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1
00:00:04,472 --> 00:00:06,372
- Good morning.
- Morning.
2
00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:08,274
- Hm.
- Can't believe we're back.
3
00:00:08,275 --> 00:00:12,275
Same stupid timecards.
Same boring beige halls.
4
00:00:12,279 --> 00:00:14,647
- Actually, I think that
cockroach in the light is new.
5
00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:16,516
- Nope, Ernie's been here
longer than me.
6
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:20,186
- I'm excited that things
are getting back to normal.
7
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:23,056
No more corporate
getting all up in our business.
8
00:00:23,057 --> 00:00:26,126
- Oh, you know that the district
manager's still here, right?
9
00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:29,287
- Jeff?
What is Jeff still doing he...
10
00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:31,526
You don't think he's trying
to find a reason to fire me?
11
00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:32,562
Do you?
- No.
12
00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:34,166
Glenn, why would they fire you?
13
00:00:34,168 --> 00:00:35,368
They just hired you back.
14
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:37,499
- Because they're still mad
that I gave Cheyenne
15
00:00:37,505 --> 00:00:39,335
maternity leave.
16
00:00:39,340 --> 00:00:42,108
Maybe they think that people,
like, just walk all over me.
17
00:00:42,109 --> 00:00:44,509
Like I'm some sort of
pathetic Peter.
18
00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:46,412
- Oh, come on.
They don't... they don't think
19
00:00:46,414 --> 00:00:49,249
you're... that.
- You don't know.
20
00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:52,118
I mean, these corporate guys,
they're out for blood.
21
00:00:52,119 --> 00:00:55,419
Okay? They are vicious,
savage monsters.
22
00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:57,390
- Hey, everybody.
- Hi.
23
00:00:57,391 --> 00:01:00,660
- Um, these are
welcome back flowers.
24
00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:03,129
- Oh.
- They gave me a packet of, uh,
25
00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:05,460
plant food for it,
but I left it in the car.
26
00:01:05,466 --> 00:01:07,226
So if they die, I guess, just...
27
00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:09,636
throw them away.
But, anyway...
28
00:01:09,637 --> 00:01:12,367
here.
29
00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:13,773
- Cool.
30
00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:17,077
- You guys have been through
a lot in the last two days.
31
00:01:17,078 --> 00:01:19,408
Your manager getting fired.
Everybody walking out.
32
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:21,281
- Not everybody walked out.
I didn't.
33
00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:22,782
She did, he did, those three.
34
00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:25,118
I've got a PDF file.
- Great. Good.
35
00:01:25,119 --> 00:01:26,419
Thank you, as always, Dina.
- Welcome.
36
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:28,288
- But the point is, um,
37
00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:30,657
that I don't want to just go
back to the way things were.
38
00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:32,618
I wanna know what we
as a company
39
00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:34,526
can do better.
- Really?
40
00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:36,296
Great.
Well, uh...
41
00:01:36,297 --> 00:01:37,527
I think we should start
with maternity leave.
42
00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:39,799
- Listen up, ladies and jerks,
43
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:44,270
because I am so not in the mood.
44
00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:46,406
- What is happening?
- No idea.
45
00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:48,507
- Okay, I know corporate suits
probably think
46
00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:52,579
I'm a big, ole softy,
but as everyone here knows
47
00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:54,848
I'm a hard-ass boss.
48
00:01:54,849 --> 00:01:59,349
And I act like this every day,
not just today.
49
00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:01,153
- Okay.
- Yeah.
50
00:02:01,155 --> 00:02:03,415
- What we were talking about
when you came in was I wanna...
51
00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:06,126
- Everybody here
better do their job
52
00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:09,757
or you're all going down.
53
00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:11,132
- Ju...
- Oh!
54
00:02:12,366 --> 00:02:14,126
- Just step out.
- Just lift your leg up.
55
00:02:14,135 --> 00:02:15,395
- I can't find...
- You got it.
56
00:02:15,402 --> 00:02:16,436
- Just hold 'em up.
- Get it off me.
57
00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:17,467
- Okay.
- Yeah, all right.
58
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:19,571
- Yeah, yeah.
- Just...
59
00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:21,173
- We'll just...
Yeah, this is easier.
60
00:02:21,175 --> 00:02:22,175
- Oh, boy.
61
00:02:26,881 --> 00:02:28,581
- It's just so nice to hear
62
00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:30,682
that you actually
wanna listen to our concerns.
