All language subtitles for Children.Ruin.Everything.S03E10.Careers.1080p.NF.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-FLUX_track3_[eng]

You know what? This is nice.
I could get used to retirement.

No, no, it's not...
not retirement.

This is unemployment.
- Not for long!

Gero's may have tried
to replace us with AI

like we're artists or musicians
but we'll find work easily.

A job is a big part
of who you are.

So, losing your job
can cause an identity crisis.

Who are you? A burden?
A social media addict?

Garbage, are you garbage?

No, you're--
Whoa, you're not garbage.

Oh, it feels that way.

- Ennis?
- What?

Has your father hired you yet?

I don't need my father
to hire me.

I can get a job on my own.

Hey, what do you put
on a resume these days?

My priority is finding
a place

to invest my Gero's money.

Wait, what?
How much severance did you get?

I purchased a significant
amount of Gero's stock,

so when Fintekoäly
bought the company,

I made m-m-m-millions!

- What?
- Excuse me...

...while I turn down Shopify.

- You're not worried?

- Huh?
- I'm worried and I don't even

have little wet-faced
Andrew to deal with.

- His name's Morris.
- His name's what now?

I just don't wanna panic
and take the first job

that comes along.

Just so bored of this
logistics stuff.

Yeah, but isn't that
what you went to school for?

And also the only job
you've ever had?

And also, you're over 40.

Chill out, bruh.

You givin' my dad
a panic attack, bruh!

Anyways, give me a chance to be

a stay-at-home dad for a while.

Until something
perfect comes along.

You want to stay
at home with your kids?

I'm enjoying it.

Alright, well,
the toilet's definitely broken

and flushing it over and over
does not work.

Yeah... it works sometimes.

But regardless, we're gonna have
to use the toilet

that Uncle Taylor
installed in the basement
for the next little while.

Is Dad home all the time now?

- Remember Daddy was fired?
- Ooh, laid off. It's...

there's a difference.
But either way,

I'm gonna be home
with you guys all the time.

I'm going to school.
It's hot dog day.

Can I have an allowance?

It's terrible timing.
We have less money to spend now.

We have to focus on saving.
- If I had an allowance,

I could give some of it to you.

You know what would save us
some money is if I fixed

the toilet myself today.
- Don't do that.

- Hmm?
- Don't do it.

I think I might do it
'cause we need to save money.

And then also, I'm gonna learn
a whole new trade

from a celebrity plumber
on YouTube.

Okay, well, I'll go out,
I'll bring home that bacon

like a total dude,
who also happens to be a woman,

who also can totally support her
family on her current salary.

You're welcome. Hear me roar.

Roar!

Ooh.

Hi, Dawn, I was just
on my lunch break

so I thought I'd pop by.
- Oh, thank you so much

for coming over, but I have
the party totally under control.

Oh no, I'm not here to help.
I need some advice.

Actually, I totally forgot
you were even having a party.

- Zinnia,

those are red wine glasses.

Good.

Zinnia is my new assistant.

Smart, intuitive,
healthy as a horse.

And one false step and she's
off to the glue factory, right?

Ooh, oh.

Um, your invite said that
this was a casual gathering.

It is! But there
are important things

to celebrate. Casually.

You're pregnant. I knew it!

Astrid, calm down.
I am not pregnant.

- Yes, you are! You are!
- I'm not. You're wrong.

Oh really. Then why don't you
enjoy a casual glass of wine?

- I could if I wanted to.
- What's stopping you then?

Okay, that's enough, Zinnia.
Good.

Okay, so the trick
to asking for a raise

is to act like a man.

A white man. But not James.

Women ask for raises.

Yeah, but only when they feel
they totally deserve it.

A man asks for a raise
like he's...

...entitled to it.

So, you want me to take up
the whole sidewalk

and then get mad when
Disney remakes a movie

to become more inclusive?
- I want you to be happy, Assy.

And sometimes,
that means making them

pay you what you're worth.

Yeah, with James
having a hard time,

I need to be worth about double.
- Then it's up to you.

