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[♪♪♪]
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00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:13,578
CHRIS ROCK:
When I was a teenager,
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00:00:13,752 --> 00:00:15,450
I discovered
a lot of new things.
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00:00:15,624 --> 00:00:18,931
I discovered sour milk
doesn't always become yogurt.
5
00:00:21,325 --> 00:00:23,458
I discovered the barber
who's always available
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00:00:23,632 --> 00:00:25,460
isn't always the best.
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[SCREAMING]
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Next! I also discovered
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00:00:31,901 --> 00:00:33,511
that if
you hit people with a truck,
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00:00:33,685 --> 00:00:35,165
they will do
anything you want.
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[NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
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00:00:40,257 --> 00:00:41,650
Another thing I discovered
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00:00:41,824 --> 00:00:43,478
is if you're gonna buy
cheap furniture,
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00:00:43,652 --> 00:00:45,175
you better stock up
on Krazy Glue.
15
00:00:45,349 --> 00:00:46,916
How come this table
keeps wobbling?
16
00:00:47,090 --> 00:00:50,267
I don't know. Your daddy
was supposed to fix it.
17
00:00:50,441 --> 00:00:52,748
Chris, go get
your father's Krazy Glue.
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00:00:52,922 --> 00:00:54,358
If we didn't have Krazy Glue,
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00:00:54,532 --> 00:00:56,360
this would have
happened to our house.
20
00:01:00,190 --> 00:01:02,192
And I also discovered
something
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00:01:02,366 --> 00:01:04,064
that would
change my life forever.
22
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Playboymagazine?
23
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[♪♪♪]
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♪ Aw, make it funky now ♪
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[♪♪♪]
26
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DiscoveringPlayboy
changed my life.
27
00:01:49,935 --> 00:01:52,373
It was a foldout
of the most beautiful women,
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00:01:52,547 --> 00:01:56,464
with jokes on the back,
football stats, cars
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00:01:56,638 --> 00:01:58,727
and an interview
with McLean Stevenson.
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I thought Keisha was cute,
31
00:02:00,555 --> 00:02:02,296
but I'd push her
in front of a gas truck
32
00:02:02,470 --> 00:02:04,124
to get to Miss June.
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00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:11,653
Oh, my God, this kicks ass
on the Sears catalog.
34
00:02:11,827 --> 00:02:13,394
Does your dad know
you took this?
35
00:02:13,568 --> 00:02:16,092
I gotta get it back
before he finds out it's gone.
36
00:02:16,266 --> 00:02:18,486
Wow. Is that a Playboy?None of your business.
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00:02:18,660 --> 00:02:20,662
Now get out of here.Come on.
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00:02:20,836 --> 00:02:22,881
I'll give you a dollar to look.
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00:02:25,101 --> 00:02:26,581
Okay, fine.
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00:02:26,755 --> 00:02:28,148
Right here, one minute.
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Greg, give it to him.
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00:02:29,801 --> 00:02:31,063
Who knew you could make money
43
00:02:31,238 --> 00:02:32,587
off of naked women?
44
00:02:37,026 --> 00:02:38,854
[GROANING]
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00:02:40,595 --> 00:02:42,162
What?
Ugh.
46
00:02:42,336 --> 00:02:45,382
The truck break down again?Ugh, no.
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00:02:45,556 --> 00:02:48,255
I tried to kill a spider, broke
the handle off the dresser.
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00:02:48,429 --> 00:02:49,647
Spider?Yeah.
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00:02:49,821 --> 00:02:50,953
I don't know
where they're coming from,
50
00:02:51,127 --> 00:02:52,389
but we gotta do something.
51
00:02:52,563 --> 00:02:54,348
Drew is scared
to death of spiders.
52
00:02:54,522 --> 00:02:56,437
My brother Drew
wasn't scared of anything,
53
00:02:56,611 --> 00:03:00,005
but after he sawThe Fly,
he was terrified of spiders.
