Original subtitles

Villanelle's for hire? Let's hire her!

I can't tell if you're joking.

She murdered Bill.

I'll ask Carolyn to move you to another team.

Are you sacking me?

I need your help with something important.

- I'm expensive. - I know.

Who ordered the hits on Alister Peel?

Monster!

- It was his son. - classic.

Aaron Peel?

That's not right. I think someone's got something mixed up.

Gemma, this is Eve, my wife.

I don't know why they're even still married.

Niko!

She stabbed you? Didn't she tell you?

Smell you later.

Niko! Oh, my God. What are you doing out there?

She came to see me.

She told me what you did.

I know you stabbed her.

You can't believe her. She's a liar.

I know.

But I do believe her.

I can explain. Can you?

Well?

Niko...

Did you like it?

Do you like all of this?

Does it excite you?

Ow! What do you want from me, Eve?

Do you want me to love you or do you want me to frighten you?

I don't know.

Now, go upstairs.

♪ There's something about ♪

♪ The way you are ♪

♪ That makes me ♪

♪ There's something about ♪

♪ The way you are ♪

♪ That makes me... ♪

This feels like a one-night stand.

Yeah?

Oh. Look. Hey.

I'm just really not looking for a relationship right now.

Last night... Was amazing.

Um...

What?

I was up all night...

..trying to work out why I felt so unbelievably shitty and... sad.

What do you m...?

But why did you...?

I thought you enjoyed it. I did.

I loved it.

So, then...

..what's going on?

I asked you.

When you got back from Paris, I wanted to talk to you.

You wouldn't have understood. You're wrong.

No, I'm not. Well, I guess we'll never know.

I gotta go. Wait.

Wait! Don't... ask me to stay.

I can't do this anymore.

Niko, please, let's just... let's talk.

But... don't leave me alone.

But you're not alone, are you?

Oh, God.

She hasn't got married again, has she?

Don't worry.

I'm just a house guest.

You want some drachona?

Eggs, sour cream.

Very healthy.

Restorative.

Not for me. Thanks.

Ah. You've met.

Good.

John's over from Nairobi.

He works at the bureau there.

We're old friends.

We are old friends too.

Carolyn has old friends everywhere.

It's so good to be back here. All old friends.

Old friends together.

Coming up next time on Auction Fever,

there's something for everybody

at a sale of seized goods and liquidated assets.

You'll be astonished at what goes under the hammer.

♪ I've been looking at you ♪

♪ For quite some time ♪

♪ Should come as no surprise ♪

♪ I've been wanting you as mine ♪

♪ I've been looking at you ♪

♪ Your dangerous charms ♪

♪ Seems that you have been causing all those harms ♪

♪ I keep falling for your dangerous charms ♪

♪ Oh, dangerous charms ♪

♪ I've seen you, darling ♪

♪ Glancing at me ♪

♪ I've seen your wicked, wicked eyes... ♪

Please.

Thank you. My pleasure.

Hello, Eve. Morning.

This is an... obvious breakfast choice.

I can't stand breakfast.

It's just constant eggs.

I mean, why? Who decided?

Uh, did you pick up, uh... Aaron Peel?

Hmm... no. Not quite yet.

Not yet? Why? He had his father killed.

Playing the long game, Eve.

This was taken...

..with a hidden micro camera...

..by a journalist.

No - I thought he didn't do press.

He likes playing games, though.

Mr Peel, what do you say to the criticism of you

that your control of vast amounts of private surveillance data

gives you too much power and influence?

You're not averse to a bit of surveillance yourself.

What do you mean? Please, don't play me for a fool.

The camera in your bag. What?

You like recording things you shouldn't, don't you?

Uh... Oh, don't turn it off.

This is gonna be fun.

Let's see. What choice little titbit could I share with your employers?

What's going on?

How about the, uh, S&M sessions you have with your wife?

I'm sorry?

She does, um, laugh about it with her friends.

How do you know about that?

There is nothing hidden that will not be revealed.

We need to speak to this guy.

Bit late for that.

Peel had him killed?

A sewer, underneath Farringdon.

"Urban explorer overreached himself" is the official story.

My brother used to jam his hamsters into an old loo roll...

..prod them through with a toothbrush,

see how many he could do in a minute.

How many could he? Three.

There's a Pharaday conference being held in Rome.

Two weeks from now.

You need to make sure that we're there with him.

Getting someone close to Peel's about as easy

as getting a... sex offender into a convent.

So, quite easy, then?

You know what I mean.

He doesn't have any friends.

He's never had a girlfriend - or boyfriend,

or... anatomically correct sex robot.

He's paranoid.

It's not like someone can just swan in in a tight dress.

Can they?

