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1
00:00:05,670 --> 00:00:06,670
There you go.
2
00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:08,340
I can't believe
you're already moving.
3
00:00:08,470 --> 00:00:09,510
Yeah, I know, man.
4
00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:11,440
I was only looking
for a few weeks.
5
00:00:11,540 --> 00:00:13,480
I saw the broker literally
putting the sign out.
6
00:00:13,540 --> 00:00:15,680
I double-parked and
damn near tackled him.
7
00:00:15,780 --> 00:00:17,780
Yeah.
8
00:00:17,880 --> 00:00:19,250
Hey, you okay?
9
00:00:19,350 --> 00:00:20,950
Yeah, man, it's...
10
00:00:21,050 --> 00:00:22,890
it's just dawning on me that...
11
00:00:22,990 --> 00:00:24,720
we've lived together
almost our whole lives.
12
00:00:24,820 --> 00:00:26,490
Just feels different,
you know?
13
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:27,820
Tonight, you'll be gone.
14
00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:30,690
And I'll be watching Jeopardy
all alone.
15
00:00:30,790 --> 00:00:32,400
Except you don't
have a TV.
16
00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:34,530
You took the TV?! I bought that.
17
00:00:34,630 --> 00:00:36,400
Because you broke mine.
18
00:00:36,530 --> 00:00:37,730
Daphne hit it with a sippy cup.
19
00:00:37,830 --> 00:00:38,900
That means
you broke it.
20
00:00:40,670 --> 00:00:41,840
No. Pop? Pop? Pop?
21
00:00:41,900 --> 00:00:43,810
Tell Marty
that's my TV now.
22
00:00:43,870 --> 00:00:45,140
Why y'all arguing
over it?
23
00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:46,280
It's just stuff.
24
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:47,410
Man, stop being petty.
25
00:00:47,510 --> 00:00:49,080
Man, see what you did?
26
00:00:49,210 --> 00:00:51,410
Why is my chair in here?
27
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:54,520
Uh, Pop, you gave it to me.
28
00:00:54,620 --> 00:00:56,120
No, as landlord,
29
00:00:56,220 --> 00:00:57,850
I gave it
to the house.
30
00:00:57,950 --> 00:01:00,160
For paying tenants of the house.
31
00:01:00,220 --> 00:01:02,560
Which, as of now,
you are no longer.
32
00:01:02,660 --> 00:01:04,790
Oh!
33
00:01:05,990 --> 00:01:07,400
My baby's leaving.
34
00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:09,270
Who knows
when I'll see you again?
35
00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:12,000
Tina, the boy is moving
to Venice Beach.
36
00:01:12,070 --> 00:01:13,600
Which I do not get.
37
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:15,700
'Cause we are not beach people.
38
00:01:16,670 --> 00:01:17,940
Who wants a baby?
39
00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:20,280
Oh, I do, I do!
Me, me, me!
40
00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:22,080
Hi, Daphne.
Hi.
41
00:01:22,210 --> 00:01:24,280
I'll take her off your hands.
Okay.
42
00:01:24,380 --> 00:01:26,450
So you'll
take her to daycare?
43
00:01:26,580 --> 00:01:27,650
Uh, yes, and
44
00:01:27,750 --> 00:01:30,050
I'll meet you
at the Westside Fuse Box?
45
00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:31,290
Okay.
46
00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:33,590
Is that my coffee maker?
47
00:01:34,890 --> 00:01:36,130
I wouldn't be surprised.
48
00:01:36,260 --> 00:01:38,490
I saw him packing your bathrobe
and your Waterpik.
49
00:01:39,260 --> 00:01:43,670
Well, it is not my fault
our house is full of her stuff.
50
00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:47,600
Oh, you know,
I've been thinking, uh,
51
00:01:47,700 --> 00:01:51,340
given that my place is gonna
have a lot more room now,
52
00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:53,340
uh, we could simplify things
53
00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:55,040
by perhaps
collaborating on--
54
00:01:55,110 --> 00:01:57,080
Uh, things are simple enough.
55
00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:00,420
Don't get me wrong,
I'm enjoying our
56
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:02,190
beneficial friendship.
57
00:02:02,290 --> 00:02:03,820
You know?
58
00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:06,420
But, uh, do we really want--
59
00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:07,690
No! No, no.
60
00:02:07,790 --> 00:02:08,960
We-we don't, I don't.
61
00:02:09,090 --> 00:02:11,430
I don't,
I thought you did.
62
00:02:11,490 --> 00:02:13,060
So, you know, whatever.
63
00:02:13,130 --> 00:02:14,960
Nonstarter, right?
