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1
00:00:05,221 --> 00:00:06,981
[intro music]
2
00:00:07,061 --> 00:00:10,820
[Frank] Tickets this way
for the Chatsworth Express.
3
00:00:10,900 --> 00:00:13,420
Come and watch pikeys
making a mess of the lives
4
00:00:13,500 --> 00:00:16,421
they were given by him upstairs.
5
00:00:16,501 --> 00:00:20,140
And kids they're convinced
aren't actually theirs.
6
00:00:20,221 --> 00:00:21,460
-Wicked!
-Piss off!
7
00:00:21,541 --> 00:00:25,460
What sounds on Earth
could ever replace
8
00:00:25,541 --> 00:00:29,061
kids needing money
or wives in your face?
9
00:00:29,140 --> 00:00:32,421
'Cos this, people reckon, me included,
10
00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:35,301
is why pubs and drugs
were kindly invented.
11
00:00:35,381 --> 00:00:37,941
To calm us all down
and stop us going mental.
12
00:00:38,021 --> 00:00:43,701
These are Chatsworth Estate's
basic essentials.
13
00:00:43,781 --> 00:00:49,821
We are worth every penny
for grinding your axes.
14
00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:53,701
You shit on our head,
but... you pay the taxes.
15
00:00:53,781 --> 00:00:55,181
[cheering]
16
00:00:55,260 --> 00:00:58,620
[Frank] Imagine Britain
without Chatsworth buccaneers.
17
00:00:58,701 --> 00:01:01,260
Who'd come on your face
for the price of a beer, eh?
18
00:01:01,341 --> 00:01:02,341
Eh!
19
00:01:02,421 --> 00:01:04,900
Make poverty history.
20
00:01:04,980 --> 00:01:09,661
Cheaper drugs now!
Make poverty history!
21
00:01:09,741 --> 00:01:11,621
Cheaper drugs now!
22
00:01:11,700 --> 00:01:14,060
[chuckles] Scatter!
23
00:01:15,461 --> 00:01:17,021
Party!
24
00:01:20,221 --> 00:01:25,140
[chokes]
25
00:01:25,221 --> 00:01:28,060
[Frank]
Still waiting for my moment.
26
00:01:28,140 --> 00:01:31,860
Not that 15 minutes bollocks,
you know, a real one.
27
00:01:31,941 --> 00:01:36,581
And when my hour doth cometh,
I am the man to filleth it.
28
00:01:36,661 --> 00:01:40,901
All I want is to show the bastards.
You know, proper like.
29
00:01:40,981 --> 00:01:43,621
You know that Kipling twat?
He nailed it.
30
00:01:43,700 --> 00:01:45,261
Someone call an ambulance!
31
00:01:45,341 --> 00:01:47,580
He needs Heimlich Manoeuvre.
32
00:01:47,661 --> 00:01:51,021
Help him. Will somebody
give him a hand, for fuck's sake?
33
00:01:51,101 --> 00:01:54,780
[Frank] If all around lose their heads
and you're... Blah, blah.
34
00:01:54,860 --> 00:01:56,621
Look up the rest, I've set the scene.
35
00:01:56,700 --> 00:02:01,661
If you're not in any personal danger,
step in, mate. Save the day.
36
00:02:01,741 --> 00:02:04,821
What's more, you'll be a man, my son.
37
00:02:04,901 --> 00:02:05,901
[Shane]
Calm down. Just stay there.
38
00:02:05,981 --> 00:02:08,100
Help him, for fuck's sake!
39
00:02:08,181 --> 00:02:09,540
Yeah...
40
00:02:10,540 --> 00:02:12,021
[Frank] Massive.
41
00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:15,181
I've only got these.
42
00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:16,661
Put 'em down.
43
00:02:17,661 --> 00:02:20,661
Crawling all over my tits
fresh out of prison. Irish twat.
44
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:24,301
-'Scuse me, could I trouble one of you...
-Fuck off, Frank.
45
00:02:25,181 --> 00:02:27,781
More sensitive soul
could take offence, you know.
46
00:02:27,861 --> 00:02:29,661
This is Paddy Smith.
47
00:02:29,741 --> 00:02:31,941
Aye, aye. No need to brick it.
48
00:02:32,021 --> 00:02:33,380
Shut your noise!
49
00:02:33,461 --> 00:02:37,181
This is the man who was put away
for crushing bigger fish than us!
50
00:02:37,260 --> 00:02:39,181
Runs a firm 20 times bigger than ours,
51
00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:41,820
and I've infringed on his market
while he's been absent.
52
00:02:41,901 --> 00:02:43,260
There's cause for apprehension.
53
00:02:43,341 --> 00:02:46,260
Yeah, but he might let us keep it
if we give him a bung.
54
00:02:46,341 --> 00:02:47,380
No, no, no, no, no.
55
00:02:47,461 --> 00:02:50,461
-He won't be doing me any favours.
-Why not?
56
00:02:53,540 --> 00:02:57,301
Paddy Smith is Other Paddy.
57
00:02:59,301 --> 00:03:01,621
Your mother's first boyfriend.
58
00:03:01,700 --> 00:03:05,741
-Oh.
-She dumped him for me.
59
00:03:05,820 --> 00:03:09,820
Jesus, Shane, and to think
I could've had a wank instead of you.
60
00:03:09,901 --> 00:03:12,901
[Frank] I mean, what's wrong
with wanting to be a hero?
61
00:03:12,980 --> 00:03:14,581
-[Shane] Come on, Dad.
-Stand back!
62
00:03:14,661 --> 00:03:15,540
Nowt.
63
00:03:15,621 --> 00:03:17,221
Crash trolley!
64
00:03:26,061 --> 00:03:30,061
[Frank coughs noisily]
65
00:03:31,741 --> 00:03:32,661
Ow!
66
00:03:41,501 --> 00:03:42,581
You saved my life.
67
00:03:42,661 --> 00:03:45,901
You fucking hero!
68
00:03:47,021 --> 00:03:49,700
Form is temporary.
Class is permanent.
69
00:03:49,781 --> 00:03:53,140
I'm completely shit-faced.
70
00:03:53,221 --> 00:03:55,461
[both laugh]
71
00:03:55,540 --> 00:03:56,661
Drinks all round!
72
00:03:56,741 --> 00:03:58,860
[laughing]
73
00:03:58,941 --> 00:04:02,781
I mean, what kind
of a mutant peanut is that?
74
00:04:02,860 --> 00:04:04,061
It's a cashew.
75
00:04:06,700 --> 00:04:10,181
That's not a pub nut.
Is this a wine bar?
76
00:04:10,260 --> 00:04:13,301
Are we going
metro-fucking-sexual here?
77
00:04:13,380 --> 00:04:16,701
-I was just trying something new.
-[Frank and Paddy mock]
78
00:04:16,781 --> 00:04:21,341
Oh, something new with a cashew!
79
00:04:21,420 --> 00:04:24,021
Yeah, well, lucky it was your da',
or you'd be the one choking now.
80
00:04:25,421 --> 00:04:26,740
Two in one night.
81
00:04:26,821 --> 00:04:28,740
Chatsworth's Oscar Schindler.
82
00:04:28,821 --> 00:04:30,301
We're brothers now, Frank.
83
00:04:30,381 --> 00:04:32,581
There's a blood debt.
84
00:04:32,661 --> 00:04:35,581
You're gonna find out
what Patrick Maguire's like
85
00:04:35,661 --> 00:04:38,060
when he's sincerely grateful.
86
00:04:40,141 --> 00:04:43,661
Can I have 14 more drinks, please?
87
00:04:43,740 --> 00:04:46,581
-[laughs]
-[glass smashes]
88
00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:50,141
["Brimful Of Asha"
by Cornershop playing]
89
00:04:50,221 --> 00:04:53,901
[singing along drunkenly]
90
00:04:53,981 --> 00:04:57,221
♪ Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow
Everybody needs... ♪
91
00:05:09,940 --> 00:05:11,821
-What you doing?
-Sorry.
92
00:05:13,661 --> 00:05:15,381
I forgot we'd changed beds.
93
00:05:17,940 --> 00:05:19,740
I wasn't gonna bum ya!
94
00:05:28,341 --> 00:05:30,861
I know you weren't. It's all right.
95
00:05:30,940 --> 00:05:32,940
I'm totally cool with the gay thing.
96
00:05:34,221 --> 00:05:35,981
You what?
97
00:05:36,060 --> 00:05:37,180
I'm cool.
98
00:05:39,500 --> 00:05:42,021
That's cool.
I'm cool with you being cool.
99
00:05:42,101 --> 00:05:44,461
Piss off.
100
00:05:44,541 --> 00:05:46,581
[Carl]
I'm telling you, Ian, he fancies you.
101
00:05:46,661 --> 00:05:49,060
How've we gone from no-one knowing
or talking about it
102
00:05:49,141 --> 00:05:50,421
to everyone having an opinion?
103
00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:54,141
Opinions are like bumholes,
everyone's got one.
104
00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:55,221
They all stink.
105
00:05:56,500 --> 00:05:58,781
He were asking after ya.
106
00:05:58,861 --> 00:06:01,221
-Mr Scott?
-Yeah, why wouldn't he?
107
00:06:01,301 --> 00:06:02,620
He lives with another teacher.
