Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,570 --> 00:00:11,799
MOBEEN: You know, of all the weirdos
on our large green planet,
2
00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:15,760
I never thought I was about to fly
into danger and die with THIS one.
3
00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:19,599
If I'm flying into danger and dying,
4
00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:21,770
I always thought it would be
with these two.
5
00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:24,519
{\an8}Ah, there they are.
6
00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:26,199
{\an8}My Nate and my Eight.
7
00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:28,319
The greatest gift of friendship
little me
8
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:29,959
could have ever prayed for.
9
00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:32,119
Absolute fucking weirdos,
the pair of 'em,
10
00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:33,599
but they're my weirdos, innit?
11
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,039
He's not going to make it on time.
12
00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:37,559
He will.
He always makes it on time.
13
00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:39,399
He didn't make it on time last week.
14
00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:40,999
Oh, yeah.
15
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:42,319
Where is he?
16
00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:44,599
Uh...he's nearly here.
17
00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:46,439
- Trust us.
- How do you know?
18
00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:48,559
Because we can sense him.
19
00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:50,180
If you're bullshitting me, I'll...
20
00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:54,199
Maccy D's in the house, cuzzie!
21
00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:57,399
MOBEEN:
Oi, oi, oi, there he is, shirya!
22
00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:00,399
Call me, like,
Pakistani Robin Hood from day one.
23
00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:03,119
Hey, everyone,
we've got the burgers!
24
00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:06,319
Although, I did charge them
for food with a mark-up,
25
00:01:06,320 --> 00:01:08,519
so it was Robin Hood robbing
the people in the hood.
26
00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:09,999
Anyway, let's move on.
27
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:11,799
We were so worried about you.
28
00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:14,239
Kasme, you two worry too much.
29
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:16,559
I'm here.
30
00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:18,719
Most importantly,
I got the money, though.
31
00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:19,960
Oi, Mobeen!
32
00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:25,679
Remember, this is your first
big test, little bro.
33
00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:28,719
Meet me later at the spot,
and don't look in the bag.
34
00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:29,920
Got it?
35
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:36,279
Wow. I can't wait to have a moped.
36
00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:38,359
Well, you can't have one
until you can spell it.
37
00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:42,799
M-O-P-E-D-O!
38
00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:44,079
Mo-pedo.
39
00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:45,159
What's in the bag?
40
00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:47,239
- A dead cat.
- Mobes!
41
00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:49,719
Kasme, I don't know. I'm not allowed
to look in the bag, it's a test.
42
00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:50,999
Like GCSEs.
43
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:54,080
Whatever is in the bag,
it don't matter. I'm doing my job.
44
00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:56,439
It doesn't sound good, Mobes.
45
00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:58,490
Let me tell you what sounds good,
cuzzie.
46
00:01:58,491 --> 00:02:00,679
A Farouk's fried chicken burger!
47
00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:02,839
Ah, it's worth the food poisoning.
48
00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:05,679
Warm like a cow's boob.
49
00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:08,000
- Huh?
- MOBEEN: Told you he was a weirdo.
50
00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:18,799
MOBEEN: 1999.
Kasme, they were the days, man.
51
00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:21,399
The biggest missions we had were not
treading in dog tatti
52
00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:24,479
and making sure
we had enough for a bag of chips.
53
00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:27,199
Although, Eight did catch
dermatitis off that sofa.
54
00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:29,559
Serves him right
for licking cushions.
55
00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:31,039
Such a weirdo!
56
00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:34,279
I'll bring you flowers
57
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:35,680
Whoa, baby.
58
00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:41,039
Yo, bro, do you think your mum
will ever want to go back?
59
00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:42,479
God forbid.
60
00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:43,839
Mum said she's had it with London.
61
00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:45,679
Is London in England?
62
00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:47,279
It's the capital of England.
63
00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:51,519
So, are we still in England
if we live in Birmingham?
64
00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:53,719
You know, I don't think
you even live on Earth, Eight.
65
00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:55,359
Yeah, let me check for a brain,
then.
66
00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:57,039
Yeah, nothing.
67
00:02:57,040 --> 00:02:59,679
Oh, listen, you know if we keep
doing these little missions,
68
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,519
we'll be the king of Brum.
69
00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:04,999
Oh, nah, cos I don't want to make
money doing dodgy stuff, Mobes.