54
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,703
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING
ON TV]
55
00:03:04,053 --> 00:03:06,447
[WOMAN SCREAMING ON TV]
56
00:03:06,621 --> 00:03:09,101
[DREW WHIMPERING]
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CHRIS ROCK:
I don't want
to tell you what happened
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00:03:11,278 --> 00:03:12,757
after he sawUrban Cowboy.
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00:03:12,931 --> 00:03:16,283
Okay, I-I'll go get
some bug spray after work.
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00:03:16,457 --> 00:03:19,068
Okay. Where's the Krazy Glue
so I can fix this?
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00:03:19,242 --> 00:03:20,765
It should be in my toolbox.
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00:03:20,939 --> 00:03:23,333
Okay.
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00:03:23,507 --> 00:03:25,901
No, no, no, no.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
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00:03:26,075 --> 00:03:27,337
What's wrong with you?Let me fix it.
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00:03:27,511 --> 00:03:28,904
I know what to do
with Krazy Glue.
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00:03:29,078 --> 00:03:30,688
It's trickier
than you might think.
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00:03:30,862 --> 00:03:32,777
You might glue your fingers
together. Let me do it.
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00:03:32,951 --> 00:03:36,520
Okay then, damn.Okay. Thank you. Okay.
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00:03:36,694 --> 00:03:38,348
My father knew
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00:03:38,522 --> 00:03:40,307
that if my mother
ever found thatPlayboy,
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00:03:40,481 --> 00:03:44,398
he'd probably never
see a naked woman again.
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00:03:44,572 --> 00:03:48,967
Unfortunately,
he couldn't find it either.
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00:03:49,141 --> 00:03:51,927
I soon discovered that trying
to keep aPlayboy magazine
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00:03:52,101 --> 00:03:54,016
from a teenage boy
is like trying
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00:03:54,190 --> 00:03:56,061
to keep diamond teeth
from a rapper.
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00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,847
Somebody's gonna get that
money, might as well be me.
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00:03:59,021 --> 00:04:00,979
Quarter a peek and...
you're done.
78
00:04:01,153 --> 00:04:03,330
You're next. A dollar a look,
a quarter a peek.
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00:04:03,504 --> 00:04:05,723
Thank you.
80
00:04:05,897 --> 00:04:07,116
Okay, time's up. Next.
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00:04:07,290 --> 00:04:09,031
I'm next.
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00:04:09,205 --> 00:04:11,338
I found the one thing
that united the races:
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00:04:11,512 --> 00:04:12,643
women.
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00:04:12,817 --> 00:04:14,906
Thanks, Mantan.Hey, give it back.
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00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:18,258
That's my dad's.Like your father can read.
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00:04:20,695 --> 00:04:22,174
My father could ask
my mother
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00:04:22,349 --> 00:04:23,959
if anybody
had been in the toolbox,
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00:04:24,133 --> 00:04:27,092
but he knew questions
made my mother suspicious.
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00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,920
Can I go play over
at Tricia's house?
90
00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:30,531
What you need to go
over her house for?
91
00:04:30,705 --> 00:04:32,315
What you gonna do there
you can't do here?
92
00:04:32,489 --> 00:04:35,231
And why you acting
all suspicious?
93
00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:36,841
Oh. Hey, Mom, what time is it?
94
00:04:37,015 --> 00:04:38,495
What you need
to know the time for?
95
00:04:38,669 --> 00:04:40,062
What are you gonna do,
rob a bank?
96
00:04:40,236 --> 00:04:42,020
You're acting suspicious.
97
00:04:42,194 --> 00:04:43,370
Can I have more potatoes?
98
00:04:43,544 --> 00:04:45,023
What you need
more potatoes for?
99
00:04:45,197 --> 00:04:47,896
Boy, you getting high?
You starting to act suspicious.
100
00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:51,943
Julius, what are you doing?
101
00:04:52,117 --> 00:04:54,381
Uh... Huh? Uh...
102
00:04:54,555 --> 00:04:56,600
I-I thought I saw a spider
crawl under here,
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00:04:56,774 --> 00:05:00,212
and I figured I'd better
kill it before Drew saw it.
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00:05:00,387 --> 00:05:03,085
Well, I'm going to the store
to pick up stuff for dinner.
