
00:35:00,981 --> 00:35:02,741
I'm sorry.
623
00:35:02,820 --> 00:35:05,501
-You were family.
-I'm sorry.
624
00:35:07,021 --> 00:35:08,261
Keys.
625
00:35:11,741 --> 00:35:13,581
Now piss off.
626
00:35:30,381 --> 00:35:32,860
Right, let's take stock.
627
00:35:32,941 --> 00:35:37,340
Now, then, I've run up against society's
prejudice, so I've earned nothing.
628
00:35:37,421 --> 00:35:39,981
Twenty-two pounds, 73.
629
00:35:40,061 --> 00:35:41,581
Two hundred.
630
00:35:41,661 --> 00:35:44,141
Minus 350.
631
00:35:46,381 --> 00:35:49,661
Me and Liam did it together.
632
00:35:49,741 --> 00:35:56,221
You have won 3850 pounds.
633
00:35:56,300 --> 00:35:59,501
-Where the fuck?!
-Fairy cakes.
634
00:35:59,581 --> 00:36:01,541
With hash in.
635
00:36:01,621 --> 00:36:02,741
You're drug dealers?
636
00:36:02,820 --> 00:36:05,461
You can use the leftover cash
and pay back what you owe.
637
00:36:05,541 --> 00:36:07,141
Where did you get the drugs to sell?
638
00:36:07,941 --> 00:36:12,541
-You want them wholesale?
-Why not? You can't sell any.
639
00:36:12,621 --> 00:36:15,701
Okay, on a very temporary basis.
640
00:36:16,780 --> 00:36:18,981
-It's only dope.
-Drugs caused it.
641
00:36:19,061 --> 00:36:21,981
-Dad caused it.
-Is he still in your room?
642
00:36:22,061 --> 00:36:25,741
No, Mummy, I don't wanna join the Navy.
643
00:36:25,820 --> 00:36:28,941
Ooh, shoe... oh, shoe.
644
00:36:29,021 --> 00:36:30,181
Why didn't you tell me?
645
00:36:30,261 --> 00:36:31,340
Cos you would have stopped us.
646
00:36:31,421 --> 00:36:32,461
Too fucking right I would!
647
00:36:32,541 --> 00:36:34,340
Well, look, there's some left.
648
00:36:34,421 --> 00:36:36,941
I'm jobless and friendless cos of--
649
00:36:39,061 --> 00:36:42,901
Right, I'm gonna sort this out with Paddy.
[closes door]
650
00:36:45,461 --> 00:36:47,261
[whispering]
Liam, what you doing?
651
00:36:47,340 --> 00:36:50,381
I can't...
Debbie can't deal drugs for you any more.
652
00:36:50,461 --> 00:36:51,661
I'm stopping anyway.
653
00:36:51,741 --> 00:36:54,101
[Paddy]
Mimi, what's going on?
654
00:36:54,181 --> 00:36:55,421
This little girl deals drugs for us?
655
00:36:55,501 --> 00:36:57,300
Three grand paid.
656
00:36:57,380 --> 00:36:59,741
I'm sorry, but we're not doing
any more dealing.
657
00:36:59,820 --> 00:37:01,581
No, temporary.
658
00:37:01,661 --> 00:37:04,300
I should have told you, Paddy.
659
00:37:04,380 --> 00:37:05,541
Mimo.
660
00:37:07,661 --> 00:37:09,741
You must always share with me.
661
00:37:09,820 --> 00:37:12,261
I would have put a stop to it.
662
00:37:12,340 --> 00:37:16,101
Back to school, young lady.
663
00:37:16,181 --> 00:37:17,021
Go on.
664
00:37:21,181 --> 00:37:21,981
And you.
665
00:37:25,181 --> 00:37:27,461
Thank you very much
for bringing it to my attention.
666
00:37:39,741 --> 00:37:41,021
Jesus.
667
00:37:43,501 --> 00:37:46,300
You know,
maybe you all deserve to be in prison.
668
00:37:46,380 --> 00:37:49,061
Don't have second thoughts. Don't.
669
00:37:49,141 --> 00:37:50,421
Please.
670
00:37:54,380 --> 00:37:56,021
Good luck, Noel.
671
00:37:56,101 --> 00:37:59,820
-[distant siren blaring]
-Good luck, Pat.
672
00:38:10,901 --> 00:38:12,221
You!