You need to walk in there like
you are seven feet tall,

look them in the eye,
tell them what you want,

and be ready to fight like hell.

Whoa, I do not like this.

- I want a raise.

Oh, you got it.

Oh, okay. You don't even
know how much I want.

Hmm. Twice as much.

What? That's so much!

No, I can't. Yes, yes,
that is what I want.

Done. I'll put in the request
now with my full endorsement.

Good. Yes, 'cause I,
you know,

I do a lot more work
than any of these--

And sent!

Nice thumb ring, boss.

Ha, thanks for noticing.

Twinsies.

Parenting
develops skills

you never thought you'd have.

You become a medic,
a chef, a laundromat employee,

and sometimes, a tissue.

But you
don't have time to develop

useful non-parenting skills
like plumbing,

or agriculture,
or blacksmithing.

Oh, okay. You're having
your apocalypse fantasy again?

Well,
it's more of a vision.

James?
- Yeah.

Oh, James,
something crazy is happening.

Look. Hmm.

- A lot of you dazzin' me
for my sweet ass bucket.

This hat bazzles with

everything I wear, yo.
I got it from the GoBo website.

Link in my bio.
And don't forget to follow me.

Hey, gave you a little
shoutout. Things are lookin' up.

Yeah. Owee has over
60 million followers.

Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift
follow him

but he does not
follow them back.

He has skyrocketed
my company overnight.

- Okay, good for you.
- Right, but I have more orders

than I can handle.
But I need more capital

and manpower just to keep up.
It's a problem.

It's a probla-tunity. Haha.

You know distribution, James.
Work with me?

Oh, that's...
thank you for thinking of me,

Bo, but I have my own projects
to think about.

Like, uh, the toilet and...
other things.

I thought you might resist me
so I brought a secret weapon.

Take the job, James.
You're desperate for work.

I'm not desperate for work.

I just need to find
something that I love.

So what? You're just gonna
then tinker with the crapper

while your wife works
herself ragged?

Her father was
a deadbeat, you know.

First of all,
I'm not a deadbeat,

I'm fixing a toilet
for my family.

That is real work. Also,
I'm doing a darn good job of it.

Hmm, I'd get a professional
to look at that crack,

if I were you.
- What crack?

It'll be fine.

Looking
for a basic toilet.

Oh, if I may?

- Hmm.
- Get a bidet.

They are luxurious, discreet,

and surprisingly intuitive.

What's intuitive about 'em?

It's just spraying
water into your--

- Yeah, it is.

But it changes you, you know,
in a good way.

Boost your confidence.
I feel taller.

Uh-huh, okay.
How was your interview?

Oh, the hedge fund?
It was great.

- Huh?
- Yeah, they had great couches there.

The actual interview
wasn't great,

because I didn't know what the
hell they were talking about.

What is a hedge fund anyway?
- I don't know.

Okay, do you think any
of these toilets will fit uh,

in the spot that
my old toilet was?

Uh, why don't we ask
one of the five people

we passed by that work here?
Excuse me?

Uh, 'cause I know how
to do things. I can do things.

Yeah. You drove us here.
You got... you could do great.

Geez.

Oh, what does he want?

I think I screwed up my life.

Hey. Hey, no, no, no, buddy,
come on. You...

Your kids are great, all right?
I-I wouldn't wanna have kids

because it seems really
hard and boring and you can't

do anything else with your life,
but if I had kids,

I'd want them to be just like
yours. And you can't exactly

change your mind
at this point, right?
I mean, the train has left

the station. I'm sweating.
- I'm talking about work.

- Oh.
- I had a job for 10 years

that I did not like,
and now I don't know how

to do anything. I don't even
know how to fix my own toilet.

Well, what do you wanna do?

I wanna do something
that makes a difference.

- Okay.
- And also pays.

And also I enjoy.
And I'm good at.

Buddy, I...

I'm out there
and I gotta tell you,

it is not easy right now.

Employers do not like it
when you only have one job

on your resume.

Or if you can't really speak

about what you do intelligently.