70
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:06,599
It is what it is.
71
00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:09,039
We can't get jobs
at Blockbuster Video.
72
00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:11,999
They rent haram, rudey ones
at the back of the shop, you know.
73
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:15,400
What?! Nah, that's disgusting.
74
00:03:15,441 --> 00:03:18,319
And I didn't know they sold them.
75
00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:20,479
- You didn't know that?
- Nah. - Liar!
76
00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:22,399
When I got my copy
of Free Willy off you,
77
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:23,879
there wasn't a killer whale
in sight.
78
00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:25,079
That was artistic.
79
00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,479
What time you going mosque, Mobs?
80
00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:29,359
Seven, bro. I didn't do my sabaq
yesterday, so today I got extra.
81
00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:30,999
I didn't do mines neither.
82
00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:33,479
Yeah, I were there when the Imam
clubbed you with that tube light.
83
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:35,079
Still got glass in my arse.
84
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:36,319
Oh, a tube light?!
85
00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:37,959
Yeah, bro, like the WWF.
86
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,519
It was wicked.
87
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,080
Mosque class sounds...
88
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,159
..really fun! Yeah.
89
00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:49,999
MOBEEN: Mm.
Nate knew not to question
90
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:51,439
the mosque uncles in the '90s
91
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,639
living out their WrestleMania dreams
on us.
92
00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:55,519
You know, we didn't question
the priest, did we?
93
00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:56,919
Maybe we should have.
94
00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:58,719
Maybe everybody should have
questioned each other.
95
00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:00,079
It would have saved a lot of people.
96
00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:01,479
Tauba, tauba, tauba.
97
00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:03,119
All right, listen,
are we going yours?
98
00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:05,159
Yeah, but...
99
00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:08,230
..you can't bring that bag to my
mum's cos nothing gets past her.
100
00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:12,239
It's got to be Eight.
101
00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:14,080
I'll tell him to go home
and watch it.
102
00:04:14,951 --> 00:04:17,039
Allah!
103
00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:18,199
Oye, bhunga, get here!
104
00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:20,159
Check it, check it,
check it, check it.
105
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,839
I'm going to give you this bag.
106
00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:25,479
No matter what happens,
don't look in this bag.
107
00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:26,559
All right?
108
00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:28,439
I understand, Mobeena.
109
00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:29,999
The bag is important.
110
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:31,560
You can rely on me.
111
00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:35,480
Brother, your yard's that way.
112
00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:40,480
MOBEEN: Shit wheelie alert!
113
00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:44,640
Na na na nah
114
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:49,079
- Here comes the hotstepper
- Murderer
115
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:50,519
I'm the lyrical gangster...
116
00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:52,759
Uppercut, hook, knockout!
117
00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:55,639
Bro, the man like Naseem Hamed,
he's fully on it, you know?
118
00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:57,919
Oh, he's the best Muslim
to ever live.
119
00:04:57,920 --> 00:04:59,199
Yo, isn't that, um...
120
00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:00,879
Isn't that the Prophet?
121
00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:03,159
Tauba, tauba.
You're right, you know.
122
00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:06,399
Bro, but, you know, he came...he
came to the ring on a flying carpet.
123
00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:08,759
It's a bit...bit racist, but...
124
00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:10,919
Bro, you know your, um...
125
00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:13,279
..your flat in London?
What was it like?
126
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:15,399
Flat? We had a house.
127
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:17,080
Proper lovely one too, but...
128
00:05:17,081 --> 00:05:19,799
It doesn't matter how nice
your house is
129
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:21,679
if it's a war zone,
you know what I mean?
130
00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:23,879
Yeah. Tell me about it.
131
00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:27,879
You know my mum can't even get a job
that pays enough for this place.
132
00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:30,199
They pay way less in Brum
than they do in London.
133
00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,519
- That's disgusting, man.
- Yeah.
134
00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:34,319
Well, your mum is so...
135
00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:35,399
So what?
136
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:37,559
MOBEEN: Oi, oi, oi, she's so hot.
137
00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:39,959
She a bad mamacita, man.
138
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:42,039
Listen, I always fancied Nate's mum,
but I could...
139
00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:45,399
I could never tell him because
that's immoral and he's my boy.
