All language subtitles for Children.Ruin.Everything.S03E02.Consequences.1080p.NF.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-FLUX_track3_[eng]

- You fell in lava.

- No, I didn't!
- Felix, tie your shoe, buddy.

You're gonna trip. Ooh, Viv!
Good hot steppin'!

Stay outta that lava!

- That's so kind of you to

give your wife
a break with the kids.

I actually take care
of the kids a lot.

I'm pretty good at it, so.
- Oh, cool.

Viv, you wanna pick up
that juice box for me?

Do it, Viv.
Be a garbage picker.

Garbage picker, garbage picker.
- Don't call me that!

- Do you want some help, dear?
- No, I'm... I got it.

Felix, stop calling your
sister a garbage picker.

Not that there's anything wrong
with... the garbage people...

Not the garbage people, the
people who pick up the garbage.

We need those people.
- Felix kicked it away

from the garbage.
- It was an accident, Viv.

Don't say my name!

Before kids,
you were only responsible

for your own behaviour.
Like, if someone yelled

at a waiter, or threw up
in a flowerbed.

Happened one time.

It didn't reflect
poorly on you.

When your kid
misbehaves,

everyone blames you.
Like, if your credit score

got worse when other people
missed a payment.

So, sometimes, you gotta
put your foot down.

Okay, guys, somebody
is putting that juice box

in the garbage in five, four...

Three.

My name is Viv.
- Two.

This is the last finger.
Last finger's coming down.

In five, four, three.

Yeah, you know what?
- Look at my hair.

It's so pretty.
Oh, look at my pink new shirt.

All right, guys,
let's go.

Viv, why are you wearing
Felix's pants?

I couldn't find mine.
Our room's too messy.

Okay, go upstairs
and change quickly.

- What's the magic word?
- Quickly.

Oh, kids, put your bowls away!

Hey, sir, come here.
I'm trying to find your
lunch container.

Did you unpack it like I asked?
- I don't know.

You were supposed
to put this in the dishwasher
the night before.

There it is.
What is all this stuff?

You brought
the remote to school?

Gus said his had more buttons.

There's a can opener
in here, my man.

That's like a time capsule
for B-list items.

Check this out.

My own pants.

Do you wanna play
ice cream, Morris?

Excuse me, may I have
some ice cream?

Oh, oh, right.
This... Hey, guys.

- Thank you, here's the bucks.
- Kids.

- Come clean this.
- Thank you.

It's quicker if I do it.

They'll get it next time.

Hey, buddy, what are you
doin' this weekend?

Potty training a toddler.

We got his uh, favourite
treat as a nice reward.

Eh! Oh, I'm sorry,
the answer we were looking for

is you are going
to the Raptors game with me,
your friend!

My treat!
- What? You're... What?

- Yep. You heard right!
- Really? Thank you!

- One thing.
- Did Ennis tell you

that Fintekoäly is treating us
to a Raptors game?

- Kinda.
- I was building to that.

Can I have a ride?
I would like to get quite
hammered, please.

- No.
- The real question is why?

'Cause he fiddles
with all the dials.

Why would Fintekoäly,
the very company

that is trying
to replace us with AI,

treat us to a basketball game?

Wanna know the answer?
- Oh, yes.

So do I, James.
That is why we all must go
and learn what we can.

Oh, but James,
you can't go, right?

You actually have
to stay home and teach your baby
how to go poo-poo.

I will be going
to the Raptor game.

And potty training
will not stop me.

Good.
We'll present a united front.

A family. Family
cannot be replaced by robots.

- Yeah, can Astrid come?
- Yeah, I don't care.

Oh!

That's Marla for yes.

Morris... Je veux
te que touches ma bouche.

- Oh Dawn,

always trying to get men
to touché her boobs.

Laugh all you want,

but we started Corey on French
lessons when he was two.

You missed the boat
with Viv and Felix.

How do you say
condescending in French?

- Condescendant.
- Hmm.

