Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,342 --> 00:00:02,953
Speech! Speech!
2
00:00:03,710 --> 00:00:04,537
Okay, okay, okay.
Settle down.
3
00:00:04,625 --> 00:00:05,709
Um...
4
00:00:05,813 --> 00:00:07,405
It's hard to believe
I'm 50.
5
00:00:07,493 --> 00:00:09,819
A-A-As of today,
I'm middle-aged.
6
00:00:09,907 --> 00:00:11,233
What's he been
the last10 years?
7
00:00:11,321 --> 00:00:13,498
Delusional. He thinks
he's a millennial, like us.
8
00:00:13,617 --> 00:00:15,445
I've thought a lot
about what's next.
9
00:00:15,567 --> 00:00:17,412
51.Thank you, buddy.
10
00:00:17,500 --> 00:00:19,865
And it's important
that I continue to grow
11
00:00:19,953 --> 00:00:23,000
and that I stay
mentally challenged.
12
00:00:23,210 --> 00:00:25,772
Which is why
I am starting...
13
00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:27,155
piano lessons,
14
00:00:27,243 --> 00:00:28,623
so that
by next year's birthday,
15
00:00:28,750 --> 00:00:30,780
I'll be good enough
to perform in public.
16
00:00:30,875 --> 00:00:32,694
Oh, great.
Another thing to go to.
17
00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:35,389
Also, I'm gonna learn
how to speak Spanish.
18
00:00:35,477 --> 00:00:37,373
Excelente!
19
00:00:38,153 --> 00:00:39,600
Uh, I...
I haven't started yet.
20
00:00:39,688 --> 00:00:41,483
Um, and finally, um...
21
00:00:41,571 --> 00:00:44,530
And I know it's a little bit
of a midlife-crisis cliché,
22
00:00:44,618 --> 00:00:46,220
but...
23
00:00:46,110 --> 00:00:49,303
I'm gonna learn
how to ride a unicycle!
24
00:00:49,593 --> 00:00:52,576
Phil, you forgotto
open one of your gifts.
25
00:00:52,664 --> 00:00:53,435
Ooh!
26
00:00:53,523 --> 00:00:56,725
This one,
Jay picked it upfor you himself.
27
00:00:56,813 --> 00:00:57,727
He did?
28
00:00:57,815 --> 00:00:58,662
Hey, Dad.
29
00:00:58,750 --> 00:01:00,310
So, what's going on
with that hat?
30
00:01:00,118 --> 00:01:02,600
Gloria thinks I look grumpy
in the photos that we take
31
00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:03,498
when we go
to these things,
32
00:01:03,586 --> 00:01:05,780
so I'm searching
for the right hat
33
00:01:05,868 --> 00:01:07,341
that makes me look
like I'm having fun.
34
00:01:07,428 --> 00:01:09,194
Or you could
just smile more.
35
00:01:09,282 --> 00:01:10,297
Eh.
36
00:01:10,385 --> 00:01:11,603
Wow!
37
00:01:11,691 --> 00:01:14,684
"The Sommelier's Guide
to the Wines of France."
38
00:01:14,772 --> 00:01:17,280
- Ooh!
- I love it so much. - Nice!
39
00:01:17,368 --> 00:01:20,194
Oh, my goodness.
It's inscribed.
40
00:01:20,524 --> 00:01:22,139
"May you continue to age
41
00:01:22,227 --> 00:01:24,498
as gracefully
as a fine Bordeaux."
42
00:01:24,586 --> 00:01:27,389
- Dad...
- "Happy Birthday, Jay.
43
00:01:27,477 --> 00:01:28,975
- Love, Cam."
- Cam. Yeah.
44
00:01:29,102 --> 00:01:30,951
Jay, you re-gifted my gift?
45
00:01:31,390 --> 00:01:31,953
Dad!
46
00:01:32,410 --> 00:01:33,116
I didn't know
he wrote in it.
47
00:01:33,203 --> 00:01:34,117
Because
you didn't open it.
48
00:01:34,205 --> 00:01:35,641
So now
I feel like a jerk.
49
00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:37,670
How could you be a jerk?
You're wearing that hat.
50
00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:44,924
A year from now,
I'm gonna know what that means.
51
00:01:45,901 --> 00:01:49,201
-- Captions by VITAC--
52
00:01:49,468 --> 00:01:51,479
Sync corrections by srjanapala
53
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,227
*MODERN FAMILY*
54
00:01:53,315 --> 00:01:54,852
*MODERN FAMILY*
Season 10 Episode 22
55
00:01:54,940 --> 00:01:56,762
Episode Title:
"A Year of Birthdays"
56
00:01:57,361 --> 00:01:59,684
I got Gloria the greatest
Valentine's Day gift...
57
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:04,105
A box set of DVDs
of all the Dean Martin Roasts.
58
00:02:04,300 --> 00:02:07,186
I was so moved
by the romantic gesture
59
00:02:07,274 --> 00:02:08,543
that for Jay's birthday,
60
00:02:08,631 --> 00:02:12,348
I invited a bunch of people over
to insult him.
61
00:02:13,730 --> 00:02:15,465
So, my ex-wife and I,
62
00:02:15,553 --> 00:02:17,840
we were on vacation
with Jay and Gloria.
63
00:02:17,928 --> 00:02:20,250
They're walking down the beach,
and my ex-wife says,
64
00:02:20,113 --> 00:02:22,340
"Whoa,
look at all that skin."
65
00:02:22,442 --> 00:02:24,199
And I said, "Baby, come on.
66
00:02:24,295 --> 00:02:25,125
What's wrong with that?
67
00:02:25,213 --> 00:02:27,559
She's a beautiful woman
in a bikini."
68
00:02:27,647 --> 00:02:30,684
She said, "Oh, I'm talkin'
about Jay's scalp."