Well, it can't be me. I've already met him.

There's got to be someone.

Tell Carolyn it was your idea. Fine.

So, Carolyn's forgiven you, then?

We have forgiven each other.

Have you come here to yell at me?

For selling me out and skipping town with Villanelle? No.

No, not at all. I've forgotten all about it. It's totally fine.

Ah, you're not yelling, but it feels like you're yelling.

We want to make you and Villanelle an offer -

which doesn't involve killing someone.

Hm.

Hi, partner.

Welcome to my new home.

How's it going with Niko?

None of your business.

You want me NOT to kill someone?

You do know what I do, right?

This is harder - a challenge. Ugh.

I don't like to be challenged.

Do you want me to ask someone else? No!

Good. So, Aaron Peel.

Aaron doesn't like people.

The only relationship he has is with his sister, Amber.

So we use her to get to him.

She's going to AA meetings in London.

Clever.

So...

..who do you want?

Gap year tragedy, who...

..who fell in love with her coke dealer?

Ah.

Suncream heiress from Sydney

who has her own, like, super successful bikini brand?

No?

I know.

She's just arrived from New York

after one too many nights on the wrong side of the bridge

and she has a really, really, really annoying accent.

I like her accent.

What's her name?

Billie.

Billie.

Oh, Kenny, make a start on Billie's social media presence?

It needs to be watertight, so backdate it - go WAY back.

Aaron will check on anyone who comes near them.

Hugo.

What? You called me Kenny.

Oh. Did I?

Sorry.

Um, give her a job.

You know what? No, no job.

A couple of vanity degrees.

Something wishy-washy.

Philosophy? History of Art? Great.

Throw in a couple of DUIs - don't make her too clean.

Smart.

One rich insta-hottie coming up.

This operation...

..is strictly Moscow rules.

Cold War. Analogue.

No messages, no calls, no emails.

We have to act on the assumption

that Aaron will be watching and recording everything,

including his sister,

so... no breaking cover, not even for a second.

You're the real boss, aren't you?

Villanelle... Shh! Eve.

Don't be disrespectful.

Please, Carolyn.

Yes. I am.

Ah. Eve, Villanelle, here's our quartermaster.

Hello, sir. Good morning.

Do I get a watch with a laser in it?

I've been doing this now for 17 years.

Do you know how often these jokes get made?

A lot? Never.

Field agents approach their work with the solemnity it warrants.

Grain-of-wheat microphone.

Piggybacks on the GPS signal from your phone, even when dormant.

In a handbag, hanging in a cloakroom.

Just appears as an ordinary GPS.

Oh, that is so cool!

Eve! That is...

What...? Professional.

I'm so sorry.

Thanks.

You OK, mate?

This Niko stuff? Oh, don't...

It'll pass. He'll come around.

Nothing a BJ and a compliment won't fix, in my experience.

See you back at the office. Alright.

What are you doing here? I don't think a BJ will help.

Don't. He's too nice.

He's too normal for you - you know that.

Stop it. Why?

Because...

Because you will never understand how much harder it is

to be nice and normal and decent

than it is to be like you.

Like us, you mean.

If I was going to date it...

..it was when Mum died.

I'm not blaming,

but that is when it started getting really out of control.

I didn't know where I'd been.

There were whole days just missing - total blackout.

I had to piece everything together

with whatever was at the bottom of my bag -

receipts, drugs...

I found a pair of pants once.

Not mine. No idea.

Thank you, Amber.

Would anyone else like to speak?

Yeah, I would.

Um...

I'm Billie...

Hi, Billie.

..and I'm an addict.

Uh...

Cocaine and alcohol primarily, but, honestly...

..whatever I can get.

I recognise a lot of what Amber was saying.

I wish I was better.

A better person.

Because it is so much harder to be nice and normal and decent

than it is to be like this.

I hurt someone when I was in Paris.

My husband just left - he couldn't take it.

He can't handle me anymore.

He's too nice.

And my best friend was killed in an accident.

It was my fault.

I have nobody left.

Well, almost nobody.

And that's my story, I guess.

Poor me.

Poor me.

Pour me a drink.

Excuse me?

It's just, um... just, careful with the self-pity.

Ah.

Did you... did you hear my story?

My best friend just died. My husband has left me.

- I'm having a really awful time. - Hey.

We've all played the blame game.

Colleen...

..did you want to speak?

What would you like to share with the group?

- Hi, everyone. - Hi, Colleen.

Hey!

Tough crowd. Yeah.

Really tough. It's hard.

But it gets easier.

You just...

You have to be honest.

I WAS being honest.

Were you?

Look, these guys have seen it all.

We're all here for the same reason.

The group can smell bullshit from a mile away.

