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[ static ]
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[ country music plays ]
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>> ♪ my dreams are all dead and
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Buried ♪
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♪ sometimes I wish the sun would
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Just explode ♪
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♪ when god comes and calls me to
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His kingdom ♪
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♪ I'll take all you sons of
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Bitches when I go ♪
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[ yodeling ]
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>> rusty: my turn.
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>> early: hell no.
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>> rusty: let me drive that
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Thing!
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>> early: do not touch the trim!
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[ light brushing ]
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>> [ echoing ] Build it.
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[ echoing ] It's time.
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>> dan halen: hmm.
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This is new.
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>> [ echoing ] Build it!
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It's time!
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>> dan halen: damn it.
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Sheila, hold my calls.
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[ buzzing ]
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>> early: [ sniffs ]
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Oh, hell!
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[ sniffs ]
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How them crops look, boy?
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>> rusty: by "Crops," you mean
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Mud?
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>> early: I do.
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>> rusty: d-daddy, we sold it
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All.
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>> early: oh, lord, no!
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>> rusty: you know, so we could
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Get money for gas, so we could
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Go muddin'.
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>> early: on the mud we don't
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Have.
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Oh, cruel irony!
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Your barbs is razor-sharp!
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Where's my mud money?
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I need a buzz.
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>> granny: we ain't got none.
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That dirt's free!
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>> rusty: yeah, daddy, we gave
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It away.
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>> early: you did what?!
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This wasn't the damn business
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Model we discussed!
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>> rusty: well, we can sell them
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Kittens.
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[ kittens meowing ]
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>> rusty: main thing I hate more
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Is price-gougin' old kittens.
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>> early: I said to sell the
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Dirt and give away them damn
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Kittens!
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Damn it, it ain't always what I
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Say!
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Sometimes it's what I mean.
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Hell, you got to think my
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Thoughts.
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To understand him, you have to
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Become him.
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>> granny: well, I'm not a mind
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Reader, you know.
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>> early: and you about to not
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Be a mind haver in your skull,
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Neither.
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And knock them kitty cats down
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To 15 a load and see if we get a
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Nibble.
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>> dan halen: higher!
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Higher, you fools!
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Time is short, and so will be
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Your very lives.
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[ bulldozers beeping ]
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Oh, come on.
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It's not like we're building a
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Daycare center here.
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>> granny: [ grunting ]
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>> early: ahh, the first mud of
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Winter.
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Come on, granny, a little bit
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More.
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Put your tiny spine into it.
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>> rusty: that's granite
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Hardpan, daddy.
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How we gonna bog on that?
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>> early: son, when god takes a
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Dump on your head, you just got
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To craft it into a hat that
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Says, "When god takes a dump on
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Your head, you just gotta craft
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It into a hat"...
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That says, "When god takes a
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Dump on your head..."
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>> rusty: I got it, daddy.
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>> early: "...You just got to
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Craft it into a hat..."
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>> rusty: okay, da-- okay.
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>> early: ...That says, "When
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God takes a dump on your
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Head --"
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>> rusty: I'm just saying it
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Looks steep down there.
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[ engine revving ]
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>> granny: who wants the
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Four-wheeler?
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>> early: nope.
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>> granny: yes.
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>> early: no, ma'am.
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You will ride the segway.
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>> granny: son of a bitch.
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>> early: rock-star parking,
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Baby!
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Whoo!
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[ engine revving ]
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Well, you ready to mud?
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[ engine turns over ]
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[ engine revving ]
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Hey, lil, you ready to mud?
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Never mind!
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Granny, you ready to mud?
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>> granny: wait.
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I got a parking problem...
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>> early: and I am ready to mud!
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[ engine revving ]
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Yes! Yeah, baby!
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Whoo! Let's go!
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>> rusty: whoa, whoa, wait.
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Wait. Wait a minute, daddy.
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Wait. Wait.
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W-what's the point?
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>> early: the point?
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What do you mean, the point?
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>> rusty: you know, the object
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Of muddin'.
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[ keys clacking ]
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>> early: google "Muddin'" and
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"What for do we do it?"
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>> granny: "Did you mean
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'mudding'?"
