Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,205 --> 00:00:07,535
- It's like watching
a mummy unwrap itself.
2
00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:10,110
- I mean, how long
can this go on for, really?
3
00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:13,546
- Oh, she'll... she'll get there.
Oh, nope, nope, she's going
4
00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:15,747
in the wrong direction now.
- Come on, Myrtle.
5
00:00:15,750 --> 00:00:18,018
- Oh, this could take a while.
6
00:00:18,019 --> 00:00:21,719
- Ugh, can we, like, get some
coat hooks or something?
7
00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:24,190
- Well, before we do that,
can we fix this drip?
8
00:00:24,191 --> 00:00:25,721
Or, like, at least
get a new bucket?
9
00:00:25,726 --> 00:00:29,626
- Oh, I would love to fix that,
but, no, corporate
10
00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:33,030
only gave us $15.00
for break room repairs,
11
00:00:33,034 --> 00:00:35,502
and we blew through that
on the bat traps.
12
00:00:35,503 --> 00:00:37,737
- Speaking of corporate,
this memo just came through:
13
00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,268
"This time of year,
many of us suffer
14
00:00:39,273 --> 00:00:40,707
"from Seasonal
Affective Disorder.
15
00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:42,668
Look out for the following
symptoms of depression..."
16
00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:45,036
- Pfft!
Who would get depressed here?
17
00:00:45,046 --> 00:00:46,276
- "Listlessness..."
- Come on.
18
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:47,610
- "Irritability..."
- You wish.
19
00:00:47,615 --> 00:00:49,105
- "General discontent..."
- No way.
20
00:00:49,116 --> 00:00:50,746
- "Apathy..."
- Give me a break.
21
00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:53,686
- "Above all,
remember Cloud 9 cares.
22
00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:56,417
"This memo clears parent company
of any liability
23
00:00:56,424 --> 00:00:57,690
for employee suicide."
24
00:00:57,691 --> 00:01:00,191
- Hmm, Cloud 9 really does care.
25
00:01:00,194 --> 00:01:01,694
- Well, they did send a letter.
26
00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:11,268
- Hey.
- Oh, hey, Dina, what's up?
27
00:01:11,272 --> 00:01:13,172
- So are you just
planning to avoid me
28
00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:14,574
until one of us quits, or...?
29
00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:17,235
- No, no, no, no, it's just,
you know, I've been busy.
30
00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:20,280
You know, different shifts,
whatevers and etceteras.
31
00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:24,781
Look, Dina, the time
we had together was special,
32
00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:27,415
but, as a child of divorce...
- Oh, believe me.
33
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:29,521
I have absolutely no interest
in pursuing this.
34
00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:31,858
I mean, do you have any idea
the kind of men I've had?
35
00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:35,228
Sky diving instructors,
hand models,
36
00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:37,729
two of the original members
of Fine Young Cannibals.
37
00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:39,766
Come on.
- Okay, well, great.
38
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:42,727
So just a one time thing then.
- Oh, yeah.
39
00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:45,696
Just don't be weird,
and things will be fine.
40
00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:50,136
- Okay, I won't be weird,
lady who has multiple birds.
41
00:01:58,718 --> 00:02:00,748
- Sandra's up.
- All right, Sandra!
42
00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:04,691
- Am I doing this right?
- Yes, but pace yourself.
43
00:02:04,692 --> 00:02:06,226
- Okay.
- I can't believe you guys
44
00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:07,887
do this every year.
- Well, corporate tells us
45
00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:09,695
to clean out Lost and Found
every January,
46
00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:13,127
- We used to give it to charity,
but then Goodwill told us
47
00:02:13,134 --> 00:02:14,701
not to leave our trash
on their loading dock.
48
00:02:14,702 --> 00:02:16,369
- Hurry up, Sandra.
It's not like
49
00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:20,206
- Please, hold on, last year
I ended up with a broken comb.
50
00:02:20,207 --> 00:02:21,267
I just need one second.
