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[ STATIC ]
[ COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS ]
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00:00:06,250 --> 00:00:11,584
♪ MY DREAMS ARE ALL DEAD AND
BURIED ♪
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00:00:11,667 --> 00:00:16,959
♪ SOMETIMES I WISH THE SUN WOULD
JUST EXPLODE ♪
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00:00:17,042 --> 00:00:22,334
♪ WHEN GOD CALLS ME BACK TO HIS
KINGDOM ♪
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00:00:22,417 --> 00:00:26,500
♪ I'LL TAKE ALL YOU SONS OF
BITCHES WHEN I GO ♪
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00:00:26,584 --> 00:00:28,792
[ WAILING ]
Rusty: MY TURN.
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00:00:28,876 --> 00:00:29,626
Early: HELL NO.
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00:00:29,709 --> 00:00:31,292
Rusty: MAN, LET ME DRIVE THAT
THING!
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00:00:31,375 --> 00:00:33,709
Early: DO NOT TOUCH THE TRIM!
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00:00:33,792 --> 00:00:38,250
Dan Halen: I DID NOT HIKE
OVER 1,800 VERTICAL FEET INSIDE
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00:00:38,334 --> 00:00:41,334
THE EARTH'S ANUS FOR THIS
CHICKEN FEED!
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00:00:41,417 --> 00:00:44,876
URBANITES INVADE THESE MOUNTAINS
TO WATCH TREES ROT AND PICK
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00:00:44,959 --> 00:00:48,375
APPLES LIKE COMMON MIGRANTS, AND
YET WE CAN'T LURE THEM INTO MY
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00:00:48,459 --> 00:00:50,209
GOD-FORSAKEN HOLE?
15
00:00:50,292 --> 00:00:52,375
Rusty: MAYBE WE'RE NOT DOING
ENOUGH ON THE MARKETING FRONT.
16
00:00:52,459 --> 00:00:58,626
Dan Halen: YOU HAVE AN ISSUE
WITH MY STREET TEAM?
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00:00:58,709 --> 00:01:01,209
Sheriff: SPIDERDUDE, I-I'M
PRETTY SURE YOU AIN'T SUPPOSED
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00:01:01,292 --> 00:01:02,334
TO HAVE A TIP JAR OUT HERE.
19
00:01:02,417 --> 00:01:04,584
Early: WHO IN THE HELL'S
GONNA LISTEN TO YOU, A-ROTATIN'
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00:01:04,667 --> 00:01:06,834
COUNTERCLOCKWISE LIKE A DAMN
FOOL?
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00:01:06,918 --> 00:01:08,083
AMATEUR HOUR.
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00:01:08,167 --> 00:01:09,250
Sheriff: HEY, CAR, CAR.
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00:01:09,334 --> 00:01:11,167
Early: VISIT THE HOLE IN THE
GROUND!
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00:01:11,250 --> 00:01:12,667
Sheriff: VISIT
GRANITE CAVERNS.
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00:01:12,751 --> 00:01:15,375
Early: GRATUITY IS ACCEPTED.
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00:01:15,459 --> 00:01:16,334
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW?
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00:01:16,751 --> 00:01:17,709
AIR GUITAR?
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00:01:17,792 --> 00:01:19,292
THAT'S MY SIGNATURE MOVE.
29
00:01:19,375 --> 00:01:21,709
Sheriff: WELL, THIS IS A
BASS.
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00:01:21,792 --> 00:01:22,792
IT'S DIFFERENT.
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00:01:22,876 --> 00:01:26,292
Dan Halen: SO, HOW DO YOU
PROPOSE WE OUT-CHATTANOOGA
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00:01:26,375 --> 00:01:30,083
CHATTANOOGA FOR THE ALMIGHTY
WHITE-TRASH DOLLAR?
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00:01:30,167 --> 00:01:32,250
Rusty: WELL, MAYBE WE OUGHT
TO SPRUCE UP THE NAMES OF THESE
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00:01:32,334 --> 00:01:33,417
ROCK FORMATIONS A LITTLE BIT.
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00:01:33,500 --> 00:01:36,584
Dan Halen: OH, SO YOUR ISSUE
IS WITH THE CROWN JEWEL OF THE
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00:01:36,667 --> 00:01:39,459
GRANITE CAVERNS -- THE MAJESTIC
LESTER'S PENIS?
