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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,301 --> 00:00:03,570 [ STATIC ] 2 00:00:03,670 --> 00:00:05,171 [ COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS ] 3 00:00:05,238 --> 00:00:07,407 >> ♪ MY DREAMS ARE ALL DEAD AND 4 00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:10,076 BURIED ♪ 5 00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:13,413 ♪ SOMETIMES I WISH THE SUN WOULD 6 00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:16,549 JUST EXPLODE ♪ 7 00:00:16,649 --> 00:00:20,653 ♪ WHEN GOD COMES AND CALLS ME TO 8 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:23,056 HIS KINGDOM ♪ 9 00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:25,492 ♪ I'LL BURN ALL YOU SONS OF 10 00:00:25,558 --> 00:00:27,527 BITCHES ON THE STOVE ♪ 11 00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:29,329 >> Rusty: MY TURN. 12 00:00:29,396 --> 00:00:30,163 >> Early: HELL NO. >> Rusty: MAN, LET ME DRIVE THAT 13 00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:32,065 THING! 14 00:00:32,165 --> 00:00:33,867 >> Early: DO NOT TOUCH THE TRIM! 15 00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:37,170 >> Rusty: A-TOWN, BABY! 16 00:00:37,237 --> 00:00:38,038 ATLANTA! WHOA! HEY, MAN, CAN WE TAKE THAT CNN 17 00:00:38,938 --> 00:00:41,508 TOUR, SEE THEM JEWS AND THEIR 18 00:00:41,574 --> 00:00:43,376 LIBERAL MEDIA SPIN MACHINE WHILE 19 00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:44,244 THEY MAKE UP THEM LIES? 20 00:00:44,344 --> 00:00:45,545 >> Early: MAYBE NEXT TIME, SON. 21 00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:48,214 WE IN HOTLANTA TODAY FOR ONE 22 00:00:48,281 --> 00:00:49,949 REASON AND ONE REASON ONLY -- 23 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,351 THE PRIDE PARADE, BABY! 24 00:00:51,418 --> 00:00:53,053 >> Granny: THE CELEBRATION OF 25 00:00:53,119 --> 00:00:54,387 THE LIFE AND MUSIC OF 26 00:00:54,454 --> 00:00:55,522 COUNTRY WESTERN LEGEND 27 00:00:55,588 --> 00:00:56,623 CHARLEY PRIDE! 28 00:00:56,723 --> 00:01:00,260 >> Early: YEAH! WHOO! 29 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:01,361 HELL, THEY THROWING OUT FREE 30 00:01:01,428 --> 00:01:02,228 CANDY. >> Granny: YAY! CANDY! 31 00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:04,364 >> Rusty: THROW ME SOME CANDY. 32 00:01:04,431 --> 00:01:05,231 THIS GUM IS CHEWY. 33 00:01:05,298 --> 00:01:06,533 >> Granny: [ Slurring ] SOME 34 00:01:06,599 --> 00:01:07,534 KIND OF LUBRICATION ON HERE. 35 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:10,703 THIS IS NUMBING MY TONGUE. 36 00:01:10,770 --> 00:01:15,241 >> Early: [ GASPS ] 37 00:01:15,308 --> 00:01:15,809 NO. 38 00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,544 >> [ BLOWING ] 39 00:01:17,610 --> 00:01:18,211 >> Early: NO. 40 00:01:18,278 --> 00:01:20,146 >> MM! 41 00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:22,048 >> Early: NO! 42 00:01:22,115 --> 00:01:23,283 NO! 43 00:01:23,383 --> 00:01:25,051 NO! 44 00:01:25,118 --> 00:01:26,086 THIS IS NOT HOW CHARLEY PRIDE 45 00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:27,253 WANTS HIS LIFE'S WORK 46 00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:28,054 CELEBRATED! 47 00:01:28,121 --> 00:01:29,389 >> Granny: OH, EARLY, YOU'VE 48 00:01:29,456 --> 00:01:30,223 BEEN HIT BY THEIR FLOWERS! 49 00:01:30,290 --> 00:01:32,292 THAT MEANS YOU'RE THE NEXT TO 50 00:01:32,392 --> 00:01:33,226 BE GAY-MARRIED. >> Early: OH, NO! 51 00:01:34,227 --> 00:01:35,328 >> Rusty: CONGRATULATIONS, 52 00:01:35,428 --> 00:01:36,229 DADDY. 