69
00:02:35,237 --> 00:02:37,879
Jay is so not Latin
70
00:02:37,967 --> 00:02:40,448
that every time
that he dances,
71
00:02:40,536 --> 00:02:42,863
people point him
to the bathroom.
72
00:02:43,150 --> 00:02:46,324
He has no rhythm.
That's what I mean.
73
00:02:46,412 --> 00:02:49,668
But seriously,
I love the whites.
74
00:02:49,756 --> 00:02:52,434
No, but seriously, Jay is
quite the environmentalist.
75
00:02:52,522 --> 00:02:54,934
Just this last year,
he recycled a gift of mine...
76
00:02:55,220 --> 00:02:57,543
A wonderful book about wine.
77
00:03:00,148 --> 00:03:02,215
I-I don't want to say
my father is old,
78
00:03:02,303 --> 00:03:05,582
but he remembers panicking
at Y-1-K.
79
00:03:07,626 --> 00:03:09,715
My dad is old.
80
00:03:09,803 --> 00:03:11,718
- How old is he?
- How old is he?
81
00:03:11,806 --> 00:03:14,119
He's so old
that when he started using it,
82
00:03:14,207 --> 00:03:16,184
it was called Preparation G.
83
00:03:17,910 --> 00:03:19,113
Enough!
84
00:03:19,248 --> 00:03:20,763
This is terrible!
85
00:03:20,861 --> 00:03:24,153
I don't know why any of you
people think this is funny!
86
00:03:24,241 --> 00:03:28,146
You may think these are
jokes, but it's way too real.
87
00:03:28,288 --> 00:03:31,813
We need to respect Grandpa instead
of cutting him down.
88
00:03:31,931 --> 00:03:35,224
None of us really knows
how much time he has left.
89
00:03:35,356 --> 00:03:37,755
Do you really want these
to be the last words he hears?
90
00:03:37,974 --> 00:03:39,607
Well,
now I feel like hell.
91
00:03:39,964 --> 00:03:42,489
And that'show you roast!
Bam!
92
00:03:45,501 --> 00:03:48,286
I don't understand
why adults make such a big deal
93
00:03:48,374 --> 00:03:49,310
about their birthdays.
94
00:03:49,398 --> 00:03:51,302
So this year,
I asked for nothing.
95
00:03:51,498 --> 00:03:53,552
No party, no fuss.
96
00:03:53,662 --> 00:03:55,664
Just a quiet night by myself,
97
00:03:55,849 --> 00:03:58,329
with my thoughts,
all alone.
98
00:04:00,763 --> 00:04:01,791
Okay.
99
00:04:01,879 --> 00:04:04,310
Just as I had hoped,
Mitchell is miserable.
100
00:04:04,437 --> 00:04:05,584
He said he didn't want a party,
101
00:04:05,671 --> 00:04:07,733
but it's like when you write
"No gifts" on an invitation
102
00:04:07,820 --> 00:04:09,592
but you secretly want
everyoneto bring something
103
00:04:09,679 --> 00:04:10,872
big and expensive,
Jotham.
104
00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:12,732
I made a heartfelt toast
at your party.
105
00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:15,248
Yes, and those 12
wordswere just as generous
106
00:04:15,336 --> 00:04:17,425
as the actual physical
gifts everyone else brought.
107
00:04:17,513 --> 00:04:19,297
Okay, I'm gonna go in.
108
00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:22,131
When you hear me say
"Mitchell, you're not alone,"
109
00:04:22,219 --> 00:04:24,458
that's when you come
inand you yell "Surprise."
110
00:04:24,546 --> 00:04:25,982
We know what to say.
111
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:27,941
Mm. Do you?
112
00:04:29,108 --> 00:04:30,501
Hey!
113
00:04:30,589 --> 00:04:32,325
- How you doing? Okay?
- Yeah.
114
00:04:32,413 --> 00:04:35,146
Now do you see what it's like to
spend your birthday alone?
115
00:04:35,264 --> 00:04:36,917
I do.
And it's...
116
00:04:37,270 --> 00:04:38,290
Yeah.
...amazing.
117
00:04:38,117 --> 00:04:40,248
- What?
- Cam, thank you. Thank you.
118
00:04:40,336 --> 00:04:43,600
For once, you heard me and
gave me exactly what I wanted
119
00:04:43,148 --> 00:04:45,600
instead of what you thought
I should want.
120
00:04:45,148 --> 00:04:47,349
Honey, this is
the best birthday present ever.
121
00:04:47,478 --> 00:04:48,927
- It is?
- Yes!
122
00:04:49,150 --> 00:04:50,839
Oh, and you've...
You've got to be relieved, too.
123
00:04:50,926 --> 00:04:52,798
I mean, every time
we hang out with our friends,
124
00:04:52,885 --> 00:04:54,323
they leave and you spend
the rest of the night
125
00:04:54,410 --> 00:04:56,886
complaining about how every
single one of them annoys you.
126
00:04:56,974 --> 00:04:58,381
I don't know
what you're talking about!
127
00:04:58,468 --> 00:05:01,474
Oh, please. Jotham's cheap.
L'Michael has bad breath.
128
00:05:01,562 --> 00:05:02,824
That doesn't
sound like me!
129
00:05:02,915 --> 00:05:04,917
Antonio's weave
is falling apart.
130
00:05:05,500 --> 00:05:06,441
Vincent's
a sloppy drunk.
131
00:05:06,529 --> 00:05:08,130
Oh, oh, Jeffrey
won't stop telling
132
00:05:08,101 --> 00:05:10,138
his one
Bernadette Peters story.
133
00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:12,184
You're
the sloppy drunk!
134
00:05:13,790 --> 00:05:14,333
Surprise!