105
00:05:03,259 --> 00:05:05,609
I'll get a can of bug spray too.Okay.
106
00:05:05,783 --> 00:05:07,176
Did you fix the dresser yet?
107
00:05:07,350 --> 00:05:10,179
Uh, got
the Krazy Glue right here.
108
00:05:10,353 --> 00:05:11,876
Oh, good.
109
00:05:12,050 --> 00:05:13,008
You okay?
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00:05:13,182 --> 00:05:14,444
No.
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00:05:14,618 --> 00:05:16,446
Yeah.
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00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:18,013
Okay.
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00:05:20,581 --> 00:05:23,105
The only place my father hadn't looked for thatPlayboy
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00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:24,889
was in his own room.
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00:05:25,063 --> 00:05:26,935
Then he realized
that if my mother found it,
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00:05:27,109 --> 00:05:29,590
she could be saving it
to use against him.
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00:05:29,764 --> 00:05:33,028
Rochelle, why'd you spend
all this money on a coat?
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00:05:35,204 --> 00:05:37,380
Miss June has one.
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00:05:37,554 --> 00:05:39,556
[♪♪♪]
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00:06:00,272 --> 00:06:02,362
Five hundred dollars?
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00:06:03,798 --> 00:06:05,713
Hey.
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00:06:05,887 --> 00:06:08,280
What do you want, Tito?I need the magazine back.
123
00:06:08,455 --> 00:06:10,413
You need to get out of here
before I knock your teeth out.
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00:06:10,587 --> 00:06:12,763
My dad's gonna kill
me if I don't get it back.
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00:06:12,937 --> 00:06:14,852
Too bad. I sold it.
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00:06:15,026 --> 00:06:17,202
See you at your funeral,
Slappy.
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00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:23,252
After my father found that
money, he was scared to think
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00:06:23,426 --> 00:06:25,210
what my mother might
want to do with it.
129
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,256
I'm sick of you.
I got my own money.
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00:06:27,430 --> 00:06:29,737
I'm out of here,
you cheap bastard!
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00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:34,089
Baby.
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00:06:34,263 --> 00:06:35,743
Don't leave me, baby.
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00:06:35,917 --> 00:06:37,701
Don't leave.
134
00:06:37,875 --> 00:06:40,008
Rochelle.
Can you explain this?
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00:06:41,488 --> 00:06:43,359
Where did you find that?In your shoe.
136
00:06:43,533 --> 00:06:46,623
What were you doing in my shoe?Don't try to change the subject.
137
00:06:46,797 --> 00:06:49,278
What's $500 doing in your shoe?
138
00:06:49,452 --> 00:06:52,368
Where'd you get this?That doesn't make a difference.
139
00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:54,849
I want to know why you
were going through my stuff.
140
00:06:55,023 --> 00:06:56,459
I don't go
through your stuff.
141
00:06:56,633 --> 00:06:58,505
Yes, she does.
He just never caught her.
142
00:06:58,679 --> 00:07:00,289
Rochelle, that's not the point.
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00:07:00,463 --> 00:07:02,030
I just wanna know
about this money.
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00:07:02,204 --> 00:07:03,988
You mean mymoney?What you mean, your money?
145
00:07:04,162 --> 00:07:06,251
I made it, I saved it,
so it's my money.
146
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,862
Let me get this straight.
147
00:07:08,036 --> 00:07:10,473
The money I make,
that's everybody's money,
148
00:07:10,647 --> 00:07:12,649
but the money you make,
that's your money?
149
00:07:12,823 --> 00:07:14,259
That's right.
150
00:07:17,828 --> 00:07:20,744
Hey, any of you guys
see my copy of Playboy?
151
00:07:20,918 --> 00:07:22,398
It was here about
10 minutes ago,
152
00:07:22,572 --> 00:07:24,792
but some eighth grader took it.Look over there.
153
00:07:24,966 --> 00:07:26,968
They were huddled up
like they were gonna run
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00:07:27,142 --> 00:07:29,361
the winning play
at the Super Bowl.
155
00:07:31,886 --> 00:07:33,540
What are you doing?Hey, calm down.