Amber, time to go.

The car's outside. Thanks, Marie.

See you tomorrow? See you tomorrow.

Don't be mad.

Don't you ever do that again. Do what again?

If you ever use me or my life again, this is over.

You asked me to come work for you, remember?

Did you even read the AA briefing I gave you?

Yeah.

Because if you had, you'd know the first rule is honesty.

How can I be honest when I'm being a different person?

Aren't you always a different person?

Aren't YOU?

At least I'm good at playing someone else.

Oh, well, not that good, obviously.

Don't speak to me like that, Eve.

I like you, but I don't like you that much.

Don't forget -

the only thing that makes you interesting is me.

We'll try again in the morning.

Cheer you up. OK.

Does anyone else have anything they want to say?

I would.

Go ahead, Billie. When you're ready.

I have real trouble telling the truth.

I don't understand the concept, actually, but...

..but somebody told me it was important, so...

..here goes.

Most of the time...

...most days, I feel...

..nothing.

I don't feel anything.

It is so boring.

I wake up and I think, "Again? Really?

"I have to do this again?"

And what I really don't understand is,

how come everybody else isn't screaming with... with boredom too?

I...

..try to find ways of making myself feel something...

..more and more and more, but...

..it doesn't make any difference.

No matter what I do, I don't feel...

..anything.

I...

I hurt myself - doesn't hurt.

I buy what I want - I don't want it.

I do what I like - I don't...

..I don't like it.

I'm just so bored.

I think we can all relate to that.

Wow.

What you said there was so powerful.

And it's not easy.

I've never really tried it before, so...

Yeah, me either.

Hey, are you in London?

I mean, living here.

Right now, yeah.

Would you... Pardon me.

I'm sorry.

Amber, allow me to remind you of the terms of your agreement -

that you form no associations with anyone within these rooms.

For your own wellbeing. Yeah, yeah.

It's OK - we were just...

Perhaps you'd like to collect your things.

I'll see you outside in five minutes.

Sure.

You need to give Amber some space.

This is none of your business. Back off.

Hey, I'm going through a really difficult time at the moment.

I'm just... I'm sorry, OK?

♪ Mother always told me ♪

♪ Don't talk to strangers ♪

♪ What if I don't really know how I feel? ♪

♪ And besides ♪

♪ The words only get in the way... ♪

Eve?

You heard?

About the traffic accident? Yes. Tragic.

Carolyn, it was...

Very upsetting.

Yes, I'm sure.

Has contact been made between Villanelle and Amber Peel?

They've been texting.

Good.

Well, that's something, then.

Keep me informed of any developments.

Again.

Who are you texting? Eve.

Why?

She might be lonely.

Ah!

Ugh. It's Amber.

"Hey! You free Thursday?

"Wanna come for family sups?"

What?

Why do rich people talk like children?

I'll get it.

Eve.

What are you doing here? I said I'd come pick my stuff up.

No, it's fine. I was passing, so...

How did you get the address? I called the school. I...

I wanted to be helpful.

Oh. Eve! Hello.

Eve was just dropping some things off.

Well, that's so nice. Um...

Well, uh, do you want to come in, have a cuppa?

I'm sure Eve's busy. No, I'm not.

I'd love to. Ah.

What a lovely house. Oh. Thank you.

It was my grandmother's.

I wouldn't be able to afford this on a teacher's salary.

How's work?

It's really good, actually. Really good.

Villanelle keeping you busy? Yeah.

Looks like we're both pretty busy.

With work.

Can I use your bathroom? Yes.

It's, um...

Upstairs? Mm.

Thank you.

Aww.

Eve?

What are you doing? I was just, um...

Look, I..

..I understand that things between you and Niko are tough, but...

..I'd really rather you didn't drag me into this.

Oh, really?

You don't want to get dragged in?

Niko!

Are you scared?

No! Of course not.

What's happened?

Um...

Eve...

..what are you doing?

Well...

..what are YOU doing, Niko?

Gemma has a sofa bed.

I'm sleeping downstairs. That's not what I asked.

I'd like you to apologise.

No, really, it's fine. Gemma is my friend.

You remember friends, don't you?

There's nothing going on here.

You're right.

There's nothing going on here.

I hope you like the missionary position.

I do, actually.

You'll be happy here.

I dread to think where you'll be happy, Eve.

Oh! My clothes!

Oh!

Ooh, a little bit of Bisto.

A little bit of Bisto.

A little bit of Bisto, please!

A little bit of Bisto.

Mm. Mm.

Thank you!

Where are you living, Billie?

Uh, in Shoreditch.

Mm, cool.

And do you work?

Mm...

Not really.

I was interning at a start-up, but...

..it was pretty intense.

