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1
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[radio static]
2
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:05,002
[tunes to country song]
3
00:00:05,004 --> 00:00:08,019
♪ my oldest son
Was born an albino ♪
4
00:00:10,013 --> 00:00:13,020
♪ my youngest was
Covered in hair ♪
5
00:00:15,026 --> 00:00:19,012
♪ the middle one
Says he's a homosexual ♪
6
00:00:21,001 --> 00:00:24,012
♪ the other 7 are
Gone I don't know where ♪
7
00:00:24,014 --> 00:00:26,016
♪ and I don't care
8
00:00:26,018 --> 00:00:27,027
♪ I just don't care
9
00:00:27,029 --> 00:00:29,010
- my turn!
- hell, no!
10
00:00:29,012 --> 00:00:30,028
Hey, man, let me drive
That thing! Come on!
11
00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:33,001
Do not touch the trim!
12
00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:37,001
All right, then.
13
00:00:37,003 --> 00:00:39,020
Y'all bow your heads.
14
00:00:39,022 --> 00:00:42,011
God almighty, we ask you
To bless this--
15
00:00:42,013 --> 00:00:44,020
[dance music playing]
16
00:00:53,002 --> 00:00:56,006
Russell, kindly turn down
The electronica.
17
00:00:56,008 --> 00:00:57,029
[click]
18
00:00:59,009 --> 00:01:00,014
God almighty,
19
00:01:00,016 --> 00:01:03,026
We ask you to bless this
Feast that lie before us.
20
00:01:03,028 --> 00:01:06,007
And please allow these spent
Lottery tickets with their
21
00:01:06,009 --> 00:01:08,020
Silver scratchery seasonings
To nourish our bodies,
22
00:01:08,022 --> 00:01:12,015
As they were unable to
Do the same to our wallets.
23
00:01:12,017 --> 00:01:15,001
Lord, thank you for
The untimely frost you sent
24
00:01:15,003 --> 00:01:17,013
What claimed our pointless
Banana orchards.
25
00:01:17,015 --> 00:01:20,003
Oh, I was a fool to plant
Bananers on a mountain.
26
00:01:20,005 --> 00:01:21,024
You made sure of that.
27
00:01:21,026 --> 00:01:24,008
In short, thank you for nothing.
28
00:01:24,010 --> 00:01:26,017
You want to thank the lord
For that truck boat truck?
29
00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:27,026
You silly bitch,
Don't be telling him
30
00:01:27,028 --> 00:01:29,000
About my truck boat truck.
31
00:01:29,002 --> 00:01:30,012
But, daddy, you tell
Everybody about that.
32
00:01:30,014 --> 00:01:31,012
That's your pride and joy.
33
00:01:31,014 --> 00:01:33,001
Because it's badass,
Is why.
34
00:01:33,003 --> 00:01:34,015
Check out this mess.
35
00:01:35,029 --> 00:01:38,002
Listen to that 450 big block!
36
00:01:38,004 --> 00:01:43,004
Whoo!
37
00:01:43,006 --> 00:01:45,023
So enjoy my 450 big block, lord,
38
00:01:45,025 --> 00:01:47,016
Which you have seen fit to take
39
00:01:47,018 --> 00:01:49,011
From me in your jealous rage.
40
00:01:49,013 --> 00:01:52,001
We had best reap your
Holy rewards in tonight's
41
00:01:52,003 --> 00:01:55,020
Drawing of the tricky two
Jackpot extravaganza!
42
00:01:55,022 --> 00:01:57,015
You best to make it so!
43
00:01:57,017 --> 00:01:59,025
Amen.
44
00:01:59,027 --> 00:02:01,013
What the hell was that about?
45
00:02:01,015 --> 00:02:02,028
Is he serious?
46
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:04,020
I didn't come down
Here to be threatened.
47
00:02:04,022 --> 00:02:07,018
Lord, I need a favor.
48
00:02:07,020 --> 00:02:08,025
Think you can hook me up?
49
00:02:08,027 --> 00:02:10,010
You know, no.
