All language subtitles for children.ruin.everything.s04e01.1080p.web.h264-nhtfs_track3_[eng]

(Dynamic music)

♪

(Text on screen)

(pleasant music plays)

(James whistles)
- James, where is
the Tupperware?

And don't say
the Tupperware cupboard,

because that's filled with
cookie cutters and rolling pins.

- I just didn't feel like
the kitchen was set up for me

as a stay-at-home parent,
so I jazzed it up a little bit.

- Really captured the chaos
and unpredictability of jazz.

- In fact, I'm gonna have
a little demonstration.

I think that's a good idea.
Kids?

(Morris grumbles)
- I'm not done walking the dog.

- Good boy.
- Doggy, sit.

- Felix, my man.
- Hey.

- You wore those clothes
yesterday and clearly
slept in them.

- How do you know?
You watch me sleep?

- Sometimes.

- Let's listen to Daddy's
great new kitchen system.

- Yeah, just a few little
minor relocations.

But it should have
a little major impact.

First, we're gonna
start off here,

in the morning nook section.

(Astrid): When your kids
are young,

they think you're charming,
entertaining, hilarious.

(James): But at some point,
that stops.

- Wow, okay, James. Big yikes.

- Uh, wha... Sorry, James?

- Did you just eye roll us?
Wow.

- Did you just... James?
I'm Daddy.

(James): You go
from Super human,

to human, to sub-human.

(Astrid): And this new lack of
respect gets under your skin.

Stop slouching.
How 'bout that? Boom!

- But never James.
- You just got parented.

(Astrid): And you might
not respond great.

- Does Morris need to go out

for peepees and poopies?
(Morris barks)

- Did she just say peepees?
- Yeah. Viv?

- Vivian, can you
come back here?

What did you just say?
(door shuts)

- This could cause
a PR nightmare.

- Yo, what if it's
"Big dreams, big package"?

- It's the word "package"
Jean-Luc. Scrap it.

- Okay, you're the boss. Whoa.

Yeah, you're my boss now!
Crazy, right?

- The world is truly
upside down.

- Astrid, my right-hand woman,
who's also BIPOC.

Do you remember why I hired you?
- To make you electable.

So, I have some notes
on what you just said.

- First, I need to know
how I'm doing in the polls.

- You still have
a very strong lead.

- Would it still be as strong
if I voted against funding

for the downtown community
youth centre?

- Leonard, do you remember
why I took the job?

- Yeah! Something about people
or something like that.

- Because I believe you can make
a positive impact on our city.

Kids need a place to hang out
and the youth centre is facing

an uphill battle for funding.
Vote for it.

- You know, kids need
to learn discipline,

respect, and... Mandarin.

- And empathy, and...

- Well, whatever keeps them
from skulking around,

and free shoes, and a brand new
community centre, which...

- Which you're gonna
vote against.

- Vote against.
Good idea, Astrid.

It's not pretty watching
how the sausage is made, is it?

Most of you are doing
a great job.

(curious music plays)

(Dawn): We wanted you to receive
the first invitation.

- What is a
"Gender No-veal" party?

- It's a party to affirm
that we will not reveal
the baby's gender.

(clears throat)
- We hope you can come.

- Come on, of course.
- Thank you, guys.

- I wouldn't miss it...
for... the world!

- Astrid, no! No!

This belly was imported
from Italy.

I may not be the one
carrying the baby,

but I still wanna have
an authentic experience.

- Hi, so I couldn't find
the uh, champagne flutes.

- I broke them all when I moved
them to the celebration section.

- You know, I think we have
some wine glasses

in the dinner zone
or the beverage nook.

- Okay, uh...
- Zinnia?

- Yes?
- Um, according to the app,

you're below optimum
hydration, so.

- Oh.
- Zinnia comes with an app?

How very Black Mirror.

- The "Surro-Gate Keeper".

It helps us track her vitals
and habits. And whereabouts.

- Corey sends his love
from Switzerland

to his favourite
auntie and uncle.

And um, James, he was asking
how the job search is going.

- Well, uh, the job search
is still going,

but I have plenty of work at
home to keep the panic at bay.