63
00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:32,252
- Yeah, one big thing
we've been talking about
64
00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:34,253
is the store limiting our hours
to avoid...
65
00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:35,645
- Sorry, here's what I'd like
to do.
66
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,256
I'd just like to
take a walk around.
67
00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:39,258
Observe how things work.
We'll meet later
68
00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:41,460
and discuss ways
that we can all improve.
69
00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:43,429
- Oh, sorry, did you just say,
70
00:02:43,430 --> 00:02:45,498
"we can all improve"?
71
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,167
'Cause none of this
happened because
72
00:02:47,168 --> 00:02:48,928
we weren't doing our jobs well.
73
00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:51,936
- Sure, but...
everything is a two-way street.
74
00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:53,739
- Yeah, but...
75
00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:56,476
some things are just...
one-way streets.
76
00:02:56,477 --> 00:02:57,777
- You need both, you know?
77
00:02:57,778 --> 00:03:01,347
One-way streets are useful
in terms of traffic flow
78
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:04,918
whereas I lost track of
the point I was trying to make.
79
00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:06,549
- Yeah, so here's what
I'd like to do.
80
00:03:06,554 --> 00:03:08,288
I'd like to observe
how things work
81
00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,789
when you guys are not
in the parking lot
82
00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:12,590
screaming like lunatics
and then we can go from there.
83
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:14,427
Think we can handle that?
84
00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:16,728
- I guess we'll see.
- All right.
85
00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:21,234
- I'm sorry, we're the ones
who need to change?
86
00:03:21,235 --> 00:03:23,235
How about they stop
limiting our hours
87
00:03:23,237 --> 00:03:25,967
or docking our pay
for bathroom breaks?
88
00:03:25,973 --> 00:03:28,209
We are not the ones
who need to improve here.
89
00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:31,877
Yeah, we're pretty perfect.
90
00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,846
- But, look, he wants
to hear our complaints.
91
00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:36,647
- Yeah, and then
not do anything about them.
92
00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:38,250
No matter what we say,
he's just gonna be like,
93
00:03:38,252 --> 00:03:40,486
"Well,
it's a two-way street, so..."
94
00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:41,947
- Wow, that was spot on.
95
00:03:41,956 --> 00:03:43,656
- It was like
Amy just disappeared.
96
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:45,717
- Look, guys,
we just need to be on top
97
00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:47,956
of our game today, you know?
98
00:03:47,962 --> 00:03:50,862
Remember that day six months ago
where nothing went wrong?
99
00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:52,699
Let's do that today.
100
00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:54,730
- March 14th
cannot be manufactured.
101
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,635
That's what makes
March 14th beautiful.
102
00:03:56,637 --> 00:03:58,767
- Okay, well,
let's just be on our game, okay?
103
00:03:58,772 --> 00:04:00,972
- Okay, you got it.
104
00:04:00,975 --> 00:04:02,635
- Attention Cloud 9 shoppers,
105
00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:05,543
beef products from Cloud 9 Ranch
are now 80% off,
106
00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:07,606
but maybe ask yourself
why we would do that.
107
00:04:09,549 --> 00:04:10,949
You mean like that?
108
00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:13,987
- I'm the kind of hard-ass boss
that corporate loves.
109
00:04:13,988 --> 00:04:16,018
- Uh-huh.
- I-I don't allow any
110
00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:18,992
jiggerypokery
or argle-bargle.
111
00:04:18,993 --> 00:04:20,693
- Mm-hmm.
- Glenn...
112
00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:22,762
can I go to the doctor?
I've had a sharp pain
113
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,297
in my lower right for days.
114
00:04:24,298 --> 00:04:26,998
- There you go.
Typical argle-bargle.
115
00:04:27,001 --> 00:04:29,301
Denied.
- Actually...
116
00:04:29,303 --> 00:04:30,403
that sounds like appendicitis.
117
00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:31,604
I think you should
go to the hospital.
118
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,635
- Thank you.
119
00:04:35,475 --> 00:04:38,775
- I want to see that appendix
on my desk tomorrow, young lady!
120
00:04:58,332 --> 00:04:59,966
- Hey, can you tell me
where the bathroom is?
121
00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:02,967
It's kind of an emergency.
- I exceeded your expectations?
122
00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:05,300
Thank you.
123
00:05:05,306 --> 00:05:06,606
Have a heavenly day.
