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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,334 --> 00:00:03,459 [ STATIC ] 2 00:00:03,542 --> 00:00:04,500 [ BLUES MUSIC PLAYS ] 3 00:00:04,584 --> 00:00:08,459 >> ♪ MY DREAMS ARE ALL DEAD AND 4 00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:10,918 BURIED ♪ 5 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,751 ♪ YEAH, AND SOMETIMES I WISH THE 6 00:00:13,834 --> 00:00:18,834 SUN WOULD JUST EXPLODE ♪ 7 00:00:18,918 --> 00:00:22,709 ♪ WHEN GOD COMES AND CALLS ME TO 8 00:00:22,792 --> 00:00:25,751 HIS KINGDOM ♪ 9 00:00:25,834 --> 00:00:28,667 ♪ I'LL TAKE ALL YOU SONS OF 10 00:00:28,751 --> 00:00:32,042 BITCHES WHEN I GO ♪ 11 00:00:32,125 --> 00:00:34,209 >> Early: DO NOT TOUCH THE TRIM! 12 00:00:36,459 --> 00:00:37,626 >> Rusty: I TELL YA, TAMMI, I 13 00:00:37,709 --> 00:00:38,876 SURE DO APPRECIATE YOU LETTIN' 14 00:00:38,959 --> 00:00:40,042 ME HAVE A SLEEPOVER WITH MY 15 00:00:40,125 --> 00:00:40,834 LITTLE MACHO MAN. 16 00:00:40,918 --> 00:00:42,876 >> HERE'S HIS DIAPER BAG AND 17 00:00:42,959 --> 00:00:44,918 HIS BIPPY AND HIS BINKY AND A 18 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:46,083 PILLOW AND A BLANKET, 'CAUSE I 19 00:00:46,167 --> 00:00:47,167 KNOW Y'ALL AIN'T GOT ONE OF 20 00:00:47,250 --> 00:00:47,542 THEM. >> Rusty: THIS SOME MILK? 21 00:00:48,626 --> 00:00:49,959 WE AIN'T HAD NO MILK SINCE THE 22 00:00:50,042 --> 00:00:50,667 PIG RUN OFF! 23 00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:52,584 >> IT'S FORMULA, RUSTY, AND IT'S 24 00:00:52,667 --> 00:00:53,500 HIS. 25 00:00:53,584 --> 00:00:55,375 NOW, YOU PROMISE ME -- YOUR 26 00:00:55,459 --> 00:00:57,459 DADDY AIN'T OVER THERE, RIGHT? 27 00:00:57,542 --> 00:00:59,042 >> Rusty: RIGHT. 28 00:00:59,125 --> 00:00:59,792 >> Early: SAY IT AGAIN! >> Granny: [ CHOKES ] 29 00:01:00,584 --> 00:01:02,459 >> Early: SAY IT ONE MORE TIME! 30 00:01:02,542 --> 00:01:04,000 TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT, BITCH! 31 00:01:04,083 --> 00:01:05,417 >> Granny: OH, HEY, RUSTY. 32 00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:07,584 >> Early: INTRUDER! 33 00:01:09,125 --> 00:01:10,459 >> Granny: OH, NO! 34 00:01:10,542 --> 00:01:11,584 >> Early: THEY COME IN HERE TO 35 00:01:11,667 --> 00:01:12,959 BREAK IN OUR HOME! 36 00:01:13,042 --> 00:01:14,375 NOT ON MY DAMN WATCH! 37 00:01:14,459 --> 00:01:16,000 >> Granny: CALL THE 911! 38 00:01:16,083 --> 00:01:17,375 HE AIN'T BREATHIN'! 39 00:01:17,459 --> 00:01:18,167 >> Early: WAIT. WILL HE TALK? 40 00:01:18,918 --> 00:01:19,709 CAN WE TRUST HIM? >> Granny: STOP THAT! 41 00:01:20,792 --> 00:01:22,834 GO FETCH THE DOCTOR! 42 00:01:22,918 --> 00:01:23,918 >> Early: OH, LORD! 43 00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:24,709 OH, LORD! WHY? 44 00:01:25,751 --> 00:01:27,834 MY ONLY BOY! 45 00:01:29,709 --> 00:01:30,709 >> Granny: DID YOU GET THE 46 00:01:30,792 --> 00:01:32,167 DOCTOR? 47 00:01:32,250 --> 00:01:32,834 >> Early: OH. 48 00:01:32,918 --> 00:01:34,125 UH...YEAH. UH, YEAH. 49 00:01:34,209 --> 00:01:35,626 HE'S COMIN'. 50 00:01:35,709 --> 00:01:36,751 RIGHT NOW. RIGHT NOW. 51 00:01:36,834 --> 00:01:37,959 HE'S COMIN' RIGHT NOW. 52 00:01:38,042 --> 00:01:39,500 UH, I'M-A CALL HIM. 53 00:01:39,584 --> 00:01:41,167 UH, FIXIN' TO CALL HIM. 54 00:01:41,250 --> 00:01:42,209 >> Sheriff: 911. 55 00:01:42,292 --> 00:01:43,417 This is the sheriff. 