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1
00:00:01,401 --> 00:00:03,201
- Gabby is in soft lines,
2
00:00:03,204 --> 00:00:04,704
Elias, grocery,
3
00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:06,335
Jonah,
you're at the gun counter.
4
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,070
- Oh, uh... oh.
5
00:00:08,075 --> 00:00:10,175
Can I switch with somebody?
6
00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:12,137
I just... I don't really
believe in guns.
7
00:00:12,146 --> 00:00:13,476
I mean, I'm just...
8
00:00:13,481 --> 00:00:14,711
kind of against selling them
9
00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:16,575
or buying them
10
00:00:16,584 --> 00:00:18,151
or owning them.
11
00:00:18,152 --> 00:00:20,387
- You don't have a gun?
- No, what do I need a gun for?
12
00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:22,248
- Home security.
Hunting.
13
00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:25,056
How are you gonna properly
start a drag race?
14
00:00:25,059 --> 00:00:27,759
Vaya con dios, amigos.
15
00:00:27,762 --> 00:00:30,462
- Without a gun, I do not know
16
00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:35,101
from trying to impregnate my
Winnie the Pooh lawn ornament.
17
00:00:35,102 --> 00:00:37,771
I'm not, like,
against weapons as a whole.
18
00:00:37,772 --> 00:00:39,672
I fenced in college,
but there's...
19
00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:41,808
- Okay.
- What?
20
00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:43,476
What are you doing?
- Oh, I'm keeping a list
21
00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:45,677
of all the crazy white-person
stuff you say.
22
00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:47,779
Oh, fencing, that's definitely
going on there.
23
00:00:47,782 --> 00:00:49,616
- What else is on there.
- Oh, it's long.
24
00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:52,317
I got wearing boat shoes,
BBC America,
25
00:00:52,319 --> 00:00:54,119
makes his own trail mix...
26
00:00:54,121 --> 00:00:56,289
- You love my trail mix.
- All right, okay.
27
00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:58,590
It's fine.
Jonah, you can trade with...
28
00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:03,662
Because I would rather not
be in the fitting rooms.
29
00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:05,432
They're basically
just fart capsules.
30
00:01:05,433 --> 00:01:07,300
- Can I not be in menswear?
31
00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:09,469
Everything there reminds me
of my ex-boyfriend, Brian.
32
00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:12,500
- No, guys, what Jonah
is asking for is different.
33
00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:14,606
He has a moral objection
to guns.
34
00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:17,277
- I'd be in the same position
if the store asked us
35
00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:19,746
to start selling,
you know, hashish
36
00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:21,777
or the morning-after pill.
37
00:01:21,782 --> 00:01:23,182
- We sell
the morning-after pill.
38
00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:25,084
- What?
39
00:01:25,086 --> 00:01:26,746
- I don't wanna sell rice
anymore.
40
00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:28,854
It doesn't taste like anything.
41
00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:30,216
And Oriental...
42
00:01:30,224 --> 00:01:31,491
- All right, all right,
all right.
43
00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:33,426
Okay.
44
00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:35,227
No changing shift assignments.
45
00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:39,599
Okay, I get that we don't like
selling guns or pills or rice,
46
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,769
but we sell all those things
in the store.
47
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:45,438
End of story.
Jonah, you stay on guns.
48
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:47,439
- Okay, fine, but I want
my objection noted.
49
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:49,877
- Oh, that whole
phrase is going on the list.
50
00:02:04,657 --> 00:02:07,627
- Oh, so I get put
on Instruments of Death duty
51
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,696
and you get picking up pizzas.
52
00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:12,227
- Adam's taking Emma
on a Girl Scouts camping trip,
53
00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:14,868
and I have
the whole weekend to myself.
54
00:02:14,869 --> 00:02:16,636
- And you know what?
There is nothing cooler
55
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:19,367
than spending two days
at home alone
56
00:02:19,373 --> 00:02:21,341
with 12 French bread pizzas.
57
00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:22,809
- I'm not gonna eat
all of them...
58
00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:24,740
- Okay, good.
- But what if I burn one, Jonah?
59
00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:27,575
Or what if there's
a manufacturer's cheese error?
60
00:02:27,581 --> 00:02:31,317
- I've worked two doubles
in a row this week.
61
00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:33,748
I need my pizzas to be perfect.
- I get it.
62
00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:36,890
- Just me, the couch,
some Cloud 9 brand wine...
