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[ STATIC ]
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[ COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS ]
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>> ♪ UNH ♪
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♪ MY DREAMS ♪
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♪ ARE ALL DEAD AND BURIED ♪
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♪ SOMETIMES I WISH THE SUN ♪
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♪ WOULD JUST EXPLODE ♪
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♪ WHEN GOD CALLS AND CALLS ME TO
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HIS KINGDOM ♪
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♪ I'LL TAKE ALL YOU SONS OF
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BITCHES WHEN I GO ♪
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♪ OW! ♪
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>> Rusty: MY TURN.
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>> Early: HELL NO.
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>> Rusty: HEY, MAN, LET ME DRIVE
THAT THING!
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COME ON!
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>> Early: DO NOT TOUCH THE TRIM!
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[ BELL RINGS ]
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>> Rusty: THERE YOU GO, SIR!
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THANK YOU MUCH!
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[ CAR HORN HONKS ]
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>> HEY, RUSTY!
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SAY HEY TO YOUR DADDY, RANDY.
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>> Rusty: THERE'S MY GUY.
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WHAT'S UP, HOSS?
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>> [ COOING ]
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ALL RIGHT, HERE YOU GO.
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NOW, HERE'S JUNE AND JULY, AND I
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GUESS THAT CATCHES US UP.
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HERE'S A LITTLE EXTRA.
NOW, THAT'S FOR YOU.
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GET MAMA TO GO BUY YOU A ONESIE
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IN TOWN.
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BE SURE TO RIP THEM SLEEVES OFF.
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BA-BAM!
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>> BA-BAM!
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[ BELL RINGS ]
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>> THANK YOU FOR THIS, RUSTY.
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WE SURE APPRECIATE YOU.
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>> Rusty: I APPRECIATE YOU, TOO,
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TAMMI -- HOW FINE YOU LOOKIN'.
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I'D APPRECIATE THE HELL OUT OF
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YOU RIGHT NOW IF YOU'D LET ME.
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>> YEAH, I GET IT, RUSTY.
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>> Rusty: I KNOW, I KNOW -- BABY
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STEPS.
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>> [ COOS ]
>> Rusty: BUT I'M GONNA EARN YOU
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BACK!
YOU'LL SEE!
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'CAUSE I'M A MAN! BA-BAM!
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>> BA-BAM!
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>> Early: WHERE THE HELL YOU
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BEEN?!
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>> Granny: YEAH, YOU ALL RUNNING
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OUT IN THE MORNING, SAYING YOU'S
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GOING TO WORK AND THEN COMING
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HOME ALL TIRED EIGHT HOURS
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LATER, TALKING ABOUT HOW YOU'S
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AT WORK!
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>> Rusty: 'CAUSE I WAS AT WORK.
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>> Granny: HERE HE GOES!
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>> Early: YOU AIN'T BEEN AT
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WORK 'CAUSE MY BOY AIN'T GONNA
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WORK!
YOU KNOW HOW DAMN HARD I WORK
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TRYING NOT TO WORK JUST TO HAVE
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YOU WORK?!
>> Rusty: I DONE TOLD Y'ALL 20
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TIMES, I'M WORKIN' AT THE CAR
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WASH, MAKING ME SOME DAMN MONEY.
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>> Early: M-MONEY?
>> Granny: MONEY?!
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>> Early: MONEY! HELL YEAH!
>> Granny: WE MADE IT!
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>> Early: SOMEBODY IN THIS
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FAMILY DONE MADE SOME DAMN
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MONEY!
>> Granny: GIVE UP THE MONEY!
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>> Rusty: I ALREADY GAVE AWAY
THE MONEY.
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>> Granny: YOU WHAT?!
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>> Rusty: I TOLD YA, EVERY DIME
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I MAKE GOES TO CHILD SUPPORT.
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>> Early: CUYLER MONEY -- IN
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TAMMI'S HANDS?!
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>> Granny: THAT GOLD-DIGGING
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WHORE!
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>> Rusty: I ALSO JUST HAD TO PAY
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FOR HIS SHOTS.
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>> Granny: YOU'RE SPOILING THAT
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BABY BY GIVING HIM
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IMMUNIZATIONS!
A CHILD NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT
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RICKETS FEEL LIKE!
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>> Early: IF THAT CHILD'S EVEN
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YOURS.
