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1
00:00:06,002 --> 00:00:08,958
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:36,554
Pint of London Pride and a
pack of dry roasted, please.
3
00:00:46,785 --> 00:00:47,798
How's it going?
4
00:00:50,458 --> 00:00:51,469
What, me?
5
00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:54,272
Sorry, it was more like a nod.
6
00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:57,158
- A nod?
- You know, how you...
7
00:00:57,700 --> 00:00:59,001
nod at people
8
00:00:59,325 --> 00:01:01,189
when you're in the same
place at the same time.
9
00:01:01,214 --> 00:01:02,230
It's like that.
10
00:01:03,699 --> 00:01:04,769
How's it going?
11
00:01:11,938 --> 00:01:13,308
That's £4, please.
12
00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:17,552
Ooh.
13
00:01:19,612 --> 00:01:20,849
[SIGHS]
14
00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:23,819
Sneaking a quick one in
before the missus turns up.
15
00:01:25,062 --> 00:01:26,211
Oh, brave lad.
16
00:01:52,212 --> 00:01:55,795
- Glass of dry white, please.
- Oh, shit, sorry. I forgot.
17
00:01:56,716 --> 00:01:58,215
I got a bit flustered at the bar.
18
00:01:58,240 --> 00:01:59,827
Have you seen who's sitting up there?
19
00:02:00,963 --> 00:02:03,616
- Oh, the battered husband.
- He's walked out.
20
00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:04,924
Blimey.
21
00:02:06,559 --> 00:02:08,549
- But I can't buy you a drink.
- Why not?
22
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:11,084
Well, I tried to talk to him.
23
00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:13,332
It didn't go very well. I'm
not going back up there.
24
00:02:13,588 --> 00:02:14,785
What did you try to talk to him about?
25
00:02:14,864 --> 00:02:16,899
No, I wasn't starting a
conversation. I just nodded.
26
00:02:17,066 --> 00:02:18,090
Why?
27
00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:21,307
Uh, I feel like I know him, you know?
28
00:02:21,608 --> 00:02:24,144
It's an intimate thing,
watching someone cry.
29
00:02:24,558 --> 00:02:26,139
And get smacked in
the face by your wife.
30
00:02:26,164 --> 00:02:27,173
I nearly brought that up.
31
00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:29,168
- Why on earth would you do that?
- Oh, because...
32
00:02:30,216 --> 00:02:34,145
Well, he sort of suggested
that I wasn't being very manly.
33
00:02:34,681 --> 00:02:36,130
You gave him an unmanly nod?
34
00:02:36,422 --> 00:02:38,191
Oh, that's the first conclusion
you jump to, isn't it?
35
00:02:38,391 --> 00:02:41,636
Not that he's unreasonable. Not
that he's being a macho prick.
36
00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:43,071
Oh, no, it has to be my unmanly nod.
37
00:02:43,096 --> 00:02:45,081
What else could it have been
if all you did was nod?
38
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,815
Well... I...
39
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:50,053
I tried a... pleasantry.
40
00:02:50,603 --> 00:02:52,647
- A nod with words.
- An unmanly pleasantry, then.
41
00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:53,688
What was it?
42
00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:55,434
I don't know. Just, like...
43
00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:59,113
"Ooh, a lovely pint at last."
44
00:03:00,413 --> 00:03:02,306
- That seems quite manly.
- That's what I thought.
45
00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:04,252
Unless it was the "ooh".
46
00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:07,529
The "ooh" sounds a
bit, you know, effete.
47
00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:08,588
No.
48
00:03:10,490 --> 00:03:14,727
It wasn't, "ooh", it was, like, "ohh".
49
00:03:15,061 --> 00:03:17,335
- Well, no, that's all right.
- That's what I thought.
50
00:03:18,195 --> 00:03:19,530
But he's the cry-baby.
51
00:03:20,196 --> 00:03:21,234
Cry-baby?
52
00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:23,938
That's a bit harsh. You cried last week.
53
00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:25,487
I cried about Brexit,
54
00:03:25,512 --> 00:03:27,182
not about the terrible
state of our relationship.
55
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:30,210
Well, you didn't cry
about Brexit per se.
56
00:03:30,510 --> 00:03:32,387
You cried about the fact
that I voted for Brexit,
57
00:03:32,412 --> 00:03:35,158
so in a way you did cry about
the state of our relationship.
58
00:03:35,183 --> 00:03:37,550
The main reason I cried is
because I work in the NHS
59
00:03:37,575 --> 00:03:39,716
and half of my staff is European.
60
00:03:39,834 --> 00:03:41,083
Remember what Kenyon said.
61
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,387
We're not allowed to talk
about it until we see her today.
62
00:03:43,412 --> 00:03:45,363
I also cried because you
weren't honest about it.
63
00:03:45,644 --> 00:03:46,812
It's a private matter.