56 00:01:43,500 --> 00:01:44,292 >> Early: UH [CLEARS THROAT] YEAH. 57 00:01:45,292 --> 00:01:47,459 [ Voice breaking ] MY BOY'S BEEN 58 00:01:47,542 --> 00:01:48,083 SHOT! I'M UPSET! 59 00:01:48,792 --> 00:01:49,417 [ SNIFFLES ] 60 00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:50,918 THESE ARE TEARS COMIN' OUT FOR 61 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:52,334 THIS HERE ISSUE. 62 00:01:52,417 --> 00:01:54,751 YOU CAN TELL, RIGHT? 63 00:01:54,834 --> 00:01:56,000 WELL, IT'S LIKE I SAID. 64 00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:57,500 I MEAN, THE GUN WENT OFF, AND 65 00:01:57,584 --> 00:01:59,042 NEXT THING I KNOW, I'M -- I'M 66 00:01:59,125 --> 00:02:00,667 STILL ASLEEP AND RUSTY'S LAYIN' 67 00:02:00,751 --> 00:02:02,292 THERE IN A POOL OF HIS'UN'S OWN 68 00:02:02,375 --> 00:02:02,709 BLOOD. 69 00:02:02,792 --> 00:02:04,083 AND I'M ASLEEP THIS WHOLE TIME. 70 00:02:04,167 --> 00:02:05,375 >> Sheriff: AND YOU SAID THAT 71 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:06,834 THE BABY WAS CLEANING THE GUN AT 72 00:02:06,918 --> 00:02:08,209 THE TIME, RIGHT? 73 00:02:08,292 --> 00:02:09,417 >> Early: ARE YOU SUGGESTIN' 74 00:02:09,500 --> 00:02:10,500 THAT A BABY SHOULD NOT BE 75 00:02:10,584 --> 00:02:11,459 ALLOWED TO HAVE A GUN? 76 00:02:11,542 --> 00:02:12,626 >> Sheriff: OH, NO, NO, NO. 77 00:02:12,709 --> 00:02:14,209 I RESPECT THE SECOND AMENDMENT 78 00:02:14,292 --> 00:02:15,542 AS MUCH AS YOU DO, EARLY. 79 00:02:15,626 --> 00:02:17,000 I MEAN, THE FOUNDIN' FATHERS 80 00:02:17,083 --> 00:02:18,584 KNEW THAT BABIES HAD THE RIGHT 81 00:02:18,667 --> 00:02:21,125 TO MAINTAIN AN ARMED MILITIA. 82 00:02:21,209 --> 00:02:21,876 >> WHERE IS THE GUN? 83 00:02:21,959 --> 00:02:22,959 >> Early: THE BABY LOST THE GUN. 84 00:02:23,042 --> 00:02:23,959 I MEAN, HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW? 85 00:02:24,417 --> 00:02:25,626 I MEAN, IT'S THE BABY'S GUN. 86 00:02:25,709 --> 00:02:27,042 THE BABY'S GOT A RIGHT TO CARRY 87 00:02:27,125 --> 00:02:28,167 AND CONCEAL HIS OWN GUN. 88 00:02:28,250 --> 00:02:29,542 I MEAN, HELL, I TOLD YA, I WAS 89 00:02:29,626 --> 00:02:30,667 ASLEEP! 90 00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:32,000 >> Sheriff: SO HE LOST THE GUN 91 00:02:32,083 --> 00:02:34,334 AFTER HE FIRED THE GUN... 92 00:02:34,417 --> 00:02:35,167 WHILE CLEANING IT? >> Early: WELL, UH, UH, 93 00:02:36,250 --> 00:02:37,959 TECHNICALLY, RUSTY WAS TRYIN' TO 94 00:02:38,042 --> 00:02:39,709 BREAK INTO THE HOUSE, AND WHEN 95 00:02:39,792 --> 00:02:41,500 THAT BABY ACCIDENTALLY SHOT HIM, 96 00:02:41,584 --> 00:02:43,209 UH, IT WAS STILL SELF-DEFENSE. 97 00:02:43,292 --> 00:02:44,626 >> BUT YOUR ASSERTION WAS THAT 98 00:02:44,709 --> 00:02:45,792 THE BABY WAS WITH RUSTY. 99 00:02:45,876 --> 00:02:47,167 >> Early: AND THE BABY KNOWS 100 00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:48,459 THAT RUSTY AIN'T TO BREAK IN 101 00:02:48,542 --> 00:02:48,876 HERE! [ GLASS SHATTERS ] 102 00:02:49,834 --> 00:02:50,876 'COURSE, I DIDN'T SEE ANY OF IT 103 00:02:50,959 --> 00:02:51,918 'CAUSE I WAS ASLEEP, DAMN IT. 104 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:52,918 I TOLD YA, I WAS ASLEEP! 105 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:54,334 >> AND YET YOUR STATEMENT SAYS 106 00:02:54,417 --> 00:02:55,751 THAT THE BABY WAS CLEANING THE 107 00:02:55,834 --> 00:02:57,250 GUN AT THE TIME OF THE SHOOTING. 