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1
00:00:03,015 --> 00:00:05,015
What exactly do we know about this guy?
2
00:00:05,641 --> 00:00:08,343
That he has a vintage jukebox
and wants to sell it to me.
3
00:00:08,410 --> 00:00:10,140
Well, that's just what he said online.
4
00:00:10,165 --> 00:00:13,234
What if we drove all the way
to Reno and it's a total scam?
5
00:00:13,612 --> 00:00:15,546
What exactly would the scam be?
6
00:00:16,090 --> 00:00:18,351
To get a couple to drive
three hours for no reason?
7
00:00:18,376 --> 00:00:20,510
"Ha, ha, I've stolen your time."
8
00:00:21,936 --> 00:00:24,890
You are so innocent. It's like
I'm in a relationship with a baby.
9
00:00:25,156 --> 00:00:27,458
We get there, they
bring out the jukebox,
10
00:00:27,483 --> 00:00:28,817
you give them a bag of money,
11
00:00:28,842 --> 00:00:30,038
they say, "We'll box it up for you,"
12
00:00:30,063 --> 00:00:31,998
they load it in the van, we get home,
13
00:00:32,031 --> 00:00:33,899
the box is full of bricks and sand.
14
00:00:33,924 --> 00:00:35,591
(chuckles): Who would do that?
15
00:00:35,616 --> 00:00:37,550
It... Oh, no. Yeah.
16
00:00:37,723 --> 00:00:39,657
I did it with stereo speakers.
17
00:00:39,682 --> 00:00:41,149
Sold the same pair 78 times.
18
00:00:41,174 --> 00:00:43,616
And where are they
now? In our living room.
19
00:00:43,961 --> 00:00:46,374
You scare me. I'm marrying
someone who scares me.
20
00:00:46,399 --> 00:00:49,030
(chuckles) Every couple needs at
least one scary person.
21
00:00:49,158 --> 00:00:51,257
The neighborhood Mormons are
afraid to knock on our door.
22
00:00:51,282 --> 00:00:52,649
You're welcome.
23
00:00:53,783 --> 00:00:55,884
Speaking of getting married...
24
00:00:56,499 --> 00:00:57,966
I wasn't.
25
00:00:58,033 --> 00:00:59,934
Well, I am.
26
00:01:00,002 --> 00:01:01,813
I don't think you're allowed to
bring something up and then say,
27
00:01:01,837 --> 00:01:03,843
"Hey, speaking of that
thing I just brought up."
28
00:01:04,593 --> 00:01:06,508
Okay, how about this?
29
00:01:06,764 --> 00:01:08,198
Entirely new subject...
30
00:01:08,223 --> 00:01:10,291
I've been wondering when
we might get married.
31
00:01:10,316 --> 00:01:12,253
Well, why are you wondering
that? What's wrong?
32
00:01:12,278 --> 00:01:14,346
N-Nothing's wrong. We
postponed the wedding
33
00:01:14,371 --> 00:01:16,765
because the bar was struggling,
but now I can afford a jukebox.
34
00:01:16,790 --> 00:01:18,171
- And...
- Or bricks and sand.
35
00:01:18,196 --> 00:01:20,498
My point is...
36
00:01:21,020 --> 00:01:23,225
no reason not to set a date.
37
00:01:23,690 --> 00:01:26,186
Unless you have a reason.
38
00:01:27,025 --> 00:01:29,660
Wow. Are you accusing me of
not wanting to get married?
39
00:01:29,685 --> 00:01:31,619
Well, I wasn't, but
I'm starting to worry.
40
00:01:31,644 --> 00:01:34,475
Stop worrying. I will absolutely
marry you at some point.
41
00:01:34,500 --> 00:01:36,397
See, "at some point"
42
00:01:36,422 --> 00:01:38,289
sounds like that you
don't want to get married.
43
00:01:38,314 --> 00:01:40,460
So you are accusing me of
not wanting to get married.
44
00:01:40,485 --> 00:01:42,210
Well, you don't seem
very excited about it.
45
00:01:42,235 --> 00:01:43,171
Oh, you want excited?
46
00:01:43,196 --> 00:01:45,297
(whoops) Let's get married!
47
00:01:45,492 --> 00:01:46,959
Is that better?
48
00:01:47,090 --> 00:01:50,292
I mean, a little bit. It
didn't feel totally real.
49
00:01:50,693 --> 00:01:53,361
For crying out loud, I'd
marry you any time, any place.
50
00:01:53,429 --> 00:01:55,063
If we weren't busy getting scammed
51
00:01:55,088 --> 00:01:57,022
buying a vintage jukebox,
I'd marry you today.
52
00:01:57,047 --> 00:01:58,733
- You're so full of it.
- I am not.