140
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:47,439
And in Punjabi,
there's a specific term for that.
141
00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:50,479
It's called "Maa chode,"
and "Maa chode" means mum shagger.
142
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:53,639
And I don't want to be a mum
shagger, unless it's Nate's mum.
143
00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:55,239
- So brilliant.
- Yeah.
144
00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,399
She's a great mum. Great mum.
145
00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:00,679
Yeah. So, um, how much did
we make for the Maccy D's then?
146
00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:03,079
23.56.
147
00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:04,159
Oh, really?
148
00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:06,039
Yeah, but we owe Fat Ishy money
149
00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:08,919
for the hamster
that we bought for Eight's birthday.
150
00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:12,239
- Mm.
- So, minus 1.75.
151
00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:14,359
Oh, that's cheap for a hamster,
don't you think?
152
00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,199
Yeah, he stole it from Pets R Us.
153
00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:18,359
But it did a massive tatti
in his pocket, bro.
154
00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:20,599
He was quite happy to give it away,
to be fair.
155
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:22,759
Do you think Eight will be
all right with the bag?
156
00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:24,360
SCOFFS
157
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:29,239
Don't look at me like that.
158
00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:31,200
I'm not opening you.
159
00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:46,919
Right, that's it.
160
00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:48,239
We're going out.
161
00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:49,599
Come on!
162
00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:50,759
Here's how it started
163
00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:53,959
Just an example of how
another brother can trample
164
00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:56,080
Ruin your life,
sleep with your wife...
165
00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:01,399
Nathaniel! What are you doing?
166
00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:03,839
Um... I-I...I was...
167
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:05,639
And hello, Mobeen, by the way.
168
00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:07,999
MOBEEN: Oh, that smile
always melted me.
169
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,719
And it made me say
very stupid things.
170
00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:13,679
Uh, hel...hello, Nate's,
um...lovely, lovely, mum.
171
00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:15,119
Told ya!
172
00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:17,719
Stealing, Nathaniel?
From your own mother?
173
00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:19,999
No, we were trying to put money
IN your purse.
174
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:22,350
Ha! I could believe that of Mobeen,
but not you.
175
00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:27,599
Nate's mum was always so nice to me
and gave him nonstop grief.
176
00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:28,839
But that's the ends.
177
00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:30,119
Mums are the bosses.
178
00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:33,639
It doesn't matter
if you're Somali, Turkish, Nigerian.
179
00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:38,279
One thing's guaranteed, and that is
your own mum gives you more shit
180
00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:40,439
than anyone else on planet Earth.
181
00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:41,639
Mum, I swear.
182
00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:43,839
And you were just saying to
Auntie Shabana last night
183
00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:46,079
that things were tough, so...so
I just thought that, you know...
184
00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:47,239
That's none of your business.
185
00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:49,039
I handle these things.
186
00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:51,159
Listen to me!
Stealing is very wrong.
187
00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:52,439
Read your Bible.
188
00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:54,679
Or your Koran.
189
00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:57,079
- Mum!
- Enough! I'm talking.
190
00:07:57,080 --> 00:07:59,079
Sorry for shouting, Mobeen.
191
00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:00,599
Oh, no, it's all right.
192
00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:01,959
Now, listen, boys.
193
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:03,799
There's no excuse
for getting into trouble.
194
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:06,679
All I need from you two
is to be brothers to each other
195
00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:09,039
and keep each other safe.
196
00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:10,440
My family is yours, Mobeen.
197
00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:13,600
Yes, Nate's lovely mum.
198
00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:17,559
MOBEEN: She's right.
Brothers for life.
199
00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:19,719
We're not real brothers,
otherwise that would mean that
200
00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:23,919
I fancied my own mum, and that is
haram. That is haram as haram gets.
201
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:26,279
Right! You have football in a bit.
202
00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:28,759
- O ya! Get up and be going.
- Yes, Ma.
203
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,239
Don't be late home.
204
00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:33,079
SHE SPEAKS IN YORUBA
205
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,799
I love it when she shouts in Yoruba.
206
00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:39,559
I swear down, man, in the multiverse
somewhere, I'm Nate's stepdad
207
00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:44,199
and me, him and his gorgeous mum
all live happily ever after.
208
00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:47,119
I still can't believe this is
actually Eight's yard, you know?
