All language subtitles for squidbillies.s08e06.1080p.web.h264-elevate_track3_[eng]

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,570 [ STATIC ] 2 00:00:03,670 --> 00:00:06,072 [ COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS ] 3 00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:11,144 >> ♪ MY DREAMS ARE ALL DEAD AND 4 00:00:11,211 --> 00:00:14,214 BURIED ♪ 5 00:00:14,314 --> 00:00:17,917 ♪ SOMETIMES I WISH THE SUN WOULD 6 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:20,820 JUST EXPLODE ♪ 7 00:00:20,887 --> 00:00:25,325 ♪ WHEN GOD COMES AND CALLS ME TO 8 00:00:25,392 --> 00:00:27,260 HIS KINGDOM ♪ 9 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,329 YEAH! 10 00:00:29,396 --> 00:00:32,098 ♪ I'LL TAKE ALL YOU SONS OF 11 00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:35,101 BITCHES WHEN I GO ♪ 12 00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:40,173 ♪ LET HIM GO ♪ 13 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:40,774 >> Rusty: MY TURN. >> Early: HELL NO. 14 00:00:41,741 --> 00:00:42,609 >> Rusty: MAN, LET ME DRIVE THAT THING! 15 00:00:43,576 --> 00:00:44,711 >> Early: DO NOT TOUCH THE TRIM! 16 00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:48,415 >> [ HUMMING ] 17 00:00:51,584 --> 00:00:53,586 >> Early: OOH, YEAH. 18 00:00:53,686 --> 00:00:54,187 >> WHAT'S THAT? 19 00:00:54,254 --> 00:00:55,255 COME ON, NOW. 20 00:00:55,355 --> 00:00:56,356 PUT ON THESE HERE EDIBLES. 21 00:00:56,423 --> 00:00:57,357 >> AAH! 22 00:00:57,424 --> 00:00:58,425 >> Early: AW, COME ON, GLENN'S 23 00:00:58,525 --> 00:00:59,292 WIFE. 24 00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:01,094 BE A PROFESSIONAL, NOW. 25 00:01:01,194 --> 00:01:02,429 I'M SORRY, BUT THEM DAMN GRANNY 26 00:01:02,529 --> 00:01:03,630 PANTIES JUST WEREN'T GONNA DO IT 27 00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:05,265 FOR ME. 28 00:01:05,365 --> 00:01:06,132 DOUG WILL GET IT. 29 00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:07,467 >> Sheriff: THE THING IS, EARLY, 30 00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:09,069 DOUG AIN'T THE JUDGE HERE NO 31 00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:09,936 MORE. 32 00:01:10,036 --> 00:01:11,304 HE'S BEEN FORCED OFF THE BENCH. 33 00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:12,205 >> Early: WHAT THE HELL?! 34 00:01:12,272 --> 00:01:14,374 BUT DOUG WAS SO CHILL -- ALWAYS 35 00:01:14,441 --> 00:01:15,108 FORGIVIN' AND FORGETTIN'. >> Sheriff: WELL, IT WAS 36 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,477 ACTUALLY THAT FORGETTING PART HE 37 00:01:17,577 --> 00:01:19,379 GOT HIM IN TROUBLE. 38 00:01:19,446 --> 00:01:20,547 IT'S CALLED DEMENTIA. 39 00:01:20,613 --> 00:01:21,581 [ CHUCKLES ] 40 00:01:21,648 --> 00:01:23,083 HE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE ANY IDEA WHO 41 00:01:23,149 --> 00:01:24,484 YOU WERE, WHAT YOU WAS UP TO -- 42 00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:25,218 [ DOOR OPENS ] 43 00:01:25,285 --> 00:01:26,486 OOH. [ CLEARS THROAT ] 44 00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:28,721 ALL RISE FOR THE HONORABLE JUDGE 45 00:01:28,788 --> 00:01:30,056 QUINTAVIOUS JAMMER. 