64
00:02:15,060 --> 00:02:16,200
Yeah.
Like...
65
00:02:16,300 --> 00:02:17,930
We brought you
a housewarming gift.
66
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:20,400
Oh, look at that,
it's beautiful.
67
00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:21,770
And-and it is so large.
68
00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:23,840
I wanted to get you
an air fryer.
69
00:02:23,970 --> 00:02:24,910
Nah.
70
00:02:24,970 --> 00:02:27,510
This is so much better. Now.
71
00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:29,310
It's delicate,
so it needs
72
00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:32,850
bright but indirect
south-easterly sunlight.
73
00:02:32,950 --> 00:02:34,180
Also a daily misting.
74
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,290
And don't be embarrassed
to sing to it.
75
00:02:36,350 --> 00:02:38,590
Calvin, a little R&B?
76
00:02:38,650 --> 00:02:42,060
Now when the leaves
turn brown, you--
77
00:02:43,590 --> 00:02:45,430
Load 'em up, move 'em out!
78
00:02:45,490 --> 00:02:47,000
Let's go!
79
00:02:47,130 --> 00:02:49,000
* Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood *
80
00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:50,530
* Welcome to the hood. *
81
00:02:56,470 --> 00:02:58,840
Yeah, isn't
this place amazing, Pop?
82
00:02:58,910 --> 00:03:01,210
It's pre-war.
83
00:03:01,310 --> 00:03:03,950
Did we lose?
84
00:03:04,710 --> 00:03:06,010
Well, check out this view.
85
00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:07,520
Look at that.
86
00:03:07,620 --> 00:03:09,450
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's a nice view.
Yeah.
87
00:03:09,550 --> 00:03:12,860
But these floors are gonna
need to be patched.
88
00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:15,420
That's $2,500.
89
00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:18,090
Well, that's okay, because I got
a great deal on this place.
90
00:03:18,190 --> 00:03:20,760
You know, and-and this,
uh, drop ceiling here?
91
00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:22,470
It's got water damage.
92
00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:24,770
That's $500, if you're lucky.
93
00:03:24,870 --> 00:03:26,900
Okay, okay.
94
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:29,040
Look, fine, there are
a few issues, right?
95
00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:31,070
But, trust me,
you're gonna love it tonight,
96
00:03:31,210 --> 00:03:33,240
when we all get together
on my patio
97
00:03:33,340 --> 00:03:35,380
for my "beachecue."
98
00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:37,610
"Beachecue"?
Yeah.
99
00:03:37,710 --> 00:03:38,580
That's not a thing.
100
00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:40,320
Oh, but a "yardecue" is?
101
00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:43,490
My yardecue is
a 30-year tradition
102
00:03:43,590 --> 00:03:45,120
that Shaq came to.
103
00:03:45,220 --> 00:03:47,490
That man was lost.
104
00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:49,890
He came.
105
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:51,330
He had a rib.
106
00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,800
Okay, fine, whatever,
but new traditions
107
00:03:54,930 --> 00:03:56,600
have to start sometime,
right?
108
00:03:56,700 --> 00:03:58,230
Come on,
and I love Venice.
109
00:03:58,330 --> 00:04:00,100
Look, man, it's vibrant.
110
00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:01,940
There's art everywhere.
111
00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:04,410
And you can smell
the creativity in the air.
112
00:04:04,470 --> 00:04:06,170
Yeah.
113
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:07,780
I don't know about
the creativity,
114
00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:09,510
but I do smell the weed.
115
00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:18,020
Oh, no.
116
00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:19,360
N-No!
117
00:04:19,450 --> 00:04:22,590
No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no!
118
00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:26,560
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no!
119
00:04:26,660 --> 00:04:29,400
Did-did you just buy this house?
Yes, I did.
120
00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:31,870
No! No!
121
00:04:31,970 --> 00:04:33,270
Hey, are-are you all right?
122
00:04:33,370 --> 00:04:34,470
No, I'm not all right!
123
00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:35,770
I wanted this house!
124
00:04:35,870 --> 00:04:37,840
I've been waiting
for the owner to die.
125
00:04:37,970 --> 00:04:39,610
What?
Now it finally happens
126
00:04:39,710 --> 00:04:41,980
when I'm scuba diving in the
Maldives and some random person
127
00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:44,350
swoops in off the streets
and buys it?
128
00:04:45,450 --> 00:04:47,820
Um, okay, are-are-are you
my neighbor?
129
00:04:47,950 --> 00:04:50,090
Yes. Bruce Hargaden. Why?