673
00:38:12,300 --> 00:38:13,581
Yes, you!
674
00:38:13,661 --> 00:38:19,380
You are a big, bald bumhole,
that's what you are!
675
00:38:19,461 --> 00:38:20,780
Had a couple too many, eh, Paddy?
676
00:38:20,860 --> 00:38:22,621
So what if I have?
677
00:38:22,701 --> 00:38:24,581
What are you gonna do about it?
678
00:38:24,661 --> 00:38:26,141
Hmm? Hmm?
679
00:38:26,221 --> 00:38:27,901
I've got a few too many!
680
00:38:29,340 --> 00:38:31,141
-[Paddy laughs]
-Oh, Paddy, come on!
681
00:38:34,261 --> 00:38:35,340
Aye, all right.
682
00:38:35,421 --> 00:38:38,300
What are you doing with me?
683
00:38:38,380 --> 00:38:39,541
What's he in for?
684
00:38:39,621 --> 00:38:41,661
D and D.
685
00:38:41,741 --> 00:38:45,340
Did you have any intention ever
of keeping your side of the bargain?
686
00:38:45,421 --> 00:38:46,380
Of course.
687
00:38:46,461 --> 00:38:48,501
Cos I'm not seeing muff here, am I?
688
00:38:48,581 --> 00:38:53,541
I can imagine a scenario
where your career stutters at sergeant.
689
00:38:57,501 --> 00:38:59,941
-This is a fucking robbery, motherfucker!
-Oh, not again!
690
00:39:00,021 --> 00:39:01,741
One false move and you're an arm down!
691
00:39:01,820 --> 00:39:03,701
-Okay.
-He's all bluster. I'm the real deal.
692
00:39:03,780 --> 00:39:06,421
One word, one look, and your balls
are in the post to your wife.
693
00:39:08,981 --> 00:39:11,101
Please take whatever you want.
Don't hurt me, please.
694
00:39:25,860 --> 00:39:27,581
It's everything I could get.
695
00:39:27,661 --> 00:39:31,741
For the decorating and the...
and the money I borrowed.
696
00:39:31,820 --> 00:39:33,421
Nicked.
697
00:39:33,501 --> 00:39:34,901
I can't believe I did that.
698
00:39:34,981 --> 00:39:37,501
I was so sure you'd lend it us.
699
00:39:37,581 --> 00:39:39,860
I was hurt when you didn't,
taking the cash--
700
00:39:39,941 --> 00:39:41,741
-It was your "fuck you"?
-No.
701
00:39:44,141 --> 00:39:46,101
I just nicked it.
702
00:39:46,181 --> 00:39:47,101
I'm sorry.
703
00:39:47,181 --> 00:39:49,181
I'm so sorry. We're mates.
704
00:39:49,261 --> 00:39:51,141
Turn the fucking taps off.
705
00:39:54,300 --> 00:39:57,221
We'll keep this, so just go.
706
00:39:59,860 --> 00:40:03,380
Thought you'd know something
about second chances.
707
00:40:03,461 --> 00:40:04,261
You got one.
708
00:40:08,860 --> 00:40:10,820
Got you that.
709
00:40:16,141 --> 00:40:17,141
What?
710
00:40:29,501 --> 00:40:30,661
[Paddy]
Where is he?
711
00:40:32,380 --> 00:40:35,261
Why haven't we heard anything?
712
00:40:35,340 --> 00:40:36,820
What if the cameras weren't working?
713
00:40:36,901 --> 00:40:39,461
What if he didn't get arrested?
714
00:40:39,541 --> 00:40:42,061
All sorts of things could go wrong.
715
00:40:42,141 --> 00:40:44,901
Why hasn't Fat Todd called?
716
00:40:44,981 --> 00:40:48,820
Relax. We've got to assume
he knows what he's doing.
717
00:40:48,901 --> 00:40:49,901
[door opens]
718
00:40:51,581 --> 00:40:52,941
Thank fuck!
719
00:40:53,021 --> 00:40:55,461
-Where have you been?
-In a cell.
720
00:40:55,541 --> 00:40:58,141
Until Fat Todd arrived.
721
00:40:58,221 --> 00:40:59,261
He's there now.
722
00:41:07,941 --> 00:41:08,901
Is it true?
723
00:41:08,981 --> 00:41:10,421
About the CCTV?
