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[ STATIC ]
[ COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS ]
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00:00:05,417 --> 00:00:08,834
♪ Mis sueños estan
muertos y enterrados♪
3
00:00:08,918 --> 00:00:11,667
♪ Por eso en las calles me
la llevo de vago?♪
4
00:00:11,751 --> 00:00:12,792
♪ Como yo quisiera que
el sol explotara,♪
5
00:00:12,876 --> 00:00:16,876
♪ para nunca hamas volver
a ver les la cara ♪
6
00:00:16,959 --> 00:00:19,626
♪Cuando dios venga y
me llame a su reino ♪
7
00:00:19,709 --> 00:00:22,209
♪que empieze el desmadre
y todos los pleitos♪
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00:00:22,292 --> 00:00:23,876
♪y a todos ustedes me
los llevo conimgo♪
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00:00:23,959 --> 00:00:27,209
♪por ser hijos de perra
en este mundo vacio♪
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00:00:27,292 --> 00:00:28,292
My Turn!
11
00:00:28,834 --> 00:00:31,083
Rusty: MAN, LET ME DRIVE THAT
THING!
12
00:00:31,167 --> 00:00:33,125
Early: DO NOT TOUCH THE TRIM!
13
00:00:35,709 --> 00:00:38,751
HEY! CHEECH AND/OR CHONG!
14
00:00:38,834 --> 00:00:39,918
IT'S RODRIGO, BRO.
15
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:42,584
Early: WHATEVER IT IS, YOU
KEEP YOUR DAMN HIDE FLESH AWAY
16
00:00:42,667 --> 00:00:43,918
FROM MY SAUSAGE EXTRUDER!
17
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:47,459
THEY FIND ANY MORE HAIRY HOT
DOGS, THAT'S YOUR ASS, ESé!
18
00:00:47,542 --> 00:00:48,584
NOT MINE!
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00:00:48,667 --> 00:00:50,417
WELL, YOU'RE THE ONE
EXTRUDING ALL YOUR SAUSAGES ALL
20
00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:50,834
OVER MY HIDES.
21
00:00:50,918 --> 00:00:51,876
Early: NO, NO.
22
00:00:51,959 --> 00:00:53,751
I AIN'T ABOUT TO HAVE NO MEXICAN
STANDOFF WITH YOU.
23
00:00:53,834 --> 00:00:56,042
Y'ALL INVENTED THEM THINGS.
24
00:00:56,125 --> 00:00:58,250
YOU PROBABLY KNOW SOME DAMN
TRICKY WAY TO WIN.
25
00:00:58,334 --> 00:00:59,417
IMMIGRATION!
26
00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:00,417
EVERYONE ON THE GROUND!
27
00:01:00,500 --> 00:01:01,459
EARLY, HIDE ME!
28
00:01:01,542 --> 00:01:02,083
Early: HERE.
29
00:01:02,167 --> 00:01:03,375
GET IN THE CHITLIN' SLURRY.
30
00:01:03,459 --> 00:01:03,876
THANKS, BRO.
31
00:01:03,959 --> 00:01:05,417
Early: HEY, Y'ALL!
32
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:06,250
I GOT ONE OVER HERE!
33
00:01:06,334 --> 00:01:08,334
HE'S A-HIDIN' IN THE CHITLIN'
SLURRY!
34
00:01:08,417 --> 00:01:12,667
Dan Halen: I CREATE DOZENS OF
JOBS FOR THIS REGION, AND NOW
35
00:01:12,751 --> 00:01:15,542
YOU'RE GONNA NITPICK WHETHER
THEY'RE LEGAL OR NOT?
36
00:01:15,626 --> 00:01:17,209
Early: THAT'S RIGHT!
37
00:01:17,292 --> 00:01:19,292
EXPORT THEIR ASSES BACK TO
MEXICO!
38
00:01:19,375 --> 00:01:21,417
THESE ARE THE LAST AMERICAN JOBS
YOU'RE GONNA STEAL AND WORK
39
00:01:21,500 --> 00:01:22,292
HARDER THAN ME AT!
40
00:01:22,375 --> 00:01:25,459
'CAUSE THESE JOBS IS GOING AWAY
IN THE FALL.
41
00:01:25,542 --> 00:01:26,042
THAT'S RIGHT.
I'MA BE OUT OF WORK, TOO.
42
00:01:26,751 --> 00:01:29,375
GET OUT OF MY DAMN COUNTRY!
