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♪ It seems today that all you see
is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:08,091 --> 00:00:11,844
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
3
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:14,223
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
4
00:00:14,932 --> 00:00:18,226
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
6
00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:23,105
♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry! ♪
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♪ He's a family guy ♪
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Wow, dinner smells great,
Lois. What'd you make?
10
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Nothing. I just defrosted one
of the casseroles Bonnie left
11
00:00:40,916 --> 00:00:43,001
on our porch after my foot got infected.
12
00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:46,213
Most of our meals are
donated stews born of trauma.
13
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:47,839
Well, I had a scary day.
14
00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:50,424
During my science lab, a
whole beaker of chemicals
15
00:00:50,425 --> 00:00:52,427
almost blew up right in my face.
16
00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:53,846
Oh, my God!
17
00:00:53,971 --> 00:00:56,347
Look at this peanut! It's
got three peanuts in it!
18
00:00:56,348 --> 00:00:58,808
Peter, stop bringing
snack foods to dinner.
19
00:00:58,809 --> 00:01:00,352
How was everyone else's day?
20
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,436
My day was awful!
21
00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:05,523
I had to give an oral book report
in front of my English class,
22
00:01:05,524 --> 00:01:08,819
but it was right when
I... was at full mast.
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00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:10,946
Okay, next up is Chris Griffin.
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00:01:21,665 --> 00:01:24,459
My report is on Tom Sawyer.
25
00:01:24,470 --> 00:01:27,973
A modern-day warrior,
mean, mean stride.
26
00:01:28,108 --> 00:01:31,485
Today's Tom Sawyer, mean, mean pride.
27
00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:33,342
That is a song by Rush.
28
00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:36,388
I don't know, man. I googled
it, and that's what came up.
29
00:01:36,638 --> 00:01:38,347
Well, as much as I'd
love to sit and hear more
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00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:41,893
about my son's public wood show,
me and the guys have a tee time.
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A "tee time"? But it's dark out.
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Miniature golf, Lois.
And it's gonna be a blast.
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Even more fun than a blow pop.
34
00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:51,153
I never should have married it.
35
00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,447
Once they say "I do," they don't.
36
00:01:57,410 --> 00:01:59,235
Ah, man, nothing better than hanging out
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00:01:59,246 --> 00:02:01,038
with my pals on a Tuesday night.
38
00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:04,165
Hey, why... How come we always
do stuff together on Tuesdays?
39
00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:07,251
It's when America unloads
all its week-old tacos.
40
00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:09,795
Sure, Congress can push
through Taco Tuesday,
41
00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:12,007
but we can't seem to get
decent Medicare reform.
42
00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:13,925
Those two things are unrelated, Joe.
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00:02:13,926 --> 00:02:15,719
Says the shill for Big Taco.
44
00:02:20,027 --> 00:02:21,736
Should've played through
that birthday party.
45
00:02:21,737 --> 00:02:23,071
They're playing way too slow.
46
00:02:24,740 --> 00:02:27,577
Could we please have
some quiet on the greens?
47
00:02:35,744 --> 00:02:37,712
Whoa, Chris. What's going on?
Where are you going?
48
00:02:37,879 --> 00:02:39,838
I can't take the humiliation.
49
00:02:39,839 --> 00:02:43,216
I think my only option
is to move away forever.
50
00:02:43,217 --> 00:02:45,969
What? Wait, is this about what
happened with your book report?
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00:02:45,970 --> 00:02:47,929
The teasing was awful, Brian.
52
00:02:47,930 --> 00:02:50,099
Even Principal Shepherd got in on it.
53
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Chris Griffin,
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please report to woodshop.
55
00:02:54,904 --> 00:02:57,773
- Stop it!
- I'll stop when they stop laughing.
56
00:02:57,774 --> 00:03:01,777
My approval rating is through the
roof, just like Chris Griffin's rod!
57
00:03:03,654 --> 00:03:05,363
On a more somber note,
58
00:03:05,364 --> 00:03:06,574
that kid with the helmet died.
59
00:03:07,450 --> 00:03:09,618
Chris, you can't just run
away from your problems.
60
00:03:09,619 --> 00:03:12,621
Well, I can't just move on
and pretend nothing happened.
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00:03:12,622 --> 00:03:14,206
This isn't a school shooting.
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00:03:14,207 --> 00:03:16,792
Okay, I see you're upset.
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00:03:16,793 --> 00:03:19,795
And I wouldn't suggest this if
it weren't so serious, but...
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00:03:19,796 --> 00:03:22,340
Look, Stewie and I built a time machine.
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00:03:22,548 --> 00:03:24,133
You did? How?
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00:03:24,342 --> 00:03:26,468
Well, you know, I was
always really good at Legos,
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00:03:26,469 --> 00:03:28,804
and I think it just kind
of snowballed from there.