124
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:07,937
Hi!
125
00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:10,710
That guy just said
I exceeded his expectations.
126
00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:12,711
Don't know if you heard.
- Nice work.
127
00:05:14,681 --> 00:05:17,317
I'm Jeff, by the way.
- No, I know.
128
00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:19,418
Mateo.
We met yesterday?
129
00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:21,350
I was the "loyal,
hard-working employee
130
00:05:21,355 --> 00:05:23,515
with great skin"?
131
00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:25,458
Uh, so now that
everything's back to normal,
132
00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:27,589
I would love to talk to you
about my career here at Cloud 9.
133
00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:28,661
- Yes, I'm so sorry
to do this to you.
134
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,862
I just have a bunch
to cover today,
135
00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:32,704
but nice to meet you,
Ma-tato.
136
00:05:34,967 --> 00:05:36,597
- Ma-tato?
137
00:05:36,603 --> 00:05:37,970
- Laney,
make sure Tate's not trying
138
00:05:37,971 --> 00:05:39,771
to sell our customers
time shares.
139
00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:42,041
Todd, keep Sal at least
100 feet away from women's wear.
140
00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:43,609
And women in general,
if possible.
141
00:05:43,610 --> 00:05:45,578
Why is nobody working the deli?
142
00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:47,679
- Oh, right,
Dom told me that he just
143
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:48,848
really didn't feel like
coming in today
144
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:50,749
and that I should cover for him
by telling you
145
00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:52,819
that...
Wait, go back.
146
00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:54,020
Let me take that again.
147
00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:56,756
Dom told me to tell you
that his pug, Elmo,
148
00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:58,457
fell into a sinkhole
in the park.
149
00:05:58,459 --> 00:05:59,726
- Just follow me.
150
00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:01,557
Okay, we need to
keep the line moving.
151
00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:03,962
We have a lot of hungry,
angry people out there.
152
00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:05,798
- Uh, you can just say
"hangry" now.
153
00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:07,969
It's a new word.
My friend's cousin made it up.
154
00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:11,799
- I'll take rolls,
veggies, and condiments.
155
00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:14,835
You start slicing the meat.
- Slicing the meat.
156
00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:18,442
Oh, sweet, always wanted
to work this bad boy.
157
00:06:18,445 --> 00:06:21,005
Not totally sure how it works...
158
00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:23,683
- Just, um, load the meat
and then slice the meat.
159
00:06:23,684 --> 00:06:25,884
- Definitely.
I'm a quick study, so...
160
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:28,116
Oh! I cut myself.
- Already?
161
00:06:28,122 --> 00:06:30,957
Well, maybe I should do...
162
00:06:30,958 --> 00:06:32,918
- Marcus, that looks really bad.
163
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:35,556
- Just a nick.
It looks worse than it is.
164
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:36,730
Kinda stings a little.
165
00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:42,769
Marcus, is that your thumb?
166
00:06:44,871 --> 00:06:47,571
- Uh... I don't know.
167
00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,976
- You don't know?
168
00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:51,837
Why don't you check?
169
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:53,545
- I don't wanna.
- Marcus, check!
170
00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:54,807
- I don't want to.
- To see if your thumb
171
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:56,105
is on your hand.
172
00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:07,559
Ah.
173
00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:08,828
I need this thumb
174
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:10,897
for work and driving.
Door knobs!
175
00:07:10,898 --> 00:07:13,728
- We just need to put it
in a cold, air-tight container,
176
00:07:13,734 --> 00:07:15,601
we'll get it to the hospital,
they're reattach it.
177
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:17,770
It's easy.
- Promise?
178
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:19,671
- Mm-hmm.
179
00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:20,840
Here.
This should do it.
180
00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:22,841
- Oh, come on, not the guac.
It's all slimy.
181
00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:25,143
- You're not gonna feel it.
182
00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:27,045
- "Yeah, I've got
a whole PDF."
183
00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:30,677
Let's break up this loser squad
and get back to work.
184
00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:32,584
- You guys don't
hear anything, do you?
185
00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:34,146
- Nope, I can't hear traitors.
186
00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:35,922
- Oh, is that so, Peter?
Because I was just
187
00:07:35,923 --> 00:07:37,690
coming to tell you that your
wife has died.
188
00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:39,991
I just got the call.
- I don't have a wife.
189
00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:41,227
Everyone knows I'm gay.
190
00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:42,788
- Ha!