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>> Rusty: WHAT THE HELL YOU MEAN
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BY THAT?
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>> Early: THAT BABY AIN'T GOT NO
SQUID BLOOD IN HIM!
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>> Granny: I WANT TO LOVE IT,
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BUT I DON'T TRUST IT WITH THAT
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CREAM-CHEESY DAMN SKIN!
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I'M SORRY -- I SAID IT!
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>> Rusty: Y'ALL CUT IT OUT.
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OF COURSE RANDY'S...MINE.
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>> Early: COUNT HOW MANY LEGS
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HE'S GOT.
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HAS HE GOT EIGHT, LIKE US?
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>> Rusty: ONE...
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TWO...
OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE RIGHT!
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HE'S ONLY GOT TWO LEGS!
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>> Early: LIKE A TWO-LEGGED,
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TWO-ARMED, 10-FINGERED FREAK
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SHOW!
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>> Granny: TAMMI DONE SPREAD HER
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LEGS IN THE DIRT FOR SOME HUMAN
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MAN, AND THAT'S WHAT COME OUT!
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>> Rusty: UH, THAT AIN'T TRUE!
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TAMMI WOULDN'T DO THAT!
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>> Granny: SHE'S PROBABLY OUT
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PAINTING THE TOWN RED RIGHT NOW
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WITH SOME NEW FELLA, AND YOU'RE
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THE ONE WHO BOUGHT 'EM ALL THE
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PAINT!
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>> YOU GET ANYTHING YOU WANT --
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SALAD, SOFT-SERVE, UNLIMITED
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CRESCENT ROLLS.
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THIS IS YOUR NIGHT.
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>> WELL, THANK YOU, DENNY.
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THAT'S REAL SWEET.
>> NOW, LIFT ME UP, SEE
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WHAT KIND OF JELLO THEY GOT.
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>> YEAH.
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>> NOW, DON'T BE A WALLFLOWER.
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TELL ME SOMETHING INTERESTING
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ABOUT YOU.
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>> WELL, I'M TAKING COLLEGE
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CLASSES ONLINE --
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>> THIS HERE HAND ONLY GOT
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THREE FINGERS.
THAT'S INTERESTING.
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I COME OUT OF THE WOMB WITH THIS
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MUSTACHE, TOO.
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PRETTY INTERESTING.
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I'M WAY INTO JELLO.
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I BET THAT'S HOW WE FOUND EACH
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OTHER ON THE DOUGAL DOUBLES ON
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ACCOUNT OF WE BOTH LIKE JELLO SO
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DAMN MUCH.
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>> YEAH.
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AND ALSO 'CAUSE THERE'S NOT A
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WHOLE LOT OF PROFILES ON THAT
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DOUGAL COUNTY DATING SITE.
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>> IT'S LIKE THE INTERNET
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DECIDED THAT WE WAS DESTINED TO
BE TOGETHER.
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[ LAUGHS ]
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>> PLEASE DON'T THROW JELLO AT
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ME.
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>> I'M JUST PLAYIN'.
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PASS ME THEM CRAYONS.
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I THINK I'M GONNA DRAW ME A
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PONTOON BOAT.
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[ CICADAS CHIRPING ]
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>> Early: NOW, YOU JUST MARCH
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YOUR ASS UP THERE AND SNATCH
THAT YOUNG'ERN AND TEST HIS
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MOLECULES IN THE COMPUTER 'CAUSE
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IF HE AIN'T YOURS, THEN YOU
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AIN'T GOT TO PAY NO-DAMN-BODY.
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>> Rusty: I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE
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WAS RUNNING AROUND ON ME THIS
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WHOLE TIME.
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>> Early: HEY, I KNOW.
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NOT TO BE SEXUALIST, BUT YOU
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CAN'T TRUST A DAMN STUPID-ASS
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BITCH WHORE FARTHER THAN YOU CAN
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THROW HER!
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AND I KNOW 'CAUSE I THROW ME
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SOME WOMANS ALL THE TIME.
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SKINNY WOMANS WILL TRAVEL
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FARTHER.
IT'S A BONE-DENSITY THING.
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YOU KNOW, IT'S SCIENCE.
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NOW, YOU JUST RING THAT
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DOORBELL AND REPEAT AFTER ME.
