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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,005 --> 00:00:03,685 NARRATOR: History has known many great liars... 2 00:00:03,965 --> 00:00:07,165 Copernicus, Goebbels, 3 00:00:07,245 --> 00:00:09,605 Saint Ralph the Liar. 4 00:00:09,685 --> 00:00:14,565 But there have been none quite so vile as the Tudor King, Henry VIL. 5 00:00:14,725 --> 00:00:16,645 It was he, who rewrote history 6 00:00:16,725 --> 00:00:19,965 to portray his predecessor, Richard III, 7 00:00:20,045 --> 00:00:24,165 as a deformed maniac who killed his nephews in the tower. 8 00:00:24,245 --> 00:00:26,645 (SNICKERING) 9 00:00:26,725 --> 00:00:31,405 But the real truth is that Richard was a kind and thoughtful man 10 00:00:31,485 --> 00:00:33,245 who cherished his young wards. 11 00:00:33,325 --> 00:00:34,565 What have we here? 12 00:00:34,645 --> 00:00:38,205 In particular, Richard, Duke of York, 13 00:00:38,285 --> 00:00:42,245 who grew into a big, strong boy. 14 00:00:42,325 --> 00:00:45,525 Henry also claimed he won the Battle of Bosworth Field, 15 00:00:45,605 --> 00:00:47,845 and killed Richard III. 16 00:00:47,925 --> 00:00:50,765 Again, the truth is very different. 17 00:00:50,845 --> 00:00:54,845 For it was Richard, Duke of York, who became king after Bosworth Field 18 00:00:54,925 --> 00:00:57,805 and reigned for 13 glorious years. 19 00:00:57,885 --> 00:01:00,445 As for who really killed Richard IIT 20 00:01:00,525 --> 00:01:03,565 and how the defeated Henry Tudor escaped with his life, 21 00:01:03,645 --> 00:01:05,445 all is revealed in this, 22 00:01:05,525 --> 00:01:08,205 the first chapter of a history never before told, 23 00:01:08,285 --> 00:01:11,165 the history of The Black Adder. 24 00:01:11,245 --> 00:01:13,525 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 25 00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:54,285 (PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY) 26 00:02:13,845 --> 00:02:17,765 Silence, silence for the King! 27 00:02:20,845 --> 00:02:24,685 Now is the summer of our sweet content, 28 00:02:24,765 --> 00:02:29,565 made o'ercast winter by these Tudor clowns. 29 00:02:29,645 --> 00:02:33,165 And I that am not shaped for black-faced war... 30 00:02:33,245 --> 00:02:35,325 (ALL CHEERING) 31 00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:40,125 ...] that am rudely cast and want true majesty... 32 00:02:40,205 --> 00:02:42,605 (ALL BOOING) 33 00:02:42,685 --> 00:02:47,885 ...am forced to fight to set sweet England free. 34 00:02:48,405 --> 00:02:51,125 I pray to heaven we fare well 35 00:02:51,205 --> 00:02:54,005 and all who fight us go to hell! 36 00:02:54,085 --> 00:02:56,365 ALL: Hurrah! 37 00:02:56,445 --> 00:02:59,045 Hey, absolutely, hurray! 38 00:03:02,325 --> 00:03:04,205 Who is that? 39 00:03:04,285 --> 00:03:07,525 I know not, My Lord. I'll ask my son. 40 00:03:07,605 --> 00:03:10,725 Harry, who is that? 41 00:03:10,805 --> 00:03:12,405 Your other son, My Lord. 42 00:03:12,485 --> 00:03:14,725 It is my other son, My Lord. 43 00:03:14,805 --> 00:03:16,885 Fights he with us on the morrow? 44 00:03:18,925 --> 00:03:20,565 What's his name? 45 00:03:20,645 --> 00:03:21,885 Edmund. 46 00:03:21,965 --> 00:03:23,725 Edna! 47 00:03:23,805 --> 00:03:26,765 Fight you with us on the morrow? 48 00:03:26,845 --> 00:03:31,125 Oh, goodness, no. No, I thought I'd fight with the enemy. 49 00:03:39,245 --> 00:03:42,245 You're not putting him anywhere near me, are you? 50 00:03:42,325 --> 00:03:45,165 Oh, no, no, he'll be somewhere amongst the rabble. 51 00:03:45,285 --> 00:03:47,405 Oh, arrow fodder. 52 00:03:47,485 --> 00:03:49,045 - Precisely. - Yes. 53 00:03:49,125 --> 00:03:51,125 (CHUCKLES) 54 00:03:51,245 --> 00:03:53,565 What a little turd. 55 00:03:55,325 --> 00:03:59,365 Percy, you see how the King picks me out for special greeting? 56 00:03:59,485 --> 00:04:03,005 - No, My Lord. - I saw it, My Lord. 57 00:04:03,085 --> 00:04:06,165 Ah! And what is your name, little fellow? 58 00:04:06,245 --> 00:04:08,845 - My name is Baldrick, My Lord. - Oh. 59 00:04:08,925 --> 00:04:10,965 Then I shall call you... 60 00:04:11,045 --> 00:04:12,165 Baldrick. 61 00:04:12,245 --> 00:04:14,845 And I shall call you "My Lord", My Lord. 62 00:04:14,925 --> 00:04:16,165 (CHUCKLES) 63 00:04:16,245 --> 00:04:19,485 I like the cut of your jib, young fellow-me-lad. 64 00:04:19,565 --> 00:04:22,485 How'd you like to be my squire in the battle tomorrow? 65 00:04:23,845 --> 00:04:26,725 It will be a great day tomorrow for we, nobles. 66 00:04:26,805 --> 00:04:28,965 Well, not if we lose, Percy. 67 00:04:29,045 --> 00:04:31,445 If we lose, I'll be chopped to pieces. 68 00:04:31,525 --> 00:04:34,605 My arms will end up in Essex, my torso in Norfolk, 69 00:04:34,685 --> 00:04:37,845 and my genitalia stuck up a tree somewhere in Rutland. 70 00:04:37,925 --> 00:04:40,845 With you at the helm, My Lord, we cannot lose. 71 00:04:40,925 --> 00:04:41,965 Ah. 72 00:04:42,045 --> 00:04:45,045 We could if we wanted to. 73 00:04:45,125 --> 00:04:46,685 Ah, but we won't, Percy. 