43
00:01:29,459 --> 00:01:30,834
Sheriff: EARLY. [ CHUCKLES ]
UH, YOU'VE GOT, UH,
44
00:01:30,918 --> 00:01:33,584
DOCUMENTATION AND EVERYTHING,
RIGHT?
45
00:01:33,667 --> 00:01:35,542
I MEAN, I KNOW YOU'RE AMERICAN
AND ALL...
46
00:01:35,626 --> 00:01:37,000
Early: OF COURSE I'M
AMERICAN.
47
00:01:37,083 --> 00:01:40,334
YOU SEEN ME YELLING "USA! USA!"
AT THE TELEVISION SET.
48
00:01:40,417 --> 00:01:41,667
WOULD A MEXICAN YELL THAT?
49
00:01:41,751 --> 00:01:43,125
HOW DAMN RIDICULOUS.
50
00:01:43,209 --> 00:01:45,125
THAT'D BE THE ACT OF A DAMN
MORON.
51
00:01:45,209 --> 00:01:47,292
Sheriff: WELL, THAT HARD-ASS
DUDE OVER THERE WITH
52
00:01:47,375 --> 00:01:51,667
IMMIGRATION, HE SAID YOUR SOCIAL
SECURITY NUMBER WAS LISTED AS...
53
00:01:51,751 --> 00:01:52,209
1.
Early: THAT'S RIGHT.
54
00:01:52,834 --> 00:01:53,918
AMERICA IS NUMBER ONE.
55
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:57,542
Sheriff: ARE YOU SURE YOU
DIDN'T FORGET SOME NUMBERS IN
56
00:01:57,626 --> 00:01:58,876
THERE?
57
00:01:58,959 --> 00:02:01,417
I MEAN, IT'S SUPPOSED TO HAVE,
LIKE, A BUNCH OF DIGITS, EARLY.
58
00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:03,792
Early: BUT AMERICA IS NUMBER
ONE.
59
00:02:03,876 --> 00:02:06,542
Sheriff: I KNOW, EARLY, BUT
FOR EXAMPLE, MY NUMBER IS
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00:02:06,626 --> 00:02:09,375
824-3-6759.
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00:02:09,459 --> 00:02:11,334
Early: WAIT.
62
00:02:11,417 --> 00:02:11,709
WHAT'S THAT AGAIN?
Sheriff: 824.
63
00:02:12,667 --> 00:02:13,959
Early: YEAH.
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00:02:14,042 --> 00:02:14,500
Sheriff: 3.
Early: GOT IT.
65
00:02:15,042 --> 00:02:16,626
Sheriff: 6759.
66
00:02:16,709 --> 00:02:17,834
Early: 6759.
67
00:02:17,918 --> 00:02:18,667
Sheriff: YEAH, 6759.
68
00:02:18,751 --> 00:02:20,584
Early: WHAT'S YOUR MAMA'S
MAIDEN NAME?
69
00:02:20,667 --> 00:02:21,667
Sheriff: SWILLEY.
70
00:02:21,751 --> 00:02:23,626
Early: WHAT WAS THE MAKE AND
MODEL OF YOUR FIRST CAR?
71
00:02:23,709 --> 00:02:24,500
Sheriff: A HAZUZAKI GOPHER.
72
00:02:24,584 --> 00:02:25,709
Early: WHAT GRADE SCHOOL DID
YOU GO TO?
73
00:02:25,792 --> 00:02:28,292
Sheriff: ELI WHITNEY
ELEMENTARY.
74
00:02:28,375 --> 00:02:29,334
Early: FIRST PET'S NAME?
75
00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:30,459
Sheriff: DOODOOBUTT.
76
00:02:30,542 --> 00:02:32,417
Early: HOW ABOUT YOUR
CHECKING-ACCOUNT NUMBER AND YOUR
77
00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:34,500
SAVINGS-ACCOUNT NUMBER AND YOUR
ROUTING NUMBER?
78
00:02:34,584 --> 00:02:35,500
Sheriff: H-HOLD ON A MINUTE
NOW.
79
00:02:35,584 --> 00:02:38,834
[ Chuckling ] I SEE WHAT YOU'RE
DOING HERE, EARLY.