53
00:01:58,758 --> 00:02:01,078
Well, we keep passing all
these quickie wedding chapels.
54
00:02:01,103 --> 00:02:02,843
How about I just pull
over at the next one?
55
00:02:02,868 --> 00:02:04,835
Great. That... Right up here. Pull in.
56
00:02:04,860 --> 00:02:07,509
- I'm putting on the blinker.
- Blink away.
57
00:02:07,804 --> 00:02:09,001
Oh, perfect.
58
00:02:09,068 --> 00:02:10,679
I've always wanted to get
married next to an Arby's.
59
00:02:10,703 --> 00:02:12,548
See, there it is...
That-that's the flimsy excuse
60
00:02:12,572 --> 00:02:14,172
you're gonna use to
try to get out of it.
61
00:02:14,207 --> 00:02:15,841
I'm not getting out of anything, Bozo.
62
00:02:15,866 --> 00:02:17,933
Okay, big talker, are we doing this?
63
00:02:17,958 --> 00:02:19,983
Screw it, let's get married!
64
00:02:32,129 --> 00:02:37,129
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
65
00:02:40,218 --> 00:02:43,168
- Hey, how's it going, Tam?
- Not good.
66
00:02:43,867 --> 00:02:46,368
I woke up in a pleasant mood,
but then I walk into the kitchen
67
00:02:46,393 --> 00:02:48,429
and there's one of
Marjorie's little notes.
68
00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:50,762
"Don't forget to put the
milk away. X-O, Marjorie."
69
00:02:50,871 --> 00:02:52,806
She doesn't mean the X,
she doesn't mean the O.
70
00:02:52,831 --> 00:02:54,365
And who else is the note gonna be from?
71
00:02:54,390 --> 00:02:56,057
The cats can't write.
72
00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:58,445
And they would never
want the milk put away.
73
00:02:59,366 --> 00:03:01,139
I mean, if you have a problem
with me, just talk to me.
74
00:03:01,164 --> 00:03:03,598
Don't write me a note.
I'm not scary, am I?
75
00:03:03,623 --> 00:03:05,179
No, ma'am.
76
00:03:05,687 --> 00:03:07,488
Oh, look. There's the birthday girl.
77
00:03:07,513 --> 00:03:09,291
Got to go give her a hug
'cause it's her birthday.
78
00:03:09,315 --> 00:03:11,311
Happy sober birthday!
79
00:03:11,750 --> 00:03:13,437
Aw, thanks. (chuckles)
80
00:03:13,462 --> 00:03:16,564
Six whole years of me waking
up where I thought I would.
81
00:03:16,589 --> 00:03:19,060
I remember your first
meeting like it was yesterday.
82
00:03:19,085 --> 00:03:20,367
You walked in...
83
00:03:20,392 --> 00:03:22,327
Please don't tell the
"vomit in my purse" story.
84
00:03:22,569 --> 00:03:25,139
It's a tradition. People love it.
85
00:03:25,164 --> 00:03:27,932
Always makes me feel
better about myself.
86
00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:29,524
Ooh, save it for the party.
87
00:03:30,636 --> 00:03:32,270
So you're gonna take
a cake today, right?
88
00:03:32,593 --> 00:03:33,981
No, I'm gonna wait.
89
00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:35,392
My mom's in Reno with Adam.
90
00:03:35,417 --> 00:03:37,551
Feels too important
to do it without her.
91
00:03:37,663 --> 00:03:40,511
Well, that's progress. You used
to only want your mom here
92
00:03:40,536 --> 00:03:42,771
so you could angrily share at her.
93
00:03:43,108 --> 00:03:46,784
The trick was to always share
after her so she couldn't rebut.
94
00:03:47,124 --> 00:03:50,249
She'd try to bribe me with
Tic Tacs not to call on you.
95
00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:52,965
I did it once for orange.
96
00:03:54,603 --> 00:03:57,359
- How's it going, Tammy?
- Not good. Marjorie...
97
00:03:57,384 --> 00:03:58,551
Did you wake up today?
98
00:03:58,725 --> 00:04:00,064
- Yeah, but...
- Are you sober?
99
00:04:00,174 --> 00:04:03,099
- Yeah, but...
- Do you have a bed, a job and friends?
100
00:04:03,124 --> 00:04:05,470
- Yeah.
- Then the answer is "amazing."
101
00:04:05,929 --> 00:04:08,902
"I guess it is. I'm amazing.
102
00:04:08,927 --> 00:04:11,529
See, now why isn't that on a Post-it?
103
00:04:14,265 --> 00:04:15,713
Hey, Nora.
104
00:04:16,233 --> 00:04:17,291
This is for you.
105
00:04:17,316 --> 00:04:19,333
Why are you giving me
a card on your birthday?