108 00:02:57,334 --> 00:02:58,709 >> Early: DON'T YOU TELL ME HOW 109 00:02:58,792 --> 00:03:00,209 TO TELL MY BABY HOW TO CLEAN MY 110 00:03:00,292 --> 00:03:01,000 GUN! 111 00:03:01,083 --> 00:03:02,167 >> YOUR GUN? 112 00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:03,250 I THOUGHT YOU SAID IT WAS THE 113 00:03:03,334 --> 00:03:03,792 BABY'S GUN. 114 00:03:03,876 --> 00:03:04,959 >> Early: YOU TAKE THE GUNS AWAY 115 00:03:05,042 --> 00:03:06,083 FROM THE BABIES, THEN ONLY THE 116 00:03:06,167 --> 00:03:07,500 ADULTS IS GONNA HAVE THE GUNS! 117 00:03:07,584 --> 00:03:08,876 THEN WHERE THE HELL WE GONNA 118 00:03:08,959 --> 00:03:09,209 BE? 119 00:03:09,292 --> 00:03:10,542 >> Sheriff: EARLY, HAVE YOU HAD 120 00:03:10,626 --> 00:03:11,500 SOME DRINKS TONIGHT? 121 00:03:11,584 --> 00:03:12,709 >> Early: YOU WANNA GET SOME 122 00:03:12,792 --> 00:03:14,042 DRINKS NOW? 123 00:03:14,125 --> 00:03:15,751 WELL, THERE'S BEEN A TRAGIC 124 00:03:15,834 --> 00:03:17,375 SHOOTIN', BUT OKAY, THEN. 125 00:03:17,459 --> 00:03:18,334 HELL, LET'S GET SOME DRINKS. 126 00:03:18,417 --> 00:03:19,375 >> Sheriff: WELL, I TELL YOU 127 00:03:19,459 --> 00:03:20,083 WHAT I THINK, EARLY. 128 00:03:20,167 --> 00:03:21,959 I THINK IT'S PRETTY CLEAR-CUT 129 00:03:22,042 --> 00:03:22,500 HERE. 130 00:03:22,584 --> 00:03:23,876 THIS PRETTY MUCH WENT DOWN THE 131 00:03:23,959 --> 00:03:24,876 WAY YOU SAID IT DID. 132 00:03:24,959 --> 00:03:26,125 I MEAN, MAN'S GOTTA PROTECT 133 00:03:26,209 --> 00:03:26,792 WHAT'S HIS. >> Early: A BABY. 134 00:03:27,709 --> 00:03:28,751 A BABY'S GOTTA PROTECT. 135 00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:29,751 >> WELL, HOLD ON, NOW. 136 00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:31,083 IF YOU WAS ASLEEP, HOW COME YOU 137 00:03:31,167 --> 00:03:32,334 KNOW THE BABY WAS CLEANIN' THE 138 00:03:32,417 --> 00:03:32,667 GUN? 139 00:03:32,751 --> 00:03:34,000 >> Early: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU, 140 00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:34,959 SOME KINDA DETECTIVE? 141 00:03:35,042 --> 00:03:36,125 >> YEAH, I'M STUDYIN' TO BE. 142 00:03:36,209 --> 00:03:37,292 >> Early: I'M ANSWERIN' THE 143 00:03:37,375 --> 00:03:38,584 QUESTIONS HERE! 144 00:03:38,667 --> 00:03:40,000 UH, HOW 'BOUT THEM DRINKS NOW? 145 00:03:40,083 --> 00:03:41,375 >> Sheriff: NO, I-IT'S GETTIN' 146 00:03:41,459 --> 00:03:42,834 LATE, BUT THANKS FOR THE OFFER, 147 00:03:42,918 --> 00:03:44,292 ANYHOW. 148 00:03:44,375 --> 00:03:46,292 I KNOW IT'S BEEN AN...EMOTIONAL 149 00:03:46,375 --> 00:03:48,334 NIGHT FOR YOU, SO...IF YOU WANT 150 00:03:48,417 --> 00:03:49,500 TO FOLLOW THE AMBULANCE TO THE 151 00:03:49,584 --> 00:03:50,209 HOSPITAL -- 152 00:03:50,292 --> 00:03:52,959 >> Early: NAH, HE'LL BE FINE. 153 00:03:53,042 --> 00:03:54,751 >> Sheriff: WELL, YEAH, BUT... 154 00:03:54,834 --> 00:03:55,417 RUSTY'S -- >> Early: NO. 155 00:03:56,292 --> 00:03:57,250 WHAT, THEY GONNA LET ME SCRUB 156 00:03:57,334 --> 00:03:58,334 IN, DUMBASS? 157 00:03:58,417 --> 00:03:59,792 HELL, I DAIN'T NEVER REBUILT A 158 00:03:59,876 --> 00:04:01,709 DAMN BRAIN. 159 00:04:01,792 --> 00:04:02,417 >> Sheriff: [ SIGHS ] 160 00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:03,667 OKAY, THEN. [ CLEARS THROAT ] 161 00:04:03,751 --> 00:04:06,751 Y'ALL HAVE A GOOD NIGHT. 