I knew you could hear me.
191
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:45,556
In your gay face!
- Come on, guys.
192
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:50,136
Hey.
193
00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:52,037
I've, uh...
194
00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:53,506
I've been there.
195
00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:55,767
Junior year of high school
I lost all the proofs
196
00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:57,636
for lit mag and we had to
stay up all night
197
00:07:57,644 --> 00:08:00,046
relaying it out.
Everybody hated me.
198
00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:02,207
Especially Becca Fish...
Such a Goody Two-shoes,
199
00:08:02,216 --> 00:08:05,646
but I killed them with
a little thing called kindness,
200
00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:07,987
and guess who became
the next editor-in-chief.
201
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,918
Well, co-editor.
202
00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:12,558
- Worst story I've ever heard.
203
00:08:12,559 --> 00:08:15,189
- Look, all I'm saying is
with a little effort
204
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:17,225
it's not that hard
to get people to like you.
205
00:08:17,231 --> 00:08:19,661
- I really don't care
if people like me.
206
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:21,526
- Okay, but...
207
00:08:21,535 --> 00:08:23,765
Don't you find it hard
being a boss to people...
208
00:08:23,770 --> 00:08:25,238
That resent you?
209
00:08:25,239 --> 00:08:27,069
- Who's the one wearing
the blue polo now?
210
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:32,178
- You do raise a good point.
- Yeah.
211
00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:34,146
- I watch a lot of
"Dog Whisperer" DVDs
212
00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:35,807
and it's always easier
to train a bitch
213
00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:39,616
who enjoys your scent.
- That's exactly what I meant.
214
00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:41,820
Um... look, if you need
any help...
215
00:08:41,822 --> 00:08:45,858
- Pass. I can make people
like me on my own just fine.
216
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,689
Oh, hey...
- Yeah?
217
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,662
- I just wanted to say...
- Mm-hmm.
218
00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:51,097
- That story really is awful.
219
00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:53,298
I'd tighten it up.
Add a couple jokes.
220
00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:55,930
- Thank you for the feedback.
221
00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:57,536
- This website says
we have an hour
222
00:08:57,538 --> 00:08:59,098
to get you and the thumb
to the hospital.
223
00:08:59,106 --> 00:09:02,836
- Um... nothing, it's just
a good number to shoot for.
224
00:09:02,843 --> 00:09:04,911
Why are you limping?
- I stubbed my toe
225
00:09:04,912 --> 00:09:07,012
picking up the thumb.
It really stings.
226
00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:10,550
- Oh, damn it!
Okay, act natural.
227
00:09:10,551 --> 00:09:13,219
- Hey, there.
Everything okay with you guys?
228
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:15,187
- Yeah.
Yeah.
229
00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:17,688
We were just organizing
these batteries.
230
00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:20,059
- I just have a couple questions
about shift assignments.
231
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:23,129
- Oh, uh, Glenn,
I forgot to mention
232
00:09:23,130 --> 00:09:24,560
those skateboarders are back.
233
00:09:24,565 --> 00:09:26,195
- Oh, Jeff, come with me.
234
00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:28,768
Now... now, those girls are big
for 12, but there's two of us,
235
00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:30,899
so it'll be a fair fight
this time.
236
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,071
- Oh...
237
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,202
- Okay.
238
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:35,936
- Who broke into my locker?
239
00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:38,010
What is happening
to this country?
240
00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:40,711
- Mine looks burnt off.
It wasn't even locked.
241
00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:42,748
- Everybody shut up.
I got you all presents.
242
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:46,686
- Oh, okay, guys,
how nice of Dina to...
243
00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:50,217
break into our lockers
and give us presents.
244
00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:52,692
- Yeah, prescription
strength deodorant.
245
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:55,127
"Stop stink in its tracks."
- Now that's a gift
246
00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:57,296
for all of us, my friend.
- Thoughtful.
247
00:09:57,297 --> 00:09:58,697
In its own way.
248
00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:00,929
- Men's razors?
- For your mustache.
249
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:03,703
You're welcome.
- "Gay Guy."
250
00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:05,237
- Now, I had to order
30 of those,
251
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:07,368
so if you have any gay guy
friends, just say the word.
252
00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:10,242
Um...
okay, no big deal,
253
00:10:10,243 --> 00:10:11,843
but usually people say
"Thank you"
254
00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:14,145
when they get presents.
Come on.