46 00:01:30,123 --> 00:01:31,458 >> NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, 47 00:01:31,558 --> 00:01:32,625 NO, NO -- THE OTHER ONE. 48 00:01:32,725 --> 00:01:34,561 >> Sheriff: OH, OKAY. 49 00:01:34,627 --> 00:01:35,562 [ CLEARS THROAT ] 50 00:01:35,628 --> 00:01:36,396 "GET THEM ASSES OFF UP THEM 51 00:01:36,463 --> 00:01:37,997 PEWS. 52 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,399 GET THEM ASSES UP, GIRL. 53 00:01:39,466 --> 00:01:40,400 GET 'EM UP. 54 00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:42,569 PUT THEM DAMN HANDS TOGETHER AND 55 00:01:42,635 --> 00:01:44,104 MAKE A CLAMOR FOR 56 00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:46,339 JUDGE QUINTAVIOUS "THE HAMMER" 57 00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:47,240 JAMMER-R-R-R-R-R-R-R!" [ APPLAUSE ] 58 00:01:48,074 --> 00:01:50,143 >> OOH, YEAH! [ CHUCKLES ] 59 00:01:50,243 --> 00:01:51,478 KEEP THAT JAMMER CLAMOR GOING! 60 00:01:51,578 --> 00:01:53,246 >> Early: WHOO! 61 00:01:53,313 --> 00:01:53,680 >> ALL RIGHT, NO MORE JAMMER 62 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:54,914 CLAMOR. 63 00:01:54,981 --> 00:01:56,616 WHAT DO WE GOT HERE? 64 00:01:56,683 --> 00:01:58,418 WHOO-WHEE! 65 00:01:58,485 --> 00:02:00,086 SOMEBODY BEEN CREEPING AROUND 66 00:02:00,153 --> 00:02:01,488 BEING SNEAKY AND FREAKY AND 67 00:02:01,588 --> 00:02:02,655 TAKING A PEAKY. 68 00:02:02,755 --> 00:02:04,457 >> Early: YOUR HONOR, ALL I WAS 69 00:02:04,524 --> 00:02:06,426 TRYING TO DO WAS SIMPLY SPICE UP 70 00:02:06,493 --> 00:02:07,660 MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GLENN'S 71 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:08,661 WIFE. 72 00:02:08,761 --> 00:02:11,264 THIS HERE VIDEO WILL SHOW -- OH, 73 00:02:11,331 --> 00:02:11,798 LOOKY HERE. IT'S BROKE. 74 00:02:12,665 --> 00:02:14,167 CASE CLOSED. CASE DISMISSED. 75 00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:15,468 Y'ALL SUMBITCHES AIN'T GOT 76 00:02:15,535 --> 00:02:16,536 NOTHING ON ME! 77 00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:18,338 >> I FIND YOU GUILTY AS CHARGED. 78 00:02:18,438 --> 00:02:20,106 >> Early: FINE, PUT ME IN JAIL. 79 00:02:20,173 --> 00:02:21,441 I CAN DO THE TIME STANDING ON MY 80 00:02:21,508 --> 00:02:22,442 HEAD. 81 00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:23,042 >> Sheriff: WHAT YOU WANT ON THAT PIZZA, EARLY? 82 00:02:23,843 --> 00:02:24,611 >> Early: DOUBLE CHEESE, 83 00:02:24,677 --> 00:02:25,612 SAUSAGE, AND, UH, THEM CHEESY 84 00:02:25,678 --> 00:02:27,380 BREADS, TOO. 85 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:28,548 >> NO, SIR! 86 00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:29,816 I'M NOT ALLOWING THE TAXPAYERS 87 00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:33,153 TO FOOT THE BILL FOR YOUR EVIL, 88 00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:35,155 EVIL WAYS -- NOT THIS TIME. 89 00:02:35,221 --> 00:02:35,955 IT WON'T BE NO MEAT-LOVER'S. 90 00:02:36,022 --> 00:02:38,458 WON'T BE NO DOUBLE-CHEESE. 91 00:02:38,525 --> 00:02:40,126 IT WON'T BE NO CHEESY BREAD. 92 00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:43,129 OH, I GOT SOME FOR YO ASS. 93 00:02:43,196 --> 00:02:44,297 IT'S ABOUT TO BE ON. 94 00:02:44,364 --> 00:02:44,898 >> Early: [ GULPS ] 95 00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:46,199 [ BELL RINGING ] 96 00:02:46,299 --> 00:02:47,734 "HEAR YE, HEAR YE. 97 00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,636 I REGARD WOMEN'S BEHINDS AND 98 00:02:49,702 --> 00:02:51,371 BOOBIES MORE THAN I REGARD THEIR 99 00:02:51,471 --> 00:02:53,206 RIGHT TO PRIVACY," BECAUSE I'M A 100 00:02:53,306 --> 00:02:54,707 RED-BLOODED AMERICAN MALE, AND I 101 00:02:54,807 --> 00:02:56,042 GOT NEEDS, DAMN IT! 102 00:02:56,142 --> 00:02:57,143 HELL, SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN 103 00:02:57,210 --> 00:02:58,311 FLATTERED I TOOK INTEREST 104 00:02:58,378 --> 00:02:59,145 ANYHOW. >> Sheriff: EARLY, LET'S STAY 105 00:03:00,046 --> 00:03:01,047 WITH THE COURT-APPOINTED TEXT. 106 00:03:01,147 --> 00:03:01,481 >> Early: WHY I GOT TO SAY ALL 107 00:03:01,548 --> 00:03:03,183 THIS? 108 00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:03,816 EVERYBODY KNOWS I'M A DIRTY-ASS DOG. 109 00:03:04,417 --> 00:03:05,318 IT'S MY THANG. >> Sheriff: WELL, JUDGE JAMMER 110 00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:06,753 WANTS YOU TO FEEL ASHAMED ABOUT 111 00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:08,321 WHAT YOU DONE. 112 00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:09,389 THAT'S WHY HE GIVES OUT THESE 113 00:03:09,489 --> 00:03:11,157 UNCONVENTIONAL SENTENCES. 