- Hmm.
- Maybe I can write you

a reference letter.
- Oh, no. No, no thanks.

I mean, I got one
from Gero's so.

- Well, a letter from
the founder and CEO of GoBo
couldn't hurt, could it?

- Could it help, though?

Isn't Gero's, you know,
a serious company?

GoBo's run out
of your basement.

Also, I never worked there.
Which is for the best.

- Because being unemployed
is better than working for me

and my not-so-serious company?

- No. No, no. I didn't... Hey.

This is supposed to be
a celebration, guys.

- Yes. Celebrate.
- To, to, to... Whatever.

The um--
- Hey, oh, Felix,

come over here say hi
to Dawn Auntie and Uncle Bo.

And oh, the woman they pay
to carry their child.

- Yes.

- Hey.
(Astrid): Felix.

(James chuckles nervously)

- Hmm.

- It's not true.

- Hey, Bo was a little
touchy today.

- You did kinda call
his business dumb.

You know, he's put a lot of work
into that thing.

- Dumb? What do you mean?

You mean his online crocheting
business called GoBo?

Okay, ugh.
Fine, I will apologize.

As soon as Felix apologizes
for leaving a dryer

full of wet clothes
that I now have to rewash.

- He barely even said
hi to Dawn and Bo.

Hey.
- Hey.

- Hey.
- Huh.

- And I was making
a grocery list.

I asked him if he still liked
yogurt in his lunch.

- Very thoughtful.
- No response. Silence.

- He what? That cannot stand.

- Leonard thinks we should
come down hard on him.

Like, pfft, that's not us.
Not even for this. Right?

- No. We do our thing.
We talk to them. We explain it.

We get down on their level.
We use the words,

all of the words.
As many words as it takes.

- How we do.

- I mean, that wasn't...
we can...

- That was pretty good.
- That's the start of somethin'.

(James): Hey, Felix.

- Hey.

- Are you eating pickles
on our bed?

There's no food upstairs, dude.

If you wanna break the rules,
do it in your own bed.

- It's annoying in there.

Viv keeps pretending
it's a dog hotel

for sad baby dogs.
- That's cute and you know it.

- Hey, Felix buddy,
we noticed that you've been
a little um... mean to us.

Is it something
you wanna talk about?

- Can I take the bus
by myself to see Gus?

- I meant something related
to your attitude.

But no, you're too young to take
the bus by yourself, buddy.

- I'm not too young
when you want me

to clean my room
or do my laundry.

- You can't accidentally ride
your laundry to the airport.

- Yeah, also, you don't finish
that laundry, buddy.

If you want more privileges,

you're gonna have to show
more responsibility.

And also show us
a little bit more respect.

- Yes. Where you going?
- Hey. Where you going?

- A-doy, I'm obviously
gonna go do my laundry.

- What did I just say
about respect?

(Astrid scoffs)
- I mean...

I'll go finish my laundry.

- When I "a-doy" it's not
that obnoxious, is it?

- Oh, no, I love your a-doy.
I adore your a-doys.

- Thank you.
- They're a-doyable.

- Ooh.

♪ I had a vision ♪

- A man, on bended knee,
proposing with a-these.

- Bo, I've sunk a lot of money
into this company.

- Uh-huh.
- I've endured

morning check-ins,
extended lunches,

and altogether too much singing.
- Oh.

- But it's all been worth it
to hear your brilliant ideas.

I love it!
- We'll make a whole line

of crochet jewellery.
I'll call it,

"A Touch of Bo-mance".

(door opens)
- That's fun.

- Yeah.
- I like how fun that is.

Oh James, nice of you
to stop by.

- Hi, Marla.
- He signs an NDA or he leaves.

- Oh, there's no need.
We're just a silly,

little company to James.

- 'K, that's actually
why I came by, Bo.

I was hoping we could have
a little bit of a chat.

- Oh, James, did you hear?

Gero's stock prices have
plummeted since we were fired.

Great news.
Let's go jam a spigot

into your brain.
(Bo gasps)

And collect all
the brilliant ideas.

- Oh, yeah.
- Hmm, sorry.