108
00:06:02,701 --> 00:06:03,701
Not any more.
109
00:06:03,781 --> 00:06:05,461
Above the greengrocer's on Tuttle Street.
110
00:06:05,541 --> 00:06:07,380
Virgil Kenyatta's dad owns it.
111
00:06:07,461 --> 00:06:10,901
Scotty moved out a week ago
when his boyfriend chucked him.
112
00:06:10,981 --> 00:06:13,301
And now he's asking after you. Hmm.
113
00:06:13,380 --> 00:06:15,541
What could this mean?
114
00:06:15,620 --> 00:06:16,740
He's just your type an' all.
115
00:06:16,821 --> 00:06:18,380
A geography teacher?
116
00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:19,740
[Debbie]
Fit. Available.
117
00:06:19,820 --> 00:06:22,060
Knows all about oxbow lakes.
118
00:06:22,141 --> 00:06:23,261
Oh, a teacher?
119
00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:25,581
Didn't know you went
for older women, Ian?
120
00:06:25,661 --> 00:06:26,981
It's a bloke.
121
00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:30,261
Oh. Trying to turn you, is he?
122
00:06:32,060 --> 00:06:33,341
Hiya, Carl.
123
00:06:33,421 --> 00:06:35,180
You walking to school?
124
00:06:36,180 --> 00:06:38,541
Er... yeah.
125
00:06:41,261 --> 00:06:42,701
Who's that?
126
00:06:42,781 --> 00:06:44,021
Sarah Berry.
127
00:06:44,101 --> 00:06:45,421
School dick magnet.
128
00:06:47,820 --> 00:06:50,060
-So what you doing tonight, then?
-Come on Chesney.
129
00:06:50,141 --> 00:06:52,500
Hey! Me mum wants you
to do a couple hours in the shop.
130
00:06:52,581 --> 00:06:53,861
-When?
-Now.
131
00:06:53,940 --> 00:06:55,021
Can't one of youse do it?
132
00:06:55,101 --> 00:06:56,541
She won't let us bunk off.
133
00:06:56,620 --> 00:06:58,861
Looks like we're only walking
as far as the shop.
134
00:06:58,940 --> 00:07:00,221
You walkin' us an' all?
135
00:07:00,301 --> 00:07:01,701
Get off, Meena.
136
00:07:01,781 --> 00:07:03,581
Don't mind me.
137
00:07:07,421 --> 00:07:08,620
Got mice.
138
00:07:08,701 --> 00:07:09,901
Little bastards.
139
00:07:09,981 --> 00:07:12,260
Are vegetarians allowed to say that?
140
00:07:12,341 --> 00:07:16,260
Anything that leaves a trail of piss
behind it deserves to die, horribly.
141
00:07:16,341 --> 00:07:17,901
Get stuffed.
142
00:07:18,861 --> 00:07:20,421
Well, I didn't mean you!
143
00:07:20,500 --> 00:07:22,701
-Touchy.
-He says he didn't wet the bed.
144
00:07:22,781 --> 00:07:23,981
He was putting out a fire.
145
00:07:24,901 --> 00:07:26,180
Look at the state, Deb.
146
00:07:26,260 --> 00:07:30,661
I'm living in a shit-heap
attached to a shit-hole.
147
00:07:30,740 --> 00:07:34,260
Mooning over
her bloody highness up there.
148
00:07:34,341 --> 00:07:36,861
What's she doing in my room?
149
00:07:36,940 --> 00:07:37,901
She's after it.
150
00:07:37,981 --> 00:07:39,461
Well, it is four times the size of hers.
151
00:07:39,541 --> 00:07:41,021
Bitch!
152
00:07:41,101 --> 00:07:42,101
She's not having it.
153
00:07:42,180 --> 00:07:44,981
She's only a squatter! Same as you.
154
00:07:45,060 --> 00:07:46,781
Oh, well, thanks very much.
155
00:07:46,861 --> 00:07:50,620
Well, you are. Look at the state
of this yard. It's full of crap.
156
00:07:50,701 --> 00:07:53,461
If you're staying,
then it's your space.
157
00:07:53,541 --> 00:07:55,981
So get off your arse
and do something about it.
158
00:07:56,060 --> 00:07:57,861
Well, tell it like it is, why don't you?
159
00:07:57,940 --> 00:08:00,060
You're such a moaner!
160
00:08:00,141 --> 00:08:02,141
Make a decision and put some effort in.
161
00:08:13,781 --> 00:08:15,740
-Get that kettle on, Carl!
-[boy] Shit!
162
00:08:15,820 --> 00:08:18,581
Got a throat like Thursday's bhaji here.
163
00:08:18,661 --> 00:08:20,541
There's more teabags under the sink.
164
00:08:20,620 --> 00:08:22,740
Don't use the ones in the shop.
165
00:08:22,820 --> 00:08:24,861
I don't drink counterfeit.
166
00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:29,700
-Carl?
-Yeah?
167
00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:34,621
-Phone the police.
-And say what?
168
00:08:34,700 --> 00:08:36,180
Just phone the police!
169
00:08:41,141 --> 00:08:42,100
He saved my life.
170
00:08:42,180 --> 00:08:43,700
Next time, try and get saved
171
00:08:43,781 --> 00:08:48,541
by someone who isn't
a human fucking compost heap.
172
00:08:48,621 --> 00:08:50,741
I'm proud to call that man friend.
173
00:08:52,181 --> 00:08:55,220
[laughing]
174
00:08:55,301 --> 00:08:56,821
Might need some stock.
175
00:08:56,901 --> 00:08:58,421
I'm hitting the old folk's home.
176
00:08:58,501 --> 00:09:00,100
Got something on.
177
00:09:00,181 --> 00:09:02,541
-How many bags are left?
-Five.
178
00:09:02,621 --> 00:09:04,661
-Isn't that enough?
-Dunno.
179
00:09:04,741 --> 00:09:07,381
The oldies are mad for their weed.
180
00:09:07,460 --> 00:09:08,661
What are you doing?
181
00:09:08,741 --> 00:09:10,181
-Got a meet.
-Who with?
182
00:09:11,100 --> 00:09:12,220
Someone from yesteryear.
183
00:09:13,181 --> 00:09:14,701
Twenty-five yesteryears,
to be precise.
184
00:09:14,781 --> 00:09:15,581
Who?
185
00:09:17,381 --> 00:09:18,340
Other Paddy.
186
00:09:18,421 --> 00:09:20,181
-Other Paddy?
-Mmm.
187
00:09:21,901 --> 00:09:23,421
My Other Paddy?
188
00:09:24,941 --> 00:09:25,860
[Yvonne]
Are you gonna get stuck in?
189
00:09:25,941 --> 00:09:28,381
It's gonna take all of you
to batter that door down.
190
00:09:28,460 --> 00:09:30,781
I don't know how he's locked
himself in there. The little wanker!
191
00:09:30,860 --> 00:09:32,501
No need. Tom's had special training.
192
00:09:32,581 --> 00:09:34,340
At the negotiation workshop, they said,
193
00:09:34,421 --> 00:09:36,821
"Talk first
and you won't have to act later."
194
00:09:36,901 --> 00:09:38,460
Rubbish! Oi!
195
00:09:38,541 --> 00:09:40,701
-You had your hair cut?
-Have I fuck!
196
00:09:42,701 --> 00:09:45,460
Every day they find a new way to rob us.
197
00:09:48,781 --> 00:09:50,301
What are you lookin' at?
198
00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:52,581
Sorry. Just when you're angry,
your eyes...
199
00:09:54,581 --> 00:09:55,781
Sorry.
200
00:09:55,860 --> 00:09:57,261
Don't be weird, Stan.
201
00:10:00,421 --> 00:10:02,301
Tom here.
202
00:10:02,381 --> 00:10:03,701
Want to tell me your name?
203
00:10:03,781 --> 00:10:05,901
[boy] Fuck off.
204
00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:09,860
I'm from Ireland. I've got
six brothers and sisters and...
205
00:10:09,941 --> 00:10:11,340
Ain't got time to bore him out.
206
00:10:11,421 --> 00:10:12,821
[Tom]
What're you doing?
207
00:10:14,100 --> 00:10:15,421
Gas!
208
00:10:17,381 --> 00:10:18,741
-You're nicked.
-[all coughing]
209
00:10:18,821 --> 00:10:21,181
You're costing me more than the hoodie.
210
00:10:21,261 --> 00:10:24,261
Sorry about that.
211
00:10:24,340 --> 00:10:26,980
Tear gas, Lillian. No-one can go in.
212
00:10:27,061 --> 00:10:29,381
Oh, no, I like a good weep, me.
213
00:10:31,860 --> 00:10:33,980
Search her when she leaves.
214
00:10:34,061 --> 00:10:35,741
Why now?
215
00:10:35,821 --> 00:10:37,701
He'll have heard the word
about you inside.
216
00:10:37,781 --> 00:10:39,301
-You've moved up a division.
-No.
217
00:10:39,381 --> 00:10:41,781
I'm famine potatoes to him.
218
00:10:41,860 --> 00:10:45,460
Could be getting nostalgic
for the things he's lost.
219
00:10:46,821 --> 00:10:49,100
Doesn't matter if he is.