135
00:05:16,790 --> 00:05:18,568
Here's a thing I realized...
136
00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:21,599
You can't get older
if you never have birthdays.
137
00:05:27,165 --> 00:05:29,384
- ♪ Happy birth... ♪
- ♪ Happy birth... ♪
138
00:05:32,235 --> 00:05:33,403
What'd I tell you?
139
00:05:33,491 --> 00:05:34,774
I thought
this would be the year.
140
00:05:34,882 --> 00:05:36,673
I told my family
I just wanted my birthday
141
00:05:36,761 --> 00:05:38,772
to be me and Dylan this year
because at the time,
142
00:05:38,860 --> 00:05:40,795
I was still keeping
my pregnancy a secret,
143
00:05:40,883 --> 00:05:42,405
and I knew
they'd get all suspicious
144
00:05:42,493 --> 00:05:43,383
about why I wasn't drinking.
145
00:05:43,471 --> 00:05:44,553
What was I going to say?
146
00:05:44,676 --> 00:05:46,678
"I can't drink because
I have work in the morning"?
147
00:05:46,898 --> 00:05:48,999
There's no way
they'd believe that.
148
00:05:50,730 --> 00:05:51,328
Here.
I got you a present.
149
00:05:51,439 --> 00:05:53,211
Ooh! Thank you!
150
00:05:54,361 --> 00:05:55,493
Get out!
151
00:05:55,703 --> 00:05:57,313
Gucci baby sneakers!
152
00:05:58,750 --> 00:06:00,183
They're adorable.
153
00:06:00,721 --> 00:06:02,414
Our baby's gonna be so hot.
154
00:06:02,517 --> 00:06:03,680
Personally,
I think it's weird
155
00:06:03,768 --> 00:06:05,431
that there are shoes
for someone who can't walk.
156
00:06:05,518 --> 00:06:06,742
But you know what,
Haley?
157
00:06:06,830 --> 00:06:09,203
I love
that we're pregnannnt...
158
00:06:10,298 --> 00:06:11,781
- Hello!
- Hi!
159
00:06:12,259 --> 00:06:13,719
What are you guys
doing here?
160
00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:14,914
At the restaurant?
We got a...
161
00:06:15,100 --> 00:06:16,406
- We got a Groupon, but we...
- Us too.
162
00:06:16,493 --> 00:06:18,322
Yeah, we j... we just saw
that you were over here.
163
00:06:18,409 --> 00:06:19,853
- Wanted to say happy birthday.
- Happy birthday.
164
00:06:19,940 --> 00:06:21,109
Didn't mean
to overhear.
165
00:06:21,197 --> 00:06:22,235
You didn't
overhear anything.
166
00:06:22,322 --> 00:06:23,932
We were talking
about a TV show.
167
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:25,274
Oh, well, then,
what's... what's up
168
00:06:25,361 --> 00:06:26,211
with these little
baby shoes, then?
169
00:06:26,299 --> 00:06:27,867
These are...
These are not baby shoes.
170
00:06:27,955 --> 00:06:28,999
- Oh.
- No, they're, um...
171
00:06:29,870 --> 00:06:30,688
We are
starting a business
172
00:06:30,776 --> 00:06:34,700
for people who cannot
afford full-size designer wear.
173
00:06:34,158 --> 00:06:37,428
Oh. Well, as much as that
does sound like you, I... Mm.
174
00:06:37,516 --> 00:06:38,836
Okay.
175
00:06:39,729 --> 00:06:41,102
I'm pregnant. Oh, my God.
176
00:06:41,190 --> 00:06:42,219
That's exciting!
177
00:06:42,307 --> 00:06:43,914
Is it?
We think so.
178
00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:45,883
But we have not told
my parents yet,
179
00:06:45,971 --> 00:06:47,320
so please
don't say anything.
180
00:06:47,408 --> 00:06:49,715
Oh, honey, Icould
keep your secret forever,
181
00:06:49,803 --> 00:06:51,750
but just so you know,
he can't.
182
00:06:51,838 --> 00:06:52,766
Yeah, I'm weak.
183
00:06:52,854 --> 00:06:54,508
Yeah, you got
maybe three, four days tops.
184
00:06:54,595 --> 00:06:55,859
- What?
- Yeah.
185
00:06:55,947 --> 00:06:57,918
Oh. Okay. Well,
these were from us, but...
186
00:06:58,600 --> 00:06:59,423
Yeah, she can't have it.
She's pregnant.
187
00:06:59,510 --> 00:07:00,688
Okay, there you go.
See?
188
00:07:01,398 --> 00:07:02,430
Now,
you listen to me.
189
00:07:02,619 --> 00:07:03,930
My roller-coastering hormones
190
00:07:04,180 --> 00:07:05,847
cannot handle another
lecture from my mother right now,
191
00:07:05,934 --> 00:07:07,181
so you are going
to tell me a secret
192
00:07:07,268 --> 00:07:11,102
that I will reveal to
everyone if you ever spill mine!
193
00:07:11,190 --> 00:07:12,384
Yeah, but I don't
have any secrets.
194
00:07:12,471 --> 00:07:14,563
- Mm?
- Uh, when he dresses as Fizbo,
195
00:07:14,724 --> 00:07:16,987
he puts the makeup
everywhere.
196
00:07:17,820 --> 00:07:19,336
- Mm. You're the best.
- Mm-hmm.
197
00:07:19,543 --> 00:07:21,336
Because of the whole 21 thing,
198
00:07:21,424 --> 00:07:23,789
people don't think
turning 20 is a big deal.
199
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:26,305
But it's all
I've been thinking about
200
00:07:26,393 --> 00:07:28,221
for the last three years.
201
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:31,414
Hey.
202
00:07:31,641 --> 00:07:33,414
Three years ago,
I came in here,
203
00:07:33,502 --> 00:07:36,700
and when I saw you,
I fell in love.