53 00:01:36,296 --> 00:01:37,263 I DIDN'T KNOW YOU'S GAY. 54 00:01:37,330 --> 00:01:38,631 >> Early: WELL, ME NEITHER, BUT 55 00:01:38,731 --> 00:01:39,732 I DON'T WANT TO BE. 56 00:01:39,799 --> 00:01:40,567 I WON'T DO IT. 57 00:01:40,633 --> 00:01:41,634 IT AIN'T RIGHT. 58 00:01:41,734 --> 00:01:43,303 I AIN'T GOING TO HELL FOR MARRY 59 00:01:43,403 --> 00:01:44,070 NO DAMN MAN. 60 00:01:44,137 --> 00:01:45,305 DON'T YOU DANCE WITH ME. 61 00:01:45,405 --> 00:01:47,440 I AIN'T GAY NO MORE. 62 00:01:47,507 --> 00:01:48,641 {\an8}>> BUT A GAY TIME WAS NOT HAD BY 63 00:01:48,741 --> 00:01:50,743 {\an8}ALL, AS ONE PROTESTER HAD SOME 64 00:01:50,810 --> 00:01:52,846 {\an8}POINTEDLY UNCIVIL THINGS TO SAY 65 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,582 {\an8}ABOUT THE GAY MARRIAGE MOVEMENT. 66 00:01:55,648 --> 00:01:57,183 {\an8}>> Early: I MEAN, WHAT'S NEXT? 67 00:01:57,283 --> 00:01:58,651 {\an8}SOMEBODY JUST GONNA HAUL OFF AND 68 00:01:58,751 --> 00:02:00,153 {\an8}MARRY A DAMN PAINT CAN. 69 00:02:00,253 --> 00:02:01,020 {\an8}>> Granny: MARRIAGE IS OUR WORD! 70 00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,590 {\an8}LET THEM MAKE THEIR OWN WORD UP, 71 00:02:03,656 --> 00:02:06,092 {\an8}LIKE "CLEGEBUS" OR "FLARM"! 72 00:02:06,159 --> 00:02:06,759 {\an8}>> Early: THAT'S RIGHT, FLARM! >> Granny: CLEGEBUS! 73 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:09,462 {\an8}>> Early: AMEN. 74 00:02:09,529 --> 00:02:11,097 {\an8}>> Granny: YOU CAN'T FORCE ME TO 75 00:02:11,164 --> 00:02:11,865 {\an8}MARRY A WOMAN! 76 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,199 {\an8}>> Early: YEAH, WHAT'S NEXT? 77 00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:14,434 {\an8}THEY GONNA MAKE ME MARRY ME A 78 00:02:14,501 --> 00:02:15,435 {\an8}PAINT CAN? 79 00:02:15,502 --> 00:02:16,603 {\an8}>> Granny: I MIGHT BE IN TO 80 00:02:16,669 --> 00:02:18,037 {\an8}SCISSORING WITH HER, IF THAT'S 81 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,606 {\an8}ALL SHE WANTS, 'CAUSE IT'S FUN, 82 00:02:19,672 --> 00:02:21,107 {\an8}AND THERE AIN'T NO PRESSURES AS 83 00:02:21,174 --> 00:02:22,609 {\an8}LONG AS EVERYONE'S ON THE SAME 84 00:02:22,675 --> 00:02:23,376 {\an8}PAGE GOIN' INTO THE THING. 85 00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:25,278 {\an8}>> Early: AND I WOULD ENJOY 86 00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:26,146 {\an8}WATCHING THAT. 87 00:02:26,212 --> 00:02:27,480 {\an8}BUT I AIN'T JUST GONNA SIT DOWN 88 00:02:27,547 --> 00:02:29,048 {\an8}AND ALLOW A MAN TO MARRY A MAN. 89 00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:29,849 {\an8}[ STAMMERS ] 90 00:02:29,949 --> 00:02:31,151 {\an8}I AIN'T GAY-MARRYING NO DAMN 91 00:02:31,217 --> 00:02:32,352 {\an8}BODY UP IN CONNECTICGUT. 92 00:02:32,452 --> 00:02:34,454 {\an8}I LIVE HERE, DAMN IT! 93 00:02:34,521 --> 00:02:35,355 {\an8}>> REPORTING FROM GAY PRIDE ATLANTA, I'M 94 00:02:36,022 --> 00:02:38,291 {\an8}DOUG RICHARDS. 95 00:02:38,358 --> 00:02:42,495 >> Early: [ GRUNTING ] 96 00:02:42,562 --> 00:02:45,865 [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] 97 00:02:45,965 --> 00:02:48,368 I AIN'T MOVING TO CONNECTICUT! 98 00:02:48,468 --> 00:02:49,202 I LIVED HERE! 99 00:02:49,302 --> 00:02:50,470 >> Rusty: WELL, IT AIN'T LIKE 100 00:02:50,537 --> 00:02:51,504 IT'S MANDATORY, DADDY. 