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[ BUZZERS SOUNDS ]
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>> HEY, RUSTY, UM...
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IT'S -- IT'S LATE.
IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG?
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>> Early: Ignore the hell out of
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her.
Drives her crazy, gets them
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loins moist.
>> Rusty: IGNORE THE HELL OUT OF
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HER.
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DRIVES HER CRAZY, GETS HER LOINS
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MOIST.
>> Early: NO, DON'T REPEAT WHAT
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I SAY!
OH, HELL!
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Just get your ass inside!
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TELL HER!
>> Rusty: BUT YOU SAID NOT TO
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REPEAT WHAT I SAY.
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>> Early: Now I'm saying
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different!
DON'T DO WHAT I SAID!
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SAY WHAT I DO!
Go on now!
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Get your ass inside and come
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back out!
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>> RUSTY, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
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>> Rusty: GO YOUR ASS INSIDE,
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THEN COME BACK OUT.
>> Early: Don't you talk to her
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now.
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>> Rusty: WHEN CAN I TALK?
>> O-KAY, I'M GONNA GO BACK
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INSIDE NOW.
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>> Rusty: OKAY, BUT THEN GET
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YOUR ASS BACK OUT HERE!
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>> Early: IT WORKED!
>> Rusty: YEAH!
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>> Early: MAN, YOU GOT HER ON
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HER HEELS!
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NOW, YOU RING THAT BELL AGAIN
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AND CLOSE THE DEAL!
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[ BUZZER SOUNDS ]
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>> WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT,
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RUSTY?!
>> Early: Evening Tammi.
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>> Rusty: EVENING TAMMI.
>> Early: What are you doing on
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this fine-ass night?
>> Rusty: WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON
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THIS FINE-ASS NIGHT?
>> RUSTY...
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>> Early: I know you're
lonely without a man in your
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life.
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>> Rusty: I KNOW YOU'RE LONELY
WITHOUT A MAN IN YOUR LIFE.
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>> Early: But I know somebody
who could put some hard Georgia
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pine in your wood chipper.
>> Rusty: BUT I KNOW SOMEBODY
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WHO COULD PUT SOME HARD GEORGIA
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PINE IN YOUR WOOD CHIPPER.
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>> Early: You know my daddy,
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Early, over there in the bushes?
>> Rusty: YOU KNOW MY DADDY,
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EARLY, OVER THERE IN THE BUSHES?
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>> Early: EVENING, TAMMI!
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Get over there and put your
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tongue in his ear.
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>> Rusty: NOW, GO OVER THERE AND
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PUT YOUR TONGUE IN MY DADDY'S --
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DADDY, WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON
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HERE?
WHERE ARE WE GOING WITH THIS?
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>> Early: LET HER DO IT, SON.
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THE HEART WANTS WHAT IT WANTS.
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>> Y'ALL ARE BOTH PATHETIC!
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>> IS THERE A PROBLEM HERE,
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BABE?
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[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING ]
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>> Rusty: YOU ON A DATE -- WITH
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LITTLE DENNY?!
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>> WHOA, NOW, THAT'S
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DEPUTY LITTLE DENNY TO YOU,
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CUYLER.
>> Rusty: I DON'T WANT THIS
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SAWED-OFF, JELLO-BREATH TWERP
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AROUND MY SON!
>> OH, YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH
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JELLO NOW?
>> Rusty: LET ME HOLD MY
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YOUNG'UN!
>> IT IS LATE, RUSTY.
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NOW, I THINK YOU NEED TO BE
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GOING ON.
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>> Rusty: DAMN STRAIGHT I DO!
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AND I'LL BE TAKING RANDY WITH
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ME!
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>> RUSTY, NO! MY BOY!
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DO SOMETHING, DENNY!
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>> I, UH, OFFICER IN PURSUIT,
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OFFICER IN PURSUIT!
251
00:05:58,758 --> 00:06:01,361
>> MY BABY!
252
00:06:01,427 --> 00:06:02,428
>> Early: YOU GET ON BACK
253
00:06:02,528 --> 00:06:03,763
HERE AND START LICKING ON THIS
254
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:04,931
EAR LIKE YOU PROMISED, YOU DAMN
255
00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:06,666
TEASY BITCH!