- Having fun with your cousins?
- Sort of.

I tried to teach them
about the maned wolf,

but they were just taking apart
the bookshelf.

The Gio Ponti or the
Theodore Alexandra?

Take your cousins down
to the basement, please.

Yes, Mumsy.

Mumsy? What cheek!

Looks like everyone
is misbehaving today.

The kids, the new employee
who took two tea breaks.

So, anyway, um,
I just remembered,

James and I are going
to the Raptors game.

So fun.
- Oh, the kids will love it!

- They're not coming.

But they would love
to spend more time with
Dawn Auntie and Uncle Bo.

I don't know.
I love them so much,
but they're so fragile.

- My kids are not fragile.
- I meant my things.

Your kids are wonderful, but my
poor house can't take much more.

No offence.
- None?

I can take them.
Have you heard of Laser Mania?

With the flashing lights
and the cheap food
and the laser tag?

You wanna go there?
- Lasers, Bo?

Yeah, sounds like
Bangkok in the '90s.

I mean, that's amazing.
Thank you.

Morris is
potty-trained, right?

- Yep.
- Oh yeah.

Come on, kids, let's go!

They're gonna have
so much fun.

With Bo.
Chasing after them.

Alone.
- Why are you talking...

in short... sentences?

I'm concerned
it'll be too much for him.

Let's face it,
all our kids are a bit wild.

Yeah, look at Corey
vacuuming against the grain,
like an animal.

Look, you know
I love your kids,

and it's not their fault that
they have trouble listening.

Would you rather I get out
the wooden spoon, like Mom?

Oh, God, do you remember that?

Your mom hit you
with a wooden spoon?

I mean, she never
actually hit me,

but the spoon came out and
I did whatever I was told.

But didn't she hit you once?
She did.

Please, I was
practically perfect.

Okay, I spilled lemonade once.
I thought she hit you?

Oh, my God.
She played us!

You know what you should try?
The silent treatment.

Worked on me. The silence
was both meditative

and soul crushing.
- I think we're good.

Come on, kids,
let's get outta here!

Okay, kids, TV off.

Viv, stop bouncing.

You said we could
watch one more.

- Yeah, and it's almost done.
- Okay, one more,

but then you stop watching.

You know what
my know-it-all sister said?

- Hmm?
- She said the kids
run the house.

What?
No, they're just spirited.

That's what I said.
And we don't wanna crush
their spirits, right?

- Can you guys talk quieter?
- Yeah, I can't hear.

- Let's crush their spirits.
- Yeah, a little bit.

This is a thing
my mom used to do.

Ahem.

- Hey!

- We were watching that!
- I said turn the TV off.

Now, clean your lunch boxes
and your room, now.

Huh, what's that you're doin'?

It's a look my mom used to do.
It's terrifying.

You look like you
have to sneeze.

All right, you know what?
Enough outta you.

We said now!

Let's just take a little...
Um, what are we,

can I just, what is this?
What's that?

- This is what
my mom used to do.
- Uh-huh.

I mean, she never actually,
you know, made contact.

- Okay, good.

So, this is just empty threats.

I'm sorry, was your plan
to look at them intently?

It's a little bit...
Okay, kids just two seconds.

Which one's scarier?

What about this guy?
Hey, I'm getting the eyebrows.

And now you don't know
what to do.

Oh, you're so tough,
you're so tough. Well, I--

We need you to know
that we love everything
about you, good and bad.

- We just wanna work together.
- Yes.

Without yelling, or silly
looks, or hitting with a spoon.

- You were gonna hit us?
- So, now spoons are scary.

No. No one
was gonna hit anyone.

But we need to make
a change around here.

We tell you to do something,
you do it.

And you know what?
If you don't do it,

we're gonna take away
a privilege.

You got it?
- All right, let's try this out.

We would love if your room
were clean before bed.

- Deal!
- Deal!

Clear communication
for the win.

Uh-oh, Morris has
got the look.

Oh, not a problem.
We're on a roll.