130
00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:52,860
Why am I asking
if you're my neighbor?
131
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,820
I'm sorry, uh,
am I speaking Chinese?
132
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,890
Whoa, hold on, buddy--
It's a serious question.
133
00:04:56,990 --> 00:04:58,430
Sometimes
when I get agitated, I...
134
00:04:58,490 --> 00:05:00,930
slip into Mandarin
and I don't even realize it.
135
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:02,500
Okay.
136
00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:04,270
I'm coming off rude, aren't I?
137
00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:05,670
Uh, well...
138
00:05:05,770 --> 00:05:07,640
Let me explain myself,
so you don't hate me.
139
00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:09,040
Unfortunately,
140
00:05:09,140 --> 00:05:11,310
I'm gonna need to knock
this place down so I can
141
00:05:11,370 --> 00:05:13,680
build a screening room
and a gym, so...
142
00:05:13,810 --> 00:05:15,640
I'm afraid you're gonna have
to sell it to me.
143
00:05:15,710 --> 00:05:16,880
Oh.
144
00:05:18,510 --> 00:05:19,550
No, I'm not.
145
00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:21,120
But I want it.
146
00:05:21,220 --> 00:05:22,420
But I own it.
147
00:05:23,820 --> 00:05:24,990
Why don't you join a gym,
148
00:05:25,090 --> 00:05:26,720
or, I don't know,
go to the movie theater?
149
00:05:26,820 --> 00:05:29,260
Other people would be there.
150
00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:32,030
And, I would...
where would I pee?
151
00:05:34,530 --> 00:05:36,630
Oh, wow!
152
00:05:36,700 --> 00:05:37,930
This view?
153
00:05:38,030 --> 00:05:40,200
Malcolm, I love this place.
154
00:05:40,300 --> 00:05:41,900
Don't get attached
because I'm buying it.
155
00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:43,210
Oh, hold up.
Yeah?
156
00:05:43,340 --> 00:05:44,640
Are you
Bruce Hargaden?
157
00:05:44,710 --> 00:05:46,210
Yes.
158
00:05:46,340 --> 00:05:48,210
Oh, I'm sorry.
159
00:05:48,310 --> 00:05:49,980
Oh!
160
00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:52,880
Oh, Malcolm, this guy's
a cybersecurity legend.
161
00:05:52,980 --> 00:05:55,420
He created the graphic
randomizer that powers captchas.
162
00:05:55,550 --> 00:05:58,390
Oh, those things on websites
to prove you're human?
163
00:05:58,520 --> 00:05:59,350
Yep.
164
00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:00,890
I hate those.
165
00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:05,030
Big surprise,
everybody does.
166
00:06:05,090 --> 00:06:07,060
I'm so sorry
you have to click
167
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:10,830
on three bicycles so you don't
get infected by Russian spyware.
168
00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:12,300
My bad!
169
00:06:13,670 --> 00:06:15,000
Ooh, that's a space!
170
00:06:15,100 --> 00:06:17,340
No, I think
it's too small.
171
00:06:17,410 --> 00:06:18,570
Is it?
172
00:06:18,670 --> 00:06:21,010
Uh...
Yeah.
173
00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:24,550
I just want to see
my baby's new home.
174
00:06:24,650 --> 00:06:25,780
Hurry up, Dave.
175
00:06:25,910 --> 00:06:28,020
How can
I do this faster?
176
00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:29,690
Explain it to me,
Tina, please.
177
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:31,950
I would love to know.
178
00:06:34,390 --> 00:06:36,090
Well...
179
00:06:36,190 --> 00:06:38,060
I got into
your crawlspace,
180
00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:39,530
and, uh...
181
00:06:39,630 --> 00:06:41,330
well, your foundation
is fine.
182
00:06:41,430 --> 00:06:43,770
Finally, that is good news.
183
00:06:49,470 --> 00:06:51,410
What's the bad news, Pop?
184
00:06:51,470 --> 00:06:54,480
Well, the salt air has corroded
your dryer vents.
185
00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:56,410
That's gonna be 375.
186
00:06:57,180 --> 00:07:00,550
I know you think I don't know
what I've gotten myself into,
187
00:07:00,650 --> 00:07:02,950
but I did my homework,
and I'm good.
188
00:07:03,550 --> 00:07:04,590
Okay.
189
00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:10,260
Please don't, Pop.
190
00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:11,590
$72.
191
00:07:15,660 --> 00:07:17,000
Oh, hey.
192
00:07:17,130 --> 00:07:18,600
Want to help keep Venice weird?
193
00:07:18,700 --> 00:07:20,800
Uh, maybe.