255
00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:17,847
- "It's Not All Interesting:
How to Tell a Better Story"?
256
00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:19,986
- Now, I don't know if you
already have this.
257
00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:21,887
I'm assuming you don't.
258
00:10:21,888 --> 00:10:25,018
- I'll be home in five,
ten minutes max.
259
00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:28,255
Everyone's gonna wanna see
photos of the baby, so...
260
00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:30,896
oh, Amy...
- Hi, not now.
261
00:10:30,897 --> 00:10:33,966
Okay, quick drive
to the hospital.
262
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,736
They'll reattach the...
Where's the thumb?
263
00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:39,767
- My thumb?
- Yes, Marcus, your thumb!
264
00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:42,013
There is no other thumb!
265
00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:51,083
- Okay, listen closely.
When Jeff comes over,
266
00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:53,686
I'm gonna pretend
to be mean to you,
267
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:55,687
but it's all an act, okay?
268
00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:57,419
- You're going too fast.
I can't follow.
269
00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:59,992
- It's simple.
I'm gonna say mean things
270
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:02,328
to you, but I don't mean
the things I say.
271
00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:04,196
So even though
I really like you,
272
00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:06,127
I might say,
"I hate you."
273
00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:08,768
- Hold up. You hate me?
- No, I love you.
274
00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:12,269
I... why is this so complicated?
275
00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:14,407
- Hey.
- Oh, ah, hey, Jeff.
276
00:11:14,408 --> 00:11:18,408
I was just telling this employee
how lazy I think he is.
277
00:11:18,412 --> 00:11:21,047
- You think I'm lazy?
- Yes...
278
00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:24,678
- I'm sorry. I mean,
I-I try really, really hard.
279
00:11:24,685 --> 00:11:26,275
I always thought you liked me.
280
00:11:27,787 --> 00:11:30,357
- I don't.
281
00:11:32,858 --> 00:11:35,088
- He right.
Actually, I am kinda lazy.
282
00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:38,695
- Detergents.
Pod, liquid, powder.
283
00:11:38,699 --> 00:11:41,167
Uh, high-efficiency,
et cetera, et cetera.
284
00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:42,328
Whatever.
- Wow, thank you so much.
285
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:44,165
You're a lifesaver.
286
00:11:44,171 --> 00:11:46,001
- Oh, could you just
repeat that over here?
287
00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:47,106
- Actually,
I'm kinda in a hurry.
288
00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:48,707
So I...
- It'll only take a sec.
289
00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:50,909
- This is my son.
You're hurting my arm!
290
00:11:50,911 --> 00:11:52,431
- I showed you
where the detergent was!
291
00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:54,947
Now tell him
what you just said to me.
292
00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:57,278
- You're hurting my arm.
293
00:11:57,284 --> 00:12:00,424
- I mean before that.
About being a lifesaver.
294
00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:04,285
- It's okay, Owen.
Mama's here.
295
00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:06,091
The bad man didn't get me.
296
00:12:06,093 --> 00:12:08,828
- In the future,
I'd love you to not
297
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:11,329
grab our customers.
Okay, Ma-tah-to?
298
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:12,798
- It's Ma-tato.
299
00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:14,868
I mean...
Mateo.
300
00:12:16,870 --> 00:12:18,400
"Dear everyone,
301
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:20,205
"from the bottom of my heart
I'm sorry
302
00:12:20,207 --> 00:12:21,267
"that you are mad at me.
303
00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:22,842
"I only acted
the way the way I did
304
00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:25,111
"because I'm a very loyal person
and I can't empathize
305
00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:26,979
"with people who are
self-centered traitors.
306
00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:30,449
"If I could go back in time
I would do the exact same thing.
307
00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:32,780
I consider this matter
closed now."
308
00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:34,316
Huh?
- Great.
309
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:36,889
Great, uh...
lotta great stuff in there.
310
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:39,759
I just have a few notes.
Tiny stuff.
311
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:42,128
Maybe it could be
a little more personal.
312
00:12:42,129 --> 00:12:44,799
- Sounds great.
Write it up.
313
00:12:46,098 --> 00:12:47,398
- There's just nothing
like looking
314
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,500
into your baby's eyes.
315
00:12:49,503 --> 00:12:51,170
Amy, wanna see my baby?
316
00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:52,501
- Not now.
I need everybody's help.
317
00:12:52,506 --> 00:12:54,836
Follow me, please.
