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1
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Sid?
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Sid!
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And that was it. 13 years of work
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"Well done. Shake hands.
5
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I was just explaining how I lost my
6
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Another 45 minutes or so.
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The out-placement counsellor
8
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"Grow"!
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The only thing I'll grow is an
10
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'I've been putting in
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'Everything's running smoothly.'
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You will welcome her, won't you?
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No.
14
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Come on, you two, don't be rotten!
15
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Granny's had bad luck
16
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with Grandpa dying and then...
17
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...the other thing.
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Just give a cheery wave
19
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Then you can watch telly
20
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Cassandra? No! Why not?
21
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Because I hate her! So do I!
22
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God!
23
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Where are they? It's quarter to six!
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Maybe they crashed,
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If you make remarks like that...
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...in front of Granny,
27
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Hello, Mummy!
28
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She was asleep for the whole trip.
29
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She doesn't look well, does she?
30
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It's her heart -
31
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It's all that's keeping her going.
32
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Hello, dear!
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Let's get the kettle on.
34
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I'm parched!
35
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My goodness! Haven't you both grown!
36
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Shut up!
37
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Pardon, dear? Clio, Cassandra,
38
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Why's your hat screwed on so tight?
39
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Girls - up to your rooms! Room!
40
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What did she say? "Make yourself
41
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Funny smell in here, Pam.
42
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Can we afford to have her here?
43
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She's my mother.
44
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Dad's dead. Brian's dead. Lizzie's
45
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How COULD you suggest it?
46
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It was YOU...
47
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She'd never forgive us.
48
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I'm sorry, Jocasta.
49
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We'll just have to get used to it.
50
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Everything comes to those who wait.
51
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What have we here?
52
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Is this your den?
53
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It's very nice, isn't it?
54
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Did you get lost going to the bog?
55
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Well, there's someone here who'd
56
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Hello, Clio! That's for you.
57
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Here's another!
58
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Hello, Cassandra! That's for you.
59
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Did you make it, Granny? Yes, dear.
60
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That's really sweet.
61
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A pity I'm 13 years too old!
62
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Yes!
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How did it go?
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My CV stunned them.
65
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They gasped at my experience.
66
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They laughed at my witticisms.
67
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A successful interview. Wonderful!
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I just didn't get the job.
69
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They say I'm too old!
70
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Don't worry.
71
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Anything might happen by then!
72
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Go and watch the cricket. I'll bring
73
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I know that face! Hello, Lily.
74
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Don't mind me - I'm just a littl'un!
75
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Would you like to look at
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Good!
77
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There's a Catherine Cookson series
78
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Isn't it immoral,
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No. OK.
80
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I wouldn't show you these, but
81
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Do you know what these are?
82
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Marks and Spencer's, Hanson Trust...
83
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London Weekend Television!
84
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Some of these go back 40 years!
85
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And you knew. THAT'S why
86
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She's my mother!
87
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As the only surviving relatives,
88
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'Never!'
89
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'But you're carrying my child!'
90
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'I hate thee!'
91
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'Then I'll kill myself
92
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'The final part...'
93
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That was really good.
94
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Yes, it was!
95
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Did you think it was good, Tom?
96
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Yes. It was... fantastic.
97
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Yeah - that's what I like about her,
98
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She puts sexy bits in, but
99
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Well, that's me for the night, then.
100
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...have you got my pills? YOU have!
101
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Quite right! Night-night!
102
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Night, Mum!
103
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Good night!
104
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She didn't look well, did she?
105
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No. Still on the medication?
106
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It may just be a question of time.
107
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Sponge-cake and squash all round!
108
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It would be if you put it
109
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Who'd like a story instead? We're
110
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Sorry!
111
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Sshh! Yes, sshh!
112
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Perhaps you'd like a story
113
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It's a game! You have to kill them
114
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Dear! Sounds a bit too much
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A-hem!
116
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Sshh!
117
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I've got a much better game.
118
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Shut up!