63
00:02:36,891 --> 00:02:38,391
- A Neuage Neuf classique,
of course.
64
00:02:38,392 --> 00:02:40,192
- And some amazing movies.
65
00:02:40,194 --> 00:02:42,162
- Oh, there's a Danish drama
on Netflix that...
66
00:02:42,163 --> 00:02:44,463
Wrong answer.
67
00:02:44,465 --> 00:02:46,565
I'm thinking mid-'90s rom-coms,
68
00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:48,497
like Freddie Prinze Jr.
Takes the nerd to the prom
69
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:49,802
because underneath
those glasses,
70
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,503
she's really beautiful, Jonah.
71
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:54,765
- It sounds like you got
the whole thing figured out,
72
00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:57,305
and you deserve it,
so you go off and have fun.
73
00:02:57,311 --> 00:02:58,941
But I'm just gonna
throw this out there,
74
00:02:58,946 --> 00:03:01,306
Garrett and I are gonna watch
some basketball later...
75
00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:03,515
You want to be alone.
76
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:06,347
- Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
- Got it. Have fun.
77
00:03:07,620 --> 00:03:09,220
- I'm free.
78
00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:10,323
- Oh.
79
00:03:12,325 --> 00:03:14,185
Cool.
80
00:03:14,195 --> 00:03:16,925
- Attention, shoppers,
there's a 40% off sale
81
00:03:16,931 --> 00:03:18,761
in our exercise gear section,
82
00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:21,766
which will be closing next week
due to lack of interest.
83
00:03:21,769 --> 00:03:24,837
Over in patio furniture,
we're gonna have... ahh!
84
00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:27,238
Ahh!
85
00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:31,477
Uh...
86
00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:32,778
my bad, y'all.
87
00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:34,910
That reaction was very
out of character for me.
88
00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:37,875
I'm normally a very cool guy.
89
00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:42,845
I have a lot of cool sneakers
and a very active sex life.
90
00:03:46,259 --> 00:03:48,359
- Hey.
- Hey. Hey!
91
00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:49,629
- Um, I'd like
that 9-millimeter
92
00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:51,230
and a box of bullets, please.
93
00:03:51,232 --> 00:03:54,901
- Yes, got it.
You wanted the 9-millimeter.
94
00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:56,842
And a box of bullets.
95
00:03:58,371 --> 00:03:59,806
Coming right up.
96
00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:01,567
I'm gonna go ahead
and grab that for you.
97
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,805
Just gonna grab it from...
98
00:04:04,812 --> 00:04:06,246
right...
- That's the one.
99
00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:08,577
- Yeah, this is...
Yeah, no, I...
100
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,950
It's coming...
Ooh, wow.
101
00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:13,420
Ooh, that's...
That's heavy.
102
00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:15,788
This feels like...
103
00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:19,589
like an 11-millimeter,
am I right?
104
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:20,927
The bullets, yep.
105
00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:22,528
Uh...
106
00:04:22,529 --> 00:04:24,897
just the 9-millimeter...
107
00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:27,367
Ahh! Gun!
Gun, gun, gun, gun, gun!
108
00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:28,868
Gun, gun, gun!
109
00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:34,772
All clear.
110
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:36,275
All clear.
111
00:04:36,277 --> 00:04:38,507
- Hey, uh, Tate,
112
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:41,912
is it true we sell
the morning-after pill?
113
00:04:41,915 --> 00:04:43,275
- We definitely have
the morning-after pill.
114
00:04:43,284 --> 00:04:45,518
Yeah, right over there.
115
00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:47,919
- Oh. Wow.
116
00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:49,956
So prominent.
- Yeah.
117
00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:51,357
- Listen, Tate,
118
00:04:51,358 --> 00:04:53,788
I would never
ask you to sell something
119
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,862
that you were not
comfortable with,
120
00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:58,863
so if you wanna remove them
from the pharmacy,
121
00:04:58,866 --> 00:05:00,296
I will support you.
122
00:05:00,301 --> 00:05:01,301
- Are you kidding?
123
00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:02,702
I love the morning-after pill.
124
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:05,603
I have to keep a couple boxes
at timeshare in Tampa.
125
00:05:05,606 --> 00:05:06,866
- Tampa?
- Oh, yeah.
126
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:08,841
Women love it there.
You know what I mean?
127
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:10,442
Yeah, it's a sick place.