162 00:04:06,834 --> 00:04:07,417 [ CAR DOOR CLOSES ] [ ENGINE TURNS OVER ] 163 00:04:08,209 --> 00:04:10,292 [ SIREN CHIRPS ] 164 00:04:12,751 --> 00:04:13,834 >> Early: YEAH! 165 00:04:13,918 --> 00:04:15,792 TOGETHER AGAIN, BABY! 166 00:04:15,876 --> 00:04:16,542 WHOO! 167 00:04:16,626 --> 00:04:18,000 [ GUN CLICKS ] 168 00:04:18,083 --> 00:04:18,751 WHOO! 169 00:04:18,834 --> 00:04:19,834 [ GUN CLICKS ] 170 00:04:19,918 --> 00:04:21,167 WHOO? 171 00:04:21,250 --> 00:04:22,000 [ GUN CLICKS ] 172 00:04:22,083 --> 00:04:23,417 N-O-O-O-O-O-O-O! 173 00:04:23,500 --> 00:04:24,959 [ SOBBING ] 174 00:04:25,042 --> 00:04:26,542 MY ONLY GUN! 175 00:04:26,626 --> 00:04:28,709 [ SOBBING ] 176 00:04:30,792 --> 00:04:32,626 NOW, YOU GIVE ME ALL THAT SPENDY 177 00:04:32,709 --> 00:04:34,125 PAPER IN THAT CASHY BOX -- 178 00:04:34,209 --> 00:04:34,876 RIGHT NOW! 179 00:04:34,959 --> 00:04:36,542 OR YOU GON' DEAL WITH THIS! 180 00:04:36,626 --> 00:04:40,042 [ CLATTER ] 181 00:04:40,125 --> 00:04:41,000 >> YEAH, I SEE WHERE YOU'RE 182 00:04:41,083 --> 00:04:42,626 GOIN' WITH THAT, BUT I'M AFRAID 183 00:04:42,709 --> 00:04:44,042 THAT YOU'VE FINALLY GIVEN ME 184 00:04:44,125 --> 00:04:45,626 ENOUGH TIME TO GET TO MY WALL 185 00:04:45,709 --> 00:04:46,083 SAFE. 186 00:04:46,167 --> 00:04:48,250 [ GUN COCKS, HUMS ] 187 00:04:48,334 --> 00:04:49,584 >> Early: YES, SIR, I LIKE THAT. 188 00:04:49,667 --> 00:04:50,792 >> THIS IS MY BOOMSTICK. 189 00:04:50,876 --> 00:04:52,250 >> Early: HAND IT OVER, NOW. 190 00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:53,209 COME ON. LET'S GO. 191 00:04:53,292 --> 00:04:54,417 THIS IS STILL A STICKUP. 192 00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:55,209 [ GUN FIRES ] AAH! 193 00:04:55,709 --> 00:04:57,375 [ GUN COCKS, HUMS ] 194 00:04:57,459 --> 00:04:58,584 THIS HERE AIN'T OVER. 195 00:04:58,667 --> 00:04:59,250 HELL NO. 196 00:04:59,334 --> 00:05:00,792 'CAUSE I GOT ME A HANDFUL OF 197 00:05:00,876 --> 00:05:02,417 BULLETS, AND I AIN'T AFRAID TO 198 00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:03,125 THROW 'EM. 199 00:05:03,209 --> 00:05:05,042 [ GUN FIRES ] 200 00:05:05,125 --> 00:05:06,542 [ GUN HUMS ] 201 00:05:06,626 --> 00:05:07,876 WELL, I AIN'T DOIN' THE ROBBERY 202 00:05:07,959 --> 00:05:08,292 TODAY. HELL NO. 203 00:05:08,876 --> 00:05:09,792 I AIN'T GIVIN' YOU THE SATISFACTION. 204 00:05:10,542 --> 00:05:11,125 HOW 'BOUT THAT? >> BYE-BYE, NOW. 205 00:05:11,918 --> 00:05:12,959 >> Early: THAT THERE IS WHY WE 206 00:05:13,042 --> 00:05:14,042 NEED GUN CONTROL IN THIS HERE 207 00:05:14,125 --> 00:05:14,792 LAND. WHEN THE CRIMINALS AIN'T GOT 208 00:05:15,876 --> 00:05:17,751 GUNS, ONLY THE GUYS THEY ROB GOT 209 00:05:17,834 --> 00:05:18,292 GUNS! >> OKAY. 210 00:05:19,334 --> 00:05:20,876 S-SEE YA LATER. 211 00:05:20,959 --> 00:05:21,542 [ GLASS SHATTERS ] 212 00:05:21,626 --> 00:05:22,584 >> Early: EAT LEAD, YOU SON OF A 213 00:05:22,667 --> 00:05:24,459 BITCH! 214 00:05:24,542 --> 00:05:25,375 >> Sheriff: HERE, DENNY. 215 00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:26,459 COME ON UP HERE, LOOK AT THIS. 216 00:05:26,542 --> 00:05:27,417 >> WHEE! 217 00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:29,042 >> Sheriff: EARLY'S PRAYIN' TO 218 00:05:29,125 --> 00:05:30,667 THE LORD JESUS TO MAKE HIS BOY 219 00:05:30,751 --> 00:05:31,250 WHOLE AGAIN. 220 00:05:31,334 --> 00:05:32,459 >> Early: THE BABY WAS CLEANIN' 221 00:05:32,542 --> 00:05:33,042 THE GUN. 222 00:05:33,125 --> 00:05:34,083 YOU BROKE IN, OKAY? 223 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,667 THE BABY SHOT YOU WITH HIS GUN. 224 00:05:35,751 --> 00:05:36,626 VICTIMLESS CRIME. 