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1
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[intro music]
2
00:00:07,061 --> 00:00:10,820
[Frank] Tickets this way
for the Chatsworth Express.
3
00:00:10,900 --> 00:00:13,420
Come and watch pikeys
making a mess of the lives
4
00:00:13,500 --> 00:00:16,421
they were given by him upstairs.
5
00:00:16,501 --> 00:00:20,140
And kids they're convinced
aren't actually theirs.
6
00:00:20,221 --> 00:00:21,460
-Wicked!
-Piss off!
7
00:00:21,541 --> 00:00:25,460
What sounds on Earth
could ever replace
8
00:00:25,541 --> 00:00:29,061
kids needing money
or wives in your face?
9
00:00:29,140 --> 00:00:32,421
'Cos this, people reckon, me included,
10
00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:35,301
is why pubs and drugs
were kindly invented.
11
00:00:35,381 --> 00:00:37,941
To calm us all down
and stop us going mental.
12
00:00:38,021 --> 00:00:43,701
These are Chatsworth Estate's
basic essentials.
13
00:00:43,781 --> 00:00:49,821
We are worth every penny
for grinding your axes.
14
00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:53,701
You shit on our head,
but... you pay the taxes.
15
00:00:53,781 --> 00:00:55,181
[cheering]
16
00:00:55,260 --> 00:00:58,620
[Frank] Imagine Britain
without Chatsworth buccaneers.
17
00:00:58,701 --> 00:01:01,260
Who'd come on your face
for the price of a beer, eh?
18
00:01:01,341 --> 00:01:02,341
Eh!
19
00:01:02,421 --> 00:01:04,900
Make poverty history.
20
00:01:04,980 --> 00:01:09,661
Cheaper drugs now!
Make poverty history!
21
00:01:09,741 --> 00:01:11,621
Cheaper drugs now!
22
00:01:11,700 --> 00:01:14,060
[chuckles] Scatter!
23
00:01:15,461 --> 00:01:17,021
Party!
24
00:01:25,341 --> 00:01:28,821
[Lillian] My Brendan were a strapping lad
as a youngster.
25
00:01:28,901 --> 00:01:31,981
Arms like hams. Shapely in the leg.
26
00:01:32,060 --> 00:01:35,541
Had a look of a young John Nettles
without the hair.
27
00:01:35,621 --> 00:01:38,860
Bergerac period, not Midsomer. No, ta.
28
00:01:38,941 --> 00:01:40,700
Gone to seed by then.
29
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Dream, fella Brendan.
Knew he were the one for me.
30
00:01:45,500 --> 00:01:47,500
Took months to wear him down.
31
00:01:47,580 --> 00:01:50,301
So handsome. All the girls wanted him.
32
00:01:53,661 --> 00:01:56,941
[Norma] Fuck off, Worzel!
Do you have to do that every night?
33
00:01:57,021 --> 00:01:59,261
-It's Lillian!
-Lillian?
34
00:02:01,140 --> 00:02:02,140
It's really late!
35
00:02:02,220 --> 00:02:05,541
I've been clubbing,
but I think there's a burst gas main.
36
00:02:05,621 --> 00:02:06,940
[sniffs] Smell it?
37
00:02:07,021 --> 00:02:09,660
[Lillian] I was so certain
we were meant to be together.
38
00:02:09,741 --> 00:02:11,661
He got bored arguing and gave in.
39
00:02:11,741 --> 00:02:15,781
And we were largely happy,
apart from the affairs and the drinking.
40
00:02:15,861 --> 00:02:19,581
-[sirens wail]
-What the fuck?
41
00:02:19,661 --> 00:02:21,661
There's only room
for one great love in my life.
42
00:02:21,741 --> 00:02:23,781
Clear the area! Wake everyone!
43
00:02:23,861 --> 00:02:26,901
...but there's plenty of time
for a few small ones.
44
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,461
I bloody hope so, anyway.
45
00:02:28,540 --> 00:02:30,980
-Fire brigade!
-I really miss me cock.
46
00:02:31,061 --> 00:02:36,741
-[knock on door]
-Fire brigade! Fire brigade! Fire brigade!
47
00:02:38,461 --> 00:02:40,341
Clot on the sofa
is trying to light a fag, boss!
48
00:02:40,421 --> 00:02:42,781
Fire brigade! Stand away!
49
00:02:42,861 --> 00:02:45,461
Hang on... hang on... Oh!
50
00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:46,661
Coming through!
51
00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:50,461
[Frank] Fucking hell!
52
00:02:53,980 --> 00:02:56,621
I think we've found our burst main.
53
00:03:03,901 --> 00:03:08,341
-Ribbons! Blood! My blood!
-Are you all right, Dad?
54
00:03:08,421 --> 00:03:12,861
Get a bucket! I don't want to cause a mess
while I'm bleeding to fucking death!
55
00:03:12,941 --> 00:03:15,901
Oh, chin up, love!
Baby doesn't like blood.
56
00:03:15,980 --> 00:03:19,221
Oh, fucking hell, it's Bo Selecta.
I'm having a bad dream!
57
00:03:19,301 --> 00:03:21,621
-Should have let you suffocate!
-Agh!
58
00:03:21,700 --> 00:03:23,540
[fireman] John, upstairs.
Open some windows.
59
00:03:23,621 --> 00:03:25,820
-Yes, Boss.
-What's with the torsos?
60
00:03:25,901 --> 00:03:28,700
-[fireman] Doing a hen night.
-Do you know how much we're paid?
61
00:03:28,781 --> 00:03:30,021
Fucking hell! He's bleating.
62
00:03:30,100 --> 00:03:32,700
I'm the one looking
at the stairway to heaven here!
63
00:03:32,781 --> 00:03:33,901
[fireman] We'll drop him at the hospital.
64
00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:38,061
Oh, what, all the ambulances
mobile DJs, are they, this evening?
65
00:03:38,140 --> 00:03:40,301
Come on. Anyone going with him?
66
00:03:40,380 --> 00:03:42,700
Are you mad? They know him down
at casualty better than we do!
67
00:03:42,781 --> 00:03:46,301
Oh cheers, progeny! Beloved spawn...
68
00:03:47,621 --> 00:03:50,221
So-called... loved one!
69
00:03:51,980 --> 00:03:53,861
Right, I'm off to my pit.
70
00:03:55,100 --> 00:03:58,380
Mum's got Katie to give me
a full night for a change.
71
00:03:58,461 --> 00:04:01,461
I won't be able to kip, now.
All those firemen!
72
00:04:01,540 --> 00:04:04,461
Yeah! Cliche, but I'd do them!
73
00:04:04,540 --> 00:04:05,820
I'll have one of them.
74
00:04:07,341 --> 00:04:08,341
[horn blares]
75
00:04:08,420 --> 00:04:11,540
[engine sounds]
76
00:04:12,181 --> 00:04:14,501
Pissed off without me, again.
77
00:04:15,700 --> 00:04:16,941
Does that happen a lot?
78
00:04:17,021 --> 00:04:18,261
Arseholes!
79
00:04:18,341 --> 00:04:19,500
[Mandy] Brew?
80
00:04:19,581 --> 00:04:22,301
-Have you got anything stronger?
-With my dad in the house? No chance!
81
00:04:23,381 --> 00:04:26,781
Thought you'd be all "Don't drink on duty,
Ma'am, babies to save".
82
00:04:26,861 --> 00:04:31,421
I'm not on duty. We were passing, thought
we'd check it out, save the boys a trip.
83
00:04:32,581 --> 00:04:35,541
-You the couple of the house?
-Not even close.
84
00:04:35,620 --> 00:04:36,701
I'm single.
85
00:04:36,781 --> 00:04:38,341
What, brother and sister?
86
00:04:39,221 --> 00:04:41,901
I don't know why I even bother asking
questions about families.
87
00:04:41,981 --> 00:04:43,301
-They're all so...
-Fucked.
88
00:04:43,381 --> 00:04:44,620
Yeah.
