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THEME MUSIC PLAYS
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Hmmmh!
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FLOORBOARD CREAKS
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CRASH!
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We know he'd had a curry and watched
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A neighbour saw a Volvo outside at
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Yes. What was the video, please?
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Right.
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Could be a clue.
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What? He was killed by a lion?
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Dave Jones was our colleague,
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There's a cop-killer out there!
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Well?
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WELL?!
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GET THE BASTAR-R-RD!
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Everything's gotta be clever
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Episode one: a dead body
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It was the old lady
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How's your sex life?
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I have my moments, thank you.
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I have hours, and hours, and hours!
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Are you ready?
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Bum looks nice today, Mark. Help
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Very sure of yourself, aren't you?
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You know what that means?
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Deep down,
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Really? Yeah. Yeah!
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And the short are the most tall?
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No. I thought I saw a spark
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Recognise him? No.
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David Jones. Look him up.
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Detective Chief Inspector
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I'm not always here.
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"D Jones. 91 Mayfield Road.
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He's overdue! Mmm. Well, the night
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Ah! You see, that's your mind,
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That's why I joined the force.
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But what about YOU?
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Why do YOU run a video shop?
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Do you wish life was like a video,
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and see where you went wrong? No.
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Oh. Right. Well... thank you.
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Thank you. Ah! You thanked ME?
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Why?
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What have I done? Nothing. You said
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OK.
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Right.
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We know where you are, right?
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Next time, he's mine, THANK YOU!
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He's a villain, I can smell it.
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Awwff!
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Obviously, I wasn't ready that time.
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That's two hours in the gym every
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Well?
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Yes, I got 'im!
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Nice work, Val! Thank you.
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Very good. Very good.
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Volvo, very good.
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You got no prints, no weapon,
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Is that what you want, sir?
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Why did I put you two together?
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Look! You're a team.
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Hard cop, soft cop,
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Every animal needs a brain.
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Nod, then.
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Nod!
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Nail 'im!
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Together.
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I'll give you the world.
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But get a confession, my peaches.
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Bring 'im in!
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That's... um, mousse, sir.
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Oh, right. Thank you, sir.
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Mmm...
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Bastard!
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Oh, Christ! You're an ugly bastard!
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Don't listen to her, Frank.
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Well, may the best woman win.
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I'm waiting.
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Right.
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This interview commences at 21.44.
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Present in the room are Sgt Cole,
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Mr Foster has declined a solicitor.
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You are Frank Foster
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Don't you like solicitors? Don't
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Just making conversation, Frank.
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Carry on, Sergeant.
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you were convicted of the murder
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Then you were released. Have you
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I thought it was This Is Your Life.
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Your brother served five years.
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On your release,
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We've a sworn statement
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You said, "I'll get Jones
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Keep it with your nine-bob notes?
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That's very good!
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You're very, very poised, Frank.
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You're in control.
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Or are you?
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It's the uncontrolled
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What are you talkin' about?
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Carry on, Sergeant.
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Thank you, Sergeant(!)
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On September 12th, David Jones
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Sorry?! That the best you can do?
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I can make you VERY sorry, Foster!
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Oh, I get it.
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Dave Jones was my colleague.
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Dave Jones was my friend.
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He had a beautiful wife
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And a little daughter, baby Tracey.
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Baby Tracey loved her daddy.
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Do you want to see a photo
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Yes.
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TOUGH!
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Sergeant Cole,
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He was supposed to say no!
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Wish I'd brought a video.
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You're the animal, I'm the brains.
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Afraid of the truth, Frank? No.
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Do you smoke? Thank you. So do I.
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Where were you on 12th September?
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Friday night
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Look! That's you!
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"Customers enjoyed a glass
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It was Uncle Frank's special offer
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Ashtray, Sergeant! Floor, Sergeant!
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Dave Jones rented this the night
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You had to,
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You looked up his address on your
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Got fingerprints? Got a weapon?
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Those are police uniforms,
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At the time of the murder,
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a Volvo was outside his house.
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It's a suburb. We all drive Volvos.
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You showed me his photo in the shop.
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I didn't recognise him. Don't blame
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He didn't have the hole in his head.
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I understand you're a scumbag!