225 00:05:36,709 --> 00:05:38,042 SELF-DEFENSE ACCIDENT. YEAH. 226 00:05:38,125 --> 00:05:39,667 THAT'S WHAT WE GON' GO WITH, 227 00:05:39,751 --> 00:05:40,083 OKAY? 228 00:05:40,167 --> 00:05:41,250 NOW, REPEAT IT BACK TO ME. 229 00:05:41,334 --> 00:05:42,876 [ MONITOR BEEPS ] 230 00:05:42,959 --> 00:05:43,751 >> Rusty: [ GROANS ] 231 00:05:43,834 --> 00:05:45,083 >> Early: HELL, THAT AIN'T GONNA 232 00:05:45,167 --> 00:05:45,918 CONVINCE NOBODY. 233 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,167 YOUR BABY CAN BE TRIED AS A 234 00:05:47,250 --> 00:05:47,626 MINOR! 235 00:05:47,709 --> 00:05:49,000 A COUPLE WEEKS IN JUVIE, HE'LL 236 00:05:49,083 --> 00:05:50,209 WALK BY CHRISTMAS. 237 00:05:50,292 --> 00:05:52,334 ME, THIS IS MY 29th STRIKE, AND 238 00:05:52,417 --> 00:05:53,500 WE AIN'T BOWLIN', YOU SON OF A 239 00:05:53,584 --> 00:05:53,876 BITCH! NOW, WAKE UP! 240 00:05:54,542 --> 00:05:55,542 >> Sheriff: THIS A BAD TIME, 241 00:05:55,626 --> 00:05:56,042 OR...? >> Early: WE AIN'T READY! 242 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,000 CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYIN' TO GET 243 00:05:58,083 --> 00:05:59,000 MY DAMN STORY STRAIGHT BEFORE YOU COME AROUND HERE 244 00:05:59,834 --> 00:06:01,417 INQUISITATIN' ME? 245 00:06:01,500 --> 00:06:02,667 >> Sheriff: LET'S, UH, RESPECT 246 00:06:02,751 --> 00:06:04,417 THE...FAMILY PRIVACY. 247 00:06:04,500 --> 00:06:05,125 UH, COME ON, DENNY. >> Early: YEAH, THE GOVERNMENT'S 248 00:06:06,209 --> 00:06:07,500 TRYIN' TO TURN IT AROUND ON ME! 249 00:06:07,584 --> 00:06:08,709 MAKE ME THE ONE WHO DONE IT! 250 00:06:08,792 --> 00:06:10,042 >> Granny: WELL, THAT'S WHY WE 251 00:06:10,125 --> 00:06:11,667 FORMED A MILITIA -- FOR THIS 252 00:06:11,751 --> 00:06:12,500 VERY REASON! 253 00:06:12,584 --> 00:06:13,918 >> Early: THAT'S RIGHT! 254 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:15,584 MEETIN' OF THE MILITIA, RIGHT 255 00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:16,250 NOW! [ GAVEL BANGS ] 256 00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:18,042 CONFEDERATE SONS OF THE 257 00:06:18,125 --> 00:06:19,626 WILD-EYED SOUTHERN LIBERTY BOYS 258 00:06:19,709 --> 00:06:21,209 AND DALE JR. FAN CLUB WILL CALL 259 00:06:21,292 --> 00:06:21,834 TO ORDER. 260 00:06:21,918 --> 00:06:23,375 MUNITIONS OFFICER, PLEASE GIVE 261 00:06:23,459 --> 00:06:24,292 US AN INVENTORY. 262 00:06:24,375 --> 00:06:26,375 >> Granny: WE GOT 14 SHOTGUN 263 00:06:26,459 --> 00:06:28,584 SHELLS AND, UH... 264 00:06:28,667 --> 00:06:31,375 NO GUN AT THE MOMENT... 265 00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:34,250 BUT WE DO HAVE THIS TWO-BY WITH 266 00:06:34,334 --> 00:06:35,542 A RUSTY NAIL IN IT. 267 00:06:35,626 --> 00:06:37,417 >> Early: YEAH -- THE EQUALIZER. 268 00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:38,834 WE GONNA LAY THIS OUT THERE AS A 269 00:06:38,918 --> 00:06:39,417 DETERRENT! 270 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:40,667 I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY AND 271 00:06:40,751 --> 00:06:42,167 OUTLAW MY THREEPENNY NAILS, 272 00:06:42,250 --> 00:06:42,667 OBAMA! 273 00:06:42,751 --> 00:06:44,250 >> Granny: WHAT DO WE DO IF THE 274 00:06:44,334 --> 00:06:45,542 WORLD'S LARGEST AND MOST 275 00:06:45,626 --> 00:06:48,000 ADVANCED MILITARY FORCE DECIDES 276 00:06:48,083 --> 00:06:50,417 TO ORDER A DRONE STRIKE ON OUR 277 00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:51,000 HEADQUARTERS? >> Early: HEAD OF INTEL. 