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I'm going to... BITE you!
120
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No! My teeth
121
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That's disgusting, Granny!
122
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Come on, you.
123
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Gran... Yes, dear? Was Mummy
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What, goosy and snappish? No, to be
125
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Bit of a what? She was all keen.
126
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You know. Diddly. Jig-jig.
127
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In fact, I could do with a bit now.
128
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Any old men in this street
129
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You're talking about sex!
130
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I most certainly am, dear!
131
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It's the nearest I get these days,
132
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Good night!
133
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Christ Almighty!
134
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Mother, try to get a grip!
135
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Pardon, dear? You let the pan
136
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It's very dangerous!
137
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Silly me!
138
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Write things down!
139
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Steady on, Jocasta!
140
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God!
141
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What?
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You go ahead, Pam - it's all right!
143
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I'm not one to criticise. Must you
144
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You were perfectly content with Pam
145
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My name is Jocasta.
146
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Either way, I'm off upstairs
147
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Night all!
148
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"Pam"?
149
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"Pam"?!
150
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Her mind - it's definitely going.
151
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Definitely. Won't be long, now.
152
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It's just a question of time.
153
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Meanwhile, we've GOT to find you
154
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Tom! TOM!
155
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I'm inviting Jamie de Jongh
next week.
156
00:12:56,960 --> 00:13:02,959
Anyway...
157
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best novelist under 30, that sort
158
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Isn't it, Tom?
159
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Yes...
160
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No novelist over 40
161
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...or one PERSON over 40, in fact!
162
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More mackerel pate, Emil?
163
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Pate is Tom's department. He's
164
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Absolutely.
165
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Who's locked you in here, then?
166
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How unusual!
167
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Tell us about your
168
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We're looking for an editor
169
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someone with culinary know-how and
170
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Really! Tom?
171
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Yes?
172
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Perhaps you'd like to talk to Jamie
173
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Right.
174
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I'd be fascinated to deconstruct
175
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Really?
176
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Speaking as someone who was taught
177
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You should come by the office
178
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Hello! Are you having a party?
179
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Yes, we are!
180
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Don't grind your teeth, Pam dear.
181
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Why all the black - someone died?
182
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Wish I'd known that pink winceyette
183
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Nasty twitch, that, laddy!
184
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Who is this woman?
185
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No-one! It's the cleaner.
186
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Sometimes she forgets to go home.
187
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It's a housecoat. Come on - OUT!
188
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By the way, Pam,
189
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You can't beat Marks and Sparks
190
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Dear, dear!
191
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There is such a thing
192
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That chap on telly uses it -
193
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the bald one - like you, but nicer.
194
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What's his name? What's he called?
195
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Paul Daniels! That's the one, yeah!
196
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By the way, Pam. Someone has locked
197
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They lock themselves in sometimes.
198
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fiddle, fiddle, fiddle.
199
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Granny, you're brilliant!
200
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She's doing it on purpose.
201
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She's a senile old woman.
202
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Whatever, she's ruining our lives.
203
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Go to sleep! Sometimes,
204
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Tom, I don't want you
205
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What? She's my mother -
206
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Never suggest killing her again!
207
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Sorry, love. What do you think I am?
208
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"Kill her"!
209
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I want you to know I'm anti
210
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Hello, Mummy!
211
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Thank you, dear.
212
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Your turn.
213
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Hello, Lily!
214
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I found your heart pills. Thank you.
215
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Take a couple before you forget.
216
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Hello, Mummy!
217
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I found your heart pills. Thank you.
218
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:36,959
Hello!
219
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:41,959
Hello, Mummy!
220
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OK - that should do it!
221
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,999
You look like you've seen a ghost.
222
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Yes... Are you?
223
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Mustn't grumble, you know.
224
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Open your hand!
225
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There's three weeks' pills...
226
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...that I've forgotten to take.
227
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I swear my mind is going, you know.
228
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'Finally, the weather tonight
229
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'So wrap up warm - particularly
230
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Mummy?