106
00:04:19,358 --> 00:04:20,795
'Cause I just want you to know
that I couldn't have made it
107
00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:23,497
through the last year
without you as my sponsor,
108
00:04:23,522 --> 00:04:26,350
and my sobriety is better
because you're a part of it.
109
00:04:27,115 --> 00:04:29,349
And now you know what my card says.
110
00:04:29,374 --> 00:04:31,560
Well, congratulations.
111
00:04:31,585 --> 00:04:33,531
And now you know what my card says.
112
00:04:33,759 --> 00:04:35,159
You know, we could just keep these
113
00:04:35,184 --> 00:04:36,664
and give them to each other next year.
114
00:04:38,929 --> 00:04:41,914
- What?
- Come sit with me for a minute.
115
00:04:42,218 --> 00:04:43,984
No. No, no, no.
116
00:04:44,051 --> 00:04:46,878
I am not sitting down.
Sitting down means bad news.
117
00:04:46,945 --> 00:04:48,089
Well, you can stand if you want to,
118
00:04:48,113 --> 00:04:49,811
I'm still moving to Minneapolis.
119
00:04:50,108 --> 00:04:52,990
What? You're not serious.
120
00:04:53,015 --> 00:04:55,229
I got an amazing opportunity.
121
00:04:55,421 --> 00:04:57,599
I'm going to be the new
Channel 5 meteorologist
122
00:04:57,624 --> 00:04:59,716
for the Land of 10,000 Lakes
123
00:04:59,741 --> 00:05:01,602
and a teeny, tiny part of Canada.
124
00:05:01,711 --> 00:05:03,879
You can't go there, I'm here.
125
00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:06,373
I'm sorry I'm telling
you this on your birthday,
126
00:05:06,398 --> 00:05:08,185
but they need me right now.
127
00:05:08,210 --> 00:05:09,811
It's better pay, a bigger market,
128
00:05:09,836 --> 00:05:12,681
and the-the weather is insane there.
129
00:05:12,749 --> 00:05:15,284
They have eight different
kinds of precipitation.
130
00:05:15,660 --> 00:05:17,304
Eight.
131
00:05:19,686 --> 00:05:21,957
But what am I gonna do without you?
132
00:05:22,921 --> 00:05:24,636
Your sobriety...
133
00:05:24,661 --> 00:05:26,962
does not depend on one person.
134
00:05:26,987 --> 00:05:28,654
You're gonna be fine.
135
00:05:29,046 --> 00:05:30,899
(hums)
136
00:05:30,967 --> 00:05:33,669
You're gonna be better
than fine. Give me a hug.
137
00:05:33,737 --> 00:05:35,170
You don't do hugs.
138
00:05:35,382 --> 00:05:37,216
I'm making an exception.
139
00:05:39,066 --> 00:05:40,600
Come on.
140
00:05:43,698 --> 00:05:46,166
This makes it so much worse.
141
00:05:48,218 --> 00:05:51,153
Bonnie do you promise to love,
honor and cherish Adam
142
00:05:51,178 --> 00:05:52,878
for as long as you both shall live?
143
00:05:52,946 --> 00:05:54,318
Yeah, whatever.
144
00:05:54,343 --> 00:05:56,224
And do you, Adam, promise to love,
145
00:05:56,249 --> 00:05:59,060
- honor and cherish Bonnie...
- Yep. We done?
146
00:05:59,085 --> 00:06:01,287
Um, you haven't exchanged rings.
147
00:06:01,312 --> 00:06:02,779
What else?
148
00:06:03,146 --> 00:06:05,014
Just the kiss.
149
00:06:06,727 --> 00:06:09,132
Aw. That, right there...
That's why we do this.
150
00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:11,645
I'm having trouble
151
00:06:11,670 --> 00:06:13,671
- getting you both in. Could you ju...
- Take it!
152
00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:17,300
Told you I'd marry you.
153
00:06:17,325 --> 00:06:19,760
Yep, you really showed me.
154
00:06:22,852 --> 00:06:25,587
I was so excited when I got
the call, within two hours,
155
00:06:25,612 --> 00:06:28,080
I had quit my job and
packed up half the house.
156
00:06:28,148 --> 00:06:30,379
Then Ralph comes home and
he's like, "What's going on?"
157
00:06:30,404 --> 00:06:33,706
I realized I had told the kids,
and had not told the husband.
158
00:06:34,931 --> 00:06:37,399
Luckily, he's an "up and
coming" mystery novelist,
159
00:06:37,424 --> 00:06:39,659
so he pretty much has
to do whatever I say.