220
00:10:49,181 --> 00:10:51,781
I know I plumped for the perfect Paddy.
221
00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:52,701
The poorer Paddy.
222
00:10:52,781 --> 00:10:55,421
-Mmm.
-Look at this palace.
223
00:10:55,501 --> 00:10:57,261
Every dream, fulfilled.
224
00:10:58,261 --> 00:11:01,181
He's dodgy. You need me with you.
225
00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:03,581
I can wrap him round this.
You don't lose that.
226
00:11:03,661 --> 00:11:05,301
Your man'll think I'm pussy-whipped.
227
00:11:05,381 --> 00:11:06,581
Oh, come on, Dad.
228
00:11:06,661 --> 00:11:08,541
Meet him first.
229
00:11:08,621 --> 00:11:10,661
Then I'll bump into you in the pub.
230
00:11:10,740 --> 00:11:12,421
We're a team, you and me.
231
00:11:12,501 --> 00:11:14,421
I'm getting off, too.
232
00:11:14,501 --> 00:11:16,220
Picking up a car.
233
00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:17,261
Dad's bankrolled us.
234
00:11:17,340 --> 00:11:21,421
New business, executive transport.
235
00:11:21,501 --> 00:11:22,821
Dad coughed up for that?
236
00:11:22,901 --> 00:11:24,220
Lent.
237
00:11:33,021 --> 00:11:35,340
You spanner.
238
00:11:35,421 --> 00:11:36,941
Well, s'pose you can put me right, eh?
239
00:11:50,781 --> 00:11:52,301
Tia Maria and coke.
240
00:11:54,701 --> 00:11:57,941
And a pint for shitty drawers.
241
00:11:58,021 --> 00:12:00,621
Couldn't stretch to a couple of Es,
could you?
242
00:12:00,701 --> 00:12:03,181
Me fucking ribs...
243
00:12:07,581 --> 00:12:09,460
You look nice, Mimi.
244
00:12:12,261 --> 00:12:14,421
Assisting Paddy with a bit of business.
245
00:12:28,980 --> 00:12:31,901
Patrick Donal Maguire.
246
00:12:31,980 --> 00:12:34,901
It's good to see you, kid.
247
00:12:34,980 --> 00:12:37,061
-Long time.
-Aye, Paddy. How's yourself?
248
00:12:37,141 --> 00:12:39,821
Fine.
Sure, a five-year stretch is bullshit.
249
00:12:39,901 --> 00:12:42,181
At our age we could do ten years
without blinking.
250
00:12:42,261 --> 00:12:43,740
Am I right?
251
00:12:44,821 --> 00:12:48,340
Don't shite yourself, I'm not asking you
to get sent down for me.
252
00:12:48,421 --> 00:12:50,821
Come away!
I'm ripe for a wee bit of entertainment.
253
00:12:50,901 --> 00:12:52,980
Well, I'm guessing a drink
would sit nicely.
254
00:12:53,061 --> 00:12:54,781
Ah, well, the bar's fully stocked.
255
00:12:54,860 --> 00:12:58,061
But what I've really missed
is filthy women.
256
00:12:58,821 --> 00:13:03,220
My balls are as heavy
as avo-fucking-cados, Patrick!
257
00:13:03,301 --> 00:13:04,141
Huh?
258
00:13:04,220 --> 00:13:06,340
I know that look.
259
00:13:06,421 --> 00:13:08,901
Have you laid one on for me?
260
00:13:08,980 --> 00:13:10,661
Have you? Huh?
261
00:13:10,740 --> 00:13:12,581
Patrick?
262
00:13:12,661 --> 00:13:14,901
Patrick, you have, haven't you, so?
263
00:13:14,980 --> 00:13:16,581
Huh?
264
00:13:16,661 --> 00:13:18,061
I'm on my way.
265
00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:22,301
Two Guinness, son.
266
00:13:24,141 --> 00:13:26,740
[Other Paddy]
Oh, is this her? She would do me.
267
00:13:26,821 --> 00:13:28,421
She fucking wouldn't.
268
00:13:30,261 --> 00:13:32,301
[Other Paddy]
Ah, Jesus! It's not that, is it?
269
00:13:32,381 --> 00:13:35,181
A rhino in a joy-bag.
I only need something to hold onto.
270
00:13:35,261 --> 00:13:38,141
I don't want to get smothered
by some great arse, for Christ's sake.
271
00:13:40,740 --> 00:13:42,701
Mimi?
272
00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:44,261
I'm so sorry.
273
00:13:45,301 --> 00:13:47,581
It just came out all twisted.
274
00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:51,141
I've been away a long...
[laughs nervously]
275
00:13:51,220 --> 00:13:55,740
Mimi, I said I'm sorry.
276
00:13:55,821 --> 00:13:57,701
Don't be like that!
277
00:14:08,581 --> 00:14:12,100
That's a terrible mistake
I just made there, kid.
278
00:14:12,181 --> 00:14:13,740
And I'm truly contrite. I am.
279
00:14:13,821 --> 00:14:15,460
If I could take my words back...
280
00:14:16,740 --> 00:14:21,460
But it is a good time to remind you,
281
00:14:21,541 --> 00:14:24,381
my people always know who I'm seeing.
282
00:14:24,460 --> 00:14:25,821
You think of Mimi.
283
00:14:25,901 --> 00:14:27,980
The kiddies.
284
00:14:28,061 --> 00:14:31,860
You put your pride
in your pocket, big man.
285
00:14:31,941 --> 00:14:36,661
Very bad trouble
is only a wee phone call away.
286
00:15:04,620 --> 00:15:08,620
[sobs]
287
00:15:23,860 --> 00:15:27,340
That is executive transport?
288
00:15:29,541 --> 00:15:31,541
Two minutes in business
289
00:15:31,620 --> 00:15:33,261
and you've already lost
your one customer.
290
00:15:33,340 --> 00:15:35,860
-Congratulations!
-What?
291
00:15:35,941 --> 00:15:39,141
I wanted something
incon-fucking-spicuous!
292
00:15:41,620 --> 00:15:43,740
Not a mobile poof's palace!
293
00:15:45,021 --> 00:15:47,061
Fucking joke.
294
00:15:50,421 --> 00:15:52,821
I think it's cute,
if it's any consolation.
295
00:15:54,301 --> 00:15:55,860
Jesus, Mickey.
296
00:15:55,941 --> 00:15:57,460
I was just trying to be nice.
297
00:15:57,541 --> 00:15:59,021
You're so desperate.
298
00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:00,661
I've got a date!
299
00:16:00,740 --> 00:16:02,261
Oh, I take it all back.
300
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:08,061
Sorry. I would've come in on it with you,
but Paddy's rates are...
301
00:16:08,141 --> 00:16:09,460
You'll go tits-up trying to pay him back.
302
00:16:09,541 --> 00:16:11,061
He's not a charity. He's got a...
303
00:16:13,100 --> 00:16:14,261
Where you off?
304
00:16:14,340 --> 00:16:15,181
School.
305
00:16:15,261 --> 00:16:16,380
What for?
306
00:16:16,460 --> 00:16:18,100
Checking out one of the teachers.
307
00:16:18,181 --> 00:16:20,021
Hot for cock. But who isn't?
308
00:16:22,220 --> 00:16:24,781
Well, I was gonna offer you a lift,
but you can walk.
309
00:16:24,860 --> 00:16:26,460
It's a bit pink for me anyway.
310
00:16:26,541 --> 00:16:27,821
I'm not that out.
311
00:16:30,701 --> 00:16:32,581
It's "fuss-chia"!
312
00:16:37,860 --> 00:16:41,100
It was a judgement call, and I may,
may, have erred in that judgement.
313
00:16:41,181 --> 00:16:43,821
But you have to remember
who he is, that little piece of scum!
314
00:16:44,421 --> 00:16:46,941
I wanted to saw
his ugly fucking head off! But I couldn't.
315
00:16:58,821 --> 00:17:01,421
I'm sorry. I've let you down.
316
00:17:02,340 --> 00:17:05,940
-What did he want?
-Dunno yet.
317
00:17:06,021 --> 00:17:07,340
We didn't get round to it.
318
00:17:07,420 --> 00:17:08,541
I've got to meet him again later.
319
00:17:08,620 --> 00:17:12,180
Gave you time off to come after me.
Very good of him.
320
00:17:12,261 --> 00:17:14,981
-What d'you think when you look at me?
-What?
321
00:17:15,061 --> 00:17:16,180
What do you see?
322
00:17:19,140 --> 00:17:21,221
I see my fabulous wife.
323
00:17:21,301 --> 00:17:23,261
The mother of my children.
324
00:17:23,340 --> 00:17:25,301
The woman who I love and adore
more than the very world.
325
00:17:25,380 --> 00:17:27,581
You don't notice
I've kept me baby weight?
326
00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:30,061
I don't care about that.
327
00:17:30,141 --> 00:17:32,061
Prove it. Fuck me.
328
00:17:32,141 --> 00:17:34,061
-Fuck me now.
-Christ, Mi.
329
00:17:34,141 --> 00:17:35,741
You know, this fucking hernia.
330
00:17:35,821 --> 00:17:37,861
-I can't.
-You haven't slipped me one for months.
331
00:17:37,940 --> 00:17:38,940
Since I've had this.