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>> early: click "No" -- no "G"
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On "Muddin'."
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Mudd-in-apostrophe.
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[ mouse clicks ]
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>> granny: it's computinating
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The answers.
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>> early: I know the sumbitch is
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Computertating.
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Don't tell me that which I know.
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>> granny: searching.
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Searching.
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Still searching.
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>> early: I'm gonna shake it!
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Come on! Go faster!
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>> granny: shake it!
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Shake the robot!
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>> early: optimize this
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Sumbitch!
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[ kittens meowing ]
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Hang on.
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>> granny: no, that's the litter
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Box right there.
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>> early: where's the
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Communication in this
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Sumbitchin' family?
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>> rusty: where you goin',
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Granny?
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>> granny: I'm goin' muddin'.
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And I don't need no computer
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Full of cat crap to tell me
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That!
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And you gonna eat my electric
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Dust.
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Help!
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[ clattering ]
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Ohh!
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>> early: damn, you wild, little
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Gal.
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[ thunder crashing ]
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>> dan halen: of course I
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Couldn't tell them I needed
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Their skulls.
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Who's going to move dirt for you
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After they hear that?
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>> nobody.
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>> dan halen: am I right?
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>> I'd just quit.
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>> dan halen: exactly, glenn.
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And then where's the project?
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>> in the toilet.
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>> dan halen: flushed, glenn,
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Flushed.
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>> can't show them all your
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Cards.
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>> dan halen: that's what I'm
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Saying.
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>> that's what I'm saying...
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'cause that's what you were
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Saying before I started saying
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It.
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It's just, uh, too bad you can't
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Get one more skull to go up on
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Top here.
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>> dan halen: really?
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>> you mind if I just --
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>> dan halen: oh, oh, of course.
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>> like, one just right --
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Right here.
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>> dan halen: huh.
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>> know what I mean?
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Sort of brings out all the white
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In the other bleached skulls,
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You know?
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Or maybe just tilt it just so,
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Give the whole arrangement a
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Little more symmetry.
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You know what I mean?
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It's just a little too flat up
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There.
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Then it, you know -- then it's
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Really forboding.
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[ indistinct speaking ]
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[ thunder crashing ]
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>> dan halen: I don't see it.
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>> [ sighs ] Really?
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>> dan halen: yeah, glenn, I'm
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Not with you on this one.
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>> all right.
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Have a good one.
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>> dan halen: all right, guy,
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You, too.
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Now, we're definitely going with
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The turquoise highlights here.
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God, I
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>> rusty: [ grunting ]
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>> early: as she lies here with
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Her segway, which she knows we
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Loved, a flood of memories
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Washes over me, how on summer
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Days we would sit together on
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The front porch.
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And, oh, the stories we would
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Tell.
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[ cars whizzing by, announcer
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Speaking indistinctly on tv ]
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Nothing never needed to be said
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Between me and her.
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It was understood.
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We would watch what the hell I
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Wanted to watch --
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"Celebrity poker jam"!
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>> granny: [ moaning ]
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I ain't dead.
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I'm just in an incredible amount
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Of pain.
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>> early: nun-unh!
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You know how much this costly
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Box done costed me?
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You're going in the damn ground!
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[ metal clanking ]
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>> rusty: ugh!
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[ exhales ]
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I can't get the hole no deeper,
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Daddy.
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>> early: well, fine and dandy!
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Ignite the crematorium.
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>> granny: does anyone hear me
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About not being dead?
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>> early: wait!
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Granny...What time is it?
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>> granny: it's 10 after 6:00.
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>> early: my zoning meeting!
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>> dan halen: previously, the
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County had looked like this -- a
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Horrible, boxlike abomination,
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Completely embarrassing from
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Space.
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My proposal, however, would
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Stretch the county into a
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Friendlier, more outgoing, and
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Playful shape, as shown.
288
00:07:41,025 --> 00:07:44,000
The star symbolizes america and
289
00:07:44,002 --> 00:07:45,028
Encompasses all registered
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00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,000
Republicans.