160
00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:43,438
CHRISTY: ♪ Happy birthday to me ♪
161
00:06:43,463 --> 00:06:46,832
♪ Everyone, feel sorry for me ♪
162
00:06:47,116 --> 00:06:51,013
♪ Everybody leaves me,
everybody leaves me ♪
163
00:06:51,038 --> 00:06:55,841
♪ Everybody leaves Christy. ♪
164
00:06:55,909 --> 00:06:58,372
Finally, I just said,
"Ralph, all you do all day
165
00:06:58,397 --> 00:07:01,690
is write at Starbucks, and they
got those in Minneapolis, too."
166
00:07:01,715 --> 00:07:02,967
Anyway,
167
00:07:02,992 --> 00:07:05,661
I'm gonna miss each
and every one of you.
168
00:07:05,728 --> 00:07:07,238
CHRISTY: But one of
you more than others.
169
00:07:07,263 --> 00:07:09,131
That's all I got. Thank you.
170
00:07:09,156 --> 00:07:10,772
Come on!
171
00:07:13,226 --> 00:07:15,327
Let's hear it for Nora.
172
00:07:21,245 --> 00:07:23,646
How are you enjoying the reception?
173
00:07:25,138 --> 00:07:27,107
This is exactly how I pictured it.
174
00:07:27,132 --> 00:07:29,217
(chuckles)
175
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:33,435
You know, it's possible
I was just hungry earlier.
176
00:07:33,460 --> 00:07:35,924
So we got married
'cause you were hangry?
177
00:07:36,061 --> 00:07:39,369
Oh. There were five
turning points in my life
178
00:07:39,394 --> 00:07:41,763
where a sandwich would've
changed everything.
179
00:07:41,831 --> 00:07:43,298
But then I wouldn't have Christy.
180
00:07:43,526 --> 00:07:46,161
- At least I'm in good company.
- Mm.
181
00:07:48,328 --> 00:07:50,696
Oh, my God. (chuckles)
182
00:07:50,721 --> 00:07:51,954
I'm married.
183
00:07:52,374 --> 00:07:53,709
You're married.
184
00:07:54,069 --> 00:07:56,624
Everyone in this car is married.
185
00:07:56,879 --> 00:07:59,514
- This day really took a turn...
- (whoops softly)
186
00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:01,349
but I'm happy.
187
00:08:01,921 --> 00:08:04,143
I'm happy, too.
188
00:08:04,211 --> 00:08:06,645
Look at us, being happily married.
189
00:08:07,022 --> 00:08:09,024
Dude, we are crushing this.
190
00:08:09,429 --> 00:08:13,021
We could run a marriage seminar.
Ooh, like a weekend retreat.
191
00:08:13,046 --> 00:08:14,320
Those are big moneymakers.
192
00:08:14,386 --> 00:08:15,865
Charge couples 400 bucks to get in,
193
00:08:15,890 --> 00:08:17,357
and then they have to buy my book.
194
00:08:17,466 --> 00:08:18,700
You haven't written a book.
195
00:08:18,725 --> 00:08:20,126
Well, how hard could it be?
196
00:08:20,237 --> 00:08:21,638
Just knock out a sassy forward
197
00:08:21,663 --> 00:08:24,998
and then steal from a
bunch of church pamphlets.
198
00:08:25,671 --> 00:08:28,259
My wife is so scary.
199
00:08:28,443 --> 00:08:30,244
All I heard is "my wife."
200
00:08:33,491 --> 00:08:35,809
I mean, I'm glad it's your
sober birthday and all,
201
00:08:35,834 --> 00:08:38,454
but why couldn't we go to the
bistro where the food's hot
202
00:08:38,479 --> 00:08:40,718
and it's not all lasagna?
203
00:08:41,272 --> 00:08:43,810
I told you I was bringing my lasagna.
204
00:08:43,835 --> 00:08:46,176
I told you I was bringing my lasagna.
205
00:08:46,201 --> 00:08:47,587
Seems like a thing that
could've been handled
206
00:08:47,612 --> 00:08:49,905
through a series of Post-it notes.
207
00:08:51,338 --> 00:08:53,124
I only remind people of things
208
00:08:53,149 --> 00:08:54,917
they need reminding of.
209
00:08:56,374 --> 00:08:57,898
Oh, I canceled a massage for this.
210
00:08:57,923 --> 00:09:00,057
Christy, quick, change the subject.
211
00:09:00,125 --> 00:09:03,038
- I hate myself.
- Okay.
212
00:09:03,962 --> 00:09:06,563
Maybe Bjorn's still available.
213
00:09:06,788 --> 00:09:09,350
I just handled things
with Nora so badly.
214
00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:12,107
I can't believe that after
six years of sobriety,
215
00:09:12,132 --> 00:09:13,943
I can still take someone's good news
216
00:09:13,968 --> 00:09:16,107
and only focus on how
it negatively affects me.
217
00:09:16,132 --> 00:09:17,800
The Germans call that gluckschmerz.
