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1
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Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:25,313 --> 00:00:26,313
Cheers.
3
00:00:33,694 --> 00:00:34,694
Oh.
4
00:00:36,469 --> 00:00:38,269
- Well...
- Oh, well.
5
00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:41,485
You wanna...
6
00:00:46,274 --> 00:00:47,308
Ooh-ee.
7
00:00:53,119 --> 00:00:54,446
Ah... Oh.
8
00:00:55,622 --> 00:00:56,844
You haven't started, um... ?
9
00:00:58,591 --> 00:00:59,990
Are you going on a date after this?
10
00:01:00,014 --> 00:01:01,339
No. God, no.
11
00:01:01,438 --> 00:01:04,439
I just thought that after what
we talked about last week...
12
00:01:04,464 --> 00:01:05,638
Oh, I'm sorry about that.
13
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:08,793
- No, you were right.
- No, it was a bit of a rant.
14
00:01:09,147 --> 00:01:10,147
I deserved it.
15
00:01:10,703 --> 00:01:12,909
I told you your unemployment was unsexy.
16
00:01:13,173 --> 00:01:15,356
- You told me I was unsexy.
- I didn't say that.
17
00:01:15,381 --> 00:01:17,000
You did. I listened to it again.
18
00:01:17,367 --> 00:01:18,502
What? How?
19
00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:20,732
I've been recording the sessions.
20
00:01:22,348 --> 00:01:25,033
Seriously? You've been recording
the sessions and listening back?
21
00:01:25,455 --> 00:01:28,457
Yes. I put my phone on the
table before the second session.
22
00:01:28,855 --> 00:01:30,912
Kenyon asked if you were
OK with it. You said yes.
23
00:01:31,404 --> 00:01:33,635
Oh. I thought she was asking
24
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:36,171
if I was OK with you putting
your phone on the table.
25
00:01:36,877 --> 00:01:37,957
That would have been weird.
26
00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:40,168
Not as weird as you
recording the sessions.
27
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,578
- When do you listen to them?
- They're good for dog walking.
28
00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:45,324
I mean, actually,
they're pretty gripping.
29
00:01:46,152 --> 00:01:47,949
Like BBC radio drama kind of thing?
30
00:01:47,974 --> 00:01:49,987
Yes, except there are some
credibility gaps, like,
31
00:01:50,076 --> 00:01:52,287
"Wow, these two would never
get together in real life."
32
00:01:52,399 --> 00:01:53,399
Ha.
33
00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:56,458
Yeah, well, that's the
beauty of real life, isn't it?
34
00:01:56,483 --> 00:01:58,631
- We did get together.
- Yes, I was aware of that.
35
00:01:59,413 --> 00:02:00,413
I'm just saying it...
36
00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:02,397
it was a plot point I
didn't really believe.
37
00:02:02,422 --> 00:02:05,859
The real world can be
beautifully unpredictable.
38
00:02:06,159 --> 00:02:08,332
And here we are, two wonderful children.
39
00:02:09,195 --> 00:02:11,539
- You're not wishing those away?
- No, of course not.
40
00:02:11,564 --> 00:02:13,709
It's just, maybe we should
have had two wonderful children
41
00:02:13,733 --> 00:02:14,847
with other people.
42
00:02:16,002 --> 00:02:19,009
So what, four wonderful children
who have never met each other?
43
00:02:19,780 --> 00:02:21,540
Oh, the thought of that
just breaks my heart.
44
00:02:21,636 --> 00:02:23,843
Why? Why would you care if
they didn't know each other?
45
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:27,445
They'd sort of be
half-brothers, wouldn't they?
46
00:02:28,079 --> 00:02:29,591
Well, they might not all be boys
47
00:02:29,616 --> 00:02:31,793
and they absolutely
would not be related.
48
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:34,120
Oh, I think they would, spiritually.
49
00:02:35,073 --> 00:02:36,132
Do you think our children are related
50
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,334
to what's-her-name's children?
What's her name, your ex?
51
00:02:38,358 --> 00:02:39,841
- Sinead?
- No, of course not.
52
00:02:39,866 --> 00:02:41,137
You might have had children with her.
53
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,367
That was never on the cards.
54
00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:44,405
You're just jumping in
and out of fantasy worlds
55
00:02:44,430 --> 00:02:45,526
to suit your argument.
56
00:02:46,199 --> 00:02:50,078
No, I just happen to be
more sentimentally attached
57
00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:51,613
to the children that we never had
58
00:02:51,638 --> 00:02:53,198
than the children I never had with her.
59
00:02:53,955 --> 00:02:56,117
I'm romantic like that, so shoot me.
60
00:02:58,444 --> 00:03:01,782
So, why did we get together
if it was all so unlikely?