291
00:07:47,002 --> 00:07:48,018
And this ring of hellfire,
292
00:07:48,020 --> 00:07:50,015
Budget willingly, would keep all
293
00:07:50,017 --> 00:07:51,028
Illegal immigrants out.
294
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,021
Gentlemen of the zoning board, I
295
00:07:53,023 --> 00:07:54,013
Thank you.
296
00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:56,006
[ light applause ]
297
00:07:56,008 --> 00:07:57,009
>> okay, all in favor, say
298
00:07:57,011 --> 00:07:57,021
"Aye."
299
00:07:57,023 --> 00:07:58,015
>> together: aye.
300
00:07:58,017 --> 00:07:59,013
>> well, thank you, dan.
301
00:07:59,015 --> 00:08:00,013
>> sheriff: hang on, guys.
302
00:08:00,015 --> 00:08:00,027
Hang on.
303
00:08:00,029 --> 00:08:02,019
I didn't realize by law you
304
00:08:02,021 --> 00:08:04,014
Could make the county bigger.
305
00:08:04,016 --> 00:08:06,010
>> dan halen: we might have to
306
00:08:06,012 --> 00:08:08,001
Advance on lumpkin or chattooga
307
00:08:08,003 --> 00:08:09,019
With some minor tactical air
308
00:08:09,021 --> 00:08:11,010
Strikes, but I really don't see
309
00:08:11,012 --> 00:08:12,013
That as a problem.
310
00:08:12,015 --> 00:08:13,003
>> okeydokey.
311
00:08:13,005 --> 00:08:14,005
All in favor, say "Aye."
312
00:08:14,007 --> 00:08:14,029
>> together: aye.
313
00:08:15,001 --> 00:08:16,006
>> sheriff: wait, y'all just
314
00:08:16,008 --> 00:08:17,011
Wait one second here, okay?
315
00:08:17,013 --> 00:08:18,022
What's -- what's that mountain
316
00:08:18,024 --> 00:08:19,009
On there?
317
00:08:19,011 --> 00:08:20,012
>> dan halen: oh, this.
318
00:08:20,014 --> 00:08:22,009
Yes, this is mount murder.
319
00:08:22,011 --> 00:08:26,004
And it has always been there.
320
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:27,016
>> sheriff: oh, okay.
321
00:08:27,018 --> 00:08:28,028
That's all my questions.
322
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:30,013
>> okay, all in favor, say
323
00:08:30,015 --> 00:08:30,029
"Aye."
324
00:08:31,001 --> 00:08:31,023
>> all: "Aye."
325
00:08:31,025 --> 00:08:35,029
>> dan halen: [ screeching ]
326
00:08:36,001 --> 00:08:38,001
[ glass breaking ]
327
00:08:41,014 --> 00:08:43,011
>> okay, next on the agenda...
328
00:08:43,013 --> 00:08:45,009
[ up-tempo marching-band music
329
00:08:45,011 --> 00:08:47,000
Playing ]
330
00:08:47,002 --> 00:08:50,014
[ indistinct conversations ]
331
00:08:50,016 --> 00:08:53,019
>> this is wrong, a slap in the
332
00:08:53,021 --> 00:08:55,004
Face of the lord!
333
00:08:55,006 --> 00:08:58,000
You will all burn in h--
334
00:08:58,002 --> 00:08:59,002
No relish?
335
00:08:59,004 --> 00:09:00,016
Blasphemy!
336
00:09:00,018 --> 00:09:02,009
>> dan halen: ladies and
337
00:09:02,011 --> 00:09:04,016
Gentlemen, a project like this
338
00:09:04,018 --> 00:09:06,018
Cannot be completed with the
339
00:09:06,020 --> 00:09:08,017
Dedication, hard work, and
340
00:09:08,019 --> 00:09:10,021
Skulls of many men not
341
00:09:10,023 --> 00:09:11,025
Suspecting evil.
342
00:09:11,027 --> 00:09:13,007
[ cheers and applause ]
343
00:09:13,009 --> 00:09:15,024
And we'll only go up from here!
344
00:09:15,026 --> 00:09:18,023
[ orchestral music swelling ]
345
00:09:18,025 --> 00:09:20,018
[ birds squawk ]
346
00:09:20,020 --> 00:09:23,002
[ camera shutters clicking ]
347
00:09:23,004 --> 00:09:24,018
Yeah!