51
00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:22,705
- Boo!
Three, two, one.
52
00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:24,710
- Ah!
- And Sandra's got
53
00:02:24,712 --> 00:02:28,848
an old pair of dentures, yes!
54
00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:31,279
- A lot of good stuff
in there this year.
55
00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:34,685
- Oh, hey, uh, Tate,
you're basically
56
00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:36,218
a doctor, right?
57
00:02:36,223 --> 00:02:39,359
- Even better, I'm a pharmacist.
Doctor to the doctors.
58
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:42,390
- Oh, close enough, anyway I...
- Do I regret not going
59
00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:45,856
for the big M-D?
Not usually, sometimes.
60
00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:47,666
Yeah, when I'm laying
in my tanning bed alone
61
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:51,338
with my thoughts...
sometimes.
62
00:02:52,539 --> 00:02:55,569
- Hey, anyway, um, I wanted
to ask you a question.
63
00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:56,936
- Sure.
- Okay, I always thought
64
00:02:56,944 --> 00:02:59,244
depression was this thing
that housewives invented
65
00:02:59,246 --> 00:03:02,246
so they could take extra naps,
but you don't think
66
00:03:02,249 --> 00:03:04,579
that people around here
could have it, do you?
67
00:03:04,585 --> 00:03:06,185
- Well, there are
lots of employees here
68
00:03:06,187 --> 00:03:08,247
on antidepressants.
- What? Who?
69
00:03:08,255 --> 00:03:10,385
- Glenn, you know
I can't tell you that.
70
00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:11,921
- Well, how many?
71
00:03:11,926 --> 00:03:13,586
About 20.
72
00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:16,429
13 women, 7 men.
Now, I can't give you names,
73
00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:18,698
but it's mostly the uggos.
74
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:20,699
Doesn't really narrow it down.
75
00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:23,636
- You know, I do volunteer work
at this children's ward,
76
00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:26,637
and there's a guy who dresses up
as a clown and goes around
77
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:28,570
cheering up the kids.
78
00:03:28,576 --> 00:03:29,776
Maybe that would work?
79
00:03:29,777 --> 00:03:31,707
They say laughter's
the best medicine.
80
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,812
- The best medicine
is penicillin.
81
00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:36,349
At least it used to be.
With all these superbugs now,
82
00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:37,750
we might all be dead
in ten years,
83
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:40,551
so I guess laughter's
as good as anything.
84
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:41,554
- Okay.
85
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:44,955
- I think I saw
a stuffed giraffe in here,
86
00:03:44,959 --> 00:03:47,889
and Harmonica loves giraffes,
so, uh, ooh!
87
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:52,925
- And it's a wig.
- Ooh, I can't give this to her.
88
00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:55,633
She'll think I'm slamming her
for being bald.
89
00:03:55,636 --> 00:03:58,796
- Ooh, oh, it's a VHS copy
of "Murder, She Wrote,"
90
00:03:58,806 --> 00:04:01,736
seasons three,
episodes seven through nine.
91
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:05,411
- Oh, God.
Cargo shorts?
92
00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:09,716
- A journal.
All right, what do we got here?
93
00:04:09,717 --> 00:04:13,317
- There you go girl, oh, yeah!
94
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,320
- Ooh.
- Hey.
95
00:04:15,322 --> 00:04:17,557
- Ooh.
- Oh, a purse.
96
00:04:17,558 --> 00:04:19,588
- Oh, look at this.
- Ooh.
97
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:23,997
- There's a squeaker in it, too.
How cute is that?
98
00:04:23,998 --> 00:04:26,566
- Ooh.
- Why?
99
00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:29,767
- Ahh, there it is.
My birds love these.
100
00:04:31,371 --> 00:04:33,706
- Okay. Wow, that actually looks
really nice.
101
00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:37,437
- Someone left that here?
- Ooh, this kind of works on me.