204
00:07:36,309 --> 00:07:38,188
The kind of love
that punches you in the gut
205
00:07:38,276 --> 00:07:40,125
and makes you
wanna be a better man.
206
00:07:40,213 --> 00:07:42,539
But when I asked you out,
you said, "Sorry, kid.
207
00:07:42,627 --> 00:07:45,940
You're cute,
but I don't date teenagers."
208
00:07:45,283 --> 00:07:47,391
Well...
check it out.
209
00:07:47,507 --> 00:07:48,981
Oh! Happy birthday!
210
00:07:49,475 --> 00:07:50,955
But now
I don't date men.
211
00:07:51,121 --> 00:07:52,121
Oh.
212
00:07:53,648 --> 00:07:56,820
Well... looks like
I've got a decision to make.
213
00:07:58,597 --> 00:07:59,914
On my birthday this year,
214
00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:02,648
I really got a sense
of what people think of me.
215
00:08:02,736 --> 00:08:03,999
Which is...
216
00:08:04,161 --> 00:08:05,205
so great.
217
00:08:05,293 --> 00:08:06,828
This is
from me and the boys.
218
00:08:06,916 --> 00:08:08,703
Gloria got you
her own gift.
219
00:08:09,102 --> 00:08:11,563
Wow, this is wrapped
so nicely!
220
00:08:11,651 --> 00:08:12,652
I did that.
221
00:08:12,740 --> 00:08:14,469
It's a lost art
in this modern age
222
00:08:14,557 --> 00:08:16,908
where people simply click and
ship gifts over the Internet.
223
00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:18,734
Papi,
just be normal.
224
00:08:18,822 --> 00:08:20,867
Let's see.
It is, uh...
225
00:08:20,955 --> 00:08:22,391
some kind
of silk pillow?
226
00:08:22,479 --> 00:08:23,393
Well, it's more than that.
227
00:08:23,481 --> 00:08:25,664
See, there's a switch
on the side,
228
00:08:25,752 --> 00:08:28,781
and when you lay on it, it... it
plays ocean sounds for you.
229
00:08:28,869 --> 00:08:30,131
You know, I-it helps you relax.
230
00:08:30,219 --> 00:08:32,547
- Huh.
- At least it's not a re-gift.
231
00:08:32,688 --> 00:08:34,117
How do you live with this? I...
232
00:08:34,758 --> 00:08:35,906
Tell you what.
233
00:08:35,994 --> 00:08:37,695
How about we do one more gift,
and then
234
00:08:37,783 --> 00:08:39,485
we take a break for cake
and do the rest after? Yeah.
235
00:08:39,572 --> 00:08:40,136
Hmm?
236
00:08:40,224 --> 00:08:42,594
Here, Mrs. Dunphy.
This is from me and Haley.
237
00:08:42,682 --> 00:08:44,258
Mm,
thank you, Dylan.
238
00:08:44,346 --> 00:08:45,234
Although I have to say,
239
00:08:45,322 --> 00:08:48,390
you have given me enough
giftsthis year already.
240
00:08:48,127 --> 00:08:50,797
Again, I'm very sorry about
impregnating your daughter.
241
00:08:52,940 --> 00:08:53,367
Yeah.
242
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:54,547
What is this?
243
00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:56,710
It's an aroma therapy
machine.
244
00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:57,821
See, you put in oils
that are supposed to help you
245
00:08:57,908 --> 00:08:58,977
with the stress
of the day.
246
00:08:59,650 --> 00:09:00,860
Oh!
247
00:09:00,174 --> 00:09:02,890
Alright, well...
let's see.
248
00:09:02,177 --> 00:09:04,657
So far,
I have gotten a spa day,
249
00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:05,961
three massages,
250
00:09:06,490 --> 00:09:08,844
a meditation class,
an ocean pillow,
251
00:09:08,932 --> 00:09:11,369
a rage bat,
and a little machine
252
00:09:11,457 --> 00:09:13,460
that's supposed to trick my
nose into calming me down.
253
00:09:13,547 --> 00:09:14,921
Why does everyone think
I'm so tense?
254
00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:16,609
You bit through
your night guard.
255
00:09:16,697 --> 00:09:18,750
You're squeezing me
too hard.
256
00:09:18,838 --> 00:09:20,727
And last week,
you made the pharmacist cry.
257
00:09:20,815 --> 00:09:23,195
That's because he wouldn't
sell me any more Sudafed.
258
00:09:23,283 --> 00:09:24,625
The entire family
was sick.
259
00:09:24,713 --> 00:09:26,305
I was not
cooking meth.
260
00:09:26,395 --> 00:09:28,387
You know what?
I don't even want cake.
261
00:09:28,475 --> 00:09:30,427
I really don't appreciate
being criticized like this,
262
00:09:30,514 --> 00:09:32,184
especially
on my birthday.
263
00:09:35,191 --> 00:09:37,903
Um, that's my gift.
Open later.
264
00:09:39,153 --> 00:09:40,887
Manny and I share a birthday,
265
00:09:40,975 --> 00:09:43,324
so I always do something big
to get attention.
266
00:09:43,412 --> 00:09:45,247
Look! No hands!
267
00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:47,755
- Way to go, kid!
- Bravo, papi!
268
00:09:47,843 --> 00:09:49,431
Hey, guys!
Check it out.
269
00:09:49,519 --> 00:09:51,673
Unicycling
to my piano lesson.
270
00:09:51,768 --> 00:09:53,970
Wow!
We're so proud of you!
271
00:09:54,580 --> 00:09:55,290
Now,
that's impressive.
272
00:09:55,378 --> 00:09:57,298
Happy birthday, Joe!
273
00:09:57,386 --> 00:09:59,114
It was!
