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The moment I arrived,
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upon the beating heart of France.
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With the warm spring sunshine
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Merveillac stretched out her arms
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Bonjour!
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The patron of the hotel welcomed me
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where the unmistakable scent of
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and he bade me sup.
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'Non, non, non!'
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It was never like that!...
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I know. I was there.
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You speak English! English, German,
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bit of Japanese, whichever languages
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It is now.
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Go away, monsieur. We no longer have
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She arrived on a Wednesday...
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Bonjour!
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Come on.
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Nous sommes fermes!
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No, you're not! Come on, open up.
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I am tired, hungry and in no mood
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So you ARE open. Splendid!
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Mes valises sont dans la voiture.
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Enchantee de vous voir.
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Je suis fatiguee. C'est loin
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Do you speak English?
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Yes, I do!
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I do!
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Once again, my perfect classical
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Be careful with that typewriter.
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That is the instrument of my genius.
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Yes, monsieur.
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Auteur and bon viveur.
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Author of Tucking Into Tuscany?
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What is it... that you want?
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That is exactly what I said
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She said "Verity, Italy is finished.
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"The punters want France, so use any
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I can't TELL you
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So, patron...
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...seduce my senses,
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What have you got?
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We have burger, pizza, hot dog.
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Is that it?
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Nothing... French?
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French fries. Merde!
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I've got
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She moved in
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and began to write about Merveillac.
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The food, the wine,
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"...where the whole community
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"gathers in a riotous cacophony
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"of culinary clamour, a glorious
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"amongst the tripe and truffles,
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"one could haggle
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"...and flirt with the farmers."
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Non! The market,
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like your Marks and Spencer,
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like your... Iceland?
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Les enfants aiment les fish fingers.
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Ce sont le Bird's Eye?
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Mais pour nous,
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Le coq au vin! Ca suffit pour le
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Pas encore le Basic Instinct!
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This place is DISGUSTINGLY spotless!
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What's wrong with you lot?
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Where's your sloppy Gallic charm,
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your laissez-faire lovability?
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...Your filthy rural peasanty-ness?
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Poor, misguided buggers.
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Are you saying
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Non.
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I am saying she made ALL of it up.
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You have never met Verity 'Odge -
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She demanded that I cooked in a way
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French food... it's very difficult.
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I'm writing the final chapter,
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It's called The Best Meal Ever.
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So I sincerely hope it will be.
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'The final chapter -
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"I began slowly, pacing myself
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"an individual pastry feuillete
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"Then, a slice
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"of the lightest Rocquefort
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More!
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"The patron insisted on taking me
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"with a table for my bicycle
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"for my yellow jersey.
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"As we raced through soups and tarts
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"and confit and pate
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"and magret
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"and souffle and cassoulet
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"and a cornucopia of other stuff.
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"It was a meal
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"that captured the essence
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Patron! Remind me what I've eaten.
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I need a list of the ingredients.
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Right. I just need to gratuitously
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When I die... they shall find...
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...engraved on my heart...
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...two... simple... words...
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...Mangez...
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...Mer... veill... ac.
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Hello? I'd like to speak to Philip.
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It would seem that he's been
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All right! All right! I just
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Verity Hodge.
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Philip! Hello!
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How are you?
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Everybody loves it? That IS good!
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Especially the tap-dancing goat?
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You should see it here.
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Pardon?
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You want to what?
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Right... No, no. That's super!
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Bye-bye.
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Aa-a-a-a-agh!
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Apparently...
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...it's a phenom... enal success.
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The Sunday Times want
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Sainsbury's want to do a tie-in...
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...and bloody Radio 4 have got it
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And guess what baggage they want
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Felicity Kendal? Yes!
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That is success indeed, Madame.
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No, it's not! It's terrible!
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Everybody lo-o-ves Merveillac!
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And they're queuing up to come
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So what is the probleme? God!
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...is, patron...
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...that Merveillac
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so I have had to help it along a bit
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give it a bit of spin,
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And now they're all going to come
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I'm f-finished!
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I think perhaps it is time
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How can you think of that now?!
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God! You're just like all the other
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who fall hopelessly in love
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Do you know who you remind me of?
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The young Philip Larkin.
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Venez, venez.
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Did I ever tell you
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He was a horny little bugger!
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And dear, dear, dear, dear
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Johnny, this is the end
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Non, non, non!
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'But by the next afternoon, Madame
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'Merveillac was going to have
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Mais, qu'est-ce que vous faites la?
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What exactly do we think
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C'est Eurosport! Gazza! Lazio!
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I'm sorry, but I have just written
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and you are watching satellite TV?
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I want all of you out
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Everyone, out there!
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C'est incroyable.
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Out! Non! C'est fou!
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What are you doing?
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Before long, you'll have
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They're coming to see Merveillac -
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Ever heard the expression
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My name is Johnny.
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Play the game my way and this
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More boules!
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Yes. That's very good.
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Have this. It's more French.
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Right. Now...
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Sit on there, could you? Go on.
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Take that. I'll take this.
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Paquet pour Madame. Merci.
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I do like that old bike.
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Yes. This place might just pass.
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Francois! Look! It's my book!
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Chut! Chut!