50
00:02:10,012 --> 00:02:12,003
I'm not giving you
The tricky two numbers.
51
00:02:12,005 --> 00:02:12,023
Oh.
52
00:02:12,025 --> 00:02:13,014
Ok, sorry, sweetie.
53
00:02:13,016 --> 00:02:16,017
Oh.
54
00:02:16,019 --> 00:02:18,014
Then I would be giving you
Both of the numbers.
55
00:02:18,016 --> 00:02:19,019
Hallelujah!
56
00:02:19,021 --> 00:02:20,014
No!
57
00:02:20,016 --> 00:02:21,019
I'm saying I'm not doing it.
58
00:02:21,021 --> 00:02:22,019
Come on.
59
00:02:22,021 --> 00:02:23,024
Look, I just can't do it.
60
00:02:23,026 --> 00:02:25,004
But you know who you should try?
61
00:02:25,006 --> 00:02:25,029
And I'm serious.
62
00:02:26,001 --> 00:02:26,023
Satan.
63
00:02:26,025 --> 00:02:28,024
Satan's a self--
I know, I know.
64
00:02:28,026 --> 00:02:29,019
But you know something?
65
00:02:29,021 --> 00:02:31,009
He likes working with
The elderly.
66
00:02:31,011 --> 00:02:32,009
It's not a bad choice.
67
00:02:32,011 --> 00:02:35,028
I'll never masturbate again.
68
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:38,003
Come on.
69
00:02:38,005 --> 00:02:39,003
I know.
70
00:02:39,005 --> 00:02:40,009
Woman, get in here!
71
00:02:40,011 --> 00:02:42,004
They pulling the numbers!
72
00:02:42,006 --> 00:02:44,020
Tonight's winning numbers
For the tricky two
73
00:02:44,022 --> 00:02:47,026
Jackpot extravaganza are...
74
00:02:48,018 --> 00:02:49,021
7.
75
00:02:49,023 --> 00:02:50,021
7.
76
00:02:50,023 --> 00:02:52,005
And...
77
00:02:52,007 --> 00:02:53,000
4!
78
00:02:53,002 --> 00:02:54,005
7 and 4?
79
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,000
7 and 4?
80
00:02:55,002 --> 00:02:55,022
I got it!
81
00:02:57,018 --> 00:02:59,028
And "W".
82
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,010
Yes, "W".
83
00:03:02,012 --> 00:03:04,022
So tonight's two winning numbers
For the tricky two
84
00:03:04,024 --> 00:03:08,001
Are 7 and 4 and "W".
85
00:03:08,003 --> 00:03:09,020
Have a problem with that?
86
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,020
Well, move to new york.
87
00:03:10,022 --> 00:03:11,020
[television announcer]
A portion of tonight's
88
00:03:11,022 --> 00:03:13,029
Tricky two will benefit
Georgia public schools.
89
00:03:14,001 --> 00:03:15,006
Georgia public schools.
90
00:03:15,008 --> 00:03:17,002
Someone has to build the cars.
91
00:03:17,004 --> 00:03:19,010
Damn that tricky two!
92
00:03:19,012 --> 00:03:22,006
They tricked us again
With the third number.
93
00:03:22,008 --> 00:03:23,012
Damn lottery.
94
00:03:23,014 --> 00:03:25,016
I ain't never won
Jack squattery.
95
00:03:26,024 --> 00:03:29,005
I ain't won
Jack a lot.
96
00:03:29,007 --> 00:03:31,000
From the squattery.
97
00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:33,019
"The lottery should be
The jack squattery 'cause
98
00:03:33,021 --> 00:03:38,016
I ain't jack squatting
A lot--y".
99
00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:39,023
Uh, mm, there's more.
100
00:03:39,025 --> 00:03:42,004
"They should rename
The lottery
101
00:03:42,006 --> 00:03:46,012
To the jack squattery 'cause
That's all I ever win in it."
102
00:03:46,014 --> 00:03:47,004
There you go.