278 00:06:52,042 --> 00:06:52,626 >> Granny: YEAH? 279 00:06:52,709 --> 00:06:53,667 >> Early: IN THE EVENT OF A 280 00:06:53,751 --> 00:06:55,375 CODE BLACK, WHAT'S OUR SURVIVAL 281 00:06:55,459 --> 00:06:55,959 WINDOW? 282 00:06:56,042 --> 00:06:58,375 >> Granny: MM...I GOT THAT AT... 283 00:06:58,459 --> 00:07:00,500 THREE SECONDS. 284 00:07:00,584 --> 00:07:01,584 >> Early: BUT WE GOT ALL THEM 285 00:07:01,667 --> 00:07:02,375 BEANS STOCKED UP NOW. 286 00:07:02,459 --> 00:07:03,500 >> Granny: YEAH, THE BEANS ARE 287 00:07:03,584 --> 00:07:05,626 GONNA BE DESTROYED, AS WELL. 288 00:07:05,709 --> 00:07:06,792 >> Early: YEAH, BUT WE GOT THE 289 00:07:06,876 --> 00:07:07,209 DECOYS. 290 00:07:07,292 --> 00:07:08,375 >> Granny: THEY'RE JUST A BUNCH 291 00:07:08,459 --> 00:07:09,417 OF HOLLOWED-OUT GOURDS WITH 292 00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:09,876 FACES -- 293 00:07:09,959 --> 00:07:10,959 >> Early: WITH FACES ON 'EM -- 294 00:07:11,042 --> 00:07:12,500 THAT'S RIGHT -- DESIGNED TO LOOK 295 00:07:12,584 --> 00:07:14,292 LIKE US. 296 00:07:14,375 --> 00:07:15,792 >> Granny: I FEEL LIKE... 297 00:07:15,876 --> 00:07:18,167 A GUN WOULD ALLOW US THE CHANCE 298 00:07:18,250 --> 00:07:19,792 TO END THINGS... 299 00:07:19,876 --> 00:07:22,083 ON OUR OWN TERMS. 300 00:07:22,167 --> 00:07:24,667 YOU GET WHAT I'M SAYIN'? 301 00:07:24,751 --> 00:07:25,834 >> Early: YES, I DO. 302 00:07:25,918 --> 00:07:27,334 WE GOTTA GET US A DAMN GUN. 303 00:07:27,417 --> 00:07:29,000 FIGHT 'EM OFF! TO THE LAST MAN! 304 00:07:29,083 --> 00:07:29,834 [ DOOR SLAMS ] 305 00:07:29,918 --> 00:07:31,209 >> Granny: YEAH, I GUESS THAT'D 306 00:07:31,292 --> 00:07:32,667 BE... 307 00:07:32,751 --> 00:07:34,417 SAME RESULT. 308 00:07:34,500 --> 00:07:35,751 >> Early: I'M A DAMN TAXPAYER! 309 00:07:35,834 --> 00:07:37,083 >> Sheriff: NO, EARLY, THIS IS 310 00:07:37,167 --> 00:07:37,459 MINE! 311 00:07:37,542 --> 00:07:38,751 >> Early: SO I PAID FOR THAT 312 00:07:38,834 --> 00:07:40,042 DAMN GUN YOU WEARIN' ON YOUR 313 00:07:40,125 --> 00:07:40,375 HIP! [ GUN COCKS ] 314 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:43,792 >> BACK THE [BLEEP] OFF. 315 00:07:46,292 --> 00:07:47,000 >> Early: WELL. 316 00:07:47,083 --> 00:07:48,500 GOVERNMENT'S TRYIN' TO OVERTHROW 317 00:07:48,584 --> 00:07:49,042 ME NOW. 318 00:07:49,125 --> 00:07:50,292 YOU SONS OF BITCHES CAN KEEP 319 00:07:50,375 --> 00:07:51,626 YOUR TAX-PAID GUNS. 320 00:07:51,709 --> 00:07:53,000 I'LL JUST TAKE MY WELFARE CHECK 321 00:07:53,083 --> 00:07:54,542 AND GO BUY ME A DAMN GUN! 322 00:07:54,626 --> 00:07:56,209 I PAY MY OWN DAMN WAY! 323 00:07:56,292 --> 00:07:57,250 [ DOOR SLAMS ] 324 00:07:57,334 --> 00:07:58,709 [ GRUNTING ] 325 00:07:58,792 --> 00:07:59,876 >> COULD I JUST SEE SOME I.D. 326 00:07:59,959 --> 00:08:00,459 REAL QUICK? 327 00:08:00,542 --> 00:08:01,626 >> Early: WHAT THE HELL FOR? 328 00:08:01,709 --> 00:08:02,584 >> IT'S JUST A STANDARD 329 00:08:02,667 --> 00:08:03,626 BACKGROUND CHECK. 330 00:08:03,709 --> 00:08:05,292 WE CAN'T SELL GUNS TO CONVICTED 331 00:08:05,375 --> 00:08:05,834 FELONS. 332 00:08:05,918 --> 00:08:07,042 >> Early: ALL RIGHT. 333 00:08:07,125 --> 00:08:08,751 >> [ Laughing ] OF COURSE, THAT, 334 00:08:08,834 --> 00:08:10,417 UH, WON'T BE A PROBLEM FOR YOU, 335 00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:10,918 SHERIFF. 