61
00:03:02,498 --> 00:03:04,098
Because I was going through a dry spell.
62
00:03:05,206 --> 00:03:06,206
That's it?
63
00:03:06,424 --> 00:03:08,875
You asked why we got together,
not why we stayed together.
64
00:03:09,924 --> 00:03:12,332
Did you have long-term
designs the night we met?
65
00:03:12,357 --> 00:03:14,202
Yes, yes,
66
00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:17,463
but the long-term turned into
the short-term pretty quickly.
67
00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:18,989
Because I was so easy, you mean?
68
00:03:19,711 --> 00:03:22,143
Agreeable, I'd say, rather than easy.
69
00:03:22,652 --> 00:03:24,412
And then no plan?
70
00:03:24,892 --> 00:03:27,838
Not no plan, just same plan.
71
00:03:28,045 --> 00:03:29,045
Just...
72
00:03:32,271 --> 00:03:34,089
Right. Isn't that how
most people get together?
73
00:03:34,113 --> 00:03:35,323
They want to end a dry spell
74
00:03:35,348 --> 00:03:37,350
and everything sort of gets out of hand?
75
00:03:37,483 --> 00:03:40,119
I suppose, unless
there's money involved.
76
00:03:40,483 --> 00:03:42,630
I can't imagine that
massive-breasted woman
77
00:03:42,655 --> 00:03:45,326
who married the billionaire
was worried about a dry spell.
78
00:03:45,625 --> 00:03:47,835
And Jane. Jane said she knew
she was gonna marry Charlie
79
00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:49,092
the first time she saw him.
80
00:03:49,267 --> 00:03:51,673
And then there's people who
are friends for a long time
81
00:03:51,698 --> 00:03:52,706
before they fall in love.
82
00:03:52,731 --> 00:03:53,875
And arranged marriages.
83
00:03:54,003 --> 00:03:55,487
But, like you say, yes,
84
00:03:56,135 --> 00:03:58,333
a lot of people start
with sex and go from there.
85
00:03:58,358 --> 00:04:00,158
I don't know, it's like
starting in a new job.
86
00:04:00,773 --> 00:04:02,275
One day follows another and...
87
00:04:02,605 --> 00:04:04,085
20 years later you're still there
88
00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:05,658
but you can't know on your first day.
89
00:04:05,778 --> 00:04:07,285
No, otherwise you'd shoot yourself.
90
00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:10,168
If it was a boring job.
91
00:04:13,661 --> 00:04:15,901
Do you remember anything about
the first time we had sex?
92
00:04:16,247 --> 00:04:17,913
- Yes, of course.
- Really?
93
00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:20,445
- I can't.
- No, neither can I.
94
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:23,270
I mean, I remember there was
some disappointment, I think.
95
00:04:24,989 --> 00:04:26,589
I was hoping you'd forgotten about that.
96
00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:29,511
That's why I wanted
to give it another go.
97
00:04:29,535 --> 00:04:31,775
I didn't think it was fair
to judge you on that one time.
98
00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:33,248
- Ditto.
- Oh, right.
99
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,294
What did I do wrong?
100
00:04:34,418 --> 00:04:37,652
No, just... It was a bit... lackluster.
101
00:04:37,677 --> 00:04:39,154
Oh, so it's all coming back to you now?
102
00:04:39,178 --> 00:04:41,716
I don't remember everything.
I just remember you were...
103
00:04:42,982 --> 00:04:45,201
medium, six out of ten.
104
00:04:45,226 --> 00:04:48,643
6.5 maybe. Let's say two-thirds.
105
00:04:49,176 --> 00:04:50,176
Me?
106
00:04:50,249 --> 00:04:51,969
Well, it was basically
a no-jump, wasn't it?
107
00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:56,095
Or a... a let, so I don't think
I can really give you a score.
108
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,339
Let's stop talking about
this. It was 15 years ago.
109
00:04:58,364 --> 00:04:59,508
We've moved on to better things.
110
00:04:59,532 --> 00:05:01,213
And back again like a pleasure cruiser.
111
00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:04,724
Well, maybe that's the
trajectory of married sex.
112
00:05:05,004 --> 00:05:09,042
It's just once around the rocks
to see the seals and then home.
113
00:05:09,372 --> 00:05:10,719
Around the rocks to look at the seals?
114
00:05:10,743 --> 00:05:12,327
The dolphins or whatever.
115
00:05:12,612 --> 00:05:14,010
When were the dolphin years?
116
00:05:15,322 --> 00:05:16,322
You know what I mean.
117
00:05:18,551 --> 00:05:20,057
- Not really.
- Yeah.
118
00:05:20,353 --> 00:05:21,401
I remember some...
119
00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:25,667
marine escapades before
the children came along
120
00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:27,201
on kitchen tables and whatnot.