103
00:03:47,006 --> 00:03:49,002
5 exclamation points.
104
00:03:49,004 --> 00:03:50,024
Oh, you slap that on
A hat and you gonna
105
00:03:50,026 --> 00:03:52,009
Make you some money.
106
00:03:52,011 --> 00:03:54,000
Make me some money.
107
00:03:54,002 --> 00:03:55,008
Damn it, I need some money!
108
00:03:55,010 --> 00:03:56,010
Of course you do.
109
00:03:56,012 --> 00:03:58,028
Listen, early,
I'm catching some heat
110
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,028
From the state gaming
Commission.
111
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:04,003
Apparently they want someone
To win the tricky two
112
00:04:04,005 --> 00:04:06,003
Other than me.
113
00:04:06,005 --> 00:04:08,014
So tonight,
I want you--
114
00:04:08,016 --> 00:04:11,021
To cup my balls.
115
00:04:18,025 --> 00:04:21,016
Up to now, lord,
You've had your gigantic
116
00:04:21,018 --> 00:04:25,007
Sandal foot placed on
The windpipe of all my dreams.
117
00:04:25,009 --> 00:04:27,011
But even as you
Try to defeat me,
118
00:04:27,013 --> 00:04:30,017
I hatch another
Idear to defeat you.
119
00:04:30,019 --> 00:04:32,002
Amen.
120
00:04:32,004 --> 00:04:34,008
Or is it?
121
00:04:34,010 --> 00:04:35,026
Listen, play this favorite
Record backwards,
122
00:04:35,028 --> 00:04:37,022
And smoke a bunch of dope.
123
00:04:37,024 --> 00:04:39,009
I'll do you.
I'll do you hard.
124
00:04:39,011 --> 00:04:40,029
I'll do you till
Your brains fly out
125
00:04:41,001 --> 00:04:42,023
And kiss your
Soul into the dirt.
126
00:04:42,025 --> 00:04:46,007
I'll rape you like
A monster pig in hell.
127
00:04:46,009 --> 00:04:48,010
What--what did you need?
128
00:04:48,012 --> 00:04:50,006
The tricky two
Jackpot numbers.
129
00:04:50,008 --> 00:04:51,013
No, no, no.
130
00:04:51,015 --> 00:04:54,021
How about I burn your ass
Like a sweet potato?
131
00:04:54,023 --> 00:04:55,024
Yeah, ok.
132
00:04:55,026 --> 00:04:57,009
Really?
133
00:04:57,011 --> 00:05:00,000
Oh, well, then, you're gonna
Steal money from the government
134
00:05:00,002 --> 00:05:03,001
By falsifying--no,
That one sucks, wait a minute.
135
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:04,011
Ah, satan, come on.
136
00:05:04,013 --> 00:05:05,027
Use your "A" game here.
137
00:05:05,029 --> 00:05:06,025
Cheat on...
138
00:05:06,027 --> 00:05:10,014
Tell her to pee in her
Neighbor's brain.
139
00:05:10,016 --> 00:05:11,029
To pee in her neighbor's brain.
140
00:05:12,001 --> 00:05:13,010
Heed--to pee!
141
00:05:13,012 --> 00:05:15,027
To pee in your neighbor's brain!
142
00:05:15,029 --> 00:05:17,009
Oh, suck at head living.
143
00:05:17,011 --> 00:05:18,015
Yes, you nailed it.
144
00:05:18,017 --> 00:05:19,020
That's it.
145
00:05:19,022 --> 00:05:20,012
No!
146
00:05:20,014 --> 00:05:21,010
Shut up.
147
00:05:21,012 --> 00:05:23,017
Oh, I double dare you!
148
00:05:23,019 --> 00:05:25,004
I'm a big time potty mouth.
149
00:05:25,006 --> 00:05:26,019
Swearing makes me tough.
150
00:05:26,021 --> 00:05:28,022
You're a confused individual.
151
00:05:28,024 --> 00:05:30,000
Granny, granny!
152
00:05:30,002 --> 00:05:31,000
Gather up the family.