89
00:04:46,940 --> 00:04:48,101
[horn blares]
90
00:04:48,180 --> 00:04:50,620
Ah! They care, after all!
91
00:04:51,740 --> 00:04:54,101
You should have a smoke alarm,
with that old piss-pot living here.
92
00:04:54,901 --> 00:04:56,021
No offence.
93
00:04:56,101 --> 00:04:57,861
None taken.
94
00:04:57,940 --> 00:04:59,701
[Mandy]
Want to come back and fit one for us?
95
00:04:59,781 --> 00:05:01,500
Yeah, come and do that.
96
00:05:04,461 --> 00:05:06,301
-Why not?
-Tomorrow?
97
00:05:08,701 --> 00:05:11,021
OK. Sean.
98
00:05:11,101 --> 00:05:13,620
-Mandy.
-Ian.
99
00:05:14,620 --> 00:05:15,901
All right?
100
00:05:21,500 --> 00:05:23,701
Jesus, I'm so obvious!
101
00:05:23,781 --> 00:05:25,821
-Just a bit!
-Fit or what?
102
00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:27,781
He won't go for you, Mand.
103
00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:30,421
-There's a vote of confidence!
-No, he bats for us.
104
00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:33,060
Piss off! Him? No way.
105
00:05:33,141 --> 00:05:35,180
Tenner says I give him one before you do.
106
00:05:35,261 --> 00:05:38,421
You think everyone's gay.
Can't you be different on your own?
107
00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:39,940
Money, and mouth!
108
00:05:40,940 --> 00:05:44,021
Bollocks! Tenner.
109
00:05:44,620 --> 00:05:46,901
You'd better not win! I'm gagging for it.
110
00:05:54,781 --> 00:06:00,261
One here, one upstairs.
All lethal, flammable boozehounds covered!
111
00:06:01,781 --> 00:06:02,821
I've got cake.
112
00:06:03,701 --> 00:06:06,341
Ta. Er... I've got a shift.
113
00:06:08,500 --> 00:06:10,701
Listen... Fancy a drink?
114
00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:15,701
Shit!
115
00:06:17,301 --> 00:06:18,581
Bastard!
116
00:06:19,261 --> 00:06:20,461
He's at work.
117
00:06:21,101 --> 00:06:22,940
The Jockey.
118
00:06:31,861 --> 00:06:35,221
Number of kids you've had, you could
pop them without touching the sides.
119
00:06:35,301 --> 00:06:37,180
I mean, why bother?
120
00:06:37,261 --> 00:06:40,541
Because this little baba
is going to be done proper,
121
00:06:40,620 --> 00:06:42,620
and I want his daddy there!
122
00:06:42,701 --> 00:06:46,301
He'll only nick all the drugs
or start a ruck or something!
123
00:06:48,060 --> 00:06:52,021
I could be your birthing partner. Ask me!
124
00:06:52,101 --> 00:06:54,101
No. Frank is doing it,
125
00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:57,180
and he's coming to antenatal
to learn how to do it right.
126
00:07:01,620 --> 00:07:05,981
Oh, my God! Stacy-Ann? The Stacy-Ann?
127
00:07:06,701 --> 00:07:09,180
She's a cabbage! You can do well better!
128
00:07:09,260 --> 00:07:10,781
She's all right when you get to know her.
129
00:07:10,861 --> 00:07:13,740
I do know her! Suet dumpling.
130
00:07:13,820 --> 00:07:17,021
-Aidy Simpson said I should give her a go.
-That dick?
131
00:07:17,101 --> 00:07:22,940
Trust me, man, she's well worth it.
Best ever! Ever! Hidden depths.
132
00:07:23,940 --> 00:07:26,581
He gets anyone he wants
and she's his best ever.
133
00:07:26,661 --> 00:07:29,021
-As long as she doesn't get smitten.
-Smitten?
134
00:07:29,101 --> 00:07:34,500
When she says "smitten", you gotta bail.
Got me? Smitten, bail.
135
00:07:34,581 --> 00:07:37,940
That is a pathetic reason to go out
with someone. "My mate told me to!"
136
00:07:38,021 --> 00:07:39,341
Why do you care?
137
00:07:40,101 --> 00:07:42,541
[Frank] Trapped in a circle on the...
138
00:07:42,620 --> 00:07:45,021
-[Carl] That's Dad!
-What are you doing here?
139
00:07:45,101 --> 00:07:49,500
Oh, abandoned, tossed out. NHS rubbish!
140
00:07:49,581 --> 00:07:52,820
No sharps, medical waste...
141
00:07:52,901 --> 00:07:56,101
Bevan'd be turning in his grave!
Fucking bollocks!
142
00:07:56,180 --> 00:08:00,101
Same old, same old.
Trapped in a fucking circle!
143
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:03,581
-Mum's looking for you.
-A circle of shit.
144
00:08:09,021 --> 00:08:10,260
Tits first.
145
00:08:10,341 --> 00:08:11,341
[laughter]
146
00:08:11,421 --> 00:08:12,541
Mum and Dad!
147
00:08:14,380 --> 00:08:18,500
What's this? Shagging our lass?
In my own gaff?
148
00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:21,301
I bet he's got the working equipment!
Unlike some!
149
00:08:21,380 --> 00:08:25,101
Piss off! Last time I saw to you,
you couldn't walk for a week!
150
00:08:25,180 --> 00:08:26,180
That were a shock!
151
00:08:26,781 --> 00:08:30,981
All right, mate? It's Carl, isn't it?
Don't mind me and the missus, mate.
152
00:08:31,060 --> 00:08:32,940
If she could give a decent hum job,
she'd be a diamond.
153
00:08:33,021 --> 00:08:35,141
-[Mum] Stay for a bit of tea, Carl?
-You don't have to.
154
00:08:35,220 --> 00:08:37,340
Shut up, you!
We like to get to know your friends.
155
00:08:37,421 --> 00:08:40,541
What do you say, Carly?
Pork chops and minty tats?
156
00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:42,861
-Ta.
-You can call me Teresa, love.
157
00:08:42,940 --> 00:08:44,501
The pig's Dave.
158
00:08:45,621 --> 00:08:49,061
Look at the arse on that, eh?
Not bad for an old bird.
159
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:57,261
Bag of pear drops and a penny chew,
please, Mister.
160
00:09:01,821 --> 00:09:04,821
-I need a piss.
-Beer pourer, barman.
161
00:09:04,901 --> 00:09:08,181
Toucher of old men's cocks, rent boy.
162
00:09:08,261 --> 00:09:10,941
-Do you see the difference?
-Seems to know a lot about it.
163
00:09:12,220 --> 00:09:14,901
While we're on old people,
shouldn't we ban that?
164
00:09:14,980 --> 00:09:19,061
That's her new fella!
Jeff works in finance.
165
00:09:22,141 --> 00:09:25,781
Hi, Fireman Sam! Didn't recognise
you with your kecks on!
166
00:09:25,860 --> 00:09:28,581
Well, same problem for me, gas victim!
167
00:09:29,381 --> 00:09:31,021
So... coincidence?
168
00:09:31,100 --> 00:09:34,181
No, I've just been fitting
your smoke alarm and Mandy said, erm...
169
00:09:35,381 --> 00:09:37,061
I had a bet on with her.
170
00:09:37,141 --> 00:09:38,340
Let me guess...
171
00:09:40,460 --> 00:09:41,980
Buy us a pint with your winnings!
172
00:09:42,741 --> 00:09:44,661
-I get off in ten minutes.
-Yeah?
173
00:09:46,741 --> 00:09:47,980
I've got a room.
174
00:09:48,621 --> 00:09:49,741
You a bit of a slag, Ian?
175
00:09:49,821 --> 00:09:53,381
-Too right! You a bit of a prude, Sean?
-Only to slags.
176
00:09:53,980 --> 00:10:00,701
So... what? Six months courting,
meet the parents, find out my intentions?
177
00:10:00,781 --> 00:10:03,301
Something like that! Get us a pint.
178
00:10:04,701 --> 00:10:06,181
Driving us, then?