74 00:04:46,765 --> 00:04:50,925 And I shall prove to all that I am a man. 75 00:04:51,005 --> 00:04:52,565 But you are a man, My Lord. 76 00:04:52,805 --> 00:04:55,725 But how shall it be proved, Percy? 77 00:04:55,805 --> 00:04:57,605 Well, they can look up that tree in Rutland. 78 00:04:58,685 --> 00:05:00,165 Will you stop, My Lord? 79 00:05:00,245 --> 00:05:03,805 It shall be proved by mine enemies rushing to the water closet in terror. 80 00:05:03,885 --> 00:05:05,525 - Hurrah! - Hurrah. 81 00:05:05,605 --> 00:05:06,725 Come, a toast! 82 00:05:06,845 --> 00:05:10,365 Let all those who go to don armour tomorrow, 83 00:05:10,445 --> 00:05:14,165 remember to go before they don armour tomorrow! 84 00:05:14,245 --> 00:05:16,605 (EXCLAIMS) 85 00:05:16,685 --> 00:05:20,565 Already, I can hear the sound of battle ringing in my ears. 86 00:05:23,165 --> 00:05:29,045 Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more. 87 00:05:29,125 --> 00:05:34,485 Consign their parts most private to a Rutland tree. 88 00:05:35,925 --> 00:05:41,125 Let "Blood, blood, blood" be your motto! 89 00:05:41,205 --> 00:05:43,325 Slit their gizzards! 90 00:05:43,405 --> 00:05:46,765 - (CHUCKLING) - (MEN CHEERING) 91 00:05:46,845 --> 00:05:51,005 Now, I'm afraid there's going to have to be a certain amount of... 92 00:05:51,405 --> 00:05:53,045 violence. 93 00:05:53,125 --> 00:05:58,445 But at least we know it's all in a good cause, don't we? 94 00:05:58,925 --> 00:06:00,845 (MEN CHEERING) 95 00:06:00,925 --> 00:06:03,965 And gentlemen in London still a-bed 96 00:06:04,045 --> 00:06:07,485 shall think themselves accursed they were not here. 97 00:06:07,565 --> 00:06:11,165 And hold their manhood cheap, 98 00:06:11,245 --> 00:06:15,725 while others speak of those who fought with us 99 00:06:15,805 --> 00:06:19,405 on Ralph the Liar's Day! 100 00:06:19,485 --> 00:06:21,205 (MEN CHEERING) 101 00:06:22,245 --> 00:06:23,845 (SNORING) 102 00:06:31,365 --> 00:06:33,445 (SNORING LOUDER) 103 00:06:33,525 --> 00:06:35,325 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 104 00:06:36,685 --> 00:06:38,445 - Edmund. - (EDMUND MUMBLES) 105 00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:40,285 Edmund. 106 00:06:40,365 --> 00:06:43,925 Oh, Mother, what do you want? 107 00:06:44,005 --> 00:06:46,765 Did you want to go to the battle this morning? 108 00:06:46,845 --> 00:06:48,765 (ALARM CLOCK RINGING) 109 00:06:50,885 --> 00:06:53,085 (GASPS) Oh, my God, it's 11:00! 110 00:07:01,085 --> 00:07:02,965 BALDRICK: My Lord? EDMUND: What is it? 111 00:07:03,045 --> 00:07:04,765 BALDRICK: Where is this battle, then? 112 00:07:04,845 --> 00:07:07,485 EDMUND: Oh, somewhere called Bosworth Field. 113 00:07:08,445 --> 00:07:09,925 BALDRICK: Ah. 114 00:07:13,125 --> 00:07:15,805 Oh... Damn, damn! 115 00:07:15,885 --> 00:07:19,125 First decent battle since I've reached puberty. 116 00:07:21,245 --> 00:07:23,365 Here we are, My Lord. 117 00:07:23,445 --> 00:07:25,525 EDMUND: Onward, Baldrick, to glory! 118 00:07:25,605 --> 00:07:27,085 (EDMUND URGES HORSE) 119 00:07:28,805 --> 00:07:31,245 - (SWORDS CLASH) - (HORSES WHINNY) 120 00:07:36,725 --> 00:07:38,725 (STAMMERS) Yes, erm... 121 00:07:38,805 --> 00:07:42,645 I'm not so sure we're needed, you know, Baldrick. 122 00:07:42,725 --> 00:07:46,565 I mean, everything seems to be going very well, doesn't it? 123 00:07:47,245 --> 00:07:49,565 Everyone's fighting, 124 00:07:49,645 --> 00:07:53,565 clearly having the time of their lives. 125 00:07:53,645 --> 00:07:56,765 - Why, some people over there aren't fighting, they're... 126 00:07:56,845 --> 00:07:58,365 They're just lying down! 127 00:07:59,685 --> 00:08:00,765 They're dead, My Lord. 128 00:08:01,885 --> 00:08:02,925 Ah. 129 00:08:04,205 --> 00:08:06,965 Damn, I knew I'd forgotten something. 130 00:08:07,045 --> 00:08:09,525 Would you excuse me a moment, Baldrick? 131 00:08:15,805 --> 00:08:17,325 - Your Majesty... - Ah. 132 00:08:17,405 --> 00:08:19,885 You've lost your steed. Take mine. 133 00:08:19,965 --> 00:08:23,485 No, no, no. I've won the battle, I've saved the kingdom. 134 00:08:23,565 --> 00:08:25,805 I think I can find myself a horse. 135 00:08:25,885 --> 00:08:29,325 True, My Noble Lord. I'll see you back at the castle. 136 00:08:29,405 --> 00:08:30,925 So be it. 137 00:08:31,005 --> 00:08:32,205 (URGES HORSE) 138 00:08:33,525 --> 00:08:35,525 A horse! (WHISTLES) 139 00:08:36,645 --> 00:08:37,885 A horse. 140 00:08:38,645 --> 00:08:41,165 My kingdom for a horse. 141 00:08:41,725 --> 00:08:42,765 Ah! 142 00:08:43,485 --> 00:08:44,685 Horsey. 143 00:08:45,645 --> 00:08:47,205 (URINATING) 144 00:08:48,365 --> 00:08:49,685 Who is this? 145 00:08:56,885 --> 00:08:58,765 Oi! That's my horse! 146 00:09:05,845 --> 00:09:07,365 (GRUNTING) 147 00:09:09,205 --> 00:09:11,165 That'll teach you! 148 00:09:11,245 --> 00:09:13,045 (CHUCKLES) 149 00:09:15,445 --> 00:09:18,325 You won't be doing that again now, will you? 150 00:09:21,085 --> 00:09:23,445 Oh, my God, it's Uncle Richard. 