Is weird good?
194
00:07:20,900 --> 00:07:22,610
Yeah, weird is great.
195
00:07:22,710 --> 00:07:24,570
My name's Bellamy,
I'm right next door.
196
00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:26,370
Oh, Marty.
My brother just moved in.
197
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,280
Oh, cool. Well, it's great here.
198
00:07:28,340 --> 00:07:30,050
I mean, I've lived
in Venice my whole life.
199
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:32,310
Well, I did miss
my ride home from Coachella
200
00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:33,750
one year, so I just stayed.
201
00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:35,650
But, eh.
202
00:07:35,750 --> 00:07:37,650
Anyway, we're just trying
to keep the spirit
203
00:07:37,750 --> 00:07:40,090
of Venice alive and stop
rich jerks from building
204
00:07:40,190 --> 00:07:41,560
monstrosities
like that one.
205
00:07:41,660 --> 00:07:43,830
Oh, I actually think
that house is...
206
00:07:43,930 --> 00:07:46,830
awful!
It's a blight on the beach.
207
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:49,300
See? You get it.
Yeah.
208
00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:51,000
Uh, this is a weed pen.
209
00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:53,270
Oh, my God,
I've been looking for that.
210
00:07:54,970 --> 00:07:56,670
Ooh, space!
What?
211
00:07:57,570 --> 00:08:00,680
"No parking Monday to Friday
8:00 to 6:00,
212
00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:02,810
"except holidays, two hour
parking Tuesday-Thursday
213
00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:04,780
"10:00 to 4:00, permit parking
only after 1:00 p.m.,
214
00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:06,950
tow away zone
weekdays"?
215
00:08:07,050 --> 00:08:08,580
Feels like that sign is a trap.
216
00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:10,390
I'm too scared. I'm gonna drive
around the block again.
217
00:08:11,690 --> 00:08:12,820
Bellamy?
218
00:08:13,420 --> 00:08:15,560
Hi, can you and your, uh,
friend come over here?
219
00:08:15,660 --> 00:08:17,230
I'm having a little bit
of an emergency.
220
00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:20,260
Well, Marty, this is Matisse.
221
00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:22,060
Hello, Marty.
Can you please hurry?
222
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:24,500
Your little party guest
is passed out on the couch.
223
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:26,200
And he's naked.
224
00:08:26,300 --> 00:08:27,700
This is an emergency?
225
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:30,210
The couch is Italian suede,
226
00:08:30,340 --> 00:08:32,470
and he's got
his junk all over it.
227
00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:35,540
Look, and I obviously
can't have a naked dude on it
228
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,650
when the rep from Campari
gets here, please.
229
00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:39,650
Okay, look, I-I am
a pretty smart guy,
230
00:08:39,750 --> 00:08:41,050
but I am very confused.
231
00:08:41,150 --> 00:08:44,220
Oh, you don't know
who Matisse is?
232
00:08:44,350 --> 00:08:45,850
You don't have Instagram?
233
00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:47,060
Of course
I have Instagram.
234
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:48,790
You got a lame algorithm.
235
00:08:48,890 --> 00:08:50,890
I have a healthy and
diverse algorithm.
236
00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:53,730
Please, please,
just excuse my friend here.
237
00:08:53,830 --> 00:08:57,330
I just really need
that guy out of our house and...
238
00:08:57,430 --> 00:08:59,670
you're so big and strong.
239
00:09:01,870 --> 00:09:04,070
I do cut an imposing figure.
240
00:09:04,170 --> 00:09:06,780
You know I be...
Oh, wait, no!
241
00:09:06,910 --> 00:09:08,110
He looks way stronger.
242
00:09:10,580 --> 00:09:12,920
I moved a chair
just like that one!
243
00:09:14,150 --> 00:09:16,590
Uh, Marty, what the hell
are you doing over there?
244
00:09:18,550 --> 00:09:20,760
Uh, where is the bathroom?
245
00:09:20,890 --> 00:09:22,760
I'm pretty sure
it's not on the porch, man.
246
00:09:22,860 --> 00:09:24,030
Why is he naked?
247
00:09:24,090 --> 00:09:25,690
I am.
248
00:09:25,790 --> 00:09:27,260
No wonder I'm chilly.
249
00:09:28,930 --> 00:09:30,630
Yeah, you look chilly.
250
00:09:32,770 --> 00:09:34,600
Where's my cardigan?
251
00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:36,070
Your cardigan?!
252
00:09:36,140 --> 00:09:38,110
How about you find
some drawers?