231
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:17,959
Tea, mummy?
232
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Thanks, Pam!
233
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Lovely!
234
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Mum - stop!
235
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Granny, they were trying to... Aghh!
236
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I thought you might like
237
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Just the job, dear. Thank you.
238
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How lovely!
239
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I haven't been to Wales for years!
240
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Why are we slowing down, dear?
241
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We'll say she wandered off. It often
242
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With luck, she'll die of exposure!
243
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♪ ...Ye cannae push your granny,
244
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♪ You cannae push your granny
245
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♪ You cannae push your granny
246
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:37,799
Do you think it'll be on Crimewatch?
247
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Crimewatch?! Where's the crime,
248
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Hello, dears!
249
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Would you like some Bournvita?
250
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Come on, Pam. Have a little sip.
251
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Lily, I wouldn't...
252
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...just like her dear old mum!
253
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Jocasta, steady!
254
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It's all highly amusing,
255
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It's all a big joke!
256
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You just sit around,
257
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leeching us dry
258
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and smirking!
259
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GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!
260
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:25,959
And as for you, Mother...
261
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...how could you be so selfish?
262
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Can't you stop thinking
263
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Can't you think about US
264
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DIE, damn you!
265
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WHY DON'T YOU DIE!
266
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Why stop me?
267
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You shouldn't shout at her like
268
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I despair of you sometimes, Jocasta!
269
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Because of the money! She's capable
270
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I think you've blown it. Have I?
271
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Yes! What shall we do?
272
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I don't know! Go and be nice to her.
273
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Hello, Mum! Everything all right?
274
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Cup of tea? Your programme's on now
275
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Mum?
276
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Hand me my bag, Tom!
277
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YES! We have a result!!
278
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You CAN write that novel!
279
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We CAN send the girls away
280
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Isn't it glorious?
281
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Um... yes.
282
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Um... what shall we do with...
283
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:46,959
Tom!
284
00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:49,959
Can't it wait until morning?
285
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,799
Well, I suppose...
286
00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:55,959
Come on - upstairs!
287
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:13,959
Got your bedshirt on?
288
00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:16,959
You're not dead, then? Crumbs, no!
289
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:21,959
I just nodded off. It's been
290
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:24,959
Granny...
291
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:28,959
...do you know
292
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:31,999
Pardon, dear?
293
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:34,959
Silly girl! I'm not being silly!
294
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:38,959
Not you, love - HER. Now listen.
295
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:43,319
Do you really like it here?
296
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:47,959
Would you like to go away?
297
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:49,959
Yes, yes I would!
298
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:52,799
All right then, dear.
299
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:56,319
You go upstairs and get Clio.
300
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:58,959
Be quiet as a cotton-wool cat!
301
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:01,639
We don't want to wake anyone.
302
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:05,959
When you're ready, meet me outside.
303
00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:08,959
I'm just going to boil some eggs.
304
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:12,959
Sid?
305
00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:17,999
Sid!
306
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:26,959
Sid!
307
00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:32,959
Sid!
308
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:36,319
Where is it, you stupid cow?
309
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:39,959
Here we are, dear. Did you sugar it?
310
00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:44,159
It better be sugared. I hope you
311
00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:46,799
Remember what happened?
312
00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:50,959
I haven't forgotten, dear.
313
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:52,959
'Your memory's like a sieve!'
314
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:56,959
Granny... Yes, dear?
315
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:58,959
It's bad to kill people, isn't it?
316
00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:03,959
On the whole, dear, yes. Yes, it is.
317
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:08,959
This is like the Brains Trust!
318
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:12,959
That's Gilbert Hardy
319
00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:14,959
Is it OK, Granny?
320
00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:19,959
When there's a very good reason.
321
00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:23,159
I'm hungry!
322
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:27,959
- well I've got some boiled eggs.
323
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:31,159
Let's see - I put them in here.
324
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:37,959
I tell a lie...
20522
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