Or if you're an hour late
because you walked into

the wrong building and they had
old-school video games

in the lobby.
Just can't be choosy.

You know what you should do?
Here's my advice,

you should just take
the first job offer you get

that has like, a chill vibe,
you know? That's what I'm doing.

You know, I don't usually
do all this to coffee,

but it's not bad.
- Yeah, it gets rid

of the coffee taste.

Oh, you have whipped
cream on your--

Oh. Did I get it?

- Yeah.
- Sweet.

Glasses! Look! Luc, Jean-Luc.

- Ah, nailed it, buddy.
- Would you watch my bike

while I talk
to Astrid privately?

- Glad to. Do it up.
- Thank you, people.

Is this about my raise?

It is.

Actually, I've been
asked to audit your department

and I'm not allowed
to authorize any raises

until that's done.
- Okay. Not a problem.

Or probably after.

That's gonna be more
of an issue for me.

Well, see, some people think
that the World Cup Committee

is getting too much money,
and in fact,

that I'm siphoning off some
of that money for my riding.

So, we've gotta make
some cuts to make this go away.

- Well, what kind of cuts?
- Big ass cuts.

I'm thinking computers,
possibly some staff.

So, I'm not getting a raise

and I also might be
losing my job?

Well, you're a staff.
But no, it's complicated.

Numbers are involved.
In fact, I am gonna tackle

this problem this weekend.

You're welcome to join me,
but you're probably busy

with your mom stuff.

In our house, the mom stuff
is actually the dad stuff,

so I would be happy to put in
the extra work this weekend.

Yeah, that's just the kinda
team player that I am.

Dumb work on a stupid weekend.
Stinky Leonard.

Children have really dulled
your edge, my love.

Maybe I should tell Leonard
how the office

doesn't function without me
and that he sucks.

Yeah. Please don't.
We only have one job between us.

Just stay there and then
you'll get a raise. Also,

think of all the money
we're saving by never

buying toilet paper
for the rest of our lives

once I install this guy.

Ah yes, the bidet.

You know that our kids
are gonna turn our bathroom

into a water park, right?
- Yeah...

- Um...
- Hmm?

So, did-did Bo
offer you a job?

Hmm. Yes.

- So annoying.
- Ugh, right?

- What was the money like?
- Okay, look,

I just don't wanna do
anything with logistics.

I know it's all I'm great at.
I just don't want--

What? No, no, no.
You're a great husband.

You're good at being a husband.

Hmm. How much does that pay?

And you're great
at being a dad.

You know, you could stay home.

We could make that work.
It'd be okay.

Uh!

Okay.
- What are you doing?

I dropped
my thumb ring in here.

Can you please help
with the audit?

Oh yeah, sorry,
I'm distracted.

Probably gonna get fired
for being too expensive.

What? I'm more expensive
than you are.

Plus with maternity leave,
it means I have less seniority.

Wow, you came!

I did. On time, too.

Oh, a joke. I'm getting
the gears from Astrid.

- Uh-huh.
- I kinda like it.

No, I had a squash game

with the Deputy Mayor at 6 AM.

Then I had breakfast
with the boys.

- How nice.
- Yeah.

Yeah, we've been working
really hard.

Oh, I got my ring! Yeah!

We found some
efficiencies, so...

You know, I'm already
hungry for lunch.

You guys want some
Thai food, my treat?

Already had Thai
for breakfast, leftover style.

How do you feel about burgers?
- Oh, I always love burgers.

What are you thinking,
Burger Priest? Bad Boy Burger?

I prefer a place
called Round Classics.

I don't know Round Classics.
What's their deal?

Oh, yo, all sauces
and buns made in-house.

- Shut up!
- Yeah!

Hey, you know, if we just
power through,

we may not even need
to be here for lunch,

right? We're so close.

Yeah, let's just order pizza
and get to work.

You guys fussy on the toppings?

Depends where
you get the pie from.

Well, I'm thinking
of Priority Pizza.

Nah, I go to a place
called Paella. It's great.

- What's their deal?
- It's paella on pie.

Check the ring seal
before tightening the bolts.