253
00:09:39,570 --> 00:09:41,610
Get dressed and kick rocks!
254
00:09:41,740 --> 00:09:43,380
Thanks, neighbor.
255
00:09:44,210 --> 00:09:45,550
I do what I can, you know.
256
00:09:47,950 --> 00:09:50,720
Better get used
to the public nudity, fellas.
257
00:09:50,790 --> 00:09:53,120
It's nearly constant.
258
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:56,020
Oh, hey, Bruce.
259
00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:57,930
Thanks so much
for calling the cops
260
00:09:57,990 --> 00:09:59,390
on our party last night.
261
00:09:59,490 --> 00:10:01,660
To be clear, I actually
didn't call the police.
262
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:03,400
I called the FAA.
263
00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:07,800
Because that one invaded
my airspace with her drone.
264
00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:09,770
Oh, my God, Bruce!
265
00:10:09,870 --> 00:10:11,170
You are not a country.
266
00:10:11,310 --> 00:10:13,180
You don't have airspace.
267
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:16,650
So, have you guys
met your neighbor,
268
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:17,980
"Narc" Zuckerberg?
269
00:10:18,110 --> 00:10:21,280
Yep, he wants
to tear my house down.
270
00:10:21,350 --> 00:10:23,320
Oh, see, that is why
we need this petition.
271
00:10:23,450 --> 00:10:26,620
This is one of the last classic
bungalows left on this beach.
272
00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:27,860
And these tech bros just keep
273
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,830
turning them
into big metal boxes
274
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:32,700
to make up for their tiny--
To make up
for our tiny penises, oh, yeah!
275
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,600
Yeah, how original,
Bellamy.
276
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:36,870
Not the first time I've heard
I have a tiny penis.
277
00:10:39,970 --> 00:10:42,000
You might want to work
on your comebacks.
278
00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:46,840
All right,
let's see what we got.
279
00:10:46,940 --> 00:10:48,580
Fire in the hole!
280
00:10:49,710 --> 00:10:52,350
All right, well,
something around here works.
281
00:10:52,450 --> 00:10:53,850
Ha ha!
282
00:10:53,950 --> 00:10:55,820
It's a bit of a fixer-upper,
huh?
283
00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:57,350
Yeah, you can say that again.
284
00:10:57,450 --> 00:11:00,420
It's a bit of a fixer-upper,
huh?
285
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:03,790
Uh, I-I-I'm Bruce.
286
00:11:03,890 --> 00:11:05,230
Yeah, Calvin.
287
00:11:05,330 --> 00:11:07,200
Yeah, my son just bought
this place.
288
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:08,560
Bit of a money pit.
289
00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:11,270
Ooh, yeah.
290
00:11:11,370 --> 00:11:12,500
Hey, uh,
291
00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:14,400
just thinking
out loud here, but, um,
292
00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:17,470
what if I told you
you could turn that money pit
293
00:11:17,570 --> 00:11:19,410
into a money pot?
294
00:11:21,980 --> 00:11:23,650
I'm listening.
295
00:11:25,050 --> 00:11:26,410
So, uh...
296
00:11:26,510 --> 00:11:28,550
I'd be happy to take
that house off your hands.
297
00:11:28,650 --> 00:11:31,390
Okay, so, uh,
what are we talking?
298
00:11:32,550 --> 00:11:34,720
Ten percent over what he paid.
299
00:11:34,820 --> 00:11:37,290
Okay, so we're
not talking at all.
300
00:11:37,390 --> 00:11:39,330
Had you said 20
and no inspection,
301
00:11:39,390 --> 00:11:41,200
I would've been
downright chatty.
302
00:11:41,260 --> 00:11:42,360
Deal!
303
00:11:42,460 --> 00:11:44,000
Okay.
304
00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:46,770
Fist bump, then?
305
00:11:52,910 --> 00:11:55,040
I got great news.
306
00:11:55,110 --> 00:11:56,850
I just sold your house.
307
00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:06,090
You did what?
308
00:12:06,190 --> 00:12:08,120
Yeah, there's a guy next door--
309
00:12:08,220 --> 00:12:11,030
crazy, cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs--
310
00:12:11,130 --> 00:12:13,130
but loaded.
311
00:12:13,230 --> 00:12:15,330
Uh, yeah, yeah,
Bruce, I met him.
312
00:12:15,430 --> 00:12:18,100
I told him I wasn't selling,
Pop, which I am not.
313
00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:19,730
But, Malcolm,
314
00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:22,140
I just solved
all your problems, man.
315
00:12:22,270 --> 00:12:24,010
I don't need you
to solve my problems.
