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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,083 --> 00:00:06,167 [ STATIC ] [ COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS ] 2 00:00:06,250 --> 00:00:11,584 ♪ MY DREAMS ARE ALL DEAD AND BURIED ♪ 3 00:00:11,667 --> 00:00:16,959 ♪ SOMETIMES I WISH THE SUN WOULD JUST EXPLODE ♪ 4 00:00:17,042 --> 00:00:22,334 ♪ WHEN GOD CALLS ME BACK TO HIS KINGDOM ♪ 5 00:00:22,417 --> 00:00:26,500 ♪ I'LL TAKE ALL YOU SONS OF BITCHES WHEN I GO ♪ 6 00:00:26,584 --> 00:00:28,792 [ WAILING ] Rusty: MY TURN. 7 00:00:28,876 --> 00:00:29,626 Early: HELL NO. 8 00:00:29,709 --> 00:00:31,292 Rusty: MAN, LET ME DRIVE THAT THING! 9 00:00:31,375 --> 00:00:33,709 Early: DO NOT TOUCH THE TRIM! 10 00:00:33,792 --> 00:00:38,250 Dan Halen: I DID NOT HIKE OVER 1,800 VERTICAL FEET INSIDE 11 00:00:38,334 --> 00:00:41,334 THE EARTH'S ANUS FOR THIS CHICKEN FEED! 12 00:00:41,417 --> 00:00:44,876 URBANITES INVADE THESE MOUNTAINS TO WATCH TREES ROT AND PICK 13 00:00:44,959 --> 00:00:48,375 APPLES LIKE COMMON MIGRANTS, AND YET WE CAN'T LURE THEM INTO MY 14 00:00:48,459 --> 00:00:50,209 GOD-FORSAKEN HOLE? 15 00:00:50,292 --> 00:00:52,375 Rusty: MAYBE WE'RE NOT DOING ENOUGH ON THE MARKETING FRONT. 16 00:00:52,459 --> 00:00:58,626 Dan Halen: YOU HAVE AN ISSUE WITH MY STREET TEAM? 17 00:00:58,709 --> 00:01:01,209 Sheriff: SPIDERDUDE, I-I'M PRETTY SURE YOU AIN'T SUPPOSED 18 00:01:01,292 --> 00:01:02,334 TO HAVE A TIP JAR OUT HERE. 19 00:01:02,417 --> 00:01:04,584 Early: WHO IN THE HELL'S GONNA LISTEN TO YOU, A-ROTATIN' 20 00:01:04,667 --> 00:01:06,834 COUNTERCLOCKWISE LIKE A DAMN FOOL? 21 00:01:06,918 --> 00:01:08,083 AMATEUR HOUR. 22 00:01:08,167 --> 00:01:09,250 Sheriff: HEY, CAR, CAR. 23 00:01:09,334 --> 00:01:11,167 Early: VISIT THE HOLE IN THE GROUND! 24 00:01:11,250 --> 00:01:12,667 Sheriff: VISIT GRANITE CAVERNS. 25 00:01:12,751 --> 00:01:15,375 Early: GRATUITY IS ACCEPTED. 26 00:01:15,459 --> 00:01:16,334 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW? 27 00:01:16,751 --> 00:01:17,709 AIR GUITAR? 28 00:01:17,792 --> 00:01:19,292 THAT'S MY SIGNATURE MOVE. 29 00:01:19,375 --> 00:01:21,709 Sheriff: WELL, THIS IS A BASS. 30 00:01:21,792 --> 00:01:22,792 IT'S DIFFERENT. 31 00:01:22,876 --> 00:01:26,292 Dan Halen: SO, HOW DO YOU PROPOSE WE OUT-CHATTANOOGA 32 00:01:26,375 --> 00:01:30,083 CHATTANOOGA FOR THE ALMIGHTY WHITE-TRASH DOLLAR? 33 00:01:30,167 --> 00:01:32,250 Rusty: WELL, MAYBE WE OUGHT TO SPRUCE UP THE NAMES OF THESE 34 00:01:32,334 --> 00:01:33,417 ROCK FORMATIONS A LITTLE BIT. 35 00:01:33,500 --> 00:01:36,584 Dan Halen: OH, SO YOUR ISSUE IS WITH THE CROWN JEWEL OF THE 36 00:01:36,667 --> 00:01:39,459 GRANITE CAVERNS -- THE MAJESTIC LESTER'S PENIS? 