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1
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[♪♪♪]
2
00:00:06,397 --> 00:00:08,747
NARRATOR:
In my house,
everyone had a job.
3
00:00:08,921 --> 00:00:11,924
It was my father's job
to pay the bills.
4
00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:14,362
I'm hungry.And I'm cold.
5
00:00:14,536 --> 00:00:16,233
I'm hungry and cold.
6
00:00:16,407 --> 00:00:17,626
Eat a piece of cracker.
7
00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:19,236
Your father's coming.
8
00:00:19,410 --> 00:00:21,195
[DOOR SLAMS OPEN]
9
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I've got the money.
10
00:00:23,153 --> 00:00:25,460
[ALL CHEERING]
11
00:00:25,634 --> 00:00:29,072
NARRATOR:
It was my mother's job to keep the house and the kids in line.
12
00:00:29,246 --> 00:00:30,595
Boy.
13
00:00:30,769 --> 00:00:32,989
Quit leaving your socks
all over the place.
14
00:00:33,163 --> 00:00:35,122
Boy, mop the floor.
15
00:00:35,296 --> 00:00:37,167
Girl, clean up
the table.
16
00:00:37,341 --> 00:00:39,126
Good job, baby.
17
00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:41,432
NARRATOR:
As kids, we only had one job:
18
00:00:41,606 --> 00:00:43,956
go to school
and get decent grades.
19
00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:46,176
KIDS:
Bye, Mommy. Love you.
20
00:00:46,350 --> 00:00:49,092
Have a good day.
Don't come home stupid.
21
00:00:49,266 --> 00:00:51,007
KIDS:
We won't.
22
00:00:51,181 --> 00:00:52,791
NARRATOR:
I could usually
get a good grade
23
00:00:52,965 --> 00:00:55,577
just by talking
about Dr. Martin Luther King.
24
00:00:55,751 --> 00:00:58,449
Free at last, free at last.
25
00:00:58,623 --> 00:01:01,235
Thank God Almighty,
we are free at last.
26
00:01:01,409 --> 00:01:02,714
NARRATOR:
In English class...
27
00:01:02,888 --> 00:01:05,935
My book report is on
Dr. Martin Luther King.
28
00:01:06,109 --> 00:01:07,632
NARRATOR:
In history...
29
00:01:07,806 --> 00:01:10,026
My history report is on
the Birmingham Bus Boycott
30
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:12,333
led by Dr. Martin Luther King.
31
00:01:12,507 --> 00:01:14,509
The only place Martin Luther King didn't work
32
00:01:14,683 --> 00:01:15,988
was in math.
33
00:01:16,163 --> 00:01:19,035
Chris, what's
the square root of 144?
34
00:01:19,209 --> 00:01:20,906
[♪♪♪]
35
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:24,649
1963? The same year that
Dr. Martin Luther King
36
00:01:24,823 --> 00:01:26,608
led the March on Washington?
37
00:01:26,782 --> 00:01:29,045
No, it's 12.
38
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[BELL RINGS]
39
00:01:30,786 --> 00:01:32,309
All right, class.
40
00:01:32,483 --> 00:01:34,355
Pick up your report cards
on the way out
41
00:01:34,529 --> 00:01:36,618
and bring them back
signed tomorrow.
42
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:40,535
Oh, no.What?
43
00:01:40,709 --> 00:01:42,537
I got an F.
44
00:01:42,711 --> 00:01:44,539
Aw, man. That's rough.
45
00:01:44,713 --> 00:01:46,323
What's your mom
gonna say?
46
00:01:46,497 --> 00:01:48,760
I don't know, but it ain't
gonna be "Free at last."
47
00:01:48,934 --> 00:01:50,849
[♪♪♪]
48
00:01:56,986 --> 00:01:59,902
♪ Aw, make it funky now ♪
49
00:02:20,705 --> 00:02:22,533
[♪♪♪]
50
00:02:22,707 --> 00:02:26,929
Look at my babies!
Drew, you got a B-plus in gym.
51
00:02:27,103 --> 00:02:30,106
Good job! You can have
whatever you want for dinner.
52
00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:31,847
Really? Thanks, Mom.Mm-hmm.
53
00:02:32,021 --> 00:02:33,805
Uh, can I have pork chops
and spaghetti?
54
00:02:33,979 --> 00:02:36,373
You sure can.Yes!
55
00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:38,723
Well, Mom, I got
a B in science.
56
00:02:38,897 --> 00:02:40,290
What do I get?
57
00:02:40,464 --> 00:02:42,727
You can have whatever
dessert you want.
