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[ STATIC ]
[ MUSIC PLAYS ]
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00:00:07,792 --> 00:00:12,500
♪ MY DREAMS ARE ALL DEAD AND
BURIED ♪
3
00:00:12,584 --> 00:00:15,834
♪ SOMETIMES I WISH THE SUN WOULD
JUST EXPLODE ♪
4
00:00:15,918 --> 00:00:19,918
♪ WHEN GOD COMES AND CALLS ME TO
HIS KINGDOM ♪
5
00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:25,375
♪ I'LL TAKE ALL YOU SONS OF
BITCHES WHEN I GO ♪
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00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:28,500
♪ LET HER BLOW
Rusty: MY TURN.
7
00:00:28,584 --> 00:00:29,334
Early: HELL NO.
8
00:00:29,417 --> 00:00:30,751
Rusty: MAN, LET ME DRIVE THAT
THING!
9
00:00:30,834 --> 00:00:33,292
Early: DO NOT TOUCH THE TRIM!
10
00:00:36,834 --> 00:00:38,083
Early: CHECK IT OUT, GLENN.
11
00:00:38,167 --> 00:00:39,751
I'M GETTIN' ME A
STATE-OF-THE-ART DOOMSDAY
12
00:00:39,834 --> 00:00:41,042
BUNKER.
13
00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:43,792
WHEN THEM CHINAMANS COME HERE TO
TAKE THEIR MONEYS BACK -- HUH --
14
00:00:43,876 --> 00:00:45,667
I AIN'T A-GETTIN' CAUGHT WITH MY
PANTS DOWN.
15
00:00:45,751 --> 00:00:47,042
HELL NO.
16
00:00:47,125 --> 00:00:49,292
ONLY WAY I'M A-LISTENIN' TO THAT
MANDARIN GOBBLEDYGOOK IS THROUGH
17
00:00:49,375 --> 00:00:50,959
A 3-FOOT-THICK STEEL DOOR.
18
00:00:51,042 --> 00:00:52,667
ARE YOU PREPARED, GLENN?
19
00:00:52,751 --> 00:00:53,417
HUH? ARE YA?
20
00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:56,876
YEAH, I'M PREPARED --
TO DIE.
21
00:00:56,959 --> 00:01:01,542
LIFE IS JUST A POINTLESS
CORN MAZE FOR ME.
22
00:01:01,626 --> 00:01:04,375
Early: WELL, JUST DON'T GO
DOIN' NO MURDER/SUICIDE THANG
23
00:01:04,459 --> 00:01:05,584
WITH THAT PURTY WIFE OF YOURN.
24
00:01:05,667 --> 00:01:08,459
SHE'S GOT HERSELF A WAY OUT ONCE
SHE CUTS AWAY FROM THAT BOAT
25
00:01:08,542 --> 00:01:08,876
ANCHOR.
SAY THAT.
26
00:01:09,626 --> 00:01:10,876
HELL, SHE'LL KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
27
00:01:10,959 --> 00:01:12,000
YOU MEAN THAT I'M THE BOAT
ANCHOR.
28
00:01:12,083 --> 00:01:14,918
Early: YOUR WORDS, GLENN --
NOT MINE.
29
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,626
DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT IT.
30
00:01:16,709 --> 00:01:18,584
WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
31
00:01:18,667 --> 00:01:19,584
Rusty: OH, MY GOD!
32
00:01:19,667 --> 00:01:22,125
YOU BOUGHT US A TIME-SHARE DOWN
IN MYRTLE BEACH!
33
00:01:22,209 --> 00:01:24,626
Granny: [ GROANS ]
YOU KNOW, I WOULD'VE WAXED MY
34
00:01:24,709 --> 00:01:27,334
LANDIN' STRIP IF I KNEW WE WAS
WALKIN' TO MYRTLE BEACH.
35
00:01:27,417 --> 00:01:29,292
Early: IT AIN'T MYRTLE BEACH,
DAMN IT.
36
00:01:29,375 --> 00:01:31,125
HELL, DON'T YOU LISTEN TO TALK
RADIO ALL DAY, EVERY DAY?
37
00:01:31,209 --> 00:01:34,751
THEM CHINAMENS HAS GOT
SATELLITES UP THERE IN THE SKY
38
00:01:34,834 --> 00:01:36,792
SPACE, A-FIRIN' DOWN THE PIG-FLU
VIRUS AT US!