68
00:03:28,805 --> 00:03:32,198
You know, if I have any advice,
it's keep building, Chris.
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00:03:32,209 --> 00:03:33,459
Keep building.
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00:03:33,648 --> 00:03:36,441
Anyway, maybe you and I travel
back in time to this morning
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00:03:36,562 --> 00:03:38,605
and give you a do-over
on your book report.
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00:03:38,606 --> 00:03:39,982
That would be amazing.
73
00:03:40,191 --> 00:03:41,608
Did Rupert come this way?
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00:03:41,609 --> 00:03:44,904
Son of a bitch killed his wife and
he's blaming an eight-armed man.
75
00:03:45,154 --> 00:03:49,116
Brian's gonna let me use his time
machine to redo my book report.
76
00:03:49,117 --> 00:03:50,492
Oh, is that right?
77
00:03:50,493 --> 00:03:53,912
And how exactly is Brian
going to do that? Hmm?
78
00:03:53,913 --> 00:03:55,331
With his time machine?
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00:03:55,342 --> 00:03:56,592
Hey, I handed you a wrench.
80
00:03:56,707 --> 00:03:58,918
Yeah, the wrong wrench.
Just stay away from it.
81
00:04:05,383 --> 00:04:07,092
Hey, guys, you know what might be fun?
82
00:04:07,093 --> 00:04:10,053
We should all pull our money
and buy some scratchers together.
83
00:04:10,054 --> 00:04:11,471
I love that idea.
84
00:04:11,472 --> 00:04:14,233
Yeah, it'd be a great way to
cap off our Tuesday guys' night.
85
00:04:14,244 --> 00:04:17,310
Oh, speaking of that, we've
got a special on tacos today.
86
00:04:17,311 --> 00:04:19,730
Let's keep your politics
out of this, pal.
87
00:04:19,897 --> 00:04:21,064
Ah, you guys go ahead.
88
00:04:21,065 --> 00:04:24,277
I'd rather spend my money on this
tightly curled horoscope scroll.
89
00:04:24,527 --> 00:04:25,695
Suit yourself.
90
00:04:26,779 --> 00:04:28,781
Here we go. Winning combo.
91
00:04:29,782 --> 00:04:33,743
Kim Kardashian, Khloe Kardashian...
92
00:04:33,744 --> 00:04:35,036
Scott Disick.
93
00:04:35,037 --> 00:04:38,082
I'll try my favorite, Dignity Dollars.
94
00:04:38,958 --> 00:04:40,459
Martin Luther King,
95
00:04:40,642 --> 00:04:42,419
Malcolm X.
96
00:04:42,420 --> 00:04:44,630
Aw, Jussie Smollett.
97
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:47,886
Let me show you how it's done.
Give me one of the Bald Bucks.
98
00:04:48,843 --> 00:04:50,051
Piven...
99
00:04:50,052 --> 00:04:51,429
Travolta...
100
00:04:52,740 --> 00:04:54,139
Cage! I'm a winner!
101
00:04:54,140 --> 00:04:56,893
Awesome! We won $123.
102
00:04:57,018 --> 00:04:59,228
Split three ways,
that's 41 bucks apiece.
103
00:04:59,437 --> 00:05:02,189
That's fine. I'm happy
with my horoscope scroll.
104
00:05:02,190 --> 00:05:03,607
"Be sure to gamble today
105
00:05:03,608 --> 00:05:06,359
with your handicapped,
horny and Black friend."
106
00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:08,653
Pfft. Right that could mean anything.
107
00:05:08,654 --> 00:05:10,877
"Also, close your search tabs before
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00:05:10,887 --> 00:05:12,824
your big work presentation tomorrow."
109
00:05:12,825 --> 00:05:14,660
Bunch of mumbo-jumbo.
110
00:05:14,917 --> 00:05:17,210
As you can see, third quarter sales...
111
00:05:17,371 --> 00:05:19,623
Uh, sorry about that.
112
00:05:19,624 --> 00:05:21,083
Yeah. Let me just, uh...
113
00:05:21,595 --> 00:05:23,805
Okay. I don't know how that...
114
00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:25,712
Ah, just give me one second here.
115
00:05:25,713 --> 00:05:27,632
As... As I was saying, third quarter...
116
00:05:28,734 --> 00:05:30,903
I apologize for the slight, uh...
117
00:05:31,192 --> 00:05:32,886
A mini-mart scroll warned of this.
118
00:05:32,887 --> 00:05:34,180
I'll clean out my desk.
119
00:05:51,364 --> 00:05:52,697
I don't know, Brian.
120
00:05:52,698 --> 00:05:55,075
Stewie said to stay away
from the time machine.
121
00:05:55,076 --> 00:05:56,536
Don't worry about Stewie.
122
00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,121
Okay, just put in today's date.
123
00:05:59,122 --> 00:06:01,082
Set the time and go!