209
00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:49,559
No, man,
his family are all bare clever.
210
00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:52,319
Him and all his ten brothers
and sisters.
211
00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:53,759
Ten?
212
00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:56,759
Yeah, Auntie and Uncle
putting in the work, cuz!
213
00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:58,240
DOORBELL RINGS
214
00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:03,559
Salaam, Six!
215
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:05,120
Paper beats rock.
216
00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:10,959
Is, uh, Eight ready?
217
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:14,039
Bear with me, I'll have a check
and double back imminently.
218
00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:15,279
No problem.
219
00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:16,919
Why does he talk like that?
220
00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:20,039
He went to Cambridge or Oxford
or something.
221
00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:22,200
Oh, so...
so he's the brown Carlton Banks?
222
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,279
I like that one, you know.
223
00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:26,559
It's a good one. Yes, Five.
224
00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:29,079
Hi, Mobeen, he's in his house.
225
00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:30,639
Just knock on.
226
00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:31,839
Safe.
227
00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:34,119
Did Six change his shirt
or something?
228
00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:35,959
Oh, no, man,
that's his twin brother, Five.
229
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:37,119
You know what?
230
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:38,959
Come to think of it, I don't think
231
00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:41,279
I've ever actually
seen them together.
232
00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:43,039
MOBEEN: It's true.
233
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,279
Eight could have been his own mum
for all we know.
234
00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:47,759
And by his house,
they mean his garage.
235
00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:49,879
That's right, they moved him
out there a few years ago.
236
00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:51,240
Wacharah.
237
00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:53,959
Just tell him why.
238
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,719
Cos I like living in the garage.
239
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,799
- And?
- And I set fire to the house last summer holidays,
240
00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:01,999
trying to see if a microwave could
shrink a hamster.
241
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:03,679
Like in Honey, I Shrunk The Kids.
242
00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:05,759
Well, did it?
243
00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:08,279
No, he went to Allah instead.
244
00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:10,439
Right, look, you've got the bag.
245
00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:12,999
I know you've looked inside it,
so where is it?
246
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,079
Ha! I didn't look inside it.
247
00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:17,080
I'm proud of you. Well done.
248
00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:19,519
But I have lost it.
249
00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:20,879
What?!
250
00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:25,159
It kept talking to me, so
I had to take it out to shut it up.
251
00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:27,079
We are still talking about a bag,
yeah?
252
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:28,879
Yeah, everything talks to Eight.
Where is it?
253
00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:30,759
Well, we went on the bus.
254
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,319
- We?
- Me and the bag.
255
00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:35,279
I got off the bus
cos there was this fly, Gary.
256
00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:38,839
So, I got distracted by him
and he flew out of the bus.
257
00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:42,479
So I followed him
and he hit a windscreen and died.
258
00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:43,799
Poor Gary.
259
00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:47,399
Anyways, I was at another bus stop
and when the bus came,
260
00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:49,719
I got on the bus
and then I realised...
261
00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:52,799
No, no, no. So, you're telling me
you left the bag at a bus stop?
262
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:54,959
Sorry.
263
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:56,479
I actually don't believe this kid,
man.
264
00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:58,039
I absolutely do believe this.
265
00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:00,599
- What are we going to do?
- We have to go get it back.
266
00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:01,959
I've got to give it in an hour.
267
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:03,719
Let's go, then. Come on.
268
00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:05,280
- PAINED:
- Ahhhh...
269
00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:10,239
Eight, what are you doing?
270
00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:12,639
Making dua for Gary, the dead fly.
271
00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:14,160
Brother, can you hurry up?!
272
00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:17,799
An insect!
273
00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:19,719
MOBEEN: Look,
I'm not saying Eight's thick,
274
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,599
but me and Nate once convinced him
275
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:24,519
that a Nissan Micra could get
pregnant and he believed us.
276
00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:25,879
Oh, he's so thick, man.
277
00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:27,620
Rest in peace, that thick bastard!
278
00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:34,880
SIRENS WAIL
279
00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:45,799
We need that bag more than Eight
needs a brain transplant.
280
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:48,159
MOBEEN: The Bomb Disposal Unit.
281
00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:50,879
Bloody hell, we're lucky
this was before 9/11, you know?
282
00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:52,479
Otherwise, me, Eight, and Nate
283
00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:55,000
would have ended up
in Guantanamo Bay, cuz.