128
00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:12,512
It's only, like, 12 miles
from the beach.
129
00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:15,782
- Okay, but between us,
130
00:05:15,783 --> 00:05:17,817
could you just find a reason
131
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,378
to take them off the shelf?
132
00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:20,616
You know, um...
133
00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:23,721
maybe say that
they're, like, expired?
134
00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:24,991
- That would be a lie.
135
00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:27,792
- Tate, do you believe in God?
136
00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:29,385
- Yeah, I think there's a god.
- Yeah?
137
00:05:29,396 --> 00:05:30,756
- But I think he lives
in nature.
138
00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:34,067
You know, the rocks
and trees and crap like that.
139
00:05:34,068 --> 00:05:36,768
Honestly, I think God
could be a frog.
140
00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:40,070
- Oh, brother.
141
00:05:40,074 --> 00:05:42,974
Rook? Western jackdaw?
Thick-billed?
142
00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:44,606
- I don't know.
It was a crow.
143
00:05:44,611 --> 00:05:45,811
Who cares what kind?
144
00:05:45,813 --> 00:05:47,547
- Um, we care.
145
00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:49,608
Because it we're gonna kill it...
- We're not gonna kill it.
146
00:05:49,616 --> 00:05:50,976
We're gonna get it
out of the store safely.
147
00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:54,387
- Right. Obviously.
Priority one is safety.
148
00:05:54,388 --> 00:05:57,056
- Forget safety...
I say we pull the fire alarm,
149
00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:58,887
clear out the store,
turn up the heat,
150
00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:01,527
make the whole place a oven,
problem solved.
151
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:03,528
- Whoa, easy,
that's a little violent.
152
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:06,030
- Yeah, psycho, why would anyone
want to hurt a bird?
153
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:08,768
- Okay, A: 'cause
they're dirty flying dinosaurs.
154
00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:11,369
And B: you don't need
any other reasons.
155
00:06:11,372 --> 00:06:15,541
They are amazing creatures
that recognize human face
156
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:16,909
and they throw each other
funerals.
157
00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:20,079
- Why would you give me
that information?
158
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,080
That doesn't calm me down!
159
00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:34,492
- Excuse me, sir.
160
00:06:36,162 --> 00:06:37,162
- Um...
161
00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:39,632
are... are you talking to me?
162
00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:41,567
- Oh, yeah.
You.
163
00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:44,768
We would to buy one rifle,
please.
164
00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:46,806
Just the one rifle,
please and thank you.
165
00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:48,907
- What... what are you
gonna hunt for?
166
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:50,509
- Uh, liars.
167
00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:51,841
Elk.
Hunting elk.
168
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:54,405
- Um...
169
00:06:54,415 --> 00:06:56,875
if you could excuse me
for one moment.
170
00:06:59,519 --> 00:07:01,519
- I'm just gonna
sit in front of my television,
171
00:07:01,522 --> 00:07:04,190
and I'm gonna eat and drink
whatever I want.
172
00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:06,021
- Mm-hmm, okay, well,
what you're describing
173
00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:07,556
is every single day of my life.
174
00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:09,128
- Really?
- Uh, hey.
175
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,798
So there is someone over there
that I really,
176
00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:14,629
really don't think
should be allowed to own a gun,
177
00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:17,195
Um... or a car or a fork.
178
00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:18,671
What do I do?
179
00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:20,640
- Well, I mean, you're allowed
to deny him service
180
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:22,541
but only if you think
he's actually dangerous.
181
00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:23,709
- Okay, good.
182
00:07:23,710 --> 00:07:25,940
How do I know that
he's actually dangerous?
183
00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:31,745
- Yeah, maybe no gun for him.
184
00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:36,088
Hi.
185
00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:38,157
- Can I take a look
at that bolt action rifle?
186
00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:40,658
- Yes, you may.
187
00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:43,761
All right, uh...
188
00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:45,964
Oh, hey, this one is expensive.
189
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:48,766
But I really want to
treat myself today.
190
00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:50,236
- Yeah.
- I just got laid off.
191
00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:52,697
- Oh.
I'm so sorry to hear that.
192
00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:54,636
- Yeah, I'm pretty upset
about it.
193
00:07:55,608 --> 00:07:57,076
- How upset are you?
194
00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:58,207
- Well, extremely.
195
00:07:58,212 --> 00:08:00,079
I worked there over 20 years,
196
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,748
and then they just get rid of me
like I'm trash?