Yeah, okay.
Thanks, buddy.

- Did you hear me?
- What?

Dude, take off your headphones.

Make sure
the shutoff valve...

But now I can't
hear the video.

You don't need the video.
I'm the video.

You learn from me.
The important thing

is that you are never too old
to master a new skill.

- Can I watch John Wick?
- Ugh, no.

Can I pee outside like Felix?

Viv, that's private!

Hey, where's
your little brother?

Oh, oh, oh.

I could've used that toilet?

- No, no, no,

it's not attached to anything.

If he uses it,
we're just gonna have

to throw the whole thing out.
Let's not confuse him now.

Hi, is everything okay with--

Morris got on
the toilet by himself.

He needs you to sing
his poopy song.

Okay, you're on speaker.

Oh no, I-I can't,
I can't do it.

You guys have to sing it.

Baby, he's cresting.

He's cresting the summit.

Help him plant his flag!

Hmm.

♪ Poop goes in the potty
when it comes out your body ♪

- Louder.
- ♪ Poop goes in the potty ♪

♪ When it comes out your body ♪

I'm just gonna hit
the boys room real quick.

Yes! Nothing but net!

Good singing, my love.

Yes, Morris! Well done!

Mommy will see you soon.

Was that a work call?

- Yeah.
- Huh, thought so.

Did Morris
pee on the floor?

Nope, he peed
in the bowl like a genius.

My socks are wet.

Hmm. Oh, okay, that's,
that's a leak. There's a leak.

Come on, Morris. You do not
know how to swim at all.

It's gonna be fine.
It's gonna be fine.

I'm just gonna pull, I'm gonna
tighten the-the water lever.

Public Transit Summit 2008.

- Pardon?
- I was at a transit summit

on my daughter's fifth birthday.

I was in meetings all day.
I didn't even get a chance

to sing her happy birthday.

By the time I phoned home,
she was asleep.

- That's hard.
- Astrid,

we're the breadwinners.

We're out there
thirsting for the kill.

We may miss a few milestones,
but we bring home the beef.

And speaking of beef,
I think we're probably

gonna have to have those burgers
after all,

'cause it looks like we have
about five hours' work left.

No, I don't want to have
a burger. I wanna be at home.

I know working late
can be hard, especially on moms.

I've done my work.

I'm never working
on a weekend again.

If you wanna let me go
in your audit,

go ahead, fire me.
You're gonna regret it.

I'm gonna go somewhere
where they value me

and you can potty train someone
else to deal with your crap.

Way to go, Astrid!

Yeah, I don't know
what I was thinking

trying to replace
a whole toilet by myself.

Hey, you're not the first
guy to do a dumb plumb.

No offence. That's what
we call the botched DIY jobs.

I do about two or three
dumb plumbs a week.

I was laid off and so I...

I wanted to prove to myself
that I was more

than my old job, you know?

Well, I didn't always
wanna be a plumber, you know?

I wanted to be a drummer.

They rhyme, but that's
where the similarities end.

Yeah, I did have to actually...

...learn my trade.

I know, I-I didn't
mean to imply

that your job was easy or that
I could do it or anything.

- It's not.
- No.

Now, if my son was a toilet,

I could help him out, right?
But he's not.

He's a boy, unfortunately.

So now it's like,
what the hell's going on here?

What's going on?
How do you unclog a son?

- Why didn't you stop?
- You followed me all this way?

- Yes.
- Are you all right?

Well, I'm new to cycling.
Kinda just like the gear,

but it's scary as hell.

Yeah, you voted
against bike lanes.

Well, they are
kind of annoying, right?

Listen, I want you to quit
your job and come work for me.

Don't I already work for you?

No, not on the committee.

I'm running for re-election,
and apparently,

people don't like me. Huh.

And I think you could help me
figure out why that is.

Would you like me
to start right now?

See, I am so used to people
telling me what I wanna hear.

I need someone who's gonna
challenge me,

who's gonna nag me.
Come on, Astrid, be that nag.

It'll be a staff job,
good salary, benefits.

