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1
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[radio static]
2
00:00:03,005 --> 00:00:04,011
[tunes to song]
3
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♪ girl, you're just like
An angel ♪
4
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♪ when I lift you up so high
5
00:00:11,015 --> 00:00:13,023
♪ over my head
6
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♪ and then we practice
In the water ♪
7
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♪ I can't quench my desire
8
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♪ no matter how wet
9
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We get... ♪
10
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- my turn.
- hell, no
11
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Hey man, let me drive
That thing, come on.
12
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Do not touch the trim.
13
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Do it.
14
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Just go ahead and do it.
15
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Yeah, come on.
Let's do it.
16
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Do--do what?
- it!
17
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What you come to do!
18
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I--I--
- wait a minute.
19
00:00:51,010 --> 00:00:52,007
What's that you sayin'?
20
00:00:52,009 --> 00:00:54,019
What's what--
- you calling me a fool now?
21
00:00:54,021 --> 00:00:55,018
Is that it?
22
00:00:55,020 --> 00:00:56,020
I didn't say--
We're gonna have to damn
23
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Shake the monkey one time
On this sumbitch.
24
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Let's go.
25
00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:00,025
I don't think I said
Anything--
26
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Your eyes just did.
Damn, boy.
27
00:01:02,021 --> 00:01:05,006
You better convince them eyelids
To get them eyes shut,
28
00:01:05,008 --> 00:01:06,011
Or they about to get swelled.
29
00:01:06,013 --> 00:01:07,027
God be with you.
- hey, whoa, whoa!
30
00:01:07,029 --> 00:01:09,006
Are you trying to cut me now?
31
00:01:09,008 --> 00:01:11,007
I got a witness.
32
00:01:11,009 --> 00:01:14,018
It is on like saigon!
33
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He just killed my daddy.
- son of a bitch.
34
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Coming up here
On my property,
35
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Trying to big boy
Early cuyler.
36
00:01:21,004 --> 00:01:24,028
Oh! "Baptist revival
Tomorrow night.
37
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:25,029
Free juice ."
38
00:01:26,001 --> 00:01:28,019
Free ju--where the hell
Did you get that?
39
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Howdy, y'all.
40
00:01:30,022 --> 00:01:33,017
Guess who I just
Apprehended in town.
41
00:01:33,019 --> 00:01:36,000
A dozen of my mama's
Gingerbread men,
42
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Shaped just like
Yours truly.
43
00:01:38,018 --> 00:01:40,026
Mm-mmm, they're good!
44
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Whoop his ass.
45
00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:44,019
Uh, uh...
46
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Look at that, boy.
47
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Uh...
48
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Look at what?
49
00:01:50,008 --> 00:01:51,001
Huh?
50
00:01:51,003 --> 00:01:52,002
I don't know.
51
00:01:52,004 --> 00:01:54,004
Look at this, right here!
52
00:01:54,006 --> 00:01:57,009
Damn, they would have to fall
Frosting down.
53
00:01:57,011 --> 00:01:58,016
Oh, lord, I'm sorry, sheriff.
54
00:01:58,018 --> 00:01:59,019
That was an accident.
55
00:01:59,021 --> 00:02:00,029
Accident? Boy!
56
00:02:01,001 --> 00:02:02,016
[whispering]
57
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I mean accident time on you.
58
00:02:04,028 --> 00:02:06,028
You fall on my fist,
59
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To face hurt.
60
00:02:08,011 --> 00:02:09,019
Accident to you, boy.
61
00:02:09,021 --> 00:02:11,002
That's what I'm
Talkin' about.
62
00:02:11,004 --> 00:02:12,016
Hell, yeah!
Come on, now.
63
00:02:12,018 --> 00:02:14,006
Turn it on, son.
Turn it on.
64
00:02:14,008 --> 00:02:16,001
Turn it on, son.
Turn it on.
65
00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:17,019
No, no, it's already on.
66
00:02:17,021 --> 00:02:20,007
Ok, you got to tell him it's on.
67
00:02:20,009 --> 00:02:22,015
It is on, boy.