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La, la, la, la! Vite, vite!
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Mummy! Rollo's sick
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Now, look, you two. This is Mummy
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Will you two stop fighting?!
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Hello?
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Hello!
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Is this Merveillac?
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Verity Hodge -
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Mais oui.
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I can't wait to try the brandade
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Welcome. Bienvenu. Can I help?
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Darling! It's Verity Hodge!
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Verity, you're a genius. Am I? No!
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Yes. All right!
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Brilliant place!
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Look!
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Is that the goat that tap-dances?
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Lessons start tomorrow.
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We've had another wonderful week!
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Merveillac, I knew I'd come across
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a little bit of paradise...
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♪ Ni le bien qu'on m'a fait... ♪
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...something so rare, so perfect,
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and I knew I had to share it
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Merveillac is rather like Chartres.
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Chartres was AMAZING.
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That was where there was
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Much better than the sausage
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No. There, we rushed the sausage to
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Look...
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I'm in the communication business
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"Heck! Somebody's got to bloody well
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I'd like to thank someone
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a lot of credit, but without whom
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I'd like us to raise our glasses...
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Verity Hodge. Oooh!
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Well...! I humbly accept your thanks
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But let us not forget that a
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OK, they may not wash, OK, they may
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but, boy,
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Bloody journalists! They've made
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I look like
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Yes, of course. Thank you.
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Super.
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Marvellous.
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There we go. It's a marvellous book!
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This isn't my book. It is. What
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and YOU have stolen my best recipes.
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You're nothing but a common thief!
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I'm terribly sorry, everybody.
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This woman is clearly quite mad.
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One of the burdens of celebrity -
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Listen, granny, the South Bank Show
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The South Bank Show! Yes - like
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You're a wicked woman! I'm warning
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no crackpot will stop Melvyn
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Sequel?!
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Un sequel?!
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Un sequel?
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Un sequel.
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Un sequel?
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'The village was in uproar.'
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'By the next morning
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'we had made our decision.'
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"And so, for the first time
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"the village decided
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"to mark the end of the solstice."
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Une lettre? Pour moi?
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Merci!
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So where are you, then?
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I'm here.
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And you've got to listen. Look...
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...there's been some misunderstanding
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But that's tough.
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But I... I'm not having
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I'm not some housewife
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I... am Verity Hodge.
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I sell more books than Dickens.
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And I am here to warn you...
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No! No, no, no! I'm warning YOU.
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...you are going to die.
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You are! You are going to die.
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Madame Hodge.
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I can explain everything. The feast!
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Please.
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Right.
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Oooh!
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Whatever... ooh...
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Yes...
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Look! The main course. This is
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I haven't thought of Peter Barnet,
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Where is everybody?
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I wonder what this herb is.
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Yes, where IS Verity?
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This was billed as Verity's dinner.
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Like that goat. That wasn't
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...shuffle! That man poking it
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Garcon!
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We want Verity!
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Monsieur Bogleby!
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Listen, Monsieur Matey. No offence,
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but we didn't come all this bloody
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done up in fancy dress!
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and we want Verity! We want Verity!
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We want Verity!
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00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:22,159
We want Verity!...
282
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:26,959
Mais arretez!
283
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:32,959
Is this some joke?
284
00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:36,959
No joke! We know how seriously
285
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:39,159
What have you done with her?
286
00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:43,959
We have created
287
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:46,959
So now you can get into
288
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:49,959
your Ford Mondeos
289
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:53,959
and go back to your Crawley
290
00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:58,959
Go and tell them what a marvellous
291
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:00,959
with all ze amusing peasants!
292
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:02,999
And tell them how well you ate
293
00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:06,959
All thanks to Verity Hodge!
294
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:09,959
With a little onion, a little garlic
295
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:11,959
and plenty of red wine!
296
00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:15,959
T'as vu les lunettes?!
297
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:22,959
You're all mad! Bloody mad!
298
00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:26,159
Let's get out before they eat us
299
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:35,959
We've eaten her!
300
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:43,959
I knew what they were planning.
301
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:47,999
It was one of my recipes!
302
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:53,959
Next day, the tourists left
303
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:56,479
and they never came back.
304
00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:58,959
Verity 'Odge was never found.
305
00:26:59,960 --> 00:27:02,959
Is that what really happened?
306
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:10,959
That is what they say happened...
307
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:12,959
But is it true?
308
00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:15,479
I need to know!
309
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:18,959
Look around you.
310
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:30,959
Good enough for me!
311
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:31,959
I'll buy it!
312
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:38,959
Warner Brothers have a screenplay,
313
00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:41,799
Starts shooting here soon! Un film?
314
00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:43,959
Yeah! You're gonna be famous!
315
00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:46,959
We got Danny DeVito as the mayor,
316
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:50,159
as Verity and -
317
00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:52,959
playing you, we got Joe Pesci!
318
00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:57,479
This place will be buzzin'!
319
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:04,959
OK, Brad! Let's make movies!
320
00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:05,999
Come on!
321
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:08,159
No, no! No! No!
322
00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:54,959
They swallowed it
323
00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:57,959
hook, line and sinker.
324
00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:00,959
Now, we will be seriously rich!
20775
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