218
00:09:17,867 --> 00:09:19,827
Bad feelings over someone's good luck.
219
00:09:19,852 --> 00:09:22,468
It's the opposite of schadenfreude.
220
00:09:23,373 --> 00:09:25,574
I guess you had a lot of
time to read in prison.
221
00:09:25,599 --> 00:09:28,327
No, my cellmate was German. Hildé.
222
00:09:29,813 --> 00:09:32,546
Good communicator, never left notes.
223
00:09:33,850 --> 00:09:36,857
I want to be happy for
Nora, but I'm so much better
224
00:09:36,882 --> 00:09:38,789
at feeling sad for myself.
225
00:09:39,343 --> 00:09:42,326
I get it. Worst part about
being in beauty pageants
226
00:09:42,351 --> 00:09:44,396
was when someone else won, and
I had to stand there smiling
227
00:09:44,420 --> 00:09:46,020
and clapping like I was happy for them,
228
00:09:46,045 --> 00:09:47,296
but the whole time, I'm thinking,
229
00:09:47,321 --> 00:09:49,889
"Well, what the hell did I
sleep with that judge for?"
230
00:09:51,679 --> 00:09:54,272
Christy, it's okay to be upset,
231
00:09:54,297 --> 00:09:56,965
just don't rain on
someone else's parade.
232
00:09:56,990 --> 00:09:58,924
You've gotta to act better than you feel.
233
00:09:59,091 --> 00:10:02,304
Like I did when Marjorie
betrayed me with her lasagna.
234
00:10:02,749 --> 00:10:04,716
Yeah, no matter how
much you're dying inside,
235
00:10:04,741 --> 00:10:07,593
you got to flash that
big old Vaseline smile.
236
00:10:07,618 --> 00:10:08,835
Vaseline?
237
00:10:08,860 --> 00:10:11,622
Yeah. You put it on your
teeth so your lips don't stick.
238
00:10:11,647 --> 00:10:13,915
And hemorrhoid cream
tightens up your eyes.
239
00:10:13,940 --> 00:10:15,759
Once, when I was drunk, I switched them.
240
00:10:15,784 --> 00:10:18,421
My face was shiny and my lips were tiny.
241
00:10:20,155 --> 00:10:21,489
- Hi.
- Hey.
242
00:10:21,514 --> 00:10:22,547
ALL: Hey...
243
00:10:22,572 --> 00:10:23,577
Sorry we're late.
244
00:10:23,602 --> 00:10:26,003
Yeah, we stopped and got married!
245
00:10:26,028 --> 00:10:27,328
What?
246
00:10:27,353 --> 00:10:29,952
Yeah, we did it in Reno
in a quickie chapel.
247
00:10:29,977 --> 00:10:31,542
- Oh...
- But wait...
248
00:10:31,567 --> 00:10:33,935
What about the wedding
you guys were planning
249
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:35,350
that we've been talking about forever?
250
00:10:35,375 --> 00:10:36,983
- Eh, skipping it.
- I love my wife.
251
00:10:37,008 --> 00:10:39,076
I love my husband. Mm...
252
00:10:40,750 --> 00:10:43,208
Chris, you got a little gluckschmerz
on your face.
253
00:10:51,968 --> 00:10:55,569
I forgot what these looked like when
they're not covered in Post-it Notes.
254
00:10:55,594 --> 00:10:59,124
"Don't forget to rinse me.
Being dirty makes me sad."
255
00:10:59,765 --> 00:11:02,067
Why don't we get 'em an
Insta-Pot and be done with it?
256
00:11:02,134 --> 00:11:04,921
Too nice. People who didn't
invite us to their wedding
257
00:11:04,946 --> 00:11:06,858
Don't deserve tender,
fall-off-the-bone meat
258
00:11:06,883 --> 00:11:08,484
in less than an hour.
259
00:11:08,941 --> 00:11:11,327
Yeah, I bought an outfit for
this wedding a long time ago,
260
00:11:11,352 --> 00:11:12,696
and now I'm never gonna get to wear it.
261
00:11:12,721 --> 00:11:15,030
Nobody else I know is
ever getting married.
262
00:11:17,420 --> 00:11:19,014
I see you there.
263
00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:24,554
There goes my chance to
shove cake in Adam's face.
264
00:11:25,124 --> 00:11:28,343
- That's the bride.
- I know who's who!
265
00:11:29,595 --> 00:11:32,998
She told me I was gonna be
the one to give her away.
266
00:11:33,023 --> 00:11:36,319
Do you know how long I have
been waiting to give her away?
267
00:11:38,277 --> 00:11:39,377
That's it.
268
00:11:39,672 --> 00:11:41,710
I'm gonna get her these thingies
269
00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:43,135
you put on snack bags.
270
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:44,788
They're called "chip clips."
271
00:11:45,431 --> 00:11:46,998
I'm not showing off, it's just...
272
00:11:47,023 --> 00:11:49,225
you need them when you live alone.
273
00:11:49,277 --> 00:11:51,225
I thought this was
supposed to be a group gift.
274
00:11:51,250 --> 00:11:52,717
It is.
275
00:11:52,912 --> 00:11:54,880
You each owe me 75 cents.
276
00:11:55,007 --> 00:11:56,888
Oh, come on, ladies, we're not gonna
277
00:11:56,913 --> 00:11:59,214
punish Bonnie with her wedding gift.
278
00:11:59,239 --> 00:12:01,436
Even though we should,
because they literally
279
00:12:01,461 --> 00:12:03,225
wouldn't be together
if it weren't for me.
280
00:12:03,250 --> 00:12:04,551
Ooh, everybody grab your phones.
281
00:12:04,576 --> 00:12:06,444
It's a rare sighting of Mad Marge.
282
00:12:06,469 --> 00:12:08,743
How many times did I
talk her off the ledge
283
00:12:08,768 --> 00:12:11,036
when she was ready to blow
everything up with Adam?
284
00:12:11,170 --> 00:12:13,319
I deserve to be a bridesmaid.
285
00:12:13,686 --> 00:12:16,241
At the very least, recite a poem.
286
00:12:16,309 --> 00:12:18,171
What happened to "act
better than you feel"?
287
00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:20,598
Trust me, I am.
288
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,208
Well, now that we're
getting things off our chest,
289
00:12:23,233 --> 00:12:25,701
where the hell are the
free samples around here?
290
00:12:25,726 --> 00:12:27,126
I smell apple cider.
291
00:12:27,151 --> 00:12:28,952
Where is it?!
292
00:12:29,813 --> 00:12:33,765
♪ Happy birthday to you
293
00:12:33,790 --> 00:12:37,054
♪ Keep coming back.
294
00:12:37,172 --> 00:12:39,306
(cheering)
295
00:12:43,859 --> 00:12:45,671
(sighs)
296
00:12:46,814 --> 00:12:48,516
Christy. Alcoholic.
297
00:12:48,541 --> 00:12:49,841
ALL: Hi, Christy.
298
00:12:49,866 --> 00:12:52,920
I want to thank the
women who gave me my cake.
299
00:12:52,945 --> 00:12:55,513
If it wasn't for your love and support,
300
00:12:55,538 --> 00:12:56,972
I wouldn't be standing here.
301
00:12:57,126 --> 00:12:58,426
Or anywhere.
302
00:12:59,490 --> 00:13:02,483
And that goes double for my mom, who...
303
00:13:05,593 --> 00:13:07,054
You know...
304
00:13:07,580 --> 00:13:10,982
I was gonna take this
cake the other night,
305
00:13:11,007 --> 00:13:14,491
but I didn't, 'cause my mom wasn't here.
306
00:13:14,742 --> 00:13:16,676
I didn't want her to miss
307
00:13:16,701 --> 00:13:19,069
a big event in my life.
308
00:13:21,295 --> 00:13:22,783
Silly me...
309
00:13:22,808 --> 00:13:24,709
I thought it might hurt her feelings
310
00:13:24,734 --> 00:13:27,350
to be left out of
something so important.
311
00:13:29,448 --> 00:13:31,816
That's why I waited
until she was here...
312
00:13:31,841 --> 00:13:33,041
So she could enjoy
313
00:13:33,066 --> 00:13:35,374
how friggin' far I've come.
314
00:13:35,791 --> 00:13:37,625
I've come really far.
315
00:13:38,122 --> 00:13:41,210
Got that, Mom? Really far.
316
00:13:41,725 --> 00:13:43,983
And you already shared, so suck it!
317
00:13:45,498 --> 00:13:48,367
Yep, that's how I'm ending it.
318
00:13:53,578 --> 00:13:57,399
- Do you believe this?
- Wait'll you hear mine.
319
00:14:07,398 --> 00:14:09,774
Look, I am using and enjoying
320
00:14:09,799 --> 00:14:11,539
my chip clips.
321
00:14:15,135 --> 00:14:17,815
I know they were a gift of spite,
322
00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:20,086
but I'm gonna go ahead and say it...
323
00:14:20,111 --> 00:14:22,140
game changer.
324
00:14:25,013 --> 00:14:26,547
Listen...
325
00:14:26,981 --> 00:14:28,916
I need to say something.
326
00:14:30,357 --> 00:14:33,159
I am sorry for the way I shared today.
327
00:14:33,695 --> 00:14:36,481
It was not very "six years sober" of me.
328
00:14:36,506 --> 00:14:38,445
Well, there was some chatter
about it at the cookie table,
329
00:14:38,470 --> 00:14:39,937
mostly from me.
330
00:14:42,278 --> 00:14:43,906
The truth is...
331
00:14:45,146 --> 00:14:46,981
I'm just really hurt.
332
00:14:48,453 --> 00:14:51,329
We have been through such
horrible stuff together,
333
00:14:51,354 --> 00:14:54,156
and finally, something
wonderful happened
334
00:14:54,181 --> 00:14:56,516
and you didn't let me be a part of it.
335
00:14:58,182 --> 00:14:59,782
(sighs)
336
00:15:00,343 --> 00:15:03,350
This may... come as a surprise,
337
00:15:03,375 --> 00:15:05,643
given my delightful narcissism...
338
00:15:07,613 --> 00:15:10,448
but deep down, I always
assume that what I do
339
00:15:10,473 --> 00:15:12,207
doesn't matter to people.
340
00:15:12,232 --> 00:15:14,762
You know, it-it just didn't occur to me
341
00:15:14,787 --> 00:15:16,554
that anyone would care.
342
00:15:17,616 --> 00:15:19,210
Well, that's stupid.
343
00:15:20,756 --> 00:15:22,323
I cared a lot.
344
00:15:22,638 --> 00:15:24,238
And it's not just me.
345
00:15:24,263 --> 00:15:25,997
Everybody's upset they missed it.
346
00:15:26,022 --> 00:15:28,500
I heard Marjorie share, I know.
347
00:15:29,423 --> 00:15:31,557
Strange as it may seem,
348
00:15:32,289 --> 00:15:34,038
people want to be a part of your life
349
00:15:34,063 --> 00:15:35,831
because they love you.
350
00:15:38,242 --> 00:15:40,711
He Honey, I am so sorry.
351
00:15:44,487 --> 00:15:48,608
If I ever get married again,
I promise you'll be there.
352
00:15:51,057 --> 00:15:52,557
- Mom?
- Yeah?
353
00:15:53,959 --> 00:15:57,395
Can I please be the
next one to get married?
354
00:16:02,535 --> 00:16:04,202
Everyone's mad at me.
355
00:16:04,270 --> 00:16:06,142
I'll need more context.
356
00:16:06,642 --> 00:16:09,474
Turns out I'm beloved.
357
00:16:09,499 --> 00:16:11,619
There was, like, a Royal
Wedding level of interest
358
00:16:11,644 --> 00:16:13,044
in seeing me get married.
359
00:16:13,069 --> 00:16:14,436
You mean seeing us get married.
360
00:16:14,469 --> 00:16:16,503
I don't remember anyone
mentioning you, but maybe.
361
00:16:17,826 --> 00:16:20,261
Our wedding was a gigantic mistake.
362
00:16:20,329 --> 00:16:22,496
- Well, that didn't take long.
- No...
363
00:16:22,521 --> 00:16:24,741
I am serious. You really
screwed us this time.
364
00:16:24,766 --> 00:16:27,127
- Me?
- Yeah. Pressuring me to get married.
365
00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:28,566
And then tempting me with Arby's.
366
00:16:28,591 --> 00:16:30,963
I mean, how could you
forget I have a daughter?
367
00:16:30,988 --> 00:16:32,789
You forget all the time.
368
00:16:33,275 --> 00:16:35,563
Well, she's devastated.
369
00:16:35,588 --> 00:16:36,710
And what about my friends?
370
00:16:36,735 --> 00:16:38,127
You certainly didn't think about them.
371
00:16:38,152 --> 00:16:40,695
You robbed those people
of a moment of joy,
372
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:43,517
and they have so little
to look forward to.
373
00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:46,186
So what do you want to
do... Have another wedding?
374
00:16:46,211 --> 00:16:48,322
- Oh, like you'd do that.
- Of course I'd do that. I'd marry you
375
00:16:48,347 --> 00:16:49,981
at the bar tomorrow in front of everyone
376
00:16:50,006 --> 00:16:51,458
if it'd get you to shut up.
377
00:16:51,483 --> 00:16:54,018
Well, I'll never shut
up. See you at 2:00.
378
00:16:54,043 --> 00:16:56,494
- Fine!
- And fix that crazy hair.
379
00:17:03,362 --> 00:17:05,730
Thank you for asking me to officiate.
380
00:17:05,755 --> 00:17:07,939
Oh, let's face it... we
wouldn't still be together
381
00:17:07,964 --> 00:17:09,133
if it wasn't for you.
382
00:17:09,158 --> 00:17:12,681
Oh, that's a wild exaggeration.
383
00:17:14,974 --> 00:17:16,478
Are you nervous?
384
00:17:16,642 --> 00:17:18,082
It's my second wedding in three days.