39
00:01:36,876 --> 00:01:38,417
SO WE GONNA HOLE UP RIGHT HERE.
40
00:01:38,500 --> 00:01:39,626
HELL YEAH.
41
00:01:39,709 --> 00:01:42,042
WE GOT ENOUGH SUPPLIES TO GET US
THROUGH THE WHOLE DAMN NEXT
42
00:01:42,125 --> 00:01:43,459
MILLENNIUM.
43
00:01:43,542 --> 00:01:47,000
Granny: ONE CAN OF APRICOT
PIE FILLIN'.
44
00:01:47,083 --> 00:01:49,876
Rusty: AND 12 HALF GALLONS OF
TENNESSEE'S SECOND-FINEST
45
00:01:49,959 --> 00:01:50,500
DISCOUNT SIPPIN' WHISKEY?
46
00:01:50,584 --> 00:01:52,542
Early: THAT'S RIGHT.
47
00:01:52,626 --> 00:01:54,417
WHAT THE...?
48
00:01:54,500 --> 00:01:55,250
AW, HELL!
49
00:01:55,334 --> 00:01:57,542
I'VE EXHAUSTED MY DAMN SURVIVAL
RATIONS!
50
00:01:57,626 --> 00:01:59,834
AAAAAAAAAH!
51
00:01:59,918 --> 00:02:00,667
AAAAAH!
AAH!
52
00:02:01,292 --> 00:02:02,542
DAMN YOU, FRIDAY NIGHT!
53
00:02:02,626 --> 00:02:03,792
Rusty: I CALL THIS BED.
54
00:02:03,876 --> 00:02:05,000
Early: THE BED IS MINE!
55
00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:07,876
Granny: WELL, IT AIN'T GOOD
FOR MY HIPS, BUT I CAN ALWAYS
56
00:02:07,959 --> 00:02:09,083
SLEEP ON THE FLOOR.
57
00:02:09,167 --> 00:02:11,709
Early: THAT'S FINE, BUT WHO'S
OXYGEN DO YOU THINK YOU GONNA
58
00:02:11,792 --> 00:02:12,959
BREATHE?
59
00:02:13,042 --> 00:02:14,626
I MEAN, HOW THE HELL AM I GONNA
REV UP MY MOTOR ENGINE DOWN HERE
60
00:02:14,709 --> 00:02:16,542
IF YOU'RE BREATHIN' UP ALL THE
DAMN OXYGEN?
61
00:02:16,626 --> 00:02:18,209
Rusty: WHOA!
62
00:02:18,292 --> 00:02:19,959
HOW'D YOU GET YOUR TRUCK DOWN
HERE?
63
00:02:20,042 --> 00:02:22,375
Early: THEY BUILT THE SHELTER
AROUND IT, EINSTEIN.
64
00:02:22,459 --> 00:02:23,626
THINK!
65
00:02:23,709 --> 00:02:27,083
Granny: SO, UH, YOU'RE JUST
GONNA DRIVE IT BACK AND FORTH IN
66
00:02:27,167 --> 00:02:27,709
HERE, OR...
67
00:02:27,792 --> 00:02:28,834
Early: NO, EINSTEIN.
68
00:02:28,918 --> 00:02:31,918
I'M GONNA TAKE IT APART, PIECE
BY PIECE, AND REBUILD THE
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00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:33,500
SUMBITCH OUTSIDE, EINSTEIN.
70
00:02:33,584 --> 00:02:35,209
THINK!
71
00:02:35,292 --> 00:02:38,167
IT'S TIME AGAIN FOR OUR
QUARTERLY FOOD DRIVE FOR THAT
72
00:02:38,250 --> 00:02:42,959
ONE LOCAL FAMILY THAT JUST CAN'T
SEEM TO GET IT TOGETHER.
73
00:02:43,042 --> 00:02:44,876
[ CHUCKLES ]
SO ANYTHING YOU COULD SPARE
74
00:02:44,959 --> 00:02:46,792
WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED.
75
00:02:46,876 --> 00:02:49,667
Early: WELL, NOT JUST
ANYTHING.