316
00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:26,780
What part of "I'm not selling"
do you not understand?
317
00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:31,550
The "I'm not selling" part.
318
00:12:37,820 --> 00:12:40,020
*
319
00:12:45,030 --> 00:12:47,360
Oh, no. No, no, no.
320
00:12:47,460 --> 00:12:48,860
Absolutely not.
321
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:50,270
Please leave.
322
00:12:52,030 --> 00:12:53,500
Malcolm, ah!
323
00:12:53,570 --> 00:12:55,900
I've never been
to a beachecue.
324
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:58,310
Congratulations!
I love this new place.
325
00:12:58,370 --> 00:12:59,880
Funky Venice vibes.
326
00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:02,740
Hey, listen, I am actually glad
that you are here. Um...
327
00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:05,710
Starting to realize I might have
a little cash-flow problem.
328
00:13:05,810 --> 00:13:07,820
So about my book?
329
00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:09,650
I know it might be
hard to say, but...
330
00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:11,750
when can I start expecting
royalty checks?
331
00:13:11,850 --> 00:13:13,220
Oh, that's not hard to say.
332
00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:15,020
Okay.
Two, three years.
333
00:13:15,090 --> 00:13:16,960
Years?
334
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:20,430
Oh, damn, no, I need money
sooner than that.
335
00:13:20,530 --> 00:13:21,930
Well, have no fear.
336
00:13:22,030 --> 00:13:25,230
I have fantastic news
for my favorite client.
337
00:13:25,330 --> 00:13:27,440
Mercedes Selznick,
of the Real Housewives?
338
00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:29,740
She has a great idea
for a YA novel
339
00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:32,170
and needs someone
to ghostwrite it for her.
340
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:33,740
Well, that sounds...
341
00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:35,280
terrible.
342
00:13:36,540 --> 00:13:38,710
Yeah,
she's an absolute nightmare.
343
00:13:38,810 --> 00:13:40,280
Even for a Housewife.
344
00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:41,850
But...
345
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:44,920
her kids book is
on the Amazon preschool top ten.
346
00:13:45,020 --> 00:13:47,590
Nanny Bathes You,
Mommy Loves You.
347
00:13:49,060 --> 00:13:51,690
Yeah, Lisa, I don't think
I'm cut out for that.
348
00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:53,460
Oh, I see. I didn't realize
349
00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:55,660
we were still
in the integrity phase.
350
00:13:58,570 --> 00:14:00,840
Oh, oh, there! Okay, okay, okay!
351
00:14:00,940 --> 00:14:02,840
Okay, all right.
All right, all right.
352
00:14:02,940 --> 00:14:04,740
Thank you, all right,
thank you, okay.
353
00:14:04,810 --> 00:14:05,840
Move, Dave, get--
354
00:14:05,940 --> 00:14:07,280
Thank you.
355
00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:08,480
Where were you guys?
I thought you weren't
356
00:14:08,580 --> 00:14:09,950
gonna make it to the beachecue.
357
00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:11,650
Well, after spending an hour
looking for a parking spot,
358
00:14:11,780 --> 00:14:13,550
we finally found
a valet that only charges
359
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:15,720
$12 every 15 minutes.
360
00:14:15,820 --> 00:14:16,950
Yeah.
361
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:18,920
But we were still
a mile and a half away,
362
00:14:18,990 --> 00:14:20,820
so this man
gave us a ride.
363
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:23,460
Yeah, uh, Tina,
will you Venmo him $30, please?
364
00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:25,460
I don't have
Venmo, Dave.
365
00:14:26,390 --> 00:14:29,160
Tina, I've had just about
enough of you today!
366
00:14:31,170 --> 00:14:32,430
Malcolm.
367
00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:34,600
This place?
You scored.
368
00:14:34,670 --> 00:14:36,770
Yeah, it's really a beautiful,
beautiful place, Malcolm.
369
00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:39,980
But, uh, boy, parking is...
...no picnic.
370
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,110
Oh?
371
00:14:41,210 --> 00:14:43,050
I found a spot
right out front.
372
00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:46,110
Of course you did.
373
00:14:46,210 --> 00:14:48,180
Congratulations!
374
00:14:49,820 --> 00:14:51,320
Uh, hey, everybody.
375
00:14:51,450 --> 00:14:53,820
Thank you guys
so much for coming,
376
00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:56,260
but, uh, there's something
I need to tell everybody.
377
00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:57,830
Oh, before you do!
378
00:14:57,930 --> 00:14:59,360
A toast.
379
00:14:59,460 --> 00:15:01,800
To my firstborn,
my baby Malcolm.