37 00:01:39,542 --> 00:01:42,292 Rusty: YOU REALLY WANT A THIRD-GRADE FIELD TRIP STANDING 38 00:01:42,375 --> 00:01:43,334 NEXT TO A LIMESTONE HARD-ON? 39 00:01:43,417 --> 00:01:45,751 Dan Halen: IT IS A FAMILY-FRIENDLY TRIBUTE TO THE 40 00:01:45,834 --> 00:01:50,083 LOINS OF GEORGIA'S MOST BELOVED SEGREGATIONIST, LESTER MADDOX. 41 00:01:50,167 --> 00:01:52,209 PEOPLE PUT HIM TOO MUCH ON A PEDESTAL. 42 00:01:52,292 --> 00:01:54,250 THIS HUMANIZES HIM. 43 00:01:54,334 --> 00:01:55,250 Rusty: LESTER'S PENIS? 44 00:01:55,334 --> 00:01:58,083 Dan Halen: THE NOMENCLATURE [Echoing] STANDS! 45 00:01:58,167 --> 00:02:00,417 Rusty: LOOK, MY POINT IS WE'RE STANDING INSIDE THE FIFTH 46 00:02:00,500 --> 00:02:01,584 WONDER OF THE WORLD. 47 00:02:01,667 --> 00:02:03,709 WE NEED TO GET OUT OF THE WAY AND LET MOTHER NATURE BE THE 48 00:02:03,792 --> 00:02:04,292 STAR. Dan Halen: YOU'RE RIGHT. 49 00:02:04,834 --> 00:02:05,667 WE NEED A GIMMICK. 50 00:02:05,751 --> 00:02:07,751 WHAT'S THAT THERE BEHIND YOU ON THE WALL? 51 00:02:07,834 --> 00:02:08,834 Rusty: THEM BOOGERS? 52 00:02:08,918 --> 00:02:11,209 Dan Halen: NO, NOT THE BOOGERS -- NEXT TO THE BOOGERS. 53 00:02:11,292 --> 00:02:13,876 THEY APPEAR TO BE ANCIENT CAVE DRAWINGS. 54 00:02:13,959 --> 00:02:16,667 Rusty: N-NO, THAT WAS JUST ME. 55 00:02:16,751 --> 00:02:19,083 IT'S JUST SIDEWALK CHALK, THOUGH -- THEM LESTER'S PENIS 56 00:02:19,167 --> 00:02:19,626 CHALK STICKS WE SELL IN THE GIFT SHOP. 57 00:02:19,709 --> 00:02:21,292 Dan Halen: NO, NO, NO. 58 00:02:21,375 --> 00:02:22,667 DON'T YOU SEE? 59 00:02:22,751 --> 00:02:27,876 THESE ARE PRIMITIVE GLYPHS FROM AN ANCIENT RACE FAR BEYOND US. 60 00:02:27,959 --> 00:02:29,751 Rusty: YOU -- YOU HEARD ME SAY I DREW THESE, RIGHT? 61 00:02:29,834 --> 00:02:31,459 Dan Halen: MILLIONS OF YEARS AGO? 62 00:02:31,542 --> 00:02:33,125 Rusty: I WASN'T ALIVE BACK THEN. 63 00:02:33,209 --> 00:02:35,292 Dan Halen: WELL, THEN, HOW COULD YOU HAVE DONE IT? 64 00:02:35,375 --> 00:02:36,292 Rusty: COME ON, NOW. 65 00:02:36,375 --> 00:02:37,417 YOU ACTUALLY TRYING TO SAY THAT THESE THINGS -- 66 00:02:37,500 --> 00:02:40,167 Dan Halen: WERE DRAWN BY AN ANCIENT ALIEN RACE WHO MAY 67 00:02:40,250 --> 00:02:42,792 SOMEDAY RETURN TO DRUM UP TOURIST INTEREST? 68 00:02:42,876 --> 00:02:45,334 THAT IS A MIND-BOGGLING DISCOVERY THAT COULD SHAPE THE 69 00:02:45,417 --> 00:02:51,834 VERY FINANCIAL FUTURE OF THIS ENTIRE GUANO-CAKED DEATH TRAP. 70 00:02:51,918 --> 00:02:53,918 Granny: HEY, SPIDERDUDE. 71 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,542 AIN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE TWIRLIN' DOWN BY THE OFF RAMP? 72 00:02:56,626 --> 00:02:57,918 Early: HUMP THAT NOISE. 73 00:02:58,000 --> 00:02:59,209 HE AIN'T GONNA CHECK. 