179
00:10:06,980 --> 00:10:09,220
-Where to?
-Trampolining. I said.
180
00:10:10,301 --> 00:10:13,340
-Oh...
-Right.
181
00:10:13,421 --> 00:10:15,621
-Do you want dropping anywhere, Carl?
-Yeah, ta.
182
00:10:15,701 --> 00:10:18,741
There's a spare chop here.
No need to hurry away.
183
00:10:20,741 --> 00:10:23,860
Well, you can't have it!
Not with that great hanging gut!
184
00:10:24,741 --> 00:10:25,980
[Dave] Right, see you later then.
185
00:10:36,301 --> 00:10:38,181
Do you know?
186
00:10:38,261 --> 00:10:40,781
I believe I've miscounted.
187
00:10:40,860 --> 00:10:43,621
-There isn't another chop.
-I'll see if I can catch them up...
188
00:10:45,381 --> 00:10:47,501
Have you had your portion, Carly?
189
00:10:48,781 --> 00:10:50,860
I'm not sure I have.
190
00:10:52,261 --> 00:10:54,581
Perhaps I should suck on your bone.
191
00:10:57,021 --> 00:10:58,100
If you want.
192
00:11:12,860 --> 00:11:14,021
End of my shift.
193
00:11:15,061 --> 00:11:16,661
I don't shag strangers.
194
00:11:16,740 --> 00:11:18,381
Why don't you try something new?
195
00:11:20,740 --> 00:11:23,220
All right. Why not?
196
00:11:23,301 --> 00:11:25,141
-[pager beeps]
-Shit!
197
00:11:25,220 --> 00:11:27,740
-What?
-Emergency pager.
198
00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:31,301
[beeping continues]
199
00:11:34,941 --> 00:11:37,901
It'll just be a kid with his head
stuck in some railings.
200
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:52,220
Whoah! Easy, tiger!
201
00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:18,941
[moaning]
202
00:12:19,021 --> 00:12:23,980
Oh, yes! Oh! Oh, yes!
203
00:12:24,061 --> 00:12:26,181
Oh! Oh, yes!
204
00:12:28,621 --> 00:12:32,941
Listen, all you have to do is be there
and bring me some flowers or something!
205
00:12:33,821 --> 00:12:35,460
I know my limitations.
206
00:12:35,541 --> 00:12:39,980
All I am saying is just
be there and hold my hand and say:
207
00:12:40,061 --> 00:12:42,740
"Welcome to the world, little baby!"
208
00:12:42,821 --> 00:12:46,541
I didn't want to say, and I know you
don't like me mentioning this, but...
209
00:12:48,220 --> 00:12:50,301
...it's them lickle twins.
210
00:12:50,381 --> 00:12:53,980
I was there at the birth and it was
like the fucking Battle of the Somme.
211
00:12:54,061 --> 00:12:55,821
I couldn't go through that again.
212
00:12:55,901 --> 00:13:00,261
Right. So you did it for her,
but you won't do it for me!
213
00:13:01,541 --> 00:13:04,220
Look, it's not... Ah!
214
00:13:04,301 --> 00:13:08,980
It's not just the... horror.
215
00:13:09,061 --> 00:13:10,421
It's the memories.
216
00:13:10,501 --> 00:13:14,301
It's all I've got left
of Gordon and Delia.
217
00:13:14,381 --> 00:13:16,220
You can give me that, can't you?
218
00:13:16,301 --> 00:13:19,821
It tears my heart out
every time I think of them.
219
00:13:19,901 --> 00:13:22,301
You, more than anyone, you know
220
00:13:22,381 --> 00:13:25,821
what it's like
not to be with your kiddies.
221
00:13:25,901 --> 00:13:27,941
Nigel and Delia.
222
00:13:29,901 --> 00:13:31,581
It's Nigel and Delia, not Gordon!
223
00:13:31,661 --> 00:13:34,781
Piss off! How many of you are there?
224
00:13:34,860 --> 00:13:39,021
I'm bound to get the odd name wrong,
aren't I? What am I, a census?
225
00:13:39,100 --> 00:13:41,061
You are coming!
226
00:13:42,141 --> 00:13:43,181
Look, I just...
227
00:13:46,821 --> 00:13:51,340
Fucking little... thingy in the nest,
you are! A fuckoo!
228
00:13:51,421 --> 00:13:54,301
If I'd fathered you,
I'd tear me own balls off!
229
00:13:54,381 --> 00:13:56,181
If you'd fathered me, I'd help!
230
00:13:59,901 --> 00:14:01,901
[Karen]
You should have got a chair years ago.
231
00:14:01,980 --> 00:14:04,460
Suits you never having
to get off your arse.
232
00:14:05,901 --> 00:14:09,021
Abused, slashed... Why do I come in here?
233
00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:12,100
Because we serve beer
and we haven't barred you this week.
234
00:14:14,701 --> 00:14:16,661
You've been getting some, haven't you?
235
00:14:17,340 --> 00:14:19,740
-Why do you say that?
-I can tell.
236
00:14:19,821 --> 00:14:22,381
You're all smug-Iooking and shit.
237
00:14:22,460 --> 00:14:24,941
Cheers, Micky.
Glad you're so pleased for us.
238
00:14:25,021 --> 00:14:26,581
It's true, then?
239
00:14:26,661 --> 00:14:27,781
[Ian] Maybe.
240
00:14:27,860 --> 00:14:29,381
Oh, sorry, mate.
241
00:14:29,460 --> 00:14:31,541
Out my fucking space, man!
242
00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:34,061
Touching me! What are you,
some kind of fucking queer boy?
243
00:14:34,141 --> 00:14:36,581
-Shane!
-I'm sorry I accidentally touched you.
244
00:14:36,661 --> 00:14:39,340
-It's all right.
-Don't do that.
245
00:14:40,581 --> 00:14:42,740
What you gonna fucking do about?
246
00:14:42,821 --> 00:14:44,301
-Christ!
-Eh! That's our kid!
247
00:14:44,381 --> 00:14:46,141
It's all right! It's all right!
248
00:14:46,220 --> 00:14:48,181
I know him! I know him!
There's no need, yeah?
249
00:14:48,261 --> 00:14:52,340
There's no need, eh? It's only Shane.
You know what he's like!
250
00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:55,980
Come on.
251
00:15:05,301 --> 00:15:07,980
He well deserved that!
He's a prick and a half!
252
00:15:08,061 --> 00:15:09,980
-I was a prick, too.
-It was hot!
253
00:15:11,021 --> 00:15:13,100
I wasn't expecting you to...
254
00:15:15,460 --> 00:15:17,941
Look, we've done it your way,
let's try mine.
255
00:15:18,740 --> 00:15:21,100
How about I take you away from all this?
256
00:15:22,740 --> 00:15:24,661
-What? Take me where?
-Well...
257
00:15:24,740 --> 00:15:26,100
There's only one way to find out.
isn't there?
258
00:15:31,460 --> 00:15:32,821
Are you coming?
259
00:15:38,821 --> 00:15:41,701
Is that where you chuck a ribbon
in the air and dance about on a mat?
260
00:15:43,061 --> 00:15:44,701
Or a ball.
261
00:15:45,980 --> 00:15:47,301
What?
262
00:15:47,381 --> 00:15:49,141
Chuck a ball in the air, too.
263
00:15:50,740 --> 00:15:51,821
When?
264
00:15:51,901 --> 00:15:54,261
Rhythmic gymnastics. You were asking!
265
00:15:55,380 --> 00:15:57,340
Oh, yeah. Great.
266
00:16:00,220 --> 00:16:05,661
Ah! The lovebirds!
Cooing and billing. Nice!
267
00:16:05,740 --> 00:16:08,141
You off for physical jerks, madam?
268
00:16:08,220 --> 00:16:10,380
The exercise she does
and she still thinks she's got a hymen!
269
00:16:10,460 --> 00:16:11,980
Mum!
270
00:16:12,061 --> 00:16:13,141
Getting me kit.
271
00:16:13,220 --> 00:16:15,460
[Teresa]
What a waste, when she's got this one!