284
00:11:56,760 --> 00:11:59,439
It's just some kid's drawing!
285
00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:00,919
Wait...
286
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:03,960
So, inside the bag they gave you,
the big test...
287
00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:07,399
..it was a kid's drawing?
288
00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:09,999
- Oh.
- What is it, mate?
289
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:11,439
That's not the bag you gave me.
290
00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:12,639
What?
291
00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:13,879
That's my picture.
292
00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:15,719
So you're saying there's two bags?
293
00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:19,079
Yeah, I made sure not to mix
them up before I left the house,
294
00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:20,559
but maybe...
295
00:12:20,560 --> 00:12:22,399
You mixed them up
before you left the house?
296
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:23,879
This guy is well clever, innit?
297
00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:26,319
Right, so you left
the other bag at home?
298
00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:27,519
Yes, Mobeena.
299
00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:28,999
Sorry, Mobeena.
300
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:30,919
Right, can we go? Let's go.
301
00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:32,399
- Come on.
- Can we save my picture?
302
00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:34,520
I'll slap you, I'll slap you!
303
00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:38,279
Keep up, we've only got 20 minutes
to drop the bag off.
304
00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:41,530
MOBEEN: BMXs were actually an
excellent way to travel, you know.
305
00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:43,359
Oh, shit.
306
00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:44,919
More like oh, fuck!
307
00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:46,999
Jesus Christ my father in heaven.
308
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,559
Tauba. Jesus ain't your father.
309
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:51,719
My father is my dad.
310
00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:53,319
- Afternoon, boys.
- All right?
311
00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:54,559
Jesus ain't my dad!
312
00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:56,640
Course he's not, your dad's Asian.
313
00:12:57,640 --> 00:12:59,199
And...and Jesus is...
314
00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:00,839
..is, is white.
315
00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:02,279
You know, with the...
316
00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:04,930
..with the, with the blonde hair
and-and the blue eyes.
317
00:13:04,931 --> 00:13:08,799
Anyways, we're going to be late
for footy, so...
318
00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:11,079
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!
Hold your horses there, boys.
319
00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:13,599
MOBEEN: The feds have been bullying
working-class kids in Brum
320
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:15,039
since 1806.
321
00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:16,719
Now, tell me something, boys...
322
00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:20,799
OK, I live in a garage
with my dead hamster.
323
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,720
He died in a microwave.
324
00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:25,839
Don't worry about him.
325
00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:27,479
I won't. Now...
326
00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:29,359
We're doing stop-and-searches
at the moment
327
00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:31,799
because apparently some
young'uns are doing drug carries
328
00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:33,519
for some very naughty people
round here.
329
00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:35,599
Yeah, some very naughty people.
330
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:39,079
And we all know that the naughty
ones around here are either
331
00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:40,200
chocolaty brown...
332
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:42,919
..or blackety black.
333
00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:44,080
Now...
334
00:13:44,081 --> 00:13:47,599
..who's been doing carries
for your uncle or cousin?
335
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:49,919
They're both the same person,
aren't they, boys?
336
00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:51,519
THEY LAUGH
337
00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:53,719
MOBEEN: They used to talk to us
like this all the time,
338
00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:56,319
and it didn't get any better
when we got older. Oinky pricks.
339
00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:59,480
- THEY CLEAR THEIR THROATS
Bag open. Now. - Get the bag open.
340
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:12,520
Not so fast, bastard.
341
00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:15,159
Yo, who's that?!
342
00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:20,039
MOBEEN: A king! The man, the myth,
the moustache, Uncle Shady.
343
00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:22,559
And let me tell you the legend
out in these streets,
344
00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:24,279
and he knows the law inside out,
345
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,439
unlike Officer Bahan
and Officer Chode!
346
00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:28,319
Why are you stopping the children?
347
00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:30,039
We're just trying to establish...
348
00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:31,599
You are harassing the children.
349
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:33,439
No, no, no,
we're not harassing the children.
350
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:34,559
Are you feeling harassed?
351
00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:36,279
I never felt anyone's ass.
352
00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:37,919
Yeah, keep it like that, bastard.
353
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:40,199
Now you move on before I report you.
354
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:41,359
Report us for what?