You don't have to work
on contract anymore, Astrid.

I want weekends off.

And I want the flexibility
to work from home

if one of my kids is sick.

And I want a better
parking spot.

How often do they get sick?

Okay! Deal.

And you can have
the rest of the day off.

It's already my day off.

See, there's my nag.

- Everyone, let's raise a glass

to Astrid for sticking
it to the patriarchy

and getting
the job she deserves.

That's my wife.

- Now, a sad toast

for Daddy who got laid off.

- Sorry, James.
- We don't have to, no,

we don't have to pat the leg.
It's fine.

There's nothing
to be sorry about.

If I wasn't unemployed

we wouldn't have
a spiffy new toilet, so...

I'll be right back.

Bo, buddy, I just...
it just occurred to me

that I never properly
congratulated you

for the amazing success of GoBo.

It is really amazing.
That kid on the internet

wearing that hat, he is...
a true leader.

Likewise. I am so happy
for your success

with your new toilet.
- Yes! Yeah, hopefully,

speaking of toilets,
I didn't waste my opportunity

to work at GoBo.

I just wanted to say

that it would be
a great honor...

...to work

with my brother-in-law.

I love you too, James.

Uh, no, no, hold-- Uh...

I said... What I said was
I would love to work with you.

Oh, nothing would
make me happier.

But... hoo!

I'm already all staffed up.

Meet Team GoBo.

Marla, my angel investor
and new CFO.

Ennis is my head of logistics.

Oh, the job that I
was gonna give to you.

Hey, James. Hey, how's
that bidet treating ya?

Pretty delightful, right?
- Hmm?

So um, how's Corey enjoying
Swiss boarding school?

He's thriving.
I wish we could FaceTime him,

but it's 1 AM in Switzerland
and he has to be up at 6:00

for zmorge.
- Ooh!

I should get home before
the raccoons get bad.

My friend Portia had one
jump out of a tree

and attack her head.
Scratched her so bad,

she had to get bangs.
- Hmm.

Sorry, our meeting
just ended.

The team is packing up.
- Finally.

We still haven't
announced our big news!

Oh!
Oh, well,

we already know that
you're gonna be richer.

- Hmm.
- Congrats on GoBo, Bo.

No, no, no, no, no.

We have other news.

We're having a baby.

- What?

But yesterday you...
you got drunk.

Astrid, don't be
such a prude.

A little tipple
here and there is fine.

Oh, I didn't say
I was pregnant.

I said we're having a baby.

But with our work schedules,

we decided to
outsource the work.

You're adopting? Good for you!

- No, we hired a surrogate.
- Mm-hmm.

Oh.
- Weird. Who?

Will the surrogate
make herself known?

Surprise. It's me.

- Yay us!

We should have another toast.

Zinnia, get more champagne.
- Okay.

- Yeah.
- Your assistant?

We hired Zinnia
as Dawn's assistant

so we could pay her more
to be our surrogate.

Well, um,
welcome to the family.

- Mm-hmm.
- Congrats on the... the gig.

Thank you.

- Can you go get those nuts?
- Absolutely, yes.

Thanks.

People take
all kinds of jobs

for all kinds of reasons.

Maybe they just
wanna buy cool stuff.

Or they're building
an empire.

Or saving
for retirement.

Or mysterious desperation.

Or maybe you have kids
and they've made everything

more complicated and expensive
and scary and weird.

But you'll do anything
to give them a good life.

'Cause
that secretly means

you have a pretty
good life, too.

- Are you married?
- No.

- No.
- No, no, no.

Uh, what do you do?

Oh, I'm not exactly sure
right now, actually.

I do work for them,
that's all I know.

- Oh, me too.
- Yeah.

So, I guess
we're kinda colleagues.

- Oh yeah.
- Hmm.

Well, this is awkward.

Can I have
a glass of wine, please?

- Absolutely.
- Or maybe you could

have it for me.
- Oh.

- You know, 'cause of the...

surrogate.
- Yeah, I'm gonna--

Hey Hey Hey Hey!
Whoa! Whoa! Hey wait.