336 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:12,292 >> Early: THE SHERIFF'S HERE? 337 00:08:12,375 --> 00:08:12,751 >> NO. 338 00:08:12,834 --> 00:08:14,375 THAT'S, UH, WHAT YOUR I.D. SAYS, 339 00:08:14,459 --> 00:08:14,876 THOUGH. >> Early: OH. 340 00:08:15,751 --> 00:08:17,083 YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. IT DOES. 341 00:08:17,167 --> 00:08:18,209 AND SO DOES THIS HERE 342 00:08:18,292 --> 00:08:19,334 CREDIT CARD WITH, UH, 343 00:08:19,417 --> 00:08:21,000 TEDDY BEAR JUNCTION POINTS. 344 00:08:21,083 --> 00:08:22,542 >> THAT'S OKAY. CAN'T PAY YET. 345 00:08:22,626 --> 00:08:24,209 THERE'S A 15-DAY WAIT ON ALL GUN 346 00:08:24,292 --> 00:08:24,834 PURCHASES. 347 00:08:24,918 --> 00:08:25,918 >> Early: 15 DAYS?! 348 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:27,209 HELL, MY TEMPER CAN'T WAIT 15 349 00:08:27,292 --> 00:08:27,626 DAYS! 350 00:08:27,709 --> 00:08:29,042 >> Granny: WE NEED THE GUNS NOW! 351 00:08:29,125 --> 00:08:30,417 >> Early: WHAT IF I FORGET WHAT 352 00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:31,626 THE HELL I'M SO PISSED OFF 353 00:08:31,709 --> 00:08:32,083 ABOUT?! >> Well, you didn't hear it from 354 00:08:33,167 --> 00:08:35,584 me, but there's no "mandatory" 355 00:08:35,667 --> 00:08:36,500 anything... 356 00:08:36,584 --> 00:08:37,667 on bats. 357 00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,000 Those are in the sports section. 358 00:08:39,083 --> 00:08:41,167 Ask for Sheila. 359 00:08:42,584 --> 00:08:43,083 [ PLINK ] 360 00:08:43,167 --> 00:08:44,209 [ CLATTER ] 361 00:08:44,292 --> 00:08:45,167 >> Early: NO, NO. 362 00:08:45,250 --> 00:08:46,375 THERE AIN'T NOTHIN' MORE 363 00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:47,876 UNSATISFYIN' THAN THE PLINK OF 364 00:08:47,959 --> 00:08:49,876 ALUMINUM AGAINST A SKULL. 365 00:08:49,959 --> 00:08:51,459 I'M A PURIST! 366 00:08:51,542 --> 00:08:53,626 [ GUNFIRE ] 367 00:08:55,459 --> 00:08:56,292 THERE'S ONE! 368 00:08:56,375 --> 00:08:58,000 GET HIS GUN! GET IT! 369 00:08:58,083 --> 00:08:59,876 >> Granny: OH, I HATE TO TAKE IT 370 00:08:59,959 --> 00:09:01,083 OFF ONE OF OUR OWN. 371 00:09:01,167 --> 00:09:02,542 >> WELL, I DECLARE. 372 00:09:02,626 --> 00:09:04,751 I FEAR THIS SCOUNDREL IS TRYING 373 00:09:04,834 --> 00:09:06,334 TO ABSCOND WITH MY -- 374 00:09:06,417 --> 00:09:07,667 >> Early: UNHAND THAT -- 375 00:09:07,751 --> 00:09:09,125 >> OW, STOP! STOP IT! STOP! 376 00:09:09,209 --> 00:09:10,250 YOU GUYS, TIME OUT! 377 00:09:10,334 --> 00:09:11,375 YOU KNOW WE'RE PLAY-ACTING, 378 00:09:11,459 --> 00:09:11,751 RIGHT? >> Early: GET THE SASH. 379 00:09:12,792 --> 00:09:13,834 >> I BUILT THAT GUN OFF THE 380 00:09:13,918 --> 00:09:16,000 INTERNET! 381 00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:20,000 [ SIREN CHIRPS ] 382 00:09:20,083 --> 00:09:22,626 >> Sheriff: HEY, Y'ALL! 383 00:09:22,709 --> 00:09:23,167 OH, HELL. 384 00:09:23,250 --> 00:09:24,542 [ Laughing ] Y'ALL GET ME WITH 385 00:09:24,626 --> 00:09:25,375 THAT EVERY TIME. 386 00:09:25,459 --> 00:09:26,542 >> Early: THE GOVERNMENT! 387 00:09:26,626 --> 00:09:28,083 THEY'RE COMIN' FOR MY SIDEARM! 388 00:09:28,167 --> 00:09:29,125 [ POP ] 389 00:09:29,209 --> 00:09:30,167 >> Sheriff: DAMN IT! DAMN IT! 390 00:09:30,250 --> 00:09:30,584 DAMN IT! 391 00:09:30,667 --> 00:09:31,709 >> Granny: HE BREACHED THE OUTER 392 00:09:31,792 --> 00:09:32,667 PERIMETER! 