114 00:03:11,224 --> 00:03:13,226 I ALSO THINK HE KIND OF GETS OFF 115 00:03:13,326 --> 00:03:15,328 ON SHAMING FOLK. 116 00:03:15,395 --> 00:03:16,529 EARLY? 117 00:03:16,596 --> 00:03:18,531 "HEAR YE, HEAR YE. 118 00:03:18,598 --> 00:03:20,166 I'M INTO BEIN' SHAMED." 119 00:03:20,233 --> 00:03:21,668 >> WELL, I'M A "HARLOT WITH LOW 120 00:03:21,734 --> 00:03:23,269 SELF-ESTEEM WHO DEGRADES HERSELF 121 00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:24,604 FOR MONEY." 122 00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:25,538 {\an8}>> Early: HELL YEAH, BABY. I CAN READ. 123 00:03:26,439 --> 00:03:27,006 {\an8}OOH, YEAH! 124 00:03:27,073 --> 00:03:28,608 {\an8}OOH, YEAH, BABY! 125 00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:29,876 {\an8}>> Sheriff: EARLY? DARLA? 126 00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:31,077 >> Early: [ MOANS ] >> Sheriff: Y'ALL SUPPOSED TO BE 127 00:03:32,111 --> 00:03:32,845 DOING THIS IN THE MIDDLE OF 128 00:03:32,912 --> 00:03:34,247 DOWNTOWN. 129 00:03:34,347 --> 00:03:36,182 >> Early: WHAT, THIS? 130 00:03:36,249 --> 00:03:36,783 >> Sheriff: NO, NOT THAT. 131 00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:39,185 THAT SHAME STUFF. 132 00:03:39,252 --> 00:03:40,453 >> Early: I'M CURED NOW. 133 00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:42,222 NOW, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY DAMN 134 00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:43,089 WAY, 'CAUSE I'M DRUNK AND PISSED 135 00:03:43,189 --> 00:03:44,857 AND NAKED, AND I'M DRIVING HOME. 136 00:03:44,924 --> 00:03:47,260 [ ENGINE REVS, TIRES SQUEAL ] 137 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:48,728 [ ALL GASP ] 138 00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:50,396 >> [ BANGS GAVEL ] 139 00:03:50,463 --> 00:03:51,231 WETTIN' YOUR WHISTLE? 140 00:03:51,297 --> 00:03:52,632 LAUNCHIN' YOUR MISSILE INTO A 141 00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:54,534 PROSTITUTE'S GRISTLE? 142 00:03:54,601 --> 00:03:56,102 DAMN, BOY! 143 00:03:56,202 --> 00:03:57,370 WHAT YOU GOT TO SAY FOR 144 00:03:57,437 --> 00:03:58,071 YOURSELF? 145 00:03:58,137 --> 00:03:59,072 >> Early: [ SNIFFLES ] 146 00:03:59,138 --> 00:04:00,707 I'M SORRY, JUDGE, BUT [SNIFFLES] 147 00:04:00,773 --> 00:04:01,374 I FOUND JESUS. >> THE HELL YOU DID! 148 00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:03,810 JESUS WOULDN'T BE A PART OF THIS 149 00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:06,479 SIN AND DEFILITY. 150 00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:07,146 >> Early: UH, PERMISSION TO 151 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,549 APPROACH THE BITCH? 152 00:04:09,616 --> 00:04:11,584 [ LAUGHS ] I SAID "BITCH"! 153 00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:12,619 >> EXCUSE ME? 154 00:04:12,719 --> 00:04:13,753 >> Early: AW, HELL, HE DON'T GET 155 00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:14,721 IT. >> YOU'RE DAMN LUCKY SOMEBODY 156 00:04:15,655 --> 00:04:16,489 WASN'T KILLED HERE. 157 00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:18,224 BUT WE'RE STILL GONNA HAVE A 158 00:04:18,291 --> 00:04:18,791 FUNERAL. 