68
00:02:24,001 --> 00:02:25,014
Foller with a simile.
Come on.
69
00:02:25,016 --> 00:02:27,026
It's on like--
Like--
70
00:02:27,028 --> 00:02:28,027
What's it on like?
71
00:02:28,029 --> 00:02:29,028
Preferably a rhyme.
72
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:32,023
It's on like michelle kwan.
73
00:02:32,025 --> 00:02:33,020
Oh, son.
74
00:02:33,022 --> 00:02:36,017
It's on like michelle kwan.
75
00:02:36,019 --> 00:02:40,014
Just, just, just stop, son.
76
00:02:40,016 --> 00:02:43,015
Rusty, it's on like red dawn
77
00:02:43,017 --> 00:02:45,017
Or charles bron-son.
78
00:02:45,019 --> 00:02:48,019
Or hell, I'd even have accepted
The movie "Tron".
79
00:02:48,021 --> 00:02:50,028
But michelle kwan?
Please!
80
00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:53,000
She made sacrifices
To get where she is.
81
00:02:53,002 --> 00:02:55,004
Dammit,how many
Times have we
82
00:02:55,006 --> 00:02:57,004
Watched "Roadhouse"
This weekend?
83
00:02:57,006 --> 00:02:58,017
How many times, rusty?
84
00:02:58,019 --> 00:02:59,010
Huh?
85
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,024
How damn many?
86
00:03:01,026 --> 00:03:03,014
4?
87
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:05,001
Damn, that's a lot.
88
00:03:05,003 --> 00:03:07,008
We love the hell out
Of that movie film.
89
00:03:07,010 --> 00:03:08,012
But why, son?
90
00:03:08,014 --> 00:03:09,008
Why?
91
00:03:09,010 --> 00:03:11,012
But why, son?
92
00:03:11,014 --> 00:03:13,010
Asses is kicked,
Names is taken,
93
00:03:13,012 --> 00:03:14,023
Love is made.
94
00:03:14,025 --> 00:03:16,008
Then commercial.
95
00:03:16,010 --> 00:03:18,020
Y'all know he's starting a film
Festival up here, don't you?
96
00:03:18,022 --> 00:03:21,029
Just like sundance, only this
Is called "Dirtydance".
97
00:03:22,001 --> 00:03:24,018
Why wouldn't he just
Call it "Roadhouse"?
98
00:03:24,020 --> 00:03:26,009
Well, you can
Ask him yourself.
99
00:03:26,011 --> 00:03:27,017
He's down at my office.
100
00:03:27,019 --> 00:03:28,023
The patrick swayze?
101
00:03:28,025 --> 00:03:31,003
From the moving picture from
The television "Roadhouse"?
102
00:03:31,005 --> 00:03:32,009
In the flesh?
103
00:03:32,011 --> 00:03:34,010
The one and same.
104
00:03:34,012 --> 00:03:36,019
Yeah, that's right.
105
00:03:36,021 --> 00:03:39,014
I'm patrick swayze.
106
00:03:44,006 --> 00:03:45,029
Damn, boy.
You smaller in real life.
107
00:03:46,001 --> 00:03:47,010
Russell jesse james!
108
00:03:47,012 --> 00:03:48,023
Hey, it's all right.
109
00:03:48,025 --> 00:03:52,028
My legs ran away to hollywood
To star in "Next of kin ii."
110
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,000
Go ahead, patrick.
111
00:03:54,002 --> 00:03:55,013
Tell'em what
You're working on.
112
00:03:55,015 --> 00:03:57,021
Yeah, patrick.
What's your latest project?
113
00:03:57,023 --> 00:03:59,003
You see this soffit
114
00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:00,026
Over this vent pipe?
115
00:04:00,028 --> 00:04:03,023
I'm changing it into a sunrise.
116
00:04:03,025 --> 00:04:05,008
Ok,
117
00:04:05,010 --> 00:04:07,027
But we are going
To put the bars
118
00:04:07,029 --> 00:04:09,001
Back in here, right?