101 00:02:51,571 --> 00:02:53,039 >> Early: THIS COUNTRY WAS BUILT 102 00:02:53,139 --> 00:02:54,541 ON FREEDOM -- FREEDOM TO NOT LET 103 00:02:54,641 --> 00:02:56,142 THEM DO WHAT WE DO NOT WANT THEM 104 00:02:56,209 --> 00:02:57,010 TO DO! >> Granny: I MEAN, WHAT'S NEXT? 105 00:02:57,877 --> 00:02:59,312 >> Early: YEAH, WHAT'S NEXT? 106 00:02:59,379 --> 00:03:00,480 LIKE I'M GONNA MARRY A DAMN 107 00:03:00,547 --> 00:03:01,314 PAINT CAN. IS THAT IT? 108 00:03:02,048 --> 00:03:02,815 >> Granny: ARE YOU? I MEAN, YOU'RE TALKING A BIG 109 00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:04,984 GAME UP THERE ON THE TV. 110 00:03:05,051 --> 00:03:06,653 >> Early: GRANNY, I AIN'T GONNA 111 00:03:06,719 --> 00:03:08,688 MARRY NO DAMN PAINT CAN. 112 00:03:08,755 --> 00:03:09,722 THAT'S RIDICULOUS. 113 00:03:09,822 --> 00:03:11,357 I AM A CONFIRMED BACHELOR. 114 00:03:11,424 --> 00:03:13,026 HELL, I AIN'T GONNA BE HELD DOWN 115 00:03:13,092 --> 00:03:14,527 BY NO SUMBITCHIN' PAINT CAN. 116 00:03:14,594 --> 00:03:16,095 >> Granny: AH, THERE HE GOES, 117 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,497 BACKING DOWN AGAIN, YEAH? 118 00:03:17,564 --> 00:03:18,331 >> Early: WHAT? YOU SAYING I AIN'T MATURE ENOUGH 119 00:03:19,265 --> 00:03:21,568 TO SETTLE DOWN WITH A PAINT CAN, 120 00:03:21,668 --> 00:03:22,502 HUH? 121 00:03:22,569 --> 00:03:23,503 >> Granny: YOU AIN'T NEVER 122 00:03:23,570 --> 00:03:25,238 FOLLOWED THROUGH ON NOTHING YOUR 123 00:03:25,338 --> 00:03:26,072 WHOLE LIFE. 124 00:03:26,172 --> 00:03:27,440 >> Early: OH, I'LL MARRY ME A 125 00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:29,175 DAMN PAINT CAN IF THAT'S WHAT IT 126 00:03:29,242 --> 00:03:30,543 TAKES TO SHUT YOUR ASS UP! 127 00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:31,344 >> Granny: OH, NO, NO. 128 00:03:31,411 --> 00:03:33,112 DON'T DO IT 'CAUSE OF ME. 129 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:34,514 I'LL JUST GO ON TELLIN' ME 130 00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:36,516 FRIENDS THAT YOU'RE A-A LATE 131 00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:38,084 BLOOMER. 132 00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:39,619 >> Early: RUSTY, FETCH THE DAMN 133 00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:40,687 PREACHER MAN! 134 00:03:40,753 --> 00:03:42,355 I'M MARRYING A DAMN PAINT CAN 135 00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:42,889 TODAY! YOU HEAR ME?! 136 00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:45,358 DOES THAT SATISFY YOU, BITCH?! 137 00:03:45,425 --> 00:03:46,226 [ DOOR SLAMS ] 138 00:03:46,292 --> 00:03:47,860 NOW WHO WINS?! 139 00:03:47,927 --> 00:03:48,728 >> UGH. 140 00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:49,762 DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO DEFACE THE 141 00:03:49,862 --> 00:03:50,630 CHAPEL WALL? 142 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,131 >> Rusty: WHICH ONE YOU WANT TO 143 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:52,932 MARRY, DADDY? 144 00:03:53,032 --> 00:03:54,200 >> Early: UH, THAT ONE THERE 145 00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:54,801 WILL DO. PUT A DRESS ON IT. 146 00:03:55,868 --> 00:03:56,736 >> COULDN'T Y'ALL HAVE USED THE 147 00:03:56,803 --> 00:03:57,770 SWATCHES? 148 00:03:57,870 --> 00:03:58,605 >> Sheriff: EARLY, I DON'T THINK 149 00:03:58,705 --> 00:04:00,373 YOU CAN LEGALLY MARRY A PAINT 150 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:01,207 CAN IN THIS STATE. 151 00:04:01,274 --> 00:04:02,542 >> Early: I GOT THE RIGHT TO 152 00:04:02,609 --> 00:04:03,743 MARRY ANYBODY I WANT TO, TO 153 00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:05,211 PROVE THAT NOBODY IS SUPPOSED TO 154 00:04:05,278 --> 00:04:07,146 BE MARRYING ANYBODY THEY WANT. 155 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:07,914 >> Sheriff: AW, YOU GET ALL 156 00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:10,483 CONSTITUTIONAL WITH ME. 157 00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:11,150 I-I CAN'T KEEP UP. 158 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,219 YOU GOT MY BLESSING. 