74 00:02:59,292 --> 00:02:59,918 NOW SWITCH ON THE PICTURE BOX. 75 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,167 I DONE THOUGHT ENOUGH FOR TODAY. 76 00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:04,209 I NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO THINK TOMORROW. 77 00:03:04,292 --> 00:03:05,334 SPEAK TO ME, HANNITY. 78 00:03:05,417 --> 00:03:08,500 THE ADVERTISEMENT CLAIMS THAT THE DRAWINGS UNLOCK THE 79 00:03:08,584 --> 00:03:10,417 MYSTERIES TO ALL LIFE ON EARTH. 80 00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:11,500 Early: YEAH, OKAY. 81 00:03:11,584 --> 00:03:12,918 UNLOCK THE MYSTERIES OF THAT FUNNY-CAR CHALLENGE ON TWO. 82 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,334 Granny: WAIT A MINUTE. 83 00:03:14,417 --> 00:03:15,500 AIN'T THAT WHERE YOU WORK? 84 00:03:15,584 --> 00:03:18,459 BUT UPON CLOSER INSPECTION, THE "FINDINGS" ARE NOT SO MUCH 85 00:03:18,542 --> 00:03:20,500 REMARKABLE AS RIDICULOUS. 86 00:03:20,584 --> 00:03:24,542 ONE DRAWING DEPICTS A WEREWOLF RIDING A WINGED DINOSAUR WHILE A 87 00:03:24,626 --> 00:03:28,334 SCANTILY-CLAD WOMAN BLASTS THEM WITH WHAT APPEAR TO BE LASER 88 00:03:28,417 --> 00:03:29,334 BREASTS. 89 00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:30,375 Granny: [ GASPS ] JUST LIKE IN THE BIBLE. 90 00:03:30,459 --> 00:03:30,876 Early: SHH. 91 00:03:30,959 --> 00:03:32,042 IT'S A MISSING LINK. 92 00:03:32,125 --> 00:03:35,709 THIS ONE SHOWS AN ALIEN PLACING A CROWN ON THE HEAD OF A 93 00:03:35,792 --> 00:03:36,250 CEPHALOPOD. 94 00:03:36,334 --> 00:03:37,626 Early: A CEPHALO-WHAT? 95 00:03:37,709 --> 00:03:39,459 THAT LOOKS LIKE ME! 96 00:03:39,542 --> 00:03:39,876 THAT'S ME! HELL, THAT'S ME! 97 00:03:40,542 --> 00:03:41,751 Granny: WAIT A MINUTE. 98 00:03:41,834 --> 00:03:42,542 ARE YOU SAYING...? 99 00:03:42,626 --> 00:03:43,709 Early: THAT'S RIGHT. 100 00:03:43,792 --> 00:03:45,667 ACCORDING TO THEM ROCKS ON THE TV NEWS, ALIENS IS COMING BACK 101 00:03:45,751 --> 00:03:48,250 TO CROWN ME SPACE KING. 102 00:03:48,334 --> 00:03:49,500 YEAH! 103 00:03:49,584 --> 00:03:52,209 Granny: NO, I THOUGHT YOU WAS GONNA SAY SOMETHING DIFFERENT. 104 00:03:52,292 --> 00:03:54,334 SOME IN THE COMMUNITY QUESTION THE AUTHENTICITY OF THE 105 00:03:54,417 --> 00:03:54,709 DRAWINGS. 106 00:03:54,792 --> 00:03:56,083 DINO-WHAT? 107 00:03:56,167 --> 00:04:00,375 [ LAUGHS ] WHAT'S NEXT -- WE'LL BE TEACHING 108 00:04:00,459 --> 00:04:02,209 SCIENCE IN SCHOOL? 109 00:04:02,292 --> 00:04:05,918 [ CHUCKLES ] BUT THE PROPRIETOR OF THE 110 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,709 CAVERNS SEEMS TO BELIEVE HIS NEW DISCOVERY COULD PROVIDE A BOON 111 00:04:08,792 --> 00:04:10,042 TO THE LOCAL TAX BASE. 112 00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:12,375 Dan Halen: COME TO GRANITE CAVERNS. 