256
00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:08,368
>> RUSTY, COME ON OUT NOW, AND
257
00:06:08,434 --> 00:06:08,868
WE WON'T PRESS CHARGES!
258
00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:10,436
[ STATIC ]
259
00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:11,270
>> H.Q., THIS IS OFFICER DENNY
260
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,606
AT MORNING GLORY TRAILER PARK
261
00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:14,107
REQUESTING BACKUP.
262
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:15,408
>> RANDY!
263
00:06:15,508 --> 00:06:16,409
>> Sheriff: 10-4.
264
00:06:16,509 --> 00:06:18,344
Uh, you gonna be on shift, uh,
265
00:06:18,411 --> 00:06:18,911
till breakfast time?
266
00:06:19,011 --> 00:06:20,580
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
267
00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:21,948
Guarding Tammi's bedroom?
268
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:23,516
DID YOU FRENCH THAT THING, OR
269
00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:24,684
DID YOU GRAZE BOOBY?
270
00:06:24,751 --> 00:06:25,585
DAMN IT -- OVER!
[ STATIC ]
271
00:06:26,352 --> 00:06:27,053
>> IT WAS TOO HIGH.
I COULDN'T GET TO IT.
272
00:06:28,020 --> 00:06:29,589
I STARTED MASSAGING HER ANKLE TO
273
00:06:29,689 --> 00:06:30,857
TRY TO, YOU KNOW, GET HER IN THE
274
00:06:30,923 --> 00:06:31,758
MOOD.
>> Sheriff: Uh, I told you,
275
00:06:32,692 --> 00:06:33,926
Denny, it's boobs and butt.
276
00:06:34,026 --> 00:06:35,294
That's what they want touched.
277
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:36,729
They're both filled with milk --
278
00:06:36,796 --> 00:06:37,463
I think.
[ STATIC ]
279
00:06:38,364 --> 00:06:39,298
>> Y'ALL CAN GOSSIP LATER!
280
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:40,733
RUSTY HAS RUN OFF WITH MY BOY,
281
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,068
AND IT'S Y'ALL'S JOB TO GO FIND
282
00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:42,635
HIM!
[ STATIC ]
283
00:06:43,536 --> 00:06:44,604
>> Sheriff: Easy now, Tammi.
284
00:06:44,704 --> 00:06:45,304
I-I know you're upset, but
Rusty's the boy's daddy.
285
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:48,574
I MEAN, IT'S PROBABLY A LOT ON
286
00:06:48,641 --> 00:06:49,976
HIS MIND AND ALL, CATCHING Y'ALL
287
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:50,943
IN THE ACT.
288
00:06:51,043 --> 00:06:53,045
UH, UH, I'M NOT SAYING YOU
289
00:06:53,112 --> 00:06:54,547
TOUCHED BOOBY, BUT --
290
00:06:54,614 --> 00:06:56,082
>> MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS
291
00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:59,118
AND FIND MY BOY!
292
00:06:59,218 --> 00:07:00,153
RANDY!
293
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:01,788
WHERE ARE YOU NOW?! IT'S MAMA!
294
00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:04,090
COME ON!
295
00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:04,957
[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]
296
00:07:05,057 --> 00:07:06,092
>> Rusty: OH, HELL, DO I GOT TO
297
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:07,493
PAY FOR BOTH THE "D" AND THE
298
00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:08,161
"A"?
CAN'T I JUST DO ONE?
299
00:07:09,061 --> 00:07:09,796
>> Early: WHY, THIS LITTLE
YOUNG'ERN AIN'T EVEN GOT NO
300
00:07:10,730 --> 00:07:12,064
SQUID SUCKERS ON HIS HANDS.
301
00:07:12,131 --> 00:07:13,399
I'LL SAVE YOU SOME MONEY.
302
00:07:13,466 --> 00:07:14,801
JUST CHUNK HIM AT THE WALL AND
303
00:07:14,901 --> 00:07:15,635
SEE IF HE STICKS!
>> Rusty: NO, NO, DADDY!
304
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:17,603
STOP IT!
305
00:07:17,670 --> 00:07:19,472
THAT AIN'T NO SCIENTIFIC TEST!
306
00:07:19,572 --> 00:07:21,107
NOW, COME ON, SON, UH, JUST FART
307
00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:22,642
HERE IN THAT SLOT NOW.