159 00:04:18,891 --> 00:04:20,326 OH, YES, SIR. 160 00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:22,662 YES, SIR, WE ARE. 161 00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:23,563 [ SOLEMN ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS ] 162 00:04:23,630 --> 00:04:24,664 >> Early: GOODBYE, PARTY LIQUOR. 163 00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:25,732 [ LIQUID POURS ] 164 00:04:25,798 --> 00:04:26,833 MAY THE FLOWERS ON THIS GRAVE BE 165 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:27,500 FOREVER GETTIN' SIDEWAYS 166 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,335 TONIGHT. 167 00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:31,804 BY ALL 180 PROOF OF YOURS. 168 00:04:31,904 --> 00:04:34,407 GOODBYE, METHAMPHETAMINE 169 00:04:34,474 --> 00:04:35,275 PUFFERY. WHEN I WAS FEELING DOWN AND 170 00:04:36,142 --> 00:04:38,444 DEPRESSED, YOUR FUMES ALWAYS 171 00:04:38,511 --> 00:04:40,446 LIFTED ME UP AND FREED ME OF MY 172 00:04:40,513 --> 00:04:41,814 WORRIES, MY DIGNITY, AND MOST OF 173 00:04:41,914 --> 00:04:44,150 WHAT WAS IN MY BOWELS. 174 00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:45,418 >> Sheriff: EARLY! [ GRUNTS ] 175 00:04:45,485 --> 00:04:46,586 >> Early: I GOT TO HAVE ME SOME 176 00:04:46,653 --> 00:04:47,587 METH! 177 00:04:47,654 --> 00:04:48,421 THAT DARN PUBLIC TALKIN' MAKES ME NERVOUS. 178 00:04:49,322 --> 00:04:50,156 >> Sheriff: GO AHEAD, EARLY. 179 00:04:50,256 --> 00:04:51,357 PUSH THE WHOLE METH LAB IN 180 00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:52,025 THERE. >> Early: [ GRUNTS ] 181 00:04:52,759 --> 00:04:53,626 [ GLASS SHATTERS ] 182 00:04:53,693 --> 00:04:54,694 WHY CAN'T YOU JUST PUT ME IN 183 00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:55,662 JAIL? I MEAN, Y'ALL GOT FREE PIZZA 184 00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:57,330 PIES IN THERE. >> Sheriff: NOW TOSS IN YOUR 185 00:04:57,964 --> 00:04:59,432 TRUCK KEYS. 186 00:04:59,499 --> 00:05:00,600 JUDGE JAMMER DON'T WANT YOU ON 187 00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:01,467 THE ROAD. >> Early: UGH. 188 00:05:02,335 --> 00:05:04,537 DAMN. 189 00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:07,607 >> Sheriff: [ SIGHS ] 190 00:05:07,674 --> 00:05:09,375 THOSE WERE MY KEYS, WEREN'T 191 00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:10,176 THEY? 192 00:05:10,276 --> 00:05:11,611 >> Early: I RECKON THEY WAS. 193 00:05:11,678 --> 00:05:12,445 >> Rusty: WHOO-HOO! WE GOT US A FREE COFFEE TABLE, 194 00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:14,047 Y'ALL! 195 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,348 HOT DAMN! 196 00:05:15,448 --> 00:05:16,716 >> Sheriff: IT'S A COFFIN. 197 00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:17,617 SEE? 198 00:05:17,684 --> 00:05:19,886 >> I JUST WANTED ONE MORE... 199 00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,854 FOR THE ROAD. 200 00:05:21,954 --> 00:05:22,822 >> Sheriff: JUDGE ORDERED Y'ALL 201 00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:24,190 TO KEEP IT IN HERE FOR FIVE 202 00:05:24,290 --> 00:05:24,957 YEARS AS A REMINDER THAT 203 00:05:25,024 --> 00:05:27,193 DRINKING AND DRUGGING AND 204 00:05:27,293 --> 00:05:29,228 DRIVING LEAD TO DYING. 205 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:30,463 >> Early: PRETTY SOON, YOU'LL BE 206 00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:31,030 SAYIN' HUFFIN'S PART OF THE DAMN 207 00:05:31,130 --> 00:05:32,332 DEAL, WON'T YOU? 208 00:05:32,398 --> 00:05:33,199 >> Sheriff: SORRY, BUD. >> Early: [ GRUNTS ] 209 00:05:33,966 --> 00:05:34,567 >> Sheriff: GIVE ME. 210 00:05:34,667 --> 00:05:35,635 >> Early: FINE, THEN! 211 00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:37,804 BUT MARK MY WORDS -- THIS ENDS 212 00:05:37,870 --> 00:05:39,372 TODAY. 