121
00:05:27,226 --> 00:05:28,837
What, the kitchen
table being the dolphin?
122
00:05:28,861 --> 00:05:32,522
Yes, and the shower and the garden.
123
00:05:32,865 --> 00:05:34,305
And didn't we do something on the...
124
00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:38,083
No, we didn't, did we? No.
125
00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:40,184
- What were you thinking of?
- No, nothing.
126
00:05:41,641 --> 00:05:43,780
It wasn't recently, was
it, with your friend?
127
00:05:43,805 --> 00:05:45,674
No! God, no, of course not.
128
00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:47,113
Why "of course not"?
129
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,223
Because we're...
130
00:05:48,756 --> 00:05:50,076
Do you really wanna go into this?
131
00:05:50,217 --> 00:05:51,566
I don't know. Kind of.
132
00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:53,617
I'm terrified but I'm curious.
133
00:05:54,844 --> 00:05:55,844
Because it was...
134
00:05:57,156 --> 00:06:00,234
It was just sex. There
was no dolphins or seals.
135
00:06:01,761 --> 00:06:03,204
- But blindfolds.
- No.
136
00:06:03,229 --> 00:06:04,860
Why would you ask me about blindfolds?
137
00:06:06,195 --> 00:06:08,077
Have you wanted me to wear
a blindfold all these years?
138
00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:11,578
- No. Not really.
- Not really?
139
00:06:12,699 --> 00:06:14,503
Not a blindfold as such.
140
00:06:16,588 --> 00:06:19,182
Can you draw this thing
if it's complicated?
141
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:22,346
I mean, I could try and
knit one if it helps.
142
00:06:25,151 --> 00:06:26,279
God, you must be bored.
143
00:06:29,172 --> 00:06:30,898
- Are you?
- You first.
144
00:06:30,923 --> 00:06:33,039
Well, God, it's hardly
the time to ask me, is it?
145
00:06:33,693 --> 00:06:35,533
I'm bored with nothing
at all, that's for sure.
146
00:06:38,101 --> 00:06:40,109
- What if I'd asked you a year ago?
- You didn't.
147
00:06:40,422 --> 00:06:42,742
And now you just don't wanna
answer hypothetical questions?
148
00:06:43,132 --> 00:06:45,568
Why don't we just say it? I mean,
we were both bored. It's...
149
00:06:47,011 --> 00:06:48,550
It's become less and
less important to us
150
00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:50,814
and then you packed it in and
then everything went wrong.
151
00:06:53,916 --> 00:06:55,084
Isn't that right?
152
00:06:56,623 --> 00:06:57,623
No.
153
00:06:58,718 --> 00:07:01,156
- What have I got wrong?
- Well, I was never bored.
154
00:07:02,013 --> 00:07:03,625
But I did feel humiliated.
155
00:07:04,627 --> 00:07:06,634
- Humiliated?
- Because I knew.
156
00:07:06,659 --> 00:07:07,797
I knew you were bored.
157
00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:10,474
I could feel you were
bored. There was...
158
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:12,802
There were indications.
159
00:07:13,666 --> 00:07:15,265
And so I felt embarrassed.
160
00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:19,047
Because I got knocked back so often.
161
00:07:22,508 --> 00:07:23,576
God, I'm so-sorry.
162
00:07:23,601 --> 00:07:25,387
I thought I knew where
this conversation was going.
163
00:07:25,411 --> 00:07:27,522
No, no, no. It's not
your fault, of course.
164
00:07:27,547 --> 00:07:31,795
We just... we bounce back
and forth against each other.
165
00:07:32,251 --> 00:07:34,399
I'm boring, you get bored.
166
00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:37,766
I get even more boring,
you get even yet more bored.
167
00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:41,540
Our sexual relationship
is like a Newton's cradle.
168
00:07:41,994 --> 00:07:43,407
And even they stop in the end.
169
00:07:45,832 --> 00:07:47,872
Do they? I thought that
was the whole point of them.
170
00:07:48,478 --> 00:07:49,711
What, you thought they went on forever?
171
00:07:49,735 --> 00:07:52,194
I thought they were a
perpetual-motion machine.
172
00:07:52,381 --> 00:07:54,324
So why aren't there any still going?
173
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:58,614
I presumed people got
bored of the clacking sound
174
00:07:59,148 --> 00:08:01,108
or they get fired and
have to move offices.
175
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:04,001
You know that perpetual-motion
machines don't exist, don't you?
176
00:08:04,445 --> 00:08:05,581
I did not know that.
177
00:08:05,918 --> 00:08:08,442
Otherwise our energy problems
would be solved forever.
178
00:08:08,886 --> 00:08:12,366
How can you power a car with
an executive clacking toy?