156
00:07:33,714 --> 00:07:36,151
Wanna take a look? It's $1.00.But it's my magazine.
157
00:07:36,325 --> 00:07:38,066
Caruso took it.And that's my problem?
158
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:40,198
All right, who wants
to look next?
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00:07:40,372 --> 00:07:42,070
Hey, Chris!
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00:07:42,244 --> 00:07:44,159
[♪♪♪]
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Oh! Ooh!
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00:07:53,864 --> 00:07:55,126
Oh...
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00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:02,960
To whom does this belong? It used to belong to me.
164
00:08:03,134 --> 00:08:05,180
Well, then. Until we figure out
165
00:08:05,354 --> 00:08:07,399
who brought this
into our school,
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00:08:07,574 --> 00:08:09,184
I guess it belongs to me.
167
00:08:09,358 --> 00:08:13,101
♪ Everybody hates Chris ♪
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00:08:19,629 --> 00:08:22,023
What's all that bug spray
in the kitchen for?
169
00:08:22,197 --> 00:08:24,939
There's a spider in your room.There's a spider in my room?
170
00:08:25,113 --> 00:08:27,115
Can I sleep with you
until you guys catch it?
171
00:08:27,289 --> 00:08:29,509
No. Your father will kill it.
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00:08:29,683 --> 00:08:32,250
CHRIS ROCK:
When Tonya discovered
Drew was scared of spiders,
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00:08:32,424 --> 00:08:33,991
she couldn't wait
to use it against him.
174
00:08:34,165 --> 00:08:36,646
Julius, can you make sure
you kill the spider, please?
175
00:08:36,820 --> 00:08:38,735
I might not
be able to find it.
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00:08:38,909 --> 00:08:41,303
Could be hiding
in one of your shoes.
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00:08:43,174 --> 00:08:45,002
[SHRIEKS][LAUGHS]
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00:08:45,176 --> 00:08:46,308
It's my hand.
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00:08:46,482 --> 00:08:47,918
Julius, how come you're acting
180
00:08:48,092 --> 00:08:49,703
so childish about this?
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00:08:49,877 --> 00:08:51,922
How would you feel if somebody
went through your stuff
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00:08:52,096 --> 00:08:53,924
and took something
that belonged to you?
183
00:08:54,098 --> 00:08:56,231
What? I don't have
nothing to take.
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00:08:56,405 --> 00:08:58,842
I'm just saying. What if Chris
went through your stuff
185
00:08:59,016 --> 00:09:00,931
and took something?Why'd you pick me?
186
00:09:01,105 --> 00:09:03,151
Why not Drew or Tonya?Why you acting suspicious?
187
00:09:03,325 --> 00:09:04,935
Suspicious? I'm not suspicious.
188
00:09:05,109 --> 00:09:08,373
Well, you sure as hell
acting like it. Eat your food.
189
00:09:11,812 --> 00:09:13,248
Ah!
190
00:09:13,422 --> 00:09:15,076
Later that night
I discovered
191
00:09:15,250 --> 00:09:17,034
my father knew
hisPlayboy was missing.
192
00:09:17,208 --> 00:09:19,123
Chris. You been in my toolbox?
193
00:09:21,604 --> 00:09:23,911
No. Why?
194
00:09:24,085 --> 00:09:26,000
Uh, nothing.
195
00:09:26,174 --> 00:09:27,915
Those tools will hurt you.
196
00:09:28,089 --> 00:09:30,700
If Miss June knew how much
trouble she was causing,
197
00:09:30,874 --> 00:09:32,180
she wouldn't be smiling.
198
00:09:32,354 --> 00:09:34,835
Drew. Have you seen, uh...
199
00:09:37,446 --> 00:09:40,710
anything...unusual
around here lately?
200
00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:42,756
Like what, a UFO?
201
00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:45,106
What? Now, why would a UFO...?
202
00:09:46,629 --> 00:09:48,326
Never mind.
203
00:09:50,764 --> 00:09:53,854
He even started to grill Tonya.
204
00:09:54,028 --> 00:09:57,161
Tonya, baby?