213 00:05:39,472 --> 00:05:39,806 [ DOOR SLAMS ] 214 00:05:39,872 --> 00:05:42,642 TODAY! 215 00:05:42,709 --> 00:05:45,878 >> Sheriff: HMM. THAT'S OMINOUS. 216 00:05:45,978 --> 00:05:47,413 >> Early: UH, I-- IS THE JUDGE 217 00:05:47,513 --> 00:05:48,147 IN? [ HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING ] 218 00:05:49,048 --> 00:05:49,649 OH, THAT'S MY READING GLASSES. 219 00:05:49,716 --> 00:05:51,417 [ CHUCKLES ] 220 00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:52,719 I CAN'T SEE A DURN THING WITHOUT 221 00:05:52,819 --> 00:05:53,653 THEM. 222 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:54,654 UH, SAY, IS THE JUDGE IN? 223 00:05:54,721 --> 00:05:55,655 [ BEEPING RESUMES ] 224 00:05:55,722 --> 00:05:56,255 >> HOW ABOUT YOU HOP IN THE 225 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,324 X-RAY BIN, PLEASE? 226 00:05:58,391 --> 00:05:59,525 >> Early: [ GRUNTS ] 227 00:05:59,592 --> 00:06:00,493 IS THE JUDGE IN? 228 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:01,761 WHAT TIME DOES JUDGE GET HERE? 229 00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:02,895 I-I JUST WANT TO TALK TO HIM? 230 00:06:02,995 --> 00:06:04,664 [ GROANS ] 231 00:06:04,731 --> 00:06:07,367 >> SON, DO YOU REALIZE I COULD 232 00:06:07,433 --> 00:06:08,735 PUT YOU AWAY FOR THIS? 233 00:06:08,835 --> 00:06:09,569 >> Early: YOU COULD? 234 00:06:09,669 --> 00:06:11,337 WOULD YOU CONSIDER DOING THAT? 235 00:06:11,404 --> 00:06:11,904 I MEAN, Y'ALL GOT THE FREE PIZZA 236 00:06:12,004 --> 00:06:13,673 PIES AND ALL. 237 00:06:13,740 --> 00:06:14,707 I MEAN, THAT THERE WILL TEACH 238 00:06:14,774 --> 00:06:15,675 ME. 239 00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:16,676 >> YOU LOVES YOU SOME PIZZA, 240 00:06:16,743 --> 00:06:17,610 DON'T YOU? 241 00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:18,711 >> Early: YES, SIR, I DO. 242 00:06:18,778 --> 00:06:20,847 >> AND YOU GOT THE PROCLIVITY 243 00:06:20,913 --> 00:06:21,948 FOR STUFFING ITEMS UP INSIDE 244 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:24,717 YOUR BUNGHOLE, DON'T YOU? 245 00:06:24,784 --> 00:06:25,351 >> Early: WELL, WHERE ARE YOU 246 00:06:25,418 --> 00:06:26,853 GOING WITH THIS? 247 00:06:26,919 --> 00:06:27,887 AAH! 248 00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:29,522 DAMN, THAT'S HOT! 249 00:06:29,589 --> 00:06:30,356 BLOW ON IT! >> Rusty: I'M SORRY, DADDY. 250 00:06:31,090 --> 00:06:31,858 >> Early: [ GROANS ] >> Rusty: THAT JUDGE SAYS IT'S 251 00:06:32,592 --> 00:06:33,126 GOT TO BE PIPIN' HOT. 252 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,527 >> Early: DAMN! 253 00:06:34,594 --> 00:06:35,528 IT'S GONNA BURN THE SKIN OFF THE 254 00:06:35,595 --> 00:06:36,262 ROOF OF MY BUTT. >> Rusty: ALL RIGHT, NOW. 255 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:37,964 THE JUDGE SAID I GOT TO ADD THE WILD BOY BREAD. 256 00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:39,432 >> Early: WHY THE HELL IS THIS 257 00:06:39,532 --> 00:06:40,700 HAPPENING TO ME?! 258 00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:41,601 >> Rusty: WELL, WHY IS IT HAPPENING TO ME? 259 00:06:42,368 --> 00:06:42,869 THAT'S MY QUESTION. >> Early: OOH! 260 00:06:43,770 --> 00:06:44,203 >> Rusty: WHERE'S THE DAMN 261 00:06:44,270 --> 00:06:45,371 SHERIFF? 