113 00:04:12,459 --> 00:04:15,375 REMEMBER THE NAME GRANITE CAVERNS -- NUMBER ONE IN 114 00:04:15,459 --> 00:04:16,500 FAMILY FUN. 115 00:04:16,584 --> 00:04:19,000 LOOK FOR THE SIGN-SPINNING SPIDERDUDE, BUT PLEASE DO NOT 116 00:04:19,083 --> 00:04:20,125 OFFER HIM ANY GRATUITY. 117 00:04:20,209 --> 00:04:23,375 JUST PARK OUT IN THE LOT WHERE HE'S STANDING AND UNDER NO 118 00:04:23,459 --> 00:04:25,751 CIRCUMSTANCES RESPOND TO ANY OF HIS SEXUAL ADVANCES. 119 00:04:25,834 --> 00:04:27,876 WHERE THE HELL IS HE?! 120 00:04:27,959 --> 00:04:29,584 Early: SUCK ON THAT, BOSS MAN! 121 00:04:29,667 --> 00:04:31,667 I'M SPINNING FROM HOME TODAY. 122 00:04:31,751 --> 00:04:32,667 HOT DIGGITY DAMN, BOY. DID YOU HEAR THE NEWS? 123 00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:37,500 Granny: YOUR DADDY'S SPIDERDUDE! 124 00:04:37,584 --> 00:04:39,667 I'M SORRY, BUT THE TRUTH MUST COME OUT. 125 00:04:39,751 --> 00:04:42,876 Early: I'M TALKING ABOUT THEM CAVE SCRATCHINGS SAYING THAT I 126 00:04:42,959 --> 00:04:44,834 IS GONNA BE THE DAMN SPACE KING. 127 00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:47,042 Rusty: UH...THERE'S SOMETHING I GOT TO TELL Y'ALL ABOUT THEM 128 00:04:47,125 --> 00:04:47,709 DRAWINGS. Granny: WELL, WE SEEN THEM. 129 00:04:48,334 --> 00:04:49,292 THEY'S REAL DRAWINGS. 130 00:04:49,375 --> 00:04:51,459 Rusty: WELL, YEAH, THEY ARE REAL DRAWINGS, BUT -- 131 00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:52,959 Early: WE'VE SEEN THEM ON THE TV NEWS. 132 00:04:53,042 --> 00:04:55,459 THEY AIN'T GONNA WASTE NOBODY'S TIME WITH WITH MESS LIKE THAT 133 00:04:55,542 --> 00:04:56,459 THAT AIN'T TRUE. 134 00:04:56,542 --> 00:04:57,959 Granny: BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU SEE AND READ. 135 00:04:58,042 --> 00:04:59,542 Rusty: GRANNY, THAT WASN'T REAL NEWS. 136 00:04:59,626 --> 00:05:01,959 Early: OH, I GOT SOME NEWS FOR THAT BOSS OF YOURS. 137 00:05:02,042 --> 00:05:04,542 YOU TELL OL' HALEN TO GO SIT AND SPIN ON THE [WHISTLE] YOURSELF 138 00:05:04,626 --> 00:05:05,542 EXPRESS. 139 00:05:05,626 --> 00:05:07,792 I AIN'T A'GYRATING NO MORE WORDITATIONS FOR HIM. 140 00:05:07,876 --> 00:05:10,626 'CAUSE SPACE ALIENS ABOUT TO COME DOWN AND MAKE ME THE KING. 141 00:05:10,709 --> 00:05:12,834 HELL YEAH, BABY! 142 00:05:12,918 --> 00:05:13,584 SPACE KING! WHOO! 143 00:05:13,667 --> 00:05:15,542 Dan Halen: YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. 144 00:05:15,626 --> 00:05:17,542 RIGHT, YOU'RE KING SQUID FROM THE DRAWING. 145 00:05:17,626 --> 00:05:20,876 Granny: GET YOUR CAVE ON AT GRANITE CAVERNS. 146 00:05:20,959 --> 00:05:22,709 Dan Halen: SPINNING INSIDE DEFEATS THE PURPOSE. 