76
00:02:49,751 --> 00:02:50,918
I MEAN, COME ON, NOW.
77
00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:51,918
Granny: GO ON.
78
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:53,083
GIVE HIM THE LIST.
79
00:02:53,167 --> 00:02:55,918
WELL, WE'RE JUST ASKING FOR
ESSENTIAL ITEMS -- YOU KNOW,
80
00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:59,083
WARM CLOTHING, CANNED GOODS...
81
00:02:59,167 --> 00:03:03,751
AN AR-15 COMBAT RIFLE WITH
RED-DOT SCOPE AND EXTENDED CLIP.
82
00:03:03,834 --> 00:03:04,584
Early: KEEP GOIN'.
THERE'S MORE.
83
00:03:05,667 --> 00:03:09,417
A 4,000-GALLON ELEVATED TANK
OF DISTILLED WATER.
84
00:03:09,500 --> 00:03:09,834
Early: UH-HUH, YEAH.
300 LIVE HOGS.
85
00:03:10,626 --> 00:03:11,709
Granny: AMEN!
86
00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:15,626
SOLAR-POWERED REFRIGERATION
UNITS TO HOLD 300 BUTCHERED
87
00:03:15,709 --> 00:03:16,083
HOGS.
88
00:03:16,167 --> 00:03:17,459
Early: MM-HMM.
89
00:03:17,542 --> 00:03:19,751
AND AN ASSLOAD MORE PIE
FILLING.
90
00:03:19,834 --> 00:03:21,876
Granny: EH, THE APRICOT WAS
OKAY.
91
00:03:21,959 --> 00:03:23,834
BUT WE'RE OPEN TO OTHER FLAVORS.
92
00:03:23,918 --> 00:03:25,959
Early: AND NO GLUTENS,
NEITHER.
93
00:03:26,042 --> 00:03:29,125
I THINK THEM GLUTENS IS THE
REASON I GO CRAZY SOMETIME AND
94
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,125
MY MIND BLANKS.
95
00:03:30,209 --> 00:03:32,500
SO PLEASE -- NO GLUTENS.
96
00:03:33,042 --> 00:03:33,959
Early: WATER CHESTNUTS?!
97
00:03:34,042 --> 00:03:35,792
Granny: AND ONE BLACK
BANANA?!
98
00:03:35,876 --> 00:03:36,959
Early: IS THIS A JOKE?
99
00:03:37,042 --> 00:03:41,584
NO KEVLAR VEST, NO HOLLOW-POINT
ARMOR-PIERCIN' ROUNDS, NO
100
00:03:41,667 --> 00:03:42,209
NIGHT-VISION GOGGLES!
101
00:03:42,292 --> 00:03:44,626
NOT A DAMN THING I ASKED FOR!
102
00:03:44,709 --> 00:03:47,959
WELL, THEY DO SAY "GOD HELPS
THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES."
103
00:03:48,042 --> 00:03:50,042
Early: WELL, GOD CAN HELP HIS
OWN SELF, THEN.
104
00:03:50,125 --> 00:03:53,125
[ Muffled ] 'CAUSE I AIN'T
HELPIN' MYSELF TO NONE OF THIS
105
00:03:53,209 --> 00:03:54,626
MESS!
106
00:03:57,042 --> 00:03:58,584
Granny: I MAY MAKE SOME
BOK CHOY.
107
00:03:58,667 --> 00:04:00,375
I DON'T KNOW.
108
00:04:00,459 --> 00:04:03,125
BUT I'M NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS.
109
00:04:03,209 --> 00:04:05,751
Early: WE GET ANY MEXICAN
DRUG CARTELS INVADIN' WHILE WE
110
00:04:05,834 --> 00:04:06,500
WAS AT THE CHURCH?
111
00:04:06,584 --> 00:04:08,417
WHAT YOU GETTIN' ON THE
SHORTWAVE?
112
00:04:08,500 --> 00:04:11,417
[ POLKA MUSIC PLAY ]
Granny: OH, HELL, SHE AIN'T
113
00:04:11,500 --> 00:04:14,834
GOIN' UNDERGROUND WITH YOU 'LESS
YOU FILL THAT BUNKER UP WITH
114
00:04:14,918 --> 00:04:15,584
SIZZURP.