151 00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:26,485 (SCREAMS) 152 00:09:29,645 --> 00:09:31,085 - What's up, My Lord? - (MUTTERS) 153 00:09:31,165 --> 00:09:32,565 (BOTH GRUNT) 154 00:09:35,805 --> 00:09:37,645 Oh, dear, Richard III. 155 00:09:40,565 --> 00:09:42,725 - What are you going to do? - Well, quick! 156 00:09:42,805 --> 00:09:44,045 Quick. 157 00:09:50,685 --> 00:09:52,445 Hold it there. Hold it there. 158 00:10:00,405 --> 00:10:01,725 My Lord! 159 00:10:16,925 --> 00:10:18,645 (BALDRICK GROANS) 160 00:10:21,325 --> 00:10:23,565 Will you wait? Will you wait? 161 00:10:23,645 --> 00:10:25,525 Oh, well done. 162 00:10:25,605 --> 00:10:27,005 (BOTH SIGH) 163 00:10:30,445 --> 00:10:31,685 Where's the head? 164 00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:33,165 I thought you had it. 165 00:10:33,245 --> 00:10:35,645 Oh, Baldrick! I can't be expected to carry everything! 166 00:10:35,725 --> 00:10:37,365 (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) 167 00:10:40,845 --> 00:10:43,645 Percy, you brainless son of a prostitute, 168 00:10:43,725 --> 00:10:45,645 where've you been? 169 00:10:45,725 --> 00:10:48,325 I've just proved that I'm a man. 170 00:10:48,405 --> 00:10:50,005 Look what I've found! 171 00:10:50,085 --> 00:10:52,045 Oh, thank God. Quick, Percy, quick! 172 00:10:52,125 --> 00:10:53,845 Put it down and let's get out of here! 173 00:10:53,925 --> 00:10:55,725 No, no, no. I found it, it's mine. 174 00:10:55,805 --> 00:10:57,285 What do you mean it's "yours"? 175 00:10:57,365 --> 00:11:00,925 I've got to use it to prove that I killed a nobleman. 176 00:11:01,005 --> 00:11:03,845 And which nobleman, pray? 177 00:11:03,925 --> 00:11:05,405 Er... 178 00:11:05,485 --> 00:11:08,725 (CHUCKLES) Well, it's the King actually. 179 00:11:13,725 --> 00:11:15,085 (WHIMPERING) 180 00:11:15,765 --> 00:11:17,405 Quick! Quick! 181 00:11:17,485 --> 00:11:20,645 Lost! All is lost! 182 00:11:20,725 --> 00:11:21,965 What? 183 00:11:22,045 --> 00:11:24,085 Flee! Flee! 184 00:11:24,165 --> 00:11:26,405 Oh, my God. Quick, let's get out of here. 185 00:11:26,485 --> 00:11:27,845 Take me with you. 186 00:11:27,925 --> 00:11:29,725 Get your hands off! 187 00:11:29,805 --> 00:11:32,765 If you leave me alone here, I'll die. 188 00:11:32,845 --> 00:11:35,445 If you don't leave me alone, I'll kill you myself. 189 00:11:35,525 --> 00:11:37,445 - (GROANS) - Now, leave him here. Come on, Baldrick! 190 00:11:37,525 --> 00:11:39,285 I'll give you money. 191 00:11:40,365 --> 00:11:43,845 Ten thousand sovereigns! 192 00:11:43,925 --> 00:11:45,445 (GASPING) 193 00:11:51,205 --> 00:11:53,325 - Mother! - Edmund, dear. 194 00:11:53,405 --> 00:11:54,805 How did it go? 195 00:11:54,885 --> 00:11:58,125 Within seconds Henry Tudor will be here at our gates! 196 00:11:58,205 --> 00:12:00,085 Oh, but Edmund, I'm not ready. 197 00:12:00,165 --> 00:12:02,205 I haven't had a bath or anything. 198 00:12:02,285 --> 00:12:04,485 Mother, Henry is our enemy. 199 00:12:04,565 --> 00:12:05,965 When his men get here, 200 00:12:06,045 --> 00:12:08,965 they'll brutally ravish you and every woman in the castle. 201 00:12:09,045 --> 00:12:12,165 Oh, well, I shan't bother to change then. 202 00:12:12,245 --> 00:12:14,085 My Lord! 203 00:12:14,205 --> 00:12:16,925 - What do you want? - Listen! 204 00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:21,805 Oh, my God. They're here already. 205 00:12:21,885 --> 00:12:23,285 Run for your lives! 206 00:12:23,365 --> 00:12:24,885 Run for the hills! 207 00:12:24,965 --> 00:12:27,805 No, My Lord, they're... They're coming from the hills. 208 00:12:27,885 --> 00:12:31,325 Sorry, run away from the hills! Run away from the hills! 209 00:12:31,405 --> 00:12:34,965 If you see the hills, run the other way! 210 00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:36,125 No, My Lord, it's all right. 211 00:12:36,245 --> 00:12:37,605 They're flying the banners of King Richard. 212 00:12:37,685 --> 00:12:40,045 That's impossible. He's dead, isn't he? 213 00:12:40,125 --> 00:12:42,045 King Richard... Dead? 214 00:12:43,725 --> 00:12:45,485 Yes. Er... 215 00:12:45,965 --> 00:12:47,365 God knows how. 216 00:12:48,885 --> 00:12:50,525 Oh, dear. 217 00:12:50,605 --> 00:12:52,925 That's really upset the tulip cart. 218 00:12:53,005 --> 00:12:55,445 Those flags, Percy, are obviously just a cunning trick 219 00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:56,765 to deceive us into staying. 220 00:12:56,845 --> 00:12:58,725 No, My Lord, I don't think it is a cunning trick. 221 00:12:58,805 --> 00:13:00,085 Well, no, it's not a particularly cunning trick, 222 00:13:00,165 --> 00:13:01,685 because we've seen through it. 223 00:13:01,765 --> 00:13:04,125 But they obviously thought it was cunning when they thought it up. 224 00:13:04,205 --> 00:13:06,045 What I mean, My Lord, is I don't think they did think it up. 225 00:13:06,125 --> 00:13:07,485 What, you think someone else thought it up 226 00:13:07,565 --> 00:13:08,805 and they borrowed it for the occasion? 