124
00:06:01,249 --> 00:06:02,666
DNA mismatch.
125
00:06:02,667 --> 00:06:04,459
Enter secondary voice password
126
00:06:04,460 --> 00:06:06,963
within 20 seconds to
prevent self-destruct.
127
00:06:07,130 --> 00:06:08,880
Crap! Secondary password?
128
00:06:08,881 --> 00:06:10,215
Self-destruct?
129
00:06:10,216 --> 00:06:11,675
Wait, wait, wait. I got this.
130
00:06:11,676 --> 00:06:13,052
Zac Efron.
131
00:06:13,553 --> 00:06:15,470
Um, Susan Lucci.
132
00:06:15,471 --> 00:06:17,764
Dora! Diego! Gold's Gym!
133
00:06:17,765 --> 00:06:19,516
- Mykonos.
- Oh! I know, I know.
134
00:06:19,517 --> 00:06:21,978
Fabulous. Fab! Totally fab!
135
00:06:21,989 --> 00:06:24,282
Uh, uh... Go, bitch! Whatever, bitch!
136
00:06:24,397 --> 00:06:25,647
Love you, bitch!
137
00:06:25,648 --> 00:06:27,941
Yes, Queen! Yas, Queen?
138
00:06:27,942 --> 00:06:31,862
Yaaaaas, Queeeeeen!
139
00:06:53,009 --> 00:06:57,263
Hey. Hey! Hey!
140
00:06:58,139 --> 00:06:59,140
Did you see that?
141
00:07:08,232 --> 00:07:11,694
Check it out, Chris.
Welcome to 16 hours ago.
142
00:07:11,903 --> 00:07:14,946
So, how does it feel to
be living in the past?
143
00:07:14,947 --> 00:07:17,824
Wow! Look how small that tree is
144
00:07:17,825 --> 00:07:20,118
and how old all those cars look!
145
00:07:20,119 --> 00:07:22,871
Oh, yeah. There's gonna be a lot
of very small differences like that.
146
00:07:22,872 --> 00:07:25,081
Hold on. I thought we
were going to time travel
147
00:07:25,082 --> 00:07:26,875
to my school, not to our house.
148
00:07:26,876 --> 00:07:29,419
Oh, yeah, plugged in what
was on the tag on my collar.
149
00:07:29,420 --> 00:07:31,630
That's the only address I know.
150
00:07:31,631 --> 00:07:33,215
Wait a minute. This could be amazing.
151
00:07:33,216 --> 00:07:35,175
We got a few hours
before your book report.
152
00:07:35,176 --> 00:07:38,261
And with a day's advantage, we
can use that time to bet on sports,
153
00:07:38,262 --> 00:07:39,721
already knowing the outcome.
154
00:07:39,722 --> 00:07:41,182
Oh, my gosh, you're right.
155
00:07:41,307 --> 00:07:44,518
Okay, hang on, hang on, hang
on... uh... Ah! Here we go. WNBA.
156
00:07:44,519 --> 00:07:46,394
There's a Mystic-Sparks game today.
157
00:07:46,395 --> 00:07:47,521
Remember who won that?
158
00:07:47,522 --> 00:07:49,815
I don't even know
what city they're from.
159
00:07:49,816 --> 00:07:53,026
- Which one has Caitlin Clark?
- I don't know.
160
00:07:53,027 --> 00:07:55,153
Both of them? Neither?
161
00:07:55,154 --> 00:07:56,864
Man, she's the best, maybe.
162
00:08:01,702 --> 00:08:03,411
Hey, Cleveland. You look different.
163
00:08:03,412 --> 00:08:08,000
Yeah, with my scratcher winnings,
I was able to buy $41 of Ozempic.
164
00:08:08,011 --> 00:08:10,721
Donna thinks I'm starting to
look like skinny Jonah Hill.
165
00:08:10,837 --> 00:08:12,921
And just like Jonah Hill, I can't wait
166
00:08:12,922 --> 00:08:15,966
to be an aggressively
unstable relationship partner.
167
00:08:15,967 --> 00:08:17,134
I see.
168
00:08:17,135 --> 00:08:19,761
Must be nice to have money
to burn. I wouldn't know.
169
00:08:19,762 --> 00:08:21,513
Say guys, I forget.
170
00:08:21,514 --> 00:08:24,600
How many people does it take
to make a thing go right?
171
00:08:27,854 --> 00:08:29,397
I think you knew the answer.
172
00:08:29,605 --> 00:08:31,731
Thanks to those lucky
scratchers I just bought
173
00:08:31,732 --> 00:08:34,777
Now That's What I Call Music: Volume 12.
174
00:08:34,966 --> 00:08:37,176
Game, cassette, match.
175
00:08:37,655 --> 00:08:38,697
Hey, check it out, guys.
176
00:08:38,698 --> 00:08:41,450
I turned those winning
scratchers into a new belt.