115
00:04:15,667 --> 00:04:17,500
Early: OH, HERE COMES THE
PITCH.
116
00:04:17,584 --> 00:04:18,125
"WAH, WAH.
117
00:04:18,209 --> 00:04:19,751
LET ME IN THE DAMN BUNKER.
118
00:04:19,834 --> 00:04:20,918
I WANNA LIVE, TOO."
119
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:24,250
Granny: I'M JUST SAYIN' --
THERE'S ONE OF US CAN DRINK HER
120
00:04:24,334 --> 00:04:27,500
PURPLE DRINK SOCIALLY AND NOT
HAVE IT AFFECT HER PERFORMANCE.
121
00:04:27,584 --> 00:04:29,876
Early: OH, SO YOU CAN HANDLE
YOURSELF IN A SURVIVAL
122
00:04:29,959 --> 00:04:30,584
SITUATION.
IS THAT WHAT YOU SAYIN'?
123
00:04:31,250 --> 00:04:32,417
Granny: I'M REAL USEFUL.
124
00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:37,000
I TELL WEIRD STORIES THAT ARE
LONG, AND I GOSSIP ABOUT STUFF I
125
00:04:37,083 --> 00:04:37,667
DON'T KNOW NOTHIN' ABOUT.
126
00:04:37,751 --> 00:04:40,167
I'M GOOD AT STUFF!
127
00:04:42,167 --> 00:04:43,000
Early: BOOM! ERUPTION!
128
00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:45,584
VOLCANIC ASH FROM YELLOWSTONE
FILLS THE SKY!
129
00:04:45,667 --> 00:04:46,459
Granny: OW! OHH...
130
00:04:46,542 --> 00:04:50,792
Early: YOU BEST ASSEMBLE YOUR
FIREARM.
131
00:04:50,876 --> 00:04:53,000
Rusty: DAMN, GRANNY.
132
00:04:53,083 --> 00:04:54,667
Granny: HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW?
133
00:04:54,751 --> 00:04:55,709
Early: WELL, UH...
134
00:04:55,792 --> 00:04:58,792
THE NORTH KOREANS IS
AIR-DROPPIN' IN ALL AROUND US.
135
00:04:58,876 --> 00:04:59,626
YOU GOT TO GO HAND-TO-HAND NOW.
136
00:04:59,709 --> 00:05:03,167
JUST WHAT DO YOU --
UNH! UNH! UNH! UNH!
137
00:05:03,250 --> 00:05:04,918
Granny: [ GASPS ]
DID I LAND ONE?
138
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:08,042
'CAUSE SOMETHIN' FELT GOOD.
139
00:05:08,125 --> 00:05:08,751
Early: BIP!
140
00:05:08,834 --> 00:05:10,709
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
METEORITE!
141
00:05:10,792 --> 00:05:12,000
IT WAS THE FRENCH ALL ALONG.
142
00:05:12,083 --> 00:05:15,209
[ SIREN WAILS, CAR DOOR CLOSES ]
Sheriff: HEY, Y'ALL.
143
00:05:15,292 --> 00:05:15,709
GRANNY ALL RIGHT?
144
00:05:15,792 --> 00:05:18,042
Early: SHE'S FINE.
145
00:05:18,125 --> 00:05:19,792
WE JUST PLAYIN'.
146
00:05:20,584 --> 00:05:23,876
Sheriff: [ LAUGHS ]
YEAH. I GET IT.
147
00:05:23,959 --> 00:05:25,584
HERE. I MADE Y'ALL SOME COBBLER.
148
00:05:25,667 --> 00:05:28,542
Early: I'M JUST GONNA GO
AHEAD AND CARBO-LOAD NOW.
149
00:05:28,626 --> 00:05:32,667
Sheriff: WELL, I KNOW Y'ALL
GONNA NEED THAT SUGAR RUSH FOR
150
00:05:32,751 --> 00:05:34,459
THE ZOMBIE-EVENT THING OR...
151
00:05:34,542 --> 00:05:36,751
WHATEVER YOU'RE PREPPIN' FOR
HERE.
152
00:05:36,834 --> 00:05:38,709
Early: THEM BEAN COUNTERS IN
WASHINGTON [CHOMPS] DONE MESSED
153
00:05:38,792 --> 00:05:39,584
UP THE BEAN COUNT.