119
00:04:09,003 --> 00:04:11,013
Hey, old man,
I thought I told you,
120
00:04:11,015 --> 00:04:14,015
It's my way or the highway.
121
00:04:14,017 --> 00:04:17,015
Daddy, this old boy don't
Seem like swayze to me.
122
00:04:17,017 --> 00:04:18,014
Oh, yeah?
123
00:04:18,016 --> 00:04:20,002
Hey, you remember
In "Roadhouse"?
124
00:04:20,004 --> 00:04:22,017
When I bought that crappy car
And bought some extra tires,
125
00:04:22,019 --> 00:04:25,026
'cause I knew, I knew someone
Was gonna cut my tires outside
126
00:04:25,028 --> 00:04:27,010
The double deuce.
127
00:04:27,012 --> 00:04:28,026
Sure enough, that happened.
128
00:04:28,028 --> 00:04:31,016
And I changed the tires,
And I drove away.
129
00:04:31,018 --> 00:04:32,026
Remember that?
130
00:04:32,028 --> 00:04:33,026
Yeah.
131
00:04:33,028 --> 00:04:35,025
That-- was me.
132
00:04:35,027 --> 00:04:37,015
Oh, my god almighty!
133
00:04:37,017 --> 00:04:38,017
It is him!
134
00:04:38,019 --> 00:04:41,007
Patrick swayze,
It is an honor to meet you.
135
00:04:41,009 --> 00:04:43,008
Patrick, I know you must
Get this all the time,
136
00:04:43,010 --> 00:04:45,027
But if it wouldn't be
Too much trouble to you,
137
00:04:45,029 --> 00:04:48,010
Would you please drop a double
Deuce ass whuppin' on my boy?
138
00:04:48,012 --> 00:04:49,028
Well, of course.
I'd be delighted.
139
00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:52,002
Hold his arms for me.
- daddy, this ain't right!
140
00:04:52,004 --> 00:04:54,022
Take your movie
Whupping like a man.
141
00:04:54,024 --> 00:05:00,005
♪ oh, my dear
142
00:05:00,007 --> 00:05:02,023
♪ my lovely
143
00:05:02,025 --> 00:05:06,010
♪ I hunger for those--
- patrick.
144
00:05:06,012 --> 00:05:07,018
♪ fries--
- patrick?
145
00:05:07,020 --> 00:05:10,005
♪ those crazy roadhouse--
- patrick, patrick
146
00:05:10,007 --> 00:05:11,018
Not to cut you off,
And I love your backdrop,
147
00:05:11,020 --> 00:05:12,017
Don't get me wrong.
148
00:05:12,019 --> 00:05:14,002
It's very evocative
Of the period.
149
00:05:14,004 --> 00:05:17,009
But it does lack a certain...
150
00:05:17,011 --> 00:05:19,024
Bricks and mortar quality.
151
00:05:19,026 --> 00:05:21,009
I'm from texas.
[rusty] Ohh!
152
00:05:21,011 --> 00:05:22,021
I ride horses.
153
00:05:22,023 --> 00:05:26,009
Yeah, I know that,
But these guys here, see,
154
00:05:26,011 --> 00:05:28,007
They rape horses...
155
00:05:28,009 --> 00:05:29,015
For a living.
156
00:05:29,017 --> 00:05:32,003
So that's kind of the reason we
Had to keep a close rein--
157
00:05:32,005 --> 00:05:33,004
I'm the cooler.
158
00:05:33,006 --> 00:05:34,014
You're the bouncer.
159
00:05:34,016 --> 00:05:36,000
And you've mentioned that.
160
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:38,010
You have, a lot,
But if you'd just--
161
00:05:38,012 --> 00:05:39,010
- hey, old man,
162
00:05:39,012 --> 00:05:43,003
It's my highway,
Or it's that way.
163
00:05:43,005 --> 00:05:45,000
My way.
[snaps]
164
00:05:45,002 --> 00:05:47,017
Let's take it outside.
165
00:05:47,019 --> 00:05:50,026
♪ I'm from texas
166
00:05:52,008 --> 00:05:54,010
Are you guys [indistinct]
167
00:05:57,003 --> 00:05:58,027
Life.
168
00:05:58,029 --> 00:06:01,015
It's so absurd.
169
00:06:01,017 --> 00:06:04,025
We got an 875-51-50 in progress.
170
00:06:04,027 --> 00:06:07,022
Request backup. Over.
171
00:06:07,024 --> 00:06:09,017
Over?
172
00:06:09,019 --> 00:06:12,005
[beeping]
Oh, hot damn.
173
00:06:12,007 --> 00:06:13,011
Come in, mama.
174
00:06:13,013 --> 00:06:15,019
Our table at
The steakhouse is ready.
175
00:06:15,021 --> 00:06:16,024
Come back.
176
00:06:18,026 --> 00:06:21,020
Hey, patrick's just gonna be
With us a couple of days
177
00:06:21,022 --> 00:06:23,023
Till he gets his bouncer's
License back.
178
00:06:23,025 --> 00:06:24,021
What's that?
179
00:06:24,023 --> 00:06:25,027
Patrick swayze?
180
00:06:25,029 --> 00:06:27,012
Oh, I'm sleeping with him.
181
00:06:27,014 --> 00:06:28,013
Where is he?
182
00:06:28,015 --> 00:06:29,028
That ain't patrick swayze.
183
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:32,020
He is if I had
Enough cold beer.
184
00:06:32,022 --> 00:06:34,019
Y'all shut your
Damn toot hole.
185
00:06:34,021 --> 00:06:38,014
I think he's making a movie
About us right now.
186
00:06:38,016 --> 00:06:39,027
Y'all have a shower?
187
00:06:39,029 --> 00:06:42,029
I'm remaking "Point break",
And I gotta practice being wet.
188
00:06:43,001 --> 00:06:45,012
Daddy, I need to speak with you
For a second, privately.
189
00:06:45,014 --> 00:06:47,014
Son, there ain't no privacy
When you're patrick swayze.
190
00:06:47,016 --> 00:06:49,017
He's been in "Roadhouse"
Numertous times.
191
00:06:49,019 --> 00:06:51,026
Hell, he was on
"Roadhouse" in my house
192
00:06:51,028 --> 00:06:54,004
For 5 times on
The television set today.
193
00:06:54,006 --> 00:06:56,010
Well this here,
Ain't patrick swayze.
194
00:06:56,012 --> 00:06:59,006
Hey, what can be said to me
Can be said to patrick.
195
00:06:59,008 --> 00:07:01,003
I told you,
It ain't patrick swayze.
196
00:07:02,003 --> 00:07:03,019
Tssssssss...
197
00:07:05,005 --> 00:07:06,022
I'm confused.
What are you sayin'?
198
00:07:06,024 --> 00:07:08,018
It ain't dalton,
It ain't the famous cooler,
199
00:07:08,020 --> 00:07:09,022
It ain't none of 'em.
200
00:07:09,024 --> 00:07:13,004
Daddy, that ain't
Patrick swayze at all.
201
00:07:14,003 --> 00:07:15,005
Hey, let's tell patrick this.
202
00:07:15,007 --> 00:07:16,015
He'll get a kick out of it.
203
00:07:16,017 --> 00:07:17,015
It ain't patrick swayze!
204
00:07:17,017 --> 00:07:19,004
We all know that, son.
205
00:07:19,006 --> 00:07:23,006
I'm bode--philosophical
Bank-robbing surfman.
206
00:07:23,008 --> 00:07:24,006
Call him bode.
207
00:07:24,008 --> 00:07:25,015
That helps him get
Into character.
208
00:07:25,017 --> 00:07:27,029
Ok, this is a love scene
Right now.
209
00:07:28,001 --> 00:07:29,011
So I'm going to need
To have more sex
210
00:07:29,013 --> 00:07:30,026
With your aging stunt hooker.
211
00:07:30,028 --> 00:07:31,029
Certainly, bode.
212
00:07:32,001 --> 00:07:33,005
Here's your nixon mask.
213
00:07:33,007 --> 00:07:35,007
You're gonna need it
With the old one.
214
00:07:35,009 --> 00:07:37,007
Daddy, how long has
He got to stay here?
215
00:07:37,009 --> 00:07:38,011
Who knows?
216
00:07:38,013 --> 00:07:40,017
I'm like the wind.
217
00:07:40,019 --> 00:07:44,007
So maybe like 4 months?
Is that cool?
218
00:07:44,009 --> 00:07:45,022
Yeah, that's fine.
219
00:07:45,024 --> 00:07:47,000
But no anal.
220
00:07:47,002 --> 00:07:49,007
Granny, get your
Saggy ass inside.
221
00:07:49,009 --> 00:07:51,026
I'm gonna have to have
Enough cold beer.
222
00:07:51,028 --> 00:07:56,020
[music playing]
223
00:07:56,022 --> 00:07:59,001
Look who I found in town!
224
00:08:03,004 --> 00:08:05,005
Patrick, this fella's
Running around
225
00:08:05,007 --> 00:08:06,029
Telling everybody he's you.
226
00:08:07,001 --> 00:08:10,003
And he's got your wallet
And your moves.
227
00:08:10,005 --> 00:08:13,027
And he's got your wife
And your dna, actually.
228
00:08:13,029 --> 00:08:15,025
And this screen
Actor's guild card
229
00:08:15,027 --> 00:08:19,007
That says "Patrick swayze"
Right there.
230
00:08:19,009 --> 00:08:20,025
And he's got this poster,
231
00:08:20,027 --> 00:08:22,017
And he could do this pose,
232
00:08:22,019 --> 00:08:24,015
Just like on the poster.
233
00:08:24,017 --> 00:08:26,019
Go ahead, show 'em.
234
00:08:26,021 --> 00:08:27,025
And he's got these head shots
235
00:08:27,027 --> 00:08:30,013
That say "Patrick swayze,
Movie actor."
236
00:08:32,003 --> 00:08:34,005
Aaah!
237
00:08:38,014 --> 00:08:41,022
Yep. The swagger's back.
238
00:08:41,024 --> 00:08:43,023
I'm sorry you
Had to see that,
239
00:08:43,025 --> 00:08:45,022
But it is awesome
That I was able
240
00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:46,022
To kill him
In front of you.
241
00:08:46,024 --> 00:08:49,005
I think you just killed
The real patrick swayze.
242
00:08:49,007 --> 00:08:51,002
A patrick swayze lookalike?
243
00:08:51,004 --> 00:08:52,019
Yeah, if you're blind!
244
00:08:52,021 --> 00:08:55,023
Like the guy who played
Guitar in my movie "Roadhouse."
245
00:08:55,025 --> 00:08:58,008
Come on, patrick swayze,
Come back.
246
00:08:58,010 --> 00:08:59,017
Come back as "Ghost".
247
00:08:59,019 --> 00:09:03,007
No. There can be only one.
248
00:09:03,009 --> 00:09:07,000
Well, I've solved another
Mystery, by god.
249
00:09:07,002 --> 00:09:08,016
I've ordered some 'za.
250
00:09:08,018 --> 00:09:10,026
My character in my
Next film eats pizza.
251
00:09:10,028 --> 00:09:13,012
Uh, for swayze, patrick?
252
00:09:13,014 --> 00:09:14,012
Yeah, over here, chief.
253
00:09:14,014 --> 00:09:15,011
That's me.
254
00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:17,008
It's 14.72.
255
00:09:17,010 --> 00:09:18,015
Oh! Ooh!
256
00:09:18,017 --> 00:09:21,003
Uh, my character doesn't
Really have a wallet,
257
00:09:21,005 --> 00:09:24,006
Uh, doesn't believe in it.
258
00:09:24,008 --> 00:09:26,012
A wallet killed his wife.
259
00:09:26,014 --> 00:09:27,025
Hey, is that patrick swayze?
260
00:09:27,027 --> 00:09:28,021
Excuse me?
261
00:09:28,023 --> 00:09:29,029
Oh, hell, it's on.
262
00:09:30,001 --> 00:09:32,011
Did you just use my name
Without permission?
263
00:09:32,013 --> 00:09:35,004
You just pressed the button
That makes me go off.
264
00:09:35,006 --> 00:09:36,015
What did I--
I pressed the what?
265
00:09:36,017 --> 00:09:39,008
You! Destroy him.
266
00:09:39,010 --> 00:09:40,013
Look at that, boy.
267
00:09:40,015 --> 00:09:41,011
There you go.
268
00:09:41,013 --> 00:09:44,003
It's 14.72.
- what you doin'?
269
00:09:44,005 --> 00:09:46,005
You spittin'
Numerologies at me?
270
00:09:46,007 --> 00:09:48,015
Like this is a damn
Math class or something?
271
00:09:48,017 --> 00:09:50,003
Now, say it to my face.
272
00:09:50,005 --> 00:09:52,018
Um, 14.72.
273
00:09:52,020 --> 00:09:54,013
He said them numbers again.
274
00:09:54,015 --> 00:09:55,021
Is it on, or is it off?
275
00:09:55,023 --> 00:09:56,027
It's on, it's on.
276
00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:58,023
It's on like--
Come on, son.
277
00:09:58,025 --> 00:10:00,025
It's on like--
Rhyme and simile.
278
00:10:00,027 --> 00:10:02,001
You can do this.
279
00:10:02,003 --> 00:10:05,002
It is on like simon lebon.
280
00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:10,015
Aw, hell, we'll take it.
281
00:10:10,017 --> 00:10:12,021
Go on, whoop his ass, son.
282
00:10:12,023 --> 00:10:15,017
["Dirty dancing"
Type music playing]
283
00:10:22,019 --> 00:10:25,018
This is about the wildboy
Bread promotion
284
00:10:25,020 --> 00:10:27,008
Or the cheesy balls?
285
00:10:27,010 --> 00:10:30,010
You get it free with
The large and a coupon.
286
00:10:30,012 --> 00:10:31,025
But this is a medium,
287
00:10:31,027 --> 00:10:33,005
And you'd have
To call the manager
288
00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:35,025
If you have a problem
Or whatever with it.
289
00:10:37,001 --> 00:10:38,005
Aah! Ohh!
290
00:10:38,007 --> 00:10:40,017
It's a free-for-all, baby! Whoo!
291
00:10:40,019 --> 00:10:41,018
Hey, sheriff!
292
00:10:41,020 --> 00:10:42,025
You want a piece of this?
293
00:10:42,027 --> 00:10:44,008
Oh, I'm fine.
294
00:10:44,010 --> 00:10:45,007
Come on, patrick.
295
00:10:48,003 --> 00:10:49,016
Patrick!
Where you goin'?
296
00:10:49,018 --> 00:10:51,012
Free car, asshole!
297
00:10:51,014 --> 00:10:52,024
♪ you're givin' me...
298
00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:54,023
See you tonight on
The "Roadhouse".
299
00:10:54,025 --> 00:10:57,013
♪ ahh, ahh
300
00:10:57,015 --> 00:11:02,000
♪ I take a sip,
And I can't deny I got
301
00:11:02,002 --> 00:11:06,004
♪ thirsty eyes
302
00:11:06,006 --> 00:11:07,019
♪ I'm gonna use my eyes
303
00:11:07,021 --> 00:11:10,004
♪ to look into your eyes, girl
304
00:11:10,006 --> 00:11:14,025
♪ now you're makin' me cry
305
00:11:14,027 --> 00:11:16,015
♪ I look away
306
00:11:16,017 --> 00:11:19,017
♪ to hide those thirsty
Eyes of mine
307
00:11:19,019 --> 00:11:21,023
Captioning made possible by
Turner entertainment group
308
00:11:21,025 --> 00:11:23,017
Captioned by the national
Captioning institute
309
00:11:23,019 --> 00:11:24,018
--www.Ncicap.Org--
20781
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