All language subtitles for Squidbillies.S03E11.The.Unbearable.Heatness.of.Fire.1080p.HMAX.WEBRip.DD.2.0.x265-edge2020_track3_[eng]
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[ static ]
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[ country music plays ]
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>> ♪ get your yankee ass off my
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Property ♪
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♪ don't care if the bank gave
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You a deed ♪
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♪ this farm's been cuyler land
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For generations ♪
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♪ since we beat back them sneaky
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Japanese ♪
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♪ in the war of 1812 ♪
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Bring our boys home.
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>> rusty: my turn.
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>> early: hell no.
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>> rusty: let me drive that
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Thing!
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>> early: do not touch the trim!
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Oh, not again!
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Damn it!
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>> granny: I've got to get out.
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>> rusty: my book of memories!
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>> early: now, now, just leave
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It, son.
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Keep 'em in your heart.
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You know, like that time we went
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To rat world down orlando way.
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>> rusty: you ain't never took
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Me to rat world.
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>> early: and ain't no proof of
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That now.
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You can't neither confirm nor
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Deny how I sacrificed for you
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Youngers.
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>> granny: ugh!
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I grabbed this one as I jumped
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Out the window.
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I know how much you love this
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Picture.
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>> rusty: I always enjoyed them
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Tennis times we had with that
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Family what came with the photo
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Album.
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>> early: them was fun times we
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Had -- with that black family
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What played tennis all the time.
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>> granny: I think the dad
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Pushes them girls too hard.
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Sure, they're successful...
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But are they really happy?
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[ boom ]
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>> rusty: oh, god! Aunt lil!
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>> early: that dumb bitch!
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I'm goin' in!
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[ crashing ]
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>> granny: now, where's bill?
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[ crash ]
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>> early: my university of
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Georgia 1980 national
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Championship special-edition
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Junkyard dog red soda.
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>> granny: thank you, sweet
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Lord.
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He saved the soda.
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>> rusty: what about aunt lil?
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>> early: you're right.
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Where is she?
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[ whoosh ]
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My pillow-top mattress!
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>> granny: get the pillow-top!
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>> sheriff: and you're callin'
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This the, uh...
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Pillow-top mattress?
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>> early: was.
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The fire reducted it to a pile
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Of pine straw soaked in
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Kerosene.
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Massage remote was a total loss.
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Ruined!
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>> sheriff: all right.
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"Bad company -- '10 from 6'
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Tape."
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>> early: cassette -- dolby.
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>> sheriff: dol...By.
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All right.
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I think that wraps it up.
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>> granny: ah-ha-hem!
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>> sheriff: okay.
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Wow.
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You had the original bones of
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Cale yarborough?
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>> early: and the tragedy is, I
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Never got to share 'em with you.
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>> sheriff: actually, early, I
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Think cale yarborough's still
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Alive.
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>> early: that's 'cause he
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Wasn't here in this fire.
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Fire consumes every damn thing.
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>> sheriff: o...Kay.
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"One hope diamond."
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>> early: on display briefly,
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Yes.
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>> sheriff: all right, now, that
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Should be around here somewhere.
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Flames won't burn a diamond.
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>> early: flames may have shot
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It somewhere like a rocket.
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Sheriff, I don't know.
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Hell, I ain't no fireman.
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>> sheriff: "The hope diamond."
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Well, at least little rusty's
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Science-fair project survived
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All this.
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>> rusty: ain't that the meth
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Lab?
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>> early: project!
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And its effect on the growth of
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Nearby marijuana plants.
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Yes, let's move on right over
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Here.
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>> lil: the drive-through window
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Will be open by 6:00.
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Come on back then.
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>> sheriff: okay.
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"Eight or nine ski-doos"?
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>> granny: 10.
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>> early: no, no, no -- 12.
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>> granny: 15!
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>> early: 12, now.
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>> granny: got 12. He's right.
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It's 12.
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>> early: and top-of-the-line.
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Only the best for my family.
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>> granny: high-performance.
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>> rusty: cooler under the seat.
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>> early: smokin' far gravity.
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>> granny: racin' stripes.
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>> early: cherry red, every damn
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One of 'em.
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Had 'em stacked back there, in
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The marina.
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>> [ grunting ]
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>> sheriff: heh. Come on, now.
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You ain't got no marina.