348
00:09:24,020 --> 00:09:27,010
Now bathe in a lake of frogs!
349
00:09:27,012 --> 00:09:30,029
[ thunder crashes ]
350
00:09:31,001 --> 00:09:33,008
Come on up and kneel before the
351
00:09:33,010 --> 00:09:36,018
Master!
352
00:09:36,020 --> 00:09:39,012
First one up can get a foam
353
00:09:39,014 --> 00:09:41,015
Stress ball!
354
00:09:41,017 --> 00:09:45,021
[ choir vocalizing ]
355
00:09:45,023 --> 00:09:49,021
>> [ gasps ] Look, everyone!
356
00:09:49,023 --> 00:09:52,006
They're giving out baklava over
357
00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:52,021
There!
358
00:09:52,023 --> 00:09:53,006
[ crowd oohs ]
359
00:09:53,008 --> 00:09:54,015
>> dan halen: wait, we -- we
360
00:09:54,017 --> 00:09:55,024
Have attractions, too, uh --
361
00:09:55,026 --> 00:09:57,008
Pet a thing's back.
362
00:09:57,010 --> 00:09:58,023
>> granny: they got bobbleheads
363
00:09:58,025 --> 00:09:59,016
And mini golf.
364
00:09:59,018 --> 00:10:01,004
>> early: you never bring a dead
365
00:10:01,006 --> 00:10:02,010
Body to a grand opening.
366
00:10:02,012 --> 00:10:03,022
>> granny: I hate being dead.
367
00:10:03,024 --> 00:10:05,003
>> dan halen: and have your
368
00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:06,014
Picture taken with tone loc.
369
00:10:06,016 --> 00:10:08,001
He's technically not here, but I
370
00:10:08,003 --> 00:10:09,013
Met him once in the airport.
371
00:10:09,015 --> 00:10:10,026
I'm sure I can get him on the
372
00:10:10,028 --> 00:10:11,008
Phone.
373
00:10:11,010 --> 00:10:11,024
Come on!
374
00:10:11,026 --> 00:10:12,025
We're locally owned!
375
00:10:12,027 --> 00:10:14,009
Isn't that worth a few pennies
376
00:10:14,011 --> 00:10:16,019
More?!
377
00:10:16,021 --> 00:10:19,018
Free rape whistle with 10-lesson
378
00:10:19,020 --> 00:10:20,028
Pack.
379
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,024
Learn -- learn the art of throat
380
00:10:22,026 --> 00:10:24,002
Punching.
381
00:10:24,004 --> 00:10:27,016
Come in, and I will...Kick you
382
00:10:27,018 --> 00:10:28,013
And things.
383
00:10:28,015 --> 00:10:29,022
[ birds chirping ]
384
00:10:29,024 --> 00:10:30,013
>> [ echoing ] Sell it.
385
00:10:30,015 --> 00:10:31,021
>> dan halen: [ sighs ]
386
00:10:31,023 --> 00:10:32,015
>> [ echoing ] It's time.
387
00:10:32,017 --> 00:10:34,002
>> dan halen: it was time six
388
00:10:34,004 --> 00:10:34,023
Months ago.
389
00:10:34,025 --> 00:10:36,009
We are not even zoned to sell
390
00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:36,021
Beer.
391
00:10:36,023 --> 00:10:38,003
>> [ echoing ] Why don't you
392
00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:39,015
Turn it into a yogurt shop...
393
00:10:39,017 --> 00:10:40,023
>> dan halen: no, no, no.
394
00:10:40,025 --> 00:10:42,001
>> [ echoing ] ...For fat,
395
00:10:42,003 --> 00:10:43,008
Republican, white women?
396
00:10:43,010 --> 00:10:44,020
>> dan halen: that's a stupid
397
00:10:44,022 --> 00:10:46,022
Idea.
398
00:10:49,022 --> 00:10:50,024
>> [ echoing ] Screw it, man.
399
00:10:50,026 --> 00:10:52,021
Write it off.
24416
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