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1
00:00:02,769 --> 00:00:05,671
It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:08,874
Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,876 --> 00:00:12,544
But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:12,546 --> 00:00:15,547
On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:19,018
Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:22,454
Lucky there's a man
who positively can do
7
00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:23,989
All the things that make us
8
00:00:23,991 --> 00:00:25,391
Laugh and cry
9
00:00:25,393 --> 00:00:32,031
He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy!
10
00:00:36,569 --> 00:00:39,038
Hey, thanks for helping me pick
out a new computer, you guys.
11
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:40,372
Oh, no problem,
Quagmire.
12
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:42,041
God, this place is
always so crowded.
13
00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:43,709
We gotta find someone
who works here.
14
00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:44,910
Can I help you, sir?
15
00:00:44,912 --> 00:00:47,479
Sorry, all I got
is a quarter, pal.
16
00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:49,148
Oh, excuse me, sir.
17
00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:51,016
My buddy here is
looking for a computer.
18
00:00:51,018 --> 00:00:53,218
I would like to elect you
president.
19
00:00:55,088 --> 00:00:56,422
What are you doing?
20
00:00:56,424 --> 00:00:58,190
You gonna get a new phone
while we're here?
21
00:00:58,192 --> 00:00:59,858
Maybe. But I gotta see
which one
22
00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:02,261
I wanna take in and out of
my pocket every 30 seconds
23
00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:03,562
for the next six years.
24
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:04,863
What do you think,
Peter? Peter?
25
00:01:04,865 --> 00:01:08,167
I touched a iPhone headphone.
26
00:01:09,869 --> 00:01:12,004
You know what?
I think I'm gonna go with this one.
27
00:01:12,006 --> 00:01:14,173
Guy said it's the newest version.
Just came out this week.
28
00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:15,441
Ah, good call,
Quagmire.
29
00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:16,842
You're gonna be like
the first guy
30
00:01:16,844 --> 00:01:18,210
in the neighborhood
to own a Model T.
31
00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:22,347
See ya, suckers!
32
00:01:22,349 --> 00:01:26,118
I'll be there an hour after you
with throw-up all over my legs!
33
00:01:29,389 --> 00:01:31,256
Are you getting excited
for Halloween, Stewie?
34
00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:33,225
You know, we'll have
to start thinking
35
00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:34,560
about your costume soon.
36
00:01:34,562 --> 00:01:36,028
All right, but let's make sure
37
00:01:36,030 --> 00:01:37,763
we don't cover up this,
all right?
38
00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:39,765
It's what puts candy in the bag.
39
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:41,533
Oh, look, Chris,
here's your costume
40
00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:43,535
from the year you went
as a condom.
41
00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:46,238
What the hell are you
supposed to be?
42
00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:49,408
Oh, Stewie, look!
43
00:01:49,410 --> 00:01:52,010
It's your very
first teddy bear!
44
00:01:53,246 --> 00:01:55,280
Oscar?
45
00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:57,116
Wow, I remember
that bear.
46
00:01:57,118 --> 00:01:59,084
That's the one Grandma
and Grandpa brought Stewie
47
00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:00,953
when he was still
in the hospital.
48
00:02:00,955 --> 00:02:02,654
Oh, and here's the card
they sent me.
49
00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:07,459
"Three kids on $40,000?
Have fun with your crap life."
50
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:09,294
I guess he got tucked
away up here.
51
00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:11,063
You want him back,
sweetie?
52
00:02:14,501 --> 00:02:15,567
What, this old thing?
53
00:02:15,569 --> 00:02:16,835
No, no, thank you.
I've grown.
54
00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:17,903
I've changed.
55
00:02:17,905 --> 00:02:19,304
You sure you
don't want him?
56
00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:20,506
I said no, okay?
57
00:02:20,508 --> 00:02:21,840
Don't you have
a wedding dress
58
00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:24,009
to try halfway on
and then cry about?
59
00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:30,482
Hello? Oh, hey, Quagmire.
What's up?
60
00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:32,818
Hey, Peter, I need
some help with my computer.
61
00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,019
I can't find my photos.
62
00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:35,354
Did you look
under "Photos"?
63
00:02:35,356 --> 00:02:36,421
What is that?
64
00:02:36,423 --> 00:02:37,756
It's a folder
called "Photos."
65
00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:39,124
Yeah, I-I don't have that.
66
00:02:39,126 --> 00:02:41,026
I just have 40 folders
all called "New Folder."
67
00:02:41,028 --> 00:02:43,095
Okay. You know what?
Click on your hard drive.