724
00:41:10,501 --> 00:41:12,901
Yep. There goes the tape with the lawyer.
725
00:41:12,981 --> 00:41:14,981
Apparently, Paddy Maguire's superhuman.
726
00:41:15,061 --> 00:41:17,181
-Win some...
-We can't let him get away with it!
727
00:41:17,261 --> 00:41:18,061
It's a scam.
728
00:41:18,141 --> 00:41:20,981
Probably, but I've had a word with
the boys upstairs. No-one's interested.
729
00:41:21,061 --> 00:41:23,741
But they've got to be.
He's... He's a villain.
730
00:41:23,820 --> 00:41:25,621
He's a major face.
731
00:41:25,701 --> 00:41:28,461
We need to nick him. He belongs inside.
732
00:41:28,541 --> 00:41:32,300
Do you always go all Sweeney
when you're angry?
733
00:41:32,380 --> 00:41:34,380
Ask them again. Please.
734
00:41:34,461 --> 00:41:36,581
And look a right twat? No, I won't.
735
00:41:36,661 --> 00:41:38,261
Ask them and I'll have sex with you.
736
00:41:40,501 --> 00:41:43,221
No. Too late.
737
00:41:43,300 --> 00:41:46,780
WPC Flannery.
Now, there's a woman with ambition.
738
00:41:51,021 --> 00:41:53,061
They're dropping all charges.
739
00:41:53,141 --> 00:41:55,981
How do you do that?
740
00:41:56,061 --> 00:41:58,661
You on CCTV and in the cell?
741
00:42:01,941 --> 00:42:04,380
CID knows something's gone on,
742
00:42:04,461 --> 00:42:07,421
but you're just not big enough for them
to bother putting the work in.
743
00:42:07,501 --> 00:42:10,901
That cuts me to the very core.
744
00:42:10,981 --> 00:42:13,941
I'm deeply wounded.
745
00:42:14,021 --> 00:42:16,061
What's the matter?
746
00:42:16,141 --> 00:42:17,661
You don't look too pleased for me.
747
00:42:17,741 --> 00:42:19,380
I don't wanna work for you.
748
00:42:19,461 --> 00:42:22,860
But you do. Tough titty.
749
00:42:22,941 --> 00:42:24,981
What if we had sex?
750
00:42:25,061 --> 00:42:27,581
Would that be quits?
751
00:42:27,661 --> 00:42:29,461
Christ, no!
752
00:42:29,541 --> 00:42:32,780
Only need one look
to know you're a crap shag.
753
00:42:32,860 --> 00:42:36,820
You're mine
in a much better way than that.
754
00:42:48,820 --> 00:42:50,061
What?
755
00:42:52,221 --> 00:42:53,621
What?
756
00:43:02,780 --> 00:43:04,981
You're a fucking twat, Ian.
757
00:43:05,061 --> 00:43:06,421
Yeah.
758
00:43:06,501 --> 00:43:07,621
But you're our fucking twat.
759
00:43:11,221 --> 00:43:12,501
Will you come back?
760
00:43:14,181 --> 00:43:17,741
You sure? You really want me?
761
00:43:17,820 --> 00:43:20,820
No. We want somebody trustworthy.
762
00:43:22,780 --> 00:43:23,741
But you'll have to do.
763
00:43:23,820 --> 00:43:26,741
We're not redecorating.
We're going on holiday.
764
00:43:26,820 --> 00:43:29,741
-With your money.
-Ibiza.
765
00:43:29,820 --> 00:43:32,741
-And we're going now.
-You're late.
766
00:43:34,780 --> 00:43:35,820
Right!
767
00:43:41,380 --> 00:43:42,741
Ian!
768
00:43:42,820 --> 00:43:46,621
Bottles of your best, burnt champagne.
769
00:43:46,701 --> 00:43:50,340
[laughs]
I love it when a plan comes together!
770
00:43:50,421 --> 00:43:52,741
Nice one, Dad!
771
00:43:52,820 --> 00:43:54,621
I can't stay, Pad.
772
00:43:54,701 --> 00:43:56,981
-You don't have to come to our wedding.
-What?!
773
00:43:57,061 --> 00:44:00,300
And I don't want you to pay for it
or give me away.
774
00:44:00,380 --> 00:44:01,380
Why not?