393 00:09:32,751 --> 00:09:35,083 PROTECT THE HOMELAND AT ALL 394 00:09:35,167 --> 00:09:36,292 COSTS! 395 00:09:36,375 --> 00:09:37,000 [ GUN CLICKS ] 396 00:09:37,083 --> 00:09:38,334 >> Early: IT AIN'T WORKIN'! 397 00:09:38,417 --> 00:09:39,584 THE LASER SCOPE IS BROKE! 398 00:09:39,667 --> 00:09:41,042 >> Granny: USE THE RAMROD, YOU 399 00:09:41,125 --> 00:09:41,584 DUMBASS! 400 00:09:41,667 --> 00:09:43,042 SCOOT OVER AND LET ME DO THIS. 401 00:09:43,125 --> 00:09:44,167 >> Early: UH, UH, HANG ON JUST 402 00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,334 A SECOND, GOVERNMENT. 403 00:09:49,417 --> 00:09:51,334 IN ABOUT A MINUTE, YOU GON' FEEL 404 00:09:51,417 --> 00:09:53,500 MY RIGHTEOUS FURY! 405 00:09:55,834 --> 00:09:56,459 [ SIGHS ] HURRY THE HELL UP, BITCH! 406 00:09:57,500 --> 00:09:58,334 >> Granny: HERE YOU GO. 407 00:09:58,417 --> 00:09:59,500 >> Early: YOU GON' GET THIS GUN 408 00:09:59,584 --> 00:10:01,459 FROM ME WHEN YOU PRY IT FROM MY 409 00:10:01,542 --> 00:10:01,959 COLD... [ GUN CLICKS ] 410 00:10:02,792 --> 00:10:03,375 ...DEAD... 411 00:10:03,459 --> 00:10:04,792 [ GUN CLICKING ] 412 00:10:04,876 --> 00:10:06,959 DAMN IT! 413 00:10:07,459 --> 00:10:09,042 >> Sheriff: UH...JUST COME BY TO 414 00:10:09,125 --> 00:10:10,667 TELL YOU THAT WE CLOSED THE BOOK 415 00:10:10,751 --> 00:10:12,250 ON RUSTY'S SHOOTIN'. 416 00:10:12,334 --> 00:10:13,417 YOU WAS RIGHT. 417 00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:14,083 IT WAS THE BABY. 418 00:10:14,167 --> 00:10:15,209 >> Granny: FINALLY, THERE'S SOME 419 00:10:15,292 --> 00:10:15,626 JUSTICE! >> Early: OH, THANK GOD! 420 00:10:16,584 --> 00:10:17,584 >> Sheriff: YEAH, WE HAD TO GET 421 00:10:17,667 --> 00:10:18,876 HIM OFF THE STREET. 422 00:10:18,959 --> 00:10:20,250 YOU GOIN' TO JAIL! 423 00:10:20,334 --> 00:10:21,292 YES, YOU ARE! 424 00:10:21,375 --> 00:10:22,000 'GOIN TO JAIL! >> I KNOW YOU DID THIS! 425 00:10:23,083 --> 00:10:24,125 AND NOW MY BABY HAS A POLICE 426 00:10:24,209 --> 00:10:24,542 RECORD! >> Granny: NOW GET OFF MY 427 00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:26,292 PROPERTY, BITCH. 428 00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:27,459 >> HE AIN'T NEVER SPENDIN' ANY 429 00:10:27,542 --> 00:10:28,375 TIME WITH YOU, NEVER! 430 00:10:28,459 --> 00:10:29,542 >> Early: ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS 431 00:10:29,626 --> 00:10:31,042 WELL. 432 00:10:31,125 --> 00:10:32,667 >> Sheriff: YOU KNOW, RUSTY'S, 433 00:10:32,751 --> 00:10:34,250 UH, STILL IN SERIOUS CONDITION 434 00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:35,042 IN THE I.C.U. 435 00:10:35,125 --> 00:10:37,167 >> Early: A'IGHT. GOOD TO KNOW. 436 00:10:37,250 --> 00:10:38,375 >> Sheriff: MATTER OF FACT, DOC 437 00:10:38,459 --> 00:10:39,334 SAYS HE AIN'T OUT OF THE WOODS -- 438 00:10:39,834 --> 00:10:40,709 >> Early: THAT'S GREAT. THANK YOU. 439 00:10:41,292 --> 00:10:42,209 NOW, ABOUT THAT GUN THAT I 440 00:10:42,292 --> 00:10:43,375 THROWED AT YOU -- YOU RECKON I 441 00:10:43,459 --> 00:10:44,209 COULD GET THAT BACK? 442 00:10:44,292 --> 00:10:45,459 >> Sheriff: WELL, IT'S CLOSER TO 443 00:10:45,542 --> 00:10:46,542 YOU. 444 00:10:46,626 --> 00:10:47,709 ALL RIGHT. 445 00:10:47,792 --> 00:10:48,375 HERE. 446 00:10:48,459 --> 00:10:50,542 >> Early: TASTE IT! 28236

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