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>> early: the fire took my
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Marina!
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Oh, hell!
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Well, put it on the list.
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>> sheriff: all right.
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>> granny: calm down, now,
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Honey.
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It'll be all right.
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So, uh, do you cut us the check
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Now or you front us the money?
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How's that work?
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>> sheriff: well, just like last
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Tuesday, basically.
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I write up a report, we
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Investigate, insurance cuts a
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Check, and you rebuild, ignorin'
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Code and usin' inferior
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Materials.
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>> granny: and then the lord
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Releases his anger upon our
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House again...
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Maybe mid-next week.
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Does that work for you?
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>> sheriff: now, I
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To get a perm wednesday, so...
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>> early: so he and his smiteful
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Wrath could maybe try to hold
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Off till the weekend?
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>> sheriff: oh, boy. Heh.
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That'd be great.
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You know, this humidity just
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Plays hell with the activator.
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>> rusty: hey, sheriff, what you
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Think caused the fire this time?
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>> granny: russell donny
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Russell!
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>> early: son, things happen for
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A reason.
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But you ain't got to go
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Inquisitating on that, right,
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Sheriff?
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>> sheriff: yeah, but somethin'
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Is botherin' me, though.
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Now, how could you have a gas
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Leak when you don't have any
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Utilities up here?
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>> early: well, what about
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Good ol' natural mountain gas?
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Pull my finger.
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[ chuckles ] Give it a tug.
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Well, it's still funny to
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Highbrow sumbitches.
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>> sheriff: uh, bear with me.
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I have a theory.
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>> granny: ohhh, here we go.
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>> early: well, evolution was a
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Theory, too, but them fossils
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Was a jesusly ruse to throw the
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Nonbeliever off to sin.
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>> granny: well, I didn't come
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From no monkey's butthole.
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>> sheriff: all right, now,
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Everybody just listen to me.
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Now, to the trained eye, this
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Fire started here, at this
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Primitive butane torch that's
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Already...Lit and burnin'.
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Coincidence?
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Maybe.
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But look at the burn patterns
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Here.
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See, fire naturally burns
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Upwards.
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But there's another direction
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That hadn't been considered
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Here.
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Downward.
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That's right.
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The flames came from above.
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>> early: from up above?
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Up there in the trees?
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>> granny: but that would
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Mean...
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>> sheriff: yep.
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Aliens.
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I'd say their ship arrived at
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Warp speed around 2:00 a.M.
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And, judgin' by the grain of
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This wood, they used them laser
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Beams -- technology we humans
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Don't have yet.
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Rusty, please.
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>> granny: aliens?
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>> sheriff: yep.
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That's the name they go by.
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See, they're reptilian in their
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Demeanor.
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And, accordin' to my drawings,
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They wear tight red jumpsuits
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With white belts.
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They're here for our water, and
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They'll stop at nothin' till
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They get it.
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>> early: well, hell, why they
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Shootin' up
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>> sheriff: well, that, I don't
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Know, but I damn sure intend to
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Find out.
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I've got aliens on my mind --
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Constantly.
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[ squids talking indistinctly ]
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[ crashing ]
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[ radio warbling ]
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>> granny: ...Aliens.
259
00:06:26,015 --> 00:06:28,005
What kind of cockamamie story is
260
00:06:28,007 --> 00:06:28,019
That?
261
00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:30,012
You said you was gonna torch the
262
00:06:30,014 --> 00:06:31,026
Place for insurance money.
263
00:06:31,028 --> 00:06:32,019
>> sheriff: damn!
264
00:06:32,021 --> 00:06:33,022
That's gonna leave a stain.
265
00:06:33,024 --> 00:06:34,029
>> early: I might've said that.
266
00:06:35,001 --> 00:06:36,019
Hell, I might've
267
00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:37,006
But...
268
00:06:37,008 --> 00:06:38,016
Did I actually do it?
269
00:06:38,018 --> 00:06:40,007
>> granny: yes, you done it!
270
00:06:40,009 --> 00:06:41,025
You burnt down the house!
271
00:06:41,027 --> 00:06:44,005
>> rusty: yeah, daddy, you did.
272
00:06:44,007 --> 00:06:45,013
>> early: let's look at the
273
00:06:45,015 --> 00:06:46,004
Tape.
274
00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:47,011
[ television clicks ]
275
00:06:51,003 --> 00:06:52,005
Well, uh...