205
00:09:57,335 --> 00:09:58,946
Yes, Daddy?
206
00:10:00,338 --> 00:10:01,905
Um...
207
00:10:05,213 --> 00:10:06,823
I love you.
208
00:10:07,998 --> 00:10:10,392
That's nice.
209
00:10:10,566 --> 00:10:13,221
The vice principal had
my magazine, but I had money,
210
00:10:13,395 --> 00:10:15,571
so I figured replacing it
wouldn't be a problem.
211
00:10:15,745 --> 00:10:17,094
Three fifty.
212
00:10:22,796 --> 00:10:24,798
Now get out of here,
before I call a cop.
213
00:10:24,972 --> 00:10:27,757
For what? You just robbed me!
This don't cost $3.50.
214
00:10:27,931 --> 00:10:29,672
Really?
Then why don't we call your mom
215
00:10:29,846 --> 00:10:31,456
and tell her you're trying
to buy a Playboy?
216
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,067
Hey, Miss June was fine,
217
00:10:33,241 --> 00:10:35,330
but she wasn't worth going
to jail.
218
00:10:37,027 --> 00:10:38,333
[SIGHS]
219
00:10:38,507 --> 00:10:40,422
My last option
was to go to Risky.
220
00:10:40,596 --> 00:10:44,252
Since all his stuff was stolen, I knew he wouldn't call a cop.
221
00:10:44,426 --> 00:10:46,515
He'd get you liquor.It's for my uncle.
222
00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:49,126
Yeah, don't drink it
all at once.
223
00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:51,738
He'd get you cigarettes.It's for my mother.
224
00:10:51,912 --> 00:10:54,349
Yeah, don't smoke them
all at once.
225
00:10:54,523 --> 00:10:55,698
He could even get
plutonium.
226
00:10:55,872 --> 00:10:56,699
[BOX CLICKING]
227
00:10:56,873 --> 00:10:58,353
It's for my daughter.
228
00:10:58,527 --> 00:11:00,747
Do notuse this all at once.
229
00:11:00,921 --> 00:11:02,879
So I figured
I wouldn't have a problem.
230
00:11:03,053 --> 00:11:05,055
Playboymagazine?
231
00:11:05,229 --> 00:11:07,362
I ain't selling you
no Playboymagazine.
232
00:11:07,536 --> 00:11:09,016
Boy, what you think this is?
233
00:11:09,190 --> 00:11:11,409
I know your mama.
Now, how do you think she'd feel
234
00:11:11,583 --> 00:11:14,108
if she knew you were trying
to buy a Playboymagazine?
235
00:11:14,282 --> 00:11:16,501
If you want beer or cigarettes,
that's one thing.
236
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:20,462
A Playboymagazine?
You better keep on moving.
237
00:11:20,636 --> 00:11:22,812
Tell your mama I said hey.
238
00:11:22,986 --> 00:11:26,163
I want Wild Cherry to win
in the fifth race at Saratoga.
239
00:11:29,036 --> 00:11:30,907
If I was going to get
thePlayboy back,
240
00:11:31,081 --> 00:11:32,561
there was only one way
to do it.
241
00:11:32,735 --> 00:11:35,085
I've gotta steal it from
the vice principal's office.
242
00:11:35,259 --> 00:11:37,827
Dude, wait. That's burglary.I know that.
243
00:11:38,001 --> 00:11:40,961
Want me to commit burglary
or be a victim of murder?
244
00:11:41,135 --> 00:11:42,919
Okay, but if we're going
outside the law,
245
00:11:43,093 --> 00:11:44,181
we've got to do it right.
246
00:11:44,355 --> 00:11:46,836
[♪♪♪]
247
00:11:53,364 --> 00:11:55,453
[NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
248
00:12:21,915 --> 00:12:23,873
That's it then.Every day she goes to lunch
249
00:12:24,047 --> 00:12:26,049
in the teachers' lounge
after fifth period.
250
00:12:26,223 --> 00:12:28,660
She smokes three cigarettes,
which takes 20 minutes.
251
00:12:28,835 --> 00:12:30,924
All we have to do is get in,
find the magazine
252
00:12:31,098 --> 00:12:32,664
and get out
before she gets back.