- Sheesh,
Marla is really into Bo.

- She's been
in a much better mood

since we started working here.

She even started sharing details
about her personal life.

"I have a sister."
That's a direct quote.

- No.
- Yeah.

- Wait, wait, watch your back.
- Oh, passing on your left.

- Oh, 'k. Behind.
- Oh. 86 on the coffees.

(both chuckle)
- Hey, yeah. We have fun.

What about you?
Any uh, leads on the job search,

or are you just
gonna be a... dad?

- Being a dad is a job.
It's a real job.

Sorry, it's not as fun as...
"I have a real boring idea.

(clears throat)
My man..." Hey, it's...

- Hey, what about a line
of crocheted handkerchiefs,

for when friends
hurt your feelings?

(Marla): Brilliant!

- Oh, geez.

- You gotta tell me
when someone's behind me.

- What're you talking about?
I was signaling like crazy.

- What's the signal?
- Hush, hush, hush.
Hush, hush, hush.

- That's tea time.
- No, it's a twist tie.

Was-was-swish. Was-was-swish.

- I think I made things
worse with Bo.

I'm gonna have
to smooth things over.

- Tell him you tanked
your job interviews

and you're worried you're aging
out of the job market.

- I was just gonna get him
a bottle of Beaujolais

'cause he likes things
with Bo in it.

You think I've aged
out of the job market?

- No!

- I'm finished my laundry.

Your pajamas were
in the machine.

- Ooh! Okay.
Oh, and you ironed them?

- No, I used the steam
function on the dryer.

- There is a steam function?

- So, can I take the bus
by myself?

- How about this?
How about we get you a pass

and we can practice together.
- Ooh, bus practice!

- You said if I acted
like a grown-up

you would treat me like one.

But you're just
so full of it!

- You know what you're not
full of? A bus pass!

- And you're burnt.
Time to go to bed.

Can't have you this grumpy
tomorrow at the "No-veal" party.

- I'm not going to the party.

- You're going,
and that's final.

- Or what?
(tense music)

- Felix is still sleeping.

(Astrid): When kids are little,

a good sleep solves
most problems.

(James): Baby crying?
They're tired.

Toddler grumpy? Nap time.

(Astrid): Older kids can go
to bed angry, sleep,

and somehow wake up angrier.

(tense music plays)

♪ Run it down, run it down,
get it like (hey) ♪

♪ Said I'm gonna push it
to the limit like (hey) ♪

♪ Said I'm gonna push it
to the limit like ♪

♪ Run it down, run it down,
get it like (hey) ♪

♪ Said I'm gonna push it
to the limit like (hey) ♪

- What is happening?

♪ Said I'm gonna push it
to the limit like ♪

- Good morning, Felix.

- Vivian.

- Don't use my middle name.

- Vivian is your first name.

- I thought my middle name
was Ian. Viv Ian Berney.

- Hey, uh, don't forget
to put on something beige
for the party.

- I said I'm not going.

- Vivian isn't going either.

- There's gonna be
desserts there.

- Vivian will attend.

(curious music plays)

- It's actually pretty good.

- I mean, didn't we have
to wear all beige

to another one of Dawn and Bo's
weird parties?

- Hmm, you're having beige-a-vu.

- Oh, I'm so jealous
I didn't think of that.

- Yeah! You should be.

- Ugh. Can't I just stay
here with Felix?

- Felix is coming. You'll see.

He's gonna walk in here
any second,

pretending like
nothing's happened. Hey.

- Hey.
(door opens)

- What's the gender?

- Mom! You can't just
burst into our room.

- I need to know what to wear
to the party, pink or blue?

And don't say--
- Beige.

They've asked us
to wear beige

because they don't wanna reveal
the baby's gender.

- First,
the mother's a stranger.

Now the baby has no gender.

I mean, what's next?
Breastfeeding from an iPad?

- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- We are all gonna support

Dawn's weird pregnancy.
All of us.

- Hmm, except for Felix
who's refusing to go.

- Oh. A kid with attitude.

Now you know how I felt.

Girls are the worst.
Just wait for Viv.

- James, don't tell my mom
things about our lives!

- I'm sorry!
I don't know the rules.

My mom abandoned me
when I was like, six years old.

- Dealing with unreasonable
teens can be traumatic,

but disassociating can be
a great coping mechanism.

- That was infuriating.
Do you remember how every time

I asked to go to a rave you just
got like, completely ambiguous?

- I... I... I don't know.

I don't know. Well, uh, maybe.

I, I don't know.
Whatever you say, dear.

- Hmm.

- We're not doing that.

- Pretty good.
- No. We're not doing that.

(curious music plays)

What is going on with
this sign on the door?

- Viv was bugging me.

- You don't get to treat her
like that.

This is a shared space.
Be nice to your family!

- A-doy! Hypocrite much?

- Excuse me?

- I heard you making fun
of the party.

You don't wanna go either.
- Felix, nobody wants to go.

It's a party to announce they
aren't making an announcement.

We love them so we show up.

- You treat me like I'm Viv
or Morris. It's so annoying!

- I am so done with this grumpy

and, quite honestly,
stinky attitude.

It smells like a...
a dangerous fog in here.

- Then go away 'cause
I wanna be alone.

- We don't make decisions
based on what you want.

You're going to the party.
We're leaving in 10 minutes.

Be ready and be beige.

- A little to your left.
Okay. Up a little and--

(Felix): Are we
the only ones here?

- Boo-yah!

- Vivian is confused.

- Oh yeah! Ha! Ugh!

- We'll be over there.
- What do we got over there?

(grunting)
- A little uh, tofu tartare.

It was Bo's idea.
- That's so dumb.

I will have one though.
- Okay.

- Oh.
- Hundred bucks if you tell me

what kinda baby it is.
- Uh, I can't do that.

(Nisha scoffs)
- Safari Joe.

- Oh, if it isn't uh,
Berney Sand Shirts.

- Okay, okay.
What are you doin' here?

- I don't know.
I figure it couldn't hurt

to schmooze the new boss.

- What?
- Mm.

- Excuse me.
- Oh, you're excused.

- Sorry, sorry, sorry, did you
say you're here to schmooze Bo?

The guy who gets
his incense from Versace.

- Okay, I'm sorry
that I respect a guy

who loves his job and creates
a positive working environment.

All right?
GoBo might not be for you,

but his passion is inspiring.

And every bathroom in this house
has a bidet. Oh, my God.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- So glad you could celebrate
with us, Ennis.

- Oh, thanks.
- I look forward to reading

those projection reports.
- Yeah. Ha-ha!

(clears throat)

- Excuse me, James.
- Sure.

- See what I mean?

Hey, what do you think
a projection report is?

(Dawn giggles)

- Yeah, aw.

- Well, we wanna thank you all
for honouring our wish

not to reveal the baby's gender,

so that they may be welcome into
the family free of judgment.

So, without further ado...

(Bo): Oh, by the way,
the colour of the cake

will not reveal
the baby's gender.

- Ooh.

(gasping)

- Nanima called it!

Ha, ha! Can't fool me.

- We specifically asked you
to order a neutral grey cake.

- I did! The bakery was excited

'cause no one ever asks
for grey.

- You obviously let it
slip that it's a boy.

- It's not a boy!
(Nisha gasps)

- I knew it! Yes! Yes!

- Or a girl.
(Dawn scoffs)

I mean, she is a baby.
I mean, they, them.

- Wait, where's Felix? Felix?

(both): Oh, he took
the bus home.

- Uh, we were both outside
at the same time.

- I had to take
the garbage out.

- I was checking
to make sure

I got the number right
on the building.

- To a place that you
work at every day?

- Well, I know
what it looks like.

But I don't know
the address to mail a gift.

Which is what I was trying to
do. So keep it secret, please.

- Did he get on the bus or not?

- Yes.
- Yep.

(Nisha gasps)

- Okay, okay, I got him.
I got him. He took his tablet.

He's on his way home, I think.
- If I could just find my purse.

- Here, here, here.
It was on the couch.

Your keys are in there
and your wallet.

And some expired eye drops.
- Mom, please!

- We got this.
It's gonna be okay.

- Hey, you know, I gave Felix
20 bucks for the bus.

He should be able to upgrade
to first class,

or preferred economy,
or whatever they have.

- Thanks, Ennis.
Ennis, you're in charge

of Viv and Morris
'til we're back.

- What?

(sirens in the distance)

- Felix! Felix!

- Hey.

- Oh, my God.
We were so worried.

- Aren't you going
to yell at me?

- Oh, baby, yes, we will,
once this dopamine rush

of you being alive wears off.
- You okay?

- There was a guy eating yogurt
with his fingers.

And then I got off
one stop too late.

But the yogurt guy
helped me and I did it.

- We didn't think you couldn't
do it. We're in charge.

And it's our job to keep you
safe until you are ready

to make the choices
that keep you safe.

And you're not ready.
- I can never be alone.

Viv goes to sleep before me

so I can't hang out
in my room at night.

She's always in there during
the day. Morris follows me.

You guys are always
skulking around.

Why can't I ever just be
by myself?

(soft music)

And... and give this back
to Uncle Ennis.

- Yeah, I'll make sure
he gets that.

(Astrid sighs)

(Bo exhales deeply)

- Hey, you found Felix?
- Home safe and sound.

- Phew.
- Got this for you.

- Oh.

Is the joke that this is
the worst year for Beaujolais?

Point taken. I'm the worst
of the Beaus. Watery, acidic.

♪ No fruity tones at all ♪

(James exhales)

- Bo.
- Mm-hmm?

- I gotta be honest,
I don't know why GoBo works.

But what I do know is that
you're passionate about it.

And that people
love to work for you.

You're great at what you do.

And I regret that I turned down
the chance

to work for such a great boss.

- James, I've waited so long
to hear you say those words.

And the truth is... I need you.

- Really?

- As a confidante.
It's not a paid position,

but I need someone close to me,

on the outside,
whom I can call day or night.

And just blech...
just unburden myself.

- Well, I would be honoured to
hear what you're up to. Anytime.

(laughing)

Of the day.

- Hey, what are you guys
hugging about?

- Hey, where are
my youngest children?

- Oh, you've got a house
full of your family

and me you put in charge?

- Oh, come on.

(Astrid): Kids need
to show respect to their parents
and to the rules.

(James): But you might need
to lead by example.

Like, I don't get
why Bo's business works.

(Astrid): Or why he and Dawn
are outsourcing their pregnancy

to a total stranger.
(James): But we can respect

their choices.

- Ta-da!

(Astrid): And we can respect

how a tween might need
his own space.

- I get my own room back?
- There it is.

- Can I get a lock for the door?

- Uh, no.
- Hard pass.

- Look, you need
your own space.

We need a lot more
responsibility

and a lot more respect.
- Deal.

(James): But sometimes,
leading by example isn't enough.

- Thanks, Mom and Dad.
This is bussin'.

- I'm glad you like
your room, pal,

'cause you're gonna be in here
for a week. You're grounded.

- What? Wait, why?
For the bus thing?

- A-doy!
Yeah, for the bus thing.

You're right,
I mean, it's a-doyable.

- That's how you do it.

hr!

- It's not gonna work.
There's a little bit
of a double entendre.

All right, we have
some other options here.

They're not without
their problems.

But I feel like
we should discuss.

Jean-Luc, do you wanna start?
- Yeah, okay.

So, I was thinking we could do,
"Let's do it together."

- Again, that sounds
slightly sexual

and we're trying
to veer away from that.

- Yeah, and it's also bo-ring!
- Right.

- What about this,
"Let me work for you, again."

- Uh, that doesn't work
for me this time.

- Nope. How about
"It's better with me on top."

- Again, you're doing
that thing that we've discussed.

- Jean-Luc.
- All right, uh, leadership,

experience, community,
something simple.

- Can we just cut the crap?
- Okay.

- No, no, did you hear
what I just said?

"Let's cut the crap."

- So, our current slogan?

- Great idea.
Great job, Astrid.

Cookie time.

(rhythmic music)

Subtitling: difuze