58
00:02:42,901 --> 00:02:44,033
Uh, ice cream and cake?
59
00:02:44,207 --> 00:02:46,209
Ice cream and cake it is.
60
00:02:46,383 --> 00:02:48,820
Good job, baby.
61
00:02:52,737 --> 00:02:54,739
Ooh, boy, don't
you see me cooking?
62
00:02:54,913 --> 00:02:56,045
Sorry.
63
00:02:58,395 --> 00:03:02,356
Where's your report card?They didn't hand them out yet.
64
00:03:02,530 --> 00:03:05,446
NARRATOR:
I couldn't bring myself
to tell my mother I got an F.
65
00:03:05,620 --> 00:03:07,970
Next to dealing drugs,
getting bad grades
66
00:03:08,144 --> 00:03:09,580
was the worst thing
you could do.
67
00:03:09,754 --> 00:03:11,582
It was worse than this...
68
00:03:11,756 --> 00:03:12,888
Tonya, what happened?
69
00:03:13,062 --> 00:03:14,759
Mama, I had to smoke that fool.
70
00:03:14,933 --> 00:03:18,981
Oh, not him. I'm talking about
this D you got in algebra.
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00:03:19,155 --> 00:03:20,548
NARRATOR:
And worse than this...
72
00:03:20,722 --> 00:03:23,203
Drew!
Where is that boy?
73
00:03:23,377 --> 00:03:25,074
What the hell is wrong
with you?
74
00:03:25,248 --> 00:03:26,510
I'm following my dream, Mama.
75
00:03:26,684 --> 00:03:28,643
I'm gonna be a country
and western singer.
76
00:03:28,817 --> 00:03:31,689
I'm not talking about that.
I'm talking about this F.
77
00:03:31,863 --> 00:03:34,649
Now, take your Johnny Cashless
ass upstairs and study.
78
00:03:34,823 --> 00:03:36,172
You think I'm
playing with you?
79
00:03:36,346 --> 00:03:37,739
Where'd you get
that guitar?
80
00:03:37,913 --> 00:03:39,828
You better not be selling
drugs in my house.
81
00:03:40,002 --> 00:03:41,569
NARRATOR:
I didn't know what to do,
82
00:03:41,743 --> 00:03:43,527
but I couldn't give her
that report card.
83
00:03:43,701 --> 00:03:44,876
Let me know
when you get it.
84
00:03:45,050 --> 00:03:46,661
Yes, ma'am.
85
00:03:46,835 --> 00:03:48,315
[♪♪♪]
86
00:03:48,489 --> 00:03:49,925
Need any help cooking?
87
00:03:50,099 --> 00:03:52,101
Sure. Thank you, baby.
88
00:03:52,275 --> 00:03:54,886
NARRATOR:
I figured if I showed her
how useful I could be,
89
00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:57,585
she wouldn't kill me
when she found out.
90
00:03:57,759 --> 00:04:00,327
While I was trying to figure
out what to do about my F,
91
00:04:00,501 --> 00:04:02,067
my father was home sick,
92
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:04,069
trying to figure out
how he got the gout.
93
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:07,377
Oh, baby...
when did you get the gout?
94
00:04:07,551 --> 00:04:09,945
I don't know.
It just happened.
95
00:04:10,119 --> 00:04:13,296
NARRATOR:
I know you're probably
wondering, what is the gout?
96
00:04:13,470 --> 00:04:17,126
Well gout, or the gout
as some people like to call it,
97
00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:19,868
is a form of arthritis,
which causes severe swelling
98
00:04:20,042 --> 00:04:22,000
usually in the ankle
or the big toe.
99
00:04:22,174 --> 00:04:24,699
It's caused by a poor diet,
including things like...
100
00:04:24,873 --> 00:04:26,831
smothered pork chops.
101
00:04:27,005 --> 00:04:28,877
Needs some salt.
102
00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:33,360
Smothered chicken-fried bacon.
103
00:04:33,534 --> 00:04:35,318
Needs some salt.
104
00:04:37,407 --> 00:04:39,844
And smothered
chicken-fried bananas.
105
00:04:41,542 --> 00:04:42,760
Not bad.
106
00:04:42,934 --> 00:04:44,371
Needs salt.
107
00:04:46,373 --> 00:04:47,635
Are you out
your damn mind?
108
00:04:47,809 --> 00:04:49,506
All right, I'm going
to work the phones
109
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,334
over at the real estate
office today.
110
00:04:51,508 --> 00:04:52,770
Try not to eat any junk.
111
00:04:52,944 --> 00:04:54,511
I'll be home in time
to make dinner.