253
00:12:32,839 --> 00:12:34,754
Except we don't know
where the magazine is.
254
00:12:34,928 --> 00:12:36,277
Fischer told me it was
255
00:12:36,451 --> 00:12:38,279
in the bottom left-hand
drawer of her desk.
256
00:12:38,453 --> 00:12:39,759
I hope he's right.
257
00:12:39,933 --> 00:12:42,500
Don't worry,
Fischer knows everything.
258
00:12:42,674 --> 00:12:44,198
What if we get caught?
259
00:12:44,372 --> 00:12:45,721
Then we're dead.
260
00:12:45,895 --> 00:12:47,375
I was really hoping you
weren't gonna say that.
261
00:12:47,549 --> 00:12:49,769
Don't worry.
I'll go in and get it.
262
00:12:49,943 --> 00:12:51,509
It's my magazine.
263
00:12:51,683 --> 00:12:53,381
All you have to do
is give me a signal
264
00:12:53,555 --> 00:12:54,948
if you see anybody coming.
265
00:12:55,122 --> 00:12:57,341
I hope this works.Me too.
266
00:12:57,515 --> 00:13:00,649
[SHOUTING, GUNSHOTS ON TV]
267
00:13:00,823 --> 00:13:02,477
Drew, guess what I found?
268
00:13:02,651 --> 00:13:04,827
[ANNOYED]
What?
269
00:13:05,001 --> 00:13:06,133
[SCREAMS]
270
00:13:06,307 --> 00:13:08,831
What the hell
is going on in here?
271
00:13:09,005 --> 00:13:10,398
Tonya has a spider.No, I don't.
272
00:13:10,572 --> 00:13:12,922
Tonya, what are you hiding?
273
00:13:13,096 --> 00:13:15,142
It's just a ring.
274
00:13:15,316 --> 00:13:17,100
Leave Drew alone.
275
00:13:17,274 --> 00:13:19,450
Would you like it if he went
around scaring you?
276
00:13:19,624 --> 00:13:21,801
He can't scare me.
I like spiders.
277
00:13:21,975 --> 00:13:24,760
And I ain't scared of nothing.Mm-hm.
278
00:13:26,588 --> 00:13:29,896
There was only one thing
Tonya was scared of...
279
00:13:30,070 --> 00:13:32,507
and Drew knew it.
280
00:13:32,681 --> 00:13:34,596
[♪♪♪]
281
00:13:47,043 --> 00:13:47,914
Here.
282
00:13:49,872 --> 00:13:52,832
What's this?My $500--
283
00:13:53,006 --> 00:13:56,183
I mean, our$500.
284
00:13:56,357 --> 00:13:57,837
So why you giving it to me now?
285
00:13:58,011 --> 00:14:01,014
'Cause I don't wanna
fight anymore.
286
00:14:01,188 --> 00:14:02,842
Baby...
287
00:14:03,016 --> 00:14:05,322
I don't wanna
fight anymore either.
288
00:14:05,496 --> 00:14:07,759
But why'd you feel you had
to hide money from me?
289
00:14:07,934 --> 00:14:09,892
I wasn't really hiding it.
I was just...
290
00:14:10,066 --> 00:14:11,415
keeping it in a safe place
291
00:14:11,589 --> 00:14:13,635
in case something happened.Like what?
292
00:14:13,809 --> 00:14:15,811
Julius, you work hard,
293
00:14:15,985 --> 00:14:17,987
and we barely make
ends meet now.
294
00:14:18,161 --> 00:14:20,555
I mean, God forbid
something happens to you.
295
00:14:20,729 --> 00:14:25,952
I mean, you could get hit by
a postal truck or a gas truck.
296
00:14:26,126 --> 00:14:29,477
Get run over by a car,
get high blood pressure,
297
00:14:29,651 --> 00:14:32,567
get the flu, gout,
298
00:14:32,741 --> 00:14:36,701
pneumonia,
scoliosis, scurvy.
299
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,703
You could fall off
a building,
300
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:43,273
trip off the escalator,
get jumped, get stabbed.