197
00:08:02,749 --> 00:08:04,649
Well, they're gonna regret it.
198
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:05,981
- Service denied.
Service denied.
199
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:06,986
- Excuse me?
200
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,047
- You just said you're upset
201
00:08:08,055 --> 00:08:09,685
and they were gonna regret it,
so nope.
202
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:12,158
Who understands
the payroll software.
203
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:14,489
I mean, who's gonna do it now?
Monica?
204
00:08:14,495 --> 00:08:16,625
- Look, I'm sorry I'm being
overly cautious,
205
00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:17,630
but you know what?
206
00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:19,031
Why don't we try and find you
207
00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:21,032
a better hobby than this,
you know?
208
00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:23,536
Have you ever
considered fencing?
209
00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:24,767
- No.
210
00:08:24,771 --> 00:08:26,639
Fencing sucks.
211
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:28,640
- No, it doesn't.
212
00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:30,642
- All right,
in order for this to work,
213
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:32,178
it is critical
that we run at the crow
214
00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:34,647
at exactly the same speed,
8 miles per hour, got it?
215
00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:35,648
Yes, ma'am.
216
00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:37,749
- All right.
217
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,951
- Actually, I don't know
how fast that is.
218
00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:41,687
- Sorry, sometimes
I forget you're Asian.
219
00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:44,888
13 kilometers per hour.
220
00:08:44,892 --> 00:08:46,092
- I still don't...
221
00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:47,693
- It's 240 steps a minute.
222
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,228
- That doesn't mean
anything to me.
223
00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:52,298
- You're just saying
just run pretty fast, right?
224
00:08:52,299 --> 00:08:53,666
- "Pretty fast"
is a relative term.
225
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:54,667
What's your resting heart rate?
226
00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:57,098
- God, we're gonna have to
figure it out now.
227
00:08:57,104 --> 00:08:59,138
Okay, take your pulse
for ten seconds.
228
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:01,239
You're gonna multiply
that number by six.
229
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:02,571
- Dude, you know
the bird flew away,
230
00:09:02,576 --> 00:09:04,036
like, a while ago, right?
231
00:09:08,781 --> 00:09:09,981
- Thanks.
232
00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:11,250
- So just
the morning-after pill?
233
00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:12,718
That would have been my guess.
234
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:13,849
My man.
All right.
235
00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:15,854
Okeydokey.
236
00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:18,216
So a couple things you need to
know about this bad boy.
237
00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:20,885
- Hey, Tate.
238
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:23,194
You want to see
some pictures of my kids?
239
00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:24,196
- No.
Gross.
240
00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:27,097
- Wait till you see
how cute they are.
241
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:29,230
Children are such a gift.
242
00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:30,636
- Oh.
243
00:09:30,637 --> 00:09:33,097
- How do I
call up these pictures?
244
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:34,866
All right, just give me a sec.
245
00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:36,305
"Viewing photos.
246
00:09:36,310 --> 00:09:40,910
Go to the home screen
by tapping Menu button."
247
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,848
- I'm sorry.
We really need to get going.
248
00:09:42,849 --> 00:09:43,849
- Of course.
249
00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:44,850
Glenn, would you just
cut it out?
250
00:09:44,851 --> 00:09:46,018
Let them buy the damn pill.
251
00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:47,919
- Would you mind very much
252
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:49,188
if I just cut in front of you?
253
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:50,989
I am in a huge rush.
254
00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:52,258
Huge!
- I guess.
255
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:53,659
- Thank you.
256
00:09:53,660 --> 00:09:55,060
All right.
257
00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:56,662
- Yeah, hi, I'd like to buy
258
00:09:56,663 --> 00:09:58,863
all of your morning-after pills,
please.
259
00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:04,098
- Big weekend.
260
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:08,007
Gonna get all liquored up
and promiscuous.
261
00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:10,708
- I'm happy to try to clean it
up, but the problem is,
262
00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:12,641
if I even think about vom...
263
00:10:14,982 --> 00:10:16,750
Oh.
264
00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:20,786
- Okay, okay.
265
00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,317
Okay.
I got it.
266
00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:24,056
I'll clean it up.
267
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:25,317
Oh, god.
268
00:10:29,196 --> 00:10:30,656
Three more hours.
269
00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:32,024
Three more hours.
Three more hours.
270
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,001
Oh, hey, babe, what's up?