276
00:06:52,007 --> 00:06:54,023
I do not recall havin' done this
277
00:06:54,025 --> 00:06:55,018
At all.
278
00:06:55,020 --> 00:06:58,007
Oh-ho-ho. That's why.
279
00:06:58,009 --> 00:06:59,002
I am a wild one.
280
00:06:59,004 --> 00:07:00,007
>> rusty: so I guess that
281
00:07:00,009 --> 00:07:00,023
Means --
282
00:07:00,025 --> 00:07:01,015
>> early: yup.
283
00:07:01,017 --> 00:07:02,015
That's right, rusty.
284
00:07:02,017 --> 00:07:04,009
This here is a hologram crafted
285
00:07:04,011 --> 00:07:06,005
By aliens in space to connive me
286
00:07:06,007 --> 00:07:08,000
Out of my rightful thinkin' that
287
00:07:08,002 --> 00:07:09,019
It was snake people from the
288
00:07:09,021 --> 00:07:11,007
Skies what done burned this
289
00:07:11,009 --> 00:07:12,001
House down!
290
00:07:12,003 --> 00:07:13,015
>> granny: snake people?
291
00:07:13,017 --> 00:07:14,016
From the skies?
292
00:07:14,018 --> 00:07:15,025
>> early: you said what, now?
293
00:07:15,027 --> 00:07:16,025
>> granny: snake people.
294
00:07:16,027 --> 00:07:17,024
>> early: snake people?
295
00:07:17,026 --> 00:07:19,001
>> granny: snake people from
296
00:07:19,003 --> 00:07:19,014
Space!
297
00:07:19,016 --> 00:07:20,015
>> early: snake people!
298
00:07:20,017 --> 00:07:21,004
Oh, hell!
299
00:07:21,006 --> 00:07:22,014
Take your positions!
300
00:07:22,016 --> 00:07:23,013
Batten down the doors!
301
00:07:23,015 --> 00:07:25,006
Assume defensive positions!
302
00:07:25,008 --> 00:07:27,009
We 'bout to barbecue us some
303
00:07:27,011 --> 00:07:29,000
Alien-lizard-ass meat!
304
00:07:29,002 --> 00:07:29,029
Hell yeah!
305
00:07:30,001 --> 00:07:30,018
Whoo!
306
00:07:30,020 --> 00:07:33,026
[ gunshots ]
307
00:07:33,028 --> 00:07:35,006
>> by the lords of govron, they
308
00:07:35,008 --> 00:07:36,016
Covered the windows in plywood.
309
00:07:36,018 --> 00:07:38,016
>> dah! Nice hologram, mike.
310
00:07:38,018 --> 00:07:39,025
Now he knows we torched his
311
00:07:39,027 --> 00:07:40,008
Place.
312
00:07:40,010 --> 00:07:41,021
>> and a stove in front of the
313
00:07:41,023 --> 00:07:42,003
Door?
314
00:07:42,005 --> 00:07:43,001
It's impenetrable!
315
00:07:43,003 --> 00:07:44,015
>> damn it, why won't they just
316
00:07:44,017 --> 00:07:44,027
Move?
317
00:07:44,029 --> 00:07:46,005
>> they think we're after their
318
00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:46,016
Water.
319
00:07:46,018 --> 00:07:46,029
>> dah!
320
00:07:47,001 --> 00:07:48,015
That is such a lizard-alien
321
00:07:48,017 --> 00:07:49,008
Stereotype.
322
00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:50,025
>> should we torch the house
323
00:07:50,027 --> 00:07:51,018
Again, sir?
324
00:07:51,020 --> 00:07:52,026
>> yes, scrod-damn-it.
325
00:07:52,028 --> 00:07:54,013
We have an easement with the
326
00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:55,011
County.
327
00:07:55,013 --> 00:07:59,029
[ crickets chirping ]
328
00:08:00,001 --> 00:08:00,026
>> sheriff: ah.
329
00:08:00,028 --> 00:08:02,028
Jackpot. Gotcha.
330
00:08:04,020 --> 00:08:06,017
>> dan halen: ah, so nice to see
331
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:08,010
You here, san diago kamikan.
332
00:08:08,012 --> 00:08:09,011
>> sheriff: mm-hmm.