380
00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:04,000
You know, seeing you here
381
00:15:04,130 --> 00:15:05,930
in your, your new place,
it's just--
382
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,640
Uh, Ma, Ma, I'm sorry,
please, let me...
383
00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:11,240
I've decided
I'm gonna sell this place.
384
00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:13,880
Well, all right.
385
00:15:14,940 --> 00:15:18,150
I'm just glad the boy's
coming to his senses, bae.
386
00:15:19,150 --> 00:15:20,980
Malcolm,
why would you want to sell?
387
00:15:21,050 --> 00:15:23,190
I bit off more than I can chew.
388
00:15:23,290 --> 00:15:26,590
You know, I got my first
big paycheck, and I guess I--
389
00:15:27,620 --> 00:15:29,520
I went crazy.
390
00:15:29,620 --> 00:15:32,290
You know, Pop's been trying
to make me see that, and...
391
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:33,730
I see it now.
392
00:15:33,860 --> 00:15:35,700
Oh, really?
393
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:40,800
Well, did your father
happen to mention
394
00:15:40,870 --> 00:15:44,210
how he spent his
first big paycheck?
395
00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:45,370
No.
396
00:15:45,470 --> 00:15:46,740
What are you talking
about, Tina,
397
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:48,840
my acid-washed Guess jeans?
398
00:15:48,910 --> 00:15:50,510
I didn't know you were
a Guess man, too.
399
00:15:50,610 --> 00:15:52,410
How have we not discussed this?
400
00:15:53,580 --> 00:15:55,480
Tell him
what you bought, Calvin.
401
00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:58,820
I put all my money down
402
00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:01,420
on a convertible
Chrysler LeBaron.
403
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:03,090
Mm.
404
00:16:03,890 --> 00:16:05,860
And could you afford it?
405
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:07,600
No.
406
00:16:09,060 --> 00:16:10,570
The payments was high as hell.
407
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,100
And my dad was riding me
about it.
408
00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:14,100
Talking about I was being
irresponsible.
409
00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:17,540
Oh, so you kept
your LeBaron,
410
00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:20,210
but you're telling me not
to keep my house?
411
00:16:20,310 --> 00:16:23,310
Look, son, it's just much
harder than you think.
412
00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:25,850
Those payments
were killing me.
413
00:16:25,910 --> 00:16:27,850
I had to get
a second job.
414
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:31,320
As a fry cook at
a Long John Silver.
415
00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:34,420
Cats would follow
me everywhere.
416
00:16:37,860 --> 00:16:41,030
Okay, but-but did the car
make you happy?
417
00:16:41,130 --> 00:16:42,630
Yeah, it did.
418
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:44,900
But I want
better for you.
419
00:16:44,970 --> 00:16:47,500
I don't want cats
following you around.
420
00:16:49,570 --> 00:16:52,770
I appreciate that, Pop,
but this house is my LeBaron.
421
00:16:52,910 --> 00:16:55,780
This is
a fleet of LeBarons.
422
00:16:57,980 --> 00:16:59,610
Yeah, it is, and you know what?
423
00:16:59,750 --> 00:17:01,720
This time
I'm going to do as you do,
424
00:17:01,780 --> 00:17:03,650
and not as you say.
425
00:17:05,390 --> 00:17:07,590
Lisa, I can't believe
I'm gonna say this.
426
00:17:07,690 --> 00:17:09,990
Get me a meeting with
that Real Housewife.
427
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:12,130
Already did. Tuesday at 11:00.
428
00:17:12,260 --> 00:17:14,730
Whoa, whoa, wait a
minute, come, come...
429
00:17:14,830 --> 00:17:16,730
Uh, so, uh...
430
00:17:16,830 --> 00:17:18,230
which Housewife?
431
00:17:18,300 --> 00:17:19,970
Mercedes Selznick.
432
00:17:20,100 --> 00:17:22,770
I love her!
She's evil!
433
00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:24,310
What?
434
00:17:28,740 --> 00:17:31,010
Hate to be the one that's doing
all the counting around here,
435
00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:32,910
but that's 1,500 right there.
436
00:17:40,420 --> 00:17:42,720
Aw. Look at our Malcolm.
437
00:17:42,860 --> 00:17:44,960
All grown up.
438
00:17:45,060 --> 00:17:48,160
And has been since the
first Obama administration.
439
00:17:48,930 --> 00:17:50,230
All right, all right.
440
00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:52,630
I've got a case of free tequila
441
00:17:52,700 --> 00:17:54,500
in limited-edition
skull bottles.
442
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:55,700
Ooh!