177
00:08:41,451 --> 00:08:44,828
T.J. Maxx was having a sale on
everything that's strewn on the floor.
178
00:08:44,829 --> 00:08:48,166
Great. Seems like everybody's
really enjoying their big winnings.
179
00:08:48,706 --> 00:08:51,792
Uh-uh. You can't wear that
shirt because of my therapy.
180
00:08:53,051 --> 00:08:56,471
I got her right under my
pudgy, non-threatening thumb.
181
00:09:02,054 --> 00:09:04,306
Okay, It's almost time
for your English class.
182
00:09:04,307 --> 00:09:06,146
We just have to head off your past self
183
00:09:06,156 --> 00:09:08,185
so you can give the book report instead.
184
00:09:08,186 --> 00:09:09,235
Sounds good.
185
00:09:09,246 --> 00:09:12,833
Whoa, I guess if I have anything to
say to Derek, I should say it now.
186
00:09:19,242 --> 00:09:21,494
I have nothing to say to Derek.
187
00:09:21,616 --> 00:09:22,700
Oh, here I come.
188
00:09:25,661 --> 00:09:27,287
Chris! You can't go in there!
189
00:09:27,288 --> 00:09:29,957
Brian, what are you doing here?
190
00:09:32,043 --> 00:09:34,044
Are you me?
191
00:09:34,045 --> 00:09:36,296
Look, there's not much
time. We're from the future.
192
00:09:36,297 --> 00:09:38,048
Well, your future, our present.
193
00:09:38,049 --> 00:09:39,591
Let me stop you right there.
194
00:09:39,592 --> 00:09:42,219
I'm 100% fine with whatever this is.
195
00:09:42,220 --> 00:09:43,971
I just go where I'm told.
196
00:09:45,556 --> 00:09:47,427
Okay, Chris, get in there and make this
197
00:09:47,437 --> 00:09:49,559
the flaccid-est report of your life.
198
00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:52,104
I won't let you down.
199
00:09:52,105 --> 00:09:54,231
Just in time, Chris. You're up.
200
00:09:54,232 --> 00:09:56,358
Not today, I'm not.
201
00:09:56,359 --> 00:10:00,570
Hello, peers. This is my
report on the book, Tom Sawyer.
202
00:10:00,571 --> 00:10:02,781
The cover shows a kid painting a fence,
203
00:10:02,782 --> 00:10:06,201
and inside it is paper,
which is made from trees.
204
00:10:06,202 --> 00:10:07,313
The end.
205
00:10:07,324 --> 00:10:08,491
Chris, I may have to fail you.
206
00:10:08,663 --> 00:10:10,686
Well, that's all good, 'cause the only
207
00:10:10,696 --> 00:10:12,666
chub in town is the insurance company.
208
00:10:12,667 --> 00:10:13,751
Kobe!
209
00:10:17,797 --> 00:10:20,215
Quagmire. I see you're
wearing a brown belt today.
210
00:10:20,216 --> 00:10:21,716
Did you buy another one?
211
00:10:21,717 --> 00:10:24,094
No. Same belt. Reversible.
212
00:10:24,095 --> 00:10:26,346
That just blew my damn mind.
213
00:10:26,347 --> 00:10:28,682
Belts are reversible,
men are becoming women,
214
00:10:28,683 --> 00:10:31,309
I'm kind of getting into it,
what's this world coming to?
215
00:10:31,310 --> 00:10:33,895
Evening, gentlemen. Thought
I'd offer some celebratory
216
00:10:33,896 --> 00:10:36,273
popcorn shrimp for the
big scratcher winners.
217
00:10:36,274 --> 00:10:39,151
Wow, no way! That's the
appetizer in commercials
218
00:10:39,152 --> 00:10:41,111
most likely to fly through the air.
219
00:10:41,112 --> 00:10:43,990
Any food that's airborne on
television is very special.
220
00:10:50,037 --> 00:10:51,621
Peter. Come on, have some.
221
00:10:51,622 --> 00:10:54,459
I understood the shrimp to
be exclusively for winners.
222
00:10:55,042 --> 00:10:56,501
Damn it! It's not fair.
223
00:10:56,502 --> 00:10:58,546
I've got to find a way
to have what they have.
224
00:11:01,549 --> 00:11:06,720
Okay. Suction cups, pulley
system, carabiners, rope, ski mask.
225
00:11:06,721 --> 00:11:08,096
And one last thing.
226
00:11:08,097 --> 00:11:09,181
A bat.
227
00:11:16,647 --> 00:11:19,275
I don't understand the crossword ones.
228
00:11:23,154 --> 00:11:24,738
Well, Chris, probably time to head home.
229
00:11:24,739 --> 00:11:28,116
And congrats again on a
successful, non-turgid book report.
230
00:11:28,117 --> 00:11:30,578
Please stop saying gross smart words.