318
00:12:54,841 --> 00:12:57,910
The last time we saw the thumb
it was in a tub of guacamole,
319
00:12:57,911 --> 00:13:00,446
but then we found this open tub
of guacamole on the floor,
320
00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:02,077
so it could be a different
guacamole,
321
00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:03,449
or else it could be
the same guacamole,
322
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:04,917
but the thumb fell out.
323
00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:06,848
So the thumb could either
be in a guacamole
324
00:13:06,853 --> 00:13:08,521
or it could be anywhere.
Any questions?
325
00:13:08,522 --> 00:13:10,822
- Yeah, uh, is it just
regular guacamole?
326
00:13:10,824 --> 00:13:12,958
- No, it's, uh...
grapefruit, ginger, and lime.
327
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:15,089
- Oh.
- Where's Marcus?
328
00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:17,195
- Marcus is at the hospital.
Elias took him.
329
00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:18,927
We have 45 minutes
to get him his thumb.
330
00:13:18,932 --> 00:13:20,532
- Does the guacamole
have nuts in it?
331
00:13:20,534 --> 00:13:21,967
- What?
Why does this matter?
332
00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:23,836
- Well, I'm allergic.
333
00:13:23,837 --> 00:13:25,797
- In the event of a tornado
334
00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:27,836
you wanna go
straight for the eye of it.
335
00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:30,241
That is where it is safest.
336
00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:32,511
Oh, hi.
We are just conducting
337
00:13:32,512 --> 00:13:34,580
a... a... an impromptu
safety meeting.
338
00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:36,311
- Well, I don't want
to interrupt.
339
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:37,846
I'm gonna need to see
all non-essential employees
340
00:13:37,851 --> 00:13:39,351
in the break room.
- Right now?
341
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:42,892
- The man said now,
so that means now!
342
00:13:45,925 --> 00:13:47,185
- Okay, I'll see you there.
343
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,330
- Everything around here
looks great.
344
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:54,932
I mean, were there a few
expired shampoo bottles
345
00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:57,565
left on the shelf?
Yes... six actually,
346
00:13:57,571 --> 00:14:00,206
but mostly good jobs.
347
00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:02,537
So now I would like you guys
to tell me
348
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:05,442
what we at corporate
can be doing better for you.
349
00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:07,905
- You know, Jeff, it feels weird
350
00:14:07,914 --> 00:14:09,882
talking about this
on company time.
351
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:11,317
- Oh, that's okay,
it's an unpaid break.
352
00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:12,948
- Yeah, of course it is.
353
00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:15,588
- So maybe we'll just start
with the beginning of the day.
354
00:14:15,589 --> 00:14:17,857
Um, when we all clock in...
355
00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:19,088
- You know what?
This sounds like it's gonna be
356
00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:22,328
a long Jonah story.
How about we put a pin in it
357
00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:25,429
and we get back out there
and we serve our customers.
358
00:14:25,432 --> 00:14:28,200
- Really? I mean,
now's your chance to say
359
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:29,631
anything you want to say to me.
- That's right, Jeff.
360
00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:31,596
Now is our chance,
and we actually have
361
00:14:31,605 --> 00:14:33,365
a list of things that we think
362
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:34,640
the company could do better.
363
00:14:34,641 --> 00:14:36,141
- It's just I don't like
complaining
364
00:14:36,142 --> 00:14:37,576
while we still have
that outstanding
365
00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:39,407
shampoo problem to fix.
366
00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:40,980
You know, there are things
that we could
367
00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:42,411
all do to improve.
368
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:45,345
It's a... two-way street.
369
00:14:45,352 --> 00:14:48,387
- Okay. If that's how you feel.
- Uh-huh.
370
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,318
- Everybody, grab a cupcake!
371
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:54,293
- Oh!
Nope, I hate cupcakes
372
00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:55,961
'cause I'm a meanie.
373
00:14:55,962 --> 00:14:57,429
- Nobody move.
374
00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:59,160
I have something to say.
- Ooh, I wanna hear this.
375
00:14:59,165 --> 00:15:00,525
- What?
- This is a letter
376
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:03,903
to my subordinates
that I wrote by myself.
377
00:15:03,904 --> 00:15:07,039
Mahatma Gandhi once said,
"Forgiveness is an attribute
378
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:09,940
of the strong"?
Ugh, starting with a quote.
379
00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:11,978
It's like a middle-school
book report.