274
00:09:59,703 --> 00:10:01,270
It goes without saying
275
00:10:01,388 --> 00:10:03,200
I'm the best performer
in the family.
276
00:10:03,108 --> 00:10:05,793
This year, for my birthday,
I decided to have a talent show
277
00:10:05,881 --> 00:10:07,578
so they all start saying it.
278
00:10:07,666 --> 00:10:08,967
Wait.
279
00:10:09,550 --> 00:10:10,839
It's a talent show?
I-I didn't know that.
280
00:10:10,927 --> 00:10:12,545
It said soon the invitation.
281
00:10:12,633 --> 00:10:14,232
- Mitchell?
- I only skimmed it.
282
00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:15,364
This is a disaster.
283
00:10:15,452 --> 00:10:16,931
We didn't
prepare anything!
284
00:10:17,190 --> 00:10:20,414
♪ Nothing could be finer
than to be in Carolina ♪
285
00:10:20,502 --> 00:10:24,220
♪ In the morning ♪
286
00:10:24,308 --> 00:10:26,211
♪ No one could be sweeter
than my sweetie... ♪
287
00:10:26,299 --> 00:10:28,519
I can't believe they
hadmatching vests in their car.
288
00:10:28,566 --> 00:10:30,620
Uncle Grumpy,
why are you so angry?
289
00:10:30,747 --> 00:10:34,659
Because the President
wants to build a wall!
290
00:10:34,792 --> 00:10:36,835
Ay, yeah,
that is very sad.
291
00:10:36,922 --> 00:10:37,956
Sad for me,
292
00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:41,698
because I have
no money and I am ugly.
293
00:10:41,786 --> 00:10:45,660
For you, he would let you
inbecause you have money
294
00:10:45,748 --> 00:10:47,925
and you have the boobs.
295
00:10:49,447 --> 00:10:51,115
I never thought Uncle
Grumpy would go political.
296
00:10:51,202 --> 00:10:52,581
- Hm.
- Yeah.
297
00:10:57,705 --> 00:11:00,260
I knew I wasn't ready!
298
00:11:00,507 --> 00:11:02,246
- ♪ Naah-aah ♪
- ♪ Butterflies ll flutter up ♪
299
00:11:02,333 --> 00:11:04,129
- ♪ Aah-aah ♪
- ♪ And kiss each little buttercup... ♪
300
00:11:04,216 --> 00:11:05,597
Stella, walk in a circle.
301
00:11:05,685 --> 00:11:06,817
Stella, sit.
302
00:11:06,905 --> 00:11:08,810
Bang!
303
00:11:08,248 --> 00:11:09,948
Ohh.Ah. Close, Dad.
304
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:11,956
No, I taught her
to go for the gun.
305
00:11:14,231 --> 00:11:17,136
The banjo scares me ever
sincel saw that creepy film.
306
00:11:17,309 --> 00:11:18,792
Wait. What was it
called, again?
307
00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:20,110
"Deliverance"?
308
00:11:20,990 --> 00:11:22,456
No... "The Muppet Movie."
309
00:11:22,824 --> 00:11:25,200
He was a three-toed
tree toad, but a two-toed toad was she.
310
00:11:25,890 --> 00:11:26,787
The three-toed tree toad tried to
win the two-toed she toad's heart,
311
00:11:26,874 --> 00:11:28,559
for the three-toed tree toad
loved the ground
312
00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:29,735
that the two-toed
tree toad trod.
313
00:11:29,822 --> 00:11:32,183
"...tree toad trod." And
sent.
314
00:11:32,393 --> 00:11:34,276
Ohh! Whoa! Ay!
315
00:11:34,380 --> 00:11:37,320
- Stop it!
- Fastest thumbs in the West!
316
00:11:38,188 --> 00:11:41,901
♪ If I had Aladdin's lamp
for only a day ♪
317
00:11:41,989 --> 00:11:45,729
♪ I would make a wish,
and here's what I'd say ♪
318
00:11:45,817 --> 00:11:49,659
♪ Nothing could be finer
than to be in Carolina ♪
319
00:11:49,747 --> 00:11:52,987
♪ In the mooorniiing
320
00:11:53,750 --> 00:11:54,894
As you all know,
Sherry and I met
321
00:11:54,982 --> 00:11:57,507
and fell for each other
over our love of improv.
322
00:11:57,595 --> 00:12:00,620
So, we're at
a romantic restaurant.
323
00:12:00,725 --> 00:12:02,740
Okay.
324
00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:05,800
That dinner
was delicious.
325
00:12:05,895 --> 00:12:07,909
I can't believe
you chose this place.
326
00:12:08,100 --> 00:12:10,167
The chef
is my ex-boyfriend.
327
00:12:10,255 --> 00:12:11,448
The crazy one?
328
00:12:11,536 --> 00:12:13,245
Yes.
He's very jealous,
329
00:12:13,340 --> 00:12:15,342
and I'm scared he did
something to your food.
330
00:12:15,430 --> 00:12:16,612
Oh. Eh...
331
00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:18,206
I am feeling a little funny.
332
00:12:18,294 --> 00:12:19,905
I wish this
were a little funny.
333
00:12:19,993 --> 00:12:21,808
Ooh. Ha.
Okay. Oh, boy.
334
00:12:21,896 --> 00:12:22,901
Whew!
335
00:12:22,989 --> 00:12:24,381
I-Is this room spinning?
I...
336
00:12:24,469 --> 00:12:25,315
No.
337
00:12:25,403 --> 00:12:26,597
I was afraid of that.
338
00:12:26,685 --> 00:12:28,933
Well, then I better do this
before it's too late.
339
00:12:29,859 --> 00:12:31,338
And this part is real.