271
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:37,670
- Hey, please don't be mad,
272
00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:39,338
but Frank just got
last-minute tickets
273
00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:41,239
to the entrepreneurs
conference this weekend,
274
00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:43,641
and I know I said I would
take Emma camping, but...
275
00:10:50,716 --> 00:10:53,216
All right, just dump that
in the cart there.
276
00:10:53,220 --> 00:10:55,187
Okay, that should draw her out.
277
00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:56,248
- How do you know it's a woman?
278
00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:57,816
- I'm glad you asked, Mateo.
279
00:10:57,824 --> 00:11:00,059
Birds don't have genitalia
as we're familiar with.
280
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:01,960
They have internal penises
called cloacas.
281
00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:04,398
- And when they become
very engorged...
282
00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:13,268
- Look, I'm gonna
give it to you straight.
283
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:17,176
- You know I'm just gonna
order more of these, right?
284
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:18,807
- And I'll be standing
right here,
285
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:21,712
Cloud 9 credit union
card in hand.
286
00:11:21,715 --> 00:11:22,705
- Okay.
287
00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:24,046
Well, that comes to
288
00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:27,051
$1,127 and 54 cents.
289
00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:28,454
- What?
290
00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:29,815
That much?
291
00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:32,792
Well, each pill
is over 40 bucks.
292
00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:33,993
I'd explain why, but
293
00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:36,162
your brain couldn't handle
the science.
294
00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:38,763
- No, no, I can't afford that.
295
00:11:38,765 --> 00:11:40,295
I mean, well, with car payments
296
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,730
and mortgage
and groceries for 13,
297
00:11:42,736 --> 00:11:44,236
we're barely getting by.
298
00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:45,297
- Mm.
299
00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:46,395
- I'm gonna have to
return these.
300
00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:47,466
- Mm.
301
00:11:47,474 --> 00:11:49,274
No, you can't return pills.
302
00:11:49,276 --> 00:11:50,476
- What?
- Yeah.
303
00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:51,837
That's illegal.
304
00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:53,175
You could have
tampered with them.
305
00:11:53,180 --> 00:11:55,410
- But you know I didn't.
306
00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:57,075
I was here the whole time.
307
00:11:57,084 --> 00:11:58,884
- Were you?
308
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:01,085
- I know I said I could take
Emma on the trip.
309
00:12:01,088 --> 00:12:02,088
- Yes, you did.
310
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:03,919
- Excuse me.
- Just one second.
311
00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:06,258
Adam, I was really looking
forward to this weekend.
312
00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:10,859
I was gonna wear sweatpants
and slippers and no bra.
313
00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:13,199
Can you take
a couple steps back?
314
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,200
- I promise,
I will make it up to you,
315
00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:17,402
but could you please
just let this one go?
316
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:18,804
Just this one time?
317
00:12:19,806 --> 00:12:21,936
Just this one time.
318
00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:23,072
Fine.
319
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,336
Okay.
320
00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:26,278
Look, I gotta go.
321
00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:27,747
How can I help you, sir?
322
00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:29,628
- I have a complaint
about one of your salesmen.
323
00:12:30,883 --> 00:12:31,983
- But you said I have the right
324
00:12:31,985 --> 00:12:33,345
to refuse service
to anybody I want.
325
00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:35,953
- Yes, technically
you have the right,
326
00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:38,016
but you need to
use some common sense.
327
00:12:38,024 --> 00:12:41,761
I would take all of these guns
and throw them out the door.
328
00:12:41,762 --> 00:12:42,962
- You know what I mean.
329
00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:44,196
- Look, I told you
I wasn't comfortable
330
00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:46,457
- Yeah, and I told you
that you have to.
331
00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:48,296
- Ugh, god forbid
you let something go
332
00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:49,368
for once in your life.
333
00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:50,869
- Why do I have to let it go?
334
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,471
Why don't you let it go, Jonah?
335
00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:53,539
It's not my job to make
336
00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:55,270
every man in the world's
life easier.
337
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,465
I'm not moving you.
338
00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:58,536
- Well, I'm not
changing what I'm doing.
339
00:12:58,545 --> 00:13:01,345
Why is everybody
being such a jerk today?
340
00:13:05,084 --> 00:13:07,086
- I think the bird...
- Yeah.
341
00:13:07,087 --> 00:13:08,317
I know.