80
00:02:38,918 --> 00:02:40,751
[ LAUGHS ]
YOU'RE TRYING TO GET TO KNOW ME
81
00:02:40,834 --> 00:02:44,209
BETTER, AND THAT MEANS A LOT TO
ME, BUT THESE FOLKS UP HERE ARE
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00:02:44,292 --> 00:02:46,334
GONNA NEED SOME PROOF OF
CITIZENSHIP.
83
00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:49,209
OTHERWISE THEY'RE GONNA PUT YOU
ON THE BUS.
84
00:02:49,292 --> 00:02:52,500
Early: GRANNY, YOU TELL THIS
SUMBITCH THAT I WAS BORN IN THE
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00:02:52,584 --> 00:02:54,959
GREATEST COUNTRY ON THE GREATEST
PLANET IN THE GREATEST GALAXY IN
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00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:58,542
ALL OF GOD'S CREATION --
AMERICA!
87
00:02:58,626 --> 00:02:59,542
Granny: HMM.
LET ME THINK NOW.
88
00:03:00,584 --> 00:03:03,626
'CAUSE I WAS PARTYING HARD BACK
IN THEM DAYS.
89
00:03:03,709 --> 00:03:07,709
AS A YOUNG WOMAN, I SPENT MY
TIME THE WAY MOST YOUNG LADIES
90
00:03:07,792 --> 00:03:11,542
DID -- FUCKING AND SUCKING
SAILORS TWO AT A TIME DOWN AT
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00:03:11,626 --> 00:03:12,709
THE NAVAL BASE.
92
00:03:12,792 --> 00:03:14,209
OKAY, WHO'S FIRST?
93
00:03:14,292 --> 00:03:17,792
[ MEN CHEERING ]
OH, THAT WAS A GREAT TIME,
94
00:03:17,876 --> 00:03:19,042
RICKY, TERRY.
95
00:03:19,125 --> 00:03:22,542
HEY, WHERE WILL I BE ABLE TO
REACH YOU FELLAS WHEN THE BABY
96
00:03:22,626 --> 00:03:25,709
CO--
ABORTION WASN'T AN OPTION BACK
97
00:03:25,792 --> 00:03:26,542
THEN.
98
00:03:26,626 --> 00:03:29,584
THIS IS AROUND THE TIME OF
ROE V. WADE.
99
00:03:29,667 --> 00:03:33,584
I'D SWIM OUT TO THIS SHARK NAMED
WADE, AND HE'D EAT ALL ME ROE.
100
00:03:33,667 --> 00:03:35,417
I'M COMIN' IN HOT, WADE!
101
00:03:35,500 --> 00:03:41,500
[ GRUNTS ]
NOW, I SUPPOSE WE COULD HAVE
102
00:03:41,584 --> 00:03:43,876
USED RUBBERS, BUT THAT AIN'T FOR
ME.
103
00:03:43,959 --> 00:03:46,334
YOU DON'T TAKE A SHOWER IN A
RAINCOAT.
104
00:03:46,417 --> 00:03:46,918
YOU'RE THERE TO GET WET.
105
00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:48,792
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
106
00:03:48,876 --> 00:03:49,918
Sheriff: I DON'T.
107
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,626
Granny: WELL, I JUST FOUND
THE MORNING-AFTER SHARK MORE
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00:03:52,709 --> 00:03:53,542
CONVENIENT.
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00:03:53,626 --> 00:03:55,375
HEY, WADE!
110
00:03:55,459 --> 00:03:56,918
GOT ANOTHER DROP FOR YOU!
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00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,417
WHOA, WHOA.
112
00:03:58,500 --> 00:03:59,751
HOLD ON. HOLD ON.
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00:03:59,834 --> 00:04:00,626
THIS IS YOURS.
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00:04:00,709 --> 00:04:03,709
[ COUGHS ]
Granny: WHAT IN THE HELL AM I
115
00:04:03,792 --> 00:04:04,959
SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS?
116
00:04:05,042 --> 00:04:07,792
WELL, I WOULD SAY EAT IT, BUT
APPARENTLY HE'S GOT A KNIFE NOW.
117
00:04:07,876 --> 00:04:08,751
Baby Early: WHOO!
118
00:04:08,834 --> 00:04:11,125
HOW DO YOU GET A BUCK KNIFE
INSIDE AN EGG?
119
00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:14,918
Early: [ Sobbing ] YOU GAVE
ME UP TO BE EATEN BY A DAMN
120
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:15,709
SHARK?!
121
00:04:15,792 --> 00:04:17,542
Granny: OH, CALM DOWN.