340
00:12:31,994 --> 00:12:33,417
Sherry Shaker,
341
00:12:33,505 --> 00:12:35,542
I used to be
a one-man show,
342
00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:37,675
and then you entered
from stage left,
343
00:12:37,763 --> 00:12:39,547
and I fell in love.
344
00:12:39,945 --> 00:12:41,338
I want you
345
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:44,183
to be my scene partner
forever.
346
00:12:44,485 --> 00:12:47,472
Darling, let's force our
friends to sit through
347
00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:49,394
the rest of our lives
together.
348
00:12:51,657 --> 00:12:53,224
Will you marry me?
349
00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:55,386
Oh, my God.
350
00:12:55,635 --> 00:12:57,332
Manny!
351
00:12:57,635 --> 00:12:59,292
No!
352
00:12:59,623 --> 00:13:01,756
Why would you do this?!
353
00:13:06,337 --> 00:13:09,810
You gotta be feeling better
about that piano.
354
00:13:11,561 --> 00:13:13,948
I'd rather not talk about
my birthday this year.
355
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:18,183
♪ Happy birthday, dear Lily ♪
356
00:13:18,337 --> 00:13:22,254
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
357
00:13:22,342 --> 00:13:24,276
I still can't
believe Sherry said no
358
00:13:24,364 --> 00:13:25,433
and broke up with me.
359
00:13:25,521 --> 00:13:27,580
What does he expect?
He's 20 years old.
360
00:13:27,146 --> 00:13:29,565
He proposed in front of his
family at a pretend restaurant.
361
00:13:29,653 --> 00:13:31,472
Whatever happened
to "Yes and"?
362
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:32,831
Jay,
I've tried everything.
363
00:13:32,919 --> 00:13:35,417
Please say something to him that
will make him feel better.
364
00:13:35,505 --> 00:13:36,675
Fine.
365
00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:38,795
Kid, let it go.
366
00:13:38,883 --> 00:13:40,245
It was four days ago.
367
00:13:40,341 --> 00:13:42,151
Alright,
let's make a wish!
368
00:13:42,415 --> 00:13:43,972
I wish I were dead.
369
00:13:44,450 --> 00:13:45,675
Alright.
370
00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:47,676
There we go.
371
00:13:49,550 --> 00:13:51,495
Haley and I
have had this plan for years
372
00:13:51,583 --> 00:13:54,890
that when I turn 21,
we'd hit the bars together.
373
00:13:54,223 --> 00:13:57,503
But since she's pregnant,
I was drinking for two.
374
00:13:58,403 --> 00:13:59,768
Technically, four.
375
00:14:02,362 --> 00:14:04,854
Lemme tell you something,
Haley Dunphy.
376
00:14:04,942 --> 00:14:07,323
Do you know
how much I admire you?
377
00:14:07,488 --> 00:14:08,495
Do you?
378
00:14:08,583 --> 00:14:10,151
So much!
379
00:14:10,262 --> 00:14:12,737
While I was
working my butt off,
380
00:14:12,825 --> 00:14:14,392
you were out there
having fun!
381
00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:15,960
Not worrying
about anything...
382
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,315
Not school, not work...
383
00:14:18,403 --> 00:14:19,808
not condoms.
384
00:14:19,956 --> 00:14:22,429
Look at you...
All preg-a-nant.
385
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,109
Maybe I should have
Billcome get me pregnant.
386
00:14:25,196 --> 00:14:25,929
Ooh.
387
00:14:26,170 --> 00:14:28,803
Then we can be pregnant together!
That would be fun!
388
00:14:28,891 --> 00:14:30,840
Where's my phone?
389
00:14:30,172 --> 00:14:32,779
I'm gonna text him to
come get me pregnant.
390
00:14:32,867 --> 00:14:34,216
You know what?
391
00:14:34,304 --> 00:14:35,943
It's 2000-something.
392
00:14:35,975 --> 00:14:37,368
I'm gonna
get him pregnant!
393
00:14:38,283 --> 00:14:40,220
I miss drinking.
394
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:42,490
Unlike somepeople,
I love my birthday.
395
00:14:42,578 --> 00:14:45,389
It's the one day a year
that can be all about me.
396
00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:48,987
Oh, yeah.
Um, um...
397
00:14:49,750 --> 00:14:50,787
So, um, I thought
it would be fun
398
00:14:50,875 --> 00:14:52,181
if we all
went around the room
399
00:14:52,332 --> 00:14:53,904
and say
what we love about Cam.
400
00:14:53,992 --> 00:14:54,975
- Oh!
- Yeah.
401
00:14:55,630 --> 00:14:57,318
Well, that's out of nowhere,
but if you insist.
402
00:14:57,406 --> 00:14:58,413
Haley,
why don't you go first?
403
00:14:58,500 --> 00:14:59,647
Oh, me? Okay.
404
00:14:59,735 --> 00:15:02,108
Well, um...
I love Uncle Cam
405
00:15:02,196 --> 00:15:03,686
because he is fun
406
00:15:03,774 --> 00:15:05,514
- and dresses with flair.
- Oh, my gosh.
407
00:15:06,860 --> 00:15:07,803
And, uh, I love
408
00:15:07,897 --> 00:15:09,389
that he makes
my Uncle Mitchell happy.
409
00:15:09,477 --> 00:15:10,782
- Awww!
- Ohh!
410
00:15:10,870 --> 00:15:12,512
Oh, also, I love that you
guys were the first ones
411
00:15:12,599 --> 00:15:15,256
to find out I was pregnant and
you never judged me.
412
00:15:15,453 --> 00:15:17,170
Wait a minute.
What are you talking about?
413
00:15:17,258 --> 00:15:18,819
I thought we all found out
at the same time.
414
00:15:18,906 --> 00:15:20,380
Oh, uh... Well...