102
00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:39,612
- Yeah, it's great,
if you wanna wear a man's jacket
103
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,681
and look like a man.
Hey, everyone, look at that man
104
00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:44,382
wearing that man's jacket.
Get used to it 'cause
105
00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:48,445
- Hey, Mateo, would you
like to swap this leather jacket
106
00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:50,715
for your cargo shorts?
- What? No.
107
00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:52,358
Are you sure?
'Cause I don't care.
108
00:04:52,359 --> 00:04:54,427
But, you know, if...
If you want, I mean, yeah.
109
00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:55,728
- If you're gonna be...
- Thank you so much.
110
00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:56,896
- A little bitch about it.
111
00:04:56,897 --> 00:05:00,497
Okay, who's next?
112
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:14,347
- Hey, Cheyenne.
113
00:05:14,348 --> 00:05:16,778
How you doing?
114
00:05:16,784 --> 00:05:18,951
- Just a little down,
you know, some days
115
00:05:18,952 --> 00:05:22,352
you get the giraffe,
and other days you get the wig.
116
00:05:22,356 --> 00:05:24,616
- That's so true.
117
00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:28,925
But hey, what is
your favorite animal, hmm?
118
00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:32,799
- Ooh, a peacock.
119
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:33,900
- A peacock.
120
00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:36,701
Okay, that's...
That's ambitious.
121
00:05:36,704 --> 00:05:39,004
I know how to do a dog, so...
122
00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:41,736
- Okay, dog.
- No, no, you said peacock.
123
00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:43,676
One peacock, coming up.
124
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,577
Ow!
125
00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:47,747
My eye! Ow, ow, ow!
- Oh, oh, no, no, I did...
126
00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:49,948
- Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
127
00:05:51,551 --> 00:05:54,487
- Hey, Janet.
What's your favorite animal?
128
00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:57,488
- A clownfish...
- Okay.
129
00:05:57,491 --> 00:05:59,621
- Riding a bicycle.
130
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:05,498
- Hey, Dina, uh,
I can't work on Thursday,
131
00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:06,729
but Brett said
he'd cover for me,
132
00:06:06,734 --> 00:06:11,904
- Oh, boy, here we go.
Cue Garrett being weird.
133
00:06:11,905 --> 00:06:14,605
- What? No, I'm just...
I can't work on Thursday, so...
134
00:06:14,608 --> 00:06:17,577
- Do you even hear
yourself right now?
135
00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:18,678
Wow.
136
00:06:20,012 --> 00:06:23,516
- No, you were supposed to
cancel dinner with your parents.
137
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:26,847
No, Adam, I can't
keep doing everything for you.
138
00:06:26,854 --> 00:06:28,821
No, I'm not yelling,
I am whispering.
139
00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:30,622
Okay, you know what?
I can't talk about this
140
00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:33,693
right now, I'm at work.
Good-bye.
141
00:06:33,694 --> 00:06:36,829
- Amy, I have
an important question.
142
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:38,460
Might I borrow these
this weekend?
143
00:06:38,465 --> 00:06:39,725
I'm attending the opera.
144
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:42,869
- Um, yes, all you need now
is a T-shirt
145
00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:45,600
with Bugs Bunny dressed like
a cholo, and you're ready to go.
146
00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,166
Oh, you know what?
147
00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:50,576
I think you left some stuff
in your pockets.
148
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:54,177
Yeah, here we go.
Here is your old end of a joint.
149
00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:55,648
Enjoy.
- Yes, I've been
150
00:06:55,649 --> 00:06:57,049
looking for that.
- Here's your half-filled
151
00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:59,450
tin of dip, didn't know
you were a dipper.
152
00:06:59,453 --> 00:07:01,621
- Yeah, don't even
talk to me before I dip.
153
00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:04,822
- Fliers for sexy escorts.
- Gross.
154
00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:08,125
- This one says,
"Carerra is gymnast."
155
00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:11,998
So you might wanna keep her
at the top of the pile.