332
00:17:39,021 --> 00:17:41,741
It's printed in your eyes!
You've stopped fancying me!
333
00:17:41,821 --> 00:17:44,261
-Never!
-You're the same as him!
334
00:17:44,341 --> 00:17:46,101
Me and that twat!
335
00:17:46,180 --> 00:17:47,781
Mimi!
336
00:17:47,861 --> 00:17:49,180
Every curve.
337
00:17:49,261 --> 00:17:50,301
Straight from the angels.
338
00:17:50,381 --> 00:17:52,940
I know what you think. What you see!
339
00:17:53,021 --> 00:17:54,141
I do not!
340
00:17:54,221 --> 00:17:57,461
Would never, ever think of you as fat!
341
00:17:58,221 --> 00:18:00,180
What did you fucking say?
342
00:18:00,261 --> 00:18:03,581
I don't think of you as fat.
343
00:18:03,660 --> 00:18:09,461
I can't believe you used
the fucking "F" word in my presence!
344
00:18:10,101 --> 00:18:11,940
Bumble? Easy there!
345
00:18:12,021 --> 00:18:13,660
Calm down!
346
00:18:13,741 --> 00:18:15,701
Why don't you kill me?
347
00:18:15,781 --> 00:18:17,821
It'd be easier to take!
348
00:18:19,781 --> 00:18:22,861
You homeless bastard!
349
00:18:34,581 --> 00:18:36,861
Oh, fuck! What's up?
350
00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:41,101
Nowt. I hope.
So what d'you reckon, then?
351
00:18:41,180 --> 00:18:43,061
Not exactly Alan Titwank, are you?
352
00:18:43,141 --> 00:18:46,180
Not used it for cutting wood before,
have I? Takes practice.
353
00:18:46,261 --> 00:18:48,861
It's a saw, you toss.
What else is it for?
354
00:18:48,940 --> 00:18:52,180
If I told you that, Norma,
I'd have to waste your arse.
355
00:18:52,261 --> 00:18:54,660
I'm not scared of you.
I'm not scared of...
356
00:18:56,221 --> 00:18:57,141
A mouse! A mouse, a mouse!
357
00:18:57,221 --> 00:18:59,900
-A mouse! A mouse! A mouse!
-You bastard!
358
00:19:07,700 --> 00:19:10,261
-Why've you got the best bed?
-l own it.
359
00:19:10,341 --> 00:19:12,581
I'll have the bed I want.
360
00:19:12,660 --> 00:19:14,541
What's wrong with one of the flats?
361
00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:15,821
You wouldn't want your old man
362
00:19:15,900 --> 00:19:18,301
hanging around in one of them
cruddy rat-holes, would you?
363
00:19:20,301 --> 00:19:21,381
I've got a date later.
364
00:19:22,301 --> 00:19:23,501
Well, I won't try and join in.
365
00:19:23,581 --> 00:19:26,660
I can't! Not with the old...
366
00:19:28,621 --> 00:19:32,420
It won't be long.
Your ma's totally gone off her nut.
367
00:19:32,501 --> 00:19:34,461
It's a woman thing. Temporary.
368
00:19:36,261 --> 00:19:38,501
She'll keep a couple of days, won't she?
369
00:19:38,581 --> 00:19:41,461
-Who?
-The slut. Your date?
370
00:19:48,101 --> 00:19:49,581
Not that one!
371
00:19:57,381 --> 00:19:58,981
A present!
372
00:19:59,061 --> 00:20:00,660
That'll spur her into sense.
373
00:20:00,741 --> 00:20:03,341
A special one.
374
00:20:03,420 --> 00:20:05,741
-Start the Twat-mobile, Twat-man.
-We need petrol.
375
00:20:06,501 --> 00:20:07,501
Well, get some!
376
00:20:09,061 --> 00:20:13,141
Oh, fucker! No, no, no,
you should be careful with it.
377
00:20:13,221 --> 00:20:15,420
You know I am a veg. Stop it!
378
00:20:15,501 --> 00:20:16,501
Me snake isn't.
379
00:20:17,461 --> 00:20:18,381
You've got a snake?
380
00:20:18,461 --> 00:20:19,861
Python.
381
00:20:20,981 --> 00:20:23,660
Oh. Oh, I used to have an iguana.
382
00:20:23,741 --> 00:20:25,461
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
383
00:20:27,141 --> 00:20:29,261
[Paddy]
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
384
00:20:30,581 --> 00:20:31,781
Forgive us?
385
00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:47,821
I've never been right about food
and all that shite.
386
00:20:47,900 --> 00:20:49,381
It doesn't matter to Dad.
387
00:20:49,461 --> 00:20:52,741
It does.
Matters to everybody. Matters to me.
388
00:20:53,341 --> 00:20:55,940
You could lose weight
if you really wanted to.
389
00:20:57,541 --> 00:21:00,061
Weren't any fat people
came out of concentration camps.
390
00:21:00,141 --> 00:21:02,341
No, they all looked like you.
391
00:21:02,420 --> 00:21:04,700
-Fuck off.
-You fuck off.
392
00:21:09,420 --> 00:21:10,861
Sorry.
393
00:21:11,660 --> 00:21:13,101
Yeah.
394
00:21:13,180 --> 00:21:14,700
Sorry.
395
00:21:15,821 --> 00:21:18,381
-You think it's 'cos I've no willpower.
-l never said that.
396
00:21:18,461 --> 00:21:21,861
Food, looks, weight.
Blight of my life.
397
00:21:21,940 --> 00:21:25,381
If you're an alcoholic,
you stop drinking. You can't stop eating!
398
00:21:25,461 --> 00:21:27,861
It's always fucked me up!
Always there!
399
00:21:27,940 --> 00:21:30,700
And how many times
have you heard me mention it to you?
400
00:21:30,781 --> 00:21:32,900
How many times
have you heard me moan
401
00:21:32,981 --> 00:21:34,301
about my arse or my looks?
402
00:21:34,381 --> 00:21:35,981
Never! You've never heard it!
403
00:21:36,061 --> 00:21:39,821
Because I was determined never
to pass all that shit onto my daughter!
404
00:21:39,900 --> 00:21:42,900
And I haven't. That's willpower!
405
00:21:46,581 --> 00:21:49,741
I knew it'd drive my Paddy away one day.
406
00:21:49,821 --> 00:21:51,781
It hasn't. You told him to go.
407
00:21:51,861 --> 00:21:54,460
I don't need a man
who wants me outta habit.
408
00:21:54,541 --> 00:21:56,541
I need a man who fucking wants me.
409
00:21:58,581 --> 00:21:59,940
He's stopped.
410
00:22:01,021 --> 00:22:02,221
He can't...
411
00:22:02,301 --> 00:22:05,460
I'm starvin'. ls there any
of them double choccy chips left?
412
00:22:05,541 --> 00:22:10,301
All I've got left of my marriage
is little Leslie here.
413
00:22:11,420 --> 00:22:14,101
-S'not really serious, is it?
-[mouthing] Go.
414
00:22:14,180 --> 00:22:15,581
All right.
415
00:22:17,900 --> 00:22:19,341
I'll help, Mum.
416
00:22:20,541 --> 00:22:22,021
You can lose weight.
417
00:22:23,301 --> 00:22:26,420
I don't want to stop drinking
or eating...
418
00:22:28,581 --> 00:22:30,700
or do any exercise.
419
00:22:33,861 --> 00:22:35,460
Do a diary.
420
00:22:35,541 --> 00:22:38,821
Write down everything you eat.
We'll see where we are.
421
00:22:40,420 --> 00:22:42,221
Starting the engine costs a tenner.
422
00:22:42,301 --> 00:22:44,621
I can't hire it out,
'cos I've got me dad's massive pants
423
00:22:44,700 --> 00:22:45,700
drying on the heater
424
00:22:45,781 --> 00:22:48,021
and his truss all over the back seat.
425
00:22:48,101 --> 00:22:51,821
Polishing the fucker's the only thing
I can afford to do. Whoa.
426
00:22:51,900 --> 00:22:54,781
You knew it was gonna cost you.
Why'd you buy it?
427
00:22:54,861 --> 00:22:59,261
Somewhere to bring lads back,
not that I can do that now.
428
00:22:59,341 --> 00:23:02,981
And a business.
I'm sick of being the family chimp.
429
00:23:08,420 --> 00:23:11,221
I'm not gonna meet his first payment.
430
00:23:12,381 --> 00:23:13,381
Job going in the pub?
431
00:23:13,460 --> 00:23:14,621
-No chance.
-There must be.
432
00:23:14,700 --> 00:23:18,781
I'm not having you feeling me up
every time there's a quiet patch.
433
00:23:18,861 --> 00:23:21,381
-l wouldn't.
-No, Mickey. No.
434
00:23:26,700 --> 00:23:27,700
How was sir?
435
00:23:27,781 --> 00:23:29,420
Keen as.
436
00:23:30,381 --> 00:23:31,420
You're joking?
437
00:23:31,501 --> 00:23:32,940
I'm seeing him tonight.
438
00:23:36,180 --> 00:23:37,341
It's a bit pink, in't it, mate?
439
00:23:37,420 --> 00:23:39,061
It's not pink!