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Her number's 999. But she does go
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Whose side are you two on? Your
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Because you've got the truth.
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I'm going inside your mind now,
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Come with me!
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Can I come, too? Oh, shush!
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Yes! You were Frank Foster,
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You had it all,
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from Epping to Basildon.
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It wasn't just a patch, Frank.
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You ruled... the world!
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You had Jags, you had Mercs.
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You had wives with Jags,
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You had girls in the Jags
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Flares.
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Yes, Flares.
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Of all the clubs in all of Essex,
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Billy Boy Brown
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What did that little punk
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At Showaddywaddy!
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They weren't comedians, were they?
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were the past,
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Had to be done, Frank.
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But who was there, the night you
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Dave was your boy.
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He was loyal, he was smart.
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Just one little problem, Frank.
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He was an undercover policeman.
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Shame!
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You don't wear c... Excuse me!
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You don't wear camel hair now,
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What? Can't get
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Dave Jones destroyed you.
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Dave Jones stole your life.
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Twelve years inside.
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And you came out...
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Your gang was gone. Essex was gone.
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All the thugs in Essex were working
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You opened a video shop!
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Did the Godfather open
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Did the Krays? Did Bugsy?
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They didn't sell videos, Frank,
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because they ARE videos.
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Just look at yourself!
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At least cat's piss is free, Frank.
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Then Dave strolls in.
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The man who stole your life.
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And you think to yourself, "This
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And so you did, Frank.
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You wanted justice.
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We all want justice.
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"One for me, one for my brother."
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Yeah! Two bullets.
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You cut the letters from your own
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I swear to God
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I understand, Frank. You've a damp
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It's the trickle of truth. I didn't
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it's got nothing to do with you.
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It's not your fault you're violent.
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Thank you very much!
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Where was I?
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Mmm... a damp trickle
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violence in the '30s. Yes.
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You were born in the '30s.
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That wasn't your fault, for a start.
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When you were a baby,
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Violence was everywhere. Your dad
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Never did a day's work in his life.
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Wasn't his fault, he was Irish,
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"No Blacks, no Irish."
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He hated this country.
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Why did his family
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Because of the potato famine,
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Was that your fault? Answer me!
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No! And THAT is why you are here!
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You are here, Frank,
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God save us all! What can we do?
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We have no control over our lives.
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You did it, Frank. You know
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Breathe deeply, Frank,
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There's a baby inside you, Frank.
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That baby is hurting you like hell.
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The baby's called Truth, Frank.
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Open your mouth, and pop it out!
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I'm here, Frank, I'm ready.
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I'm your midwife, Frank,
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Come on, Frank, push!
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I didn't do it!
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Bollocks!
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"The baby's called Truth"?!
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Can't you see that?
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I'll get this confession now, OK?
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Dave should've promoted me.
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I know, see? It's called
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What do YOU think, Frank?
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Like her psychologicals? Rubbish!
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That's right. We're old school.
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He'd buy ME a pint, I'd buy HIM one.
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Villains and coppers, all together.
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We know how to get the truth,
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I admit I need a handkerchief.
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22.19.
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Suspect requested handkerchief
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Won't be a moment.
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I'm very sorry, Frank,
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but that's what happens, you see.
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A confession to Auntie Wendy, and
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I've given everything!
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All right. I lied.
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Ah!
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Big push now, Frank.
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When you came into my shop... Yes.
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...and you showed me his photo...
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'Recognise him? No.'
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Of course I recognised him!
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But I wasn't gonna tell YOU, was I?
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That's it. I haven't seen him
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What you said is true. Uncle Frank
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If I killed him, why leave clues?
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You like psychologicals now? Don't
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She divorced him in '92.
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Maybe she joined when they were
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Your partner likes Driller Killer.
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You thought Jeff Bridges did it,
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Yeah? Yeah. I watched in the shop.
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Look at me. I'm not a killer no
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All right, then, yeah.
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Yes, all right, I will. Name
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Starman. Yes. The Fisher King.
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Thunderbolt And Lightfoot.
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Er... and that one with Jeff Bridges.
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The Fabulous Boys.
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You know I didn't do it.
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Well? I'm getting him a hankie, sir.
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Let him wipe his nose on his arse.