156
00:07:11,999 --> 00:07:17,869
An old receipt, and, uh,
here is your...
157
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:20,171
giant wad of cash.
158
00:07:24,043 --> 00:07:25,143
- Seriously?
159
00:07:26,679 --> 00:07:28,609
- Oh, yeah.
160
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:31,015
I'm the bad boy
of my friend group.
161
00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:34,548
- Silly string attack!
- No, what are you doing?
162
00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:36,855
- What?
- This stuff stains.
163
00:07:36,857 --> 00:07:38,757
- I'm so sorry.
164
00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:41,629
I was just trying
to brighten your day.
165
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:44,699
Here.
166
00:07:47,834 --> 00:07:50,102
I forgot it was gonna do that.
167
00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:53,673
- $906.
- Somewhere in St. Louis,
168
00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:56,676
there's an overweight stoner
who can't pay his escort.
169
00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:58,107
What are you gonna do with it?
170
00:07:58,111 --> 00:08:00,011
- I don't know, I mean,
I guess I'll pay some bills...
171
00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:01,547
- Mm-hmm.
- And then my sister needs
172
00:08:01,548 --> 00:08:03,816
a new windshield,
and my mom's crisper drawer
173
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:07,186
in her fridge is broken, so...
174
00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:09,856
So sorry, I-I get
that your mother's fridge
175
00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:13,757
is super exciting, but I meant
what are you gonna do for you?
176
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,160
- I don't need anything.
177
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:16,729
- No, it's not about need.
This is not about need.
178
00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:18,730
This is free money.
This is your chance
179
00:08:18,732 --> 00:08:20,600
to get you something.
So I want you
180
00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:22,668
to close your eyes... do it...
And I'm gonna
181
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,599
ask you a question,
and I want you to say
182
00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:26,565
the first thing that pops
into your mind.
183
00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:28,173
Stop laughing.
Take this seriously, okay?
184
00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:31,635
This mental image of you doing
that cliché where you
185
00:08:31,645 --> 00:08:33,275
get me to magically discover
the one thing I never knew
186
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:34,880
I wanted... so dumb.
Okay, my mind's clear.
187
00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:36,682
- Well, now you ruined it,
so you're never gonna know
188
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:41,187
- Okay, look, if I were gonna
splurge on myself,
189
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:43,918
there is this really fancy spa
that I drive by every day
190
00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:46,292
on my way to work,
and I have imagined
191
00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:47,893
what it would be like to,
like, go in there
192
00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:49,685
and be like, do it up.
193
00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:51,026
- Yes!
You be selfish.
194
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,631
This is your moment.
- Yeah, I'm going to.
195
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:56,134
- Good, I'm glad I could help.
- You didn't really
196
00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:58,696
do that much, but...
- Anytime.
197
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:01,535
- Okay.
198
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:04,976
- Huh?
Come on, huh?
199
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:07,278
- I guess it's starting to work.
200
00:09:07,281 --> 00:09:08,981
Maybe if you go a little faster?
201
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:12,582
- Yeah, I can go faster, sure.
202
00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:14,146
- Yeah, the fog's
definitely lifting now.
203
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:16,022
- Oh, good!
Good, good.
204
00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:17,757
Whew! Sorry, 'cause...
205
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:19,618
I need to take a little break.
206
00:09:19,626 --> 00:09:23,596
- Oh, yeah, fine, just stop.
Just make it all stop.
207
00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:25,757
- No, no, no, no, no,
I-I'll keep going.
208
00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:28,166
Here we go, okay.
Ahh, having a good time.
209
00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:33,339
- Stop smiling at me.
- I'm not smiling at you.
210
00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:35,170
- Oh, grow up.
211
00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:40,711
- Come on,
I'm going faster, see?
212
00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:41,714
Fast as I can.
213
00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:46,619
- Hey, come here
and check it out.
214
00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:50,256
Salt scrub, essential oils,
deep tissue rub-down.