We got this!

Okay, well,
we didn't get that.

Yeah, turns out clear
communication works best

with a human being
who knows lots of words.

Well, at least he fell
asleep right after.

He must've been pooped.

Oh, you're so proud
of that one.

So um, what privileges
were you thinking

of taking away from the kids?

Uh, you know, TV, sweets,
video games, fresh air.

Eye contact. The classics.

And what about Viv,
who has poor impulse control?

Well, I dunno.

I mean, ADHD can't be an excuse
not to do what we ask.

Look at you talking tough,
like a big, mean daddy.

- No thank you?
- I'm sorry.

- That was awful.
- I hated it as it was
coming out of my mouth.

Okay, I was gonna roll
with it for you.

But I don't--

Snowball fight with socks!

What's going on in here?
I told you guys to
clean this room!

Freeze!

We just had a family
meeting about this.

This is unacceptable.
- It's our room.

We like it like this.
- Yeah!

Excuse me, you remember what
we talked about consequences?

No listening, no cleaning,
no Laser Mania.

No fair!
- Well, I'm afraid so,

'cause when this foot
comes down, it stays down.

Ooh!

Also means no Raptors game.

No fair!

- Look at this!

Poop goes
in the potty.

I believe in you, buddy.
I believe in you.

Look at this little saw.

Look, there's a little
saw for you to hold.

Before kids,
bodily functions

weren't a common topic
of conversation.

After kids, feels like
the only thing you talk about.

Well, that was my last encore.

I don't think he's gonna go.

I know butts,
it's only a matter of time.

"A" for effort, my dude.

Well, at least we have
all afternoon to practice

since we're not going
to the Raptors game.

- Yeah, about that.
- No, James.

Uh-uh. No, James. No, no.
You are not going without me.

I don't wanna go,
I have to go.

It's work.
It's-it's unpaid work, actually.

I mean, my boss
is gonna be there.

I'm not gonna have
any fun, I swear.

I can see your Raptors jersey
through your shirt, James.

Well, in my defence,
I did not know that!

You are staying here.
You're the one who screwed up!

I was just trying
to lay down the law.

And I gave you the look.
We share a look.

I thought you were gonna
take away TV for a week,

not launch all nukes.
- Basketball fans,

are you ready for game night?!

No. No, we're not.
Mostly because it's not night,

it's very, very early.

Yes, but I rented us a limo.
Do a hoop.

- Oh no.
- Come on, do a hoop.

I figure we go to Yorkville,

do some luxury shopping,
maybe get some pregame steaks

at Harbour 60,
then hit the game.

Are you trying
to Pretty Woman us?

Ennis, we're not going
to a basketball game

11 hours before it begins.

Well then, I guess
the three of us

will just have to hang around
here all day!

Let's do this!
All right!

- No, no.
- Ooh, hey.

Oh, your kids
aren't here, are they?

Yes, yes, they are here.
And they're bad so.

Okay, I'm so glad
we're finally ready
to talk about this.

Your kids are the worst.
- They misbehaved.

So, we have to stay
and punish them.

I don't understand,
why do you have to stay here

if they're just standing
in a closet?

Oh, my God, is that how
your parents punished you?

Pff, my mom didn't put me
in a closet all day

because I lost a hamster, okay?

There was lots of stuff
going on that day.

Anyway, Finteka-ole,
or however you say it.

- Fintekoäly.
- They sprung for a box, okay?

Free food, free drinks.

You get to literally
look down on people who have
worse seats than you.

My limo is a stretch Hummer.
You know the last time I was
in a stretch Hummer?

My DJing days.
- You made enough money as a DJ

to get a stretch Hummer?
- He DJ'd inside

of stretch Hummers.
- Ah.

You know the horn
plays La Cucaracha?

Look, t-shirt cannons,
little kids dancing,

old people dancing,
sushi for everybody.

Let's go!
- I know, it sounds amazing.

I want to go.
Do you know how much
I wanna see a slam dunk?