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Got him yet, then?
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Help yourself. Oh... cheeky!
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Fancy a drink when it's over? Yeah.
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I'll 'ave a treble. Give me
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Oh. Thanks.
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Has he talked yet? He's talked, yes.
281
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:29,959
No, has he talked?
282
00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:32,959
You forget what bastards they are!
283
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:37,159
Talk now, won't you?
284
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:42,959
Didn't think we were allowed guns.
285
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:45,959
WE know you did it,
286
00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:50,959
But you won't say it!
287
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:54,959
He didn't do it. Shut it!
288
00:22:56,960 --> 00:23:02,959
Always the quiet ones, isn't it,
289
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:08,319
I don't talk about sex
290
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:12,959
I called him "sir" in bed.
291
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:14,959
Oh...
292
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:16,959
he LOVED that!
293
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:23,959
What? You and Dave?!
294
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:27,159
It was lovely while it lasted!
295
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:30,959
We did all the things you do.
296
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:36,959
Afterwards, he'd tell me
297
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:44,959
I told him I'd get our videos.
298
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:46,959
I was Mrs D Jones!
299
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,959
At last! Dave didn't care about you.
300
00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:56,959
That's true. You always know
301
00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:00,959
All I did was ask him for promotion.
302
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:05,959
He said it was blackmail.
303
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:12,959
I was the one being dumped.
304
00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:17,159
I got your list.
305
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:23,959
I hired a Volvo just like yours.
306
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:27,959
My hair was different
307
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:31,959
Men are so thick like that,
308
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:33,959
Then I went round there.
309
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:36,959
Curry. Video.
310
00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:38,999
Goodbye bonk.
311
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:44,959
Last time was better than the first.
312
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:51,959
Stop it! You know nothing
313
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:54,959
I don't think so. It all happened.
314
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:57,639
But not to ME!
315
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:05,959
Mmm...!
316
00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:09,959
GUNSHOT
317
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:13,959
Yes, I loved him!
318
00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:16,959
And I killed him.
319
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:24,959
Feel smug now, do you, cos you made
320
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:29,959
How'd you know? Well, cos you'd
321
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:36,959
You tease the young ones,
322
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:40,959
Something to do with my father,
323
00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:44,959
I'd guess you lost your father
324
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:50,959
Been searching for him ever since.
325
00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:52,959
I'm right!
326
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:57,959
I lost him when I was six. I'm so
327
00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:03,959
In Tesco's! I waited by the door
328
00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:11,959
You're in the photo with your hair
329
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:17,999
Well, thanks(!) The coat, was it?
330
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:23,959
Am I? Well, from just the coat, I
331
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:31,959
She found this in your pocket.
332
00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:32,959
Sorry!
333
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:39,959
How did you know I had a gun?
334
00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:46,959
I made you confess.
335
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:49,959
So I won, with psychology.
336
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:54,799
You - confession!
337
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:58,959
What confession? Tape wasn't on.
338
00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:04,159
You're more likely to pull a man
339
00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:07,959
She's right, Frank. She's right.
340
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:14,959
I'm useless with anything like that.
341
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:18,959
You are so right, Valerie.
342
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:22,999
Let's do it your way.
343
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:26,999
Yes, let's. Yeah, YOURS.
344
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:36,959
Listen. There's a Hitchcock on
345
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:44,959
He's not talking to you, he's
346
00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:50,959
You haven't felt anything like this
347
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:55,959
have you, Frank? No.
348
00:27:56,960 --> 00:28:00,959
Turn it on.
349
00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:03,799
Valerie Bitch Cole,
350
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:05,959
I'm charging you with the murder...
351
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:09,959
I killed Dave! All right!
352
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:14,959
Well? Well? Got a confession?
353
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:22,959
Hi, sir! Yes, I have, as a matter
354
00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:28,959
♪ Murder most horrid!
355
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:33,959
♪ As soft as the smoke from a barrel
356
00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:37,959
♪ As cold as the blade of the knife
357
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:42,959
♪ She's a stranger you love
358
00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:47,959
♪ A caress could cost you your life
359
00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:50,959
♪ And you wake in the night
360
00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:53,959
♪ Wipe the sweat from your forehead
23356
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