308
00:07:22,742 --> 00:07:24,510
THEY'LL TEST IT WITH A COMPUTER.
309
00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:25,411
>> NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME, AND
310
00:07:25,478 --> 00:07:27,814
YOU LISTEN CLOSE, YOU REDHEADED
311
00:07:27,914 --> 00:07:29,015
SON OF A BITCH!
312
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:30,316
I'M COMING, AND I'VE BROUGHT
313
00:07:30,416 --> 00:07:33,486
HELL WITH ME, AND I'M GONNA DUMP
314
00:07:33,586 --> 00:07:35,455
HELL ON YOUR...ASS.
315
00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:36,122
[ Sputters ]
Do some cuss words.
316
00:07:36,923 --> 00:07:37,857
When you see Rusty, it's
317
00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:38,991
important that you use the cuss
318
00:07:39,091 --> 00:07:39,659
words.
[ STATIC ]
319
00:07:40,593 --> 00:07:41,160
>> Sheriff: I GOT YOU, LITTLE
BUDDY.
320
00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:42,595
[ STATIC ]
EARLY, YOU CAN HEAR THAT DENNY'S
321
00:07:43,596 --> 00:07:43,963
DAMN NEAR OUT OF HIS MIND WITH
322
00:07:44,030 --> 00:07:45,665
RAGE.
323
00:07:45,765 --> 00:07:46,499
>> Early: I SAY DUMP THE KID IN
A RIVER, THROW RUSTY IN JAIL,
324
00:07:47,433 --> 00:07:49,001
FIRE THAT RUNT, AND BRING THAT
325
00:07:49,101 --> 00:07:50,036
BITCH HERE TO ME!
326
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:52,438
>> Sheriff: [ CHUCKLES ]
327
00:07:52,505 --> 00:07:54,006
BOY, IF IT WAS ONLY THAT EASY,
328
00:07:54,106 --> 00:07:54,674
EARLY.
>> Early: IT IS.
329
00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:56,776
DO IT.
330
00:07:56,843 --> 00:07:57,310
>> Sheriff: [ SIGHS ]
331
00:07:57,376 --> 00:07:58,544
[ CHUCKLES ]
332
00:07:58,644 --> 00:07:59,879
YOU'RE FUNNY, EARLY.
333
00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:03,015
[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]
334
00:08:03,115 --> 00:08:03,516
SERIOUSLY?
335
00:08:03,616 --> 00:08:04,550
>> BA-BAM!
336
00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:05,718
>> Rusty: SHH, SHH, SHH!
337
00:08:05,818 --> 00:08:06,886
[ CHIRPING CONTINUES ]
338
00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:08,054
>> Sheriff: YOU KNOW, EARLY,
339
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:09,856
WHEREVER RUSTY IS, I KNOW HE
340
00:08:09,956 --> 00:08:11,457
DON'T MEAN NO HARM AND HE ONLY
341
00:08:11,524 --> 00:08:13,059
WANTS THE BEST FOR THE BOY, BUT
342
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:14,660
I HOPE HE KNOWS THAT HE'S NOT
343
00:08:14,727 --> 00:08:15,862
THE PRIMARY CAREGIVER.
344
00:08:15,962 --> 00:08:17,530
>> Early: WELL, WHAT IF HE AIN'T
345
00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:19,031
THE PRIMARY SPERM-GIVER NEITHER?
346
00:08:19,131 --> 00:08:19,899
[ Laughing ] AHA!
347
00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:21,834
LOOKY WHAT THE MAILMAN JUST GIVE
348
00:08:21,901 --> 00:08:22,869
ME!
349
00:08:22,969 --> 00:08:24,036
>> Sheriff: WELL [CLEARS THROAT]
350
00:08:24,136 --> 00:08:24,904
IT AIN'T ALWAYS GENETICS THAT
351
00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:26,873
DETERMINES WHETHER SOMEBODY CAN
352
00:08:26,973 --> 00:08:27,707
BE A GOOD PARENT.
>> Early: HA, YOU PREACHING TO
353
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:29,876
THE CHOIR NOW!
354
00:08:29,976 --> 00:08:31,077
OH, YEAH, THAT'S HOW MY ASS GOT
355
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:32,511
TRICKED AND TRIPPED UP.
356
00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:33,579
>> Granny: SAME HERE!