272
00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:17,901
Do you remember when you were
a bit of a specimen, Dave?
273
00:16:18,781 --> 00:16:21,661
-This morning, weren't it?
-You wish.
274
00:16:23,220 --> 00:16:25,141
Drop you anywhere, Carl?
275
00:16:25,220 --> 00:16:26,421
I'm fine, thanks.
276
00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:27,901
Dad.
277
00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:37,340
Don't know anything, does he?
278
00:16:38,740 --> 00:16:42,061
Course he doesn't.
He wouldn't care anyway.
279
00:16:42,141 --> 00:16:44,021
-You sure?
-Of course I am.
280
00:16:45,661 --> 00:16:48,061
Trousers off!
281
00:16:59,740 --> 00:17:02,581
No... Argh! No, it's not for me, that one!
282
00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:07,180
Yes!
283
00:17:11,541 --> 00:17:14,140
This is Jeff, works in finance.
284
00:17:14,221 --> 00:17:15,340
That right?
285
00:17:16,100 --> 00:17:20,061
Don't expect to get anyone at my age,
never mind someone with a proper job!
286
00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:22,900
-[Karen] So how did you meet?
-Slow dating.
287
00:17:24,541 --> 00:17:27,301
-What's that?
-Speed dating for pensioners.
288
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:28,781
[Lillian] Do you watch Corrie?
289
00:17:30,381 --> 00:17:31,821
Do you watch Corrie?
290
00:17:33,701 --> 00:17:35,341
Do you watch Corrie?
291
00:17:36,981 --> 00:17:38,940
I sometimes watch Emmerdale!
292
00:17:39,541 --> 00:17:41,381
Fuck it, that'll have to do!
293
00:17:42,581 --> 00:17:43,900
We've been inseparable ever since.
294
00:17:44,541 --> 00:17:47,341
So what exactly do you do
in finance, Jeff?
295
00:17:49,660 --> 00:17:50,660
Security.
296
00:17:51,341 --> 00:17:53,101
Very responsible!
297
00:17:53,900 --> 00:17:56,101
[Karen] Pushbike squad!
298
00:17:56,180 --> 00:17:58,101
Mountain bike patrol!
299
00:17:58,701 --> 00:18:01,221
It's not a demotion, they're better
for getting round the estates.
300
00:18:01,301 --> 00:18:03,461
-How can we help?
-Frank been in?
301
00:18:03,541 --> 00:18:05,420
-It's a day of the week, isn't it?
-We're gunning for him.
302
00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:08,621
-He knows why, too!
-So where are your bikes?
303
00:18:08,701 --> 00:18:11,420
-Outside.
-Outside here?
304
00:18:16,701 --> 00:18:19,381
-Police are looking for you!
-What? Oh...
305
00:18:21,061 --> 00:18:24,141
This is what happens when
you live life on the margins!
306
00:18:24,221 --> 00:18:26,621
Society releases its pitbulls.
307
00:18:26,700 --> 00:18:29,381
Been robbing charity boxes again, have we?
308
00:18:29,461 --> 00:18:30,501
Fuck off!
309
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:37,341
Where've you been?
310
00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:41,061
-Bridlington. Gay capital of Yorkshire!
-Yeah?
311
00:18:41,141 --> 00:18:43,621
Got taken away. Hotel and everything!
312
00:18:43,700 --> 00:18:45,341
What's with the bag?
313
00:18:45,420 --> 00:18:47,420
Gonna be at The Jockey for a bit.
314
00:18:50,221 --> 00:18:52,061
What?
315
00:18:52,141 --> 00:18:55,541
You know gays are, like,
famous for casual sex and that?
316
00:18:55,621 --> 00:18:57,141
Go on, surprise me!
317
00:18:57,221 --> 00:18:59,461
Is that all there is? I mean,
318
00:18:59,541 --> 00:19:02,461
you go out with someone
and it's all right, but...
319
00:19:02,541 --> 00:19:06,141
you want to shag their friend
and you like them, but...
320
00:19:06,221 --> 00:19:08,301
I mean, is it all right to have sex
321
00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:11,101
with someone that you don't even like
if it's really good sex?
322
00:19:11,821 --> 00:19:14,261
And they can cook!
Or does that not matter?
323
00:19:14,341 --> 00:19:17,861
Listen, are you shagging our mum?
324
00:19:18,900 --> 00:19:20,700
How did you guess?
325
00:19:29,900 --> 00:19:34,501
Hey, we're ticking a list.
Sex, travel, food...
326
00:19:34,581 --> 00:19:35,741
Peanut butter's rank!
327
00:19:35,821 --> 00:19:37,581
Cheers. What's next?
328
00:19:38,341 --> 00:19:40,581
-Meeting mates?
-Meeting family?
329
00:19:40,660 --> 00:19:43,660
No chance!
I wouldn't inflict mine on anyone!
330
00:19:43,741 --> 00:19:44,981
Honestly!
331
00:19:45,660 --> 00:19:48,501
That's stiff for someone
who stayed in a hotel with someone.
332
00:19:49,541 --> 00:19:51,781
God, you really are young and naive,
aren't you?
333
00:19:52,621 --> 00:19:56,501
You think that was a hotel?
Barely even made it to guesthouse.
334
00:19:56,581 --> 00:19:58,821
Why did you take me there?
Am I a cheap date?
335
00:19:58,900 --> 00:20:00,381
-No, it's gay friendly.
-How?
336
00:20:00,461 --> 00:20:02,101
The woman serving there had a tache.
337
00:20:06,861 --> 00:20:08,700
Oh... Peanut butter!
338
00:20:08,781 --> 00:20:11,221
-Fuckin' hell!
-Nasty!
339
00:20:16,180 --> 00:20:17,821
[policeman] Gallagher!
340
00:20:19,420 --> 00:20:21,301
Come here! Frank!
341
00:20:24,700 --> 00:20:26,981
Frank! Can you stop?
342
00:20:27,061 --> 00:20:30,021
Frank! Come here! Gallagher!
343
00:20:31,660 --> 00:20:33,900
You should be ashamed of yourself!
344
00:20:33,981 --> 00:20:36,621
Oh, spare me the fucking lecture!
345
00:20:37,821 --> 00:20:42,021
Hospital property, Francis!
You're lucky it was us that saw the CCTV!
346
00:20:42,101 --> 00:20:44,021
Anyone else, you'd be on a charge.
347
00:20:45,781 --> 00:20:48,621
They're not superficial, you know!
They hurt!
348
00:20:51,781 --> 00:20:57,581
So... You stole a wheelchair to try
and get out of going to antenatal classes?
349
00:20:58,781 --> 00:20:59,821
Yes!
350
00:21:01,381 --> 00:21:02,700
Tosser!
351
00:21:13,581 --> 00:21:15,061
You remember Sean, don't you?
352
00:21:15,141 --> 00:21:18,781
-The Shane nutter! Yeah, we've met.
-I'm really sorry about that.
353
00:21:18,861 --> 00:21:21,301
Well, Sean's probably
gonna be around for a bit,
354
00:21:21,381 --> 00:21:23,541
if he plays his cards right.
355
00:21:24,581 --> 00:21:25,821
[Jamie] Howdy doody.
356
00:21:27,900 --> 00:21:30,981
-Yeah. You off out?
-Yeah.
357
00:21:31,061 --> 00:21:32,660
[Jamie] Hey, you couldn't give
us a hand, could you?
358
00:21:32,741 --> 00:21:33,981
Yeah.
359
00:21:35,660 --> 00:21:38,301
Can't we even have a family drink
without you going off on one?
360
00:21:38,381 --> 00:21:41,061
It's not my fault you
can't get it up any more.
361
00:21:41,141 --> 00:21:43,621
I didn't hear you complaining
this morning!
362
00:21:45,341 --> 00:21:50,381
Yeah? What d'you want?
I can't talk now. I'll be there.
363
00:21:50,460 --> 00:21:51,861
Look, I've got to go.
364
00:21:52,741 --> 00:21:56,061
-What's up?