415
00:15:20,126 --> 00:15:22,374
Mitchell, you knew she was pregnant
and you didn't tell me?
416
00:15:22,461 --> 00:15:23,873
I didn't think
it was my place.
417
00:15:23,961 --> 00:15:25,608
Anyway,
who's next?
418
00:15:25,696 --> 00:15:27,890
"What I love
about Cam is..."
419
00:15:27,177 --> 00:15:29,397
I just wish you would
have my back just once.
420
00:15:29,485 --> 00:15:31,467
I don't think
she's been using my gift.
421
00:15:31,568 --> 00:15:33,678
♪ Happy birthday to Cam, happy... ♪
Stop. Drop it.
422
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:34,748
Welcome to my world.
423
00:15:34,836 --> 00:15:37,365
At my birthday, all anyone
cared about was weepy Manny
424
00:15:37,453 --> 00:15:39,325
'cause Sherry
broke up with him.
425
00:15:39,822 --> 00:15:41,519
She has a boyfriend now.
426
00:15:41,857 --> 00:15:43,178
Way to go, Lily.
427
00:15:43,266 --> 00:15:44,745
Way to go!
428
00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:57,536
How old are you?
429
00:15:58,610 --> 00:16:00,420
I turn 51 in, uh...
430
00:16:01,395 --> 00:16:02,744
this many days.
431
00:16:02,832 --> 00:16:03,866
Ugh.
432
00:16:03,978 --> 00:16:06,154
My dad had
a midlife crisis, too.
433
00:16:06,327 --> 00:16:07,866
I have a hamster
at his condo.
434
00:16:07,989 --> 00:16:09,748
No.
N-No midlife crisis.
435
00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:12,701
I just think you're...
You're never too old to learn.
436
00:16:13,713 --> 00:16:15,410
Just stay away
from my mom.
437
00:16:15,498 --> 00:16:17,686
She has a thing
for losers.
438
00:16:20,476 --> 00:16:21,433
Are you okay?
439
00:16:21,521 --> 00:16:22,788
Should we take you
to the hospital?
440
00:16:22,875 --> 00:16:24,877
Yeah, the contractions
are getting closer together.
441
00:16:24,964 --> 00:16:26,234
No. Dad is next.
442
00:16:26,322 --> 00:16:28,297
I can hold it
for a few minutes, okay?
443
00:16:28,385 --> 00:16:30,734
I don't want to screw this up
for him.
444
00:16:35,888 --> 00:16:38,101
Yikes. Hate to follow that.
445
00:16:38,295 --> 00:16:40,790
What are you
gonna dazzle us with?
446
00:16:40,455 --> 00:16:41,539
"Fur Elise."
447
00:16:41,627 --> 00:16:44,000
In which key...
"B" obvious?
448
00:16:44,213 --> 00:16:47,961
Next up, the only
student of mine who shaves.
449
00:16:48,180 --> 00:16:50,830
Phillip Dunphy.
450
00:16:56,264 --> 00:16:57,264
Um...
451
00:16:58,997 --> 00:17:01,656
When I turned 50,
I vowed to do some things
452
00:17:01,744 --> 00:17:03,836
to take me
out of my comfort zone
453
00:17:03,924 --> 00:17:06,414
and keep me on my toes,
and I want to thank my family
454
00:17:06,502 --> 00:17:08,230
for being
my biggest cheerleaders.
455
00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:09,250
Oooooaaaaaah!
456
00:17:09,113 --> 00:17:10,219
I love you, too, honey.
457
00:17:10,307 --> 00:17:12,399
No, Haley's going into labor! We've
got to get her to the hospital, honey!
458
00:17:12,486 --> 00:17:13,844
Phil: Oh! I tried to hold it!
I'm sorry, Dad!
459
00:17:13,893 --> 00:17:15,808
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry, everyone!
460
00:17:15,896 --> 00:17:17,344
Convenient.
461
00:17:31,964 --> 00:17:33,158
Yes!
Great! Come on!
462
00:17:33,432 --> 00:17:34,720
Great work, honey.
463
00:17:34,808 --> 00:17:36,736
Tell your mom
I say hi.
464
00:17:40,630 --> 00:17:41,790
Dylan!
465
00:17:41,878 --> 00:17:43,316
Is everything
okay?
466
00:17:44,370 --> 00:17:45,820
No.
467
00:17:46,669 --> 00:17:48,620
Everything's amazing.
468
00:17:48,503 --> 00:17:49,980
Why would you
say it that way?
469
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:51,238
Haley's fine.
470
00:17:51,326 --> 00:17:52,761
She was so brave.
471
00:17:52,903 --> 00:17:54,601
And the babies are great!
472
00:17:54,689 --> 00:17:56,970
I can't wait
to see them!
473
00:17:56,185 --> 00:17:57,880
As soon as they're done
getting checked out.
474
00:17:57,967 --> 00:17:59,740
I'm gonna
go get them now.
475
00:17:59,162 --> 00:18:00,162
Wait, wait.
476
00:18:00,317 --> 00:18:01,378
What about the sex?
477
00:18:01,466 --> 00:18:03,250
Doctor says
not for six weeks.
478
00:18:06,385 --> 00:18:08,136
Jay: Is this
the Dunphy suite?
479
00:18:08,811 --> 00:18:10,933
Oh, how's the mommy?
480
00:18:11,360 --> 00:18:13,121
Hand sanitizer, everyone.
Here you go.
481
00:18:13,209 --> 00:18:14,210
How you doing, kiddo?
482
00:18:14,298 --> 00:18:16,285
A little tired.
I overdid it last night.
483
00:18:16,373 --> 00:18:18,636
I don't think
he was talking to you, buddy.
484
00:18:18,732 --> 00:18:20,810
It's overwhelming.
485
00:18:20,169 --> 00:18:21,520
Just feeling
so many different emotions.