262 00:06:45,438 --> 00:06:46,572 >> Sheriff: "HEAR YE, HEAR YE. 263 00:06:46,639 --> 00:06:48,408 INSTEAD OF STOPPING A ROBBERY IN 264 00:06:48,474 --> 00:06:50,610 PROGRESS, I WAS CHANGING MY 265 00:06:50,710 --> 00:06:52,879 PROFILE PIC TO A KITTY DRESSED 266 00:06:52,945 --> 00:06:54,414 AS A JEDI. 267 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:55,882 I'M A SORRY EXCUSE FOR A 268 00:06:55,948 --> 00:06:56,649 LAWMAN." >> Early: UNH-UNH. 269 00:06:57,617 --> 00:06:58,718 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING THAT 270 00:06:58,785 --> 00:06:59,452 IN THE CENTER OF TOWN, HOSS -- 271 00:06:59,552 --> 00:07:00,887 IN FRONT OF THE LORD AND 272 00:07:00,953 --> 00:07:01,921 EVERYBODY. 273 00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:02,722 >> Sheriff: YEAH, WELL, THERE'S SO MANY PUNISHMENTS GOING ON 274 00:07:03,656 --> 00:07:04,590 DOWNTOWN THAT THEY GOT TO SPREAD 275 00:07:04,657 --> 00:07:06,159 US OUT. 276 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:06,893 [ BELLS RINGING ] 277 00:07:06,959 --> 00:07:08,294 >> "HEAR YE, HEAR YE." 278 00:07:08,394 --> 00:07:08,795 I WAS ONLY TRYING TO SPICE UP MY 279 00:07:08,895 --> 00:07:10,596 MARRIAGE. 280 00:07:10,663 --> 00:07:11,063 >> I DIDN'T EVEN REALLY WANT TO 281 00:07:11,130 --> 00:07:12,398 DO IT. 282 00:07:12,465 --> 00:07:13,666 >> ALL I DID WAS PARK IN A 283 00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:15,401 HANDICAPPED SPACE WITHOUT A 284 00:07:15,468 --> 00:07:16,269 PERMIT! THIS WAS THE ONLY SIGN THEY HAD 285 00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:18,438 LEFT. 286 00:07:18,504 --> 00:07:21,741 >> FOOT-LONG HOAGIE, $6.99, WITH 287 00:07:21,808 --> 00:07:24,410 YOUR CHOICE OF CHIPS AND DRINK. 288 00:07:24,477 --> 00:07:25,411 >> YEAH, LET'S DO THIS 289 00:07:25,478 --> 00:07:26,612 MEATBALL-HOAGIE DEAL ANOTHER 290 00:07:26,679 --> 00:07:27,580 DAY. I THINK WE'RE GETTING LOST IN 291 00:07:28,514 --> 00:07:29,682 THE SHUFFLE HERE. 292 00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:30,917 >> Sheriff: THAT JUDGE JAMMER'S 293 00:07:30,983 --> 00:07:32,018 GOT A BEE IN HIS BONNET. 294 00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:33,286 THAT'S FOR DAMN SURE. 295 00:07:33,352 --> 00:07:34,086 >> Granny: "HEAR YE, HEAR YE. 296 00:07:34,153 --> 00:07:36,756 I LIKE TO PEEP ME SOME WOMEN 297 00:07:36,823 --> 00:07:37,590 WHILE THEY'S TRYING ON 298 00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:39,792 BRASSIERES AT THE BALL MART!" 299 00:07:39,859 --> 00:07:41,427 >> Early: AW, HELL, GRANNY. 300 00:07:41,494 --> 00:07:42,261 I TOLD YOU I HAD VIDEO OF IT. 301 00:07:42,328 --> 00:07:44,964 >> Granny: WELL, YOU PRATTLED ON 302 00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:45,932 ABOUT IT SO MUCH, I FIGURED I'LL 303 00:07:45,998 --> 00:07:47,767 GIVE IT A WHIRL. 304 00:07:47,834 --> 00:07:48,601 >> Sheriff: I HATE TO SAY IT, 305 00:07:48,668 --> 00:07:50,603 BUT SOMETHING'S GOT TO BE DONE 306 00:07:50,670 --> 00:07:51,437 ABOUT JUDGE JAMMER. 307 00:07:51,504 --> 00:07:53,973 IF HE'S GONNA SHAME US, WE'RE 308 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,309 GONNA HAVE TO SHAME HIM. 309 00:07:56,375 --> 00:07:57,610 >> Early: NOW, I'VE ALWAYS HEARD 310 00:07:57,677 --> 00:07:58,711 THAT A GOOD WAY TO GET A JUDGE 311 00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:00,446 OUT OF OFFICE IS TO CATCH HIM IN 312 00:08:00,513 --> 00:08:02,782 BED WITH A DEAD WOMAN OR A LIVE 313 00:08:02,849 --> 00:08:03,983 BOY. 314 00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:05,451 [ GUN COCKS ] 315 00:08:05,518 --> 00:08:06,486 Y'ALL WORK IT OUT AMONGST 316 00:08:06,552 --> 00:08:08,788 YOURSELVES. 317 00:08:13,025 --> 00:08:14,460 >> Granny: THE HELL YOU DOING, 318 00:08:14,527 --> 00:08:15,294 LITTLE BOY? 319 00:08:15,361 --> 00:08:16,496 >> Rusty: OH, COME ON, GRANNY. 