-Nothing. Just...
365
00:21:56,141 --> 00:21:59,541
a crisis at work. I'll see ya.
366
00:21:59,621 --> 00:22:01,021
I'm sorry.
367
00:22:04,900 --> 00:22:07,900
-What's all that about?
-Dunno.
368
00:22:07,981 --> 00:22:11,981
You don't think it was
"if he plays his cards right", do you?
369
00:22:13,660 --> 00:22:15,261
I'm such a dick!
370
00:22:25,221 --> 00:22:26,301
Teresa, we can't!
371
00:22:29,621 --> 00:22:31,861
Scared of showing your cock, Carl?
372
00:22:33,061 --> 00:22:37,141
Er, no! Bit of a bad... pint.
373
00:22:37,221 --> 00:22:39,221
You were drinking Coke!
374
00:22:39,301 --> 00:22:41,501
I'm having a shit, Dave!
375
00:22:53,741 --> 00:22:56,660
Jeez, Teresa, it's too close for me!
376
00:22:56,741 --> 00:22:59,940
I can't help myself, love. I'm smitten!
377
00:23:00,021 --> 00:23:02,700
Smitten? Bail!
378
00:23:02,781 --> 00:23:06,940
You've really touched me.
And I don't just mean the sex.
379
00:23:10,381 --> 00:23:13,940
I hate hurting Dave. I hate it.
380
00:23:14,021 --> 00:23:16,541
But what can I do?
381
00:23:18,180 --> 00:23:20,381
Do you feel the same way, Carl?
382
00:23:20,460 --> 00:23:22,141
Say you do!
383
00:23:22,221 --> 00:23:23,861
Yeah. Course I do!
384
00:23:25,180 --> 00:23:26,940
This is big time now.
385
00:23:27,900 --> 00:23:31,061
But if you want to stop, you say the word.
386
00:23:31,141 --> 00:23:33,221
Can I rely on you?
387
00:23:34,061 --> 00:23:35,660
Yeah, course you can.
388
00:23:39,821 --> 00:23:41,460
[zip opens]
389
00:23:46,381 --> 00:23:50,021
Ian! Hey, wait up!
390
00:23:53,581 --> 00:23:56,061
-Weren't sure I'd see you again.
-Why?
391
00:23:56,821 --> 00:23:57,900
Your excuse.
392
00:23:57,981 --> 00:24:00,621
Your work crisis.
There wasn't one, was there?
393
00:24:01,660 --> 00:24:06,141
Hey, hey, it was a crisis. Just not work.
394
00:24:07,700 --> 00:24:09,101
It was my brother.
395
00:24:09,180 --> 00:24:11,781
It was just too boring
to tell you the truth.
396
00:24:13,141 --> 00:24:16,341
I thought I messed up coming across
all Mr Cocky Bollocks
397
00:24:16,420 --> 00:24:18,101
in front of Jamie and Karen.
398
00:24:18,180 --> 00:24:20,301
Course you didn't.
399
00:24:20,381 --> 00:24:24,180
Look, if you say something
that pisses me off, I'll tell you.
400
00:24:24,261 --> 00:24:25,460
I promise.
401
00:24:26,420 --> 00:24:28,141
You'd do the same for me.
402
00:24:32,581 --> 00:24:33,981
Where you off?
403
00:24:35,021 --> 00:24:37,021
I was going home.
404
00:24:37,101 --> 00:24:38,781
Do you fancy a visitor?
405
00:24:38,861 --> 00:24:40,581
Everyone's in.
406
00:24:40,660 --> 00:24:41,781
And?
407
00:24:41,861 --> 00:24:44,101
You really want to meet the fuckers?
408
00:24:44,981 --> 00:24:46,021
Yeah!
409
00:24:48,261 --> 00:24:50,061
-Right, come on.
-Right, then!
410
00:24:56,301 --> 00:25:00,541
-Hiya, love. Give us a kiss.
-I can't, we're on a wages run.
411
00:25:00,621 --> 00:25:04,341
You can stop long enough to give
your girlfriend a kiss.
412
00:25:04,420 --> 00:25:08,381
Oh, two seconds, Bradley. Come here!
413
00:25:11,621 --> 00:25:13,581
What? Did you do this?
414
00:25:13,660 --> 00:25:17,821
-No, I didn't!
-You're an inside woman. It's a set up!
415
00:25:17,900 --> 00:25:20,981
I didn't, Trev. Don't hate me!
416
00:25:27,741 --> 00:25:30,541
I was going to the chemist.
Condom run for the girls.
417
00:25:30,621 --> 00:25:32,541
-Don't tell us that!
-It's the truth!
418
00:25:32,621 --> 00:25:35,781
Let's not complicate the armed robbery
with living off immoral earnings.
419
00:25:35,861 --> 00:25:38,341
-You'll get 15 years.
-In prison?
420
00:25:38,420 --> 00:25:40,420
Come on,
no one thinks Lillian was involved.
421
00:25:41,141 --> 00:25:43,180
Judas! Judas!
422
00:25:43,261 --> 00:25:45,021
Does that mean we're finished?
423
00:25:46,021 --> 00:25:47,460
Judas!
424
00:25:47,541 --> 00:25:50,781
I think he really meant it.
I've been dumped.
425
00:25:57,660 --> 00:26:00,700
So, you don't care that I'm scared?
426
00:26:01,381 --> 00:26:04,581
And what about me? There's no point
in us both cracking it, is there?
427
00:26:09,021 --> 00:26:12,660
Come on, we're fucking useless.
We both know it.
428
00:26:19,101 --> 00:26:22,101
I know. I'll do you a swap.
429
00:26:22,821 --> 00:26:24,940
You come to the birth,
430
00:26:25,021 --> 00:26:30,061
and I will get the doctor to put
in an extra stitch downstairs.
431
00:26:30,141 --> 00:26:31,460
Honeymoon fresh.
432
00:26:35,420 --> 00:26:37,261
Make it two, and you got yourself a deal.
433
00:26:39,420 --> 00:26:41,220
Tinker.
434
00:26:41,301 --> 00:26:44,900
[mobile phone rings]
435
00:26:47,501 --> 00:26:48,861
Monica Gallagher.
436
00:26:48,940 --> 00:26:50,101
[Karen] Oi!
437
00:26:50,180 --> 00:26:53,101
Just realised what you look
like with those bandages on.
438
00:26:53,180 --> 00:26:56,261
Oh, surprise and delight me
with your acute observation!
439
00:26:56,341 --> 00:26:57,341
The Mummy!
440
00:26:57,420 --> 00:27:00,101
[laughter]
441
00:27:00,180 --> 00:27:02,660
Everyone's a comedian!
442
00:27:09,981 --> 00:27:12,220
Gary Bennett's died.
443
00:27:12,301 --> 00:27:15,621
-What, the impressionist?
-No, Ian's real dad.
444
00:27:16,700 --> 00:27:18,541
Oh.
445
00:27:18,621 --> 00:27:19,660
Good.
446
00:27:27,660 --> 00:27:28,861
This is Sean.
447
00:27:31,501 --> 00:27:33,420
-Hello.
-All right?
448
00:27:33,501 --> 00:27:35,981
It's official then? You two an item?
449
00:27:36,061 --> 00:27:39,101
Yeah, laugh once, then get over it.
450
00:27:39,180 --> 00:27:40,660
Bastards.
451
00:27:40,741 --> 00:27:43,420
Sean, I've got some photos of Ian
from when he was a baby, do you wanna see?
452
00:27:43,501 --> 00:27:46,101
If you said you were bringing a new
friend round, I would have hoovered!
453
00:27:46,180 --> 00:27:48,420
-Yeah, all right!
-[knock at door]
454
00:27:49,861 --> 00:27:52,261
-Do you wanna sit down, Sean?
-Ta.
455
00:27:53,341 --> 00:27:57,101
Are you Liam? I hear you've got
a healthy interest in fire.
456
00:27:57,180 --> 00:28:00,741
-I've grown out of that.
-Oh. All right.