333
00:08:09,013 --> 00:08:11,003
>> dan halen: the easement has
334
00:08:11,005 --> 00:08:12,025
Been put on the fast track, as
335
00:08:12,027 --> 00:08:13,020
You can see.
336
00:08:13,022 --> 00:08:16,001
The squids won't rebuild again.
337
00:08:16,003 --> 00:08:17,014
I'll see to that.
338
00:08:17,016 --> 00:08:19,009
[ laughs evilly ]
339
00:08:19,011 --> 00:08:20,009
>> sheriff: mm-hmm.
340
00:08:20,011 --> 00:08:21,021
>> dan halen: care for a...
341
00:08:21,023 --> 00:08:22,011
Human arm?
342
00:08:22,013 --> 00:08:23,014
>> sheriff: mnh-mnh.
343
00:08:23,016 --> 00:08:24,013
>> dan halen: no?
344
00:08:24,015 --> 00:08:25,012
You're sure, now?
345
00:08:25,014 --> 00:08:26,013
>> sheriff: mm-hmm.
346
00:08:26,015 --> 00:08:27,028
>> dan halen: they're divine.
347
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:30,015
The meat is falling off the
348
00:08:30,017 --> 00:08:31,009
Bone.
349
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:32,017
[ munches ]
350
00:08:32,019 --> 00:08:36,008
>> sheriff: mmmh. Mnh-hmm.
351
00:08:36,010 --> 00:08:38,019
Hmmm-hmmm, mnh.
352
00:08:38,021 --> 00:08:40,007
>> dan halen: okay, I...Don't
353
00:08:40,009 --> 00:08:42,001
Understand what that one means.
354
00:08:42,003 --> 00:08:45,002
I'll see you on gekko plains.
355
00:08:45,004 --> 00:08:47,001
[ laughs evilly ]
356
00:08:47,003 --> 00:08:49,011
[ siren chirping ]
357
00:08:49,013 --> 00:08:51,006
>> sheriff: look what I found --
358
00:08:51,008 --> 00:08:52,023
An easement for your land,
359
00:08:52,025 --> 00:08:54,008
Written in lizard-alien
360
00:08:54,010 --> 00:08:55,000
Language.
361
00:08:55,002 --> 00:08:56,015
>> early: lizard-alien?
362
00:08:56,017 --> 00:08:57,013
Lizard-alien?!
363
00:08:57,015 --> 00:08:58,027
Take him down, russell!
364
00:08:58,029 --> 00:09:02,010
[ gunshots ]
365
00:09:02,012 --> 00:09:05,011
>> sheriff: ow, ow! Early!
366
00:09:05,013 --> 00:09:06,024
>> early: evil alien lies!
367
00:09:06,026 --> 00:09:07,028
Don't listen to 'em!
368
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,018
>> granny: shoot the venom sac!
369
00:09:09,020 --> 00:09:10,016
It's in the nuts!
370
00:09:10,018 --> 00:09:11,026
>> sheriff: how the hell...
371
00:09:11,028 --> 00:09:13,004
>> early: hold your fire,
372
00:09:13,006 --> 00:09:13,021
Russell.
373
00:09:13,023 --> 00:09:14,016
Hold your fire!
374
00:09:14,018 --> 00:09:17,027
>> granny: stand down!
375
00:09:17,029 --> 00:09:19,028
>> early: oh, no.
376
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:22,004
It was the sheriff.
377
00:09:22,006 --> 00:09:24,007
>> granny: well...
378
00:09:24,009 --> 00:09:26,019
Live and learn.
379
00:09:26,021 --> 00:09:28,006
>> [ roars ]
380
00:09:28,008 --> 00:09:29,010
>> early: another disguise?
381
00:09:29,012 --> 00:09:29,028
Take it down!
382
00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:30,028
>> rusty: take that, you
383
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:31,012
Sumbitch!
384
00:09:31,014 --> 00:09:32,010
Get away from me, now!
385
00:09:32,012 --> 00:09:33,009
>> early: there you go!
386
00:09:33,011 --> 00:09:34,022
Hold your fire again, russell.
387
00:09:34,024 --> 00:09:35,016
Hold your fire.
388
00:09:35,018 --> 00:09:36,021
>> sheriff: [ grunting ]
389
00:09:36,023 --> 00:09:38,011
The -- the alien...
390
00:09:38,013 --> 00:09:39,017
It ate me...