380
00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:19,319
- Oh, uh, excuse me.
381
00:15:26,258 --> 00:15:28,958
Oh, I'm actually not...
- Thank you so much.
382
00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:32,331
I'm in a rush.
I gotta get home to my kid.
383
00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:33,632
- Sure.
384
00:15:35,567 --> 00:15:37,467
Oh.
385
00:15:39,538 --> 00:15:43,108
- "So as I seek atonement
for my foibles..."
386
00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:44,977
that's a little bit much.
387
00:15:44,978 --> 00:15:48,378
Um, blah, blah,
"The movie 'Magnolia'"?
388
00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:51,281
I'm gonna skip that.
- No, no, that's the best part!
389
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:53,384
I would imagine.
It's... it's an excellent film.
390
00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:55,016
- Okay, Dina, we get it.
391
00:15:55,021 --> 00:15:57,489
You messed up, you're sorry,
you'll never do it again.
392
00:15:57,490 --> 00:15:59,690
- Actually, no.
I'm not sorry.
393
00:15:59,693 --> 00:16:02,528
And this isn't even like
a "sorry, not sorry" situation.
394
00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:04,559
This is "not sorry, not sorry."
395
00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:07,099
You're all garbage,
so grab a cupcake,
396
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:09,600
and continue your
slow march to death.
397
00:16:11,437 --> 00:16:14,037
"Foibles."
- Great.
398
00:16:17,676 --> 00:16:19,406
- That was brave, huh, guys?
399
00:16:23,048 --> 00:16:25,078
- Hey, so I'm not sure
calling people "garbage"
400
00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:26,615
reads as an apology.
401
00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:28,519
- Great leaders don't
care about being liked.
402
00:16:28,521 --> 00:16:30,251
Do you think dogs like
Cesar Millan?
403
00:16:30,256 --> 00:16:31,986
Heck no, they just want him
to stop going,
404
00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:33,122
"Chh! Chh! Chh!"
405
00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:34,586
- Why don't you care
if people like you?
406
00:16:34,594 --> 00:16:36,328
- Why do you care
if people like you?
407
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,329
- Because it's important.
- To you.
408
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:39,598
- Don't try to flip this, okay?
409
00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:41,699
It's a basic human need.
- Of yours.
410
00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:43,531
- You know what?
I don't care how you feel
411
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:45,236
about my need to be liked,
and I realize
412
00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:46,638
that's kind of a contradiction,
413
00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:48,469
but one day...
- Chh! Calm down!
414
00:16:48,475 --> 00:16:50,335
Chh! Chh!
- Stop doing that.
415
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:53,679
- Chh!
There it is.
416
00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:03,489
- Whoever finds the thumb,
pick up the intercom
417
00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:06,358
and say...
I don't know, "strawberry jam."
418
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,289
- Ooh, but what if something
actually happens
419
00:17:08,294 --> 00:17:11,430
- I am willing
to take that chance.
420
00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:13,298
- Do you think
I'm a memorable person?
421
00:17:13,299 --> 00:17:14,699
- Can you please
stop asking questions
422
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:16,031
and just go find the thumb?
423
00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:17,036
Please?
Go.
424
00:17:25,111 --> 00:17:26,779
- Ohh, beige.
425
00:17:26,780 --> 00:17:29,148
That's a crazy color
for a towel.
426
00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:30,516
Nice.
427
00:17:30,517 --> 00:17:33,447
And you got one of this.
428
00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:35,753
Hmm.
Oh, lady, hey!
429
00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:37,315
Let me dig in your basket.
430
00:17:49,468 --> 00:17:51,637
- You guys,
we are so out of time.
431
00:17:51,638 --> 00:17:54,306
- Hey, guys,
what's going on over here?
432
00:17:54,307 --> 00:17:56,237
Looks intense.
433
00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:57,509
- Answer him!
434
00:17:57,510 --> 00:17:59,278
- We were just
talking about sales.
435
00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:02,779
- Yeah, sales orders
and utility patents
436
00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:04,716
and other words
from "Shark Tank."
437
00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:05,817
- Okay.
- Good.
438
00:18:05,819 --> 00:18:07,186
- Excuse me,
are you the store manager?
439
00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:08,717
- Heck yeah, I am, guy.
440
00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:10,457
- I found a thumb
in my guacamole.
441
00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:15,529
- Strawberry jam.
Strawberry jam.
442
00:18:23,503 --> 00:18:25,543
- Get off the phone!