301
00:14:43,447 --> 00:14:49,062
You could get
MS, ALS, CHP, CCBD.
302
00:14:49,236 --> 00:14:50,802
What's that?I don't know,
303
00:14:50,977 --> 00:14:52,804
but it sounds
like it'll kill you.
304
00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:55,242
Look, baby, I just
wanted a cushion
305
00:14:55,416 --> 00:14:57,984
to fall back on, that's all.
306
00:14:58,158 --> 00:14:59,594
Is that all?
307
00:14:59,768 --> 00:15:00,812
Yeah.
308
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,032
Come here.
309
00:15:08,385 --> 00:15:09,821
Here.
310
00:15:09,996 --> 00:15:12,563
Take your money, put it away.
311
00:15:12,737 --> 00:15:13,869
I'm sorry.
312
00:15:20,136 --> 00:15:21,094
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
313
00:15:23,835 --> 00:15:26,708
You go in my shoe again,
I'm gonna knock your ass out.
314
00:15:26,882 --> 00:15:28,623
[BOTH LAUGH]
315
00:15:28,797 --> 00:15:30,755
[♪♪♪]
316
00:15:36,065 --> 00:15:37,937
[SCREAMING]
317
00:15:42,332 --> 00:15:43,681
JULIUS:
You got that?!
318
00:15:43,855 --> 00:15:45,509
If I ever catch you
scaring your sister
319
00:15:45,683 --> 00:15:47,685
or wearing lipstick,
we gonna have a problem.
320
00:15:47,859 --> 00:15:49,339
You hear me?
321
00:15:49,513 --> 00:15:51,559
All right, baby,
you can go back to bed now.
322
00:15:51,733 --> 00:15:53,648
I changed your sheets.
323
00:15:56,172 --> 00:15:58,131
You ready?Yeah.
324
00:16:00,742 --> 00:16:03,179
Walkie-talkies?The range is only 100 feet,
325
00:16:03,353 --> 00:16:05,138
so I'll stay close.
326
00:16:05,312 --> 00:16:08,619
[♪♪♪]
327
00:16:27,551 --> 00:16:28,813
Man!
328
00:16:34,471 --> 00:16:36,169
Come on. The hallway's
getting empty.
329
00:16:36,343 --> 00:16:37,692
I can't stay here
much longer.
330
00:16:37,866 --> 00:16:40,434
I'm hurrying!
Just keep an eye out!
331
00:16:54,970 --> 00:16:56,624
I've got it.
332
00:16:59,279 --> 00:17:02,499
Abort, abort!
Perimeter not secure!
333
00:17:02,673 --> 00:17:03,718
Oh, no!
334
00:17:06,677 --> 00:17:07,896
Greg?
335
00:17:08,070 --> 00:17:09,637
Forget it.
336
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:18,515
Well, I guess we know to whom
this magazine belongs.
337
00:17:18,689 --> 00:17:20,256
The last place I wanted
my father
338
00:17:20,430 --> 00:17:22,998
to find hisPlayboy
was at my school.
339
00:17:23,172 --> 00:17:26,219
I confiscated this.
340
00:17:26,393 --> 00:17:29,135
Playboy?Well, what does
Chris have to do with that?
341
00:17:29,309 --> 00:17:30,962
MILONE:
Somebody brought it
to school,
342
00:17:31,137 --> 00:17:32,486
and I believe it was your son.
343
00:17:32,660 --> 00:17:35,054
Chris?
344
00:17:35,228 --> 00:17:37,665
Is this true? I wanted to lie,
345
00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:39,536
but my mother always told me
if I did,
346
00:17:39,710 --> 00:17:42,713
she'd slap me
into another nationality.
347
00:17:46,848 --> 00:17:48,589
Well, I'm waiting.
348
00:17:48,763 --> 00:17:49,720
Yeah.
349
00:17:49,894 --> 00:17:51,635
Oh, Lord, have mercy.
350
00:17:51,809 --> 00:17:53,637
Heh-heh.
Hey, it's just Playboy.
351
00:17:53,811 --> 00:17:57,119
I mean, it really doesn't
matter. Boys will be boys.