320 00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:17,697 YOU'VE LIVED SUCH A LONG AND 321 00:08:17,797 --> 00:08:18,698 RICH LIFE. 322 00:08:18,798 --> 00:08:19,899 >> Granny: AND THERE'S PLENTY 323 00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:20,733 DAMN MORE LEFT IN THE TANK! 324 00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:22,635 ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS LAY DOWN 325 00:08:22,702 --> 00:08:23,836 NAKED WITH THE MAN FOR A FEW 326 00:08:23,903 --> 00:08:25,705 PHOTOS... 327 00:08:25,805 --> 00:08:26,672 MAYBE A LITTLE ASS PLAY. 328 00:08:26,739 --> 00:08:27,974 >> Rusty: OH, THE HELL YOU SAY! 329 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:28,641 >> Granny: THE HELL YOU SAY! 330 00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:29,876 GIVE ME THAT THING! 331 00:08:29,976 --> 00:08:30,676 >> Sheriff: WHEN I SAID SHAME, EARLY, I-I WAS THINKING MORE 332 00:08:31,644 --> 00:08:33,646 LIKE WE'D JUST GET AHOLD OF HIS 333 00:08:33,713 --> 00:08:34,881 TAX RECORDS OR SOMETHING. 334 00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:35,715 [ CHUCKLES ] MAYBE GET HIS 335 00:08:35,815 --> 00:08:37,550 HIGH-SCHOOL-YEARBOOK PHOTO AND 336 00:08:37,650 --> 00:08:38,684 PUT IT UP ON A BIG OLD 337 00:08:38,751 --> 00:08:39,385 BILLBOARD. [ GUNSHOT, THUDDING ] 338 00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:41,520 >> Early: WELL, SOUNDS LIKE 339 00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:42,655 SOMEBODY'S HASHED OUT A 340 00:08:42,722 --> 00:08:43,990 COMPROMISE. 341 00:08:44,056 --> 00:08:46,692 >> Granny: SAY...YOU'LL...DO IT! 342 00:08:46,759 --> 00:08:47,660 >> Rusty: I'LL DO IT! >> Granny: [ SIGHS ] 343 00:08:48,694 --> 00:08:50,930 THAT'S MY LITTLE BITCH. 344 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:54,901 >> Early: ALL RIGHT, DISROBE 345 00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:56,836 YOURSELF. 346 00:08:56,903 --> 00:08:58,371 NOW, WE'RE GONNA SNEAK UP IN HIS 347 00:08:58,437 --> 00:08:59,238 BEDROOM, AND YOU GET IN CLOSE TO 348 00:08:59,338 --> 00:09:01,507 HIM, WRAP YOUR ARMS AROUND HIM. 349 00:09:01,574 --> 00:09:02,008 WE'RE GONNA SNAP A FEW SHOTS, 350 00:09:02,074 --> 00:09:03,209 AND WE OUT. 351 00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:05,845 MIGHT BE A LITTLE ASS PLAY. 352 00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:06,779 >> Rusty: DAMN IT, I KNOW! I KNOW! 353 00:09:07,580 --> 00:09:08,180 >> Early: Shh! [ GRUNTS ] 354 00:09:08,915 --> 00:09:09,749 >> Rusty: HOLD ON! [ ALARM BLARES ] 355 00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:11,350 DAMN, DADDY! >> Early: STOP BITCHING AND OPEN 356 00:09:12,184 --> 00:09:12,919 THE DOOR. I AIN'T GOING THROUGH NO DAMN 357 00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:14,020 PLATE GLASS. 358 00:09:14,086 --> 00:09:15,922 [ BEEPING ] 359 00:09:16,022 --> 00:09:17,089 >> WHAT THE HELL? HOLD ON. 360 00:09:17,189 --> 00:09:18,224 FEATHERS DOWN. 361 00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:21,527 WHO DARES ENTER THE SACRED REALM 362 00:09:21,594 --> 00:09:22,295 OF THE 363 00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,030 NAKED-TICKLE-PARTY/POTLUCK 364 00:09:24,096 --> 00:09:27,099 FUNDRAISER FOR CYSTIC FIBROSIS? 365 00:09:27,199 --> 00:09:29,235 SHOW THYSELF! 366 00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:31,637 >> Sheriff: UH, I DIDN'T SEE 367 00:09:31,737 --> 00:09:32,438 NOTHING. IT'S JUST ME, JUDGE JAMMER. 368 00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:33,973 >> WHOA! THERE'S NO JUDGE JAMMER HERE. 369 00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:36,075 HE-- HE'S MOVED. 