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00:01:39,542 --> 00:01:42,292
Rusty: YOU REALLY WANT A
THIRD-GRADE FIELD TRIP STANDING
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00:01:42,375 --> 00:01:43,334
NEXT TO A LIMESTONE HARD-ON?
39
00:01:43,417 --> 00:01:45,751
Dan Halen: IT IS A
FAMILY-FRIENDLY TRIBUTE TO THE
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00:01:45,834 --> 00:01:50,083
LOINS OF GEORGIA'S MOST BELOVED
SEGREGATIONIST, LESTER MADDOX.
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00:01:50,167 --> 00:01:52,209
PEOPLE PUT HIM TOO MUCH ON A
PEDESTAL.
42
00:01:52,292 --> 00:01:54,250
THIS HUMANIZES HIM.
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00:01:54,334 --> 00:01:55,250
Rusty: LESTER'S PENIS?
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00:01:55,334 --> 00:01:58,083
Dan Halen: THE NOMENCLATURE
[Echoing] STANDS!
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00:01:58,167 --> 00:02:00,417
Rusty: LOOK, MY POINT IS
WE'RE STANDING INSIDE THE FIFTH
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00:02:00,500 --> 00:02:01,584
WONDER OF THE WORLD.
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00:02:01,667 --> 00:02:03,709
WE NEED TO GET OUT OF THE WAY
AND LET MOTHER NATURE BE THE
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00:02:03,792 --> 00:02:04,292
STAR.
Dan Halen: YOU'RE RIGHT.
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00:02:04,834 --> 00:02:05,667
WE NEED A GIMMICK.
50
00:02:05,751 --> 00:02:07,751
WHAT'S THAT THERE BEHIND YOU ON
THE WALL?
51
00:02:07,834 --> 00:02:08,834
Rusty: THEM BOOGERS?
52
00:02:08,918 --> 00:02:11,209
Dan Halen: NO, NOT THE
BOOGERS -- NEXT TO THE BOOGERS.
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00:02:11,292 --> 00:02:13,876
THEY APPEAR TO BE ANCIENT CAVE
DRAWINGS.
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00:02:13,959 --> 00:02:16,667
Rusty: N-NO, THAT WAS JUST
ME.
55
00:02:16,751 --> 00:02:19,083
IT'S JUST SIDEWALK CHALK,
THOUGH -- THEM LESTER'S PENIS
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00:02:19,167 --> 00:02:19,626
CHALK STICKS WE SELL IN THE GIFT
SHOP.
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00:02:19,709 --> 00:02:21,292
Dan Halen: NO, NO, NO.
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00:02:21,375 --> 00:02:22,667
DON'T YOU SEE?
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00:02:22,751 --> 00:02:27,876
THESE ARE PRIMITIVE GLYPHS FROM
AN ANCIENT RACE FAR BEYOND US.
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00:02:27,959 --> 00:02:29,751
Rusty: YOU -- YOU HEARD ME
SAY I DREW THESE, RIGHT?
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00:02:29,834 --> 00:02:31,459
Dan Halen: MILLIONS OF YEARS
AGO?
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00:02:31,542 --> 00:02:33,125
Rusty: I WASN'T ALIVE BACK
THEN.
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00:02:33,209 --> 00:02:35,292
Dan Halen: WELL, THEN, HOW
COULD YOU HAVE DONE IT?
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00:02:35,375 --> 00:02:36,292
Rusty: COME ON, NOW.
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00:02:36,375 --> 00:02:37,417
YOU ACTUALLY TRYING TO SAY THAT
THESE THINGS --
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00:02:37,500 --> 00:02:40,167
Dan Halen: WERE DRAWN BY AN
ANCIENT ALIEN RACE WHO MAY
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00:02:40,250 --> 00:02:42,792
SOMEDAY RETURN TO DRUM UP
TOURIST INTEREST?
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00:02:42,876 --> 00:02:45,334
THAT IS A MIND-BOGGLING
DISCOVERY THAT COULD SHAPE THE
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00:02:45,417 --> 00:02:51,834
VERY FINANCIAL FUTURE OF THIS
ENTIRE GUANO-CAKED DEATH TRAP.