440
00:23:42,420 --> 00:23:45,141
All right, mate, how's it hangin'?
441
00:23:45,221 --> 00:23:47,621
Not good. Not good.
442
00:23:47,700 --> 00:23:50,821
She's holding this one against me.
Really is.
443
00:23:50,900 --> 00:23:53,141
And I don't know how to live without her.
444
00:23:53,221 --> 00:23:56,381
Well, you could take my advice.
Drink through it.
445
00:23:58,021 --> 00:23:59,821
You gettin' 'em in?
446
00:24:00,981 --> 00:24:02,940
Usual, Frank?
447
00:24:03,021 --> 00:24:04,741
Get us a chaser, too.
448
00:24:06,061 --> 00:24:08,341
Good to see that you're early.
449
00:24:08,420 --> 00:24:10,700
Cold Guinness, angel.
450
00:24:10,781 --> 00:24:14,460
So, let's chat and sort this business.
451
00:24:22,541 --> 00:24:26,381
You've splashed out on that, haven't you?
Good job you're minted.
452
00:24:26,460 --> 00:24:28,741
I am compared to someone
who's got fuck-all.
453
00:24:31,221 --> 00:24:34,381
Well, I know you're all right,
'cos sure you've been dealing off
454
00:24:34,460 --> 00:24:38,141
my best patches
while I've been rotting away inside.
455
00:24:38,221 --> 00:24:41,420
Only an idiot could lose money
on them ones.
456
00:24:41,501 --> 00:24:44,621
And you're not an idiot, are you, Paddy?
457
00:24:47,460 --> 00:24:49,180
Are you an idiot?
458
00:24:51,900 --> 00:24:54,581
I'm only joking you. If I wanted
to post some lead up your arse,
459
00:24:54,660 --> 00:24:57,061
it'd be snuggling your colon by now.
460
00:25:01,501 --> 00:25:03,940
What, fuck's sake! What?
461
00:25:04,981 --> 00:25:08,981
It's not still Mimi, is it?
Sure, that's all sorted out!
462
00:25:09,061 --> 00:25:13,541
Let's not fall out over a few pounds, eh?
463
00:25:14,700 --> 00:25:19,460
Specially not the ones on your...
your old lady's arse.
464
00:25:19,541 --> 00:25:21,541
Fucking little fuck!
465
00:25:21,621 --> 00:25:23,940
Yeah, that's fucking smart, that.
466
00:25:24,021 --> 00:25:28,381
Very fucking intelligent,
you small-time fuck!
467
00:25:28,460 --> 00:25:30,061
When you want to die?
468
00:25:30,141 --> 00:25:34,781
When I go home or when I don't go home?
Your choice.
469
00:25:36,381 --> 00:25:37,581
Oh, is this your diary?
470
00:25:39,501 --> 00:25:41,700
That's all right. Biscuits?
471
00:25:45,341 --> 00:25:46,900
We need a professional.
472
00:25:46,981 --> 00:25:51,101
No. I've tried everything.
I'm beyond help.
473
00:25:51,180 --> 00:25:52,821
Hypnosis.
474
00:25:52,900 --> 00:25:55,621
It's not working. It's not.
475
00:25:55,700 --> 00:25:58,141
Kept waking up
with marshmallows in me hair.
476
00:25:58,220 --> 00:26:01,821
Turned me into an unconscious sleep-eater.
Tried exercise.
477
00:26:01,900 --> 00:26:04,220
[woman on TV]
♪ In time... ♪
478
00:26:04,301 --> 00:26:08,420
[woman singing on TV]
♪ Only takes a moment to feel all right ♪
479
00:26:08,501 --> 00:26:11,621
♪ Get fresh at the weekend ♪
480
00:26:11,700 --> 00:26:15,301
Gave me a raging appetite.
I put weight on.
481
00:26:15,381 --> 00:26:19,541
Only time I lost weight was in prison.
Nothing else works.
482
00:26:19,621 --> 00:26:20,420
I can help.
483
00:26:20,501 --> 00:26:22,501
No, you can't.
484
00:26:22,581 --> 00:26:25,021
I'll never be thin.
485
00:26:25,101 --> 00:26:28,981
Never be... desirable again.
486
00:26:29,061 --> 00:26:30,821
Got to face what I am.
487
00:26:30,900 --> 00:26:33,501
I'm a bulimic who can't stand vomit.
488
00:26:33,581 --> 00:26:35,141
We can try.
489
00:26:35,220 --> 00:26:37,621
No, Mandy, love.
490
00:26:37,700 --> 00:26:39,501
I am fat.
491
00:26:39,581 --> 00:26:42,061
I'm a fat fuck.
492
00:26:42,141 --> 00:26:45,660
I'm a fucking fat fucker.
493
00:26:48,301 --> 00:26:50,021
Where did these come from?
494
00:26:50,101 --> 00:26:52,381
Mandy's mum give 'em us.
495
00:26:52,460 --> 00:26:54,900
[Carl]
You trying to show us up?
496
00:26:54,981 --> 00:26:55,940
Me?
497
00:26:56,021 --> 00:26:58,660
Bezz saw you at school.
Sniffing round Scotty.
498
00:26:58,741 --> 00:27:00,581
He didn't see that.
We were having a goss.
499
00:27:00,660 --> 00:27:01,940
I know what you were doing.
500
00:27:02,021 --> 00:27:03,621
I thought you were
coo-ell with the gay thing?
501
00:27:03,700 --> 00:27:07,341
That's got nothing to do with this.
It's school, Ian. I get taught by him.
502
00:27:07,420 --> 00:27:10,861
He were all over us.
''Very good, Carl. Top of the class.''
503
00:27:10,940 --> 00:27:12,581
I looked a right twat in front of Sarah.
504
00:27:12,660 --> 00:27:14,700
-Well, you tipped me off.
-He's my teacher!
505
00:27:14,781 --> 00:27:17,101
So what? I'll see who I like.
506
00:27:17,180 --> 00:27:19,220
Debbie, love.
507
00:27:19,301 --> 00:27:21,341
Can I squeeze these
into your cupboard?
508
00:27:21,420 --> 00:27:24,420
There's absolutely no space
in that teensy room of ours.
509
00:27:24,501 --> 00:27:25,621
[Debbie]
What?
510
00:27:27,261 --> 00:27:31,141
Leslie? Leslie?
511
00:27:31,220 --> 00:27:33,700
Leslie? Come to Mummy.
512
00:27:33,781 --> 00:27:36,141
I can't find her anywhere.
513
00:27:36,220 --> 00:27:38,220
Leslie. A he.
514
00:27:38,301 --> 00:27:41,621
Well, a leg of lamb's
missing off the side as well.
515
00:27:41,700 --> 00:27:42,861
You didn't snaffle it, did you?
516
00:27:42,940 --> 00:27:44,660
You cheeky bastard!
517
00:27:44,741 --> 00:27:47,261
Leslie'll have had it.
518
00:27:47,341 --> 00:27:49,180
He'll be back when he's hungry.
519
00:27:49,261 --> 00:27:51,660
Don't throw me out. Don't!
520
00:27:51,741 --> 00:27:54,581
I've got something for you.
Come with me. Come on.
521
00:27:55,581 --> 00:27:57,021
Mimi!
522
00:28:03,940 --> 00:28:06,660
Oh!
523
00:28:06,741 --> 00:28:09,301
Nice one, Norma.
524
00:28:12,781 --> 00:28:14,621
Out again.
525
00:28:17,581 --> 00:28:20,940
Here you are. Come on.
526
00:28:21,021 --> 00:28:22,460
Din-dins, Butch!
527
00:28:26,420 --> 00:28:27,940
He won't take it.
528
00:28:28,021 --> 00:28:31,341
-Maybe he's not hungry?
-He should be. Here, lift the bed up.
529
00:28:33,821 --> 00:28:35,900
Look at that.
530
00:28:35,980 --> 00:28:39,261
-It looks like he's...
-What?
531
00:28:40,781 --> 00:28:41,940
It's the dog.
532
00:28:42,980 --> 00:28:45,341
It's me mum's dog. He's had it...
533
00:28:46,141 --> 00:28:47,501
Oh...
534
00:28:47,581 --> 00:28:51,381
Oh, don't go off on one.
You don't know for sure.
535
00:28:56,101 --> 00:28:57,821
OK. Now you know for sure.
536
00:28:57,900 --> 00:29:00,261
I'm toast! I'm dead!
537
00:29:00,341 --> 00:29:03,501
I'm totally fucking dead!
538
00:29:20,501 --> 00:29:22,741
That's how much I love you.
539
00:29:22,821 --> 00:29:26,381
-What've you done?
-He's for you.
540
00:29:26,460 --> 00:29:29,700
What do you want me
to do with your gift?
541
00:29:29,781 --> 00:29:33,660
Are you losing your fucking mind
as well as your touch?
542
00:29:33,741 --> 00:29:36,341
It's not about him.
543
00:29:36,420 --> 00:29:38,541
It's about you and me. It's about me.
544
00:29:40,741 --> 00:29:43,381
I can't believe
you'd do something like that.
545
00:29:44,980 --> 00:29:46,900
What've you done, Paddy?
546
00:29:58,700 --> 00:30:00,660
Piss flaps!
547
00:30:00,741 --> 00:30:02,261
We are neck-high.