443
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:57,740
I think I like
your new neighbors.
444
00:17:58,770 --> 00:18:00,280
Oh, hey.
Oh!
445
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:03,310
My hero. You really
saved me today.
446
00:18:03,410 --> 00:18:04,980
You know, I try.
447
00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:07,850
I'm sorry, uh,
what's this all about?
448
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:11,020
Hi! You are?
449
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,390
I'm Courtney.
450
00:18:12,490 --> 00:18:15,420
I'm the mother
of your hero's child.
451
00:18:17,990 --> 00:18:19,330
I thought
you were single.
452
00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:22,630
I am single, technically.
453
00:18:22,730 --> 00:18:24,600
Uh, uh...
454
00:18:24,730 --> 00:18:26,670
uh, what-what was the term
you used, Courtney?
455
00:18:26,770 --> 00:18:30,100
A "beneficial friendship"
is what it is.
456
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:31,910
Well, uh...
457
00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:34,540
here's one
of the benefits.
458
00:18:51,530 --> 00:18:54,160
Damn, bro, I heard
y'all's teeth clink.
459
00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:58,200
Yeah, you did.
My man.
460
00:18:59,700 --> 00:19:00,770
Oh, hey. Hey!
461
00:19:00,870 --> 00:19:01,900
Oh, hey.
462
00:19:01,970 --> 00:19:03,710
No, hey, hey, excuse me.
463
00:19:03,770 --> 00:19:05,240
Bruce, right?
Yeah, yeah?
464
00:19:05,340 --> 00:19:06,870
Oh, my gosh, you know,
I've just got to tell you,
465
00:19:06,940 --> 00:19:09,410
I love doing
the captchas.
466
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:11,950
Ah, great.
Yeah, just-just fun
little puzzles.
467
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:13,750
And not to brag, but, uh,
468
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:16,350
I always get them
first try.
469
00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:19,220
Congratulations,
you're not a robot.
470
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:23,830
So, uh, I got it.
471
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:25,060
Cashier's check.
472
00:19:25,130 --> 00:19:27,130
Oh, for what?
Oh, oh, for your house.
473
00:19:27,260 --> 00:19:29,660
I told you
I'm buying your house.
Oh, no, no.
474
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:31,070
I am staying.
475
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:32,900
But we had a deal.
476
00:19:32,970 --> 00:19:35,100
No.
I-I almost shook
your dad's hand!
477
00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:36,640
We-we pounded each other!
478
00:19:36,740 --> 00:19:38,270
No, whoa, whoa!
We did.
479
00:19:38,340 --> 00:19:39,870
- You know we did.
- Okay, okay, okay.
480
00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:42,340
You know what, look,
I-I'm so sorry.
481
00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:44,280
You guys are all so lovely,
but Bruce is here.
482
00:19:44,380 --> 00:19:46,610
And we just,
we don't party with narcs.
483
00:19:46,710 --> 00:19:48,520
Oh, yeah, it's not cool.
484
00:19:48,650 --> 00:19:50,020
Well, well, I don't
485
00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:51,820
party, period.
486
00:19:51,950 --> 00:19:53,560
Oh, burn!
487
00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:55,320
That's a sick burn
and you know it is!
488
00:19:55,460 --> 00:19:56,960
You can't give it up.
Oh, it's--
489
00:19:57,020 --> 00:19:58,990
Okay! Okay!
490
00:19:59,090 --> 00:20:01,700
Hey, hey, hey, hey, come on!
491
00:20:01,830 --> 00:20:03,130
Listen, we are neighbors.
492
00:20:03,230 --> 00:20:05,730
And we are going to act
like neighbors.
493
00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:07,540
That's how it is where I'm from.
494
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,140
That is how
it's going to be here.
495
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,010
So everybody please just
496
00:20:12,110 --> 00:20:14,380
grab a burger.
497
00:20:16,510 --> 00:20:18,210
Grab a damn burger, I said!
498
00:20:24,050 --> 00:20:25,690
Wow.
499
00:20:25,820 --> 00:20:27,690
He sounds like his daddy.
500
00:20:27,790 --> 00:20:30,060
Yeah, he sounds
rude as hell.
501
00:20:30,190 --> 00:20:31,930
I've never been prouder.
502
00:20:35,330 --> 00:20:36,730
C-Calvin?
Yeah.
503
00:20:36,860 --> 00:20:40,100
Is it just me, or is that
Bruce guy kind of a lot?
504
00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:50,880
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
505
00:20:51,010 --> 00:20:53,750
and TOYOTA.
506
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:57,420
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
34702
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