227 00:13:08,885 --> 00:13:11,005 No, My Lord, I don't think it's a trick at all. 228 00:13:11,085 --> 00:13:13,885 You don't think riding up to a castle under someone else's banner is a trick? 229 00:13:13,965 --> 00:13:15,445 Well, no, I suppose it isn't... 230 00:13:15,525 --> 00:13:17,245 - (BANGING ON DOOR) - Ahhh! 231 00:13:17,325 --> 00:13:18,765 (DOOR CREAKING) 232 00:13:20,045 --> 00:13:21,925 It's only your father. 233 00:13:22,005 --> 00:13:24,765 Who locked that bloody door? 234 00:13:24,845 --> 00:13:26,605 Richard, it's you! 235 00:13:26,685 --> 00:13:28,925 Well, who'd you expect it to be, woman? 236 00:13:29,005 --> 00:13:31,085 I thought it would be Henry Tulip. 237 00:13:31,605 --> 00:13:33,365 Henry Tulip? 238 00:13:33,445 --> 00:13:35,165 Have you lost your conkers? 239 00:13:36,125 --> 00:13:37,365 So you won? 240 00:13:37,445 --> 00:13:39,725 Yes, of course. We won. 241 00:13:39,805 --> 00:13:41,005 We won! 242 00:13:41,085 --> 00:13:43,085 - Victory! - (ALL CHEER) 243 00:13:44,445 --> 00:13:47,565 So I suppose now you want to ravish me. 244 00:13:48,205 --> 00:13:50,205 Yes, yes, in a moment. 245 00:13:50,965 --> 00:13:52,525 The woman's insatiable. 246 00:13:53,765 --> 00:13:56,525 Three cheers for good King Richard. 247 00:13:56,605 --> 00:13:58,445 - Hup, hup... - ALL: Huzzah! 248 00:13:58,525 --> 00:14:00,045 - Hup, hup... - ALL: Huzzah! 249 00:14:00,125 --> 00:14:02,085 - Hup, hup... - ALL: Huzzah! 250 00:14:02,565 --> 00:14:03,765 Huzzah! 251 00:14:03,845 --> 00:14:06,045 All we need now is King Richard to be here, 252 00:14:06,125 --> 00:14:09,085 and the day shall be complete! 253 00:14:09,165 --> 00:14:11,805 (SIGHS) Yes. What a pity he's dead. 254 00:14:14,045 --> 00:14:16,725 What? Well, who told you that? 255 00:14:17,605 --> 00:14:19,045 Well, Edmund. 256 00:14:20,885 --> 00:14:22,365 Is this true? 257 00:14:23,445 --> 00:14:25,765 Er... Well... 258 00:14:25,845 --> 00:14:29,885 I wouldn't know really. I was nowhere near him at the time. 259 00:14:29,965 --> 00:14:32,605 I just heard from someone that he, er... 260 00:14:32,685 --> 00:14:35,925 Er... I mean, I don't even know where he was killed. 261 00:14:36,005 --> 00:14:38,125 I was completely on the opposite side of the field, 262 00:14:38,205 --> 00:14:39,645 I was nowhere near the cottage. 263 00:14:40,965 --> 00:14:42,645 Not that it was the cottage. 264 00:14:42,725 --> 00:14:45,445 It was the river. But then, I wouldn't know, of course... 265 00:14:45,525 --> 00:14:46,725 Because I wasn't there. 266 00:14:46,805 --> 00:14:49,685 But apparently some fool cut his head off... 267 00:14:49,765 --> 00:14:52,485 Or at least killed him in some way. 268 00:14:52,565 --> 00:14:53,885 Perhaps took an ear off, or something. 269 00:14:53,965 --> 00:14:57,365 Yes. Yes, in fact, I think he was only wounded. 270 00:14:57,445 --> 00:15:00,125 Er... Or was that somebody else? 271 00:15:00,205 --> 00:15:03,445 Yes, I think it was. Well, he wasn't even wounded. 272 00:15:03,525 --> 00:15:05,525 - Why, did someone say he was dead? - Yes! 273 00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,885 - What? - It's true, My Lord. 274 00:15:07,965 --> 00:15:10,285 I stumbled on his body myself. 275 00:15:10,365 --> 00:15:14,325 Oh, pardon me, thou bleeding piece of earth! 276 00:15:14,405 --> 00:15:17,365 - Good night, sweet King. - That's enough of that. 277 00:15:17,445 --> 00:15:19,725 - May flights of angels sing... - Thank you, Harry. Thank you, Harry. 278 00:15:19,805 --> 00:15:21,805 (SHOUTING) Thank you, Harry! 279 00:15:22,725 --> 00:15:24,125 Yes. 280 00:15:24,205 --> 00:15:28,725 And we all know who did this dreadful deed, don't we? 281 00:15:32,445 --> 00:15:34,685 - Yes. - Henry Tudor! 282 00:15:37,045 --> 00:15:39,925 Yes! And he still roams free. 283 00:15:41,245 --> 00:15:43,605 Harry, call for silence! 284 00:15:44,685 --> 00:15:45,925 Silence! 285 00:15:50,845 --> 00:15:52,325 For the King! 286 00:15:59,445 --> 00:16:03,445 ALL: Long live King Richard IV! 287 00:16:04,565 --> 00:16:09,165 This day has been as t'were a mighty stew 288 00:16:09,245 --> 00:16:11,845 in which the beef of victory was mixed 289 00:16:11,925 --> 00:16:15,445 with the vile turnip of sweet Richard slain 290 00:16:15,525 --> 00:16:19,165 and the grisly dumpling of his killer fled. 291 00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:22,645 But we must eat the yellow wobbly parts 292 00:16:22,725 --> 00:16:24,885 the good Lord serves. 293 00:16:24,965 --> 00:16:30,565 In life, each man gets what he deserves! 294 00:16:32,965 --> 00:16:35,885 Well, come on. Let's go and kill some more prisoners. 295 00:16:35,965 --> 00:16:37,725 - Hup, hup... - ALL: Huzzah! 296 00:16:37,805 --> 00:16:39,285 - Hup, hup... - ALL: Huzzah! 297 00:16:39,365 --> 00:16:40,725 - Hup, hup... - ALL: Huzzah! 298 00:16:49,445 --> 00:16:51,245 ALL: Hurrah! 299 00:16:51,325 --> 00:16:54,845 We're safe and I am a prince of the realm. 