370 00:09:36,142 --> 00:09:37,143 UH, HE'S RENTING THIS PLACE OUT 371 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:38,044 FOR THIS, UH... 372 00:09:38,110 --> 00:09:39,912 >> [ Muffled ] IT'S A 373 00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:40,780 FANTASY-FOOTBALL DRAFT. 374 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:41,981 >> YEAH, THAT'S WHAT IT IS -- A 375 00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:42,949 FANTASY-FOOTBALL DRAFT. I'LL TAKE ICKEY WOODS. 376 00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:44,717 [ CHUCKLES ] GIVE ME ICKEY WOODS. 377 00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:46,218 [ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ] >> Early: THERE YOU GO. 378 00:09:47,053 --> 00:09:47,720 >> HOLD -- HOLD ON. NO! 379 00:09:47,787 --> 00:09:48,888 NOBODY SAID NOTHING ABOUT 380 00:09:48,955 --> 00:09:49,889 CAMERAS! 381 00:09:49,956 --> 00:09:50,756 >> WELL, WE BETTER GET GOING. 382 00:09:50,823 --> 00:09:51,757 >> Dan Halen: YEAH, I'VE GOT TO 383 00:09:51,824 --> 00:09:52,391 GET GOING, AS WELL -- HYAH! 384 00:09:52,458 --> 00:09:53,593 >> [ WHINNIES ] 385 00:09:53,659 --> 00:09:54,427 >> DON'T GO! >> Rusty: I STILL GOT TO TOUCH 386 00:09:55,127 --> 00:09:55,995 HIS BUTT? [ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ] 387 00:09:56,896 --> 00:09:57,763 >> Early: YEAH, LET'S GET A COUPLE JUST TO BE SAFE. 388 00:09:58,798 --> 00:09:59,599 >> ARREST HIM, SHERIFF. 389 00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:00,633 HE'S BREAKING AND ENTERING. 390 00:10:00,733 --> 00:10:01,834 >> Sheriff: WELL, I'M AN UNFIT 391 00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:03,636 LAWMAN, THOUGH, REMEMBER? 392 00:10:03,736 --> 00:10:04,570 MMM. IS THIS MEATLESS? 393 00:10:05,404 --> 00:10:06,072 [ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ] >> [ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ] 394 00:10:06,973 --> 00:10:07,840 ALL RIGHT. OKAY. 395 00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:09,008 ALL RIGHT, GUYS. 396 00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:10,109 THERE'S GOT TO BE A WAY WE CAN 397 00:10:10,176 --> 00:10:11,944 WORK THIS OUT, HUH? 398 00:10:12,011 --> 00:10:12,912 >> Sheriff: [ BANGS GAVEL ] 399 00:10:12,979 --> 00:10:14,814 ALL RISE FOR THE HONORABLE 400 00:10:14,914 --> 00:10:16,248 JUDGE DOUGLAS PEPPERS. 401 00:10:16,315 --> 00:10:18,784 WELCOME BACK, DOUG. 402 00:10:18,851 --> 00:10:19,585 >> WHO'S DOUG? 403 00:10:19,652 --> 00:10:21,687 >> Sheriff: UH, THAT'S YOU. 404 00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:22,588 >> Early: DOUG! MY MAN! 405 00:10:23,322 --> 00:10:24,023 WELCOME BACK, HOSS! 406 00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:26,926 >> DOUG, WELCOME BACK. 407 00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:27,760 >> Sheriff: LET ME JUST FLIP 408 00:10:27,827 --> 00:10:29,595 THIS NAMEPLATE AROUND FOR YOU. 409 00:10:29,662 --> 00:10:30,196 >> OH, THANK YOU, DOUG. 410 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:33,366 {\an8}[ GAVEL BANGING ] 411 00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:38,104 {\an8}WHAT SONG IS THIS? 412 00:10:38,170 --> 00:10:41,440 {\an8}[ BANGING CONTINUES ] 413 00:10:47,847 --> 00:10:48,781 {\an8}>> Sheriff: YOU CAN PROBABLY 414 00:10:48,848 --> 00:10:51,651 {\an8}JUST GO HOME, EARLY. 415 00:10:51,717 --> 00:10:52,284 {\an8}[ DOOR OPENS ] 416 00:10:52,351 --> 00:10:53,719 {\an8}[ DOOR CLOSES ] 417 00:10:53,819 --> 00:10:56,522 {\an8}>> NOW THE DRUM SOLO! 60794

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.