179
00:08:12,391 --> 00:08:15,495
Well, it's not the... I mean,
we're getting side-tracked.
180
00:08:16,065 --> 00:08:17,805
Maybe that's what we
expect marriage to be,
181
00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:20,475
a perpetual-motion machine
that never runs out of energy,
182
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:23,010
but we have kids and we have a mortgage
183
00:08:23,035 --> 00:08:24,275
and we have your mum and my mum
184
00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:27,970
and we have the school run
and we have work and no work.
185
00:08:27,995 --> 00:08:30,497
I mean, how can you not
get ground down by it?
186
00:08:35,744 --> 00:08:36,744
It's okay.
187
00:08:40,753 --> 00:08:42,638
- I don't deserve that.
- Why not?
188
00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:46,515
Because I cheated on you, and I... I...
189
00:08:48,788 --> 00:08:51,348
And I said I was bored
in bed as an explanation.
190
00:08:52,710 --> 00:08:53,710
Yes.
191
00:08:55,134 --> 00:08:56,769
And my depression and my unemployment.
192
00:08:57,185 --> 00:08:58,732
Oh, God, I'm a charmer.
193
00:08:59,249 --> 00:09:00,249
I mean...
194
00:09:02,172 --> 00:09:04,441
... being bored isn't the worst
thing in the world, is it?
195
00:09:04,779 --> 00:09:05,908
Life is long
196
00:09:06,784 --> 00:09:08,486
and we're only just halfway through it.
197
00:09:10,816 --> 00:09:13,097
I suspect it's only long if
you're not enjoying it much.
198
00:09:13,706 --> 00:09:16,751
Well, there you go.
See? Doing you a favor.
199
00:09:17,423 --> 00:09:20,735
What, relativity and perpetual motion
all in one short conversation
200
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,501
about our ongoing marital shambles?
201
00:09:22,628 --> 00:09:25,651
Yep. You gotta be pretty brainy
to get out of being married to me.
202
00:09:28,134 --> 00:09:29,747
I wanna talk about the future today.
203
00:09:30,430 --> 00:09:32,597
- Good.
- Where it went.
204
00:09:33,472 --> 00:09:35,329
- Oh.
- I can't... I can't see it.
205
00:09:36,285 --> 00:09:38,466
And it used to be so clear to me.
206
00:09:38,511 --> 00:09:40,588
It was... It was right in front of me.
207
00:09:40,613 --> 00:09:43,524
I was... I was marching
towards it purposefully.
208
00:09:43,549 --> 00:09:47,595
I was like one of those Soviet
workers in the propaganda posters.
209
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:49,874
It was shiny and bright and full of...
210
00:09:52,106 --> 00:09:54,058
Well, I don't know what
it was full of. It was...
211
00:09:55,138 --> 00:09:57,615
Golden cornfields, factories, tanks?
212
00:09:57,663 --> 00:09:59,006
Well, my equivalent, anyway.
213
00:09:59,031 --> 00:10:01,327
- Which was?
- I can't remember.
214
00:10:04,820 --> 00:10:06,102
You can't remember the future?
215
00:10:07,289 --> 00:10:08,289
Nope.
216
00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:16,609
Oh, look, they've gone over their time.
217
00:10:17,307 --> 00:10:18,884
TOM: Like you said before, why bother?
218
00:10:18,918 --> 00:10:19,918
Haven't got long left.
219
00:10:20,244 --> 00:10:21,895
Oh, God, I did say that, didn't I?
220
00:10:22,588 --> 00:10:24,165
- That was awful of me.
- Yeah.
221
00:10:27,225 --> 00:10:28,518
Maybe she's had an affair?
222
00:10:29,549 --> 00:10:30,710
Why not him?
223
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:32,935
More of a woman thing.
224
00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:38,320
- Oh dear.
- What?
225
00:10:38,738 --> 00:10:40,099
Do you think he's not very well?
226
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:43,387
- What? Like he's dying?
- Maybe.
227
00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:47,647
That's all we bloody need.
228
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:50,057
Now Kenyon will think that
our problems are pathetic
229
00:10:50,082 --> 00:10:51,095
by comparison.
230
00:10:51,684 --> 00:10:53,019
Oh, she'll be impatient.
231
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:54,879
Well, at least they'll make it through.
232
00:10:55,454 --> 00:10:58,232
Is that the future? Making it through?
233
00:10:58,257 --> 00:10:59,377
I think I'd settle for that.
234
00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:01,679
Isn't that the goal of every marriage,
235
00:11:02,361 --> 00:11:03,758
making it through?
236
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,070
I'm not sure there's anything else.
237
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:08,827
I don't know if I can
march towards that.
238
00:11:13,152 --> 00:11:18,152
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
18228
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