68
00:02:43,097 --> 00:02:44,696
Okay, now-now the arrow
on the screen,
69
00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:46,165
that's me, right?
70
00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:47,833
Yeah, yeah, that's you.
Okay, now-now just...
71
00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:49,801
Whoa-whoa-whoa!
There's a calculator on this thing?!
72
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:52,137
Listen, Quagmire,
what are you trying to do?
73
00:02:52,139 --> 00:02:53,772
I just wanna put pictures
of my cat
74
00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:54,806
on everyone's
Internet computer.
75
00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:56,308
Like, how do I do that?
76
00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:57,843
Okay, wait.
There's an agreement that just popped up.
77
00:02:57,845 --> 00:02:59,344
Hang on. L-Let me read
the whole thing.
78
00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:00,979
Just hit "Accept."
79
00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:02,381
Well, that seems a little foolhardy,
doesn't it, Peter?
80
00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:04,183
Look, do we have
to do this now?
81
00:03:04,185 --> 00:03:05,184
I'm watching something.
82
00:03:05,186 --> 00:03:06,351
I know. I'm sorry.
83
00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:08,120
I-I'm just nervous
that somebody else
84
00:03:08,122 --> 00:03:09,688
is gonna get pictures of their
cat on the Internet first,
85
00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:11,623
and then I'll always be known
as the second guy
86
00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:13,458
to get pictures of his cat
on the Internet.
87
00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:15,360
Quagmire, I don't know
how to tell you this,
88
00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:16,962
but there's already
cats on the Internet.
89
00:03:16,964 --> 00:03:18,530
Wait, it's-it's giving me
that pinwheel thing.
90
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:21,333
It-It's frozen. Oh, my God,
oh, my God, it crashed!
91
00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:22,668
The whole thing
just crashed!
92
00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:23,869
Geez, Quagmire,
calm down.
93
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,003
We'll figure it out.
94
00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:26,505
No, Peter,
the whole thing's fried!
95
00:03:26,507 --> 00:03:27,739
I can't even...!
96
00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:29,341
Ah! damn it!
What the hell?!
97
00:03:29,343 --> 00:03:31,410
Hey, you clicked "Accept."
98
00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:36,315
Hey, what's going on?
99
00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:37,749
You doing some
reading there?
100
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,551
Yes, well, you know
I turn to poetry
101
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:41,486
when matters of the heart
weigh heavily on me.
102
00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:43,222
"If you're happy
and you know it,
103
00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:46,692
"then your face will
surely show it.
104
00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:48,827
"If you're happy
and you know it,
105
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:50,395
"clap your hands.
106
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:51,430
Anonymous."
107
00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:52,664
Wait... matters
of the heart?
108
00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:54,366
What are you
talking about?
109
00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:56,735
Well, Lois found my old teddy
bear, Oscar, in the attic.
110
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:59,037
And I'm just not sure how
to handle it,
111
00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:00,706
what with Rupert and all.
112
00:04:00,708 --> 00:04:02,207
Who cares?
Just play with them both.
113
00:04:02,209 --> 00:04:03,442
I can't do that!
114
00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:05,210
Oh, it would be
so awkward!
115
00:04:05,212 --> 00:04:06,545
Um... okay.
116
00:04:06,547 --> 00:04:07,779
Oscar was my...
117
00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:09,581
well, he was my first,
you know.
118
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:11,183
And that's always exciting.
119
00:04:11,185 --> 00:04:13,218
But-but I've been with
Rupert for so long now.
120
00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:14,353
Uh-huh.
121
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:15,621
Most of our finances
are intertwined.
122
00:04:15,623 --> 00:04:17,055
We've built
a life together.
123
00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:18,924
On the other hand,
Oscar...
124
00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:21,093
Oscar's the only one who can
really make me laugh.
125
00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:24,730
I hate to say it, but I'm mostly with
Rupert because of his insurance.
126
00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:26,298
Stewie, I think you're
overthinking this.
127
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:28,066
No, you're right.
You're right, Brian.
128
00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:29,101
I'm with Rupert now.
129
00:04:29,103 --> 00:04:30,769
I just need
to forget Oscar.
130
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:33,238
No matter how intense
our relationship was.
131
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,944
That's amazing.
132
00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:40,879
It's like you took
all the colors that exist
133
00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:44,449
and said, ",
here's a new one."
134
00:04:48,621 --> 00:04:50,055
Hi, can I help you?
135
00:04:50,057 --> 00:04:51,290
Well, that depends.
136
00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:52,724
Do you know how
to fix pieces of junk?!
137
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:54,159
Haven't been stumped yet.
138
00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:59,264
Okay, I see what
your problem is.
139
00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:01,400
I-I-I tried to buy
a sweater online,
140
00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:03,168
and I-I think
I got a virus.
141
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:05,637
No, the porn's
not the problem.
142
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,105
Your browser history shows
143
00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:08,940
that you've been going
to kinkylatinas.net.
144
00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:11,310
But that site has
a bunch of malware.
145
00:05:11,312 --> 00:05:12,611
Oh.
146
00:05:12,613 --> 00:05:14,279
Personally, I'd recommend
College Latinas.
147
00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:16,648
I mean, I wanna see Latinas,
but I also want them to
148
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,650
Speak English.
speak English. Yes, exactly.
149
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:21,586
Wow. So you're into that kind
of stuff, too?
150
00:05:21,588 --> 00:05:23,689
Uh-huh.
151
00:05:24,924 --> 00:05:27,192
Would you, uh,
would you have dinner with me?
152
00:05:27,194 --> 00:05:28,860
Absolutely.
153
00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:31,363
Excuse me. I bought this
laptop here yesterday,
154
00:05:31,365 --> 00:05:34,333
but when I got home I noticed
the apple already had
155
00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:37,102
a bite taken out of it!
156
00:05:41,874 --> 00:05:43,508
So, yeah, I was
the first woman
157
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:45,777
to ride her bike
cross-country with no seat.
158
00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:47,045
Gosh, that's neat, Sonja.
159
00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:48,380
And-and where'd
you go to college?
160
00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:50,482
I think Syracuse,
but I don't know.
161
00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:53,185
My face was buried
in a pillow all four years.
162
00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:55,654
Wow, sounds like you took
a full class load.
163
00:05:57,224 --> 00:06:00,392
Oh, Glenn, I'm so glad
you asked me out.
164
00:06:00,394 --> 00:06:02,027
Whenever I talk
about stuff like this,
165
00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:03,495
most people look at me
166
00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:05,297
like I'm some kind
of disgusting perv.
167
00:06:05,299 --> 00:06:06,531
Me, too, but who cares?
168
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,333
You should never be afraid
to be different.
169
00:06:08,335 --> 00:06:10,335
Hoo.
170
00:06:10,337 --> 00:06:13,071
Whom.
171
00:06:16,843 --> 00:06:18,143
Morning.
172
00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:20,912
Morning.
173
00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:23,181
We kind of had
a crazy night.
174
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:24,583
Yeah, we... Did we?
175
00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:26,251
I don't really remember,
176
00:06:26,253 --> 00:06:28,520
but I do feel like I might
be down a couple of quarts.
177
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:32,324
Well, even though you seemed
like a sure thing,
178
00:06:32,326 --> 00:06:35,227
I really wanted
to make sure.
179
00:06:36,429 --> 00:06:38,997
Oh, my God!
You roofied me?!
180
00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:40,198
Are you mad?
181
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:44,002
No. I'm in love!
182
00:06:45,938 --> 00:06:47,205
Sonja, honey,
stay right here.
183
00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:49,174
I just have to go
to the bathroom.
184
00:06:49,176 --> 00:06:50,442
Wait, Glenn.
185
00:06:50,444 --> 00:06:53,245
Take this wine glass.
We can use it later.
186
00:06:53,247 --> 00:06:55,247
My God, I...
187
00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:57,182
I've never been so happy!
188
00:07:03,122 --> 00:07:05,924
I'm telling you guys,
Sonja is the perfect woman.
189
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:08,393
She's every bit as kinky
and as insatiable as I am.
190
00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:11,196
Really? I thought you said she
was just some computer geek.
191
00:07:11,198 --> 00:07:12,798
She is.
192
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:15,534
Her mouth has enough storage
space for a giggity-byte. Oh!
193
00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:18,904
Geez, you changed your
relationship status already?
194
00:07:18,906 --> 00:07:20,372
When you know, you know.
195
00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:22,140
All right, but just
be careful, ya know?
196
00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:23,809
You don't wanna rush an
important decision.
197
00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:25,277
I'll take
the cheeseburger meal.
198
00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:27,379
Would you like to make it
an extra large meal?
199
00:07:27,381 --> 00:07:30,148
Uh...
200
00:07:55,174 --> 00:07:56,775
N-No. Yes.
201
00:07:56,777 --> 00:07:57,976
No.
202
00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,278
You sure? It's only
29 cents more.
203
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:01,513
Yes.
204
00:08:01,515 --> 00:08:03,482
No.
205
00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:09,855
What the hell?
206
00:08:12,358 --> 00:08:13,658
Stewie, what are you doing
up here?