457
00:28:00,821 --> 00:28:02,541
You won't want a ride in the engine, then?
458
00:28:02,621 --> 00:28:05,900
No, I want that. I really want that!
459
00:28:06,821 --> 00:28:08,460
-For you, Carl.
-Who is it?
460
00:28:08,541 --> 00:28:09,781
Quick, mind.
461
00:28:19,101 --> 00:28:21,141
I've left him, Carl!
462
00:28:21,220 --> 00:28:24,460
I've finally left him!
For real, this time.
463
00:28:25,501 --> 00:28:28,501
And I've told him everything...
Everything!
464
00:28:38,541 --> 00:28:41,420
I'm free, Carl. I'm free!
465
00:28:41,501 --> 00:28:44,861
This is the real Teresa.
I just bombed out the house.
466
00:28:44,940 --> 00:28:45,980
What did Dave say?
467
00:28:46,061 --> 00:28:49,141
Terrible things. Oh, some threats.
468
00:28:49,220 --> 00:28:51,341
He's a horrible, cruel man.
469
00:28:52,061 --> 00:28:55,980
I blame Strangeways. Brutalised him.
470
00:28:56,061 --> 00:29:01,101
-Why was he there?
-GBH with menaces. Six years.
471
00:29:01,180 --> 00:29:04,821
Very harsh.
Fella's still got his other eye.
472
00:29:06,581 --> 00:29:09,101
Just hold me, Carl. Just hold me!
473
00:29:11,341 --> 00:29:14,781
When I say just hold me,
I didn't mean just hold me!
474
00:29:14,861 --> 00:29:17,101
Do me, Carl!
475
00:29:18,301 --> 00:29:19,940
What? What is it?
476
00:29:20,861 --> 00:29:23,621
-I can't. Not here.
-Don't be scared, love.
477
00:29:23,700 --> 00:29:24,940
You've seen the belly on him.
478
00:29:25,021 --> 00:29:27,220
You can outrun that porker
until Christmas.
479
00:29:27,301 --> 00:29:29,341
-I'll get us a little shag pad.
-Yeah.
480
00:29:29,420 --> 00:29:31,141
Yeah, then we can be together.
481
00:29:32,220 --> 00:29:33,220
What?
482
00:29:33,301 --> 00:29:36,301
You're not gonna let me down. Are you?
483
00:29:38,460 --> 00:29:40,741
Just gonna get a cup of...
484
00:29:50,900 --> 00:29:52,061
Jesus!
485
00:29:52,141 --> 00:29:54,501
-In case you wondered, you're dumped.
-Sorry.
486
00:29:54,581 --> 00:29:57,821
My dad's gonna tear your dick off
and shove it in your mouth.
487
00:29:57,900 --> 00:30:01,900
Thought you liked me.
Taking advantage of me like that. Scum!
488
00:30:06,940 --> 00:30:08,061
That's what you gotta do.
489
00:30:08,141 --> 00:30:09,180
What?
490
00:30:09,261 --> 00:30:10,581
Dump the geriatric weirdo.
491
00:30:10,660 --> 00:30:11,700
It's not that easy.
492
00:30:11,781 --> 00:30:14,660
Yeah, it is. Just tell her
she's a dirty old perv.
493
00:30:14,741 --> 00:30:16,420
She shouldn't have got anywhere near you.
Chuck her.
494
00:30:16,501 --> 00:30:19,261
-How?
-Just go up and tell her now.
495
00:30:25,061 --> 00:30:26,581
Is it always like this?
496
00:30:26,660 --> 00:30:27,900
Pretty much.
497
00:30:27,980 --> 00:30:31,821
I'll kill myself!
I'll throw myself under a bin lorry!
498
00:30:31,900 --> 00:30:33,980
I'm not gonna lose you, I won't!
499
00:30:34,061 --> 00:30:40,741
No, no, stop it! I wasn't gonna chuck you,
I wasn't. Honest.
500
00:30:42,061 --> 00:30:46,061
I was gonna suggest someone
who might have a flat for us.
501
00:30:49,541 --> 00:30:52,180
Sweet, sweet boy.
502
00:30:57,261 --> 00:31:00,821
I'll stay at my sister's for now.
Walk me there.
503
00:31:25,021 --> 00:31:26,220
-See you later.
-See you later.
504
00:31:29,021 --> 00:31:31,460
Could you stop smiling?
You're making me puke.
505
00:31:32,381 --> 00:31:34,261
You must have a fit straight friend
I could do.
506
00:31:34,341 --> 00:31:36,301
I'm too busy shagging to meet friends.
507
00:31:36,381 --> 00:31:39,141
Shame. I remember that.
508
00:31:39,220 --> 00:31:40,781
It's like a distant memory.
509
00:31:41,581 --> 00:31:43,501
Think it's time I got back on the bike.
510
00:31:44,940 --> 00:31:46,420
You look good together.
511
00:31:46,501 --> 00:31:47,541
Piss off.
512
00:31:47,621 --> 00:31:51,700
I mean it! Not as good as
I'd look with him, but!
513
00:31:55,341 --> 00:31:58,781
Debbie, have you got anything black
that would fit me?
514
00:31:58,861 --> 00:32:02,101
Erm, no. Why don't you try Norma?
515
00:32:02,180 --> 00:32:05,220
Can hardly wear one of her T-shirts
to a funeral.
516
00:32:05,301 --> 00:32:09,740
-Who's died?
-Oh, sorry, love...
517
00:32:11,061 --> 00:32:12,740
It's your dad.
518
00:32:12,821 --> 00:32:18,101
-Dad?
-Oh, not that dad, Ian's dad. Gary.
519
00:32:19,501 --> 00:32:21,301
Shit.
520
00:32:21,381 --> 00:32:23,581
You didn't know him, though, did you?
521
00:32:24,900 --> 00:32:25,900
Uh...
522
00:32:25,980 --> 00:32:29,381
I didn't actually know
you knew who he was.
523
00:32:29,460 --> 00:32:32,420
It was a chat I've been
meaning to have together.
524
00:32:32,501 --> 00:32:34,141
I'm not going to get the chance
to know him now.
525
00:32:35,460 --> 00:32:38,261
Do you go to the funeral
of everyone you've slept with?
526
00:32:38,341 --> 00:32:43,621
Debbie, that would be absurd.
No, I gave him a clock and I want it back.
527
00:32:44,220 --> 00:32:46,940
It were my gran's. I always liked it.
528
00:32:47,900 --> 00:32:50,261
Probably worth enough to put up with
the names from his wife.
529
00:32:50,341 --> 00:32:51,341
Do you want to come?
530
00:33:02,581 --> 00:33:05,501
See this? You want to take a wild guess?
531
00:33:06,700 --> 00:33:09,460
I'll see to you, Carl!
You're as good as dead!
532
00:33:10,381 --> 00:33:12,541
As good as fucking dead!
533
00:33:13,900 --> 00:33:19,541
There's your dead dad.
Not much of a turnout, is it?
534
00:33:19,621 --> 00:33:21,541
That's alcoholics for you.
535
00:33:23,420 --> 00:33:24,621
Biggish family, mind.
536
00:33:24,700 --> 00:33:25,821
[Ian] Yeah.
537
00:33:25,900 --> 00:33:27,460
[Monica] Nothing compared to us, though.
538
00:33:27,541 --> 00:33:31,180
Just four lads with that blonde bitch.
Panda eyes over there.
539
00:33:35,220 --> 00:33:36,700
-Those four?
-Yeah.
540
00:33:36,781 --> 00:33:39,301
Well, you'd have to be related
to touch her.
541
00:33:43,021 --> 00:33:44,021
What is it?
542
00:33:45,021 --> 00:33:46,501
[Ian] Can't stay.
543
00:33:46,581 --> 00:33:47,900
-What about me clock?
-Now!
544
00:33:47,980 --> 00:33:49,781
Oh, Ian!
545
00:33:55,821 --> 00:33:57,660
What a fuckin' mess.
546
00:33:57,740 --> 00:33:59,700
-Too right.