231
00:11:37,668 --> 00:11:41,463
Uh, hey, is... is there maybe
something you guys want to tell me?
232
00:11:41,464 --> 00:11:44,424
Yeah. Did you know there
was a WNBA game yesterday
233
00:11:44,425 --> 00:11:46,301
between the Mystics and the Sparks?
234
00:11:46,302 --> 00:11:49,763
Yes, of course. The Mystics
crushed the Sparks by 26 points.
235
00:11:49,764 --> 00:11:51,807
- Aw.
- Yeah, huge upset.
236
00:11:51,808 --> 00:11:53,100
Vegas had it all wrong.
237
00:11:54,602 --> 00:11:56,144
Listen, I know you're probably mad.
238
00:11:56,145 --> 00:11:57,729
We took the time machine without asking,
239
00:11:57,730 --> 00:11:59,856
but trust me, there's
nothing to worry about.
240
00:11:59,857 --> 00:12:00,942
You sure about that?
241
00:12:04,987 --> 00:12:06,655
I'm sorry, little guy.
242
00:12:06,656 --> 00:12:09,241
Mom thinks it'll help the
swelling from the burns
243
00:12:09,242 --> 00:12:11,702
if I put some of your
diaper cream on my face.
244
00:12:12,424 --> 00:12:15,330
Looks like Brian
and Chris kicked up a little more
245
00:12:15,331 --> 00:12:17,457
than dust on their mosey back in time.
246
00:12:17,458 --> 00:12:20,710
Now, please consider these
fine commercial products.
247
00:12:20,711 --> 00:12:22,003
Whip sound effect.
248
00:12:22,004 --> 00:12:24,214
Yeah, he probably wasn't
supposed to read that last part.
249
00:12:24,215 --> 00:12:26,300
Yeah. There, you see? There it is.
250
00:12:33,057 --> 00:12:34,891
Holy crap! What happened?
251
00:12:34,892 --> 00:12:37,144
We... We didn't even
see Meg in the past.
252
00:12:37,145 --> 00:12:41,523
Well, Brian, I would surmise
that in the original timeline,
253
00:12:41,524 --> 00:12:43,377
the laughter at Chris emanating from
254
00:12:43,387 --> 00:12:45,486
his classroom created a distraction.
255
00:12:46,082 --> 00:12:49,501
So by turning her head slightly
to investigate, Meg kept her face
256
00:12:49,615 --> 00:12:51,534
from being directly over the explosion.
257
00:12:51,950 --> 00:12:54,745
But in a timeline where
Chris was unaroused,
258
00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:57,301
the distracting laughter was absent.
259
00:12:57,415 --> 00:13:00,918
Come on! Not one bag of
pot in any of these things!
260
00:13:01,878 --> 00:13:04,172
So, with no noise
coming from Chris's classroom,
261
00:13:04,183 --> 00:13:07,519
Meg never turned her head away,
ensuring that her face would absorb
262
00:13:07,675 --> 00:13:09,010
the full brunt of the explosion.
263
00:13:10,386 --> 00:13:11,473
It's a weird word.
264
00:13:11,484 --> 00:13:13,847
"Brunt." Such a dumb language.
265
00:13:13,848 --> 00:13:15,390
I feel horrible.
266
00:13:15,391 --> 00:13:16,892
We gotta fix this.
267
00:13:16,893 --> 00:13:18,636
That's exactly what we're going to do.
268
00:13:18,647 --> 00:13:21,273
Oh, this is bad. Did...
Did anything else change?
269
00:13:21,397 --> 00:13:23,565
One thing. Lois bought Popsicles for Meg
270
00:13:23,566 --> 00:13:25,234
since that's all she can eat now.
271
00:13:29,363 --> 00:13:30,947
Mm. So good.
272
00:13:30,948 --> 00:13:32,326
- What's yours?
- Apple.
273
00:13:32,337 --> 00:13:34,588
Aw, there's apple? I
thought that was lime!
274
00:13:36,102 --> 00:13:38,520
But we should... We should go fix
275
00:13:38,623 --> 00:13:42,501
the Meg-burned-face
thing, though... right?
276
00:13:42,502 --> 00:13:44,503
Yeah, yeah. All right.
277
00:13:44,504 --> 00:13:48,049
Oh, hey, you guys. I also got
ice cream sandwiches for Meg.
278
00:13:49,884 --> 00:13:51,968
It's a time machine. We
can leave whenever we want.
279
00:13:51,969 --> 00:13:53,553
I mean, we make the schedule.
280
00:13:53,554 --> 00:13:54,931
Yeah, like, literally.
281
00:14:00,686 --> 00:14:02,479
Jon Hamm.
282
00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:04,023
Arnold Palmer.
283
00:14:04,565 --> 00:14:05,983
The third one's just a mirror.
284
00:14:06,359 --> 00:14:08,318
Oh, wait a minute.