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00:02:51,918 --> 00:02:53,918
Granny: HEY, SPIDERDUDE.
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00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,542
AIN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE
TWIRLIN' DOWN BY THE OFF RAMP?
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00:02:56,626 --> 00:02:57,918
Early: HUMP THAT NOISE.
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00:02:58,000 --> 00:02:59,209
HE AIN'T GONNA CHECK.
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00:02:59,292 --> 00:02:59,918
NOW SWITCH ON THE PICTURE BOX.
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00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,167
I DONE THOUGHT ENOUGH FOR TODAY.
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00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:04,209
I NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO THINK
TOMORROW.
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00:03:04,292 --> 00:03:05,334
SPEAK TO ME, HANNITY.
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00:03:05,417 --> 00:03:08,500
THE ADVERTISEMENT CLAIMS THAT
THE DRAWINGS UNLOCK THE
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00:03:08,584 --> 00:03:10,417
MYSTERIES TO ALL LIFE ON EARTH.
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00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:11,500
Early: YEAH, OKAY.
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00:03:11,584 --> 00:03:12,918
UNLOCK THE MYSTERIES OF THAT
FUNNY-CAR CHALLENGE ON TWO.
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00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,334
Granny: WAIT A MINUTE.
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00:03:14,417 --> 00:03:15,500
AIN'T THAT WHERE YOU WORK?
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00:03:15,584 --> 00:03:18,459
BUT UPON CLOSER INSPECTION,
THE "FINDINGS" ARE NOT SO MUCH
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00:03:18,542 --> 00:03:20,500
REMARKABLE AS RIDICULOUS.
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00:03:20,584 --> 00:03:24,542
ONE DRAWING DEPICTS A WEREWOLF
RIDING A WINGED DINOSAUR WHILE A
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00:03:24,626 --> 00:03:28,334
SCANTILY-CLAD WOMAN BLASTS THEM
WITH WHAT APPEAR TO BE LASER
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00:03:28,417 --> 00:03:29,334
BREASTS.
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00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:30,375
Granny: [ GASPS ]
JUST LIKE IN THE BIBLE.
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00:03:30,459 --> 00:03:30,876
Early: SHH.
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00:03:30,959 --> 00:03:32,042
IT'S A MISSING LINK.
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00:03:32,125 --> 00:03:35,709
THIS ONE SHOWS AN ALIEN
PLACING A CROWN ON THE HEAD OF A
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00:03:35,792 --> 00:03:36,250
CEPHALOPOD.
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00:03:36,334 --> 00:03:37,626
Early: A CEPHALO-WHAT?
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00:03:37,709 --> 00:03:39,459
THAT LOOKS LIKE ME!
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00:03:39,542 --> 00:03:39,876
THAT'S ME!
HELL, THAT'S ME!
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00:03:40,542 --> 00:03:41,751
Granny: WAIT A MINUTE.
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00:03:41,834 --> 00:03:42,542
ARE YOU SAYING...?
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00:03:42,626 --> 00:03:43,709
Early: THAT'S RIGHT.
100
00:03:43,792 --> 00:03:45,667
ACCORDING TO THEM ROCKS ON THE
TV NEWS, ALIENS IS COMING BACK
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00:03:45,751 --> 00:03:48,250
TO CROWN ME SPACE KING.
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00:03:48,334 --> 00:03:49,500
YEAH!
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00:03:49,584 --> 00:03:52,209
Granny: NO, I THOUGHT YOU WAS
GONNA SAY SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
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00:03:52,292 --> 00:03:54,334
SOME IN THE COMMUNITY
QUESTION THE AUTHENTICITY OF THE
105
00:03:54,417 --> 00:03:54,709
DRAWINGS.
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00:03:54,792 --> 00:03:56,083
DINO-WHAT?
107
00:03:56,167 --> 00:04:00,375
[ LAUGHS ]
WHAT'S NEXT -- WE'LL BE TEACHING
108
00:04:00,459 --> 00:04:02,209
SCIENCE IN SCHOOL?
109
00:04:02,292 --> 00:04:05,918
[ CHUCKLES ]
BUT THE PROPRIETOR OF THE
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00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,709
CAVERNS SEEMS TO BELIEVE HIS NEW
DISCOVERY COULD PROVIDE A BOON
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00:04:08,792 --> 00:04:10,042
TO THE LOCAL TAX BASE.
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00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:12,375
Dan Halen: COME TO
GRANITE CAVERNS.
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00:04:12,459 --> 00:04:15,375
REMEMBER THE NAME
GRANITE CAVERNS -- NUMBER ONE IN
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00:04:15,459 --> 00:04:16,500
FAMILY FUN.
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00:04:16,584 --> 00:04:19,000
LOOK FOR THE SIGN-SPINNING
SPIDERDUDE, BUT PLEASE DO NOT
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00:04:19,083 --> 00:04:20,125
OFFER HIM ANY GRATUITY.
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JUST PARK OUT IN THE LOT WHERE
HE'S STANDING AND UNDER NO
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00:04:23,459 --> 00:04:25,751
CIRCUMSTANCES RESPOND TO ANY OF
HIS SEXUAL ADVANCES.
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00:04:25,834 --> 00:04:27,876
WHERE THE HELL IS HE?!
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00:04:27,959 --> 00:04:29,584
Early: SUCK ON THAT, BOSS
MAN!
121
00:04:29,667 --> 00:04:31,667
I'M SPINNING FROM HOME TODAY.
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00:04:31,751 --> 00:04:32,667
HOT DIGGITY DAMN, BOY.
DID YOU HEAR THE NEWS?
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00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:37,500
Granny: YOUR DADDY'S
SPIDERDUDE!
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00:04:37,584 --> 00:04:39,667
I'M SORRY, BUT THE TRUTH MUST
COME OUT.
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00:04:39,751 --> 00:04:42,876
Early: I'M TALKING ABOUT THEM
CAVE SCRATCHINGS SAYING THAT I
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00:04:42,959 --> 00:04:44,834
IS GONNA BE THE DAMN SPACE KING.
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00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:47,042
Rusty: UH...THERE'S SOMETHING
I GOT TO TELL Y'ALL ABOUT THEM
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00:04:47,125 --> 00:04:47,709
DRAWINGS.
Granny: WELL, WE SEEN THEM.
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00:04:48,334 --> 00:04:49,292
THEY'S REAL DRAWINGS.
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00:04:49,375 --> 00:04:51,459
Rusty: WELL, YEAH, THEY ARE
REAL DRAWINGS, BUT --
131
00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:52,959
Early: WE'VE SEEN THEM ON THE
TV NEWS.
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00:04:53,042 --> 00:04:55,459
THEY AIN'T GONNA WASTE NOBODY'S
TIME WITH WITH MESS LIKE THAT
133
00:04:55,542 --> 00:04:56,459
THAT AIN'T TRUE.
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00:04:56,542 --> 00:04:57,959
Granny: BELIEVE EVERYTHING
YOU SEE AND READ.
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00:04:58,042 --> 00:04:59,542
Rusty: GRANNY, THAT WASN'T
REAL NEWS.
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00:04:59,626 --> 00:05:01,959
Early: OH, I GOT SOME NEWS
FOR THAT BOSS OF YOURS.
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00:05:02,042 --> 00:05:04,542
YOU TELL OL' HALEN TO GO SIT AND
SPIN ON THE [WHISTLE] YOURSELF
138
00:05:04,626 --> 00:05:05,542
EXPRESS.
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00:05:05,626 --> 00:05:07,792
I AIN'T A'GYRATING NO MORE
WORDITATIONS FOR HIM.
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00:05:07,876 --> 00:05:10,626
'CAUSE SPACE ALIENS ABOUT TO
COME DOWN AND MAKE ME THE KING.
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00:05:10,709 --> 00:05:12,834
HELL YEAH, BABY!
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00:05:12,918 --> 00:05:13,584
SPACE KING! WHOO!
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00:05:13,667 --> 00:05:15,542
Dan Halen: YEAH, THAT'S
RIGHT.
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00:05:15,626 --> 00:05:17,542
RIGHT, YOU'RE KING SQUID FROM
THE DRAWING.
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00:05:17,626 --> 00:05:20,876
Granny: GET YOUR CAVE ON AT
GRANITE CAVERNS.
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00:05:20,959 --> 00:05:22,709
Dan Halen: SPINNING INSIDE
DEFEATS THE PURPOSE.
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00:05:22,792 --> 00:05:25,626
Granny: BUT I'M SAYING TO
PEOPLE THAT THE BULK SENT YOU.
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00:05:25,709 --> 00:05:27,792
I'M THE BULK.
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00:05:27,876 --> 00:05:28,667
Dan Halen: THESE PEOPLE
ALREADY PAID.
THEY'RE INSIDE.
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00:05:29,709 --> 00:05:33,250
GET BACK OUT TO THE DRAINAGE
DITCH AND SPIN.
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00:05:33,334 --> 00:05:36,542
Granny: [ Groaning ] OH, IT'S
SO MUCH COOLER IN HERE.
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00:05:36,626 --> 00:05:38,834
Dan Halen: AND TELL UNCLE SAM
TO LAY OFF THE AIR BASS.
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00:05:38,918 --> 00:05:40,834
IT'S DRIVING PEOPLE AWAY.
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00:05:40,918 --> 00:05:41,500
OH, MY GOD.
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00:05:41,584 --> 00:05:42,626
I'M SO GETTING A TATTOO OF THAT.
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00:05:42,709 --> 00:05:44,459
CHECK IT OUT.
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00:05:44,542 --> 00:05:46,459
I GOT THE LAST YOUTH
EXTRA-SMALL.
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00:05:46,542 --> 00:05:47,000
OH, MY GOD.
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00:05:47,083 --> 00:05:48,042
THAT FITS TOTALLY WRONG.
160
00:05:48,125 --> 00:05:48,918
COLOR'S RIDICULOUS.
IT'S PERFECT.
161
00:05:49,792 --> 00:05:51,334
Rusty: NOW, NOW, PLEASE,
GENTLEMEN.
162
00:05:51,417 --> 00:05:52,792
WE DON'T ALLOW CLOSE-UP
PHOTOGRAPHY.
163
00:05:52,876 --> 00:05:54,959
DUDE, WE'RE SHOOTING A
DOCUMENTARY ON THIS WITH OUR
164
00:05:55,042 --> 00:05:55,667
PHONES.
WOULD YOU DO AN INTERVIEW?
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00:05:56,584 --> 00:05:58,250
Rusty: THAT THING GOT A
MICROPHONE?
166
00:05:58,334 --> 00:06:03,584
[ BEAT-BOXING ]
Dan Halen: RUSTY, LEAVE THESE
167
00:06:03,667 --> 00:06:09,167
YOUNG EXPLORERS WHO, ON SECOND
THOUGHT, APPEAR TO BE GROWN MEN
168
00:06:09,250 --> 00:06:12,000
IN THEIR 30s TO REVEL IN THE
SUBTERRANEAN WONDERS, OKAY?
169
00:06:12,083 --> 00:06:14,375
Rusty: YEAH, THEY REVELIN',
ALL RIGHT.
170
00:06:14,459 --> 00:06:15,542
YOU KNOW WHAT IRONIC MEANS,
DON'T YOU?
171
00:06:15,626 --> 00:06:17,667
YES, I'M FAMILIAR WITH THE
SONG -- "RAIN ON YOUR WEDDING"
172
00:06:17,751 --> 00:06:18,167
DAY."
OF COURSE. I GET IT.
173
00:06:19,250 --> 00:06:19,709
Rusty: NO, IT MEANS THEY'RE
MAKING FUN OF US.
Dan Halen: WHAT?
174
00:06:20,792 --> 00:06:22,876
Rusty: 'CAUSE THEY KNOW THE
DRAWINGS ARE FAKE.
175
00:06:22,959 --> 00:06:23,709
I AM THE SQUID KING!
176
00:06:23,792 --> 00:06:25,542
Early: GIVE ME BACK MY CROWN,
BITCH!
177
00:06:25,626 --> 00:06:26,000
HE'S DOING IT!
KEEP FILMING HIM!
178
00:06:26,709 --> 00:06:27,209
KEEP FILMING HIM!
179
00:06:27,292 --> 00:06:28,375
Early: COME ON, HOSS.
180
00:06:28,459 --> 00:06:30,751
Dan Halen: IF WORD GETS OUT
THAT THESE DRAWINGS ARE FAKE,
181
00:06:30,834 --> 00:06:32,792
CHATTANOOGA WILL HAVE A FIELD
DAY WITH THIS!
182
00:06:32,876 --> 00:06:35,542
Rusty: YEAH, I THINK IT'S
PROBABLY TOO LATE FOR THAT.
183
00:06:35,626 --> 00:06:35,876
Dan Halen: NO.
KILL THEM.
184
00:06:36,751 --> 00:06:39,000
[ CELLPHONE BEEPS ]
KILL THEM ALL.
185
00:06:39,083 --> 00:06:41,542
[ CELLPHONE BEEPS ]
EXCEPT THE ONE WITH THE WALLET
186
00:06:41,626 --> 00:06:42,042
CHAIN.
HE SEEMS PRETTY COOL.
187
00:06:43,042 --> 00:06:45,542
Rusty: I CAN'T MURDER NOBODY,
MR. HALEN.
188
00:06:45,626 --> 00:06:46,709
THEY'RE -- THEY'RE PEOPLE.
189
00:06:46,792 --> 00:06:50,542
Dan Halen: IF YOU EVER WANT
THIS INTERNSHIP TO TURN INTO A
190
00:06:50,626 --> 00:06:54,876
PAYING JOB, THEN NOT ONE PAIR OF
SKINNY JEANS MUST WALK OUT OF
191
00:06:54,959 --> 00:06:55,834
THIS CAVE ALIVE!
192
00:06:55,918 --> 00:06:58,334
Early: WHERE DOTH YE LIE THE
DIPPIN' MUSTARD?
193
00:06:58,417 --> 00:07:00,250
Rusty: HEY, DADDY, I-I NEED
YOUR HELP WITH SOMETHIN'.
194
00:07:00,334 --> 00:07:03,000
Early: HOLD THINE TONGUE,
MINION.
195
00:07:03,083 --> 00:07:05,500
[ GULPING ]
AHH!
196
00:07:05,584 --> 00:07:06,667
PROCEED.
197
00:07:06,751 --> 00:07:09,709
Rusty: WELL, UH, MR. HALEN
DON'T WANT THE WORD TO GET OUT
198
00:07:09,792 --> 00:07:10,918
THAT T-THE DRAWINGS ARE...
199
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:13,292
WELL, THAT THE DRAWINGS ARE --
Early: THE DRAWINGS ARE WHAT?
200
00:07:13,375 --> 00:07:17,083
Rusty: THE DRAWINGS
ARE...LESS THAN AUTHENTIC.
201
00:07:17,167 --> 00:07:18,000
Early: WHAT...
202
00:07:18,083 --> 00:07:19,667
THE HELL DOES THAT WORD MEAN?
203
00:07:19,751 --> 00:07:20,083
"AUTHENTIC"?
204
00:07:20,167 --> 00:07:21,125
SPEAK, MINION.
205
00:07:21,209 --> 00:07:24,083
Rusty: ALL RIGHT, LOOK --
Early: WAIT. HOLD ON.
206
00:07:24,167 --> 00:07:26,209
[ GULPING ]
ALL RIGHT NOW. GO AHEAD.
207
00:07:26,292 --> 00:07:29,417
Rusty: SEE, MR. HALEN HAS
ORDERED ME TO KILL EVERYBODY IN
208
00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:31,000
THIS CAVE, BUT --
Early: OKAY.
209
00:07:31,083 --> 00:07:32,751
Rusty: WAIT. DADDY, NO, NO!
210
00:07:32,834 --> 00:07:35,751
Early: I AM THE KING OF
SPACE, AND I DONE MASTERED ALL
211
00:07:35,834 --> 00:07:37,000
YOUR EARTH WEAPONS, AS WELL.
212
00:07:37,083 --> 00:07:39,751
YOU WEARING THAT T-SHIRT FROM
THE BAND THAT I LIKE -- YOU JUST
213
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:42,667
PRETENDED TO LIKE THEM, OR MAYBE
YOU DON'T LIKE THEM AND YOU'RE
214
00:07:42,751 --> 00:07:44,250
MAKIN' FUN OF ME FOR LIKIN'
THEM.
215
00:07:44,334 --> 00:07:44,959
I LIKE THEM.
216
00:07:45,042 --> 00:07:46,167
THEY GOODER THAN HELL.
217
00:07:46,250 --> 00:07:46,751
I SEEN 'EM.
218
00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:48,125
AND THEY STILL GOOD, TOO.
219
00:07:48,209 --> 00:07:49,375
COOL. THIS IS A BAND?
220
00:07:49,459 --> 00:07:53,209
Early: AND YOU WEARING THAT
BABY TOTE, EVEN THOUGH YOU AIN'T
221
00:07:53,292 --> 00:07:54,584
GOT NO BABY IN IT.
222
00:07:54,667 --> 00:07:55,959
INVISIBLE BABY. GET IT?
223
00:07:56,042 --> 00:07:57,083
CHECK IT OUT, MAN.
224
00:07:57,167 --> 00:07:59,709
I GOT THE STROLLER AND
EVERYTHING.
225
00:07:59,792 --> 00:08:00,959
Early: YOU'RE NEXT.
226
00:08:01,042 --> 00:08:02,042
[ RUMBLING ]
OH, MY GOD.
227
00:08:02,125 --> 00:08:03,751
LOOK AT THAT FAKE BOULDER.
228
00:08:03,834 --> 00:08:05,709
WATCH THIS.
229
00:08:05,792 --> 00:08:07,000
I'M GONNA LET IT HIT ME.
230
00:08:07,083 --> 00:08:07,834
[ GROANS ]
[ COUGHS ]
231
00:08:07,918 --> 00:08:10,125
[ Weakly ] FAKE BLOOD.
232
00:08:10,209 --> 00:08:10,959
HYSTERICAL.
DUDE, DUDE, LOOK AT ME.
233
00:08:11,918 --> 00:08:14,125
YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE.
234
00:08:14,209 --> 00:08:17,042
AS SOON AS I GET A SIGNAL, THIS
IS GONNA GO ON TUMBLR.
235
00:08:17,125 --> 00:08:18,959
[ SCREAMING ]
Early: WHAT THE HELL?
236
00:08:19,042 --> 00:08:20,500
Dan Halen: AAAAH!
237
00:08:20,584 --> 00:08:22,000
LESTER'S PENIS?!
238
00:08:22,083 --> 00:08:25,167
MY COMEUPPANCE AT LAST!
239
00:08:25,250 --> 00:08:27,334
Rusty: AAAH!
240
00:08:27,417 --> 00:08:31,000
[ BOTH COUGH ]
Early: DON'T WORRY, SON.
241
00:08:31,083 --> 00:08:32,167
THEM ALIENS WILL COME ALONG AND
RESCUE US.
242
00:08:32,250 --> 00:08:34,959
Rusty: DADDY, THERE AIN'T NO
ALIENS.
243
00:08:35,042 --> 00:08:36,167
Early: YEAH, THERE IS.
244
00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:37,250
ACCORDING TO THE DRAWINGS, THERE
WAS.
245
00:08:37,334 --> 00:08:40,000
Rusty: ALIENS DIDN'T DRAW
THIS.
246
00:08:40,083 --> 00:08:41,918
Early: OF COURSE THEY DIDN'T,
SON.
247
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,250
ANCIENT CAVEMANS WITH
CONNECTIONS TO ALIENS IS THE
248
00:08:44,334 --> 00:08:45,209
ONES WHAT DONE IT.
249
00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:46,250
Rusty: NO, DADDY.
250
00:08:46,334 --> 00:08:47,459
I DID THE DRAWINGS.
251
00:08:47,542 --> 00:08:50,959
Early: YOU GOT CONNECTIONS TO
SPACE ALIENS FROM SPACE?
252
00:08:51,042 --> 00:08:53,250
Rusty: DADDY, THERE AIN'T NO
ALIENS!
253
00:08:53,334 --> 00:08:54,542
SEE?
254
00:08:54,626 --> 00:08:56,167
Early: OH. OKAY.
255
00:08:56,250 --> 00:08:57,334
I UNDERSTAND.
256
00:08:57,417 --> 00:09:00,626
YOU JEALOUS AS HELL 'CAUSE YOU
TRYIN' TO TAKE AWAY MY DAMN
257
00:09:00,709 --> 00:09:03,876
ACHIEVEMENTS THAT I DONE
ACHIEVED MYSELF OF WORKIN' HARD
258
00:09:03,959 --> 00:09:04,542
AS HELL FOR IT.
259
00:09:04,626 --> 00:09:06,209
IT WON'T JUST HANDED TO ME.
260
00:09:06,292 --> 00:09:07,375
I AM THE DAMN SPACE KING!
261
00:09:07,459 --> 00:09:11,042
Rusty: LOOK -- I JUST PUT
ZITS AND RED HAIR ON IT.
262
00:09:11,125 --> 00:09:14,667
DOES THAT MEAN I'M SPACE KING
NOW?
263
00:09:14,751 --> 00:09:18,918
Early: [ GROANS ]
WE GONNA DIE IN HERE, AIN'T WE?
264
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:22,250
Granny: FILL THAT CAVE IN
YOUR BELLY WITH SOME HOMEMADE
265
00:09:22,334 --> 00:09:25,876
CRINKLE-CUT FRI-I-I-I-I-I...
266
00:09:28,959 --> 00:09:31,042
OH, THE CAVE'S GETTING SMALLER.
267
00:09:31,125 --> 00:09:34,083
OR AM I GETTING BIGGER? HMM.
268
00:09:34,167 --> 00:09:36,709
IS THIS THE BEST WE CAN DO?
269
00:09:36,792 --> 00:09:39,000
OVER THERE WAS THE BEST YOU
COULD DO.
270
00:09:39,083 --> 00:09:41,959
Sheriff: [ LAUGHS ]
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS THOUGHT
271
00:09:42,042 --> 00:09:42,667
THESE WERE MY REAL LEGS.
WHOA!
272
00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:45,250
LOOK, THE DRAWING IS VERY
EXPLICIT.
273
00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:47,959
IT SHOWS US CROWNING A
CEPHALOPOD.
274
00:09:48,042 --> 00:09:50,918
YOU DON'T THINK IT'S WEIRD
THAT WE'RE PICKING SPACE KING
275
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,083
BASED ON SOME STUPID CAVE
DRAWING FROM THAT DUMB-ASS
276
00:09:53,167 --> 00:09:54,167
PLANET OVER THERE?
277
00:09:54,250 --> 00:09:56,417
IT WAS ON TELEVISION.
278
00:09:56,500 --> 00:09:59,709
TELEVISION DOES NOT WASTE
PEOPLE'S TIME WITH SOMETHING
279
00:09:59,792 --> 00:10:00,751
THAT ISN'T TRUE.
280
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:02,000
CONGRATULATIONS.
281
00:10:02,083 --> 00:10:03,751
YOU ARE OUR NEW SPACE KING,
MA'AM.
282
00:10:03,834 --> 00:10:05,667
Granny: YAY!
283
00:10:05,751 --> 00:10:07,959
FINALLY, A WOMAN IN OFFICE.
284
00:10:08,042 --> 00:10:10,876
WAIT. HE'S A WOMAN?
285
00:10:14,167 --> 00:10:17,292
Granny: [ Echoing ] N-14.
286
00:10:17,375 --> 00:10:19,876
N-14.
287
00:10:19,959 --> 00:10:20,918
BINGO MONTH?
288
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,334
I'M SORRY. THIS IS LUDICROUS.
289
00:10:22,417 --> 00:10:25,626
IS IT LUDICROUS OR HAS SHE
CREATED OVER 12 MILLION JOBS IN
290
00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:26,292
HER FIRST TERM?
291
00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:27,959
THESE ARE NOT JOBS, GLEEM.
292
00:10:28,042 --> 00:10:30,292
GLORF, YOU KNOW WE CAN'T
DISCUSS POLITICS.
293
00:10:30,375 --> 00:10:31,125
Granny: J-6.
IS THERE EVEN A "J" IN BINGO?
294
00:10:32,083 --> 00:10:33,792
SHE'S OUR KING.
295
00:10:33,876 --> 00:10:35,250
DON'T QUESTION THE WAY SHE PLAYS
THE GAME.
296
00:10:35,334 --> 00:10:38,292
Granny: WELL, WOULD YOU LOOK
AT THAT?
297
00:10:38,375 --> 00:10:39,292
BANJO, EVERYBODY.
298
00:10:39,375 --> 00:10:41,000
I WON IT AGAIN.
299
00:10:41,083 --> 00:10:42,792
ALL HAIL ME!
300
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:44,542
[ CROWD CHEERING ]
22526
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