159 00:04:13,286 --> 00:04:13,953 GO AHEAD. >> Early: ALL RIGHT, THEN, 160 00:04:14,721 --> 00:04:16,389 REVEREND. 161 00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:17,457 LET'S GET IT ON! 162 00:04:17,557 --> 00:04:19,492 >> WE'RE GATHERED HERE TODAY TO 163 00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:21,261 UNITE IN HOLY MATRIMONY THIS 164 00:04:21,327 --> 00:04:23,296 SQUID AND THIS GALLON OF, UH -- 165 00:04:23,396 --> 00:04:24,063 >> Early: EXTRA-ACRYLIC 166 00:04:24,130 --> 00:04:26,566 HIGH-GLOSS LATEX PAINT AND 167 00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:27,567 PRIMER IN ONE WITH A SEMIGLOSS 168 00:04:27,634 --> 00:04:29,235 FINISH. 169 00:04:29,302 --> 00:04:30,003 I DO! 170 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,404 [ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING ] 171 00:04:31,471 --> 00:04:33,773 STRAIGHT MARRIAGE ONLY, BABY! 172 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:34,607 {\an8}>> AND WITH THAT, THE "WHAT'S 173 00:04:34,674 --> 00:04:36,276 {\an8}NEXT, YOU GONNA MARRY A PAINT 174 00:04:36,342 --> 00:04:37,677 {\an8}CAN?" GUY DROVE OFF WITH HIS NEW 175 00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:38,678 {\an8}WIFE AND ALL HER BRIDESMAIDS 176 00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:39,345 {\an8}TIED TO THE BUMPER. 177 00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:40,680 {\an8}[ TIRES SCREECHING ] 178 00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:41,748 {\an8}REPORTING FROM DOUGAL COUNTY, 179 00:04:41,814 --> 00:04:43,750 {\an8}I'M DOUG RICHARDS. 180 00:04:43,816 --> 00:04:45,118 >> Early: [ LAUGHS ] 181 00:04:45,184 --> 00:04:45,752 I GOT THEIR DAMN THONGS IN A 182 00:04:45,818 --> 00:04:47,854 TWIST NOW, BABY! 183 00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:49,822 >> Granny: YEAH, I GUESS. 184 00:04:49,922 --> 00:04:50,690 BUT WHAT'S NEXT? 185 00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:51,758 >> Early: I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT THE 186 00:04:51,824 --> 00:04:53,459 HELL'S NEXT! 187 00:04:53,526 --> 00:04:54,127 >> Early: WHAT'S NEXT, 188 00:04:54,193 --> 00:04:55,762 GAY-MARRIAGE LOVERS? 189 00:04:55,828 --> 00:04:57,430 Y'ALL GONNA MAKE IT LEGAL FOR ME 190 00:04:57,497 --> 00:04:58,631 TO MARRY THIS HERE VACUUM 191 00:04:58,698 --> 00:04:59,432 CLEANER? 192 00:04:59,499 --> 00:05:00,433 'CAUSE I'LL DO IT. 193 00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:01,934 >> DIDN'T I JUST MARRY YOU TO A 194 00:05:02,001 --> 00:05:02,702 PAINT CAN? 195 00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:04,304 >> Early: I'M MARRYING ME AN 196 00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:05,605 OBJECT A WEEK UNTIL THEM 197 00:05:05,672 --> 00:05:06,939 GAY-MARRIAGE PEOPLE SHUT THE 198 00:05:07,006 --> 00:05:07,774 HELL UP. 199 00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:09,876 >> Dan Halen: MY FUNDAMENTALIST 200 00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:11,377 FAST-FOOD CHAIN, 201 00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:13,179 CHICKEN ON THE CROSS, IS 202 00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:14,047 PREPARED TO THROW ITS FULL 203 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:17,350 FINANCIAL SUPPORT BEHIND YOU AND 204 00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:18,484 YOUR MANY INANE WEDDINGS. 