112
00:04:54,685 --> 00:04:56,121
I can't eat that stuff all day.
113
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,298
You can if you want
to get rid of the gout.
114
00:05:00,256 --> 00:05:01,388
Give me a kiss.
115
00:05:01,562 --> 00:05:02,867
Mmm.
116
00:05:03,738 --> 00:05:05,870
[♪♪♪]
117
00:05:06,044 --> 00:05:08,046
When are you gonna
turn in your report card?
118
00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:11,311
I was thinking, it's so busy
that if I didn't say anything,
119
00:05:11,485 --> 00:05:13,530
Miss Morello will just
forget about it.
120
00:05:13,704 --> 00:05:16,446
NARRATOR: It didn't take much to graduate from my old school.
121
00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:18,709
All you needed was a ride
to the graduation.
122
00:05:18,883 --> 00:05:20,494
Who are you?
123
00:05:20,668 --> 00:05:22,147
I was in Ms. Jenkins' class.
124
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:25,020
Oh. Here.
125
00:05:25,194 --> 00:05:27,327
[CROWD APPLAUDING][CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING]
126
00:05:30,852 --> 00:05:31,809
Thank you.
127
00:05:31,983 --> 00:05:34,812
[♪♪♪]
128
00:05:34,986 --> 00:05:37,032
Chris,
where's your report card?
129
00:05:37,206 --> 00:05:38,512
My mom's been really busy.
130
00:05:38,686 --> 00:05:40,165
I promise I'll have it
by tomorrow.
131
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,297
Make sure you do.
132
00:05:44,605 --> 00:05:47,303
NARRATOR:
Because my father was used to
working all the time,
133
00:05:47,477 --> 00:05:49,349
staying home was tough.
134
00:05:49,523 --> 00:05:52,090
But at least he got to watch
one of his favorite things:
135
00:05:52,264 --> 00:05:54,832
Soap operas.
The Yankees were good,
136
00:05:55,006 --> 00:05:57,487
but not better
than soap operas.
137
00:05:57,661 --> 00:05:59,620
[THEME SONG PLAYING][SIGHS]
138
00:05:59,794 --> 00:06:01,883
NARRATOR:
At Corleone,
if you needed something
139
00:06:02,057 --> 00:06:04,233
like a forged report card
or a tardy slip,
140
00:06:04,407 --> 00:06:06,366
there was one guy
that could get it for you,
141
00:06:06,540 --> 00:06:08,063
and his name was Fischer.
142
00:06:08,237 --> 00:06:09,934
GREG: Hey, Fischer.Who's this?
143
00:06:10,108 --> 00:06:11,196
Chris.
144
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:12,763
Tell him
I'm not talking to him.
145
00:06:12,937 --> 00:06:14,722
He's not talking
to you. Chris.
146
00:06:14,896 --> 00:06:16,419
He a friend of yours?Yeah.
147
00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:18,334
Pat him down.
148
00:06:18,508 --> 00:06:20,380
[♪♪♪]
149
00:06:24,775 --> 00:06:26,255
He's clean.What does he want?
150
00:06:26,429 --> 00:06:28,475
I need a new--Hey, hey.
151
00:06:28,649 --> 00:06:30,085
Tell him
I'm not talking to him.
152
00:06:30,259 --> 00:06:31,391
He's not talking to you.
153
00:06:31,565 --> 00:06:33,218
He needs a new
report card.
154
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,090
He got an F, but he doesn't want
to show it to his mother.
155
00:06:35,264 --> 00:06:37,005
Okay, I got it.
It's a two-part job.
156
00:06:37,179 --> 00:06:39,790
He needs a report card with an A
for his mother to sign,
157
00:06:39,964 --> 00:06:42,837
and a report card with an F with
his mother's signature on it.
158
00:06:43,011 --> 00:06:44,882
So you'll do it?I'm not talking to him.
159
00:06:45,056 --> 00:06:46,623
He's not talking to you.
160
00:06:46,797 --> 00:06:48,364
So you'll do it?
161
00:06:48,538 --> 00:06:50,105
Okay, let's say
I do this for him.
162
00:06:50,279 --> 00:06:51,411
What's he gonna do for me?
163
00:06:51,585 --> 00:06:52,847
What do you want?
164
00:06:53,021 --> 00:06:54,631
How about a book report
for English?
165
00:06:54,805 --> 00:06:56,416
[♪♪♪]
166
00:06:57,765 --> 00:06:59,593
Hey, what the hell's
the matter with you?
167
00:06:59,767 --> 00:07:01,203
Don't you see me
talking to you?
168
00:07:01,377 --> 00:07:03,292
Don't you see him
talking to you?