300 00:16:56,325 --> 00:16:57,725 - Hup, hup... - Huzzah! 301 00:16:57,805 --> 00:16:59,205 Huzzah. 302 00:16:59,285 --> 00:17:01,485 Can you imagine the power? 303 00:17:01,565 --> 00:17:03,645 It's ours, all ours! 304 00:17:03,725 --> 00:17:04,765 What? 305 00:17:04,845 --> 00:17:06,845 - Yours, all yours! - Yours. 306 00:17:07,685 --> 00:17:09,965 Ah, Edmund, there you are. 307 00:17:10,045 --> 00:17:11,965 Now, I know it's a little early, 308 00:17:12,045 --> 00:17:15,365 but I'd just like to get these battle averages sorted out. 309 00:17:15,445 --> 00:17:17,485 Now then, who did you kill today? 310 00:17:18,285 --> 00:17:19,565 Erm... 311 00:17:21,125 --> 00:17:22,485 No one. 312 00:17:22,565 --> 00:17:24,645 No one! Oh, dear. 313 00:17:24,725 --> 00:17:27,485 Right, er, I'll put you down for a duck then, 314 00:17:27,565 --> 00:17:31,445 which I'm afraid takes you out of the running for the Legion Of Honour. 315 00:17:31,525 --> 00:17:33,605 Oh, I see. Sorry. 316 00:17:33,685 --> 00:17:36,285 Sorry, I thought you meant had I killed King Richard. 317 00:17:37,005 --> 00:17:38,645 What? 318 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,325 What was the question? 319 00:17:42,125 --> 00:17:44,605 Who did you kill today? 320 00:17:44,685 --> 00:17:46,565 Oh, I see. Er, right... 321 00:17:46,645 --> 00:17:48,805 Er... Let's see. Um... 322 00:17:48,885 --> 00:17:50,165 (MOUTHS) 323 00:17:50,645 --> 00:17:51,645 Pedant. 324 00:17:52,005 --> 00:17:53,525 What? 325 00:17:53,605 --> 00:17:55,085 Pleasant... 326 00:17:55,165 --> 00:17:56,445 Pedant. 327 00:17:57,285 --> 00:17:58,445 (STAMMERS) Peas... 328 00:17:58,525 --> 00:18:00,205 - (MOUTHS) - Peasants! Peasants! 329 00:18:00,285 --> 00:18:04,205 There were a lot of peasants. But they don't really count, do they? 330 00:18:04,285 --> 00:18:06,045 Only in the event of a tie. 331 00:18:06,125 --> 00:18:08,085 Nevertheless, how many did you kill? 332 00:18:08,165 --> 00:18:10,205 Oh, er... 333 00:18:10,285 --> 00:18:11,725 - Four... - Four. 334 00:18:11,805 --> 00:18:13,365 ...hundred. Hundred. 335 00:18:14,285 --> 00:18:16,845 Four hundred... Hand. 336 00:18:17,645 --> 00:18:19,885 Four hundred... Hand... 337 00:18:20,245 --> 00:18:21,845 Fifty. 338 00:18:21,925 --> 00:18:24,205 - Four hundred and fifty! - (CHUCKLES) 339 00:18:24,285 --> 00:18:26,605 Good Lord. That's three times more than myself! 340 00:18:26,685 --> 00:18:28,285 Yes, well, I had a couple of lucky breaks. 341 00:18:28,885 --> 00:18:30,445 Any nobles? 342 00:18:30,525 --> 00:18:31,725 Ah, let me see... Nobles... 343 00:18:31,805 --> 00:18:33,605 - (MOUTHS) - Um, I think... 344 00:18:33,685 --> 00:18:35,445 Lord... Lord Coverdale. 345 00:18:35,525 --> 00:18:37,725 Who fought on our side, I believe. 346 00:18:37,805 --> 00:18:42,805 Uh, yes, I think Lord Coverdale saw me slaying, erm... 347 00:18:43,925 --> 00:18:46,525 - Warwick. - Warwick the Wild, of Leicester? 348 00:18:46,605 --> 00:18:49,245 Yes, that's him, and pretty wild he was, too. 349 00:18:49,325 --> 00:18:50,965 He took some finishing off, I can tell you. 350 00:18:51,045 --> 00:18:55,205 Yes, indeed. I killed him myself at one point. Anyone else? 351 00:18:55,285 --> 00:18:59,365 Um, er... Now, let me see. Er... 352 00:18:59,445 --> 00:19:01,605 I'm just trying to put names to faces. 353 00:19:01,685 --> 00:19:06,165 Yes. Well, this is the list of the lords as yet unaccounted for. 354 00:19:06,245 --> 00:19:08,085 Erm, Roger de Runcey. 355 00:19:08,165 --> 00:19:10,325 Oh, de Runcey, yes, he was one of mine. Yes. 356 00:19:10,405 --> 00:19:13,325 - Uh... Lord Thomas of Devon. - Ah, yes, backslash. 357 00:19:13,405 --> 00:19:16,005 - Lord Yeovil. - Ah, yes, groin job. 358 00:19:16,085 --> 00:19:17,165 Good Lord. 359 00:19:17,245 --> 00:19:20,325 This is remarkable, Edmund! Remarkable! 360 00:19:20,405 --> 00:19:21,925 Oh, and the Bishop of Bath and Wells... 361 00:19:22,005 --> 00:19:24,365 Oh, yes. Will never walk again! 362 00:19:24,445 --> 00:19:26,765 ...will conduct the thanksgiving service. 363 00:19:28,245 --> 00:19:30,765 Oh, Bath and Wells? 364 00:19:31,685 --> 00:19:34,165 Ah, Lord Percy. 365 00:19:34,245 --> 00:19:37,365 Edmund tells me that you managed to turn up late for the battle, 366 00:19:37,445 --> 00:19:40,925 so there's not much point in asking you your score, is there? 367 00:19:41,005 --> 00:19:42,445 (DOOR CLOSES) 368 00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:47,285 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 369 00:19:48,245 --> 00:19:50,845 At last, I can relax. 370 00:19:54,125 --> 00:19:55,885 Who the hell is this? 371 00:19:55,965 --> 00:20:00,245 Ah, well, you remember that dying man we saw in the cottage? 372 00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:03,125 The one I specifically told you not to bring back to the castle 373 00:20:03,205 --> 00:20:04,885 under any circumstances? 374 00:20:04,965 --> 00:20:06,605 Mmm-hmm. Yes, that's the one. Yes. 375 00:20:06,685 --> 00:20:09,085 So what's he doing in my bed? 376 00:20:09,165 --> 00:20:11,245 Well, he claims to be a wealthy man. 377 00:20:11,325 --> 00:20:14,165 I thought if we nurse him back to health, 378 00:20:14,245 --> 00:20:16,645 - he may reward us. - Now, wait! 379 00:20:16,725 --> 00:20:19,205 I think I have an idea. 380 00:20:19,285 --> 00:20:23,565 If he is a wealthy man and we nurse him back to health, 381 00:20:24,445 --> 00:20:26,885 he may reward us! 382 00:20:26,965 --> 00:20:30,285 Ah, brilliant, My Lord. Very quick thinking. 383 00:20:30,365 --> 00:20:32,405 BOTH: Thank you, Baldrick. 384 00:20:33,445 --> 00:20:34,925 Well, what would you expect? 385 00:20:35,005 --> 00:20:39,125 After all, who has the fastest brain in the land? 386 00:20:39,205 --> 00:20:41,405 Prince Edmund, Duke of Edinburgh. 387 00:20:41,485 --> 00:20:44,405 Who is the boldest horseman in the land? 388 00:20:44,485 --> 00:20:47,125 - Prince Edmund... - BOTH: Duke of Edinburgh. 389 00:20:47,205 --> 00:20:50,245 Who is the bravest swordsman in the land? 390 00:20:50,325 --> 00:20:52,445 Oh, don't tell me... That's that... Oh, from Norfolk. 391 00:20:52,525 --> 00:20:55,445 - Prince... - BOTH: Edmund, Duke of Edinburgh. 392 00:20:55,525 --> 00:20:57,005 Precisely. 393 00:20:57,085 --> 00:21:00,645 Or, as I shall be known from now on... 394 00:21:02,845 --> 00:21:06,045 The Black Vegetable. 395 00:21:09,045 --> 00:21:13,685 My Lord, wouldn't something like The Black Adder sound better? 396 00:21:13,765 --> 00:21:15,445 No, wait. 397 00:21:16,485 --> 00:21:19,245 I think I have a better idea. 398 00:21:19,325 --> 00:21:20,885 What about... 399 00:21:20,965 --> 00:21:23,925 The Black Adder? 400 00:21:24,005 --> 00:21:25,285 BOTH: Hurrah. 401 00:21:30,005 --> 00:21:31,325 That one! 402 00:21:32,565 --> 00:21:34,005 That pair! 403 00:21:34,765 --> 00:21:36,045 That one! 404 00:21:39,645 --> 00:21:41,005 (CHUCKLES) 405 00:21:42,685 --> 00:21:44,045 (EXCLAIMS) 406 00:21:54,605 --> 00:21:57,645 - Very witty, My Lord. - Ah, thank you, Baldrick. 407 00:21:57,725 --> 00:22:00,045 Very, very, very witty, My Lord. 408 00:22:00,125 --> 00:22:01,605 Ah, thank you, Percy. 409 00:22:01,685 --> 00:22:03,285 You're certainly wittier than your father, 410 00:22:03,365 --> 00:22:04,805 - My Lord. - Oh... 411 00:22:04,885 --> 00:22:07,805 Yes, and head and shoulders over Richard III! 412 00:22:08,965 --> 00:22:11,165 Is that supposed to be witty? 413 00:22:12,285 --> 00:22:14,245 Er... No, My Lord. 414 00:22:14,325 --> 00:22:17,405 (STAMMERS) That was an example of the sort of thing 415 00:22:17,485 --> 00:22:21,285 that you yourself would not stoop to. 416 00:22:21,365 --> 00:22:23,565 - Go away! - BOTH: Yes, My Lord. 417 00:22:41,485 --> 00:22:43,325 Oh, you're still here, are you? 418 00:22:43,405 --> 00:22:45,365 Er... Yes. 419 00:22:50,445 --> 00:22:52,045 Wait a minute! 420 00:22:52,125 --> 00:22:55,285 Haven't I seen you somewhere before? 421 00:22:55,405 --> 00:23:00,205 I don't know. I feel that I've seen you before also. 422 00:23:00,285 --> 00:23:05,685 Well, I am Prince Edmund, son of Richard IV, in fact. 423 00:23:05,765 --> 00:23:09,125 - Why? Who are you? - Well, I'm not important. 424 00:23:09,205 --> 00:23:11,965 Not important? You mean you're not rich? 425 00:23:12,045 --> 00:23:14,125 Yes, yes, I'm incredibly rich. 426 00:23:14,205 --> 00:23:17,365 And I'm a very wealthy, erm... 427 00:23:17,445 --> 00:23:22,285 Modest person, who wishes to remain nameless. 428 00:23:22,365 --> 00:23:24,485 Well, you'd better be rich. Get your money together, 429 00:23:24,565 --> 00:23:26,885 get better and get out of my bed! Is that clear? 430 00:23:35,645 --> 00:23:36,725 (CHUCKLES) 431 00:23:36,805 --> 00:23:38,605 Oh, yes, very fetching. 432 00:23:40,005 --> 00:23:41,405 (SCREAMS) 433 00:23:45,325 --> 00:23:46,685 And hello to you. 434 00:23:47,365 --> 00:23:49,245 (WHIMPERING) 435 00:23:49,325 --> 00:23:53,445 (IN HIGH PITCHED VOICE) Hello. Hello. Oh, goodness me. 436 00:23:53,525 --> 00:23:58,645 I hadn't expected to see you like this. 437 00:23:58,725 --> 00:24:00,765 Sitting down, you mean? 438 00:24:00,845 --> 00:24:03,965 (STAMMERS) Yes, that's right. Sitting down. 439 00:24:04,045 --> 00:24:05,045 Goodness, look... 440 00:24:05,125 --> 00:24:06,445 - Look, you're sitting down. - Yes. 441 00:24:06,525 --> 00:24:11,325 (STAMMERS) Good Lord, I haven't seen you sitting down since, er... 442 00:24:12,045 --> 00:24:13,525 Yesterday? 443 00:24:13,605 --> 00:24:16,525 Was it only yesterday? Good Lord. 444 00:24:16,605 --> 00:24:20,125 Erm... Er... Well... 445 00:24:20,205 --> 00:24:22,165 How was your battle? 446 00:24:22,245 --> 00:24:24,685 Fine. Somebody cut my head off at one point, 447 00:24:24,765 --> 00:24:27,085 but otherwise, everything went swimmingly. 448 00:24:27,165 --> 00:24:28,725 How are you, Edna? 449 00:24:28,805 --> 00:24:31,245 - Edmund. - Oh, your father told me "Edna." 450 00:24:31,325 --> 00:24:32,605 (CHUCKLES) No... 451 00:24:32,685 --> 00:24:35,925 So, Edna, you loathsome little fairy maggot, 452 00:24:36,005 --> 00:24:37,365 how are you? 453 00:24:37,445 --> 00:24:41,645 Uh... Oh, how very, very kind of you to ask, um, Your Majesty. 454 00:24:41,725 --> 00:24:43,005 I'm very well. 455 00:24:43,085 --> 00:24:47,845 And, uh... And it's very good to see you because, frankly... 456 00:24:47,925 --> 00:24:51,805 - Yes? - (STAMMERS) Well, frankly, er... 457 00:24:53,125 --> 00:24:55,565 - Gosh, you look well. - Frankly what? 458 00:24:55,645 --> 00:24:59,125 Spit it out you horrid, little, scabby reptile. 459 00:24:59,205 --> 00:25:01,885 Um... Well, frankly, 460 00:25:01,965 --> 00:25:05,165 everyone thought you were dead. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 461 00:25:05,245 --> 00:25:07,485 Well, frankly, I am. 462 00:25:09,405 --> 00:25:11,565 - Oh! (SHUDDERS) - (KNOCKING AT DOOR) 463 00:25:11,645 --> 00:25:13,125 Do come in. 464 00:25:13,205 --> 00:25:15,805 - No, don't come in! - QUEEN: Why not? 465 00:25:15,885 --> 00:25:17,805 Have you got someone in there with you? 466 00:25:17,885 --> 00:25:21,245 Um... Not as such. 467 00:25:21,325 --> 00:25:23,245 - Is it a woman? - No. 468 00:25:24,165 --> 00:25:25,725 - Is it a man? - Erm... 469 00:25:30,205 --> 00:25:32,725 Erm... Yes. Yes, it is. 470 00:25:33,805 --> 00:25:35,965 You hesitated, Edmund. 471 00:25:36,045 --> 00:25:38,085 It's not a sheep, is it? 472 00:25:38,165 --> 00:25:40,485 No, it certainly isn't a sheep. 473 00:25:40,565 --> 00:25:42,325 Well then, let me in. 474 00:25:42,405 --> 00:25:45,765 So farewell, Edna. You'll be seeing me later. 475 00:25:49,885 --> 00:25:51,805 Erm... Have, er... 476 00:25:52,565 --> 00:25:55,365 Have you got transport? 477 00:25:55,445 --> 00:25:58,685 Erm, perhaps you'd like to borrow my horse again. 478 00:25:58,765 --> 00:26:01,925 Or at all. I mean... Not that you've borrowed it before. 479 00:26:03,805 --> 00:26:05,005 Coming. 480 00:26:11,445 --> 00:26:14,125 Are you all right, Edmund? 481 00:26:14,205 --> 00:26:16,805 Oh, you look as if you've just seen a ghost. 482 00:26:16,885 --> 00:26:19,005 - Yes. - QUEEN: Hurry up, anyway. 483 00:26:19,085 --> 00:26:20,965 You're expected at the banquet. 484 00:26:21,045 --> 00:26:23,765 Erm, look, um... Mother, er... 485 00:26:23,845 --> 00:26:26,765 You won't tell anyone about my oversleeping this morning 486 00:26:26,845 --> 00:26:29,045 and what have you? 487 00:26:29,125 --> 00:26:31,845 - Now, will you? - No, would I, Edmund? 488 00:26:31,925 --> 00:26:35,285 Do I tell people that your brother Harry is scared of spoons? 489 00:26:35,365 --> 00:26:38,365 Or that your father has very small private parts? 490 00:26:41,045 --> 00:26:42,845 Oh! Mother! 491 00:26:42,925 --> 00:26:44,525 (MIMICS SHEEP BLEATING) 492 00:26:46,645 --> 00:26:49,165 Oh, Edmund. 493 00:26:49,245 --> 00:26:52,645 (SIGHS) It's the lying I find so hurtful. 494 00:26:54,485 --> 00:26:55,845 (CONTINUES MIMICKING) 495 00:26:57,725 --> 00:26:59,525 (ALL CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY) 496 00:27:04,325 --> 00:27:07,285 Slit him right up here. Tore his head off. 497 00:27:07,365 --> 00:27:09,045 So sorry I'm late. 498 00:27:09,525 --> 00:27:11,245 Hold! 499 00:27:11,325 --> 00:27:13,125 You dare sit there, boy? 500 00:27:13,205 --> 00:27:16,605 That was King Richard's seat. Would you insult his ghost? 501 00:27:16,685 --> 00:27:18,765 (WHIMPERS) Erm... No. 502 00:27:19,645 --> 00:27:21,805 No, sorry. 503 00:27:21,885 --> 00:27:25,965 Yes, find your own chair, you smelly little dog's pizzle. 504 00:27:26,045 --> 00:27:27,245 (GASPS) 505 00:27:33,965 --> 00:27:35,725 How many prisoners have you got, Harry? 506 00:27:35,805 --> 00:27:38,845 - I've still got close to a gross... - I'm not Harry, I'm Richard. 507 00:27:38,925 --> 00:27:40,845 - ...in the dungeons. - Send a brace to my room, will you? 508 00:27:40,925 --> 00:27:42,445 Very well. Do you want them hung? 509 00:27:42,525 --> 00:27:43,565 - Hello? Hello? - No, fresh ones. 510 00:27:43,645 --> 00:27:44,965 I want to practise my backhand! 511 00:27:45,045 --> 00:27:48,045 I don't think you need to, the way you slaughtered Lord Stanley! 512 00:27:48,125 --> 00:27:50,445 - Hello! - (BOTH LAUGH) 513 00:27:50,525 --> 00:27:53,805 Oh, I wish Uncle Dickie was here. 514 00:27:53,885 --> 00:27:55,885 - Ah. - Don't Dickie me, duckie. 515 00:28:01,445 --> 00:28:03,885 Tonight, honoured friends, 516 00:28:03,965 --> 00:28:07,725 we are gathered to celebrate a great victory 517 00:28:07,805 --> 00:28:10,245 and to mourn a great loss. 518 00:28:11,205 --> 00:28:14,085 A toast to our triumph! 519 00:28:14,165 --> 00:28:15,725 ALL: Our triumph! 520 00:28:15,805 --> 00:28:18,885 And I raise a royal curse 521 00:28:18,965 --> 00:28:22,765 upon the man who slew Richard, our noble king! 522 00:28:22,845 --> 00:28:25,245 It was him! 523 00:28:25,325 --> 00:28:26,805 Oh, my God! 524 00:28:26,885 --> 00:28:28,765 Quiet at the end there! 525 00:28:28,845 --> 00:28:31,485 - Whoever it was... - It was him, Edna! 526 00:28:31,565 --> 00:28:34,205 - ...wherever he be... - He's down there at the end! 527 00:28:34,285 --> 00:28:35,885 ...he shall be struck down! 528 00:28:35,965 --> 00:28:38,645 Well, then, get on with it. You stupid oaf, he's there! 529 00:28:38,725 --> 00:28:40,685 - It wasn't me! - Who said that? 530 00:28:40,765 --> 00:28:43,005 The idiot who killed me this afternoon. 531 00:28:43,085 --> 00:28:45,365 - I didn't. - Well then, who did? 532 00:28:45,445 --> 00:28:47,565 It was actually Edmund who interrupted, sire. 533 00:28:47,645 --> 00:28:49,125 Hang the little slug. 534 00:28:49,205 --> 00:28:50,565 (SCREAMS) 535 00:28:50,645 --> 00:28:53,005 I will have silence! 536 00:28:55,165 --> 00:28:57,005 Another toast. 537 00:28:57,085 --> 00:28:58,725 To dead King Richard. 538 00:28:58,805 --> 00:29:01,045 Oh, my God. 539 00:29:01,125 --> 00:29:02,445 Gentlemen. 540 00:29:02,525 --> 00:29:04,525 ALL: King Richard! 541 00:29:04,605 --> 00:29:08,285 Thank you. Thank you very much for nothing. 542 00:29:08,365 --> 00:29:10,205 Thank you so much. 543 00:29:10,285 --> 00:29:13,045 That's the last you'll be seeing of me. 544 00:29:13,125 --> 00:29:15,685 Not that you've seen much of me anyway. 545 00:29:18,205 --> 00:29:20,245 Now that we have silence, 546 00:29:20,325 --> 00:29:24,325 we shall continue with the ceremony of desecration. 547 00:29:24,405 --> 00:29:28,685 Produce the portrait of the pretender, Henry Tudor. 548 00:29:29,445 --> 00:29:30,725 (ALL BOOING) 549 00:29:30,805 --> 00:29:32,445 (ALL HISSING) 550 00:29:37,005 --> 00:29:38,445 Oh, my God! 551 00:29:49,125 --> 00:29:51,765 - Good evening. - Oh... Where's Henry Tudor? 552 00:29:54,685 --> 00:29:56,245 (MIMICS SHEEP BLEATING) 553 00:29:56,605 --> 00:29:57,645 Oh, no! 554 00:29:59,005 --> 00:30:01,005 Where is he? Where is he? 555 00:30:04,245 --> 00:30:05,725 Whoo... 556 00:30:17,485 --> 00:30:19,325 Thank you so much. 557 00:30:36,765 --> 00:30:38,525 (ALL WAIL) 558 00:30:45,965 --> 00:30:47,485 - (COUGHS) - (ALL GASP) 559 00:30:48,325 --> 00:30:49,365 - Hail! - Hail! 560 00:30:49,445 --> 00:30:50,725 Hail! 561 00:30:50,805 --> 00:30:54,005 - Ruler of men. - Ravisher of women. 562 00:30:54,085 --> 00:30:55,405 Slayer of kings! 563 00:30:56,445 --> 00:30:58,925 Be gone, hideous crones. 564 00:30:59,005 --> 00:31:00,885 Be not amazed. 565 00:31:00,965 --> 00:31:03,005 Be not overcome with fear. 566 00:31:03,085 --> 00:31:05,165 Be not paralysed with terror. 567 00:31:05,245 --> 00:31:07,445 (SIGHS) 568 00:31:07,525 --> 00:31:11,605 Why have you lured me here, you loathsome drabs? 569 00:31:11,685 --> 00:31:13,525 We bear good news. 570 00:31:13,605 --> 00:31:17,925 What news could such repulsive harbingers convey? 571 00:31:18,005 --> 00:31:20,885 Today has brought misfortune. 572 00:31:20,965 --> 00:31:24,205 - But one day... - ALL: Oh, glorious day! 573 00:31:25,165 --> 00:31:28,285 - One day... - ALL: Oh, happy day! 574 00:31:31,725 --> 00:31:32,805 Yes? 575 00:31:33,605 --> 00:31:36,205 ALL: You shall be king! 576 00:31:37,485 --> 00:31:38,765 Really? 577 00:31:38,845 --> 00:31:40,085 ALL: Yes. 578 00:31:40,805 --> 00:31:42,445 Your Majesty. 579 00:31:43,725 --> 00:31:46,685 Well, that is good news, isn't it? 580 00:31:46,765 --> 00:31:51,125 God be with you, you snaggle-toothed vultures. 581 00:31:52,005 --> 00:31:54,285 History... Here I come! 582 00:31:55,845 --> 00:31:59,645 MAN: # The sound of hoofbeats across the glade 583 00:31:59,725 --> 00:32:03,725 # Good folk lock up your son and daughter 584 00:32:03,805 --> 00:32:07,565 # Beware the deadly flashing blade 585 00:32:07,645 --> 00:32:11,365 # Unless you want to end up shorter 586 00:32:11,445 --> 00:32:13,485 # Black Adder 587 00:32:13,565 --> 00:32:15,525 # Black Adder 588 00:32:15,605 --> 00:32:19,325 # He rides a pitch-black steed 589 00:32:19,405 --> 00:32:21,605 # Black Adder 590 00:32:21,685 --> 00:32:23,605 # Black Adder 591 00:32:23,685 --> 00:32:26,605 # He's very bad indeed 592 00:32:28,085 --> 00:32:31,965 # Black, his gloves of finest mole 593 00:32:32,045 --> 00:32:35,925 # Black, his codpiece made of metal 594 00:32:36,005 --> 00:32:39,965 # His horse is blacker than a hole 595 00:32:40,045 --> 00:32:43,685 # His pot is blacker than his kettle 596 00:32:43,765 --> 00:32:45,685 # Black Adder 597 00:32:45,765 --> 00:32:47,685 # Black Adder 598 00:32:47,765 --> 00:32:51,605 # With many a cunning plan 599 00:32:51,685 --> 00:32:53,765 # Black Adder 600 00:32:53,845 --> 00:32:55,805 # Black Adder 601 00:32:55,885 --> 00:33:00,005 # You horrid little man! # 602 00:33:01,485 --> 00:33:04,245 He wasn't as I expected him. 603 00:33:04,325 --> 00:33:06,565 I thought he was very rude. 604 00:33:06,645 --> 00:33:10,285 I thought Henry Tudor would be better looking. 605 00:33:10,365 --> 00:33:12,925 Yes, not so Jewish. 606 00:33:13,005 --> 00:33:16,165 More like that man who rode by just before. 607 00:33:17,605 --> 00:33:20,045 - (ALL WHIMPERING) - No! 608 00:33:20,125 --> 00:33:23,405 ALL: We've done it again! You silly witches! 609 00:33:23,485 --> 00:33:24,565 Oh. 42889

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