205 00:05:18,551 --> 00:05:19,719 >> Early: I APPRECIATE YOU, 206 00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:21,220 'CAUSE, I MEAN, WHAT THE HELL'S 207 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,121 NEXT, YOU KNOW? 208 00:05:22,188 --> 00:05:23,389 WHAT IF SOMEBODY JUST HAULS OFF 209 00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:24,390 AND MARRIES A DAMN -- 210 00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:24,891 >> Dan Halen: A PAINT CAN. 211 00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,459 YES, YES. 212 00:05:26,526 --> 00:05:27,493 I SAW THAT YOU DID THAT, YES. 213 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:28,194 >> Early: AND THIS HERE IS MY NEW WIFE, SPACE ROBOT. 214 00:05:29,128 --> 00:05:30,863 BO-BO-BE-BOP-BOP-BO-BO-BO-BO. 215 00:05:30,963 --> 00:05:31,964 WHAT'S THAT, HONEY? 216 00:05:32,031 --> 00:05:34,400 OH! SHE SAYS, "HEY, NO GAYS 217 00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:35,301 ARE MARRYING NO DAMN BODY HERE." 218 00:05:35,368 --> 00:05:37,637 >> Dan Halen: LISTEN TO ME, YOU 219 00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:38,638 FOOL! 220 00:05:38,705 --> 00:05:39,372 IF YOU WANT THIS THING TO HAVE 221 00:05:39,472 --> 00:05:41,174 LEGS, I NEED YOU TO MARRY 222 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:41,974 SOMETHING MORE INSANE, SOMETHING 223 00:05:42,041 --> 00:05:43,810 THAT WILL GET ON TV! 224 00:05:43,876 --> 00:05:45,478 >> Early: OH, I HEAR YOU. 225 00:05:45,545 --> 00:05:46,746 SO YOU WANT ME TO MARRY THIS 226 00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:49,315 HERE HOT DOG. 227 00:05:49,382 --> 00:05:51,718 >> Dan Halen: YOU'RE GOING TO 228 00:05:51,818 --> 00:05:53,686 MARRY A WILD BLACK BEAR OF 229 00:05:53,753 --> 00:05:54,854 APPALACHIA! 230 00:05:54,921 --> 00:05:56,022 PICTURE IT, A MASSIVE STRAIGHT 231 00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:58,858 PRIDE PARADE THROUGH DOWNTOWN 232 00:05:58,925 --> 00:06:00,159 DOUGAL COUNTY, WHERE YOU'LL 233 00:06:00,226 --> 00:06:03,262 EXCHANGE VOWS WITH A BEAST OF 234 00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:04,197 THE FOREST! 235 00:06:04,263 --> 00:06:06,499 SURE, WE'LL LOSE SOME CUSTOMERS, 236 00:06:06,566 --> 00:06:08,768 BUT WE'LL DOUBLE OUR SALES WITH 237 00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:10,837 THE ROTUND JESUS FREAKS, WHO 238 00:06:10,903 --> 00:06:12,905 WILL ALL UNITE IN A BRAINLESS 239 00:06:13,005 --> 00:06:15,208 EFFORT TO SUPPORT US, LEAVING US 240 00:06:15,274 --> 00:06:18,444 WITH A NET GAIN OF SLIGHTLY 241 00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:21,681 MORE! 242 00:06:21,748 --> 00:06:23,015 >> Granny: YOU DAMN GAY FOLKS! 243 00:06:23,082 --> 00:06:26,018 YOU'VE STOLE ALL OUR STRAIGHT 244 00:06:26,085 --> 00:06:26,786 COLORS! 245 00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,521 WELL, THAT'S FINE. 246 00:06:28,588 --> 00:06:29,922 ALL I NEED IS BLACK AND WHITE -- 247 00:06:30,022 --> 00:06:32,925 EXACTLY HOW I VIEW THE WORLD! 248 00:06:33,025 --> 00:06:35,528 >> IT'S ADAM AND EVE, NOT 249 00:06:35,595 --> 00:06:38,398 M-MADAM AND STEVE! 250 00:06:38,464 --> 00:06:39,932 >> ACTUALLY, MADAM AND STEVE 251 00:06:40,032 --> 00:06:41,401 WOULD BE JUST FINE. 252 00:06:41,467 --> 00:06:43,403 >> Granny: YEAH, MADAM AND STEVE 253 00:06:43,469 --> 00:06:44,604 IS TOTALLY HETERO. 254 00:06:44,704 --> 00:06:45,538 >> WELL, WHAT ABOUT RODNEY AND 255 00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:47,240 STEVE? 256 00:06:47,306 --> 00:06:48,608 >> WHERE YOU GETTING RODNEY 257 00:06:48,708 --> 00:06:49,575 FROM? 258 00:06:49,642 --> 00:06:50,977 >> I PUT MY HAND DOWN RODNEY'S 259 00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:51,744 PANTS. 