207
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:15,527
Brian!
208
00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:16,995
It's not what you think!
209
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,630
All right, I came up here
for a photo shoot
210
00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:20,632
and it just got way,
way out of hand!
211
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:21,700
You're having tea.
212
00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:23,268
How is that
out of hand?
213
00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:25,036
Is your shirt
on backwards?
214
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:27,372
Please! You can't tell Rupert
I was up here, all right?
215
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:29,040
He wouldn't understand.
He'll kill himself, Brian!
216
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:30,609
He's been through so much
already!
217
00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:32,210
He can't take much more!
218
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:34,513
Brian, he watched
his brother drown!
219
00:08:34,515 --> 00:08:35,981
Stewie, relax.
220
00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:37,816
You're getting all
worked up over nothing.
221
00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:39,351
Says the guy who freaks out
222
00:08:39,353 --> 00:08:41,386
every time
a fire engine goes by.
223
00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:44,489
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
224
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:49,561
Peter, Peter,
you hear that?!
225
00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:53,698
I'm matching the sound!
226
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,901
Is what I'm doing helping?
227
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:01,540
Glenn, why did you
bring me here?
228
00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:02,807
Well, I've always had
this fantasy
229
00:09:02,809 --> 00:09:04,242
of having sex on
the basketball court
230
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:05,810
in front of my
high school principal.
231
00:09:05,812 --> 00:09:10,015
Only problem is he's
now completely senile.
232
00:09:10,017 --> 00:09:12,517
Yeah, you like this,
Principal Goodrich, huh?
233
00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:13,752
Remember you once
suspended me
234
00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:15,353
for showing my wiener
in school?
235
00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:16,888
I did?
236
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:19,024
This isn't as much fun
as I thought it would be.
237
00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:20,992
I'm sorry, Sonja,
I don't think I can finish.
238
00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:23,061
You never could finish,
Quagmire!
239
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:25,430
Donahue, get in there!
240
00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:29,668
Okay, Glenn, now that we've
covered ourselves in black ink,
241
00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:31,269
let's do it until
we've created
242
00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:34,573
every character in
the Chinese alphabet.
243
00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:46,084
When all said and done,
244
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:49,454
Quagmire body tell story
of sadness.
245
00:09:52,291 --> 00:09:54,960
Oh, wow, I can't even imagine
what twisted deviant act
246
00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:56,595
you've thought of this time.
247
00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:59,197
I want you to have sex
with your father.
248
00:09:59,199 --> 00:10:00,732
What?!
249
00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:02,367
Yep, and I'm gonna watch.
250
00:10:02,369 --> 00:10:03,535
Hi, Glenn.
251
00:10:03,537 --> 00:10:05,604
Are you crazy?! No!
No way!
252
00:10:05,606 --> 00:10:08,206
Glenn, remember,
the thing we love most about each other
253
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:09,874
is that we push
each other
254
00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:13,311
way beyond
our normal boundaries.
255
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:15,647
Did you enjoy your stay
at the Marriott?
256
00:10:15,649 --> 00:10:17,716
No, I did not.
257
00:10:20,753 --> 00:10:24,255
Oh, well, excuse me for not
being six months old anymore!
258
00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:26,224
Oh, and here come
the tears!
259
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:29,227
The show is starting,
everyone! Come on down!
260
00:10:30,596 --> 00:10:32,330
What's all that noise?
261
00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:33,798
What the hell's
going on up there?
262
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,433
We're in a fight is
what's going on!
263
00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:37,469
Brian, I need you to settle
an argument for us:
264
00:10:37,471 --> 00:10:38,670
am I Hitler?
265
00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:40,405
Because I don't think
that I am,
266
00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:43,108
but maybe-maybe
I'm off base on this.
267
00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:44,242
Stewie, take it easy.
268
00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:45,510
No, you know what?
269
00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:46,578
You may as well call
your family now
270
00:10:46,580 --> 00:10:48,013
because I'm not going
to Sarasota.
271
00:10:48,015 --> 00:10:49,681
I don't care
if we can't get a refund,
272
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:50,749
we're through!
273
00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:51,950
Here, Brian, you take him.
274
00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:53,151
Maybe you can make him happy.
275
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,619
What?
You heard me. Take him.
276
00:10:54,621 --> 00:10:56,254
Do whatever you want
with him, I don't care.
277
00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:57,589
Rupert and I are over!
278
00:10:57,591 --> 00:10:58,623
Are you sure?
279
00:10:58,625 --> 00:10:59,791
Yes, we're done.