Mm.

A failed intern. How inspirational.

Aaron!

Well, I couldn't do a job like yours.

Running a huge company?

No wonder you're selling it.

How did you know I was selling it?

I... I read an article.

In The Economist?

Interested in business, are you?

No offence, but you, uh... don't seem the type.

It was on the magazine pile at my waxing salon.

What is that? Uh, Turkish?

Greek.

Some kind of Greek.

He's trying to provoke her.

They need to be more careful.

Ignore him - he's an asshole.

Where's the bathroom?

OK, Villanelle, see if you can find his office.

Um, look for any hidden correspondence,

written proof of interest in the sale...

I'm trying to think what else. What else?

And then get back. And don't take too long.

Lost?

No.

Obviously not.

I'm being nosy.

Have you read all these?

The loo's that way.

Try not to be too "nosy" on your way back.

It's not...

..polite.

It's OK. It's OK.

Just don't let him see that he's rattled you.

He doesn't like people who stand up to him.

Maybe he DOES like it. Uh... I don't think so.

Oh. Popcorn.

I just wish we could see her.

Stop smothering her.

I'm not...

Alright, I'll give you that much. But, no.

You know how I like it.

I think I'm...

..gonna do mine as a rhyme.

Hmm.

If I go up, I'll only fall

But should I slide or should I crawl?

Interesting.

Sorry - what's happening?

Well, just choose which card from your hand

you think accords with Amber's charming piece of doggerel

and hand it to her facedown.

Doggerel?

Just pick any one.

Is this something you two always do?

Hm? Play games together?

Meaning?

Uh... nothing. I was just asking.

You ask a lot of questions. You seem to have the mind of a five-year-old.

A-Face, why are you being so mean? She's my friend.

I wouldn't classify as a friend

someone I once sat next to in a toilet stall.

Wow. That's not how...

You're struggling... with the rules of Dixit,

a simple storytelling game for players aged eight and upwards,

and yet you claim to have two philosophy degrees.

I DO have two philosophy degrees. I know. I checked.

Fine.

Which is why I'm puzzled with this whole faux ditz act.

One part of the equation doesn't add up.

I'm sorry?

Please remind me.

What exactly did you study again?

General Philosophy and Social Policy and Philosophy of Religion.

Ah, Philosophy of Religion. Fascinating.

Where do you stand on Anselm's Ontological Argument?

Is there just the... smallest chance she read the file?

Oh, my God!

Well, come on, then. Hm?

Villanelle, Anselm's Ontological Argument - um...

Tell him the classic version is your favourite.

It's perfectly simple. Where do you stand on it?

That it's boring.

Oh, we can do better than that.

What's your favourite refutation?

Say Thomas Aquinas.

Mm. I think she has taken her earpiece out.

What?!

I'm waiting.

Drop it, Aaron. Please, stop.

The grown-ups are talking, Amber.

If it bored you, you must have studied it,

so you can at least detail the argument for it.

I mean, it's first-year stuff.

Even this thickie would be able to follow it.

So, what's the first premise?

Or...

..can you at least... tell us what 'ontological' means?

Can you even spell it?

Here you are.

If you're going to lie...

..at least do a bit of research.

Oh, I get it.

You're a bully.

Mm.

Why would I even bother to have a conversation with someone like you?

What is the point?

My dad taught me that there is only one way

to communicate with a bully.

I see. Mm.

And what was his advice?

What just happened?

My nose is bleeding!

That mystery is solved.

Forget it. Don't. Let her cool off.

You are all over her.

Oh, my God.

Well, that's it, then - it's over.

Can I get you anything?

What is in that? Sorry?

What is in that thing?

Oh. Uh, lamb. Mainly.

Mainly? Yeah.

But you can put any meat in there?

I guess so, yeah. People will eat anything

if you cut it thin enough and put hot sauce on it.

Anything? Really?

Oh, my God.

Can we have some chips, please? With gravy.

Yeah.

Is there enough for a Coke?

Yeah.

Mmm.

Mmm.

I'm such a pig!

What? Come on.

Oh, shit! My bag.

Oh, my God!

Oh.

Shit.

We thought we were in trouble.

You want to walk with us?

It's dark. Probably safer.

Yeah, I would love that.

- You OK? - I don't know.

How much of the day do you spend thinking about her?

Most of it.

Why did you befriend my sister?

This is your operation.

It's your responsibility. I know.

I hate to be strict, but she really mustn't kill anyone.

You don't know if you're telling the truth or not?

Not really.

You've already done enough, Gemma.

I can always do more.

Don't go to Rome. What?

Rome is crucial, Eve.

Mr and Mrs...? No.

Are you planning something?

Because, if something happens, you are on your own.