285
00:14:08,319 --> 00:14:09,862
Scratcher!
286
00:14:10,029 --> 00:14:11,696
Peter, it's the middle of the night.
287
00:14:11,697 --> 00:14:13,323
What the hell are you doing?
288
00:14:13,324 --> 00:14:15,200
Uh... Uh, having an affair?
289
00:14:15,201 --> 00:14:17,452
- What? With who?
- Uh, you don't know her.
290
00:14:17,453 --> 00:14:18,704
Her name is...
291
00:14:20,957 --> 00:14:22,165
Sandy Shoes.
292
00:14:22,166 --> 00:14:25,669
Peter, are you just looking at
stuff in the car and making up lies?
293
00:14:25,670 --> 00:14:28,004
Lois, that is completely speedometer.
294
00:14:28,005 --> 00:14:29,840
Look, I don't know what any of this is,
295
00:14:29,841 --> 00:14:32,677
but just don't turn on the
bathroom light when you come to bed.
296
00:14:33,094 --> 00:14:34,678
Okay. Thank you!
297
00:14:34,679 --> 00:14:36,179
Thank... Thanks for no more questions.
298
00:14:36,180 --> 00:14:38,015
Love you.
299
00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:40,964
Mr. Griffin, you're under arrest for...
300
00:14:41,269 --> 00:14:43,061
I know, I know. How'd you find me?
301
00:14:43,062 --> 00:14:45,605
The store's security camera
caught you checking your height
302
00:14:45,606 --> 00:14:47,065
against the doorjamb sticker.
303
00:14:47,066 --> 00:14:48,608
I'm afraid I'm shrinking.
304
00:14:48,609 --> 00:14:50,695
We're going to measure again
at the jail, though, right?
305
00:14:56,774 --> 00:14:59,067
All right, we're back at the
day of Chris's book report.
306
00:14:59,162 --> 00:15:01,872
To save Meg's face we
just have to do two things.
307
00:15:01,873 --> 00:15:03,373
First, we lock up the Chris
308
00:15:03,374 --> 00:15:05,792
who successfully gave his
report without incident.
309
00:15:05,793 --> 00:15:08,670
- Flaccid Chris.
- Yes. Ew, ew, gross, but yes.
310
00:15:08,671 --> 00:15:11,423
And then we restore the
laughter that will distract Meg
311
00:15:11,424 --> 00:15:14,384
by releasing the original
Chris from the custodial closet.
312
00:15:14,385 --> 00:15:15,677
Turgid Chris.
313
00:15:15,904 --> 00:15:17,948
You think you're clever,
but you're not clever.
314
00:15:20,558 --> 00:15:22,392
Look, there's Flaccid Me.
315
00:15:22,393 --> 00:15:25,104
Happy? Now your crudeness
is a whole thing.
316
00:15:26,773 --> 00:15:28,315
Okay, gonna stop you right there, bud.
317
00:15:28,316 --> 00:15:30,651
Stewie? Aw, crap. This can't be good.
318
00:15:31,182 --> 00:15:33,018
Hey, Chris, we're gonna need you to...
319
00:15:33,029 --> 00:15:34,237
Uh-oh.
320
00:15:34,441 --> 00:15:35,781
Stewie, we've got a problem.
321
00:15:35,782 --> 00:15:37,824
- What? What's wrong?
- It seems that given
322
00:15:37,825 --> 00:15:39,910
even a few minutes
alone in a locked closet,
323
00:15:39,911 --> 00:15:41,328
Chris, uh...
324
00:15:41,329 --> 00:15:43,246
took matters into his own hands.
325
00:15:43,247 --> 00:15:44,915
- What?
- Yeah, he's in there sleeping
326
00:15:44,916 --> 00:15:47,501
and muttering about Lola
Bunny from Space Jam.
327
00:15:47,502 --> 00:15:50,463
- Who's that?
- A smoking hot rabbit.
328
00:15:51,908 --> 00:15:54,201
Okay? I didn't get it when
you said it, but now I get it.
329
00:15:54,342 --> 00:15:56,968
- So what do we do now?
- Don't worry. I've got this.
330
00:15:56,969 --> 00:15:58,887
Chris, your book report is back on,
331
00:15:58,888 --> 00:16:01,640
but this time, you've
got to do it at full mast.
332
00:16:01,641 --> 00:16:03,975
Yeah, one small issue with that.
333
00:16:03,976 --> 00:16:07,312
During the time you two were yakking
about how the me in the closet
334
00:16:07,313 --> 00:16:10,899
just masturbated... I, too, masturbated.
335
00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:12,485
- What?
- Oh for God's sake!
336
00:16:12,610 --> 00:16:14,736
Damn it! We're running
out of time to save Meg.
337
00:16:14,737 --> 00:16:17,489
Chris, we've got less than
one minute to get you aroused.