147 00:05:22,792 --> 00:05:25,626 Granny: BUT I'M SAYING TO PEOPLE THAT THE BULK SENT YOU. 148 00:05:25,709 --> 00:05:27,792 I'M THE BULK. 149 00:05:27,876 --> 00:05:28,667 Dan Halen: THESE PEOPLE ALREADY PAID. THEY'RE INSIDE. 150 00:05:29,709 --> 00:05:33,250 GET BACK OUT TO THE DRAINAGE DITCH AND SPIN. 151 00:05:33,334 --> 00:05:36,542 Granny: [ Groaning ] OH, IT'S SO MUCH COOLER IN HERE. 152 00:05:36,626 --> 00:05:38,834 Dan Halen: AND TELL UNCLE SAM TO LAY OFF THE AIR BASS. 153 00:05:38,918 --> 00:05:40,834 IT'S DRIVING PEOPLE AWAY. 154 00:05:40,918 --> 00:05:41,500 OH, MY GOD. 155 00:05:41,584 --> 00:05:42,626 I'M SO GETTING A TATTOO OF THAT. 156 00:05:42,709 --> 00:05:44,459 CHECK IT OUT. 157 00:05:44,542 --> 00:05:46,459 I GOT THE LAST YOUTH EXTRA-SMALL. 158 00:05:46,542 --> 00:05:47,000 OH, MY GOD. 159 00:05:47,083 --> 00:05:48,042 THAT FITS TOTALLY WRONG. 160 00:05:48,125 --> 00:05:48,918 COLOR'S RIDICULOUS. IT'S PERFECT. 161 00:05:49,792 --> 00:05:51,334 Rusty: NOW, NOW, PLEASE, GENTLEMEN. 162 00:05:51,417 --> 00:05:52,792 WE DON'T ALLOW CLOSE-UP PHOTOGRAPHY. 163 00:05:52,876 --> 00:05:54,959 DUDE, WE'RE SHOOTING A DOCUMENTARY ON THIS WITH OUR 164 00:05:55,042 --> 00:05:55,667 PHONES. WOULD YOU DO AN INTERVIEW? 165 00:05:56,584 --> 00:05:58,250 Rusty: THAT THING GOT A MICROPHONE? 166 00:05:58,334 --> 00:06:03,584 [ BEAT-BOXING ] Dan Halen: RUSTY, LEAVE THESE 167 00:06:03,667 --> 00:06:09,167 YOUNG EXPLORERS WHO, ON SECOND THOUGHT, APPEAR TO BE GROWN MEN 168 00:06:09,250 --> 00:06:12,000 IN THEIR 30s TO REVEL IN THE SUBTERRANEAN WONDERS, OKAY? 169 00:06:12,083 --> 00:06:14,375 Rusty: YEAH, THEY REVELIN', ALL RIGHT. 170 00:06:14,459 --> 00:06:15,542 YOU KNOW WHAT IRONIC MEANS, DON'T YOU? 171 00:06:15,626 --> 00:06:17,667 YES, I'M FAMILIAR WITH THE SONG -- "RAIN ON YOUR WEDDING" 172 00:06:17,751 --> 00:06:18,167 DAY." OF COURSE. I GET IT. 173 00:06:19,250 --> 00:06:19,709 Rusty: NO, IT MEANS THEY'RE MAKING FUN OF US. Dan Halen: WHAT? 174 00:06:20,792 --> 00:06:22,876 Rusty: 'CAUSE THEY KNOW THE DRAWINGS ARE FAKE. 175 00:06:22,959 --> 00:06:23,709 I AM THE SQUID KING! 176 00:06:23,792 --> 00:06:25,542 Early: GIVE ME BACK MY CROWN, BITCH! 177 00:06:25,626 --> 00:06:26,000 HE'S DOING IT! KEEP FILMING HIM! 178 00:06:26,709 --> 00:06:27,209 KEEP FILMING HIM! 179 00:06:27,292 --> 00:06:28,375 Early: COME ON, HOSS. 180 00:06:28,459 --> 00:06:30,751 Dan Halen: IF WORD GETS OUT THAT THESE DRAWINGS ARE FAKE, 181 00:06:30,834 --> 00:06:32,792 CHATTANOOGA WILL HAVE A FIELD DAY WITH THIS! 182 00:06:32,876 --> 00:06:35,542 Rusty: YEAH, I THINK IT'S PROBABLY TOO LATE FOR THAT. 183 00:06:35,626 --> 00:06:35,876 Dan Halen: NO. KILL THEM. 184 00:06:36,751 --> 00:06:39,000 [ CELLPHONE BEEPS ] KILL THEM ALL. 185 00:06:39,083 --> 00:06:41,542 [ CELLPHONE BEEPS ] EXCEPT THE ONE WITH THE WALLET 186 00:06:41,626 --> 00:06:42,042 CHAIN. HE SEEMS PRETTY COOL. 187 00:06:43,042 --> 00:06:45,542 Rusty: I CAN'T MURDER NOBODY, MR. HALEN. 