153
00:05:31,002 --> 00:05:32,026
For this is the night
That early cuyler
154
00:05:32,028 --> 00:05:35,006
Detrickulartates
The tricky two.
155
00:05:35,008 --> 00:05:37,011
Hey, who here killed
My favorite snake?
156
00:05:38,015 --> 00:05:42,015
Welcome to tonight's
Tricky two jackpot extravaganza.
157
00:05:42,017 --> 00:05:43,027
And now,
158
00:05:43,029 --> 00:05:47,000
Yank forth the balls!
159
00:05:47,002 --> 00:05:48,016
- acorn.
- acorn.
160
00:05:48,018 --> 00:05:49,028
And?
161
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:50,025
Bolt.
162
00:05:50,027 --> 00:05:51,027
Bolt?
163
00:05:51,029 --> 00:05:55,011
So, the two numbers are acorn
And bolt, and--
164
00:05:55,013 --> 00:05:58,018
And fifth of pine straw.
165
00:05:58,020 --> 00:06:00,021
And pine straw.
166
00:06:00,023 --> 00:06:01,020
Pine cone.
167
00:06:01,022 --> 00:06:02,017
Pine cone.
168
00:06:02,019 --> 00:06:03,016
Here we got a hog nut.
169
00:06:03,018 --> 00:06:04,028
Hog testicle.
170
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:05,023
Shell casin'.
171
00:06:05,025 --> 00:06:06,028
Shell casing.
172
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,005
- eyeball.
- eyeball?
173
00:06:08,007 --> 00:06:09,019
Go, daddy, go!
174
00:06:09,021 --> 00:06:10,027
Another shell casin'.
175
00:06:10,029 --> 00:06:12,015
And another shell casing.
176
00:06:12,017 --> 00:06:15,005
And finally,
A squirrel skull.
177
00:06:15,007 --> 00:06:17,007
And squirrel skull.
178
00:06:17,009 --> 00:06:19,007
So, tonight's numbers are--
- wait a minute, hold on,
179
00:06:19,009 --> 00:06:22,009
Hang on--and, uh,
This right here.
180
00:06:22,011 --> 00:06:24,000
Partial brain matter.
181
00:06:24,002 --> 00:06:25,017
Of course.
182
00:06:25,019 --> 00:06:29,001
So, tonight's numbers are:
Acorn, bolt, pine straw,
183
00:06:29,003 --> 00:06:32,007
Pine cone, hog testicle,
Shell casing, shell casing,
184
00:06:32,009 --> 00:06:35,026
Eyeball, and finally squirrel
Skull with partial brain matter
185
00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:37,012
Sort of still in it.
186
00:06:37,014 --> 00:06:40,012
[gasp]
I am a winner! Whoo!
187
00:06:40,014 --> 00:06:41,019
I'm gonna get my grandma
That operation
188
00:06:41,021 --> 00:06:42,023
She needs for a transplant.
189
00:06:42,025 --> 00:06:44,003
Bingo! Bingo!
190
00:06:44,005 --> 00:06:44,023
Bingo, bingo!
191
00:06:44,025 --> 00:06:46,003
Bingo, bingo, bingo!
192
00:06:46,005 --> 00:06:47,003
Bingo!
193
00:06:47,005 --> 00:06:48,003
Bingo, bingo!
194
00:06:48,005 --> 00:06:49,008
Bingo.
195
00:06:49,010 --> 00:06:52,008
Well, congratulations, early.
196
00:06:52,010 --> 00:06:54,023
You finally won the lottery.
197
00:06:54,025 --> 00:06:57,010
Shirley jackson's "The lottery,"
198
00:06:57,012 --> 00:06:59,008
Ah, ha ha ha ha!
199
00:07:02,012 --> 00:07:03,013
He doesn't understand.
200
00:07:05,027 --> 00:07:06,029
Didn't you?
201
00:07:07,001 --> 00:07:09,015
B--but then you know it's
The short story,
202
00:07:09,017 --> 00:07:11,017
The--the winner gets stoned.
203
00:07:11,019 --> 00:07:13,003
Little late, chief.
204
00:07:13,005 --> 00:07:14,019
No, we're not--
205
00:07:14,021 --> 00:07:18,004
All right.
Everyone, just sit down.
206
00:07:18,006 --> 00:07:21,004
"The morning of june 27th
Was clear and sunny,
207
00:07:21,006 --> 00:07:23,024
With the fresh warmth
Of a full summer day...
208
00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:26,014
Stone hit her on the side
Of the head.
209
00:07:26,016 --> 00:07:27,014
It isn't fair!
210
00:07:27,016 --> 00:07:28,019
It isn't right!
211
00:07:28,021 --> 00:07:30,014
Mrs. Hutchinson screamed.
212
00:07:30,016 --> 00:07:34,007
And then they were upon her."
213
00:07:35,025 --> 00:07:36,024
Early?
214
00:07:36,026 --> 00:07:37,022
Your opinion?
215
00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:38,022
When we gonna get high?
216
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:40,023
I mean, I won the damn drawing,
Right?
217
00:07:40,025 --> 00:07:42,020
Oh, you won the drawing.
218
00:07:42,022 --> 00:07:45,010
The drawing and the quartering!
219
00:07:45,012 --> 00:07:48,022
Ha ha ha ha!
220
00:07:48,024 --> 00:07:51,003
Uh, just lower the check.
221
00:07:51,005 --> 00:07:53,024
See, right here it says that,
222
00:07:53,026 --> 00:07:56,002
"You will be ripped asunder
223
00:07:56,004 --> 00:07:58,023
By the 4,000 horsepower semis
224
00:07:58,025 --> 00:08:00,020
Of the a-truck-o-lypse.
225
00:08:00,022 --> 00:08:03,025
This thursday,
Thursday, thursday."
226
00:08:03,027 --> 00:08:04,017
Oh.
227
00:08:04,019 --> 00:08:06,013
Standard echo on the--
- damn.
228
00:08:06,015 --> 00:08:07,015
- weekday name.
229
00:08:07,017 --> 00:08:09,005
Wake up, granny.
Hey, granny.
230
00:08:09,007 --> 00:08:10,018
You won the lottery!
- I did?
231
00:08:10,020 --> 00:08:11,025
Oh, yeah, you done it.
232
00:08:11,027 --> 00:08:14,000
Oh, early!
233
00:08:14,002 --> 00:08:18,020
You're such a sweet, sweet--
Son of a bitch!
234
00:08:18,022 --> 00:08:20,012
You die in hell!
235
00:08:20,014 --> 00:08:22,007
Hey, darling, how much
For your corn dog?
236
00:08:22,009 --> 00:08:24,011
Hey, man, I thought they
Threw rocks in the book.
237
00:08:24,013 --> 00:08:25,019
Rocks are boring.
238
00:08:25,021 --> 00:08:26,025
Ladies and gentlemen,
239
00:08:26,027 --> 00:08:28,027
Put your pain ponchos on
240
00:08:28,029 --> 00:08:31,009
And huddle beneath
The plexiglass,
241
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:33,008
Lest your faces be stained
242
00:08:33,010 --> 00:08:34,029
With the filthy entrails
243
00:08:35,001 --> 00:08:40,007
Of this profoundly unlucky
Sisquaceptuiginarian!
244
00:08:40,009 --> 00:08:43,006
♪ time
The time will pass ♪
245
00:08:43,008 --> 00:08:46,006
Super goliath!
246
00:08:46,008 --> 00:08:49,016
Ultra goliath!
247
00:08:49,018 --> 00:08:53,007
In the name of
Georgia public schools,
248
00:08:53,009 --> 00:08:57,009
Tear her to bits!
249
00:08:57,011 --> 00:08:58,016
[screaming]
250
00:08:58,018 --> 00:09:02,006
Look at that!
251
00:09:02,008 --> 00:09:04,008
Look at the violence!
252
00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:07,008
Wait for it...
253
00:09:07,010 --> 00:09:09,008
Still to come...
254
00:09:09,010 --> 00:09:12,029
Any minute now.
255
00:09:13,001 --> 00:09:16,012
Granted the creature is elastic
And I didn't foresee that, but--
256
00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:18,012
Switch over to
The beauty tab, sonny.
257
00:09:18,014 --> 00:09:20,003
There's still the possibility
258
00:09:20,005 --> 00:09:23,009
That you could watch
Her rip somehow.
259
00:09:23,011 --> 00:09:25,001
Oh, just look at that
260
00:09:25,003 --> 00:09:26,014
Painted up whore.
261
00:09:26,016 --> 00:09:27,026
Nick her--nick her with
The scissors.
262
00:09:27,028 --> 00:09:29,029
Granny's got a little itch
On her nose.
263
00:09:30,001 --> 00:09:31,008
Wait, d--don't go!
264
00:09:31,010 --> 00:09:33,014
Could you just give me
A little scratchy scratch?
265
00:09:33,016 --> 00:09:35,019
Hey, anything could
Happen here still.
266
00:09:35,021 --> 00:09:37,011
Right here?
Just a little lower.
267
00:09:37,013 --> 00:09:39,001
Right there?
268
00:09:39,003 --> 00:09:40,007
Little lower.
269
00:09:40,009 --> 00:09:42,011
Uh, ha ha.
Just--just wait.
270
00:09:42,013 --> 00:09:44,019
Wait till--I'll--
I'll call the drivers.
271
00:09:44,021 --> 00:09:45,028
Super goliath!
272
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,028
Have--have you got your ears on?
273
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,013
Comin' in--bo--sa--
It's a bumper down here--
274
00:09:50,015 --> 00:09:52,003
[heavy southern accent]
Comin' the wheel backin' in
275
00:09:52,005 --> 00:09:54,008
The corner--
Ultra goliath,
276
00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:55,022
Wh--where are you, now?
277
00:09:55,024 --> 00:09:58,002
Roger that, d-h,
I'm at the rest area.
278
00:09:58,004 --> 00:09:59,003
[woman in background]
Ha ha, stop!
279
00:09:59,005 --> 00:10:00,018
Getting my groove on.
280
00:10:00,020 --> 00:10:01,024
Ugh.
281
00:10:01,026 --> 00:10:03,014
Thought we's done
With all this.
282
00:10:03,016 --> 00:10:04,010
Oh, forget it.
283
00:10:04,012 --> 00:10:06,019
This sucks.
284
00:10:06,021 --> 00:10:08,017
Just a wee hair lower.
285
00:10:08,019 --> 00:10:10,024
Well, I'll go down right
Here, that's far as I'm goin'.
286
00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:13,014
Oh, that's it.
287
00:10:13,016 --> 00:10:16,029
Yeah, you're good at that,
Aren't you?
288
00:10:17,001 --> 00:10:19,006
Spank me.
289
00:10:19,008 --> 00:10:21,004
Granny, I ain't goin'
No lower, you know it.
290
00:10:21,006 --> 00:10:23,009
[granny] Yeah.
291
00:10:23,011 --> 00:10:25,004
Hi, how you doing?
292
00:10:25,006 --> 00:10:27,024
Well, I'm, uh, ok.
293
00:10:27,026 --> 00:10:31,009
[clears throat]
Hey, uh, listen.
294
00:10:31,011 --> 00:10:33,021
You ever see one of these
Here up close?
295
00:10:35,027 --> 00:10:36,015
Huh!
296
00:10:36,017 --> 00:10:37,025
Uh, ah!
297
00:10:37,027 --> 00:10:40,013
[crash]
298
00:10:43,012 --> 00:10:44,028
[captioning made possible by
Turner entertainment group]
299
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:46,018
Captioned by the national
Captioning institute
300
00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:47,025
--www .Ncicap .Org--
301
00:11:04,002 --> 00:11:06,005
[early:]
And finally, squirrel skull.
19872
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