Do you know how long it's been
since I've seen a live dunk?

Tonight, I'm probably missing
six, seven, eight slam dunks.

Nine, if they play well.
- Could be ten.

I could catch it on a replay.
Won't be the same.

It's not the same!
- Yeah, so in essence,

what we're saying is our kids
need to be punished

and we need to stick
to our guns.

Okay, here's what you do.
You put a fresh battery

in the smoke detector
and we walk away.

Oh!

I gotta take that.
Think about it.

Hi, who's a sleepy little guy?

Yeah, you are. No, no.
No rush to get up.

We're stuck here all day,
thanks to Daddy.

Hey, buddy.
Time to get up and realize

that Daddy was being a very good
and smart parent,

and he just thought Mommy
was on board.

Yes, Mommy was on board
and she realizes

it's ultimately for the best.

Yes, it is ultimately
for the best.

See, this is part
of the sacrifice that one

has to make about being
a parent.

- Now, a query.
- Okay.

Is there a way for us to not
walk back the punishment?

We would never, we would
never, we would never.

But perhaps there is a way
for us to get what we want.

- Hmm.
- While also getting
what we want.

- Ooh!
- With a little guilt trip.

I love this.
This is an effective thing.

Also, the engine
that runs my life.

What kind of guilt trip
were you thinking about?

All right, here's the deal.

First you're gonna clean
your rooms,

then you're gonna clean
your lunch containers,

and then, as a little break,

you're gonna do math
for the rest of the day.

- Yeah, sorry,

you guys messed up
and now we're just gonna up
your math game by like 10,000%.

- Them's the breaks.
- This is the worst day ever!

Yeah, no kidding!
I just had to break
the news to Uncle Bo, so.

- Oh, how did he take it?
- Ooh, not good.

- Oh no.
- Like, really bad actually.

I actually couldn't even hear
him through the tears.

- Aw.
- He was crying?

- She heard us!

Eek!
- Hey, it was a good
question though.

Okay, between us.

- Okay, don't tell Bo.
- He was crying.

- Yeah.
- Big time.

This actually meant so much
to Uncle Bo,

so... he'll be sad forever.

- Forever?
- Well, that's, let me,

I think it's a little too far.
I wasn't on the phone,

but I don't think he said...
He's gonna be fine.

The real question is,
what can we do?

What can we do to help him...
- Good question.

- ...out of the funk?
- Yeah, well, I don't think

it's fair that Uncle Bo
is punished for your mistakes.

So, I guess you could clean
your room,

and then maybe...
maybe at the end of it,

there might be a little treat,

but only if your room
is spotless.

- What's the big treat?
- Hmm. I don't know, but maybe,

maybe it's got something to do
with lights and lasers.

Clean your room and
you can go to Laser Mania.

Yes!

- I mean, this is...
- I mean, incredible work!

Seems clean.

But is it?

Wow, that's actually amazing.

Ah, ba, ba, what is that?

Oh, these are my toy soldiers.

I put them there for storage.
And I sorted them.

Hmm.

Shelves could use a dust.

Hmm.
Carpets could use a shampoo.

But I feel like
you guys worked so hard.

- Hmm.
- So, maybe just this one time.

Sorry for cancelling
and then uncancelling the plans.

No problemo.
Just enjoy your game
and do not worry about us.

Psst! Who's ready for an
immersive experience?

- Here's some diapers.
- What?

Yeah, so when I said that
he was potty-trained,

what I meant was
he's in training.

I am a potty sensei.
If he's not trained now,

he will be
by the end of the day.

- Thanks, Bo.
- Bye, Mom! Bye, Dad!

Give me the confidence of a
man who's done something once.

Let our kid poop his pants,
doesn't matter.

We're gonna to the Raptor game.

All right, well, we had
some rough moments,

but uh, parents of the year
back on track.

Yeah, we're tough
when we have to be,

but we still let them live
a life, you know?