357
00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:34,847
JUST 'CAUSE THIS ONE COME
358
00:08:34,914 --> 00:08:35,715
FALLING OUT OF MY INNARDS, NOW I
359
00:08:35,815 --> 00:08:37,917
GOT TO DO ALL THAT OTHER STUFF?!
360
00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:38,751
>> Early: HELL, I DON'T EVEN
361
00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:41,153
KNOW WHY HE'S UP IN THIS BOAT!
362
00:08:41,220 --> 00:08:42,555
>> Sheriff: [ CLEARS THROAT ]
363
00:08:42,655 --> 00:08:43,756
WELL, IF YOU JUST HAPPEN TO
364
00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:44,557
SEE RUSTY --
>> Granny: YEAH, HE'S IN THE
365
00:08:45,324 --> 00:08:46,058
BOAT!
>> Sheriff: THANK YOU, THANK
366
00:08:46,659 --> 00:08:47,560
YOU, GRANNY.
367
00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:48,427
DAMN IT.
368
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:49,829
TELL RUSTY, IF YOU SEE HIM, THAT
369
00:08:49,896 --> 00:08:51,063
WE'LL GO EASY ON HIM IF HE
370
00:08:51,163 --> 00:08:52,098
BRINGS THE BOY IN.
371
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:53,099
>> [ COOS ]
372
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:54,600
>> Sheriff: BUT HE AIN'T GONNA
373
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,068
LIKE IT MUCH IF DENNY CALLS IN
374
00:08:56,168 --> 00:08:57,036
THE S.W.A.T. TEAM.
375
00:08:57,103 --> 00:08:58,237
>> Rusty: THIS MY BOY!
376
00:08:58,337 --> 00:08:59,071
Y'ALL GO TO HELL!
377
00:08:59,171 --> 00:09:00,606
>> Early: OH, THE SUN WENT OUT!
378
00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:02,742
>> Sheriff: OFFICER DOWN! HELP!
379
00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:03,943
>> Rusty: [ GRUNTING ]
380
00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:05,077
>> [ COOING ]
381
00:09:05,177 --> 00:09:06,579
>> Sheriff: RUSTY, DON'T DO
382
00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:07,547
NOTHING RASH NOW!
JUST RELAX!
383
00:09:08,514 --> 00:09:08,915
>> Rusty: Y'ALL CAN'T DO NOTHING
384
00:09:09,015 --> 00:09:10,683
TO ME NOW!
385
00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:12,018
THIS IS INTERNATIONAL WATERS!
386
00:09:12,084 --> 00:09:13,519
>> Sheriff: UH, YEP. [ SIGHS ]
387
00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:14,854
HE'S MORE THAN 4 FEET OFF THE
388
00:09:14,921 --> 00:09:16,088
SHORE.
389
00:09:16,188 --> 00:09:17,590
ALSO, I-I CAN'T SWIM, SO...
390
00:09:17,690 --> 00:09:19,091
>> Early: WELL, ONCE I READ
391
00:09:19,191 --> 00:09:20,726
THESE HERE DNA RESULTS, RUSTY
392
00:09:20,793 --> 00:09:22,228
AIN'T GONNA HAVE TO PAY ANOTHER
393
00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:23,796
DIME FOR NO CHALKY BABY!
394
00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:24,630
>> Rusty: HEY, LISTEN, Y'ALL.
395
00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:26,732
I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT THAT
396
00:09:26,799 --> 00:09:27,600
DNA TEST SAYS!
AIN'T NO PIECE OF PAPER GONNA
397
00:09:28,534 --> 00:09:30,903
CONVINCE ME NOT TO LOVE THIS
398
00:09:30,970 --> 00:09:32,071
BOY, EVEN IF HE IS A TWO-FOOTED
399
00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:32,772
FREAK!
I LOVE RANDY!
400
00:09:33,706 --> 00:09:34,540
I LOVE HIM, AND I'M AS MUCH A
DADDY AS HE EVER HAD!
401
00:09:35,374 --> 00:09:36,042
>> Sheriff: RUSTY?
402
00:09:36,108 --> 00:09:37,143
>> Rusty: AND WE GONNA BE
403
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:37,944
TOGETHER FOREVER!
404
00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:39,145
>> Sheriff: RUSTY, THE BABY!
405
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:40,046
[ WATER SPLASHES ]
>> RANDY!