338
00:16:17,490 --> 00:16:19,616
Um... okay.
339
00:16:19,617 --> 00:16:22,369
Close your eyes. You're
a 19th century heiress
340
00:16:22,370 --> 00:16:25,163
alone in her vast estate
and awaiting a visit
341
00:16:25,164 --> 00:16:27,426
from the handsome vicar as her dear aunt
342
00:16:27,436 --> 00:16:29,376
has recently passed from consumption.
343
00:16:29,377 --> 00:16:31,712
Yeah, that... that's... nothing.
344
00:16:31,838 --> 00:16:35,507
Well, I'm not proud of
what I'm about to say here, but...
345
00:16:35,508 --> 00:16:37,022
Go to YouTube and type in
346
00:16:37,032 --> 00:16:40,221
"Brazilian Women's Olympic
volleyball team practice."
347
00:16:41,097 --> 00:16:42,764
They're all speaking Spanish.
348
00:16:42,765 --> 00:16:44,641
Is that part of it for you?
349
00:16:44,642 --> 00:16:46,184
Portuguese, but yes.
350
00:16:46,185 --> 00:16:47,853
You guys, you guys, stop.
351
00:16:47,854 --> 00:16:50,143
I'll just type in "Lauren Boebert,
352
00:16:50,153 --> 00:16:52,233
groping vaping in public Beetlejuice."
353
00:16:52,650 --> 00:16:55,069
Oh, you kinda sexy liar.
354
00:16:58,114 --> 00:16:59,449
I'm ready.
355
00:17:02,974 --> 00:17:04,494
He's a good kid. I'm proud of him.
356
00:17:08,824 --> 00:17:10,208
What's everyone laughing about?
357
00:17:10,209 --> 00:17:12,169
Which one is Derek's locker?
358
00:17:12,170 --> 00:17:14,380
He can't find his
anti-seizure medicine.
359
00:17:20,027 --> 00:17:23,446
Hey, just so you know,
I can eat 50 eggs.
360
00:17:23,514 --> 00:17:25,807
You already told me that four times!
361
00:17:25,808 --> 00:17:28,519
Okay. Well, 50 sometimes sounds like 15.
362
00:17:28,644 --> 00:17:31,314
So, I just wanted to make sure
you were properly impressed.
363
00:17:32,013 --> 00:17:33,722
What are you guys doing here?
364
00:17:33,733 --> 00:17:35,525
Ain't you all too good for me now?
365
00:17:35,526 --> 00:17:37,360
Peter, we never felt that way.
366
00:17:37,361 --> 00:17:39,571
Yeah, we were the ones who
wanted you to buy scratchers
367
00:17:39,572 --> 00:17:40,906
with us in the first place.
368
00:17:40,907 --> 00:17:42,991
That's why we've come to bail you out.
369
00:17:42,992 --> 00:17:45,161
Bail me out? Seriously?
370
00:17:47,622 --> 00:17:50,248
Look, I'm sorry I overreacted, you guys.
371
00:17:50,249 --> 00:17:53,627
I think I was just frustrated about
never actually winning anything.
372
00:17:53,628 --> 00:17:55,420
Peter, of course you're a winner.
373
00:17:55,421 --> 00:17:57,964
You've got a beautiful
wife, a family who loves you,
374
00:17:57,965 --> 00:18:01,134
and a bathroom window that's
not as frosted as you think.
375
00:18:01,135 --> 00:18:03,379
And you're white. That's a big one.
376
00:18:03,390 --> 00:18:05,494
Oh, yeah, my insulated experience of
377
00:18:05,627 --> 00:18:07,516
the world always makes me forget that.
378
00:18:07,517 --> 00:18:11,103
We pooled our last $15 of
scratcher winnings to pay your fine.
379
00:18:11,104 --> 00:18:13,188
- $50?
- No, 15.
380
00:18:13,189 --> 00:18:17,110
Oh. See, this... That's... is
the thing that I was saying.
381
00:18:24,617 --> 00:18:26,159
Man, you guys are the best.
382
00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:28,411
I hope you can forgive
me for acting so crazy.
383
00:18:28,412 --> 00:18:29,914
Of course we do, Peter.
384
00:18:30,540 --> 00:18:33,333
Wait a second. You got me
out of jail for only $15
385
00:18:33,334 --> 00:18:34,751
after I committed a robbery?
386
00:18:34,752 --> 00:18:37,712
Well, I pulled a few strings.
387
00:18:37,713 --> 00:18:40,423
Kind of an easy sell to the
chief because you're white.
388
00:18:40,424 --> 00:18:43,553
See, there's that... there's
that thing that I was saying.
389
00:18:53,896 --> 00:18:55,857
Are we for sure in the clear? How's Meg?
390
00:18:57,024 --> 00:18:58,567
Mom, have you seen Meg?
391
00:18:58,568 --> 00:18:59,860
Yes, she went to the store.