215
00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:52,957
For 900 bucks, they basically
treat you like a brisket.
216
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:56,796
- For 900 bucks minus
the 80 or so I may have given
217
00:09:56,797 --> 00:10:00,366
to Cheyenne for diapers.
- You suck at being selfish.
218
00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:03,336
- Look, $820.00 is plenty
to have a nice day at the spa.
219
00:10:03,337 --> 00:10:05,337
And every single penny
of that money
220
00:10:05,339 --> 00:10:07,607
is going to this girl.
221
00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:10,708
- Amy found $900.00!
What should we all do with it?
222
00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:14,011
- In retrospect, perhaps
I shouldn't have told her
223
00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:16,214
how much we found.
224
00:10:16,216 --> 00:10:18,646
- You should've just fixed
your mom's crisper.
225
00:10:18,652 --> 00:10:19,782
I don't remember.
226
00:10:24,323 --> 00:10:28,327
- Hey!
No monkey business at work.
227
00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:29,958
Yeah, you have to tell me
228
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:32,298
if you're smiling.
- I'm not.
229
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:34,629
Well, I bet I can cheer you up,
230
00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:37,165
or I'm a monkey's uncle.
231
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,370
- Oh, well, I guess
the thing that's
232
00:10:39,373 --> 00:10:41,273
really concerning me is my boss.
233
00:10:41,274 --> 00:10:42,408
He's got a lot of problems.
234
00:10:42,409 --> 00:10:45,339
- What?
That's bananas.
235
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:47,375
- Yeah, uh, actually,
none of his employees
236
00:10:47,381 --> 00:10:49,248
respect him, retail's dying,
237
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:52,079
yet he works at a crap store,
he tried to be a deacon
238
00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:56,045
at his church like five times,
but they just don't want him.
239
00:10:56,056 --> 00:10:57,986
Oh, and for the record,
that whole banana thing?
240
00:10:57,991 --> 00:11:00,359
That's actually a myth.
Yeah, most monkeys live and die
241
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,160
without ever having seen
a banana.
242
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:05,232
Their lives are short,
violent, and horrifying.
243
00:11:09,702 --> 00:11:10,802
- Dina?
244
00:11:13,072 --> 00:11:14,672
Are you there?
245
00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:16,905
- Well, I would return the money
if I knew whose it was,
246
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:20,379
- Although we did find weed,
dip, porn, and a receipt
247
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,248
for an Arizona iced tea,
so we know it's
248
00:11:22,249 --> 00:11:24,379
somebody with class.
- Was the iced tea
249
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:27,186
raspberry or regular?
- Does it matter, Sandra?
250
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:29,687
- No.
Sorry.
251
00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:32,690
- So do we all just
split the money?
252
00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:34,460
- Well...
- Yo, I say we take this money
253
00:11:34,461 --> 00:11:37,329
to the track, double it,
then double it again,
254
00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:39,799
double it again, then lose it.
255
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:41,867
- Guys, guys,
hold on just a second.
256
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:44,737
So Amy found the money,
and Amy's always wanted
257
00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:46,468
to get a massage
at this day spa.
258
00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:49,208
- So we're all just
gonna go get massages?
259
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,077
- That's...
- He's got a point though.
260
00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:53,378
We should treat ourselves
to something nice.
261
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:57,349
Can we at least use some
of the money to buy coat hooks?
262
00:11:57,350 --> 00:11:59,980
- Oh, and some lamps
because these fluorescent lights
263
00:11:59,986 --> 00:12:01,946
got people looking
like Tilda Swinton.
264
00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:04,415
- Ooh, and Amy, you can
finally get your bucket.
265
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:06,358
- But, guys, these are...
There are all great ideas,
266
00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:10,259
but, um, Amy found the money,
so maybe Amy should be able
267
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:12,798
to do with it as she pleases.
268
00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:18,439
- Right, and, um,
what I wanna do with it is...
269
00:12:22,108 --> 00:12:24,308
Fix up the break room.