406
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:42,915
>> Rusty: OH, MY GOD, RANDY!
407
00:09:42,982 --> 00:09:44,650
>> Early: PROBLEM SOLVED!
408
00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:47,320
[ LAUGHS ]
409
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:53,726
>> Rusty: RANDY, RANDY!
410
00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:54,760
WHOO-HOO!
411
00:09:54,827 --> 00:09:56,963
OH, DAMN IT!
412
00:09:57,063 --> 00:09:58,130
OH, MY GOD, RANDY'S A HALF
413
00:09:58,230 --> 00:09:58,965
SQUID!
CHECK IT OUT, Y'ALL!
414
00:09:59,966 --> 00:10:00,566
LOOK AT HIM!
HE IS MY BOY!
415
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:02,501
>> I TOLD YOU HE WAS YOURS!
416
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:03,736
IF YOU EVER CHANGED A DAMN
417
00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:05,071
DIAPER, YOU WOULD KNOW 'CAUSE
418
00:10:05,137 --> 00:10:06,138
YOU WOULD SEE IT'S LIKE A
419
00:10:06,238 --> 00:10:07,573
THOUSAND FOUNTAIN PENS EXPLODED
420
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:08,507
IN HIS LITTLE CROTCH!
>> Rusty: I AIN'T GONNA TOUCH NO
421
00:10:09,141 --> 00:10:10,643
DAMN DIAPER!
422
00:10:10,743 --> 00:10:11,444
I'M A MAN!
>> YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED HIS
423
00:10:12,411 --> 00:10:12,812
DIAPER THE WHOLE TIME YOU'VE HAD
424
00:10:12,912 --> 00:10:14,480
HIM?!
425
00:10:14,580 --> 00:10:15,181
>> Rusty: I LOOK LIKE I'M
WEARIN' A LADY DRESS?!
426
00:10:16,148 --> 00:10:17,516
>> Early: HEY, IF YOU WAS MY
427
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:18,784
GIRL, WE WOULDN'T BE HAVING
428
00:10:18,851 --> 00:10:20,019
THESE FIGHTS 'CAUSE YOU'D BE
429
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:21,020
DOIN' AS YOU WAS TOLD!
430
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:22,188
>> TELL YOUR DADDY TO SHUT UP!
431
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:23,189
>> Rusty: OH, I SEE!
432
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:24,156
YOU'RE ON THE RAG!
433
00:10:24,256 --> 00:10:25,257
>> WHAT THE HELL?!
434
00:10:25,324 --> 00:10:26,792
>> Rusty: TALK TO ME ON TUESDAY
435
00:10:26,859 --> 00:10:27,627
WHEN IT'S OVER.
436
00:10:27,693 --> 00:10:28,828
>> Early: NOW, COME ON ASHORE
437
00:10:28,928 --> 00:10:30,162
AND SUCK ON MY TOES BEFORE I GET
438
00:10:30,262 --> 00:10:30,997
PISSED!
>> DREAM ON, CUYLER.
439
00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:32,632
THE ONLY TOES SHE'S SUCKIN'
440
00:10:32,698 --> 00:10:35,167
TONIGHT ARE THE THREE...
441
00:10:35,267 --> 00:10:37,203
WEIRD-SHAPED ONES ON THIS FOOT.
442
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:38,204
AGH! AGH! AGH!
443
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:38,771
>> Early: I STALKED HER FIRST!
SHE'S MINE!
444
00:10:39,705 --> 00:10:40,506
>> AGH! DON'T!
>> Early: SHE JUST DON'T KNOW IT
445
00:10:41,173 --> 00:10:41,974
YET!
>> YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!
446
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:43,342
>> Sheriff: SEE?
THINGS JUST HAVE A WAY OF
447
00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:44,844
WORKING OUT.
448
00:10:44,944 --> 00:10:45,611
>> WHEN I SAY "UNDER ARREST,"
YOU'VE GOT TO DO IT!
449
00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:47,179
OW, STOP PUNCHING ME!
>> Sheriff: YOU TAKE IT FROM ME
450
00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:50,016
HERE, DENNY.
451
00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:15,174
>> OOH, THIS WAS MADE IN
452
00:11:15,241 --> 00:11:17,243
GEORGIA, BABY!
69341
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