385
00:17:18,107 --> 00:17:20,080
I'm getting the hang of it.
386
00:17:20,613 --> 00:17:23,830
Oh, you look beautiful.
387
00:17:24,096 --> 00:17:25,564
Are you ready?
388
00:17:25,589 --> 00:17:28,213
I can't believe I ever
did this without you.
389
00:17:28,238 --> 00:17:31,350
- I'm so glad you're here.
- Me too.
390
00:17:35,105 --> 00:17:36,517
Wendy?
391
00:17:37,585 --> 00:17:39,586
(playing "The Wedding March")
392
00:17:46,236 --> 00:17:48,220
Now I've got something
old, something new,
393
00:17:48,245 --> 00:17:50,847
something borrowed and something weird.
394
00:17:54,492 --> 00:17:57,103
(sighs) She's all yours.
395
00:17:57,607 --> 00:17:59,330
No give-backs.
396
00:18:00,957 --> 00:18:03,124
Ck Oh, God, I forgot my tissue.
397
00:18:03,149 --> 00:18:05,549
No, Marjorie left me a
note to remember them.
398
00:18:05,930 --> 00:18:08,033
She's the best.
399
00:18:12,254 --> 00:18:14,744
Friends, we are here today
400
00:18:14,769 --> 00:18:17,137
to witness a miracle.
401
00:18:23,010 --> 00:18:25,408
Two lasagnas... seriously?
402
00:18:28,981 --> 00:18:31,049
It's my signature dish.
403
00:18:31,074 --> 00:18:33,174
It's my signature dish.
404
00:18:34,362 --> 00:18:36,478
Ladies and gentlemen,
405
00:18:36,503 --> 00:18:38,064
may I present
406
00:18:38,092 --> 00:18:42,259
Mr. and Mrs. Adam and Bonnie
Plunkett-Janikowski!
407
00:18:42,284 --> 00:18:43,884
(cheering)
408
00:18:43,909 --> 00:18:46,431
(playing "When the
Saints Go Marching In")
409
00:18:48,048 --> 00:18:49,615
(playing off-key)
410
00:18:51,888 --> 00:18:54,117
Wendy, as beautiful as that is,
411
00:18:54,142 --> 00:18:55,734
we've already picked out a song.
412
00:18:55,759 --> 00:18:57,947
- Well, I'm here if you need me.
- Uh-huh.
413
00:18:57,972 --> 00:19:00,173
Christy, C-7.
414
00:19:00,758 --> 00:19:03,259
♪
415
00:19:03,284 --> 00:19:05,986
May I have this dance, Mrs. Janikowski?
416
00:19:06,011 --> 00:19:07,845
You may. (chuckles)
417
00:19:07,870 --> 00:19:10,371
♪ Fly me to the moon... ♪
418
00:19:10,396 --> 00:19:13,264
But we're gonna have
to talk about that name.
419
00:19:13,289 --> 00:19:15,157
♪ Among the stars... ♪
420
00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:19,175
Are you feeling good
or just acting like it?
421
00:19:19,791 --> 00:19:22,345
I am genuinely happy for them.
422
00:19:22,413 --> 00:19:25,114
- It's a very unfamiliar feeling.
- (chuckles)
423
00:19:25,139 --> 00:19:27,140
Here's hoping you get used to it.
424
00:19:27,165 --> 00:19:29,700
♪ Hold my hand ♪
425
00:19:29,810 --> 00:19:31,845
Hey, I've been thinking. Mm?
426
00:19:32,111 --> 00:19:34,848
I owe so much of my six years to you.
427
00:19:34,959 --> 00:19:36,492
I... I was wondering if there's
428
00:19:36,517 --> 00:19:39,419
- any chance...
- I would love to be your sponsor again.
429
00:19:39,487 --> 00:19:42,291
- Really?
- Of course.
430
00:19:42,990 --> 00:19:46,226
You've gotten a lot less
needy than you used to be.
431
00:19:46,294 --> 00:19:48,595
Oh, God, I was hoping you'd notice.
432
00:19:48,663 --> 00:19:50,997
♪ You are all I long for... ♪
433
00:19:51,022 --> 00:19:53,676
Damn it! Got lasagna on my outfit.
434
00:19:53,841 --> 00:19:56,094
- Whose lasagna?
- Whose lasagna?
435
00:19:58,940 --> 00:20:00,774
I'm enjoying this.
436
00:20:00,799 --> 00:20:02,200
Me too.
437
00:20:02,225 --> 00:20:04,547
Where do you want our
third wedding to be?
438
00:20:05,837 --> 00:20:07,456
Can a gal cut in?
439
00:20:07,481 --> 00:20:09,316
Oh, I'll check back. I'm sorry.
440
00:20:18,043 --> 00:20:23,043
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
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