122
00:04:17,626 --> 00:04:18,459
CAN YOU BLAME ME?
123
00:04:18,542 --> 00:04:20,959
BACK IN THOSE DAYS, YOU WERE
JUST SO BORING.
124
00:04:21,042 --> 00:04:22,626
Early: I'M GONNA ABORT YOU
RIGHT NOW!
125
00:04:22,709 --> 00:04:24,792
Sheriff: EARLY! NO!
126
00:04:24,876 --> 00:04:26,626
LISTEN, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS
MEANS?
127
00:04:26,709 --> 00:04:27,918
Early: NO, I DON'T!
128
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:28,959
I WASN'T LISTENIN'!
129
00:04:29,042 --> 00:04:31,792
Sheriff: YOU WERE BORN IN
INTERNATIONAL WATERS.
130
00:04:31,876 --> 00:04:34,292
THAT MEANS YOU AIN'T AN AMERICAN
AT ALL.
131
00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:36,292
Early: I AM AMERICAN, DAMN
IT!
132
00:04:36,375 --> 00:04:39,000
WHY ELSE WOULD I WEAR THIS FLAG
PIN ON MY CHEST?
133
00:04:39,083 --> 00:04:40,042
UNH!
134
00:04:40,125 --> 00:04:42,584
[ Wincing ] SEE HOW I SACRIFICE
FOR THIS COUNTRY?
135
00:04:42,667 --> 00:04:44,792
Sheriff: EARLY, I-I JUST NEED
ANYTHING.
136
00:04:44,876 --> 00:04:46,584
ANY SORT OF PROOF YOU GOT IS
WHAT I NEED.
137
00:04:46,667 --> 00:04:49,626
Early: HERE'S YOUR DAMN
PROOF RIGHT HERE!
138
00:04:49,709 --> 00:04:51,626
Sheriff: YOUR BUTTHOLE?
139
00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:52,834
Early: NO, DUMBASS.
140
00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:53,334
UP HERE.
141
00:04:53,417 --> 00:04:54,417
Sheriff: WHAT IS IT?
142
00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:57,000
Early: IT'S THE STATUE OF
LIBERTY MAKING SEX WITH
143
00:04:57,083 --> 00:04:59,626
UNCLE SAM AND GIVING BIRTH TO A
BALD EAGLE THROWING
144
00:04:59,709 --> 00:05:03,000
RONALD REAGAN AT
OSAMA BIN LADEN.
145
00:05:03,083 --> 00:05:03,667
Sheriff: OH.
146
00:05:03,751 --> 00:05:05,000
OH, I GOT IT. I SEE IT NOW.
147
00:05:05,083 --> 00:05:05,709
Early: DAMN IT, I'M AMERICAN!
148
00:05:05,792 --> 00:05:07,584
THAT'S WHY I DONE IT.
149
00:05:07,667 --> 00:05:08,709
HELL YEAH.
150
00:05:08,792 --> 00:05:10,792
Sheriff: LOOK, EARLY, THE
LAW'S PRETTY CLEAR ON THIS.
151
00:05:10,876 --> 00:05:14,667
Early: WELL, THEN I DECLARE A
DIPLO-LATIC IMPUNITY!
152
00:05:14,751 --> 00:05:16,042
I'M REQUESTING A SILO!
153
00:05:16,125 --> 00:05:17,334
Sheriff: EARLY...
154
00:05:17,417 --> 00:05:19,751
[ SNIFFLES ]
YOU'RE A GOOD FRIEND, BUT I'M
155
00:05:19,834 --> 00:05:21,751
AFRAID WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO
DEPORT YOU.
156
00:05:21,834 --> 00:05:22,792
Early: FROM AMERICA?!
157
00:05:22,876 --> 00:05:24,417
Sheriff: I'M GONNA MISS YOU!
158
00:05:24,500 --> 00:05:24,876
Early: OVER MY DEAD BODY!
159
00:05:24,959 --> 00:05:26,459
Sheriff: EARLY!
160
00:05:26,542 --> 00:05:27,000
Rusty: DADDY!
Early: DON'T LOOK AT ME!
161
00:05:28,083 --> 00:05:30,042
I'M HIDEOUS AND FOREIGN!
162
00:05:30,125 --> 00:05:32,959
[ PANTING ]
[ INSECTS CHIRPING ]
163
00:05:33,042 --> 00:05:40,083
[ THUNDER RUMBLES ]
[ SNIFFLES ]
164
00:05:40,167 --> 00:05:43,042
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]
165
00:05:48,626 --> 00:05:48,918
HEY.
166
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,626
Early: HUH?
167
00:05:50,709 --> 00:05:51,042
WAKE UP.
168
00:05:51,125 --> 00:05:52,083
Early: HUH?
169
00:05:52,167 --> 00:05:53,459
IT'S ME, REMEMBER?
170
00:05:53,542 --> 00:05:54,542
CHEECH AND CHONG?
171
00:05:54,626 --> 00:05:56,834
YOU TOLD ME TO GET IN THE
CHITLIN' SLURRY AND I DID.
172
00:05:56,918 --> 00:05:57,709
Early: RODRIGO?
YEAH, YOU REMEMBER.
173
00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:01,459
Early: HELL, I THOUGHT YOUR
ASS GOT DEPORTED.
174
00:06:01,542 --> 00:06:03,834
OH, I DID, BUT I JUST CAME
RIGHT BACK OVER.
175
00:06:03,918 --> 00:06:04,709
THIS IS WHERE THE BIG MONEY'S
AT.
176
00:06:04,792 --> 00:06:06,584
MANUAL LABOR.
177
00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:08,500
"AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE," RIGHT?
178
00:06:08,584 --> 00:06:09,542
YOU ALWAYS SAY THAT.
179
00:06:09,626 --> 00:06:10,584
Early: WE ARE, HOSS.
180
00:06:10,667 --> 00:06:13,626
IN PERCENTAGE OF POPULATION
INCARCERATED, HELL YEAH.
181
00:06:13,709 --> 00:06:14,876
WE ARE NUMBER ONE.
182
00:06:14,959 --> 00:06:15,709
"THEY," I MEAN.
183
00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:18,918
[ Voice breaking ] THEY ARE
NUMBER ONE.
184
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,709
THEY ARE NUMBER ONE!
185
00:06:21,792 --> 00:06:24,000
[ SOBS ]
HEY, MAN, IT'S GONNA BE OKAY.
186
00:06:24,083 --> 00:06:26,584
Early: AMERICA SUCKS IF YOU
AIN'T AMERICAN!
187
00:06:26,667 --> 00:06:28,083
YO, YO, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT, BRO?
188
00:06:28,167 --> 00:06:31,042
AMERICA'S THE LAND OF
OPPORTUNITY.
189
00:06:31,125 --> 00:06:32,751
BUT YOU GOT TO BE WILLING TO
WORK FOR IT, DAWG.
190
00:06:32,834 --> 00:06:34,083
Early: [ SNIFFLES ]
ALL RIGHT.
191
00:06:34,167 --> 00:06:35,292
I'M READY TO DO WHATEVER IT
TAKES, RODRIGO.
192
00:06:35,375 --> 00:06:37,792
THEN GET ON THE TRUCK AND
LET'S GET TO WORK.
193
00:06:37,876 --> 00:06:38,792
Early: HELL YEAH.
194
00:06:38,876 --> 00:06:42,000
LET'S GET TO WORK!
195
00:06:42,083 --> 00:06:43,709
EARLY, HAND ME SOME SHINGLES,
DAWG.
196
00:06:43,792 --> 00:06:46,584
Early: I'M GONNA SUPERVISE
THIS BOOMBOX, MAKE SURE THE DISK
197
00:06:46,667 --> 00:06:47,584
KEEPS SPINNING.
198
00:06:47,667 --> 00:06:48,626
[ UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS ]
MUSIC MAKES YOU WANT TO WORK,
199
00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:49,417
DON'T IT?
200
00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:51,834
EARLY, TOSS ME THAT SPONGE,
FOOL.
201
00:06:51,918 --> 00:06:53,083
Early: HEY, THAT THERE SPONGE
IS OVER THERE.
202
00:06:53,167 --> 00:06:55,876
UH, I'M GONNA CHANGE THIS HERE
DISK.
203
00:06:55,959 --> 00:06:58,042
EARLY, WE COULD USE A HAND
OVER HERE, MAN.
204
00:06:58,125 --> 00:06:59,125
Early: HEY, MY HANDS IS FULL
OVER HERE.
205
00:06:59,209 --> 00:07:01,792
Y'ALL WANT ME TO CHANGE THE
DISK?
206
00:07:01,876 --> 00:07:03,125
EARLY, PICK UP SOME APPLES,
MAN.