169
00:07:04,946 --> 00:07:06,687
Can it be on
Martin Luther King?
Deal.
170
00:07:06,861 --> 00:07:08,863
Meet me in the science lab
storage room at 3.
171
00:07:09,037 --> 00:07:10,386
Thanks.Yeah.
172
00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:12,693
Hey, look over there.
173
00:07:12,867 --> 00:07:14,608
[SLURPING]
174
00:07:14,782 --> 00:07:16,784
[♪♪♪]
175
00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:21,484
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
176
00:07:23,399 --> 00:07:24,269
Hey, Julius.
177
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,097
Uh...Rochelle's not here.
178
00:07:26,271 --> 00:07:27,664
No, no, no.
179
00:07:27,838 --> 00:07:29,536
Rochelle told me
to check on you.
180
00:07:29,710 --> 00:07:31,712
And I brought you this.What, a salad?
181
00:07:31,886 --> 00:07:34,497
Yeah, I gotta get back. The
Young and the Restlessis on.
182
00:07:34,671 --> 00:07:36,543
[♪♪♪]
183
00:07:40,503 --> 00:07:42,897
NARRATOR:
I've never had a forged
report card before,
184
00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:46,248
but Greg told me
Fischer was the best.
185
00:08:26,767 --> 00:08:28,725
NARRATOR:
One time he made
such a good fake,
186
00:08:28,899 --> 00:08:31,815
they arrested the guy
who made the original.
187
00:08:38,169 --> 00:08:39,475
Hey, Ma,
I got my report card.
188
00:08:39,649 --> 00:08:41,912
Oh. Let me see.NARRATOR: I was scared.
189
00:08:42,086 --> 00:08:44,567
Felt like I was giving
a fake diamond to Lil' Kim.
190
00:08:44,741 --> 00:08:47,396
An A in math?
191
00:08:47,570 --> 00:08:49,224
Chris, this is so great.
192
00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:51,095
You got an A in math?
193
00:08:51,269 --> 00:08:52,619
That's right.
So what?
194
00:08:52,793 --> 00:08:54,534
What's three times three?Nine.
195
00:08:54,708 --> 00:08:56,144
What's four times five?Twenty.
196
00:08:56,318 --> 00:08:58,059
What's eleven times eleven?Shut up.
197
00:08:58,233 --> 00:09:01,105
[JULIUS LAUGHING]Can you sign this?
198
00:09:03,064 --> 00:09:04,979
Oh, he does?
199
00:09:05,153 --> 00:09:07,242
Julius!
200
00:09:07,416 --> 00:09:10,637
Oh, hey, you know,
I gotta go.
201
00:09:10,811 --> 00:09:13,161
All right,
I'll talk to you later.
202
00:09:13,335 --> 00:09:15,163
Oh, man!Who was that?
203
00:09:15,337 --> 00:09:16,512
Oh, that was Monica.
204
00:09:16,686 --> 00:09:18,514
She was
the hairdresser's friend.
205
00:09:18,688 --> 00:09:20,516
She just wanted to know
what happened.
206
00:09:20,690 --> 00:09:22,257
[GRUNTS]
207
00:09:22,431 --> 00:09:24,912
Well, you two were on the phone
an awfully long time.
208
00:09:25,086 --> 00:09:27,784
Did you know that your son
got an A in math?
209
00:09:27,958 --> 00:09:29,481
My man!
210
00:09:29,656 --> 00:09:32,049
That must be why his teacher
called this afternoon.
211
00:09:32,223 --> 00:09:34,704
Yeah, she wants you to come down
to school on Wednesday
212
00:09:34,878 --> 00:09:36,880
and talk about Chris's grade.
213
00:09:37,054 --> 00:09:39,796
ANNOUNCER:
Will Rochelle find out
about Chris' actual grade?
214
00:09:39,970 --> 00:09:42,538
How long will Chris be able
to keep up this lie?
215
00:09:42,712 --> 00:09:45,193
Will Julius ever
get rid of the gout?
216
00:09:45,367 --> 00:09:48,500
Will Tonya ask Chris
more math questions?
217
00:09:48,675 --> 00:09:51,373
Will Drew get any lines?
218
00:09:51,547 --> 00:09:55,377
Find out this and more, when
Everybody Hates Chris returns.
219
00:09:55,551 --> 00:09:59,816
♪ Everybody hates Chris ♪
220
00:10:06,170 --> 00:10:09,043
NARRATOR:
Once I got my mother's
signature on my report card,
221
00:10:09,217 --> 00:10:11,393
Fischer had what he needed
to complete my plan.