775
00:44:04,501 --> 00:44:08,340
I want you to come
because you want to, that's all.
776
00:44:09,741 --> 00:44:11,221
You're invited. You all are.
777
00:44:13,461 --> 00:44:14,621
Come if you want.
778
00:44:17,141 --> 00:44:18,101
Noel...
779
00:44:20,421 --> 00:44:23,941
It would be an honour for me
to dance at your wedding.
780
00:44:29,981 --> 00:44:31,421
[Paddy slaps him]
781
00:44:39,101 --> 00:44:41,461
Right. I'm off.
782
00:44:45,340 --> 00:44:46,421
[clicks tongue]
783
00:44:54,181 --> 00:44:56,541
Dance at his fucking wedding!
[laughs]
784
00:44:56,621 --> 00:44:59,941
♪ YMCA
It's fun to stay at the... ♪
785
00:45:00,021 --> 00:45:02,261
-♪ YMCA ♪
-It's true, then?
786
00:45:02,340 --> 00:45:03,701
-There you go.
-What's true?
787
00:45:03,780 --> 00:45:05,981
-The rumours.
-What rumour?
788
00:45:06,061 --> 00:45:10,021
Well, there's CCTV of you
gobbling PC Matheson.
789
00:45:10,101 --> 00:45:13,061
When you were in custody.
It was you, wasn't it?
790
00:45:20,461 --> 00:45:21,820
I'm not gay!
791
00:45:21,900 --> 00:45:24,621
Sucking someone off? That is quite gay.
792
00:45:24,701 --> 00:45:28,141
I'm not gay!
793
00:45:29,501 --> 00:45:30,661
I'm not!
794
00:45:30,741 --> 00:45:32,501
[Mimi]
There's something in the gene stuff.
795
00:45:32,581 --> 00:45:35,941
I know I love Paddy, but I love
the people who remind me of him, too.
796
00:45:36,021 --> 00:45:40,541
Sons, brothers, even his mother--
well, she did give birth to him.
797
00:45:40,621 --> 00:45:43,820
Sometimes I'm so full of love,
I could kill anyone.
798
00:45:43,900 --> 00:45:46,461
I'm not gay!
799
00:45:48,181 --> 00:45:48,981
Get her!
800
00:45:49,061 --> 00:45:51,581
Just because I let you stay here
three times a week
801
00:45:51,661 --> 00:45:52,820
don't mean you can move in.
802
00:45:52,900 --> 00:45:53,941
I'm unemployable.
803
00:45:54,021 --> 00:45:55,981
You're not using your bread box.
Tell us what you're after
804
00:45:56,061 --> 00:45:57,581
and we'll come up
with the perfect job for you.
805
00:45:57,661 --> 00:45:59,021
[Ian] You've joined the Army?
806
00:45:59,101 --> 00:46:00,141
Is everything okay in there?
807
00:46:00,221 --> 00:46:02,501
Do exactly what I tell you
and nobody gets hurt!
808
00:46:02,581 --> 00:46:04,421
Lads like you get used, Carl.
You're cannon fodder!
809
00:46:04,501 --> 00:46:05,941
So you think I've made a mistake.
810
00:46:06,021 --> 00:46:09,181
Well, obviously if you come home
in a body bag, it's a bad idea.
811
00:46:09,261 --> 00:46:10,741
I just want everyone
to go out of here in one piece.
812
00:46:10,820 --> 00:46:12,421
-You're not calling the shots here, I am!
-[gunshot]
813
00:46:54,061 --> 00:46:57,421
I've had the weirdest dream.
814
00:46:57,501 --> 00:46:59,421
You lot were in it.
815
00:46:59,501 --> 00:47:01,820
Well, not exactly leading parts but...
816
00:47:01,900 --> 00:47:04,501
Is that all you've got to say?
817
00:47:04,581 --> 00:47:06,701
-How are you feeling?
-Fine.
818
00:47:06,780 --> 00:47:09,300
Fucking starving, but fine.
819
00:47:09,380 --> 00:47:10,661
Why shouldn't I?
820
00:47:12,300 --> 00:47:14,741
What's for brekky?
821
00:47:16,820 --> 00:47:18,461
We meet again, Gallagher!
822
00:47:18,541 --> 00:47:20,340
Aargh!
823
00:47:20,421 --> 00:47:22,221
[Frank] Just say no, kids!
53664
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