188 00:06:45,626 --> 00:06:46,709 THEY'RE -- THEY'RE PEOPLE. 189 00:06:46,792 --> 00:06:50,542 Dan Halen: IF YOU EVER WANT THIS INTERNSHIP TO TURN INTO A 190 00:06:50,626 --> 00:06:54,876 PAYING JOB, THEN NOT ONE PAIR OF SKINNY JEANS MUST WALK OUT OF 191 00:06:54,959 --> 00:06:55,834 THIS CAVE ALIVE! 192 00:06:55,918 --> 00:06:58,334 Early: WHERE DOTH YE LIE THE DIPPIN' MUSTARD? 193 00:06:58,417 --> 00:07:00,250 Rusty: HEY, DADDY, I-I NEED YOUR HELP WITH SOMETHIN'. 194 00:07:00,334 --> 00:07:03,000 Early: HOLD THINE TONGUE, MINION. 195 00:07:03,083 --> 00:07:05,500 [ GULPING ] AHH! 196 00:07:05,584 --> 00:07:06,667 PROCEED. 197 00:07:06,751 --> 00:07:09,709 Rusty: WELL, UH, MR. HALEN DON'T WANT THE WORD TO GET OUT 198 00:07:09,792 --> 00:07:10,918 THAT T-THE DRAWINGS ARE... 199 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:13,292 WELL, THAT THE DRAWINGS ARE -- Early: THE DRAWINGS ARE WHAT? 200 00:07:13,375 --> 00:07:17,083 Rusty: THE DRAWINGS ARE...LESS THAN AUTHENTIC. 201 00:07:17,167 --> 00:07:18,000 Early: WHAT... 202 00:07:18,083 --> 00:07:19,667 THE HELL DOES THAT WORD MEAN? 203 00:07:19,751 --> 00:07:20,083 "AUTHENTIC"? 204 00:07:20,167 --> 00:07:21,125 SPEAK, MINION. 205 00:07:21,209 --> 00:07:24,083 Rusty: ALL RIGHT, LOOK -- Early: WAIT. HOLD ON. 206 00:07:24,167 --> 00:07:26,209 [ GULPING ] ALL RIGHT NOW. GO AHEAD. 207 00:07:26,292 --> 00:07:29,417 Rusty: SEE, MR. HALEN HAS ORDERED ME TO KILL EVERYBODY IN 208 00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:31,000 THIS CAVE, BUT -- Early: OKAY. 209 00:07:31,083 --> 00:07:32,751 Rusty: WAIT. DADDY, NO, NO! 210 00:07:32,834 --> 00:07:35,751 Early: I AM THE KING OF SPACE, AND I DONE MASTERED ALL 211 00:07:35,834 --> 00:07:37,000 YOUR EARTH WEAPONS, AS WELL. 212 00:07:37,083 --> 00:07:39,751 YOU WEARING THAT T-SHIRT FROM THE BAND THAT I LIKE -- YOU JUST 213 00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:42,667 PRETENDED TO LIKE THEM, OR MAYBE YOU DON'T LIKE THEM AND YOU'RE 214 00:07:42,751 --> 00:07:44,250 MAKIN' FUN OF ME FOR LIKIN' THEM. 215 00:07:44,334 --> 00:07:44,959 I LIKE THEM. 216 00:07:45,042 --> 00:07:46,167 THEY GOODER THAN HELL. 217 00:07:46,250 --> 00:07:46,751 I SEEN 'EM. 218 00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:48,125 AND THEY STILL GOOD, TOO. 219 00:07:48,209 --> 00:07:49,375 COOL. THIS IS A BAND? 220 00:07:49,459 --> 00:07:53,209 Early: AND YOU WEARING THAT BABY TOTE, EVEN THOUGH YOU AIN'T 221 00:07:53,292 --> 00:07:54,584 GOT NO BABY IN IT. 222 00:07:54,667 --> 00:07:55,959 INVISIBLE BABY. GET IT? 223 00:07:56,042 --> 00:07:57,083 CHECK IT OUT, MAN. 224 00:07:57,167 --> 00:07:59,709 I GOT THE STROLLER AND EVERYTHING. 225 00:07:59,792 --> 00:08:00,959 Early: YOU'RE NEXT. 226 00:08:01,042 --> 00:08:02,042 [ RUMBLING ] OH, MY GOD. 227 00:08:02,125 --> 00:08:03,751 LOOK AT THAT FAKE BOULDER. 228 00:08:03,834 --> 00:08:05,709 WATCH THIS. 229 00:08:05,792 --> 00:08:07,000 I'M GONNA LET IT HIT ME. 230 00:08:07,083 --> 00:08:07,834 [ GROANS ] [ COUGHS ] 231 00:08:07,918 --> 00:08:10,125 [ Weakly ] FAKE BLOOD. 232 00:08:10,209 --> 00:08:10,959 HYSTERICAL. DUDE, DUDE, LOOK AT ME. 233 00:08:11,918 --> 00:08:14,125 YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE. 234 00:08:14,209 --> 00:08:17,042 AS SOON AS I GET A SIGNAL, THIS IS GONNA GO ON TUMBLR. 235 00:08:17,125 --> 00:08:18,959 [ SCREAMING ] Early: WHAT THE HELL? 236 00:08:19,042 --> 00:08:20,500 Dan Halen: AAAAH! 237 00:08:20,584 --> 00:08:22,000 LESTER'S PENIS?! 238 00:08:22,083 --> 00:08:25,167 MY COMEUPPANCE AT LAST! 239 00:08:25,250 --> 00:08:27,334 Rusty: AAAH! 240 00:08:27,417 --> 00:08:31,000 [ BOTH COUGH ] Early: DON'T WORRY, SON. 241 00:08:31,083 --> 00:08:32,167 THEM ALIENS WILL COME ALONG AND RESCUE US. 242 00:08:32,250 --> 00:08:34,959 Rusty: DADDY, THERE AIN'T NO ALIENS. 243 00:08:35,042 --> 00:08:36,167 Early: YEAH, THERE IS. 244 00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:37,250 ACCORDING TO THE DRAWINGS, THERE WAS. 245 00:08:37,334 --> 00:08:40,000 Rusty: ALIENS DIDN'T DRAW THIS. 246 00:08:40,083 --> 00:08:41,918 Early: OF COURSE THEY DIDN'T, SON. 247 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,250 ANCIENT CAVEMANS WITH CONNECTIONS TO ALIENS IS THE 248 00:08:44,334 --> 00:08:45,209 ONES WHAT DONE IT. 249 00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:46,250 Rusty: NO, DADDY. 250 00:08:46,334 --> 00:08:47,459 I DID THE DRAWINGS. 251 00:08:47,542 --> 00:08:50,959 Early: YOU GOT CONNECTIONS TO SPACE ALIENS FROM SPACE? 252 00:08:51,042 --> 00:08:53,250 Rusty: DADDY, THERE AIN'T NO ALIENS! 253 00:08:53,334 --> 00:08:54,542 SEE? 254 00:08:54,626 --> 00:08:56,167 Early: OH. OKAY. 255 00:08:56,250 --> 00:08:57,334 I UNDERSTAND. 256 00:08:57,417 --> 00:09:00,626 YOU JEALOUS AS HELL 'CAUSE YOU TRYIN' TO TAKE AWAY MY DAMN 257 00:09:00,709 --> 00:09:03,876 ACHIEVEMENTS THAT I DONE ACHIEVED MYSELF OF WORKIN' HARD 258 00:09:03,959 --> 00:09:04,542 AS HELL FOR IT. 259 00:09:04,626 --> 00:09:06,209 IT WON'T JUST HANDED TO ME. 260 00:09:06,292 --> 00:09:07,375 I AM THE DAMN SPACE KING! 261 00:09:07,459 --> 00:09:11,042 Rusty: LOOK -- I JUST PUT ZITS AND RED HAIR ON IT. 262 00:09:11,125 --> 00:09:14,667 DOES THAT MEAN I'M SPACE KING NOW? 263 00:09:14,751 --> 00:09:18,918 Early: [ GROANS ] WE GONNA DIE IN HERE, AIN'T WE? 264 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:22,250 Granny: FILL THAT CAVE IN YOUR BELLY WITH SOME HOMEMADE 265 00:09:22,334 --> 00:09:25,876 CRINKLE-CUT FRI-I-I-I-I-I... 266 00:09:28,959 --> 00:09:31,042 OH, THE CAVE'S GETTING SMALLER. 267 00:09:31,125 --> 00:09:34,083 OR AM I GETTING BIGGER? HMM. 268 00:09:34,167 --> 00:09:36,709 IS THIS THE BEST WE CAN DO? 269 00:09:36,792 --> 00:09:39,000 OVER THERE WAS THE BEST YOU COULD DO. 270 00:09:39,083 --> 00:09:41,959 Sheriff: [ LAUGHS ] I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS THOUGHT 271 00:09:42,042 --> 00:09:42,667 THESE WERE MY REAL LEGS. WHOA! 272 00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:45,250 LOOK, THE DRAWING IS VERY EXPLICIT. 273 00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:47,959 IT SHOWS US CROWNING A CEPHALOPOD. 274 00:09:48,042 --> 00:09:50,918 YOU DON'T THINK IT'S WEIRD THAT WE'RE PICKING SPACE KING 275 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,083 BASED ON SOME STUPID CAVE DRAWING FROM THAT DUMB-ASS 276 00:09:53,167 --> 00:09:54,167 PLANET OVER THERE? 277 00:09:54,250 --> 00:09:56,417 IT WAS ON TELEVISION. 278 00:09:56,500 --> 00:09:59,709 TELEVISION DOES NOT WASTE PEOPLE'S TIME WITH SOMETHING 279 00:09:59,792 --> 00:10:00,751 THAT ISN'T TRUE. 280 00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:02,000 CONGRATULATIONS. 281 00:10:02,083 --> 00:10:03,751 YOU ARE OUR NEW SPACE KING, MA'AM. 282 00:10:03,834 --> 00:10:05,667 Granny: YAY! 283 00:10:05,751 --> 00:10:07,959 FINALLY, A WOMAN IN OFFICE. 284 00:10:08,042 --> 00:10:10,876 WAIT. HE'S A WOMAN? 285 00:10:14,167 --> 00:10:17,292 Granny: [ Echoing ] N-14. 286 00:10:17,375 --> 00:10:19,876 N-14. 287 00:10:19,959 --> 00:10:20,918 BINGO MONTH? 288 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,334 I'M SORRY. THIS IS LUDICROUS. 289 00:10:22,417 --> 00:10:25,626 IS IT LUDICROUS OR HAS SHE CREATED OVER 12 MILLION JOBS IN 290 00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:26,292 HER FIRST TERM? 291 00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:27,959 THESE ARE NOT JOBS, GLEEM. 292 00:10:28,042 --> 00:10:30,292 GLORF, YOU KNOW WE CAN'T DISCUSS POLITICS. 293 00:10:30,375 --> 00:10:31,125 Granny: J-6. IS THERE EVEN A "J" IN BINGO? 294 00:10:32,083 --> 00:10:33,792 SHE'S OUR KING. 295 00:10:33,876 --> 00:10:35,250 DON'T QUESTION THE WAY SHE PLAYS THE GAME. 296 00:10:35,334 --> 00:10:38,292 Granny: WELL, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT? 297 00:10:38,375 --> 00:10:39,292 BANJO, EVERYBODY. 298 00:10:39,375 --> 00:10:41,000 I WON IT AGAIN. 299 00:10:41,083 --> 00:10:42,792 ALL HAIL ME! 300 00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:44,542 [ CROWD CHEERING ] 22526

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