-What's up with you?
547
00:33:59,781 --> 00:34:02,381
[knocking]
548
00:34:02,460 --> 00:34:03,621
It's her! Don't answer!
549
00:34:03,700 --> 00:34:05,621
[knocking]
550
00:34:05,700 --> 00:34:07,660
-Don't answer!
-[Sean] Ian?
551
00:34:08,300 --> 00:34:09,901
Ian, it's Sean.
552
00:34:09,981 --> 00:34:11,740
[Ian] Don't answer!
553
00:34:11,820 --> 00:34:14,541
-First row?
-[Sean] Sean, come on!
554
00:34:14,621 --> 00:34:16,700
[knocking]
555
00:34:17,381 --> 00:34:18,581
-Should I get that one?
-No!
556
00:34:18,660 --> 00:34:21,820
[Teresa] Carl? Carl? It's me.
557
00:34:21,901 --> 00:34:24,740
I've got to speak to you, love.
I've got to!
558
00:34:24,820 --> 00:34:26,700
[Sean] Ian, I need to talk to you.
559
00:34:26,780 --> 00:34:28,581
[Teresa] I'll see you later, love.
560
00:34:28,660 --> 00:34:30,501
[Sean] Fuck's sake!
561
00:34:30,581 --> 00:34:32,901
I'm guessing you haven't slept
with your boyfriend's dad...
562
00:34:32,981 --> 00:34:34,820
Much worse than that, mate.
563
00:34:34,901 --> 00:34:37,621
You've been a twat and now you're
paying for it. Lesson learnt.
564
00:34:37,700 --> 00:34:39,581
Not many free fucks about, are there?
565
00:34:39,660 --> 00:34:40,981
Up yours!
566
00:34:44,901 --> 00:34:47,300
-Don't!
-He's gone.
567
00:34:49,021 --> 00:34:50,700
It'll work itself out.
568
00:34:50,780 --> 00:34:52,901
Bound to be a tiff
when you're starting out.
569
00:34:59,421 --> 00:35:02,221
A tiff? That's what you fucking think,
is it?
570
00:35:02,300 --> 00:35:04,141
Do you not think
I'm a real fucking person?
571
00:35:04,221 --> 00:35:06,581
Don't think it matters
because it's two blokes?
572
00:35:07,661 --> 00:35:08,780
Because it's...
573
00:35:11,581 --> 00:35:13,101
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
574
00:35:14,901 --> 00:35:16,221
Sorry?
575
00:35:19,340 --> 00:35:20,141
[door slams]
576
00:35:25,741 --> 00:35:27,181
All right?
577
00:35:28,261 --> 00:35:29,340
Yeah.
578
00:35:30,541 --> 00:35:32,061
Heard about your old fella.
579
00:35:35,820 --> 00:35:37,581
Yeah, well you're better off with me, son,
580
00:35:37,661 --> 00:35:40,461
because from what I hear
he was an hopeless piss-pot.
581
00:35:40,541 --> 00:35:45,701
-Yeah, and you're quite good at it.
-That I am, son. That I am.
582
00:35:48,541 --> 00:35:50,061
[Sean] What's going on?
583
00:35:58,141 --> 00:36:01,581
Kids get to a certain age,
you'd rather not know what they're up to.
584
00:36:01,661 --> 00:36:03,701
I'll say.
585
00:36:03,780 --> 00:36:05,820
About two weeks old for me.
586
00:36:14,501 --> 00:36:17,021
Your dad...
It was your dad who died? Gary?
587
00:36:17,101 --> 00:36:19,101
How did you know?
588
00:36:19,181 --> 00:36:20,780
Why didn't you stay?
589
00:36:22,421 --> 00:36:23,621
What?
590
00:36:25,541 --> 00:36:29,300
Old mate of my mum's.
I were keeping her company.
591
00:36:29,381 --> 00:36:31,021
I didn't know it were your...
592
00:36:32,181 --> 00:36:36,101
I saw you. I thought you'd think
I was some stalker weirdo.
593
00:36:36,181 --> 00:36:38,541
It was really nice to see you.
594
00:36:38,621 --> 00:36:39,701
It meant a lot.
595
00:36:39,780 --> 00:36:42,780
Why didn't you tell me your dad had died?
596
00:36:43,780 --> 00:36:48,741
He's... Well, he'd...
been ill for a while.
597
00:36:48,820 --> 00:36:51,380
I got the call here, you know, the crisis?
598
00:36:52,221 --> 00:36:53,941
It wasn't my brother, it was him.
599
00:36:54,941 --> 00:36:58,941
I don't know, it just seemed a turn-off.
We'd only just met and...
600
00:36:59,021 --> 00:37:02,780
it was all going...
I didn't even like him.
601
00:37:02,860 --> 00:37:04,221
He was a joke.
602
00:37:04,300 --> 00:37:06,021
A drunk.
603
00:37:07,061 --> 00:37:09,661
Cruel, absent loser.
604
00:37:12,780 --> 00:37:15,380
I don't know. But your dad's your dad.
605
00:37:17,780 --> 00:37:19,701
Hey...
606
00:37:19,780 --> 00:37:23,101
Hey, I'm the one who should be upset.
You're looking after me.
607
00:37:23,181 --> 00:37:24,261
Yeah.
608
00:37:24,340 --> 00:37:25,780
Come here.
609
00:37:52,741 --> 00:37:55,820
All right, speak to the bloke.
Tell him to take her back.
610
00:37:55,901 --> 00:38:00,021
Very sorry, big mistake,
won't happen again. All that bollocks.
611
00:38:00,101 --> 00:38:01,820
He's gonna cut my balls off.
612
00:38:01,901 --> 00:38:06,581
Well, meet him somewhere public then.
The Jockey. What's he gonna do in there?
613
00:38:08,541 --> 00:38:09,981
Shit!
614
00:38:17,581 --> 00:38:21,061
He's not here. He works at Help the Aged.
You should try him there.
615
00:38:21,141 --> 00:38:22,780
Very funny.
616
00:38:22,860 --> 00:38:26,780
Some day you will know our love is real.
I will find him.
617
00:38:53,021 --> 00:38:54,461
Where's the fire?
618
00:38:55,981 --> 00:39:00,101
Thanks. My dad and that.
It's important having someone...
619
00:39:02,981 --> 00:39:04,221
I haven't done anything.
620
00:39:04,300 --> 00:39:06,181
Having someone there for me.
621
00:39:06,261 --> 00:39:08,101
You're not just great sex, Ian.
622
00:39:10,461 --> 00:39:11,860
I love you.
623
00:39:17,101 --> 00:39:18,461
I don't love you.
624
00:39:22,741 --> 00:39:24,261
That's all right.
625
00:39:24,340 --> 00:39:25,860
I'm emotional.
626
00:39:27,101 --> 00:39:28,141
Blabbermouth.
627
00:39:29,581 --> 00:39:32,581
I don't wanna carry on seeing you.
628
00:39:32,661 --> 00:39:34,701
What?
629
00:39:34,780 --> 00:39:36,181
What, you're chucking me?
630
00:39:38,021 --> 00:39:40,061
My dad's just died.
631
00:39:41,461 --> 00:39:43,340
I don't believe you.
632
00:39:43,421 --> 00:39:44,941
You're not that fucking cruel.
633
00:39:45,581 --> 00:39:48,101
We're getting on.
We're solid. I know we are.
634
00:39:49,860 --> 00:39:51,941
What is it? There's something else?
635
00:39:53,421 --> 00:39:54,421
No...
636
00:39:54,501 --> 00:39:56,581
Yes, there is.
637
00:39:56,661 --> 00:39:58,780
What is it, Ian? Tell me.
638
00:39:58,860 --> 00:40:01,581
Look, we agreed...
If I've pissed you off...
639
00:40:06,661 --> 00:40:07,981
My mum...
640
00:40:09,541 --> 00:40:10,981
Monica Gallagher.
641
00:40:13,181 --> 00:40:15,581
She wasn't an old mate of your dad's.