392
00:18:59,861 --> 00:19:01,153
Well, I'm sure she's fine.
393
00:19:01,154 --> 00:19:02,988
- To pick up some ointment...
- Uh-oh.
394
00:19:02,989 --> 00:19:04,115
... for her vagina.
395
00:19:04,126 --> 00:19:06,273
Hurray!
396
00:19:06,284 --> 00:19:08,204
A bit of a journey, but we got there.
397
00:19:08,215 --> 00:19:09,226
Listen, Stewie.
398
00:19:09,237 --> 00:19:11,872
We never should have used your
time machine without telling you.
399
00:19:11,873 --> 00:19:13,874
Chris and I owe you an apology.
400
00:19:13,875 --> 00:19:15,125
It's fine, Brian.
401
00:19:15,126 --> 00:19:17,210
At least your heart
was in the right place.
402
00:19:17,211 --> 00:19:19,464
Yeah, well, that's the thing, I'm...
403
00:19:19,797 --> 00:19:21,131
I'm not sure it was.
404
00:19:21,142 --> 00:19:22,257
You see, Chris,
405
00:19:22,296 --> 00:19:25,135
I never should have suggested
a do-over on your book report.
406
00:19:25,136 --> 00:19:26,887
What? Why not?
407
00:19:26,888 --> 00:19:29,723
Well, I realize now
that all the awkward,
408
00:19:29,724 --> 00:19:32,058
embarrassing, difficult
experiences in life
409
00:19:32,059 --> 00:19:35,061
are exactly what shape people
into interesting adults.
410
00:19:35,062 --> 00:19:37,564
You need these cringy moments
because I know you have
411
00:19:37,565 --> 00:19:39,733
a very interesting future ahead of you.
412
00:19:39,734 --> 00:19:41,068
Thanks, Brian.
413
00:19:41,569 --> 00:19:43,361
You know what? Maybe
let's put a pin in the hug
414
00:19:43,362 --> 00:19:45,697
until that book report
pistol is back in its holster.
415
00:19:45,698 --> 00:19:48,909
Eh, that could just be time-travel
related, from the re-entry.
416
00:19:48,910 --> 00:19:51,036
- Re... Really?
- Yeah. You know how you can get
417
00:19:51,037 --> 00:19:53,475
rando boners on
airplanes? It's like that.
418
00:19:53,486 --> 00:19:54,488
Oh, that's right.
419
00:19:54,498 --> 00:19:57,584
The first person it ever
happened to was Charles Lindbergh.
420
00:19:57,585 --> 00:19:59,086
Here's Lucky Lindbergh
421
00:19:59,212 --> 00:20:01,129
landing in the City of Lights.
422
00:20:01,130 --> 00:20:04,382
And like all great pilots,
he's emerged from the cockpit
423
00:20:04,383 --> 00:20:07,177
with a Betty Boop beach
towel around his waist.
424
00:20:07,178 --> 00:20:10,013
I am
perfectly limp, and what the Nazis do
425
00:20:10,014 --> 00:20:12,058
is an internal matter.
426
00:20:17,188 --> 00:20:18,772
What's going on, guys?
427
00:20:18,773 --> 00:20:21,233
It's me, Corey, with After the "Guy."
428
00:20:21,234 --> 00:20:22,897
We've only got a minute to break down
429
00:20:22,907 --> 00:20:25,028
all the best Guy moments from this week.
430
00:20:25,029 --> 00:20:28,532
And as always, we're brought
to you by too many sponsors.
431
00:20:28,533 --> 00:20:30,784
Peter, what did you
think of the episode?
432
00:20:30,785 --> 00:20:33,161
Well, Corey, I'd say most
of it was freaking sweet,
433
00:20:33,162 --> 00:20:36,665
just like squeezable Smucker's
Jelly, now with a spill-proof top.
434
00:20:36,666 --> 00:20:38,548
And even if there was
a plot hole or two,
435
00:20:38,558 --> 00:20:40,043
they're no match for Flex Tape.
436
00:20:40,044 --> 00:20:42,462
Flex Tape, stick it in the
drawer, forget you have it
437
00:20:42,463 --> 00:20:44,214
and then buy it again three years later.
438
00:20:44,215 --> 00:20:47,677
Okay, question for Stewie.
Who can understand the baby?
439
00:20:47,969 --> 00:20:51,179
Okay, as I've explained for
the last six of these, Corey...
440
00:20:51,180 --> 00:20:52,305
He... had to leave.
441
00:20:52,306 --> 00:20:54,099
He's boxing Jake Paul tonight.
442
00:20:54,100 --> 00:20:56,601
Closing credits under theme song.
443
00:20:56,602 --> 00:20:59,604
Is there a way to highlight
just the words he has to say?
444
00:21:02,155 --> 00:21:07,155
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- www.addic7ed.com -34331
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