342
00:13:16,863 --> 00:13:18,363
- I just feel so bad
343
00:13:18,365 --> 00:13:20,495
about letting
my moral priorities
344
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:23,030
interfere with
your buying choices,
345
00:13:23,036 --> 00:13:25,366
especially because
for all I know,
346
00:13:25,372 --> 00:13:28,107
you might not even be
planning on using the pill.
347
00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:29,538
You know, maybe
you're gonna use them
348
00:13:29,543 --> 00:13:31,877
as plates in a doll's house
349
00:13:31,878 --> 00:13:35,878
or drop 'em in a Diet Coke
to see if they fizz up.
350
00:13:35,882 --> 00:13:37,316
- No, we had unprotected sex
last night.
351
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:38,947
- Okay,
buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh!
352
00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:40,952
What I don't know can't hurt me
353
00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:42,254
or send me to hell.
354
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:44,385
Just kidding.
355
00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:47,059
Um, so do you have cash?
356
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:48,928
- I'm sorry; I just have
way too many concerns
357
00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:50,196
about your level of anger.
358
00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:51,227
- This is discrimination.
359
00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:52,831
I'm gonna call the NRA
about this.
360
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:54,200
- Okay, well, you know,
361
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:56,569
that you're getting so angry
is only proving my point.
362
00:13:56,570 --> 00:13:57,900
- What is going on?
363
00:13:57,904 --> 00:14:01,340
This entire place
is a dictatorship,
364
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:03,576
and it's being ruled over
by Emperor Amy.
365
00:14:03,577 --> 00:14:06,037
- Oh, god, can you guys
just act like adults
366
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:07,406
and have an affair or something?
367
00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:08,414
- What?
No, shh!
368
00:14:08,415 --> 00:14:09,545
Listen.
369
00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:12,318
If Amy wants me to
run the gun counter,
370
00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:14,149
then Amy needs to understand
371
00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:16,554
that I get to decide
who gets the guns.
372
00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:18,286
And I'm gonna
make those decisions fairly
373
00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:19,491
and with due diligence.
374
00:14:19,492 --> 00:14:21,161
I'm sorry.
I just don't trust redheads.
375
00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:23,332
- Too fiery.
376
00:14:26,332 --> 00:14:29,201
- Congratulations on
being sexually active.
377
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:31,337
- I'm sorry?
378
00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:33,906
- Okay, I know
I probably can't talk you
379
00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:35,907
out of buying
contraception, right?
380
00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:37,439
I mean, that's just
not gonna happen.
381
00:14:37,444 --> 00:14:39,178
- I didn't ask for
any assistance.
382
00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:43,048
- So if it's gonna happen
no matter what,
383
00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:46,018
these are $50 each.
384
00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:48,187
Okay, now, I'm not looking
to make a profit.
385
00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:50,018
That's the price I paid
386
00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:53,523
plus a small donation
to the pro-life coalition.
387
00:14:53,526 --> 00:14:55,126
You know?
And...
388
00:15:03,469 --> 00:15:05,299
We're all gonna die in here!
389
00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:06,495
- Whoa, whoa!
390
00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:08,166
- Okay, everybody calm down.
391
00:15:08,174 --> 00:15:10,042
It's just an open carry protest.
392
00:15:10,043 --> 00:15:12,443
Gun owners are just exercising
their second amendment rights.
393
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:13,675
It's all perfectly legal.
394
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,480
Okay, but let's not
let this little gun thing
395
00:15:15,482 --> 00:15:17,650
overshadow the real problem,
which is the crows.
396
00:15:17,651 --> 00:15:19,318
They are equally as dangerous.
397
00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:23,049
- Well, apparently Jonah
was denying service
398
00:15:23,056 --> 00:15:25,416
to everybody who
wanted to buy a gun, so...
399
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,085
- Oh, what a D bag.
400
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:29,193
- I shouldn't have been there
in the first place, okay?
401
00:15:29,195 --> 00:15:30,995
Technically,
this is Amy's fault.
402
00:15:30,997 --> 00:15:33,427
- Amy, can you just move Jonah?
403
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,200
- No, he doesn't get to win.
404
00:15:35,201 --> 00:15:37,937
- Ugh.
Why are you being like this?
405
00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:39,698
- "Like this."
What is "like this"?
406
00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:41,066
I'm doing my job.
407
00:15:41,074 --> 00:15:42,141
- Oh, my god, just bang already.
408
00:15:42,142 --> 00:15:43,409
- That's what I been saying.