548
00:30:02,341 --> 00:30:05,781
We? Where's the ''we'' come from?
It's nowt to do with me.
549
00:30:05,861 --> 00:30:07,581
I did help with your fence.
550
00:30:07,660 --> 00:30:09,341
Howay then!
551
00:30:09,420 --> 00:30:10,940
Okey-dokey, Einstein.
552
00:30:11,021 --> 00:30:12,460
Plan?
553
00:30:18,101 --> 00:30:20,660
Get another dog.
Hope she doesn't notice.
554
00:30:20,741 --> 00:30:23,101
I mean, she's had it no time.
They all look the same.
555
00:30:23,180 --> 00:30:26,980
-Do they?
-Aye. They all look like Mimi.
556
00:30:27,061 --> 00:30:29,781
You should be more sympathetic.
She's got body issues.
557
00:30:29,861 --> 00:30:32,501
Oh, who hasn't?
She should get over herself.
558
00:30:32,581 --> 00:30:35,021
[gibbers]
559
00:30:35,101 --> 00:30:37,541
Pathetic. You're as bad as mum.
560
00:30:38,581 --> 00:30:40,021
I didn't mean that.
561
00:30:40,101 --> 00:30:43,021
What's going on, baby-cakes?
562
00:30:43,101 --> 00:30:45,940
It's the money you owe Dad.
563
00:30:46,021 --> 00:30:47,621
I can't say.
564
00:30:47,700 --> 00:30:49,460
How much interest is he charging?
565
00:30:49,541 --> 00:30:53,381
Let go... I can't tell. Argh!
566
00:30:53,460 --> 00:30:55,220
The usual rate!
567
00:30:57,021 --> 00:30:58,501
I can't afford it.
568
00:31:01,180 --> 00:31:03,220
He's gonna break me legs...
569
00:31:04,821 --> 00:31:06,261
again.
570
00:31:12,141 --> 00:31:13,220
Two more 'ere, Karen.
571
00:31:19,301 --> 00:31:21,781
Oh, still got the girl trouble?
572
00:31:23,741 --> 00:31:25,261
I'm lost.
573
00:31:27,220 --> 00:31:30,141
Without her, I'm lost.
574
00:31:30,220 --> 00:31:34,261
I've done something stupid
and there's no way out.
575
00:31:34,341 --> 00:31:35,980
Yeah, there's plenty more fish
in the sea, you know,
576
00:31:36,061 --> 00:31:39,861
get straight back on the horse...
All that jon-bobbins.
577
00:31:39,940 --> 00:31:43,061
You know, Frank, I've been thinking.
578
00:31:43,141 --> 00:31:46,180
What's worse
than being owed something?
579
00:31:47,501 --> 00:31:50,541
-House fire? Cluster bomb?
-Owing someone.
580
00:31:50,621 --> 00:31:53,301
See, I owe you
581
00:31:53,381 --> 00:31:56,700
and it's beginning to gnaw at me.
Understand?
582
00:31:58,301 --> 00:31:59,420
Yeah.
583
00:31:59,501 --> 00:32:01,821
So I want to pay you in full.
584
00:32:01,900 --> 00:32:04,861
Discharge my debt. Back to quits.
Would that be acceptable?
585
00:32:04,940 --> 00:32:07,301
If I asked nicely?
586
00:32:09,420 --> 00:32:12,341
Uh... Yeah, s'pose so.
587
00:32:12,420 --> 00:32:15,061
Good.
588
00:32:21,381 --> 00:32:23,700
Two mind.
589
00:32:23,781 --> 00:32:25,220
Not one.
590
00:32:30,581 --> 00:32:32,861
Couldn't lend us a score, could you?
I'm down to bare bones...
591
00:32:32,940 --> 00:32:33,940
Shh!
592
00:32:42,141 --> 00:32:44,501
How're we gonna dig
our way outta this?
593
00:32:46,420 --> 00:32:48,180
Easy. Just...
594
00:32:48,261 --> 00:32:51,420
He can't let you go.
595
00:32:51,501 --> 00:32:55,301
And he can't kill me
or keep me here.
596
00:32:55,381 --> 00:32:59,581
No word of a lie, my people
do know where I've gone.
597
00:33:02,341 --> 00:33:05,940
I am truly sorry for what I said...
598
00:33:07,541 --> 00:33:10,141
but if I don't turn up soon,
then there's going to be some...
599
00:33:10,220 --> 00:33:13,180
sick violence.
600
00:33:13,261 --> 00:33:14,261
Really sick.
601
00:33:17,420 --> 00:33:20,940
Let me go, kid.
602
00:33:22,180 --> 00:33:24,940
Do it now,
and there'll be no comeback.
603
00:33:25,021 --> 00:33:28,581
No grudges, no hard feelings.
Nothing.
604
00:33:28,660 --> 00:33:30,101
Guarantee?
605
00:33:30,180 --> 00:33:31,621
My word.
606
00:33:34,301 --> 00:33:35,301
That it?
607
00:33:38,141 --> 00:33:39,980
After what we had?!
608
00:33:43,541 --> 00:33:45,061
You know you can trust me.
609
00:33:48,381 --> 00:33:52,101
I've only ever had
the highest regard for you.
610
00:33:54,541 --> 00:33:57,980
You were a desert island fuck for me.
611
00:34:00,220 --> 00:34:03,381
You were nearly my Paddy.
612
00:34:03,460 --> 00:34:05,581
Could've been you sat
in front of the telly,
613
00:34:05,660 --> 00:34:10,061
scratching your balls
and hating me for going too fat.
614
00:34:10,700 --> 00:34:12,621
It would not be like that.
615
00:34:14,740 --> 00:34:16,340
You'd love the inner me?
616
00:34:16,421 --> 00:34:18,141
Of course.
617
00:34:20,141 --> 00:34:22,220
Remember me?
618
00:34:24,061 --> 00:34:26,860
You know I am a man of honour.
619
00:34:26,941 --> 00:34:28,581
Don't you?
620
00:34:30,660 --> 00:34:34,061
Hardly given you a moment's thought,
621
00:34:34,141 --> 00:34:35,981
but I do remember you.
622
00:34:37,981 --> 00:34:40,421
I remember why I dumped you an' all.
623
00:34:40,501 --> 00:34:42,461
You're a lying arsehole.
624
00:34:42,541 --> 00:34:45,780
Ah, Mimi,
625
00:34:45,860 --> 00:34:49,180
you're a fat stupid bitch,
so you are.
626
00:34:49,260 --> 00:34:52,421
That was your last chance
to save your limp-dicked Paddy.
627
00:34:52,501 --> 00:34:56,220
Won't be getting a hard-on with his blood
all over the fucking pavement!
628
00:34:56,300 --> 00:34:57,381
[muffled cries]
629
00:35:01,221 --> 00:35:05,860
[muffled cries]
630
00:35:05,941 --> 00:35:07,741
[muffled] See you later.
631
00:35:13,061 --> 00:35:14,061
[thud]
632
00:35:16,581 --> 00:35:17,581
What're you doing?
633
00:35:21,780 --> 00:35:25,061
-Falling over.
-What time is it?
634
00:35:26,381 --> 00:35:28,581
Where've you been?
635
00:35:29,701 --> 00:35:30,780
You've seen him, haven't you?
636
00:35:32,340 --> 00:35:33,340
None of yours.
637
00:35:34,101 --> 00:35:36,780
I asked you not to. You've gone
and shagged him, haven't you?
638
00:35:36,860 --> 00:35:38,101
You didn't ask me anything.
639
00:35:38,181 --> 00:35:40,340
You're a selfish wanker.
640
00:35:40,421 --> 00:35:42,141
Oh, cock off, pig tits.
641
00:35:42,221 --> 00:35:44,101
-What're you talking about?
-[both] Put that out!
642
00:35:44,181 --> 00:35:48,261
What've I told you?
No more fires!
643
00:35:51,300 --> 00:35:52,300
Carl?
644
00:35:55,021 --> 00:35:56,701
[barking]
645
00:35:56,780 --> 00:35:58,381
It's exactly the same.
646
00:35:58,461 --> 00:36:00,860
Apart from personality.
The vicious little twat.
647
00:36:00,941 --> 00:36:01,741
[squeals]
648
00:36:01,820 --> 00:36:03,340
[Norma] Shall we leave it
in the yard for her to find?
649
00:36:03,421 --> 00:36:08,461
Yeah. Just got to put this on,
pierce its ear and we're done.
650
00:36:08,541 --> 00:36:11,300
-Pierce its ear?
-Yeah, she put an earring in.
651
00:36:13,340 --> 00:36:15,421
Which is gay side?
652
00:36:15,501 --> 00:36:16,300
Gay side?
653
00:36:16,381 --> 00:36:19,141
Yeah, she won't want a gay dog, will she?
654
00:36:19,221 --> 00:36:21,501
What's gayer than a fucking air dog?
655
00:36:22,581 --> 00:36:24,820
-[snarl]
-[screams]
656
00:36:24,901 --> 00:36:25,981
Perfect!
657
00:36:28,381 --> 00:36:30,141
I like you too.
658
00:36:30,221 --> 00:36:33,061
-Do you want a brew?
-Stop nosing about, Debs.