Yes. And you know what?
Tomorrow, we are gonna come up

with some firm rules
and we are gonna enforce
the hell out of 'em.

Just a suggestion, you know,
tonight's gonna be a late night,

so maybe we start
the day after tomorrow.

- Good thinking, my love.
- Hmm.

The party bus is here.
Wah, wah, wah!

- Okay!
- On our way, buddy!

What, wait a minute.

Those little
tricked us!

Okay, okay.

Hey, can I help ya?

Yeah, looking
for a couple kids.

That sounded criminal.
We're looking for our kids

who need to be punished.
- About this high.

Can't be trusted.
- Hmm.

Yeah, I can't give
you access to kids.

Uh, we have a strict
no weirdo policy here.

Those weirdos are with me.

Of course they are.

- Hey.
- Hi.

Why are you here?
And also, thank God you're here.

Bo, you're off the hook.
Our kids betrayed us,
they're going home.

I'm sorry, do you work here now?

No, Morris had
a little accident,

and then he had a big one.

I need a new Belgian
linen shirt anyway.

- Hey, Bo, where are our kids?
- Oh, they're over there.

Watch him.

- Felix made me do it.
- Did not!

Did so.
I'm just a little girl.

We're not angry,
we're just, we're disappointed.

- Oh, it's a classic. Nice.
- And to be honest,

we're pretty angry, too.
- Yeah, that's it.

We're going home.
Right now.

No, please let us stay!

Please, please!
- We're sorry!

I don't want you to spoon me!

- No one is getting spooned.
- It's not a real--

Okay, listen,
we are your parents.

And what we say matters
and is not up for debate.

You're going home and
you're cleaning your room.

End of story.
And no screen time for a week.

And no ice cream.
And no breakfast tomorrow.

- I mean, that's a bit much.
- Yeah.

Breakfast will
not be delicious.

All right, that's it.
Give all your tickets to Corey.

Let's go.
- What?

But I--

Okay.

There's a game where you
murder aliens, with a gun!

Play it.
Tell me everything.

- Okay!
- Go get your brother.

Go.

You did the look.
You did the look and it worked!

It worked!
- I can scare our kids!

Punishing your kids

can feel like you're
punishing yourself.

And sometimes,
honestly, you deserve it.

Okay, math break over.

Upstairs and finish
cleaning your room.

- How is doing math a break?
- Upstairs. Go.

Can we have pizza for dinner?

Huh, pizza for dinner?

No, you're not gonna
have pizza for dinner

'cause we're gonna have...

Uh, well, we forgot
to plan dinner.

But you are not having pizza.

- Aw.
- Yeah, that's right.

- Yeah.
- We can do this is all weekend.

We can't! I hate this.
I'm so bored.

Can we just let them watch
a movie or something?

Can't we watch a movie
while they clean?

You think Morris will ever
remember A Quiet Place?

I don't know, it's quiet.
Maybe he'll fall asleep.

Hey, Marla. How are ya?
What's up?

They wanted us
to have a good time.

That's why Fintekoäly
invited us to the game.

Yep, well, mystery solved.

I'm sorry we couldn't
make it, but uh--

A good time?! After
one of the weakest quarters

in the last three quarters?
I don't trust them.

Okay, well, I-I have to go,
Marla, but just consider

that Fintekoäly is just trying
to install some software

and they're not trying
to take over the company?

Goodbye, James.

- Ooh, that is a parenting look.
- Yeah, she got the stuff.

You know, I can't believe
my mother used to control
my whole life with a look.

I don't know, that look you
did before was pretty scary.

Oh yeah? This guy?

That's a little De Niro.

- Are you talking back to me?
- Okay.

I think it would work.
Yeah. Um...

Pupils are always...
- Yeah, I'm just...

I'm not, yeah, I don't
feel anything from this.

Okay, what about you?
I bet you can't even...
You don't have a look.

- I got it, I got it.
- Okay.

- Five, six, um...

I mean, your looks
do make me wanna obey you.

Want me to get the spoon?