64
00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:49,117
Privacy and lying are different.
65
00:03:51,050 --> 00:03:52,318
Anyway...
66
00:03:53,021 --> 00:03:55,410
remember that Kenyon said we're
not allowed to talk about it
67
00:03:55,435 --> 00:03:56,560
unless she's in the room.
68
00:03:57,036 --> 00:03:59,838
[WHISPERING] And I still think
we're better off than those two.
69
00:04:00,402 --> 00:04:02,925
You can't be comparative
about relationships like that.
70
00:04:03,676 --> 00:04:06,699
You can't look at a couple
you don't even know and say,
71
00:04:07,149 --> 00:04:08,951
"Oh, at least we're not like them."
72
00:04:09,938 --> 00:04:11,006
I do.
73
00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:13,061
Your own happiness doesn't come into it?
74
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:15,488
Nope, entirely dependent on
other people being unhappier.
75
00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:19,213
You are absolutely not someone
who jumps out of bed in the morning,
76
00:04:19,344 --> 00:04:22,770
full of the joys of not living in Syria.
77
00:04:23,162 --> 00:04:24,706
You're miserable as hell.
78
00:04:24,731 --> 00:04:26,571
You've never once thought you
were better off than anyone.
79
00:04:28,286 --> 00:04:29,444
Look, she's out.
80
00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:32,932
Oh, she's crying.
81
00:04:35,778 --> 00:04:38,113
She's coming in here.
This is gonna be good.
82
00:04:38,523 --> 00:04:39,958
Don't stare.
83
00:04:48,939 --> 00:04:51,161
- Let me get you that wine.
- No, sit down.
84
00:04:55,724 --> 00:04:57,397
[TOM CLEARS HIS THROAT]
85
00:04:58,439 --> 00:05:00,708
Yeah, that's what I was saying.
86
00:05:21,537 --> 00:05:23,005
Well, there goes Syria.
87
00:05:23,423 --> 00:05:25,074
Can you imagine, at their age.
88
00:05:25,434 --> 00:05:26,868
At their age? They're younger than us.
89
00:05:26,893 --> 00:05:29,024
- Really?
- Yes. Well, they look it.
90
00:05:30,096 --> 00:05:31,230
Well, he does.
91
00:05:31,691 --> 00:05:33,160
- Than you.
- Thanks.
92
00:05:35,234 --> 00:05:37,612
Anyway, still old enough to know better.
93
00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:40,756
There's still time if
you want that drink.
94
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:42,475
Hold on. Old enough to know better?
95
00:05:43,178 --> 00:05:44,385
Can you explain? They're kissing.
96
00:05:44,989 --> 00:05:46,012
In public.
97
00:05:46,375 --> 00:05:48,210
They're feeling passionate
about each other.
98
00:05:48,448 --> 00:05:50,191
If they're that passionate
about each other,
99
00:05:50,216 --> 00:05:51,464
what are they doing in counseling?
100
00:05:57,965 --> 00:05:59,996
- What?
- Do you understand what you just said?
101
00:06:01,869 --> 00:06:02,895
I do now.
102
00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:04,572
It's not good, is it?
103
00:06:05,139 --> 00:06:06,766
I can see why you'd say that.
104
00:06:07,552 --> 00:06:09,410
Are you suggesting
there's no passion left?
105
00:06:09,435 --> 00:06:11,037
No, no.
106
00:06:11,270 --> 00:06:13,541
I don't think of passion as...
107
00:06:13,973 --> 00:06:15,541
like petrol,
108
00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:17,752
something you run out of.
109
00:06:17,777 --> 00:06:22,403
I think of it as something
you lose, like... keys,
110
00:06:22,742 --> 00:06:23,824
or a biro.
111
00:06:24,547 --> 00:06:26,324
Keys get found, biros don't, so
112
00:06:26,349 --> 00:06:28,031
it's important for me
to know which it is.
113
00:06:28,838 --> 00:06:30,150
Keys or a biro?
114
00:06:32,592 --> 00:06:34,168
Come on, keys or a biro?
115
00:06:34,193 --> 00:06:36,270
We seem to be in a position
where if I say the word "biro"
116
00:06:36,295 --> 00:06:38,083
our marriage takes an
ominous turn for the worse.
117
00:06:38,384 --> 00:06:42,360
- So don't say "biro".
- Keys, I hope, of course.
118
00:06:42,535 --> 00:06:44,579
I'm... working on the
basis that it's keys.
119
00:06:44,810 --> 00:06:46,019
Either way it's lost.
120
00:06:46,205 --> 00:06:48,274
- Mislaid.
- Unless it's a biro.
121
00:06:49,809 --> 00:06:52,145
Well, if it was keys you'd
look harder, wouldn't you?
122
00:06:52,378 --> 00:06:53,608
That's why they get found.
123
00:06:54,288 --> 00:06:55,556
Biros get left all over the place.
124
00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:57,250
You might have left one
under Matthew's bed.
125
00:06:57,517 --> 00:06:58,751
- Was that necessary?
- I'm just...
126
00:06:58,811 --> 00:07:01,861
I'm saying, if you had left a
ballpoint under Matthew's bed
127
00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:03,489
you wouldn't necessarily
go looking for it.
128
00:07:03,514 --> 00:07:05,382
Stop. Enough. No more biros.
129
00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:12,807
Oh, look. They've gone
off for make-up sex.
130
00:07:13,195 --> 00:07:15,071
- Won't solve their problems.
- Maybe not.
131
00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:17,730
But they're gonna have
a better evening than us.
132
00:07:17,829 --> 00:07:20,148
Hey, we might make a
breakthrough with Kenyon.
133
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:21,416
Well, that breakthrough
would have to be a row.
134
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:24,043
We'd have a row in there,
make-up sex at home.
135
00:07:25,716 --> 00:07:29,290
We used to have good rows.
And good make-up sex.
136
00:07:29,315 --> 00:07:31,461
Proper stand-up shouting matches.
137
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,773
- Brexit was a row.
- Yeah, but we haven't made up.
138
00:07:37,857 --> 00:07:40,293
- Could we have post-Brexit sex?
- No.
139
00:07:41,118 --> 00:07:43,531
I voted in, you voted
out and I hate you for it.
140
00:07:43,872 --> 00:07:45,540
We could come to an understanding.
141
00:07:45,565 --> 00:07:47,608
Oh, yes, let's come to an understanding,
142
00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:49,414
shake hands and then
fuck each other stupid.
143
00:07:49,574 --> 00:07:50,645
But that's the thing, though, isn't it?
144
00:07:50,677 --> 00:07:54,615
We were jogging along quite amicably
until you slept with someone.
145
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,393
- I'm just gonna ignore that last bit.
- Why?
146
00:07:56,653 --> 00:07:58,235
It was a bit brazen, wasn't it?
147
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:00,788
Really? A lot of men would like to hear
148
00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:03,082
their wives use the phrase
"fuck each other stupid".
149
00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:05,218
It suggests there's still
some life left somewhere.
150
00:08:05,679 --> 00:08:06,713
But not you.
151
00:08:06,752 --> 00:08:09,630
"Jogging along amicably."
"Come to an agreement."
152
00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:10,724
I mean who...
153
00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:12,197
Who are you?
154
00:08:13,848 --> 00:08:14,969
What's the point of being married
155
00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:18,966
if there's no sex, no feeling,
no passion, no nothing?
156
00:08:20,299 --> 00:08:22,276
You could have worn a
T-shirt saying "I voted out"
157
00:08:22,301 --> 00:08:24,189
long before anyone ever
thought of a referendum.
158
00:08:25,103 --> 00:08:26,827
Europe, you're out. Sex, you're out.
159
00:08:28,274 --> 00:08:30,585
Work, you're out.
Marriage, life, friends.
160
00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:32,361
Out, out, out, out, out.
161
00:08:38,317 --> 00:08:39,624
We should go. We're late.
162
00:08:40,543 --> 00:08:42,086
- That's it?
- Yes.
163
00:08:42,321 --> 00:08:44,058
That's a pretty good
summary of where I'm at.
164
00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:47,894
I mean, the work thing
wasn't by choice, but...
165
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,769
You know what's wrong?
We've aged differently.
166
00:08:57,003 --> 00:08:58,946
I think that 40 is like 30
167
00:08:58,971 --> 00:09:00,447
except you have to go to the gym more.
168
00:09:00,806 --> 00:09:04,536
You think that 44 is like 65
except your children are younger.
169
00:09:05,444 --> 00:09:06,710
It's not over.
170
00:09:07,179 --> 00:09:08,432
Nothing is over.
171
00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:10,887
- Come on, where's your fight?
- Ow.
172
00:09:11,250 --> 00:09:12,696
- What do I need to fight for?
- Well...
173
00:09:13,119 --> 00:09:15,788
"Do not go gentle into that good night."
174
00:09:16,088 --> 00:09:19,277
It's not even night, for Christ's
sake. It's bloody mid-afternoon.
175
00:09:19,302 --> 00:09:20,310
[HORN BEEPS]
176
00:09:20,335 --> 00:09:22,739
Fight for your life.
Fight for your marriage.
177
00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:25,268
Fight for work. Fight to be
this fucking miserable.
178
00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:26,432
- Come on, fight!
- Argh!
179
00:09:26,457 --> 00:09:27,625
Shit.
180
00:09:29,835 --> 00:09:31,078
You all right?
181
00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:32,744
[GROANS]
182
00:09:34,941 --> 00:09:38,462
I think I might have
broken my wrist. Oh!
13665
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