659
00:36:33,141 --> 00:36:36,300
-I'm not. I'm making one.
-I'm all right, ta.
660
00:36:36,381 --> 00:36:37,941
Mr Scott?
661
00:36:38,901 --> 00:36:40,461
You all right, sir?
662
00:36:40,541 --> 00:36:42,661
Didn't know you two were a couple.
663
00:36:43,981 --> 00:36:45,901
-What're you doing?
-You left this.
664
00:36:45,981 --> 00:36:48,621
-It's not mine.
-Isn't it?
665
00:36:48,701 --> 00:36:50,221
Oh, no.
666
00:36:50,300 --> 00:36:52,421
Now it looks like I've come up
with an obviously transparent excuse
667
00:36:52,501 --> 00:36:54,581
just to see you again, doesn't it?
668
00:36:55,581 --> 00:36:56,941
I wouldn't leave your car out there.
669
00:36:57,021 --> 00:37:01,021
[Mr Scott] Half a mo'.
I've got your homework here.
670
00:37:01,101 --> 00:37:05,221
That... was relatively inventive, Carl.
671
00:37:05,300 --> 00:37:08,340
And you should try copying Carl, Sarah,
672
00:37:08,421 --> 00:37:13,860
instead of Dave Martin's hopeless effort,
which is the highway to a C minus.
673
00:37:13,941 --> 00:37:15,141
I'd better be going.
674
00:37:15,221 --> 00:37:16,941
-What, now?
-Yeah.
675
00:37:18,661 --> 00:37:20,340
-I'll call you.
-Whatever.
676
00:37:21,780 --> 00:37:23,780
Oh, piss!
677
00:37:24,901 --> 00:37:28,021
You got the right sex, didn't you?
It was a dog, not a bitch.
678
00:37:31,461 --> 00:37:33,461
Leslie!
679
00:37:33,541 --> 00:37:35,021
Look what I found.
680
00:37:37,340 --> 00:37:40,141
Oh, hello, gorgeous.
681
00:37:40,221 --> 00:37:41,901
Where's his tattoo?
682
00:37:43,780 --> 00:37:47,820
Oh, for fuck's sake. How we
supposed to fucking know that?
683
00:37:47,901 --> 00:37:49,181
What was it?
684
00:37:51,820 --> 00:37:54,221
-Who did it?
-Inky Bob.
685
00:37:54,300 --> 00:37:56,501
-Inky Bob?
-You know, the one with the...
686
00:37:57,701 --> 00:38:01,380
Well, that explains it.
Doesn't use proper ink.
687
00:38:01,461 --> 00:38:03,901
-Look at that.
-There's nowt there.
688
00:38:03,981 --> 00:38:06,541
Exactly. Guess who did mine?
689
00:38:06,621 --> 00:38:08,621
Inky fucking Bob.
690
00:38:08,701 --> 00:38:13,941
That fucking... That fucking Inky Bob!
Please tell me you didn't go to see him!
691
00:38:14,021 --> 00:38:16,941
Totally faded. Fraud!
692
00:38:19,300 --> 00:38:21,181
[Mimi] ls everyone a bastard?
693
00:38:21,261 --> 00:38:22,541
[door slams]
694
00:38:22,621 --> 00:38:24,300
[Paddy] You're wasting your time.
695
00:38:24,380 --> 00:38:26,541
Bank won't give him
the steam off its piss.
696
00:38:26,621 --> 00:38:28,021
Never mind a three grand loan.
697
00:38:28,101 --> 00:38:29,981
Will if I'm with him.
698
00:38:30,061 --> 00:38:31,661
Making sure he gives his real name.
699
00:38:31,741 --> 00:38:34,300
Are we setting off?
Or can we kill the engine?
700
00:38:34,380 --> 00:38:35,741
Petrol and that...
701
00:38:36,780 --> 00:38:37,981
Are we going anywhere?
702
00:38:38,581 --> 00:38:41,701
I'm not helping you with mum
if you don't do this for Mickey.
703
00:38:44,981 --> 00:38:48,181
Turn the engine off. Come back here.
704
00:38:48,261 --> 00:38:50,901
You really push it
with this heir apparent bollocks.
705
00:38:53,340 --> 00:38:56,261
[door handle clunks]
706
00:38:56,340 --> 00:38:58,541
What sort of a fucking car...?!
707
00:39:04,741 --> 00:39:08,461
Well, done, setting up the business,
son. I'm proud of you.
708
00:39:09,541 --> 00:39:11,340
I'm cancelling the loan.
709
00:39:11,421 --> 00:39:12,621
It's a gift.
710
00:39:16,820 --> 00:39:18,261
Oh, Dad.
711
00:39:20,741 --> 00:39:22,461
[Mandy] I'll speak to her.
-[Paddy] Careful.
712
00:39:22,541 --> 00:39:25,461
It's all in her head.
We hate you being apart.
713
00:39:25,541 --> 00:39:26,780
Hate you being in here, too.
714
00:39:27,780 --> 00:39:30,461
But that's not the main reason.
715
00:39:33,581 --> 00:39:35,860
ls it Dad's fault you got bigger?
716
00:39:35,941 --> 00:39:37,021
Has he been cramming the pies in?
717
00:39:37,101 --> 00:39:39,820
No. He's never even mentioned
your weight.
718
00:39:39,901 --> 00:39:42,661
You've chucked him out
'cos some other bloke said it.
719
00:39:42,741 --> 00:39:45,261
All he wants is to be back with you.
I've seen him.
720
00:39:45,340 --> 00:39:47,340
He may as well have his arms off.
721
00:39:47,421 --> 00:39:49,061
He's better off without me.
722
00:39:49,141 --> 00:39:51,300
Oh, don't whine.
723
00:39:51,380 --> 00:39:56,621
I live with this every day.
This layer of lard has ruined my life.
724
00:39:56,701 --> 00:40:00,061
And now it's ruining Paddy's, too.
He's in a mess 'cos of me
725
00:40:00,141 --> 00:40:02,461
and my weight.
726
00:40:03,421 --> 00:40:05,581
-l can fix it.
-Gonna have him back?
727
00:40:06,941 --> 00:40:08,541
I'm going to fix it.
728
00:40:17,181 --> 00:40:19,261
What're you doing?
729
00:40:19,340 --> 00:40:20,981
Looking for something.
730
00:40:21,061 --> 00:40:23,981
For Leslie to chew.
731
00:40:24,061 --> 00:40:25,941
Look, I've things I need to do.
I might be going away.
732
00:40:26,021 --> 00:40:28,581
I've messed up,
but I've found a way out for your dad.
733
00:40:28,661 --> 00:40:31,101
For everybody, for the best.
734
00:40:32,901 --> 00:40:34,581
Look after him for me.
735
00:40:34,661 --> 00:40:36,621
He was your dad's last present.
736
00:40:36,701 --> 00:40:39,221
Mum? Mum, where're you going?
737
00:40:43,141 --> 00:40:46,621
Dad, Dad! You got to go find Mum.
738
00:40:46,701 --> 00:40:49,701
-Why?
-She's just acting weird.
739
00:40:49,780 --> 00:40:51,501
-The gun's gone missing.
-Which gun?
740
00:40:53,021 --> 00:40:55,981
The one in t'wardrobe.
You don't think she's gonna...?
741
00:40:57,741 --> 00:40:58,741
She'd never do that.
742
00:41:00,261 --> 00:41:01,581
Shit!
743
00:41:02,901 --> 00:41:04,981
It's not that bad.
744
00:41:05,061 --> 00:41:09,101
He's just been chucked. He's gonna
get the piss ripped out of him.
745
00:41:09,181 --> 00:41:11,780
You've been an arsehole, Ian.
It is that bad.
746
00:41:11,860 --> 00:41:13,621
You told me someone fancied me.
747
00:41:13,701 --> 00:41:15,300
I followed it up.
748
00:41:15,380 --> 00:41:19,221
Hey, if I told you, I don't know,
Gaby Patterson fancies you,
749
00:41:19,300 --> 00:41:20,461
you'd be straight round.
750
00:41:20,541 --> 00:41:24,061
She's not a fucking teacher!
It's not 'cos you're gay, Ian,
751
00:41:24,141 --> 00:41:25,741
it's 'cos it's weird.
752
00:41:25,820 --> 00:41:27,541
It'd be the same
if Debbie went out with him.
753
00:41:27,621 --> 00:41:28,860
No. That'd be worse.
754
00:41:28,941 --> 00:41:33,501
Debbie, I've just been in your room
and I couldn't help but noticing your bed.
755
00:41:33,581 --> 00:41:36,541
You think you're getting my room?
Just try it.
756
00:41:36,621 --> 00:41:39,021
'Cos your first night will be your last!
757
00:41:39,101 --> 00:41:41,860
I'll slit your throat!
You're never sleeping in my room!
758
00:41:41,941 --> 00:41:45,981
Never! 'Cos it's my room!
And you can't have it!
759
00:41:46,860 --> 00:41:49,461
I couldn't help noticing
that your bed was broken.
760
00:41:49,541 --> 00:41:52,380
So I had thought we could get you
a new one out the catalogue.
761
00:41:52,461 --> 00:41:56,981
-I've already ordered you new curtains.
-So you don't want my room?