280
00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:01,292
I just hope we can
handle it better
281
00:11:01,294 --> 00:11:02,927
than blue and yellow
did when they split up.
282
00:11:02,929 --> 00:11:05,030
You were supposed to have
the kids here by 5:00.
283
00:11:05,032 --> 00:11:06,164
We have plans.
284
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,332
It's 5:15.
285
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:08,667
Stop busting my hump, Alicia.
286
00:11:08,669 --> 00:11:10,168
Okay, you know
what, let's not...
287
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,536
let's not do this
in front of the kids.
288
00:11:11,538 --> 00:11:12,837
God, you're right.
289
00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:14,005
What ever happened to us?
290
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,874
Hey, baby, you
ready for dinner?
291
00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:16,975
What's up, Scott?
292
00:11:16,977 --> 00:11:19,244
We gonna get
some barbecue.
293
00:11:22,181 --> 00:11:23,648
Hey, guys.
294
00:11:23,650 --> 00:11:25,183
No, indoors, not okay.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
295
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,551
Don't do it.
Nighttime, not allowed.
296
00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:27,986
What? There's nothing
wrong with this.
297
00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:30,121
No, no way, give me those.
298
00:11:31,390 --> 00:11:32,557
Oh, my God.
299
00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:34,159
Quagmire,
what the hell happened?
300
00:11:34,161 --> 00:11:35,694
Is this another one
of those sex-related injuries
301
00:11:35,696 --> 00:11:36,861
you keep getting?
302
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:38,563
Yeah, it seems like lately
303
00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:40,565
that girlfriend of yours is
taking things a little too far.
304
00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:42,967
No, she's not;
everything's great with us.
305
00:12:05,257 --> 00:12:07,092
Are you guys still talking
about Sonja?
306
00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:08,426
All right, I should
probably get going.
307
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:09,761
Sonja and I are
supposed to go
308
00:12:09,763 --> 00:12:12,363
to a "Brown Eyes
Wide Shut" party.
309
00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:14,432
Geez, I don't know what's
going on with him.
310
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:16,568
But I guess love does
funny things to people.
311
00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:17,936
Look at Forrest Gump.
312
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:19,537
Hi, Forrest.
313
00:12:19,539 --> 00:12:21,873
I know you just got back
from Vietnam and you love me,
314
00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:23,608
but I'm gonna go run a train
315
00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:25,610
with this group
of Black Panthers I just met.
316
00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:27,612
Okay, Jenny.
317
00:12:27,614 --> 00:12:29,114
Hi, Forrest.
318
00:12:29,116 --> 00:12:31,349
I know you came all this way
to New York to visit me,
319
00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:32,684
but I'm gonna go do blow
320
00:12:32,686 --> 00:12:34,352
and have sex
with a bunch of stockbrokers.
321
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:36,287
Okay, Jenny.
322
00:12:36,289 --> 00:12:37,522
Hi, Forrest.
323
00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:39,057
Now that I have
the most contagious
324
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:41,059
and incurable disease
known to mankind,
325
00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:42,961
I'll finally have pity sex
with you.
326
00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:44,729
Okay, Jenny.
327
00:12:44,731 --> 00:12:48,366
And I'll mow the grass
and raise the AIDS baby.
328
00:12:51,237 --> 00:12:52,570
Hey, sexy.
329
00:12:52,572 --> 00:12:54,806
Sonja, what are you doing here?
330
00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:57,475
Well, I got tired of waiting
for you to get home,
331
00:12:57,477 --> 00:12:59,577
so I thought I'd come to you.
332
00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:00,812
Come on, Sonja. How about...
333
00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:02,280
how about
we take a night off, huh?
334
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,715
The sex has just been nonstop.
335
00:13:03,717 --> 00:13:06,417
I mean, I understand
that "no" doesn't mean "no,"
336
00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:09,020
but certainly some word
has got to mean "no."
337
00:13:12,258 --> 00:13:13,958
This is one of your
fantasies, right?
338
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,127
Public humiliation?
339
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,997
Mm, it's sexy, isn't it?
340
00:13:21,168 --> 00:13:22,634
Sonja, stop, please!
341
00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:25,336
Come on, you love it.
342
00:13:28,841 --> 00:13:30,809
Ow! Ow! Ow!
343
00:13:30,811 --> 00:13:33,344
You're hurting me, and I really
need to clean out my trunk!
344
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:35,180
Oh, I'm gonna clean
out your trunk.
345
00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:36,447
Giggity.
346
00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:38,950
That's my word. That's my word!
347
00:13:43,789 --> 00:13:46,324
Okay, Joe, Joe,
you're drunk, okay?