222
00:10:11,567 --> 00:10:14,788
What? I'm a natural.
223
00:10:14,962 --> 00:10:16,746
Now beat it.
224
00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:18,748
NARRATOR: Since I had the cards in place,
225
00:10:18,922 --> 00:10:20,750
all I had to do
was keep my mother
226
00:10:20,924 --> 00:10:22,796
and Mrs. Morello
from seeing each other
227
00:10:22,970 --> 00:10:25,973
and I would be home free.
228
00:10:26,147 --> 00:10:28,236
Chris, do you have
your signed report card?
229
00:10:28,410 --> 00:10:31,065
[♪♪♪]
230
00:10:31,239 --> 00:10:33,415
Sure do.
231
00:10:38,812 --> 00:10:41,989
My mother says she won't be able
to come to the school tomorrow.
232
00:10:42,163 --> 00:10:43,381
My father has the gout.
233
00:10:43,555 --> 00:10:44,600
Did you say "the gout"?
234
00:10:44,774 --> 00:10:46,341
Yes. The gout.
235
00:10:46,515 --> 00:10:48,778
I'm concerned about
your grade, Chris.
236
00:10:48,952 --> 00:10:50,824
Well, my mom is too.
237
00:10:50,998 --> 00:10:53,957
She told me I better get a C
on my next report card.
238
00:10:54,131 --> 00:10:56,438
And then she...
239
00:10:56,612 --> 00:10:59,006
Well, let's just say it's
kind of hard to sit down.
240
00:10:59,180 --> 00:11:01,095
[GASPS]
241
00:11:01,269 --> 00:11:04,054
[WINCES, GROANS]
242
00:11:04,228 --> 00:11:06,056
So I guess she's young
and he's restless.
243
00:11:06,230 --> 00:11:07,841
[ALL LAUGHING]
244
00:11:08,015 --> 00:11:09,407
Okay, wait, wait.
245
00:11:09,581 --> 00:11:11,583
We're gonna come back
tomorrow for the update.
246
00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:14,369
Wait, so does Victor's ex-wife
know about him and Nicky?
247
00:11:14,543 --> 00:11:16,937
Ooh, you know what?[ALL CHATTERING]
248
00:11:17,111 --> 00:11:18,939
Hey, babe.
How you doing?
249
00:11:19,113 --> 00:11:21,419
What's going on here?Why didn't you tell us
250
00:11:21,593 --> 00:11:23,334
Julius likes
The Young and the Restless?
251
00:11:23,508 --> 00:11:24,509
I didn't know.
252
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,120
[WOMEN CHUCKLING]
253
00:11:26,294 --> 00:11:27,861
This is Pam. You remember Pam.How you doing?
254
00:11:28,035 --> 00:11:30,211
Good. How are you?How long y'all been here?
255
00:11:30,385 --> 00:11:33,127
Oh, about three, four hours.
We're catching up on the soaps.
256
00:11:33,301 --> 00:11:35,129
This is my girl Monica.
That's Rochelle.
257
00:11:35,303 --> 00:11:36,652
Nice to meet you, Monica.
258
00:11:36,826 --> 00:11:38,828
Why do you look
so familiar to me?
259
00:11:39,002 --> 00:11:40,438
You tried to sell me
food stamps
260
00:11:40,612 --> 00:11:42,789
down by the subway that day.I thought you said
261
00:11:42,963 --> 00:11:44,660
you weren't selling
food stamps.
262
00:11:44,834 --> 00:11:46,880
You were selling food stamps?I wasn't selling no food stamps.
263
00:11:47,054 --> 00:11:49,360
[PHONE RINGING]
264
00:11:49,534 --> 00:11:51,101
Julius, go get the phone.
265
00:11:51,275 --> 00:11:52,494
You hear
the phone ringing.
266
00:11:52,668 --> 00:11:54,583
It rang, like,
three times already.
267
00:11:54,757 --> 00:11:56,846
Thank you, baby.[WOMEN CHUCKLE]
268
00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:59,327
Girl, that gout
is making him lose his mind.
269
00:11:59,501 --> 00:12:01,459
[ALL LAUGH]
270
00:12:01,633 --> 00:12:03,461
Does gout mess with
your hearing?
271
00:12:03,635 --> 00:12:05,159
[ALL LAUGHING]
272
00:12:06,595 --> 00:12:08,336
Hello?
273
00:12:08,510 --> 00:12:10,947
Hey, Mrs. Morello.
274
00:12:11,121 --> 00:12:12,949
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hold on.
275
00:12:14,342 --> 00:12:16,431
Honey, it's for you.
276
00:12:16,605 --> 00:12:17,737
Where'd they go?
277
00:12:17,911 --> 00:12:19,695
They left, gout boy.
278
00:12:19,869 --> 00:12:21,741
[♪♪♪]
279
00:12:25,701 --> 00:12:27,616
ROCHELLE:
Hi. How are you?
280
00:12:30,445 --> 00:12:32,273
What? An F?
281
00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:38,366
What happened?The teacher just told me
282
00:12:38,540 --> 00:12:39,759
that Chris got an F.
283
00:12:39,933 --> 00:12:41,238
But he said he got an A.
284
00:12:41,412 --> 00:12:43,284
I can't believe that boy
285
00:12:43,458 --> 00:12:45,808
looked me dead in the eye
and lied to me.
286
00:12:45,982 --> 00:12:48,550
How you wanna handle this?
287
00:12:48,724 --> 00:12:50,857
NARRATOR:
Translation:
do you want to kill him,
288
00:12:51,031 --> 00:12:52,467
or should I?
289
00:12:52,641 --> 00:12:54,817
Hmm...
Oh, I know what to do.
290
00:12:54,991 --> 00:12:56,384
TONYA: Whoa, pancakes?Pancakes?
291
00:12:56,558 --> 00:12:57,951
Hey, Mom,
we're having pancakes?
292
00:12:58,125 --> 00:12:59,604
No, Chris
is having pancakes.
293
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,650
That's my baby's reward
for getting an A.
294
00:13:01,824 --> 00:13:03,173
TONYA:
Can I have
some pancakes?
295
00:13:03,347 --> 00:13:04,653
Did you get an A?I got a B.
296
00:13:04,827 --> 00:13:06,742
That's not an A.Can I have some pancakes?
297
00:13:06,916 --> 00:13:08,918
My foot's getting better. I
might make it to work tomorrow.
298
00:13:09,092 --> 00:13:10,964
Pancakes are
for people who get A's,
299
00:13:11,138 --> 00:13:12,617
not for people
who get the gout.
300
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,184
Baby, you want
anything else?
301
00:13:14,358 --> 00:13:16,578
My A student deserves
nothing but the best.
302
00:13:16,752 --> 00:13:19,581
No. No. Oh, by the way,
my teacher says
303
00:13:19,755 --> 00:13:21,409
she won't
be able to see you today.
304
00:13:21,583 --> 00:13:23,672
That's okay, baby.
I'll talk to her next time.
305
00:13:23,846 --> 00:13:25,630
You want some butter?
306
00:13:27,589 --> 00:13:29,504
My foot's looking better,
don't you think?
307
00:13:29,678 --> 00:13:31,854
Why are you talking
about your foot?
308
00:13:32,028 --> 00:13:34,552
Your son has no conscience.
309
00:13:34,726 --> 00:13:37,860
In there eating pancakes
like he actually got an A.
310
00:13:38,034 --> 00:13:39,993
If you didn't want him
to have the pancakes,
311
00:13:40,167 --> 00:13:41,603
what'd you give them
to him for?
312
00:13:41,777 --> 00:13:44,040
For him to feel guilty
and confess.
313
00:13:44,214 --> 00:13:46,086
But that's okay.
314
00:13:46,260 --> 00:13:48,175
Tomorrow I got
something for him.
315
00:13:48,349 --> 00:13:51,091
Baby, let's talk
about this. Come on.
316
00:13:52,527 --> 00:13:54,224
Oh, so now
you want to talk to me?
317
00:13:54,398 --> 00:13:56,183
Why don't you just
talk to your friends,
318
00:13:56,357 --> 00:13:57,924
since you talk to them
all the time?
319
00:13:58,098 --> 00:13:59,577
Rochelle,
those are your friends.
320
00:13:59,751 --> 00:14:01,971
We were just talking
about the soaps.
321
00:14:03,233 --> 00:14:04,582
Are you jealous?
322
00:14:04,756 --> 00:14:06,410
Hell, yeah. Damn skippy.
323
00:14:06,584 --> 00:14:08,412
How would you feel
if you came home
324
00:14:08,586 --> 00:14:10,066
and I was sitting there
talking to
325
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:11,676
your friends
about football?
326
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,983
You like football?No, I don't like football.
327
00:14:14,157 --> 00:14:16,072
Julius, you always want
to talk to me
328
00:14:16,246 --> 00:14:17,987
about bills or the kids.
329
00:14:18,161 --> 00:14:19,815
I just think it would be nice
330
00:14:19,989 --> 00:14:21,904
to talk about
something else for a change.
331
00:14:23,123 --> 00:14:24,559
You want to talk
about the gout?
332
00:14:24,733 --> 00:14:27,431
No! I don't want
to talk about the gout!
333
00:14:27,605 --> 00:14:29,433
[♪♪♪]
334
00:14:29,607 --> 00:14:31,087
So it worked?
335
00:14:31,261 --> 00:14:33,394
Yep. I told my mother
that Miss Morello was busy,
336
00:14:33,568 --> 00:14:35,787
and I told Miss Morello
that my mother was busy.
337
00:14:35,962 --> 00:14:38,138
That was that,
and I'm just glad it's over.
338
00:14:41,619 --> 00:14:43,491
NARRATOR:
They say when
you're about to die
339
00:14:43,665 --> 00:14:46,102
your life flashes
right before your eyes.
340
00:14:46,276 --> 00:14:48,104
Well, here's
what mine looked like...
341
00:14:48,278 --> 00:14:50,150
[♪♪♪]
342
00:15:00,638 --> 00:15:03,076
Dude, you're
definitely not in there.
343
00:15:05,992 --> 00:15:07,341
Bye, Chris.
344
00:15:07,515 --> 00:15:09,821
Don't tell any lies
when you get to heaven.
345
00:15:09,996 --> 00:15:12,607
Hey, Chris, can I have
your comic books?
346
00:15:12,781 --> 00:15:15,088
That's a $2 pair of underwear
you're messing up.
347
00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:24,010
Rest in peace, Toby.
348
00:15:28,579 --> 00:15:29,667
Chris.
349
00:15:29,841 --> 00:15:31,060
Hi, Mom.
350
00:15:31,234 --> 00:15:32,888
Oh, don't mind me.
351
00:15:33,062 --> 00:15:35,412
I'm just here to watch my
brilliant, mathematician son
352
00:15:35,586 --> 00:15:36,892
in action.
353
00:15:37,066 --> 00:15:38,546
Miss Morello said
it would be okay.
354
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:40,026
[♪♪♪]
355
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:47,816
NARRATOR: If I could just be cool, maybe everything will be all right.
356
00:15:47,990 --> 00:15:50,036
Today we're doing fractions.
357
00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:53,430
What does three-twelfths
plus three-fourths equal?
358
00:15:53,604 --> 00:15:55,432
Ooh! Ooh!
Me! Pick me.
359
00:15:55,606 --> 00:15:56,999
Rochelle.
360
00:15:57,173 --> 00:15:58,653
Chris has an answer.
361
00:15:58,827 --> 00:15:59,784
He got an A.
362
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,090
That's right.
363
00:16:01,264 --> 00:16:02,526
He did get an A.
364
00:16:06,443 --> 00:16:09,055
NARRATOR:
If I could drive,
I'd do this...
365
00:16:13,711 --> 00:16:14,886
I don't know the answer.
366
00:16:15,061 --> 00:16:17,019
ROCHELLE:
No?
367
00:16:17,193 --> 00:16:19,717
Well, how is that possible?
368
00:16:19,891 --> 00:16:21,806
You're the math wiz.
369
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,722
The human calculator.
370
00:16:26,115 --> 00:16:27,116
You got an A.
371
00:16:31,207 --> 00:16:33,340
I actually got an F.
372
00:16:36,343 --> 00:16:39,520
NARRATOR:
This must be how Marion Barry
felt when that tape got out.
373
00:16:39,694 --> 00:16:41,174
Miss Morello,
374
00:16:41,348 --> 00:16:43,002
thank you
for your time.
375
00:16:43,176 --> 00:16:44,046
Come on, Chris.
376
00:16:46,918 --> 00:16:49,008
See you later, Stymie.
377
00:16:54,404 --> 00:16:56,667
Ma, I can explain.
378
00:16:56,841 --> 00:16:58,104
Okay.
379
00:16:58,278 --> 00:16:59,235
Go ahead.
380
00:16:59,409 --> 00:17:00,889
For real?
381
00:17:01,063 --> 00:17:03,326
Yeah. Explain this.
382
00:17:04,632 --> 00:17:07,026
Okay.
383
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:10,290
I was afraid you'd get
mad at me for getting an F.
384
00:17:10,464 --> 00:17:12,509
I thought I could
do better next semester,
385
00:17:12,683 --> 00:17:16,731
so I changed my grade,
forged your signature
386
00:17:16,905 --> 00:17:19,255
onto the report card
and gave it to Miss Morello.
387
00:17:19,429 --> 00:17:21,083
I thought
you wouldn't find out.
388
00:17:21,257 --> 00:17:23,303
[MOCKINGLY]
"I thought you
wouldn't find out."
389
00:17:23,477 --> 00:17:25,914
[NORMALLY]
Boy, what do I look like,
Boo-Boo the Fool?
390
00:17:26,088 --> 00:17:28,917
You're running around here
lying, forging my signature.
391
00:17:29,091 --> 00:17:30,484
Have you lost your mind?
392
00:17:30,658 --> 00:17:32,268
Look, Chris,
if you lie
393
00:17:32,442 --> 00:17:34,575
you steal,
if you steal, you kill,
394
00:17:34,749 --> 00:17:36,968
and I am not getting
your behind out of jail.
395
00:17:37,143 --> 00:17:38,709
Chris...
396
00:17:38,883 --> 00:17:40,581
if you would have put
this much effort
397
00:17:40,755 --> 00:17:42,670
into passing the class
in the first place,
398
00:17:42,844 --> 00:17:44,193
you wouldn't
be in this mess.
399
00:17:44,367 --> 00:17:46,587
I am very upset
that you failed that class,
400
00:17:46,761 --> 00:17:48,763
but I'm more upset
that you lied to me.
401
00:17:48,937 --> 00:17:50,852
You are not
stupid, Chris.
402
00:17:51,026 --> 00:17:52,680
Don't act like it.
403
00:17:52,854 --> 00:17:55,509
I bought you in this world,
I'll take you right out.
404
00:17:55,683 --> 00:17:57,685
Do you understand me?
405
00:17:57,859 --> 00:17:59,948
Yes, ma'am.
406
00:18:00,122 --> 00:18:01,428
All right.
407
00:18:01,602 --> 00:18:03,430
Now bring your behind home.
408
00:18:03,604 --> 00:18:05,432
NARRATOR:
My mother had a funny way
409
00:18:05,606 --> 00:18:08,304
of making me feel like the
smartest idiot in the world.
410
00:18:08,478 --> 00:18:09,784
Wait, that's it?
411
00:18:09,958 --> 00:18:11,655
No, you better bring
that grade up,
412
00:18:11,829 --> 00:18:15,006
or I'm gonna slap
the wax out your ears.
413
00:18:15,181 --> 00:18:16,704
NARRATOR:
After I got caught,
414
00:18:16,878 --> 00:18:19,533
my parents finally had
something to talk about.
415
00:18:19,707 --> 00:18:21,926
What happened
with Chris today?
416
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,364
Oh, I got it all handled.
417
00:18:26,148 --> 00:18:27,845
How's your foot?
418
00:18:28,019 --> 00:18:29,934
It's all right.
419
00:18:32,285 --> 00:18:34,504
Got a surprise for you.
420
00:18:35,940 --> 00:18:38,508
I watched
your soap today.
421
00:18:38,682 --> 00:18:40,336
Really?
422
00:18:40,510 --> 00:18:42,425
Yeah, but if you don't
feel like talking...
423
00:18:42,599 --> 00:18:43,687
No, no, no, no.
424
00:18:43,861 --> 00:18:46,255
We can talk about it.
425
00:18:46,429 --> 00:18:47,909
Oh.
426
00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:51,913
Did you know that
Nicky was a stripper?
427
00:18:52,087 --> 00:18:54,307
A stripper?Mm-hmm.
428
00:18:54,481 --> 00:18:57,092
Does Victor know?He does now.
429
00:18:57,266 --> 00:18:59,703
[CHUCKLES]
430
00:18:59,877 --> 00:19:02,228
NARRATOR:
Things always
worked out best in my house
431
00:19:02,402 --> 00:19:04,317
when everybody did their job.
432
00:19:04,491 --> 00:19:05,883
And after
being more embarrassed
433
00:19:06,057 --> 00:19:07,450
than I'd ever been in my life,
434
00:19:07,624 --> 00:19:10,497
all I had to do
was one more thing.
435
00:19:10,671 --> 00:19:12,499
Mom, I got my report card.
436
00:19:16,198 --> 00:19:17,330
A D!
437
00:19:17,504 --> 00:19:20,289
My baby got a D.
438
00:19:20,463 --> 00:19:22,639
And you're happy about that?
439
00:19:22,813 --> 00:19:26,295
I'm just happy I don't have
to smack the chap off your lips.
440
00:19:26,469 --> 00:19:30,691
♪ Everybody hates Chris ♪
441
00:19:33,868 --> 00:19:36,653
NARRATOR:
Stay tuned for scenes
from our next episode.
442
00:19:38,829 --> 00:19:40,701
[♪♪♪]
443
00:19:42,616 --> 00:19:45,488
♪ Aw, make it funky now ♪
30210
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