762
00:41:58,021 --> 00:41:58,860
No.
763
00:42:01,021 --> 00:42:03,421
OK, then, I'll have a new bed. Ta.
764
00:42:18,860 --> 00:42:21,021
There is a way out of it.
765
00:42:21,101 --> 00:42:23,181
And it solves all our problems.
766
00:42:24,501 --> 00:42:26,421
Fat bitch shoots you.
767
00:42:26,501 --> 00:42:28,581
I hold me hands up.
768
00:42:28,661 --> 00:42:30,741
A crime of passion.
769
00:42:30,820 --> 00:42:34,741
You screwed me over years back
and I've never got over it.
770
00:42:34,820 --> 00:42:37,541
Paddy isn't to blame,
771
00:42:37,621 --> 00:42:39,780
he gets to move on,
772
00:42:39,860 --> 00:42:43,181
without the hindrance of a wife
he no longer wants.
773
00:42:43,261 --> 00:42:44,101
[muffled cries]
774
00:42:44,181 --> 00:42:46,741
Not many wives would do that
for their husbands.
775
00:42:46,820 --> 00:42:49,421
Always said I was
one in a million, didn't I?
776
00:42:49,501 --> 00:42:51,421
Put that down!
777
00:42:51,501 --> 00:42:54,421
Put... that... down!
778
00:42:57,901 --> 00:42:59,581
You trying to get me off the hook,
are you?
779
00:43:01,221 --> 00:43:05,941
Shoot him and I'm an accessory.
We both go down. What's the plan now?
780
00:43:08,340 --> 00:43:10,261
[muffled cries]
781
00:43:10,340 --> 00:43:12,261
How did this happen?
782
00:43:16,101 --> 00:43:18,380
It's totally fucking obvious I love you.
783
00:43:18,461 --> 00:43:22,780
-l don't want to be just friends.
-Neither do I.
784
00:43:23,741 --> 00:43:27,221
You're not seeing me!
785
00:43:27,300 --> 00:43:30,221
Look at me!
How could you fancy me?!
786
00:43:30,300 --> 00:43:32,780
So you're carrying a bit of weight.
787
00:43:32,860 --> 00:43:34,741
Fuck, bollocks to that.
788
00:43:35,340 --> 00:43:37,141
I don't care!
789
00:43:41,461 --> 00:43:44,221
I do fancy you.
790
00:43:47,661 --> 00:43:49,181
Fuck this.
791
00:43:49,261 --> 00:43:51,780
Look what he's done to us.
He's got to choke.
792
00:43:51,860 --> 00:43:56,661
-No. They'll kill you. I'll do it.
-And what will I do without you, huh?
793
00:43:59,501 --> 00:44:03,501
-You're my foundation.
-I'm doing it for you.
794
00:44:03,581 --> 00:44:05,181
I'm doing it for you.
795
00:44:05,261 --> 00:44:08,261
[mumbles]
796
00:44:11,181 --> 00:44:14,741
-Don't let this madness ruin everything.
-I'm sorry.
797
00:44:15,701 --> 00:44:17,860
Christ, Mi-mo, me too.
798
00:44:17,941 --> 00:44:19,941
Come home.
799
00:44:33,021 --> 00:44:34,780
That the gun from the wardrobe?
800
00:44:34,860 --> 00:44:36,941
-Yeah.
-It's hot.
801
00:44:53,581 --> 00:44:56,021
Pull the trigger
and we're all going home.
802
00:44:56,101 --> 00:44:58,860
-You're framing me?
-Our protection.
803
00:44:59,860 --> 00:45:01,780
We're in shite if we kill you
and shite if we don't.
804
00:45:09,741 --> 00:45:13,541
Security guard had his ear
whacked off with that. Recent, too.
805
00:45:14,181 --> 00:45:15,820
After you got out.
806
00:45:16,661 --> 00:45:19,261
They'd be made up
to find your prints on it.
807
00:45:21,300 --> 00:45:24,461
Should be good for ten with your record.
Not that you'd blink.
808
00:45:24,541 --> 00:45:28,621
By the way,
what did you want to see me about?
809
00:45:30,421 --> 00:45:31,941
I'm retiring.
810
00:45:32,021 --> 00:45:33,900
Off to Cyprus.
811
00:45:33,981 --> 00:45:37,621
Wanted to sell you one of my patches
to go with the ones you've stole.
812
00:45:39,860 --> 00:45:42,380
Think I'll ask somebody else.
813
00:45:49,780 --> 00:45:51,581
All done.
814
00:45:51,661 --> 00:45:54,021
And no-one got hurt.
815
00:46:00,261 --> 00:46:02,340
Home.
816
00:46:10,981 --> 00:46:12,661
I'm sorry.
817
00:46:13,340 --> 00:46:15,581
That were totally fucking...
818
00:46:16,941 --> 00:46:17,741
I'm sorry!
819
00:46:24,701 --> 00:46:27,300
I didn't like being told
what to do by you.
820
00:46:29,141 --> 00:46:31,421
I'm a dickhead. Will that do?
821
00:46:31,501 --> 00:46:33,181
Don't go overboard.
822
00:46:34,101 --> 00:46:36,900
-Am I forgiven?
-You did tip me off about Gaby Patterson.
823
00:46:36,981 --> 00:46:38,780
How funny!
824
00:46:41,021 --> 00:46:43,261
-What?
-You told me she fancied me.
825
00:46:43,340 --> 00:46:45,900
No. I used her as an example.
826
00:46:45,981 --> 00:46:49,421
No way! No...
827
00:46:49,501 --> 00:46:50,501
She let me feel her tits.
828
00:46:50,581 --> 00:46:53,061
-No...
-Straight off.
829
00:46:53,141 --> 00:46:56,181
-So did Mr Scott.
-Did he?
830
00:46:56,261 --> 00:46:57,581
Think she'll wank me off next week.
831
00:46:57,661 --> 00:47:00,661
Yeah.
Mr Scott would definitely wank me off.
832
00:47:03,340 --> 00:47:05,300
You'd better get it out.
He's here now.
833
00:47:05,380 --> 00:47:07,101
Quick. Hide!
834
00:47:09,340 --> 00:47:10,581
I thought you liked him.
835
00:47:10,661 --> 00:47:15,621
What? Course not. He's a teacher!
And he's hairier than a gibbon.
836
00:47:15,701 --> 00:47:17,101
[Carl]
A gibbon!
837
00:47:23,541 --> 00:47:27,300
♪ The first time ♪
838
00:47:27,380 --> 00:47:32,261
♪ Ever I saw your face ♪
839
00:47:32,340 --> 00:47:35,541
♪ I thought the sun ♪
840
00:47:35,621 --> 00:47:40,380
♪ Rose in my eyes ♪
841
00:47:42,501 --> 00:47:44,421
Don't.
842
00:47:45,820 --> 00:47:47,741
Just do me.
843
00:47:49,141 --> 00:47:50,461
Properly.
844
00:47:54,061 --> 00:47:55,941
Lead the way!
845
00:47:56,021 --> 00:47:58,101
[both laugh]
846
00:48:04,021 --> 00:48:07,141
[Frank] I'll tell you
what's really fucking heroic.
847
00:48:07,221 --> 00:48:10,820
Waking up in the morning,
putting one foot in front of the other,
848
00:48:10,900 --> 00:48:15,380
looking at the wife and kids
and not topping yourself.
849
00:48:15,461 --> 00:48:19,701
[Paddy]
Oh, my fucking hernia!
850
00:48:20,621 --> 00:48:23,941
I am gonna have another little baba.
851
00:48:24,021 --> 00:48:26,581
[cheering]
852
00:48:26,661 --> 00:48:30,461
When every fucker shouts "surprise",
I want a Mimi-shaped hole in the ceiling.
853
00:48:30,541 --> 00:48:32,061
He chucks one every year.
854
00:48:32,141 --> 00:48:36,061
Paddy doesn't know I know.
That means it's a surprise.
855
00:48:36,141 --> 00:48:39,141
I know she knows. But she doesn't know
that I know she knows.
856
00:48:39,221 --> 00:48:40,820
-Hello, Irana.
-Hello, Schtan.
857
00:48:40,900 --> 00:48:43,421
He's bought her. Mail-order bride.
858
00:48:43,501 --> 00:48:45,300
Consider yourself under surveillance.
859
00:48:45,380 --> 00:48:46,900
Don't let me screw up this time.
860
00:48:46,981 --> 00:48:50,101
[music plays]
861
00:49:31,101 --> 00:49:33,581
Yeah! You're the first person
I've had back here.
862
00:49:33,661 --> 00:49:37,501
ln fact, I've been a bit short recently.
I'm fucking desperate for a shag.
863
00:49:37,581 --> 00:49:38,941
Yeah?
864
00:49:44,061 --> 00:49:46,860
Well, why don't we make
something of it, then?
865
00:49:52,941 --> 00:49:54,501
Haven't you got homework to mark?
866
00:49:54,581 --> 00:49:58,421
-School day tomorrow, innit?
-[sucking noises]
867
00:49:58,501 --> 00:50:02,340
Long holidays to plan? [groan]
868
00:50:03,860 --> 00:50:06,421
[groans] Go on, get it down!
869
00:50:09,101 --> 00:50:11,221
[whooping]
58633
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