260 00:06:51,811 --> 00:06:53,379 HE GOT ALL WEIRD ABOUT IT. 261 00:06:53,446 --> 00:06:54,714 >> Granny: RODNEY'S GAY, 262 00:06:54,781 --> 00:06:55,648 EVERYONE. 263 00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:57,049 >> Sheriff: RODNEY'S GAY? 264 00:06:57,116 --> 00:06:58,751 WAIT. WHO'S RODNEY? 265 00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:00,219 >> SOME DUDE. 266 00:07:00,286 --> 00:07:02,622 IT'S PRETTY HAIRY UP HERE FOR A 267 00:07:02,722 --> 00:07:04,557 BANG BUS. 268 00:07:04,624 --> 00:07:07,059 [ BEAR GROWLING ] 269 00:07:07,126 --> 00:07:09,462 >> Early: IS THIS HERE, MY 270 00:07:09,562 --> 00:07:10,730 FUTURE, UH, BEAR WIFE? 271 00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:11,664 >> Dan Halen: NO. THIS IS THE BEAR'S FATHER. 272 00:07:12,632 --> 00:07:14,634 YOU MUST REQUEST HIS DAUGHTER'S 273 00:07:14,734 --> 00:07:16,002 PAW IN MARRIAGE, BECAUSE WE'RE 274 00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:16,803 PROMOTING TRADITIONAL FAMILY 275 00:07:16,903 --> 00:07:18,504 VALUES HERE. 276 00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:19,172 LOWER THE BEAR SHIELD! 277 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,940 >> Early: WHAT NOW? 278 00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:21,808 [ BEAR ROARS ] 279 00:07:21,908 --> 00:07:23,075 >> Dan Halen: NOW ASK THE URSINE 280 00:07:23,142 --> 00:07:25,645 BEAST FOR ITS CUB'S HAND! 281 00:07:25,745 --> 00:07:26,579 [ BEAR ROARS ] >> Early: [ CLEARS THROAT ] 282 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,916 SIR, I RECKON YOUR DAUGHTER'S A 283 00:07:29,982 --> 00:07:31,083 VERY SPECIAL LADY. 284 00:07:31,150 --> 00:07:31,951 [ SCREAMS ] 285 00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:33,653 [ BEAR ROARS ] 286 00:07:33,753 --> 00:07:34,153 >> Dan Halen: YOU HAVE HIS 287 00:07:34,253 --> 00:07:35,488 BLESSING! 288 00:07:35,588 --> 00:07:36,456 >> Rusty: HEY, DADDY, YOU ALL 289 00:07:36,522 --> 00:07:37,590 RIGHT?! 290 00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:38,424 >> Early: SATAN? 291 00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:39,592 >> Rusty: NO, DADDY, IT'S JUST 292 00:07:39,659 --> 00:07:40,626 RUSTY. 293 00:07:40,693 --> 00:07:41,694 >> Early: I THINK I GOT ME SOME 294 00:07:41,794 --> 00:07:43,463 COLD FEET ABOUT THIS HERE 295 00:07:43,529 --> 00:07:44,163 MARRIAGE. >> Rusty: LOOK, DADDY. 296 00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:46,766 IT'S PERFECTLY NATURAL TO -- TO 297 00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:48,434 HAVE SOME JITTERS ABOUT MARRYING 298 00:07:48,501 --> 00:07:49,001 A WILD BEAR. [ BEAR ROARS ] 299 00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:52,004 BUT IT'S WAY TOO LATE TO RUN. 300 00:07:52,104 --> 00:07:53,706 HELL, EVEN IF HE DID, BEARS CAN 301 00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:56,509 RUN UP TO 40 MILES AN HOUR. 302 00:07:56,609 --> 00:07:58,711 [ BEAR ROARS ] 303 00:07:58,811 --> 00:07:59,879 >> Early: ALL RIGHT, THEN. 304 00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:00,646 HELL, LET'S DO IT. 305 00:08:00,713 --> 00:08:02,615 [ WAGNER'S "BRIDAL CHORUS" 306 00:08:02,682 --> 00:08:06,719 PLAYS ] 307 00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:11,624 [ BEAR GROWLS ] 308 00:08:11,691 --> 00:08:12,325 >> Early: I-I TOLD HIM A PRIME RIB CARVING STATION AND 309 00:08:13,192 --> 00:08:14,961 CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN! 310 00:08:15,027 --> 00:08:16,462 >> Rusty: IT'S ALL THERE, DADDY. 311 00:08:16,529 --> 00:08:17,730 THEY JUST HAD TO HANG IT FROM 312 00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:18,965 THE TREES, YOU KNOW, ON ACCOUNT 313 00:08:19,031 --> 00:08:19,532 OF YOUR BRIDE. 