409
00:15:43,410 --> 00:15:44,410
- Gross.
410
00:15:44,411 --> 00:15:45,978
- Eww.
- Okay, okay.
411
00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:48,309
We're all feeling emotional,
412
00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:51,515
but we're gonna get through this
safely together.
413
00:15:51,518 --> 00:15:54,318
And then we can go home
to our loved ones.
414
00:15:54,321 --> 00:15:56,188
Oh, and if you're planning on
415
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:59,419
having sex with them tonight,
come see me.
416
00:15:59,426 --> 00:16:00,656
All right, meeting dismissed.
417
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:01,960
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Hold up.
418
00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:03,392
What about this crow emergency,
y'all?
419
00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:04,396
Hold up.
420
00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:06,057
Hey, guys,
we gotta do something.
421
00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:08,326
They got the same brain-to-body
ratio as humans.
422
00:16:08,335 --> 00:16:10,065
A group of 'em's
called a murder!
423
00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:11,037
Judy!
424
00:16:11,038 --> 00:16:12,267
Judy!
425
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:19,978
- Attention, shoppers.
426
00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:21,110
- Attention.
427
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:25,150
- I need everyone in the store
to be completely silent
428
00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:30,021
that replicate the calls
of the crows' natural enemies.
429
00:16:30,023 --> 00:16:31,590
This will drive them
out of the store.
430
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:32,721
Thank you.
431
00:16:35,061 --> 00:16:36,191
Koo-wik
432
00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:37,996
ka!
433
00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:47,306
Whip-poor-will, will, will,
will, will, will, will.
434
00:16:47,307 --> 00:16:48,467
Hoo!
435
00:16:48,475 --> 00:16:50,335
Hoo!
436
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:51,743
Hoo!
437
00:17:08,460 --> 00:17:09,590
Oh!
438
00:17:09,596 --> 00:17:10,596
Oh!
439
00:17:10,597 --> 00:17:11,597
There's a crow
440
00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:12,728
in the mother tent!
441
00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:14,467
You, crow!!
442
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:23,409
- Today is a great day
for the second amendment.
443
00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:27,079
- I'm proud to see
so many of us came out here
444
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:29,348
to protest
the despicable actions
445
00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:30,779
of that short-haired lady
over there
446
00:17:30,784 --> 00:17:32,751
who infringed
on our rights today.
447
00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:34,520
She can't take us
away from our guns.
448
00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:35,587
Yeah!
449
00:17:35,588 --> 00:17:36,648
- Okay, all right, all right.
450
00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:39,056
First of all, I'm a man,
but thank you.
451
00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:41,459
Second of all, what about my
first amendment right, huh?
452
00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:42,591
The right to an opinion.
453
00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:44,655
I can say whatever
I want to say.
454
00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:46,198
- Well, I don't gotta
listen to it.
455
00:17:46,199 --> 00:17:47,366
Blah-bitty blah, blah.
456
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:50,437
- Will everybody
please just shut up!
457
00:17:51,537 --> 00:17:53,597
You sound like children.
458
00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:54,736
Okay?
459
00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:56,141
Look.
460
00:17:56,142 --> 00:17:58,142
We can't all...
- We can't hear you.
461
00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:01,609
We can't all...
- Get up high.
462
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:11,189
- Look.
463
00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:13,759
We can't all just do
whatever we want
464
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,727
whenever we want to.
465
00:18:15,728 --> 00:18:18,458
You don't want to sell guns,
it's your job.
466
00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:19,555
Be a grown-up.
467
00:18:19,566 --> 00:18:20,726
And you!
468
00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:23,869
So you have to flash a rifle
to prove a point?
469
00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:25,400
Come on, man.
470
00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:26,765
Just be a grown-up.
471
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:29,641
I wanted to spend the weekend
eating pizza
472
00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:31,276
and watching Freddie Prinze Jr.
473
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:32,277
- Isn't he dead?
474
00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:33,738
- What?
475
00:18:34,813 --> 00:18:36,281
I don't think so.
476
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:39,852
No, I'm, like,
70% sure he's alive.
477
00:18:39,853 --> 00:18:42,153
Okay, that's beside the point.
478
00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:44,485
The point is that
I don't get to do that
479
00:18:44,491 --> 00:18:47,459
because my husband
got tickets to a conference.
480
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:51,530
So you don't see me
throwing a fit about it.
481
00:18:51,531 --> 00:18:53,699
- Isn't that kind of
what you're doing now?
482
00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:57,200
- Okay, while we're
talking about stuff,
483
00:18:57,203 --> 00:18:59,803
sexuality and morality:
484
00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:01,336
two alaties with...
485
00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:03,772
Watch it!
486
00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:04,906
Hold your fire!
487
00:19:04,911 --> 00:19:06,681
- Nobody hurt the bird!
488
00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:19,560
You all right.
489
00:19:22,528 --> 00:19:25,758
- I'm sorry your weekend
got ruined.
490
00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:26,855
- It's fine.
491
00:19:26,866 --> 00:19:28,926
These things happen.
492
00:19:28,935 --> 00:19:30,595
- You know, I'm gonna
just go ahead
493
00:19:30,603 --> 00:19:31,737
and work the gun counter.
494
00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:33,638
You were right.
I was... I was being a jerk.
495
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,710
- Really?
496
00:19:37,609 --> 00:19:38,609
Wow.
497
00:19:38,611 --> 00:19:39,611
Thank you, Jonah.
498
00:19:39,612 --> 00:19:40,612
- No problem.
499
00:19:42,215 --> 00:19:43,305
- Wait a second.
500
00:19:44,583 --> 00:19:46,583
Are you agreeing with me
because I'm right
501
00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:49,846
or because
you feel sorry for me?
502
00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:51,856
- Because you're right.
503
00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:53,658
Why would I feel sorry
504
00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:56,460
for such a strong,
fierce woman, you know?
505
00:19:56,462 --> 00:19:57,696
Get it, girl.
506
00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,427
- You feel sorry for me.
507
00:19:59,432 --> 00:20:00,766
- I... no.
I don't.
508
00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:02,867
- Oh, no, no, no.
I don't need anybody's pity.
509
00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:04,569
Don't work the gun counter.
510
00:20:04,571 --> 00:20:05,837
- No, it's fine.
I'm working the gun counter.
511
00:20:05,838 --> 00:20:07,368
- I just said you're not work
the gun counter.
512
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:08,640
- But I'm putting me on guns.
513
00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:09,971
Here I go.
- No, I'm stopping you.
514
00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:11,506
- Well, you can't stop me, so...
515
00:20:11,511 --> 00:20:14,279
I just gave you an order,
and I'm your supervisor.
516
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,210
- You're not...
I refuse your order.
517
00:20:16,216 --> 00:20:17,916
- Yes, I am your supervisor.
- What are you...
518
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:20,317
- He calls shrimps "prawns."
519
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,750
Spent his Sunday walking
to a farmers' market.
520
00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:25,215
He's been to, like,
all the renaissance fairs.
521
00:20:25,225 --> 00:20:26,955
Referred to the day
he ate a hamburger
522
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:27,960
as a cheat day.
523
00:20:27,961 --> 00:20:29,291
Gotcha!
524
00:20:30,330 --> 00:20:31,360
Stop it.
525
00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:32,731
Okay. Whew!
- Okay, okay.
526
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,232
Take care of this, will you?
527
00:20:35,368 --> 00:20:38,237
- Want me to take care of it?
- Yeah.
528
00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:39,498
- All right.
529
00:20:40,939 --> 00:20:42,908
- See, I told you
we could get the bird
530
00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:44,009
out of the store safely.
531
00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:47,510
- Well, I gotta say,
I was wrong.
532
00:20:47,513 --> 00:20:48,847
No reason
to hurt that little thing.
533
00:20:48,848 --> 00:20:50,816
- They're smart animals.
They deserve kindness.
534
00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:52,647
- And you treated it humanely.
535
00:20:52,652 --> 00:20:56,688
- Well, I just treat them
how I would want to be treated.
536
00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:58,419
You know?
537
00:20:58,424 --> 00:21:00,994
All right, let's go
release this little sweetheart.
538
00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:04,995
- But... Dina, I have
something to tell you!
539
00:21:04,998 --> 00:21:06,398
- Hello, ma'am.
540
00:21:06,399 --> 00:21:08,569
You look sexual; could I...
541
00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:12,902
Sir, do you have
unprotected sex?
542
00:21:14,773 --> 00:21:16,608
- Oh, my god.
543
00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:17,609
Oh, my god.
544
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:18,940
Bag of blood.
545
00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:20,745
It's a bag of blood!
38324
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