270
00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:27,446
- Yo, this is gonna be dope.
We're gonna get all these lamps.
271
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:30,277
- What?
I get a new bucket.
272
00:12:30,283 --> 00:12:32,123
- A bucket?
- Yeah, a new one.
273
00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:39,788
- Hey, look, I just wanted
to clarify about earlier
274
00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:41,927
when I was smiling,
that I wasn't.
275
00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:46,158
I mean, I wasn't smiling at you.
See, I was pretending to smile
276
00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:48,766
because Glenn is, like,
trying to make people happy,
277
00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:49,999
and, like, was doing,
so I was...
278
00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:53,472
Look, point is,
I wasn't being weird.
279
00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:56,776
- Right, okay, so you
accidentally smiled at me,
280
00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:58,437
then let your neuroses build up
to the point that you
281
00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,905
had to track me down
in the dressing rooms
282
00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:04,083
to explain it away...
like a normal person.
283
00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:06,384
- Oh, no, I just...
What... what I was doing...
284
00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:09,146
- Is this your first time?
Is that what this is about?
285
00:13:09,156 --> 00:13:10,216
- No...
- Listen, it's nothing
286
00:13:10,223 --> 00:13:12,057
to be ashamed of, okay?
287
00:13:12,058 --> 00:13:14,188
You're actually the third v-card
I've taken.
288
00:13:14,194 --> 00:13:15,862
And don't you go
falling in love with me.
289
00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:18,257
- What?
290
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:24,400
- Ooh, a panini press!
We could have hot sandwiches.
291
00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:27,439
- Uh, okay, yeah.
Put it in the cart.
292
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,208
What?
I love hot sandwiches.
293
00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:30,809
Ask anybody.
- I just thought
294
00:13:30,811 --> 00:13:33,279
that the rest of the money
was gonna go to this gal.
295
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:35,948
- It is because
what makes me happy
296
00:13:35,949 --> 00:13:37,449
is seeing other people be happy.
297
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:39,580
- Oh, really?
Great, because I would be
298
00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:44,816
so happy if I had
a psychedelic lava lamp.
299
00:13:44,825 --> 00:13:48,125
- Great, that's...
Okay, thank you.
300
00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:55,167
Really nice with my brand-new
framed photo of Ronald Regan.
301
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:56,368
- That too.
302
00:13:56,369 --> 00:14:01,069
- Fantastic, do we sell
above-ground pools?
303
00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:11,217
- Uh, hey, don't get up.
Uh, are you the one
304
00:14:11,218 --> 00:14:13,478
I'm supposed to talk to
about changing the water cooler
305
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:15,086
in the pharmacy?
- Nah, man.
306
00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:19,588
- Oh, I'd do it myself,
but not waterproof.
307
00:14:19,593 --> 00:14:21,327
It's heavy though,
you wanna try it on?
308
00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:22,958
Nah, I'm cool.
309
00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:24,930
Don't be shy.
My other one's better,
310
00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:26,361
of course.
Wouldn't wear it here.
311
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:29,226
Way too expensive.
- What it do, Pikachu?
312
00:14:32,938 --> 00:14:34,038
- Ugh.
313
00:14:36,075 --> 00:14:39,035
- Well, that was weird.
- No, it wasn't weird.
314
00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:40,945
It was completely normal.
315
00:14:40,947 --> 00:14:44,347
Everything... I'm chill, man.
316
00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:45,621
- Okay.
317
00:14:49,021 --> 00:14:51,891
- Hey, excuse me, uh, my son
is taking dishes off the shelves
318
00:14:51,892 --> 00:14:53,158
and smashing them on the floor.
319
00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:55,089
Can you, uh, stop him?
320
00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:57,395
I don't want him to think
of me as a bad guy.
321
00:14:57,397 --> 00:15:00,267
- Um, let me find someone
to help you with that.
322
00:15:04,536 --> 00:15:06,096
Where is everybody?