314 00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:22,568 [ BEAR ROARS ] 315 00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:23,970 YOU LOOK SO HANDSOME, DADDY. 316 00:08:24,036 --> 00:08:25,037 NOW BALL UP FACEDOWN ON THE 317 00:08:25,137 --> 00:08:25,872 GROUND AND PROTECT THE BACK OF 318 00:08:25,972 --> 00:08:29,041 YOUR HEAD. 319 00:08:29,141 --> 00:08:31,811 >> DO YOU, EARLY CUYLER, TAKE 320 00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:34,347 THIS APPALACHIAN BLACK BEAR TO 321 00:08:34,413 --> 00:08:35,848 BE YOUR WEDDED WIFE TO PROVE 322 00:08:35,915 --> 00:08:38,518 YOUR POINT? 323 00:08:38,584 --> 00:08:39,986 >> Early: YOU KNOW, I'M STARTING 324 00:08:40,052 --> 00:08:40,820 TO THINK THAT, UH, THEM GAY 325 00:08:40,887 --> 00:08:43,055 FOLKS OUGHTA BE ABLE TO MARRY 326 00:08:43,155 --> 00:08:44,490 ABOUT ANYTHING THEY WANT. 327 00:08:44,557 --> 00:08:45,758 >> Dan Halen: EMOTIONALLY COMMIT 328 00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:46,826 TO THE BEAR! 329 00:08:46,893 --> 00:08:47,894 BIND YOURSELF IN MATRIMONY...TO 330 00:08:47,994 --> 00:08:49,929 THE BEAR! 331 00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:50,997 >> Early: I DO. 332 00:08:51,063 --> 00:08:52,365 >> Dan Halen: YOU'RE GODDAMN 333 00:08:52,431 --> 00:08:53,766 RIGHT YOU D-- HE DOES, EVERYONE. 334 00:08:53,866 --> 00:08:54,767 HE DOES. 335 00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:56,035 >> YOU MAY NOW KISS THE BEAR. 336 00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:59,672 [ BEAR GROWLS ] 337 00:08:59,739 --> 00:09:00,506 >> Early: NAH, I'M GOOD, HALS. 338 00:09:00,573 --> 00:09:02,742 >> Dan Halen: PUT THE RING ON 339 00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:04,176 HER AND KISS HER DEEP FOR THE 340 00:09:04,243 --> 00:09:04,710 CAMERA! 341 00:09:04,777 --> 00:09:06,546 [ BEAR ROARS ] 342 00:09:06,612 --> 00:09:08,447 >> Early: AW, HELL. 343 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:12,051 >> ♪ TONIGHT, I'M GONNA GIVE IT 344 00:09:12,118 --> 00:09:13,553 A CHANCE ♪ 345 00:09:13,619 --> 00:09:20,960 >> Early: HMM. 346 00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:22,528 THAT, UH -- THAT THERE WAS 347 00:09:22,595 --> 00:09:23,362 PRETTY GOOD. 348 00:09:23,429 --> 00:09:24,897 BUT YOUR DAMN FACE SMELLS LIKE 349 00:09:24,964 --> 00:09:26,566 YOU BEEN ROOTING AROUND IN A 350 00:09:26,632 --> 00:09:27,433 DAMN DUMPSTER. YOU GONNA HAVE TO WASH A HELL OF 351 00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,970 A LOT BETTER THAN YOU WASHING IF 352 00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:32,638 YOU GONNA STAY MARRIED TO ME! 353 00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:33,406 [ BEAR ROARS ] >> Early: NO, NO, NO, NO! 354 00:09:34,106 --> 00:09:34,974 [ SCREAMING ] 355 00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:37,143 >> Rusty: BALL UP, DADDY! 356 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:38,945 [ BEARS ROARING ] 357 00:09:39,045 --> 00:09:40,813 >> [ SCREAMS ] 358 00:09:40,913 --> 00:09:42,281 >> [ GROANS ] 359 00:09:51,791 --> 00:09:52,491 >> Dan Halen: AND NOW PRESENTING 360 00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,594 MR. AND MRS. EARLY CUYLER. 361 00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:55,294 [ BEAR ROARS ] >> Early: [ SCREAMS ] 362 00:09:56,295 --> 00:09:56,996 GET IT OFF ME! 363 00:09:57,096 --> 00:09:58,497 >> Dan Halen: THIS IS GOD'S 364 00:09:58,598 --> 00:09:59,899 PUNISHMENT FOR MARRIAGES THAT 365 00:09:59,966 --> 00:10:01,434 ARE NOT BETWEEN A MAN AND WOMAN! 