154
00:05:39,667 --> 00:05:42,250
[ CHOMPS ]
HELL, THEY DONE GAVE AWAY THE
155
00:05:42,334 --> 00:05:43,125
WHOLE BEAN STORE.
156
00:05:43,209 --> 00:05:44,876
[ CHOMPS ]
DAMN D.C. FAT CATS CAN'T EVEN
157
00:05:44,959 --> 00:05:47,417
BALANCE A BASIC BEAN BOOK.
158
00:05:47,500 --> 00:05:49,709
Sheriff: EARLY, UH, YOU
REMEMBER HOW YOU FINANCED YOUR
159
00:05:49,792 --> 00:05:50,626
BUNKER HERE?
160
00:05:50,709 --> 00:05:53,834
Early: HELL YEAH -- 90 DAYS
SAME AS CASH.
161
00:05:53,918 --> 00:05:56,584
Sheriff: OH, THAT'S 9 DAYS.
162
00:05:56,667 --> 00:05:57,167
Early: HUH?
163
00:05:57,250 --> 00:05:58,709
Sheriff: SEE? READ THIS.
164
00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:01,584
"9.0 DAYS SAME AS CASH."
165
00:06:01,667 --> 00:06:03,918
Early: WELL, WHEN DID I BUY
IT?
166
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:05,584
Sheriff: OH, COUPLE MONTHS
AGO.
167
00:06:05,667 --> 00:06:08,083
Early: I FIGURED THE GLOBE
WAS GONNA BLOW UP BEFORE THE
168
00:06:08,167 --> 00:06:09,334
FIRST PAYMENT COME IN.
169
00:06:09,417 --> 00:06:11,918
I MEAN, IT AIN'T MY DAMN FAULT
THEM ARABS CAN'T ENRICH URANIUM
170
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:13,125
OVERNIGHT.
171
00:06:13,209 --> 00:06:14,375
Sheriff: LISTEN, EARLY, THEY
WANT ME TO SEIZE YOUR LAND
172
00:06:14,459 --> 00:06:16,792
TOMORROW MORNIN' -- UNLESS YOU
CAN SOMEHOW COUGH UP THAT FIRST
173
00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,000
PAYMENT.
174
00:06:18,083 --> 00:06:20,667
Early: WELL, I'M GONNA MARCH
DOWN TO THAT BANK AND MAKE THEM
175
00:06:20,751 --> 00:06:23,250
RE-FI MY RE-FI -- RIGHT NOW!
176
00:06:23,334 --> 00:06:26,709
WHERE'S MY SUMBITCHIN' TRUCK AT?
177
00:06:26,792 --> 00:06:27,751
DAMN IT!
178
00:06:27,834 --> 00:06:28,959
GET MY RATCHET SET.
179
00:06:29,042 --> 00:06:31,626
GET IT! GET IT! GET IT, BOY!
180
00:06:31,709 --> 00:06:32,709
I'M GONNA DROP IT!
181
00:06:32,792 --> 00:06:33,834
Rusty: DADDY, IT AIN'T GONNA
FIT!
182
00:06:33,918 --> 00:06:34,792
Early: TURN IT SIDEWAYS!
183
00:06:34,876 --> 00:06:35,834
COME ON!
184
00:06:35,918 --> 00:06:37,125
Rusty: IT AIN'T FITTIN' THAT
WAY, EITHER, DADDY!
185
00:06:37,209 --> 00:06:37,959
Early: AAAH!
186
00:06:38,042 --> 00:06:39,042
HUNH!
187
00:06:39,125 --> 00:06:41,042
UNGH!
188
00:06:41,125 --> 00:06:42,959
DAMN EUROPEANS AND THEY METRICS.
189
00:06:43,042 --> 00:06:44,209
THIS WAS THEY PLAN ALL ALONG.
190
00:06:44,292 --> 00:06:47,125
Rusty: DADDY, MAYBE WE OUGHTA
JUST PACK UP OUR STUFF AND GO
191
00:06:47,209 --> 00:06:47,959
FIND US A MOTEL.
192
00:06:48,042 --> 00:06:49,209
Early: NO.
193
00:06:49,292 --> 00:06:51,584
THE BANKS CAN'T BE SEIZIN' THIS
BUNKER, 'CAUSE I'M GONNA MAKE IT
194
00:06:51,667 --> 00:06:54,542
SO WHERE ALL THE DAMN BANKS
COLLAPSE OVERNIGHT.
195
00:06:54,626 --> 00:06:57,292
THERE AIN'T GONNA BE NO MORE
BANKS, NOR NATIONS, NOR SOCIETY.
196
00:06:57,375 --> 00:07:01,042
AND I'M ABOUT TO MAKE THAT
HAPPEN RIGHT NOW.
197
00:07:01,125 --> 00:07:02,125
IT'S ON, BABY!
198
00:07:02,209 --> 00:07:06,334
PHASE 1 -- POISON THE WATER
SUPPLY.
199
00:07:06,417 --> 00:07:07,459
Rusty: ALL RIGHT.
200
00:07:07,542 --> 00:07:11,167
[ BOTH GRUNTING ]
Early: BRUSH YOUR TEETH ON MY
201
00:07:11,250 --> 00:07:13,584
ASS INK, DOUGAL COUNTY!
202
00:07:14,918 --> 00:07:16,918
Rusty: OH!
203
00:07:18,334 --> 00:07:20,751
DAMN, GRANNY.
204
00:07:20,834 --> 00:07:22,125
Granny: IT'S LARGE.
205
00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:25,500
IT'S ALWAYS BEEN LARGE.
206
00:07:25,584 --> 00:07:28,667
Early: PHASE 2 -- FLOOD THE
MARKET WITH EXCESS CASH
207
00:07:28,751 --> 00:07:30,125
RESERVES.
208
00:07:30,209 --> 00:07:32,167
FREE MONEY! GET YOU SOME!
209
00:07:32,250 --> 00:07:33,667
IT'S WORTHLESS!
210
00:07:33,751 --> 00:07:35,417
[ BELLS JINGLE ]
UH, COULD YOU MAKE ME SOME
211
00:07:35,500 --> 00:07:37,918
CHANGE FOR THIS HERE BONY-FIDE,
CERTIFIED DOLLAR BILL THAT'S
212
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,375
BACKED UP BY THE AMERICAN
GOVERNMENT?
213
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,042
THIS HERE AIN'T WORTH A DAMN,
EARLY.
214
00:07:42,125 --> 00:07:43,375
Early: YOU SEE THAT, RUSTY?
215
00:07:43,459 --> 00:07:46,125
IT'S ALREADY BEGUN.
216
00:07:46,209 --> 00:07:49,042
AND PHASE 3 -- WE GONNA RELEASE
ALL THESE TOXIC CHEMICALS AND
217
00:07:49,125 --> 00:07:50,876
CAUSE A WORLDWIDE PANIC.
218
00:07:50,959 --> 00:07:53,250
Rusty: AIN'T THIS LIKE
DOMESTIC TERRORISM?
219
00:07:53,334 --> 00:07:55,876
Early: I AIN'T A-DOIN'
NOTHIN' OLD PUTIN WOULDN'T DO.
220
00:07:55,959 --> 00:07:57,417
HE JUST AIN'T GOT THE BALLS.
221
00:07:57,500 --> 00:07:59,000
[ LAUGHS ]
222
00:07:59,083 --> 00:08:02,083
A RAILCAR FULL OF SNAKES
BOUND FOR SNAKE WORLD IN
223
00:08:02,167 --> 00:08:05,042
BRADENTON, FLORIDA, WAS
MYSTERIOUSLY BREACHED LAST
224
00:08:05,125 --> 00:08:08,751
NIGHT, RELEASING THOUSANDS OF
SIDEWINDING SWAMP CONSTRICTORS
225
00:08:08,834 --> 00:08:10,000
INTO RURAL DOUGAL COUNTY.
226
00:08:10,083 --> 00:08:13,125
THESE HIGHLY VENOMOUS SNAKES
ARE VERY AGGRESSIVE AND BREED
227
00:08:13,209 --> 00:08:14,375
QUICKLY.
228
00:08:14,459 --> 00:08:18,042
LOCAL LAW ENFORCEMENT ASSURES
US THAT THE SITUATION IS UNDER
229
00:08:18,125 --> 00:08:18,918
CONTROL.
230
00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:21,417
THE SITUATION IS UNDER
CONTROL.