348
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:48,426
You're drunk;
give me your keys.
349
00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:50,762
And-and I'm drunk,
so I'll give you my keys.
350
00:13:50,764 --> 00:13:54,098
Okay, now we're both good
to drive home.
351
00:13:57,970 --> 00:13:59,804
You been drinking
tonight, sir?
352
00:13:59,806 --> 00:14:03,374
Uh, no, Officer, I just had
a glass of dinner with my wine.
353
00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:05,710
Okay, I'm gonna need you
to step out of the car
354
00:14:05,712 --> 00:14:08,046
and walk a straight
line, please.
355
00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:10,481
All right,
you be safe, sir.
356
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:12,750
There's a lot of crazies
out there tonight.
357
00:14:21,827 --> 00:14:23,695
Oh, hey, Mr. and
Mrs. Quagmire.
358
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:24,896
Hi, Peter.
359
00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:26,231
I'm a little worried
about Glenn.
360
00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:27,899
I haven't heard
from him in days.
361
00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,067
Have you seen him?
362
00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:30,335
I haven't seen anybody.
363
00:14:30,337 --> 00:14:32,036
I've been grounded
for pinching a girl.
364
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:34,172
Hey, are you guys talking
about Quagmire?
365
00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:35,740
He never showed
this morning,
366
00:14:35,742 --> 00:14:38,509
and today's the day
we usually go apple picking.
367
00:14:38,511 --> 00:14:39,911
Get that one.
368
00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:41,045
Get that one!
369
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:42,413
Hey, get that one.
370
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:43,748
Get that one over there.
371
00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:45,483
No, not-not that one.
372
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:47,018
I already got it!
I can't put it back!
373
00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:48,586
Well, it's not
going in the pie.
374
00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:50,321
Well, if you're so smart,
why don't you come up here
375
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:51,389
and pick them yourself?
376
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,491
And now there's
no pie at all.
377
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:55,026
I've already checked
Glenn's house,
378
00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:56,694
and there's no sign
he's even been there.
379
00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:58,696
I'm afraid something terrible
has happened.
380
00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:00,498
Now let's not jump
to any conclusions.
381
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,400
I'm sure if we just check
his usual hangouts,
382
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:03,935
someone will have seen him.
383
00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:05,403
Wait a second.
384
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,105
He hangs out at the Clam
with some fat loudmouth.
385
00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:09,574
You find Loudy McFatass,
you find Quagmire.
386
00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:11,009
Come on, let's go.
387
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:12,877
But, Dad, it's the
night of my big show!
388
00:15:12,879 --> 00:15:16,814
Oh, Chris, I was never
gonna go to that.
389
00:15:20,052 --> 00:15:21,753
We should get some food
in you, mister.
390
00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:23,621
You hardly ate
any of that cereal
391
00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:25,089
I smashed
on your mouth yesterday.
392
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:26,724
Brian?
393
00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:28,526
Oh, hey.
394
00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:30,094
What the hell are you doing?
395
00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:32,397
Oh, I've been kind of using
Rupert as a chew toy.
396
00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:33,765
Chewing him
with your crotch?
397
00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:35,566
Hey, dogs like humping
stuffed animals.
398
00:15:35,568 --> 00:15:36,801
What can I say?
399
00:15:36,803 --> 00:15:38,202
Besides, you said
I could have Rupert.
400
00:15:38,204 --> 00:15:39,938
I thought you liked
Oscar better anyway.
401
00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:41,406
Well, I just changed my mind.
402
00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:44,142
And you know Rupert's a dude,
right, you gaylord?
403
00:15:46,812 --> 00:15:49,247
Okay, you guys, where should
we start looking for Glenn?
404
00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:51,149
Well, sometimes Quagmire
likes to hang out
405
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:52,917
under all the clutter
in my garage.
406
00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:55,219
So, why don't we
just start sorting stuff
407
00:15:55,221 --> 00:15:56,721
and throwing stuff away
408
00:15:56,723 --> 00:15:57,956
but obviously checking
with me first
409
00:15:57,958 --> 00:15:59,157
before you throw stuff away.
410
00:15:59,159 --> 00:16:00,758
No problem, Peter.
411
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,827
Quagmire, if you're in
there, hang tight, buddy.
412
00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:04,295
We're coming.
413
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,897
Right, and if we can't
find him in here,
414
00:16:05,899 --> 00:16:07,298
he sometimes likes to hang out
415
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:09,167
in between the blades
of grass in my lawn.
416
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:11,669
And also in the firewood
that needs to be split.
417
00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:13,638
Might he be under the leaves
in your gutter?
418
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,006
Great question,
and yes, he might.
419
00:16:15,008 --> 00:16:16,908
So, while you guys
are taking care of that,
420
00:16:16,910 --> 00:16:18,810
I'll be around back
flicking pinecones
421
00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:20,878
at a tree
with this hockey stick.
422
00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:27,285
Aloha.
Welcome to Ryan's Hawaiians.
423
00:16:27,287 --> 00:16:28,653
Hey, how you doing?
424
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:29,787
Amazing.
425
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:31,155
Have you seen this man?
426
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:32,623
Glenn Quagmire?
427
00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:34,993
Nah, the last time I saw him
was three months ago.
428
00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:36,761
Sold him 70 red shirts.
429
00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:38,763
Yeah, he does look
good in that shirt.
430
00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:40,865
Uh, everyone looks good
in my shirts.
431
00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:42,300
How about you, Big Island?
432
00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:43,634
Uh, I don't know.
433
00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:45,303
Do you want to be
an oldies' DJ
434
00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:46,971
or a 1980's wrestling manager?
435
00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:48,506
Yes, both.
436
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:50,875
This is beautiful.
437
00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:52,510
Heart disease looks better
438
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:55,246
when it's wrapped in a
tropical, floral pattern.
439
00:16:58,217 --> 00:16:59,984
Oh, my God, this is hopeless.
440
00:16:59,986 --> 00:17:01,819
We've been searching for hours.
441
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:03,287
Glenn could be dead by now.
442
00:17:03,289 --> 00:17:05,289
I know, and if you guys
are really hungry,
443
00:17:05,291 --> 00:17:06,357
I suppose I could eat.
444
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:07,658
Come on, we can't give up.
445
00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:09,360
Someone's got to
have seen Quagmire.
446
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:10,962
Or if not him,
at least Sonja.
447
00:17:10,964 --> 00:17:13,031
Excuse me, did you
just say "Sonja"?
448
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:14,165
Yes! I did!
449
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:15,466
That was my dog's name.
450
00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:17,802
Excuse me,
did he just say "Sonja"?
451
00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:19,070
Yeah, it was his dog's name.
452
00:17:19,072 --> 00:17:21,072
Oh, I thought
he might have been talking
453
00:17:21,074 --> 00:17:23,141
about this super kinky woman
who's always down here,
454
00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:25,043
trying to lure men
to her sex slave shed.
455
00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:27,011
No, I think he was talking
about his dog.
456
00:17:27,013 --> 00:17:29,213
No, Peter, that's the
Sonja we're looking for.
457
00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:31,315
Sonja must have
taken Glenn there.
458
00:17:31,317 --> 00:17:33,051
Where exactly is
this sex slave shed?
459
00:17:33,053 --> 00:17:34,419
I'm not sure,
460
00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:36,320
but I've heard she has a unit
at Quahog Storage.
461
00:17:36,322 --> 00:17:38,589
Apparently that chick's
a complete psycho.
462
00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:39,757
We got to get over there!
463
00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:41,559
Come on, you guys,
let's go!
464
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:44,062
Oh, man, I hope we don't catch
them doing something freaky.
465
00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:45,997
I'm still weirded out
from when I walked in
466
00:17:45,999 --> 00:17:47,732
on that masturbating Eskimo.
467
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:50,034
Dinner time, Tikaloo.
468
00:17:50,036 --> 00:17:51,235
Oh, my God!
469
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:53,237
Doesn't anybody knock?
470
00:17:55,941 --> 00:17:59,177
Hey, Stewie, look, I want
to apologize about earlier.
471
00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:00,778
What the hell is this?
472
00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:03,548
Brian, I think it's time
that Rupert made his choice.
473
00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:04,882
What are you talking about?
474
00:18:04,884 --> 00:18:06,217
Talking about love, Bri.
475
00:18:06,219 --> 00:18:07,852
Talking about adult decisions.
476
00:18:07,854 --> 00:18:09,921
Rupert's been with me,
and now he's been with you.
477
00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:11,622
It's time for him to pick.
478
00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:13,691
Stewie, this is stupid;
I'm not doing this.
479
00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:17,195
Brian, either you cooperate or I
blow my Adam Levine dog whistle.
480
00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:19,130
Hey, my voice isn't that high.
481
00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:20,264
It is.
482
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:21,566
It is though.
483
00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:22,767
All right, Rupert.
484
00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:23,801
Who will it be?
485
00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:25,136
And before you answer,
486
00:18:25,138 --> 00:18:26,971
think of all the
good times we've had.
487
00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:29,307
The time we met The Beatles
on The Ed Sullivan Show.
488
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:32,110
That winter we lived
on the sun.
489
00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:33,377
And here's my favorite.
490
00:18:33,379 --> 00:18:36,280
A blank one we can fill up
491
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:38,816
with a future together.
492
00:18:44,456 --> 00:18:45,923
Yes!
493
00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:48,126
Oh, my God, Rupert, I'm
so sorry for everything!
494
00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:49,594
I missed you, too!
495
00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:50,928
Whatever.
496
00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:53,164
Hey, you done
with that weird octopus doll?
497
00:18:54,433 --> 00:18:56,667
It's you and me forever, Rupert.
498
00:18:56,669 --> 00:18:59,737
I just hope Oscar
didn't take it too hard.
499
00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:10,181
This is it, number 92.
500
00:19:10,183 --> 00:19:11,916
This is Sonja's
storage unit.
501
00:19:11,918 --> 00:19:14,085
Quagmire, are you in there?
502
00:19:15,955 --> 00:19:17,288
Oh, he's eating.
503
00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:19,857
We'll come back
when you're done eating.
504
00:19:26,131 --> 00:19:27,165
Glenn!
505
00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:28,599
Hurry, she'll be back soon.
506
00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:30,434
I can't believe the
guy with the ponytail
507
00:19:30,436 --> 00:19:32,103
and the facial tattoo
at the front desk
508
00:19:32,105 --> 00:19:33,337
would let this happen.
509
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:35,139
Well, what's this?
510
00:19:35,141 --> 00:19:36,774
We got company?
511
00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:38,209
Hold it right there.
512
00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:39,343
Please.
513
00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:41,145
Do you think I'm afraid of you?
514
00:19:41,147 --> 00:19:42,446
Boy, if you were
ever gonna stand,
515
00:19:42,448 --> 00:19:44,615
this would be
the time, Joe.
516
00:19:44,617 --> 00:19:46,150
Everybody, just shut up!
517
00:19:46,152 --> 00:19:49,153
You idiots should've
minded your own business.
518
00:19:49,155 --> 00:19:50,288
This is our business.
519
00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:51,722
You kidnapped our friend.
520
00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:53,224
You're going to jail.
521
00:19:53,226 --> 00:19:55,126
Don't come any closer
or I'll shoot you!
522
00:19:55,128 --> 00:19:57,161
Oh, I don't think
you're gonna shoot me.
523
00:19:57,163 --> 00:19:58,563
You don't got the boobs.
524
00:19:58,565 --> 00:19:59,697
What?
525
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:00,831
I-I don't know.
526
00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:02,700
Now, just hand me
the gun, Sonja.
527
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:05,036
Oh, I swear to God,
you get one inch closer to me,
528
00:20:05,038 --> 00:20:06,404
and I'm gonna shoot you.
529
00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:12,476
What the hell?
530
00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:15,346
Like I said, you're
going to jail.
531
00:20:15,348 --> 00:20:17,048
Oh, my God, Joe,
that was so close.
532
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:18,716
How'd you know the
gun would jam?
533
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:20,151
It didn't jam, Peter.
534
00:20:20,153 --> 00:20:21,485
The gun was never loaded.
535
00:20:21,487 --> 00:20:23,688
Sort of had
a mental breakdown in April.
536
00:20:23,690 --> 00:20:25,690
No more bullets for this guy.
537
00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:27,892
Oh, Glenn, I was so
worried about you.
538
00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:29,927
Are you all right?
No, no,
539
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:32,196
I'm pretty far
from all right.
540
00:20:32,198 --> 00:20:34,665
Well, I guess this is
as good a time as any.
541
00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:36,567
Happy birthday, Joe.
542
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,236
You dick!
543
00:20:41,573 --> 00:20:42,907
Thanks for your help, guys.
544
00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:44,709
I might not be alive
if it weren't for you.
545
00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:46,210
Hey, no problem, buddy.
546
00:20:46,212 --> 00:20:48,279
Yeah, you would've done the
same for us, Quagmire.
547
00:20:48,281 --> 00:20:50,181
You know, I guess
what I realized from all this
548
00:20:50,183 --> 00:20:51,849
is that when it comes
to relationships,
549
00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:53,417
I need to be the kinky one.
550
00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:55,620
Ah, we're just glad
to have you back, Quagmire.
551
00:20:55,622 --> 00:20:59,190
Yep, and it's good to put
all those troubles behind us.
552
00:20:59,192 --> 00:21:01,292
My dad told me
he's pregnant.
553
00:21:01,294 --> 00:21:02,793
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