391
00:09:39,019 --> 00:09:41,009
And it took my mind.
392
00:09:41,011 --> 00:09:42,014
Please don't shoot.
393
00:09:42,016 --> 00:09:43,008
[ sighs ] Please.
394
00:09:43,010 --> 00:09:44,010
>> early: well, we out of
395
00:09:44,012 --> 00:09:46,002
Bullets anyhow.
396
00:09:48,008 --> 00:09:49,005
[ gun clicks ]
397
00:09:49,007 --> 00:09:50,020
>> rusty:
398
00:09:50,022 --> 00:09:52,013
>> early: well, I guess I did
399
00:09:52,015 --> 00:09:54,016
Burn my own house down.
400
00:09:54,018 --> 00:09:57,029
And I suppose I'll do it again.
401
00:09:58,001 --> 00:09:59,019
Oh, not again!
402
00:09:59,021 --> 00:10:00,023
Damn it!
403
00:10:00,025 --> 00:10:02,019
>> aw, snap, son!
404
00:10:02,021 --> 00:10:03,026
You blew their mind!
405
00:10:03,028 --> 00:10:04,022
Look at that.
406
00:10:04,024 --> 00:10:06,012
Now he's burning himself out.
407
00:10:06,014 --> 00:10:07,014
>> thank you, mike.
408
00:10:07,016 --> 00:10:09,002
You did good work on this, too,
409
00:10:09,004 --> 00:10:09,016
Buddy.
410
00:10:09,018 --> 00:10:10,017
Don't forget that.
411
00:10:10,019 --> 00:10:11,012
>> wait. Wait.
412
00:10:11,014 --> 00:10:12,018
They're looking at us.
413
00:10:12,020 --> 00:10:13,021
>>
414
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,009
>>
415
00:10:18,009 --> 00:10:18,022
>>
416
00:10:18,024 --> 00:10:19,012
>>
417
00:10:20,018 --> 00:10:21,016
>>
418
00:10:21,018 --> 00:10:22,028
>> early: that's right, you run!
419
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,001
>> rusty: oh, hell yeah.
420
00:10:24,003 --> 00:10:25,011
>> early: go on, you worthless
421
00:10:25,013 --> 00:10:25,027
Sumbitch!
422
00:10:25,029 --> 00:10:27,010
You can't be burnin' what's been
423
00:10:27,012 --> 00:10:28,003
Torched by man.
424
00:10:28,005 --> 00:10:29,010
>> granny: oh, hell, they're
425
00:10:29,012 --> 00:10:30,000
Comin' back!
426
00:10:30,002 --> 00:10:31,012
>> early: get inside the burnin'
427
00:10:31,014 --> 00:10:33,004
House!
428
00:10:41,017 --> 00:10:45,009
[ motor whirring ]
429
00:10:45,011 --> 00:10:46,003
Ow! Whoo!
430
00:10:46,005 --> 00:10:48,008
>> sheriff: it's a graft from my
431
00:10:48,010 --> 00:10:48,024
Hip.
432
00:10:48,026 --> 00:10:50,010
It attaches with snaps.
433
00:10:50,012 --> 00:10:51,028
See?
434
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,020
Now, they say it'll look just
435
00:10:53,022 --> 00:10:55,016
Like my old face in six to eight
436
00:10:55,018 --> 00:10:56,015
Months, but...
437
00:10:56,017 --> 00:10:58,004
I just thank god I'm alive.
438
00:10:58,006 --> 00:10:59,000
>> dan halen: leaf!
439
00:10:59,002 --> 00:11:00,007
>> sheriff: I-I-I-I'm sorry.
440
00:11:00,009 --> 00:11:01,001
Sorry 'bout that.
441
00:11:01,003 --> 00:11:03,014
Go ahead and shoot.
442
00:11:03,016 --> 00:11:04,010
>> all: go, go, go.
443
00:11:04,012 --> 00:11:05,013
>> granny: run, ball, run!
444
00:11:05,015 --> 00:11:06,023
>> dan halen: bring daddy home a
445
00:11:06,025 --> 00:11:08,028
Victory on the fiddler's green.
446
00:11:12,017 --> 00:11:15,020
>> sheriff: get there!
447
00:11:15,022 --> 00:11:17,022
>> dan halen: that's a gimme.
27290