352
00:17:57,293 --> 00:18:01,384
Is that all you have to say?
"Boys will be boys"?!
353
00:18:01,558 --> 00:18:05,562
Chris, where did you get
a Playboyfrom, anyway?
354
00:18:05,736 --> 00:18:08,696
That look means, "Boy, I know
I've never asked you to lie,
355
00:18:08,870 --> 00:18:13,614
but please don't tell your mother that that's myPlayboy."
356
00:18:13,788 --> 00:18:15,703
I found it?
357
00:18:17,922 --> 00:18:20,621
Usually, I would suspend you
for this sort of behavior,
358
00:18:20,795 --> 00:18:23,014
but I think this is
best handled by the parents.
359
00:18:23,189 --> 00:18:25,887
You best believe we're going
to handle it, right, Julius?
360
00:18:26,061 --> 00:18:28,150
Yeah, we gonna handle this.
361
00:18:28,324 --> 00:18:30,761
I'll take that.What you going to do with it?
362
00:18:30,935 --> 00:18:33,286
Here's what
he really wanted to do.
363
00:18:33,460 --> 00:18:36,376
[♪♪♪]
364
00:18:36,550 --> 00:18:38,943
[CAR HORN BLARING]
365
00:18:41,163 --> 00:18:43,252
I'll dispose of it.
366
00:18:43,426 --> 00:18:44,688
Yeah.
367
00:18:44,862 --> 00:18:46,908
Yeah, that's...
That's a good idea.
368
00:18:47,082 --> 00:18:48,170
Disposing is good.
369
00:18:50,085 --> 00:18:52,174
Come out here, boy.Unh!
370
00:18:52,348 --> 00:18:54,916
One of the ways I always tried to avoid getting beatings
371
00:18:55,090 --> 00:18:57,875
was pretending to be asleep.
372
00:18:58,049 --> 00:19:01,183
Get up, boy.
You ain't fooling nobody.
373
00:19:01,357 --> 00:19:04,012
I'm sorry
I took your magazine, Dad.
374
00:19:06,101 --> 00:19:08,495
You shouldn't take other
people's things, Chris.
375
00:19:08,669 --> 00:19:10,366
That's why I put it away.
376
00:19:10,540 --> 00:19:12,629
But also, you're too young
for that stuff.
377
00:19:12,803 --> 00:19:14,675
Yeah, but it's just pictures.
378
00:19:14,849 --> 00:19:17,286
Look how much trouble
"just pictures" caused you.
379
00:19:17,460 --> 00:19:18,853
You got chased,
your mama's mad,
380
00:19:19,027 --> 00:19:20,985
and you almost got
kicked out of school.
381
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,727
That's when I discovered that
even if they're made of paper,
382
00:19:23,901 --> 00:19:26,339
the wrong kind of woman
can really mess up your life.
383
00:19:26,513 --> 00:19:29,385
Look, I know
you're interested in girls,
384
00:19:29,559 --> 00:19:31,648
but there's a lot
for you to learn first.
385
00:19:31,822 --> 00:19:33,955
If you never need anything,
you can talk to me.
386
00:19:34,129 --> 00:19:36,305
But don't go in my toolbox.
387
00:19:36,479 --> 00:19:37,872
After that, my father started
388
00:19:38,046 --> 00:19:39,700
hiding things
in his fish tackle box.
389
00:19:39,874 --> 00:19:41,789
I never told him I found it
the next day.
390
00:19:41,963 --> 00:19:44,618
I promise. Things didn't
turn out that bad, though.
391
00:19:44,792 --> 00:19:47,882
I made $28 off that Playboy.
392
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:52,278
My magazine, my money.
393
00:19:52,452 --> 00:19:55,542
Here, you can keep that.
394
00:19:55,716 --> 00:19:59,415
♪ Everybody hates Chris ♪
395
00:20:03,071 --> 00:20:05,726
Stay tuned for scenes
from our next episode.
396
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:11,645
[♪♪♪]
397
00:20:11,819 --> 00:20:14,604
♪ Aw, make it funky now ♪
27805
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