642
00:40:15,661 --> 00:40:21,221
She got pregnant by him. We're brothers.
643
00:40:23,221 --> 00:40:24,300
Fuck off.
644
00:40:29,021 --> 00:40:30,741
What about the waste, Frank?
645
00:40:30,820 --> 00:40:32,501
He's my dad.
646
00:40:33,661 --> 00:40:36,820
But my real dad was Gary.
647
00:40:57,581 --> 00:41:03,061
Look, I know that this
hasn't worked out and I'm sorry.
648
00:41:04,021 --> 00:41:06,101
Really.
649
00:41:06,181 --> 00:41:09,261
-I didn't mean to...
-Take the piss out of me?
650
00:41:09,340 --> 00:41:12,741
My family, my whole fucking existence.
651
00:41:12,820 --> 00:41:16,261
No, I didn't. I just think
we need to be straight with each other.
652
00:41:16,340 --> 00:41:18,661
I love that woman.
653
00:41:18,741 --> 00:41:21,181
I love the very bones of her. I can't...
654
00:41:22,661 --> 00:41:25,461
Life... Life's unimaginable without her.
655
00:41:26,901 --> 00:41:28,581
I can't see it.
656
00:41:28,661 --> 00:41:30,501
-I just can't.
-I don't want her.
657
00:41:30,581 --> 00:41:34,701
I want you to take her back.
She's yours. Just have her.
658
00:41:37,421 --> 00:41:40,221
So you'll chuck her then, just like that?
659
00:41:41,461 --> 00:41:44,261
Like she was a piece of fucking rubbish.
660
00:41:46,741 --> 00:41:48,541
I can't get my head around it.
661
00:41:50,021 --> 00:41:51,421
We're brothers.
662
00:41:55,021 --> 00:41:57,021
I think I don't wanna stop seeing you.
663
00:41:57,101 --> 00:41:58,181
We're related.
664
00:41:58,261 --> 00:42:01,340
Yeah, but does it matter?
Does it have to be incest?
665
00:42:01,421 --> 00:42:05,141
That stuff's for straights,
to stop them having daft kids.
666
00:42:05,221 --> 00:42:08,181
-We're not breeders.
-I think...
667
00:42:08,261 --> 00:42:12,941
I think we know it does.
I feel completely different.
668
00:42:13,021 --> 00:42:14,581
You do too.
669
00:42:15,581 --> 00:42:20,741
Nobody knows. We could carry on.
We just had sex, for God's sake.
670
00:42:22,300 --> 00:42:24,901
It still works.
671
00:42:24,981 --> 00:42:27,021
No, it doesn't.
672
00:42:27,101 --> 00:42:28,701
We know.
673
00:42:30,820 --> 00:42:32,461
It's over.
674
00:42:38,421 --> 00:42:40,380
Do you want a drink or something?
675
00:42:41,820 --> 00:42:43,941
We didn't want it to turn out like this.
676
00:42:45,261 --> 00:42:48,061
So what's it going to be this time then?
Both eyes?
677
00:42:49,701 --> 00:42:52,101
-Or do I get you back?
-It's too late.
678
00:42:52,181 --> 00:42:54,421
No, it's not. It's not too late.
679
00:42:55,701 --> 00:42:56,860
This?
680
00:42:58,340 --> 00:43:00,860
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't.
681
00:43:00,941 --> 00:43:02,221
I'm 16.
682
00:43:03,820 --> 00:43:05,021
I'm just randy.
683
00:43:09,300 --> 00:43:12,820
-Take me back or you're gonna see brains.
-Dave, don't.
684
00:43:16,501 --> 00:43:18,661
Dave, put the gun down.
685
00:43:18,741 --> 00:43:20,741
-Bastard!
-[Micky] Oh, for Christ's sake, don't!
686
00:43:20,820 --> 00:43:22,141
Leave it, Shane!
687
00:43:23,021 --> 00:43:24,221
[Shane] Let's have you!
688
00:43:26,780 --> 00:43:27,941
Dave!
689
00:43:28,021 --> 00:43:30,501
What the fuck was that?
You just fucking shot us?
690
00:43:30,581 --> 00:43:34,541
Dave! It was loaded! Why did you load it?
691
00:43:34,621 --> 00:43:36,661
I meant it, Teresa.
692
00:43:40,621 --> 00:43:42,820
It was really loaded.
693
00:43:42,900 --> 00:43:44,741
That's how much he needed me.
694
00:43:45,421 --> 00:43:46,981
I'm sorry, Carl.
695
00:43:47,061 --> 00:43:50,021
But how could I leave a man
who would do that for his woman?
696
00:43:50,101 --> 00:43:52,621
-So what was I?
-I'm sorry, love.
697
00:43:52,701 --> 00:43:54,981
It's better we finish now.
698
00:43:55,061 --> 00:43:59,261
Because he needs me and I have to go back.
699
00:43:59,340 --> 00:44:00,780
Always.
700
00:44:04,101 --> 00:44:08,820
I'll never forget you,
but we're locked together, me and him.
701
00:44:08,900 --> 00:44:10,380
It's for life.
702
00:44:11,860 --> 00:44:15,780
-Sorry.
-You used me to get your fucking kicks?
703
00:44:17,621 --> 00:44:20,701
When you get married, you'll understand.
704
00:44:20,780 --> 00:44:23,741
Fuck that. You two deserve each other.
705
00:44:23,820 --> 00:44:26,501
No wonder your daughter's
a fucked up nut job.
706
00:44:28,860 --> 00:44:32,221
[Lillian] Hilda Ogden never cried
when Stan died.
707
00:44:32,300 --> 00:44:34,780
Not until she got home,
found a pair of his glasses
708
00:44:34,860 --> 00:44:37,181
on the sideboard. Set her right off.
709
00:44:39,741 --> 00:44:41,981
I understood that when I got widowed.
710
00:44:43,860 --> 00:44:48,340
All over the house,
little ghosts waiting to jump out.
711
00:44:48,421 --> 00:44:51,221
They remind you of the things
you're not going to share.
712
00:44:52,221 --> 00:44:54,380
-Did he just try and shoot you?
-No.
713
00:44:55,261 --> 00:44:57,221
Showing off to his wife, apparently.
714
00:44:59,501 --> 00:45:03,181
So what's happened to you two?
You split up already?
715
00:45:04,741 --> 00:45:07,221
-Why?
-You don't wanna know.
716
00:45:08,141 --> 00:45:09,541
When you're with someone,
717
00:45:09,621 --> 00:45:13,860
there's a future, a present,
something to look forward to.
718
00:45:13,941 --> 00:45:16,860
Then they've gone
and there's nothing in front.
719
00:45:16,941 --> 00:45:18,101
It's all back.
720
00:45:18,181 --> 00:45:22,621
Memories, regrets... And it never stops.
721
00:45:22,701 --> 00:45:24,380
We had the same dad.
722
00:45:25,661 --> 00:45:27,820
-We're brothers.
-Half brothers.
723
00:45:29,581 --> 00:45:31,581
Are we half brothers?
724
00:45:31,661 --> 00:45:35,261
Don't worry, you're safe. Dick!
725
00:45:35,340 --> 00:45:36,981
You muppet!
726
00:45:39,421 --> 00:45:42,021
-Rosie Buchan.
-Frank Gallagher.
727
00:45:44,221 --> 00:45:45,860
Oh, I love you, Rosie Buchan.
728
00:45:45,941 --> 00:45:47,461
I love you, Frank Gallagher.
729
00:45:47,541 --> 00:45:48,581
One of the robbers is on the run.
730
00:45:48,661 --> 00:45:50,900
At least take some measures
to be incognito.
731
00:45:50,981 --> 00:45:52,141
I'm keeping a low profile.
732
00:45:52,221 --> 00:45:55,300
It would be very useful for me
to have a friend inside CID.
733
00:45:55,380 --> 00:45:57,221
Just till you work off your debt,
of course.
734
00:45:58,581 --> 00:45:59,380
Frank?
735
00:46:46,780 --> 00:46:48,461
Oi, look out!
51299
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