207
00:07:03,209 --> 00:07:04,876
Early: NO, I GOT ONE, THANK
YOU.
208
00:07:04,959 --> 00:07:06,792
[ CHEWING ]
Y'ALL WANT ME TO CHANGE THIS
209
00:07:06,876 --> 00:07:09,000
HERE DISK?
210
00:07:09,083 --> 00:07:11,626
[ MUSIC STOPS ]
HOT DAMN!
211
00:07:11,709 --> 00:07:13,125
A DAY'S PAY FOR A DAY'S WORK!
212
00:07:13,209 --> 00:07:16,125
I TOLD YOU AMERICA IS NUMBER
ONE, BUT NOBODY BELIEVED ME!
213
00:07:16,209 --> 00:07:17,626
Y'ALL SPIN ME AROUND NOW!
214
00:07:17,709 --> 00:07:18,250
COME ON!
215
00:07:18,334 --> 00:07:19,292
LET'S CELEBRATE!
216
00:07:19,375 --> 00:07:20,125
WHOO!
YO, THAT WAS OUR LIGHT
FIXTURE, MAN.
217
00:07:21,125 --> 00:07:22,959
[ GLASS CRUNCHES ]
Early: WELL, THIS CANDY
218
00:07:23,042 --> 00:07:23,918
TASTES LIKE SHIT.
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
Rusty: HEY, DADDY, IT'S
219
00:07:24,751 --> 00:07:25,375
RUSTY.
Sheriff: EARLY, YOU IN THERE?
220
00:07:26,042 --> 00:07:27,250
Early: HEY, EASY, Y'ALL.
221
00:07:27,334 --> 00:07:31,876
IT'S JUST SOME GRINGO AMERICANO
COME TO GET US TO DO SOME OTHER
222
00:07:31,959 --> 00:07:33,584
JOB THAT HE DON'T WANT TO DO
HISSELF!
223
00:07:33,667 --> 00:07:36,584
Rusty: WE FOUND OUT THERE'S A
TEST YOU CAN TAKE TO BECOME A
224
00:07:36,667 --> 00:07:37,125
U.S. CITIZEN!
225
00:07:37,209 --> 00:07:38,417
Early: IS THAT RIGHT?
226
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:41,167
AMERICA IS READY TO HAVE ME BACK
IN THIS GREAT COUNTRY OF THEIRS.
227
00:07:41,250 --> 00:07:43,083
Rusty: WELL, TECHNICALLY, YOU
NEVER LEFT.
228
00:07:43,167 --> 00:07:44,167
I MEAN, WE'RE STILL IN GEORGIA.
229
00:07:44,250 --> 00:07:47,167
Early: WELL, MAYBE I AIN'T
READY TO GO BACK BECAUSE I'M
230
00:07:47,250 --> 00:07:48,334
MEXICAN NOW.
231
00:07:48,417 --> 00:07:49,334
SEE?
232
00:07:49,417 --> 00:07:51,125
Rusty: WHAT'S YOUR BUTTHOLE
GOT TO DO WITH THIS?
233
00:07:51,209 --> 00:07:52,209
Early: UP HERE, DUMBASS.
234
00:07:52,292 --> 00:07:54,959
IT'S MONTEZUMA THROWING A
ENCHILADA AT A DRUG CARTEL.
235
00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:57,626
AND EVERYTHING'S COVERED IN THAT
GREEN MOLE SAUCE.
236
00:07:57,709 --> 00:07:59,459
Sheriff: EARLY, DON'T BE A
DICK.
237
00:07:59,542 --> 00:08:02,000
WE HAD TO JUMP THROUGH SOME
HOOPS TO GET THIS SET UP.
238
00:08:02,083 --> 00:08:03,167
Early: WELL, TOO DAMN BAD!
239
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:07,083
'CAUSE I AIN'T TAKING THAT TEST
UNLESS EVERY MAN, WOMAN, AND
240
00:08:07,167 --> 00:08:10,667
CHILD IN THIS CRAMPED ASS LITTLE
APARTMENT CAN TAKE THE SAME
241
00:08:10,751 --> 00:08:11,667
TEST.
242
00:08:11,751 --> 00:08:14,083
Sheriff: WELL, THAT'S JUST
NOT POSSIBLE, EARLY.
243
00:08:14,167 --> 00:08:14,876
Early: WELL, THAT'S THE DEAL.
TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.
244
00:08:15,959 --> 00:08:17,042
Sheriff: ALL RIGHT.
245
00:08:17,125 --> 00:08:19,584
I GUESS WE'LL LEAVE IT, THEN.
246
00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:20,834
Early: WELL, HOLD ON NOW.
247
00:08:20,918 --> 00:08:21,542
DON'T GO YET.
248
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:23,209
I MIGHT FEEL DIFFERENT NOW.
249
00:08:23,292 --> 00:08:25,709
EARLY, JUST TAKE THE TEST,
MAN.
250
00:08:25,792 --> 00:08:26,709
IT'S ALL GOOD.
WE'LL BE FINE.
251
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:27,709
SEE?
252
00:08:27,792 --> 00:08:30,209
JAVIER ALREADY GOT THE CD
WORKING.
253
00:08:30,292 --> 00:08:31,876
THIS IS ONLY A RADIO.
254
00:08:31,959 --> 00:08:34,751
Early: BUT, RODRIGO, I COULD
NEVER TAKE THIS TEST WITHOUT
255
00:08:34,834 --> 00:08:35,876
YOU, AMIGO.
256
00:08:35,959 --> 00:08:38,959
BECAUSE I NEED YOU TO TAKE THIS
TEST FOR ME, DAMN IT.
257
00:08:39,042 --> 00:08:40,709
YOU KNOW A HELL OF A LOT MORE
ABOUT AMERICA THAN I DO.
258
00:08:40,792 --> 00:08:41,334
ALL RIGHT.
259
00:08:41,417 --> 00:08:43,626
I'LL HELP YOU OUT, BROTHER.
260
00:08:43,709 --> 00:08:46,042
BUT IT'S GONNA BE $8 AN HOUR AND
LUNCH.
261
00:08:46,125 --> 00:08:48,209
Early: DAMN IT! FINE.
262
00:08:48,292 --> 00:08:50,751
Sheriff: OKAY, I'M ALMOST
DONE WITH MY NAP.
263
00:08:50,834 --> 00:08:53,709
ARE YOU FINISHED TAKING THAT
TEST ALL BY YOURSELF THERE,
264
00:08:53,792 --> 00:08:54,250
EARLY?
265
00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:55,292
Early: ALMOST.
266
00:08:55,375 --> 00:08:56,209
FINISH IT UP. COME ON.
267
00:08:56,292 --> 00:08:58,000
I WANT -- I WANT TO CHANGE
NUMBER SEVEN.
268
00:08:58,083 --> 00:08:59,042
IT'S NOT RIGHT.
269
00:08:59,125 --> 00:08:59,918
Early: NO, THAT'S MY FINAL
ANSWER ON NUMBER SEVEN.
270
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,709
YOU TURN THAT IN.
271
00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:03,209
NO, I REALLY THINK WE SHOULD
CHANGE IT.
272
00:09:03,292 --> 00:09:04,250
Early: BOOM! I'M DONE.
273
00:09:04,334 --> 00:09:04,834
Sheriff: OKAY.
LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT HERE.
274
00:09:05,834 --> 00:09:09,834
DALE JR., HANK JR.
Early: UH-HUH. YEAH.
275
00:09:09,918 --> 00:09:10,667
Sheriff: WHAT'S THAT?
GOD JR.?
276
00:09:11,167 --> 00:09:11,918
YOU MEAN JESUS?
Early: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
277
00:09:12,626 --> 00:09:14,209
THAT'S IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
278
00:09:14,292 --> 00:09:15,417
I JUST FORGOT HIS NAME.
279
00:09:15,500 --> 00:09:18,250
Sheriff: WELL, NONE OF THEM
WERE THE ORIGINAL 13 COLONIES.
280
00:09:18,334 --> 00:09:19,417
I TOLD YOU, DAWG.
281
00:09:19,500 --> 00:09:22,083
Early: WELL, HELL, I GUESS I
GOT SIDETRACKED THINKING ABOUT
282
00:09:22,167 --> 00:09:23,417
ALL THEM JUNIORS I KNOW.
283
00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:25,250
Sheriff: IT HAPPENS TO THE
BEST OF US.
284
00:09:25,334 --> 00:09:26,959
SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO CHANGE
THIS?
285
00:09:27,042 --> 00:09:27,918
I WOULD CHANGE IT.
DEFINITELY, YES.
286
00:09:28,834 --> 00:09:29,918
Early: NO.
287
00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:34,083
THIS IS AMERICA, AND I AM
EXERCISING MY FREEDOM OF SPEECH.
288
00:09:34,167 --> 00:09:34,876
Sheriff: OKAY.
289
00:09:34,959 --> 00:09:37,209
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
LET'S SUBMIT IT.
290
00:09:37,292 --> 00:09:39,918
[ COMPUTER BEEPS ]
WELL, WE ALREADY GOT THE RESULTS
291
00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:40,292
BACK.
292
00:09:40,375 --> 00:09:41,417
LET'S SEE. UH...
293
00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:44,626
"YOU ARE REALLY AMERICAN, BIG
TIME," ACCORDING TO THIS
294
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:46,792
"HOW AMERICAN ARE YOU" ONLINE
QUIZ.
295
00:09:46,876 --> 00:09:48,876
Y'ALL SEND THIS ONE TO YOUR
FRIENDS.
296
00:09:48,959 --> 00:09:49,959
THIS IS A FUN ONE.
297
00:09:50,042 --> 00:09:51,626
Rusty: WAIT A MINUTE.
298
00:09:51,709 --> 00:09:52,292
THAT WASN'T THE OFFICIAL TEST?
299
00:09:52,375 --> 00:09:54,792
Sheriff: WELL, GUESS NOT.
300
00:09:54,876 --> 00:09:55,959
COME LOOK AT THIS.
301
00:09:56,042 --> 00:09:58,375
WATCH WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A PIG
AND A GERBIL BECOME PALS.
302
00:09:58,459 --> 00:10:00,918
[ Laughing ] YOU WON'T BELIEVE
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.
303
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,083
[ PIG OINKS ]
[ LAUGHS ]
304
00:10:02,167 --> 00:10:04,083
Rusty: THIS IS JUST A BUNCH
OF DAMN CLICK BAIT, SHERIFF.
305
00:10:04,167 --> 00:10:06,083
Sheriff: YEAH, I KNOW.
306
00:10:06,167 --> 00:10:07,334
IT'S FUN.
307
00:10:07,417 --> 00:10:10,709
WATCH THIS CAT AND MOUSE PLAY A
REAL-LIFE GAME OF CAT AND MOUSE.
308
00:10:10,792 --> 00:10:12,125
[ CAT MEOWING ]
[ LAUGHS ]
309
00:10:12,209 --> 00:10:13,292
Rusty: COME ON, DADDY.
310
00:10:13,375 --> 00:10:15,167
I KNOW HOW WE CAN MAKE YOU A
CITIZEN.
311
00:10:15,250 --> 00:10:17,417
BUT YOU AIN'T GONNA LIKE IT.
312
00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:22,209
DEARLY BELOVED, WE ARE
GATHERED HERE TODAY TO...
313
00:10:22,292 --> 00:10:24,334
ARE Y'ALL JUST DOING THIS FOR
CITIZENSHIP?
314
00:10:24,417 --> 00:10:25,584
Early: NO.
315
00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:28,292
I LOVE THIS WET BAG OF CRAP, AND
I'LL PROVE IT IF THAT'S WHAT IT
316
00:10:28,375 --> 00:10:28,834
TAKES.
317
00:10:28,918 --> 00:10:33,083
GET OVER HERE.
318
00:10:33,167 --> 00:10:35,459
[ VOMITS ]
Sheriff: CONGRATULATIONS,
319
00:10:35,542 --> 00:10:36,500
EARLY.
320
00:10:36,584 --> 00:10:38,334
YOU MARRIED YOUR MAMA, AND SHE'S
AN AMERICAN,
321
00:10:38,417 --> 00:10:39,626
SO NOW YOU'RE AN AMERICAN.
322
00:10:39,709 --> 00:10:40,667
Early: [ VOMITS ]
323
00:10:40,751 --> 00:10:42,125
WHY'D HE HAVE TO MARRY HIS MOM?
324
00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:44,042
IF HIS MOM'S AMERICAN, HE WAS
ALREADY AMERICAN.
325
00:10:44,125 --> 00:10:45,667
Early: [ VOMITS ]
326
00:10:45,751 --> 00:10:46,751
Sheriff: IS THAT HOW IT WORKS?
327
00:10:46,834 --> 00:10:48,500
What's That?
Sheriff: NOTHING.
328
00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:50,709
[ COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS ]
MADE IN GEORGIA.
23854
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