323
00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:19,345
- This is the best day
of my life.
324
00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:21,152
- You just had a baby.
325
00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:26,957
- What ya doing there, buddy?
326
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,090
Hi.
327
00:15:32,031 --> 00:15:34,667
Oh, you're... oh, okay,
uh, here, hand me one.
328
00:15:34,668 --> 00:15:38,098
I got ya, I got ya.
Thanks... ooh!
329
00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:43,273
This is real heavy.
330
00:15:45,678 --> 00:15:48,147
You going somewhere?
331
00:15:48,148 --> 00:15:52,518
Oh, you're taking the stairs.
Uh, I'm gonna take the elevator.
332
00:15:55,187 --> 00:15:57,087
- Mommy, look!
333
00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:59,058
- I know,
he's taking the elevator.
334
00:15:59,059 --> 00:16:00,726
- No, he's just
bending his knees.
335
00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:02,987
Come on.
- Hey.
336
00:16:02,996 --> 00:16:04,556
- Anyone could tell
that's what he was doing.
337
00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:06,064
- Cranky mime.
338
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:13,706
- Ooh, that's nice.
339
00:16:13,707 --> 00:16:17,037
Oh, hey, Tate,
can I get a turn on that?
340
00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:18,677
- There's a sign-up sheet.
341
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:21,647
- Oh, it looks like
you've signed yourself up
342
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,108
for the rest of the day.
343
00:16:23,116 --> 00:16:24,746
- Well, there's no rule
against it.
344
00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:28,287
I'm not gonna apologize for
taking advantage of a loophole.
345
00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:31,218
- Tate, get your ass
out of my chair.
346
00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:33,258
- What?
It's all of our chair.
347
00:16:33,259 --> 00:16:35,427
- No, actually,
I bought the chair
348
00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:38,497
with the money I found
because I wanted everybody
349
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:41,498
to be happy, including me.
So get out of my chair
350
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:44,269
before I pull you out by your
greasy, little hair plugs.
351
00:16:44,270 --> 00:16:47,270
- All right, all right,
I'm getting up, you psycho.
352
00:16:47,273 --> 00:16:48,773
- Thank you.
353
00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:50,635
- And threatening a pharmacist,
by the way?
354
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:52,778
That's a felony.
Probably.
355
00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:56,749
- Oh, this is so nice.
356
00:16:56,750 --> 00:16:58,380
I'm relaxing now.
357
00:16:58,385 --> 00:16:59,775
- I see that.
358
00:16:59,786 --> 00:17:01,446
- Guess what.
I found the guy
359
00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:03,089
who lost the $900.
360
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:09,090
- Whoa, it looks great in here.
361
00:17:09,095 --> 00:17:11,755
- So I read the date
of the receipt
362
00:17:11,765 --> 00:17:13,495
for the Arizona iced tea
and remembered
363
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:14,730
that I had sold it
seven months ago.
364
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:16,702
- Right, 'cause you have
that awesome memory
365
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:20,773
- I have highly superior
autobiographical memory,
366
00:17:20,774 --> 00:17:22,441
like Marilu Henner.
- Oh.
367
00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:24,076
- Anyway, I remembered
selling the same man a pack
368
00:17:24,077 --> 00:17:26,377
of tube socks back
on March 29th, so I searched
369
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:29,048
the loyalty card database
and there he was.
370
00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:30,479
Stuart Mitchell.
371
00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:34,286
- Thank you so much
for calling me.
372
00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:37,156
I work with my church
counseling at-risk youth,
373
00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:39,057
and this was the money
I'd gotten together
374
00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:40,759
to organize
a field trip to Peru.
375
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:43,290
- I'm sorry, I just think
it's a little suspicious
376
00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:45,226
that you have this
perfect excuse planned out
377
00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:47,666
for why you needed the money,
and it just so happens
378
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:49,597
to make you look
like a nice guy.
379
00:17:49,602 --> 00:17:50,802
- Yeah, if the shorts
are really yours,
380
00:17:50,804 --> 00:17:52,538
what else was in the pockets?
381
00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:55,769
- Oh, um, I think
that day I'd taken away
382
00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:57,535
a bit of a joint from one kid,
383
00:17:57,544 --> 00:18:00,079
and some dirty pictures
from another one.
384
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:01,780
- Nice.
- Then why don't you explain
385
00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:04,817
the dip, huh?
What about the dip?
386
00:18:04,818 --> 00:18:06,848
- I use dip.
387
00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:09,753
That checks out.
388
00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:12,856
- It's a good try.
- Thank you.
389
00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:16,829
You guys have a really nice
break room.
390
00:18:16,830 --> 00:18:19,100
- We did.
- Sure did.
391
00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:30,438
- I know this is a weird time,
but my birthday's on Friday,
392
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,312
and it's gonna be
at Dave and Buster's.
393
00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:37,277
I'll just email you the details.
394
00:18:44,756 --> 00:18:47,226
- Hey.
- Hey.
395
00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:48,727
- What's wrong?
- Nothin', I'm cool.
396
00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:51,758
Just chillin'.
- So weird.
397
00:18:53,532 --> 00:18:54,766
- You're the weird one!
398
00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:56,697
You're so weird
that nobody even can tell
399
00:18:56,703 --> 00:18:59,203
how weird you really are
'cause you make weird normal!
400
00:18:59,205 --> 00:19:01,235
If there was a day
that you acted normal,
401
00:19:01,241 --> 00:19:02,641
now that would be weird, right?
402
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:04,776
Right?
Oh, oh, okay.
403
00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:05,807
I'm the crazy one?
404
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:08,712
Maybe so.
I am yelling in public,
405
00:19:08,715 --> 00:19:10,745
which is not something
I normally do,
406
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:14,486
completely out of character,
possibly a little crazy!
407
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:17,617
Can I help you, Turtleneck?
You need some help?
408
00:19:17,624 --> 00:19:20,424
Now, if anybody needs me,
I'll be in my car
409
00:19:20,426 --> 00:19:22,686
listening to yacht rock
and eating two Take 5s
410
00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:25,295
to calm myself down!
411
00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:27,398
Whoo!
412
00:19:40,379 --> 00:19:43,479
You know, some days
you get the giraffe,
413
00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:45,817
some days you get the wig.
414
00:19:45,818 --> 00:19:46,848
- I'm sorry?
415
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:48,753
- It's an expression.
416
00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:49,845
You haven't heard that?
417
00:19:51,490 --> 00:19:52,820
Okay.
418
00:19:55,260 --> 00:19:57,729
I mean,
I did everything I could.
419
00:19:57,730 --> 00:20:01,900
Just some people just don't
want to be cheered up.
420
00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:04,201
Maybe it's just
the time of year.
421
00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:13,678
- Adam's sleeping
in the basement.
422
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:14,810
Yeah.
423
00:20:14,814 --> 00:20:17,916
I told him I wasn't happy.
424
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:20,447
I don't know what
I expected him to say,
425
00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:22,753
but he said,
"I'm not happy either,"
426
00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:26,315
which is definitely not
what I expected him to say.
427
00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:29,786
And, so, we talked about it,
and then we yelled about it,
428
00:20:29,796 --> 00:20:32,996
and then we just
stopped talking.
429
00:20:32,999 --> 00:20:35,329
And now it's all weird and tense
430
00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:39,565
and Emma's all upset
and it's just... it's miserable.
431
00:20:41,373 --> 00:20:44,813
Amy, I am so sorry.
432
00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:50,411
Do you want a balloon animal?
433
00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:54,316
No, thank you.
434
00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:56,350
It is kind of nice
to talk about it though.
435
00:20:56,356 --> 00:20:58,916
- Well, talk away.
436
00:21:05,965 --> 00:21:07,395
Okay.
437
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:17,777
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
33562
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof