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[ radio static ]
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♪ my oldest son was born ♪
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♪ an albino ♪
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♪ my youngest was, uh,
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Covered in hair ♪
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♪ the middle one says ♪
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♪ he's a homosexual ♪
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♪ the other seven's gone ♪
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♪ I don't know where ♪
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♪ and I don't care ♪
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♪ I just don't care ♪
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>> my turn!
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>> hell no.
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>> hey, man, lemme drive
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That thang!
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>> do not touch the trim!
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[ birds chirping ]
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[ gunshot ]
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>> bullseye! Whoo!
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>> daddy, that new barrel
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Sure gives you more range.
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>> yup. Shoulda never sawed
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The son of a bitch off
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In the first place.
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>> [ groaning ]
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I think I need my walker
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Looked at.
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Damned thing's pulling
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To the right.
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>> check it out!
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Silencer.
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>> them baby birds gonna have
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To live life with out a momma
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No more.
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>> yup. Just like you.
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Bullseye!
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>> well, guess I'll hop on down
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There to the medicaid...
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[ grunts ]
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See if they'll give me
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Another one.
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>> hey, see if they'll give you
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A few of 'em.
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Want to give this thing
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Sniper capability.
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Bullseye!
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>> aw.
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Don't this just beat all?
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>> c'mon man,
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Just give her a ride.
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>> [ sighs ]
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Damn, alright.
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>> yah! Yah! Whoo!
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>> [ granny straining ]
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>> yah! Giddup!
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>> hey bud, you having
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Some car trouble there?
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>> nope, it's a high breed.
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When it switches over,
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Ooh she runs quiet.
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>> I can't do this.
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I'm a old woman.
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>> I said it runs quiet!
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Take a damn left, let's see
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What kind of pick up you get
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In the mountains.
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Yah! Yah! Whoo!
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Yah! Giddup bitch!
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Get on! Get on! Whoo!
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Get on up!
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>> lord, help me jesus,
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I can't go no farther.
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>> remember,
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You're pulling the truck,
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But I'm pulling for you.
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>> don't hand me that
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Line of bull, lord.
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>> check it out --
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Huzzah!
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>> [ squeaks ]
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>> aw.
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Why didn't I go shinto?
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[ strains ]
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Aah!
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>> early: good job, granny.
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I still got a whole quarter
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Tank left.
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[ starts engine ]
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For revving!
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Whoo! This here's made
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In america baby!
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Whoo!
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[ explosion ]
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[ early coughs ]
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Damn!
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Granny I'm switching
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To battery.
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>> [ imitates engine revving ]
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>> rev, granny, rev! Whoo!
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Put some gravitas in it.
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Do it like you got a pair!
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C'mon woman!
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>> [ revving ]
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♪ [pan flute] ♪
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>> welcome, fair brother.
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>> damn, you one big ass monk!
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>> do you come seeking wisdom?
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>> unh uh.
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>> oh no.
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>> I live up here,
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In the fresh air.
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Off the grid.
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>> I don't remember asking ya.
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>> now look at that.
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You done got a thunderbolt
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All over your face.
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[thunder claps]
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>> sha-ka ka-ka-kow!
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You stand in the presence of
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Thunderclap cherokee antwone!
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[calmer] But I don't want
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To talk about that.
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I'm a wisdom seeker now.
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>> do the thighs of thunder!
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C'mon, snap her neck!
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>> do it!
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>> that was a long time ago,
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Brother.
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>> do it! C'mon, I wanna see it!
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>> no, no I'm a different
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Man now...
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>> she won't feel a thang.
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C'mon go ahead! Do it!
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>> I left those violent
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Ways behind.
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>> c'mon do it for me!
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>> no, no brother...
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>> [chants] Thighs of thunder!
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>> I couldn't possibly.
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>> do the thighs of thunder!
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>> do you really wanna see it?!
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>> hell yea!
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>> you know I do!
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>> do you want to see it?!
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>> do it, damn it!
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>> I said,
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Do you want to see it?!
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>> I said yes!
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>> then the thighs of thunder
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Will rain down
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From mount olympus!
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>> hell yea!
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>> ka-ka-ka-kow!
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[ thunderclap reverberates ]
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>> he's still got it!
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>> huh? What'd you say?
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>> what did
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>> I'm trying to listen.
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>> are you talking to me?
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>> huh?
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>> you wanted the heat,
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You got the heat!!
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But the heat must be
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Hot no more.
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>> whatever happened to you
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Anyway?
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>> brother, it's not something
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I like to think about
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Or talk about, but here's
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What happened.
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Thunderclap was in africa
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Grappling at the give starvation
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A smackdown slamathon for
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Wrestlers without borders,
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When the match got heated.
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Thunderclap tagged his partner,
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Ubuntu, too hard!
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Too hard!!!
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The repercussions were
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Immediate.
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Thunderclap lost his belt
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And lost the thunderhummer
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To his ex-wife, the less than
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Lovely thunderbitch beth.
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He only gets to spend every
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Other weekend with thunderian
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And thunderclaire.
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>> early: okay, thunder.
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>> he even lost his
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Thunder reality show
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Development deal...
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>> alright! Thunder,
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Thunder thunder. I get it.
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>> stop with the damn thunder
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Already.
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>> aah!
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>> damn.
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>> it forced thunderclap
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To look inward and reflect,
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And I reflected
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With a vengeance.
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And I'll tell you this,
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My brothers, thunderclap
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Turned his back on violence,
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Vowing never again to harm
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A human being.
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>> well, to be fair it's also
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'cause you got your ass kicked
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By everybody.
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>> fair enough, brother.
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>> belgian waffle.
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Colonel cracker.
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>> yes.
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>> peewee.
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>> the shrimp.
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>> the lady man.
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>> I remember.
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>> the legion of gloom.
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>> the raging papoose.
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>> firecracker pete.
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>> tiny tony.
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>> give me a break!
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>> the vegetable --
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>> that's enough!
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>> I mean I don't know how
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He kicked yo ass cause all
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You gotta do is pull the plug
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And you win.
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>> alright!
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>> he wanted you to do it, but
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You tripped over the power cord
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And broke ya damn jaw!
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>> that tears it, little man!
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The clouds are gathering.
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The thunder is about to break.
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On you!
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>> it's on! Whoo!
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[ door opens, closes ]
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Woo! It's on!
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>> [ thunderclap roaring ]
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>> no, no, no! It is off!
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Come on now, it's off!
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>> hey daddy.
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>> oh hey.
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Uh...You got yourself a fight
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Next saturday.
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>> wait, what?
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>> I wanted to kick his ass
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For you myself, but my damn
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Carpal tunnel got me!
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Too much blogging I reckon.
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>> oh! Is he gone yet?
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>> it's up to you, son.
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Defend the family name!
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♪ you got a fire
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In your heart ♪
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♪ and you're coming out
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Fighting -- ♪
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>> what the hell you doin, boy?
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>> I'm training.
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>> you're bruising my jerky.
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>> I wanna win the fight.
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>> you don't get ready for
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A fight by training.
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To be a winner, you gotta
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[ whistles ]
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>> this is the uh, horse,
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We talked about?
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>> that's the one.
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>> okay, I uh, have no
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Uh, reason to doubt you.
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Says here it's uh, made to
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Increase milk production,
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But it'll probably work
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For muscles, too.
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>> alright son, open up
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Your belly button and say "Ah."
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>> ahhhh...
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Aaaaaahhhhh!
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[ musical montage ]
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♪ you got a fire
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In your heart ♪
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♪ and a needle
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For the lightning! ♪
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♪ you need to juice up to win ♪
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♪ and something about that
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♪ just doesn't seem
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Rightning ♪
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>> I can't find my balls.
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>> balls is a state of mind,
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Son.
292
00:07:13,022 --> 00:07:14,020
Hell, you got more balls than
293
00:07:14,022 --> 00:07:15,020
You ever had.
294
00:07:15,022 --> 00:07:17,009
Six or seven little bitty
295
00:07:17,011 --> 00:07:18,009
Ones.
296
00:07:18,011 --> 00:07:19,009
>> oh yeah, there they are.
297
00:07:19,011 --> 00:07:20,009
>> damn.
298
00:07:20,011 --> 00:07:21,011
Not a vein amongst 'em.
299
00:07:21,013 --> 00:07:22,011
Aight, I reckon I'll have
300
00:07:22,013 --> 00:07:24,002
To go into the eye.
301
00:07:24,004 --> 00:07:25,002
>> owww!
302
00:07:25,004 --> 00:07:26,002
>> holler if I touch the brain
303
00:07:26,004 --> 00:07:27,002
Now.
304
00:07:27,004 --> 00:07:28,021
♪ and when the pressure
305
00:07:28,023 --> 00:07:30,001
Is on ♪
306
00:07:30,003 --> 00:07:31,001
♪ and the temperature's
307
00:07:31,003 --> 00:07:33,009
Heightening ♪
308
00:07:33,011 --> 00:07:35,016
♪ you're gonna prove them wrong
309
00:07:35,018 --> 00:07:36,016
♪ but you're cheating
310
00:07:36,018 --> 00:07:37,009
♪ and you should know that
311
00:07:37,011 --> 00:07:41,014
Isn't rightning ♪
312
00:07:41,016 --> 00:07:43,006
>> granny: two.
313
00:07:43,008 --> 00:07:47,002
Now go to five.
314
00:07:47,004 --> 00:07:49,014
Now go to eleven.
315
00:07:49,016 --> 00:07:51,005
Now go back to two.
316
00:07:51,007 --> 00:07:54,017
>> uhh.
317
00:07:54,019 --> 00:07:56,006
>> that's the commercial.
318
00:07:56,008 --> 00:07:57,006
>> damn it.
319
00:07:57,008 --> 00:07:58,009
>> no, go back to that.
320
00:07:58,011 --> 00:07:59,015
I like that commercial.
321
00:07:59,017 --> 00:08:09,009
>> just settle on a program!
322
00:08:09,011 --> 00:08:15,010
>> damn you, bin laden!
323
00:08:15,012 --> 00:08:16,014
>> early: yep, he's ready.
324
00:08:16,016 --> 00:08:17,014
>> dan halen: ladies
325
00:08:17,016 --> 00:08:19,014
And gentlemen, welcome
326
00:08:19,016 --> 00:08:24,016
To the "Scorcha in georgia".
327
00:08:24,018 --> 00:08:26,016
All proceeds go to literacy.
328
00:08:26,018 --> 00:08:29,012
[laughing] Literacy.
329
00:08:29,014 --> 00:08:31,015
Ah, I'm joking, of course.
330
00:08:31,017 --> 00:08:33,015
All proceeds go to me.
331
00:08:33,017 --> 00:08:34,020
>> wow rusty, you really
332
00:08:34,022 --> 00:08:36,004
Bulked up for this.
333
00:08:36,006 --> 00:08:37,004
>> all thanks to the walker
334
00:08:37,006 --> 00:08:38,015
Texas ranger total gym.
335
00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:40,006
Over 300 unique
336
00:08:40,008 --> 00:08:42,012
Muscle-building exercises.
337
00:08:42,014 --> 00:08:43,012
>> if you want to see
338
00:08:43,014 --> 00:08:45,012
What round this is,
339
00:08:45,014 --> 00:08:51,004
You gon' have to come to me.
340
00:08:51,006 --> 00:08:52,003
>> alright you two,
341
00:08:52,005 --> 00:08:53,010
Now we want a good clean --
342
00:08:53,012 --> 00:08:54,010
>> you been talkin' about
343
00:08:54,012 --> 00:08:55,011
My daddy!
344
00:08:55,013 --> 00:08:56,016
>> I don't remember that?!
345
00:08:56,018 --> 00:08:57,012
>> mine! Mine!
346
00:08:57,014 --> 00:09:00,013
I got it! I got it!
347
00:09:00,015 --> 00:09:02,002
>> praise jesus!
348
00:09:02,004 --> 00:09:03,016
No clicks, bitch!
349
00:09:03,018 --> 00:09:04,017
>> will you sign this?
350
00:09:04,019 --> 00:09:06,014
It's for my grandson.
351
00:09:06,016 --> 00:09:07,019
>> I am your grandson!
352
00:09:07,021 --> 00:09:09,013
>> yeah, that's for him.
353
00:09:09,015 --> 00:09:11,016
I told you, I am your grandson!
354
00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:14,008
>> make it out to rusty.
355
00:09:14,010 --> 00:09:16,014
>> aaargh!
356
00:09:16,016 --> 00:09:17,014
>> you call yourself
357
00:09:17,016 --> 00:09:18,013
A role model?
358
00:09:18,015 --> 00:09:21,000
My grandson admires you!
359
00:09:21,002 --> 00:09:22,000
>> [ shutters click,
360
00:09:22,002 --> 00:09:23,000
Gavel pounds ]
361
00:09:23,002 --> 00:09:25,000
>> order! Order, please!
362
00:09:25,002 --> 00:09:26,014
>> I'd like to apologize for --
363
00:09:26,016 --> 00:09:28,013
For any pain I may have caused.
364
00:09:28,015 --> 00:09:30,009
And I want to move forward
365
00:09:30,011 --> 00:09:31,012
Now.
366
00:09:31,014 --> 00:09:32,012
All that's in the past.
367
00:09:32,014 --> 00:09:33,011
>> at least 30 minutes ago.
368
00:09:33,013 --> 00:09:34,023
Let's all move on. Can we?
369
00:09:35,001 --> 00:09:36,008
>> russell, we don't care
370
00:09:36,010 --> 00:09:38,000
About the drunk fighting.
371
00:09:38,002 --> 00:09:39,013
It's the integrity of drunk
372
00:09:39,015 --> 00:09:40,013
Fighting we're concerned
373
00:09:40,015 --> 00:09:41,014
About.
374
00:09:41,016 --> 00:09:42,016
Uh, could you tell the court
375
00:09:42,018 --> 00:09:44,015
Please doctor, what you found
376
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:46,012
In rusty's exploded
377
00:09:46,014 --> 00:09:48,015
Back zit pus?
378
00:09:48,017 --> 00:09:49,015
>> bovine supplements.
379
00:09:49,017 --> 00:09:50,018
>> betrayal!
380
00:09:50,020 --> 00:09:52,018
>> human growth hormones.
381
00:09:52,020 --> 00:09:53,018
>> y'all damn jumpin'
382
00:09:53,020 --> 00:09:54,023
To confusions now.
383
00:09:55,001 --> 00:09:56,013
>> pretty much uh, everything
384
00:09:56,015 --> 00:09:58,010
At the uh, pharmacy.
385
00:09:58,012 --> 00:09:59,016
>> them was vitamin supplements!
386
00:09:59,018 --> 00:10:00,016
B12!
387
00:10:00,018 --> 00:10:02,015
>> and these syringes here?
388
00:10:02,017 --> 00:10:03,023
>> innocent flu shots.
389
00:10:04,001 --> 00:10:05,001
His immune system's shot to
390
00:10:05,003 --> 00:10:06,009
Piss cause of all them damn
391
00:10:06,011 --> 00:10:07,012
'roids he took.
392
00:10:07,014 --> 00:10:08,012
>> can you read this label
393
00:10:08,014 --> 00:10:10,010
For the court please, rusty?
394
00:10:10,012 --> 00:10:11,013
>> let me do it, rusty.
395
00:10:11,015 --> 00:10:12,012
[ clears throat ]
396
00:10:12,014 --> 00:10:13,012
No.
397
00:10:13,014 --> 00:10:14,012
>> I'm afraid I'm going
398
00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:15,020
To have to put an asterisk
399
00:10:15,022 --> 00:10:17,013
By your name in the dougal
400
00:10:17,015 --> 00:10:19,016
County big book of brawls.
401
00:10:19,018 --> 00:10:20,016
>> that is bull mess!
402
00:10:20,018 --> 00:10:21,016
>> unacceptable!
403
00:10:21,018 --> 00:10:22,016
That's like a mark against
404
00:10:22,018 --> 00:10:23,016
My son!
405
00:10:23,018 --> 00:10:24,016
>> well, yeah, early.
406
00:10:24,018 --> 00:10:25,018
That's exactly what it is.
407
00:10:25,020 --> 00:10:27,014
But we can make it small.
408
00:10:27,016 --> 00:10:29,001
>> this feud is not over,
409
00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:30,017
Would-be seventh grader!
410
00:10:30,019 --> 00:10:31,017
>> alright now.
411
00:10:31,019 --> 00:10:32,013
>> but any chance of my having
412
00:10:32,015 --> 00:10:33,019
A sexually fulfilling
413
00:10:33,021 --> 00:10:35,014
Relationship with a female
414
00:10:35,016 --> 00:10:36,014
Appears to be...
415
00:10:36,016 --> 00:10:37,014
>> that's enough, thunderclap.
416
00:10:37,016 --> 00:10:38,021
>> thunderclap was robbed.
417
00:10:38,023 --> 00:10:40,002
>> thunderclap, seriously.
418
00:10:40,004 --> 00:10:41,015
>> thunderclap wants a second
419
00:10:41,017 --> 00:10:44,007
Shot at the belt.
420
00:10:44,009 --> 00:10:45,014
[ audience murmuring ]
421
00:10:45,016 --> 00:10:47,002
>> I've had enough!
422
00:10:47,004 --> 00:10:48,016
I sentence everyone
423
00:10:48,018 --> 00:10:50,012
In this courtroom to...
424
00:10:50,014 --> 00:10:51,017
>> be there saturday
425
00:10:51,019 --> 00:10:52,017
For the trouncin'
426
00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:53,017
On the mountain!
427
00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:54,013
Its gonna be a lot of ink
428
00:10:54,015 --> 00:10:55,015
On the floor!
429
00:10:55,017 --> 00:10:56,015
As mean ruby jean,
430
00:10:56,017 --> 00:10:58,014
"The sagging senior" puts her
431
00:10:58,016 --> 00:10:59,014
Winless record on the line
432
00:10:59,016 --> 00:11:01,000
Against rusty, the "Ultimate
433
00:11:01,002 --> 00:11:03,021
Octo-hick" cuyler.
434
00:11:03,023 --> 00:11:05,002
>> I need money.
435
00:11:05,004 --> 00:11:06,002
>> what money?
436
00:11:06,004 --> 00:11:07,014
>> there ain't no money?
437
00:11:07,016 --> 00:11:09,000
>> it's a blood feud.
438
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,014
All proceeds to go literacy.
439
00:11:10,016 --> 00:11:14,016
Only on pay per view!
440
00:11:14,018 --> 00:11:16,016
Captions providea
441
00:11:16,018 --> 00:11:18,020
By turner studios.
26539
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