486
00:18:21,607 --> 00:18:23,222
I'm also doing great.
487
00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:25,464
I have
a son and a daughter,
488
00:18:25,552 --> 00:18:28,970
and once they washed them off,
they were really cute.
489
00:18:28,185 --> 00:18:28,824
Aww!
490
00:18:28,912 --> 00:18:30,106
Oh, what are
their names?
491
00:18:30,194 --> 00:18:32,872
We're gonna put a pin in
that until the drugs wear off.
492
00:18:32,969 --> 00:18:36,325
Nobody needs grand children named
Pixar and Coachella.
493
00:18:36,413 --> 00:18:37,371
Ooh.
494
00:18:37,459 --> 00:18:39,520
Phil,
this is for you.
495
00:18:39,140 --> 00:18:41,987
It's a... little early birthday present.
496
00:18:42,750 --> 00:18:45,231
And I admit,
this one is a re-gift.
497
00:18:47,715 --> 00:18:49,310
"World's
Best Grandfather."
498
00:18:49,583 --> 00:18:51,606
It's the mug I gave you
when Haley was born.
499
00:18:51,694 --> 00:18:52,652
You kept it
all these years.
500
00:18:52,756 --> 00:18:55,286
Yeah. But, uh...
it's yours now.
501
00:18:55,374 --> 00:18:57,114
I don't need it anymore.
I got a new title.
502
00:18:58,379 --> 00:18:59,728
"Great grandma"?
503
00:19:00,775 --> 00:19:02,935
Oh, hell. I grabbed the wrong one.
Here.
504
00:19:03,336 --> 00:19:04,638
I'm going to
count to three.
505
00:19:04,726 --> 00:19:05,640
Yeah.
506
00:19:05,728 --> 00:19:07,239
Hey, how was
your recital, Phil?
507
00:19:07,327 --> 00:19:09,750
Oh, I messed it all up
for him.
508
00:19:09,163 --> 00:19:10,591
Sorry about that, Dad.
509
00:19:10,679 --> 00:19:12,731
I-I know that was your
big goal for the year.
510
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:14,513
I have
a better one now.
511
00:19:14,827 --> 00:19:16,747
Mi ano fue hermoso.
512
00:19:16,896 --> 00:19:18,215
My year was beautiful.
513
00:19:18,303 --> 00:19:19,161
Claire: Mm.
514
00:19:19,249 --> 00:19:21,770
"Año" means "year."
515
00:19:21,165 --> 00:19:23,520
"Ano" means "anus."
516
00:19:24,670 --> 00:19:25,460
Still works.
517
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,153
Hey, everybody.
518
00:19:27,241 --> 00:19:30,177
Ay, where are the babies?
I want to see them.
519
00:19:30,277 --> 00:19:32,950
There's no easy way
to say this.
520
00:19:34,247 --> 00:19:36,815
Mitch and Cam have a whole
thing they want to do.
521
00:19:36,903 --> 00:19:38,731
Oh, God.
It's worse than I thought.
522
00:19:38,826 --> 00:19:42,909
♪ Nants ingonyama ♪
523
00:19:42,997 --> 00:19:44,579
♪ Bagithi baba ♪
524
00:19:44,667 --> 00:19:47,910
Oh, my God!
I love it so much!
525
00:19:50,529 --> 00:19:54,450
♪ It's the circle of life ♪
526
00:19:54,538 --> 00:19:56,833
I can't believe they
had matching robes in their car.
527
00:19:56,921 --> 00:19:59,670
♪ And it moves us all ♪
528
00:19:59,178 --> 00:20:02,200
- ♪ Through ♪
- They're so beautiful!
529
00:20:02,599 --> 00:20:06,280
- ♪ Despair and hope ♪
- Good job.
530
00:20:06,116 --> 00:20:07,599
You're
both gonna get dog beds.
531
00:20:07,687 --> 00:20:11,419
- ♪ Through faith and hope ♪
- You're next, huh?
532
00:20:11,507 --> 00:20:13,645
- Shh!
- Okay. Okay. I'm just saying.
533
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:17,833
♪ It's the circle ♪
534
00:20:17,921 --> 00:20:19,185
Good job, kid.
535
00:20:19,273 --> 00:20:22,645
♪ The circle of ♪
536
00:20:22,732 --> 00:20:25,731
♪ Llife ♪
537
00:20:29,724 --> 00:20:31,567
Oh,
is he still crying?
538
00:20:31,662 --> 00:20:33,270
Yeah,
has been for hours.
539
00:20:33,358 --> 00:20:34,208
Wow.
540
00:20:34,323 --> 00:20:36,458
I thought he'd cry himself
to sleep, poor little guy.
541
00:20:36,546 --> 00:20:37,763
Well, has he eaten anything?
542
00:20:37,851 --> 00:20:39,216
Uh, I fed him
an hour ago.
543
00:20:39,304 --> 00:20:41,177
It's amazing
how one can be fine
544
00:20:41,265 --> 00:20:42,755
and the other one
is so upset.
545
00:20:42,897 --> 00:20:44,819
You go up to bed.
I'll check on him one last time.
546
00:20:44,906 --> 00:20:46,154
Thanks, Mom.
547
00:20:46,261 --> 00:20:49,786
There's
my big, brave boy.
548
00:20:49,935 --> 00:20:52,183
Sherry booked
a toothpaste commercial.
549
00:20:52,271 --> 00:20:53,264
- Uh-huh.
- I'm going to have
550
00:20:53,352 --> 00:20:54,717
to see
that beautiful smile
551
00:20:54,805 --> 00:20:56,240
all the time!
552
00:20:56,112 --> 00:20:57,139
Mm.
553
00:20:57,297 --> 00:20:59,337
There, there. Let it out.
36890
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof