All language subtitles for 2gregregerger

[atmospheric ominous music]

♪ ♪

- I always knew
that this problem was big.

I always knew that there was
nothing special about me

in that this had happened.

I think that once
I began teaching,

I just accessed a new level
of rage about the institution

and also just
our larger society

that allows this to happen.

♪ ♪

We've had a reckoning
for men in film,

we've had a reckoning
for predators in the church.

Yet then, classrooms.

I think that the bad guys

are not only
the individual actors,

but I think it is also
in a much larger way

the problem of
the administration.

No institution wants to take
the responsibility

that they had a teacher
who was abusive

and who was
abusing their students.

There are no accountability
systems for that.

It's incredibly frustrating,

and it's
incredibly demoralizing.

- Hi.
- Hello.

- You look super MILF-y.

- Oh. Oh, my God.
It's so heavy.

- Here. It's all right.
I got muscles.

- Wait. Don't do that.
I need a hug.

- [sighs]

Do you remember when
none of these overpasses

and freeway things were here?

- I remember when
none of this existed.

- Yeah.
It was just, like, the country.

- Being back
on the highway with you,

I don't think you and I
have driven together

since we were in the car and
that kid flipped his Mustang.

- He slammed on his brakes
and then literally, like,

flipped twice into the field.

And they were
in a convertible.

- That is literally one of
the last memories I have...

- Wow.
- Of us hanging out.

- A car crash?
- Mm-hmm.

- Oh, my God! Look at it.
It makes me so sad.

- I can't believe you haven't
driven by here already.

- Oh, my God.
That was my house.

- I was, like, devastated
when we had to move away.

I was, like, totally devastated

'cause we had to move into,
like, that really small place.

- I remember that being a time

where you were really
defensive.

It was over everything.

And looking back,
I had no idea why, but.

[bittersweet ambient music]

♪ ♪

As a teenager,
Cheryl and I were inseparable.

Like, it wasn't
a normal friendship.

It was--we were inseparable.

We had, like,
a 6:00 p. m. phone call.

Whoever I was dating,
she was dating as well.

So I feel like
she would have had no choice

but to pull away when
something like that happens.

♪ ♪

All of a sudden,
she wasn't talking to me.

This is the girl who had
told me every phone call

she'd had with a boy,
every crush,

every song she'd listened to
since we were eight.

♪ ♪

She stopped coming around,
she stopped telling me things,

she stopped calling,

and I didn't know
what happened at all.

I just knew she was mad
and then she was gone.

[sniffles]

I remember feeling
entirely isolated.

I mean, we didn't have
a lot of people anyway.

[sniffles]

♪ ♪

And he took my best friend.

♪ ♪

- I feel really nervous
because it's becoming clear

what the sort of consequences
are gonna be

of bringing
all of this stuff to the fore.

I didn't call up everybody
and say,

"Hey, did you guys know
I was involved with a teacher?"

Um, just like, "Do you wanna,
like, process through this?"

After I left, let alone.

And so I feel guilty
exposing it in a way.

I feel like I'm betraying
something I learned

early in my life that--
that isn't very polite,

which is, you know,

telling the truth
about these things

and asking other people to come
and tell the truth as well.

[birds singing]

[sighs softly]

- Okay.
- Thank you.

- Cheryl.
- Yeah, darling?

- This one?

Or is this
too professional brunch-y?

- Ooh. No, no, no.
I think it's great.

And also, like, we're 38,

so professional brunch-y
is fine.

- Don't ever say that again.
- [laughs]

Are you nervous?
I'm nervous for--

- I just don't know

who's actually
gonna come to this thing.

I heard back
from one of the girls

that we went to school with

and she was, like,
seemingly pretty pissed.

And I guess I'm worried that
I'm becoming a person that

people can sort of direct their
fear at because I'm doing this.

It's like now I'm gonna
be the enemy because I'm--

you know,
I'm talking about this

on a sort of bigger platform.

[soft droning tense music]

♪ ♪

[melancholy guitar music]

♪ ♪

When I started working
on this project,

I knew that that I was gonna
be stepping in some stuff

and I knew
that I was gonna be

kind of confronting people
about things

that they didn't want
to talk about,

but what I was interested in

was trying
to open up this dialogue.

Coming forward about something

isn't just about
coming forward about it,

it's not just telling
your side of it.

There's other people
that had their own experiences

that have an impact
on the meaning of your story.

But a lot of people who
looked the other way then

still refuse
to take accountability

for their actions now.

I'm just seeing
how difficult it's gonna be.

Like, I feel, um...

I'm bummed.

♪ ♪

[soft dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Uh, so I've done every--

I've, like, I've reached out
to basically everybody

that I can reach out to
at this point.

I wrote Brandi
and Mandy again,

but I didn't hear back
from them.

I also tried
to reach out to JD.

I thought I had
a number for him,

but the guy didn't respond,

so I don't know
if it's his number or not.

I don't think that they're all
gonna respond to me, honestly.

Like, I think some of them
are slow playing,

which makes sense.

But, um--[clicks tongue]

Let me check my Facebook.

All right.
I'm gonna write Brandi Preas.

- Was she in that after-school
theater group of kids?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

[approaching footsteps]

[doorbell chimes]

- Look at you. Oh, my God!
- [laughs]

Hi!

Hi.

- [chuckling]
Oh, There I am again.

[laughter]
What is going on here?

We do not look happy.
Neither one of us.

- I think this was Shayna.

There's Mandy and...
- Yes.

- And Nathaniel.

Yeah, so I reached out to them.

They--they don't wanna--

they don't wanna
be part of this.

- Okay.

- I was trying to get them
to sort of talk about,

you know, their experience,
but I don't know.

- Have they responded at all

or are they just straight up
ignoring everything?

- Um, so there's been like
a little bit of communication,

but mostly it's just--

I got one that was, like,
not hostile,

but definitely like,

"Leave me alone.
I don't wanna talk about this."

So I don't know.

- I would--my thing is
depending on their position,

um, like if they had
the same experience with you,

maybe a bit of shame and they
just don't want it brought up.

- Yeah.
- Um, you know, I...

♪ ♪

I had issues, you know,
with wanting to come forward

because my anger towards you

was awful.

I hated you.

I wanted nothing
to do with you.

I blamed you.
I don't know why.

♪ ♪

I saw your attachment
to each other.

I could see
how he was favoring you.

We felt like
you never got bad directions.

You always got the part.

Most people assumed
you had the influence over him

and you were calling the shots
in a lot of ways.

I mean,
if I were to act it out,

I'd be like, "Oh, my gosh."

It's like, "She's just
so in love with him.

It's just gross!"

I mean, like we did the,
you know,

the whole teenager angsty,
"Ugh!"

It's just all we could
focus on was you.

♪ ♪

And we were a bunch
of assholes about it.

♪ ♪

- [sighs]

- And that's why
I wanna do this,

and that's why I did this.

I wanna go back,

and this was one
of the starting points

of a lot of negativity.

And so let's--let's clear it.

- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.

After the anger settled,
there was guilt,

a lot of guilt.

The guilt for the anger,

the guilt for not seeing it,

the guilt for just saying--

you know, blaming a kid
instead of an adult.

[atmospheric downbeat music]

Sadly, women are responsible
for it all.

We get blamed for it all.

- With Cheryl,
people blamed her

because women get blamed
for men's actions all the time.

Because someone has
to be accountable

and why would it be him?

If an adult male
was after you,

it was because there was
something you were doing.

There was something
you were doing

to make that adult male
attracted to you.

♪ ♪

- So--
[sighs and clicks tongue]

You know, when we started
seeing that relationship,

I--I did--I did start getting
kind of bad vibes about it,

but at the same time,

I think some other people
took it more as a joke,

more of saying Cheryl was
looking for attention.

You know, I hung out with
a lot of guys in athletics,

and a lot of it was, um,

why Cheryl would pay attention
to this dorky teacher.

And maybe if there really was
something going on,

one of the other adults,

one of the other teachers

would speak up
and say something.

♪ ♪

[downbeat music fades]

- Daniel, please don't.

[overlapping chatter on TV]
[Daniel laughs]

- [shushing]

- Mexican rice,
blend hot sauce.

Yeah, so this is from
our Mexico trip senior year.

- Stop it.

- Crystal,
you're making me sick.

No, no, no.

Uh-oh!
- Oh, here comes the dancing.

[laughter]

- Oh, no!
- [chuckles]

- Oh, my God.
Yeah, get it, Cheryl.

It's so weird to, like--

I don't know,
think about this time.

It's very strange.

This is fun.

Like, it's funny 'cause
you watch this stuff

and looking back,
it's super fun.

But then sometimes it's like

you realize there was so much
shit, you know, going on.

There's just like so much...

- Yeah.
- Other stuff, you know?

I don't know.

[pensive piano music]

There's me and Tom.
- You and Tom.

- You were close
with Tom too, right?

- Yeah, yeah.
I did two trips with Tom.

- He was crazy.
He was such a crazy teacher.

It's hard to--it's hard
to describe his classes

'cause they were so--
- [chuckles]

- He was--it's stuff that
you couldn't get away with now.

♪ ♪

- My role was
I was a Spanish teacher.

I was hired in 1997

and basically the department
was a disaster,

and so I had to create
a new culture

and Cheryl became part
of that culture

and one of my most beloved
and amazing students.

It was a very small district.

I mean the graduating class,
I think, of Cheryl,

was not even 100.

And so we were encouraged
and I think rightly so that,

you know, get with these kids,
know them, know who they are.

♪ ♪

And all of us were
young teachers at that time.

- There are so many different
hats that teachers wear.

It's really not just

standing up
in front of the class

and delivering information.

It's helping
take these children

and help mold them
into functioning adults.

The majority of the teachers
that I interacted with

seemed to really care
about the students

and wanted to help
make their lives better.

- You do what's best
for the kid.

It was spaghetti education.

You just threw everything
at the wall

and you saw what'd stick.

The rules were very vague.

But the fact was you built
those relationships,

that intimate, you know,

"Hey, I want you--
I want to continue with you."

- I mean, you know,

the teachers that really
wanted the kids to like them...

did things
to make the kids like them.

You know,
I might ask my students,

"What did you do
over the weekend?"

But that's different
than saying,

"Hey, Friday night, you know,
what--did you go to the club?

What clubs did you go to?"

And, "Oh, I was out
at clubs Friday night too,"

you know,
and trying to seem hip.

But it never occurred to me
that somebody at that point

would take it further.

- There's that 1%
that screws it up for everyone.

With him, it hit me
on a personal level.

This son of a you-know-what

was someone who
I viewed as a friend,

but you break a rule
like that,

you break a rule like that
and use me,

all of us paid the price
for it.

All of us.

And I will never forgive him
for that. Ever.

- Here is the play
by number 11, Landen Chambers.

Stopped by a pack of Lobos
at the 42 yard line.

First and 10 for the Panthers.

[pensive ambient music]

♪ ♪

- "It is hard to decipher
my current feeling.

"I'm happy because
of the events

"that have taken place,
yet sad that some have to.

"Suspicious minds
make me weak.

"They sit in their houses with
picket fences and laugh at me.

"I just get so angry.

"Why do they always
ruin our fun?

"I just want to be happy.
I just want to keep the smile.

The only way I can
is through him."

- We as humans just in general
tend to bond.

I mean, that's what
we want to do with people,

and so the grooming process
is designed to make a bond.

You're invested,

and you believe
that they are too.

And so when it comes to moments

that you might
feel uncomfortable with

that you might think,

"Mm, this doesn't
feel right to me,"

you're not gonna
be very motivated

to speak out against that.

- I tried to talk to Cheryl
about the situation.

When I heard the rumor,

I called her and tried
to talk to her about it.

She denied it.
Straight away, denied it.

She said, "People are blowing
it out of proportion."

That it's not--
nothing's happening.

Um, "Everything's fine."

And so I just kind of had to
trust my friend at her word.

- I think it's really similar

to falling into a
domestic violence relationship.

You know, it starts with sort
of this excitement and romance,

and it doesn't start off
as horrible or sad

or dark or depressing,

so I think
it's incredibly difficult

to expect a young person

to be able to see
what is happening at the time.

- I wanted to just be with him.

I wanted to feel

in those little,
concentrated periods of time

that I was with my boyfriend.

Like, I saw him
as my boyfriend.

And in my mind,

he was the one who had
everything on the line.

Like, he was risking
his entire life for me.

It made me feel so special.

It made me feel so important
to know that

if somebody found out about us,
like, he could get fired.

Why would he do that
unless he loved me?

- Secrets aren't love,
and by isolating the victim,

you're able to take away the
sort of checks and balances

and you're able
to take away the opportunity

for a friend or a family member
or an outsider to be like,

"Huh, that's kind of messed up.
Like, why is that happening?"

- I couldn't tell anybody
about what was going on.

Like, I couldn't tell anybody
about my relationship with him.

And so it just got more
and more and more

and more like tunnel vision,

and the tunnel
just led straight to him.

The secrecy was almost like

a spiritual corner that
we both could be together in.

It wasn't real.
It was pretend.

I mean, it didn't feel real

until the whole thing about
my mother finding my journal.

What was your impetus
for looking for the journal?

- Something wasn't right.

And mostly, I got that vibe
from you with your--

your attitude, but I think
you were acting different,

so I looked through
your backpack.

There was a map to, like,
a--a park in Denton.

And I thought
that seemed strange.

There was a couple of things
that I read

that were about play rehearsal

and that you were
being more intimate with him,

that it wasn't like another
school mate or something.

So--[clears throat]

My first thought was
if anybody knew anything

that was going on,
it would be Tom.

[soft downbeat piano music]

- When her mother
approached me

to talk about it,
I was entirely blown away.

I literally looked at Theresa
and said,

"Are you--
what are you talking about?"

And then
she showed me the diary,

she showed me the journal,
she showed me the stuff.

I'm going, "Oh, my God."

And she said,
"I need to talk to him."

I had to go and invent a story
to get him to my house.

And then her mother,
uh, pounced.

- I started talking to them

and telling them about--
[sniffles]

What I had found
in your backpack.

And he was just like,
"Oh, no, no, no.

That's not it at all."

His concept was that

you were writing about
what you were seeing

in his relationship
with his wife.

♪ ♪

- He totally said, "No, no,
you're misinterpreting.

"All this stuff,
that's not about me.

That's--you know, that's her,
you know, creative writing."

And, you know, I supported him.
He was my friend.

I--I basically
talked Theresa down.

"Okay, listen, I guarantee
this is not happening.

This is not what's going on."

- By the time we were
through talking,

I felt a little foolish

that I had even brought that
to their attention then

because it was your diary,

it was your things
that you were writing.

And then I thought, "Oh."

I thought I'd made
a big mistake by--

by bringing that out
into the open.

When it was over,
I felt like...

I had to be completely wrong
about my gut feeling.

- That's kind of a bummer

because it sort of throws me
under the bus in a way.

- Oh, well, definitely,
definitely.

I mean, you know,

I think the whole intent
of that conversation

was for me to feel like

fantasizing and writing
in your journal,

that completely
would be a normal thing

for a teenage girl to do.

♪ ♪

- I think nobody in that room
wanted it to be true.

Nobody looked at my emails,

nobody looked
at any of that stuff.

Everybody kind of
believed him.

They didn't
kind of believe him.

They believed him.

And they all kind of, like,
hugged it out or whatever

and--and--and left it.

But of course,
all of the kids in school

were talking about it.

You know, there were rumors,
you know,

everybody knew
something was weird.

It wasn't right.

But like, we were just
hiding in plain sight.

- Southern culture
is very much

you don't air
your dirty laundry,

you don't talk about it,

you don't tell someone else
about it.

That's really the heart of it,

is that you don't
talk about the hard stuff.

Everything is fine
all the time.

Everything is fine.

- I wasn't looking for it.

I wasn't keeping an eye out
for it.

You know, I was--
I was very naive

and I was very trusting

that adults are gonna
make the right decision.

And that wasn't
the only reason.

But I mean, it was definitely
a male-dominated school.

The principal was male,

the assistant principal
was male.

And, you know,
you just kind of learned that

you didn't want to kind of
get sideways with any of them

if you wanted your life
to just be smooth.

- Women are told to trust men.

And that is, you know,
steeped in patriarchy,

steeped in misogyny,
steeped in rape culture.

It makes it so easy for
predators to take advantage.

It just makes it so easy.

♪ ♪

[atmospheric downbeat music]

♪ ♪

- People are not interested
in facing this kind of story

because it is shocking,
it is disturbing,

and school districts
are interested

in protecting themselves

and the decisions
that they make.

♪ ♪

- Call it nepotism,
call it cronyism,

call it circling the wagons.

It is [bleep] up

that these kids are
not being protected

by the very people
who take that job,

who take the oath and say,

"Yeah, I will protect
your children above all else."

- Your job as an administrator
in education

is always
to protect your employees.

That's being a good leader.

However,
if your system is failing,

then you are definitely
not doing your job.

You believe these men
are good people,

you believe
that they are people

who would do
the right thing as well,

and, you know,

we know better.

♪ ♪

- Okay, I'm gonna
show you this thing.

Do you remember looking at--

do you remember this journal
at all?

Probably not, huh?

This was the poem
that he gave me in the hall.

He put it in my hand
and he said, "This is for you."

And it was the moment
where it all changed.

Like, I became something else.

- I remember it.
I don't wanna read it.

I don't wanna read it
at all actually.

- Can you tell--can you
tell me you remember this?

Okay.

- [sniffles]

[sniffles]

- Hey, what's going on?

Can you tell me what's
so upsetting about this?

- Yes, you did show that to me.

[sniffles]
He was discussing...

his longing.

I just--I know
that's where it goes,

and I didn't even
have to read past it.

He was longing for you.

[sniffles]

I remember being really angry,
and you were excited.

[stifled sobs]

[shakily]
And I was freaking out.

[sniffling]
I think that I was conflicted

because you were finally, like,
excited about a boy

and you were always
so critical of them.

[sniffles]

I took it to my parents.

I said something to them,
but everybody else,

they just--they weren't--
they didn't listen.

- Mm-hmm.

- The shitty poem.
- [chuckles softly]

- What the [bleep]?

[soft tense piano music]

♪ ♪

- Hello?

- You are grounded.
- [laughs] Come here.

- So grounded.
- [laughs]

- You do not know
how grounded you are.

- Hi.

- Cheryl was like
my second daughter.

And, you know, Katie and Cheryl
were very involved

in everything in school.

I mean, they were--
they were both, at that time,

cheerleading and doing the
things that you do at that age.

And then the next thing
you know...

Cheryl changed.

You know, something changed.

- You know,
we had discussed Cheryl

in the context of the
inappropriate relationship

in the house.

I think my dad had hoped
that it was more so gossip.

- When Katie found the poem
and she told us about it,

Katie's dad was like,
"That's not right.

"That that is not--
that shouldn't be happening.

And what do we do?"

And I said,
"You're gonna go down there,"

'cause I was--I was mad.

He walked into the office
and they said,

"Who are you here to see?"

And he said,
"I wanna start at the top."

They didn't take it serious.
They shut him down.

You know, told him
there was nothing going on.

Laughed at him,
made him feel like an idiot.

You know, you need to look
in your own house,

not in our house, you know,
like, just made him feel awful.

So then we got this letter
mailed to us March 10th, 2000.

"In time, this issue will pass.

"All parties involved

"will cease
from discussing the issue

"of an alleged
inappropriate relationship

"between a student
and a teacher.

"Again, I offer
my sincere appreciation

"for having come in my office,

thus permitting me
to intervene in the matter."

♪ ♪

- I got called
into the principal's office.

And the principal was there
and the counselor was there

and they sat me down
in this chair.

And they said,
"Are you involved

in a sexual relationship
with the teacher?"

I just remember channeling him
and...

just trying to turn into
a cool cucumber.

And I just said--

I--I just said--
I said, "No."

Like in a question, "No?"

And then that was it.
They sent me out of the room.

[atmospheric ominous music]

This was the inflection point.

This was the point where
something could've changed

and it would have been
very easy,

but nothing was because
it was much more convenient

for the administration to just

slide it right under the rug
and keep going.

♪ ♪

If they had told my mother
what was happening,

if they had told my mother

that they were even
calling me into the office

to ask me about these things,

if the administration had--

had told her
that my best friend Katie

was the person who
had told her father about this,

it would've put more questions
in her mind.

♪ ♪

But they didn't.

It would've
made the school look bad.

They don't want
anything public,

they don't want anything to
appear like anything is wrong.

They want to just handle it
and make sure it's quiet.

♪ ♪

- I went to school
the next week

and our Spanish teacher,
Mr. Warrick,

kind of backed me
into the corner.

And he basically told me
that he would fail me

if I continued to run my mouth

like a spoiled, entitled...

little girl.

I was removed
from my Spanish class

and placed in a
distance learning environment.

♪ ♪

And I stayed there.

- I quite honestly
do not remember

the conversation
that you are talking about.

I'm--I'm not trying to be--
no, I'm trying to--

I think--I'm going through
the Rolodex of my memory,

but I can't remember

the conversation
you're talking about.

I'm sorry.

[soft downbeat music]

♪ ♪

- There's so many things
in this section

I'm just looking
at right now.

It's like Nabokov
and Henry Miller

and "Of Mice and Men"

and, like, all of that stuff
that's on this row.

And I just remember, like,

coming here and, like, thinking
of this big artist life

that I was gonna live,
you know what I mean?

Just sitting and reading
and dreaming

and all of that, you know?

♪ ♪

Like "Lolita," you know,

I was like obsessed with it.

When I first read "Lolita,"
he had sort of given it to me.

So I just read it as quickly
as I possibly could,

like, read it cover to cover.

♪ ♪

I don't know. I just--

I guess I used to, like,
compare myself to Lolita

sometimes.

And then I think
in the very beginning,

he was like, "No, no, no,
it's nothing like that.

It's nothing like that.
That's not our relationship."

But then I think he kind of
played the game, you know?

And was like,
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is."

In his way.

But, you know, like...

[clicks tongue]
Um...

[sighs]
Yeah, I don't know.

I might need to take a break
honestly, if that's okay.

I'm just feeling a little,
like, drained.

♪ ♪

Yeah.

♪ ♪

[soft dramatic music]

♪ ♪

We didn't get these
colored pencils because--

- Oh, yeah.
I forgot about them.

- Mm-hmm. Here.
I'll put 'em here. Okay.

♪ ♪

- You're an artist
and I'm not, so...

- I'm not an artist.
I'm just--

- I'm already
at a disadvantage here.

- Oh, this is
a competitive sport?

- Yeah.
Isn't everything?

♪ ♪

- There's a lot of stuff
that, like,

you and I didn't talk about
over the years and...

- No.

- I'm trying to be, like,

as honest and detailed
and all of that is possible.

- Mm-hmm.
- You know?

- Yeah.

- So why didn't you wanna
talk to me about it?

Like, why didn't
you wanna ask me about it?

- You know, it just...

you know, after a while,
you just--

you want everybody to say,
"You know what?

"Just get over it
and forget about it

and let's move on
with our lives,"

because that's--
I mean, that's what--

what people need to do,
get on with their lives.

But that would be
one of my questions to you,

is did you feel like you were
going to just not talk about it

for the rest of your life?

- Huh?
Um, yeah, I think so.

But also I think I was
so kind of ashamed

because the whole
narrative is,

"Well, Cheryl,
you were so mature.

We expected a lot out of you,"
you know?

But then the problem is that--

- You weren't, you were 16.

The people that think
you should have known better,

I mean, jeez,
they're the stupid ones in this

because they're not
looking at it from the--

from the right direction.

You know, you were
a target of something

and from someone that was
obviously an expert at it.

- Mm-hmm.

- I mean, I should have--

you know, I think now
you look at--at anything

and you say...

going forward,
my very first gut instinct,

I'm going with it
no matter what.

Parents in general
make a lot of mistakes too,

so I feel bad about
how all that happened.

So you know,
you can't change anything now,

you can just maybe
learn from it.

Doing this, I think it's
an eye opener for everybody.

You're better off

if you just get
everything out on the table.

And I think that probably
will make you sleep better

at night, too, right?

- Yeah.

[sighing]

[dissonant ambient music]

♪ ♪

There are just going to
be people who are predators,

but I think that
what we can shift

is that middle ground where
people are justifying

or normalizing behavior
that is toxic.

Like, people
would joke about students

having sex with their teachers
like it was funny.

I don't think anybody
really understood

what the fallout of that was,

what I went through,
how it affected me,

how it affected
my relationships,

and how it affected
my sex life.

It's [bleep] hard, you know?
Like, it's [bleep] hard.

[soft dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Hello.

Sorry, I didn't know how much
vegetable we needed, so--

- We didn't need any vegetable.
- Yeah, I know.

- I told you
I would take care of all this.

- Yeah, I know,
but I brought chips.

I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know. I know, I know.

But I did it anyway,

'cause you don't show
empty-handed, you know?

♪ ♪

- I've got food all ready to go

whenever we get done
with whatever this is,

this beginning thing.

We'll break
and have some food.

- Yeah.
- Uh, so help yourself.

Do you want some--
I got--I got--

like I said, I got Topo Chico
if you want.

- That sounds amazing.
- Not a problem.

- [sighs]

[vegetables sizzling]

- In reality, no one
is prepared for teaching.

No one.

No one can walk
in the classroom

and go like, "I got this."

- Yeah.
- It doesn't happen.

It never happens.

Most of our teacher education
was quite literally bullshit.

It was theories of education,
how to teach people.

It had nothing to do
with how to interact with kids

and nothing to do
with, like, the rules.

And then you get these 23,
24-year-olds

and you toss 'em
into the classroom?

It was a disaster
waiting to happen.

- Yeah.

There was just--
there was a lot of stuff

going on at the school

where it was pointing
to this thing happening

with me and him.

- Mm-hmm.

- I know that you were
defending him and you did--

you know, he was your friend,
you trusted him and stuff.

But I just wonder
if there was any other--

was there--were there--

was there any other time
where you thought,

"Maybe this is true,"

like,
"Maybe this is happening"?

- [sighs]

- Because there was--
there were rumors.

- [loudly]
No, that's a good question.

It's a totally--
it's a totally honest question.

[normally] But, you know,
it was just like...

you know--we--we just--
we--we--uh...

we trusted our instincts

more than we trusted
our professionalism,

if that makes any sense.

We just kind of said,
"Oh, there's no way.

"Nope.
Not gonna happen.

"It just wasn't gonna--

"you know,
there was nothing going on.

It was no big deal."
But we were young.

I mean, we were like, what,
eight years older than you?

- Mm, yeah, like 13.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- No, I was--you were 17,
I was, well, 27.

So yeah, okay,
11, 12 years.

- Yeah.

- And, you know,
we didn't know the rules.

We were dumbass kids

thinking that we were
behaving like adults.

And--

- You were really
dumbass adults

behaving like kids though,
you know what I mean?

- Yeah, we were just
making it up as we go along,

you know?

And so all that mix

of relationships
and everything,

it just kind of all
got tossed into a blender.

♪ ♪

I mean, I've had relationships
with female students,

nothing like that,

but I've had
those close relationships

where they look at me as
something more than a teacher,

as a guardian, as a mentor.

It's the curse
of being a male teacher

that anytime a teenage girl

would have some sort of,
like, connection with you,

they would flag you,
they'd bring you in.

It was the classic,

"Is anything going on?
Anything happening?"

And of course I would tell,
"No, there's nothing."

♪ ♪

I had one time where I was
brought in and they said,

"Whoa, we heard you're having
sex on your teacher desk."

And I go,
"Have you seen my desk lately?

"That's my filing system.

I would never screw
my filing system up."

So whatever they're saying,
"No. Investigate me.

Please investigate me."

And so as a male teacher,

especially as
a young male teacher...

[sighs]

Unfortunately,
that's par for the course.

It is.
It is what it is.

♪ ♪

- Who is there to protect us?
Nobody.

Nobody is there to protect us.

Women are a threat.

And it's--it's so--

it is so deep, deep within us.

I need to control you

because I can't control myself
around you.

Try to be welcomed
into the world with that body.

Try to not fight
with your friends.

Like, try to not try
to please your teachers.

Like, the constant negotiation
of, like,

your dangerous body
in the world

is, like, maddening.

And if you constantly have
to negotiate that scrutiny,

then you have to look
for affirmation somewhere,

you have to get validation
from some place

because you have
to find safety.

♪ ♪

And so I think
it's important for me

to make sure that other girls

did not feel alone
in the same way that I did.

♪ ♪

- Let's start with just
something super simple.

Can you tell me about

why you wanted to participate
in this documentary?

[tense musical crescendo]
- [sighs deeply]

[soft dramatic music]

♪ ♪