355
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:43,279
Blankety blank, chocolaty brown.
356
00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:45,159
These all sound racism to me.
357
00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:46,479
Now you fuck off.
358
00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:48,680
Keep moving, keep moving,
police bitches.
359
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:55,199
It...it is an honour to meet you,
Uncle Shady.
360
00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:56,319
Yeah, it's my pleasure too.
361
00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:58,039
Only I can be racist to you.
362
00:14:58,040 --> 00:15:00,359
Now I have saved you from police,
363
00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:03,200
you have to mow my lawn
from back to front.
364
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:05,439
Han ji, Uncle.
365
00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:07,239
Now you piss off from here.
366
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,719
You are always smell of shit.
367
00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:11,399
MOBEEN: Shady's always been
a mad bastard.
368
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:12,959
But he's our mad bastard.
369
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:15,599
So won't the real Slim Shady
please stand up
370
00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:17,679
Please stand up,
please stand up
371
00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:19,879
Cos I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the
real Shady
372
00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:22,799
All you other Slim Shadys are just
imitating...
373
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:24,879
ALL GROAN
374
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:27,039
We could have gone to prison.
375
00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:30,159
Yeah, like that song,
Prison is a Dancer.
376
00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:31,519
It's rhythm.
377
00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:34,599
Prison is a rhythm?
Don't think so, Mobeena.
378
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:37,439
Look, look, forget about all that.
Let's just chill.
379
00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:39,239
We don't even know what's in here.
380
00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:41,959
I don't want you doing anything
like this again, Mobes.
381
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,599
Yeah, don't worry.
382
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:48,079
We don't need money.
We can all live in my garage.
383
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:51,839
Do you realise how hard we have to
work just for a decent job?
384
00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:55,239
I mean, my auntie applied for a job
at Woolworths and they took one look
385
00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:57,799
at the name on her CV and they
just went and chucked it in the bin.
386
00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,759
And she's even got a degree.
387
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:03,239
MOBEEN: Man, this one just
smacked me in the tip of the lulli.
388
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:06,399
Look, this is what most of us felt
like being in the ends at the time.
389
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,239
We had to work
a million times harder,
390
00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:11,519
but still never got
out of the mud being legit.
391
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:13,599
We have to find another way.
392
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:14,759
We've got to.
393
00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:16,279
What's a CV?
394
00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:18,559
Don't worry, mate.
You'll never need to know.
395
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:21,119
There's a war going on outside
396
00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:22,479
No man is safe from
397
00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:26,159
You could run, but you can't hide
forever from these streets...
398
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:28,479
MOBEEN: Oi, oi, oi,
Khan looking like he's in
399
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:30,159
a Bollywood version of The Matrix.
400
00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:32,119
Otherwise known as...
PUNJABI ACCENT: "The Metrix."
401
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,560
They probably actually call it
The Metrix.
402
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:39,439
Who's your favourite
footballer ever?
403
00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:40,720
- Ian Wright.
- Wrong.
404
00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:43,240
Ainsley Harriott.
405
00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:46,920
Zinedine Zidane.
406
00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:49,760
Bingo.
407
00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:53,480
Smart lad.
408
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:56,479
KHAN SIGHS HEAVILY
409
00:16:56,480 --> 00:17:00,839
There will never be a player
better than Zizou.
410
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:02,160
Graceful.
411
00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:04,570
Powerful.
412
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:07,800
And a right nasty bastard.
413
00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:11,040
Just like me.
414
00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:13,319
Is he the one?
415
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:15,759
Ji, boss. Bag.
416
00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:18,039
You don't give it like that,
you tata!
417
00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:19,360
It's OK.
418
00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:23,200
Relax.
419
00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:33,519
So, you kept this safe for me
all day, huh?
420
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:34,999
Yeah.
421
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:37,799
- You didn't open it once?
- No, no.
422
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,360
- Sure?
- Kasme. And it kept talking to me.
423
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:47,560
Let's see, shall we?
424
00:17:54,591 --> 00:18:00,679
MOBEEN: Yeah, he had me running
around with high blood pressure
425
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,359
at 15 years old for a tissue box!
426
00:18:03,360 --> 00:18:05,999
Although, to be fair,
this is not a normal tissue box.
427
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,199
It was one that all
the Asian aunties and uncles
428
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:09,919
used to put in the rear
parcel shelf of their cars.