366 00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:02,001 >> Early: OH, JUST TURN IT OFF, 367 00:10:02,101 --> 00:10:03,769 PLEASE. 368 00:10:03,836 --> 00:10:04,937 >> Rusty: DON'T TALK NOW, DADDY. 369 00:10:05,004 --> 00:10:06,472 YOU'LL MESS UP THEM SKIN GRAFTS. 370 00:10:06,572 --> 00:10:07,907 >> Sheriff: WE ALL HAD TO GIVE 371 00:10:07,974 --> 00:10:08,741 SOME BUTT SKIN, EARLY, SO THAT 372 00:10:08,808 --> 00:10:12,311 THEY COULD REBUILD YOUR FACE. 373 00:10:12,411 --> 00:10:15,848 >> Early: YEAH, THAT LOOKS GOOD. 374 00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:16,983 THANK Y'ALL. 375 00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:19,085 I-I HAD A FEELING IN MY GUT THAT 376 00:10:19,151 --> 00:10:20,152 IT -- IT JUST WASN'T GONNA WORK 377 00:10:20,252 --> 00:10:22,822 OUT BETWEENST HER AND ME. 378 00:10:22,922 --> 00:10:24,924 I JUST HOPE SHE FINDS HAPPINESS 379 00:10:24,991 --> 00:10:26,626 SOMEWHERE OUT THERE IN THE 380 00:10:26,692 --> 00:10:28,594 FOREST, FAR AWAY FROM MY ASS. 381 00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:30,630 >> Sheriff: WELL, YOU CAN TELL 382 00:10:30,696 --> 00:10:31,597 HER YOURSELF. SHE'S RIGHT OUTSIDE. 383 00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,933 [ DOOR BANGING ] 384 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,267 >> Early: NO, DON'T LET HER IN 385 00:10:35,334 --> 00:10:36,102 HERE, NO. 386 00:10:36,168 --> 00:10:37,503 >> Sheriff: Y'ALL ARE MARRIED, 387 00:10:37,603 --> 00:10:38,871 SO SHE'S GOT VISITATION RIGHTS 388 00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:39,772 NOW. 389 00:10:39,839 --> 00:10:40,773 [ BEAR ROARS ] 390 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,508 >> Early: HEY, YOU'RE HERE. 391 00:10:42,608 --> 00:10:43,943 I-I-I FEEL THAT WE RUSHED INTO 392 00:10:44,010 --> 00:10:45,378 THIS. 393 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:46,278 [ SCREAMS ] >> Rusty: WHOA, NOW, THAT BEAR'S 394 00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:47,813 GOT HER A DING-A-LING! >> Early: OH, NO! 395 00:10:48,614 --> 00:10:50,282 >> Granny: OH, MY GOD! 396 00:10:50,349 --> 00:10:52,718 {\an8}EARLY'S DIGGING ON A DUDE! 397 00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:53,953 {\an8}>> Early: [ SCREAMS ] 398 00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:55,187 {\an8}>> Sheriff: WELL, EARLY, I-I 399 00:10:55,287 --> 00:10:56,822 {\an8}GUESS YOU'RE GETTING GOD'S 400 00:10:56,889 --> 00:10:58,624 {\an8}PUNISHMENT FOR TRYING TO MARRY A 401 00:10:58,691 --> 00:10:59,792 {\an8}GAY MAN BEAR. 402 00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:00,993 {\an8}>> GAY BEAR MARRIAGE AIN'T LEGAL 403 00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:01,961 {\an8}IN THIS STATE. 404 00:11:02,028 --> 00:11:03,029 {\an8}>> Early: SOMEBODY PLEASE! 405 00:11:03,129 --> 00:11:04,196 {\an8}>> Sheriff: OH, WELL, THAT MEANS 406 00:11:04,296 --> 00:11:05,798 {\an8}THIS BEAR AIN'T GOT VISITATION 407 00:11:05,865 --> 00:11:06,732 {\an8}RIGHTS AT ALL, THEN. >> Early: [ SCREAMS ] 408 00:11:07,733 --> 00:11:08,467 {\an8}[ MONITOR BEEPING ] 409 00:11:08,534 --> 00:11:09,635 {\an8}>> Sheriff: SO, DENNY, GO ON 410 00:11:09,702 --> 00:11:10,202 {\an8}OVER AND TELL THAT BEAR HE CAN'T 411 00:11:10,302 --> 00:11:11,704 {\an8}VISIT NO MORE. 412 00:11:11,804 --> 00:11:12,471 {\an8}[ BEAR ROARS ] >> HOW 'BOUT YOU TELL HIM? 413 00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:14,240 {\an8}>> Early: DAMN, GET HIM OFF, GET HIM OFF! 414 00:11:14,874 --> 00:11:15,741 {\an8}[ BEAR ROARS ] >> Sheriff: LET'S LET THE NURSE 415 00:11:16,709 --> 00:11:18,978 {\an8}DO IT. 58935

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