231
00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:25,250
BUT ALSO, PLEASE CUT A HOLE IN
THIS THING SO I CAN BREATHE!
232
00:08:25,334 --> 00:08:26,417
HELP! HELP!
233
00:08:26,500 --> 00:08:28,834
THERE ARE NO SUSPECTS YET,
BUT ALL EVIDENCE SEEMS TO...
234
00:08:28,918 --> 00:08:31,918
Early: [ LAUGHS ]
THAT'S RIGHT! COMRADE PUTIN!
235
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,250
OH, THE MISSILES IS GONNA FLY
NOW.
236
00:08:33,334 --> 00:08:34,250
Rusty: DAMN, DADDY.
237
00:08:34,334 --> 00:08:36,042
THESE DAMN SNAKES ARE
EVERYWHERE.
238
00:08:36,125 --> 00:08:37,083
Early: IT'S ZERO HOUR.
239
00:08:37,167 --> 00:08:39,876
GRAB YOUR BUG OUT BAG AND GET
BACK TO THE BUNKER.
240
00:08:39,959 --> 00:08:41,792
WAIT. I GOT TO SEND A TEXT.
241
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,083
YOU KNOW I HAVE NO CONTROL
OVER THIS, RIGHT?
242
00:08:45,167 --> 00:08:46,959
WELL, MAYBE DRESS A LITTLE
LESS SEXY.
243
00:08:47,042 --> 00:08:49,500
HE SAYS YOU'RE THROWIN' IT OUT
THERE.
244
00:08:49,584 --> 00:08:52,918
Granny: I PROMISE I'LL WORK
HARD, AND I'LL ONLY BREATHE HALF
245
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,125
BREATHS OF AIR.
246
00:08:54,209 --> 00:08:56,083
YOU CAN HAVE ALL THESE WATER
CHESTNUTS, IF YOU WANT.
247
00:08:56,167 --> 00:08:58,125
I'LL JUST EAT THE LABEL.
248
00:08:58,209 --> 00:08:59,209
THAT'S FINE WITH ME.
249
00:08:59,292 --> 00:09:01,500
Early: GRANNY, YOU KNOW I
LOVE YOU.
250
00:09:01,584 --> 00:09:03,959
AND I APPRECIATE EVERYTHING YOU
DONE FOR ME -- BIRTHIN' ME AND
251
00:09:04,042 --> 00:09:04,834
RAISIN' ME.
252
00:09:04,918 --> 00:09:07,250
BUT ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN?
253
00:09:07,334 --> 00:09:09,000
Granny: WELL, WHAT'S THAT
MEAN?
254
00:09:09,083 --> 00:09:11,083
Early: IT MEANS THE NUMBERS
JUST DON'T ADD UP.
255
00:09:11,167 --> 00:09:12,292
Granny: HEY!
256
00:09:12,375 --> 00:09:14,167
Early: BUT WE SURE GONNA MISS
THAT SMILIN' FACE OF YOURS.
257
00:09:14,250 --> 00:09:15,083
Granny: WAIT! NO!
Early: COME ON.
258
00:09:15,959 --> 00:09:17,375
GIVE ME A SMILE.
259
00:09:17,459 --> 00:09:20,083
Rusty: I'M SORRY, DADDY, BUT
IF S GOES, I GO.
260
00:09:20,167 --> 00:09:22,792
Early: [ SIGHS ]
ALL RIGHT, FINE.
261
00:09:22,876 --> 00:09:24,125
BOTH OF Y'ALL GET THE HELL OUT
OF HERE!
262
00:09:24,209 --> 00:09:26,459
Sheriff: HEY, THERE, BUDDY.
263
00:09:26,542 --> 00:09:28,042
Early: SORRY, SHERIFF.
264
00:09:28,125 --> 00:09:29,292
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU.
265
00:09:29,375 --> 00:09:31,334
WE ALL FULL UP HERE --
Sheriff: NO!
266
00:09:31,417 --> 00:09:32,500
HERE'S HOW THIS IS GONNA GO.
267
00:09:32,584 --> 00:09:36,292
IF YOU LIKE HAVIN' A FUCKING
BRAIN IN YOUR HEAD, OPEN THAT
268
00:09:36,375 --> 00:09:39,751
GODDAMN DOOR, MOTHER FUCKER
CLOSE IT, EARLY! NOW!
269
00:09:39,834 --> 00:09:41,292
I'M SUPER-, SUPER-AFRAID OF
SNAKES!
270
00:09:41,375 --> 00:09:42,334
HELP!
271
00:09:49,083 --> 00:09:53,417
AIN'T THERE A WINDOW HERE?
272
00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:54,125
I-I CAN'T BREATHE.
273
00:09:54,209 --> 00:09:56,417
WHERE'S THE WINDOW?
274
00:09:56,500 --> 00:09:58,751
ALL RIGHT, PARTNER, THIS IS HOW
THIS IS GONNA GO.
275
00:09:58,834 --> 00:10:01,459
Y-- IF YOU LIKE HAVIN' THAT FACE
ON YOUR HEAD, YOU OPEN THAT
276
00:10:01,542 --> 00:10:03,209
[DRIP] DOOR AND YOU LET ME OUT
NOW!
277
00:10:03,292 --> 00:10:05,167
I-I JUST NEED A BREATH OF FRESH
AIR.
278
00:10:05,250 --> 00:10:06,250
I NEED TO S-SMOKE.
279
00:10:06,334 --> 00:10:09,834
I-I THINK IF I CAN JUST --
Early: 3-FEET-THICK SOLID
280
00:10:09,918 --> 00:10:10,667
STEEL.
281
00:10:10,751 --> 00:10:13,000
NOBODY GETS IN, AND NOBODY GETS
OUT.
282
00:10:13,083 --> 00:10:15,834
Rusty: YEAH, BUT THEN HOW WE
GONNA GET THESE SNAKES OUT?
283
00:10:15,918 --> 00:10:16,542
Early: SNAKES?!
284
00:10:16,626 --> 00:10:17,667
HOW THEM SNAKES GETTIN' IN
HERE?!
285
00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:20,000
Rusty: WELL, LOOKS LIKE THEY
GETTIN' IN THROUGH THE GLORY
286
00:10:20,083 --> 00:10:21,125
HOLE.
287
00:10:21,209 --> 00:10:22,375
Early: WHO THE HELL CUT A
GLORY HOLE IN MY BUNKER?!
288
00:10:22,459 --> 00:10:23,876
Granny: LOOK, I NEED THE "D"!
289
00:10:23,959 --> 00:10:25,709
HOW ELSE AM I GONNA GET THE "D"?
290
00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:30,042
Early: THEY COMIN' FASTER
THAN I CAN HANDLE!
291
00:10:30,125 --> 00:10:31,292
Granny: WELCOME TO MY WORLD.
292
00:10:31,375 --> 00:10:32,876
Rusty: WHAT ARE YOU DOIN',
DADDY?
293
00:10:32,959 --> 00:10:34,542
Early: I'M GONNA PUT MY
PECKER IN THIS HOLE.
294
00:10:34,626 --> 00:10:37,375
Rusty: YEAH, STICK IT IN
THERE AND BLOCK THEM SNAKES.
295
00:10:37,459 --> 00:10:39,375
Early: YEAH, I-IT'LL DO THAT,
TOO, I'M SURE.
296
00:10:39,459 --> 00:10:42,000
UH, THIS HOLE WORKS BOTH WAYS,
RIGHT?
297
00:10:42,083 --> 00:10:43,042
Granny: MM-NH-MM.
298
00:10:43,125 --> 00:10:46,792
YOU KNOW, I NEVER TRIED IT FROM
THE OTHER DIRECTION.
299
00:10:46,876 --> 00:10:48,125
YOU WANT ME TO GO OUTSIDE AND
FIND OUT?
300
00:10:48,209 --> 00:10:49,959
Early: YEAH.
301
00:10:50,042 --> 00:10:51,334
YEAH, GO AHEAD AND FIND OUT.
302
00:10:51,417 --> 00:10:54,000
I'LL BE RIGHT HERE.
303
00:10:54,083 --> 00:10:57,125
[ DOOR OPENS ]
[ SQUISH ]
304
00:10:57,209 --> 00:10:58,542
OOH, YEAH. THERE WE GO.
305
00:10:58,626 --> 00:11:00,167
Granny: IT WORKS!
22468
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