You're at work!
443
00:18:27,372 --> 00:18:29,242
- I'm sorry.
444
00:18:34,179 --> 00:18:35,809
Thank you for shopping
at Cloud 9...
445
00:18:37,316 --> 00:18:39,746
Oh, I put my phone in his bag.
446
00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:42,152
- I'm weird for
wanting to be liked.
447
00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:44,655
I mean, this isn't even
about my ego.
448
00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:46,687
People getting along
is the bedrock
449
00:18:46,693 --> 00:18:49,393
of a functioning society.
Am I right?
450
00:18:52,532 --> 00:18:53,562
I've seen this one.
451
00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:54,796
They get in a big fight
over a sofa,
452
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:56,268
but it's not really
about the sofa.
453
00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:57,269
- I wanna keep it.
454
00:19:02,341 --> 00:19:05,777
- Marcus got his thumb back,
so, you know, no harm no foul.
455
00:19:05,778 --> 00:19:08,178
- I just really thought
that we could have a day
456
00:19:08,181 --> 00:19:09,381
where nothing went wrong.
457
00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:12,151
- You mean like March 14th?
458
00:19:12,152 --> 00:19:15,320
We're never gonna have
another March 14th.
459
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:18,221
Just be grateful
you were alive to see one.
460
00:19:18,224 --> 00:19:23,362
I mean, I am the idiot who put
Marcus on the meat slicer.
461
00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:26,732
- If they do, this whole store
will walk out in support of you.
462
00:19:26,733 --> 00:19:27,933
- Thanks, Glenn,
but I don't think
463
00:19:27,934 --> 00:19:30,774
we can pull that move
twice in 48 hours.
464
00:19:32,871 --> 00:19:35,541
- Hey, Jeff, have you told
corporate about the thumb yet?
465
00:19:35,542 --> 00:19:38,410
- I'm just about to submit
an incident report now.
466
00:19:38,411 --> 00:19:40,211
Don't worry about it, I know
you had nothing to do with it.
467
00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:42,513
- Cool. Cool.
Yeah, I was just making sure.
468
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:45,415
But out of curiosity,
what's gonna happen to Amy?
469
00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:48,518
- Suspension, termination.
We'll have to see.
470
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,251
- Well, I'll walk with you
to the office.
471
00:19:50,256 --> 00:19:52,386
I actually have something
I'd like to submit as well.
472
00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:54,326
I mean, obviously
corporate needs to know
473
00:19:54,327 --> 00:19:55,857
that a district manager
was on site
474
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:58,630
when an untrained employee
maimed himself.
475
00:19:58,631 --> 00:20:00,231
- Uh, I'm sorry?
476
00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:01,567
- God, I really hope
this doesn't hurt
477
00:20:01,568 --> 00:20:03,428
your shot at that senior VP slot
478
00:20:03,436 --> 00:20:05,596
when Todd Spurman
retires in June.
479
00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:10,542
- And if I didn't
turn the report in?
480
00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:11,843
- Well, if you didn't
turn the report in,
481
00:20:11,844 --> 00:20:16,884
so I guess that means
I would have nothing to report.
482
00:20:19,318 --> 00:20:21,388
- Fine.
483
00:20:24,823 --> 00:20:27,927
I really don't like you.
- I really don't care.
484
00:20:39,771 --> 00:20:41,771
- Oh, hey.
Hey.
485
00:20:41,774 --> 00:20:43,976
- What?
What can I do for you...
486
00:20:43,977 --> 00:20:45,437
um...
- Mateo?
487
00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:47,475
My name's Mateo.
488
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:48,910
You know, I've been busting
my butt trying to show you
489
00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:50,645
I'm a good worker,
but you have your head
490
00:20:50,650 --> 00:20:52,820
so far up your own butt
you haven't noticed.
491
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:55,553
I am so sorry.
492
00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:58,255
- It's okay.
- I shouldn't be talking to you.
493
00:20:58,258 --> 00:20:59,518
- Stop, stop, stop.
Mateo, it's okay.
494
00:20:59,525 --> 00:21:00,725
I'm sorry.
It's been a long week.
495
00:21:00,727 --> 00:21:03,357
I've noticed you.
- Okay.
496
00:21:03,363 --> 00:21:06,363
Thank you.
That's all I was asking.
497
00:21:07,366 --> 00:21:08,796
- I've definitely noticed you.
37509
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