429
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:12,359
Legendary, historic,
430
00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:15,479
but still a shitty tissue box
at the end of the day.
431
00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:19,919
You see, son, this is more than just
a tissue dabba.
432
00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:25,719
This is trust between me and you.
433
00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:29,519
You see, trust is more important
than all the money in the world.
434
00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:33,480
So, if you keep going like this...
435
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:38,400
..you'll become someone
I can really trust.
436
00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:57,480
See you soon, son.
437
00:18:59,311 --> 00:19:02,959
MOBEEN: Where's he off to?
I'll tell you.
438
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:05,959
To film Matrix Reloaded. Ha-ha!
439
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:08,919
Boy, them Matrixes were shit
after the first one, innit?
440
00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:10,159
What just happened?
441
00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:12,239
I don't know.
442
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:14,559
But it felt good.
443
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:17,999
Now, in my younger days,
I used to sport a shag...
444
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:20,999
Come on.
I know we can smash these, man.
445
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:22,759
MOBEEN: We lost.
446
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:24,319
17-0.
447
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:26,759
Eight was in goal.
448
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,679
Oh, how I wish I could hold her
hand and give her a hug
449
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:31,679
She was married to the man,
he was a thug
450
00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:32,759
His name was Lee, he drove a Z
451
00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:36,039
He'd pick her up from school
promptly at three o'clock
452
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:39,039
I was on her jock, yes, indeedy,
I wrote graffiti...
453
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:41,080
LOUD ARGUMENT IN DISTANCE
454
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:47,079
Yeah, there was always beef
between my mum and my stepdad.
455
00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:49,799
But one good thing
did come out of those two.
456
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:51,199
My little sister.
457
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:53,360
It's OK, little Aks. I've got you.
458
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:56,399
Let's get you away from all of this.
459
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:59,560
Pfoof, she used to do some dirty,
stinky nappies!
460
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:08,919
It could all be so simple...
461
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:10,720
Oh, Mobeen.
462
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:15,119
Do you think you can show me
how to change a nappy?
463
00:20:15,120 --> 00:20:16,719
Oh, Mobes.
464
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:18,399
Yeah, go on, help him.
465
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:20,599
What did we say?
466
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:23,279
My family is your family.
467
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:25,359
Brothers for life, man.
My real brother.
468
00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:26,999
Of course, man.
469
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:28,439
Such a cute baby.
470
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:30,039
Oh, so beautiful.
471
00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:32,279
- Shall I take it inside?
- Nah, it's all right, I've got it, don't worry.
472
00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:34,719
- Are you sure?
- You settle in, yeah, go on.
473
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:40,719
To get some reciprocity
474
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:43,399
See, no-one loves you more than
me...
475
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:45,200
YAWNS
476
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:50,679
What you doing here?
477
00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:52,039
Brothers for life, fool.
478
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:53,719
And you know, my family
is your family.
479
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:55,439
They are! Get in.
480
00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:57,239
Oh, I'm so happy to see you!
481
00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:59,759
- I'm happy to see you too, son.
- Yeah, make yourself comfortable.
482
00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:02,039
- Get in here.
- I couldn't let you dickheads go alone, could I?
483
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:04,399
Ooh! Oh,
this is the greatest day of my life.
484
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,439
Come in here.
Yeah, get your feet up, bro.
485
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,159
Make yourself comfortable.
486
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:10,839
What are you lot doing here?
487
00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:11,959
What are YOU doing here?
488
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:14,279
I'm going Turkey cos it's
a great place to get a rishta.
489
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:15,679
It is, but who told you that?
490
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:16,879
I did.
491
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:18,319
What the hell?
492
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:20,399
Now we are preparing to take off.
493
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:22,199
So strap on, bastard.
494
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,759
Oh, Saj, I got your seat belt.
495
00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:26,159
Thank you.
496
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:29,920
Mobeen, you sit near the wings
for weight distribution purposes.
497
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:34,920
Somebody ate too many biscuits.
498
00:21:34,921 --> 00:21:38,319
I'm not going to eat anything
on the flight, so.
499
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:42,480
MUSIC: Dhol Jageero Da
by Panjabi MC & Master Saleem
500
00:21:42,530 --> 00:21:47,080
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
36985
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof